#my own father hasn't said anything. and yes i hate him but he's not even trying

[settingorange]

Trying to be normal about the fact that nobody on my dad's side of the family has commented on my engagement or interacted with the Facebook post

[seldomscilence16]

Day 26:

Nightmares

Breakfast Table | Parting words regret | “I’m haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.” (Poe, Haunted)

Fandom: Trolls

Alt:

Survivors Guilt

Fandom: Trolls

Inspired by: @hey-hey-j Whether You’re a Brother

...

..

Branch was a lonely child.

He had school, and friends, but he never… he never felt like he quite connected with them the way the others did. He worried more, and smiled a lot less, and didn’t have a home life that was normal and bright and cheery.

He loved his parents. He loved his grandma. He loved his friends.

But Branch was different, and it felt isolating.

Until something changed.

His parents come home one night, his mother looks more tired than usual but offers him a smile nonetheless, his father still ruffles his hair, it's normal.

He’s cooked dinner this time though, he’d been practicing with Grandma and was confident in his skills for this particular meal- Grandma said he could only get better the longer he tried. It was a surprise, and thankfully a well received one.

“Oh, Branch, did you do all this?” His mother puts a hand to her chest in awe, smiling down at him softly.

“Yep! ‘Cause you guys work so hard, I wanted to do my part too!” He says proudly, his own smile one of his wider ones.

His parents share a look that has it dimming, he quickly looks everything over to see if he’d forgotten something.

“Branch, can I ask you a very important question?” His father asks suddenly, starling Branch as he whips back around.

“Of course!” His face sets into a serious look, ears perked to listen intently.

They kneel down, a calloused hand falling on his shoulder as the two adults level him with their own severe looks,

“Can you be a big boy for us Branch? Do something very important for us while we’re at work? The most important thing you could ever do for us?” His fathers voice holds no room for hesitance, this is a yes or no answer and one that will shape how his night will go, how his future will go.

His brows furrow in thought, looking to his mother for some kind of clue at this task they want from him, but it looks like they both need his answer first. And Branch isn't one to want to fail his parents,

“Yes, I can do it.” He keeps his voice even despite his apprehension, a determination shining in his eyes to prove himself.

“Then you’re going to have a very important job now too.” His mother begins, reaching into her hair and pulling from it the last thing Branch expected.

A small egg. Beautiful swirls of pinks and reds and teals with a tuft of magenta hair atop it. It's the most amazing thing he’s ever seen.

“You’re a big brother now. Which means you gotta take care of and protect your little sibling at all times.” She places the egg in his arms, and he cradles it close with gentle but secure arms, “Can you do that?”

“I won't let anything happen to them.” Branch’s eyes are wide with awe as he stares at the precious life.

And just like that, his world changed.

He was too small to hold the egg in his hair, he’s cautious to leave his pod because of it, but he goes places here and there. Grandma’s pod is always welcoming and he sees the other kids on the way, it's good enrichment- he thinks that's a good word to use but the teacher hasn't given the full definitions yet.

By the time Floyd hatches, Branch has a handle on this big brother thing.

His parents are so proud, and Grandma comes by all the time! And Floyd is an amazing little brother, he makes Branch proud without even trying- even when he breaks something, or wakes him up in the middle of the night, or doesn't listen or-

But the two get along and Branch makes sure Floyd is never lonely.

Which… gets easier when his parents hand him another egg. This one green and teal and yellow and beautiful and squirmy.

Now, Branch is a bit bigger and he can wrap his hair around this new egg and hold Floyd at the same time. They go to school and Grandma’s and on short walks. They sing and dance and the egg is so active inside, especially enjoying laughter, so Branch gets a joke book and enjoys Floyds giggles and groans and the eggs little wiggles.

It's busier, and a bit hectic- Clay is more active and antsy than Floyd- but Branch figures out a system and he thinks he’s being a pretty great big brother. He keeps the house clean and the kitchen stocked and the food cooked and the kids entertained and his Parents spend a little time with them before bed if they can.

And then, the third egg. Purple and indigo and teal and beautiful.

The other kids ask why he’s doing his parents' job. Asks if he's secretly the parent. Tease and taunt. School is a little harder, but he has a few friends who stick up for him, even if they don't understand.

No one really understands Branch, but it's fine cause he’s a big brother with three amazing little brothers.

But…

“Mom… The other kids say it’s weird that I’m taking care of kids…”

A weary sigh, tired eyes and dirt smudged face, she kneels in front of Branch,

“Branch, you said you would be a big boy. Being a big boy means taking care of your brothers, of your family. We can’t do that right now, because we’re digging for our future, a future where we can be a family. If its too much for you-”

Branch shakes his head, guilt churning in his gut,

“No! I’m a big boy! I’m fine!”

“Good sport.” His father says with a yawn, “I’m beat, lets hit the hay.”

That night, Branch reads his brothers a story instead.

It becomes a regular thing.

Branch takes care of his brothers. He gets little jobs around the tree that allow his brothers to stay close, where they can do their homework or color or dance or sing, while Branch trades service for items they need.

It's a mere chance that someone catches them singing together. Someone that sees the joy they spark in those around them, and the way the brothers so naturally meld together.

Performing makes his brothers happy.

Performing makes the King and Queen Happy.

Performing makes the tree happy.

The Bergens like a happy tree, so the Bergens are happy.

Branch is providing for their family, so their parents are happy.

The King and Queen request an audience with him.

Poppy is happy to watch his brothers while he goes in, he smiles and thanks her his nerves making his hands tremble.

On his way out, his sight is narrowed to only the world in front of him. His brothers, the path home, and nothing else. He doesn't see the look of concern on Poppy's face, or that of any of the trolls he passes. His only thought is the safety of their pod.

Branch doesn’t hide it from his brothers, each old enough to understand. He tells them that the Royals think they could use some help in the escape. That a distraction, a way to immobilize the giants, would raise their chances at escape. And that the only way they can think to make that happen is something called:

The Perfect Family Harmony.

He explains the gist of what it is, what it can do, sees the wonder in their eyes.

And so they practice.

Branch makes time for breaks and school and fun. Avoids the royals as best he can, and just… tries to do his best. His parents seem to come home later and later every night, and Grandma has been busy with something else, and Branch… Branch is tired.

But his brothers are happy.

The time comes sooner than he’d like.

The tunnels aren’t necessarily finished, but the King says with the cage and Bergens out of the way it wouldn't be a big problem. He and the Queen urge him to go on with the show.

“Nervous?” Floyd, perceptive and kind, stands beside him as he stares at the gathered Trolls beyond the curtain.

There's no sign of their family.

“A little.” He admits quietly, turning to the second oldest and offering him a small smile.

“I think we all are.” Floyd offers in reassurance, nodding his head towards their brothers.

Clay is practicing the choreo again and Spruce is doing his anxiety push ups. Branch’s gut twists, but he offers Floyd another smile before they walk over.

“Alright guys, it's almost time.” He breaks the tense silence, waiting for all their attention, “This is just a performance. All you need to do is have fun, can you guys do that?”

He sees the way tension falls from shoulders at his words, the bright smiles, the nods as they join in a group hug. Branch never wants to see them lose those smiles.

They go on stage. They have fun. They feel something well up inside of them-

Someone left a vine on the stage.

The performance comes to a crashing halt.

The King and Queen look at him in disappointment.

He limps home with his brothers in a daze.

Only in the warmth of their pod does he come back to himself. Does he see the downtrodden faces, as he patches up minor scrapes and dries tear streaked faces.

“Hey, none of that now.” He admonishes gently, watching wet eyes meet his own.

They all look like they're waiting for a lecture, like they did something truly terrible.

“What happened out there wasn't your fault, and it wasn't the end of the world.” He states firmly, “You guys were amazing, and I’m so proud of you.”

It must be the right thing to say, as he finds himself flat on the floor with a pile of brothers atop him.

He reads them an extra story that night, falling asleep in a pile in their room, it's the first night he doesn't wait up for his parents.

Branch keeps his brothers home the next day.

He knows no one but the Royals really knew about the PFH, but he worries anyway. They play games, and he makes some sweets, anything to keep those smiles on their faces. He’s surprised when Grandma comes over, that she sits down and joins their games. She catches his stare, and her smile is full of empathy and love and oh how he missed it. He thinks this may be the best day they’d had in quite some time.

Grandma tells a story that night, while Branch cleans up, and the pod is calm.

They sit on the branch outside the pod, waiting for his parents in the cool night air,

“I’m sorry about your show.” Her voice is quiet and kind.

“Accidents happen…” He responds simply, eyes roaming the tree limbs in search of two figures.

“Your brothers seemed happy.” He can see her eyeing him out of his peripheral.

“It wasn’t their fault, I made sure they knew it.”

“It wasn’t yours either.” She says.

“I’m the oldest, I have to take responsibility for failing the tribe.”

“Branch, you are still a child-”

“You don't understand Grandma! It's not like you’re around to see!” He regrets it as soon as he says it, but he spots the shadowed figures, “There!” He feels like he hasn't seen them in forever, a guilt heavy in his gut as he thinks of all he hasn't done since their last real conversation.

He stands, offers a hand to his Grandma who waves him off with a strained smile. That guilt hits again, but he promises himself to fix it later.

Branch jogs towards his parents' figures, a million things on the tip of his tongue, but all of them are cut off with a scream of warning.

How a giant can go unnoticed has always bugged Branch. They are heavy footed and large and lumbering, and yet they sneak up on them more often than not. It's what makes their whole situation all the more terrifying. It's what makes his heart rate spike and his brain go haywire, it’s what haunts his every nightmare and lurks in every shadow.

That shadow is real now, a hand coming down towards his parents, and Branch can’t move his legs fast enough. His dad shoves mom, Branch’s hair comes out to meet hers without thought, claws digging into the bark beneath him, tail wrapped around a broken off branch, it's only Grandma’s hair joining his that allows them to pull her up. She’s almost within reach, hand outstretched, when that shadow is snatching her and ripping her away.

Branch screams echo his parents.

Moms panicked face, as she reaches into her hair and rips something from it, launching it with all her strength. Branch’s instincts have taken over, catching the item with tender trembling hands. The egg is covered in blood, teals and greens and blues, wide eyes stare at it as horror fills his gut, looking up in time to see a sight he will never forget.

He's frozen, even as warmth splatters across his front, even as that bloody hand reaches towards him. What was the last thing he said to them? When did they last have a full conversation? Branch has been failing recently, would that be all they remembered in their last moments? That Branch failed to give them the freedom that would allow them to be a family?

“Branch!” It shakes him from his stupor, head whipping around as his Grandmother crashes into him, sending him rolling into a bundle of leafy twigs.

He's curled protectively around the cooling egg, eyes frantically looking for the last adult in his life. Grandma Rosiepuff’s scream joins the echoes in his mind, before the shaking stomps of a retreating giant fade to eery silence.

Later, Branch will wonder how he made it back home, how he cleaned up and ended up at the kitchen table. He doesn’t remember a thing past seeing his grandmother's terrified face. The egg is held protectively in his hair, but he has no idea if it's okay, he needs to go to the doctors. But he's never gone without-

His face is damp from a constant stream of tears, he feels the prickling burn of it behind his eyes but no more flow. He stares at his hands, skin beneath his fur rubbed raw from scrubbing the blood from it, the hands that failed him.

“Branch?”

His head whips up, Clay standing in the doorway with a worried furrow to his brow. Branch wipes hastily at his face, looking out the nearest window to see the rising sun.

“Hey bud,” his voice comes out choked and hoarse, “Sorry, I’ll get started on breakfast.”

“What's wrong?”

Branch stares for a long moment.

“Can you get your brothers for me?”

Clay frowns, but nods, little feet pattering across the floor as he hurries back towards their rooms. Branch releases a shuddering breath, going about the kitchen with practiced movements, making a simple porridge for likely nervous stomachs. They come back far too soon for Branch’s liking, rubbing sleep from their eyes and their own brows furrowed the same.

“Clay said somethings wrong?” Floyd asks first, likely more frazzled than not as he takes in everyone's moods.

Branch leans heavily on the counter, back to his brothers, as everything begins to hit him.

He was the one in charge now. But Grandma was right, he's still a child, how is he supposed to take care of them alone? Would the tree even allow that?? Would the Bergens pick them next??? He doesn't know how to do all the things he's supposed to do! Doctors appointments, the escape!? How is he supposed to be what they need? The Egg may die, his brothers could die! What if Branch isn’t enough???

“Branch!” Wild eyed and panicked he turns around looking for a threat.

Floyd is right there, Clay and Spruce just behind him, they needed him.

He takes another shuddering breath,

“I have some… some sad news.”

He doesn’t think the breakfast table will ever be the same, they’ll have to start eating in the living room.

Those teary faces will join those haunting images in his memories and dreams alike. To terrorize him for the rest of his life.

Branch has them stay home again. Hidden and quiet as they grieve, as Branch goes to the Doctor to see if the egg can be saved.

He wonders what's expected from him now. As a family of four- five. Should he work in the tunnels? Try for the harmony again? Stay at home and never leave?

He asks the Doctor, she tells him to grieve. That the tunnel digs work on volunteers only, no one is expected to do more than they can.

His parents had lied then.

“Branch, there you are!” Poppy is there, a small smile on her face that slips off just as quick, “What's wrong??”

“I’m haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.” His monotone speech matches his muted colors, turning away from the princess and making his way back towards their pod.

He would protect his family. Like he always has.

…

[tartagluvr]

the soft sound of a sorcerer

unfortunately my flavor of autism is music and association to it. every song i listen to has to have a connection for me personally to a time, place, person, etc. fortunately though that gives me endless creative writing ideas :D since beginning nightbringer, a lot has screamed solomon at me. i wanted to share the songs so *drops this on your doorstep and runs

warnings: me being an autistic fuck and over analyzing a fictional otome game character like babe get a life its been five years

word count: 937

immortal human; solomon, the wise

- nova amor; state lines

"are you sure, did you call? did we ever really talk, i don't know." / "i've been awake in every state line, dying to make this last us a lifetime. trying to shake that its all on an incline."

i can't really rationalize my solomon association with this one, listen to it on your own and see for yourself if you feel as i do. as an accidentally immortal being, solomon has been everywhere and all at once. he knows pasts, presents, even futures that have not a thing to do with him. he hasn't yearned to lose his immortality once until meeting you, desperate to hold onto you forever.

- lana del rey ft father john misty; let the light in

"cuz i love to love to love to love you, i hate to hate to hate to hate you." / "i need to need to need to need you."

this one is less of a lyrical association and more of a feeling. something about the chords and melody line make me think of the sorcerer. especially the minor harmony in the chorus, and over all the post production of the vocals as well. the reverb has got to be either long hall or church, the way it rings in your ears unlike studio does. yes i'm insane

- wolf larsen; if i be wrong

"what if i'm wrong, what if i've lied? what if i've dragged you here, to my own dark night?" / "ten thousand cars, ten thousand trains. there are ten thousand roads to run away. but i am not lost, i am not found. i am not dylan's wife, not cohen's hound." / "if there is a will, there is a way. i will escape for sure, i am david blaine."

there is something so carnally nb!solomon about the lyrics of this song, which is why i quoted so many of them. to me, nb!solomon is terrified he has made a wrong decision in following you to the past. it terrifies him that he so quickly chose to break time just for you, no matter the consequences. no matter if he loses his immortality, becomes stuck, passes on. he has lived so many lives and yet the only one that matters anymore is the one he wants with you. goodness me solomon.

