#my severe time and energy restrictions sure don't help none either

[monster-noises]

RaaAAaAAuGh

I'm all Art Frustrated, not like Big frustrated when i tty and draw and it doesn't work and i get all Big Sad but just like.. Art Gumpy and i need to grumble about it

I've run into just.. A Number of challenges working on Lazarus's main portrait that are things i run into routinely every time i paint, they aren't like.. insurmountable problems but they're places where my knowledge and skill fall short and every time i have to throw up my hands and say

"welp guess this will just have to be what it currently is cause idk how to make this work how i want and i still got Several miles to go on this thing before it's done"

It's all fiddly weird stuff like.. figuring out how to make the monotone shading layer+overlay technique work the way i want it to, incorporating the linework into the painting to get a more shapey semi-lineless vibe to match my full lineless painting style but like.. Easier, making Meaty and/or wet things look the appropriate amount of shiny and wet, getting the right feel on a loose and messy lineless background(and hinestly just in my painting in general) where it isn't just muddy shapes but it's also not distracting harsh chunks of colour, and really pushing my poses and anatomy to keep things grounded but also feeling fluid elastic and animated(which sometimes comes naturally and sometimes just Won't Happen which is always bizarre and frustrating)..

They all come back to like 2 root causes :

1) learning is hard; from knowing how to find the Right resources, to being able to execute on what those resources are telling you, to being able to then apply that to different scenerios, and have the info stick and stay Understood it's....mmmmMM... the whole process is a nightmare that never works for me. (I go through this cycle all the time of trying to push myself to find teaching resources and try and Learn about what i want to do. often I'll ask around how other people learn/do things in case y'know i have been interpreting the method wrong or there's a better way for someone with my bad brain to do these things... But every Single time all the advice is stuff i already do or is stuff I know Of but can't use because i can't make that lateral leap from Theory -> Application and there's really no one out there tutorializing That step of the process, so I just... Put it away again until I forget what happens every time I do this and inevitably stumble into the same results...)

And 2) way waaaaaay back in highschool i trained myself/was trained in a method that like.. took "know your fundamentals" in a very literal way and was kinda pushed into focusing on making everything ""right"" but rules of realism rather that "right" by how i learned and what i wanted to achieve.

It did and continues to Righteously Fuck Me Up. (Knowing your fundamentals is true and important but there are different Ways to learn and understand the fundamentals that can be very specific to what you want to do and how you learn. Trying to elbow someone into a learning format that takes their art Away from what they want it to be is setting them up for long term issues and potentially loosing their passion, but that is perhaps its whole own other post. I see big proffesionals talk about this on twitter a lot and i get so ffffffrustrated because of my own experiences but i don't say anything because i don't want to Invite twitter users to casr their eyes upon me like that.)

And i'm just UGH so frustrated.. it's all these bitty little things that I know would make my art better but all I can seem to do about it is trundle around in the dark hitting my head against the walls until i either stick the landing through brute force and luck or sit down and give up where i stand.

Cjkdso idk i don't really have a point or concise ending statement to make here it's just really tough seeing so many little ways your art could actively be so much better and closer to what you want but those ideals remain juuuuuust out of reach because you have Brain Don't Work Disease and a rather controlling friend in highschool (_=<=)_ =3*sighs*

[la-luna-es-amor]

I've decided to share this reading in which I communicated with Dragon Spirits. A few things to note:

- Last night I was getting ready to do a reading for myself, just a quick card pull, when I had the feeling like some dragon spirits wanted to come through and communicate. I didn't physically sense or see anything, it was a mental signal if that makes any sense; I got the mental feeling that dragon spirits were signaling that they wanted to communicate which I've never experienced before until last night. I've always deeply loved dragons but I had the notion that it's disrespectful to reach out to them first so I never did.

- I always make sure to call in protection and to state who is and isn't allowed to join me when I open scared space before doing divination

- After I did my personal reading I expressed that I'll be offering to light a candle for the dragon spirits, this particular candle's wick is kinda dying so I hoped that it would stay burning and it did! It burned throughout the whole reading! Only after I completed the reading it when it started to fade and give out.

- I do want to point out that I also acknowledge the possibility that what came forward may not even have been dragons or a dragon spirit, so if this reading doesn't resonate with your personal knowledge on dragons based on your experiences then you're more than welcome to inform me.

