#my sed rate highest it's ever been including when i was in organ failure dying
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...realizing that my chinchilla is more loving, caring, and protective of me than any member of my human family
#.you guys i want to tell you everything so badly#iwant to tell the whole story#of what's going on#my life is insane and I'm facing this giant mountain I'm unable to cross unable to move#it's so complicated i hate that i can't give you the context yet#ugh nvm i just deleted a bunch more i wrote that just#like i can't say anything until i can say everything. .u know?#I'm so sick. I'm already chronically ill and in severe chronic pain that's had me bedridden since treatment was taken away 2yrs ago#a whole crazy story in itself omg the poor CPP community that's a whole thing#but I'm chronically ill and flaring horribly bc of not being able to get my infusion now since Nov. ..I'm supposed to get it every month#anyone w crohns disease at least tell me u understand what that alone I'm going thru with a massive flare#my sed rate highest it's ever been including when i was in organ failure dying#but on top of that i got this virus and I'm so weak and sick and that's s whole thing too in itself toi but holy hell like#I've also have been in isolation like legit locked in a small room for the majority of the past 5 years yall so 2 weeks ain't nothing like#call me rapunzel but like that's plus severe harassment and abuse that i can't go into yet but this is stuff that#I've been detailing to Taylor in dm#and now like it it's just REALLY bad like there's another element on top of my illness/disability that's really bad and scary and stressful#and it's grown so big i can't fight it on my own i need major backup and like. that's why i wanted Taylor like she's the one who will#understand it all the most and ugh so much i can't explain yet but i will. ..I'll post my whole story and what i wrote her at some point#pending i survive that is but#like I'm also reached out to my reps and trying really hard to get in contact with my gov it's#this is big and horrible timing and i just#I'm a shy introvert who was always independent and i like to help and heal others i never ever want to be a burden on anyone#i want the opposite so i literally never ask for help i ask who can i help how can i help others u know#but like now I'm at a place. .I'm just. I'm so. so. weak. i can't fight anymore I'm so tired and so sick and so stressed#the panic attacks are nonstop and crippling and i keep getting migraines and that's on top of the other stuff and i just#idk what to do i really need help like BIG help like Taylor size help army size help idk i just#I'm sorry u guys. I'm screaming into the void again. i don't mean to be like#i don't even know the words but just like. if u misunderstand &feel like u wanna send me more anon hate bc u don't get what's going on#just pls don't like i dint need that extra shit right now I'm just.
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