#my ryan card makes me so happy

[starkwlkr]

happy life, happy wife | hugh jackman

an: “you attract what you fear” GUYS IM SO SCARED OF A 55 YEAR OLD AUSTRALIAN 😭 definitely thinking about making marvel actress!reader x hugh an actual series… i have ideas

marvel actress!reader

Deadpool & Wolverine Press tour - Hot Ones

Hugh felt like he was going to die. Each wing was getting hotter and hotter, but immediately when he heard his wife’s name he forgot all about the spice.

“Hugh, your wife is part of the Avengers, how does it feel having your wife be part of such a huge franchise? Have you two talked about a potential team up with the X-men and the Avengers?” Sean asked.

“My wife . . . Oh god, I think I’m crying-”

“I can’t tell if you’re legitimately dying or completely in love with your wife.” Ryan told Hugh.

“Wait . . I am completely in love with my wife and I would legitimately die for her.” Hugh gasped as he rearranged Ryan’s words.

“Is that in the contract she made you sign when you married her? ‘I vow to die for you’. My contract said I had to give all my money to my kids and wife.” Ryan said.

“No, she’s amazing, um, if I start talking about her I think I might go on for hours,” he laughed. “Our kids do want to see their parents fighting the bad guys together. We would love to team up, maybe it could happen.” Hugh smiled.

“The entire movie would be them making out and her beating the shit out of you. I’d pay to see that.” Ryan added.

•••

Comic Con 2024

Like RDJ, your last Marvel movie had been Avengers: Endgame. After being in ten mcu films, it was time to say goodbye to your character.

But that was in 2019.

At this years comic con, you were back. The cast of Deadpool & Wolverine had taken the stage and showed their appreciation for the fans. After their panel, it was time to announce Marvel’s upcoming projects. Kevin Feige announced the Fantastic Four, Thunderbolts, Captain America 4, and finally the new Avengers movies, which everyone was extremely excited about.

After showing the title card for the upcoming Avengers film, Kevin turned to the audience.

“Something people have been asking, as of late, is who the heck is going to direct these two movies?” The audience clapped.

From the side of the stage, you were nervous. What if the fans didn’t like the idea of you directing the next two Avengers films? Your worrying caused Hugh to come to your rescue.

“Hey, they loved you as an Avenger, they will love you even more.” Hugh kissed your forehead. “If anyone says anything about this decision, they have me to deal with.”

You laughed at his words. “I really love you so much.”

“Love you too, bub.” Hugh was about to kiss you when Ryan cut in.

“I really love us too. I convinced half of the people here that we’re a throuple.” He said in the most serious tone ever.

Kevin announced you as the director. Your doubt of the fans not liking the announcement was proven wrong when you walked the stairs to the stage and stood next to Kevin. They cheered when they saw you were back.

As you said a few words, thanking Marvel, Kevin and the fans, you were being recorded by Hugh, who was being recorded by Ryan.

“That’s my wife!” Hugh cheered from backstage, holding his phone in his hand.

“She’s Marvel Jesus now, holy shit!”

•••

WIRED autocomplete interview

“Is Hugh Jackman married?”

“Yes, to me, Y/n, probably to half the population,” Ryan answered. “He’s Australia’s biggest slut.”

“All the times, I proposed.” Hugh laughed. “But yes, I am married and I love my wife very much. She’s stuck with me forever.” He lifted his hand to show off the wedding band.

“Funny, because she texted me right now. Her and Blake are in the courthouse getting married. So Deadpool three was actually made so our wives could divorce us and marry each other.”

[corroded-hellfire]

As You Wish - Eddie Munson x Reader, Part 10

Written with the help of my beloved @munson-blurbs

Summary: The time comes for the first custody hearing between Eddie and his estranged wife. You do your best to be there for both him and his sons.

Note: I do not know the ins and outs of the legal system, so I did my best when it came to the court scene

Warnings: mentions of bad parents, Brittany, slut shaming, i think that's it?

Words: 9.5k

[As You Wish masterlist]

There’s just over a week to go until the first court date and you can tell your boyfriend is on edge. Every time he sees the boys, he’s overly cheerful. You know he’s trying to make it seem like nothing is wrong, but the kids aren’t dumb. They see right through the forced happiness, even confiding in you after school one day about how weird they think Eddie is being. That night you pull him to the side to relay that message—but in much nicer terms.

Since that discussion, Eddie’s been more himself. He still forces himself to be more upbeat around the boys, but that’s more of wanting them to be around positivity and as much light as possible while they continue to struggle with the thought of two separate homes. 

Once the boys are in bed, or are at the house with Brittany, you take advantage of the time alone with your boyfriend. He’s stressed beyond belief, and you want to make damn sure that he knows you’re here for him in whatever way he needs. 

Evenings usually start with dinner, then a movie on the couch, but end up with Eddie’s head on your lap and you play with his hair as he gets things off his mind. Sometimes you just listen, sometimes you speak your mind in reply. 

“I know I’m the better parent,” he tells you one night a few days before the trial. “But I also know that courts usually rule in the mom’s favor. And what if…what if the boys don’t want to be with me most of the time?”

“Why on earth wouldn’t they want that?” you ask. “You know you’re their favorite. Because you are the better parent.”

Eddie squeezes your hand gently where they rest entwined on his chest. 

“I know. But home is familiar to them. It’s the only home Luke has ever known and the only one Ryan remembers. There are memories there, their old rooms are there, their favorite toys. It’s safe and comforting.”

“Do you think it’s going to feel that way with just Brittany around?” you ask in response. “Also, I think you have a double-edged sword there.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you said that the boys have memories there.” With your free hand you gently boop the tip of Eddie’s nose with your index finger. “I’m sure there are memories from that house that the boys would rather forget. Yeah, there are memories of Christmases and birthday parties, but there are also memories of Brittany screaming at them for no reason. Or of times when their mom was supposed to come home for whatever reason, like dinner or a special occasion, but she was late as usual. Here, Ryan and Luke won’t look at the front door and think of all the times they stared at it, waiting for it to open with their mother on the other side. The walls here don’t hold disappointments like the ones at the house do.”

Eddie gazes up at you with those big doe eyes and a charmingly crooked smile.

“My college girl is so smart,” he says softly.

You chuckle in reply and bring a hand up to his hair. Gently, you scratch your nails against his scalp. Eddie hums in appreciation and turns on his side so his face is buried in your belly. He mumbles against the material of your shirt, but you can’t make out what he said.

“What?”

He pulls away just enough for you to hear him.

“I’m scared.” His voice is low, and he keeps eyes on your midsection. 

He’s never said that to you before. You frown as you gently card your fingers through his bangs.

“Of what?” you ask softly. 

Eddie shrugs and you move your hand to cup the side of his face, your thumb gently brushing over his left cheekbone. It feels like the entire apartment complex has gone silent, not a sound to be heard except your breathing. 

“A lot,” he finally admits. “Messing up in court and not getting to see my boys anymore. Brittany lying so viciously that I don’t get to see them anymore. Them deciding they don’t want to stay with me. Putting them in the middle of this and it messing with their heads. Of Brittany trying to turn them against me.” He pauses and chews on his bottom lip, and you know there’s something else that he doesn’t want to say. You don’t want to push him, but you also want to make sure he knows that he can confide in you. 

“What, sweetheart? You know you can tell me anything.”

He sighs and rolls onto his back. You watch the reflection of the ceiling fan spin round and round in his dark misty eyes. After a minute of silence, Eddie reaches up and takes one of your hands in his. He presses a kiss to the back of it before he holds it in his own and rests them on his chest.

“I know I can,” he says. “But I know you. And if I tell you that I’m worried that you’re somehow going to get hurt during all of this, you’re just going to tell me not to worry about you. Which, I don’t know if you know this or not, doesn’t really work.”

It's another double-edged sword, that he knows this about you. Because, on the one hand, it feels really good to be known so well and loved so deeply by him. But on the other hand, now you can’t use that reasoning with him, which doesn’t give you much of a leg to stand on. Instead, you come up with another question.

“How do you think I’m going to get hurt?”

A long inhale puffs up Eddie’s chest before a heavy sigh deflates it. 

“I’m worried someone is going to say something dumb on accident. Me or the boys. Or Brittany, only it wouldn’t be an accident. I’d rather you not be near us while all of this is going on, really. But I’m too selfish for that. I need you here with me.” He brings your joined hands up to his lips and presses a few kisses against your knuckles. “You keep me sane when the rest of the world is trying to throw me off my rocker.”

“Eddie, my love,” you begin, “it’s very sweet that you’re thinking about me but I’m not some delicate little flower that will crumble at an unintentionally—or intentionally, in her case—unkind thing that’s said while you’re all going through this. It’s insanely stressful, which can wear down patience sometimes. But I know you love me. I know the boys love me. The three of you would never say something to try and hurt me on purpose. And Brittany? Well, I don’t give a rat’s ass about what she says to me—or about me.”

A small smile grows on Eddie’s face, and you’re relaxed by the sight. He licks over his lips before he speaks.

“You be my rock now, and I promise to be yours from now on. Whenever you need me.”

“Oh, I don’t know if you know what you’re signing up for there, buddy,” you say with a chuckle. 

“You somehow deal with me, a genius little boy who is always rattling off things that he’s learned, a little hellion tornado of a boy, and did I mention me? Princess, if you can handle the three of us, the three of us can be there for you with no problem.”

You gaze down at him with a fond smile on your lips. 

“I feel super honored that you trust me enough to open up,” you tell him in a voice close to a whisper. “I know how lucky I am.”

“I open up to you because I feel safe with you,” he tells you. “It’s weird, I never… This is a new kind of safety for me. Finding safety in another person. I didn’t know this kind of thing existed.”

“Me neither, honestly,” you admit. “It’s a deeper level of trust than I’ve ever had before.” 

“I thank God just about every damn day that you came into my life. And the boys’ lives.”

“Oh, Mr. Religious all of a sudden?” you tease, leaning down so your face is hovering over his.

“Hey,” Eddie says with a chuckle, “I’ll thank whatever being in whatever realm or universe that had us cross paths.”

“Maybe it was aliens,” you joke, widening your eyes in alarm.  

“Then I’ll learn how to thank them in Klingon.”

Your nose wrinkles up, and Eddie thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

“Do aliens speak Klingon? Does Spock speak it? Is Spock even an alien?” you ask. 

“Ah, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but my nerd knowledge doesn’t reach quite that far. You’ll just have to be content with me knowing an inordinate amount about D&D creatures.”

You shrug, pretending to consider it.

“I guess I can live with that.”

The long-awaited Monday has finally arrived, and it fills everyone with nerves. Eddie took the whole day off from work, so he takes his time making the boys breakfast and getting them ready for school. 

As the two boys take their seats at the table, Eddie notices Ryan acting a bit more withdrawn than usual. Luke is his usual self, shoving spoonfuls of Lucky Charms into his mouth while his short legs swing back and forth beneath the table. Ryan is older and the more sensitive of the two, so Eddie isn’t surprised that he has the better sense of what will be happening today. 

“Whatcha gonna be working on today in school?” Eddie asks his oldest as he plops down between his boys at the table, a full bowl of cornflakes thudding on the table in front of him.

“Oh, uh,” Ryan starts, looking down into his bowl as his spoon stirs marshmallow pieces around, leaving streaks of blue, pink, and green throughout the milk. “We’re reading about Sacagawea.” 

“Ah, alright,” Eddie says between bites of cereal. “She was a pretty cool lady, huh?”

Ryan nods and scoops some oat pieces onto his spoon.

“Who’s Sar…Sarcas…Sarcophagus?” Luke asks through a mouthful of cereal. 

“Sacagawea,” Eddie corrects him with a soft chuckle. “Go ahead, Ry. Tell us what you’ve learned so far.”

“Uh, okay.” He sounds less than thrilled. But when the second grader starts to talk about something interesting he’s learning, he gets excited. “She was a Native American. And she went with Lewis and Clark to explore the west.”

“What makes her so cool?” Luke asks, shoveling in another spoonful.

“She did the whole thing with her newborn baby strapped to her,” Eddie replies.

“And she was only sixteen,” Ryan adds.

“Really?” Eddie raises his eyebrows. “Wow. I didn’t know that.”

“She was a mommy at sixteen?”

Eddie thinks Luke’s eyes are going to pop out of his skull. 

“People had babies earlier back then,” Ryan answers, much to Eddie’s relief. He also notices the improvement in Ryan’s mood now that his brain has something else to focus on. 

The more pleasant atmosphere keeps up while the boys get dressed and Eddie packs their lunches. It does feel weird to put on a suit instead of his normal t-shirt and jeans, though. 

“You look funny,” Luke says as his eyes scan over his father’s gray slacks and matching blazer. 

“What else is new?” Eddie jokes, trying to keep the mood light. The white dress shirt tucked into his pants is an odd feeling and all Eddie can focus on is wanting to yank it free.

“Where’s your tie, Mr. Fancy Pants?” Ryan asks as he grabs his lunch off the counter.

Eddie stalls in his movements before turning to face his oldest son.

“Should I wear one?” He feels silly for asking the seven-year-old, but he feels self-conscious now that Ryan pointed it out. 

“I dunno,” Ryan answers with a shrug. “I just thought you’d wear one.”

The first real tick of nervousness hits Eddie now. It irks him that it’s not even about court itself, but whether or not he should wear a tie. He sighs and goes to grab one of the few ties he owns from his dresser. You’ll know if he should wear it or not. 

Instead of waiting for the bus, Eddie says he’s going to drive the kids to school since he has the time. He doesn’t have to be in court until this afternoon and he’s meeting you for coffee after your first class. 

It’s a nice mellow morning and it continues to get better when they’re all loaded up in the truck and Luke turns on the radio. 

“Ah, this song!” The six-year-old’s face lights up and he bops his head along to the beat. “It’s my favorite part!”

Both Ryan and Eddie join in to sing:

Chickity China, the Chinese chicken

You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' 

Eddie turns the volume up as the truck approaches a red light. Once they’re completely stopped, Eddie thrashes his head back and forth, headbanging to the song that’s taken over the airwaves. Ryan and Luke both giggle, watching their father’s frizzy curls go flying all around, before joining in and headbanging to “One Week” as well.

The light turns green and Eddie resumes driving responsibly, but that doesn’t mean his boys have to stop headbanging.

It's been one week since you looked at me

Dropped your arms to the sides and said, "I'm sorry"

Five days since I laughed at you and said

"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do.”

Ryan finishes singing out the song while Luke flails his curls around for the remainder of it. It’s perfect timing, as Eddie is pulling into the drop-off lane at school just as the song ends. 

“I’ll see you squirts later, alright? Have a good day at school.”

“Bye, Daddy!” Luke gives Eddie a quick side hug before climbing over his older brother to get out of the car.

“What time are you going to be home?” Ryan asks.

“I’m not sure,” Eddie tells him honestly. “But I’ll definitely be home in time for dinner.”

The boy nods, placated by this answer. He leans in and wraps his arms as far as he can around his dad’s torso.

“I love you,” Ryan says. 

“I love you, too.” Eddie rubs his hand over his son’s back, trying to convey so many thoughts and emotions in the one touch. 

It’s going to be okay.

I’ll see you soon.

I’ll never stop fighting for you.

The moment Eddie sees you tucked away into the corner booth at the small cafe on campus, he feels lighter. Simply being in your presence is enough to melt Eddie’s stresses away. Instead of sitting down across the table from you, Eddie decides to slide into the same booth you’re sitting at and instantly wraps his arms around your waist.

Without looking up from the book you’re reading for your Renaissance Literature class, you say, “If you’re going to feel me up you better hurry, because my boyfriend is on his way.”

“This boyfriend of yours is very lucky,” Eddie murmurs as he leans in to press a kiss to the side of your neck. 

“He is. Especially because I ordered his coffee just the way he likes it.” You shut your book and slide a white paper cup tucked into a brown cardboard sleeve in front of him. 

“You taste better,” he mumbles, pressing another kiss just below your ear.

The feel of his warm breath dancing across your skin coupled with his sultry words sends a shiver down your spine. Eddie notices the little tremor that passes through your body and pulls back with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. 

“Drink your coffee,” you say, trying to will the heat away from your face as you put your book away. The last thing Eddie needs is to be late to court because you can’t keep your legs closed when it comes to him. 

That statement is especially true when you turn and get your first real look at your boyfriend. You’ve never seen him in a suit before and the urge to drag him into the back of your car grows even stronger. 

“Damn, you look good,” you say softly, leaning forward to run your hands over the material of the blazer. 

Eddie does his best to ignore the way your eyes darken and how you bite your lip—but it’s tough. Maybe this suit isn’t so bad after all. 

“Oh,” Eddie says as he remembers the rolled-up tie in his pocket. He fishes it out and holds it up for you to see. “I wasn’t sure if I should wear this or not.”

Your eyes take in the dark red tie, then look back over Eddie’s ensemble. 

“I say yes. It’ll add a nice pop of color, as well.” 

Eddie flips up his collar and slips the tie around his neck. You watch as his deft, guitar-playing fingers fiddle with it until it’s properly knotted. 

“Do you think I should put my hair back?” Eddie asks.

Opposing emotions fight for dominance in your body. One side is getting worked up because he already looks drop dead gorgeous and now he wants to put his hair back in a bun? Is he trying to kill you? But the other side hears the slight shake in his voice and breaks because this poor man is so nervous and unsure. Never more have you wished for a magic wand to wave and make all his problems go away. 

“Want me to tie it back for you, sweetie?”

He nods and you can see a minuscule amount of relief in his eyes. It’s no secret that he loves your hands in his hair, and it always calms him when you play with it. Though you don’t have time for that, you make sure to gently brush his hair back from his face with your fingers before securing it at the base of his neck. 

When he turns back around to face you, he lets out a sigh that has his shoulders sagging.

“I don’t want to go,” he admits quietly. 

“I know.” You reach up and gently cup the side of his face. “But everything is going to be okay. You’re going to tell the judge the truth and he’ll see that you’re the all-around better parent. And I’ll pick up the boys from school like usual and distract them to keep their minds off of what’s happening today. Even if I need to use puppies and candy to do it.”

Eddie lets out a soft chuckle and shakes his head.

“Great. Now I get to worry about coming home to a hopped-up Luke begging me to keep a dog.”

You smile at him and lean forward to gently peck his lips.

“You’ve got this, Eddie.”

He takes a deep breath and nods his head.

“I got this.”

Everything echoes. That’s Eddie’s first thought as he steps inside the courthouse. Every footstep, every cough, every conversation bounces off the walls and reverberates in the hollow space of the atrium. Brown eyes take in the gray marble that seems to cover every surface. Towards a hallway to the left, Eddie spots his attorney, which relaxes him and kicks up his nerves at the same time.

“Hey, Carl,” Eddie greets as he approaches the man. He can’t help but notice that his lawyer’s suit looks infinitely more expensive than his own. It makes sense though, given that the man practically gets paid by the hour what Eddie makes in a day.

“How are you, Mr. Munson?” Carl asks as he offers his hand.

Eddie’s told him several times to call him by his first name, but it always reverts back to the more formal. It makes Eddie feel old, though. When he hears “Mr. Munson” he either thinks someone is talking about Wayne or has flashbacks to Ms. O’Donnell scolding him in high school.

“Doing alright,” Eddie replies, but his shaky tone conveys that it’s less than true. 

“Ah, it’s going to be okay,” Carl says, gesturing for Eddie to follow him down a long hallway. “I’ve been in front of Judge Rogers plenty of times and he’s a fair guy. One of the better ones we could’ve asked for.”

Eddie nods his head and takes a deep breath as Carl comes to a stop in front of a set of mahogany double doors. The air in the courtroom is stifling, invading all of his senses. It only gets worse when he takes his seat next to his lawyer. 

Sweat beads at the nape of his neck, and it takes all of his willpower not to yank off his tie right then and there. His slacks—a far cry from his usual cotton coveralls or denim jeans—itch his legs. His dress shoes are laced too tight, squeezing his toes until he feels his pulse in his feet. 

I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this. 

Negativity floods every pore. Eddie shuts his eyes, steadying his breathing with reminders of who this is all for. In—Ryan. Out—Luke. 

Happiness. Peace. Love. Family. 

The room is silent, save for the gentle ticking of the clock on the wall. The secondhand glides past the twelve, signaling that it is now officially one o’clock. Time to begin. A glance at the other side of the courtroom shows that there is no other parent of Ryan and Luke present. 

The mahogany doors open once more and Eddie looks over his shoulder, expecting to see his soon-to-be ex-wife. But the only person walking down to the front of the room is another lawyer, by the looks of his suit. Brittany’s lawyer, presumably. He’s taller and younger than Carl, but Eddie just tells himself that means Carl has more experience on his side.

A heavy door behind the judge’s stand swings open on squeaking hinges and a bailiff steps out, the judge following right behind him.

“All rise,” the bailiff says. There are only three others in the room, so Eddie, Carl, and the third attorney stand as the judge takes his seat. 

“So, we’ve got Eddie Munson, correct?” Judge Rogers looks down at a few pieces of paperwork set in front of him before looking over the top of his bifocals at Eddie. 

“Yes, Your Honor.”

“And it looks like Brittany Munson is not here.” Judge Rogers looks up at the other lawyer for confirmation.

“Um, no Your Honor, I—”

A large bang covers up his next words as the double doors are shoved open. This time when Eddie looks over his shoulder, it is Brittany hurrying into the room. Her usually impeccably styled hair is a little askew. It’s all pulled up into a bun on the back of her head, that she sometimes wears to work. Her outfit is also one of the many skirt and blazer sets that are part of her repertoire for her job at the bank. 

Eddie glances at the clock on the wall again. Maybe this was her lunch break and there was traffic. But as Brittany gets closer, Eddie notices her blouse. It’s a silky pale blue that she’s worn a hundred times, but that’s not what catches his eye. It’s the fact that the blouse is not buttoned up correctly. She either missed a hole or there’s a button not tucked into where it’s supposed to be. 

A low disbelieving chuckle tumbles from Eddie’s mouth at this all-too-common occurrence he became acquainted with during their marriage. The unkempt hair, the disheveled clothes, and the way her face is slightly flushed, and her breathing is a little faster than usual tells Eddie exactly why Brittany is late, and it has nothing to do with work. Unless it was one of her co-workers she was fucking. Hell, Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if she was fucking her lawyer. 

“Nice of you to join us, Mrs. Munson,” the judge grumbles as Brittany takes her spot next to her lawyer.

Ugh, did he have to call her Mrs. Munson? Eddie internally gripes.

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” Brittany says as she tries to smooth back some loose strands of hair. She offers no explanation or excuse for where she’s been, and Eddie thinks that’s for the better. 

“Alright.” Judge Rogers clears his throat before he smacks his gavel down. “Let’s begin.”

After school today it’s just you, Ryan, and Luke. Karen Wheeler came to pick up the Harrington kids and take them back to her place so your focus could be on the Munson boys. 

Neither brother has said anything about their parents being at court today by the time you get back to Eddie’s apartment, and if they’re not going to bring it up, neither are you. You prepare them a snack while they sit at the kitchen table, starting on their homework. 

It’s not long before the apple slices and peanut butter have disappeared, and the homework has been finished. Luke shoves his work folder back into his book bag and wanders off for a moment before returning with crayons and a small stack of paper. While he’s rummaging through the crayon box, Ryan reaches over and plucks the piece of paper on top of the pile. Instead of reaching over to use some of his little brother’s crayons, Ryan picks up the pencil he used for his homework and presses the tip of it onto the top of the sheet of paper.

“Whatcha doing, Ry?” you ask as you dry off their snack plate that you just washed. 

“Um…” Ryan chews on his lip for a moment before looking up at you. “I wanna write a letter. Actually, can you help me?”

“Of course.” You put the plate away and make your way over to the table. The chair next to the seven-year-old scrapes against the floor as you pull it out to sit. “Who is the letter for?”

The little boy bites at his lip again and it makes you frown. This isn’t a usual habit of his. He avoids your eyes as he looks down at the blank paper, nerves radiating off of his small frame. 

“The judge at court,” he finally says. 

“Oh.” You clear your throat after realizing your pitch was too high. “What do you want to say?”

Ryan sighs and taps the point of the pencil against the paper.

“I don’t like that I can’t go with Daddy and tell the judge how I feel. They’re talking about me and Luke, but Daddy said they might not ask us what we want. I don’t like that.”

The words crack your heart. He feels like he has no control over the situation. and the sad fact is that you can’t tell him that he’s wrong. The court might not ask Ryan and Luke who they want to live with. But Ryan’s determination to have his voice be heard is a testament to how Eddie’s raising him. 

“I’m proud of you,” you tell him, reaching up to move some of his hair off of his forehead. “I know this isn’t easy.”

“I also don’t wanna be there cause I’d be scared,” Ryan admits quietly. 

“That makes complete sense, sweetheart. I think most adults even get nervous in court. I know I would be. Daddy doesn’t like it either. But he would do it over and over again for you both. He’d do anything for you.”

“I know,” he says confidently. 

“Good.” 

Luke’s crayons scratch against his paper, and you look over at him. He’s hunched over the table with his small tongue poking out as the green crayon moves back and forth against the page. He doesn’t seem stressed like his older brother is. You hope that’s really the case though, and he’s not hiding or internalizing his feelings. 

“So,” you say with a sigh, turning to Ryan again, “how do you want to start the letter?”

So far, the hearing isn’t as bad as Eddie thought. For some reason he thought he’d be tripping over his words, not sure how to answer the questions asked of him. But even though it is nerve wracking, it’s pretty easy; all Eddie has to do is tell the truth.

“What is the living situation of the children?” the judge asks.

“They live with me in the house,” Brittany is quick to answer. “Eddie sees them after school sometimes, or on the weekend.”

“I just moved to a new apartment,” Eddie says once Brittany has finished. “And the boys are almost done setting up their rooms the way they like. So, I’ll start having them overnights as well.”

“No, I don’t want that.”

Brittany’s lawyer leans in to whisper something in her ear after the outburst. 

Judge Rogers scribbles something down before moving on to the next question. 

“How are each of you involved in their daily life?”

“I’m very involved,” Eddie makes sure to answer first. “I’m the one who makes them breakfast, moves them along to get ready for school, and gets them out on the bus. I know their favorite toys, games, shows, movies. You name it, I know it. They feel comfortable telling me anything because they know I’m always there for them.”

“He’s also very involved with the babysitter,” Brittany adds.

Eddie’s vision goes red. His hands tighten into fists beneath the table, and he does his best to breathe through his anger. 

Brittany doesn't attempt to add anything further, which Eddie realizes is because there’s nothing much she can contribute. She doesn’t know anything about her own sons and has virtually no part in their everyday routines. 

When the judge realizes there’s nothing else coming from Brittany, he moves on.

“That brings me to my next question, then,” he says. “What third parties are involved in their care?”

“My uncle, who is grandpa to the kids, will watch them sometimes,” Eddie says. “They like to go over and spend the night at his place a lot during the summer because they like to make s’mores over the fire pit. And there’s my best friends, Steve and Nancy, whose kids are best friends with my boys. So, they spend a lot of time there. And my, um, their babysitter. She picks them up from school every day and watches them until either I or Brittany come home from work.”

A witch’s cackle comes from the other side of the courtroom. Fitting, for who it’s coming from. 

“That ‘babysitter’ is the whole reason why we’re in this mess! She’s a little homewrecker who seduced my husband and now they’re shacking up together with my kids there.”

If Eddie thought he was mad before, now he’s in danger of turning into the Hulk. Brittany dares to call you a homewrecker when she’s the one who has been cheating for most of their marriage? When she’s the one who has skipped out on countless family events just to go fuck some other guy? The fact that she even had the audacity to entertain the thought that she might have the higher ground? Eddie’s surprised flames aren’t shooting out of his ears. 

“That isn’t true, Your Honor.” Eddie is doing his best to sound calm, but there’s a noticeable edge to his voice. “I mean, yes, I am involved with the babysitter, but the rest of what she said is a lie.”

Judge Rogers takes his bifocals off and sets them down on the desk in front of him. “Care to elaborate?”

“First of all, this divorce was a long time coming. I don’t mean to get crude, Your Honor, but Brittany has stepped out with countless men while we were married. It was lie after lie, but I knew the truth. And I was relieved when it was very obvious my sons are mine. That is what led us here today.”

“So, did you leave your wife for this babysitter? And are you living together?” Judge Rogers puts his glasses back on and makes another note. 

“No, Your Honor,” Eddie says with a shake of his head. “To be perfectly honest, I was at a place of not caring that I was constantly being lied to and cheated on anymore. I became numb and just went through the motions of my life. I didn’t want to break up my boys’ family, so I did nothing. But when I met her—the babysitter, she helped me realize that I deserve better. In my opinion, I was a great husband. I did my best and stuck it out. But it became clear that the atmosphere in the house was too hostile for the boys. I’d rather them have two peaceful homes than one painful one.” Eddie pauses and licks over his lips before continuing. “I briefly stayed with the babysitter while I went through the process of getting my apartment, but the boys never stayed the night there. And the babysitter continues to live in her apartment and I in mine.”

“How do the boys feel about this babysitter?” Judge Rogers asks as he keeps writing. Eddie can’t help but wonder what he’s taking down.

“They love her. In fact, they tried to set her and I up.”

Brittany scoffs but says nothing. Eddie refuses to look in her direction and keeps his focus on the judge. 

Talking about you was relieving. Honestly, a part of Eddie had been afraid that he wouldn’t come off looking good if you got brought up. But he now sees how ridiculous that is, because in the reality of everything, Brittany has no leg to stand on whatsoever when it comes to you. 

“This is a vacation with me and my best buddy.”

“Donald Duck?”

“No, silly, with you!”

A knock on the apartment door distracts you from A Goofy Movie, and you push yourself up off the couch, leaving a gap between the boys as you head to open it. 

Wayne stands on the other side, his hands shoved into the front pockets of his rugged jeans. 

“Hey, darlin’,” he greets.

“Hey, Wayne. Come on in.” You move to the side so the older man can step inside. 

“How they doing?” Wayne asks quietly, nodding his head towards the boys on the couch.

“I think they’re doing alright,” you tell him as you close the door, making sure to keep your voice low as well. “Ryan wanted to write a letter to the judge before. So, we did that, and I think it let him get some of his emotions out. Luke seems like his usual self. I’m just worried he’s bottling it all up.”

Wayne nods his head and lets out a small sigh.

“And how are you doing?” he asks. 

The question catches you off guard. Honestly, you haven’t been thinking about how you’re feeling today. Your focus has been on Eddie and the boys and trying to make things as painless as possible for them. 

“I’m…okay,” you say. “More worried about Eddie and the boys. It affects them more so than me.”

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you, hon,” Wayne replies quickly. “You’re part of this family.”

His words cause you to choke on your emotions. He considers you family. He sees that you’re in this for the long haul and that you really do love and care for all of them. 

You force yourself to swallow and take a deep breath. It’s like Wayne’s words also gave you permission to feel your feelings about this whole ordeal. The front you had been putting up for Eddie and the boys was up so consistently that a part of you forgot that you had your own fears and worries deep down. Now, with the turn of a key, they all flood your head, dizzying you as you hold onto the back of a kitchen chair for balance.

“How can I support him?” you ask, voice soft and wobbly. “What if I somehow make him feel worse?”

Wayne’s eyebrows raise as he looks at you. Luke lets out a chuckle over where he’s watching the movie on the couch still, so Wayne gestures for you to follow him into the kitchen. 

“Darlin’, I don’t think you could do anything but make Ed feel better. You seen the way he lights up when you walk in a room? All you gotta do is be there for him. Ask him how he is. Listen to him. Nothing special, just what you’ve been doing for him all along.” 

