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iheart-nana · 2 months ago

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xxxviii. undeniable

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CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT ─ undeniable.

❛ it's no surprise i turned you in cause us traitors never win ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Jagam High School, that was usually full of serious teenagers focusing on their studies as much as possible, was now filled with an excited buzz that spread throughout the campus. The energy radiating from each individual was contagious as even their parents were present, with proud smiles plastered on their faces. Time had passed by unbelievably quickly, and it was already time for Yumi and Eunyoung to graduate.

The morning had been just as chaotic as they remembered it. The two girls scrambling around the house looking for jewelry that they had handled carelessly and their mother lectured them about putting things away in a timely fashion. When they were nearly late, they stumbled out onto the road, hurrying to school for the very last time.

"Everyone's so excited," exclaimed their mom with a wide grin, "And so am I! I'm so proud of my girls!"

Both of them smiled warmly at her as they hugged each other tightly. All disagreements or bitterness between them was long forgotten as they honed their focus towards enjoying this moment. Then, to interrupt their wholesome moment, an announcement for all students to take their seats at the front sounded through the air, bringing all the playful chatter to a stop. The three pulled away and bid their goodbyes as they made their way to the front.

"I'm so nervous for the speech," Yumi confessed, her hand holding the written speech trembling.

"It's nothing to be scared about," Eunyoung assured her.

"Easy for you to say," Yumi retorted, scoffing, "You've done this more often than me."

"Look the trick is that even if you fumble, improvise and go with the flow. They're even letting us read off the paper. You'll do fine, trust me."

"And what about the people ogling? Do I picture them in their underwear like people say?"

"No one says that," Eunyoung let out a laugh, "Even if they do, it's terrible advice."

"Got it."

"Just enjoy the moment, Yumi, come on," Eunyoung said as they took their seats, "Not everyone gets to relive their high school graduation twice."

"Yeah well, I'd like to get it over with soon," Yumi dismissed her overly optimistic remark.

The Eclipse members- now including Sunjae, who joined their band as a vocalist, sat next to them and exchanged greetings. The tension between Yumi and Taesung was still very evident as he took the seat farthest from her. Eunyoung and Sunjae's eyes lingered on each other for exceptionally long before they pulled away. Inhyuk smirked, knowing all the feelings they never spoke about.

"How obvious is the scar on my face?" Yumi whispered, "I tried to cover it up but it was too dark."

"Don't worry," Eunyoung whispered.

Soon, they were all called onto the podium to receive their diplomas and deliver a speech. Eunyoung's name was called, and she got up from her seat and made her way towards the headmaster handing over the diploma.

Sunjae's eyes scanned her movements, flowing with beauty and elegance as his lips stretched into a smile he couldn't bite back. She wore a long red dress underneath her robe, appearing as a pop of color among the astonishing number of people wearing blue such as himself. The breeze in her hair, each smile and glint in her eyes made him fall in love every time he looked at her.

"Headmaster, my teachers, faculty members and friends," she began speaking, "Who knew we'd finally make it to this podium? A lot of us have spent the year hearing taunts about how if we don't study we'd never be here. But look how things turned out. Here we are, all of us, standing tall in our graduation gowns. Jagam High has taught me a lot of things. Among learning algebra and the history of the Joseon Dynasty, it also taught me never to give up. One can never go wrong with hard work and perseverance. Your determination and willpower takes you to places in life you only dreamed about. They radiate as a silent confidence through you. As I step into a new phase of my life- college, I'm surely going to keep in mind all the values I learned from my high school that I'm going to cherish forever. Thank you for everything, Jagam High!"

The crowd erupted in cheers and applause as Eunyoung smiled and bowed before stepping down from the podium. They called Yumi's name and Eunyoung occupied Yumi's seat next to Sunjae. Sunjae smiled and whispered, "You were great." Eunyoung, blushing, replied with a quick 'thanks' before shifting her attention to Yumi.

Yumi took a deep breath before advancing towards the mic with the diploma clutched in one hand and her speech in the other. Taesung couldn't help but stare at her. Despite everything she had said to him, his heart seemed to beat only for her.

"Hello, all. Headmaster, my teachers and classmates," she started, her eyes darting from here to there, "Senior year. The words practically crashed on your head when you first heard them. We've all been through a lot this year- tests, quizzes, projects, assignments, you name it. One thing I feel we can all take away is that when faced with hurdles, it's best to sit down and attempt to resolve the problem instead of running away."

Just as she said that, her gaze landed on Taesung. The very sight of him took away her breath in an instant as she fell suddenly silent. His eyebrows shot up in confusion, but his eyes stayed locked with hers, as if to communicate feeling they themselves were oblivious to. The sea of people around them melted away as they continued staring without a care in the world. The crowd waited in anticipation, thinking it was a strategic pause. Eunyoung looked at her urgently, trying to figure out why she suddenly stopped speaking. It only took her a few seconds to spot Yumi's distraction. Promptly, she began clapping as Yumi and Taesung tore away. Soon, the rest of the crowd clapped, half snickering and half confused as a Yumi fled from the stage with a flushed face.

Taesung looked at Eunyoung, feigning confusion. But at the back of his mind, he knew exactly what that moment meant.

"Look, I didn't mean to interrupt your little movie moment, but as Yumi's sister I had to save her from complete humiliation," she said to him plainly.

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nana's notes: yumi and taesung need to figure shit OUT

delphi's notes: eunyoung saved the day again 🏅

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

5 notes · View notes

najatheangel · 4 years ago

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genre: fluff, drama, and comedy. high school au!

pairing: Choi San x Reader

author's note: apart of the Ateez Summer Collab hosted by @bangchan-fairy My first official posted collab please let me know what you guys think. Enjoy your summer! ✨

word count: 5.3k

summary: After slacking off junior year and struggling to juggle responsibilities, you're stuck retaking your math course in the summer. With your future on the line, you were stuck with San to work together with you so you both can pass this summer course as seniors. You two seem to have a hard time focusing on your studies. Is it because you don't understand the work or a certain someone that's distracting you

taglist: @purplepsycho03 @melonmochimoon @neptunehobi @soleilsuhh @dundun-baby @kpopsnowball (Send me a message if you want to be added or removed from the tag list.)

Your stepmom Maria seemed to be very disappointed in you once again for letting her down this year. She had planned so many family trips, vacations, and hangouts for the whole family to enjoy this summer, but thanks to my failing this dumb math class, I have to be stuck in this school until July.

“You better be lucky I can afford for you to retake this class. Your reckless behavior has gone on long enough.” Your mom walks beside you upstairs inside Walnut Hills Highschool making sure you don’t skip out on the first day of summer school.

“Mom, you know you don’t have to walk me to class. I know what I’m doing!” You groan at her as she links her arms with you in the hallway.

“Clearly you don’t! If you did you wouldn’t be stuck here retaking this class. Now we’re almost there so keep your head high and lose the tude.”

There it was class 2A once again. This class was an absolute nightmare. I took a deep breath and slid the door open slowly with my eyes halfway open anxious to see who was sitting in the classroom.

“Welcome back miss Y/LN! Good seeing you again.” Mr. Harris said with a smile. This sucker, you had a love-hate relationship with Mr. Harris. You loved the fact that he was super nice and helpful when he was your English tutor freshman year, but you hated how he had a crush on your mom and how weird teacher-parent conference meetings would get when they would sneak off with each other in his office.

