#my post about the finale kicked off again and reminded me I've been listening to this way too much lately | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

churipu · 1 year ago

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Hi! ☺️ First and foremost, I hope you're doing well. Also, I just recently found your page and I love your writing!

I really liked your post on the super sensitive reader with the jjk men. Can I get headcanons of the jjk men with reader who is very stoic and a little emotionally constipated? Like they have never seen reader cry ever while in their relationship together, but then reader ends up having a hard week and ends up crying from frustration.

jjk men & their emotionally constipated partner

featuring. shiu kong, itadori yuuji, todo aoi, geto suguru x reader

warnings. cursing and jjk men being sweet and soft to their partner <;33

note. hi anon! i'm doing great, hbu love? thank you for liking my works, you don't know how much that means to me, i hope you have a great day! and thank you for requesting, i find this request very interesting <33 also, thank you guys for the big amount of support i've been receiving for the last two days, can you imagine i gained like 140+ followers in that matter of time? i'm going to start violently sobbing istg. anw, i hope u sexies enjoy this <33

SHIU KONG. shiu loves you a lot, even if you struggle in showing the love back to him, he knows you love him a lot. shiu would receive random messages (mostly a picture of something and then you tell him that it reminded you of him, probably deemed as your love language now). i feel like shiu is partly happy that you don't take things into the heart - but at times he'd be very worried about you. you never cry, you almost never get angry at him even if he did something wrong (you'd just tell him it's nothing and you weren't mad, but he sometimes think it's because you didn't want to engage yourself in arguments), and hell, he barely sees you smile at all.

shiu has heard you tell stories about your new work place, which you quote unquote as toxic. and you've been in the company for no longer than three months, but the stories about your very annoying co-worker and your boss never stops. he swore that the topic of your work place was the only thing that could get you riled up.

i feel like shiu would be the type of boyfriend who would tell you to stop working because he's financially stable enough to provide for you, but you decline telling him that you didn't want to live off of him.

shiu didn't force you to stop or quit your job though, he'd be glad to listen to you talk about your days at work.

"y/n? you're ho— darling, what happened?" he saw the solemn look on your face and realized that something must have happened (yet again) at your work place, he dropped the cigar that was lodged in between his lips and immediately approached you.

you shook your head, inhaling sharply before kicking off your shoes, "work, of course."

"is it your boss? or that same co-worker again?" shiu knew that it was either your boss or this one co-worker who doesn't seem to enjoy your presence in the office.

"both." you sat down on the couch, throwing your head back in exhaustion (you were about to cry and the only way to stop your tears from coming out was to just force it back in with your head back), "i'm getting my paycheck reduced this month."

shiu took a seat next to you, "why?"

"i was blamed for something my co-worker did, this is so unfair," your voice cracked a little and shiu pulled you into a hug, you choked out a sob, "this is so unfair," you muttered out, your pent out anger and disappointment finally seeping out in a form of tears.

"hey, shh..." he soothes you, pulling back to see your tearful eyes. he grazed over your cheek to wipe the droplets away, "let me take care of them, yeah?"

you shook your head, "don't have to, i don't want to make this into a bigger mess."

shiu planted a kiss on your forehead, "don't worry about it darling, you trust me, don't you?"

"yes."

shiu had a "talk" with your boss and your co-worker the very next day and your co-worker ended up resigning right after, and your boss, well they never bothered you anymore (and you're getting an extra paycheck for the next half a year).

ITADORI YUUJI. people always wonder how you and itadori ended up with each other. him being this ray of sunshine, and you were like the moon. but he didn't care about what everyone says, he loves you — and that's what matter, right?

wrong. don't think that you didn't notice the enormous shit talking about you behind your back, about how you probably bribed itadori into dating you and what not. usually, you'd shove all those down the drain and forget about it.

but for some reason, you couldn't help but to rethink about what they said. how itadori isn't too fit for you, or how you don't deserve him at all. the only thing that managed to trigger you was how somebody said that itadori deserves someone more "emotionally available" for him, and that person isn't you.

you never liked being emotionally constipated, people always talk about you behind your back, saying how you're so distant and that being the reason you don't have any friends. you keep telling yourself that you're used to it when it comes to you, but when it comes to itadori and your relationship — you feel helpless.

"y/n? are you okay?"

you looked up at him, a glint of worry flashing in his eyes. and you can't help but to feel the frustration building in you as you remember the words people say to you, "yes..no? i don't kno—" you choked out, smacking your hand on top of your mouth at the sound you let out.

it just got worse when you feel the tears you've been penting up for the past few weeks come out. itadori blinked feverishly, a little surprised to see you crying like this. he has never seen you cry before, "y/n..?" he breathes out, his hand reaching out to you, but you moved back, trying to avoid his touch.

the embarrassment you felt was horrid, you hated crying in front of people, even your own boyfriend, "baby," itadori mutters out seriously, grabbing your arms and then pulling them away from your face, "tell me what's wrong. talk to me."

i feel like he knew where this was going, he had a hunch. for the past few weeks, you asked him about why he was with you, why he loves you when there were better people out there (you think). and he knew it was because of what people said.

"i...i just don't think i'm the right one for you, yuuji. they're right, you need a more emotionally available partner."

itadori's face fell when you said that, and he shook his head, pulling you into his embrace. rocking back and forth like a baby, "why would you say that? why would you listen to them y/n?" he asks quietly.

"i...don't know."

he pulled away, brows furrowed and he held your shoulders, "you're perfect for me, i don't give a fuck what they said about you and i. the next time someone says something, i'm going to beat them up," the thing is, he looked so serious you couldn't help but to chuckle.

"you just chuckled.." he breathes out, "my life is complete."

TODO AOI. he's very boisterous, and i feel like he'd be the type of person who would defend his partner everywhere they go. when you accepted his feelings, he was surprised since he never expected you to like someone like him. but he was pretty damn proud of you, and as a boyfriend, he shows you off like a trophy.

telling people about how amazing you are, how you make him happy, or how you treat him nicely. but people are fucking judgmental, some of them don't like the idea of others living happily — and you never thought that "these" particular people would target you next for it.

saying how fucking weird todo is for liking someone like you, and you had to be honest, it did get into you. and so began your avoidance to your own boyfriend, todo.

he hates it. he hated how you changed out of the blue, no matter how hard he tries to reach out for you, you weren't the same anymore and he never got why you decided to change.

believe me when i say that he tried asking his friends about it, or about tips to get you to talk to him. but really, they weren't much of a help, saying how you probably got bored and is avoiding him so he would be the one to break up first with you.

todo didn't want to let the idea of that get into him, but after a few weeks of you avoiding him non-stop, he began thinking the same thing. were you bored of him? did he do something that you didn't like? or is it because he ate the last chocolate chip cookie you were saving up and blamed it on someone else?

so when he got the chance to bump into you, he immediately took it as a chance to ask you about it.

"why are you avoiding me?" you tried ending the conversation right away by going the other way, but man is fast fast so he didn't let you — still wanting to know about the sudden change in your behavior.

todo knows how you didn't like being cornered, or how you don't like talking about the relationship, sappy shit. but if he didn't talk to you about this, todo knew he was going to regret it.

"y/n," he grabbed the back of your collar, pulling you back lightly, "did i do something wrong?"

you were silent for a few seconds before todo's ears perked up at the sound of soft, choked out sobs. you were crying. you were crying. and the panic sinks in, "i..i'm sorry, did i pull on your collar too hard?!" he panics, flailing his arms.

you shook your head, "...no, i'm sorry for avoiding you."

todo stopped his panicking and stood up straight, "i couldn't stop thinking about what people have to say about us, and now that i think about it, i feel like you deserve more than me," todo widened his eyes and looked around.

"who the fuck said that? i'm going to beat them up so bad people won't recognize them," todo mutters out and the corner of your lips tugged upward, "is that why you're avoiding me?"

you nod, "it was wrong. i know i should've said something about it. i'm sorry for avoiding you."

todo laid his hand on top of your head, brushing your h/c softly with a gentle smile, "you're perfect for me, fuck those people," he cusses out, "next time you hear em', don't forget to find out their names— i'm going to give them a lesson for it."

SUGURU GETO. suguru and you are like two peas in a pod. people never see him without you and vice versa, and often people would say that you both are the perfect couple. despite your personalities almost being the same type of calm, suguru is a calm man, and he's soft spoken. while you were just plain cold and stoic, rarely speak of something or even show your emotions.

someone bothering you? okay. someone making fun of you? okay. you were practically a walking definition of "i give zero fucks". but that doesn't mean you can't feel hurt, you are still human after all.

so when suguru told you about how he has a new co-worker, and how she has been clinging onto him, how she tries to get in his pants. you find it cute how he tells you about it, even telling you that you should come to his workplace so he could show you off.

you didn't feel anything because you trusted him. until you see the so called "co-worker" of his. she's pretty, you can't deny that. and you could see how she gets along with almost everyone, having no problem in instigating a conversation or complimenting people. people definitely like her.

that's where the insecurity began sinking in.

would suguru fall for her like everyone in his workplace does? would he leave you for her? so many questions you wanted to find the answer to.

"baby?"

you look at him, completely out of your daydream. he cocks his head to the side, "are you okay? you've been zoning out a lot lately..." he said, voice gentle and worried.

you nodded, "yeah. sorry. got a lot in my mind."

"do you want to talk about it?" he brushes a few h/c strands from covering your face, "you've been a little distant. is it something that i did, baby?"

god, just the thought of suguru thinking it was him made you a little sensitive. the past few weeks was already hard enough for you to contain yourself from breaking down, and him asking that made the tears you held in for so long drop out all at once.

suguru was a little taken aback and he sat straight up, alarmed, "y/n? baby? what's wrong?" he asks you gently, wiping the tears that never ceased from your face.

"i feel..i feel like i'm not enough. you deserve better than me, suguru." suguru swallowed the lump in his throat, he should've known, ever since you came to his workplace, you had started getting distant. and he should've known that was the reason.

suguru shook his head, cupping your face before giving you soft little kisses all over your face, "don't" a kiss on your forehead. "you" a kiss on your left cheek. "dare" a kiss on your right cheek. "say" a kiss on your nose. "that" a kiss on your chin.

the male gazes into your eyes deeply, "i love you," he softly said before planting a kiss on your lips, "you're the one i want, you're perfect for me. i can't see my future without you y/n, so please don't think about that..."

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jackfromthefairytale · 1 month ago

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poppy negative spaces liveblog

have you had enough? - very much a rock track. I love the drums. and the way the guitar in the back in the second verse. the chorus is very alt rock. I love this one. the breakdown feels very natural. going in the metalcore playlist

the cost of giving up - short intro, chilled verse. synths (piano?) in the pre chorus,, I like this chorus. reminds me of tonight alive. breakdown. not sure about it, not sure if it was necessary. ooh final pre-chorus piano work is cool. oh there's a outro breakdown too. her low scream is pretty solid

they're all around us (single) - heavy track, I really want to know if her live drummer can keep up with the verses. I love the synth in the breakdown/bridge section

yesterday - electronic. has the sonic vibes of a perfect doll house. interlude track

crystallized (single) - it has an electropop vibe and I love it. a very classic poppy song. the outro soundscape is very tranquil and interesting

vital - veering back into heavier territory, more of an alt/pop punk sound. I quite like this one, reminds me of as it is and older stand atlantic. acoustic final pre-chorus? haven't heard that in a hot minute. lots of nostalgia in this song

push go - vocal work in this intro verse is interesting. and now here's the guitars. alt rock track and I love it. I love the staticy (?) vocal effect on the verse (the one that sounds like the singer is on the phone if you get me). bridge feels a bit darker, a slight breakdown with the instrumental. I love the beat on this song

nothing - heavy distorted guitars! falsetto vocals! one of my favourite combos. and now she's screaming. huge metalcore chorus. I like the main riff in this. the verses overall reminds me of being me to life with the chugging guitars and the higher soaring vocals. ok, building up to a breakdown. oh that's good, her screams have definitely been improving. maybe should have been a single.

the centre's falling out - heavy. more of a knocked loose suffocate vibe. oh it has that spoken bridge too. very interesting breakdown, definitely has that knocked loose guitar tone. vocal work post-bridge is very reminiscent of suffocate. I'm having mixed feelings about this

hey there - interlude. dropped on her youtube earlier. beautiful soundscape. sounds kinda like a lullaby

negative spaces - another rock song. well, pop punk. hey monday? avril lavigne? second verse guitars I really like. this bridge is really good. oh this instrumental section! haven't heard smth like this in a really long time. also a bit of an older all time low vibe. I really like this one. I've also gotta sort out an alt rock playlist.

surviving in defiance - ok we start off slow and chill. chill heavy-ish song, reminds me of 2015 sleeping with sirens. second verse synth reminds me of a specific song but I can't remember which one. breakdown,, fits..? it doesn't break the flow of the song but is still quite unpredictable. not entirely sure about it

new way out (single) - I love this song. I love the production on it.

tomorrow - interlude track. this poem is a bit. meta

halo - chilled guitar intro with a xylophone? glockenspiel? it's a chilled out emotional instrumental leaning pop song. has a revolving chorus (the guitars have kicked in) now it's a rock song. I really like this one

overall: incredibly solid album. I'm less sold on the heavier songs and the metalcore aspects. and I know it was marketed to a more metalcore audience especially with her recent collaborations with knocked loose and bad omens, and the live performances with the likes of spiritbox. that said, the album itself isn't as cookie cutter modern metalcore I was expecting it to be, I feel like it's been leaning more into modern alt-rock but with breakdowns. I wish there were more pop-leaning songs and maybe some more classic "weird" poppy songs. i also think there was too much interlude but maybe I just need to listen again and understand the album as an experience and also have the lyrics out

8.5/10 maybe album of the year

#liveblog.kiran.txt #poppy #kiran.mp3 #Spotify

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declanlikesmusic · 1 year ago

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Listening Highlights: Episode 001

August 13th to 20th, 2023

Hello! Just as soon as I've started a new series, I've decided to put it off and make a new series! (Expect this.) Trying to keep up with daily posts was simply not worth it. Much as I was so excited to kick that series off, I thankfully decided to turn it off before it became too much of a chore for me and I'm glad that I did. Because now, we have a different format to substitute it!

Welcome to Listening Highlights, where I go over what I've been listening to as of recently! There's no set time for each episode, I just talk about music when I feel Autistic enough to do it. I also wanted to be more selective with what I talk about this time around; for the most part, that didn't happen, I'm just so Autistic that I went over pretty much all of the past week. So let's go!

Drake – If You're Reading This It's Too Late (2015)

The first thing I listened to after the last Today's Listens episode, I spent that morning with the 6 God himself, the man behind such classics as Way 2 Sexy and that one line where he calls himself a lesbian. He's one of the most popular figures of music right now and it's to the point where either you detest his trajectory as one of the most bland musicians going or you're LosPollosTV. I'm in the former camp and I do not look forward to having to try out his latest records any time soon, but at least I have this mixtape to fall back on whenever I need a reminder that Drake can spit. This turned out surprisingly great & consistent. I especially loved most of the beats on here, especially the ones that were sampled on I'll Try Living Like This (a cool album & also vaporwave). The energy is great and Drake even has some touching vulnerable moments as well. I highly recommend it and probably no other Drake release.

7.8 / 10

Highlights: Legend, Energy, Know Yourself, No Tellin', Madonna, 6 God, Now & Forever, You & the 6

The rest of that day was not too interesting. I listened to Western Digital's lost signal, which was a decent vaporwave and broken transmission EP. I bring it up because its closing track, glowing (disintegration), is one of the most haunting, harrowing and almost hopeless pieces of plunderphonic music I have ever heard. I highly recommend it for that alone, it sounded like distantly watching the world burn and collapse in front of you while bunkered away. I then finally gave a listen to lilien rosarian's second album every flower in my garden, which I didn't care all too much for. As much as I appreciate the production & the pretty soundscapes, they felt much less like songs than her 2019 debut. After that, I took another very slow step in conquering waterfront dining's monotonous discography with the FEELS 感じている EP, which was actually his first release in general and not his debut album that I rated before. I cared for it even less; it was a much rougher batch of vaporwave that was particularly underproduced & repetitive.

billy woods & Kenny Segal – Maps (2023)

So I decided to go through with another 2023 release and this one I wasn't too particularly excited about. Abstract Hip Hop has been hit or miss for me most days and that's usually to do with the production, so when I heard that billy woods was joining up with producer Kenny Segal again after 2019's Hiding Places, I was even less thrilled at the idea, because I did not like that at all at the time and I only now think that album was okay. But holy shit, Maps blew my expectations way out of the water! The beats are far better here, by miles, the samples are awesome and the beat drums are consistently excellent. billy woods continues to be a great rapper but it's not usually the lyricism that sells a hip hop record to me. It's the production that helps make me wanna look into the lyrics and this album handily succeeds at letting billy shine like that. I came out of this record with so many favourites, way more memorable highlights across the board than on most other billy records I've heard so far. Extremely high recommendation, genuinely makes me feel like I've been missing something from billy's records all this time.

8.4 / 10

Highlights: Soft Landing, Soundcheck, Blue Smoke, Babylon by Bus, Year Zero, Baby Steps, The Layover, FaceTime, Houdini, Waiting Around

Skimming through some more albums here, you'll notice one of them is home to one of the biggest vaporwave & future funk songs of all time, Private Caller. This is SAINT PEPSI's split album with ショッピングワールドjp titled Winner's Circle. I wanted to give this another fair shake, just in case SP's overshadowing of JP's side comes off as undeserved. But no, that first side is genuinely some weak & weirdly produced mallsoft-ish vaporwave. Not my cup of tea in comparison to the great second half. Speaking of giving lower vaporwave albums a fair shake, when christtt tells you this is one of the best vaporwave albums of all time, it's always a coin flip as to whether that's even close. Careless Messenger Recordings✆ (division under Comtex)'s sole album Suddenly Mega is not close at all. It's one of the slowest & most lethargic listens I've had in a vaporwave album and some of its many cuts are especially poorly produced.

Skymmr – your new home (2017)

Back in 2017, there was this group of very tiny vaporwave & plunderphonics producers who were given the password to a Bandcamp page and told to run wild with it. It was a practice that, in many ways, was horrible in hindsight, with how shoddily it was managed and how toxic some of the people in the group were. But underneath all of the gunk they shoved out, one record by fellow Aussie Skymmr stood out as not only a captivating example of the extremely abstract ethos of the music released there, but also was great & conceptully fascinating. your new home is a 7-minute 7-part suite of experimental plunderphonics & vaporwave sound collage and it's very cryptic about this theme of entering a new home and it not being at all what it seems. The result is probably the only record of that collective I ever regularly came back to and it even held up for me today. It's not my highest recommendation, this is definitely a more personal thing to me, but if you're curious, do check it out.

8.4 / 10

Highlights: gazing through the window, the man in the bathroom pipe cleaning (he isn't what he says he is), isn't this your new home?

