#my teenage self probably wouldn't have survived it lol

[actuallysara]

🥹🫶🏻

[fourswords]

starting sketching out light and like. HES 12??? like I get it- he's about to be 13- And knight is the oldest at a grand total of 15 but like-

BRO DOESNT EVEN HAVE AN ATTENTION SPAN YET???

like I know they're dumb in the manga but 😭 every 12-13 year old I've ever met is like a certified dumpster fire, which you might wanna consider in his character lmso

but I just feel like after the manga it wouldn't even matter that he saved Hyrule, he's just getting grounded until he's a legal adult 😭

like azure THATS A BABY- Aint no way he's smart enough to have even survived half the manga even with his dumb luck!

im crying please add like one year to all their ages im on my hands and knees is your goal to give this tiny child some form of PTSD because he is IN CONSTANT DANGER.children need to have a sense of safety (and their stupidity doesn't count, blue got swallowed alive and frozen, vio was lying to SAVE HIS LIFE, green was straight up about to kill vio and had to deal with attacking another knight, and couldn't bring himself to attack their own dad, and then red got chased by an angry mob and then lost all will to LIVE with blue in that one temple-) 12 is barely even conscious and self aware 😭

like I know 12 year olds have complex emotions and can handle abstract concepts and start getting into deeper moral understanding- but my human of earth the self awareness is either ONE THOUSAND OR ZERO AND THERE ISNT A BETWEEN AT THAT AGE-

im sorry if I sound rude or something btw I'm mostly just joking and I tend to overdramatize for comedic effect but I genuinely cant wrap my head around him being just 12- like at least 14??? maybe bump knight to 16 while ur at it? ?

also I'm gonna figure out some way to incorporate the different colors into his hat probably, its big so its like a bag lol since in the manga blue just shoved his whole hammer in there I'm pretty sure

smithy will be extremely small without complaint.

feel free not to take my words seriously tho lol I just cant imagine a 12 year old going thru the manga, like look me in the eyes and tell me a 12 year old-

if I misunderstood anything lmk lol I am a lil stupid sometimes

HAHAHA YES HE IS IN FACT TWELVE. The Legend of Zelda is a series that's all about "yeah let's hand this child a sword and let him go nuts" (to use a popular example, BOTW Link being canonically handed a sword at age four and is said in Mipha's diary to have been able to best grown men in fights: "At the request of Hyrule's king, a group of outsiders came to greet us at the domain. One of them was a Hylian child of only about four years of age. His name was Link. He made quite a first impression. He was curious and full of energy, with a ready smile. Are all Hylian children that way? One thing that surely sets him apart is his swordsmanship, which I hear is exceptional. He has even bested adults. He must be somewhat reckless, however, as he was covered in bruises.") and I absolutely intend to lean into that as much as possible. Light's age comes mainly from comparing Akira Himekawa's designs for Links of varying ages side-by-side with each other; for example, you have Minish Cap Link, who's very obviously drawn like a young child:

You have Twilight Princess Link and Ocarina of Time Link, both drawn to look like older teenagers (and we know OOT Link's older age is 16-17 depending on who you ask):

We have Skyward Sword Prequel Link, who is a fully-fledged adult (his other panels illustrate the difference more sharply, but this is what he looks like, so):

And then we have FSA Link in the manga, who is drawn to be VERY visibly younger than OOT, TP and SS Prequel Link, but is definitely visibly older than MC Link (he's got the rounder face + eyes, the shorter stature, and it becomes even more visible when compared to the knights in the FSA manga itself):

His maturity level also does, to me, match that of an average 12-year-old nepo baby (which he really kind of is)—kid who thinks he knows everything & that he's hot shit but is kind of a giant train wreck internally.

All three Four Sword heroes prior to him were explicitly stated to be "young boys", and FSA manga Link is really no different in that regard—in the context of my own AU, he's actually the one who went on his adventure at the oldest age (with Smithy going on his around 8-9, Four going on his at 10, and Knight now going on his at 11). It's just been a shorter time since his adventure than it has been for the others ^^;

[heartfucksmouth]

my ankles are still puffy but my headache was just an awesome migraine. prob set off by a tension headache or v/v cuz my neck and shoulders have been fucked the last couple days. got lots of sleep so far today (napped twice) and feel mainly okay. it sucks bc pre-e headaches can conveniently feel like migraines so I was def worried, but my BP stayed alright and Aidan looked good on my ultrasound this morning.

still getting tired reeeallly easily, so resting is my primary objective until Wednesday. feels pretty wild to be this-close to becoming a mom... my brain keeps dissociating if I think too much about it. probably not the most common thing to happen to people lmao but I guess it's better than being overrun with self-doubt and a negative spiral. it's just tough picturing myself being "a good mom" but I know and believe people when they say how incredible I'll be. it's not much different to me picturing my future, in general. it's always been really really hard for me to see that bc my brain basically hardwired itself to believing I wouldn't survive my teenage years. but here I am, very definitely not a teenager anymore, and kind of trusting life to keep happening now lol. bizarre.

[boundbyeclipse]

i usually always draw. my teachers don't seem to mind it as long as I do my work. Sketching and drawing just helps me calm down and just stay sane lol. Without it I wouldn't survive probably. I love drawing just things I love like Metallica or idk anime characters (Like in 6th and 7th grade I loved drawing anime characters) It just reliefs alot of stress from the day. I hate it when people will like go up to me and ask about my drawings like I know their just wondering Abt it but it just makes me uncomfy talking about something I made yk??