“Well, that’s easy,” you say.

Wayne smiles and you tilt your head in question.

“It might seem a simple thing to you…but Ed ain’t had that kind of support in a relationship before. He ain’t been able to open up and talk freely. I remember he learned real quick to keep how he was feeling to himself when he started dating her. It broke me, but what could I do? He was dumb and in love. If I said anything ‘bout it, I would’ve lost my relationship with him and I wasn’t about to do that. But, hell, I saw him be open and comfortable with you practically from day one. You’ve always been willing to lend an ear and somethin’ inside of him picked up on that right away. Hon, by just being his friend you gave him more than his own wife did. It’s just who you are. And it’s part of why everyone in this home loves you so much.”

It’s impossible to see Wayne clearly through the tears that have pooled in your eyes. You refuse to let them fall, not wanting the boys to see even a hint of a tear track on your face. But your heart is so full it feels like it could burst. Somehow Wayne always knows the right thing to say. You’ve been grateful from the start that the man took Eddie in after everything went to hell with his parents, but it’s so obvious that was the best thing for Eddie for a myriad of reasons. No one could have raised him better or taken care of him more. 

“Thank you, Wayne.”

“It’s nothing, darlin’,” he says with a shake of his head. “I should be thanking you. For loving my boy the way he’s always deserved. All my boys.” He looks over to the couch where Ryan is sound asleep, and Luke looks to be in a losing battle with the sandman himself. 

“That’s something you never have to thank me for,” you tell him. “It’s the greatest pleasure of my life.”

As many times as Eddie got in trouble as a kid, he’s never been interrogated by the police before. Never had one of those moments you see on television where someone sits in an uncomfortable metal chair as a light shines in their face bright enough to burn their retinas. But sitting here, answering question after question for the judge, starts to feel like an interrogation after a while. Eddie could talk about his boys all day and night, but this was mostly talking about himself when it comes to the boys. He’s starting to feel over it all. But he keeps pressing through, always thinking of those two sweet faces at home anytime he wants to throw in the towel. 

“What are each parent’s plans for housing and stability loving forward?” Judge Rogers asks.

“I’m in the house,” Brittany reiterates, a smug tinge to her words. “With the yard and the pool.”

“Will you be able to remain there with solely your income?” The judge follows up.

Brittany’s mouth opens but no sound comes out. It tickles Eddie, but he manages to keep the smile off his face as he looks across the room at his ex. 

“I, u-um…” Brittany stutters. 

She’s got nothing, Eddie realizes. He knows her finances very well, having shared bills with her for the last decade. The mortgage took up most of their combined incomes every month, so Eddie knows there’s no way she can afford to stay there without him. 

“I’ll be able to remain there for a time,” Brittany finally says. “I’ll find a way to make it work.”

Eddie has to dig his fingernails into the palm of his hand, leaving little crescent moon shapes behind, so he doesn’t burst out laughing. Brittany’s not going to get a second job. She hates the first one enough as it is. All Eddie can think of “making it work” meaning is finding a sugar daddy, winning the lottery, robbing the bank she works at, or maybe borrowing money from her parents. Or a worst case scenario would be Brittany’s sister Sandy and her bratty kids moving in with her. 

“Mr. Munson?”

“As I’ve said, I have a new apartment. It’s now all fully furnished, all unpacked, and the boys have their rooms.” Eddie hates how repetitive this all is. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s mentioned his apartment, and he’s sure the judge knows it by now as well, but Eddie understands there are procedures that need to be followed. No matter how annoying they are. 

“Are there any concerns about the safety or well-being of the children in either home?” Judge Rogers asks, looking back and forth from Eddie to Brittany over the rim of his glasses. 

“I have reason to believe the boys are better off with me, due to Eddie’s drinking.”

This time Eddie almost succumbs to his rage. Brittany lying and the judge believing her was one of his worst fears, and here she is trying to do just that. Eddie can’t remember the last time he had a hard drink, only a beer or two after work. And actually, now that he’s thinking about it, he isn’t sure when he last had a beer. After moving into his apartment, he thinks. A bunch of them drank beer with the pizzas they had once the work was done. But a moment of clarity leads Eddie to a realization. He used to come home every night and have a beer. Now, it occurs to him that he hasn’t had a beer after work in a number of weeks. Because he doesn’t need one to deal with Brittany. He doesn’t need to attempt to numb himself to the horrible woman he was living with. Now he comes home to you. He can hug you, kiss you, talk with you. There’s something to be excited for when he comes home, now. You and his boys. 

“Drinking?” Judge Rogers asks her.

“Yes, Your Honor. Eddie drinks every night.”

“Is this true, Mr. Munson?”

“No,” Eddie responds confidently. “I used to have a beer or two when I’d come home from work, but that hasn’t happened in at least a month. And it was never more than one or two beers. I have never been drunk in front of my boys, but Brittany is not able to say the same.”

“Is this true, Mrs. Munson?”

“No,” she lies reflexively. The boys may have been too young to realize that’s what was going on with their mom, but it was most certainly the case. 

Eddie catches a quiet sigh from the judge as he jots down another note. It causes some of his nerves to flutter back in.

“Any other concerns about safety or well-being?”

“Perhaps you should mention how your upbringing has caused you to prioritize the safety of your boys,” Carl says softly to Eddie. 

He nods and clears his throat before speaking.

“Your Honor, I lived in an unsafe environment with my parents when I was young. Thankfully, I was placed with my uncle instead, which is the best possible place I could have been. I’ve lived and seen the difference between a home that has the well-being of children prioritized and one that doesn’t. It taught me how to make sure that my boys are always safe. Not just child-proofing the space or taking them to the doctor, but also by making sure they know how loved they are and that they can make mistakes and everything will be okay. That my love is unconditional, and I’ll always be on their side.”

“Would you say Mrs. Munson has those same priorities?” Judge Rogers asks.

“No.” Eddie didn’t even need to consider the question. He has so many examples on the tip of his tongue that if he told them all, they’d be there for days. “There have been instances of Brittany hiding the fact that our son Luke was sick from me, then taking him out of state just so her plans weren’t canceled. Both boys have also made remarks to me about knowing their mother does not care about them.”

“The boys have a preference?” Judge Rogers asks.

“Yes. They’ve both informed me that they’d prefer to be with me.”

“I don’t believe that,” Brittany immediately snaps back. 

“Feel free to ask them,” Eddie responds without looking in her direction. 

Carl nods at Eddie, letting him know he’s doing a good job. It comforts Eddie, but more than anything, he wishes for this to be over already. 

Thankfully, it’s only a short time later that the judge wraps things up.

“Alright, let’s get to the temporary custody arrangement,” he says. “What is the arrangement between the two of you now?”

“The babysitter,” Brittany begins, the acidity emphasized on your title, “brings them either to my house or the apartment, depending on our schedules.”

“Okay, we’ll keep it that way from now on, then,” Judge Rogers declares. “It’ll be fifty-fifty custody right now. Between the two of you, look at your schedules and decide how you’ll split the time. Weekends are also fifty-fifty, which can either be one parent with them on Saturday and one on Sunday, or both days with a single parent every other weekend.”

The arrangement doesn’t thrill Eddie, but he’s mostly relieved that Brittany didn’t get primary physical custody. He can live with this back and forth right now if he has to. 

Court is dismissed shortly after, and Eddie breathes a sigh of relief as he steps outside. The stuffiness of the courthouse disappears, and Eddie feels he can take a deep breath for the first time since entering earlier this afternoon. 

“Okay, let’s figure this out.”

Eddie looks behind him to see Brittany approaching him, her lawyer not exiting the building with her.

“Okay.” The familiar feeling of wanting to rip Brittany’s head off is right below the surface, but Eddie knows he has to keep things civil. 

“Why don’t you come back to the house, and we’ll talk about it? Since the boys are at the apartment.”

There’s a glimmer in her eye that instantly makes Eddie uncomfortable. Going back to the house with her? With them being the only two there? His stomach roils at the thought. Eddie has absolutely no trust in this woman whatsoever, and he wouldn’t put it past her to try something when they’re alone. Whether she tries to seduce him or uses the period of time to later claim that he harmed her in some way, Eddie isn’t risking it. He also wants to spend the least amount of time possible with her.

“Why don’t we go to a diner or something?” Eddie offers instead.

Brittany stares at him for a moment before rolling her eyes. It’s clear she’s irritated, but is she really dumb enough to think Eddie would fall for whatever is going on in that twisted mind of hers?

“Whatever,” Brittany scoffs. “I’ll do Monday to Wednesday morning, and you can do Wednesday night to Friday.”

The fact that she already had a plan in her back pocket only enforces Eddie’s idea that she wanted him to come back with her for another reason. 

“Weekends we’ll do by ear? Depending on if you work Saturdays or not,” Eddie says.

“Fine. Have your tramp drop them off at the house tomorrow.”

“Brittany…” Eddie seethes.

“Bye.” She gives him a small wave over her shoulder, throwing him an over-the-top smile before heading towards her car. 

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie mumbles to himself as he heads towards his car in the opposite direction. “How did I ever love that bitch?”

As much as Eddie is yearning to see you and the boys, he knows he needs some time to cool off before going home. He takes a detour to visit the man who has the best track record of talking him down off the ledge.

“None of that surprises me, sadly,” Wayne says once Eddie finishes filling him in on the hearing. 

Eddie rolls out his neck, trying to dispel some of the tension as he stretches out on the couch next to his uncle.

“What do I do?” Eddie asks, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice. “How am I supposed to refute every goddamn lie she tells?”

“You just tell the truth,” Wayne says simply. “You got nothing to hide. Everyone knows you’re better for the boys, all you gotta do is let the judge see it, too.”

“How the hell did you go through this for me?” Eddie rubs his hands over his face and lets out a long sigh.

“Yeah, well, at least Al had the decency not to fight me tooth and nail.”

Eddie chuckles. “At eleven, I never thought I’d be happy about that. But thank God.”

“I know what ya need.” Wayne smacks Eddie’s thigh before pushing himself up and walking into the small kitchen.

“Oh, Wayne, no beer,” Eddie says. “Don’t wanna touch the shit at all, now.”

“I’m not getting you beer, ya dingbat,” Wayne teases, making Eddie smile. 

The older man grabs two mugs off the wall–an old army one and Eddie’s favorite Garfield one. Wayne pulls a glass bottle of YooHoo out of the fridge and pops open the lid. Eddie laughs as he gets up and goes to join his uncle near the refrigerator. 

“Your favorite as a kid,” Wayne says as he pours half the bottle into each mug.

“Luke’s favorite now,” Eddie adds.

“What, you think I have this here for me?” Wayne asks as he tosses the empty bottle into the trash. 

“Eh, you’re a kid at heart,” Eddie says, picking up the orange cat mug. 

“Here’s to the best outcome we could hope for,” Wayne says as he raises his cup. 

“Brittany getting eaten by the Loch Ness Monster?” 

Wayne snorts a laugh and shakes his head. 

“Sounds good to me. Hopefully the judge can sentence her to that.”

“Here’s hoping.”

Eddie clinks his mug against his uncle’s and they both down the chocolate milk. 

The pots and pans clatter together as you pull out the skillet to get started on dinner. Just as your hand reaches for the dial to turn on the burner, the front door opens. You immediately set the pan down and march right over to Eddie. Without saying a word, you wrap your arms around his middle and pull him into a hug.

A small smile grows on his lips as he returns your embrace. He hums softly as he closes his eyes and rests his head against yours.

“How’d you know I needed this?” he asks quietly.

“Lucky guess,” you mumble against his shoulder. 

He pulls back, but you don’t let go of him. Your hands rest on his waist, below the blazer, as he drops his wallet and keys on the counter. His back arches and stretches as he shrugs out of the blazer and tosses it onto a barstool. 

“What did you and the munchkins get up to today?” he asks, wrapping his arms around you again.

“Y’know,” you say with a shrug. “I let them bungee jump, then skydive, and then they ate their weight in Pixy Stix.”

“I figured.” He places a kiss on your forehead.

“Daddy!” Ryan runs in the room and takes advantage of the small space between you and his father to wriggle in. But when you try to step away to let the little boy have his father all to himself, Ryan catches your hand and keeps you there with the two of them. “What happened today?”

“Just answered a bunch of questions,” Eddie tells him, reaching up to ruffle his sandy hair. 

“Did Mom go?”

“She did.” Eddie nods. “We talked with the judge and with each other. Everyone just wants to make sure you and Luke are happy.”

Ryan looks over his shoulder at you, then back to his father.

“Can I show you my letter?”

“Letter?” Eddie asks, brow furrowing.

“Ry wanted to write a letter to the judge,” you explain, resting your hands on the seven-year-old’s shoulders.

“I’d love to read it,” Eddie tells him.

The little boy slips out from between the two of you and goes to pick up the piece of paper on the kitchen table. He comes back and silently hands it to Eddie.

Dear Judge,

My name is Ryan Wayne Munson, and I am Eddie’s oldest son. I am seven years old and my brother Luke is five. I know we are young and sometimes grown-ups don’t listen to kids, but I wanted to share how I feel anyway. My daddy is the best man in the world, and he loves me and Luke more than anyone else in the world. We are always happier when we are with him than with our mom. Our mom has missed lots of things in mine and Luke’s lives. I had a Christmas concert last year and she didn’t show up at all, even though I had a solo and was very excited. But Daddy made sure I got there on time and told me how good I was and how proud he is of me. He always makes sure to tell me that. And he tells Luke, too. 

I don’t want to live at the house with my mom. I want to live at the house with my daddy, but I know he does not live there anymore. Even though I love my first room and my house, I would rather live with Daddy anywhere. I have a cool new room at his apartment and Daddy worked hard to help make it special for me. 

I am writing this letter while you are having your first meeting with my mom and dad. I had some help with spelling and punctuation, but the words are all mine. I would be scared to come to court and talk, but if it meant that I would get to live with my daddy, I would do it. I know Luke would too. I hope this letter helps you make your decision.

Love,

Ryan

Eddie can’t help but smile through his tears at the endearing “love” signoff. That’s Ryan in a nutshell; always spreading love. 

The words have restored Eddie’s exhaustion and fill his drained soul. 

Small arms wrap around Eddie and large brown eyes look up at him.

“Why are you crying, Daddy?” Ryan asks.

“Because that was a really sweet letter, Ry.”

The older brother doesn’t get a chance to respond as Luke rushes into the room and runs head-first into his dad.

“Daddy! Can we get ice cream for dinner?”

“After dinner?” Eddie suggests, arching an eyebrow.

“No,” Luke pouts, “because then I’ll be too full.”

Eddie playfully rolls his eyes as he lets out a laugh. 

“You earned yourself an extra piece of broccoli with dinner tonight, kid,” he tells his son.

Luke lets out a growl and sticks his tongue out at Eddie. Eddie sticks his tongue right back out at the five-year-old, who giggles in response.

“Oof,” Eddie grunts as he scoops Luke up and throws him over his shoulder. “What do you say we order pizza? Hmm? Have a movie night?”

“Yes!” Luke cheers.

“Can we watch Hook?” Ryan asks. 

“Sounds great,” Eddie says, rubbing his hand over Ryan’s hair. 

You watch as the three of them head towards the couch. It’s impossible not to smile as Eddie plops Luke down on the cushions and flops down next to him. The youngest Munson laughs as Eddie rolls on top of him and laughs even harder when Ryan gets on top of the pile of boys. 

Tears begin to fill your eyes as you reach for the telephone. You sniff and blink them away as you scan the fridge for the magnet with the pizzeria’s phone number on it. Hearing the three of them laugh as they roughhouse is a balm to your heart after the stress of the day. Unfortunately, this is just the beginning of the journey to keep these boys where they belong, but as long as there is laughter and love at the end of days like today, you think it won’t be so bad after all. 

[alotofpockets]

Meeting again | Part 1 | Leah Williamson x Reader

Where you take your son to Leah's book signing and you reconnect with your high school friend/crush.

Happy birthday to our blonde pookie!

Meeting again universe | Woso masterlist | Words: 2.7k

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You were doing some work around the house when your ex called. “Hey Ryan, what’s up?” You say as you turn off the vacuum. “Hi y/n, I’m so sorry. I know that it’s my day, but I’m going to be stuck at work until late. Is there any way you can pick up Liam from school and take him to that book signing from Leah?” The two of you had gotten a divorce many years ago, when you had finally come to terms with your sexuality. Ryan had always been understanding, and now you were still friends, and co-parented your son Liam together. “Oh yeah, don’t worry, I can do that.” You could hear the relief in his voice. “Thank you so much, I owe you one. He has a half day, so he should be done at school in about an hour. I packed his Arsenal jersey and scarf, he wanted to wear them to the signing. Thank you again, I have to go. Send me pictures of the signing?”  Your kid would always be your number one priority, so you hung up the phone and got ready.

“Hey bud, your dad is stuck at work, so I’m going to take you to Waterstones later, is that okay?” The boy greeted you with a hug. “Yes, of course, you’ll get to see Leah again!” Back in high school you and Leah were very close, there was even some gossip about the two of you dating, but when you got wind of that you shut those rumours down quickly by starting a relationship with Ryan, a relationship that drove a wedge between your friendship with Leah. Your love for the women’s game continued to grow though, and you have supported Arsenal all your life, just like Leah. Liam fell in love with it too, and you often found yourself amongst the crowd of Arsenal WFC and Lionesses matches together. Liam was a smart kid, and after finding you looking at TikTok videos of Leah, he started asking questions. “Watch it, or we’re not going.” You said with a fake seriousness. Liam knew full well that it was an empty threat as you loved messing with him. 

You decided to make it a special day for your son, by taking him out for lunch before heading over to Waterstones. It was to no surprise to you that he wanted to go to his favourite restaurant. “Smile for your dad.” The boy looked up from his plate with a big grin on his face. Proudly wearing his Williamson jersey and his Arsenal scarf. 

The line at Waterstones was long, but you bought the book and joined the line together. You could tell he was excited just by the way his eyes lit up, and his smile was constantly present on his face. His excitement made you glad that you were able to join him on this occasion, but it didn’t trump your nerves of seeing Leah again. Of course, you had seen her play, but you were always just a person in the crowd, and now you were going to be face to face with the girl you’ve had a crush on since you were fifteen. 

Never in your life had you been so nervous to see someone from your past, but you set it aside for your son, this was his moment. Plus Leah would probably not even remember you, right? You were a nobody, and she was the England captain and the Arsenal co-captain. 

When it was your turn, Liam walked up to the signing table, while you stood back to take pictures. “Hi, what’s your name?” You heard the blonde ask your son. “I’m Liam, it’s very nice to meet you. My mom is a big fan of yours as well.” The sneaky little bastard, you thought as your eyes met Leah’s. Her eyes showed instant recognition. ‘Yours?’ she mouthed your way, and you answered with a nod. “It’s very nice to meet you too Liam, want to come over to this side for a picture?” Leah signed the book, and wrote something on one of the cards laying to the side as Liam made his way around the table. “I see you’re repping my jersey! You know what would go great with that?” He shook his head. “This new cap, would you like one?” Liam looked over to you with hopeful eyes, “Can I mom?” You smiled at the interaction between Leah and your son, “Yeah, of course.” He turned back to Leah, “Thank you so much!” The two posed for a picture. “Any time Liam. Here is your signed book, and could you please give this card to your mom?” He grinned big when he saw a written phone number on the back of the card. “Thank you Leah!”

“Mom! I got you her number, you have to call her!” You look at the card that Liam handed you ‘Would love to catch up, send me a text if you’re up for it :)’ along with her cell. You looked between the card and Leah, who shot you a smile before returning to the next person in line. “Please tell me you’re going to send her a text, please!” Liam was tired of always seeing you admire Leah from afar, and now that you had a real shot to reconnect with her, he wanted you to take it. Plus how cool would it be if his mom would go out with the Leah Williamson? You pocket the card, “Maybe later, you little snitch. I thought we had a deal.” You say playfully as you put your arm around his shoulder. Quite frankly it scared you a little to send her a text. “Let’s head home.”

When you got home you put Leah’s number in your phone and stared at the message screen forever, trying to decide what to text her. You really wanted to reconnect with her, but you also didn’t want to overcompensate, and ruin any chance you had. You settled on something simple, letting her make the next move.

You: Hi Leah, it’s y/n. It was good seeing you today, catching up sounds nice.

You hadn’t expected to get a message back from her so soon.

Leah: So glad we ran into each other. Talk about the details later?

The message notification was staring back at you, your heart was beating out of your chest simply from her message. You quickly put your phone away, without opening her message when Liam walks in. “Mom, you know that I want you to be happy right?” You nod, “Of course, I know that kiddo. What makes you say that?” He shrugs, “I just don’t want you to hold back because of me.” You shake your head, “You’re too smart. I love you, kiddo.” He hugs your side, “I love you too, mom.” 

The two of you were hanging out at home, when Ryan called again. “Hey, thank you for sending me those pictures. They really made my day, glad to see him so happy.” You notice the exhaustion behind his words, “Yeah of course, I don’t want you to miss out on stuff because of your job.” Liam was so important to the both of you, but your divorce had led to missing some things here and there, that you always tried to minimise together. “Speaking of work, I should be done around eight. You know I hate to ask, but-” You interrupted him, “You don’t have to ask, of course. Pick him up whenever you are done, okay?” You heard the relief in his voice, “Thank you. Can I talk to him for a moment?” You walk over to Liam and hand him the phone, “It’s your dad.” After handing him your phone, you give him some space to talk to his dad. 

You continued vacuuming since you weren’t done when you had to pick up Liam from school. So, you didn’t hear the interaction with Ryan, or when the call was over, and definitely not when you got another phone call. Liam looked at the contact and smirked to himself. When he realised you didn’t hear the phone call, he picked up himself. “Hi Leah, it’s Liam.” The girl had not expected your son to pick up, but she went with it anyway. “Hey Liam! How did you like the book signing?” He told her how much he enjoyed it before Leah continued with her questions. “I was looking for your mom, is she around?” If it were a video call, Leah would have seen the mischievous look in Liam’s eyes, but since it was a voice call he could hide behind the screen. “She is a little busy right now, but she said she wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight if you had time.” Leah knew she should’ve questioned it more, but she wanted to see you so badly, that she set up dinner plans with your son. 

Just ten minutes before Leah said she would be there Liam came walking up to you. “Hey mom, so I kind of invited Leah over for dinner tonight.” Never in your life had you turned around so quickly, “You did what?” You could not believe what your son had just told you. “She will be here in-” His sentence was interrupted by the doorbell. “Now.” He said with a big smile. You were frozen in place, Leah Williamson was at your door, and you were in sweats and a tank top, your hair a mess from the house work you had been doing for the past hour. “Are you going to let her in?” You turned to Liam, “You are going to be in so much trouble later.” Again, Liam knew there was no actual threat behind your words, because that’s not how you parented.

On your way to the door, you tried to quickly fix your hair. You open the door, “Oh hi Ryan, you’re here early.” He smiles back at you, “Yeah our last meeting got cancelled, sorry I didn’t let you know.” You shake your head, “No, no it’s okay. Liam, your dad is here!” The boy came running into his dad’s arms. “You’re here!” The bond between them was amazing, he truthly loved the both of you equally. “Have you had something to eat yet?” Liam shakes his head, “How does McDonald’s sound?” You grab Liam’s bag, and give him a quick kiss on his cheek, before waving the both of them off. 

As soon as you closed the door, you ran up the stairs to quickly get changed, and look more presentable. You had just finished doing your hair when your doorbell rang again. This time it was Leah standing on the other side of the door. “Hi Leah, come in.” She looked so beautiful in her simple white t-shirt and a pair of green cargo pants. “Hey y/n, thank you. No Liam?” She questioned when you walked her further into the house. “He wanted to be here but his dad came to pick him up a little bit ago. I’m sorry to say that McDonald’s has been picked over dinner with you.” You joke, hoping to make the moment a bit lighter. Hearing Leah’s laugh brought you back to those days where you would sit on the grass, and make fun of the boys on the football team. 

“So, Liam is a big fan of football then?” Leah started awkwardly. You loved talking about him, so you just started talking. “Yeah, I started taking him to matches when he was still a little baby. He loved it ever since, I can’t go to an Arsenal match without him nowadays. A gooner from the start, just like you.” Leah blushed slightly. “So, you’ve been coming to our matches all this time?” Now it was your turn to blush. “Maybe.” The both of you laugh. “Ryan surprisingly never got into football, so it’s been something I get to share with Liam.” The name you mentioned caught Leah’s attention. “Wait Ryan is Liam’s dad? You actually married high school Ryan?” You realised that bringing his name up was probably a mistake since he is what drove the two of you apart. “Oh yeah, high school Ryan indeed. Liam’s dad indeed, and I did marry him. We haven’t been married for like five years though.” 

Leah’s ears perk up at that. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” You shrug your shoulders, “It’s all good, it was time I finally figured out my sexuality. We’re still friends, and he's great with Liam. Anyways, how have you been?” The two of you start talking and catching up, and somehow even though more than a decade had passed and you had lived such different lives, it felt like you had never not known each other. 

You walk into the kitchen together, still talking, when the both of you start getting hungry. That is when you realise that you had to go to the grocery store today, and didn’t have much in the house. “So, confession time. I didn’t actually know you were coming over until Liam told me about ten minutes before you arrived.” Leah laughed, “I had a feeling the invite wasn’t extended by you, but I didn’t want the opportunity to go to waste.” You blush at her words. “I am very happy that you are here, don’t get me wrong. I was just not prepared. It was Ryan’s day with the kid, but he got stuck at work so I didn’t have a chance to go to the grocery store like I had originally planned. Let’s see, I have Potato Smileys, and literally nothing else. I am so sorry.” Leah did not care what you would eat one bit, she was just happy to be there with you. “Good thing I love Potato Smileys then!”

You shared a laugh at the situation and decided to make the best of it. While the Potato smileys were in the oven, you set the table with some condiments to go along with them. As you were waiting for the Smileys to cook, you and Leah fell back into conversation. You were reminiscing over old times, and shared stories from the past years since. It was easy talking to her, it really felt like no time had passed.

Once you were done with dinner, you moved to the living room where you each found a comfortable place on the couch to continue catching. Before you realised it, hours had passed by. Leah looked at her watch, and noticed the time first. “Oh it’s late, I hadn’t realised so much time had passed.” You glance at the clock yourself, “Wow, yeah it is. I’m really glad you came over tonight, catching up with you has been great.” Leah smiled in return, “Yes it was, I’ve missed this. I hope we can hang out again soon!” You walk her to the door, “For sure! Liam and I will be at the match Sunday, maybe we can do something after? If you don’t mind him tagging along of course.” Her smile grew big, “I would love that, and for Liam to tag along always!”

As you said goodbye, and Leah got into her car you couldn’t help but feel hopeful for what the future might hold. Just having Leah back into your life in whatever way possible made you extremely happy. Tonight had been so nice, and you really wanted to see Leah again soon, Sunday didn’t feel soon enough. So, you decided to send her a message. You felt less nervous sending this message than the one this afternoon, but still there were some nerves.

You: Would you maybe want to grab a coffee sometime this week? I’d love to meet up sooner than Sunday.

As you were getting ready to go to bed, your phone dinged with a new message.

Leah: I know a great spot! Are you free tomorrow?

You smiled at the text, Leah proposing tomorrow had to mean she wanted to see you again soon too, right? You quickly let her know you’re free, before sending her a goodnight message and calling it a night. Though, your mind kept you up for a while longer, not wanting to let go of today just yet.

Continue reading part 2!

-----

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[peachhcs]

will spending the new years with blarie and mack and actually the couple is really good at not making will feel like a third wheel and he really appreciates it

they love will so much and will lovesss hanging out with them. i know it’s not new year’s anymore but i just finished this little blurb :)

au masterlist

“will you put this up, you’re tall,” blaire motioned the blonde over to where she was trying to hang new year’s decorations.

“hey, i’m tall,” mack argued from where he was trying to blow balloons up.

“yeah, but you’re busy. will’s not doing anything,” the dirty blonde raised he eyebrow as the the hockey player came over to help pin the tac into the wall.

“ha! take that mack. i’m tall,” will taunted making the brunette roll his eyes.

“we’re literally the same height?”

“yeah, but i’m tall according to blaire. how does that make you feel?” the blonde smirked while mack just didn’t answer. blaire laughed though.

“i see i started some friendly fire.”

“it’s not even fire because we’re the same height,” mack mumbled.

“once the balloons are done, that should be it. i’m so excited for the new year,” blaire clapped her hands together as her eyes scanned the walls of all the decorations she went crazy at hanging up.

“yeah, it hasn’t been half bad. 2025 should be fun,” mack agreed, knocking one of the balloons at will’s head. it bounced off his head and the blonde glared at his friends.

“dude.”

“that’s for thinking you’re taller than me.”

“you said there was no fire!” will exclaimed but mack just shrugged and helped hang up the balloons where blaire wanted them.

it was just the three for new year’s but blaire still wanted to make it special because she loved decorating in general. will got eklund to agree to buying them a few drinks in return for cleaning his stall out. it was a pretty worthy trade. he knew samy was in ottawa with everyone tonight and he figured it was getting close to them going out. the blonde missed being with them for new year’s, but based on blaire’s excitement and mack struggling and failing to hang up the balloons, he knew he was gonna have a good time tonight.

“what’s mrs. smith up to tonight?” mack teased and will flushed hearing “mrs. smith” knowing he picked it up from gabe and ryan a few weeks ago.

“she’s hanging out with all the guys in canada. she said they’ve been doing really well in the tournament,” will flushed.

“i’ll give you your new year’s kiss smitty, don’t worry,” mack winked making blaire giggle.

“might as well considering how close you guys are,” the girl smiled.

to pass the time, the three decided to play a game of uno, but to make it a bit more fun anytime someone got a draw 4 they had to take a shot. mack was doing the worst by far, already on his fourth shot when he got another draw 4. will and blaire snickered.

“guys i can’t take another shot. i’m already buzzing,” the boy frowned.

“wow, thought you had more in you mack,” will joked a bit but his words made the younger brunette push through and take his fifth shot before he drew four more cards.

“how about we start replacing your shots with water. i don’t want you throwing up,” blaire compromised and mack quickly agreed. she got up to get some water for her boyfriend while will just snickered.

“light weight,” he mumbled earning a punch on the arm.

“you’re not any better!”

“hey, i can hold my alcohol. you’re the one who pukes everywhere,” will shrugged and the boys stopped bickering by the time blaire came back with a large glass of water for each of them.

“thank you,” mack grinned and chugged half of it.

the three continued on, blaire and will taking a few more shots before calling it quits because they didn’t wanna get too drunk. it was 9 when will’s phone started buzzing and samy was calling him. he was guessing it was new year’s where they were, so he quickly answered.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” samy screamed into the phone and then there were quick flashes of everyone’s face in the frame where they yelled something incoherent.

“we’re living in 2025 already smitty! we’re in the future,” ryan mumbled, definitely drunk which made the blonde laugh. he quickly showed the camera towards mack and blaire who eagerly waved.

“we’ve got 3 more hours here. how’s ottawa?” will asked and samy’s face came back into frame.

“it’s soo good, will. i wish you were here. we miss you. we wish you all were here!” samy said to blaire and mack too.

“how drunk are you?” mack chuckled, leaning into the frame.

“i’ve had..only 2 drinks so far. i’m not that drunk. anyway, i just wanted to wish you a happy new year from canada. i love you. i miss you. i’ll see you soon hopefully,” samy kissed the camera a hundred times making a blush rise to will’s cheeks.

“i love you and i miss you too. have fun, be safe,” he said.