The next day, I felt like kicking off the morning with some metal and one of my girlfriend's highest recommendations was Between the Buried and Me's Colours. It was a damn great time with some incredibly high energy throughout. After that was Ariana Grande's Sweetener, not my first full-length experience with her music, but one that I decided to rate first here anyway thanks to my favourite discog diver. That evening, me and my girlfriend decided to do a discog diving listening party ourselves by listening to every song netbooks.WRLD publically released to Bandcamp, which amounted to only two and a half hours. It was an excellent time and constantly high energy & fun. I recommend his debut album ENDLESS STAIRCASE for getting into his currently short but incredibly promising catalogue.

The day after that, I slogged through DJ VLAD's frankly exhausting Hardvapour. double mix. It was an okay time with some highlights, but it frankly served as a reminder of why that submovement of vapour burned bright & fast with toxic fumes. A few months back, I was recommended You're Doomed. Be Nice. by Rob Crow's Gloomy Place and to my pleasant surprise, this was a genuinely great indie rock record. The riffs & choruses were shockingly well-written and pretty catchy, through my only gripe was how understated the majority of it sounded. Still, I fully loved my experience with that album, unlike Facade by one of vaporwave's earliest come-and-go producers Psychic LCD, which I only loved about half the time. This was a full detour into progressive electronic ambient music and hoo boy, it sure sounds like it. It's definitely an ambient album with hints of progressive electronic music. It's decent, but I just don't think it should necessarily be noticed.

stab something – the art of copyright infringement (2014)

The end of that day, I tackled the final multi-track release by the early 2010s duo of stab something, which comprised of then-upcoming vaporwave legend christtt alongside then-upcoming beloved trans songwriter & producer Jamie Paige. They went on their separate ways after this particular EP, but my god, at least it still they had the magic in them together. Their full-length self-titled album is frankly astounding; it's some of the creative, upbeat & fun glitch hop / plunderphonics records I have ever heard and while this EP is much more small-scaled by comparison, it continues what made the duo so good. It's only 15 minutes, 5 tracks but it's just as creative, upbeat & fun with glitch hop & plunderphonics as that album, albeit without fully-fledged cohesion, which is kind of in its nature. I dearly recommend both of these records, at least the sole album itself.

8.6 / 10

Highlights: in and out, cheesecake

What else have I heard this week? Well, there was this one time two vaportrap icons VAPERROR & COCAINEJESUS collaborated under the Love Potion duo moniker with their album XXX. That was amazing at the time and even now, it's still an incredibly consistent and great wave album. I also listened to non-canon by Late Arcane after hearing their great album PreQuel from this year. This was more of the same punchy and creatively chopped together vaporfunk that was provided there, although on first listen, it's a lot lesser for me by comparison. There was also the first of a series of EPs by Street Sects, Gentrification I. It was mid. Whatever magic they were forcing through on their debut album End Position might just be a fluke after all these years.

There's about five more records that I heard after that, but at this rate, I kinda don't want to say much about any of them? Not because they're bad, not really, I just cannot say any notable things about each of these records, not even as much as I already did the rest of these. I adore Everything Everything as a band, but A Fever Dream is easily one of their weakest efforts, even if it's still a bit great. This weird STAR GIRL alias I heard many years ago put out the weirdly fascinating RNBW EP almost a decade ago (what the fuck) and I decided to finally listen to its predecessor, STAR. It was much less captivating & interesting despite being kinda similar in concept.Rebecca Peake was another side-project of death's dynamic shroud members, but even when compiling songs from the first two months of recording a song every day for a year, The World's Strongest was so inconsistent that I can hardly tell you what to make of it. Bladee & Ecco2K's Crest was just not a good listen to my ears. There's a 9 minute song that felt like 6 different tracks, I had to check what I was listening to multiple times. Plus, aside from Ecco clearly singing the higher passages, for the most part, I could not tell these two apart. Call me a not-member of the Drain Gang, I guess. Finally of this batch, I checked out bodyline's ファンタジーモニター、which was another healthy serving of really deceptively simple but clearly well-produced vaporwave. I do love what they're often going for, but this was just barely my least favourite so far; still very damn good.

I wanna close out this retrospective with two albums. First being Anderson .Paak's Oxnard, which is in my opinion, one of the most underrated albums of the past decade. Not that .Paak is not popular, he clearly is, that Silk Sonic album was excellent, but before that, people were dying for another Malibu from this guy and while they ended up getting that in the form of Ventura, it was not before the music community got "let down" by Oxnard and they dragged the album for it. I think it's a great album with some excellent singing, rapping, songwriting and producing across the board. It was really slept on. Lastly, Blank Banshee just incredibly recently dropped his fifth mainline album 4D. I have a lot of thoughts that I don't even think are cohesive yet on just one listen of this brand new thing, so that's why I've decided to give it its own review on RateYourMusic that you can check out right here.

There you have it. Where I've been with music for the past week! Will I do something like this again? Hopefully! Will I talk about a full week's worth of music again? Hopefully not! Until then, stay safe and tie your shoes!

#listening highlights #music #music review #music recommendation #music community #hip hop #rap music #vaporwave music #electronic music #experimental music #plunderphonics #vaporwave #indie music #underground #pop music #r&b music #rock music #indie rock

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pro-fangirls-unsocial-life · 3 years ago

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Goodbye.

A/N: Hello Everyone! Its been a while since I've posted but I have finally gotten out of my writing slump! It's good to be back and I hope you enjoy this short little angst fest to kick off my return. And, thank you so much to @captainrexisboo beta reading this for me!

Length: ~700 words

Warnings: ANGST, death, mentions of dead bodies, talk of wanting to die, Rex is really going through it

Rex sank to his knees before Jesse’s grave, his face emotionless as he stared far beyond the graveyard that was covered in smoke. “Was it all worth it?” he asked the empty air in front of him. “If all we were meant for was to be pawns to be thrown away, then why were we made to care? Why were we made to be alive? Why weren’t we just droids?” He paused, looking down at the raised dirt just in front of his knees.

“We might as well have been. Sent to our deaths without a second thought. Produced in mass quantities and given a number to keep track of how much someone was to pay for us. Treated as if everything else in the galaxy was more important. Hell… Even General Skywalker cared more about his R2 unit than he did my brothers that died recovering it.” He clenched his fist, his eyes closing as he felt another wave of tears coming, streaking down the now dry paths on his face from his grieving sobs when he dug out every single body from the wreckage of the crashed venator.

“Why?” His voice broke on the word, catching in his throat as he tried to contain his grief once again, knowing that the effort would be meaningless. “Why was I chosen to be left alive? Why was our existence nothing but pain?” He looked back up at Jesse’s helmet, his soul nearly breaking entirely at seeing the blood on the side and remembering the sight of his brother lying dead in the sand. “Jesse!” he cried, hating the reflection of himself that he saw in the visor. “I’m so sorry!” He keeled over, pressing the heel of his hands into his eyes as his forehead came to rest on the dirt of Jesse’s grave. “It’s all my fault! I did this to you!” He gasped in breaths, nearly choking on the dust that came with it but not having enough will to care. “If I had just believed Fives! If I had just listened! You would still be alive! You all would!”

He threw his head back, looking up into the sky and letting out a guttural scream, one that was filled with torture and agony and regret. He didn’t care if Ahsoka saw. He didn’t care about anything. How could he? Everything was gone.

“Why couldn’t you let me die!” He collapsed back down onto the ground, once again gathering the dirt in his fists.

It must have been hours before he finally moved again, sitting back on his heels with a stiff back and a raw throat. All the tears he had to shed were long gone, soaked into the dusty earth that surrounded him. It was dark then, the stars looking down on his sorrow and reflecting light off of the visors that were still intact just to remind him once again, that he had failed.

He stood, letting the dirt fall back to the ground and fly off into the wind. His whole frame slumped with exhaustion, finally giving up any hope that some merciful force might come and strike him down where he stood. The man he was is gone. Only a broken memory of him still exists.

He bowed his head to the graves, closing his eyes as he slowly let out a breath. It was cold out now and his breath appeared in front of his face as he regarded his brothers one last time. “I’m sorry…” he croaked out, his lip quivering as he struggled to compose himself. “I’m sorry that we never got to live, vod…”

He opened his eyes, straightening his posture and taking one last look: saying one last goodbye. “You were the best men I will ever know�� I’m just… so sorry that I failed you… And that we have to say… goodbye.”

He forced himself to turn away then, knowing that if he didn’t do it now, he never would. He took one step. And then another. Each one carrying him further from the people he loved the most and the ones that he would never see again. But that is what they were made for.

To die.

Tag List: @snippy-tano @writer1 @simping-for-fives @just-some-girl-92 @lightning-wolffe @halzore

@morganas-pendragons @marvel-starwars-nerd @ct7567329 @a-dorin @vesperstalksclones @fuckyeahbeskar @kaorikoizumi @rowansparrow

#goodbye #captain rex #clone trooper #pro speaks #pros writing #my writing #angst #death tw #let me know if you cried :)

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itsadamcole · 4 years ago

Text

frenemies

fem!reader x kyle o’reilly

reader is a member of the Undisputed Era and is a guest on Adam’s stream with the rest of the boys, but there’s been a tension building between reader and Kyle that implodes while on stream ...

word count: 5.6k

warnings: angsty, full of smut (hehe), kinda fluffy at the end

— i began writing this pre-ue break up and finished it post-ue break up :) —

masterlist || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

Adam convinced you to come over to play video games on his stream. Accepting that offer was your first mistake. You knew Kyle would be there as soon as Adam said, "The boys and I were gonna stream today on my Twitch if you wanna join us." You should've said no, but you didn't put two and two together.

For weeks, somethings been going on with Kyle, and you don't know why. He's been acting more distant from you and when you actually talk to him, he makes short comments and barely says three words to you. You don't understand why and you've never been good at confrontation. Kyle was your closet friend in the Undisputed Era, but he's been cold toward you for weeks.

On Thursday at one, you pull up to Adam's house. Roddy's car is here but Kyle and Bobby aren't here yet. You grab your phone and turn off the car before getting out and walking up to the door. You knock three times and wait for someone to answer.

Britt Baker answers the door. "Hey! Y/N, glad you're here. I wondered if Adam invited you," she says, greeting me with a hug. "I guess you're going to be on stream, huh? You're not here to hang with me and Marina."

You laugh and say, "Maybe I'll stay a little bit after the stream is done to hang out with you and Marina. Roddy brought the whole gang over I'm guessing."

With that said, Marina appears in the foyer and says, "He did. He thought that I should hang out with Britt while the stream is going on. Troy is in the living room watching some of his father's favorite matches.:

"Of course," you say, smiling. "Let me go greet the guys and I'll sit with you guys until Adam says it's time for the stream to start."

Britt lets me walk past and I greet Marina with a hug before strolling over to Adam's game room. I can hear his voice and Roderick's voice coming from the room as I pop my head in. "Hey, losers," you say. Adam and Roddy both look at you and both men smile.

Adam says, "Hey, Y/N. I'm just explaining everything to Roddy. I'll catch you up when Bobby and Kyle get here."

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of Kyle. You keep a smile on your face as you say, "Great. I'm excited. What are we playing?"

"I was thinking some Wii Bowling," Adam says. "Or something Wii related. Maybe some VR games as well. I have Beat Saber, which is fun to play."

You sit in Adam's gaming chair and say, "Wii sounds fun. It's been a while since I've played Wii."

Roddy and Adam both laugh as Adam finishes up.

Bobby gets here about fifteen minutes after you and Troy run in after him, crawling onto your lap on Adam's chair. "Aunt Y/N, what are you gonna play with daddy, Uncle Adam, and Uncle Bobby?" he asks, curious. You smile and hold on on your lap.

"We haven't figured that out yet," you say. "I'll let you in on a little secret though." You lean into Troy's ear and your voice drops to a loud whisper. "I'm gonna beat your dad and your uncles."

Adam, Roddy, and Bobby all look at me and Adam goes, "Hey! I'm the professional gamer here."

You stick your tongue out at Adam and say, "I'm a professional Wii player."

Troy giggles and says, "Yeah! Aunt Y/N is gonna kick your butts."

You laugh and that's when another voice chimes in. "Who said that Aunt Y/N is gonna kick our butt?" You turn your head and look at the doorway.

Kyle. He's finally here.

"Uncle Kyle!" Troy says, scrambling off your lap and running over to Kyle. Kyle hugs the little man and picks him up.

Roderick looks at you then looks at Troy in Kyle's arms. "Alright, buddy," Roddy says. "Time to go sit with mommy and Aunt Britt. Maybe they'll give you a snack if you listen to them."

Kyle puts Troy down and he runs into the living room with Marina and Britt. Kyle closes the door behind him and turns to his Undisputed Era brothers and "bro hugs" them. Then he turns to you and you open your mouth to say something but Kyle says, "Surprised to see you here, Y/N. I didn't think Adam would invite you."

Adam looks at Kyle and says, "Bro-"

You cut Adam off and say, "I'm a member of the Undisputed Era too, Kyle. Or do you not remember saving me from an assault by Toni Storm then helping me secure the NXT Women's Championship against Io?"

Roddy, Bobby, and Adam all stare between you and Kyle as Kyle says, "You're only a member by storyline, Y/N. You're not an actual member."

Your eyes widen and Roderick jumps in saying, "Woah, Kyle. Dude, she's a member of the Undisputed Era. Storyline or not."

Adam says, "Alright before things get out of hand, let's get this stream started. You guys ready?"

Everyone nods. You keep your eyes on Kyle though, trying to figure out why he's making so many hurtful comments. Adam sits in his chair in front of the greenscreen and puts his headset on. You stand beside Roddy while Bobby and Kyle stand behind you too. Adam's going to make introductions. This is a surprise to his Twitch community that you're all going to be on. It's his 200th stream, and it was Adam's idea to bring you all onto the stream.

He looks at the camera and says, "Alright. It looks like I'm live. Is my early crew here?" He pauses and smiles. "It is the 200th stream, you're right. I have a surprise for the 200th stream but I want to wait for more people to get in here before I tell you guys what the surprise is."

You sigh and Roddy says softly, "You seem nervous, Y/N. You nervous?"

Shaking your head, you whisper, "No. I'm fine."

Adam says, "Alright. There's a decent amount of people in here now. Do you guys want to know the 200th stream surprise? It might, how do you say it, shock the system." He smirks and winks a few times at the camera before waving you over first. "Okay, so first we have Miss L/N."

You jump into the frame behind Adam and smile. "Hey," you say before glancing at the chat. "Woah, hi, everyone. Looks like chat is excited."

He laughs and says, "Y/N isn't the only surprise. We got the whole gang here. Roddy, Kyle, Bobby." The three of them join you in standing behind Adam. The chat goes wild and the viewership goes up by a couple thousand. Adam looks at the four of you behind him before looking back at his chat. "Woah, it's going by so quick. So many gifted subs and bits, holy crap."

"Is this a PG stream?" Bobby asks.

Adam nods and says, "Yeah."

You and Roddy both laugh because Bobby likes to curse so much. All of you have to remind him to stop cursing while in the ring sometimes. It's crazy how much he likes to curse, but you like to too so you can't say anything.

That's when Kyle takes his first on-stream jab at you. "Y/N, you better watch your mouth," he warns you. "Adam won't be happy if you start dropping f-bombs on his stream."

To get back at him, you say, "You better watch your mouth before I kick your butt in whatever game we're about to play."

Kyle glares at you and Adam says, "Alright, so I was thinking of games we can play and it's recently been brought to my attention that Y/N is a professional Wii player so let's put that to the test and see just how good she is. Y/N? Game options?" He looks back at you and you begin to think.

"Wii Sports," you blatantly say. "I wanna beat Kyle's butt just because I can."

The group laughs, except for Kyle. You look over at him and smirk. Roddy puts a disk into Adam's Wii console and hands remotes to all of us. Kyle doesn't get one because only four people max can play Wii Sports.

Kyle says, "What about me? I didn't get a remote."

Bobby looks at all of us as we connect our remotes then says, "Maybe you can share with Y/N. I'm sure she wouldn't mind bowling every other frame."

Mentally you groan but physically you say, "Yeah, just pick up your spares, O'Reilly." All of you pick the Miis that you made before the stream. You and Kyle are third to go, and you both decided to throw every other frame. You'd get even frames and Kyle would get odds, so he starts off the game for you both.

Roddy misses a spare in the first, Adam strikes, Kyle picks up his spare, and Bobby gutters then knocks down seven pins on the second shot.

Half the game passes and you're having fun with your doubles partner. Kyle doesn't make any snide remarks toward you and actually cheers you on when you make a spare or strike. In the eighth frame, he actually gives you a high-five.

As Kyle throws the ninth frame, you lean and whisper in Adam's ear while he's out of frame, "You set this up, didn't you? Making Kyle and I team up like this?"

Adam shrugs as Kyle strikes. You get excited and actually hug Kyle. You're now right behind Adam in scoring. Bobby has no chance at winning the game, Roddy isn't that far behind you, and you are just seven pins behind Adam.

You watch as Adam throws his tenth and final frame. He strikes and picks up his spare. Now you're twenty-seven pins behind the leader of the Undisputed Era. He threw a 156 game. You and Kyle can get a 159 if you get all three strikes in the tenth. Technically, you just need two strikes and eight pins on the third shot to beat Adam with a 157 game.

Kyle watches as you get the first strike in the tenth. He cheers for you. You sigh and get ready for your second shot. You strike again. Eight more pins and you beat Adam.

Then it happens. Kyle has had all game to do something to you and he does it just as you throw the ball. It over hooks and you only knock down three pins. You lost by four pins because Kyle decided to yell, "Let's go, Y/N" at you and he scared you so much you jumped, affecting what the ball does on the screen.

The look on Kyle's face was priceless when you turned to him. He looked terrified. "I had it, Kyle!" you shout, kind of annoyed at him. Then you snap. "You just love when I prove myself wrong, don't you? I don't get it. We were so close and all of a sudden, you start acting differently. It's like I did something to you and I don't know what I did."

"Y/N-" Kyle starts.

You cut him off and say, "Save it, O'Reilly." You shove the remote at him and leave the game room. You walk into the kitchen, needing a glass of something to keep you from absolutely losing it.

He didn't need to yell it. He could've done anything else except yell it. It scared you so much that you messed up the winning shot.

Britt and Marina walk into the kitchen and Britt asks, "What happened? You stormed out of there and you looked angry."

After chugging a glass of water, you say, "Kyle happened. Again. He's been up my ass for months and I don't know what I did to deserve this. We were like best friends and he was so excited when I joined the Undisputed Era. Now all of a sudden he's saying the only reason I'm in the group is because of storylines and he's making sure that I prove myself wrong. I say I can beat the guys and he yells something, scaring me, so I mess up the shot and losing to Adam."

Marina sighs and says, "You need to talk to him, Y/N. This pent-up frustration isn't going to do either of you any good."

"I'm not good at confrontation, Marina," you explain. "I never have been."