- hozier; unknown/nth

"do you know i could break beneath the weight, of the goodness love i still carry for you? that i'd walk so far just to take, the injury of finally knowing you." / "you know it's more than being unknown. and there are some people love who are better unknown."

i don't think this one requires me to add any notes :3

- adrianne lenker; anything

"i don't want to be the owner of your fantasy, i just want to be a part of your family. and i don't wanna talk about anything, i don't wanna talk about anything." / "weren't we the stars in heaven? weren't we the salt in the sea?" / "dragon in the new warm mountain, didn't you believe in me?"

a gentle reminder that solomon is still at core a human. he has human emotions, feelings, yearnings. something about this song is so domestic and nostalgic to me, like how i imagine flicking through the pages of solomon's life would feel. its a bittersweet hug wrapped in acoustic notes.

- ethel cain; sun bleached flies

"god loves you, but not enough to save you. so i said fine, cause thats how my daddy raised me." / if they strike once, then you just hit them twice as hard. but in the end, if i bend under the weight that they gave me, then this heart would break and fall as twice as far." / "i forgive it all as it comes back to me."

thinking a lot about solomon before he became a sorcerer. thinking about his family, where he came from, how long gone that all is now. barbatos taking him in and raising him not out of love yet also not out of spite. i wonder a lot if he still remembers what it was like to be just human. perhaps he has forgotten by now, and time is the only one to blame. he just takes the punches with a smile and runs on.

-nicole dollanganger; angels of porn II

"my hair is falling out again and i don't really care, i try to stir my conscience it was never really there." / everything is fine in heaven, but i'll never get to know." / "soak all my clothes in holy water, and drown them like a crying son."

okay please hear me out on this one i know this song is a bit out there but its always on repeat for me. please there is something solomon in this song to me. don't crucify me i know i'm onto something here

- trixie mattel; the well

"loving's just a name for saving face, and running's just the way i won the race." / "no i won't come running at the ringing of the bell, no you don't throw wishes to the well." / beneath the neon moon, i'm in the light. tell me, do i ever cross your mind?"

swear this one isn't solomon associated just because it talks about running more than once. to me it reads like solomon speaking to mc, and feeling like he is always second to the demon brothers. he wants to be the one by your side before anyone else gets there, but he is always too late. so he just keeps running, from witches, from his past, from you.

-

that would be all for now :3 i love recommending music to my loved ones and crafting personalized playlists based off lyricism and overall vibes. i have a handful of songs that i associate with each demon brother as well and will probably end up yapping on my page about them sometime in the future. thanks for reading !! feel free to pretty please send me your solomon songs, or just obey me songs in general. <3 -tete

[yujeong]

Vegas not knowing about Pete's boxing past is nothing but sloppy writing if you ask me. Paranoia is family trait of the Theerapanyakul clan and no one can convince me Vegas hasn't made background check on every single bodyguard, staff member and associate of the main family. It's also interesting to point out that Vegas knows about Pete's grandma so he must've read something about Pete beforehand. Which is why Vegas not knowing about Pete being a former boxer and victim of domestic abuse is weird. (My God Vegas would've been a dick if he'd had held the latter against Pete.)

But since we're talking Vegas here his paranoia turns into obsession and he makes a file of Pete thick as the Bible post canon. Needles to say, this stirs some drama between the two because even saint like Pete has his limits with Vega's BS.

Hmm, honestly, I'm at this point in my brainrot with kpts/vp that I'd be able to rationalize any plot point, no matter how absurd, while still acknowledging that it's most likely a plot hole (though tbh, BOC could only do so much with the horrid source material they had to deal with, so hats off to them regardless).

For example, one argument I'd use for Vegas not knowing about Pete's backstory, is that Vegas seems surprised Pete has been through similar experiences that he himself has with his own father, not about him doing boxing. I rewatched the scene for the millionth time and as Pete is narrating his story, Vegas' face remains neutral until Pete tells him winning didn't change anything - he was still being beaten up by his bitter father who never became the boxer he wanted to be.

All I'm trying to say here is that Vegas could very well have known about the boxing, but not about the abuse. Maybe nobody from the family knew about the abuse, though I can't claim with confidence that Korn wouldn't know.

However

To Korn (and to Gun), what Pete's father was doing to his son wasn't abuse. It was discipline. It was him showing Pete he loves him. So, maybe Korn knew about it and thought it was good. Or maybe he compared him to Gun and thought Pete's father was a coward and bad at being a father.

Who knows?

I'm not trying to prove you wrong in any way, btw. As I said, if Vegas didn't actually know about Pete doing boxing, then that'd be super weird for someone like him. I just find it fascinating for Vegas to have known about everything in regards to Pete EXCEPT the most important thing that basically makes them connect from that point onwards in the story.

Though, I do have to disagree with you on one thing - or more precisely, express my doubts: I don't believe Vegas would have had the guts to use the abuse Pete suffered by his father against him. ESPECIALLY after Pete sees what happens at the basement between Vegas and Gun.

Vegas is a hypocrite and a coward when it comes to Pete. He'd be facing a mirror - and Vegas really hates himself and what the reflection would show back. We see it throughout their arc plenty of times and with the abuse element added in, it'd go to astronomical levels imo.

Did Vegas cross the line with Pete a million times? Yes. Would he cross it on this subject? Hmm, idk. I'm willing to believe so, but I'd never write it myself.

Now, about post-canon, many people in the fandom have said the same thing as you and I believe the same. He'd want to know e v e r y t h i n g about Pete, down to the last detail, and on the days he'd feel especially shitty, which would be most days, he'd want to drag Pete down with him.

We were talking just today with @wretchedamaranth about Pete snapping after everything that happened in ep14 + hospital era, and tbh we can add this one in it, too: Vegas' need to pry Pete open would push him to his limit.

And Pete isn't like Vegas. He wouldn't snap like Vegas does, and I'm trembling just thinking about what that would entail.

[fullmetalfears]

Hoenheim is one of my favorite characters in the OG FMA manga and Brotherhood. He made me love the sad immortal that hates themself trope, and in general I find the combination of failed father figure, gentle kind person, and the violence he accidently did to his people make for a dynamic character.

But I do 100% think FMA made the other characters far too quick to forgive Hoenheim for leaving the boys.

In the manga, it was directly said that Hoenheim wrote back home but in the anime you get NOTHING. Either way, the man left for a decade, during the most important period of his children's lives as children... because he felt like a monster. Not because he was actually doing things to his kids, but HE wanted to live like a human.

It's shitty. It's awful. One of the people that Ed and Al were supposed to rely on most left because he couldn't get over his own misery. Instead of waiting even a few years to make sure they could even take care of themselves better before leaving, he left before they could even really remember him at all.

I say this not because I don't think it was a good character decision. In fact I think it's tragic in a way that the series needs. The lack of clear lines between monsters and people, where one of Hoenheim's worst decisions is leaving his wife and kids, something that any person can do.

Hoenheim's real flaw when it comes to his family is not valuing that people want him to be there.

Which makes his final offer to Ed to sacrifice himself take on a different light.

In canon, the manga/anime make it clear that Ed calling Hoenheim a shitty father was meant to be as much Ed chastising Hoenheim for not understanding they won't use philosopher stones as it is an acknowledge that Ed accepts him as his father.

But to me, it shows that Hoenheim still hasn't learned why leaving was such an awful blow to the family. Yes, Trisha died because he wasn't there but even if he came back ten years later, did he still expect it to be from a loving family? Did Hoenheim expect the world to stand still while he left?

Hoenheim is still sacrificing himself after all this damn time. He still doesn't see that being there for his kids could invaluable. Maybe they grew up without him, and hell, maybe he doesn't deserve a second chance after so long, but for the boys, making sure you live to the next day is their entire philosophy. And Hoenheim, is willing to give that next day up.

In context, he's giving himself up for his boys after all this time of putting his own feelings first, but he would still be gone. What's worse, in Ed's perspective it's an impossible choice. If Ed couldn't have thought of another way to get Al back, Hoenheim basically offered Ed a chance to kill him in exchange for his brother.

You know. Killing. The one thing that Ed will not fucking do.

Hoenheim doesn't understand Ed. He also even after all this time doesn't get that living for them and to move forward would be the best thing he could do.

So yeah. I adore Hoenheim but the manga/anime kinda does a clumsy job with him. It does such a good job of setting Hoenheim up as looming negative premise in the beginning and then the story overcorrects in trying to make you like him that it forgets that, yeah, leaving your wife and kids for a decade is kinda bad actually!!!

It doesn't help that no one else is angry at Hoenheim. Izumi knew the boys as small children, presumably orphans and yet greets Hoenheim warmly. In the manga the people of Risembol are baffled on his arrival but otherwise move on. Pinako WHO BASICALLY HELPED RAISED THEM is just sorta neutral towards him. Even Al isn't angry. He just wants his dad back which is fine, but it leaves Ed's anger as an outlier, like it's childish of him not to understand.

By the time of his death, Hoenheim doesn't really learn anything. He's forgiven because he really was a good dude and he felt really bad about leaving for a decade so he can totally be forgiven by everyone right?

Right.

So yeah. Hoenheim? Great character, but awful dad which is part of why he's a good character but the story really pulls its punches about him.

~Luna

[inventedfangirling]

pran-so-cool to pran-so-brave

We all talk about pran so cool to pran in love and yes of course everybody needs to talk about that growth all the time forever and ever cos really it gave us one of the most beautiful and respectful love stories of all time, but i also wanna take a teensy second to talk about how pran so brave too.

Jumping into a body of water to help a drowning person not easy. putting your thoughts and feelings into a song and then singing it out loud, not easy. Confronting years of lying and suppression and hurt, standing up to an overbearing parent is definitely not easy.

Dealing with insecurities, voicing those insecurities, working to overcome those insecurities not easy. confronting your feelings, taking a leap ready to get hurt if that happens, and then deciding to stick through one person no matter the hurdles also farthest from easy. Pran has done so many brave things over the course of his young life but right now i just wanted to focus on what he did in episode 10 in this scene.

Like seriously picture this, you're out with your boyfriend, grocery shopping have a wonderful time teasing and goofing off with each other and then bam, his bitch ass of a dad appears and see's you in a not entirely uncompromising situation.

And then without even thinking of where they are or how they are literally just kids, this man begins to get aggressive with them.

I can't even explain just how triggered this scene or just the gif of it even makes me...that said i need to talk about it because just can't get over the significance of what pran did here.

On paper he is just standing up to defend his boyfriend from an aggressive man but of course in reality he is actually putting himself between a fully grown adult man and his own adult son (who lets not forget is physically stronger than Pran). I need me and you and everybody to process the fact that Pran is at heart (and brain development wise) still very much a child. He is barely 20 and he is gay and he is in public with his boyfriend in a conservative country (i know there is no homophobia in the bb universe but still!)

And suddenly he is outed and then this aggressive loud man who is his boyfriend's dad and his family's sworn enemy comes and starts being aggressive with Pat with whom he has as far as Pran knows had a pretty smooth at least non violent relationship (that we know of) so then do we realize how incredible is it that Pran immediately put himself between Pat and Ming??? Not only is he physically no match for Ming. But in how society would view it, he really had no place there? and because there hasn't been a history of Ming being aggressive with Pat, Pran needn't have done what he did, since in his mind such a grim possibility is not looming large.

And yet the moment he saw that Pat was possibly in danger, that very instant he comes in front of Pat, trying to calm the situation down? I'm just...that's just....so so very brave of him?!! My brain truly cannot comprehend the inexplicable amount of love Pran must have towards Pat to exhibit that level of protectiveness without even taking a second to think of his own safety or anything against Pat's own father??? Pran who hasn't had the best most healthy relationship with his own parents was standing up for Pat against his father!

And then to be shoved aside like that to the side, in such a violent manner, being looked at with so much contempt, with all those people watching. And then going back home to stand up to his mother only to get shouted at and slapped??

And then years of distance and time and growth later, he comes back and he actually brings a gift for that very man who as far as we know didn't even apologise to Pran or Pat for what he did to them there. a man who for years had kept them away from each other, filling ideas of hate into their minds (with ample help from dissaya ofc) and disrespecting and demeaning both of them??

Pran really took all that hate that was directed at him and he returned it in the form of love, he did it for pat's sake, but he did it none the less.

He really embodied "i will be tender hearted despite despite despite" and he did it while he was growing professionally and personally.

I'm sorry but look at that smile???? only the vilest spawn of satan could hate him my heart is about to burst rn.

He fr took some of the sourest lemons life offered him and along with pat turned it into a lemonade so sweet even 20 rewatches can't wash the sweetness off of it and i genuinely can't help but marvel in awe. I seriously need to sit down and think about this for days weeks ever cos really it is just something else. Pran is just something else.

He shows us how we're more than our trauma, how our choices are what define us and that even if it's difficult we can make that journey, and that we can do it with love.

[canirove]

Granada | Chapter 19

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

"Good morning, my lord. My lady. My lady?"

"Good morning" Rowena smiled.

"What… what is she doing here?" one of the generals asked. 

"This is no place for a woman, my lord" another added.

"There are other women at camp" Rowena said.

"Yes, but they are cooks, nurses, whor… Aplogies, my lady. What I meant is that they aren't princesses."

"My wife is here to show support and advise me. Advise us" Rúben said.

"A woman?" the general who the day before had asked her to go fetch more winde snorted.

"Yes, a woman. One who knows that attacking from the north would be like sending our men to their deaths because they could very easily be trapped by the enemy. This little drawing here means there is a hill, you know?" she said, pointing at the map. "And if the enemy were to divide their army…"

"I know what it means, my lady" the general said. 

"Good, good. Just in case you needed a little reminder" Rowena smiled.  

"So" Rúben said, trying to hide his own smile. "Any news from our scouts?"

"Nothing yet, my lord. The enemy hasn't moved."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"He hates you."

"Who?"

"General Felix" Rúben chuckled. "He could be your father, and you, a woman, called him out in front of the best military men in the country." 

"Oh well" Rowena shrugged. 

"I loved it, tho" he said, grabbing her by the waist. "How do you know so much about war and strategy?" 

"When I was a kid I fell in love with anything viking and read all the books they had about them at the palace. The Queen even got me some unique ones for my birthdays. I read about their history, their traditions, their gods… but also about the way they fought and how my ancestors tried to defend themselves from them."

"You are so weird sometimes" Rúben laughed. "But I love it. I love that brain of yours."

"Thank you" Rowena smiled, her cheeks definitely turning bright red. He had never complimented her like that, saying that he loved something about her that wasn't physical. "Should we go have something to eat?"

"Not yet" he said, pulling her closer to him and kissing her. At first it was a gentle kiss, but it quickly became something more passionate. He was kissing her as if he needed her to breathe.

"Rúben" Rowena whispered as he moved from her lips to his neck. "Someone may come in."

"They all are busy eating and drinking" he said against her skin.

"But this isn't the tent for this. What if a servant comes to clean or something?"

"They won't. And I am the prince. I say what tent is for what" he said as he met her eyes, the way he looked at her making the heat from her cheeks spread all over her body.

"You are crazy, my prince" she chuckled.