“of course. have fun together!” and then they hung up.

“you guys are my otp,” blaire grinned as she cleaned up the shot glasses, dumping them into mack’s sink.

“what’s otp?” will wondered.

“one true pairing,” mack and blaire said at the same time. “jinx!” they both yelled and then laughed.

“how do you know that and i don’t?” will poked his friend’s arm.

“because i’m cultured,” the younger brunette shrugged.

“wow, okay,” the blonde rolled his eyes.

“you guys are honestly the cutest ever. it’s what mack and i aspire to be,” blaire came back in and tussled her boyfriend’s hair. he scrunched his nose up, waving her hand away.

“i’m glad to hear we have fans,” will grinned.

the three took it a bit easier and played uno without taking shots. so far blaire had the lead with the most wins. somehow, she was smoking both boys with luck or skill, neither of them really knew.

will was genuinely enjoying spending time with the two. they acted like an old married couple more than anything and not that the blonde minded if they were affectionate with one another, blaire and mack refrained because they wanted will to feel included tonight knowing he wasn’t getting to spend it with his other friends on the other side of the continent.

when 11:30 hit and the boys were losing steam blaire decided they needed to have a dance break to get their energies back up. she put on some old 2010s music that the frats always played and pulled them up to jump around with her.

rihanna’s umbrella began playing. blaire tried teaching them tom holland’s lip sync battle dance, but neither will or mack were very coordinated to learn the steps, so blaire just did it for them instead.

“how the hell do you learn those steps so easily?” mack watched in amazement.

“it’s the figure skater in her,” will chuckled.

when blaire finished the boys clapped for her. she giggled, doing little bows as the next song came on. “damn, that was impressive. you’re impressive,” mack went to peck her lips.

“thank you. i’ve known since i was like 14 when it came out,” she giggled

the new year in san jose got closer. mack put on the feed happening in downtown los angeles while blaire stuck the new year’s hats on their heads. she also made sure to snap a few photos of the boys posing with one another in all of their new year’s getup.

“three minutes!” blaire exclaimed, party streamers in hand to pop everywhere.

“2025 feels so crazy to me,” will mumbled thinking about how the past year went and all of the ups and downs he faced. he was glad he was back on an up though—the mistakes he made this year definitely becoming ones he’d never make again.

“i know right. at the beginning of this year we were college students and now we’re pro athletes,” mack grinned, the noise maker hanging from his lips ready to be blown.

“it’s almost time!” blaire jumped around as the people on the tv started counting down from 60.

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2..1..HAPPY NEW YEAR!” blaire popped both confetti streamers. mack and will jumped around with one another in excitement before bringing the girl into their circle.

they celebrated together for a few more minutes before coming down from the excitement. “aww happy new year. so glad i got to spend it with you guys,” blaire pinched will’s cheeks and then kissed mack.

the boys smiled and will pulled his phone out to text samy. she was definitely asleep by now, but he wanted to text her anyway. he looked back up at mack twirling blaire around in the confetti now on the ground, a smile gracing his lips at his friends.

“come here, i’ll spin you around too,” mack said to the blonde making both of them laugh.

will stuffed his phone away and quickly joined the couple where he let mack spin him around next to blaire.

[eightypercentjack-blog]

I had you big time...

Happy Anniversary to the show that made me the lore-loving, slowburn-savouring nerd I am today!

I'm from a very nerdy family and we all loved The X Files. I remember reading the companion books for a few series and becoming obsessed with how much detail went into things like the episode titles and every tiny reference. We'd get *so* excited anytime the title card changed. One of the creepiest episodes inspired me to write a poem I love. My big fluffy Maine Coon cat, affectionately known as just Kit, is actually named Kitsunegari as one of a whole litter of X-File episode-honouring kittens 😄

I try to make sure everyone knows about Bree Sharp's glorious pun-filled homage to David Duchuvny. I love figuring out just how many movie stars got their first break on the show (hello Ryan Reynolds, Jack Black etc...). I've hiked round Lynn Canyon Park where so much of it was filmed and felt like I could have literally been in 'Darkness Falls'. My first ever celebrity meet & greet was with Mitch Pileggi and Nicholas Lea and I've since met Smoking Man himself (an absolute delight) and eventually our beloved duo too, a few years apart - Gillian Anderson gave me chilli chocolate and David insisted on signing next to Gillian's autograph. They were both sweethearts (and he especially still lit up at the mention of her name 🥰).

I *love* virtually everything about The X Files (definitely some exceptions 😄) but as someone who values friendship so very highly and whose connection to deeper relationships is rooted completely in this, Mulder and Scully were so much more than a cliché slowburn friends-to-lovers for me, they beautifully exemplified the fact that line can be a little blurred from the start, and that deep genuine mutual respect, trust, care and admiration can be as powerful as, or indistinguishable from, more traditionally depicted romantic love. Their journey and that gorgeous message is one I've subconsciously sought out in so many fictional pairings since and in my own life too.

My little probably demi-of-some-description heart identified with them so much and the wait for what was so adorably inevitable between them was so, so worth it and earned and magical. They were *the* ship, the og sweet, sweet slowburn-but-they-kinda-already-got-there-years-before-the-kiss kinda pairing 😄 (I truly have a pattern of loving this exact scenario!!!)

So yeah, happy anniversary you crazy little show. I laugh, I cry, I'm very grateful and if I could only pick a single show, I want to believe you'll always be the one 👽

[maybankbae]

Valentine’s Day Plans

Word Count: 1,000+

Warnings: Strong Language

AN: Okay what if i said this is my favorite fic I’ve ever written. Maybe it’s because Cal is my cheat lane as well. Happy reading and hope you all enjoy<3

————

February 13th 2019

Daniella Walker. The name that is mainstream as she was making her way into the music scene as what the internet calls their "pop princess."

Daniella first had internet fame how everyone does in the early 2010's, by posting on Youtube. From the age of 16 she started posting covers of her singing different popular songs at the time ranging from Halsey to Ariana Grande. First viral video being her cover of Honeymoon Avenue from the album Yours Truly.

Her life changed at 19 when one of her self produced songs called Speechless dropped and became an overnight sensation. Flying from her home country of London, England to countless radio interviews to her first American Music Awards as an attendee and performer at.

That’s when she met some of her longtime friends in the music industry, 5 Seconds of Summer. She met them because she accidentally bumped into a red haired Micheal as she was coming off stage and they were about to take the stage. The two gushing over much they enjoyed each other’s music.

She was a huge Amnesia fan.

Over the years they continued to keep contact with one another. She was featured on their 3rd album Youngblood on their song Want You Back as backing vocals.

Daniella had also become a regular feature in 5SOS content. As well as being posted on their respective girlfriend’s Instagram’s pretty frequently.

For a little while she was considered a groupie when she went to Bali with them in 2016. Until stan twitter quickly defended her from the trolls on the internet claiming how do they not know her.

She was now 24 standing in line at her favorite local coffee and bagel spot in downtown Los Angeles. The line continued move at a slow pace as she hummed along to the beat in her airpods she been sent the night previous. She was absolutely in love with it. She had a studio session set with Max Martin that she definitely couldn't be late for.

He's worked with artists like Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Ariana Grande, and Britney Spears.

It's been a dream of hers to work with him and only her 3rd album that is saying she's gotta be doing something right.

She finally approached Bailey, one of the cashiers she had blossomed a friendship from after being a regular here for 4 months.

"Everything bagel with a side of strawberry cream cheese and Iced Americano double shot with light ice and vanilla creamer!" She shouted to the back. "Hey Daniella."

A smile was plastered on her face. "Hey girlfriend! You'll never believe what I've got planned today." She started as she dug in her purse for her card to hand over for her to swipe.

"Please you're literally a pop star. If you told me you were going to meet up with Kim Kardashian I would probably believe you." She stated in her strong jersey accent as she handed the card back.

"No I wish, but on my bucket list though, maybe I could get a discount on those Skims bodysuits I like. Anyways besides the point here, somehow managed to get a studio session with Max Martin! And cherry on top, the guys are showing up with Ryan fucking Tedder.” She said excitedly as she moved off to the side of the line so other people could move.

"See this is what I mean. It's Thursday at nine in the morning and you're going to work with your hot Australian friends and I'm here covered in flour all day while dealing with the bitches in the back and isn't Max Martin that Swedish dude who's written and produced for basically every A list singer." She leaned against the register.

"Yeah it's so exciting is it not. And Alexis you're so talented at making bagels. Hone in on that." She joked making the curly haired blonde roll her eyes in fake annoyance.

“Your accent makes this sound all posh Dani.”

“Oh whatever.”

"Your beautiful everything bagel and iced coffee m'lady." Bailey turned around to the kitchen workers as she handed her two paper bags one full of her favorite little snacks and the other with her bagel.

"Oh my goodness, you didn't have to do th-." She started.

"Oh please shut up yes I did. You're gonna be late with the hot guys.”

“Text me when you can, I'd love to hear all about it." She smiled.

"Will do."

As she was on the highway on the way to the studio her mind was clouded with thoughts some negative some positive, but mostly negative.

Before she knew it she was finding a parking spot and walking into Capitol Records.

Showing security her badge, she looked down at her Apple Watch and cursed, realizing she was going to be late if she didn’t climb the stairs in under 2 minutes. Thank god for her zumba classes she’s been taking.

Once she figured out what studio she was gonna be in for the next 6 hours, she spotted his long hair and glasses talking to Ryan and the four men sat in the couch in the corner. All of them laughing at something on Luke's phone. She knocked bringing their attention to her standing at the door slightly out of breath.

"Daniella! Pleasure to finally meet you." Max said getting up from the comfy chair to give her hug.

"So nice to meet you too. I'm so incredibly excited and I also see you've invited some of my good friends." She stated nudging Ryan's elbow.

"He had a lot of positive things to say about you." He said sitting back down.

"Daniella you probably know them," Ryan gestured to the men sitting on the couch.

"Know them. These guys are basically a second family to me." She joked.

"I hope you don't mind that I decided to bring them along here to hopefully do some live instrumentals for ya." He told her looking at her with a smile.

"Oh my goodness not at all! It actually sounds so cool. I’ve missed these guys." She smiled widely.

Micheal stood up and gave her a brotherly hug. “Have you gotten shorter?” He joked making Daniella give him the bird.

“Haven’t you gotten weirder.”

“Touché.”

Ashton was next, giving her another squeeze and pat on the head.

Then Luke who did their handshake they made up in Bali together, that neither of them forgot even after 4 years.

Finally it was Calum who smiled at her first and then suddenly picked up her up and spun her around in a circle, earning a loud laugh from Daniella and his signature smile that she still got butterflies from.

Even after her 6 years of knowing him, he still makes her blush like a school girl.

“Alright everyone let’s get to work to hear this beautiful voice of hers.” Max stated turning around and facing the recording booth as Daniella walked in and put on her headphones.

Two hours passed as Daniella stood in the recording booth, recording the second verse. She was mumbling the possible verse in the microphone. The song had a Lorde lyricism with Ariana Grande singing vibe.

She and Max had titled the song Selfish. Max and Ryan giving her corrections if needed. Other than the couple comments or corrections from the group she had total artistic freedom and she loved that.

“Could we leave that first half blank of that chorus and I’ll stack some more vocal layers on that run.” Daniella suggested over the noise of the metronome. “Thank you.”

“Yup sounds amazing.”

While Ryan was stacking her vocals, she leaned next to Ashton's drum kit and told him what pace she needed for the chorus.

Calum was fiddling with his bass strings trying to tune them when Daniella walked over. “So what’s your big opinion on it??”

“I think it sounds bloody brilliant.” He said in a Scottish accent.

“Don’t make fun of the Scottish people.”

“You always seem to forget I’m half Scottish and you’re literally British.” He laughed as she hit his tattooed arm slightly.

Max leaned into Micheal's headset, "Okay Mike start from when Daniella comes in at "I used to be cautious about this and stop when the beat drops back down to the acoustic version that we have prepared.”

3 more hours passed as their session ended and Daniella so proud of the song they had made and gotten mastered.

"Alright, could we schedule another one for Friday morning? We’ve got selfish crossed off the list. We could get started on Messier Things as well." Max asked her looking at his calendar.

She nodded with a thumbs up. "That should work with me."

"It was so good to finally see you guys today. What’s new in the wonderful world of 5SOS land." She asked the boys as they were walking to a lunch spot on the less crowded side of LA so the likelihood of them all being noticed and ambushed by paparazzi was a zero percent chance.

“Going on a promo tour for Easier. Thats literally all. New York, LA, Atlanta, and some overseas.” Ashton said laughing.

"Well whatt are you guys doing for the day of love that happens to be tomorrow." She asked wiggling her fingers together.

"Spending time with Sierra." Luke quickly answered with a smile. He loves that woman more than air it seems. But it’s good to see him so happy.

"Crystal wants to go see some new movie." Micheal stated with a raised eyebrows. He probably had no clue but he was with Crystal and thats all he cared about.

“Oo lemme know if you need a dog sitter. I’ll bring Pepper. Y’know she loves Moose and Southy.”

"Probably just a dinner with KayKay." Ashton’s bright smile came up whenever he talked about KayKay.

"Absolutely nothing." Calum said quickly with a slight eye roll. She knew how he felt about Valentine's Day. He hated that day with every fiber in his being.

"We could spend it together Cal, I'm not doing anything either. It can be like old times!" Reminiscing on when they would go their favorite Ramen restaurant in the city and rewatch Criminal Minds at his house whenever they were both free.

As much as only everyone around them knows, they've had a flirty relationship ever since they've met. But what they don’t know is they claim they’re just friends who have occasionally kissed each other, slept in the same bed, and she's worn his clothes more than once but just friends.

But due to them being too awkward to act upon their obvious feelings, they have no official label on whatever they are.

"Ramen on Melrose it is." He laughed making Daniella laugh along with him.

[aurora-nova-fic]

Things I Wish I'd Known About Star Trek Conventions

I finally made it to a Trek convention (Creation Trek to NJ) and learned a few things I wish I'd known ahead of time, as it would've made the experience more enjoyable. So I am sending it out into the ether in the hopes that it will help someone else be savvier than I was.

BRING CASH. Most of the actors were selling autographs and photos directly to fans at the vendor tables, and I did not see a single one taking cards for payment. The convention center's ATM ran out of cash, and Mr. Nova, who sweetly went to a nearby bank, reported long lines there as well, so I wasn't the only one who expected to pay with my card. This is important information which ought to be on the convention website.

How much to bring? We saw prices ranging from $40-110, as each actor sets their own pricing structure. If you want to get multiple autographs/photos from the big names, bring hundreds of dollars cash.

Skip most official photo ops. Creation sells photo ops, and they do warn on the website that it last seconds. What they don't mention on the website is that most/all of the actors selling autographs directly to fans at the vendor tables will add a selfie/photo on your phone for an additional fee (amount varying by actor). Unlike the production line of the official photo ops, these are more relaxed and fun. Again, it will depend on the actor, but there's a greater opportunity for interaction.

I paid $60 for an autograph/photo combo with Terry Farrell, and it was more fun than the $100 official photo op with Jeri Ryan, plus I got to actually speak with Terry for a minute. The picture is better too - sure there are people in the background instead of a neat blue screen, but I'm clearly more excited and Terry is much more relaxed.

Exceptions: if you want the duo or group photos with multiple actors, and have the money to splash out on them (they went up to $400 for a group with 5 TNG actors), you'll need the official photo ops for that. Also, the official photos might be your only option for some actors - it was for Jeri.

Tickets can be bought last-minute online. I was making a game day decision, and Creation's website said that ticket purchases will be emailed within 2-3 days, with tickets available at the door as long as they aren't sold out. When we got there, we were advised to buy tickets on our phone and told, "Oh no, you'll get it instantly." Not the end of the world, but I'd have liked to have just walked in with the tickets ready had I known I could buy ahead of time.

The schedule is a guideline. I'm not just talking about delays, those happen. What I found very surprising was the chaos of the panel schedule. A group of Lower Decks actors crashed and basically took over the end of Jonathan Frakes and Brent Spiner's time on stage, and that was after Marina Sirtis dropped in for a few minutes. Todd Stashwick crashed Jeri Ryan's for a conversational detour into discussing Dungeons & Dragons. Some people in the audience seemed to enjoy these unscheduled appearances. I was not one of them, so if you're like me and you prefer adherence to the plan, moderate your expectations.

Everything is expensive. No, I did not expect bargains, but neither did I expect $23 price tags on magnets. If you have your heart set on souvenirs, budget extra. (All the vendors selling wares took cards at least.)

Final thought: don't get your heart set on too many 'must-dos.' This is one that I think I did right going in. There are a lot of moving pieces, different events at different times which can clash with the slightest delay in the schedule, etc. If you go in with a list of several autographs you'll be crushed if you don't get, multiple photos you have to take to be happy going home, and panels you must see, you're going to experience more stress than fun. Pick a couple and otherwise go with the flow - you will enjoy yourself more for it.

[koreofkore]

Pilot episode | chapter 1

ᥲsᥱᥒᥲ іs іᥒ 𝖿᥆r ᥲ sᥙr⍴rіsᥱ ᥕһᥱᥒ ᥲ ᥴһіᥣძ kᥒ᥆ᥴks ᥆ᥒ һᥱr ძ᥆᥆r ᥴᥣᥲіmіᥒg 𝗍᥆ ᑲᥱ һᥱrs.

╬╬═════════════╬╬

Fairytale world

Prince Charming (Tony) rode on his horse along the stretch of the land towards a forest. In the forest, he meets seven dwarves gathered around a glass coffin. "You're to late." Wong says. He looks at Pepper in the coffin. Her skin pale and her chest unmoving. "No. No! Open it." He ordered. "I'm sorry, she's gone." Strange said mornfully. "At least let me say goodbye." Tony begged.

All seven men remove the glass top. Tony leans down and kisses her lips and a wave of magic pulses throughout the kingdom. No one notices except the birds that leave the branches they perched on. Pepper wakes up with a gasp. "You... You found me." She said breathlessly. "Did you ever doubt I would?" Tony asked her. "Truthfully, the glass coffin gave me pause." She joked.

"Well, you never have to worry. I will always find you." He assured. "Do you promise?" She asked. "I do." Tony says at their wedding. "And do you, Pepper Potts, promise to take this man to be your husband, and love him for all eternity?' The priest asked. " I do she says. " I now pronounce you husband and wife." The priest says. Everyone applauds and cheers. Pepper and Tony lean to kiss each other when the ballroom doors swing open by a magical force. "Sorry I'm late." The red head stated.

She goes to approach the newlyweds and the guards try to stop her. She flings them away with magic. "It's the Queen. Run!" Someone in the crowd yells. "She's not the queen anymore. She's nothing more than a evil witch." Pepper said grabbed her husbands sword pointing it at her.

"No, no, no. Don't stoop to her level. There's no need." He consoles. Tony takes his sword from her. "You're wasting your time. You've already lost. And I will not let you ruin this wedding." Tony said. "Oh, I haven't come here to ruin anything. On the contrary, dear, I've come to offer you a gift." Natasha smiles. "We want nothing from you." Pepper says in anger.

"But you shall have it! My gift to you is this happy, happy day. But tomorrow my real work begins. You've made your vows, now I make mine. Soon everything you love, everything all of you love, will be taken from you. Forever. And out of your suffering, will rise my victory. I shall destroy your happiness if it is the last thing I do." Natasha turns around after her speech and heads for the door.

"Hey!" Tony calls after her. Natasha turns and he launched his sword at her. She disappears in a puff of black smoke letting the sword crash on the ground.

The real world

A young girl Yelena is seen with a book that contains illustrations of Tony and Pepper on the page. She's seen getting on a bus to Boston. "That a good book?" An elderly woman asked. "This? Is more than a book." The young girl says her little accent coming out. "Oh?" She asked.

Boston, south station. "Thank you for riding Greyhound." The bus announcer said. Yelena gets off the bus and finds a taxi. "You take credit cards?" She asked holding up the card. "Where to, chief?" The driver asked.

╬╬═════════════╬╬

Asena sat in a restaurant waiting on her target to come for their 'date'. She takes a sip of wine knowing that she'd need it. She wore a pink dress with matching heels and her hair was curly. She sat crossed leg to stop her shaking. To be honest she was scared the guy wouldn't show. But he finally did. "Asena." He greeted.

"Ryan? You looked relieved." She said. "Well, it is the internet. Pictures can be..." He pauses trying to find the right word. "Fake, outdated. Stolen from a Victoria's Secret catalogue." She finished.

He nodded. "Sorry I'm late by the way." He says sitting down in the seat across from her after they greeted each other. "It's totally fine." She replied with a forced smile. "So... Um... Tell me something about yourself, Asena?" He asked nervously. "Oh. Ah, well, today's my birthday." She answered. "And you're spending it with me! What about your friends?" He asked.

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐈'𝐝 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐕𝐨𝐝𝐤𝐚. She thought.

"Kind of a loner." She answered. "And, you don't like your family?" He asked. 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞. She thinks holding her facade.

"No family to like." She said taking another sip of wine. "Oh, come on. Everyone has family." Ryan says. "Technically, yeah. And everyone knows who they are? Ready to run yet?" She replied. "Oh not a chance. You, Asena, are by far, the sexiest, friendless orphan I have ever met." He said.

𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐧? 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡. She thought. "Okay. Your turn. No wait let me guess. Umm... You are handsome, charming." She started internally gaging. "Go on." Ryan says.

"The kind of guy who— now stop me if I get this wrong — embezzled your former employer, got arrested, and skipped town before they could throw your ass in jail." She fake laughed. "What?" The man asked playing dumb. "And the worst part of all is your wife. Your wife loves you so much that she bailed you out, and how do you repay that loyalty? You're on a date." She finished off.

"Who are you?" The man asked. "The chick that put up the rest of the money." Asena answers. " You're a bails bondsman." Ryan realized. "Bail bondsperson." She corrected. Ryan flipped the table spilling everything on her and took off running. "Bloody Hell!" She groans.

Ryan runs across the street dodging cars and Asena just casually walks through traffic. He tries to start the ignition and looks to find a boot on his tire. "You don't have to do this, okay? I can pay you. I got money." Ryan bargained. "No, you don't. And if you did, you should give it to your wife and take care of your family." Asena said crossing her arms.

"The hell do you know about family, huh?" The man asked. "Nothing." She replied smashing his head against t he steering wheel. When Asena arrived home she kicks off her heels walked to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of Scotch and opened a box with a cupcake inside.

She opens the bottle and then puts a star shaped candle in the cupcake. "Another loner year." She lights it then closes her eyes and makes a wish. Theres a knock on the door and Asenas head snapped to it. She opens the door and sees a child. "Are you Asena Montgomery?" She asked. "Yeah?" She answered skeptically. "I'm Yelena and I'm your daughter." The younger blonde says. Yelena pushes past her and into the apartment. "Woah! Hey, kid! Kid! Kid! I don't have a daughter! Where are your parents?" Asena asked.

"Ten years ago. Did you give up a baby for adoption? That was me." Yelena explained. "... Give me a minute." The woman said going to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror trying to compose herself. She didn't think that her past would catch up with her ten years later. Plus how could that little girl know that she was her mother?

She had a closed adoption which meant the kid shouldn't even know that she existed. "Hey do you have any juice? Never mind, found some." Yelena hollered from the kitchen. Asena leaves the bathroom after taking a deep breath. She sees the little girl drinking her orange juice straight from the bottle. "Gross." She said taking the bottle from the child. "You know, we should probably get going." Yelena realizes.

"Going where?" Asena asked confused. "I want you to come home with me." Yelena clarified. "Okay, kid. I'm calling the cops." Asena picked up her phone. "Then I'll tell them you kidnapped me." Yelena fired back. "And they'll believe you because I'm your birth mother." Asena huffed in realization. "Yep." The child hummed. "Fair played, but you and I both know you aren't gonna do that." Asena tilted her head in protest.

"Try me." The ten year old challenges. "You're pretty good. But here's the thing, there's a lot I'm good at and a hell of a lot I'm terrible at in life. I have 840 confirmed kills so murder obviously isn't one of them. Let's call it a superpower. I can tell when anyone's lying and you, kid, are." Asena explained to the girl. "Wait... Please don't call the cops. Please come home with me." Yelena begged.

"Where do you live?" Asena sighed. "Storybrooke, Maine." Yelena said. "Storybrooke? Are you serious?" Asena asked. Yelena hummed and nodded. "Alright then." Asena rubbed her temples.

Fairytale world

In the castle in the forest Pepper stood near the balcony, and a bluebird lands on her finger. "What's wrong?" Tony asked. "Nothing" Pepper snapped out of her daze. "You're thinking about what the Queen said again, aren't you? Pepper, please. I can't keep having this conversation. You have to let it go. We're about to have a baby." Pepper turns her head ashamed of being caught thinking about the threat.

She had agreed to try and move past that but how do you move past something like that, especially after you know that she will be true to her word. Pepper knew that Natasha would try everything in her power to take away her happiness. "I haven't had a restful night since our wedding." Pepper pointed out. And it was the truth, she hadn't slept well at all she felt as if she had to look over her shoulder consistently again. "That's what she wants - to get in your head. But they're only words. She can't hurt us." Tony reassured pulling her in.

"She poisoned an apple because the thought i was prettier than her. You have no idea what she's capable of." Pepper argued pulling out of his hold. He didn't get it and she needed him to get it. This woman has made her life hell for years. Natasha has had it out for her and wanted to see her dead and now this. " What can I do to ease your mind?" Tony asked starting to realize that he wasn't going to win this argument and that she wouldn't sleep until she got some type of clarity.

"Let me talk to him." Pepper answered. He was the only one who could give her that reassurance that her child would be safe. "Him? You don't mean..." Tony asked with a hint of fear. "I do." Pepper answered back with a look of determination. "No, no, no. It's too dangerous." Tony shut down the idea immedi ately. She couldn't be serious. She knew how dangerous he was. "He sees the future." Pepper points out. Tony made a face. He was scared he would admit that to no one but himself because he had to be strong for Pepper.

But that didn't mean he wanted help from the person he helped trap. that was suicide. "There's a reason he's locked up." Tony said logically. Pepper placed a hand on her swollen stomach. "Can you promise me that our child will be safe? Can you guarantee it? Because he can." Pepper questioned. The look on Pepper's face was enough to make him cave. Seeing her look so unlike her normal fearless self. "Alright. For our child." Pepper smiled in relief and Tony leaned in for a kiss. She had no idea how much power she had over him, and maybe that was a good thing.

Real world

Asena and Yelena were driving and the former had no idea what time it was. The drive was silent for the most part until Yelena broke it. "I'm hungry. Can we stop somewhere?" The girl asked. "This isn't a road trip kid. We aren't stopping for snacks." Asena replied. Yelena closed her book. "Why not?" She pestered. She was hungry she could feel her stomach growling.

She could also tell that they were close to home and she wasn't ready to go back yet. "Quit complaining, Kid. Remember i could've easily put your ass on a bus and let you go the same way you came." Asena said annoyed slightly. "You know i have a name right? It's Yelena." The blonde child pouted before opening her book again. "What's that." Asena asked just now noticing the big old looking book. "I'm not sure you're ready." Yelena flips through the pages. "Not ready for what? A bunch of fairytales?" Asena questioned scrunching up her face.

Yelena makes a face. These weren't just fairytales they were a truth and even if they were which she was pretty sure they weren't, they were a history, her history. "They aren't just fairytales they are a truth. Every story in this book is a truth, someone's truth. Every story in this book actually happened." Yelena deadpanned. "Of course they did." Asena sighed. It was a long night and this kid has made it longer. Yelena on the other hand was just huffing. How dare she not take her seriously.

"I know I sound crazy, but use your superpower, see if I'm lying." Yelena dared. Asena did and the girl was telling the truth. She wasn't about to let this kid slide though. "Just because you believe in something doesn't make it true. " Asena looked over at the page. "Uh no that's exactly what makes it true. You would know more than I would." Yelena scans through a page. "Oh really now? Why is that?" Asena asked. "Because you're in this book." Yelena flipped to the next page

"You have problems." Asena chuckles. This kid was crazy but so was she so she had no room to say anything. "Yep. And you're going to fix them." Yelena snorted. Asena laughed before switching lanes.

Enchanted Forest

Pepper and Tony are walking behind a guard with cloaks on their heads. The guard has a torch in his hand and he stops them just before they get to the cell. "When we reach the cell, stay out of the light. And whatever you do, do not let him know your name. If he knows your name, he wil have power over you." The guard warns, Pepper and Tony nod at him. "Loki. Loki! I have a question for you." The guard calls to the man in the cell.

Loki comes out of the shadows of the cell. "No, you don't They do. Pepper Potts and Tony Stark..." Loki rasped coming closer to the bars of the cell. "You insult my abilities. Step into the light and take off those ridiculous robes they don't suit you." Loki beckoned.

Pepper and Tony step into the light and slowly lower their hoods to reveal themselves. "Much better." Loki praises. "We've come to you about the..." Tony started before he was cut off. "Yes, yes, you idiot i know why you're here. You want to know about the queen's threat." Loki giggled before turning to the walls of the cell. "Tell us what you know and skip all the taunting." Tony deadpanned.

Loki was finding this amusing he could tell they were desperate. "Ooh tense, are we? Fear not! I can ease your mind. But... It's going to cost you something." Loki was playing with them he wanted nothing big they couldn't give him what he really wanted. Toying with them would be easy. "No he's just a waste of time." Tony turned to leave and Loki faked offence. "What do you want?" Pepper stepped forward and Tony spun around quickly. "Oh...The name of your unborn child." Loki said leaning against the stone of the wall with his arms crossed. "Absolutely not!" Tony protested.

"Deal! What do you know?" Pepper rushed out quickly. She needed to know she didn't have time for Tony's paranoia. Loki giggles and says, "The queen has created a powerful curse. And it's coming. Soon, you'll all be in a prison. Just like me only worse. Your prison, all of our prisons, will be time. Time will stop, and we will be trapped. Someplace horrible, where everything we hold dear, everything we love, will be ripped from us while we suffer for eternity. While the Queen celebrates, victorious at last. No more happy endings." Loki explains with a smile on his face. He laughs at the fact that they remain absolutely clueless and the fear that he could feel radiating from them. "What can we do?" Pepper asked with a sense of dread in her chest.

She was scared of the answer, well not the answer an answer one that could break her heart. "We can't do anything." Loki emphasizes the we. Because in truth they couldn't there was nothing Pepper, himself, Tony could do. "Who can?" Pepper asked again with that same feeling of dread. "That little thing, growing inside your belly. " Loki moves his hand, in a gesture, towards Pepper's stomach. Tony draws his sword quickly and slashes at his hand. "Hands off reindeer games. Next time I cut it off." Tony sheathed his sword and placed a hand on his wife's lower back. Loki tsks and glances at his hand. "The infant is our only hope. Get the child to safety. Get the child to safety and Ion it's twenty-eighth birthday, the child will return. The child will find you and the final battle will begin." Loki says in a sing song voice before spinning on his heel and moving away from the bars.

Tony didn't like that answer and he made it clear by saying, "We've heard enough. We're leaving." And he guided Pepper to the exit. "Hey! No! We made a deal! I want her name! We had a deal! I need her name! I want her name!" Loki growls and angrily hits the bars. "Her? It's a boy." Tony rests his hand on Pepper's bump. "Missy... Missy... You know I'm right. Tell me, what's her name?" Loki asked in a much more calmer voice. "Asena. Her name is Asena." Pepper sighed and started to walk again. "Asena..." Loki mumbled.