There are footsteps that come into the kitchen and you look behind the girls to see who it is. It's Kyle. You roll your eyes and try to ignore him even as he says, "Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that it would scare you like that. I wouldn't have done it if I had thought-"

You snap and say, "You haven't been thinking, Kyle. Not recently, anyway. These comments you're making hurt me. It hurts when you tell me I'm only in the group because of a storyline when you all welcomed me into the group a few months ago."

The girls leave the room, leaving me and Kyle alone. You sip off another glass of water as Kyle says, "I felt like things were changing with us, Y/N. That's why I started acting the way I have been. I pushed you away because I was scared."

Annoyed, you ask, "Scared of what, Kyle? Scared I was going to do something that would risk our friendship? I noticed it too and I was scared too, but I didn't start making rude comments toward you." Finally, you meet Kyle's eyes. They're full of sincerity and regret.

Kyle says, "Come back to the group. I'm sorry for yelling and making you mess up your shot. I promise I'll be good."

"I don't trust you," you say. You have every right to not trust him. Every time he tells you he'll stop making comments, he does it again. He does it multiple times. "You say that then break your promise. It's happened several times at this point, Kyle."

He looks kind of hurt at your comment. Then something inside Kyle snaps and he says, "Such a hypocrite. You tell me that you'd never make hurtful comments but then you say you don't trust me."

You put the glass down and say, "Maybe you understand what I've been going through for the past few months now, Kyle." Tears sting your eyes as you stare at Kyle. "Do you know how many times I've been alone in a room after you've left and I've just cried? Do you know how many times I've wondered what I've done wrong that has made you treat me this way?"

Kyle almost shouts, "It's nothing you did, Y/N! You haven't done anything except being the kindest and the most caring human being toward me for years. I just started to fall for you and it scared the hell out of me so I just pushed you away."

Your jaw drops. You had noticed that your friendship may have been treading into the more than friends territory but you didn't know that Kyle was falling for you this entire time.

The man in front of you is the most vulnerable than he's ever been. He just told you the one thing he was terrified of telling you at risk of ruining your friendship with him.

He avoids eye contact with you as you leave your spot by the sink and walking over to Kyle, who stands on the other side of the kitchen island counter. He doesn't look at you when you approach his eyes and look up at him.

You'd be lying to yourself if you didn't admit that you might have been falling for Kyle as he was falling for you. Kyle's always been so sweet. He cares for you and the boys, and he's never afraid to show his soft side. Sometimes that side of him shows up on television, and you're guilty of trying to coax that softer more adorable side of him out in front of the cameras.

Whenever you and Kyle would be together, it felt like the world around you stopped. Whether that was having a conversation in your shared locker room with Adam, Roddy, and Bobby or just hanging out at your apartment or his house. It was always you and him against the world, and you just want that back.

Kyle still avoids your eyes as you examine his face as he looks at his hands on the counter. You rest one of your hands on Kyle's and he finally looks over at you. He stands at almost six foot but you're at five foot six so he doesn't tower over you. It would be so easy to just lean up and kiss him.

Fuck it, you think before you grab the collar of his shirt and pulling him down to you. Your lips crash to his and both of you gasp as your lips make contact. You're hesitant with kissing him at first but you slowly gain confidence, pressing your lips harder to his. Kyle pulls back and looks at you, panting slightly. "I don't want your pity kisses, Y/N," Kyle says to you.

"Who said it was a pity kiss?" you question, raising your eyebrows at him as you look up at him.

He sighs and says, "Y/N-"

You shake your head and say, "No. I'm not going to let you talk yourself into it being a pity kiss because it wasn't, Kyle. It was anything but a pity kiss. If your dumbass didn't start pushing me away then it could've happened sooner."

Kyle looks down at you and says, "I don't know what you mean."

Sighing, you say, "I noticed our friendship changing too, Kyle. I mean it. I was ready for you to possibly take the next step by asking me on a date or by kissing me. Then you started treating me differently and I thought it was all in my head. Maybe if you just talked to me instead of saying hurtful comments then maybe I would have kissed you before right now."

"So," he sighs. "That wasn't a pity kiss?"

You smile and shake your head. "That wasn't a pity kiss," you confirm. You slide your hands from the collar of his shirt to his cheeks, where you cup his face. "That was the farthest thing from a pity kiss."

Kyle asks, "Do it again?"

Laughing, you get on your toes and kiss him softly. This kiss is slower but more passionate than the last. Kyle actually touches you, resting his hands on the sliver of bare skin exposed between your loose black crop top and your light blue high-waisted ripped jeans. Kyle turns and presses you against the counter before he reaches down and sits you on the counter. You hold Kyle close, scared to let him go.

Your heart races in your chest. This is everything you've wanted for so long. You've wanted to call Kyle yours for months. After today, maybe he will be.

You pull Kyle closer to you and he leans forward, almost pushing you back onto the kitchen counter. That's when you pull back and giggle, "I don't think Adam would like the fact that we're making out on his kitchen counter. I'm sure he and Britt eat here."

Kyle smiles and kisses your jaw softly before he says, "He has an extra guest room upstairs. I don't think he'd like it if we did anything in his house but I think he'd prefer a bedroom than his kitchen counter."

Smiling, you lean your head back a bit as he kisses your jaw and says, "I'd prefer a bedroom than the kitchen counter too."

"Then let's go," he says, taking your hands. You smile and hop off the counter. "We can't make a lot of noise though because Adam is doing a PG stream right now and the walls in this house aren't exactly thick."

You nod and look up at Kyle. He's almost glowing since he told you how he felt. You feel so happy that everything is out in the open. You don't like how he pushed you away instead of telling you how he felt, but you can get over that if it means that everything can go back to how it was.

Kyle smiles and walks out of the kitchen. The stairs are in the living room, which means you have to walk past Britt and Marina to go upstairs. This is going to be interesting.

You and Kyle walk into the living room hand in hand. Britt and Marina look over at the two of you and Britt's eyes widen. Marina points and says, "That was not a thing a few minutes ago."

Your face gets all flustered and you look up at Kyle. He says, "Well, it's a thing now. And if you excuse us, we need to make up for some time. Upstairs. We'll be quiet."

He leads you upstairs and Britt says, "Keep the sheets clean, please. Condoms are in the bathroom." Kyle chuckles as you both get up the stairs.

"The guys could have heard that," you gasp as you reach the top of the stairs. Kyle cups your face with his hands and presses you against the wall.

You stare up at Kyle as he says, "They'll just be jealous that I'm finally getting everything I want." You grab at Kyle's shirt and hold him close to you.

He kisses your forehead and you close your eyes, asking, "Everything?"

Kyle nods and says, "You're all I want, Y/N."

Your eyes open and you meet his eyes. His face is close to yours and you lean your head up, lips barely touching his. "You're all I want too, Kyle," you say in almost a whisper. "You're all I've wanted for months. There's a reason why there was no one else after I broke up with Murphy a few months ago. It's you. You're it for me, Kyle."

He pushes your hair back out of your face and he says, "He never treated you right, Y/N." He tilts his head, almost kissing you.

"You will?" you ask.

Kyle nods and says, "One hundred percent I will treat you better."

You grow tired of being close to Kyle without him kissing you so you get on your toes, kissing him. The kiss is quick and needy. Kyle stumbles with you to the guest bedroom and kicks the door closed with his foot. You're pressed against the door, kicking off your sneakers while Kyle runs his fingers over the exposed skin on your stomach. You shiver under his touch before you pull at his shirt. Kyle pulls back from the kiss and pulls off his shirt. You run your fingers over his tattoo and see the thing on his arm that monitors his blood sugar levels.

"Are you okay to, you know?" you ask, trailing off.

Kyle glances at his arm monitor and says, "Yeah. I took my meds and I ate so I'm okay. For at least the first round, anyway."

You giggle and say, "Mr. O'Reilly, you don't plan on keeping me for the rest of the day and the night, do you?"

He attacks your neck with kisses before he says, "One round and cuddles then we gotta join the boys to finish Adam's stream. We can negotiate what happens afterward later."

Your fingers run through Kyle's hair and you sigh, "Less talking, Kyle. Please."

Kyle smiles against your neck and walks back to the bed. You pull off your crop top, exposing your black Calvin Klein bra. Kyle's eyes are on your body as he sits on the bed. He kisses your stomach and unbuttons the jeans you're wearing and you watch his fingers. He pulls the jeans down, leaving you in nothing but your underwear.

You slide down to your knees in front of him and pull down his loose sports shorts, leaving him in his boxers. You look up at him with innocent eyes and run your fingers over the bulge in his underwear. He sighs softly and leans back on his hands.

It's been a while since you've been with someone, but it's Kyle. Your nerves were shot just kissing him.

Kyle says, "I can see the wheels turning in your head, Y/N. If you don't want to do anything then we don't have to."

You say, "I want to. I want ... you."

He sits back up and pushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear before he says, "You have me."

With that finally said, you smile and leave soft kisses on his knee and thigh. Kyle smiles and you trace over his hardened member in his boxers for a second before you hook your fingers in the waistband. You hesitate for a second before you pull the thin fabric off his body. His erect dick pops out and you gasp at the sight. He's bigger than you thought it was, but you definitely won't complain about it. "Shit," you sigh.

Kyle laughs and watches you. You take his member in your hand and stroke him a few times. Kyle whines softly and lays on his back as you kiss the tip. You nestle yourself between his knees as he legs hang off the bed. Slowly, you begin to take him in your mouth. Kyle gasps and runs his fingers through your hair. Your hands move to his thighs as you bob your head up and down, sucking occasionally.

Soft noises leave Kyle's lips and they go straight to your core. You slip one of your hands into your panties, rubbing yourself to relieve yourself a bit. You moan softly and Kyle gasps, "Keep doing that and I don't think I'll last as long as we both want."

You slowly pull away from Kyle's member, wiping away some saliva that has rolled down your chin as you sucked Kyle off. Kyle sits up and kisses you hard. His hands are on your face as he pulls you up. You straddle his waist and he rolls so he's hovering over you, not breaking the kiss. Your tongue slips into Kyle's mouth as the kiss intensifies.

Kyle's fingers slide down your body until they get to the waistband of your panties. He hesitates before you take his hand and guide it into your underwear. His fingers make contact with your slick folds and you gasp. Kyle pulls back from the kiss and says, "Already so wet for me, baby."

"Only for you," you gasp as his pointer fingers circles your sensitive clit. Kyle kisses down your body and pulls off your panties. He throws your legs over his shoulders and your core is completely exposed to him.

He kisses your inner thighs, close to your soaked sex. You whine and look down at Kyle. He kisses closer to your core. You shiver with anticipation as he finally runs a finger through your folds. You gasp and lay your head back on the bed. "Kyle," you sigh. "Please. I've waited long enough. Tease me later."

Kyle looks up at you and asks, "So there will be a later?"

You look down at him between your legs and you say, "Only if you do something now and don't tease me."

He bites his lip softly for a second before he finally dives in, kissing and sucking on your clit. You let out a soft moan as his tongue circles the sensitive bud. You grasp onto the blankets and smile as he makes you feel euphoric and full of bliss. His finger dips into you and you gasp, not expecting that. Kyle moves his finger in and out of you as you are pulled closer to an orgasm.

Once Kyle adds a second finger and continues to suck on your clit, it's basically over for you. Your legs shake as you are literally seconds away from your pending orgasm. "Kyle," you cry out as he curls his fingers slightly. "Kyle, baby, I'm about to cum."

"Let me taste you, Y/N," he says before continuing to suck on your clit.

Seconds later, your toes curl and you cry out Kyle's name as you release all over his fingers. Kyle hums softly as he tastes your juices and cum. You pant as he gets on his knees and licks his lips. You watch him and try to catch your breath.

He made you cum in minutes just from his mouth and fingers. You begin to wonder how long you'll last when he finally fucks you.

You sit up and leave a few soft kisses on Kyle's chest. Your hands are on the side of his body, holding him close to you. Kyle runs his fingers through your hair and says, "I need to grab something, Y/N, and you need to let me go so I can go get it." Pouting, you let him go and he climbs off the bed. "I promise I'll be quick." He leans down and pecks your lips before putting on his boxers and walking out of the room. You scootch back on the bed a bit as you bite your lip gently.

Kyle returns with a little silver package and closes the door. He walks toward you on the bed but you say, "Lose the boxers before you get on this bed, O'Reilly."

"So demanding," Kyle teases, stripping out of his boxer shorts. "I kinda like it."

Smirking as he crawls toward you, you giggle, "You would." Kyle smiles and hovers over you as you lean back so you're laying on your back. Your hands cup Kyle's face and you stare up at him.

His eyes scan your naked body beneath him and you get a little self-conscious. "You're so beautiful, Y/N," Kyle sighs. "I don't know how I went this long without touching you or kissing you. I really was a dumbass, wasn't I?"

You say, "You were, but I can forgive you for that." You smile and lean up, kissing Kyle. He props himself up on his arms and kisses you back. You wrap your arms around his neck and hold him close.

Kyle pulls back from the kiss after a second before he opens the little package. He slides the contents on himself and you watch as he hovers over you again.

Kyle kisses you and you quickly slip your tongue into his mouth. You smile against his lips and you feel his tip run through your folds. You sigh and slide your fingers into his hair.

You hold Kyle close before he pulls back and asks, “Are you sure you want this?”

Nodding, you say, “I want this. Please.”

He smiles and he sets himself up at your entrance. You take one of his hands and hold it as he slides into you. You whine and gasp as his length fills you. Your eyes squeeze shut and Kyle asks, “Okay?”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “I’m okay. Keep going.”

Kyle continues to slowly slide himself into you. You grip his hand until he’s completely inside of you. He lets you adjust and you nod when you’re ready for him to move.

He begins to thrust slowly, making you sigh softly. You wrap your legs around his waist, holding him close as he picks up speed.

Soon, the room is filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping. Kyle’s thrusts are hard and fast into you. His lips are on yours as he tries to silence your moans.

His lips leave yours and attach to your neck. Your back arches off the bed and you sigh, “God, you make me feel so good. I love how good you make me feel.”

Kyle mumbles, “I love you, Y/N.”

You smile after Kyle’s words. His tip finds your g-spot and you cry out, “Fuck, right there. Oh, God, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

“I would never even think of stopping,” Kyle pants as he fucks you.

Moments later, your legs begin to shake and a pit forms in your stomach. Your lips are on Kyle’s again, passionately kissing him as he thrusts hard into you.

Kyle’s movements get sloppier and your whole body seems to shake as you’re pulled closer to an orgasm.

You whine, “Kyle.”

He says, “Cum for me, baby. I wanna feel you cum again for me.”

Soft whines and moans pass your lips as the pit in your stomach bottoms out and you release on Kyle’s length inside you. He cums into the condom. He helps you both ride out your highs before he collapses onto you.

Both of you are sweaty and panting as you recover. Kyle smiles and buries his face into your neck.

“Worth the wait,” he pants.

You giggle and look at him. “Did you mean it when you said you loved me?” you ask.

He looks up at you, meeting your eyes before he says, “Of course I did. I’ve been falling in love with you for weeks. I didn’t just say it and didn’t mean it, Y/N. I would never say it and not mean it.”

You lean your head up and peck his lips before you say, “I love you too, Kyle. Does this mean that we’re together?”

Kyle smiles and says, “Let me take you out on an official date then we’ll talk about it.”

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helloalycia · 4 years ago

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alex WILL kick my arse // supergirl

summary: you learn that being supergirl's doctor came with its challenges

warning/s: none.

author's note: i’m lowkey posting a bunch of stuff that i posted on my wattpad a while ago lol

masterlist | wattpad

I was sat in the medical unit of the DEO, reading through some medical reports from the past few months. I had just transferred from the DEO's desert facility, where I was one of the doctors there to help with any of the agents' injuries. After a long time there, I decided to transfer here when there was an opening for the lead doctor.

I thought it would be best to settle in by having a look at what severe cases had been dealt with recently. It was usually the same stuff – agents injured on field missions. Bullet wounds, broken bones, sprained muscles, thankfully nothing too severe. There hadn't been many major alien attacks which meant less risky field operations.

I was pulled from the reports when the red alarm light began to flash for a few seconds, accompanied by a siren, before turning off.

"Agent Y/L/N, Supergirl is incoming with J'onn," my radio went off – it was Director Danvers. "She's had a solar flare and got a gunshot wound."

I recalled what a solar flare was from research I'd done in Supergirl's medical records. That was something I prioritised when coming here, since we didn't have Supergirl at the other facility.

"I'm prepping a bed and equipment now," I replied through the radio, before hurrying to do that. J'onn could literally fly, he'd be here any minute.

With the help of some nurses who were around, I prepped a bed and had the solar energy panels on standby for when/if her powers came back sooner than we thought. I had the tools ready to bandage up her gunshot wound temporarily when both heroes appeared beside me.

J'onn was stood there, holding Supergirl bridal style and lowering her onto the bed.

"Still getting used to that," I mumbled, surprised at how he just sped in here.

"I said I'm– agh, I'm fine," Supergirl complained, clutching her bloody wound and trying to sit up. "My powers will come back."

I stepped by her bedside and pushed her back down gently, moving closer to inspect her wound. "Please stay still for a second."

"Listen to the doctor," J'onn teased to lighten the mood.

Supergirl rolled her eyes and stayed still. I removed her hand and noticed it was covered in blood.

"Can somebody come clean this up?" I called out to one of the nurses, motioning to her hand.

One of the nurses did as I asked as I took a look at her wound. The bullet was still in there by the looks of it.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to overwork yourself?!" Director Danvers' voice called out as she walked in.

She was glaring at Supergirl, though the worry in her eyes was evident as she took in the hero's appearance.

"It's barely a scratch, Alex, it'll heal," Supergirl said dismissively, but as I cleaned up the blood with a cloth, I saw her clench her jaw a little.

"You need to be careful, you're not indestructible," Alex reminded her, before looking to J'onn. "Can you believe her?"

J'onn chuckled. "I'll leave you both to it. I should get back." He glanced at me. "Good luck."

I nodded his way, offering a small smile as he walked away.

"As fun as it is watching you both glare at each other, I do need to remove the bullet," I spoke up, interrupting both girls' staring contest.

"Go for it," Supergirl said, her eyes meeting mine.

"With anaesthetic," Alex added, shooting another glare towards the blonde.

"I don't need anaesthetic," Supergirl countered with an eye-roll and scoff.

"You're human for the time being, remember?" Alex reminded her before looking to me. "Anaesthetic, please."

I bit my lower lip as they erupted into another argument about how I should proceed. I didn't know either of them well enough to cut in, so I stood there awkwardly, trying to stop the blood loss and planning out how I could temporarily bandage her up so it could heal itself when she gets her powers back.

"I have to go," Alex finally said, pulling me back into reality. "I have to check on the bank robbery." She didn't seem too happy leaving Supergirl here, but she gave her a knowing look before looking to me. "Please make sure she stays put?"

"You got it, Director," I said with a playful salute. How hard could it be to keep her here?