"Crazy for you, yes" he smirked, lifting her and sitting her on the table, some of the maps they were checking minutes ago falling to the floor.

"Rúben…"

"What" he said while kissing her jaw, one of his hands moving under her skirt.

"You…" Rowena started, her words stopped by a gasp when his fingers touched her.

"I?" he asked.

"You are a rascal." 

"Am I?" he smirked, his fingers moving between her legs.

"You are. You… Rúben" she moaned.

"Shh. We don't want General Felix to hear us, do we?"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"I…" 

"You can't, can you?" 

"No" Rowena whispered, trying to control what her body was doing, the noises leaving her mouth.

"Should I stop, then?"

"Don't you dare" she hissed. 

"Alright" Rúben chuckled, his fingers now moving inside her, a loud moan escaping her lips. "Shh.”

"Stop… shushing… me."

"Then be quiet, wife."

But she couldn't keep quiet. And he knew it.

“Rub… Rúben” she moaned again, this time louder. 

"I'm going to have to stop if you keep being that loud" he teased her, waiting for her reaction. But she was only able to shake her head, her hands gripping him tighter. She was close. She was so close… And he couldn't deny her of what she so desperately wanted. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"What are we going to do, my prince?"

"We can't wait, my lord."

"You must give and order, my prince."

"I know" Rúben whispered, his eyes fixed on the maps in front of him. 

24 hours ago, those same maps were on the floor, Rowena sitting on that table. And instead of the voices of his generals asking him a thousand questions, urging him to make a decision, her moans as he pleasured her were the only noise filling the tent. 

But now all that was gone. His scouts had arrived with news from the enemy. They were moving. They were about to attack. And he needed to make a decision, choose what to do.

"My prince?" General Felix urged him. 

"Alright" Rúben sighed before standing up and taking a deep breath. It was time.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Please tell me it isn't true" Rowena said, storming into their tent. "Please tell me that you aren't marching with the first light."

"We are."

"But it is too soon!"

"The enemy is moving. If we want to stop them, we must leave now."

"But…" 

"You knew this would happen, Rowena. That's why we are here. To fight."

"I know, I just… I don't want you to go" she said, tears already rolling down her cheeks.

"Please don't say that."

"Then what do you want me to say, uh? That I'm happy? That I'm looking forward to seeing the man I love ride away knowing that I may not see him again?"

"What?"

"What what?" she cried.

"What did you just say?"

"That I don't want you to go to war!"

"That wasn't it, Rowena. And you know it."

"I… I…" she mumbled, trying to find an excuse. 

"Do you love me?" Rúben asked, taking a step closer towards her. 

"I…"

"Have you fallen in love with me?"

"I… Urgh" Rowena groaned. "Of course I've fallen in love with you, you idiot!"

"I love you too."

"You what?" But she wasn't able to say anything else, Rúben's lips on hers. 

By now she thought he had kissed her in any way possible, made her feel everything that could be felt between a man and a woman. But she was wrong. He had never kissed her like that, and she had never felt what she was feeling right now. Was this what the books Anne liked reading called a true love kiss? Was this what you are supposed to feel when the person you love feels the same you do?

"That was…" she said when they stopped kissing, Rúben's forehead resting on hers.

"Perfect" he replied while his thumb caressed her cheek.

"Perfect" Rowena smiled.

"Wish we would have done it a lot earlier and not just hours away from me going into battle."

"We are stupid like that" she shrugged.

"We are" Rúben laughed. "I love you, Rowena."

"I love you too" she said, now being the one who started the kiss, the first of many that night. Of kisses, of caresses, of saying I love you, of smiling and laughing. And of one promise.

"You are coming back to me" Rowena said as she hugged Rúben. "You must promise you will."

"I will, my love" he replied. "I promise I will."

[theblogtini]

So, do you think that Charles and Kate are really on the letters? Or is what Omid wanted make people to believe? Or they indeed are, but is because they say something ‘meh’ and H&M wanted to make people believe they are racists!?

I know that topic is super complicated, but if I’m honest, I don’t think Charles and Kate said something so outrageous to be labeled as ‘racists’. And the version has changed a lot that I don’t know what to think. First was only one royal, then she said that was while pregnant, then H said that it’s before even the engagement, first were ‘several conversations’ and then just one, etc. I just don’t see Charles telling him that the better their future children were white or he won’t give titles nor security or Kate telling him that she was worried because maybe if the children weren’t white that would look bad for the monarchy, which is what they basically said of how conversation went.

Also, MM can claimed that were Charles and Kate, but how are we sure they really were?

I think Charles and Catherine were really named in the letter. The "source" from Montecito said that Meghan "never intended for the names to be public" but there was no denial or correction. So I'm assuming they were the ones accused.

BUT I don't believe it's true that they necessarily said anything racist.

Meghan said that - during a conversation she wasn't even a part of, that happened when she wasn't even present, before she was even engaged to Harry - there was "concern" about how "dark" a baby might be.

We KNOW FOR A FACT that Harry has had this conversation before -he admitted as much on TV.

My guess is that Harry was speaking/joking with his father and sister-in-law about Meghan's genes wiping out his gingerness (again, as he has admitted to doing on TV). And at the time there was NOTHING malicious or anything even presumed about the conversation. But as time went on, as Meghan became more bitter, as Harry and Meghan's hate bubble grew, and as she realized that in order to try "win" or "beat" Catherine she needed to be a victim, she decided to take a VERY INNOCENT conversation and turn it into something incredibly mean spirited at best, and evil at worst.

But ... Meghan hasn't provided any PROOF of this. Harry has flat our refused to speak about it (during the Oprah interview he was VERY uncomfortable when it came up and literally said he didn't want to talk about it) and he said during his Spare press tour that his family is not racist and he never claimed they were.

Claiming that someone is a racist is a HUGE accusation to make, and Meghan hasn't backed it up once. She actually hasn't even directly said it - she's insinuated it. She's implied it. She's let people draw their own conclusions. But she's never outright said it. And she has never done a single thing to confirm it.

In my opinion, the fact that she won't provide proof of such a serious accusation tells me that she KNOWS it wasn't what she's trying to make it seem like it was. She knows no one was being racist. She knows no one was trying to be hurtful or harmful or malicious. Someone - whether it was Catherine or Charles or even Harry himself (because again, Meghan wasn't even there) - made a comment and Meghan decided to capitalize on all of the "the UK is so racist toward her" rhetoric and let that accusation stick there.

If it's true - she needs to prove it. And she CAN'T because she wasn't even there. But even if she wasn't there and she 100% truly believed that what was said was racist, she could easily go out and say "This is what was said. Yes, it was a second hand conversation, but this is what my husband told me was said and this is how I've interpreted it, and I am very hurt and disgusted by these comments and I am owed an apology."

She hasn't done that. And she won't do that. Because she KNOWS that wasn't the case. At all.

And also... it makes even more sense now that Catherine was the one who said that "recollections may vary" needed to stay in the statement. Because she KNEW what was going to happen - she KNEW that Meghan was going to say that she was the one who said it (which does give credence to the fact that Charles and Catherine were the ones named in the letters) and - therefore - she knew that it was important that people understand that what actually happened and the Sussex retelling of things were very different.

[oddinary4bts]

Tw (su*cide and self harm, depression)

I'm actually supposed to sleep right now but for some reason I can't and I keep thinking about cashing cars, even though I want to think about the next story I'm gonna write, lol. So, I'll just write this to get it off my chest, so maybe I can sleep after 😂

Ella, I love you and you've created another masterpiece that evokes so many emotions 👏🏾 I commend you so much for talking about mental health, heavy and sensitive subjects 🤧

I wanna add my two scents of this, because as I've told you before I really relate to Jungkook a lot. What he did in the end of chapter 13 hurt, and it surprised me a bit, but I think I understand his behavior. He has showed and proved that he's depressed and deeply su*cidal, I don't think he slept with Lisa because he really wanted to but because he actually wanted to hurt himself. I'm speaking a bit from my own mental health here, but I think in this moment, when he just wants to end it all, he's lashing out, but towards himself. Like he hates himself so fucking much. He wants the bad feelings to go away, why not seek a moment of bliss with someone he knows? Only it doesn't do anything but hurt him more (and even oc). He wants to hurt, because he wants the bad feelings to go away. He feels very destructive, and that is because of his underlying depression. I think. Just my thoughts and theory.

He doesn't want to hurt oc because he truly does love her, but mentally, he's not sound, and he can't speak to her about these things because he hasn't opened up to her, maybe he's even scared she'll run away from him, but in the end, I think that will be his salvation, because if he truly told her what's going on, I think she would understand. He's asking for help. Yes he's flawed, but he needs a hug. Yes he fucked up, but he's hurting. And yeah, oc is hurting too, but she isn't depressed. All of this is a lot for JK 🤧

I still feel like it would be impossible for them to be together, because the bridge bwteen them seems too grand, but I can't wait to see what Jungkook will do, because I do think oc will fight for him anymore after seeing him and Lisa. And boy did that hurt 🤧

To be honest, I don't even know if I want them together... I just want them both to be happy (and if thats when they're together, that's fine), but mostly, I just want Jungkook to get the help that he needs in therapy, to learn to speak nice to himself, not be destructive, to speak his feelings as he has them, to be kind to himself and not hurt himself like this 🥺🥺🥺 I relate so much to him because I've been there, and I just want him happy and healthy! I want oc happy and healthy too, but she seems so much stronger than him, which is why my focus is more on JK. I feel like she would be able to move on, even though she said she wouldn't (the line about her future kids asking who the love of her life is, and it probably wouldn't be their father) with this line, she has said that she can move on, even though jl will always be in her thoughts. I'm afraid that JK will not do as well as oc in moving on 🥺

Anyway, I'm rambling and I think I wrote you and essay 😂 I'm sorry!

I love you and I hope you don't let all the asks get too much too you. As you say, and something that everyone could do well with remebering: it's just fiction ✨💜

(sorry for any typos and whatnot, I wrote this in bed and my phone is falling out of my hands. Goodnight, or morning to you I think 😂)

You’re good bby yahaha

And yeah I agree with you that Jungkook would not be able to move on from her at all whereas OC would move on in time🥺 I hope you like them together once they get together tho🥹

[callsigndreadfrost]

@apothecaryforwearysouls

Lmao I don't even know where to start. So Oracle is a paramilitary PMC that has ZERO ties to any government, country or anything really. Like there are no ties.

Oracle has several goals but the biggest one is making sure humans don't obliterate non-humans and vice versa. Aside from that this world, setting, whatever you wanna call it deals with anything and everything paranormal.

Look, my dumbass 14-year-old ass was watching a James Bond movie one day and I thought, "Huh, what if this shit had werewolves in it?" and so Oracle was made. Actually, it was made later during the summer of 2000 'cause my mom's ex had promised we'd have a fun family summer of traveling the island and doing so many fun things. I bought a journal to document it all. Midsummer rolled around and we did nothing and my journal was blank so I took that previous idea and fucking RAN TO THE HILLS WITH IT. 23 years later we have this massive as fuck all world in my brain that I bother everyone with.

Anyway, Oracle started with 3 men. A werewolf, a vampire and a human during the height of the Akkadian empire! The werewolf is actually the man that is now known as Aleksey Malakhov aka Angelus's grandfather aka Jelani's father-in-law/mentor.

He had a different name back then I just forgot and I don't feel like looking through my hundreds of notes and files to find it.

By the way, Aleksey is Sumerian. He's been around for a while now. In fact he was one of the very first werewolves. All 4 of the first werewolves are Sumerian and yes, they are still alive today in 2023. How? Werewolves are VERY long lived but not that long. It's part of the original curse. The first of every breed inherets the curse and has to live with it forever.

Spoiler alert. With Angelus being the FIRST and frankly the only Crossedbreed he is also cursed. He can't die. He just hasn't realized that but Aleksey knows it and doesn't feel like telling his grandson will help in anyway. Is that a bad thing? Probably but he's doing it out of love. Angelus had been suicidal for decades and had attempted suicide so many times he lost count after 200 times. He's doing far better now a days though.

We don't have just werewolves here in Oracle. There are werewolves, vampires, fairies, monsters--shorter list is what we don't have: aliens. Idk it's not my thing. If you wanna say there ARE aliens in Oracle then who am I to say there aren't any.

As I kept expanding Oracle I wanted to add people from different cultures, backgrounds, ethnicities, believes, religions, faiths. We have EVERYTHING here. When I say I have a metric shit ton of OCs I mean it with my entire chest. I want to represent everyone. Easier said than done 'cause I wanna be accurate and respectful and a lot of times that means doing a lot of research and sometimes it gets tedious. I'm just one man behind all of this fantastical nonsense.

Yeah, I mostly talk about Loke, Jelani, Trevor and Angelus because those are my comfort characters and I know them better than I know my own damn self. Not gonna sit here and lie, Jelani's at the forefront for any and all Oracle things. Everywhere I am online I use him as a pfp. He's the mascot if that makes sense. I am extremely proud of this character and I love him so much. He's to Oracle what Pikachu is to Pokemon. Idk if that makes sense.

Oracle doesn't just focus solely on the PMC. There are so many things that make up this setting. There's groups of humans that hate and fear anything that isn't human and want to kill them all off. The most infamous being the Council of the Knights which admittedly has been a thorn on Oracle's side for a few centuries now. We have problematic vampire covens who think of non-vampires as cattle and make shit difficult for others. We have a death cult led by a very unstable woman who created a virus that destabilized actual fucking deities into destroying shit with the help of a deity (actually it's a Concept but that's too complicated for now). There's also deities themselves that every so often wanna start shit. Because of that we have people like the Nyota tribe from Kenya who have dedicated their entire lives to keeping a rogue and exiled Maker imprisoned so They don't start Their stupid nonsense again.

What the fuck is a Maker? There is a hierarchy when it comes to deities.

Iirc it's demigods, gods, and finally Makers. Makers are the gods of the gods. Those are like actual creators, they make the rules and shit but they also break 'em. They're complicated. There is NOTHING above a Maker...except for the Concepts. The best way I can explain a Concept is that they are ideas and the very first Concept is the Concept of Existence. There's the Concept of Evil, Concept of Concequense, Concept of Good, Concept of Nothingness and many more. CoE and CoN are opposing ideas that have been at each other's throats since always.

Concepts intervene in life but they don't at the same time. They also only exclusively communicate with Makers. Only Makers. Jelani has an...interesting role with CoE and some other Makers and by extension with CoN. I can explain that in another post cuz it's a lot and complicated.

So as for what kind of creatures Oracle has? Like I said I wanna add any and all cultures so there's everything to pick and choose from. I've even invented a few. Are there cryptids? Yes! In this setting things like the Mothman, Bigfoot, Nessie, Jersey Devil and just basically all cryptids are just creatures from other planes/realms whatever you wanna call them. Some people use planes others use realms some others use other words. How the fuck did they get from one to ours? Easy. Portals. Portals are unstable and quite frankly scary natural phenomena that happens randomly all over the world. Sometimes creatures and animals get caught in them and get trapped in other realms. Sometimes it's a building, sometimes an entire town gets trapped.

Is there magic? Yes, there is!

Can anyone use/learn magic? Yes! We don't do that stupid "chosen one, only a select few can use or learn magic" bullshit here. Magic is an ability that anyone can learn to use.