[falcqns]

marjorie

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Morgan Stark & Tony Stark

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: the more Morgan grows, the more she misses her dad.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mentions of endgame, grief, angst, post endgame

✰ 𝐚/𝐧: tagging @natashasera ! i’ll miss you forever, tony 🫶🏼

don't forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever

Never be so clever, you forget to be kind

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were talking to me now

When her father first died, Morgan didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why everyone was upset, why everyone was wearing black, why her mom slept on the couch or with her instead of in her bed.

More than anything, Morgan didn’t understand why her dad wasn’t with her. Why he wasn’t downstairs in the morning, making her pancakes, and drinking his green smoothie like he did every morning? Why wasn’t he the one comforting her after a nightmare or when she’s sick? She loved her mother, she truly did, but where did her father go?

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

What died didn't stay dead

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, you're alive in my head

As Morgan grew, she began to understand. She still fully didn’t understand, but she was able to grasp the concept of her father was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. At first, she thought that she did something wrong to make her dad leave, but her mom squashed that immediately.

“Your father didn’t leave because he didn’t love us,” she had said. “He left because he had to. Because it was between his one life, and the life of half of the universe. He died to save us, to make sure you got to live the life he imagined for you.”

And while Morgan understood what her dad did, it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make her any less mad when she saw Nick Fury or Sam Wilson, knowing that it could have been them instead, and that she would still have her dad. It didn’t hurt any less when she addressed father’s day cards to Uncle Happy or her big brother Peter, or even to her mom. It didn’t hurt any less, seeing her classmates and friends with their fathers knowing she’ll never have that.

What died didn't stay dead

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, so alive

Although Morgan struggled with this, with knowing she lost her father at such a young age, she didn’t let it show. No one told her she had to be strong for her mother, but when she came downstairs, on May 29th, 2024, and sees her mother holding a picture of her and her father when she was a baby while crying, she wanted to make sure her mom never had to worry about her.

And so, she started to hide the pain she felt, while telling herself it was better this way, this way her mom didn’t have to worry about her.

Never be so polite, you forget your power

Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were listening to me now

And Morgan thought she was doing a good job. She thought that no one could tell, that everyone assumed she had moved passed it.

And for a while, she was doing a good job. She kept her pain to herself. Only cried in the dead of the night or when home alone, or on the day that her father passed.

That all ended, when her junior prom just so happened to fall on October 17th. And then, just like leaves fall from the trees, all those walls she had built up came crashing down around her in a pile.

The autumn chill that wakes me up

You loved the amber skies so much

Long limbs and frozen swims

Morgan was getting ready for homecoming, and everything was fine. She put on her dress, had her makeup, hair and nails done, and felt prettier than she had ever felt in her 16 years of life. She put her shoes on, and made her way down the stairs, where her date Ryan, who had also been her best friend since first grade, was waiting for her.

Her mom complimented her, told her how beautiful she was and how much she loved her. Morgan could see the longing just behind the loving gaze in her mothers eyes. The longing for her father to be there, standing with her as she goes off to her first prom. She smiled warmly at her mother, and hugged her for a little longer than she normally would, trying to tell her that everything would be okay; that she had done a great job without him, and that he’d be as proud as she was for raising her as a single parent.

After a few pictures with her mom, Ryan, her brother Peter and her Uncle Happy, Morgan and Ryan were in the back of her moms car, being driven to the winery where prom was taking place.

Morgan was a little sad that her dad wasn’t here for this, but that was something that she had gotten used to. She had gotten used to seeing the empty chair next to her mom at her baseball games, at her dance recitals, at her gym meets. She had gotten used to the empty, untouched spot on the sofa that seemed to taunt her as she opened presents on Christmas and her birthday; and had gotten used to the muffled cries from her mom on those same days.

What she hadn’t gotten used to was seeing everyone else with their fathers, and her not having one. She knew almost everyone else in her grade had dads in some way, but to be faced with it on what was supposed to be a happy night, was really tough for Morgan to deal with. She wanted nothing more than her dad to be the one embarrassing her with her date who was definitely just a friend and who she definitely has not been in love with since 2nd grade, a year after they met. She wanted to hear her dad tell her she was beautiful, that she had made him proud, that while he hated seeing her grow up, he was loving who she was becoming.

But she couldn’t have that. The other girls in her class had that; but she didn’t.

She made it through the pictures by biting her tongue, and avoiding all the other girls in her class, but wasn’t as lucky after dinner had finished and the slower music began to play.

By the time the song “Candle In The Wind” started playing, Morgan felt like she was a house being held together by still-wet glue; one wrong move and she’d be falling apart, letting the entire world what was wrong on the inside.

Ryan convinced her to go dance, and she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the tears at bay as the song played on. She just had to hold it together until the end of the song, then she could go to the bathroom, cry a little bit, fix her makeup, and everything would be fine.

You'd always go past where our feet could touch

And I complained the whole way there

The car ride back and up the stairs

And then, Elton John sang the words “and i would have liked to have known you, but i was just a kid.” and a tear spilled over. Suddenly, she was powerless to stop them coming, despite her earlier strength. She bowed her head, trying to hide the tears from Ryan, but Ryan had always been able to sense when something was wrong with her.

“Hey,” He whispered, pulling her closer. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She also knew she couldn’t lie to him, so she didn’t. “No,” she whimpered, and Ryan wasted no time in dragging her off the dance floor, and leading her outside. He wrapped her in a hug, and let her cry.

She also knew that Ryan knew what was wrong, which she was grateful for. He always seemed to know exactly what she needed and what she was thinking, which made being his friend 10x easier.

“He’d be proud of you, y’know?” Ryan whispered. “Getting this far, with his last name, and not being expelled.” He joked, and Morgan laughed. “You’re the top of our class in every subject, you have an awesome best friend, and you have a family who supports you no matter what. He’d be so proud.”

Morgan sniffled. “It hurts,” She said. “Seeing our classmates with their dads. Knowing that they have someone they can call dad, someone they can go to for things they can’t go to their moms about. I don’t have that, and I hate it.”

Ryan hugged her tighter. “I know.” He whispered.

“I miss it. I miss it all. All aspects of having a dad. I miss him even though I barely had him.” She continued. “I barely had him, and I barely know him because it hurts to much to learn about him, even though there’s nothing more that I want in this world than to truly know my father.”

Ryan shrugged. “I know. I cant imagine what this feels like, and you have full permission to hit me if this isn’t what is going to help;” he said, prompting a giggle from Morgan. “but maybe, it would help if you did learn about him. If you did talk to your mom, to your brother and uncle, read things about him. It might help you to feel closer to him if you know him.”

I should've asked you questions

I should've asked you how to be

“Hi dad.” Morgan said, sitting down in front of her fathers headstone. “I’m sorry that I haven’t visited before now,” She began. “I never really had someone to take me before, and I know it’s too hard for Mom, Peter and Uncle Happy to come here. And, it was just too hard for me too. Knowing that you’re here, but that I can see you, or hold your hand. But, I’ve realized that that was just hurting me more, not knowing who you are and not talking to you.”

Morgan took a deep breath, before telling her father all about her life. About her accomplishments, about what she liked, and about Ryan. About how she had loved him for so long but didn’t know how to tell him, and that she wished he was here so that she could know what Ryan might be thinking. She told him that she missed him, and that even though she only had him for 4, they were the best 4 years.

“You were my best four years, Dad.” She said, letting the tear run down her face. “I miss you more and more everyday.”

She stayed a little bit longer, not wanting to leave. But, when the sun started to touch the horizon, she knew it was time to head home. She touched the headstone once more, promising to herself that she would come back more often.

“I love you 3000, Dad. I’ll see you soon.”

She opened the car door, and Ryan smiled at her.

“How was it?” He asked.

Morgan nodded with a smile. “You were right. It did help.”

“Always the tone of surprise,” he teased, making Morgan laugh as they pulled away from the cemetery, heading back home.

Asked you to write it down for me

Should've kept every grocery store receipt

'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Morgan looked out her window, seeing all of the parents saying goodbye to their children.

It was her freshman year at MIT, and she had never felt so ready; so at peace. She had been given her fathers old dorm. And although he hadn’t set foot in this room for years, it still felt like him, and it calmed her. She would miss her Mom like crazy, but she felt safe, knowing she was following in her fathers footsteps.

Her eyes fell onto her forearm, where she had the words “i love you 3000, my Maguna” in her dads handwriting were inked into her skin. It had been her moms idea on her 18th birthday. he had written it on her 18th birthday card, which he wrote the night before him and the Avengers won. She got it tattooed that very same day, and that small little tattoo had become her lifeline.

It no longer hurt, seeing fathers with their children. She felt a longing, something she knew she always would, but it didn’t break her in two like it once did.

Her eyes moved to her left hand, and she smiled. She knew that the man who had gave her the beautiful diamond ring that sat on her ring finger had a lot to do with that, and she couldn’t be happier.

Watched as you signed your name Marjorie

All your closets of backlogged dreams

And how you left them all to me

“Hi Dad,” Morgan said, sitting down, trying to be careful of the newborn in her arms, and the scar on her stomach that was still healing. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here last week, this little one decided to make his arrival sooner than planned.” She said, looking down at her son with a smile.

“We named him after you.” She said. “Theodore Anthony Stark. Theo for short.” She smiled. “And yes, Ryan took your last name, we got the paperwork finalized. He wanted us to share a name, but didn’t want me giving up your name, so he took yours. Hope that’s okay.”

Morgan swallowed the lump in her throat. “Ryan was going to be here, but he somehow got suckered into moving some furniture for Mom, and I know for a fact that you had something to do with that.” She sniffled. “I’m sorry you won’t get to see him grow up, but I know you’ll always be looking out for him. And I promise to talk about you as much as possible, and to make sure he knows that had it not been for you, he wouldn’t have existed. Thank you for your sacrifice, Dad. It brought me Ryan, and then Theo. I miss you,” she said.

“I think I’ll miss you forever,” she continued. “But I know you’ll always be with me.”

“I love you 3000, Dad.”

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

I know better

But I still feel you all around

I know better

But you're still around

[tatjana-fantasy]

(Part 5)

Let’s continue my replay of The Quarry :) Some thoughts (Chapter 8 + Chapter 9):

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 6

I can totally understand why Ryan wouldn’t want to kill Chris, who is essentially his father figure. At the same time, I do understand why Laura doesn’t see another option. I still think it’s a little extreme for her to immediately want to kill Chris, but I sadly get where she is coming from ;__;

I actually like Ryan’s and Laura’s dynamic quite a lot! More in a sibling than in a romantic way, though. :)

Okay, let’s talk about the infamous “Maybe neither.” Personally, I always thought that in the context of Laura’s question, it simply meant that Ryan likes neither more (and at least the German version translates it as “I like both”), but even if we assume that he likes neither of them … he doesn’t owe Dylan anything. Just like Emma is completely allowed to say No to Jacob without being harassed over it, Ryan is completely allowed to say No to Dylan without being harassed over it. And I say that as someone who ships them.

Speaking off Dylan, I LOVE the scene where Emma “maces” him XD

STOP LAURA STOP LAURA STOP LAURA (I lost Nick on my first playthrough because I wanted to show my trust in her T__T)

Yay, I freed Jacob :D The puzzle is still soooo confusing though. I’m kinda glad I avoided it on my first playthrough because I can’t imagine I would’ve ever pulled it off!

WTF is up with the music after Laura gets captured?? And how have I never noticed how unintentionally funny it is??

I’m surprised the dialogue between Abigail and Emma in the beginning stays the same even if she’s infected :O

I heard that Constance’s death apparently got censored in some versions of the game, so I’m happy mine isn’t among them :) She and Travis were the only Hacketts that died on my first playthrough …

Not gonna lie, Jed’s death by Laura’s hand is surprisingly brutal!

Bobby is so hilarious, I love him <3 <3 <3

I LOVE the moral dilemma of accepting Laura’s bite. On my first playthrough, I accepted Laura’s bite because I hoped that there would be another way to save Chris, but at the same time, I feared that I made the wrong choice. I really didn't want to kill him :-(

You all already know this, but: HOLY SHIT THE SCRAPYARD SCENE IS SO GOOD. The werewolf, the lights, the music! And afterwards, when Dylan begs Kaitlyn to leave him! While it sucks that he won’t be in the lodge later, this scene almost makes it worth it <3 Oh, and I got the trophy for infecting everyone, so now I just need to save them ;-)

And then, the scene with Abi and Emma. Emma’s words to Abi hurt so much T__T Her “Abi …” at the end sounded like an apology :-(

(Btw, I luckily knew what I had to do and escaped via the ladder, but I think it really sucks that going to the stairs is an automatic death sentence.)

On my first playthrough, I refused to shoot Chris during the Hackett showdown, and Ryan, Laura and Travis died. I was freaking devastated. Ryan’s death in particular left me so heartbroken that I had to stop playing for that day, only to have literal nightmares about how Dylan would react to his death. It certainly left a lasting impression on me … only to pull the rug under my feet when I saw what the actual ending of the game was :-/

I love the Hierophant flashback, but damn, I really wish the game would allow you to pick another card afterwards :-/ I think it’s pretty unfair that simply finding this card already makes it impossible to see another card’s vision …

But anyway, I still enjoyed these chapters despite some problems I have with them. :) See you next time, when I finish my replay of The Quarry!

[ohhkaty]

Y'all (@allieisacrybaby and @losfacedevil) are sweet for the tags, and I love questionnaires so even though I'm late to the party I'm gonna do it ♡ Were you named after anyone?

Yeah! So my full first name comes from Caitlin Ryan on Degrassi (just spelt slightly different). My middle name comes from my grandmother on my dad's side who apparently said (when she found out my middle name) "WHY?? I HATE my name and I ALSO hate the queen", so I respect that.

When was the last time you cried?

I can't remember (unsure if that's a good or bad thing✌️)

Do you have kids?

Nope! But I have a tiny baby (cat) named Orville and he is my child.

Do you use a lot of sarcasm?

Like the queen Janice says; For sure.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

The fact that I completely misread this question and made it about myself is absolutely hilarious. But to actually answer the question, I don’t know. Also probably tattoos or just general vibes (I can pick up on people’s vibe pretty quick).

What’s your eye color?

Green!

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, I'm very specific about the types of scary movies I watch (it can't be anything that feels rooted in realism, like I don't want to feel like I'd be able to turn the tv on and the situation would be on the news).

Any special talents?

Not really? I can speed read, does that count?

Where were you born?

Central Canada

What are your hobbies?

Reading, crafting (I make cards and I'm working on a pattern for a beaded curtain), and I've recently started making little models.

Have any pets?

Even if two of them are my mum's they count. Orville (my black and white baby), Frodo (my mum's cream coloured tabby), and Sam (a tiny little grey man with white boots)

What sports do you play/have you played?

I played t-ball when I was a kid. I like to go on hikes/walks now and that's enough.

How tall are you?

5'8

Favorite subject in school?

Art and Theatre, please don't ask me to do math.

Dream job?

"Darling I told you several times before. I have no dream job, I do not dream of labor." - James Baldwin

Tags: If you haven't done this yet and want to, you're tagged and I want to read it!

[lebihanto-universe-blog]

Be Irresistible, Click Here Dating Cards: Membership: ... welcome to hardly initiated it is your host taon Jackson in here with another very special episode with my co-host Ryan catchin boy we are kicking off a new year it's really popping we kicking off a new year and a very special weekend because for those of you who don't know it's January 14th the weekend of MLK day this the MLK Eve right here the day before the 15th and we doing it very special because we are going to be shooting this episode here with you know arguably one of the greatest voices of my generation at this point because we in here rocking with a certified school psychologist doctor Clinical Psychology author and the prince of Pana africanism we in here rocking with Dr Omar Johnson welcome to Hardley initiation pan africanism glad to be here Brothers thanks for having me Atlanta want to give a shout out to Atlanta one of my my biggest support cities you know whenever I come to Atlanta the people always show up and show out this is also the state of my maternal ancestors uh we come from deep in south Georgia so this is kind of bag home home away from home and Atlanta is one of the first cities I spoke at when I did blow up back in 2010 yeah so this is a very special place for me and uh this is the first live YouTube Interview I've done this is huge history in the make it right here and I told I was telling them earlier man my mom was sending me I think my mom actually introduced me to Dr Umar back in like 2012 and um I must say actually it's her birthday as well big shout out happy birthday to you moms happy birthday to the Queen Mother and I'm going give my mama a early birthday greeting as well on the 23rd 23rd happy early birthday happy early birthday is going on in here and we got something special going on I can't wait to get in this conversation family because we y'all seen it the state of black relationships we're going to go there we gonna take it there so y'all get ready because this is going to be a very powerful session that we G have here today Harley initiated but what I want to do first is Ry you going to tell the people the special things we got coming now see this is the thing I don't want to go into too many announcements because we already made the biggest announcement which is we got Dr Umar Johnson in the building so I will say this today is the last day for the pre-release special of the Harley initiated dating cards guys so love 20 make sure you get that discount and the cars is moving fast like they are people are really wanting to find connection they want to know the right questions the EGS and the cars just do the trick does the trick y'all so the link is in the description as well as in the chat you put love 20 in there you get 20% off for my first people it's gonna take about two weeks to get in there for your pre-order so just be patient with us but that's why we gonna hook you up with that 20% off and go ahead and cop those ASAP and big shout out to everybody that's in here ready to get this conversation popped off because I have a conversation that I feel like Dr Umar you are absolutely most qualified to help us out on here because man when I turn on you know my computer and I I I look on social media or just see the conversations that's being had it seems like it's truly a Great Divide corre between black men and women today true especially in in the space of love and relationships correct it just seems like we don't have a a ton of trust among one another you know everybody is very cynical about long-term Rel relationships and this is I would call it a major crisis right now in our community I would agree with that we already know we have an economic crisis in the community but now we see that this family and this relational crisis that we have that's Rising which one would you say is greater right now as far as a issue or potential issue for the future of our our relationships and our family I would say that they related uh

if we look at this in its proper context we go back and we see that the rise of the single black mother- Le household doesn't begin until the 70s up until then most of our homes had a mother and a father so slavery didn't destroy the black family we stayed married through slavery I know my ancestors in particular they kept the family together through slavery so it wasn't slavery that did it it was the economic disintegration of the black community so after they assassinated Dr King the US government decided upon a policy to destroy the black men's ability to fund any future civil rights efforts so they came into the inner cities and they took out all the all the factory jobs stripped the black man of his ability to earn remember up until the 70s they were not pushing go to college in order to be a success you could live a decent life working in any of the major in cities as a laborer so they took that out then they went into the high schools and stripped the high schools of the industrial building training programs so carpentry auto mechanic welding Roofing uh electric plumbing they took all that out those was the skills that paid the bills in essence what they did was they made the black man economically irrelevant to the black woman I want to say that one more time the 70s was the beginning of the process of making the black man economically irrelevant to the black woman a man's primary responsibility is to protect and to provide we can protect but the providing is the issue now you fast forward 65 years until now since Dr King's assassination a lot of our women don't understand the political history that brought about the economic Devastation of the black male if my woman Wes makes more money than me that in and of itself is not a problem unless she attributes the reason she makes more money than me to the fact that I'm lazy I'm shiftless I'm irresponsible I'm unaccountable it's the interpret ration of the reality that's our problem because if my woman makes more money than me then so be it that shouldn't necessarily be an issue unless she feels some types of way about that or if I feel some type of way about that because it does go both ways you have sisters who feel like they can emotionally abuse and emasculate Brothers if they have more education and income on the flip side you got brothers who cannot accept a relationship where the woman out earns and out educates him so it can go both ways but that economic piece is Major because we're the only men in America who are out earned by our women we're the only ones and it's by Design now when you come to YouTube and you see the back and forth banter between the men and the women a lot of that is due to poor political education and understanding of the reality but another part of it is trauma see we got to understand when we get emotional we're dealing with our unconscious pains and memories nobody's in the present moment when you get emotional the minute you are overrun by your emotions that's your trauma talking and one of the reasons black male female relationships are so dysfunctional is you got traumatic man trying to relate to traumatic woman neither one of them is dealing with the person across the table because they're both reacting from past hurt which is why I believe that when you get out of one relationship before you go into another one you need a period of healing because if in fact you were in love it's going to take you a while to heal your soul back because love is the process of two becoming one so if that was really love before you move on you got to take a break and heal the problem gentlemen is we don't like to take the break and heal and the reason why black men and black women don't like to take the break to heal is when you are in solitude and this is why spirituality functions on a foundation of solitude when you are alone your soul forces to the surface issues in your life that you need to address dress that you don't feel like addressing so the reason

I'm rushing out to get another woman isn't because I'm ready to build another relationship it's because when I'm home alone I deal with my abandonment of my mother I deal with my sexual abuse of my uncle I deal with the emotional emasculation I suffered from my mother I'm dealing with the bullying from my siblings you see that so how do you escape your internal demons you run out and you date and so in the black community dating and mating has become the new EST drug is how we escape from taking responsibility for our emotional health wow damn dating is the new drug I mean that makes perfect sense dating absolutely has become a drug and we talked about that a bit with us not wanting to deal with our baggage so you you covered a spectrum of issues that we having right now that got us here you talked about how pretty much the government has played a hand in our circumstance our trauma has played a hand in our circumstance absolutely and those two together you know has created pretty much what we see today correct when we're looking that the band are coming uh uh that's happening between men and women yes today this is the the uh the the outcome of that are we my issue is are we do you see us preparing for the resolve do we have things in place right now for us to have realistic solution I don't think so and the reason why I don't believe we are there yet if I look at it from a therapeutic standpoint in order for me to get to a place of resolve to a place of solution I have to be willing to empathically hear the other side out we don't hear the other side we talk to each other but we do not listen it's yelling the women are yelling at the brothers the brothers are yelling at the women I have yet to hear a serious conversation on YouTube that that involved reflective listening so sister based on what you're telling me you hurt because you have had man after man come into your life use you for your physical assets and fail to invest in you as a woman am I hearing you yes you're hearing me how can we do better as men to not disappoint our women because see here's the situation as we know the woman is the first teacher of the child so that scorn unconsciously she's not doing it on purpose but the scorn is being passed down to the daughter you see that so the daughter is being raised with this animosity towards black men before she's even old enough to date or understand what it is so if we as men want to improve the relationship opportunities for our grand children's grandchildren we have to be much more careful with the hearts of our women because whatever pain we put in her she's going to transmit psychosocially to her daughter without even being conscious of it so we're not just dealing with the failure of black onblack love right now we're dealing with the failure of black-on-black love for the rest of the century so you talked about earlier the rise of single motherhood in our community it if anything turned our community into a matriarch at that point in time true are we still there in 2024 the matriarchy isn't in and of itself a problem because not all African societies are patriarchal you have matriarchal African societies the issue is when the woman feels that because she's had to Bear the brunt of responsibility for raising the children and paying the bills that the man should have no voice so matriarchy by itself is not a problem patriarchy alone is not a problem it's only when we take this matriarchy patriarchy and marry it to a European narrative that says because I'm the bread winner in this home I don't have to listen to the other person we devalue the role of the man and we devalue the role of the Woman based on European values because guess what how much you earn has nothing to do with what you can contribute to the system and to these children so all of of us have been influenced negatively by The White Man's power structure to the point where even in our house he's still operating at a distance through the way that

we think take economics money and sex those two variables play too big of a role in our relationships sex is important money is important but they should not be the be all and in all of whether or not the relationship is going to make sense and if money and sex are dominating the relationship the relationship is being ran on a superficial structure because money runs out how you perform in bed that will dim overtime too so we cannot be coming together for money and sex because if that's the case this really isn't a relationship it's a pleasure contract and a lot of us in the community have pleasure contracts we call relationships and the difference between a pleasure contract and a relationship is a relationship requires obligation and accountability see when you have a pleasure contract I sex my queen when I sex her we go to the movies when we want to go to the movies we go to the Bahamas we want to go to the Bahamas we go to the Festival we want to go to it's all pleasure based I see you when you want to see me you see me when you want to see me relationship I'm accountable to you whether we having fun or not relationship your longterm best interest as a human being is part of my responsibility a lot of people are calling pleasure contracts and situationships which is when neither one of you really know what the hell this is we're calling them relationships and they're not so number one we got to be honest about what the the the particular structure is is this situationship we just trying to figure it out is this a pleasure contract we just having fun in and out of the bed when we feel like it or is this a relationship where you're going to be accountable to me even when you are angry and upset and don't want to be bothered what a exactly is this because there's a big difference and unfortunately because we don't communicate with the women in our lives as men once they open their legs they tend to assume that there's some sort of a relationship here no matter how minuscule we never clarify that and the reason we never clarify that is in our selfishness as men we like to have our cake and eat it too so we know she's developing a bond you understand but we're never going to clarify the bond because I want to be a able to dip out the back door the minute she puts too much responsibility on me where had if you told her up front this is just a pleasure contract and arrangement she could have probably done a better job of keeping her feelings to herself but because we don't want to see her with nobody else we would rather run the risk of of of of hurting her spiritually and emotionally than Let Her Go free to find what she really needs selfishness plays a big role in this now let me ask you this uh because you mentioned about money and sex what should be at the root of a healthy relationship for me the the the the foundation of a healthy relationship first of all let's deal with the four Essentials in order for the relationship to work at all you got to have humility a lot of times we don't have humility if the relationship is based on ego it's not a relationship you see that ego means you hear me but I don't have to hear you that's not a relationship that's a Master Slave relationship when you have one person who has all the power and the other person who does not and to that point that is a very toxic situation we see in our community too where the woman is the slave master and the man is the slave or the man is the slave master and the woman is the slave and you've seen these relationships where one person makes all the decisions and have all the power and the other person needs to remain silent unless spoken to you see which goes down another road of where you should not be dating if you have low self-esteem because people with low self-esteem will always be taken advantage of in the Arena and too many men and women are out there looking for their ideal mate but you don't have the ideal self-esteem in order to engage the type

of mate that you want so if I speak to a young sister what type of man you want I speak to a young brother what type of Queen you want they describe them is your self-esteem at a level that this type of person will want you oh because you can't hide how you feel about yourself once you've been around a queen for a couple weeks she know how you feel about yourself just like you know how she feel about herself self when you've been around her for a couple weeks so the role of self-esteem is critical because as you know a player a brother who knows how to game women he can read their level of self-esteem quickly he knows exactly what her thirsty meter is hitting at you see and a woman knows exactly what his thirsty meter is hitting at AB but getting back to those four Essentials you need humility I got to be humble enough to be quiet when she's wrong to hear her out I got to be humble enough to remain quiet while she's expressing her points about me everything she just said may be wrong she may have accused me of cheating she may have accused me of all kind of things but guess what this is her truth in this moment let me Shut the up let her say what she need to say when she's done reflective listening baby you believe the reason I came home at 1:00 last night because I was over my baby mom's is that how you feel do you believe that okay let me try to prove see let me try to prove to you that I was not there you see what I'm saying yeah the problem with us because most of us was raised by women we get a little you see that so when our Queen get we want to get right back that's not the behavior of a man that's not masculine masculinity says she's in her pain and because she's in her pain I'm G to validate her even if she's incorrect because I don't ever want her to feel that I don't understand where she coming from we get right into defense mode raised by single black mothers we want to give her back the same energy she giv us that's a gridlock we don't move nowhere you got to have humility the next thing you got to have is you got to have communication one of the biggest mistakes we have in our relationships in the black community we want our partners to read our minds if you're in a relationship with a woman who needs you to read her mind that is an emotionally immature woman and you need to end it a woman should should be able to tell a man what she wants and how she feels and a man should be able to tell a woman what he wants and how he feels cuz it goes both ways whenever you're in a relationship and somebody expects you to read their mind as I've often said to Sisters I'm a psychologist not a psychic you understand I observe and evaluate I can't read you see so tell me how you feel the reason why a lot of sisters would rather us feel them out then communicate to us how they feel is they afraid of rejection they don't want to verbalize it because they're afraid it may get rejected so they would rather you read the mind so they don't have to uh uh Garner uhhhh the audacity to tell you exactly how they feeling in other words you need to make a decision whether or not you're gonna marry me we've been in this relationship for three years you see that yeah she wants to say it she ain't got the courage because she's afraid of what your response is so she's been pouting around the house acting up like what's wrong with her she want to know where this Rel relationship is going but she's not going to say it because you ain't giving her the confidence to say that you see so we have to make sure that when we are dating people we're dating people who mirror our psychological age because all of us have a biological age we also have a psychological age so let's say you 45 years old biologically your queen is 45 years old biologically but she been traumatized raped abused abandoned by her father emotionally scarred by her mother although she's 45 biologically psychologically she could be 12 psychologically you could be six and a big reason why

a lot of our relationships don't work out is you got two people who are around the same biological age but psychologically they at two different levels you see this like damn why she acting like a child why he acting like a child because guess what they are not psychologically where you are and here's a big problem we have we think we've met our match when we get into a relationship where we never argue and there's no type of conflict or disagreement that's a trap you know why that's a trap everybody has a pain body you got one you got one I got one they got one what is a pain body that is an energy that you carry within your soul it's a deep part of your unconscious that contains the memory of every negative experience you ever had in your life from the time you got bullied you know from uh uh your father spanking you in front of your friends your girlfriend cheating on you everything you went through negative is in this pain body right you have one everybody got one if you've never seen it activated in your queen to be it ain't time to get married yet because you have to determine whether or not you can live with her pain body when it gets activated see this is where we date for five years and everything been great we moved in for one month now we getting a divorce you know why because it's easy to date when y'all don't have to share the same space it's easy to date when y'all don't have to share the same space now y'all sharing the same space in all that that she kept hidden in her or all that you kept hidden in you now it's going to come out and do you want to know why the ego doesn't like to lie your ego never want when she says are you cheating on me you say no if you are your ego want to say yeah I'm cheating I'm you see you see the ego doesn't like the lie you see so once you're forced three things normally Force the ego to tear the mask off because when we dating each other we're basically dating the ideal self we're projecting before the other person we're not dating who we really are when you meet somebody you never tell them I'm an alcoholic I have trouble showing up for work at time I had 10 jobs in the past year my father left me I grew up in a brothel with my mother who was a prostitute you're not telling her none of that she has to figure out all your flaws on her own just like you have to figure out all her flaws on your own you see that and so that's why we don't trust each other when we begin dating because we both know we got a pain body we both know we got baggage and neither person wants to be transparent about what their issues are from the beginning damn see we force the other person to learn them on their own so nobody trusts nobody cuz I know you got in your closet and you ain't giving me none of it and because I got to study you and I don't know how long I'm going have to study you I'm going to try to hold my feelings back as much as I can and for that very same reason we like to keep something on the side too because if this don't work out I need something else to fall out on well guess what if you got something on the side there's no way you can be fully committed to this now let me tie trauma back into this how can you fully love if you're too afraid to get hurt right and if you can't fully love because you're too afraid to get hurt you have have no business dating in the first place because what you might mistake for love is nothing more than a psychologically unhealthy attachment or addiction for someone else's presence in your life to validate you right now we got an epidemic of black men killing their women that wasn't love you couldn't kill somebody you loved you know what was going on he was addicted to her presence in his life his illness cannot exist without her presence in his life and because he can no longer have her presence in his life he's going to take her life that's not love that's Psychopathology and addiction and you have a lot of traumatized black people running around thinking