Alex gave Supergirl one last warning look before leaving us be. I looked to the blonde who was finally breathing out, letting her guard down a little now that it was just us.

"The anaesthetic will make it bearable, just so I can remove the bullet," I spoke, causing her to open her eyes and look at me. "I'm just gonna bandage you up temporarily and you'll heal yourself when you get your powers back. Shouldn't be more than a few days, according to your medical history."

She swallowed hard before shaking her head. "I've been through much worse. It's okay. Just remove it and bandage me up. The sooner I'm out of here, the better."

I was ready to argue, but she gave me a convincing look and I couldn't help but give in.

"Fine, but you stay here and rest," I reasoned, to which she gave me a small, cute smile.

I got to work and surprisingly, she managed. It went well and I managed to bandage her up quite quickly, though it did mean I had to cut into her suit a little. Better safe than sorry though.

"Okay, you're all done," I said, patting her arm supportively, before packing away the gauze. "I'm gonna go get you some water and then you should take it easy, stay here maybe until you get your powers back. That alright?"

She gave me a thumbs up and a promising smile. "You got it, doc."

I was fairly confident that she would listen to me, since she seemed polite and was a trooper throughout the whole thing. However, I soon realised how naive I had been when I returned and her bed was empty.

I facepalmed and shook my head, realising she'd definitely played along the whole time.

The first thing I did was look around the DEO, asking around if anyone had seen Supergirl. I eventually followed the commotion coming from the main hall and spotted both Supergirl and Director Danvers having an argument.

"...stay and rest! You can't keep ignoring simple instructions, Kara!" Alex shouted around her.

Supergirl rolled her eyes and continued to look at the tablet in her hand. I approached the two and cleared my throat loudly to get the blonde's attention.

When she noticed me, she gave me a sheepish smile. "Doctor Y/L/N. Heeeeeeey."

"One job, literally," Alex mumbled, giving me a knowing look, before storming off.

I breathed out and glared at Supergirl. "Are you serious? I asked you to stay put!"

She straightened up and spread her arms out for emphasis. "But I'm fine! See? Nothing hurts, I'm walking, it's all good! Job well done, I must say. You're new, right? Well, I know why you got the job!"

She avoided my glare as she walked around me to get to the other side of the desk.

"You've heard of the term 'first impressions count', haven't you?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

She gave me a knowing look. "C'mon. You can't hate me for this."

I sighed. "I've got work to do. Call me if you tear your stitches."

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I turned around and began to leave.

"I'm not gonna tear them!" I heard her call out from behind me, but I didn't care. I wasn't her parent, she could do what she wanted.

I wish I'd known I was dealing with a stubborn Super before accepting this job though.

–

"What a surprise," I said sarcastically.

A few hours later, I'd been called into one of the medical rooms because apparently, Supergirl had collapsed from blood loss and tore her stitches. Shocker.

"Is she going to be okay?" Alex asked as I got to work for the second time that day.

"Yeah, if she decides to listen to me this time," I said, sighing. "Is she always this stubborn?"

Alex clenched her jaw. "Unfortunately, yes... you think you can keep her here next time?"

"I'll give it my best shot," I promised her. "I'll call you when she's up?"

Alex nodded, patting me on the shoulder. "Thanks."

She left me to do my thing and this time I did things my way, the right way, with anaesthetic and IV fluid. I managed to sort out Supergirl's mess before going back to my office to fill out some more paperwork.

Some time passed when I found myself going back to check on Supergirl and see if she was awake. I was cleaning up a little around her side table when I heard her stir awake. She seemed confused at first, as she looked around and saw the tube coming from her arm. Eventually, realisation set in and she sank into her pillow.

I decided to stay quiet as I finished up, about to leave, but she stopped me.

"Wait," she called out. I paused as she continued, "I'm sorry."

I turned around and waited, watching as, unlike before, she wasn't joking or being unserious.

"I should have stayed put before. And listened to you. I didn't mean to offend you or come across as rude," she continued genuinely.

I crossed my arms and straightened up. "Well, Supergirl–"

"Kara," she interrupted. "It's Kara."

I nodded. "Okay, Kara. Yes, you probably should have listened. I redid your stitches and I'm asking you to stay put again. You're human for now and you need to act like one."

"You're right," she agreed, breathing out. "Sorry."

I realised that she seemed to mean it and at the end of the day, I was her doctor, so I couldn't hold a grudge. Instead, I went to her bedside and checked her monitors to see how she was doing.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, glancing at her.

"Tired. Achey. But better than before."

"That'll be the meds kicking in," I said, giving her a reassuring smile. "I did have to get in there twice."

Her cheeks went pink as she smiled with embarrassment. "I'm not used to being so..."

"Fragile?" I finished for her.

"Exactly," she said, nodding. "I'm not used to it and staying put isn't exactly my forte."

"I could tell," I joked, making her laugh a little. She had a nice laugh.

"About that first impressions thing..." she began, blue eyes holding mine nervously.

"It's nice to meet you for the first time, Kara," I said, holding out my hand. "I'm Y/N. Your doctor."

She cracked a smile, realising what I was doing. She shook my hand and said, "Nice to meet you, too, Y/N."

"Okay, I should go and get Alex," I said, backing up to leave. "Now please don't leave because Alex will kick my arse if you're not here when she comes back."

She laughed again. "I promise I'll be here when you return."

"Fingers crossed you're not playing me again," I mumbled loud enough for her to hear.

Her laughter seemed to follow me out the room, leaving me smiling to myself.

#supergirl imagine #supergirl x reader #kara danvers x you #kara danvers imagines #kara danvers imagine #kara danvers #kara danvers x reader #melissa benoist

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hotcheri · 4 years ago

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Always Something There to Remind Me (a Jen/Khalil Black Lightning fanfic)

DISCLAIMER: I own none of the Black Lightning characters. They solely belong to DC Comics and the CW Network. This is just my take on what could have happened after the show ended.

Prologue

Khalil's POV

They were meditating when TC crept into Khalil's mindscape like a thief in the night.

Well, at least, Khalil was meditating. He loved to empty his mind of all thoughts and focus on his breathing, relishing the mental stillness and the sense of peace he didn't have in his normal life.

Painkiller sat to the side of the mental dojo like he always did whenever Khalil was centering himself, a mocking sneer twisting his lips up as Khalil tried to ignore the rage that was baking off his mind twin like a rabid fever.

Painkiller was always angry, and the people he was mostly enraged at were the Pierces. Jen, to be exact. They lived in Painkiller's head rent free, and since Khalil shared the same mind as him, and almost all of his thoughts, the image of Jen was never far from Khalil. Pain in the ass Jen, who also happened to be Khalil's first love. What a mind fuck to love someone with all your heart while part of you needed to kill her and was in pure agony every second she was alive. Khalil didn't need anyone to tell him about mind fucks, having Painkiller relentlessly prowling through his mind was more than enough.

Every time TC appeared in Khalil's mindscape, Painkiller leapt up from his seat and started pacing back and forth in a tight little line like a tiger stalking its prey, hands clasped behind his back, nostrils flared, glaring at TC as if he wanted nothing more than to boot him out of his head after savaging him a little.

Too bad it's our head, and I'm trying to hear what he has to say.

The thought flitted through Khalil's mind grimly, and he sucked in a breath before opening his eyes and gazing at TC, who kept shooting quick little fearful glances at Painkiller. Khalil knew how he felt. Until he had started working actively with Painkiller, forcing the duality in his brain to coexist, he'd been terrified of him too.

"Uh, hi guys," TC started, his voice trembling as he looked around for exit points even though all he had to do was break the connection with the chip in Khalil's brain if he wanted to leave. Khalil supposed when someone entered a room and found themselves face to face with Painkiller, even if it was a virtual reality room, that person could get very scared very fast. In cases like that, logic was the first thing to escape.

Khalil liked the kid, had liked him even before he had locked Painkiller behind a firewall in his head and had shown Jen how to coax Khalil out of the safe space he'd created in his mind. Khalil knew without a doubt that the Pierces, especially Anissa, would have taken him out after Jen had blasted him with lightning to ward off Painkiller's attack on her family as he tried to complete the kill directive, because that's exactly what he would have done.

But TC had done the inconceivable. He'd managed to read Khalil's real thoughts, thoughts that had somehow filtered through the Painkiller operating system as soon as he set eyes on Jen. Thoughts that he must have been hiding way down in his secret heart, feelings that must have survived the A.S.A. mindwipe that transformed him into a lean, mean, biological weapon. As he lay prone on the table in Gambi's work station, on the verge of unconsciousness, his sharp ears had listened as TC, a total stranger, had his back.

"Hey. Who's Jen?" TC had interrupted the post fight argument, glancing around at the faces of people he didn't know.

Impatiently, with the touch of heat that Khalil loved and had missed with a sudden depth of emotion he hadn't felt since he was just track star Khalil, and not two warring parts of a government weapon whole, Jen replied, "That's me."

"He loves you."

And Jen's suddenly shaky, tear-filled voice had whispered, "How do you know that?"

TC's answer had been simple. "He told me."

Yeah, TC was good people. And even though the reunion between Khalil and Jen hadn't lasted, even though it had been bittersweet and doomed to fail with a painful, brusque ending, for a short, sweet time, he had been happy again.

But there was no use in thinking about that, no use in brooding over something he couldn't fix. With Painkiller in his head, being with Jen wasn't an option.

Painkiller was the first to talk, stepping forward as TC gave Khalil a half-hearted wave. "Oh, you must be crazy bringin' your ass here," he growled out in his distorted, angry voice.

TC took an involuntary step back, wringing his hands. Khalil could feel the fear in the kid increase as Painkiller stopped inches from his face, glowering down at him.

Raising a hand, Khalil talked to Painkiller like a patient parent calming down a tantrum throwing toddler. "I invited him," he lied, not caring that Painkiller would know that he hadn't.

Sharing his mind with a psychopathic, heartless killer sucked all the time, and keeping secrets was nearly impossible. Painkiller knew he was claustrophobic, that he loved trains, and that he thought about the one that got away daily. But when it came to people Khalil cared for, he didn't give a fuck if Painkiller knew he was lying to protect them from his rage. TC was a friend, and he wasn't going to let Painkiller's angry ass intimidate him.

"Don't think I won't kick your ass, too," Painkiller growled. Khalil fixed him with a steady look. He'd won more fights against Painkiller, especially after his return after a year long silence, and Painkiller knew it. After a few seconds, Painkiller sucked his teeth and resumed scowling at TC.

Spreading his arms out placatingly, TC asked, "What if I come with good and great news?"

A curious expression darted across Painkiller's face. Khalil caught it and grinned to himself. Psychotic or not, everyone liked the idea of good news.

"Speak," Painkiller ground out.

Swallowing nervously, TC said, "Tobias Whale is dead."

Okay, that was unexpected, and so was the rush of relief that coursed through Khalil's body, relaxing muscles that had been tense ever since he had started working for Tobias. Even though the A.S.A. mindwipe had taken all his memories and locked them away, they had been retrieved as soon as TC had put the firewall in his head, and so too had the underlying current of fear that always pulsed whenever he thought of Tobias.

And now his former boss, the man who had ripped out his spine and dumped him on the church steps when he was done with him, the evil torturer who had been responsible for leading Khalil over to the dark side was finally dead. Closing his eyes, Khalil sent up a prayer of thanks to a God he no longer strictly believed in.

Even after becoming Agent Odell's chief asset, Khalil still harbored thoughts that Tobias would come to him, eager to finish what he had started, wanting revenge for Syonide's death, the attempted robbery at the club before Khalil and Jen became runaways, and every single other thing he'd done that had pissed Tobias off. He'd reluctantly come to believe that a showdown with Tobias was inevitable, and even though his road to atonement had led him to Akashic Valley and a new life, he always knew that Tobias would eventually come for him. It was in his nature. But now this piece of good news had been thrown into his lap and Khalil took a moment to bask in gratitude.

Painkiller's reaction was the polar opposite of Khalil's restrained joy. Anger blazed onto his face and his brow creased as he listened to TC give Khalil the best news he'd heard in a while.

Sounding like a petulant child after being asked if he had McDonald's money, Painkiller groaned. "Damn. I wanted to kill him." He fisted both hands into his unruly curls and glowering up at the ceiling. "That's not good news." Turning to Khalil, his voice turned wheedling. "Let me kick his ass just a little."

With a quick glance towards Painkiller, TC cleared his throat before dropping his bombshell. "I've isolated the system code for the kill order. I can free you."

TC backed away till his back was against the wall, as far as he could get from a snarling Painkiller. When he got furious, Painkiller acted just like a wolf ready to attack. Luckily, Khalil had him on a mental leash. Ignoring him, Khalil focused his attention on TC.

"TC, what is your other news?"

Khalil let out a shaky breath, a glimmer of hope blooming in his chest.

At last.

"Good." Both TC and Khalil turned to face Painkiller, who had a look on his face so unnatural that Khalil didn't immediately recognize it. He looked like a doomed man seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Is he...is he happy? "Let's do it."

"But there's a catch," TC started slowly, plucking nervously at his sleeve as his eyes slid from Khalil to Painkiller and back again. Khalil sighed, motioning to TC to continue. There was always a catch and he knew that better than anybody, but for a second he had allowed himself to believe that getting rid of the kill order that brought such pain to both Painkiller and him, finally being freed from the chains that the A.S.A had wound around his body and in his mind, was ripe for the taking, with no blowback. "It's linked to everything you know and love about the whole Pierce family. If you break the kill order, you won't remember the Pierces at all."

The breath went out of Khalil all at once, leaving him feeling weak and boneless. He was glad he was sitting down, because if he had been standing when TC spoke, the strength would have ran out of his legs. And even though this was all in his mind, his physical body had stopped breathing for a second, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

This wasn't a catch, it was a fucking dilemma. There had to be another way.

Chewing on his bottom lip, Khalil found himself thinking about the technology he and Painkiller had found in Maya's safe house. Surely there was something there that would help isolate the kill switch without messing with his memories more than they'd already been messed with? Because this alternative that TC was suggesting... it wasn't fair. After leaving Freeland to keep Jen and her family safe and away from him, hell, after saving Anissa's wife from kidnappers, after everything that had happened in Khalil's life to get him to this point in time, losing the only good memories he had left just plain wrong.

"So what?" Painkiller asked, his top lip turned up into a snarl. Whether he was oblivious to the wave of emotion Khalil was weathering, or if he just didn't care, Khalil didn't know. Painkiller knew what he wanted. He was tired of the agony that came with not fulfilling the kill order. "They're pains in the ass anyway!"

In a chillingly calm voice that brooked no argument, Khalil stared evenly at Painkiller and said, "Shut up and sit your black ass down." Shocked into obedience, Painkiller sank down to the floor as Khalil looked at TC, a pleading tone in his voice. "TC, there's got to be another way around."

"There's none." Khalil could hear the despair in TC's voice, and he knew he was telling the truth. Of course he was. "I've checked and I've double checked."

Painkiller was still silent, and Khalil turned to look at him. "Damn!" He clenched his fist so hard that the veins in his arm popped out, but he took no notice. "You won't stop, will you? Sooner or later you're going to kill Jen and the rest of the Pierces."

Nodding sagely, like he had been the one meditating, Painkiller said, "Best believe. But I'm not nobody's puppy." He pointed at Khalil, his face stern and absolutely serious. "Cut the damn cord."

The muscles in Khalil's jaw worked as he stood up, turning his back on TC and Painkiller so that they couldn't see the emotions playing across his face. He wanted to be free of the kill code more than anything, needed Painkiller to be at rest so that he could figure out a way to become whole again. But the cost- losing Jen again- was it just too great?

Khalil closed his eyes, and suddenly, he was back on the Pierce's roof with Jen after Painkiller had broken free of the firewall for a couple of nasty minutes to wrap his hands around Jen's neck. He could feel everything in that moment, the wind brushing lightly against his face, the shingles of the roof under his sneakers, the terrified look Jen shot him before schooling her features into a coolness Khalil had never seen on her face. Both looks hit him like a ton of bricks.

She was scared of him.

Painkiller had shown her his true colors and had, once again, pushed someone he loved away from him. And what she had said had chilled him to the core, a sudden lump rising in his throat, and tears smarting in his eyes as she let him go.

"I can't love a weapon that's pointed at my family, even if it does have a soul." Her shoulders hunched pitifully as she wrapped her arms around her legs, all at once seeming far younger than her years. "See you around, Khalil."

He took one last look at her, her curly hair brushing past her chin, her eyes chilly and flinty in the dusk as she turned away from him, blinking away tears of her own. "No. You won't," he said, and with that, he had exited Jen's life.

Some things you can't go back to. The way Jen had ended things between them still hurt, and the realization that he wasn't going to be able to salvage things with her caused him pain that was almost physical, but if TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase his memories of her, the pain would go. All the pain would disappear, and his fresh start in Akashic Valley would be just that, a fresh start.

Behind him, TC started to say, "If you need more time, I can-," but by now, Khalil's mind was made up. There was no other choice.

"I always known I'd give my life for that girl." Khalil heaved a sad sigh, running a hand over his face as he turned to look at a nervous TC and an impassive Painkiller. Painkiller smirked, knowing what decision Khalil had made, and in that moment, Khalil hated him, the A.S.A., Odell- everyone who had gotten him into this situation. Especially himself. "Never thought I'd have to forget her." A nod towards TC. "Do it."

TC nodded dumbly, just as another thought flitted into Khalil's mind. If TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase some of his memories, wasn't it possible that he could remove his very worst memory?

Before he left Freeland for good after shooting Odell and letting Black Lightning deal with the evil son of a bitch however he saw fit, Khalil took a detour to the cemetery, picking a bunch of blooming flowers from the ramshackle garden of Mrs. Sutton, the Payne's old landlady. Khalil didn't think she would mind, she had loved Nichelle Payne dearly.

Once at the cemetery, he had laid the flowers on his mother's grave, sat down with his back resting against her tombstone and cried a little. Nobody had been around to see him; Freeland residents weren't crazy about going to the graveyard at nighttime.

"I shot the guy who made me kill you, ma," he'd whispered, his words blown away by the breeze as the tears blurred his vision. "I know you always said vengeance never pays, but I had to do it. I'm sorry, ma. I love you, and I'm so, so sorry."

Nichelle Payne had raised him to be the best in whatever he did, and what had he done in return? Snapped her neck, and the best excuse he could come up with was he'd just been following orders. The knowledge weighed heavily on his soul, and he knew that he would pay for it in time. Everything comes due. But if TC could somehow make him forget...

"I can try," TC said doubtfully, and Khalil raised his eyes from his clenched fists, remembering where he was through the sadness that engulfed his soul.

"No." Khalil shook his head, resigning himself to reality. "It's part of who I am, and I need to find redemption for it, or a way to live with myself."

TC opened his mouth and hesitated before shyly asking, "Do you want to- I mean, I could give you Jen's number and you could talk to her one last time?"