“Good morning Mr. Harris. Good seeing you again.” Your mom blushed to try to contain her excitement, but it was too obvious. “Anyways I’ll be heading my way out. She’s all yours for the summer.” Your mom gave you one last hug and kiss on the cheek before she left.

You sighed, rolling your eyes, fanning yourself already sweating from the classroom’s lack of cold air blowing. You complained again by saying.“Mr. Harris, are we staying in this room all summer? I’m sweating like a fat pig.”

“Unfortunately, yes. The PCs in the computer lab have been shut down and the school plans on replacing them with apple PCs by august. So these are the cards we’ve been dealt with. Let’s get started shall we.”

All the students in the classroom sighed, taking sips of their water bottles as Mr. Harris took attendance.

“Let’s see...We have Angela, Oliver, Chris, Yui, Y/N...Who’s missing? Choi San?”

“Here.” San slams the door open, arriving 20 minutes late with his chocolate milk in one hand and a glazed donut in the other. “Sorry Mr. Harris, I’ve overslept.”

Mr. Harris sighs, shaking his head, chuckling to calm himself down. “As expected. Just glad that you’re here, please have a seat.”

There was only one seat left which was in the front next to you and that would of course be his assigned seat for the rest of the summer.

You never heard much of San except everyone saying that he dropped out sophomore year.

You remember having a crush on him during freshman orientation when you both were shadowed by this kid named Lee Know. The whole time you were quiet, but you remembered staring at the handsome devil strutting in his uniform the whole time.

So to see him once again took you and everyone by surprise.

“Class, make sure you remember your partner’s name sitting next to you for this summer because you will work together in order to pass this class.”

“Say what?” You look over at San, who was making origami at his desk. “Good seeing again kid.” He smirks at you leaving you speechless. “Want a donut?” He reached out, handing a piece to you.

You were slamming your head on the desk thinking to yourself. “Mom, I know I promised I would finish this class, but I don’t know if I can...”

Mr. Harris had you paired up in groups of two to complete a series of word problems and online on this website called Pearson. On the bright side, walnut hills provided MacBooks for students that didn’t have their laptop, but of course, if they tried to watch Netflix, facetime with their friends, or search for something inappropriate, their laptop will be shut down for 24 hours until further notice.

The first two weeks were pretty quiet between you and San because both of you aren’t necessarily the best conversation starters and whenever San would ask you something it would only just help him cheat on an assignment or help him make up an excuse to skip class. Up until the third week hit you had enough of his excuses trying to avoid doing the work.

The third week you were assigned to work on three hours of pre-cal on the computer and you had the option to locate to a different classroom of course if you couldn’t focus in a cramped room full of sweaty students. So you and san decided to work in the math lab across from class 2A and try to work out a plan.

“Listen San I know this class is our worst enemy, but I promised my mom I would graduate next year and If I have to restart my junior year again I would die of embarrassment. So please try a little harder.” San sighs nodding to your proposal looking deeply into your eyes.

“Fine. I guess I’m in the same boat. I figured retaking junior year would make my mom mad too.” He reaches his hand shaking it with yours smiling.

Your heart starts pounding pretty fast as you're exchanging the agreement with San and you gaze your eyes back at the computer again clearing your throat.

“So, all we have to do is remember the methods Mr. Harris taught us and we'll be alright. What section are we on?” San scrolls through his laptop trying to login into his Pearson account. “I believe it's section 3.A. 20 questions which are due this Friday?! Man, Mr. Harris won’t give us a break.”

You giggled at his surprised reaction. Sometimes he can be soft which makes you melt inside even more. It made you wonder why he was always hanging around with the rebels with no future at school. Maybe life at home was rough and he didn’t have a lot of friends. All these questions were running through your head, which made you not realize that San suddenly moved closer to you.

“You need help with that problem? You were staring blankly at the screen for the past 10 minutes. Here let me show you how to do this.” San wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to writing the answer problem step by step to help you understand it better, but that wasn’t exactly helping.

All you were doing was admiring his beautiful face to face. It made you remember the first time you saw him with his glowing melon skin, sharp jawline, the way he can pull off a white collar and a striped tie it just seemed impossible.

On top of that his knowledge in math made him 10x more attractive, but you couldn’t understand why someone as brilliant and essential as him set himself up in the wrong crowd and stuck in this situation that cost him his high school diploma.

“So that’s how you get y= 18 + 15x. Any questions?” “Yeah, why the hell are you so fine. Forget Mr. Harris, you can be my tutor.” Would’ve sounded better in your head, but you accidentally said it out loud.

San looked at you with his eyes flashing open and then he burst out laughing. “Well Ms. Y/LN if I knew you were having this much fun, I would’ve signed up for this a long time ago.”

“Same here. You know I didn’t think math was your thing. How come you're so good at it?” He sighs, leaning looking up at the ceiling as his mood changes very quickly. “My dad is an entrepreneur and a CEO of his own company.

He’s very good at math so he taught me at an early age so someday I can take over his company someday. He’s never home at times either so I’m pretty much always helping my friends with their math homework as a side hustle.”

“That must be tiring. I know that must be a lot of pressure for a 17-year-old.” San nods his head in agreement and says “It is, but hey that’s what I’ve been dealing with all my life. We got to finish these questions so we can go home early.” With the both of you panicking you turn back to your computers finishing the last set of problems.

You were having so much fun at school with San that you forgot you had to make it to dinner on time with your wicked stepmother. Ever since you’ve started your sophomore year at Walnut Hills your father was keeping his dating life a secret until he unexpectedly announced that he wanted to marry Maria. Your dad was always the playboy so it always would irritate you whenever he brings another woman into the picture.

Your father planned on marrying Maria by the time you’ve graduated high school, but that all ended in tragedy when your father one day died in a car accident on the way to your volleyball game. This is why you quitted sports, fell out with your best friends, and flunked almost all your classes. Maria has always shown tough love even when your dad was around, but that’s because she never knew what it was like to raise children and she wanted to learn to become closer to your family, but your relationship with her was always rocky.

Arriving late at night you’ve run to your house sweating and panting to your angry stepmom in the kitchen tapping her foot.

“Y/N, do you know what time it is? School ended at 5. Why are you late for dinner? This better is good missy.” You caught your last breath and then rolled your eyes at Maria’s snarky comment. “Me and my partner in my class took longer than expected to finish our assignment. Sorry, okay?”

You’ve slammed your backpack on the back of your chair and grabbed a plate of yong chow rice to eat with your family. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me? I just asked a simple question. Don’t tell me your working with that Choi San guy?”

You shook your head as you started to feel yourself explode at the dinner table, but you let her finish. “I know that because Mr. Harris told me. Look all I’m saying is you better stay concentrated on getting out of summer school and don’t fool around with these boys. Got it?”

You’ve finally snapped and stood up slamming the table with your fists. “You know what, I don’t understand why you're nagging me about every little thing going on in my life. You can’t just be proud that I finished my assignments for this week. But, no you keep finding ways to complain to me about me not working hard enough or messing around. I’m getting really tired of it. That’s why I hate it here!”