they in love with people you're not in love you are simply addicted to their presence in your life they serve a purpose for you that's it it's not love and if you don't really understand what love is often times clinginess attachment thirstiness and addiction is called love and it's not love don't hurt if it hurts it has to be trauma take us into love though because because I I do agree with you a lot of people are confused about what love is right so how would you define love when you truly love somebody truly here's the thing about love love is unconditional that's the first thing I want to say is it really love is unconditional if it's conditions on it it ain't love it's a contract and that's okay if both of you agree on the terms she may agree we have a pleasure contract we got an economic contract where you going to take care of me and as long as you take care of me I'm going be your woman the Puff Daddy Arrangement you feel me that works for some people no you have women like that you have men like that I'm gonna floss you up and as long as I floss you up you gonna be loyal to me but that's a contract that's not love contracts are different from love why contracts are conditional love is unconditional if I love my queen what if she comes home one day and say hey baby uh I don't want to work this I don't want to be a lawyer no more but if I only married her because I like the way her law degree looks on Dr Umar in public you see how this goes she's changing but if I love her okay baby that's what you don't want to do you want to go into something else let's do it love is UN when you love somebody you are 100% unapologetically And unconditionally committed to that person's best interest even if it is to your loss what if your fiance come home and say listen babe I had a long conversation with my ex-husband I never thought I would look at this again but we left a lot on the table together I enjoyed the time we had I think that man might still be my soulmate I got to move on I might still hurt because I loved her right but if that love is true if you feel that's who you meant to spend the rest of your life with I gotta love you and want the best for you most of us cannot do that what we call love is limited to your investment in me you see that yeah anytime they step outside of the box we created for them we get angry because that was not love you had conditions on it your woman gained 20 pounds now you're going to divorce or you say if you gain another 20 pounds this marriage is over that was not love that was a contract because it had conditions if I love that woman unconditionally whether she gained 20 30 40 50 pounds I'm not going nowhere that we might need to have a conversation about her health because I want you around for our children to get married you understand but there's no such thing as ending a relationship because you stepped outside of my perfect box if you loved her love is unconditional and most of what we got in the black community or contracts disguised as loving relationships because you know that I mean that's what I think of when I when I think of even the role of a man being to provide to protect I'm thinking those are conditions like this relationship will exist between us as long as you provide and you protect are those not conditions on the contract of Love or you are correct those are a little different though because those are expected gender roles that go back to the beginning of time in other words I know she's going to be birthing the babies I know I'm expected to be the provider even if she makes more than me so gender RS are conditions but because those are culturally determined I would put them in a separate box because we come in understanding that this is part of what you're supposed to do as a man or as a woman versus don't gain no weight don't lose that job don't your income better not drop don't have more than one child you see what I'm saying yeah I'm dealing with those personal conditions

that you want to impose on the other person versus the conditions that the culture imp imposes on us as men and women understood understood now going back to because you were saying you we were y still good on the sound we good down a little bit there we go there we go we straight we straight okay excellent so let me give them two other ones I'm sorry hold on wait wait because you gotta I want you to hold it because there's so much to unpack hold on to those two other ones but I really want to touch on this because you talked about being able to us dealing with our pain bodies yes and us not knowing exactly how to connect with one another because we really don't know who we are in that pain body how can one and this for me cuz I'm out here I'm a brother who's seriously dating I really want to look I'm trying to get out these damn streets yes sir yes sir so the reality of it is how is a man looking to authentically know a woman her pain body what she really comes with to unlock that version of her and her to unlock that in me as well how does that happen the own first of all it cannot happen until both of you feel the other person is a safe space for you so it doesn't happen early on in a relationship it happens at a point normally after you guys have been intimate although I don't think that's a good idea I think it needs to come before the intimacy because intimacy tends to unlock a lot of that pain see so when you guys get to a point where you're pretty sure that you're interested in taking this a little further let's start talking about some of the things we've been through so we can understand each other a little more okay you see that the problem is people are very slow to disclose past traumas because number one they buried them somewhere deep within themselves and don't want to touch them again and they fail to realize that they still exude energy and influence all throughout your life so that's number one she don't want to revisit the rape so I'm not even going to bring it up to him you see that yeah that's how trauma operates we think we can bury it you can't so so that's that's one issue number two if I tell him this how do I know he ain't going to share it with his mother his best friend his brother we as black people have a very poor culture of confidentiality we don't keep things confidential you know I look at my life right I've never discussed my personal intimate moments with women with nobody if anybody ever found out about me and a woman I don't care if it was high school she had to tell it because I consider the woman so sacred and her giving me that part of her so sacred no body will know that this ever happened but I knew I know few men who are like that a lot of men are like women they want to run and tell everything that goes on in the relationship if there's no confidentiality in the relationship nobody's ever going to disclose anything a woman has to know that if I tell him this even if we don't work out this never goes into another person's ears you would the same way if you got a man who' been sexually abused or grew up in a foster home but nobody knew it or my mom is really my aunt cuz my mom left me on a step I if I tell her this and we end up not working out is this table talk at girls night you see so people got to really feel you're a safe space before they start to divulge that part of themselves it's expose culture right now the every everything everybody is being put on blast right now and that's exactly why a lot of us are not willing to tell our significant others the type of pain that we carry around with us every day because if this gets out it'll be used against Me by people who are not for me and so in my effort to bring some healthiness into our relationship you just unearth my trauma for the world to use against me trauma is a hell of a thing gentlemen it's a hell of a thing people bury it and they don't like to bring it back up and see here's the thing to your point there were four things

we needed as children if you got these four things from both parents you needed it from Mom and you needed it from Dad the opposite sex parent is more relevant though although both are important you needed intimacy you needed your mother to love you and you had to F the love you need your father to love you and you had to feel the love remember a woman's first love affair is with her father it's not sex it's psychological a man's first love affair is with his woman with his mother it's not sex it's psychological if my mother loved me right I'm not afraid to love a woman when I grow up you see that and I have confidence that if this relationship doesn't work out I can leave it and find another one you see that yeah if that woman's father loved her she won't have trouble loving a man and she's not going to walk around scared is he cheating is he gonna hurt me because her father validated her Womanhood so much that she knows if it doesn't work out I can leave and find another one women who had their fathers in their lives in an intimate healthy way men who had their mothers in their lives in an intimate healthy way they operate in The Dating game completely different if y'all think about the women you dated who had a loving relationship with a biological father and the women you dated who did not know their father I'm quite certain you can tell some differences between them trust anger uh uh uh uh vulnerability confidence completely different man and woman so you need intimacy that love second thing you need and these are in no order availability was Mom present in your life was Dad present in your life was they at the football game was they at the basketball dance did they come to the birthday parties or were they absent did you have parents who abandoned you so you got intimacy you got availability then you also have reciprocity did Mom and that do for you or did you have nothing at all when your shoes got holes on them did they get you another pair you understand that when you were still hungry at dinner could you get another plate or did you live in an environment of scarcity so you got intimacy you have reciprocity you have availability and the fourth one was trust could you trust your father when he gave you his word could you trust your mother when she gave you if your mother dropped you off at Grandma's and said baby I'm going to the mall it's 12: noon I'mma be back at 8 but you didn't see her for eight days later see that yeah any trauma we got from our parents especially the opposite sex parent we carry over into our dating relationships this is why nobody should be marrying anyone if you didn't meet their parents because you got to know who made them because you're going to begin to see into their trauma just by being around mom and dad for a couple hours which is another reason why I don't think people should get married before they live together now I know the church and the M yes okay they gonna be pissed off at you for that one yeah but I have limits go back to what I said earlier the reason why you got to live with someone my maximum and I tell women this I'll say it here now two years if a woman been living under the same roof with a man consecutively for two years he knows if he GNA wife her first of all we men after about six months you got a pretty good idea whether this is you understand after you pretty certain but you might drag it out just in case she got some skeletons that need to pop out in you see right right right but after two years a man knows so when I talk to women who say yeah I've been living with my baby daddy for five years he said he's still not sure he's sure he just don't want to tell you because he don't want to let you go free because he know how good of a woman you are and he don't want nobody else to experience that a man knows two years is my limit but the reason you got to live together is what I said earlier we know how to be the best actor Hollywood ever created when we don't have to

share space if all I'm doing is picking you up going to dinner going to the movies going to the Hawks game going to the Falcons game going to vacation to Bermuda we have a pleasure contract we about to turn this into an official relationship well guess what I got things about me I don't really want you to know but guess what now you live with her you under the same roof now mind you y'all been dating for five years it's been great you live with her for one week guess what you found out in one week you found out she don't like to wash her ass this is real right this is real she finds out you don't like to put the toilet seat down you find out she can't cook she find out you got two other cell phones and both of your baby mamas call you all through the night and talk about they personal problems with their new boyfriends she would have never knew that if y'all never cohabitated she not paying bills on time you not taking out the trash you not spending no time with her kids now when you was just picking them up for dinner you was okay with little rayquan right now rayquan in your house you don't want to do with him now you see this yeah you got to live with people you got to live with people because you never fully know someone until they drop their guard in the in the three conditions that normally Force the ego to stop lying and tuck away the actor we like to project pregnancy marriage cohabitation yeah I recommend you cohabitate first before the pregnancy and the marriage so you can really know who this person is you don't know him if you ain't live with him but ladies it should be a two-year limit I will say this man ladies I used to always say is I say the people that work with you I actually say the people that live with you and the people that work with you know you know you very well and I say work because you get to see a different side of them they work a they work ethics you know their habits their patterns in a different way as far as they grind especially a man but in general man I must say man I don't and I failed at it I failed at living with a woman and it could be mainly because I did find these things out but the reality of it is too I it could be very confusing when you start shacking up with somebody it's a lot of confusion involved with that it is but here's my question for you though were you ready to compromise your personal lifestyle in the agenda you had for yourself because remember relationship means compromise if you're not ready to give up or give in on anything that's important in your life you ain't ready for a relationship you still need a pleasure contract because you're not ready to be accountable and you're not ready to take on responsibility for that other person you see that yeah so a lot of the confusion stems around the fact that you like her but you're not ready to compromise the life I live I'm not ready to only watch one game on Sunday with the homies when I'm normally there from 12 to 12 you see that I'm not ready to put in the type of time with her children that are not mine that I spend with my own you see that yes I'm not ready to start being responsible for how I spend my money I normally do it how I want and she wants us to have a budget I ain't never done no damn budget you see are you ready to compromise because two egos that are not ready to compromise can't have a relationship that's a situationship or a pleasure contract and again that's all right if that's where you are but the minute you say relationship that means you got to give up in order to get in let me ask you this I want to take the conversation in a bit of a different direction we we got we got all five of them joint we got them all in y'all better be taking some damn notes because Dr Umar is in the building I need that trans yeah we got to no doubt you really dropped about two books about two books let me give you one point before you turn it there yeah we needed that intimacy that trust that availability that reciprocity

right right if you didn't get him you will spend the rest of your romantic life trying to get it fulfilled through people who are not your parents this is where you're in a relationship with a woman and you said I feel like her damn Daddy I don't feel like her man she needs me to raise her the woman says he's a little boy I feel like more of his mother than his wife you know why they have unmet needs and they're trying to get them fulfilled through you and you need to let him know that you're not his mom and he needs to go back to his mom and work on them issues or find a mother figure to work on them through because you're draining me you're draining me the relationship is Weighing on me because I'm not just wife I'm wife and I'm Mom I'm not just husband I'm husband and I am dad and this is why you got to meet them parents if they're there and if they're not there you better do a thorough psycho history interview with your mate to be to find out what they went through in their life because if you find out there was an abandonment issue there was an intimacy issue never felt love giving up for adoption foster care whatever the case may be there was a trust issue then you know there's a vulnerability there and that woman or that man is going to spend the rest of their life trying to get the childhood unmet needs met the Bible I'm not Christian but one thing in the Bible it talks about how the sins of the father will visit the children until theth generation nothing is more true about that statement than in the world of mental health if I I if grandfather was an alcoholic grandson is likely to be great grandson is likely to be if great grandma was promiscuous granddaughter is likely to be great granddaughter is likely to be it is very hard to break dysfunctional family cycles and patterns very hard that's why when you meet the mom you say I know the mom's kind of loose you feel me like I know exactly right right right are you sure that didn't get passed down it doesn't mean it had to but there's a strong likelihood that it did you got to check your partner's unmet needs because if they were not met they're going to be looking for them to get met through you and that's not your job nor can you meet them because unfulfilled issues from childhood can only be fulfilled through those parents so what I want to what I want to actually get into here in good game way to close good closure on that conversation I want to talk about the leadership aspect because a lot of the ladies we got a lot of ladies always talking about you know they're having troubles finding a man that's qualified to lead a family and when you when we talk about a man who's qualified to lead I want you to define the best way you can what you feel a man needs to actually be able to head and lead a household that's going to vary woman tooman some women want an aggressive Di dictator some women want a they'll never say that they they won't but they do some women do other women want a man who's more of a facilitator who takes the lead when necessary but would much rather collaborate with his Queen you follow so we have to look at the style of husband a woman is looking for and to my sisters I would challenge them respectfully if the man you want show up with the ability to lead do you have enough trust in yourself in respect for black manhood to allow him the opportunity to lead you because let me tell you what I've had women tell me in therapy Dr Umar I found a man of my dreams takes care of me takes care of my kids I don't have to work I trust him he don't cheat no issues but guess what I was conditioned by my mother and my grandmother to never depend on a man and never let a man make decisions for you I know he's what I need I know I can trust him but the conditioning in my family the intergenerational we don't trust or respect black men has gotten so deep into my mind that the very man I waited my whole life for I might lose because I can't get control of my issues so

when a sister say you looking for a leader are you ready to receive him when he shows up you see that yeah because a lot of women can't relinquish that even though our sisters have been punished far too long because of the white man's war against the black man that sends us to the penitentiary and the graveyard black women have had to lead on their own for 50 60 years so they've gotten so comfortable not having to answer to a man look at this now you're talking about three generations no no man now one comes up traditional Family Values churchgoing man spiritual man and she can't let them lead because even though she's tired of being in charge there's something about the power she don't want to relinquish and that's a big reason why a lot of women don't have husbands is not because they can't find them it's because they cannot respect a man who shows up with tradition black masculine traits so is that a bigger so wow is that a bigger issue than the fact that it's not enough of these brothers out here is it really it's both it's both now it's not enough of us to go around that's true but I would tell sisters the same thing I would tell a brother who says he can't find a good africanamerican woman American African woman go to Brazil I just came from Central America a couple days ago those afro Latino sisters is fine I was in Jamaica go to the Caribbean go to London there's more black women in the world than any other female so if you looking for a black woman you can find one well guess what sisters Africa has no shortage of black men Caribbean has no shortage of black men they scared of them African Brothers I was going to say you know what the difference is you know what the difference is Right In traditional African culture the man is the man and the woman is the woman so the whole snapping your neck cursing me out in public it ain't gonna work it's not happening in Nigeria I'mma tell you right now it's not happening in the Congo it's not happening you understand it's not happening swana you see so if the sister wants and don't get me wrong they won't have to work those Brothers on the continent and many of the brothers in the Caribbean they are that traditional black masculinity that our sisters crave but are you humble enough to receive that you'll get what you want but can you let him lead because that goes against the dominant uh trend of thought coming out of the radical black feminist camp where you don't answer to no man you don't take orders from no man you don't even make a decision with a man you are in charge he is the enemy so if you're a black woman coming from a a radical black feminist tradition the last thing you want is a African or Caribbean brother because they not having that you're going to respect them and they're going to respect you you see in America cooking may be something that women consider to be beneath them in Africa our sisters guard the kitchen they don't even want you in it they proud because what you consume keeps your spirit alive so they are very protected the kitchen is almost a sanctuary in America oh I don't feel like cooking and you see so it's a whole different orientation so the same thing for brothers if you want a sister with oldfashioned female traits go to Africa go to the Caribbean but sticking here in the American Theater here's a big issue that black women have to deal with we got to deal with it too this whole thing of Serial monogamy versus the taboo of polygyny many black men because we get our cake and get to eat it too we are outnumbered you guys are in Atlanta one of the most outnumbered States right black men black women outnumbered cities we get to have our cake and eat it too because of that we tend not to tell women the truth that very few men especially Alpha brothers are monogamous most Alpha men most men period are polygamous that doesn't mean they going to have two women at the same time all the time it means that during the course of the relationship with the primary

Queen you will entertain other feminine energy along the way we we're not honest with the women we don't tell them that we'll tell them it's only you baby and I love only you baby so every woman thinks if I find the right one I never have to worry about having to share him when that's really not the truth for the a lot of the men now that might be an issue of preference but then we got to look at an issue of predicament it's not enough black men to go around so if a sister wants an American African brother she don't want my African brother my Caribbean brother my South Central American brother she's going to have to consider a poist Arrangement now when I say that the feminists go off crazy Absol I want to challenge the feminist I gotta push back on my radical black feminists because the same sister who says she will not partake in polygyny will willingly date a married man I've seen so help me understand where you are against plural marriage but you have no problem being the undercover mistress for a man who you know is married you see that wow so do you know what that tells us what you're not against polygamy you're for polygamy as long as nobody know you're practicing it so that's called hypocrisy wow damn a lot of our sisters are polygynous hypocrites I will do it if nobody knows but if you ask me to stand up and be accountable to the community I much rather not so it's it's pretty more pretty much you saying they people be more concerned with protecting our reputation absolutely than absolutely and and and what do sisters fear the most about being in a plural marriage the kickback she G to get from other sisters yeah it's the queendom that they fear you dummy what you in there for letting him sleep with now mind you the same person calling her dummy her man got another woman too for difference is this sister is with is with a man who was honest enough to tell her this is what I'm going to be about so with me I'mma have two queens only two I don't want more than that right because the older you get the less of your life force you need to be shooting out anyway because you're gonna die young you understand and that's another thing as brothers need to understand you got to get that penal syndrome that lower chakra under control because it'll take you out of here early W you know remember women are designed spiritually they they they they devour our essence you understand they're man ERS in a good way you see so as you get older you got to slow down like the Chinese they have a philosophy of the chi which they got from us but they say you only get a certain amount of chi and the biggest way you lose your Chi is through releasing your energy into a woman once your Chi is dried up the ancestors take you that's Chinese medicine yes they say it comes in limited amount once it's used up you're out of here so you we have to start pulling back but again we are too oriented in our dating culture towards sex and we're losing because of it even the women why you think they getting bbls breast surgery all of this why because we have stripped our black women of the sacredness of their vagina the black man has stripped the black woman of the sacredness of her vagina the vagina is a Sacred Space you're not even supposed to go in it unless you're willing to assume responsibility for that woman in everything that proceeds from that vagina IE children a lot of us only see the vagina as a pleasure object you see that and because we have reduced the woman to an object she's now reducing herself to an object to do the best she can to attract a man if we told all black women we are not going to be bothered with you unless you start wearing skirts again or we're not going to be bothered with you unless you stop dressing sexually provocative they would do it because guess what they love more than the BBL guess what they love more than the weaves and the wigs and the tight jeans they love having a man to come home to we control the sexual explicity

of our women but because we're so thirsty for how they look it's hard for us to bring them back to a platform where they could once again be regarded as the Queens we need them to be before most women that I know before they truly consider going to another country to get a black man the first thing they do is locally just dating outside their race locally that's what they consider and I just seen your whole facial expression a lot of coaches advise that too they can't find connection with black men then you should go out and and try something a little different I want my sisters to be careful and the reason I want my sisters to be careful being who I am I get a lot of stories from a lot of black women I've had black women tell me they were engag AED or married to white men for years even with children only for him to turn around and call her the nword call her a black tell her she'll never be as good as a white woman you understand because remember all white people have that in them just because they haven't sex with you I don't know where we get this idea that if a white person beds you that means they're somehow different from any other white person didn't Thomas Jefferson bed half the plantation didn't George Washington bed half the pl ation so where do we get this idea that if a white person is sexing you they're somehow not racist they just as racist I had one sister sent me an email she said Dr Umar my white boyfriend calls me the n-word when we're having sex what yes wow in fact she called in on one of my lives and discussed it yeah he calls her the nword when they're having sex and she wanted me to know if I felt that was acceptable I can't even believe she could yes yes because you got to remember in white culture the men believe you never really had sex unless you been with a jungle woman I our sisters so all white men want to access the black vagina because it's the best vagina in existence but they only accessing it you know as as as a fetish see white people fetishize us and we so in love with whiteness and we're so in love with accessing whiteness and proximity to whiteness we don't even realize when we're being paraded around like Zoo monkeys white women fetishize black men and the reason why they love having a black man is in a relationship with a white man she know who's boss when a white woman is with a white man she know who's boss so if she wants to be a boss she got to get the black man he's the only man she can have where she know she can have her way with him and if she don't get it with his consent she'll get it through the legal system ie Jonathan Majors I can destroy your black ass whenever I feel like it yeah you could be worth a billion dollars Bill Cosby but what's gonna happen when I tell the courts you sexually harassed me 40 years ago see the white woman loves the black man because she's always in the dver seat of the relationship she got the whole force of the white power structure behind her if he gets out of line never consider that that is wow and honestly I think that's why internally I've always been shook like I've I haven't been able to truly date a white woman at all like I it's it's fear built into me I mean all through my childhood you know I grew up learning cases on emit you know growing up that was put into me early so I already knew what the situation was you do think about I mean you think about you know when you see the police think about when you see group of white men or I even think about with the black woman oh yeah it's gonna be thinking about me while I'm went there you just you just out there un protect absolutely I don't date women who have had sex with non-african men even if it was just an experience yes wow wow if they sex them a date I can live with that a kiss disgusting but I might SW my God but if she gave if she gave that honeycomb hideout to a devil if she gave her cookies to that Caucasian Slayer I cannot go back into that cave after she let a neander fall enter

it I cannot do it she has disrespected her vagina in every female ancestor we've ever had I cannot do it wow strong words from Dr Johnson so listen what we gonna do y'all know family for the people that's already here you already know when we get to the initiation hotline what we gonna do is we gonna bring the people up we're gonna bring the family up and I want to get y'all take on this when this is listen this is the first live he has ever been featured on so this is huge y'all better send him super chats over no non sense when you calling in y'all make sure y'all looking good make sure y'all prepared we gonna take care of the doctor and listen and listen we gonna put the link in here so Ryan could you prep the link up for the family I got you I got because what we gonna do here I'm GNA put the link inside the chat you guys are going to be able to enter you go backstage I'mma let you guys up and what I want to what I want your take on is whether or not you are full for or against dating outside your race I want y'all to come up here and why I want y'all to be brief and I want y' to be brilliant but I do want to hear your voice on this one and I want the fellas too because as we mentioned we seen the the Jonathan major situation pop off and we seen what happened and I think it's you know question on both sides of the coin so my brothers can come up here as well so Ryan let me know when you went ahead and dropped that joint in there yeah I went I went ahead and dropped that I uh I got the pin it should be pin and just a second I want to I want to ask you this too while people are coming in here I I really want to know this because if I had to make it very plain and say is it better for a black woman in particular because that's what we speaking about to be alone or to marry outside her race what should she decide to do why are those the only two options why could she not find a brother on another continent or consider plural marriage and going back to the hypocrisy of the radical black feminists who say they cannot be part of a plural marriage but who will date a married man there's another phenomenon in the community and y'all see this you saw it in high school you saw it in college you see it today the alpha males always have a flock of women around them and interested in them and guess what a lot of these sisters who say they don't want to be part of a plural relationship are always part of that queendom around that alpha male because at the end of the day if he got swag and she's attracted she's not letting another woman keep her from entertaining him you've seen this you know this this is the reality it's the reality in the animal kingdom it's the reality in the man Kingdom the alpha males always attract the women and those women never stop their Pursuit because he's in a relationship they just will never publicly admit it so listen I want y'all to come back here Ron did we go ahead and drop that joint oh yeah yeah we got some people in in in there now so let's go ahead we got some people that's coming backstage I want y'all to come uh come on back here almost 2500 people in the chat live right now so it's going crazy this is a class instant classic episode with Dr Omar Johnson right now this an instant classic episode you got sisters in the chat right one beautiful sister says I'd rather be single she's being dishonest if you are not yet at retirement age you're not thinking about being single that's a lie and so when we talk about transparency because that's another thing in a relationship you got to be transparent and another reason our relationships fail we're not transparent we are hiding sneaking doing all kind of stuff why don't your wife know about this why don't your husband know about this you got a a whole another bank account he don't know you have lunch with your baby mom every Friday she don't know if the relationship doesn't have transparency is based on lies and I would I would dare say at least 50% of the

relationships in our community are not transparent they're based on lies everybody's holding out on something so much so that if you really saw everything they got going on in their life that you didn't know about you might leave them we do not respect the sanctity of black-on-black love anymore we treat it like any other game any other scheme or any other business racket we trying to run and we got to put back the spirituality in black- onblack love for me I don't believe we need to be coming together having babies or getting married unless we're creating a family that's going to contribute in some significant way to the liberation of African people we not birthing no babies unless we birthing kings and queens who want to play a role in The Liberation struggle for African people for me that's the purpose of family you understand we we doing this for the people everything we do we doing it so we can leave a legacy for our children and for our people getting married just because you think it's the end thing to do getting married just because you want somebody to uh furnish you with all kinds of expensive gifts I don't think that's a good reason for people to be coming together I love that we got MJ backstage we bringing to the stage right now MJ unmute your Mike you are on the stage wait hold on MJ oh move too late MJ too late lost it you gotta be ready MJ oh we got my man hold wait we got what's it here we got fizzy fley fley from black Renaissance podcast what's up my brother fley from black Renaissance podcast man man got the mic got you ready man look let me tell you tell us brother what's your take on this man you dating outside your race or what brother never dated outside my race never dated a white woman never had sex with a white woman and I 100% agree with brother Umar Johnson who states the fact that once a black woman actually lets a white man enter her K she is like basically no good to like black R unfortunately I I definitely that I'm not gonna lie I am totally for my brother and keep preaching that good word so yeah I'm all for stay like staying with black women black on black relationships you know fley well look I appreciate you coming up here and giving us your take brother shout out to fley and I would say this if the sister did allow the ican to shoot his ancestors into her vagina I believe we can get with our Queen mothers of traditional African spiritual culture and maybe we could perform a vaginal exorcism to get that white man's a out of her got they got they got the they got the detox team and they put some they got to put some some Sage some herbs do some prayers and get his a because let's be honest and I want sisters to hear me on this women are not men and are not supposed to be nor should they try to behave like us and I see a lot of sisters trying to be serial monogamous like a lot of men are and it's dangerous to their spiritual and psychological health because whoever a woman lays with he will leave fingerprints in her vagina not physical spiritual yeah and a reason a big reason why a lot of our black women are so unhealthy psychologically and so unhappy spiritually is because they have the energy of multiple men swimming in their uterus what they could have all used condoms I'm not talking about his physical AE I'm talking about his spiritual AE women keep us in them every man She lays with is in her until she conducts a spiritual detox so sisters please don't turn into a Serial monogamous and of course if you're out there sexing too much ladies you're going to end up with a Loosey Goosey and the older you get the harder it is for that Loosey Goosey to rebound back to its normal shape and size and tightness so ladies need to practice a lot more discretion as they age so now we got Kela coming up to the stage right here I want to go ahead and get our take from a lady Kela what's up with you sister hey y'all um I'm Kela 26 out of Atlanta and I just have a question about hold on wait wait Kea listen