Painkiller groaned, storming around the circumference of the dojo angrily. "Can we fucking do this already? No more flashbacks, no phone calls- get this kill order the fuck out of my head!"

"Our head," Khalil reminded him. "And right now, I'm in charge." He bit his lip, wrestling with himself. Saying goodbye to Jen wouldn't make things better, it would just bring home the truth that he would never see his first girlfriend again, and even if by some weird coincidence he did, he wouldn't know her. It was stupid. They already said their goodbyes on the Pierce roof, what would he gain from this? "What's her number?"

Painkiller actually growled at this and stomped off somewhere. Khalil could still feel him burning in his mind, but it looked like he had opted out of being a part of Khalil's final goodbye. Not that Khalil minded in the least. Before Painkiller, his relationship with Jen had been special. He didn't want his insane mind twin tainting the very last moment he would have with her.

Courteously, TC severed the connection with Khalil's brain chip, promising to return when the phone call was over and start the process. Khalil stared down at his phone and punched in Jen's number before he could lose his cool. Meditation seemed like a lifetime away, it was all he could do to keep his heart from galloping away like a war horse.

Jen's phone rang once, twice, three times, and Khalil was just about to hit the end button when suddenly-

"Hi." Jen's bold, brash voice was in his ear, and Khalil forgot to breathe. The background noise was filled with laughter and music, a noise that Khalil associated with family time, even though he was never fortunate enough to have enjoyed family time with his mother working two jobs, his father in jail, and his brother running the streets with the 100. "You know you're calling from a- Anissa, stop!" Khalil closed his eyes, savoring the sound of Jen's hearty giggles as someone- Anissa, probably- tickled her or something similar. "You're calling from a private number, who is this?"

A male chuckle sounded, and Khalil recognized Gambi's voice sounding from the distance. "Probably a scam, hang up before they get all your info."

Same old Gambi, trusting nobody. A wistful smile turned up Khalil's lips, but he still couldn't come up with a thing to say. It was like all his thought circuits were down, and he wondered if Painkiller had something to do with it.

"Helloooo? Who is this?" Jen's voice turned speculative, and she gave a derisive snort. "This better not be TC playing with me again, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to prom wit' you?"

"I'm literally right here," TC protested in the background.

And Khalil found that he couldn't bring himself to say anything, let alone goodbye. He wasn't great with goodbyes, anyway, so who was he fooling? "Uh, sorry," he muttered. Why had he thought this would be a good idea again? "Wrong number."

In the few seconds it took for him to press the end call button, Jen's voice sharpened with recognition and she exclaimed, "Wait, that sounds a little like-."

Call ended blinked up at him from his phone screen as his pulse jumped in his throat. Safe getaway. Of course, he'd ended the call before Jen could say his name, or even more hurtful, the name of somebody else.

But fuck, hearing her voice was bittersweet.

"You hung up?" TC was back in his head, eyes gleaming with relief that Painkiller wasn't around.

Nodding, Khalil strove to keep his face blank and impassive. "Yeah. I'd rather remember her the way she was on that phone, happy, carefree, pain in the ass J."

She sounded happy and normal, like the old her, before the 100 had kidnapped her and she had discovered she had powers. She sounded like the Queen of Garfield. By coming back into her life even for a few seconds, he might jeopardize that happiness, and if there's one thing he wanted her to be after the events of the past few years, it was at peace and she wasn't going to find it with him.

"But you didn't get to say goodbye."

Pity was written all across TC's face, and once again, Khalil felt the wave of sadness engulf him. Did it ever stop? Even with his memories of Jen gone, would he really be at peace?

"I didn't need to." Khalil stopped, his shoulders slumped, and came to stand next to TC, who was still looking at him with that sympathetic look on his face. "TC..."

Looking up at him, TC said, "Yeah?"

"Don't tell her."

TC let out a dramatic gasp that made Khalil crack a smile, even though he had never felt less like smiling. "What? But I was just about to-?"

"No." Khalil shook his head resolutely. "Let her live her life." TC opened his mouth to protest, but Khalil talked over him. It was the only way. "You told me she lost the guy she was seeing, and she's already lost so much. Just- let her think what she's been thinking, that I left Freeland to live my life." He started pacing like Painkiller sometimes did, back and forth, his arms behind his back as he spoke. It felt like atoning for his sins. "I poisoned her. I almost killed her."

Interrupting, his voice utterly horrified, TC exclaimed, "That was Painkiller, not you!"

"Yeah, but don't you get it? He's in me, so even if I know that I'm not the one doing the poisoning, everyone else thinks it, because he's in my head wanting to kill all the time." Khalil stopped pacing and turned to TC, his face serious. "With the kill code gone, we can co-exist without the anger and rage that drives Painkiller. I came here for a fresh start and removing the memories of the Pierces will give me that." To show that he meant business, he clapped his hands together. "Let's do this. How's it gonna work?"

Getting back to business removed the pity from TC's face, and Khalil was glad. Seeing that look on his normally cheery friends face and knowing it was directed at him made him feel like even more of a shitty person.

Tapping his chin, Khalil asked, "So I won't remember that they're metas as well?"

"You'll forget about them. Anything related to them, too."

TC's eyes started to flash green as he went over the logistics of changing Khalil's life.

"No, you'll remember that, you'll know about Black Lightning, Thunder and Lightning, you just won't know their identities. You won't remember they're Pierces."

Nodding, Khalil said, "Got it." Actually, it sounded confusing to him, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. "But if I want to reinstate my memories, can't I just come to you and-."

TC laughed as Khalil made a casual popping noise with his tongue in his cheek. "No. You won't even know that your memories are gone."

"And you're sure they'll stay gone."

This was the most important part. What ifs ran through Khalil's mind with the speed of a Formula One car. If he somehow ran into the Pierce sisters on vacation. If he helped someone from a mugger and it turned out to be Doctor Pierce? If Black Lightning ended up in Akashic Valley like Anissa had and they ran into each other?

Shifting from one foot to the other, TC said, "Um, 90% sure."

"90?" Khalil asked incredulously.

TC shrugged. "That's an A."

"I used to get straight A's in school," Khalil said musingly. "And then Odell dropped a few Master's degrees into my head, but that happened after I stopped caring about grades." TC gave him a confused, yet concerned look, and Khalil said, "Let's get rid of these memories."

A few minutes later, Khalil was lying on an operating table, a brain scanner that looked like a crown on his head. Philky just happened to have one lying around, which was pure Philky, and after TC had uploaded his program into the lab's computer, he'd told Khalil's master of tech exactly what to do. Donald was on standby in case something went wrong medically. And Painkiller? He was still in the dojo, and Khalil could feel the excitement thrumming through him. Khalil didn't blame him; he was excited too.

A high-pitched whine started up, and Khalil felt a pinprick of electricity tickle his forehead as the process started. TC had warned him about this.

What TC hadn't warned him about was, as the memories left, they replayed in his head, almost like a flashback reel.

Khalil saw himself on the Pierce roof with Jen, giving her a chaste, shy kiss as she agreed to be his girlfriend.

He saw himself stealing into Garfield High and meeting up with Jen by the lockers after enduring more abuse from Tobias, knowing that she was the only person he could really talk to despite what had gone down between them. Sitting down in silence, not needing to say a word because their connection was that powerful.

He saw them running away together, Jen using her lightning powers in front of him for the first time and blasting the 100 hoodlums. How he'd kissed her later on and it had been electric, and the hottest kiss he'd ever had.

He saw himself (the memories were blurry around the edges, soon they'd be gone but so would the kill code, it was for the best but it hurt, TC didn't say it would hurt this much) sitting next to Jen in his special place, his private place, his favorite place, the abandoned subway car, eating ramen and reminiscing on how he had asked her to be his girlfriend, and he had been so shy when he gave her the necklace, something that had caught his eye in Freeland's jewelry store and he'd saved up for two months to buy it for her, a necklace he was giving to her for the second time because he loved her, and he'd lost her once and wasn't about to let her go again and...

The memories faded as Khalil's mind cycled through the deepest, darkest levels of consciousness, and there was only darkness, and finally, blissfully, peace.

(See more on ao3 or wattpad!)

#black lightning #fanfic #khalil payne #jennifer pierce #jordan calloway #china anne mcclain #wattpad #ao3fic

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yuezhong · 4 years ago

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593 followers special! + appreciation & shoutouts <3

Hi guys! I’m back. Now, I know it’s been a while since I last posted anything as uni has been kicking my butt, and I was busy with my final sem exams. But now that I’m back, I would like to do something simple to celebrate me reaching 506 followers (596 currently) a while ago, and that is to open a discord server.

Yep, you heard me. I’m having my own discord server! :3 So don’t be shy and come join it if you want. The mods are lovely and so are the users that have joined. The criteria for joining my server is that you have to be 15 or older ! And don’t even try to lie about your age, we can tell from the way you carry yourself.

https://discord.gg/pA9au9S

In addition to celebrating my 5th milestone, I would like to thank these people, which are my lovely friends, fanfic writers and non writers alike, those who are in bold write nsfw/mild nsfw :

To start off, I want to thank these three servers/groups as wholes:

1. Jay and Co.:

@oikawasass -- Jay my spicy cinnamon roll! You are very cool person, periodt. Tbh, I was a little intimidated by you when I first spoke to you in your server. But overtime as I spoke to you more, I can see that you're actually a very lovely and sweet person in your own way. Also, I love how you can be super blunt and say the most hilarious things with a serious tone. You’re self-assured, bold and not afraid to speak your mind, and that is what I admire about you. And thank you, for being there and talking sense into me when I needed it, I appreciate that very much 🥺

And boy oh boy, your writing? *Chef's kiss* the first time when I read one of your works, I fell in love with how easy on the eyes it is. Your writing style is simple yet beautiful. Your choice of words, the imagery and the cohesiveness too! It’s godtier💞, must stan it. I especially love your crack fics/hcs and you whole aesthetic as well. Ma'am, pls spare some of your skills.

@archn my dear cupcake! Honestly, you're the sweetest person I've ever met and you're so so supportive and patient 🥺, plus I love how crackhead you can get when we’re fooling around lmao. Other than that, you’re really easygoing, not only towards me, but to everyone in general. You’re like that cool cousin that everyone looks up to and deserves all the appreciation in the world.

Also, your writing style is gorgeous and you write the characters' personality so spot on! I also love the flow of words sm ahhhj. I especially love your headcanons of the bnha boyos working out with their fem s/o, that idea is really creative!

@mizukuni -- Mizuuu, my beautiful, gorgeous sweet red date! Babe, you have come so far from starting off as a new writing blog not long ago to finally achieving 1k followers! I just wanna say congrats for reaching your 10th milestone and you deserve every one of your followers! You can definitely go further and achieve more milestones. As for your writing style, it is simplistic but beautiful: you don’t use many flowery words to express your writing, yet those simple words you choose bring out what you want to show in your works exactly, and the flow of words is just rly smooth and I stan the cohesiveness 💞. Oh and you have such a cute minimalistic art style that is very pleasant on the eyes! And lately I can see that you’re improving at a quick pace; your drawings are getting more detailed than last time and that’s really amazing! Also, did I mention that I love your blog’s aesthetic as well?

Also, thank you for being there for me when I was feeling down and needed someone to talk to, I cherish that gesture of yours greatly luv 💞As for my first impression of you, I could tell you’re a really chill person and go with the flow easily. Honestly, that helped a lot to buffer my social awkwardness and made me open up to y’all easier. So yeah, I must say a very big thank you once again to you babe 💞

@cherry-pancakes -- Diiii my sweet cherry blossom! You are the cutest person I’ve ever met sjdnjsn. Your antics remind me of a sweet little sister and that is pretty darn adorable. Even though you can be a little bit wild and spontaneous sometimes, that just adds to your charm! Plus, a little wild every once in a while does’t do harm < 3

As for your writing, it has a simple flow but it is easily understood. If writing styles were aesthetics/ sceneries, yours would be a small flowing stream-- small but smooth flowing, simple but not insignificant. Beauty in simplicity describes your works perfectly. Also, did I mention that you have a really adorable artstyle as well? Your art style is relatively simple but it is so so cute 🥺

@chizo --Guava my gummy bear! Babe, even though you are no longer active here, I just want to say a very big thank you. Thank you for giving us so many beautifully written works. Seriously, when I first met you through discord and followed your writing blog ( @izukyu ) I fell in love with your works. Something about your writing is just really special, plus I love the fact that you start sentences with small letters (Caps lock be damned lol). Your writing is a mixture of sophistication and simplicity, yet they compliment each other perfectly when you incorporate them into your works! It is pretty impressive because it is not an easy thing to do.

As for my first impression of you, I can tell you’re genuinely a vv caring and supportive person. You give off motherly vibes as well in a good way! You’re like the cool mom friend of the group who looks after everyone tbh 💝. So yeah, once again I want to say a very very big thank you to you again. Thank you for blessing the writers’ community with your wonderful fics and thank you for being such a good friend, let’s continue to be good friends in the near future!

@sourbkg -- Emmie my blueberry! Babey you are another sweetheart who is caring and so so supportive. I still remembered that time when I felt a little ill and sad and you immediately sent some cat pictures to cheer me up, thank you sm for that love, it helped me a great deal 💕, plus I’m never one to say no to cats and kitties! Also, you know exactly what to say at the right moments! Your easygoing personality makes it easy for other people to open up to you as well.

As for your writing style, it has a simple yet realistic approach. It’s like I can see what is happening in your works like a movie scene and I think that is really cool! Keep up the good work < 3! I really love that one shot with Shoto’s s/o attempting to scare him, it’s so cute ahh! And I love the ending lol, Shoto cracking a joke is golden.

@kozumie -- Kai! Oh man, where do I start. Okay, here we go. When I first met you in the server, I gravitated towards your easygoing, cool and chill vibe. After talking to you more, I can tell that I love the laid-back chill vibe you give off, you’re so awesome!

Also, even though I haven’t read much of your work, I must say I really love the way you write. It’s precise and your vocabulary really helps with imagery, the words you can help the readers easily envision what is going on in your story, and that is really amazing! Keep up the good work! Looking forward to more works from you.

@succu6us-- Anni! Babe, ahh it has been a while since we last spoke too hasn’t it? I missed you along with the others too 🥺 But now that I’m back for the time being, I’m going to be more active. Anni babe, your writing style is minimalistic yet gorgeous. I can tell you’re not a big fan of writing long paragraphs and that’s completely fine! Because if I’m being honest here, I tend to keep things simple and short as well if I can. Yet your simplistic style captures the gist of your works perfectly! did I mention that I love your nsfw works as well

As for my first impression of you, I could tell that you had a very self-assured, confident aura about you, and you still do! But you are not arrogant at all. On the contrary, you’re a humble and supportive soul! I quite envy that self-assurance and air of confidence you have dear, and I can say that I have grown to be a bit more confident in myself by having you around, so you’re a wonderful influence! Let’s continue to keep in touch sweetie.

@mysterypotatoink -- Morgann! Sugarcakes, let me just say that you are the best big sister figure we could ever ask for! You are so sweet, supportive, loving and willing to help us whenever we need it. You are our server’s big sister and guardian 💕💕 You always make us feel loved and warm inside. Personally, whenever we talk to you, it gives off the vibe like a child wrapped up in a safety blanket-- toasty and secured.

You’re so strong and wise, I look up to you a lot and want to learn from you in terms of being the pillar of support. 🥺

@needs-serotonin -- Joanna! Muffin, you’re another one of the sweetest, most supportive people in the server. You’re so honest about what you say in the group and know when to say it at the exact time.

Also Joanna, you give off a really cool vibe! Initially, I was a bit shy and unsure on how to approach you but overtime as I warmed up to you, you’re actually pretty easy to get along with! I would love to get to know you better, let’s talk more dear.

2. Deku protection squad! (Aka dps) :

@suckersuki -- Lei! Sugarplum, you are another one of the sweetest, most supportive people I’ve ever met. You are always there for us when we need it and I love how crackhead you can get hahaha, I still remembered that time when we teased you by shipping you with shinsou hehe. Anyways, back to the original topic of appreciating you, you are a great listener and offer good advice! Also, you’re very easy to talk to and give off a cute vibe!

Did I mention that I love your writing as well? Your style consists of a mixture of comedy and seriousness. Like, your hcs for the tik tok trend and argument scenario for the bnha boys are really funny; on the other hand, your fic with yandere shoto gives off a completely different aura and it sent shivers down my spine. Miss, pls spare some of them writing skills.

@babydabi -- Mei! Gingerbread, you are a another kind, loving and supportive soul that I have the honor of meeting in the dps. You are really easygoing and considerate. You are not afraid to speak up for your friends, but you do it with a careful choice of words and this shows that you’re really considerate.

As for your writing style, it is much like yourself. You know how to choose the best words to express what you want to and you’re cautious doing so. As I can be a little indecisive on deciding my choice of words, I’d love to learn from you!

@bakugoustanaccount — Bri! Dear, tbh I was a little intimidated by your vibe when I first met you, bc you just seemed so cool,,, and I’m awkward and still don’t really know how to socialise well with people. But after interacting with you more, you’re actually pretty chill! Let’s talk more, I’d love to get to know you better.

As for your writing style, it has a certain smooth flowing, poetic aesthetic. I fell in love with it the moment I read your latest fic. The way you phrased everything is just so fitting! Pls teach me your ways miss.

@bnhatrashh -- Izzy! Luv, you give off a similar vibe like bri, so I was also kind of intimidated by you at first. But like bri, I opened up to you more and here we are! Let’s get to know each other better, I’d like to talk to you more often.

And I really love, love your way of writing! Your writing style has a pleasant, smooth homey vibe. It’s very soothing to the eyes and your vocabulary complements it really well!

@cellotonin —cookie! Love, you’re another one of the sweetest and most supportive people in the dps server ahhhh. You’re always ready to support us whenever and I love your vibe! I’d like to get to know you better sweetie.

Also, I love the way you write! it’s so sweet, warm and ahh so pretty 🥺, did I mention that I love your blog’s aesthetic and theme as well? Your style of writing is mellow and gorgeous! I would love to learn some of that from you pls.

@hoekaashi — Ash! Dear, you give off a cool and mature vibe. You’re like the awesome aunt of the dps. When I first spoke to you in the dps, I was like “this person is really cool, I’m kinda scared if I mess up”, but that thought quickly faded as I chatted with you more. You’re not only cool, but also super chill, supportive and easygoing! Let’s talk more, I’d love to know you better.

Also, I really love your way of writing! It has this realistic touch and lets people have the feeling of being in that scenario/situation. Plus, the flow of words are smooth and complements your style! Keep up the good work dear, I look forward to see more works from you in the future.

@xoxo-dede — Dede! Darling, you’re bold, outspoken and really cool. You speak your mind and I like that, also I love your crackhead side. Most of the time, you can say the most hilarious and crackhead things that never fail to crack us up (hahaha, see what I did there? Ok I’ll stop) , you’re a big bouncy ball of energy that we simply can’t get enough of! Oh, and your art style is really cool too!