“Y/N! Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.” She followed you all the way upstairs until you closed the door and locked it in her face. You were too tired and frustrated to be dealing with her constant ranting so you’ve just sat in your room, put your AirPods on, and blocked her yelling from the background. “We’ll talk about this another day. Psh teenagers.”

For the rest of the night, you smush your face in your pillow crying yourself to sleep. You look back on the polaroids of your dad around your room and through your phone missing his presence in your home. “Dad, why did you leave me alone with her? If it was just the three of us, things would be so different. I miss you.”

Your partnership with San seemed to improve drastically which was surprising, to say the least. All the other kids in the class however didn’t seem to improve. Some were either cheating or missing the deadlines. Mr. Harris was not pleased by the results so he found other alternatives.

“You know what class, here’s what we’re about to do. To make this a lot more fun, how about we do class activities for extra credit. Since some of you are glued to your devices nowadays we can play games like Kahoot, Jenga, and Tetris to answer questions. I can even narrow down the questions on the assignments. How does that sound?” Everyone in class chants and cheers loving the idea which keeps them even more motivated to continue working.

“Alright everyone the games won’t start today, but next week. This is the last week of June and summer school so that means we’re halfway there from finishing. You cannot screw this up. Try acing this week’s quiz with 90% everyone or no games for those with below 70%. Got it?” “Yes, Mr. Harris!” You’ve become closer to the class since it was only nine of you, but your best friends are Angela, San, and Chris. The four of you stopped for ice cream after school to study for this week’s big math test that covered five sections.

“Gosh, Mr. Harris put 40 questions on the test! What the hell is he on crack?”

Everyone laughed at Chris complaining. He would always try to find shortcuts just so he can finish playing PubG, but he always ends up getting in trouble because he procrastinates too much. The only reason he’s somewhat doing well is because of his girlfriend Angela.

She was always a straight-A student and a bit of a geek at school, but outside of school, she was a baddie. She ended up having to retake pre-cal because she wanted to offer to help Chris with homework but ended up failing with him. “Oh hush it’s not even that bad. If you would’ve done those practice problems like you were told, you wouldn’t be complaining so much.” She slaps the back of Chris' head making him spat out his dip cone.

San looks at them admiring their silly dysfunctional relationship and then looks at you mesmerized. He leans in whispering in your ear saying “Why can’t we be more like them. They’re cute together.” You turned to him, slapping his shoulder softly giggling. “We shouldn’t. We agreed to only focus on school, remember?” He looks at you pouting “Does it have to be strictly about work? Like Mr. Harris said, we can have fun with it. We are partners after all.”

You look to the side trying to avoid his gaze as you take another spoonful of mint cocoa. With your sloppy spoonful of ice cream leftover on your face, San quickly grabbed a napkin from the table and whipped your face. “Be careful, you had a little mint chocolate on your face.” He kissed the side of your lips and smirked at you right afterward leaving everyone shocked.

“You guys are hot together.”

Chris with no filter shouted out leaving you a blushing mess. You quickly grabbed your ice cream and backpack as you heard your stepmom pulling up at the dairy parking lot. “You know what duty calls. I’ll meet you guys at the same time tomorrow at San’s place just like we planned. I gotta shave my legs. Later!” San wanted to grab your arm real quick to give you a proper goodbye, but you already beat him to it by sprinting to the car.

“Honey, why did you run in the car so fast? You would have finished your ice cream-”

“No time for that, just drive Mom.” Maria laughs looking at you covering your face with your cardigan and looking at San’s pouting face playing with his spoon he just ate from his ice cream. “Reminds me of the good old days when I was in high school.” Your stepmom cranked the engine and drove all the way home.

When you arrived home you flopped your body on your bed trying to focus on finishing studying for your test by yourself, but all your thinking about San’s kiss replaying in your head over and over again. “Ugh that San man, why did his lips have to be so soft? I'm supposed to be finding the formula for x, not the formula to get into San’s heart.” You’ve pulled out your laptop attempting to send an email to Mr. Harris said that you wanted to switch partners, but you prevent yourself from pressing send through your mouse.

“There’s no point. We only have four more weeks plus he would be upset if I do that. I just need to calm down.” You’ve closed out of your email tab and finished your homework sinking in your thoughts.

“Dad, hey it’s me again, I just wanted to leave a voicemail letting you know that later on today I’ll be bringing my friends over to work on studying for our big test. It would be nice for you to meet them, but of course, I know work is more important. Anyways please come visit again sometime soon. Love you, peace.” San sighs, hanging up the phone as he sets the table up getting ready for you, Angela, and Chris to come over. San has always learned to live basically on his own growing up.

His father is always running off on business trips, his mother left him at a young age to marry a wealthy man and his older brother was already out of the country to join the Navy. His brother was the only person he can count on for family events when it came to birthdays, Christmas, and even father’s day. At least his brother could attend and catch up with his crazy high school life.

Snapping out of his train of thoughts he opens the door as soon as he hears the doorbell ring. “Coming!” He fixed his Pikachu long sleeve and parted his hair before he opened the door. He was smiling so wide after seeing it was you, Angela and Chris.

“C'mon in you guys. Welcome to mi palacio. Let’s study in the living room.”

Everyone ran to the living room pleased with the smell of pina colada candles filling the house. You were shocked that San got to live in this huge nicely decorated home yet you seem to notice that his family is not present.

You see picture frames of him when he was younger in a monster inc sitting on the fountain at Disneyland.

There was also another cute family photo of San’s best friend named Wooyoung that he met since kindergarten, but sadly they ended up cutting ties since they went to different schools.

A picture that stood out from all of them was one of him sitting on his mom’s lap when he was five smiling super hard with his pretty white smile. You’ve never seen him smile that hard and you were always curious more about his past so the family photos have shown a nice glimpse into his past “Hey y/n cmon I made some ramen. We have to pull out the flashcards so we can study.” “W-wait, but your baby pictures I want!” “No time we can look at them later.”

He winks and gently holds your hand and walks downstairs with you.

“Here goes the love birds. We have to try San’s famous spicy ramen dish before it gets too cold.” Everyone sits down at the dinner table clasping their hands together ready to dig in until the door opens.

“Surprise brother! Sorry I’m late. Did I miss dinner?” San’s brother Jinhyuk walks in with veggie wraps and steak bulgogi in his hand. San runs up to his brother hugging him super tight happier to see that he finally made it home. “Guys this is my brother Jinhyuk. Jinhyuk this is Chris, Angela, and Y/N.”

Jinhyuk smiles at everyone greeting everyone. “So what’s been going on with you guys? I know you have been stuck in school together, but what have you guys been doing outside of school?” Angela started by saying “Well so far me and Chris have been seeing each other every day. We always go to the park or the carnival when we get the chance for dates. We have also been hanging out with these two right here.”

Chris joined in saying “Exactly right. You can say we’re like the Scooby-Doo gang of course without scooby.” San laughs adding on “No way you’re definitely Scooby. Angela is Velma, I’m Freddy, and Y/N is Daphne.” Everyone at the table laughed as they enjoyed San’s ramen catching up with each other.