Are there rules? Yes!.....I just gotta find that stupid file where I have it and I'll post it if anyone wants to know more about it.

Oracle deals with things of magical natures too as well as portals and planes. There are actual black sites where, and I use this word loosely, "stable" portals lead to other planes that need to be checked every so often. Not many Oracle agents have access to this kind of op by the way. It's really need to know level type shit.

So back to the founding of Oracle. These 3 men, these sell swords got together and went into business together and were like unstoppable. As time went on 3 became 6 then 6 became 9 and then we get to 2023 with Oracle still very much alive and kicking with thousands of agents all over the world with 6 branches spread across the world and 2 training facilities.

If Oracle is 100% independent from any government then how does it pay it's agents and employees?

Aleksey has invested very wisely, owns parts of companies, owns whole ass major companies that generate a bitch ton of money. All of these are made up by me obviously. Part of the profits from those hundreds of companies go into the pockets of agents, assets, and Familiars. It pays for weapons, gear, vehicles, gadgets, ammo, facilities, housing--EVERYTHING!

Look I don't know how realistic that is I'm horrible at math and economics so just go with it.

Wtf is a Familiar?

A Familiar is a person (non-human or human) that indirectly works for Oracle. They give information, keep an eye on certain groups, areas, phenomena and the like. Familiars can be approached by Oracle to join as agents IF they so choose.

There are certain rules that apply to certain characters, places, ideas, creatures and stuff but for the most part I like living things open to enterpretation and flexible.

I think C said it best. Oracle can be described as "weird espionage with a cosmic horror twist". It's got a tiny teeny alternate history to it too.

I hope that covers like the basics of Oracle. If you wanna know something else about the setting as a whole or specifically about Loke in this setting just ask.

[therealms-number1angirl]

The Demon King Chapters 1-2

05/19/24

Chapter One:

I almost forgot how confusing reading the first few chapters of this book were when I first read it. There is no exposition and very little lore outside of what's on the back cover. That being said, it's infinitely more interesting to read going into it with knowledge.

F Han's mom. IDC if you thought he was a demon or not, don't hurt my son like that (yes, i'm claiming him as my own bc you don't deserve him)!

That being said, f Elena for telling Han's mom that she had a demon baby in the first place!

This joke is so much funnier knowing what maiden’s weed is. Really makes you wonder how many kids were running around Rag Market thanks to Han’s fraud 😭

The excitement that just came through me when Han explained the position of High Wizard for the first time 🤭

"Like anything forbidden, wizards fascinated Han" i literally can't stop giggling, like it feels like i'm looking at a baby that can barely talk yet, and is one day gonna be this whole grown up person.

Ew, first Micah mention :(

Micah wincing when he sees Dancer because he recognizes the Bayar in him 😖 this just makes me feel even worse for willo, like my poor baby girl.

Han thinking of the clans as his first real home

Micah: "Me, I wouldn't want to marry a girl who'd spent time in the camps."

Okay... then leave her alone.

Dancer defending Raisa. That is a boy that was raised right <3

Han wondering how tf Micah knew Dancer's Vale name, and I am also pretty curious about that. How tf DID Micah know Dancer's name? Is that ever revealed?

NOT HAN SAVING MICAH'S LIFE 😭

Micah and his cousins having a conversation about Micah's interest in Raisa and him stealing the amulet from his father, not realizing that Han and Dancer were multilingual 😭

Micah thinking Han looks familiar... I wonder why...

I LAUGHED SO HARD

Chapter Two:

Only on the first page, and Raisa is a bit of a demon isn't she? like, don't get wrong, everyone deserves it, and i support women's wrongs, but DAMN girl. ofc, i then remember what i was like at 15, and i'm like, okay. i get it.

also, FUCK GAVAN BAYAR! he hasn't done anything yet, but he still sucks!

Some people grow out of how they were at 13. And then, there's Mellony.

The Raisa and Micah relationship 🤢 at least my opinion on that hasn't changed in the last 5 years.

Also, I remember when I first read this book I think this was the point when I closed it, put it in my backpack, and didn't touch it again for another week. That is how much we all hate whatever tf the Raisa/Micah ship name is.

Amon's dad is a breath of fresh air this chapter, ngl

"When I'm queen, I'm going to keep my friends close by." AND YOU DID, BABY!!!

Raisa calling her mother "Mama" made me sad :( Then I realized that that might've been what Hana, Ash, and Lyss called Raisa and I got even sadder

Micah, you fucking liar. I HATE YOU

Raisa just thinking that wizard father's are just cruel, not realizing that Gavan used Micah bc he knew that HE HAD STARTED THE FIRE!

like, i hate gavan bayar, and i will ALWAYS hate gavan bayar, but at least he managed to put Micah in his place BH (Before Han)

Thank you for attempting to see through the bs, Edon 🙏

[zannolin]

For fic ask game: F, M

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

oh HELL yes i've written so much dialogue i love lately. this never happens (i fucking hate writing dialogue).

“Amanda’s mom unfriended me on Facebook, you know,” he tells Johnny one night, as they sit on the back deck with their feet in the grass. He doesn’t know why he says it. Maybe he just wanted someone to know. In the light glowing through the paper paneling of the door behind them, it’s hard to make out Johnny’s expression. Not that Daniel’s looking, or anything. “That blows,” Johnny finally says. He takes a swig of beer. “You should unfriend her back.” Daniel can’t help the laugh that bubbles up at that. He feels oddly light. Better. “That’s not how Facebook works, Johnny.” A huff, rendered softer by the darkness. “It should be.” “Yeah, everything’s a fight with you, isn’t it?” There’s a pause before Johnny says, “Not everything, LaRusso.” They don’t say anything else for a while after that.

this section from objects in motion is one of my favorite exchanges i wrote in the Entire piece. it just has like. the vibes. like (i hope) as a reader it's obvious with the context that johnny has changed, and johnny is talking about daniel here, and daniel hasn't caught on so there's two completely different levels of conversation going on. plus it's got johnny attempting to be supportive (he's so dumb i love him) and daniel trying to lighten things up with a joke that completely misses the mark and they just kind of sit there because well. what do you say after that. what do you do! they don't know! for me it really captured the essence of where they were in their developing relationship at that point in the narrative.

was also very happy with how the sam and daniel "are you getting a divorce" conversation turned out, but even more so how the subsequent kata-with-johnny one went because there's a lot of subtext there about sam starting to figure things out and she's not sure how to feel about it but she's sort of hesitantly giving a kind of blessing, or the hope of one someday, with the "miguel said you were good together"—like she's asking are you happy and daniel's maybe saying i think so and inviting her to be a part of it. if she wants. i could write essays about my own fics man i've thought about this so much. i love them. BUT ANYWAY i'll stop now.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

so many. sooooo many. i have one where sam and johnny get yeeted back to 1985 to witness the all valley that year since daniel's an eternal knot of repression; ft lawrusso kinda sorta, sam and johnny bonding, sam being her father's daughter, and mr miyagi my beloved. i have a concept where daniel from canon universe (somewhere in s1-3 i think) gets swapped with daniel from a different universe where mr. miyagi is still alive and lawrusso is canon, which is an absolute fucking disaster but also great because i get to explore more damanda marriage issues and hey here's a daniel who will actually COMMUNICATE with johnny, and here's a johnny who will actually COMMUNICATE with daniel, and it's not even ooc because i make the rules. there's a vague sam and johnny bonding werewolf au knocking around in my head also, and i really really want to write a johnny and ali fic eventually. i have like a million more but i think that's enough for now.

ask game!!

[cheshirewrites]

Luka gives the girl a thorough look over, noting her knotted hair, the dirt smudged on her cheeks, and the thread-bare state of her clothing. Holes in the knees of her trousers, patches on her elbows (clearly hand sewn, he knows that much), even the fabric of her bandana fraying at the seams.

She looks like an ordinary girl, one who has faced far too much peril during his father's rule.

"Are you certain?" Luka asks his guard for a second time, because he doesn't want to be wrong about this. Doesn't want to put the weight of the world on a little girl because of a false prophecy. "You're sure-"

"Yes, my prince," Fox says, grinning their sharp grin. "My love, my dear, you know I wasn't misinformed. The Misses aren't wrong about things like this."

And they're right, of course.

Ari and Dahlia were the best advisors a prince could ask for.

So when the two of them found a prophecy, claiming that a girl who shared his birthday would grow to hate the world, would try and burn it to the ground if she was left alone? Luka just wanted to find the girl and hold her close, apologize for everything he hadn't done and everything he hasn't changed yet. Prophecies are complicyed, after all, and Luka refuses to look at someone and only see the bad in them.

People deserve more than that from their prince, their king, their- whatever title Luka gained when Fox convinced a Dark Lord to overthrow the throne.

( After all, Fox is the best person Luka knows, and Gods know that Fox isn't innocent, no matter how sweetly they may smile. )

"Do you want some cake?" Luka says, and he knows how strange it must look. The prince and his guard, offering you cake in your own home, and on your birthday, at that. "I promise it isn't poisoned or anything, my aunties Dahlia and Ari made it, and both of them think poisoning is a cheap way to fight."

The girl stares up at him for a long, long moment, until something like amusement creeps onto her face. "Sure," she says, taking a few steps closer. "I've got some questions, though, and I want answers."

Luka grins at that. "Of course!" He says, almost shouting. "Can I ask you one, tiny thing first?" A nod. "What's your name? The Aunties told me a few things about you, like where to find you, but they left that out, and-"

The girl holds up a hand, and Luka falls silent. His grin turns sheepish. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Princey," she says, grinning. "The name's Cassandra, but most people just call me Cass. Now-" Cass leans forward, crossing her arms across her chest- "Tell me about these aunties of yours."

"They're actually the reason I'm here!" Luka says. "Ari and Dahlia -- yes, that Ari and Dahlia, the long dead Hero and Dark Lord, it's a long story -- told me I needed to find a girl who shared my birthday, and well," his voice trails off, "you might wanna sit down for this bit."

Cassandra -- her name is Cassandra! --gives him a questioning look, but sits down at her table anyway. "I'm seated, Princey," she says, nearly sounding reassuring. "What terrible news do you have to deliver? You look like you're gonna tell me the world is ending, for fuck's sake."

Luka looks at Fox pleadingly, but his partner only shrugs. Both of them know that this is Luka's responsibility, even if Ari would be the best at it. She is the one who found the prophecy, after all, and Fox has told him word for word what she said to them that day they first met.

Their exchange isn't subtle, though, and Cassandra's jaw drops. "You're kidding me," she says, her voice perfectly even. "The world isn't actually ending, right?"

"No!" Luka says, and this time, he does shout. "No, no, nothing like that. It's just-" He hesitates, trying to find the right words. Knows that there aren't any right words, not when it comes to prophecies and royalty and the like.

It's better to be straightforward, right? Luka thinks to himself, and then takes a deep breath. That's what Dahlia always says.

"How do you feel about prophecies?"

You are a poor girl selling flowers. Today is your birthday but no one knows. When you return home you find the prince of the kingdom waiting for you with a birthday cake. "Are you sure this is the one?" He whispers to his advisor.

[asakiyumemishiii]

!!!WARNING!!! - TLOU spoilers 4 both part 1 n 2 - i also get a bit NSFW when i talk about Joel at times (MINORS DNI THOSE 2 PARA!! THERE’S A WARNING WHEN I START <3) - nothing i'm saying is new. i have no original thoughts!! literally just a post about everything i felt while watching the game ~(>_<。)

the whole reason i got in2 TLOU was ‘cus that one, 'Remember, when you're lost in the darkness, look for the light,' audio on TikTok was trending n everyone was like, 'omg TLOU audio!!' n i was like ??? what is TLOU ??? n then it just all went downhill from there. TLOU has consumed my life in its entirety since the start of July. what a cute coincidence that i get in2 TLOU on the game’s 10th anniversary ヾ(≧▽≦*)o anyway TLOU talk time :3333

DISCLAIMER: i didn't play the game myself ‘cus i don't have any type of console (n i don't play video games) so i watched MKIcenFire's gameplay of the TLOU Remake on PS5 n it was like 12 hours long i think n i watched it twice. then i watched the HBO show, then i watched the same guy play TLOU2. okay anyway i know the game well enough (I HOPE!! I THINK!!) also i read Reddit posts about the game's ending in p2 ‘cus i think other people’s take on it is soooo fun 2 read. if anything i say here is straight up just the wrong take like just ‘cus i'm stupid or missed the point of something, do NOT tell me ‘cus i will start crying immediately but tbh i will probably also not care sorry.

okay so,,,the whole game??? is a masterpiece??? plot-wise n visuals n MUSIC n characters???????????? EVERYTHING IS SO WELL WRITTEN ARGDHFHSHS i loved it. i'm not a gamer btw like the only 'games' i play are Taiko no Tatsujin (PC) n i watched people play undertale but that's it i guess so i don’t have anything 2 compare TLOU 2 but omg it's so good 2 me just as it is AHHHHH.

i'm so bad at being coherent. <///3

anyway everything i'm about 2 say is not going 2 be anything that hasn't already been said but i need an OUTLET!!! i think the game is so fun n maybe it's my own insane raging daddy issues but watching the Ellie (cargo) 2 Ellie (babygirl) pipeline was SO healing 2 me (n also absolutely devastating) like HOLY SHIT HE'S JUST A FATHER 4 READ!1!1!

okay gonna talk right now about how i feel about Joel n Abby ‘cus i have the most opinions about them `(*>﹏<*)′

i know TLOU1 is like Moral Dilemma the game but like i just think it's so simple really. Joel did what he did ‘cus Ellie became someone he really cares about. IMO he never really stopped being a father so Ellie just becomes his youngest daughter n a father's love knows no bounds, doesn't it? he quite literally did everything in his power 2 make sure no one would hurt his own n i think that's so... insane,,, (i wish dads were real)

i don't understand people who hate on Joel like actually *hate* him with their whole life. if they hate him ‘cus of what he used 2 do (being a hunter, etc…) then like,, that's stupid ‘cus he had 2 do what he had 2 do 2 survive. n maybe at the time that was the only way he knew how 2. he's a bad guy ‘cus he did bad guy things (like henry said) but that doesn't necessarily mean he's not a good guy or that he can't redeem himself i don’t know it just seems weird 2 not like him ‘cus of what he used 2 do that we didn't even explicitly see, n was only stated. also i get that people hate him ‘cus of what he did ‘cus like, yeah, i get it, he DID take away Ellie's right 2 'save' the world n he took her out of there without her consent BUT she's also a minor (yes i know laws don't matter but you know,, it's the principle of it i don’t know) n he decided 2 make the choice 4 her ‘cus she obviously couldn't do it herself n i think it was the right choice. also the fireflies didn't give her an option either like damn they couldn't at least ask her if she wanted 2 like say goodbye 2 Joel i don’t know like yeah ik in p2 she said she would have wanted 2 die 4 the cure but like she wasn't even told that making it would entail her dying ‘cus she explicitly stated that she wants 2 follow Joel after everything was over, so like,, yeah Joel took her choice away 2 save her life but the fireflies were going 2 force her 2 die 4 a cure that they themselves weren't even 100% sure would work. n 4 what??? she's the only immune person alive as far as they know n they won't even do SOME kind of tests first ON ELLIE 2 find shit out like i don’t know it seems kinda pointless 2 just kill her like that just 4 a chance of a vaccine. i know Dr Anderson did SOME testing b4 n a lot of research like we can see all the scans when he was talking 2 Marlene in p2 but did he do any testing on Ellie herself? i don’t know. ik all this what-ifs don't even matter n i'm just trying 2 justify Joel's actions but it's the thoughts i have hhhh like let's say the vaccine does get made... who is going 2 ensure that everyone gets a fair chance 2 have it? you're telling me FEDRA or the fireflies are gonna distribute it or something like that?? like it's not possible. also how would they get the vaccine 2 everyone in the world?? n like you think the raiders or hunters are gonna care that they're vaccinated n suddenly be good again? they're just gonna be better at murdering n like also what about all the infected. there's way 2 many of them. sure with a vaccine, lives would have been better but they're still living in a post-apocalyptic world, n more people are going 2 die than be saved n i like 2 imagine that Joel knew all this (maybe) n he chose Ellie anyway.