As for your writing style, it’s simple but has that realistic vibe, like I can see what’s happening clearly through your words and that’s really amazing! Your writing is gorgeous dear.

3. 我的家庭!= my family (tree <3)

@moonlit-xio -- Ara! My sweetpea, love. You are the sweetest, kindest and most understanding sweetheart I have ever met. You are so selfless and loving, making sure that we’re always accounted for and put us before you. You always make sure to give us the attention, love and support. But love, please let us give you back the love and attention too, for you deserve them as much as us. And you’re absolutely adorable!

And did I mention that the headcanons you come up with for us in the server are absolutely 100% beautiful and on point? No? Well, now you know, because they are. Queen ara, your writing is gorgeous, has a poetic touch and deserves more love, your descriptive skills are immaculate! The words you use to express your writings is just immaculate. Also, you’re very musically talented! Your music taste is delectable and refreshing, not to mention that you have the voice of a siren as well. Your singing is lovely, sweetpea.

@sunshhinnee -- Sunni! My darling pudding, love you are literally sunshine (hahaha,get it? Okay, I’ll stop). You’re so bright, positive and always look at the good side of things even if the going starts to get tough. You bring a warm and chaotic good atmosphere to our server, which serves as a nice distraction whenever I had a bad day or feel upset about something.

Also, your art-style is really really cute! I like your shortcut way of drawing expressions and the anatomy of your characters haha. It’s not too detailed but you can tell what their expressions are saying and their poses are clear.

@bumbbo -- Max! Bubblegum, you’re another one of the most adorable people I ever met. You’re really easygoing and chill, but can be chaotic good sometimes, I like how crackhead you can get when Sunni is in on it too, haha. I especially love it when you two send memes and funny tiktoks to the group, I do enjoy them very much! Also, have I mentioned how much of a cutie and sweetheart you are? You’re so caring, giving and strong. Always willing to help out and so patient with us.🥺

Also, you have great taste in music and you’re great at writing too! Have I mentioned how on point your headcanons you wrote for us are? If I haven’t, now you know <3. Oh, and your editing skills are superb too!

@sondering-thoughts -- Aria! Macaron, you’re another one of the sweetest, most understanding, and supportive people in our server. You’re like the server’s mom, living up to your nickname. You always watch out for us and make sure that we are doing well; if we felt down, you never fail to cheer us up by writing comfort headcanons for us and console us with the words we need to hear! Thank you so much, for doing all that for us dear 🥺 Also, the way you fluster us? You’re a pro at it snjssk, you make us blush so easily that it’s unfair 😭😭

And speaking of writing, you sure have a way with words macaron! Your writing has a poetic take in it, which is something I hope to incorporate into my writing style one day.

@what-a-creative-username --Liana! Chocolate chip! My bro to my bromance, the kuroo to my bokuto, the bread to my shinya! Bro, you are another 100% cutie plus sweetie! I love it when you’re being chaotic along with the rest of them and spam the group with memes and chaotic Youtube vines/vids lmao. Also, the aesthetics you made for us are so pretty ahh!

Besides that, you’re also really considerate and willing to lend an ear. I still remember when I was anxious and vented to you and you let me rant. Then you reassured me and comforted me, which both calmed me down successfully. Thank you love, I appreciate that gesture very much 🥺 . I miss your presence very much in the server, hope we’ll get to talk again and raise hell all together soon!

@txmxkis --Linds! Cake pop, dearie you’re another kind, loving and sweet soul I have the fortune of meeting in the server. If Ari is the mother, then you’re the cool aunt who’s always wiling to hype us up! And support us when we feel down or need someone to vent to ofc. You’re really chill, easygoing and so adorable! Even though you can be a lil mischief and fluster us on purpose sometimes, not that I’ll ever admit it Your vibe is rly pretty, and okay...I admit that I like you flustering me...maybe a little bit.

Honourable mentions! :

@cosmicskin --Lily, my dear love. Honestly you’re the sweetest person I first met on tumblr. Back then when you gave me that shout out, I felt happy, shocked in a good way, and honored all at the same time. And yet, you claim that you are not an angel. Sweetie, you are wrong. You are an angel, even if you claim that you are not. And the way you write? Immaculate, your fluff works have a poetic vibe in them and I’m in love with it. Even though you are no longer writing, I still want to say a very big thank you. Thank you for giving us so many beautiful, gorgeous stunning works.

@keigos-dove --Eli my sweet! Dear, you are another lovely soul that I’m really fortunate to meet here. I still remember that time when I asked you to proofread a fic of mine and you did, giving me your honest opinion about it 🥺, so thank you very much for that love! Also, you’re really easygoing and I love the way you carry yourself, you’re not only sweet, but also really cool! I love talking to you and the way you write? Absolutely gorgeous. There’s something about your writing that’s just... so pretty and it tugs at my heartstrings! Keep up the good work, gorgeous!

@seashellsandshores--Emmie dear! Another fellow sweetheart that I have the honor of meeting here. Dearie, you are really chill and easygoing. I like how easy it is to talk to you and rant to you about ons besides bnha lmao, it has been a while but I want to let you know that I enjoy the time I spend with you and hopefully we’ll get to talk again! Also, the fact that you gave me and your fanfic writer friends a shout out on your birthday says that you are not only a sweetheart, but you’re also a really kind and supportive soul 🥺. And boy, your writing? beautiful. Your url complements your writing style perfectly. Your style is simple, but gorgeous and I can easily imagine what is happening in your fics, like I can mentally picture the scene and hear what the characters are saying. Keep up the good work sweetie!

@birds-have-teeth -- Ashi sweetie! Again, I just want to say a very big welcome back. I hope that you have been resting well during your break sweetheart 🥺. Also, I was caught off-guard when you posted that appreciation post! How dare you do that when I was least expecting it >:c, you have no idea how flustered I felt when I read that ahhhh 🥺. You are such a sweet, supportive, easygoing and loving person, I really love talking to you! And the way you write? IT IS STUNNING, BREATH-TAKING MMM PERFECTION. The flow of words and vocabulary are just so in sync! Immaculate! Also, your art style is really awesome too! I look forward to see more works from you and can’t wait to get back on a regular basis of talking to you again💕

@90s-belladonna -- Aixa! Queen, you’re another one of the coolest, most easygoing people I have ever met! I was kind of awkward when i first talked to you in our dms on twitter, but overtime we got closer and could talk about almost anything! I really love love your laid-back chill vibe, let’s talk more lovely, I enjoy talking to you a lot! Also, have I mentioned how delectable your writing is? Even though most of your works that I’ve read are headcanons, i can say that your writing style is sophisticated yet easy on the eyes. The way you write takes my breath away, I look forward to see more works from you! Keep up the good work <3

@pastelgurlie --Kassy dear, you are really dynamic, funny and outspoken.Thank you for approaching me first on wattpad and dming me, you give off a really fun and cheerful vibe that makes you easy to be around with. Initially, I was a little stiff and unsure on how to interact with you, but fortunately you were patient and willing to stick around until I came out of my shell ^-^. Oh, also did I mention how cool your artstyle is? Your style consists of a semi-realistic coupled with elements of anime in it and that’s really awesome! And the way you draw my and Amy’s oc for free? That’s so sweet of you 🥺.

@adelheidvonschicksal -- Adel my love, you’re another sweet supportive babe I have the fortune of meeting here! You’re really chill, laid-back cool and I feel like a fan living the dream of befriending her idol when I talk to you! You are the very first Shoto blog I came across on Tumblr, and when I first read your works, I fell in love with them. And to have you follow me back, ahh I feel so honored 🥺! And as for your writing style, it is immaculate! I read most of your fics, including the nsfw ones (cough) and they have this beautiful, realistic touch. You characterize the characters rly well and it’s like I can picture what is happening in your works in my head! Keep up the good work, senpai 🥺, I look forward to more amazing works from you.

@lavander-cherry--Cheska! Dear, my second writing senpai for shoto. First I want to say it’s good to have you back! it has been a while since we last talked and tbh, I felt a little sad when I saw your announcement about leaving the bnha writing community, still I do respect your decision back then! And now, I feel really happy that you are back writing for this fandom. Your works are superb, dear! Your characterization is on point and your flow of words complements it very well. Also, I like how you are not afraid to speak your mind and how bold you are, let’s talk again soon!

@shoutodoki --Val! Dear, ahhhh you are another sweetheart that I'm so so fortunate to meet here! You're really easygoing and sweet and it's really easy to talk to you. Your vibe is gorgeous and I cannot stress enough on how much I adore your writings! The flow of words throughout your stories, works and headcanons is just so immaculate and aesthetically pleasing! Even though you have deactivated your acc, I just want to say a very big thank you. Thank you for all of your wonderful works that you have written, you have been a really big inspiration to many writers(including me), I’m sure of that.

@random-mha-thoughts -- Rachel! Sweetheart, dear I still remembered the way you first helped me back then, we didn’t know each other at all, and yet you were so willing to stand up for and help me! I’m trully grateful for the help you provided so so much. And thank you, also for sticking by me even after that and being such a kind soul after all this while. Let’s continue to be friends sweetie!

As for your writing, it’s simple and sweet. The way you write brings a mellow feeling that’s very pleasant to the viewers, it brings about a fluffy feeling and is easy on the eyes. Look forward to more works from you! Keep up the good work!

@min-atoo --Minny my sweet! Man, it has been 3 years since we known each other hasn’t it? You’re just the sweetest, super understanding and kindest person ever! I’m really glad to call you one of my closest friends <333. You’re really easy to hang out with and I love the vibe you give off so much! I still remember the moment when we got into a discussion about what todo’s beard color would be on ig lol. It’s really fun hanging out with you, and yoi and chessie ofc. We should get tgt and have a discord grp call sometime!

Oh, and you have the cutest artstyle ever! The pastel colours you use and the chibi aesthetic you have go perfectly together! All of your works are very easy on the eyes and are super cute! Let’s stay in touch bb x

Make sure to show some love to these lovely ppl that I tagged above by giving them a follow! Oh, I also want to show some love to @dee-madwriter , @dimplesum , @heroprose @kingtamakimurder @love-toxin @lovelove-dere , @yandere-daydreams, @trafalgar-temptress @wonderwomanfantasy, @combust-catalyst @talpup @shoutogepi and @bnhabadass ! They are some amazing fanfic authors as well so go follow them if you haven’t already :3

Words cannot express how much I love and appreciate every one of you, both my friends I have tagged in this post and my dear followers. I am very thankful for every one of you, let’s work hard together!

So, what’s next? Since that I am back for now, i will finish off the belated birthday fics I left unfinished for some of my lovely writer friends above, move on to one last request from the last time and finish off some fics of mine. As for when I will re-open requests...they are put on hold until further notice. Oh and I'll be clearing my asks and tags at the same time.

Until then, see y'all soon!

#lovingshoto's 593 followers special #announcement #hi yes I'm back

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the-resurrection-3d · 3 years ago

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I can't fucking sleeeeep here's the scene, fuck a bitch named Consistency lol

Nsfw-y because it's pre- and post-phone sex, but I skip over the sex itself. Also contains lots of references to suicide. Enjoy, lol --

Where are you? Nick laughs. I can hear the ocean in the background.

That's because we're by the ocean. Alberto scans his phone light over the sand, careful for broken glass. Like a dumb ass, he'd been in such a hurry to leave once Nick called that he'd forgotten his shoes.

Feeling shy again?

I'm not like you, Alberto laughs back; I can't just freeze up like an automaton and jerk off in complete silence.

It really is an art form.

I make, like, one noise and it feels like the whole neighborhood heard me. The fucking cat certainly does.

Your anti-suicide cat?

Yeah, my suicide prevention cat; I moan once and he's clawing at the door, throwing all his fat against it.

Thinking he's going to heroically burst in and knock the toaster right out of your hands.

Yeah, exactly. Can't eat that bottle of pills if I've knocked them all into the toilet. AGAIN.

You know, I had 'Hanging Myself' penciled in for noon, but the cat's sleeping on my chest, so I think I'm gonna have to push it back.

Exactly. Alberto finally finds the old stone he'd been looking for, long and smooth enough to lie down on rather get your ass eaten up by ants lying in the grass, climbing atop it as Nick chuckles and says, with a shocking softness,

I'm really glad you're okay. I can't wait to see you.

I can't, either, Alberto says, hugging his knees to his chest. I'm feeling better, but it's... A small sigh. It's still so hard without you.

I know, baby. But it's just two more weeks. You can hang on until then for me, can't you?

Alberto nods, realizes he's still on the phone, then says, Yeah, yeah I can.

It's nights like this where he honestly hates the sound of Nick's voice just as much as he wants it. Alberto doesn't know how to fully explain how the absence rubs against his body like a cheese grater--how utterly, utterly pathetic he feels here and now, listening to the soft sighs and gentle splashes of Nick jacking himself off in his big fancy tub a whole ocean away, waiting for Nick to say the word so he can go dip into the waves and join him, before Nick cums and the call ends and Alberto is left lying there on the rock staring up at the big bright moon through the trees as his body slowly turns back to its disguise.

How sometimes it reminds him of being alone inside the tower, when hugging one of his stuffed animals just reminded him of how pathetic he was for even trying.

Great, Nick says; This trip is going to be amazing, I promise. Did I email you the itinerary?

Not yet.

I'll do it right after this, then. You're going to love Berlin, Beto.

I'm sure I will. Alberto forces a smile back on as he lies down, resting the phone by his head as he starts to loosen his belt.

Oh? What's that I hear?

You already know, Alberto replies, kicking his shorts off. So fish or no fish?

Whichever you'd prefer. Nick chuckles, water shifting around. I just wanted to hear your voice again. I've been thinking about you all day.

Nick's been thinking about you quite a lot, lately. Maybe you should try to kill yourself more often.

You hear Nick slip down further into his tub, whisper so softly, I can't wait to hold you again.

You imagine, for a moment, him lying here beside you, flesh and blood rather than a little box of glass and-- yep, there it is again, that cheese-grater feeling, leaving you less a body and more a big open wound.

You take off your boxers, too. I can't wait either, you say.

Then, So when we get to Berlin, what do you wanna do first?

Nick laughs again. I'm glad you asked...

---

You lie there after it's done, listening to him dry off and put on your favorite vinyl record, because he says he misses the nights when you two could fall asleep listening to them together. You say you do, too. You ask if the stars are brighter in New York and he makes a joke about light pollution.

The stars aren't out tonight, though. It's just you. Lying on this stone slab as you wait for a cloud to pass and a star to come out and the music to finally start.

Rubbing your spent off on the little carving of a heart Nick had started and never finished filling in with your names.

#nick tag #suicide mention

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wheresthemuffinman · 4 years ago

Text

So I've been really into interactive fiction for a long while and I've finally decided to showcase my various MC(s) over different IFs.

(Who I may have incorporated from my OCs from a series (or at least a universe) I'm working on😌)

Picture made by Picrew (https://picrew.me/image_maker/625951)

This MC is based in Triaina Academy by @leo-interactive-fiction

WARNING: This post is long and doesn't have proper capitalisation at times

*looks at the camera* "This is boring, can I please do something else?"

File: #01 : Triaina Academy

Date of recording:*Data Corrupted*

Interviewee: Melody "Mai" Razor

---------------------PARTICULARS-------------------

Appearance: Hazel eyes that look like topaz in bright light and black hair that reach her shoulders. Wears a pair of red glasses and has a mole below her left eye.

Power: Blood manipulation

Description: Seemingly obedient as first, she'll roll along to anything that happens until it starts to inconvenience her or she gets bored. After that it'll be a 50/50 chance she'll start to mess around or just deviate and do something else entirely.

Doesn't trust easily, but loves to mess around with people by teasing them playfully after warming up to them.

Likes to act like she's running on a single brain cell 24/7, has a habit of running around aimlessly and just exploring places that seem interesting.

She took on the name of "Mai" to abandon her past and start anew. She'll grow to letting go of her abandonment issues and let extremely close friends of use her actual name after a long while.

---------------------VIDEO CUTS---------------------

*The following words appear on the screen: "What do you think about..."*

Emil Dobry

"Em's like the little bro I never had. Though, he tends to be a tad bit too naive for my comfort. We're kinda in troublesome times with cutthroats everywhere and I'm kinda worried he might not be able to make the right call when the going gets tough and I'm not there, you know?"

Notes: Her time as the eldest among her fellow sea urchins when young carried over to the present. She feels responsible for Emil and his happiness. Gets him little trinkets she finds from time to time and he is one of the few people she'll happily do favors for, no questions asked. (The other being a baker who gave her bread occasionally in the past)

Robin Vallenford

"Birdie? He seems alright, can't say much from him at first glance, just know he's hiding something. His fights with Em are a great source of entertainment at times, downright childish on others. On hindsight though, he does bring colour to the whole dorm."

*She tilts a head to the side, leaning back and kicking her feet up midair, grinning slyly*

"I think we'll get along juuust fine."

Notes: She seems to be respectful of Robin and interested in knowning him better. Would gladly play a round of cards with him even if she knew she was going to lose.

Vin Wolfe

*She frowns slightly* "I'm gonna be honest, I didn't think much of Sunshine back in the arena. But when he pulled that gun out I think I nearly lost 10 years of my life. But,"

*She stares at the ceiling thoughtfully*

"He doesn't seem to mean any harm, maybe he just has a few things to work off." *Mumbling* "Bet his aim's really good too, might want to see if he'll teach me."

Notes: She doesn't know what to fully make out of Vin, she's a little put off by the commander title (she's not used to commanding other people at all. She's prefers to operate independently). More than happy to teach him what she knows about academics. Notes to herself to keep an eye out for his sake.

Calls Vin "Sunshine" (at least in her head).

Leah Scio

*Her eyes light up* "Bluejay? She's really pretty and nice, quiet though. She's also pretty much the only other person I know that wears glasses and I think she reads alot! I'd really like to see her collection sometime. She's like Em, but doesn't appear to be naive. Actually, now that I think about it, I can't really compare those two. It's like oranges and pears you'know? She's definitely smarter, and less emotional when there's thinking to be done."

Notes: She enjoys Leah's company and wants to learn from her. One of the very few people she cares about that she goes easy on when fighting (she feels really bad hurting them). Calls her "Bluejay".

---------------------VIDEO CUTS---------------------

*Reading through a folder that has the word "CONFIDENTIAL" on its front* "Ooooo"

*A rough voice can be heard from behind the camera* "Woi, who gave that to 'er? Someone take it away!"

*The folder gets swipped out of her hands from a passer-by* "Wha-Hey! What gives-oh"

*she glances behind the camera and readjusts her voice, flashing a sheepish grin*

"Sorry, got a little distracted there, shall we continue?"

---------------------------------------------------------

Pierce Crater

"Firecracker? Well I don't really have much to say about him that he himself isn't already making obvious."

*She brings a hand up to her chin, posing in mock contemplation*

"He swears alot, jumps to conclusions, and is really prone to resorting to violence to solve his problems. He would honestly make a terrible diplomat."