26 out Atlanta you're 26 out Atlanta but I still want to know I know you got your question I'm gonna let you get to your question but I want to know your take first you're dating outside your race or not no okay okay thank you sister and go ahead let's let's get to your question all right so you talked about you know finding out those unmet needs of your partner how do you find or inquire about those unmet needs um you know just like talking to men they get offended or they feel like attack mode um how do you find that out direct conversation the problem with us Queen is when we start dating one another we're asking The Superficial questions how much money do you make what kind of car you drive how many children do you have how many degrees did you earn that stuff has very little to do with whether this relationship is going to survive or not did you grow up with your mother and your father if not why not how close are you with your father now are your parents still married how many siblings did you have how did y'all get along have you ever lived with a man how long did that relationship last have you ever been married those are the questions you need to ask indirect questions that help you see into that person's childhood because guess what queen we always carry our childhood with us psychologically we call it the inner child who you were from birth to age 12 continues to exist that little you is in you right now and anything that little you didn't get from mom or dad is is going to try to get from the men that you date and the only way you can get control over that little you is to become conscious of how it operates in your life it's like an alcoholic an alcoholic may always be an alcoholic but if they can become conscious of their drinking Behavior they can control it we have to get in touch with the little us the inner child so we can limit the influence it has in our life let me give you a quick example you meet a young man in Atlanta he's handsome he's everything you want in a man he got the body he got the he got the job he got the car but guess what psychologically your intelligence as a black woman tells you he's not what you need he is trouble you know it but guess what that little girl in you who never got no attention in elementary school or the one who was abandoned by her daddy or the one who never dated a man this handsome is Whispering into your subconscious you better get him don't you let him go and the next thing you know you spending five years with a man who you know you never should have been with why were you with him because your inner child had an unmet need and you didn't have enough discipline to overpower her desires control your inner child wow Kea shout out to you here in the city of Atlanta she listen she on the stage with Dr Umar Johnson right now this is epic but initi this is once in a lifetime for many people let me tell you what Kea need though Kela what you really need is these Harley and love sh all right you need to whip this out whip this out on this brother and say all right look these these superficial questions ain't working and I'mma go ahead and ask some real questions here we might have to do a little collab we might have to get some Dr Omar Johnson questions in there oh Lord yes inde as a matter of fact ke let me tell you what we gonna do we gonna go ahead and give you a free deck because I want you to be successful matter of fact go ahead send me send us over send us over email us at info hardle initiated. info hardle initiated. and go go send me your first and last name make sure you put Keila let us know we talk to you today none of you phonies out here this only for Keela y'all no more emails but not of me absolutely we gonna get this over to you but thank you so much Kea okay and Kea let me give her three quick points and I know we got the Run Kila number one understand this about men I don't care what any man ever tells you the longer you make us wait for the cookie the more

we will value you after we get it do you understand me time does matter with that being said I want you to understand this with that being said if a man respects women it doesn't matter how soon y'all did it and if a man does not respect women it don't matter how long you made him wait make sure you know how he feels about women and there's no better way to find that out than to ask him how he feels about his mother and the last point Queen don't make the mistake of so many sisters who look for men who they have something in common with right we both psychologist we both watch the reality show we both like the read we both like the beach uh uh that's superficial you should be looking for whether or not y'all share the same values he like to spend money you like to save money you want to have a lot of children he don't want none you believe in a relationship with God he don't believe in God you believe in saving for retirement he wants to live for today study a man's values and make sure you can live with what he believes in and the last thing I know I said three but I'm G give you this you can never change a person when you meet that man Queen ask yourself this and be honest with yourself can I live with him as he is if he never changed for the rest of my life never get married because you think it's going to make the problems go away marriage will only highlight and intensify the problems that are already there that's a bar that's a bar look Kela thank you so much for coming up onhe shareing with us stie okay thank you I just love seeing like young ladies really trying to get it together too so that was and and and as we get older gentlemen we have to evolve to be the elders even if we're not yet an elder age for our younger sisters because one thing that every black woman needs and a lot of them don't have every black woman needs a man who loves her unconditionally without warning what's between her legs and one of the biggest problems in the black community is we have a lot of black women who don't have a single man not a grandfather not a father not an uncle not a cousin not a pastor who loves them unconditionally intimately without want between her legs and the older we get we have to start building those relationships with them young sisters because without that they're going to be at a disadvantage when it's time to start dating they won't have nobody to ask those questions to now listen and you actually talked about this prior aside from our biological age psychological age psychological age are they mature enough to be with you let me give you an example I travel right I'm always traveling so when I meet sisters they got to know up front well number one I'mma have two Queens that's number one number two you won't see me for weeks on in when I go to Africa I'm there 30 days straight yeah are you sure you can adjust to that lifestyle because the Revolutionary lifestyle doesn't lend itself easily to marriage Dr King said it Malcolm said it gy said it it's not an easy life to marry to be married to a man who could lose his life any moment for what he stands for but sisters are so attracted to the celebrity of Dr Umar they not looking at the activists they they not even seeing all they see is the YouTube and the breakfast no I could lose all this so if you come to me for that then this relationship is being built on quicksand can you go them days without me and can I trust that when I'm not in America somebody else ain't eating cookies out of my cookie bag you see how that works yeah which takes me to another Point emotionally damaged people are always sexually promiscuous let me say this again if you are traumatized if you are emotionally damaged you are promiscuous and do you want to know why why is that emotionally traumatized people require constant validation from others you married to a woman who've been traumatized abuse abandonment whatever when you're not around her for too many days she has to entertain another man

because her trauma dictates constant validation and constant validation means I must have a man in my person space this you ever date a woman who was crazy about you she absolutely loved you so you thought it was really addiction yeah when the when you finally let her go when you finally got her to stop stalking you she ended up with another man like that and your ego took a hit you said wait a minute I know that woman was crazy about me climbed in my window came to my you understand she was uhuh she was crazy about your presence in her life and the minute you distance yourself from her life she found a replacement without a problem emotionally damaged people are promiscuous because they cannot go without constant validation they need that validation they need it most of our promiscuous women are damaged women they're not having sex because they love having sex they're having sex because they have learned this is the only way I can get a man's attention first of all we got so listen big shout out to inzinga in here dropping super chats for the family going listen shout out inzinga you got to email us email us I didn't get your email we actually owe you a pack of these Harley and love cards so simply inzinga make sure you email us at info Hardley initiated. shout out to her and shout out to Orlando man showing love dropping them bottles memberships just came in you know what I'm big shout out to Orlando I'm hit a light Flex too let me see let me let me let me drop a little something let me drop five memberships drop a membership I love it I love it the initiates are here growing cuz we got over 2600 people in the chat I know y'all want to join the chat right now it is initiates only so please make sure you join the channel and the family so you can get active in the chat and if you don't mind Ty I actually got a couple super chats that came in please so because people want to dig in so shout out to one of my favorit shout out to Yi she says how does Dr Umar feel about light skinn Caribbean Latinos he only mentioned accepting afro Latinos okay first of all complexion does not disqualify you from being African so when I say afro Latino that's whether you're light skin brown skin tan skin or chocolate the first color on The Honorable Marcus garvey's red black and green flag is red because it's the blood that makes you an African the blood so if a light skin fair skin Spanish speaking AFR Latino identifies as African that's the key they must identify as African being biologically black is not enough Clarence Thomas is biologically black Jesse Lee Peterson is biologically black Candice Owens is biologically black Charles Barkley is biologically black but are you psychologically black does the light-skin African Latina sister identify with the rest of us if she does do she can be your wife if she doesn't does not consider herself black has no type of affinity for American African then she is taboo if you consider yourself a pan-africanist or a man of his people so you're not mad if a brother walks in with a you know a Spanish or a Latino I just came from Panama and seen a whole bunch of African panan there you go so you right I just came from you was in Cologne I just came from cologne bro that's where yeah that's they and you know Marcus Garvey lived there right he lived in Cologne City I didn't know that that was one of the largest Garvey chapters brother wow so they black like us the problem is in the Caribbean they created a color hierarchy the white power structure so the lighter you were the more opportunity you had our people internalized that and they said well I only want to have children with light-skinned people so I could move up in society you see that but for those Latinos who didn't allow that to seep into their psyche I have no problem I would marry a African Latino sister if she's black and conscious and proud to be African it's about the mentality and the Consciousness not the complexion Latina drop your IG he said

he down with it you just gota you gotta be okay with too and I think well I think this qualifies under the same you let me know uh Dr Umar but my mom shout out to Tamisha for she says my mom uh is white and my father is black if Race Matters more than Spirit what are you saying about biracial children who do you propose we date okay first of all you're assuming that Caucasians have a spirit that's number one damn number two in the panafrican movement we do not discriminate against mixed race Africans so if your mother is white and your father is black or your father is white and your mother is black once again if you identify with your African family I have no issue at all with marrying a mixed race African sister I've dated mixed race African sisters Martin Delaney the grandfather of pan-africanism was married to a mixed race African sister some of our Pana africanist forefathers were mixed race African men so Bob Marley was mixed race there's even some conjecture that the great Nat Turner might have been mixed race so we don't discriminate why not because you're not responsible for how you got here you you had no control over that you have the DNA of Africa in you and if you loyal to it come on in and join the party I just ask that the mix race Africans don't play the fence you want to be Pro black when Dr Umar around but you a straight up Jew when I'm not around you see what I'm saying so make up your mind that you gonna be a full-time African if you make up your mind you gonna be a full-time African we good like get it no issue with it's clear it's very clear so everybody that had question it should be cleared up I'mma bring one or two other people up real quick so we can get your take on this before we move back to the conversation here uh who we gonna bring up on this joint M you know what let's bring the brother we got Mike in the chat here Mike welcome to the stage welcome to Harley initiative my brother can you hear us loud and clear mik check mik check give do me a favor Mike give me your age your location and I want to hear your take on this uh 29 uh California and Umar is not going to like me because I believe that you can date who you want to date just don't be a and you know we regard Frederick Douglas with high esteem and he married a white woman at the end of the day so I look at a man's actions more so than who he dates let me respond to my brother and I appreciate the dialogue because we still Brothers even if we disagree I want to clarify the Frederick Douglas piece you're absolutely right about a decade before his death as an old man he married a white woman but let's not forget about Queen Mother Anna Marie Douglas who he was married to for nearly 50 years who gave birth to all five of his children who helped him Escape From Slavery to Freedom and who ran the Underground Railroad in Rochester New York during his absence I'm only bringing that up because we talk about the white woman so much that a lot of our children don't know Frederick Douglas had a dark skinned chocolate beautiful nappy-headed wife so I want to make sure Anna Mary Douglas gets her due now to your to your point that we can marry who we want and not be a how is not building a family with a black woman how can you be exempt from cooning if you do not build family with black woman so by your own rhetoric it's okay if we marry a white woman as long as we marry a black woman first no you should not be marrying a white woman at all if the salvation of the African people rest on the shoulders of the African family do we not have an obligation to be with our own women interesting and and I believe that you exclusively right yes and what about the wealth argument women on average outlive their husbands so when we transition if we married a snow bunny is she going to use any of your wealth to empower the black community after you're going I IE Kobe Bryant IE Marvelous Marvin Haggler you know all these great black men who married these white women

James Earl Jones is an elder we're not expecting him to go anywhere anytime soon Sydney is Sydney poder still with us or did he I'm not sure somebody look that up look that up please I think I don't want to speak it if it's not correct we don't want to force no Elders into the land of the ancest before their time the only reason I mentioned that I judge a man by his actions is because pass Sydney porier passed away married to a white woman he was a very wealthy man that white woman got all the Sydney Pier's money that non-african Latino got all of Kobe Bryant's money that white woman got all of Marvelous Marvin hagler's money this is wealth that we need to empower the black community and build institutions how are you not a sellout if you're giving white people that type of wealth when they've already stolen enough from us how could you find a white woman who could ever understand you as well as a sister yeah well the only reason why I mentioned people's actions is because you yourself exclusively date black yet you're one of the biggest scammers in our community it's been 12 years why you do me like that why you do me like that bro oh man was going good M went a little left man I thought the brother was a good brother yeah and you know I want to actually want to talk about some of the stuff that we've been hitting here because no problem no problem go right ahead got go right ahead we talked we hit on colorism a little bit which is a big problem in our community and black men I'mma put this on us sisters too we practice color I think the colorism of black men in the dating world supersedes the colorism of sisters in the dating world see never we we never you don't hear this conversation yes sir yes sir so now what do you mean by that black men are extremely biased against darkskinned black women I've been in rooms I've been in events and this is a global phenomenon too it's not limited here it's a panafrican issue I've been in spaces right where there might be three or four sisters over there they are all attracted but the dark sister in some cases stunningly beautiful stunningly beautiful and the brother would always go to one of the lighter ones just because she was like I've seen this repeatedly and consistently I hear young men say they only date light-skin look at look look at the gangster rap Community many of our prominent gangster rappers have at least one song where they condem either condemn dark skinned women or promote light-skinned women Jay-Z he has a song earlier years where he says he only dates the wavy lightskin yeah him being with Beyonce is not an accident he probably would never consider a darkskinned woman I'm not trying to say Mr Carter is a light-skinned supremacist but going off of his Li his lyrics he may definitely qualify for one our dark skinned sisters who are just as beautiful as our Browns and our yellows are being overlooked by black men because they don't have a complexion that approximates the slave master that's you know and we never really talk about and it has permeated the black Consciousness Community I'mma put my black conscious people on blast too and by black Consciousness I'm Loosely referring to all the brothers who claim to be woke in some way or another including Scholars elders and youth if you go through the conscious Community 99% of all the conscious Talking Heads have women who can pass a brown paper bag test you're not going to tell me it's a pure coincidence that most of our black Scholars most of our young unconscious Brothers in the youtubian world you can't tell me it's purely coincidence that 99% of them have women who can pass the brown paper bag test our darkskinned sisters are not in short supply we are simply overlooking them and I'll tell you this and I'll be quiet for a long time I said I would only marry a dark-skinned sister because I saw how they got overlooked and working in the schools I saw how the chocolate girls were always the last to be approached so I

said I'm going marry a chocolate Queen and put the chocolate women back on the map and then I had to sit down one day and I said if you do that you practicing dark skinn Supremacy what if the woman your ancestors is sending you is fair skin is town is tan is brown you may miss out on the woman you need to complete your mission here on Earth because you're now saying that you have a one track mind that will only date chocolate but your queen may actually be of another complexion so I had to check myself because in wanting to defend my chocolate beautiful African queens I almost became a chauvinist myself against light-skinned women and I'm G to put this on black men we got to stop worshiping skin color and disrespecting and dismissing our chocolate women so because you know man this is a really great conversation with you because you're a doctor of Clinical Psychology and this really this thing really does get psychological because when I'm thinking about the women I've dated and even some of you know the the the dark skinned women that have gotten very vulnerable with me all of them in their honesty have communicated challenges dealing with men dealing with just different areas of their lives associated with that part of it yes and do you find that just overall the darker skinned women are probably dealing with more insecurity or selfworth issues at scale yes the light-skin Supremacy that our beautiful dark skinn sisters have to put up with is an extra layer of pain they carry but guess what although it is worse than what the extremely pale skin sisters have to deal with I would say second to the chocolate sisters trauma around skin color is the pale skin sisters trauma around skin color the super light bright Queens they also go through a lot of trauma it's not as much as the dark I want to be clear about that but they go through it I see it in the schools the lightskinned girl with the green eyes they gotta fight every day now the dark skinn One's Gonna Be called ugly African booty scrap right right but the light-skinned one she getting her face scratched out every day they bite you understand because they assuming because she's lightskinned with hazel eyes she thinks she better when she not so if you exist on either extreme of the color Continuum within the African Kingdom you suffer that's true if you're a tan and a brown you safe but if you a super light bright super chocolate you're GNA suffer but without question the chocolate suffer way more and I will say this too it's another one we don't talk about the I lightskinn Brothers very very very lightskinned Brothers okay suffer one of my very closest friends I grew up with he was one of these brothers and you'll find that a lot of the very very light-skinned brothers because of conditioning how they're treated growing up a lot of them feel like they got something to prove so you know what a lot of them feel like they gotta be the baddest B I just learned this they gotta be the gangsters they got to be the thugs I might need I have my brother D1 up here D1 is a good brother and we asked yo why why is your hair locked up he said I had to get locked up because growing up like this was how I connected to my blackness people had to know I was black by looking at my hair my locks so that was now now the Blackness is a little bit different from the masculinity though yes right that is so separate them out that is but you're saying even in terms of the masculinity in terms of him being able to assert himself as a man he felt well lightskinn Brothers can feel that they are sometimes treated like they ain't got enough swag because they're lightskinned absolutely I just heard this for the first time a couple months ago and I never heard it before that but Brothers told me that I never knew that that people thought light-skinned guys were weaker were weaker soft because when I went when I look back in middle school and high school a lot of the bullies were lightskinned you see so I didn't

know that the lightskinn brothers felt that they were kind of viewed as soft I never saw it that's a r but I did hear this now you're a lighter brother I'm put you on the spot running lightskinn thing you know like oh you acting lightskinn yeah you know that's that's lightskinn Behavior yeah okay and you get that from you get that from women and men that's what the colorism yeah I've heard that but what about your masculinity growing up did you feel that you were viewed as softer or weaker because you were lighter do you feel your gangster was tested more because you were light not me specifically but you seen it yeah for sure maybe somebody was you know it's it's funny because depends on who light is let me tell you really hit me I don't know how long y'all been following me but if you go back to 2017 2016 2017 me and the good brother cus Su and CTI had a beef uh shout out to cus Su and CTI he is RBG so I respect the brother um and I did my little rant in Detroit with my Phillies hat my classic seti rant and I I called him albino because I'm going in on him right I don't do lightskin Supremacy my father's as light as se you feel me so it wasn't about that I'm just going in on it and I started getting hit up by all these light-skinned Africans men women Elders like Dr Umar you got to take that back you can't say that you know because a lot of us struggle I didn't know you feel me because there was a light-skinned privilege in society I overlook the fact that although this may count more in the white world it can be a detriment in the black community you see that so I had to check myself on that so shout out to all my lightskinn folks and apologies to those I might have offended a couple years ago that's almost nine years ago 17 18 1921 two three seven years ago with the seti uh comment about him being albino so shout out to my lightskinn Africans and my albino Africans okay we all one family there we go there we go much love and now let's let me ask this question here because um you know I think this is a very important part of our platform we've brought a lot of you know people up from you know the Christian backgrounds we brought people up from Muslim backgrounds okay and um I I truly do because we talk about all aspects of relationships and okay your spiritual belief systems are connected to your value systems I believe they are that's why those you know spiritual leaders bringing them up are vitally important you know are prominent and can bring some real gain to the conversation true but see I want to talk to you in particular about the black church in general okay because I know you've had some you know perspectives and opinions about it just in general as far as the black church and the role that is currently played in where we are economically relationally with our families do you feel like it it it should have where it has played the role that it should have played not since the assassination of Dr King after Dr King was assassinated andar buried a few days later here in Atlanta Georgia the black church out of fear retreated from the front lines of the struggle and it reinvented itself away from being an organization of agitation to an organization of accommodation now the black church accommodates the agenda the white power structure has for us before we fought we fought now let's go have a cup of tea with the president let's go have a cup of tea with the government and see if we can get a couple Crumbs from what he's about to do although what he's about to do is going to destroy our community you see that there's no more fight in the black church the black church is more parasitic and exploitative of the black community than the Chinese stop and go than the Latino bedo the difference between the Latino bedo and the Chinese stop and go and the Walmart and every place else we shop is at least you get something for your money what do you get back from the black church when you invest we he give the black church $3 million

every Sunday collectively in this country show me a black church with a supermarket for the people show me a black church with a bank for the people show me a black church with a manufacturing and distribution Network to hire our men and women show me a black church with a black school that children who are not Christian or Muslim or Hebrew can go to but is that the responsibility of the church though it was historically why did it change the black church was the One-Stop shot for us from the time we showed up in America We buried our dead through the church we got hired through the church we for the KKK to the church we did our politics to the church everything you needed was in the black church so it made sense for you to spend all your time at the church because the church was everything they still want us to spend all our time at the church and what are they doing for us no institutions three million dollars a Sunday and no institutions that's highway robbery if you really care about doing the Lord's work why you so comfortable with your people living in hell that's interesting because because I think that's a lot of pressure to put on the black church and I only put it on churches who have a net income of $250,000 a year if you're bringing in less than $250,000 a year I will accept you doing some good for the community but I'm not expecting you to build a bank a school a hospital or Supermarket but if you netting 250,000 and if you a mega church if you a mega church C dollar tdj if you a mega church and you ain't got no institutions for the black community come on man an exploiter so what's the ideal give me the ideal picture that you would like to see even let's say a mega church pling the community I would like the mega church to have a Black Wall Street and what I mean by that is those four institutions a clinic for the people whether they Christian or not they black a school for the children whether they Christian or not they black a supermarket that feed our people fresh food coming from the black Farmers okay and also a bank to invest in our people so we can get this entrepreneurial Spirit up because there's no job jobs left in America we have to help black people create jobs for themselves we have to become black America's going to have to go full-time entrepreneur wow no more jobs they giving everything to the uh to the migrants the migrants are in America to replace the Africans this is The Purge absolutely do they have a role and a hand in the outcome of where we are as far as our families are concerned who the church I would say yes and I'm going tell you why the black church caters to the black woman and the reason the black church caters to the black woman is because the black woman is the provider she has more income and education than the man so they're looking at this financially they also have a vested interest in her never getting married whoa the pastor is the metaphorical husband of all the single women in the community I'm not saying he's sleeping with them I'm saying he's keeping them so distracted with Jesus that they never find a husband and that's the way he wants it to stay because if she finds a husband she won't have as much time to be donating to the church all the time W so the black church benefits from single motherhood they don't want our sisters married because their pockets would go down is this all church or just the black church there's always exceptions well I don't care about the white church because that I'm not thinking [Laughter] about all us I'm talking about us it's not every Church there exception to every rule I know good pastors I know good churches I spee in churches all the time but exceptions don't negate the rule though you find a snake that don't bite that does not negate the fact that most snakes are going to tear your ass up if they get a chance to you feel me I got and most black churches are exploitative and do not serve the needs of the community how your church is

in the middle of a ghetto with all these problems we got and you not addressing a single one of them black church takes three things from black people we can't afford to waste too much damn time too much damn money and too much damn hope we don't need hope we need an agenda for change now I want to bring this talk back to the relationship this is for my black sisters out there brothers too but especially Sisters You Hear sisters say all the time I'm a born again Christian my husband need to be a born again Christian I'm a Hebrew my husband need to be a Hebrew I'm a Muslim my husband need to be musl I'm a roster my husband need to be excuse me do you sisters realize you have Slim in these streets you already got a small available pool of heterosexual men you're going to reduce it even further by demanding they be of the same religious Doctrine that's insane if a sister is going to say my husband got to be a Jehovah's Witness like me you only had about two or three men you can marry anyway now you ain't got one so I just think black women need to rethink two things two things number one this idea that I should not get married until I finish all my colle studies oh that's a big one getting married after they done college is the reason why a lot of our sisters are not getting married and are not having babies because they're putting off the marriage because you know good Christian girl my daddy and mommy put me through college I'mma finish law school first I'mma finish med school first I'm gonna get my master I'm become a social work I'm gonna get my license then I'm gon look for a husband only problem is sweetheart you're not going to be done all this till you about 35 and now you freezing eggs you see what I'm saying I get exactly what you're saying your biological clock is ticking which is going to often lead to you presenting yourself to available men as somewhat thirsty because you're not gonna be able to hide the fact you know you're aware of your clock ticking which is going to end up leading to you possibly never getting married black women have to stop putting off family for career because they don't have as many options as their counterparts the whites the Reds the yellows and the Browns that's one thing black women need to rethink putting it off in until completion of college number two looking for a man who has to be the same religion that's another mistake you're narrowing it down too much you Mayan listen I'm a pan africanist so we believe in religious freedom right I don't care if my wife is a roster Hebrew it don't matter to me as long as you are rooted in God that's what matters with serving the same Supreme Being that's what matters not the Dogma in the doctrine so black woman you're telling me you would risk out on a good man because he does not approach God's science the way you do let's drop that poll by the way I want to see how many ladies definit we drop a poll let's see how many ladies are willing to date a man that is not of the same religion and I that's actually a good point because let's actually culture that because I've had people come on here and say you never do it I have people that come up on here and say that you better be open to it look at your situation we are in a state of Crisis so black women in black men got to understand decisions you would have normally made another way you have to look at them differently now because of your options I'mma give you another mistake black women make so one is postponing marriage and child birth to after college two demanding that your husband be of the same religious persuasion and you know what the third one is what's that wanting black men to come to the relationship table having already achieved success one of the biggest advantages the snow bunnies have on our women is snow bunnies will find a Dusty brother and see his skill his talent you feel me yeah invest in him in college and by the time he become a multi-millionaire at 35 she been with him the whole

walk you see that a lot of sisters are not going to do that they not going to find a Dusty brother in his senior year or Dusty brother in the community but you see he got this business IDE idea she like n come back and see me when it's up and running I don't think this ever gonna happen soon you soon you waved him off the snow bunny got him the snow bunny invested in him you feel me 10 years later the same brother see you you trying to holler he got the white girl now you dissing him you saying they all want wers nah he came to you you said you want a readymade black man you don't want to work in progress and I'm telling black women y'all better start going for some of these Works in progress instead of waiting for us to finish the job because you lose into the snow bunny when you when you tell us to wait until we got the bag you know you got know how to analyze that stock got to you gotta know you gotta know how when that St going rise yo 3,100 people in the chat the denti is going crazy right now Dr Umar Johnson is blazing the mic right now what we got right there L the TV back up yeah yeah check this out the poll just dropped guys so I'm gonna read this poll real quick this was a good poll yes sir and I want to ask something real quick I W to ask I want I want to bring something in real quick after you drop that poll poll are you willing willing to marry a man that's outside of your religion and and fellas tap into this one too are you willing to marry a woman that's outside of your religion so far we got over 400 votes so it's it's going crazy and it's I'm not even gonna tell you where it's at I'm G just know I'm not g tell you where it's at right now but Dr Umar here's what I want you to break down for the people because for somebody who feels like you cannot how do I assess that I am aligned with somebody and can have a good value you know we on the same value page and system with this person with a completely different religion observation always beats information so I'm not asking my woman if she shares the same values I have I'm observing her closely I'm looking for the gaps in what you say versus what you do you got to make sure you're studying the person and guess what our women are so used to us not studying them and being particular about their likes and dislikes one of the best things you can do for a black woman is let her know you know things about her she never told you you feel me I know your favorite color you feel me they want to know that you actually paying attention to me because one of the weaknesses we make fellas we hustle so much because so many black men are unemployed right half the black men in Atlanta unemployed Philly Brooklyn you name it when we can earn the bag sometimes we get so arrogant and egotistical with the fact that we can earn that we think that's all we got to do one of the quickest ways for your woman to tiptoe act out the back door on your ass is for you not to spend quality time with her because you providing her with all the material likings that she desire she needs time remember men cheat for sex and comfort women cheat for attention and understanding it may lead to the bedroom but that ain't why she saw R run those back run those back I want to hear that I want to hear men cheat for sex and comfort okay women cheat for attention and understanding they want someone to understand them that's why when our women cheat we hurt more because we know if she spread them thighs she felt him yeah when we cheat she may be hurt but not as much cuz with us it could be more superficial she was five five thick in the thighs I just had to hit that you see that Slayer but when she spread them thighs you know she had a connection with that man and that's why we got to make sure we put in time in because I'm seeing too many brothers oh yeah I bought the BS we got the big house two pools I just took it a vegan but but outside of that you ain't putting no time in and guess what she gonna end up spending

time with a guy who ain't got half of what you got because for a woman allthough yeah they can be materialistic they like the physical things you can provide them with but at the end of the day she's still a woman and she needs a man who can pour into her soul if you cannot pour into that woman's Soul she will leave you so to answer that question how do I go about observing whether or not war how do I go about I got to study this you got to study him and the family see my thing is who raised you I want to spend time I'm not even letting her I'm gonna find out who ra once she tell me my mom was a single mom I'm coming to tell Mom I'm coming over here for dinner I'm play it off I like the food but I need to hear what come out your mom mouth because I need to know what core values she raised you with CU see that's another thing we ignore about people when you studying them you got to look for the core values for example I don't value materialism so if I if I meet a sister who gotta have the Louis bag the Balenciaga Hills it's a turn off because I'm not into that even if I can provide her with that I don't want to do that you know why we got homeless kids out here we got mothers on the street I can't afford to be giving you all this when some of this need to be going to the struggle into the community so you got to look at what people core believe some people fundamentally believe I'm nobody without these expensive things yeah are you sure this is who you want raising your children because another mistake we make as men is we were like the woman for ourself and never say is that the kind of mother you want for your son is that the kind of mother you want for your daughter do you want your daughter being raised on blind weaves and expensive shoes you see that and a lot of times we don't look at that till she get pregnant and then like oh I'm have a ghetto baby you know what I mean tattoos and booty shaking we got the we are too quick to go for the physical and not study as to whether or not this is a woman we want around for the long term let's let's close out that poll what we at what we at on that poll because I want to see what the people thinking let me check it out real quick I'mma close it out all right are you willing to marry a man that's outside of your religion we got over 630 vots it's going it's going going going going 700 61% of people say no no what no what they are not willing to marry outside of their religion I'm not sure they're being completely honest I'mma tell you why I've seen sisters who say they were date outside the religion and when they were propositioned by a brother who wasn't of the religion or had no religion you think they said no and he was that dude you think they said no that's cap that's cap that's cap 100% 100% it sounds that's cap that's it's a lot of sex going on and there's a lot of people that's just not religious at all so I I would consider not religious outside of your religion absolutely no 100% over 700 votes too by way just close that they gotta have God in their life but dictating a person's Doctrine as a condition for marriage for me is short minded shortsighted especially for where we are as a people wow man I got a super chat came up real quick let take that so if you didn't shout out to uh I think Malica Malica or Malika love shout out to shout out to miss love all right Miss love we love you so if you didn't get your kns met as a child and our partners can't help with that how do we meet those needs on our own you mentioned getting a father figure or mother figure as a young adult how would you go about finding that you you ask for example I was raised Muslim in ISL when a woman became comes to the age where she's ready to date if there's no men in her father to serve as her chaperon she will find one or the brothers in the Masjid will find her one same thing in African culture your uncles will be that person you need yeah the problem is in the black community we so disorganized

that women may have to go out and find them for themselves I've had young sisters approach me Dr Umar I don't have that man that I need in my life life to back me up and talk to me and give me a hug when I need one and not what nothing from me and I say sure I'll be that for you good sister you see what I'm saying because they need that all of us as men should have young ladies of adult age who we want nothing from except their best life you see what I'm saying because there's too many of them out there with no type of fatherly Direction at all and I think because we know women love looking sexy I think sometimes as men we forget that women also have to bear the burden of always having to look sexy meaning we are often valuing our women for what they look like and not for who they are I saw a clip on Instagram the other day it was earther kit the great black actor and she said I met all these men all they wanted to do was lay me down and it wasn't until I found this one man who was willing to help stand me up and he didn't want what was between my legs so we gotta be we got to be very conscious as black men of sexual oppression so I go out of my way now when I'm around sisters to send them no Sexual Energy she might be fine as hell but I'm not gonna look at her ass I need her to know I ain't here for that you you feel me because our sisters are so used to it that they lead with it and if we want them to stop leading with it we got to stop paying so much attention to it because at the end of the day as much as black women May sexually object objectify themselves they really don't want to do it they do it because we have made it clear to them that this is the only way you can get one of us you know that's really maturity I was talking to Ryan about that about you know being able to understand how to change your energy around women because me personally I've always been somebody you know probably called me quintessential a player back in the day just like having you know options like having ladies and now that I'm looking to transition you know into my Empire Building stage with one woman now how I approach and even the the Small Things the silic comments I make the way I stand move body language around women it all has to I'm I'm retraining myself likewise and how I think and how I move yes uh because even just as especially figures that's you know in the public eye a woman is probably you know one of the greatest one of your greatest assets and also one of the greatest things that take you down absolutely as well absolutely got to pick a right gotta pick a right and we have to also recognize too brothers that you're going to have to go through some of your self-imposed karma on the way to finding your queen oh that's what we don't want to hit at I know I know I know we don't want to hit at you may have to get hurt once or twice wow on this path let me just be real you're probably going to have happen to you what you've done to a woman that's not good it's not good you feel me yeah because that's the way the universe works so the universe is glad you on your path to finding your one and only Queen but guess what the universe also has to give you back some of what you put out and you have to be focused enough not to get discouraged when you start experiencing some of the stuff you may women [Music] experience that's a fact yeah and a lot of us a lot of us our Cara is going to get us through our daughters oh they're going to be done by men we did women so get ready for it the sooner you stop your the sooner your karmic cycle can stop hitting you up that's the worst kind of karma to get right there coming to your coming to the little girl yeah your baby and I know listen and that does happen because I got one of look one of my most Savage uncles one of my most Savage uncles of all time he got blessed with five daughters incredible incredible see that's what I'm talking about five of them and I'm like we all looking at him like you

know why that happened you know why that happened brother so you know yes it is what it is man you feeling right now we done with the hotline what man the initiation hotline is is we we still got people backstage yeah yeah let's let some people look we we gonna let y'all come up and ask y questions y'all been patiently sent back here man let me give MJ another tribe man we brought MJ up she wasn't ready MJ you ready to come back up to the stage sweetheart you ready yeah wait un your mic unmute your mic I am I was getting ready turn that volume down a little bit turn that volume down okay I'm sorry I have earphones on what up what up MJ if you can give me your age your location and move into your question okay so I'm 46 and I live in the Atlanta area I'm actually a a transplant from California so um I guess I'm just going to take it back to the question you asked about whether or not was it agreeing with interracial relationships or not um so personally I don't agree with them because and and my rationale about it is that in order for a black person to be in a relationship um male or female with an individual and another race they have to be less than who they are as a black person they have to like dumb down their Blackness to make that other race comfortable and I've seen that so many times C ens but so I I personally don't don't think it's healthy or the the necessary the the right thing um because of that I don't think you should ever start off a Rel relationship being less than who you are um in order to have what you would think of be a successful relationship so um I just want to comment on that um regard and um also I mean I'm I like I said I'm 46 I've never been married no kids but um I'm a firm believer in Hugh finds a wife finds a good thing so at the same time I haven't been out there doing anything for whoever the most high has for me to find me um and that includes being less than who I need to be in order to um meet that person that the most high has for me so that's all I wanted to say and Dr Umar huge fan so glad to be in the same space with you right now and you're doing the right thing sister because often your gift of a mate is often preceded by a time of extreme loneliness yeah one of the reasons why a lot of us never find the person we want is we're too distracted by people we know we don't need right and so at your lady friends if I look at the brothers I know who want to find a good woman yeah but they got three or four who they know are not what they need but they will not release them back to the universe right and until they release them back to the universe their ancestors are not going to send them the woman that they need because if she comes at the wrong time he will hurt her and she will have to flee him right so we have to for what we it's not just about it you got to be ready for it right exactly definitely agree so thank you thank you so much for coming up here sweetheart I appreciate you coming and sharing with us okay all right and I enjoy the show thank you guys thank you Dr Umar thank you s appreciate you she was excited first of all that's a fact I told my lady look the young lady I'm dating now I said listen thank God you ain't meet me three years ago that guy the timing is where it is supposed to be because that maturity has to happen that that mindset shift all those things have to be aligned you know for it to go down which is why you talk about that man when you was talking about that age that psychological age at the position that we in yes a part of breaking the curse and a part of catching up right now we are we have to mature yes faster than we probably traditionally would that's what we're tasked with we're tasked with our psychological age to be well ahead of our biolog iCal age in order for us to advance and to progress so we can make mature decisions so we could build something AB absolutely and another Point too gentlemen on this issue of black male female relationships we got