Jinhyuk elbows you as he chats with you in the kitchen. “Hey, I noticed that you were sitting there staring at my brother. What’s going on with you two.” Your eyes flashed wide open as you were surprised by Jinhyk’s sudden question. You faced him scratching the back of your head not knowing how to answer his question. “Well, I honestly don’t know. I think he just likes teasing me. One minute he flirts with me, the next minute he treats me like one of the guys. My mom also doesn’t want me getting distracted so I’m trying to keep my distance.”

Jinhyuk laughs and then pets your head. “Well, you both already failed at keeping your distance. I think he likes you, but since you keep running away or avoiding him too much, he feels like he’s making you uncomfortable and that you strictly want to stay as friends. I wouldn’t give him the wrong idea to be upfront about how you feel about him. You got this kid.” He grabs your empty bowl for you and washes the dishes giving you that boost of confidence. “You know what you're right. Mama didn’t raise no punk. I’ll tell him after we finish studying. Thanks, Jinhyuk I owe you the next time you visit.” You give him a thumbs up and skip happily out the kitchen looking forward to seeing your friends.

After hours of studying flashcards, everyone finally studied feeling confident in themselves about the final test of the semester. Everyone packed their things and was ready to head home since their parents were outside. You were the only one that still felt confident about your process throughout the class so you’ve decided to stay an extra hour to study with San.

“Are you sure this is right?” You put the pencil down crossing your fingers as San checks your work. “Wow yes, that is correct. See you’re doing just fine. You only got 7 wrong out of the 40 questions. Just keep using that method I taught you and you’ll be just fine.” San smiles at you pinching your cheeks. “It’s 10:30 pm. Your mom is going to be worried about you. You should start heading home. I'll drop you off.” San started putting his notebook and laptop back on his desk getting ready to leave his room, but you pull on his sleeve bringing him back down on the couch with you.

“Wait, um why don’t we watch a movie or something. My mom is out with Mr. Harris anyways they won’t be back until the morning. I kind of told her I was spending the night at my cousin’s house.”

San smiles, shaking his head gulping, sitting back down next to you. “That sounds nice and all, but I don’t want to get you in trouble. Plus you do realize you’re staying over at a boy’s house at night.” You lean your head on his shoulder holding his hand yawning. “I know I trust you. You wouldn’t do anything unless I told you I wanted to. Just for tonight please San?” San sighs, lifting your chin patting the back of your head. “Fine, but next time let me meet your mom. I want to know everything there is about you okay?” You nod linking pinkies with him. “Deal. Now let’s watch Money Heist Shall we?”

The next morning you wake up in San’s arms as you share a blanket on the living room couch. You woke up fixing his messy black hair struck by his sleeping face. “Gosh you're even more dreamy when you're sleeping.” You checked the time on your phone and realized what time it was.

Pre-cal normally starts around 10, it was 11:20. “San gets up, we're late for class! We can’t miss this one Mr. Harris is giving us get extra credit today.” San woke right up alert as he wiped the drool from the side of his mouth.

“Dang, we gotta go. Here brush your teeth real fast, brush your hair and let’s roll.”

The two of you got ready as fast you could and hopped right on his motorcycle speeding through the traffic throughout the city.

You wrapped your arms around San the whole time scared you’ll fall on the motorcycle. San felt so happy whenever you depended on him for anything. “God I love this girl. I know they say I’m too young or going too fast, but I can’t help it.” He mumbled under his breath as he arrived at the school.

“Well well if it isn’t San and Y/N. You better be lucky you didn’t miss the test. We just got done playing Kahoot.” The two of you poured with your heads looking down feeling ashamed as you walked to your seats. The two of you took one last glimpse of each before Mr. Harris handed out the test.

This was it after everything you’ve been through this past month with San and your friends. The hard work was going to determine if you actually made it through or not. Mr. Harris gave you a whisper of encouragement you never heard in a long time except for your dad. “Y/N no matter what happens I’ll always be proud of you. Finish this strong.”

Mr. Harris' words almost moved you to tears as you smiled and nodded your head right back at him. Now you understand why Maria loved him so much he was always passionate about teaching and cared about your well-being.

You grabbed your pencil and your laptop as you started getting to work. The whole time you were nervous and a few questions caused you to slip up, but in the end, you remembered how to do most of the work. San seemed to be holding up just fine so you weren’t too worried about him, Angela would always double-check her work before turning it in and Chris was surprisingly focused the whole time.

As everyone finished their tests Mr. Harris checked everyone’s grades one by one slowly seeing their process.

He stands up taking off his glasses and says. “Class...congratulations on becoming seniors! Everyone has passed summer school. See you in the fall.”

Everyone screamed cheering as the paper was flying and everyone in the classroom cheered. “Yeah, you guys hang out at the carnival!” Chris screamed and everyone followed him out.

Before catching up with everyone you called your stepmom to tell her the good news with Mr. Harris next to you.

“Mom, I finally passed. Dad’s face right now you know he’s probably crying. It was all thanks to Mr. Harris too, he's the best teacher ever.”

You can hear your mom’s voice on the other end as she gets teary-eyed. “Your dad would definitely be so happy that you passed, but also pissed because he never wants you in summer school ever again.” The three of you laugh together as you share the happy news.

“I’m so sorry I doubted you and was super harsh y/n. I love you and just want you to succeed. Your my only banana muffin I got in this world so don’t pull off any dumb crap like this ever again.”

“Yes mom, you know I will. I made a promise to dad after all. I will graduate and stay close to you if it’s the last thing I do. Love you, I'm going to the carnival with my friends.”

Maria makes kissy noises back and says “I love you too. Don’t stay out too late. Matter of fact I’ll meet you there since me and Harris have a date anyways. See you there.” You hang up feeling emotional as you hug Mr. Harris.

Mr. Harris pats you on the back saying “Didn’t I tell you she’s very proud. Now I think you need to catch up with your friends before he leaves without you. I’ll meet you at the carnival.” Mr. Harris leaves the classroom giving you one last smile and heading out.

You walked in the hallway looking all around the school for San, luckily you found him in the science lab where he’s sitting by the window with a sad look on his face.

“San. We’ve gotta meet up with everyone at the carnival. Why are you here by yourself?”

San sighs, crossing his arms.

“There’s no point in celebrating. I tried reaching out to both of my parents to tell them about one of the biggest accomplishments in my life and as usual, they didn’t answer.” You sat right next to him at the window petting his head. “You know what, how dare they? Forget them.

You have a supportive big brother, an amazing group of friends, and the best teacher a school could ever ask for. You have a family right here and we’re proud of you.”

San lifts his head up as he sees your bright smile that always makes him helpless.

“You always know exactly what to say. What would I do without you?”

He links pinkies with you. “I really can’t wait for you to meet my stepmom. She gets on my nerves sometimes and we always tend to bump heads, but we always come right back together. Dad would’ve also loved you. He was always straight to the point and never held back. I loved that confidence he always had.”

“Oh yeah he did get into that accident last year, I’m so sorry about that.”

You shake your head “It’s alright, I’m still holding up just fine. I’m just happy to have you here with me plus I get to be seniors with you and everyone else.” San looks up at you one last time slowly leaning his face close to yours until your noses touch.

“Gosh, I wonder what would happen if I made out with Y/N in the science lab? The janitor would for sure catch us in the act.” You giggle flirting with him back.