actually i don’t care i like 2 think he immediately stopped thinking when Marlene said they have 2 kill Ellie 2 make a 'cure' n he just didn't care about anything else anymore. yeah that fits better in my head !!

this text post is all over the place anyway uhmm Abby time.

i'm gonna put it out there right now: i do NOT fuck with her at all. also let's normalise understanding a character, all their motifs n everything n still being able 2 dislike them. i hate people who are like 'oh if you dislike/hate Abby then you obviously don't understand her character' LIKE???? yes, i understand her??? her character is literally a parallel 2 Ellie's. Abby's redemption mirrors Ellie's damnation. 'you can't get mad at Abby 4 killing Joel when he killed her father.' like shut up yes i can?? in fact here i am getting mad right now. it's a cycle that never ends. Joel kills Jerry, Abby kills Joel, Ellie kills Abby's friends while searching 4 her 2 get revenge, Abby kills Ellie's friends ‘cus Ellie killed hers, n it just continues. they're both doing 2 each other the exact same thing each of them are doing 2 the other. their motivations behind all their actions are literally the same. i get it. if one side starts, the other doesn't stop. they're literally 2 sides of the same coin, i get it. i totally understand why Abby did what she did. but that DOESN'T mean i have 2 like her??? Abby dick riders getting mad n pissy when ppl don't like her as if she's not the literal antagonist of TLOU2 when you play as Ellie. she's the other playable protagonist when you play as her obviously but when it's Ellie's pov, she's obviously the villain ?? just like how Ellie is the antagonist when you play as Abby??? or at least they're both the anti-hero,, maybe,, in each other's storyline. anyway i don't care 4 Abby. i understand her character but i still dislike her. 'you only hate her ‘cus she killed Joel!' yeah… exactly. i also am aware that as someone who is insane about Joel, i am being hypocritical right now ‘cus the people who hate Joel are probably the same people who like Abby n vice versa. anyway moving on. i also don't particularly understand why people say hating Abby = hating Ellie. like yeah they're extremely similar but like,, we played around 15 hours of TLOU1 like obviously i have a stronger emotional connection with Ellie n Joel??? is that a superficial reason 2 dislike Abby?? yes but i don’t care!!! i do not fuck with her at all!!! yes i understand that Abby has gone through things that deserve sympathy/empathy 2, but like... i'm still inclined 2 be more biased about Ellie n Joel though... also like Abby told her dad that she would want him 2 do the surgery on her but i think it's easy 2 say that when you're not the one actually doing it. like we all would probably say we don't mind dying 4 a good ‘cus until we actually have 2 die n it's like,,, I DON’T KNOW like it just seems so simple 4 her 2 say she would die 4 the vaccine but she's only saying it 2 make her dad feel better n ‘cus she's not the one actually going through with it you know???? rhfjdjfjjdhh i don’t know i hope so far i'm making sense. also Dr Anderson never answered Marlene when she asked if he would do the surgery on Abby, which is an answer in itself, n that's soooo hypocritical of him 4 real sigh

okay i think that's all the character opinions i have (probably i don’t know) now i'm gonna talk about the scenes that drive me CRAZY

UHMMM THE 'you're not my daughter, and i sure as hell ain't your dad.' OH MY GOD??? the first time i saw it i paused n almost threw up ‘cus if someone i thought was a father figure, or just like the first adult that didn't disappoint me in my life since i came out of the womb, said that 2 me when i am quite literally begging them not 2 abandon me, i would simply just drop dead n die n you would never hear from me again. THE UP N DOWN GLANCE HE GIVES ELLIE LIKE HE'S SIZING HER UP 2 B4 HE SAYS IT????? Ellie is better than me 4 real ‘cus i would never forgive him 4 that (lying, i would forgive him if he stabbed me 4 fun) like holy shit he hit her where it HURT. yes i know he did it ‘cus he was scared that he already got so attached 2 her but JEEZ MAN that's BRUTAL. the way her eyes LITERALLY drop n you can see every miniscule detail on her face detailing how HURT she felt when he said that... graphics were INSANE

GOING FROM THAT 2 THE 'oh babygirl...' SCENE??????????? WHIPLASH IS REAL BYE. ofc not 2 push aside everything that happens in between ‘cus Ellie fought like hell 2 keep Joel alive. ARGHHHH she never left him even when he asked her 2 n even when he wanted 2 leave her first, she never gave up on him :((( they care about each other SO MUCH i'm going 2 be SICK. right okay, the babygirl scene??? it felt like my heart was being healed from all the angst 4 real. the way his face is SO soft when he's trying 2 get her back 2 him like OH MY GOD also the fact that there's dialogue but no subtitles or voiceover so it's up 2 the audience's intepretation 2 tell us what Joel says 2 her when he's CRADLING her face is so fucked up. ‘cus i know some people think he's saying 'i'll promise i'll never leave you again' n some think he's saying 'i promise i'll never let anyone hurt you again' n TBH EITHER WAY, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT 4 REAL LIKE TBH I'M GLAD LOWKEY THERE WASN'T ANY VOICEOVER ‘CUS I WOULD NEVER STOP REPLAYING IT. BUT I WISH THERE WAS A CONFIRMATION OF WHAT HE SAID. THE WAY ELLIE'S EYES GLAZED OVER N JOEL JUST KEEPS HOLDING ON 2 HER N MAKES SURE SHE'S LOOKING DIRECTLY AT HIM WHEN HE'S COMFORTING HER??? i cannot fathom being loved that much, like it's actually UNREAL 2 me.

okay here's where it gets NSFW a bit so MINORS DNI this paragraph PLEASE thanks!! anyway i have a woman hard on 4 Joel the second he was introduced. yes i have daddy issues, next question. anyway he's SO fucking fine n he's a good father so double smash. everytime he came on2 screen, so did i. uhm the scene where Joel is torturing david's men, i replayed it 8347345 times n tbh with one hand 2 (/hj) n LIKE.. Joel beating a bloater with JUST a MACHETE like yes the bloater alrdy took some damage b4 but HOLY SHIT that scene was hot. Joel was always constantly hot n the creators KNEW what they were doing when they designed him... like that,, n gave him THOSE voice lines,, search Joel Miller voice lines on YT n just close your eyes bro that shit is straight up P*RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i genuinely think he's so attractive. i would let him do the most atrocious heinous filthy things 2 me. you CANNOT leave me alone with him ‘cus i would not let him out. i would find a way 2 mesh our bodies tgt (☆▽☆) he's genuinely so handsome n fine!! i literally want 2 stick a straw in his tip n suck his milk. i am so sorry 4 making anyone read that but i mean it unfortunately. if i was in TLOU i couldnt be trusted 2 patrol with Joel ‘cus he would probably kill something or someone 4 my sake n brush it off as nothing n then i would tackle him n start sucking n fucking him so good like we would not make it back 2 base. we're going twenty rounds with no breaks. the only break he'll be doing is breaking my back n splitting my pu$$y in half with his massive cock.

OKAY ENOUGH

Ellie's 15th birthday :( i'm a space kid so it just hits SO hard,, like everything he did 4 her. the dinosaurs n the planets. the way this part was only like.. i don’t know less than one hour of the whole game n it was the happiest part of the game imo (uhm Dina n Ellie n JJ are bittersweet 2 me OKAY!!) THE WAY THEY TEASE N BANTER N LIKE ARE GENUINELY SO ADORING WITH EACH OTHER. Joel pushing her in2 the water n jumping in 4 her when she asks. JOEL FINDING HER THE COUNTDOWN TAPE. HOW FUCKING HARD DO YOU THINK THAT WAS HUH? ASKING IF HE DID OKAY??? HE'S LITERALLY SO FUCKING SWEET!!!! HE'S JUST A FATHER WHO LOVES HIS DAUGHTER BRO PLEASE GOD LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! THE WAY HE WAS SMILING SO SOFTLY AT HER IN THE SPACESHIP??? HE WAS WATCHING EVERY LITTLE DETAIL 2MAKE SURE SHE WAS REALLY HAPPY.. THE WAY HE BARELY EVEN SMILES IN THE GAME N DURING THIS SCENE HE WAS FUCKING GRINNING BRO OH MY GOD. he literally gave her the moon, stars, n the planets :( they deserved 2 be happy man i fucking HATE TLOU2 HHH they could have had so much together HNGDHFHH Joel didn't even get 2 meet JJ :(

please b4 you come at me with the 'Abby deserved happiness with her father too!' just save it man. i don't care n i don't wanna hear about it like DNI with this post if thats all you wanna say <;3

Joel's death. i knew he was going 2 die but like when i was watching p2 i didn't think it was going 2 happen THAT fast. never cried so hard (lying) 4 real he didn't deserve all that. okay he did (i guess, whatever...) but that shit was cruel n 2 do it in front of Ellie 2... man,, Ashley Johnson needs every award 4 the voice acting in that scene,,, holy shit was it so painful 2 watch 4 FUCKING READ. n the aftermath like when i saw Ellie taking Joel's jacket, my mind immediately went 2 Harry Styles' Cherry where he said, 'i noticed that // there's a piece of you in how i dress,' :( THE WAY SHE BURIES HER FACE IN HIS FABRIC LIKE SHE'S BREATHING HIM IN 4 THE LAST TIME... THE FLOWERS IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE, THE BLUE HYDRANGEAS SHE LEAVES AT HIS GRAVE SYMBOLISING FORGIVENESS n REGRET ,, THE PIC OF SARAH N  ELLIE ON HIS TABLE :( THE BROCHURE FROM THE DINOSAUR EXHIBITION THAT HE KEPT :( THE WOLF (WLF) N THE MOOSE (JOEL -> PROTECTOR) MOTIF :((( GOD THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING TRAGIC I HATE IT SM literally crying so hard right now. the way Joel’s death was so trauma inducing 4 Ellie that during her breakdown, in her flashback, she recalls what happened n it was so much worse than what actually happened. the stairway being longer n the way she falsely remembers Joel calling out her name n begging 4 help n the way she kept pleading 2 stop??????? i literally hate everything. THE FACT THAT SHE WAS HOLDING JJ ALL THE WHILE 2??? PLEASE MAN,,, WE 4 REAL CAN’T HAVE SHIT!!! ALSO the way the game just literally lost it’s colour after Joel dies like the colours got all muted/ desaturated n all the nature/wonderment we used 2 see in TLOU1 just like disappeared after Joel dies,, mirroring Ellie’s emotions/ state of being BYE that’s so genius i don’t care if it’s obvious HHH it’s such a neat little detail 2 notice.

the scene right before they find the hospital n Joel is holding Ellie’s limp body n he’s frantically, desperately trying 2 see if she’s breathing n he realises she isn’t n the fucking ice cold water i KNOW he feels running down his spine ‘cus the scene is becoming 2 familiar again,, he knows he could never live with himself if he fails another one of his girls… the way he’s just giving her chest compressions even when he could have been shot at any moment n it’s just a perfect bittersweet parallel 2 Sarah’s death GOD he loves his daughters SO fucking much. a father’s love is something i’ll never comprehend or experience ever GOD.

'if somehow, the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment, i would do it all over again.' if someone said that 2 me i would literally start throwing up (but /pos). the fact that Ellie JUST decided 2 try n forgive him n then he just dies... ND kys why would you do that 2 me. Joel could have said something like 'i regret doing what i did,' or 'i'm sorry,' but instead he says he would do it all over again, not knowing how Ellie would react like she's already so angry at him n he doesn't even hesitate 2 say all that even though he knows it could set her off. he stands firm that what he did was right ‘cus 2 him, he would rather have Ellie alive n hating his guts 4 the rest of his life no matter how much that hurts rather than her being killed 4 a world that was beyond saving anyway n that is so insane 2 me 4 real. 2 be loved that deeply that he would damn the whole world just 4 his daughter. please don't talk 2 me. he does not care if she hates him 4 real he just wants her alive n that's SO!!! he's just a dad who loves his little girl :(( n in TLOU2 Ellie, at the heart of it all, is just a little girl who misses her dad :((( i hate this game. ALSO the detail in this scene is CRAZY, you can literally see Joel's lip quivering minisculely n his eyebrow is twitching n he's literally holding back tears BRO GOD he loves Ellie sm n ARGHFJDHS the way after that scene Ellie gets woken up by Jesse the next day n she tells him she overslept but every other time b4 or after the INCIDENT she never has a good night of sleep. DIE.

i don’t really know how i feel about the ending of TLOU2. it’s angsty n all but the boat image being no longer in the dark means that there’s hope 4 Ellie 2 like become better or something like that right? yeah i don’t know i just wish there were more scenes of her with Joel, n Dina (i can never get enough okay) but in all seriousness, despite how many times i’ve said i hate TLOU2 i do think it was a good story. imo tlou1 was great n didn’t necessarily NEED a sequel (stfu let Ellie stay 14 4ever HHHH) but i liked it anyway. i wanna know what happens with Tommy n Maria though, like are they separated separated or does Tommy find a way past his hatred n back 2 her??? n what happens 2 Dina n JJ?? are they okay? does Dina tell him about Ellie n Jesse? oh man i miss Jesse :( he would have made such a good n cool co-parent. ARGHHHDDJ low-key wish i could break in2 the creators’ home n demand these answers {{{(>_<)}}}

hmm some miscellaneous thoughts:

ELLIE IS SOOOOO WOULD’VE, COULD’VE, SHOULD’VE CODED BRO YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE.  ‘AND IF I WAS A CHILD, DID IT MATTER? IF YOU GOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS’ n ‘IF YOU NEVER TOUCHED ME, I WOULD’VE GONE ALONG WITH THE RIGHTEOUS’ HELLO???????? literally her entire arc w/ D*vid LIKE that scene where was hunting her was SO scary,, it was scarier than having 2 watch Abby make out with Owen.  [All I used to do was pray // Would've, could've, should've // If you'd never looked my way] how many times do you think Ellie regretted the moment she decided 2 follow D*vid n his friend 4 the medicine. wait- no like not that she regretted trading 4 the meds ‘cus i feel like she would’ve done it again 4 Joel but like she probably would do it safer n less trusting I DON’T KNOW like i bet she feels INSANE thinking about all the ‘what-ifs’ if she never followed D*vid sigh i’m so bad at voicing my thoughts jesus how did i ever score an A 4 my lit analysis when i was in secondary school,, the brain is 4 real crazy. ANYWAY. 