to deal with the spiritual vampire issue so as I said earlier a lot of us use relationships as a drug to distract us from the problems we don't want to solve going on in ourselves so that means all through Atlanta you got men and women who are very unhealthy looking for love they can't find it because the trauma blocking it but they will come into your life and your life up because they didn't want to fix their own and then blame you for why they unhappy when they were miserable before they met you I'm bringing this up because there's a certain type of a spiritual vampire we got to deal with in the black community and that's the domestically abusive black man we got too many black men beating on our sisters and now right now we got a campaign of black men killing our sisters killing them we never did this before we doing it now so I want to make a plea to all black men if you know you got demons in your closet unmet childhood needs issues rape abuse molestation uh uh abandonment please find somebody to help you process your because if you don't especially if your issues revive around your mother sooner later the woman in your life is going to objectify to the mother you hate and you gonna hurt her and I need women to understand you cannot heal a domestic abuser I don't know why black women keep on thinking I can love him out of kicking my ass it'll never happen if a man hit you once he's gonna hit you again and going back to the black church and forgive me for pointing brother no you good you good that's my thing forgive me no you're good the black church has not done enough to deal with domestic abuse and we know that a lot of these abusers are churchgoing men domestic abuse is one of the elephants in the room in the black community and I don't see any serious or major black organizations including the church in the Masjid doing anything about domestic abuse of our sisters Bob amen we've had conversations about that we've had whole episodes on domestic violence CU you 100% right and you know the Ladies Man shout out to the the the uh initiat man because they've came out and told us some things that are very shocking but the interesting thing about those Brothers is they know who they can get away oh you know with we know we we we know the risk factors yeah fatherlessness brotherless lonely women thirsty women who feel like they got to have a man and and this and to my women my mothers you have to raise your daughters to be willing to trust TR a man but at the same time knowing how to conduct herself as a lady because too many of our girls are seeing their mother's thirst for a partner and so mommy is coming home with anybody just because she needs somebody in her bed not for sex it's for that loneliness you see which is really a cry from the spirit that there's some issues that need to be addressed but you think it means you just got to get a man in the house and your daughter is watching you practice no discernment with the man you bring into your home and she's likely to replicate the same behavior pattern we need our first of all nobody should be meeting your children anyway unless you're pretty sure this is going somewhere you don't bring men home on the first date you don't bring a woman home on the first date your children should have only seen one or two people you've ever dated cuz those the only two or three people you ever thought something could get serious with I think we're introducing strangers to our children well before we have properly vetted them and decided if they might occupy a permanent place in our lives when when is the right time though because that question comes up a lot a lot of young ladies dating a single moms so when does or is the right time to introduce someone into your child's life when you feel that this man or this woman and you are moving towards something serious and you feel pretty certain that it's going to be happening soon you see what I'm saying now and it's not you feel though y'all

should have had conversations I agree yes about what the hell is going on at this point and now that you said that you brought up another issue child rearing when y'all decide to co-parent each other's nonbiological children you better have a conversation because that can destroy your marriage you ever date a sister who had a spoiled ass son who disrespect respected her on the regular and you're sitting there and this little ninja is talking to his mother like she's and you like I can't allow this and she like that's not your son and I'm like I understand but you still a black woman whether we dating or not and if we G to take this further I got to check him I'm not saying I got to put my hands on him but I cannot he won't respect me if I let him dog you like that and guess what that's another reason a lot of good black women have lost out on good black men because they were so protective of their sons that they couldn't stand to see a nonbiological father check their son and they lost out on the husband so I'm telling you sisters now get your sons in order because a real man cannot stand by and let you get disrespected by your son only for you to turn around and tell him it ain't your place to say nothing well if it ain't my place to say nothing it ain't my place to even be in your life I'm out cuz I'm not putting up with this facts absolutely not man absolutely not I man I've even seen um I've I have a very good friend close friend of mine and I keep his um name Anonymous but in particular he's going through something right now a divorce in particular and um he assumed at the beginning of the marriage of child where he was not the biological father and all throughout he communicated that you know there would be times where when it came down to it especially in the area of discipline yes because that's where it exposed where he stood in that child's life and what his position was even though he was the father in you know in the time spent the energy and everything that he poured in he communicated like deep distress that it hurt his soul when he was put in his place as The Stepfather when it was time for him to put the child in their place and and to that point if if ladies if you feel you need to check your significant other over how they're disciplining your son don't ever do it in the presence of the children step into another room excuse yourself don't ever emasculate a man in front of your children he may have been wrong with the way he engaged your son or daughter but you cannot chastise him in front of the children you have to step away and handle that type of energy I'm GNA tell you something right now take me right if I marry a queen who got children are you open to that of course okay I have no because I don't have no Sons no biological Sons so I'm definitely open to a queen Heaven children but guess what I am a stickler for academics do you feel me absolutely so if I get with a queen who's lazy on the homework and lazy on the commitment to the education we gonna have to have a long talk either you going to let me take this plate I'm I'm gonna do the education thing in the house because ain't no child in here gonna be on no ADHD medicine no IEPs no learning you understand we not doing that in my house so she got to know that when it come down to the books I'm gonna be on them and she got to be comfortable with that because if you ain't comfortable with me getting on with the academics ain't no need for us to moveing together there's no way I'm going to let academically lazy ass child lay their head in my house and we got to know that about ourselves we got to tell women and women got to tell man I'm a stickler for this this one of my Hang-Ups here like a woman might tell you I'm a clean freak some women are clean Freaks and ain't nothing wrong with that if you're not OCD because I'mma tell you right now sisters if you OCD men tend not to be OCD women do it's hard for OCD woman to keep a man because most men have trouble

living in a house where you're not allowed to breathe or something might get dirty you feel me can't take your shoes off can't take your socks like some women are so OCD that you feel like you in a prison or Boot Camp or something so sisters got to work in an OCD and you know what OCD come from that's the intent to overcontrol your environment because you have no control over yourself whoa yes that I did not know whoa so OCD cuz you know obsessive compulsive I used to I used to crack a joke like you be like I kind of like that you know I like to walk into a sister spot and it smell like candles and you know what I'm saying bath and body that's cool but is it to the point where you can't really relax because she's so in other words you can't lay on the couch you know you got to wash the dish off soon when you put it in the sink you know to the point where you don't want to touch nothing use nothing or y'all come home from a date and she want to moop the floor before go toed like they can't even function no I get it boom I at that point you're not at peace on the flip side OCD is a personality disorder right obsessive compulsive person ocpd you can have OCD regular or ocpd but Brothers we got to be careful about the narcissism we can be narcissistic and the ladies they a lot of black men have I'm God's gift to the world syndrome and it turns a lot of sisters off we got to get the narcissism thing under control and we tend to be bigger narcissists than the Caucasians you know why we had to work harder to get where we are so we tend to feel entitled to our grandiosity and it throws a lot of black women off and some men are not looking for a partner they don't want feedback they just want to tell the woman what to do and how to do it that's slavery that's not a relationship and a lot of sisters can't put up with that we need to work on our on our narcissism we definitely need to work on our narcissism okay no that make a lot of sense yo we got some super chats that came in let's let's read those real quick yeah we got a bunch of super chats so I'm I'm G kind of mix them up mix them and match them so uh let's go with uh with with nona first or no nor Jean Norah says What About Us ladies who have been single and celibate for years and seriously losing interest in dating at all no woman loses interest in having a man you might get tired of a dating game but you never lose interest in having a man here's three things I say to women who say they can't find a good man number one where are you looking because if the club is the primary environment where you're looking for a good guy you're in the wrong spot number two where are you not looking have you been to the university lectures have you been to any the political debates have you been to any of the investment club meetings if you want to meet a man who's about something put yourself in an environment where people are about something it's amazing how many women looking for a good man at the swap meet at the at on the cruise he ain't on the cruise to meet a wife he's on the cruise to clap cheeks Slayer okay so sisters got to stop trying to find the right guy in the wrong environment and the third thing I would say to black women are you too self-guiding men away who would have normally approached you had it not been for this energy of don't talk to me and guess what a lot of single women give off an energy of don't talk to me because they're not conscious of how guarded they are about being hurt she don't even realize she's repelling men she's repelling them because she's so afraid of getting getting hurt that that sends out a non-verbal signal to me that she might already be taken don't even look there sisters have to work on a non-verbal Behavior wow three-step formula for you wait a listen she taking care of shout out to uh I think this is D do she says are we sure that we want to promote polygamy under the current conditions in the community what about promoting the practice of sexual

discipline she then goes to mention one in five people have an STD and most of us will absolutely not share okay couple of things number one polygyny does not mean the absence of sexual discipline I would even argue that it promotes sexual discipline because it makes men accountable for all the undercover relationships that they're not claiming in public oh I don't need a woman's relationship to have sex with multiple women we can any we can do that in Atlanta yeah if I'm telling you I want plural marriage I'm telling you I want to be responsible and accountable to y'all otherwise I could stay a Serial monogamous for Life who stopping you from being a Serial monogamous nobody who stopping you from being a Serial monogamous person no you understand so seral serial monogamy does not require approval if I'm saying polygyny I'm saying I want these two women to come together and meet and see if they can work with me so we can build and if we look at this economically if we're trying to FasTrack black people because you know the black white wealth Gap like this if we want to close the black white wealth Gap Tak the emotions out you got to go pogy three incomes is better than two do you feel me if you really looking at this from an economic empowerment perspective poision is the way to go economically now the reason why sisters can't share has nothing to do with being a woman CU in Africa they share in the Caribbean they share Black America can't share do you want to know why why is that the biggest reason polygyny cannot work right now in Black America is not the men women are in a competition with each other oh black women have a worse relationship than black men okay and because of that petty caddy comparing their hair comparing their body comparing their clothes comparing their job comparing their car they compare and compete with each other more than we do so you mean to tell me the same sister I'm trying to outdo I got to work with her so we can share you I'm out she wants to outdo her she don't want to cooperate with her polygyny is communal cooperation between Queens if you competing with black women how you going to cooperate and I tell you another reason why sisters got to at least have the conversation because let me be clear I'm not saying sisters got to accept polygyny forever it could be temporary the next 10 years the next 20 years till we get out this I'm not saying perpetually but until we fix this when black men stop killing other black men because they all got a chance to be successful then maybe we can stop the polygyny it's only when there's an imbalance in the male female ratio but guess what because there's not enough men to go around Sisterhood ain't never been the same our sisters relationship with each other has been impaired by the fact they're competing over the same men I can't tell you the stories I've heard about sisters taking sisters husbands best friend taking best friend husbands I've heard that from mom and daughter yes because it ain't enough to go around so my thing is this here's the Eternal question what are we ultimately doing this for are we doing it for oursel or are we doing it for the community because if we doing it for the community you're going to have to consider polygyny because on paper without the emotions it's one of the best things we can do for some men who can afford to do it in a Tim limited fashion but I agree with what she said though I do believe black men have sexually objectified black women so much that I think a lot of us would try to abuse the poony and for that reason we would need a Council of Elders we're not doing this on our own there's a Council of Elders that oversee all plural marriages who will supervise them counsel them guide them we will look to Elders who are already in plural relationships to help us do this thing the right way here's the reality this is the one thing I disagree with the sisters on I understand their sentiment when they talk about polygyny

and how it can be abused right right here's where I disagree they say why don't we just practice celibacy and monogamy until we get our act together as black Americans who you know is waiting to have sex until Black America gets his act together right not not one person see how unrealistic see that is the type of unrealistic suggestions that could put out there it's not realistic guess what the sister without a man she's not even waiting to find a single man she going to co-op the married man behind a married woman's back until she find of man you see what I'm saying so we got to be honest nobody's hormones is waiting for the community to rebuild itself so we got to deal with reality as it is and let's be the older women get the higher their sexual appetite go so you mean to tell me you got all these 35 to 55 year old sisters who on fire on fire and they going to go straight celibate until the black community fixes itself do a poll on that I had a very well respected therapist come up here and I we told him we was gonna do an event and we said man you know a lot of the problem with a lot of these events in the relationship space is always women yeah right n of fellas yeah and I told her listen our goal was to have it 6040 we wanted to have 40% men she said no Ty you need to have 50% I said why is that she said because when there's not enough men in the room the nature of the women in the room start to change I said what I said what do you mean by that and this is a Woman by the way she's a woman and she's like Ty you don't put enough uh men in the room you're gonna see all the women will compete all of a sudden they will not be as collaborative in talking to each other what I just say they'll be more likely to be caddy and you know group up and you know it won't be the atmosphere won't be the energy you want if you don't produce that it either has to be all women or a a more men more men than women she said and is what she or Perfect Balance because if you do that n not a man ain't happy right but see the reality of the situation was that was just an event that we were discussing now when you talk about an entire environment an ecosystem where there's not enough men how what can be created from that it makes a lot of sense and now you talk about so when we start talking about you you pretty much called out the Black American in particular women having the biggest issue with sharing is it just solely because of the numbers being so lopsided like why why is the competing why is the competing so bad because it ain't enough to go around it's not enough is that simple that's the biggest part there's other factors but that's the biggest part if you are a woman a black woman in America right now and you live in a major city or even rural you know that there's only one black man for every 20 of you guys you you see what I'm saying and it's not a happy set of Affairs to have to deal with and and and I got to say this to the radical black feminist Queens who are successful it's not that you're too strong and black men can't put up with a strong woman a lot of you are too nasty and condescending some women want men to worship them like literally that's why you lonely they'll say I'm lonely because I make too much money and he intimidated I got too much education and he intimidated that's true for a lot of men but for the men who make the same money and got the same education it's not true we're not messing with you because you're too nasty and arrogant and you want somebody to kiss your ass and we're not going to do that so we got narcissism the sisters got some narcissism they got to handle too especially the successful sisters they can have the nose in the air for real you know I'm not cooking what you're not cooking and let me tell this to the the sisters who don't want to cook there's a lot of them if you are a black woman who don't want to cook make sure you and your husband never go to Africa for vacation never go to the Caribbean

for vacation fact and don't go to the deep south of the United States for vacation and that's changing and that's changing too it is unfortunately it is but I'mma say this to you there's no better way for a woman to steal your man than through his stomach man that's a fact that principle is is as old as Moses and it starts off real simple because first of all women who don't have men are always scheming on how to take yours the competition so when a woman knows you don't cook for your man she start cooking hey girl I made some greens get these the Mike m oh you better toss them damn Greens in the trash that's one thing so I don't even I don't even think women really understand that cuz I would never serious considered dating a woman that doesn't know how to cook me it just make sense like I don't need you don't need them but if you don't if you think about this it gets deep because you talked about the bond that we have as a kid with the opposite sex yes when you think about the bond we developed with our mother even as young who put that titty in our mouth to feed us to give us life as babies all the way up until us becoming young man and who poured into us the meals was one of the version she poured into us to give us life yes that you taking a baton yes right and now I gotta deal with Chick-fil-A right and and see here's where the pretty women lose the fine sisters this where they get their heartbroke when they find out they man left them or is dipping on them with a woman who don't look half as good self-esteem she don't look nothing like she you know how she got him she catered to his ego she looked at what you would not do and she did it it is not hard for an unattractive woman to get an attractive woman's man and any man to tell you when the lights off everything's even click it again click it again when the lights are off okay that unattractive woman might got skills and talents that you ain't even thought about having and this is why the full figured sisters don't be sweating the pretty girls the average sisters don't be sweating them because they know you ain't doing for him what I can do for him so you giving Mike Mike the sweet potatoes Mike Mike the potato salad Mike Mike the grilled salmon Mike Mike The Jerk Wings Mike Mike the turkey legs and then one day Mike Mike come home and you ain't home yet and Miss Vanessa made some pineapple upside down cake and Miss Vanessa said Mike mik you would to come get a slice of this pineapple upside down cake and by the time you get home he got Vanessa upside down in the pineapple upside down cake Slayer if your man now some sisters get lucky because they get a man who cook now sisters if you lucky enough to get a man who cook you good because your man Cooks but if you are dating a man who's looking for his wife to be the chef you better learn some recipes I'm telling you I'm telling every man has dated a woman who you otherwise would not have looked at yep until you ate her food and once you ate that mac and cheese she looked completely different you was like maybe that is Beyonce right right people laugh at this power of food is no joke it's de it's no I mean it's nothing it's nothing that we need that GNA go a part of our day more than food than a good meal it's nothing it's nothing more important it's nothing more important it's nothing yeah and it shows that she values you it's psychological it's sexual the two strongest Cravings of a man is sex and hunger there's no getting away from that your stomach is right over your reproductive system they're related like you said the mother has our her titty in our mouth without us getting into too much Sigman Freud because that's his whole thing you know the mom had the titty in the mouth so it is sexual with the fol right because she's fulfilling a need a basic human need an appetite now let me say this because a sister just said food can't keep a man let me say this to black women there's nothing you can do that will make a man

not leave you if he wants out but there are things when done well he will rethink that decision to leave you a hundred times over because not every woman is made the same not in the kitchen not in the bedroom you get sisters who say things like a coochie is a coochie no it's not no it's not some coochie got gold in it platinum in it some coochie could do backflips others can't it's important that women know that though because they think as long as it's a no and we all know women are different just like where different and sisters need to know that but bigger than sex though bigger than sex I think sisters need to make sure we pay more attention to them than their vagina and they can do that by delaying our access to the vagina and making sure we spend more time out of the bedroom than in it because I think one of the weaknesses of black relationships too much time indoors not enough time outdoors and you know what I say to that to any black woman if your man spends more time with you indoors than Outdoors sooner or later that relationship is going to suffocate and die now when you say spend time Outdoors you mean dates doing anything yes and another mistake that women make when they get with us they stopped doing what they used to do when we met them that's what attracted me to you used to work out every other day used to take your mother to church used to go with your girlfriends on you know sexy singles once a month whatever why did you stop doing the things that attracted me to you women need to understand keeping a man is War I want you to hear what I'm saying ladies I want you to hear what I'm saying ladies and it's the same thing with us too yeah same thing with us too women cheat just as much as men they just know how to do it better so they don't get caught the reason I say keeping a man is war is because once you conquer a country you got to keep from someone else conquering it when a woman finally gets the man she want she got to keep them satisfied so the 16 other ones who ain't got a man don't get them you see that and what happens with a lot of sisters is they let their self go kitchen bedroom physically their social life their career their business keep doing what attracted me to you don't reinvent yourself because you finally got me the way you wanted me and it's the same thing with us I hear sisters they complain Dr Umar my husband getting off fat his jeans is getting tight when I met him he was swagalicious in the gym ran ball now he fat gut beers every day tight je brother why did you stop being who you was when she met you just how you got her you can lose her get yourself back together again that's very important and for my marijuana brothers who love smoking that slows down your body's ability to respond when your woman is ready to to get pleasure you know marijuana TC it slows down all your uh motor function so if you are a weed head it's gonna be hard for you to get it up when she ready for something that shano stick so my weed head brothers please be careful because a lot of you marijuana addicts cannot perform in the bedroom and I'm telling you right now if your woman is on fire and you cannot perform she gonna go get her one of them 25 year old Corner boys and you know what Mike Mike gonna do to that ass he gonna tear up home with the mac and cheese he don't even want the mac and cheese he just want the do for free do for free shout out to the members man shout out to the n Shout out to rashita Conley she says Dr Umar I haven't heard your thoughts on women without children dating or marrying men with children how do women navigate that in the black family because I literally heard a woman I just spoke to a young lady yesterday she said t ain't no way in hell I don't care I'm not dating no man with kids no matter what there you go again there she go again unnecessarily cutting down and already dismally small pool of available men I hear men say it ain't just women to me first of all it's selfish let's

just be a woman who won't date a man with children is selfish a man who won't date a woman with children is selfish children belong to the community how dare you say you don't want to date somebody with children I think it's selfish that's number one number two why doesn't she have a child or is she planning to have one with this man who has children because I'm telling you right now there is nothing more unhealthy than for a black woman to not give birth to a child if God gave her the ability to do so really some of the meanest nastiest women I've ever met in my life were without child wow do you hear what I'm telling you oh yes I remember I used to work in an office with all black female psychologists I was the only male they were mean they were nasty the minute she got married she turned into the sweetest person the minute she had a child she became the nicest they changed overnight cuz black women are meant to have birth under the right circumstances with the right person but if a woman is in her 40s and she ain't had a child yet I'm wondering why now some sisters are healthy that just not doing it because they waiting for the right person but you can't keep on waiting listen I have two daughters what if wait what if a woman says I don't want to have kids like she just makes her mind up she said oh no children period even even if she get married even if I get Mar I don't want no kids what do you assume of that woman I'm assuming there's some trauma where were you the oldest and were always made to take care of your siblings cuz you know when you are parentified too early that eats away at your desire to have your own children because you had to be mom and dad to your little brothers and little sisters and so a lot of times the oldest kid you know don't have children because they were parentified to they already raised kids they already raised kids so but there's a trauma there there's a trauma there ain't no such thing as a black woman who don't want kids and there ain't no trauma there uhuh there's always a trauma there black woman is the mother of uhuh there's a if a woman tell you I don't want no kids now if she's in her 20s I don't pay it no M we all say that when we 20 because we selfish we want our money but she 30 and 40 saying I don't want no kids there's a trauma there damn that's wild right there interesting well we got some other ones in there and guys listen we ain't gonna have Dr Umar Johnson all night so get these chats in get these super chats in so we can go ahead have it in here and I got to deal with the cheating piece let me deal with this cheating piece okay black women black women black women black women if my daughter comes to me and say Daddy Baba my husband cheated on me I'mma say princess give me a hug sit down I need to talk to you is he a good provider yes does he take good care of you yes does he ever disrespect you raise his hand to you no outside of is cheating is he pretty much what you need in a man yes he is what do we know about this woman was this thing purely sexual was it a hit and miss is it a work romance or is he really feeling this woman if she tells me this was a hit and miss I'mma tell her go have a conversation with him about his infidelity let him know you do not like it but there's two things I want you to think about I will never tell you not to leave a man because he cheated I would never tell you that if you want to leave him because he cheated go ahead and do it but I want to ask you a question how many men you expect to find out there who are never going to go outside that marriage at least occasionally to experience another woman I'm not saying it's right I'm saying it's not realistic to leave a good man for an oops now let me tell you when you better leave them I'mma tell you when you better pack your I'mma come packet if you if you find out the other woman is more important than you now if you find out he has removed you from the throne and put another woman on the throne

and now you number two when you was always number one you got to leave there's no greater disrespect a man pays to his woman than to put another woman in her place when a man man replaces a woman she need to leave because that is a sign that you are no longer what you were to him and if you hang around too long you will see your rank drop again and again and again till you don't even matter no more yeah you in trouble at that point so you better leave when you ain't number one no more but if you still number one and you know you number one have a conversation princess but I don't think you kick him to the curb for this first of all I love the analogy of talking to your daughter because man I've never heard nobody break it down like that but that's exactly the thought process you should have in considering and making such a big decision now your son comes to you Pops she cheated on me what does he consider in his decision making it's going to be different for what I said earlier if your woman spread her legs for another man that's rarely just sex unless you can't please her in the bedroom now if he tells me Dad I'm having troubles pleasing my wife in the bedroom that's a different issue then the question becomes did she ask you to get help did y'all ever go to a sex therapist and try to work on this situation is there something that happened in your childhood that I need to know about you feel me but if it ain't that if it ain't that you're a woman and assuming she's not a promiscuous woman you ain't marry No Hoe that's she a hoe that's different that's what they do they pop coochie right you got you a real woman you got a real woman who loves you and she spread her legs for another man she got a connection with him you got to have a deep conversation with her and find out is he her new number one and are you the legal husband now the side piece insane she would she actually be able to give you that in conversation believe it or not a lot of women would wow they gonna tell you straight up you know why because they're so frustrated at having given us warning after warning and ple after plea to get this together and a lot of them can't wait to tell you to your face yes because I gave you a chance to handle this and you wouldn't if a woman loves you sleep with another man she feels some type of way about it she may not have replaced you yet but if you want to you better get it back and get it back quick cuz a good woman don't spread their legs easy not when they love with a man they don't do it now yeah they do Revenge sex Revenge sex doesn't have to be anything meaningful you know if it's just revenge sex but if it ain't revenge sex and she's really cheating because she cheating there's something more to that situation I want to ask that question for the ladies this gonna be and see and see here's the thing about the poll it's Anonymous Ladi so y'all need to keep it all the way 1,00 because I want to understand why women cheat okay because we gave a couple reasons right there we talked about about the bad sex we talked about um Revenge sex and we'll put a third one in there just boor just put a board with your relationship so is that the PO why do women cheat is that the what's the poll I want to know what are the reasons they go outside or they're willing to have sex with another man in a relationship I just summed it up as to white women cheat and why they polling I want to say this to black women men too but especially women because we're more likely to tell a woman the truth about their sexual performance women don't like to tell men because they don't want to emasculate us black women sex isn't the only thing but it's important if your man cannot please you you need to let him know now if he don't have sufficient size you might got to get another man I mean because you can't rep there's nothing you could do about size if he ain't if he ain't got enough but is that a is that really the reason and she shouldn't even stay with

me stay with me stay with me it depend because every woman May different if you got you a six foot six sister you got to have a pipe that can lay her down you understand SL you can't come to Queen Latifa with no Tic Tac right right so I'm saying if the man is not the right size she might got to consider another man I don't even think they get that far if he wasn't the right size so we could that said I don't think they get that far if he wasn't the right side that's a fact now if he can't perform she needs to tell him that so he can work on it there's nothing worse for a woman's future Sexual Health than to fake a orgasm when you're not even being pleased and I've had women tell me they are faking orgasms when they're not even being pleased why you got this man thinking he raising you through the roof and he barely raising your temperature you got to talk to him too many women are doing that and they're going unfed unpleased and it and it's not good let him know that you need to do things differently see this my thing you know most I would actually say they I think the statistics say that most women actually don't orgasm or just generally aren't pleased sexually in their relationships now the reality of it is should sex somebody that's trauma too because if you emotionally preoccupied your mind isn't free enough to orgasm sometimes it's not your fault I've had men say Dr Umar my wife love the sex she cannot orgasm unconsciously your wife is preoccupied with issues it may have nothing to do with you it could be her relationship with her father it could be her relationship with her sister but she has in order for a woman they're not like us us is is we can be purely physical a woman's mind has to be in the moment this is why depressed women can orgasm anxious women can orgasm bipolar borderline women can orgasm because women who suffer from intrusive thinking constantly thinking neuroticism they can't organ they can't orgasm because they can never live in the moment and they can never stop thinking about things outside of the bedroom at that moment a psychologically unhealthy woman is going to have a very hard time orgasm you know what I think you could it's probably the same for for brothers too when you think about the thoughts a brother not in his mind not present in the moment with that woman thinking about the because I I'll tell you this personally when my money not right and when I'm not where I want to be in life I'm not thinking about no sex I feel you I'm with the SC I'm with you I'm not even you know so that makes a lot of sense I'm with you that ladies in that situation with they mind occupied in that way they'll have those same issues right you just dropped this poll tell them about this poll we just dropped so look I just dropped this poll it is uh let me check it out real quick where we at hold on hold on why why did you cheat in your relationship so I got four options for this I got bad sex I got boredom slf out of love I got money problems and I got needs weren't satisfied that's like a little cop out they gonna put right there I want to say I'm I'm ready to see this one we already got 235 votes on this one what do border mean too by the way like f f you just I mean the relationship is just Wag the person is just kind of doing the same old things no no cologne or you know no swag what's the deal see for me cheating for money problems that's poor character because you know black men struggle economically to cheat because he ain't bringing home enough money why were you with him at all I got a little bit of a problem with the money unless he if he wasting all the money that's different but if you saying he's not bringing home enough money and you cheated on them oh I can't Ah that's that's poor character for me so you you know the economic issue that we having obviously has affected our relationship the whole 50-50 conversation is all just a m just pretty much us communicating the economic issues that we have in our

relationships and we don't know how to manage finances or even manage expectations from one another true that's why you bring up even polygyny when you create it as an economic uh you know option for us to be able to pull finances but if you can imagine if a woman is talking about already having a hard enough idea uh being with a brother that's trying to split it 50-50 you damn sure better believe she ain't about to share the brother and go 33 33 33 you damn sure believe that's not gonna happen because of you know the mindset that we have is this a is this a poor mindset even when you hear that conversation is that a reflection of a dangerous mindset we have as it relates to relationships or is it true that a man's job should be at the highest levels to you know take remove all financial burden from his woman in a perfect world yes but black men live in a world that's far less than perfect in our sisters have to understand that and nothing unnerves me more than when black women complain about black men who cannot provide them with the level of material Comforts that they want I don't know if y'all remember a couple months ago the sisters was going off because the brother took them to the Cheesecake Factory absolutely what's wrong with The Cheesecake Factory I like the Cheesecake Factory but for her that was too cheap and to that you know what I would say a woman that under appreciative don't deserve to have a man you don't deserve to have a man it is a struggle out here for black men we got to put up with racist white men you feel me you got to put up with less pay even when you got more credentials black men go through hell you often have to suffer emasculation at the hands of white people only to come home and have a woman tell you I don't want to go eat at the Cheesecake Factory or I don't want a Honda a cord are you you kidding me like I'm supposed to basically kill myself because you want to imitate the lifestyle of white high society first of all most white women ain't even living like that right most white women aren't even living like that so you asking me to provide you with a lifestyle that most white women don't even have so if her privileged white husband can't even give her that house in that car what makes you think I should be able to do it as well I just believe we wasting a lot of money as black men that could be better spent on the community trying to satisfy selfish black women with expensive materialistic gifts that's my opinion it's ratchet see it's all ratchet have a nice life go find you another brother who going to do all that for you I'm not and that's a fact where we at on that poll let's see if the money problem let me check it out and and listen I had a couple people drop in the chat that I REM I missed the revenge sex option which I did so if revenge sex is your reason go ahead and feel free to throw that in the chat right now nobody will will shame you for that won sh try Hest reason I tell you a condition that a lot of women cheat under because I've had a lot of women tell me what's that revenge sex on a man who sex wasn't oh she's getting some dick you couldn't please her and you cheated on her oh she's getting some oh wow she's gonna go right to big harry oh she's getting some you had a nerve to cheat on me and you don't even please me it's a rap it's a rap she gone okay so because as far as she concerned she been practicing patience the whole relationship you see what I'm saying and you had the audacity to cheat on me and you can't even please me she G she like I wish your ass she going to be at the Bobby Brown concert the Tyrese concert Usher concert Maxwell oh you should have never done that you ain't even got good sex and you going to cheat oh she's getting you back so I got look why did you cheat in your relationship we got 61% of people say needs weren't satisfied I thought that would be yeah it's the catch all it's the catch all it's the safest one it's the safest one but but but but you