“The only thing he would have to worry about cleaning up is the kiss marks that are going to be on your neck.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you were this playful. I love seeing this side of you.”

The two of you finally exchange a short yet sweet kiss in the orange sunset peeking against the window. It was going to last longer until Angela and Chris crashed the party with a loud knock on the door.

“Hurry up Freddy and Daphne the Scooby gang has to pull up at the carnival together. You guys can finish eating each other's faces off in the car. We can’t miss the flight of fear!”

The two of you looked at each other shrugging and walked together hand in hand out the classroom. “Well, I guess we will have to finish this on the carousel.” ��Indeed, that sounds more romantic than making out while being surrounded by jars of disinfected frogs in the science lab.”

The two of you catch up with the rest of the seniors of class 2021 as you look forward to your last summer as juniors together. Today was going to be the day where you go all out and live like you're gonna die young.

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partyatmyhaus · 8 years ago

Text

I don't believe in God, but I believe in this shit

6,000 words of trans!Matt. My b?

READ IT ON Ao3

He knows from the second he reads the definition online, that there’s a reason he feels the way he does- and he’s not weird. He bookmarks the page, even though he knows by heart how to find it again, and he buries the link under a fake title in a bookmarks tab he uses for school stuff- and only opens it when no one else is home.

It’s his secret.

[Whenever he closes the tab, he tries to ignore the stabbing feeling of that he’s lost something somehow].

The first person he ever tells is his mom. And it’s nothing remarkable- nothing planned but it’s not an accident. It’s over two years since he finds the definition, and it’s just her and him in the kitchen- she’s making dinner while he’s providing her some company. And he makes a split second decision to tell her. He’s going to to college next year, and he feels like it’s a now or never situation.

“I’m a guy.”

He knows her mom tells her dad that night, he can hear the frustrated yelling through the walls. The confused whisper/shouting match back and forth. He presses himself up against his wall as tight as he can- he clutches his stuffed dog, the one his aunt brought him for his first birthday- and he listens.

“What do we do, Mary?” After a long while of silence, he hears his dad sigh being followed by the sound of two bodys sitting on the couch.

“We support our baby, George.”

He stays the weekend with his aunt, and when he comes home his closet is basically empty of all the dusty dresses and skirts- and when he goes into the living room to ask, he finds his mom reading the newspaper while his dad watches the game.

“What happened to my closet?” He asks standing in the doorway, it’s been a weird few weeks- and he can’t help but internally start to panic that they’re emptying his stuff out because they’re going to kick him out. That this is the last leg so to speak.

His mother doesn’t look up from her newspaper article as she replies, “You were never going to wear them so i gave them to Darla. Her daughter is about your size, besides she is struggling a little bit- why not help out?”

He goes to leave the room- before he starts crying honestly, but he lingers for a moment before saying,

“Thank you.”

Right after school gets out for Christmas break, his mom and dad take him out- telling him that they wanted the company while going to get groceries.

They end up at a barber- the one he recognizes that his dad goes too- and before he can ask his mom what’s going on, she’s halfway out of the car saying,

“Your hair is getting a little long, don’t you think?”

He leaves with a men #7, and honestly- it feels like he can breathe a bit better.

He get’s his first binder for Christmas. It comes from his Aunt, and it’s not wrapped or under the tree- she instead has him follow her out to her car, and she hands it to him with a wink and then vanishes back into the party.

He opens it in his room, and he sits on the floor- just touching it for a long time.

He wears his binder for the first time, on the second day back to school. Between everyone focusing on his hair being short, and the large sweater he wears, it’s probably not noticeable to anyone-

Anyone but him.

The summer after his Junior year ends- he gets placed on Testosterone-Hormones. And by the end of the summer, there are changes- little ones but there are changes.

The biggest one being the little bit of darkening peach fuzz on his face; (he spends 30 minutes doing a dance in his bathroom for a little bit after he notices it).

Over the summer himself and his parents start the process of getting his name changed. And the only reason it happens is because one night he cries to his mother for an hour rambling about how he didn’t want his diploma to say ‘that other name’ .

The new semester starts and he thinks that everyone (With the exception of like 2 people) think he’s a new student- not the same kid they’d all gone to school with sense Pre-K.

[Of course people start to figure it out and there is one incident that still haunts him. He had been in the locker room- putting his shoes back on, when two guys he vaguely remembers from his 3rd period seem to appear out of nowhere.

He never tells his mom how he got the black eye or why his shirt was ripped right down the middle.

And he never shows the bruises around his ribs and forearms- from where he was shoved to the floor and violently kicked for over an hour].

A couple weeks after that he makes friends with a group of people from his Spanish class.

[Within two weeks of making his new ‘friends’ he finds out it was a bet- placed by the kids from his 3rd period. A bet to see who could befriend him the fastest].

By graduation, he’s starting to feel really comfortable. Overall he’s got more hair- and his voice is much deeper than before.

And, to everyone’s joy, his diploma doesn’t say the wrong name.

The summer before college, his aunt comes to him and offers to pay for a mastectomy- telling him she has talked to his parents and that if he wants to do it- now would be the best time. Not missing school, being able to be cared for.

He gets his mastectomy a week after his birthday.

When he wakes up, his chest feels so light- he cries.

College starts and his professors call out the right name in class on the first day, and he feels really really good.

He ends up roommate-less for about a month, before a girl moves in. He comes back from class to his door half open and a girl in his room, currently putting sheets on the previously unoccupied bed. She offers a wide smile when she notices him.

“The school told me why no one wanted to room with you, and that’s fucking stupid. Anyways- I’m Jess.”

Jess introduces him to her friend Adam, and they hit it off right away. After about 2 months of hanging out about non-stop, he thinks that he should have been more surprised when Adam kisses him. When Adam cuts off his ramble about this seasons baseball picks and leans across the couch and cups his face and kisses him. He could be surprised.

But he isn’t and he doesn’t stop himself from kissing back.

Their first date is in some shitty arcade where Adam is better at everything, and by the end of it- Adam uses all the tickets he collected and gets a small green bear (which Adam ends up leaving for him on his dresser table).

They go on another date about a week later, they go see some shitty movie; they’re the only ones in the whole theater so they make commentary the entire time and Adam laughs so hard his face is bright red.

Adam spends the last 35 minutes of the movie, slowly and gently moving his hand into his. Slowly slotting their fingers together- and never once looking at him. As if he was trying to play it cool (the thought makes him laugh).

By the end of the movie they walk out of the theater still hand in hand.

It’s a wonderful date.

Two months into dating, he tells Adam- only because he feels he has too (like dating him has a disclaimer, and he was obligated to tell Adam).

Adam takes the news with a smile and a gentle laugh, and tells him later that before Jess introduced them, she had told him (along with threatening him, “ If you make him sad Kovic, I’ll fucking kill you. He’s so nice, so don’t be a dick. ”)

He finds himself falling in love with his dork of a boyfriend pretty fast, and by the time their 6 month anniversary rolls around- he just knows. He can’t explain how he does, but he just knows.

He can feel it settle deep into the pit of stomach as he watches Adam laugh so hard some of his beer comes out of his nose- and he just knows .

He knows Adam is his person.

Adam drops out of college later that year, and instantly Adam seems more cheery- it makes him glad. School had been weighing on Adam and he had hated seeing him so tired and empty all the time.