*She pauses for a few moments, her eyes go distant*

"Though he does seem to put his best into the many things I've seen him do. His position as a representative might be saying something about his leadership...and he is really easy to embarrass...wonder how he fights...?"

Notes: Her attitude towards Pierce seems to change to somewhat more reasonable and surprisingly more careful, a stark contrast to her more playful and nonchalant interactions to her own dormmates. She doesn't seem to trust him much, but she also doesn't realise herself hanging around him more.

Unfortunately for Pierce (or "Firecracker") , she also seems to be increasingly curious about him after this interview. Granted, this was bound to happen sooner than later.

Matthew Crater

*She squints, a faraway look in her eyes*

"Snowflake's a strange one, never really met anyone who passes out so frequently. He's a cute one though, gonna be honest. Friendly too, other than that though, don't really know much else."

Notes: Amicable with Matthew (Nicknamed: "Snowflake"), she doesn't seem to understand much about his...suggestions to wake up. Most likely will nap with him if she catches his sleeping during a break.

Raven

*Her posture tenses slightly, before quickly relaxing*

"Bubbles'...alright. Honestly I'm more surprised by myself for not getting more freaked out. She unpredictable, and smarter than she lets on."

*She shrugs*

"Needs to calm the homocidal vibes though, I'd be more worried about Em when he's around her."

Notes: Slightly unsettled by Raven's (Nickname: "Bubbles") clinginess to her. She is curious on Raven's interest in her, but also slightly wary of what she could do.

Snipper of Scorpion’s Den

*Her smile grows into a wide Chesire-like grin*

"Ah, finally! Snip's unlike the other lot in the academy. Just met 'er and I already love 'er to bits. Not one to detect social cues though, and is a little too loud at times."

*she winks at the camera* "Trust me when I tell ya that if you were to leave us alone for even 2 seconds, and we'll paint the town red."

Notes: She'll never admit it, but Snipper reminds her a little like her old friends on the street, before she found a roof over her head. She misses them, the people who shaped her and that she'll never see again, making the times she and Snipper hang out sometimes slightly more melancholic.

Outside that though, she's more than willing to watch Snipper testing on something or just working on Sandy.

Fray De Forêt

*She bites her lip, giving a wistful smile*

"Liliac's alright, I don't hate her, she's just a little bit of a snob. Then again, I've never really talked to nobility before, so maybe I should save the judgement for later."

*She stops and smiles slightly at the ceiling*

"Though, she does have a certain respect for nature. I can understand that. The forests hide so many secrets and animals, what's not to love about it?"

Note: She's doesn't really have many feelings towards Fray( Nicknamed: "Liliac"), though she respects her power. She'll listen to her demands and maaaybe oblige them, but she'll be damned if she gives Fray full control over her.

-------------Video freezes, a static of the TV hums, before the screen cuts off into darkness------------

---------------------VIDEO ENDS---------------------

#triaina academy #I wanted to have a some fun while presenting and have decided to make an archive of taped interviews regarding all my OCs.#this includes the ones I've made for my original universe (so it'd be more like AUs for these characters #this includes Mai)#The Archived Tapes #Mai #File 01 #This was my first time making this and this really was fun #The things not centred and I typed this all on mobile I'll fix these later #just realised I have a test to study for but my singular brain cell went: lol nope I wanna write something #so here I am #thanks if you read up to here #it means alot

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years ago

Text

Poor Little Anxious Crybaby (Pt.9)

-------------------------

Feel like I should clarify for those of you who havent seen the full post about it: this is based on the K-12 and Crybaby albums by Melanie Martinez, this is not my original idea and the storyline for each part is taken from there, with the exception of my own edits to the story

--------------------------------

Virgil had been throwing a abnormal amount of parties now that Brennan had been gone for two weeks. It was more concerning that he continued to make cakes and decorations and get dressed up when no one attended these events. When Patton had begun to get concerned Emile had merely told him that Virgil was likely replacing his feelings of loneliness with the format of a social event, even if socializing wasnt included.

Virgil liked going to the store alone, it was big and the aisles were fun to run around in, especially since hardly anyone shopped there. The boy at the counter was rather tall, with messy brown hair that had a white streak right at the front, and the beginnings of a mustache, and red eyes. Virgil tended to ask him about his eyes, he liked them a lot, they reminded him of blood.

After about four visits the boy finally told Virgil that his name was Remus, he was fifteen, and he had a brother named Roman. The brother's name sounded familiar, but Virgil couldnt quite figure out how, Roman was never at the store, Remus said he was home sick, and couldnt really do much anyways.

"So what's the theme today?" Remus said as Virgil shoved a stack of decorations over the counter.

"Carnival," Virgil said simply, fishing for his wallet as Remus rang up the streamers and table cloth.

"What do you do with all this party stuff when you're done anyways?" Remus said.

"Put it in recycling, duh," Virgil said. As they were talking the sound of an ice cream truck came from outside, both boys turned their heads and watched it part.

The man running the truck was tall and hairy, he looked almost like a wolf, he was skinnier than you'd expect a wolf to be, though. He walked past the boys at the counter, seemingly not noticing either of them. Virgil finished paying for his things and ran out of the store, excited to get started on the party.

The truck and the man seemed to make routine appearances at the store now, each time passing Virgil and Remus like they werent even there.

"What's he buy anyways?" Virgil said, before the truck had arrived. He'd been deliberating what to make for the party that night when they'd landed on the subject of ice cream, which lead to the current topic.

"More ice cream to fill the truck, you'd think he'd have some already but nope, always comes in for more, and all kinds of other sweets to, I bet those are the toppings," Remus said, shrugging. The two of them stopped as they heard the familiar music, Virgil quickly rushing off to the dessert aisle, hoping he might be able to get some more information on the man.

He heard his footsteps, and watched out of the corner of his eye as the man picked out some different types of ice cream.

"I've heard people like that cotton candy stuff," Virgil muttered out of the corner of his mouth, shuffling over to another section of desserts, pretending to examine another cake. The man merely grunted and selected a few more types before walking up to the counter. Virgil waited until the truck had left before he approached Remus again.

"Anything weird?" He said, sliding his stuff over to the taller boy.

"Nope, same as usual, I grunt less than him in bed. You'd think he'd say hello in one language or another huh," Remus said. Virgil chose to ignore the comment.

"Do you think we should tell someone? He has a pretty clear routine, and no one should have to come back daily if they're buying that much stuff at once right?" Virgil said.

Remus thought on this for a bit before nodding. "I'll tell my parents and you tell yours," he said, bagging the last of Virgil's things and handing them to him.

Patton and Emile had taken the information about as well as Virgil had expected them to.

"Listen to me very carefully Vivi, do not get any ice cream from that truck and dont talk to that man again, Emmy and I will see if we can get someone to investigate the situation," Patton had his hands on Virgil's shoulders, the batter they'd been mixing completely forgotten in the background.

This worked out well, for about a week or so. It was a sunny Friday, there were birds resting on the roof of the store. Virgil had just finished ringing up when the truck pulled up.

"Virgil?" Remus said, there was a tone of urgency in his voice.

"Remus? Is something wrong?" Remus didnt say anything, merely held up a vial of reddish black liquid with a skull etched into the glass, and slipped it into Virgil's pocket.

"Run," was all Remus said before he shoved Virgil toward the door.

Virgil hadnt quite gotten the clue until he was outside, and until he noticed the man hadnt stopped his truck until after he'd gotten outside. Virgil took off almost as soon as the door opened. Heart pounding and looking in all directions, hoping to find a way to confuse the man.

Virgil turned a corner, thinking it would lead back into the neighborhood, but instead he was faced with a wall. He jumped up on one of the trash cans on the side of the alley and attempted to grab hold of something nearby he could use to hoist himself onto the top of the wall. But just as he got into the air he felt something grab onto his leg. He tried struggling his way out, kicking and screaming and trying to free his arms to bash his attacker in the eyes. But the man was much stronger than Virgil was. Virgil felt something cold against his mouth, ice cream, the cotton candy flavor he'd mentioned before. He closed his mouth tighter, but he'd already managed to get a taste of it during one of the screaming matches. He felt drowsy, and then everything went blurry as he was thrown into the back of the truck. It was cold, to cold, he tried to stay awake, tried to find a window that he could climb out of, but he couldnt move anything. He heard three words before he went completely unconscious.

Alongside the flash of a symbol he recognized from Mr. Black's work assignments, "Tag, You're It,"

And then everything was dark.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@meowthefluffy

@youtuberswithalex

@faycanyons

@melodiread

@thefivecalls

@luna--28

@sleepless-emo

@deathcanbegreat

@spooky-scary-virgil

@boobmaster69

@thecolorfulolive

@maryann-draws

@frog-candy-bee

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lobster-peach · 5 years ago

Text

The Girls Bathroom

•••

Part 1

Part 2 -

This is a short story I wrote for my 10th grade creative writing class and I thought I'd share:)

*trigger warnings*

Eating disorders

Mental disorders

Drug/alcohol use

Violence

Child predator/abuse mention

Implied suicide

Another night without sleep. It’s growing less uncommon now. I’ve taken so many things to help me sleep, you’d be surprised that something hasn’t worked by now.

My window is open. I’ve always liked it that way. It lets the night time air into my room, and it fills my lungs with the sweetest scent, that if it were bottled, I would keep it on me at all times. I’d be the girl people would ask what perfume I was wearing. I’d be the one they complimented. I’d be the one they talked to, in an admiring way.

The smell reminds me of my childhood home. It reminds me of the smell of a thick and damp forest. It reminds me of the silent happy times. I let the night breeze create ripples in my curtains.

And It’s peaceful.

It’s peaceful to watch a force of nature calmly move something as simple as a sheer white window curtain to the beat of its own rhythm. To make it move like it’s dancing in water.

I’m writing all my thoughts down again, like I do every time my mind won’t sleep. I’ve noticed that everything feels so surreal at these times. Everything is quiet, the moon is the only light source in sight, the wind making the only other movement besides myself, and the world is still. I lay on my back and stare up at the ceiling, just stare and think about the world, and about life. Stress comes and goes at these times but it usually doesn’t stay that long.

I think about my family, about myself, about strangers. I wonder if strangers do this too? Do they wear themselves out in the adventure we call curiosity?

I keep asking questions until I finally fall asleep to the sun peaking over the mountains.

...

I haven’t been to school in weeks. I haven’t actually left my room in weeks either, if you’re not counting the trips to the bathroom. I feel like I've just been a whirlpool of emotions. One second I feel fine, and the next I feel like I’m in someone else’s body, wanting to scream. But today- today is the day I’m changing that.

I get up, take a shower, and apply the minimum amount of makeup I actually have.

No one is awake in the house, so I slip out without a sound.

If I’m honest, I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to go to school now, because the second I stepped through the glass doors, I was bombarded with shouts, shoves, and the smell of axe body spray. But right as I was about to turn around, get back into my car, and drive far, far away from this hell-hole, the vice principal noticed me. I saw the shock, and excitement light up in her eyes.

She made a b-line for me.

There was no escape.

...

After an hour or so of sitting and listening to her gush about how much the school had missed me, and that if I "Ever needed anything to come talk to her, or any of the school faculty", I was able to leave her office. If I knew that I would get this bombarded with unwanted attention, I would have never left my house in the first place.

I would just dwell in the thought that I would have to make a living becoming a fast food worker, or selling my body to Sin City herself.

But that would still be better than this.

...

The brick walls of the school seemed to piss me off even more than they used to now. They seemed to mock me, to make me feel like even more of a failure, with their posters of encouragement and activities. I headed into the girls bathroom to take a breather. Everything starting to kick in. I dashed into a stall and let my empty stomach empty itself even more. Nothing had actually happened to trigger any sort of panic, and I hated myself for it even more. I hated the fact that I couldn't be around people with no filters. I hated that I couldn't sit still in class. I hated that I couldn't just be normal. And now I'm just sitting on the floor trying not to think. But then I hear a knock, and a voice, gently, and quietly asking if I'm alright. My eyes widen. I don't know why I didn't think I would be the only one in a public highschool's girl's bathroom. Theres a part of me that hopes if I stay silent then whoever it was on the other side of the door would go away. But the voice comes back a second time. Still quiet, still gentle, but more urgent. Sounding like they were actually worried. Coming to the conclusion that I can't hide, I stand up and open the door to see one of the school's cheerleaders, Vanny. Her real name was Savannah, but everyone only ever called her Vanny. She looked as surprised as I was when she saw who was standing in front of her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bother you. I just heard.. gagging, and I wanted to make sure that whoever it was, was alri-”

I quickly cut her off.

“It’s okay! Really!”

Wow, I sound flustered.

“I just needed to let some things…uh… out.”

She let out a small breathy laugh at that.

“Yeah, I can tell.” she said

I can just feel the temperature in my cheeks raise at record breaking speed. My internal panic growing with it.

“I- uh- sorry…”

God, I'm a mess.

She lets out another laugh at that, but this time something that looked somewhat like sympathy showed in her eyes.

“Don’t be sorry. Really. I get it. It happens to me too.”

I gape at her a little.

But not so much that she would notice. Or at least I hope I so.

What on earth is happening.

But before I can even finish that thought, she's speaking again.

“I haven’t seen you around all year. I didn’t think about it that much till now. Do you wanna talk about it?”

She didn't wait for an answer and made her way into the handicap stall and sat against the wall. She just gestures for me to do the same. Part of me wonders if this was some kind of joke. If she had people outside the girls bathroom just waiting to torment me. But against my better judgement, I sit. I can't figure out how I am supposed to act, sit, or even breath. Is there even a right way to handle this?

She begins talking about her history with depression and anxiety. And normally when I hear someone say they have it, it’s not actually the “real deal” if you will. It’s just someone who thinks that it’s the end of the world when something unexpected and bad pops up in their life.

And I know it sounds terrible to judge a person like that, but it's just how things tend to be around here.

But she, she wasn’t like that.

She tells me everything. How she can’t sleep at night, so she goes on drives. And how she finds that puking her guts out, nasty and as toxic as it seems, feels a little like a release. She tells me about her “friends” and how much she wishes that she could talk to them about everything that’s going on. She just tells me everything. Every feeling she gets. Every reason a tear sometimes slips from her brown eyes.

Everything.

I didn’t know that a person could feel the same way I did. I didn’t know that I could understand a stranger more than myself in just 30 minutes.

These talks become a regular thing for us. After our second period classes, while the rest of the school left for lunch, we would go into the girls bathroom on the second floor. Into the handicap stall on the far right. And we would talk about everything.

Vanny was kind. She held the door for me when we were together, she spoke to me like a real person rather than a joke, and she felt like home. There were days however, where she didn’t talk to me. She would send me apologetic glances from across the room so I tried not to think too much about it. I understood. She had a reputation to uphold. And I wasn’t apart of that. If I was, everyone would think of it as a joke. That she was just getting close to me to make fun of me. That was the part I worried about.

I just wanted to mean something more to her than that.

I just wanted a friend.

Everyday that I spent with Vanny lead me into a deeper spiral of what I would call bliss. It was almost like, any trouble I had, any insecurity I had, she could instantly wash away with one look.

...

I was stopped at an intersection driving home from school, when I noticed the people in the car in beside me were fighting. I didn’t want to invade their privacy, but then I noticed who was sat in the passenger seat. Vanny. The guy, was much older. Dark grey hair, and stubble across his chin. He had his hand on her thigh. I couldn’t see what his expression was clearly, but I had a pretty solid guess. Vanny looked very uncomfortable, she slapped his hand away and said something with her brows furrowed. The guy just laughed and put his hand back. She tried to push it away again but the guy wouldn’t budge.

I decided to try calling her to make sure she was alright but the phone went straight to voicemail. I started to panic. I didn’t know what to do. I started to roll down the window and shout but the light finally changed to green and the car sped off. I wanted to change lanes and potentially follow them, but I couldn’t with all of the traffic of eager teeangers wanting to go home after a long day. I tried to try calling a few more times, but failed to get any sort of answer.

My phone was hot from being pressed to my cheek for so long. I got home and the house was empty once again. This time though, my heart sank. I didn’t know who to ask about what I should do.

Me, in my panicked state decided to call the police.

I started blurting out everything that happened but it didn’t help. Without the guys name, plate number, or address, there was nothing they could do besides go to Vanny’s house and see if she was there and OK.

I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing with all of the possible things that could be happening right then to my Vanny.

No.

Not my Vanny.

Just Vanny.

I got a call from the police station just hours later. They told me she was safe at home and that I had no reason to worry.

Everything was fine.

...

I still however rushed to school the next morning, calling and texting her trying to get some sort of insight to if she was really alright. I kept tapping my foot all through my first two periods. My mind couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than the thought of Vanny.

She needed to be okay.

What felt like years of waiting for that wretched bell to signal my release from this prison of unmatched bricks and books, it rang.

I all but ran to the second floor bathroom. And let me tell you, I have never been so happy to hear someone crying. I knocked on the door precisely six times to let her know it was me. I heard her shuffle and stand up. When the door unlocked I rushed in to hug her.

Her face was tear stained, but her eyes were empty.

We sat down and I held her.

Everything just felt... wrong.

I didn't know how to ask her what happened.

I didn't know if I even should.

She felt so fragile in my arms, that I was scared I would break her by saying anything else.

We sat in the bathroom in silence for the rest of the day.

I just let her cry.

At the end of the day I offered to take her home but she fervently said no.

I took her to my house instead, only so I could make sure she was safe.

...

The car ride home was quiet. I was waiting for the right time to ask her about what had happened but I still just didn't know how.

She had stopped crying hours ago but she kept the same empty look in her eyes.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye, just staring at the passing houses.

Her brown hair falling over her shoulders like silk.

I finally spoke up.

"Savannah, what happened?"

She jumped at the sudden sound of my voice.

I couldn't tell if she was going to answer or start crying again.

She was so unreadable.

But her dry lips parted, and her voice rasped out.

"My..."

She breathed out, sounding so wounded.

I had pulled the car into an empty grocery store parking lot and faced her.

"My stepfather... tried t-to...."

She couldn't finish. Her eyes welled up again with tear and she broke.

Her face buried in her hands.

I didn't know what to say.

So many thoughts were racing through my head.

I couldn't speak.

I just stared at her completely horrified.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

She lifted her face and looked me in the eyes.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"Vanny we have to call the cops we-"

"No!" She yelled, I had never heard her yell.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone. Not your family, not any teachers, not the police."

She was urgently begging me.

"Vanny I can't just let this be. This is serious. He needs to be put in prison for this-"

"Please." She said once more.

"Please."

I looked at her.

Red, wide, eyes staring deep into my soul.

"I-I can't..."

...

I called the police once we got to my house explaining everything.

They got a warrant to search Vanny's stepdad's things and found digital folders of child pornography. They didn't have enough to charge him with the assault, but the files were enough to put him away.

When it happened, Vanny didn't speak to me for weeks.

