#my terminal ileum be hating me

[thatluckyboi]

I know this isn't the best picture, and doesn't look super appetizing, but I wanted to share the fact that I'm trying out new protein-rich foods, per my doctor's instructions.

The lead-up to this was pretty sucky, though. I had to go to the hospital since I'd been puking for ten days, unable to keep anything down. I ended up losing ten pounds in that span of time, and I was super dehydrated. When I went to a local doctor (who had previously told me that this was just a stomach bug), she told me to go to the ER, so my mom drove me down to the nearest hospital with a GI clinic. They took a CT scan (my third this month), saw a bunch of inflammation, and admitted me. Then, I had a colonoscopy, where they diagnosed me with Crohn's. I got discharged the next afternoon, so now I'm back home.

Unfortunately, we're still not sure WHY I had the flare-up, and with Crohn's, it could be any number of things. It's all going to be trial-and-error, and I do not look forward to it.

Anywho, that's why I've got the sardine-and-egg sandwich. Gotta have upwards of 90 grams of protein per day, so if anyone has recipe ideas or suggestions, or would help me out by sharing their own Crohn's experience, I'd appreciate it quite a lot!! Thanks for reading!!

[wildyoungsoul]

Brain dump in a dead blog

My tummy hurts and I’m stuck in the bathroom, so why not have a brain dump? I’ve been perpetually stuck in a book that I’ve read thrice over by now called “The North Wind” by Alexandria Warwick; no one in my life has read it, so I’m just swirling, stuck in the story. Like a snow globe that I refuse to leave because books are so much better than reality.

BUT

One of my favorite webcomics, “Under The Oak Tree”, just published volume 1 of the comic as a book, AND the original book has finally been published as a hard back. I absolutely ADORE Riftan and Maxi, and I love being in their story (though it has me stressed because “season 1” ended on a bad cliffhanger and I haven’t had the fortitude to keep reading the series). I bought the kindle versions of this story over a year ago and made myself ill by binge reading the books and only sleeping 12 hours over the course of a week, so I’m thankful only the first book is out.

BUT

My TBR is in stacks all around my room, and every time I turn around I’m adding new books to my TBR. I don’t know where to start; I’m honestly enjoying just looking at the books.

BUT

I’m also going in circles about the political climate in the US right now, how my birthday is in a week and I’m wondering how much I care; how my mind can’t seem to focus on a single thought beyond the survival mode items, about how my “best friend” barely feels like my best friend anymore and how I won’t cut her off because losing her daughters (my nieces) steals my breath and makes me feel like I’m passing out…. I keep thinking about my Crohn’s Disease and I’m beyond anger at this point about the fact that I can barely eat vegetables. All I want is a salad, but digesting lettuce feels like I’m digesting a cheese grater, and I HATE how aware I am of my terminal ileum. I keep thinking about how fucking lonely I am; how I want to have a movie marathon and cuddle with someone- but not cute cuddles, I want to be an octopus. I want to wrap myself in someone as much as they wrap in me, and I have no one. Does anyone know if professional cuddling is a thing in the US, because I need it? Idek at this point. Maybe I just need to lay in a forest and disassociate for a bit.

Later