#my therapist says that I should be kinder to myself bc I'm human and that I should take it as a victory that it was only four days instead
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#so. I relapsed#mid-december and I received some shitty news and I just. went on a four day bender#alcohol drugs unsafe sex the whole shebang#and I feel like fucking shit abt it#I'd been clean for a year and a half and I just threw it down the fucking drain#it's so stupid#my therapist says that I should be kinder to myself bc I'm human and that I should take it as a victory that it was only four days instead#of months like it used to be#and also if this had happened a year ago I would be dead#like that is not a joke#I would be dead#I was so deeply deeply suicidal but now I'm doing wayyy better mentally etc etc#but like. I still don't feel good abt it#and also now I'm constantly craving a line of coke but I can't have it#unlike last time I was in uni and had exams where I was using and it helped me (surprisingly)#apparently when you have adhd coke can help you write a spectacular bachelor dissertation#anyway.#personal shit
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