Around that time he and Adam have sex for the first time. They’ve been dating for a year and a half at that point, and god bless Adam Kovic because he must ask him at least 100 times, “ Are you okay?” “Are you alright?”

He is very okay, and very much so alright.

[After they’re cleaned up and settled into bed- limbs criss-crossed and their body’s are sweaty and heavy, he says it- out into the air.

‘I love you, Adam.’ And he isn’t disappointed when he gets a kiss to the top of his head and he can feel Adam’s smile.

‘I love you, too.’]

[[He sleeps better than he ever has that night]].

He graduates that fall; he tries to hide is disappointment when the only family members who show up are his mother, father and aunt.

He gets a job for Adult Swim, an assistant editor for one of their shows, and he hates it instantly. He tries to stay positive, he knows how hard it is to get a job out of college so he tries to remain calm and not let everything bother him.

Adam spends the next year gently offering him a job at Machinima (which he always just smiles at and shakes his head at).

The next time he actually tells someone is years later, after he’s been in Robot Chicken editors hell for about 4 years when Adam ‘invites’ him out to lunch and when he gets to restaurant- Adam is nowhere to be seen, but Bruce is at a table- waving him over.

And the only reason he tells Bruce, wonderful Bruce who’s offering him a job, is because he feels like he has a disclaimer. Like he has too- like if he doesn’t he’s a liar.

And Bruce, wonderful friendly Bruce, just smiles at him and tells him ‘I don’t give a shit whatever you’ve got going on under your pants- as long as you can do your job’.

He leaves Robot Chicken later that month.

The first major negative reaction he receives in his adult life- is within his first month of being with Machinima. [Of course he’s had negative reactions, but never one on this scale].

The office Christmas party is in full swing and he feels like he’s the only sober person in the entire room (he doesn’t mind being the designated driver- honestly he feels more at peace knowing his friends will get home safe).

He is sitting at the booth- all of his friends on the floor dancing. The party isn’t at the office but at some bar, close enough to the office that most people had just walked over instead of even trying to move their cars.

He’s been sat by himself for a while now, content just to watch as Lawrence bullies Joel into doing body shots- and he finds himself laughing when Sean ends up out doing all of them.

About the time the party is in full swing a couple of guys he recognizes that work in the little space just outside of ‘The Joel Hole’, and he knows they’re drunk.

“Hey there, Rebecca.”

And it’s something out of a movie the way his body tenses up, and his blood runs cold and no one has called him by that name in years. That name is dead, that person is dead.

“Aw, gonna cry like the little girl you are?” And he can’t breathe but between the two guys and him he can’t leave. They won’t let him. His heart feels heavy, and the entire world feels like the moment in-between being thrown into the air and hitting the pool water.

“Everyone in the office knows, you know. Why you think they’re your friends is beyond me.” Jackass A says, and he’s about 2 seconds away from crying- but they don’t stop. They don’t care about him. He doesn’t even care about how they know- he just wants them to leave. That must show on his face because then they’re laughing even louder.

“Yeah, it’s funny!” Jackass 2 says laughing, his beer sloshes and a bit hits the table, “We all get together and laugh at how funny it is that you think they tolerate you- let alone like you.”

The three disappear after that, and so does he.

He emails their boss- Not Bruce or Adam, he goes even higher up than that, and he cashes in a week of ‘personal’ time off.

He ignores the calls and texts from everyone- and he feels terribly, terribly guilty for leaving them all at the bar alone- but can’t bring himself to answer the phone.

(Honestly, deep down, he can’t bring himself to feel the guilt- feel anything really).

He spends the entire week in his apartment, curled up next to his bed (he’s not worth enough to lay on the bed).

By the 4th day, he can hear Adam and Lawrence pounding on his door, yelling for him to open up. It’s only after they threaten to call the landlord (and then the police) that he grabs his phone and sends them a text message- not proof read and shaky- but he sends it.

11:24 AM

To: Adda-Boi, Larr

MSG:

Imm fine, pleasd leave before my neighbors compain

[They leave 10 minutes later, and he pretends to not hear the cracking in Adam’s voice.]

He comes back to work the next Tuesday, and acts as if nothing is wrong. As if he doesn’t know.

They never really liked him, he was just a source of entertainment.

A joke.

[He pretends that doesn’t hurt as badly as it actually does].

He breaks up with Adam a week later. He shows up at Adam’s apartment at 10 PM, crying and it takes him about 30 minutes to get it out but he does. It comes out rushed, and not planned like he had rehearsed it to be, but he knows Adam hears him.

He leaves Adam, silently crying on the couch.

Life becomes a cycle after that.

Wake up. Go to work. Ignore everyone. Come home. Drink. (And if he’s feeling real crazy at some point in his schedule he’ll find time to eat).

After a month of the breakup, it seems as if everyone has given up on him- no one seems to try to take him to lunch or ask him what’s wrong. No one pats him on the back, or gives him random hugs. No one texts him anymore and it should make him feel better but it doesn’t.

He misses them, he misses Adam. Oh, God, does he miss Adam.

But he enjoys knowing that he’s ruined their entertainment- that he’s ruined the running gag.

He’d rather be alone and sad than blissfully happy and the butt end of their jokes.

He learns the names of the jackasses from the bar- Colin and Brett. And the only reason he comes to learn their names is because their boss (the big one) pairs him up to help them with a new show. For the next 8 weeks, he’s on loan to the dickheads and not going to be anywhere near Inside Gaming.

After 5 weeks, he just can’t take it anymore. He starts doing stupid shit- it starts by accident but then he doesn’t want to start.

He picks up a pan from the stove without an oven mit- and makes himself feel the pain for a good 3 seconds before dropping it back down.

He starts taking showers only if the water is either too hot or much too cold.

He eats only when the edges of his vision start going blurry

He starts to wish he was normal. That he could have been happy as a girl.

[He starts torturing himself by looking at old family photos- the ones from before he told his family.]

By the time the project ends and he’s back working with the Inside Gaming crew, he’s lost 20 pounds and he hasn’t slept in what feels like years. He knows he must look like shit because Sean just kind of looks at him his first day back and looks worried.

‘That’s not a look of worry that’s pity.’ His brain corrects and that’s how he finds himself glaring at one of nicest people he’s ever met at 7:45 in the morning. By the time Sean looks ready to talk to him, he’s turning around and heading to his desk- grumbling about edits.

It’s 3 months after the break up, and he’s still avoiding Adam. He knows Adam wants an explanation (All he had said that night was ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I can’t do this. Not to you’.)

But like all things, that comes to an end and by the end of the 3rd month Adam corners him and convinces him to talk to him.

“Not here. Not at work. But...I’ll come by after work? To your place?” And Adam looks so small and honestly so sad, he can’t stop himself from agreeing.

Adam comes by right from work- but Adam brings his favorite candy. And he feels like such a dick, why did this happen? Why couldn’t he be the person Adam deserved?

He ends up exploding, telling Adam everything- and he tries to ignore the sadness mixed with murder in Adam’s eyes as he asks who it was. Asks who did this.

“It doesn’t matter…” He trailes off and for the first time in 3 months Adma touches him, a gentle but firm grip of his wrist. He wants to cry even more now- he didn’t realize how much he missed touch until now.