THE BRIDGE??? ‘If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?’ despite already killing D*vid brutally, she’s forever haunted by the trauma it caused n i know she feels like she should just get over it already but she literally can’t ‘cus that was the moment she really killed killed n he tried 2 ruin her n i bet she would do it again but she hates that she probably liked killing him but she’s so right,, Ellie i would do it again n again 2 bae dw. ‘Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts // GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLHOOD IT WAS MINE FIRST’ oh my God… bro,, give her back her girlhood it was hers first 4 fucking real. she never really had girlhood 2 begin with,, FEDRA definitely was shit 2 her, she lost Riley when she disappeared then she lost Riley again when she died then D*vid happens n it’s like,, give her a fucking break jfc bro she never really got 2 be just a girl, or even a child, i don’t know where i’m going with this but that one line is SO her 4 real she just,, every bad thing that happened 2 her was never her fault or deserved like everything that was taken away from her… give it back GIVE IT BACK return everything n everyone that was taken from her bro that’s so fucked. okay the chorus n outro uhm,, ‘And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven’ the satisfaction of killing D*vid is definitely this line, n maybe also everyone she killed while avenging Joel (maybe, but probably not ‘cus i don’t think she liked how violent she became) maybe the pain of her survivor’s guilt was heaven 2 ‘cus it meant she got 2 meet Dina n Jesse n spend more time with Joel 2. ‘And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts // Memories feel like weapons // And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering’ LAST LINE IS HER TALKING ABOUT KNOWING THE TRUTH 4 REAL. ‘MEMORIES FEEL LIKE WEAPONS’ Ellie’s PTSD is strong in this one 3:

‘God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be’ Ellie when she had 2 kill her inner child n went on a rampage 2 avenge Joel. Ellie when she learnt the truth n had 2 live with her survivor’s guilt. Ellie when her relationship with Joel got strained n tense not like it used 2 be. Ellie when she lost herself 4 real.  ‘The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind // I regret you all the time // I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep // The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign // I regret you all the time’ literally her relationship with Joel isn’t it?? she lowkey regrets that she met him (IN A WAY) ‘cus he took her choice away 4 her life 2 have meant something n like i know she tries 2 forgive him (n eventually does) but like i don’t know i feel like those lines are so her n Joel. ‘I fight with you in my sleep,’ ‘cus she doesn’t really talk 2 Joel right but she definitely can’t fucking sleep right knowing what he did. i think it hurt 2 much 2 look at him so the only time she actually got mad at him was when she wasn’t awake. (hope that made sense `(*>﹏<*)′ i feel like the regret line isn’t so much talking about her relationship with Joel but rather herself, i feel like it resonates more with how she treated Joel, i just know she wished she could have said that she wanted 2 try 2 forgive him MUCH earlier if she knew she wouldn’t have that much time with him left. also Dina, she probably wishes she could find her again at the end. SIGH

ELLIE IS MY TEARS RICOCHET CODED 2!!!!!!!!!!! ‘AND I CAN GO ANYWHERE I WANT // ANYWHERE I WANT // JUST NOT HOME’ LITERALLY HER AT THE END OF THE GAME ‘CUS SHE’S ‘FREE’ NOW BUT WHERE DOES SHE GO? WHERE WILL SHE GO? WHO WILL SHE TURN 2? BYE FUCK OFF WHERE/WHO IS HER HOME ANYMORE. I HATE IT HERE. ‘You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same’ ELLIE WHEN A PART OF HERSELF DIED WHEN JOEL DIED OR LIKE WHEN SHE KILLED A PART OF HERSELF 2 AVENGE JOEL N LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND ARHGDSFGDFSJH ‘You turned into your worst fears // And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain // Crossing out the good years’ Ellie when she literally became someone she never wanted 2 be n drowned in her need 2 get revenge. ‘And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed’ Ellie n Joel. literally it’s just her missing Joel. i hate bitches 4 real.

Dina deserved better. she straight up deserved SO much better than what Ellie gave her. the way Ellie left her alone in the theatre?? the way Dina was up all night helping with the map n i don't even remember if Ellie said thank you or not?? Dina IMMEDIATELY giving her mask 2 Ellie when hers broke??? Dina being with Ellie every step of the way n Ellie leaving when all Dina wanted was 4 her 2 stay??? ‘prove it, stay,’ DINA WAS BEGGING BRO N ELLIE LEFT N MY FUCKING HEART,,, Dina you deserved so much better ily you are so so so hot 2 me.

i don't want 2 think about Yara n Lev :( they loved each other so much n thinking about them makes me so sad. i also don’t want 2 think about how Abby n Lev parallels Joel n Ellie or anything like that, please leave me alone ＞︿＜

Ellie's descent in2 becoming someone so violent was so devastating 2 witness. she literally had 2 sit down n was nauseous the first time she shot someone in p1 n we see her become this mindless (not really ‘cus she gets ptsd) killing machine in p2 is so crazy (she looked so fucking hot doing it though). she literally loses her mind 2 the violence in order 1 avenge Joel ‘cus she loves him that much, its so twisted. ALSO her saying 2 sam that her biggest fear is ending up alone n THEN IN PART 2 SHE ENDS UP ALONE????? ND KYS THAT'S SO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING

THIS SONG?????? THE SONG JOEL SANG 2 ELLIE,,,  TROY BAKER’S VOICE SINGING IT??? THE GMV?????? the song is literally about Ellie n Joel (TヘT) ‘If I ever were to lose you // I'd surely lose myself’ WHAT THE FUCK someone pulling my heart out while i was conscious would hurt less. ‘All of my stolen missing parts // I've no need for anymore’ Joel when he found Ellie n recovered the part of him he thought he buried when Sarah Died n how he learns how 2 love again MAN. ‘Back when I was feeling broken // I focused on a prayer // You came deep as the ocean’ both Ellie n Joel were looking (if indirectly maybe) 4 something 2 save them from the darkness, internally or not, n they saved each other. THEY SAVED EACH OTHER- Joel found someone 2 love n cherish, n Ellie found someone who loved n cherished her n didn’t just want her 4 her immunity PLEASE they love each other SO MUCH. ‘All the promises at sundown // I meant them like the rest’ Joel talking about caring 4 Ellie, Ellie talking about how she’ll try 2 forgive joel.  ‘Hey angel, I am here to stay // No resistance, no alarms // Please, this is just too good to be gone’ ANGEL???? kys. Joel really did try 2 stay. he tried so hard 2 fight. the last line being some type of foreshadowing towards his death ‘cus i guess good things really do never last. HE JUST WANTED TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER OKAY. 

HBO Show time :3

i think the show was really good,, holy shit episode 6 when Joel is sniping n he's making sure Ellie gets out of the place as unscathed as possible?? i was like captivated bro i was watching with my eyes wide open n barely breathing ,,, their performance was so good. loved episode 8 obv the babygirl scene was so healing AGAIN. i don’t know i don't really have that much 2 say about the show after watching the game ‘cus like essentially it's all the same except the show cut out some parts n added others. Bill n Frank episode was so tender :( n Joel's monologue 2 Tommy saying all he does is fail Ellie... my God pedro pascal recited his lines PERFECTLY,, director yelled cut but he heard CUNT instead n delivered.

YOU KNOW WHAT sorry 2 get NSFW 4 a bit AGAIN but i sat there clenching my thighs SO TIGHTLY when he gunned down the entire hospital. literally had heart eyes n everything watching that shit.

‘so time heals all wounds, i guess. // it wasn’t time that did it.’ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. THE WAY HE PURPOSEFULLY MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH ELLIE WHEN HE SAYS IT, LIKE HE FULLY TURNS HIS HEAD 2 MAKE SURE HE MEETS HER EYES SO SHE KNOWS WHAT HE’S GETTING AT N THEN THE EYE CONTACT THEY HOLD AFTER HE SAYS IT N THEY WAY HER EYES WIDEN N IT’S LIKE GOD CAN YOU EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATED BITCHES JUST SAY I LOVE YOU PLEASE ANYWAY THE WAY HE WIPES HIS EYES 2 AFTERWARDS??????? THIS SCENE WAS SO SOFT GOD FUCK

WHY DID THEY CUT OUT THE PART WHERE ELLIE JUMPS IN2 THE WATER WITH HENRY N SAM N HE KEEPS HER AFLOAT LIKE THAT SCENE WAS SOOO IMPORTANT IMO 2 SHOW THAT JOEL THINKING OF HER AS 'CARGO' WAS SLOWLY DETERIORATING I DON’T KNOWJDSSDH BUT THE WAY SHE KNOWS SHE CAN'T SWIM BUT SHE KNOWS JOEL WON'T LET HER DROWN LIKE THE WAY JOEL GOES 'i got you, i got you,' LIKE OMG????? HNHGDHFGDH

WHY DID THEY ALSO TAKE OUT THE SCENE WHERE JOEL LIKE GETS CAUGHT UPSIDE DOWN IN BILL'S TRAP N ELLIE HAS 2 SAVE HIM LIKE THAT SCENE WAS SO FUCKING COOL JDHSDJSDF JOEL WAS SO COOL THERE SIGHHHH

PEDRO PASCAL N BELLA RAMSEY DID SUCH A GOOD JOB OMFG BELLA RAMSEY DESERVES ALL THE AWARDS BRO HOLY SHIT she's such a good actress. their relationship n their chemisty on n off screen is so precious ahhhh they did so good!!!

here r some tiktoks that have me sobbing immediately n gives me immeasurable amounts of grief:

https://www.tiktok.com/@iostlegacy/video/7213479467690249480

this is the edit that got me curious about TLOU in the first place. i was BAMBOOZLED thinking i would get a cute father-daughter duo game (i did but it didn't last) FUCK i love TLOU

https://www.tiktok.com/@cast1ebyerss/video/7242296022716697858

it's the way she becomes this person she obviously doesn't want 2 become,,, which you can tell from the way she gets literal PTSD after the first time she tortures one of Abby's friends 4 information,, like actually tortures,, but she continues doing all that fucked up shit in the name of revenge 4 Joel ‘cus like she loves him SO MUCH!!! ‘when i get home, i’m gonna bury you,’ SHE HAD 2 KILL HER INNER CHILD KYS FUCK anyway the transition from her being all alone n violent 2 her 14 yo self AUGHDHSVSHHSHSHS the way she was she was literally fighting 4 survival during that time (not saying she isnt now like TLOU2) like she was like on 'roadtrip' with  Joel fighting infected almost everyday but she was still so much happier n innocent-er AUGHHHHH the pipeline is 2 real omfg i freaking love Ellie hfhdhdjdbd I love Ellie Williams in my head she is Ellie Miller anyway,,

https://www.tiktok.com/@lcvesrobin/video/7199341136308210950

THE FUCKING TRANSITION FROM TAYLOR'S YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN KID 2 THE 19*5'S ABOUT YOU IN WHICH THE LYRICS ARE 'do you think i have forgotten about you?" KILL YOURSELF,,, ALSO THE FUCKING CAPTION?? ‘CUS SHE WAS ALWAYS ON HER OWN BUT THEN JOEL SHOWED UP N WAS THE FIRST PERSON 2 PROPERLY LOVE HER ENOUGH 2 QUITE LITERALLY OR WTV DAMN THE WHOLE WORLD N HE JUST FUCKING DIES N SHE ENDS UP ALL ALONE AGAIN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU LONELINESS REALLY IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD I JUST WANTED THEM 2 BE HAPPY MAN her only fear was 2 not end up alone n thats all she was in the end (choking on tears)

https://www.tiktok.com/@ramsyvsp/video/7246107689821015338

‘YOU GO HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH SOMEONE’ // ‘I SAVED HER’ please i can’t take it anymore i literally have work, i work at a job n these bitches got me on life support ,, trying not 2 cry ,, abt 2 talk 2 my supervisor with tears in my eyes thanks. Ellie wanted 2 save the world n Joel wanted 2 save his n that’s exactly what he did.

https://www.tiktok.com/@qshleyvsp/video/7249372913017588999

please don't even talk 2 me.

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSLssF7ah/

self-explanatory. what if i actually started throwing up like /srs.

uhm okay here's like just me talking about Joel n Ellie ‘cus i have daddy issues n the thought of being loved that dearly makes me physically ill. 

i love Joel’s character SO much. the way he’s always been some kind of father/protector 2 EVERYONE around him is so,, he loved Sarah n when he lost her, he lost himself n he dedicated his life 2 protecting the only family he had left ie Tommy n even when that went 2 hell, he was then protective of Tess (let’s be honest she was a milf who could fight like a bitch mwah gone 2 soon) n then Ellie. he was always being someone else’s ,, defender. the way he obviously closed himself off after he thought he failed Sarah n the way he got attached 2 Ellie n ultimately let her in n just seamlessly fell in2 the role of a father again like he was just shrugging on an old jacket. SARAH TAUGHT HIM HOW 2 LOVE N ELLIE REMINDED HIM HOW SIGHHH,, Ellie n Sarah could’ve been the best sisters UGH also the way Ellie was always by herself n she really only had Riley n then she lost her 2 n then she met Joel n he was the first person in her life that didn’t let her get hurt (ish) n actually gave a shit about her so she let him in (SIGH) even though she was probably so scared of ending up alone again (SIGHHHH) n they just. THEY’RE THE ONLY DAD/DAUGHTER DUO EVER MANNNNN

i love their relationship. i love them 2 death. they are so insanely lovely 2 me like how they go from barely tolerating one another 2 risking their lives 2 save each other. being loved by Joel means he doesn't care how violent he has 2 get 2 keep Ellie safe n that's exactly what he did n i can't even imagine anyone loving me that much n it makes me ache 4 someone older who would stop at nothing 2 keep me safe. omfg i'm getting off track. anyway, Ellie loves Joel so much that she's doing everything 2 forgive him, knowing she thinks she's worthless without her immunity meaning something n that is so deep. i love their relationship so dearly. they are so somft 2 me. ignoring the murder n all. i don’t know i just. i never had a connection like Ellie has with Joel. ever. n just like thinking about how if i were in Ellie's shoes, i would just be constantly in awe that someone has the capacity 2 love n care 4 me as much as Joel does n how is he not bursting at the seams. i love Joel. i wish dads were real. sigh okay i think that's all.

yes, that's it. thanks 4 reading. love you xx 

[findafight]

Hi! Absolutely loved your pjo stranger things post!!!! Do you have any more headcanons about that verse you’d be willing to share? (Especially about Steve ;))

Not headcanons but little snippets just for you, anon <3

Dionysius has never made it anything other than crystal clear that he hates his job. He dislikes teenagers (their ability to throw Bacchanalia aside) and to be surrounded by them and expected to care about their petty squabbles is just...eugh. The boss man really chose a terrible punishment.

But (and somehow there is a but to working with all his godly peers snot nosed brats) he doesn't...mind young children. They are free of inhibition, look at the world in wonder, are unafraid to taste and try mysteries, and are capable of gluttony to rival a gorged king.

Which is how the youngest camper he's ever had has somehow weedled his way into sitting on his lap as he plays pinochle with Chiron. Dionysius slaps his hands, gently, away from the cards, pulls him a bit farther from the table.

"Mr. D," the kid says "are you my dad?"

He splutters, knocks his (depressingly virgin) cocktail all over the table, gets a chuckle from Chiron (the traitor), and has to grip the kid by the waist to ensure he doesn't tumble to the floor. The kid giggles.