Sorry for sending you so much paragraphs to read smh I hope I'm not bothering you with all this! </3

you remind me of my younger self. i used to draw a lot when i was a teenager, and what is really cool is that i still have those drawings at my mom’s apartment. as well as the old notebooks too! drawing used to be one of my main hobbies back then 🥺 BUT ME TOO because when i would draw and my mom would come up take a peak and ask, i would just say “don’t look” because it’s something only i want to see 😩 don’t worry u are not bothering me sweetheart!

[thejeksburyguy]

Warning: discussion of mental health and dark topics

I know I joke about my mental health and sleep deprivation on here. Alot. I reblog a lot of nihilistic humour and put 'lol same' or 'm e' in the tags. But in all honesty, my mental and physical health as of late is... not.. the best...

I haven't slept a full eight hours in weeks. I haven't slept for more than four hours in a few days now, and it just keeps getting worse. Recently I went four days in a row without sleeping at all, and I'm fairly certain I started hallucinating a bit before my body just hit the emergency brakes, and even then I only slept for two hours, maybe three. I might be starting to hallucinate again, actually, but I'm choosing to ignore that.

My depression has made a violent comeback, and my appetite is starting to go as well. If it weren't for someone very close to me (who I'm just going to refer to as Hyde from now on), I probably wouldn't be eating, but he pushes me to take care of myself and won't take 'I'm not hungry' for an answer. I haven't weighed myself (I'm actively avoiding looking or even touching a scale, I do NOT need to trigger my ED into waking up, I have enough on my plate (haha w o o p s) as it is), but I've probably started losing weight again.

Thoughts of self-harm and suicide are returning. It's getting harder everyday to ignore them. I have so much work to do, from school, from my parents, I haven't even had holiday breaks off because one of my teachers keeps assigning work over the holidays. Everyday more work gets added to the pile, and I'm struggling to keep up, but reaching out for help is pointless; half of my teachers treat me like I'm a burden on their life, and the other half I don't want to bother because my own mental illnesses prevent me from seeking help.

It's one of those 'it feels easier to just swim down' situations. I just want to hit the bottom and breathe out and drown. It really doesn't help that my mother completely ignored the doctor's orders and warnings and has not only made me aware of where my pills are, but has given me full access to them and trusts me to take them myself. It's tempting to overdose. It really is. And I'm scared, because I don't know how much longer I can hold out before my brain wins. Hyde helps alot, but he can only do so much.

I guess I'm writing this to clear my mind? Or maybe it's because, if I do go through with it one day, I don't want you all to wonder where I am. I don't intend this as a suicide note, not at all, and for now I'm not giving in, but it's hard. I'm honestly not sure if I'll survive finals week, heh heh. I know I've had public mental breakdowns in the past on here, but I haven't been 100% honest about how bad it is.

I have had 3 suicide attempts, only one of which my parents know about, and even then believe it was just me 'thinking about it'.

I have thoughts of killing myself and self-harming everyday, without fail.

I have high-functioning depression. Most of the people I interact with either have no idea I'm depressed, or don't know just how bad it is.

I have a lot of undiagnosed problems, things I believe are serious and need to be addressed, but as a teenager I can't do that myself.

It's 3:17 am right now. I should really go to sleep. I can't. My body won't let me, and the few times I do I have horrific night terrors. I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I know I make alot of connections between myself and TGS Jekyll, but I'm not trying to be memey or clever when I say I am genuinely terrified of being locked up in an insane asylum. My mother has already threatened to send me to one, not because of my mental health, but as a punishment or to 'scare me straight' due to a fight we had. I feel like I can't be honest with any of the adults in my personal life or I'll be strapped in a straitjacket and thrown into a padded cell. I'm probably wrong, but this is genuinely what I think of when I think 'insane asylum':

I know I probably should be in one. I'm a danger to myself, and most likely to others as well. I have a lot of tendencies and urges I suppress (alongside with my queerness; I'm openly queer on here and with friends at school, but most of it is either forced flamboyance or, when around other people, suppressing it and pretending to be cishet), most of which I know for a fact are a one way ticket to the loving embrace of medical torture. But I can't get into detail about it or ask for help or I'll be seen as attention seeking, faking it, or trying to be Edgy.

My therapist is incredibly sweet, but I'm not honest with her. I keep a lot from her. I feel like I'm burdening her, or she'll judge me. She won't, she's made it clear she cares about me, truly, but my brain won't let me progress and get the help I need. This meme I made pretty much sums up my life in one image:

I don't know why I'm even making this post anymore. I feel so manipulative, like I'm begging for pity and attention. I don't want that; I'd almost prefer getting anons telling me to shut up and kill myself, heh heh! At least then I wouldn't feel like I'm emotionally damaging people who care about me.

I sincerely hate myself for making this post now, actually. I want to delete it all, but I've spent so much time on it, it'd be wasted if I didn't post it. I can't afford to waste time, my brain might actually short circuit if it realizes I wasted time I could have been using to work. What is relaxing or free time, heh heh heh.

...I think I'm going to go cry to Hyde now.