“It does. It matters to me. Who was it?” And he tells him, and he doesn’t mean to start crying but he does.

He ends up tucked into Adam’s chest- telling him everything. The dysphoria, how he’s sorry he’s wrong , and that he wishes that he wasn’t fucked up because then they could be together. (He pretends he doesn’t hear Adam’s sniffles as he hugs him).

But Adam, strong Adam, just holds him and pets his hair until he falls asleep.

The next morning, he’s awake first- still tucked into Adam, a blanket half hazardly draped over both of them and he can’t stop himself from snuggling closer. And he tries to ignore the smile that creeps onto his face at the way Adam relaxes and lets him closer- like he always has.

When Adam comes into work the following Monday, he looks ready to murder. He tries to stop his leg from bouncing as he sees Adam gather Bruce and Lawrence.

He tries to calm down and actually get some work done, but soon enough the receptionist is sticking her head in the door and calling for him. He ignores the worried looks from Sean and Joel as he follows her to one of the conference rooms where inside of it sat Adam, Lawrence, Bruce on one side- and on the other side sitting Colin and Brett. At the head of the table sits their boss.

The meeting ends up being the beginning of the end because by the end of the month the seven of them (Joel, Lawrence, Bruce, Sean, James, Adam and himself)- end up joining the Roosterteeth family.

Things are starting to get better.

[He still sleeps beside his bed, on the floor. He can’t shake off the thought of not being worth it to sleep in it- so he just doesn’t].

He feels really stupid when he figures it out. He feels so ignorant for not noticing what had developed. But above all he feels really insignificant and out of place.

They’ve all been with Roosterteeth for months now, but it takes catching James and Sean and Joel making out/on top of each other in the kitchen for them to tell him that everyone (and he does mean everyone: Joel, Bruce, Lawrence, Adam, James, (James’ wife Elyse) and Sean) are in a polyamorous relationship.

A relationship that no one wanted to tell him about.

(He doesn’t know why it hurts as bad as it does).

He doesn’t remember what he says to that- he thinks he made his face go blank and then he just turned and started to walk away- but he doesn’t quite remember.

[He does, however, remember how he shoved his hands into the pockets of his outermost hoodie- because they were shaking. And he remembers how he packed up his stuff, ignoring how James yelled after him- offering to explain everything- he remembers shoving past him, laptop under his arm as he left the office. Ignoring the concerned questions of what happened and James’ explaining behind him.

He remembers driving to the wrong apartment, before in the moment remembering that he lives with Bruce now. He doesn’t remember driving to the new apartment, or getting inside.

He remembers being curled up beside his bed when Bruce and Lawrence had come inside. He remembers how Bruce pushed the door opened, and how it creaked oh so gently. He remembers Lawrence’s quiet whisper of, “ Oh, sweet boy , no .”

He remembers not talking to either of them, but instead- standing, and by using his body pushing them out of his room, and closing the door on them.

He remembers locking the door.]

The next morning he had woken up, moments before his alarm and tried to swallow the instant thought of, ‘ They all love each other- they really don’t need a freak like you around. ’

After getting dressed (wearing the loosest clothes he could find) and debating if he should or should not in fact go to work, (he ends up deciding he needed to go- his moral side winning) he opens his bedroom door for the first time since shutting it on Lawrence and Bruce.

And there they are. Each on a side of the frame, asleep hunched against the wall.

He wants to be mad at them, wants to be upset (and he still is, but it’s dwindled now). And he can’t help but laugh as he uses his foot to awaken Lawrence and the first sound out of the others mouth is a long groan.

“We’re gonna be late. You owe me coffee.” Is all he says when Lawrence looks up at him with a small smile, laced with concern (and maybe just a touch of hope). He smiles wider at the nod Lawrence gives him.

When they get into the office, he offers James a smile- but before anyone can say anything he’s at his desk, in full work mode.

This goes on for a couple of days. Him only speaking to them when he had a work related question, (and in the case with Bruce- anything rent/needing food related). And eventually- slowly- he starts to chime into their weird conversations.

Elyse joins the team and he wants to dislike her. To hate her even. But he can’t.

She’s amazing and he’s glad they all have someone like her.

[He wishes he had someone like her.]

No one brings up their relationship, and he’s silently glad for it. Even if he has caught them all playing grab-hand or sharing what they think are ‘secret’ kisses. (He ignores the pit of something he’s identified as ‘jealousy’ in his stomach- whenever he sees them).

It’s a boring Tuesday, when the office trembles a bit. It shakes his bobble head off the shelf behind him, and it flickers the power out momentarily- but it’s nothing major. (There are groans throughout the office at the loss of power- and therefore loss of unsaved work).

After a moment, almost everyone laughs it off. The lights and their computers coming back to the life. Everything seems undisturbed and normal. But he notices the way Sean hasn’t chimed in, no joke coming from the youngest corner of the room. He stands up from his seat at his desk and can see the white knuckles clutching the edge of the desk, and he drops his headphones onto the table with a soft ‘thud’ and moves quickly- he knows he’s gained some attention but he’s more concerned with the other male at the moment.

He stands to the side of Sean’s desk for a beat before gently calling out his name,

“Sean?” Being up close he can see the gentle tremor in Sean’s shoulders and the way his chest isn’t moving rhythmically like it should be. He can feel everyone now looking this way, he hears Lawrence and Adam both stand up in tandem.

He opens his mouth to call for him again, but a fire truck wails past the open window and it gathers the youngers attention.

“I don’t...I didn’t...I’m s-sorry.” He’s stuttering and it’s like Sean is trying to look at him but is more so looking through him. And, as true to his character, he acts without really thinking.

He gently pries Sean’s hands off the desk, and places them into his own. He crouches in front of him and offers the more sincere smile he can.

“No need to apologize.” He rubs the back of Sean’s hands with his thumbs, and not-so subtlety takes a deep breath (he’s grateful when Sean starts to mimic him). Sean still looks so scared and childlike that he can’t bring himself to walk away.

“Wanna sit with me on the couch? Maybe do a Reddit AMA?” He knows he’s said the right thing when Sean manages to actually look at him and gives a small nod.

(He also can see out of his peripheral vision, how everyone else seems to take a deep breath and relax again).

[Sean doesn’t let go of one of his hands the entire time they’re on the couch].

They all head out to go to Austin for RTX. They leave a week and half early, to record with Achievement Hunter and to be on the podcast. The flight out to Austin is pretty uneventful (minus the fact he hates flying and feels like he has a 2 hour long panic attack). By the time they get in the sky is dark, and there’s thunder in the distance and he feels some of the stress in his shoulders go.

He really does love Austin.

When they get to the hotel, they all take their room keys- he grabs the ones for Sean and him. He gives the spare to Joel- just in case and they all trudge upstairs, everyone being basically dead on their feet, and Matt unlocks the door and let’s Sean go in first and he doesn’t miss the squeak from the other man.

“Uh. There’s only one bed.” Is his oh-so-helpful observation, and he hears Sean’s laugh before he turned serious again,

“Do you mind? If you do I can go find one of the other guys…” And Sean looks so flustered it makes his heart do a flip and he somehow manages to say,

“It’s all good. This benefits me. You’re always warm, so I won’t have to break the heater trying to stay warm.” And he knows again he’s said the right thing because Sean laughs and mumbles something about ‘last time’.