"What makes you say that?" He says after he's finished cursing.

Tiny shoulders shrug. "I dunno. Other campers were talking about their parents, and, Uhm." He squirms "They said I don't got one. Like. God-y or not, cuz I didn't run away but I live here all the time. So I thought maybe camp's my home cuz yer my dad?"

Well, shit. How's he, an immortal being who's own father banished him here and can hardly remember being actually mortal let alone a child, supposed to tell a kid that not only did he get dumped in the woods as a baby, and his godly parent hasn't let anyone know who they are, but the weird guy making sure he doesnt die and knows how to read isn't his dad. Whoever his parents are owe Dionysius so much.

"Well. No. I'm not your dad."

He kicks his feet. "But you help take care-a me?"

"Yes. Because you are little."

"They said that's what their normal parents do."

"Well. I'm a god. So."

"But I'm little. And I don't got one." Godsdammit. Now he sounds sad. "They said sometimes kids don't ever get claimed."

Dionysius shifts him so he can look at his face properly.

"Listen, kid. I'm not your dad. I'd tell you if I was your dad. Promise." He can't believe he just said promise. Gods.

"Okay." He says, satisfied, turning back to the table. "Chiron is for sure not my dad, 'cause I'm not a horse."

Dionysius laughs. Yeah. He's got a soft spot for the little ones.

-------

Steve holds his plate in front of him, cup balancing precariously on top of it. Cindy, the head camper of the Hermes cabin where he's lived ever since he can remember, said they scraped off part of their food as an offering to the gods, and specifically their godly parent. Steve has rotated through all the gods this week, since the older campers decided he's old enough to understand why they do it. He's even offered some to Dionysius, as a thank you even though he knows he's not his dad.

The only god he hasn't yet is Hestia, but he's going to tonight. No one really talks about her, even less than Hera and Artemis, but he figures he can try. Some of the Hunters of Artemis, who visited a while ago, told him about Hestia and how she tended the home fires of the gods. How she got a portion of every burnt offering, even if it wasn't directed to her.

He thinks that she might appreciate something special, so he decides to dedicate his burnt offering to her, and offer what some kids called libations. He'll scrape some food into the fire, and then pour some of his juice over it too. The Hunters told him it was special, so he'll try it. Maybe because she's the goddess of home, she'll know who his parents are.

He steps up, slides half his bun and a pile of mashed potatoes with an asparagus on-top that Cindy helped him divide up before they left the table, into the fire, thinking as loudly as he can for you, Hestia. He places his plate down and picks up his cup, the older kids behind him huffing impatiently. He pours a splash, then a second one because he wasn't sure how much a libation was supposed to be, and thinks again for Hestia and our home as it fizzles to nothing on the bricks of the fire.

Picking up his plate, he smiles to himself. His first week of real offerings is going well, he thinks.

-----

Once, when Steve was sixteen, the magic goblets of the dinner tables filled up with wine. Or at least his did. He took his cup with him, poured his libation for Hestia, one of the only two gods he felt remotely any respect for, and paused. He poured a second, for Dionysius.

After the meal, he was summoned. Mr. D raised his eyebrows at him when he walked in and clamped his hand on his shoulder. He'd long since stopped being intimidated by the god, probably sometime around being promised that he wasn't his son, but couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Kid. You can't do that."

"Why not?"

Mr. D sighed."because I'm dry for the next century. My old man hates loopholes, alright?"

"Oh. Sorry."

"Alright, get out of here. We had a late arrival, a nervous one. Get her settled in Hermes cabin with your gaggle of misfits." He waved Steve out, but before he got off the porch steps, he called out. "And Steve?" He waited until he turned back around, then shrugged. "Thanks for trying."

Steve grinned.

-------

There was gonna be a little hint of steddie here but the app keeps crashing so it's not meant to be

[emeraldenha]

❈ SUMMARY. though managing to stay in touch, you and Nishimura Riki were forced to live separate lives at different paces, but that was just the new normal. however, after seeing you again during your annual summer visit, he finds himself deep in trouble when faced with acknowledging his hidden feelings.

❈ PAIRING. childhood friend!ni-ki x fem!reader

❈ GENRE. friends to lovers, fake dating trope, mutual pining, fluff

❈ W/C. +6.6k words

❈ WARNINGS. not even cursing for this one folks, just pure and simple fluff <3

“you said what?”

“I may have told my friends that I have a girlfriend and they didn’t believe me so… I need your help.”

“well, they obviously don’t believe you because you don’t have one.”

“y/n, please!”

“no, riki!” you let out a frustrated sigh, still processing the fact that your childhood friend had called you over the phone just for this. “why would you lie to them?”

you and riki had known each other since you were little, your moms being the best of friends. you had even lived in the same neighborhood growing up until your last year of middle school, but then your father’s job required you to move a bit further out of the area and you had seen riki significantly less now that you were also enrolled into a different high school.

it was an unspoken rule that you always called first. riki could barely even respond to text messages as is, so it was rare for him to make the effort to call you when the both of you were so busy living your own separate lives.

and that was exactly why you had a bad feeling when you saw his contact illuminating your screen. riki was only ever desperate enough to call you when it came to asking for favors.

“because they said I was too childish to get a girlfriend! I just wanted to prove them wrong,” he explains in an ironically childish manner.

you groan in annoyance, “and why does that have to involve me?”

“you’re the only girl I talk to,” he begrudgingly admits, his voice lowering as if he'd just revealed a big secret. “all I'm asking for is one hang out. after that, I'll make up an excuse so you won't have to keep up the act for too long.”

“and how do you plan on doing that?” you question him, hoping that he'll realize his flawed logic and drop the matter all together. “if you've somehow forgotten, I live like a couple hours away from you. how am I supposed to meet your friends, huh?”

you wait for him to respond on the other end of the call, assuming he was trying to think of a feasible answer.

“school ends after finals in two weeks.”

“so?”

“my mom told me your family is planning to visit again over the summer,” he says matter-of-factly. “that's literally right around the corner! this could totally work.”

you hated that he was technically right. everything on paper sounded like a solid line of action.

'of course it does,' you think. 'scheming was embedded into riki's nature.'

you hear him clear his throat after a long silence, “I won’t ask you for something like this ever again, I promise.”

“can't you just, I don't know, tell them the truth instead?” you ask in one last final attempt.

he lets out a dry chuckle and you can practically picture him shaking his head at your suggestion, “no, my pride won't allow that.”

“you’re so reckless sometimes,” you exhale, lying down on your bed and staring blankly at the ceiling. “but fine, I’ll be your fake summer fling or whatever. do anything crazy and I’ll kill you.”

“are you threatening me?”

“yes, I am very much threatening you.”

you were sweating bullets the moment you and your parents arrived at the nishimura residence and it wasn’t just from the summer heat.

you knew that this was the place you’d be staying at considering your family was always welcomed at the nishimura's, but upon your actual arrival, you wanted to pass out.

“it's so nice to see you, y/n!” riki's mother pulls you into a bone-crushing hug. “you've grown so much since the last time I saw you.”

“mom, we saw her last winter for the holidays. it hasn't been that long,” riki grumbles, embarrassed by her overbearing liveliness.

“oh, don't be silly! that was still around half a year ago,” mrs. nishimura argues as she untangles her arms from yours, waving a hand at her son dismissively. “you kids are still in high school. look at how tall riki has gotten lately!”

“mom,” riki facepalms himself, muttering incoherent words into his sweater paw.

“he really is getting taller,” you father muses, instinctively moving to size up to him. he laughs with a strong clap to riki's back. “he'll most likely surpass my height someday.”

riki ends up stumbling forward, coincidentally right in front of where you were standing.

“hey,” you smile softly.

riki finds his footing, sheepishly returning your smile when he does, “hey.”

the two of your families end up talking outside for another handful of minutes, never a missing beat of conversation or laughter before deciding to finally head inside.

“riki, help y/n with her bags,” his father instructs him, walking inside while holding some reusable bags of food and a cooler your parents had brought on your little road trip here.

riki turns to you, watching you struggle to carry your luggage with two backpacks slung over each of your shoulders.

“give me those,” he tilts his chin towards the backpacks obviously weighing on your back.

“I've got it,” you stubbornly deny his offer.

riki rolls his eyes, wordlessly untangling the straps of your bags from your arms until they're in his grasp. you choose not to start an argument over it as you enter the house, simply setting your luggage at the base of the staircase along with your family's other belongings.

“you two can go up to riki's room to catch up,” riki's mother says while taking a seat on their living room couch. “us adults will just continue chatting downstairs.”

you nod and thank his parents for their hospitality, following riki as he leads you towards the familiar route to his room.

the first thing you do when riki closes the door is land a hard smack on his arm.

“ouch, what was that for?” he pouts, rubbing the spot that took the most impact.

“you seriously have to ask?” you huff. “it's for whatever mess you're getting me into with this whole fake dating thing. I still can't believe you roped me into that, like what were you thinking?”

“why are you so mad?”

“I'm not mad,” you bicker. “you're just annoying.”

riki pretends as if he didn't hear your comment, “since you brought it up, should we go over the plan?”

“I guess so,” you eventually cave in with a shrug. “I have some questions anyways.”

he nods, “ask away.”

“first things first, how large is your friend group?” you make yourself comfortable on riki's bed while he plops onto one of his beanbag chairs on the floor.

he thinks for a moment, “there's seven of us including me.”

you blink, not expecting his answer, “I have to play girlfriend for six of your guy friends?”

“don't say it like that!”

“say it like what?”

“the whole 'play girlfriend' thing!” he whines dramatically. “it's weird when you put it like that.”

“but isn't that basically what this is?” you give him a weird look. “it was your idea to fake date; I don't know why you're so squirmy over it all of a sudden.”

riki doesn't respond, acknowledging that you had a point.

“it feels like I sort of have a secret identity now,” you change topics to spare riki the embarrassment. the whole ordeal in itself was already enough. “I'm still offended you've never told them about me though.”

you dramatically wipe the nonexistent tears on your cheek.

“I have mentioned you to them before,” riki discloses, unconsciously pursing his lips together. “it's just that I've only mention you in passing, so I've never really told them your name.”

'just that you're my childhood crush.'

“what kind of stuff did you say about me? all good things I hope,” you playfully tease him.

riki diverts his gaze, fixing his hair to distract himself, “I don't really remember,” he lies straight through his teeth. “probably just stuff that was relevant for when I was telling old stories or something like that.”

“makes sense,” you nod, not suspecting a thing — fortunately, in his case.

riki would rather jump off a cliff than profess that he's basically had a crush on you for as long as he's been alive.

“okay,” you exclaim as you criss-cross your legs with a pillow resting in your lap. “what's our backstory?”

“okay so,” he starts, adjusting his sitting position to straighten his posture. “I told them you're my long distance girlfriend that I randomly meet while accidentally text messaging the wrong number and—”

“wait, why would you accidentally text message the wrong number?” you interject.

“because jay got a new phone recently and I just lied and said that I mistyped one of the numbers into his contact info,” he quickly runs through the information.

“wow, you think fast on your feet.”

“I know, now let me finish.”

you roll your eyes but let him continue.

“jay got his new number a few months ago, so I said that we've been talking for two months and have been dating for one,” riki elaborates with a bunch of hand gestures for full effect. “your family is visiting since you come from the countryside and have some relatives here that you usually come to see during vacation.” he racks his brain to reiterate as much as possible before adding, “and we don't have to act super intimate or anything because they think we'll be meeting in person for the first time.”

you scrunch your nose at that last bit, “you said that you've never met me before? they must think I'm a catfish then.”

“hey, it was a smart move on my part!” he defends himself. “plus, I've already added that we've also been talking through facetime. there you have it, catfishing accusations avoided!”

listening to that, you were almost jealous of yourself as his fake girlfriend.

'at least she got facetime calls.'

“you've really thought this through,” you shake your head in disbelief.

riki smirks, evidently proud in himself, “I take my secrets to the grave, y/n.”

“I don't doubt that.”

riki abruptly lifts himself off his beanbag chair and makes his way towards where you were sitting, mimicking your criss-crossed position on the bed as he sits facing towards you.

“are you sure you're okay with doing this?” he hesitantly pops the question. “I know I sort of coursed you into doing this favor for me, but I won't go through with it if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“I'll be fine,” you shrug like it's no big deal. “it's not like this will change anything, right?”

internally, you were freaking out a little. you had been on a couple dates after you and riki parted for high school, but they had never really went anywhere. at the end of the day, you were still the same single, boyfriendless girl that riki had gotten to know all his life.

the same girl that developed feelings for her childhood best friend all those years ago.

beneath the surface, you had always liked riki but did little to act on it.

especially after losing the luxury to walk to his house that was five minutes away or be able to sit next to him in class, it felt pointless to chase after someone that wouldn't even send a simple text if his life depended on it. you were well aware that riki would never be the type who show'd he cared — even when he did — as a kid, but you had expected that maybe he would start trying a little harder considering you were no longer within close distance.

despite your high hopes, it was still you doing all the heavy lifting and you took it as a sign that you had lost all real significance in his life.

you couldn't help but wonder if this plan of his would parallel to all your other failed dates and attempts at romance, or if this was your chance to make your relationship with riki something more.

“yeah,” riki agrees. “nothing will change.”

'nothing will change. don't give your hopes up... again.'

“good,” you force a smile without a thought, trying to block out the chunks of negativity floating in the back of your brain.

“we're going to the amusement park,” he informs you with a smile of his own, ruffling your hair with his hand until it began to jumble at the top of your head. “we're meeting them tomorrow morning at nine, be ready by then.”

nine o'clock soon becomes nine-thirty by the time everyone gathers together in front of your intended meeting spot outside the amusement park.

when you and riki had first arrived at nine o'clock sharp — due to your punctuality — a couple of his friends were already there. you counted three after exchanging brief introductions.

“where are the rest?” riki searches around but fails to catch sight of his missing friends.

“we all came together,” one of the boys, who you learned was jake, says while pointing to himself and the other two. “the other three must've gone in heeseung's car. they'll probably be here soon.”

“it's nice to meet you, y/n!” sunoo beams at you brightly, shifting everyone's attention onto you.

“thank you,” a smile makes its way onto your face. “it's nice to meet you too.”

“riki said you're from the countryside,” jay prompts in flow of the conversation.

you nod, keeping in line with the backstory riki formulated, “that's correct.”

in actuality, that was completely false. you didn't move that far after you graduated middle school. you were still relatively within the city.

“really?” jay says in surprise. “your dialect sounds the same as ours though.”

well, you hadn't thought about that.

“my parents only moved to the countryside right before I was born,” you awkwardly laugh, scratching the back of your neck. “I'm comfortable speaking in both dialects, since I speak them both in and outside of home respectively.”

lies, lies, lies.

your heart was racing. you weren't used to this.

“good going, jay,” jake's voice drips with sarcasm as he nudges jay in the side. “you've made her uncomfortable.”

“it's okay!” you laugh it off, saved by a trio of boys approaching where you and everyone else were standing.

“sorry for being late! parking was an absolute nightmare,” the boy in the center apologizes, twirling a set of car keys around his index finger.

'that must be heeseung.'

“it's fine,” jay leisurely brushes off the apology, taking a moment to stretch. “at least now we're all here.”

