#my step sisters give each other super elaborate gifts and we sit there like ok. couldn't be us

[binch-i-might-be]

all the christmas presents have officially arrived.... it's all coming together.....

[allie1804-fan]

Please Assist Me (Chapter 17)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8,  Chapter 9, Ch6apter 10 , Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15 , Chapter 16

Warnings: Some explicit Content

 He Said

The wrap for the film in November left me high - it had been an amazing experience again for me but the joy at the film completing was made so much better by the knowledge that I would soon be back home, holding Sophia in my arms.

I got back to my apartment after the wrap party at around midnight, slightly inebriated and dialled her back in LA.  

“It’s done, I’m coming home” I declared.

“you seem happy” she said laughing at my slurred speech “are you drunk?”

“little bit I think, yup! You alone?”

“a ha – kids are at Julie’s today”

“ooooh goody, wanna play?”

 She Said

When Ke called me after the wrap party, he was clearly a little drunk, a bit goofy ……and horny. A few times whilst he’d been away, we’d masturbated together and I knew that was where this was going today. I moved into the bedroom and he started softly instructing me as to which garments to remove, what to show him and telling me everything he wanted to do to me when he got back.  He was the master of story telling and timing, holding off telling me to touch myself for as long as he could so that when the time came and he encouraged me ……….

“now  touch yourself, imagine my tongue….”

I was off like a firecracker, screaming his name which pushed him over the edge too, a loud grunt coming through the speaker of the iPad.

I propped the iPad up against his pillow on the bed and we stared at each other, smiling and I know I was blushing a little.

“Why do you always blush when we do that? We are allowed you know, you are my girlfriend right?”

I nodded, giggling a little.

“Yeah, it’s just that it’s 3.30 in the afternoon here - it feels very decadent to be touching myself while the kids are off doing their school day!”

“Where are they on Friday? I get in at around 7am?”

“Lucky you, it’s Miranda’s day. But you should get some sleep”

“I’ll sleep on the plane …………..and after I’ve taken you!”

“Promises, promises”

“Absolutely!”

He Said

“Told you!”

“Told me what?” Sophia breathed as she lay back on the pillow, her long brown hair fanning out around her and her chest still rosy pink with the flush of orgasm.

“Told you I’d take you first before sleep today” I murmured, sinking into the pillow and yawning.

“Poor old man’s sleepy”

“Hey, less of the old”

Sophia pulled up the covers and ran soothing hands over my shoulders”

“Get some rest baby and thank you”

“For what?”

“Coming back to me and keeping your promise”

I could feel myself drifting into dreams already “mmm no problem, I love you Sophia, I’m so glad to be home”

“Love you too Ke”

When I woke up it was early afternoon and Sophia had made a spread of some of my favourite things for lunch, chief among which was a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich! I feasted and we talked about our plans for the time we now had together.  There were still restrictions in California due to Covid so there were limitations on how much we could do but truth be told my main priority was investing time with this newly forming family, seeing some other family and friends and taking some bike rides.  There would be John Wick training in the new year but until then, my time was my own.

 She Said

Once Keanu was back and we’d got over the initial rush of excitement to be together again, we settled into something of a routine.

He’d stay over a couple of nights a week and at least once a week I’d spend the day with him at his house, often just enjoying a decadent day between the sheets.  A Wednesday would be similar for us to a Sunday for a couple who didn’t have kids in the house bouncing out of bed at 7am!

Whilst we did have a routine of sorts there were still adjustments to be made. One of these took me a little by surprise and was partly triggered by a routine letter from my doctor.

Keanu was there as I opened it.

“Everything OK?

“Oh, yeah sure, it’s just about my coil. It’s going to expire soon so I have to go in for a consult”

“Oh and are you just going to get another one or ….?”

“Or what ?”

I had known this decision was coming soon and it had got me questioning whether it was the end of the road for me and babies. Some friends around me were still having more kids and that was one factor in me questioning it. The last new baby had arrived only a couple of weeks ago  - it was Julie’s so we’d gone to visit, taking a gift.  I got to cuddle her little boy Matthew too since we were in the bubble together. I remembered Keanu’s indulgent expression as I’d declared

“Babies just rule don’t they? Every home should have one! – but then again they are soooo much work!”  

I was only joking around but it was true, I did love babies and I couldn’t say for sure that I was content with declaring an end to my child-bearing years by getting another coil fitted for 10 or more years. I know you can take them out early but the fact that it could just go in and stay in did make that particular choice feel quite final. On the other hand, it was safe and super convenient and meant no condoms which I had never liked and most men I knew didn’t either. I wondered what Keanu thought of my comment. He was so great with my 2 kids  - I didn’t know whether he regretted not having kids of his own – I mean I guess that was kind of inevitable given what he had lost but I didn’t know if it was something he wanted still.

“Or …… do you ever wonder about having more kids?”

“Gosh, I don’t know”

“No? You weren’t thinking about it when cuddling baby Matthew the other day?”

I blushed.

“Well, maybe it crossed my mind that this decision was coming up”

“and?”

I took a deep breath

“And I wasn’t sure I was completely ready to …….. to close the door” I admitted.

 He Said

I sat at my desk, a blank piece of paper in front of me. I was about to embark on a methodical analysis of my thoughts on having a kid with Sophia. After she’d said she wasn’t sure she was ready to close the door, she asked me what I wanted.  Gosh, that took the wind out of my sails even though I had been the one to lift the lid by asking her about her coil. To be honest, it was the way she had been with baby Matthew that had started me thinking before that and had re-awakened in me something I’d not felt since my 40s: The longing to have a child of my own.