The Reading:

These were some questions I wanted to know about working with Dragons. Keep in mind this reading isn't necessarily speaking on behalf of all Dragon Spirits, it's solely for the ones who were present during the reading. The reading is separated into three groups: Group 1 represents the first question, the Group 2 is for the second question, and Group 3 is for the third question.

Group 1

1. What is the Medicine that Dragons can provide?

6 of Water Reversed - "It does not serve us well to give in to the desire to inflict hurt just because we believe someone to be deserving of it. We may feel that we are justified, but what purpose does an act of spiteful retaliation serve but to make us less and perpetuate suffering. Anger used in this manner is rarely beneficial or healing. There are none who can remain untouched when cruelty is offered; both the person who inflicts it, and the person it is inflicted upon, will be marked by it." 

This is already a very powerful message, regardless of how one might feel about it if they disagree and have different beliefs. Dragons have been around for a very long time, have seen humanity go at one another for a very long time, and they've had to endure so much. They know how destructive anger can be. The medicine they can bring is to remind us of the power of walking away from situations and people that have hurt us, for ourselves, not because we're weak or we're showing that we've been bested but because we value ourselves and should prioritize our healing first instead of revenge. Revenge is something our egos tend to want when we've been wronged or severely hurt or don't get our way and we can benefit from learning a healthier manner of dealing with our anger and our egos.

 The Scribe - "The Scribe is the record-keeper, the keeper of all knowledge and information about past, present, and future. He is on a perpetual quest for knowledge, not just for his own benefit, but for all of mankind. He believes that record keeping is the cornerstone of civilisation, and without accurate records, the past has served no purpose. He is a man without intellectual bias or prejudice. He always offers knowledge from several perspectives and points of view. His knowledge is also feared by those who seek to control the information and knowledge he has amassed. With the knowledge he has, he can make or destroy nations; it is a power that inspires fear, but a power he would never use, because the machinations of man are of little importance to him."

The medicine Dragons can provide is the importance of documenting your life, recording memories, and writing things down so that you can have things to look back on but also I feel both this and the first cards are them wanting us to realize how ego driven we are and for us to not let our egos control the best of us. That we only prevent ourselves from stopping to see what really matter most because we waste our time by letting our egos lead our lives for us.

6 of Earth - The medicine Dragons can provide for us is the importance of responsibility and duty to our loved ones. They ask for us to be selfless and in service to those who are in need or dependant on us for love, care, and support. They want us to lead by example and they want us to remember our responsibility to both humanity and Earth to become the best person we can be, help whenever we can, share our knowledge whenever we can, and to remember how important it is that we understand that we share this planet and its resources, and each of us needs to do what we can to protect the animals, forests, and oceans.

Group 2

2. What is the Guidance that Dragons can provide for those who work with them?

9 of Air - They bring the guidance of how to connect with the Universal Consciousness, the guidance of understanding the importance of knowing yourself and your mind, of self awareness, understanding the beliefs and thoughts that limit and restrict you, learning how to allow your imagination and creativity to roam free, and learning about the power of belief and to be open minded. They also bring the guidance of remembering to not take their existence and the existence of multiple realities, dimensions, and spiritual beings for granted.

Love - They bring the guidance of understanding and appreciating love in all its possible forms and how important and powerful it is; they bring the guidance of understanding the importance of feeling gratitude and for love of life, and how beneficial it is for your growth and development to welcome in new experiences, new connections, and new lessons. 

4 of Air - They bring the guidance of the importance of maintaining structure, having some form of a daily routine, keeping organized, maintaining security, consistency, and discipline. They can teach those who work with them how to develop a better work ethic, how to be prepared for the unexpected, how to get better at time management, and how to break bad patterns and habits to be able to develop better ones.

Group 3

3. How do Dragon Spirits prefer people to work with them?

10 of Water - They want people to vibrate on a high frequency of love, empathy, kindness, and connectedness. They prefer a working union that is full of love, grace, self awareness, fully present in the moment, and a positive outlook on life. The Dragon Spirits that came through during this reading prefer to work with people who either already emotionally intelligent or that are willing to learn from the Dragons how to quiet the mind and better control their emotions as well as want to improve themselves and become more compassionate, kind, and elevate their energy to one that feels healing and comforting for others to be around.