[He throws a pillow at Sean for that.

“ Let bygones be bygones !”]

[They stay up watching movies, and ordering room service. He’s really glad they don’t have to go to work tomorrow.]

[[They fall asleep before he can really process that he’s in a bed]].

He wakes up to the sound of the door unlocking, followed by Joel singing and Bruce’s wheezing. It’s a moment later that he wakes up enough to realize he’s cuddling Sean. Moreso, spooning him. He’s got one arm tucked under Sean’s pillow and and other wrapped around the younger's waist. They’re both facing away from the door, and he opens his eyes just enough to see the sun gently falling in from the window and onto the bed right in front of Sean.

“Well.” Joel says, standing at the front of bed, and he looks at him with wide eyes.

“I didn’t-” He starts and goes to move but is caught off by Seans whine and the motion of Sean rolling over and grabbing the front of his shirt.

“It’s too early for this shit.” Sean says, and he wants to laugh- but he just got caught accidently cuddling with his best friends boyfriend.

He and Bruce just have a staring contest for a long moment before the sound of Joel’s phone camera snaps him out of it.

“The boys are gonna love thi-” And he wants to tell Joel ‘no’ but again Sean cuts him off before he can even begin speaking. Sean’s hands retwisting in the grab of the front of his shirt.

“Do you have scars on your chest?”

“Haven’t Adam or Bruce told you?” He looks up from Sean to Bruce where the other is offering what seems to be a sad-tired smile.

“No one outside of Adam and I know. We’ll never tell anyone unless you give up explicit permission to.” Bruce answers and it’s too early for this shit. Much too early for this, and is the room getting smaller or is it just him? And man he jokes about being too cold, but he’s freezing and what day is it because he can’t remember. And they never told anyone? He assumed they would have. Why didn’t they? And what was his hotel room number? Man, has Joel always been so tall? They didn’t tell anyone?

“You gotta breathe, babes.” Joel is crouched in front of him now, and oh he’s not curled up with Sean anymore, he’s instead now pressed against the headboard. Bruce is off to the side of him, hands outstretched and all his mind can think is

‘Bruce is safe. Bruce is safe. Bruce is safe.’

He ends up kind of just throwing himself into Bruce’s chest, he doesn’t really know how long he stays there, just rambling and letting Bruce hold him- but it’s long enough to where everyone else shows up, having wondered why the fuck they didn’t show up to breakfast.

“I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.” And he doesn’t know if he’s apologizing for cuddling Sean, or being a dick, or clinging to Bruce- all he knows is he’s sorry.

“No one is upset with you.” Is all Adam says, sitting beside them, rubbing his back. For some reason the gesture stirs something up in him.

“I missed you.” He doesn’t know why he says it- he blames the fact his brain is overdrive, despite being awake for an hour (at most), “I really miss you and I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” And it’s an innocent question, from James who is now sitting on the other end of the bed. (He doesn’t see the confused look everyone shoots James, and the gesture James gives back as a ‘lets see’.)

“I..I’m just sorry for everything.” And great now he’s crying. He’s crying into his boss/roommate/friends chest, while all of his co-workers/friends watch. And he can’t stop himself from rambling everything he’s been trying to ignore.

“I’m really sorry I made you guys feel like you had to hide your relationship from me. And I’m sorry for being jealous, I’m trying not to be. I’m really sorry for being so wrong. Different. I’m sorry for not being more. And I’m sorry for cuddling your boyfriend, I didn’t mean too- I swear. I’m really sorry, it just happened. And I’m sorry for freaking out, a lot just happened at once. And- and I just assumed you told everyone, and you hadn’t.” At the last statement he picks his head up and looks between Adam and Bruce- both of which have sandwiched him between them. And he feels his stomach hit the floor at the sight of Adam, his wonderful Adam, silently letting tears drip down his face- even if he is smiling.

“I’m sorr-” And he never gets to finish the sentence because Adam just grabs his face and kisses him. Just like their first kiss- him being mid-sentence and all. And, again, just like their first kiss- the world stops spinning out of orbit and he’s grounded. (He is however aware that he is still basically sitting in Bruce’s lap- but he can’t bring himself to care).

When Adam pulls away- with a soft smile on his face, all he can really manage to say is a very quiet,

“What?”

“We kind of love you, you idiot.” Is James’ helpful explanation, and suddenly the tense air is gone and they’re all laughing.

They end up order room service again, everyone finding a way to cram into the room (most of them on the bed)- and he tells them. He tells them the entire tale, from finding the definition to the fact he hasn’t slept in a real bed in nearly 7 months. He tells them details even Adam hadn’t heard before. Tells them about his aunt, and his surgery- he explains what dysphoria is and he explains what taking hormones is like. And by the end of it, everyone is nibbling away on the last bites of food in silence.

“I wasn’t kidding you know. We all do kind of love you.” James says, and it breaks the silence, “We’ve been flirting for months but that apparently doesn’t work. Because we make you share a room with the one person who swoons over you like a teenage girl and all it did was give you a panic attack.”

It’s the way James’ says it, lazy and confident that makes them laugh.

“Well,” He swallows his mouthful of food and looks up with a smile, “I, guess, love you guys, too.”

They wait until they get back to L.A. to go on a date, and it takes a while to figure one out but they do eventually and it’s amazing.

It’s at Joel’s apartment, they play the High School Musical drinking game, and have an amazing home cooked meal- made by Lawrence and Elyse and he’s finds himself properly relaxing- for what feels like the first time in years.

Somehow the fanbase finds out, and he has a bit of a meltdown. An understandable thing to experience when suddenly all of your social media is flooded with comments and that name . He actually ends up having to have Adam (and Elyse) drive him home, while Bruce does damage control. (Lawrence will tell him later, that someone on Reddit had been looking up their birth certificates at their job and stumbled across his).

Adam and Elyse both just cradle him as he shakes, he clings to them. He rambles as he explains what hearing that name does to him- and they both just listen, nodding and offering whatever help they can provide.

Within a week, it’s back to normal. There are still one or two comments here and there but for the most part it goes back to normal. He spends all of his time with someone else however, mostly per Adam and Bruce’s request- both of them knowing him too well, that knowing if he was alone long enough he’d backtrack real bad. (He can’t even be mad at that).

RTX Sydney comes around and it’s in the middle of the Dude Soup podcast (panel?) that someone asks ‘ Rebecca-’ and before he can even reply, Bruce is standing up (along with Elyse and Lawrence), looking pissed and almost snarling into the microphone,

“His name is Matt, motherfucker.”

[That night they push the two queen size beds in their hotel room together, and Matt doesn’t feel any guilt about sleeping in the bed surrounded by his lovers].

After they get back to LA his dad calls him to sort through his childhood relics and he finds his old computer- adding it into the bin of things to keep.

Later, he’ll open it and navigate back to the once secret bookmark and smile at it while he listens to his boyfriends argue over which Halo was better. And he’ll close to the page, without feeling like he’s lost anything.

trans·gen·der

transˈjendər,tranzˈjendər/

adjective

denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.

#shiphaus #peakovic #shiphausot8 #OT8 #posted it to the wrong blog for a second woops #my fic

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