know what the biggest need and we talked attention that is attention men not investing time we underestimate how important time is for a woman and guess what it's a good way to study the woman because if you got a woman who don't want you invest in time you know she only there for your change a woman who don't want to see you is a woman who's only there for your pocket that's you know what yes matter of fact ladies put your number one need in the chat right now if you put that in there I want to see your need in the chat if you're watching a replay put your need in the comment that was not satisfied and that's a really good that's a great point because you want your woman want wanting you you know trying to pull you from work and he's spending time with you a woman that's way too accommodating that's okay with you not being around with her that's not that's okay with you not spending time that's an issue because it's the push and pull that makes it fun that keeps it exciting absolutely absolutely and the biggest and the man who stands to gain the most from another black man who doesn't spend sufficient time with his woman is is a coworker more than half of all black women cheat with the co-workers the work husband the work husband because remember they put him 40 hours oh yeah they with him 40 hours so you mean to tell me she with him 40 hours a week and she don't even get four with you he gonna get the cookies that's why that's why even sometimes it's the guy's friend because proximity Is has a lot to do with cheating yeah she not trying to go she not trying to go too far who whoever is close man so the man is close is but that's ratchet though that is ratchet yeah that get your life took in these streets absolutely it's scary out here very scary that get you now I tell you this I've had the exes of some of my friends try to approach me for some of them I knew it was revenge sex for others I think they just genuinely wanted a better man and they felt I was that right but I never did it I always shut him down but I never told my brothers you feel me because I didn't know if that would affect our relationship Absolut you see what I'm saying so I shut it down and out of respect for her I never took it to him because it never went nowhere but women can be scandalous oh yeah because I'm like you can't come to me that's my Ace you see what I'm saying scandalous they got no problem women can be scandalous and they know how to cheat better than us see we get caught because we don't want to hide anyway that's the narcissism you feel me that what I got to hide for I'm the Man women they play that whole role they know when to cheat how to cheat they know how to do it but ladies I need my older sisters to hear me now if you over 35 especially over 40 Loosey gooes you can't be out there cheating and come home with a Loosey Goosey your husband going to know and there's nothing more unattractive than a woman with no walls so Slayer no no that's a fact let me ask let me ask you this Dr Omar CU Slayer I I want to notice about you because you as far as your journey you you obviously are living a purpose you know a purpose Le life and do you feel a woman would help you personally be more productive get further farther faster in your life or would it be something that could potentially slow you down from accomplishing the mission that's a great question that's a very without a doubt I would have gotten I would probably have three schools up and running by now if I had a wife who I got to see daily wow uh there were women I've dated before I blew up right I blew up in 2010 Chicago and New York if I knew that my life was going to change on September the 18th and October 30th of 2010 I would have probably married Kim or Sabrina or Andrea or Tamila or Wendy those were five women who could have ended up being my wife and had I knew that my life would change the way it did I think one of them would probably be my wife right now you feel me but I didn't

know what was coming in the fear that I have now is I don't know what women I could trust right because of who I am some women want to date you just to try to expose you you know some women are so hate filled with black men if they don't get their way they hit you with a Jonathan major or worse you know so now you're walking on eggshells you know but once I find that woman woman to one whichever it is it won't be more than that I know I I'll get a whole lot more done but the challenges I've had to now like you might say Doc what why not why why you ain't married number one I travel too much women want their time I ain't got a lot of it so if you needy or thirsty or if you're just a regular woman who want a regular life Dr um ain't the husband you need to be looking for so that's number one I travel number two because I'm a therapist I attract damaged women wow I because I'm a therapist they feel the Healer in me so I tend to not everybody I trct is damaged right but I attract damaged women because they want their healer in me but they fail to realize though with the work that I do for the people when I come home I need you to heal me you need a Healer if I gotta come home and heal you too I'm being drin now you're a spiritual vampire another issue I've had with sisters I've dated their insecurity around other women as you know most of our kids are raised by their mothers right so if I'm doing seminar women are definitely there in abundance I need you not to get a attitude cuz she hugged me a little tight I'll never see her again you see what I'm saying AB I need you not to feel some type of way because you see a little glisten in her eyes it's just a lecture you understand that's like Usher's wife tripping because he on stage singing to that's part of the show that's what he do I serve children so I Gotta Serve the mother if you're going to be insecure over every woman in every city you can't be my wife wife an insecure woman could get nowhere with me because there's always going to be women around insecurity has been a big problem so what does a what does a Confident Woman look like she don't sweat nothing she's always laidback she sees it she smiles at it and she keeps on moving you see um but those I would say those would be the big and I got to give you the last one the Loosey Goosey because I travel so much I don't get to see my lady friends often if you don't get to see your lady friend often you know exactly what kind of condition they supposed to be in there's nothing like being into a woman like digging them and they hit you with a luy Goosey Slayer and I'm not mad because you stepped out I'm no dummy if I'm going for six months I don't think he was meditating that whole time but my thing is you knew you was going to see me this day why you ain't get yourself back together that's why I'm in a hit the vinegar or nothing right no respect you ain't take a nice rose petal bath with some frankincense and some whoo juice and get you know what I mean right you came to me like that that's what bothers you know and then the last one there's a lot of good black women out here I meet them all the time and so narrowing that down is difficult and sometimes I don't know if I use the work as a distraction or am I just genuinely distracted but with all that said I do have a friend a very good friend and I think she might be one of the two I think she might so we working on it we working on it okay but spiritually spiritually I was told by the priest babala priest of eii you're a tradition out of Nigeria I was told through divination that I won't find my wife till the school is up and running wow he said the school gotta come first and then the wife that's exactly what he said one of my biggest fears is that I would end up in a situation that you're in right now where I've achieved so much success where I then become so cynical you know in where every woman whether she my wife or not I just can't trust her and but and and you got to fight

against that though but but see I know myself that's a that's that's a lonely position to be in it's a very lonely that's why I'm asking you this because I I I understand first of all I know I need a Healer with what I'm doing okay I expect that from my woman listen it's some we about to Grub after this okay yes sir the women in my life about to heal you you feel what I'm saying so the thing about it is I can imagine with your work you know what you need and just in general us as men we as a culture we're getting married later we pushing it back I think now they saying it's 30 the average age now that four average age four marriage oh it's getting older for all Americans and see but especially us everybody marrying later even white folks wow yeah everybody marrying later but I don't know but is is that is that healthy is that for me it would be I'm going tell you why a 45y old woman hypothetically a 45 year old woman then been through the she done already had a coochie scratched every which way it can be she didn't already raised their kids and at this point in her life she knows exactly what she want you feel me the problem with getting married older is her biological clock might have expired it can work for men it can't work for women we can have babies until we oldow women cannot so does it work for us yes does it work for the community no because our sisters need to be having baby sooner than that that's the problem yeah works for us it don't work don't get me wrong sisters do well with an older husband too but for sisters who want to give birth within wedlock that's the issue birth within wedlock marriage gotta come sooner it got to and the and and and and and and you know somebody asked me about arranged marriage arranged marriage what I think about arranged marriage I'm not against it if the people being arranged are virgins once you have committed the sin of uh premarital sex what do we call it the word for sex without marriage not adultery but fornication fornication once you have fornicated multiple times you have now developed preferences you know how good oral sex can be you know how fat the butt can be you know how good the same thing with the woman size and Tech the problem with premarital sex this is why God never in wanted for us to have sex outside of marriage because once you've experienced things that you should have only experienced within wedlock you develop preferences so when you meet a really good woman she's everything you need but she can't turn it up in the bedroom like that freak can you may pass up on your soulmate CZ she can't please you like the freak and a lot of people have lost out on good relationships because they didn't come with freak of the weak talent and that's why with plural marriage if we decided to start marrying our children before full sex it could be a good thing if you got healthy parents making a decision because gu what if my daddy choose my wife she's the only woman I ever felt taste you understand you always going to be content because you ain't had nothing else but if you've been with five or six Freaks and dad say I got a wife for you you like Dad you got a problem wait a minute I gotta test them out first right and too often people are letting sex be the determinant and we shouldn't be I've had women sisters to admit it Dr Umar I should have married him but he couldn't turn it up in the bedroom and I went with my first love and it was the worst decision that I made we given sex too much room and I believe one of the reasons sex is taking up too much space when it comes to choosing our lifemate is we are not spiritually grounded you're over relying on pleasure if your relationship with Supreme Consciousness was where it needed to be pleasure would not be so prominent in your life but because you don't have that relationship with God that you need pleasure is carrying too much weight and that's a big problem with a lot of us wow wow you pleasure seeking pleasure seeking looking

for love in all the wrong places pleasure seeking man first of all man Dr Omar is in the building yes yes he in the building and first of all if y'all are feeling what y'all hearing right now if y'all enjoying the show I want y'all to just drop a flame right now drop the flame in the chat in the comments right now how have you seen this if you enjoying what's happening right now we had a Super Chat come in shout out to Gloria Nicole Johnson she says can we please talk about not dating until we know our purpose when we know our purpose we know who fits in our future and and I'mma add something to that because you mentioned that you shouldn't be dating if you self low self-esteem if you got low self-esteem you should only date people with low self-esteem because you don't think nobody want you and they don't think nobody want but I mean it's a self-esteem crisis you know so that's a lot of people that should not be dating but people with low self-esteem are not attracted to people with they attracted to people with high self-esteem that's exactly what they attracted to which means they end up getting exploited abused betrayed and dogged out and those are the four main traumas of post-traumatic relationship disorder and then you have baby mama trauma baby mama drama baby daddy drama and I'm G tell you something else we better deal with if we want to save the black family we're gonna have to come together and create our own child support and custody system because The White Man's family court is destroying the trust that black men and black women have for each other more than almost anything else you can think of when I go to the high schools the colleges you know what the young brother say Dr I'm not getting married why my mama put my daddy on child support and he had to move in with his mama in order to pay child support for me and my siblings I'm hearing a whole generation of young black males I'm not getting married because ain't no woman putting me on child support or taking half of what I got this child support child custody situation has gotten so bad that it's influence inuencing our sons to not seek a relationship with our daughters we got to get it under control and I think one of the best things we can do to get the child support and custody system under control is create councils of Elders in all of our cities so if she feel I'm not giving her enough money for the baby take it to the elders if I feel she not let me spend enough time on my daughter take it to the elders That's How African culture work we don't have no organization we ain't got no Elder councel so everybody run into the White and the white man ain't doing nothing but exploiting the hatred we got for each other towards the destruction of the black family child support and custody court is playing a big role in this and you got women ladies y have to stop using Family Court as a weapon to destroy a man because he don't want you and black men we got to practice more sexual discipline the we have to practice more sexual discipline we giv women babies who we don't want which is is causing nothing but pain and hurt and she carries that baggage with her into the next relationship so now you spoiling the next man's life because you didn't treat his woman right when you had her we got to do better and that's a fact let's man let's let's close out with these last few super chats if you ain't get your super chats in you about to miss out on this opportunity to kick it here with Dr Umar Johnson that's currently in the studio and the ladies ladies ladies I know yall have to project this idea of sexual discipline but we'll never fix none of our problems if we don't have candid conversations and I'm seeing several comments here about not having no sex until you get married yet that's not realistic you know uh I rather be alone than share my man that's not realistic we got to be honest if y'all just want to keep projecting holy ier than thou energy will never get these

problems solved y'all be honest about how you feel half of all married people cheat especially the ones who go to church so cut it out they ain't safe for the church yes yo bring on bring on one more let's finish out with she been in there Wai you said Tanya been in there waiting yeah all right well look Tanya you have been summoned you about to come a h initi get that mic right Tanya get your mic right Tanya what's up with you sweetheart hi can y'all hear me we can hear you perfectly I love that excitement if you can give us go ahead and start here with your age your location and your question all right my name is Tanya I am 49 and I'm in South Carolina um I have four daughters I've been Mar I was married for 21 years I've been divorced for about seven years um and I'm not interested because I think I'm doing what Dr Umar Johnson says is giving off that don't talk to me energy um but anyway I'm not interested in my relationship I'm more interested in my daughters so my girls are about to be 29 27 uh 21 22 and 20 I want to be able to um because their dad is kind of whatever that relationship is what it is but um I'm encouraging that relationship with their father but I can't really do anything so how are we as parents able to mimic good relationships but also how are we able to help our daughters um when there's an absence of um good male role models um to be able to give the knowledge that they need to be able to put themselves out there in a healthy manner to be able to get a relationship marry have children and give back to the black community great Point um first of all and I'm sure you're already you know doing this never speak negative about their dad I'm sure you don't encourage them to spend time with their father because whether they like it or not they need that you feel me yeah as I said earlier daughter needs a love affair with daddy so she can have a a healthy one with a man later on in life she they don't even know why they need it but you know why they need it I would also recommend I don't know if this is possible even though you and her father and their father is no longer together can y'all do some family activities with him you and him and them not that y'all getting back together but I would love for your girls to see that Mom and Dad can still care about each other and treat each other with respect although they are divorced that would work miracles for them because you know what that would show them even if we don't make it we can still be friends because we have too many relationship ship in the black community that when they're over we almost feel like everything got to be toxic you know we have this energy that if the relationship is over it got to be toxic why do we have to separate with negative energy why can't we just come to the conclusion that we outgrew each other but we can still care about each other we have to stop the toxicity but I would love to see you do some things with him in the presence of your daughters I agree I appreciate that and can I ask you one more thing can you elaborate on that because one question I did ask him when we did have a moment of uh common sense and we were able to talk was um how is it that men are so easily able to move into a new relationship with another woman and choose to as as hard as that can be sometimes and choose not to work on their relationship with their children that especially when I'm I'm I am I'm different I don't I really don't like Child Support I'm kind of a legal politician type person so I kind of understand how laws work so I don't like child support I never put him on child support all I asked is that he would have a relationship with these kids and so to me in society it seemed like and it could be other cultures but black men are easily to move on once the relationship is over and start relationships with new women and not put the effort into the relationship with their children currently yes ma'am great question and I'mma give you three

reasons why one of them we hit on earlier relationships function as a drug in the black community we use them to distract us from our personal problems that we do not want to face and address that's number one wow number two a lot of black men are constantly looking for a mommy who will care for them maybe not financially but emotionally and not hold them accountable for the things they do wrong if I had to guess I would say the reason he moved on so quickly is he suffers from that empty bedroom syndrome where I need a woman to distract me from me so I never have to address my underlying issues she is a distraction that's why he's with her doesn't mean he don't care doesn't mean she's not a good woman doesn't mean they don't have a half decent relationship but moving into a new situation and you haven't rectified the previous one you're running away from your responsibilities T up here ask great questions t Okay absolutely thank you i' be blessed she was patient too Tanya held held it down an hour at least two hours she did hold it down you went ahead you closed out your Poe you closed out the chats yeah yeah we good we good but here's what I want to talk about because we got to let the people um we we got to give the people an update and also get you good on this one so people can know what to expect yes sir because we got our school currently still in the works yes sir yes sir and man please let the people know what's going on with our school indeed Frederick Douglas Marcus Garvey Academy I want to let all our donors know all the major Renovations have been completed inspected and approved we have two final in inpections thank you yes yes yes we have two final inspections we need a l building inspection to get our certificate of occupancy and we need the fire department inspection the reason we haven't had them yet is because we have to get our drop ceiling repaired because in order to get the l& building inspection they want the school move and ready so we got a couple doors we got to replace we got a couple floors we got to do we got to do some painting as well a lot of small stuff nothing major but it got to be done in order so for example our Firewater company has to do something to the piping we can't put the drop ceiling back till they done doing what they doing to the piping you feel me that's really the biggest hangup right now that's really we're waiting on the firat company to finish you know the firat everything is done it's inspected and repair but there's something some little Gadget something they got to do we're waiting on them to give us a date we've been waiting for a couple weeks now once they give us that we can put the drop ciling back switch out the two doors do the floors and we should be ready for inspection I'm anticipating a community grand opening celebration this spring no later than this summer so school will open this year for the community and for our children next year that's congatulations so hit the cash app dollar sign fdmg school do not donate to the fake link make sure you have the right link you can go to Dr Umar johnson.com for the correct link or you can text myself for the link 215 989-980-8496 34 Wilmington Delaware 1 19809 but again you have my sale number text me also I want to hear from you all your feedback on tonight's relationship conversation with my brothers did you like it did you not like it what would you like for me to emphasize more next time we link up and had this conversation feel free to text me directly 25989 n85 couple quick announcements number one I will be leading my seventh group trip to Africa this summer last week of July first week in August go ahead and hit it yes yes I haven't been on a group trip in five years not since the year of return 2019 Ghana so I'm going back I can't wait it's been five years if you want to go to Africa with Dr Umar I will have the registration information in about one week okay you have now until the end of July to pay for your trip

so don't waste your tax return on fake hair in Jordans put some of that money to the side so you can pay for the Africa trip it's going to be 14 days 14 nights we going to the slave dungeons you're going to get an African name and the traditional African naming ceremony we going to Asen Mansour where our ancestors had to wash their bodies before they were sold at the dungeons you're going to go to the kente claw Factory the wood factory the bead Factory we going to Gambia we going to senagal to the new African History Museum in darar Sagal you're going to have a lot of fun so if you want to come with Dr Umar come with Dr Umar just remember the Golden Rule what happens in Africa stays in Africa also tomorrow Camden New Jersey I'm speaking keynoting the African-American youth MLK Day celebration if you have a black child bring them on out Camden New Jersey tomorrow 10 to 4: is the conference I speak at 3 Tuesday I am in Williamsport Pennsylvania Dr King keynote celebration Williamsport PA Thursday Sacramento California for the first time in 10 years 6 to9 free event at the Obama room Friday Antioch California I will be uh 6 to9 free event if you need the Flyers text me Jacksonville Florida January February the 1 first day of black history month but the day before that January 31st we will be having our protest in Bell Florida we're trying to save our brother Brendan DEA from spending the next 30 Years in his life he's the black boy who attacked the teachers Aid in the high school on the day Malcolm was assassinated February 21st 2022 he can get 30 30 years in jail we want to protest peacefully outside the courthouse against that happening to him because Brendan DEA was as much as a victim as the white woman he assaulted so please come out we calling on everybody to come out and stand with us at the kimy Hammond Justice Center in Buell Florida again 215 989-980-8496 and then we have it Hey listen first of all big shout out to all the initiates that stayed in here big shout out to all the members that we have this is big for the community for us to have Dr Umar Johnson on the platform let me tell you requested on a very consistent basis multiple times a week y'all been asking for Dr Umar and we finally got him here um this man it's it's a blessing to have you loved it man it's a blessing to have you um this not g to be the last time that we have you here on the platform so we gonna be bringing you back Atlanta 100% And I want to let yall know this is the very last day y'all of our pre-order sale we having on the hardly and love dating cards y'all you talk about a hundred open-ended questions that you can sit down with and you gonna be able to be able to connect on the deepest level with whoever your partner is I don't even care if you're you're in marriage you better still be dating you heard you heard them reasons they cheat unfulfilled needs let's make sure we fulfill them needs and guys the link is the chat in the description the uh promo code love 20 gets you 20% off and that ends in the next 24 hours so if you're watching this video please go ahead and take advantage of that before they go to full price but that's the Harley and love dating cards here and um yeah you you got it man Ryan do we got anything else we need to give to the people before we let them get up out of here no that's it guys with the Harley and love cars I'm pinning that link to the top y'all heard Dr Umar listen he gave his announcement so you might have to run that back because he dropped a lot of information for y'all absolutely but I think this was a powerful message yeah I think uh we needed to hear this on so many levels so I uh I'm just I just feel blessed and I don't think we could have done it without all of our uh you know top-notch initiat so we appreciate y'all for sure we appreciate y'all man on look on MLK Eve we rocked it out with Dr Umar Johnson the best way we probably could have ever done it so look much love to all of our listeners make

sure you do not leave this platform without subscribing I need you to go ahead and subscribe so we can continue to grow and attract amazing talents just like the just like the brother we got sitting here today I'm share my screen real quick because I just want to give a shout out to all of these people right here because we only had the we only had the the initiates for for six uh for six months so these are all the people right here that's been rocking with us for six months so I just want to make sure to give them a shout out that's big day one yes listen your your love and support is what allows us to grow this channel I tell everybody this is listen we walking in purpose y'all seeing it happen we do this full time there's nothing else on the side so everybody that likes comments supports and joins our membership is a major part of us being being able to put this message into the space into the world into the atmosphere so we love you and you already know hardly initiated we yes are out [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] w [Music] [Music] [Music] oh [Music] he ...

[im-a-unicorn-i-dont-date-humans]

I've had an empifany.

I am the problem.

I've jumped from relationship to relationship so much that I had to consciously set a period of time where I remain single.

But I'm not really a person for one night stands. They feel dirty (not the good kind of dirty).

So I enter a relationship with that person and they become the center of my world. I start to love them so much, not suffocating love but real true love.

I want them to succeed with sound body sound mind. I start to cook for them regularly and give them vitamins, buy them presents and give them all of my attention and care.

I make plans with them, involve them in my future and share happy and tough moments with them. Its like paradise on earth and it makes every mundane task an adventure. When a real adventure comes along its ecstatic.

...

And then it passes the one year mark.

Almost like clockwork i start liking someone else.

Then this can go a number of ways.

During my teens and 20s, I broke up as soon as I felt something for someone else. Sometimes after 17 days of being together. That's how you get a song about you on youtube with him crying at the end.

Andrea was different. He sensed it so, with me being a masochist and him having anger issues, he either beat me up or went down on me every time.

That lasted 4 years until I broke up with him too.

Ryan was too sheltered. I didn't want to break up with him because he had never broken up with someone himself and he really needed it. He needed someone to show him what real love is, too.

That lasted 1 year until I forced him to break up with me, that gruelling conversation took 2 days.

Chris was too messed up. We were on cocaine and I loved it. I needed someone to be partners in crime with. We were the real bonnie and clyde of the modern world. Parties, drama, more drugs, music, cards, alcohol, sex, repeat. This was hard for me because breaking up with him meant to stop doing drugs. But it had to be done, I couldn't handle getting fired from another job I loved.

That lasted 1 year until I cheated on him and he broke up with me. It was the only way for me to make him and my addiction go away.

Now there is you, my love. You have been nothing but good to me. You heal me. You are wholesome and I'd like to think that I do the same for you.

The sex is great, really. Your drive is insane.

The conversations are funny and I've grown so much while I am with you. I'm so confident now. Which is why this is really going to hurt me. More than anything has before....

....because I started having feelings for someone else.

Who or what feelings is not important. What is important, is what you do with those feelings. I haven't done anything with them but I've seen what not doing anything for a long time will do.

I want to keep you but I'm gonna ruin this beautiful life we have by being a broken record that chips even more each time you play it.

I'm tired of getting to know these wonderful people and not having the restraint to give my entire being to them. So I need to do something about this now, before we pass one year.

What that is, I do not know yet. But it starts with having this conversation with you in real life.

Keep you at all costs.

[eurovision-del]

Malta are also picking their song tomorrow! I completely missed the semi finals when they happened back in November, but I’ve checked out all the finalists, and here’s what I make of them:

Gail Attard – Wild Card

Lisa Gauci – Breathe

Janvil – Man

Miriana Conte – Venom

Sarah Bonnici – Loop

Denise Mercieca – Mara

Erba' – Sirena

Haley – Tell Me That It’s Over

Ryan Hili – Karma

Nathan – Ghost

Greta Tude – Topic (Bla Bla)

Matt BLXCK – Banana

I’m not too impressed by this selection, most songs are sitting in the mid zone – stuff I might mildy enjoy but by the end of the song I am ready to move on. The only song here that I really like is Wild Card. I think it’s a great ballad, it’s certainly got the passion, and I like the way it keeps building throughout the song, hitting its climax right at the very end. Gail Attard is easily the best vocalist based on the live performances, she sings it really well.

I'd be very happy if Wild Card did end up being Malta's entry, but not so much that I'd be disappointed if it didn't. Honestly, I don’t really mind what they pick. Some songs could be elevated with proper staging – I could definitely see Loop doing well, Sarah Bonnici seems like a very competent performer even if the song isn’t 100% my thing – so I think there is hope for Malta at Eurovision, but nothing feels like a guaranteed qualifier.

[camryemerald]

oh i guess we have the mesc finalist list now, lets take a look-see (sourced from Eurovoix, "read more" so i dont take up your dash too much)

Miriana Conte – “Venom”

oh nice, loved her song in 2022 and venom isnt too bad

Sarah Bonnici – “Loop”

yay! was expected but still!

Greta Tude – “Topic (Bla Bla)”

...wh- huh??

Janvil – “Man”

alright, why not

Haley Azzopardi – “Tell Me That It’s Over”

another one i was expecting but also very happy with!

Ryan Hili – “Karma”

good for him, not a bad song

Erbà – “Sirena”

YESSS this song has become my favorite so i am very happy to see them here

Nathan – “Ghost”

not personally a fan of this one but i know it has hype so i guess it makes sense

Denise Mercieca – “Mara”

glad to see it, great song

Matt Blxck – “Banana”

same as ghost, havent really liked either of matts entries since Come Around but this ones been like majorly hyped so i understand

Gail Attard – “Wild Card”

wasnt expecting this one but sure

Lisa Gauci – “Breathe”

another one im happy with, though didnt 100% expect it to go through

sad for Bewsa, Breaking Bad, Empire, and Bloodstream but i guess we'll see what happens in January

[castle-dominion]

castle 7x1 driven

the finding castle episode liveblog

previously yeah yeah I watched the last ep a week ago it's fine

Oh no he dead

Bros hold her back

yeah hot af.

(surprised alexis & martha aren't doing the same)

Noooo they are muddying Yet Another wedding dress!!!!

Dun dun dun he ain't there!

Esposito helping becks up the hill <3

(wow ryan hair)

I wonder if they filmed parts of this the previous season before hiatus

He's right, change, but it would be Cool to see becks doing Cop Stuff in her wedding dress. Just like. Tie it up lol.

what was that little skip there in ryan's run?

uh Tell Him why

mum noticed the red tail light stuff.

Oh no pieces.

Dragged him away

Love rysposito half fancy. Reminds me of 4x1 look

See? turned on remotely! Things u can do! But castle's never could be, after that debacle w/ bracken & beckett? no way.

Fruit stands my beloved.

See? how WOULD you remember that? unless it went TWICE!

Love how they have those windbreakers.

"Not far the way I’m going to drive."

Why is my man running away if he's a normal guy?

good frame rate

*checking the gps on his phone* love it

oh NO it's getting CRUSHED lmao I loVE it!

early title card

Ooh car maze!!! I love it!

she just TACKLES him!

Love rysposito holding her off.

love the chains.

becks uh beckett my dude chill CHILL

AFTER THAT THERE'S NINE MORE!?!?

Looks like it is the same day still. Beckett changed at the wedding but she is wearing the same clothes now at the precinct & rysposito have changed too now

esposito looks so Happy!

(nice pic they are using for castle lol)

JE: So you can do what to him? (off her look) I was watching. Getting booted of the force is not going to help anything.

It's just like s4 finale/s5 premier

conveiniently lousy

Gates my beloved <3 (but she should be booted off the case) Oh wait nvm. unless you give me cause to.

sus fbi moments

friends & family & also just regular employees

In the event hhh

connors is right that IS sus.

it MIGHT have smth to do w her.

It's like that sammy keyes final book!

communication!!!

Alexis looks so unwell jhfsjksdlfj

MR: Your father will be home before you know it.

Me: How long is the show's hiatus?

Who's bringing the coffee? Becks it's obv not going to be castle

Esposito. He really loves her.

(someone had to bring her coffee. idk if I'll liveblog the audio commentary)

*knowing bracken himself is not behind this, esp not this early on*

3xk, mickey barbozza was the most recent one,,,

Esposito's scar is so Something

*knowing it isn't exactly castle's dad*

Vinny the scar!

Yeah he accused him of murder!

"What can I do to help?"

I love vinny

"this I did not know"

love the grey area love vinny love this stuff. Wait is it vinny or vinnie?

Already in the morning?

Panini <3

"that does not happen" I love the scar

*is castle* (that's not how it works)

JE: getting mad

Love ryan & esposito taking two different angles

Ryan give her a hug

that's true! we already have this stuff w 3xk!

girl he took voice lessons to sound like esposito he could surely take body movement lessons

(btw love the outfits & ig lighting too & all this stuff & the acting is good too.)

Martha sus.

Makes sense to me. Run off the road by an suv of COURSE I'd pay to have it crushed! it made me mad!

Exceot he asked for it to be crushed before!! it ran him off.

Martha sounds happy he's alive while becks sounds mad he's lying

it's authentic. & terrific?

{Why was CASTLE the one to pay for the car to get crushed tho?}

yeah why WASN'T castle under duress?

walking away from bekett would also mean walking away from alexis, that would NOT happen?

Vinnie turned over the money to help his friend Castle!

Mum guessed it was her wedding gift, like for castle's bday the 100th episode.

Call castle's dad

Love the handwriting & the montage scene.

WHERE HER MOM'S MURDER BOARD WAS HHH

Shawn Wash. Love how it's the same two paragraphs repeated over & over lol. Good set design. Well idk but fun set design.

SHE'S CALLING ALL THE WAY TO FRANCE! does she speak french fluently? or just some?

the chair!

noooo closing the shutters!

*little boat*

reminds me of that book where the mom was mentally ill so they couldn't ask for help when they were trapped in the boat.

"this is the USA coast guard, please move."

'this is the canadian lighthouse, that's not gonna happen'

What if you are knocked out & CAN'T ANSWER that u need help?

it wasn't the MIDDLE of the atlantic ocean babes!

THREE BULLET HOLES???

Like peter at the tomb

worst part is SHE didn't do anything to get him back, it just took time & a bullet shot boat

alexis <3

my man has a sunburn

going to be in a coma or smth. Girl chill it's ok. Don't expect him to wake up..

not treat him but... LOOK at him... soOOOO GOOD

yucky coffee.

esposito asking the hard questions. We need a devil's advocate!

ryan's pants look odd with that jackett or at least in this lighting

*beckett right behind them*

take a drink every time u hear the word dinghiy

Yay coast guard captain

my man is so smart.

Was she on the screen call with him at the hospital?

"henry jenkins" or so he's called

a month ago?

lmao look at those rods.

blue blue blue eyes omG

stole his clothes lol

key SEWN into his pants?

so he WAS shot!

a few WEEKS ago???

the other guy said nobody was home.

love the use of the word negative instead of just no.

*thinks the garbage bags contain castle's body parts before remembering he's in the hospital*

two person tent. Looking at the interior it looks more like a five folk tent. (well five if they sleep in mummy bags & head to toe)

"or some kids hanging around taking it for a joyride"

why wouldn't "they" clean up the tent?

late 30s (early 40s)

*takes esposito with her*

the tux would not be put away that way but I'll take it. Esposito is so mad at castle.

his wedding shoes!

his watch!

he was tracking the news to see if they had been able to find/rescue him yet

martha is so happy!

first thing he did was ask for you!

RC: Just so you know, the doctor said that kissing will speed my recovery.

I could clip

yeah it IS supposed to be a joke. I deal with being in a car collision with humour! We keep having crap to deal with when we are trying to get married, it's just so silly silly!

he's a writer he needs to start at the beginning

I think u can tell he is not faking it

he looks so exaasperated when he says "I was unconscious!"

Right yes. why?

I might ask "has it been a year?" or smth bc I'm Dramatic ( if i was castle)

I'd ask if it was supposed to be a joke. I'd ask for proof.

except if he planned this & called vinnie in the morning, he would have had to plan it & he'd remember things before the wedding accident! (techinically not an accident)

bc I want to go there!

Remember Jeremy?

esposito outfit nice, lighting too hard for me to pic. grey or black or navy with a v dark red tie. some pattern (caused by the weave I think, not actual dye)

ryan taking explanations & facts.

lmao tiny little crime scene box!

she's going to cry skdjflskdjfl I love i hate I love this

did he write it in his coma dream? is it an AU

except castle DID set it up! he was the one who set this up!

RC: Yeah, on the INLAND side!!! Not on the ocean side.

he did camp here tho!

some old guy

Not the same guy bwa bwa BWAAAAA

walk & talk

(ryan outfit <3)

Why the setup to be there? what about the evidence?

JE: Mm hmm castle. THEY faked it sure

Fenkins

Remember Jeremy? I want to see more of him I want to see the updates!

alexis is old enough to drink

I love how he moves his hand counter clockwise for tangled & then clockwise for untangled when he talks with his hands there

you DO lose hope & then you get it back!

staring at it was so sweet!

everyone has chairs by their desks!

Almost shot him? srs becks? ew lol

RC: Well, it’s not the same. I can’t remember. Though I do know I missed you terribly. Because there’s no way I wouldn’t.

(could clip)

this is soooo sweet