I started jotting down thoughts  - pros and cons and trying somehow to think about how positive or negative they each were. It was no good weighing a negative like sleepless nights against a positive like giving my mother grandchildren and my sisters a niece or nephew.  I was still pouring over my page, filling it with thoughts and adding circles around key words and phrases when Sophia popped her head around the corner to say hi. She’d just arrived after dropping the kids at Miranda’s.

“Hey what’s this?”  she asked leaning over my shoulder and kissing my cheek.

“Well, it’s me attempting to be rational, practical, you know about what we talked about yesterday”

“Oh, I see” she responded as she started to scan the page.

“you’re not too old” she exclaimed, picking up on one of the negatives I’d written.

“You sure ?– I mean I could be nearly 80 when they’re 20 something – my mom was 40 when I was 20!”

“Yeah but I’ll be 50 when Eva is 20  - 20 was very young to have a kid by today’s standards. What are the numbers next to each thing?”

“A scoring system” I said blushing a bit.

“Oh my god, how scientific are we getting!?”

“Like I said” I defended, “I’m trying to be pragmatic, weigh things in the balance which is hard when you have things like this in the mix”

I pointed to the biggest word on the page which I’d started to draw around. It was ‘Love’ and it was certainly the thing that counted most in the balance. The love that a child could bring into my life and everyone else in our families was why seeing Sophia with Matthew that day had sparked all those feelings. It didn’t really matter that much that I might need to do fewer projects, that I’d have less freedom and time to myself for creative projects, that we’d be building a complex family melding with the existing one. I think the only thing on the page I could see that made me hesitate were the words “Loss” , “risk and “disappointment”. How on earth could we embark on this path and accept that maybe Sophia wouldn’t get pregnant, what steps would we take if that was the case or would we just agree that if it didn’t happen on its own then that was the end of it. Or maybe she would conceive and then we’d lose the baby like Ava  ……… That option almost equalled the love one in terms of being the opposite in negative points.

“Come on,  take a break, have some lunch with me and then talk me through it OK? Maybe I should do the same task huh? We’ll work it out” she soothed, squeezing my hand.

She Said

Keanu was quiet through lunch. I could tell that this topic was really taxing  his head and heart and I felt guilty that my contraceptive choices had brought this to the fore. He reassured me that in fact, it was seeing me with baby Matthew that had really started the thoughts spinning round his mind.

Whilst I teased him about his giant mind map of pros and cons with its elaborate points system,  it was really useful as a prompt to talk it through. It didn’t strip emotion out of it, after all, how could it with the word love and all its layers of meaning sitting at the centre of the page, but it meant we did consider everything as best we could.

It was the first time we’d talked in any detail about Ava and that experience of loss. He told me most of it, leaning back in the lounger by the pool, eyes closed, holding my hand, an occasional tear leaking out. The horror of giving birth to a silent, dead baby filled me with sorrow for him and Jen and, if I’m honest, some fear for myself. Fear of being the one to do that to him again, fear of embarking on something that held such potential danger. It had never felt that way as I had innocently embarked on my pregnancies with Eva and Miguel.

By the time I had to leave that afternoon, we had almost got to our conclusion, but agreed to sleep on it for a few days. Ironically, he called this technique “incubation”! He said you didn’t actually have to actively think about it but letting it just sit in the back of your mind meant that you would process it and come to a conclusion that you were comfortable with.

 He Said

I wanted to pinch myself when I thought back to last Christmas Eve. The two years could not be more different. This evening, at nearly midnight, I found myself hovering outside Miguel’s bedroom door, checking for the steady sounds of him sleeping before sneaking in with his stocking containing a few presents for when he woke up.  Sophia was doing the same outside Eva’s door. As I crept up to his bed, looking at his angelic little face, almost black hair sticking out of the covers just a bit, I felt centred and certain about our decisions last month.

He and Eva were my family too now, not officially in law, but in practice they spent more time with me than with their Dad these days.  They were comfortable with me, even as an occasional disciplinarian not just a playmate. And that was enough for me and Sophia - if we added to the brood with a child of our own, then great; We weren’t making any efforts to stop a pregnancy  and we were both taking care of our health but we would not have any fertility interventions and would stop if  nothing had happened after a couple of years since Sophia was nearly 40.  We had both agreed that we didn’t want to push our luck too far with a risky pregnancy.

 She Said

My main memory of our first Christmas together was Keanu’s goofy grin that seemed to be permanently plastered on his face for the whole holidays.  It was there for all the special meals we shared, there when we all opened our gifts from him (purchased without PA help!) and there when he closed the bedroom door and came to make love to me each night, stifling the sounds of our passion from the kids with his kisses.

We were in a cocoon of love and tenderness - I knew work was on the horizon for him and that would change our rhythm again soon enough but for now, we could bask in each other’s love, enjoy the children together and carry a little spark of hope that I might be able to fall pregnant with his child before long.

Once the holidays were over, Keanu was back to developing John Wick 4 and starting a new programme of training.  We would have to endure some separation again once shooting started in April in New York but we were all decamping at the start to his apartment there since it would be the holidays then. We even had plans to decorate a bedroom each for the children so they would feel at home when we visited. I wanted them to feel safe and secure. It turned out that this was the one thing I couldn’t guarantee for them, now their mother was publicly dating a movie-star.

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @witty-wallflower @paperplanesandwallflowers @bitchyslut99 @ladyreapermc @toomanystoriessolittletime @fanficsrusz @keanuficfiles