She was convinced I had betrayed her.

But she eventually came back.

#wlw advice #wlw aesthetic #wlw blog #wlw mood #wlw post

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justinsdaysinthedark · 5 years ago

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Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx

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lucidlucy · 8 years ago

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I've been saving this prompt, but I can't imagine anyone else doing it better, and you can combine it with others!: Reylo or Reyux -- Rey falls in love first.

Your wish is granted! I am also combining this one with @mabellewind ‘s prompt Hux is Rey’s dancing teacher. And I’m using it as my entry for Day 1 of Reyux Week (and day 2? since it’s dancing?) … is this cheating or amazing multitasking?

Sway Me Slowly

She doesn’t remember when it happened, or how it started, that falling in love thing. She remembers when the habit of staring had started, though. On her very first day.

The first time she’d shown up to the dance studio had been… an interesting experience, to say the least. Rey walked in through the doors only to be met by a pair of sharp blue eyes gazing at her from under a deep frown. Her mind quickly started filling in the rest of the details.

Freckles, red hair, a ramrod straight posture and slender limbs that spoke of dancing.

“The studio is closed for the day,” he’d said matter of factly. “Our hours are posted on the door.”

She’d immediately recoiled, moving to withdraw on cold feet. This had been a bad idea. She should have never listened to Poe and Finn when they told her she needed a hobby. She could pick up reading, crocheting, or any other activity that did not include being examined like a bug.

“Sorry,” she’d mumbled, “I’ll just… I’ll just go now.”

“Well, seeing as you’re already here,” he’d said, steps clicking as he moved forward, “Can I help you with something?”

She’d turned and gotten an up close and personal look at those eyes, though, and that’s when the habit had formed. She’d been off the mark upon first assessment.

“Ah,” she said, trying to avert her eyes and backtrack, having forgotten her excuse mid-word. “Uhm.”

“Yes?”

Uppity man. An uppity man with eyes the color of storm clouds, pale and piercing, and very much trained on her.

“I— sorry about dropping by late. Work just let out and…”

He had waited patiently, or… not. At least, he’d looked patient, yet his lips had pursed for a second and Rey had decided she could pick up crocheting after all. Yet his eyes wouldn’t let her leave, gluing the soles of her shoes to the granite floor as effectively as if she’d walked into wet cement.

“I was told about this place by friends and, well, decided to check it out and see if I could sign up for..lessons..” she’d finished, the sentence ending on a timid whisper in the face of his incessant examination.

“I see.”

I see. That’s all. What kind of answer—

“But uhm, the schedule conflicts so…” she’d nodded her head as if to say sorry, hefting her bag and looking at the door. “I’ll just go.”

“Would you like private lessons?”

Her head snapped back. “Is that a thing?”

His head tilted a single degree, leaving her feeling like an idiot. Of course there would have been private lessons. This is a dance studio, after all.

“What’s your name?” he’d asked.

Rey cleared her throat, trying to simultaneously keep herself from hunching over and from croaking out her name.

“Rey Jakken.”

“Hux.” He’d said for an introduction, “Follow me, miss Jakken.”

He’d left her to follow, and Rey had finally breathed, the pressure pushing down on her lifting as she watched him walk with a purposeful stride, reminding herself that it’s just dancing. Forget about her soon to be instructor’s unnervingly clear eyes and air of cold superiority. Or maybe she’d just read too much into it. She’d only interacted with this man for exactly four minutes. Sure, he’s not like Poe or Finn, warm and gentle, but she’s here for lessons, not matchmaking—

“Do you have a preference?”

Her head snapped up. “Excuse me?”

“On a dance…”

“Oh!”

And that’s how her dancing lessons had started, with a lot of awkward bumps and with Rey feeling rather stupid more than once, still a little skeptical that this haughty, stiff man with a stick up his ass could have a single bone for dancing in his body.

Until she’d seen him dance, that is, muscles stretching and contracting, limbs moving with such fluidity it should be illegal.

The rest of that has been lost between her sign up sheets and tap dancing lessons. Every Thursday Rey would show up, be asked what she’d like to learn today, and watch as her disapproving teacher cocked an eyebrow every time she said I don’t know. Eventually it had become a game, one he’d caught onto when she’d shrug her shoulders and he’d shake his head, suggesting something new.

Rey now knew how to waltz, had the basic gist of tap dancing down even if she felt like an elephant on stilts when attempting complicated sequences, so very different from her nimble teacher. More than once she’d fallen on her ass, sprained an ankle, or stepped on his feet yet he still continued to patiently help her up off the floor, walk her through the steps again, and even go so far as to sit her down and personally ice her leg once.

And still she’d kept staring, and perhaps that’s when the feelings of love bloomed. He never once looked away. Rey could look him in the eye for twenty minutes and she bet he’d just stand there and let her. That had kept her coming back, even with a sprained ankle, his quiet gaze shifting from unnerving to enthralling with every session. That’s as far as she dares go, though, even now, drawing the line of propriety clearly in her mind in red ink.

When she shows up after work the lights in the studio are on. It’s so much nicer than opening the door to a dark reception hall like she’d had that first time. She muses he must have forgotten to lock the doors that one time, and doesn’t fate work in funny ways? She steps towards the studio doors sitting ajar on a beam of light, trying to be as quiet as possible.

When she looks in, she finds him practicing.

Ballet.

Every step of his, every turn, every extended muscle as he lifts an arm and draws it down slowly makes her ache. Still, though, it’s two to eight, and her teacher hates tardiness. Rey clears her throat.

“You’re here,” Hux greets. His greetings are never warm, but she’s learned to recognize them as friendly, at least. She drops her bag by the door and steps forward. “What would you like to do today?”

“I don’t know.”

Hux arches an eyebrow but his lips twitch, and Rey allows herself a small smile. There it is, their game.

“Is your ankle feeling better?”

“Much.”

Hux steps forward and her heart starts beating wildly. It’s a conditioned response to his proximity, driving her wild and insane all at once. Rey tries to calm it down, but it doesn’t work very well when Hux takes her hand and leads her to the center of the floor, facing the mirrors.

“Would you like to continue our tango practice?” he asks.

Rey’s heart stammers.

The last time they’d tried to Tango she’d made a fool of herself, the sudden intimate proximity making her head swim. It had been hard to follow instructions then, but she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that the thought makes her spine tingle. Hux takes the flush of her cheeks for assent before dropping her hand and walking towards the sound system. He turns it on and walks back on the first few notes, then positions himself behind her.

“Alright,” he says. “We’ll take it slow.”

That promise shouldn’t twist her insides like it does. Rey nods.

True to his word, however, they go through the steps slowly. Rey wraps one hand around the back of his neck and steps close, and Hux places one on the spot between her shoulder blades, the other holding onto her free hand firmly, assuming his position as he steps forward and she moves back.

One. Two. Three.

He spins her slowly, one hand to the hip, instructing her on the kick she must make to the side then behind his knee. It brings their hips just a little closer. Rey swallows.

“Look at me, miss Jakken,” Hux dips in to whisper in her ear. “There’s nothing beautiful about looking at my feet while one does the tango.”

Doing the t—

Rey clears her throat rapidly, looking up and meeting his gaze. He smiles approvingly then spins her in quick succession, and she knows that as her cue to hook a leg around his thigh so she can be dragged or lose her balance, but all she can think of is the fact that she’s spread wide open like a flower against him and her cheeks are flaming hot. When he finally puts an end to the spin and she’s allowed to drop her leg, he once again sways them both at a more sedate pace.

“Good, miss Jakken.”

The praise falls too soft on her ears. Her flush deepens.

Hux twists her again, making her face the mirrors, and looks at her through their reflection. Rey tries to look away. She’d never been one to blush like a blossoming teenager, but this man had a way of turning her insides to putty.

“Look at me,” he once again instructs against the shell of her ear, leaving no room for argument. Rey’s eyes snap back. He finally gives her a smile.

It’s a rare thing, that smile.

“Good, miss Jakken.”

The hand on his hip moves down her thigh, then up in a sensual dip before he moves to take her other arm, long fingers trailing her bicep then hooking her hand behind his neck, dipping to move his nose into the crook of her elbow and gently caress there. It’s a move she’d seen in videos, thought nothing of, and continued studying the steps. Now, being forced to watch, it makes her knees feel weak. Hux presses against her hip, making her step back. She might die, her brain already preparing for crashing into his groin, but much to her relief— and disappointment— he moves back with her. They do another small circuit before stepping up to the mirror again.

“Very good, miss Jakken.”

Rey tries to smile but the thudding of her pulse makes it kind of hard to concentrate, so she looks down at her toes as he counts out their steps.

“Didn’t I say—” he begins. Rey immediately looks up again, wincing at the reminder. Hux shakes his head slightly and sways them from side to side a moment longer than necessary.

“Would you rather we danced to something else?” he asks. “We can always go back to tap dancing.”

She shakes her head so fast her buns slap him in the face, but he doesn’t seem to notice. If anything a small smirk settles on the right corner of his mouth.

“You seem uncomfortable.”

“No! It’s not— It’s not that. It’s just…” Rey croaks then rasps her throat clear, wondering if she should say something or stay silent. If she says something, she might ruin whatever this is. If she doesn’t…well, if she doesn’t he might just think she’s unwilling to learn and—

And what? Take back the lessons?

“It’s just what?” he presses, turning her around. They’re still dancing, but it’s no longer the complicated sequence of steps she knows come after this. Rey takes in a shuddery breath.

“It’s just, when you look at me like that, it’s hard to… it’s hard to think.”

“Oh?”

Rey could die. She could die from embarrassment right this moment. He sounds amused.

“So I look away.” She explains. “It’s not that I don’t want to learn, I just—”

What comes out of his mouth next is not what she’d expected.

“Don’t do that.”

Rey finally looks up, brows knitting together. Before she can say anything else, though, Hux leans in and gently presses his lips to her ear.

“You have very pretty eyes, Miss Jakken. I enjoy them. I look forward to seeing them. Don’t deprive me of the pleasure.” When he leans back out his expression is perfectly composed. “Now, shall we continue?”

#reyux #prompt fill #hux x rey #hux #rey #thatfinalgasp #mabellewind #reyuxweek2017

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olivyh · 4 years ago

Text

Into Wonderland Chapter Five: Pomefiore part One

TW: Violence and descriptions of death

Mc coughs and sputters, sand flying out of their mouth and landing on the soft grass in front of them. They gag as they spit more and more out of their mouth, recoiling at the foul taste it left in their mouth.

"That..." They groan. "Was the worst one yet. He had good intentions, but..." They trail off when they hear a soft lullaby in the distance. Mc looks at the woods around them, then their eyes trail up the massive castle they woke up in front of. The old stone is cleaned to perfection, the large stained glass windows reflecting the bright sunlight and casting colorful shadows across the small garden they stand in. Even the vines seem to spiral up the walls and the flowers attached to them seem to blossom perfectly, not a single petal wilting or discolored.

The voice continues to sing, the soft song turning into a melancholy one as Mc creeps through the garden, running their hand along the smooth stone. They turn and see a small boy, his delicate face twisted into a sad smile as he sings into an old wishing well. Despite his clothes being tattered and worn, his soft features remind Mc of a cherub, with his light brown eyes reflecting the water down below, dark hair contracting with his pale skin that sparkles in the sun.

He was the prettiest boy Mc had ever seen.

Turning the corner, they lightly call out to him. "U-uhm, hello!" They boy jumps up, face flushing a light pink before he smiles fondly at them.

"Oh, hello!" He slowly walks up to them, bowing his head slightly. He stares up at them with his doe-like eyes, making them stammer as something moves in the woods out of the corner of their eye. They jolt and look over, only to see the same forest that had always been there. Taking a shaky sigh, they decide to try to talk to the boy again.

"Your voice is very nice to listen to..." They compliment. The boy beams.

"You think so? That's so good to hear!" He chirps happily. The birds in the garden seem to mimic him with their own chirps, circling around the boy happily. "You look lost, though. Is something the matter?"

Mc smiles and nods. "Yes, I've actually been trying to find my way home for quite some time now-"

"Oh! I can help you with that!" They boy grabs their hands and leads them past the wishing well, pushing the heavy wooden door open and leading them through the castle. They stare at the various paintings on the walls. Flowers, vast, empty fields, sparkling gemstones. They pause when they see a painting of a regal looking man, his purple eyes staring down at the duo sharply, corners of his perfectly painted lips quirked up in a smile that would be friendly, if it weren't for the way the rest of his face appeared scrutinizing. They boy noticed their stares and smiled, pulling their hand and pointing up at the man.

"He's very beautiful, isn't he?" Mc nods in agreement. "That's my stepbrother, Vil Schoenheit. He's been running this house since our parents both..." He trails off, lip quivering. Mc tries to comfort him by rubbing his shoulder. He smiles up at them and continues to leads them through the hallway.

"Oh! I never told you my name!" He turns to them and ducks his head in another bow. "I'm Neige LeBlanche!"

"Mc Crowley," They smile at him. He nods and continues to lead them until they're stopped by a tall man wearing a large, wide brimmed hat. He smiles down at Mc, placing a hand over his heart and kneeling down. He smiles up at them widely, bright green eyes making them wary of the man's actions.

"Pardon, dear guest," He turns back to Neige and smiles at the boy. "Ma reine requested assistance in preparing his robes for the meeting with the nobles tomorrow."

"Ah, right," They boy nods. "Uhm, Rook?"

"Hm?"

"Could you please help Mc here try to find their way home? I was just bringing them to Vil to see if he had anything-"

"Why of course!" The man exclaims rather loudly, making Mc shrink back a bit. He turns to Mc as Neige prances away. "Now if you'd follow me, mon petit oiseau."

Mc nods and scampers close behind the man, who's long strides make it difficult for them to follow. He leads them deeper into the castle, where the sunlight struggles to reach and the once welcoming stone interior feels cold and distant. They turn the corner and Mc notices a soft yellow light shining under a large oak door, followed by swearing and the sound of a mirror shattering. Rook freezes, holding his hand out to the side to stop them.

They look up at him as he places a gloved finger over his mouth and motions for them to stay where they are. They gulp and nod, anxiety clawing at their chest as the man enters the room. Mc peeks around the corner, struggling to see through the small crack the man had left in the door. There stands the same man from the painting, except this time his perfect makeup is smudged across his eye as he takes deep, steadying breaths. His long purple robes sweep the floor as he strides over to a large vanity, frustratedly running his fingers over the smudges and fixing it up in the large mirror.

"Ma reine, whatever is troubling you?" Rook stands behind the man, delicately fixing the long braids that had come loose in the back on his head. The man continues to fume again, hands shaking as he slowly puts down the lipstick he was ready to apply.

"My hunter-" The man begins, turning in his plush chair. "I need you to kill the boy." Mc covers their mouth with their hands, fear rising in their chest.

"Whatever for, mon chéri?"

"The mirror had said it again- I cannot let him beat me once more." He says simply. "I need you to end it here."

"Hear my pleas, I beg of you," The blonde tries to stand in front of the beautiful man, who scowls at him. "Can't you just lock him away? Why must you end his life so soon?"

"It would do no good for him to keep him in that kind of misery," Mc feels their eyes start to water a bit as they imagine the kind boy stuck in a cold dungeon, or his body laying cold in a coffin. "I cannot allow him to live the life I had until now, Rook."

"That is why you must end it now."

The man tips his hat again, emerald eyes turns towards and ground and lips twitching into a frown.

"Of course, ma reine." He leaves the room and closes the door behind him with a soft thud, grabbing Mc's arm rather harshly and dragging them along in silence. They wince as the pressure becomes almost too much to bear and they try to pull it back.

"Rook, please!" They yank their arm back, making the man freeze. He stares at them apologetically, ducking his head.

"My apologies," He says, once bright voice hollow.

"Rook, you don't have to do this! There had to be another way!" They almost beg. "We can- we-" They stutter, waving their arms around. "He-"

Rook's eyes light up and he grabs both their shoulders in his hands, holding them out in front of them, a relieved smile crossing his face.

"That's it!" He cheers, rather loudly. Mc freezes, hoping they were far enough from Vil that he didn't hear it. "I'm begging you- take the boy and run into the woods..." He kneels in front of them, grasping their hands in his. "Take him as far as possible and never come back, keep him safe-"

Mc stammers and tries to get him to stand, pulling at his robes and trying to hoist him up. "O-of course! But..." They pause. "Will you be okay? What if Vil finds out?"

The hunter shakes his head. "What he will do to me doesn't hold a candle to what that poor boy would have been put through, so please, as fast as possible-" The man grabs them and leads them to a more desolate a run down part of the castle, pushing them into a small bedroom.

Neige jumps and smiles at them, standing up from his position on the floor. Mc gulps and feels a bead of sweat form on their forehead as they grab the confused boy's hands and pull him up, stammering.

"Neige, we need to go!" They grab a small bag that sits at the foot of his bed and hands it out to him. "You're in danger, so please, come with me!"

"In danger?" The boy yelps. "W-what about Vil? Is he okay?"

"Yes! Yes!" They push him to pack what little things he owned, throwing whatever food they could find into a separate bag. "Rook is taking care of him." Their voice breaks as they grab the boys hand and sprint out the castle, bags in hand. They jump over roots and under pathways, experience from the Savanah kicking in. Thankfully, all those hunting expeditions improved their endurance greatly.

Neige on the other hand is panting and gasping for air by the time they finally settle down. He collapses to the ground, hands shaking as he chokes and coughs into his hand, face flushed and sweat drenching his dirty clothes. Mc hands him a flask of water they'd collected from a nearby stream and he gulps it down greedily, hands shaking too badly to hold it straight to his mouth.

The forest around them is dark, and they hear all sorts of odd sounds coming from the trees above them. The boy seems to notice this, curling into himself and shaking.

Mc climbs a nearby tree, scanning the forest for a place they could set up camp. They see a pillar of smoke rise in the distance and climb back down, seeing the boy's unconscious form slumped against an old stump, water canister spilling out onto the ground.

"Neige?!" They yelp, reaching for the boy's shoulders and shaking him. He wakes with a gasp, features softening when he realizes that it was only them. He tries to sit up but his legs give out under him, too weak to stand on their own.

"How much farther?" He whispers, voice shaking.

"Not too much. There's a house nearby we can stay in for the night-" The boy nods and, with Mc's help, stands, leaning against them for support. They hobble over to the cabin, deciding to open the door and sneak in after nobody answered their heavy knocks. They sit Neige down on a wooden chair, wetting a washcloth and handing it to him before getting another for themselves.

They look over to see the now sleeping boy curled up across the length of all the small beds, taking up half of them despite being in a ball.

Mc reaches over and lays on their side, back to back with the boy as they let exhaustion take over, eyelids heavy as they let sleep take them.

I’m linking the other parts here since for some reason it’s not letting me link them in the masterlist!

#pomefiore #twisted wonderland #twst fanfic #twst scenarios #twisted wonderland headcannons #epel felmier #rook hunt #neige leblanche #vil schoenheit

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