“guys,” riki shouts, subtly wrapping an arm around your waist. “this is y/n. y/n, this is sunghoon, heeseung, and jungwon.”

he points each of them out from left to right.

you go through another round of 'nice to meet yous' before jungwon speaks up.

“I hope you'll be able to feel comfortable around us, y/n! don't be nervous and have fun,” his words put you at ease and you manage to sincerely thank him for his reassurance amidst the initial surprise.

“now that the formalities are out of the way,” sunoo points towards the amusement park entrance. “shall we get going?”

there's a harmonious dynamic within the group you can't quite put your finger on. they were so full of energy that the morning was already spiraling by and their silliness made you laugh so hard that you though you'd burst a lung.

and they also made sure to make you feel as welcomed as possible, which you had greatly appreciated.

you had plenty of friends at your high school, but oftentimes, you preferred to be more on the reserved side. your daily schedule was a repeated sequence of studying and chatting about mindless things like the weather.

this was the perfect start to your summer, a breath of fresh air. you couldn't remember the last time you were this carefree.

“riki, riki, riki,” you cling onto him as he drags the both of you off the exiting platform of the rollercoaster ride. “I feel so dizzy. I'm about to be sick.”

“you'll be fine,” is all riki says in response, but he lets you place your hand on his shoulder as you descend down the set of stairs to rejoin the rest of the group.

as everyone continues strolling through the walkway, most of them are debating on what they should do next, riki pitches in on their discussion while you stay a bit behind next to heeseung and jake.

“I heard you say riki earlier,” heeseung looks over at you, tilting his head in confusion. “you call him by his real name?”

“real name?” you let out an uncomfortable laugh. “of course I do. what else would I call him?”

“he only let's us address him by his nickname, ni-ki,” jake chimes into the conversation.

“really?” you say with genuine awe, a dumbfounded expression on your face. “I didn't know that.”

heeseung and jake exchange knowing looks.

with an airy chuckle, heeseung casually says, “guess that just means you're special.”

the thought alone could make your heart burst.

you swear that by noon, you could confirm that these boys do not rest. there's never an awkward pause of silence, and as you soon learned, no breaks either.

“stop oversharing my embarrassing childhood past to y/n! it makes for a bad first impression,” sunghoon tries to tackle sunoo who had been talking to you about him after sunghoon made a fool of himself on the tea cup ride.

“don't worry, I don't judge,” you attempt to lighten the mood at the sight of sunghoon's reddening cheeks. “if you think your stories are embarrassing, then riki clearly hasn't told you enough of his. riki was so cute when he was a kid!”

jay slowly halts his laughter, curiously raising an eyebrow, “how would you know?”

your eyes widen by a fraction and it takes you a second to think of what to say, “he showed me some of his baby pictures one time.”

“he did?” sunoo gasps, clutching at your arm and giving it an enthusiastic shake. “can I see?”

riki purses his lips, removing sunoo's hands off your arm before drawing you closer, “no, keep dreaming.”

you liked this riki.

“boo, you're no fun,” sunoo says with disappointment.

“wait, guys!” jungwon calls out to the group, waving them over. “isn't that the new rollercoaster they added earlier this year? it looks insane! we should totally go on that one next.”

everyone immediately seems to agree in unison, while you on the other hand, could only stare at the rollercoaster they were referring to in awe, mouth agape.

“close your mouth; you'll catch flies,” riki snickers from beside you, gently pushing up your chin with his finger.

you're too distracted to even mentally fawn over the gesture.

“there's no way I'm going on that death contraption,” you say, wincing at the loud screams coming from afar. “you guys can go ahead. I'll sit and wait around here somewhere.”

riki sighs before intertwining your fingers with his, “are you sure? I don't want you staying here all alone by yourself. it might take awhile since the line is long.”

“I'll opt out!” sunoo volunteers, overhearing your conversation. “rollercoasters are overrated anyways. I want to get some cotton candy.”

“just say you're a scaredy cat,” sunghoon teases using a baby voice, poking at sunoo's cheek.

“are you sure you'll be alright?” riki pesters you again with the question, giving your hand a light squeeze. “I can stay back if you want.”

“yah, are you saying you don't trust me to accompany her?” sunoo yells with an offended expression.

riki ignores sunoo's comment, eyes only on you as he waits for your response.

you couldn't remember the last time riki was this openly concerned over your wellbeing, even if it was as simple as not wanting to leave your side in a crowded space.

“it's just a rollercoaster ride,” you laugh, nervous under his gaze. it makes you afraid that you'll get greedy, greedy for his attention on you like this. “go and have fun! I'll just walk around with sunoo for a little bit and I'll see you again in no time.”

riki finally turns to sunoo, fiercely narrowing his eyes at the boy, “if you lose her, I'll never forgive you.”

you roll your eyes, letting go of his hand to playfully slap his chest, “I'm not a dog.”

“yeah, I know you're not,” riki grabs you by your elbow and tugs you closer, kissing your cheek so quickly that you can barely even process it. “but you're mine,” he whispers, a cheeky grin playing on his lips.

before you can muster a response, he's already jogging to get in line for the ride, hauling the rest of his friends with him.

“that kid,” sunoo tsks. you turn around to see him standing behind you, arms crossed. “what possessed him to start using pick-up lines? watching that gave me shivers.”

he acts as if a shiver ran down his spine, garnering a laugh from you at his antics.

the nearest food stalls are a fair walk from where you originally were, but sunoo doesn't lose his determination in search of getting his sugar high. once he's able to spot a row of cotton candy on display, he animatedly spends his money on the overpriced goods, not forgetting to buy one for you.

“thanks for the cotton candy,” you stuff the pastel pink substance into your mouth. “you really didn't have to get me any.”

“it's no problem,” sunoo cheerfully assures you. “think of it as a token of our friendship! any friend of riki is a friend of mine, well, girlfriend in your case.”

his statement leave you flustered as you're reminded of why you're here in the first place. you were here to be riki's fake girlfriend.

“are you having a good time?” sunoo asks. “I hope it's not too overwhelming to be hanging out with a bunch of people you've never met before.”

“it's not overwhelming, I promise,” you shyly deny. “you all are super nice and thoughtful. I'm glad I could come.”

“that's perfect then!” he says with a bright smile, picking at more of his cotton candy. “you seem really nice too. you know, when he first told us about you, we thought he was just bluffing. but you and him look really cute together. I'm rooting for you.”

“thanks,” you giggle, taking a moment to pretend as if all of this were real. “I like riki a lot. I've never felt this way for someone before, only him.”

“aw, that's so adorable.”

you can't help but smile to yourself, imagining what it'd be like if you and riki were actually together.

“take care of ni-ki's heart, okay?” sunoo says half-jokingly, a serious undertone lying beneath his words. “I'm trusting you.”

you're unable to look up from your feet but manage to hum in response, “I will.”

you feel guilty for lying, but even more so, you wish you could ask him for advice. there was so much you wanted to get off your chest that you couldn't, because the reality was that you weren't riki's girlfriend, even though you wanted to be.

and how could you possibly take care of a heart that was never given to you?

nishimura riki was a liar, because after that day at the amusement park, you were invited to hang out with his friends more than once. in fact, it took up the majority of your short-lived vacation before you were supposed to return home for your parents to start working again.

“kids, dinner's ready!”

you make your way downstairs to the dining room, riki closely behind. it was meant to be your last meal before hitting the road early tomorrow morning.

“so y/n,” your father melodramatically clears his throat to catch everyone's attention, halfway into the meal. “we have something that we've been meaning to talk about.”

your eyes widen at the phrasing of his words, “what is it?”

“it's nothing serious,” riki's mother chuckles in amusement. “he's just trying to scare you.”

“oh,” you exhale with a sense of relief.

“anyways,” your mother gets straight to the point. “your father and I were talking about how you seem to be enjoying your time here, so the nishimura's are offering to let you stay until you have to come back for school.”

her words were almost music to your ears. you had missed the place you once called home, and truthfully, the people in it.

you can practically feel your eyes sparking, “I can do that?”

“we'd love to have you here for the rest of the summer, if that's what you want,” riki's father says.

“of course,” you nod eagerly, unable to hide the wide smile stretched on your face. “I'd love to stay.”

however, managing to hide the fact that you and riki had known each other since childhood atop of faking an entire relationship, was more stressful than you had anticipated.

it's not like you had expected to keep up the act for this long.

every time you asked riki if he could end the fiasco by simply telling them the truth, he'd shut you down with a slew of excuses and would quickly change the subject.

so you were riki's fake girlfriend for the time being, and inevitably, there were multiple slip ups that almost got you exposed.

riki: don't come out of your room

y/n: ooo look who's texting first👀

riki: not the point🙄

riki: some of the boys just showed up out of nowhere and I can't let them see that you're staying here

you: got it, captain! wasn't planning on getting out of bed anyways lol

you: can you bring some food up later tho

you: I'll probably get hungry at some point

riki: I'll try but if I almost get caught then I'm aborting mission🤷‍♂️

you: then what am I supposed to do??

riki: starve ig

riki silently giggles to himself as he sends that last text message, reveling in the enjoyment he always gets after poking fun at you.

the boys that had come over were walking down the short hallway upstairs to head towards his room as per usual.

“hey, I think I left my hoodie in one of the drawers of your guest room a while back,” sunghoon says, causing riki's attention to instantly draw away from his phone. “I'll go get it real quick.”

the worst case scenario was already in motion. sunghoon was detouring to the room you were staying in.

“no, you can't go in there!” riki uses his body to block off the door. “my parents have some guests staying over, so all their stuff is inside.”

“it'll just be a second—”

“I think someone's sleeping in there right now,” he interrupts sunghoon mid-phrase, switching his voice into a whisper. “it's best that you get it back later.”

“oh, okay,” sunghoon mumbles while retracting his steps, startled by riki's urgency. “sorry, I'll retrieve it next time.”

you: heard the commotion just now

you: hope you didn't break your back guarding the door lol <3

riki: ...

riki: we do not EVER speak of this again

then, there was the trivia game incident.

since you were the group's newest addition, they took advantage of finally being an even number of eight people to play games with you and riki automatically being partners as the so-called couple of the bunch.

it was jake's idea, as he was apparently the proclaimed host of game night that was always done at his house, to play a trivia game that was stuffed into the back of his board game shelf. you and riki were currently in the lead with jay and jungwon in second.

“next question is for y/n,” jake announces, picking up one of the question cards from the deck. “what's your partner's favorite superhero?”

“easy,” you chuckle, waiting for riki to write down his answer first. “it's spider-man.”

you were surprised when riki flipped his board around to reveal something completely different.

“I guess someone got too confident,” jay laughs, anticipating to shift the momentum of the game now that you were off your winning streak.

sunghoon furrows his eyebrows, “no, y/n is right. ni-ki's mentioned before that spider-man is his favorite.”

a perplexed expression crosses riki's face as he notices his mistake, but you know more than anyone that he got it wrong on purpose.

“oops, my bad.”

jake sighs, “another point for y/n and ni-ki's team.”

he moves your game piece on the game board by a space.

“how do you guys know more random facts about each other than the rest of us,” sunoo whines, bewildered.

“yeah, even heeseung got like a third of my questions wrong,” jake adds. “so much for ramyeonz line.”

you casually shrug, “I must have really good memory.”

as expected, you and riki end up winning the game with ease, even with riki's attempts to sabotage it.

you understand what he's trying to do but decide to feign obliviousness.

“y/n,” riki lightly nudges your arm. “want to come with me to get more snacks?”

“why do I need to come—”

“just help me,” riki discreetly gives you a sharp look before dissolving into a much less scarier one. “I'll need an extra hand.”

you slowly stand up from your spot on the floor, trailing behind him as he guides you into the kitchen.

riki doesn't say anything in the beginning, only obtaining the bags of chips to refill the empty snack bowls with.

“so what's up?” you ask nonchalantly.

“you need to stop being so competitive or else they're going to find out,” he nags, not beating around the bush.

“why is this all my fault?” you take a deep breath, nowhere near prepared to discuss the matter. “you answered a lot of my questions right too.”

“but I made sure to a miss a couple every now and then so that it wouldn't look suspicious.”

“you wouldn't have to if you told them the truth.”

riki runs a hand through his hair, “you know that's not an option.”

“come on, riki, they're your friends. don't you see that this is turning into more than just a small white lie? don't you feel sorry for lying to them?”

“look, y/n, we're too deep into this to back out now. can't we just do what we've been doing for a little longer?”

you scoff, “are we seriously never going to tell them because of your stupid pride?”

“I'm not doing this for my pride!” riki whisper-shouts, taking a step closer to you.

you slam your hand on the granite counter, “then what is it?”

“hey, is everything okay in here?” jay unexpectedly swings by, leaning on the doorframe. “you guys were taking a while and jake's ready to start the next game.”

there's a tense atmosphere in the air.

“everything's fine,” you say, beelining out of the kitchen without another word.

jay looks over his shoulder, watching as you speed-walk past him, “you guys didn't fight, did you?”

riki can only sigh and shake his head, exiting in the same fashion with the bowls of snacks you had forgotten to take with you on your way out.

'just hang in a little longer, y/n,' riki tells himself, wishing he had the courage to say those words to your face. 'I don't want to let go of you just yet.'

you had the urge to applaud yourself for putting in so much unnecessarily effort into sticking with riki's plan.

the two of you had lacked any sort of proper communication after the clash that had occurred in jake's kitchen, and you had reluctantly settled on complying with his wishes for the rest of the summer.

you still enjoyed having fun with him and the group, your heart forever remaining on your sleeve for anyone by the name of nishimura riki, but the boys continued to stay in the dark about your real relationship with him.

it was within the last few weeks of summer that it all went downhill.

heeseung had invited jay and riki to play video games, jungwon also inviting himself over as supposed moral support.

through countless rounds of gaming, the topic of conversation somehow got to former crushes.

“I read those love letters jay used to send that one girl,” jungwon says while mindlessly watching them play. “they were incredibly cheesy.”

“you said they were good!”

“I didn't want to bruise your ego too much.”

“what happened to the childhood crush you used to talk about, ni-ki?” heeseung randomly brings up.

“that was forever ago,” riki downplays the subject. “I've moved on from that already.”

'I haven't.'

heeseung eyes him at his cold reaction, “okay, was just asking...”

the only noise that can be heard after the next few moments is riki's cheering.

“yes!” riki suddenly yells in victory. “I win again!”

heeseung simply clicks his tongue at his loss.

“jay, you can take my place,” riki hands off the controller. “I'm going to the bathroom and raiding heeseung's fridge after.”

“knock yourself out,” is all heeseung says before starting the next game with jay immediately immersing himself where riki was previously sitting.

riki leaves the room, the three remaining boys resuming to their activities.

that was until a minute later when riki's phone started ringing. jungwon peeks over at the screen to see 'mom' displayed as the contact name.

“should I answer it?” jungwon asks out of curiosity.

“I mean, you could,” heeseung shrugs, eyes still focused on the tv screen. “it's probably just his mom wondering when he's gonna be home or something.”

jungwon nods at his input, “I'm going to answer it.”

he picks up riki's phone, holding it to his ear.

“hi, mrs. nishimura! this is jungwon speaking,” jungwon brightly greets her through the phone. “ni-ki's in the bathroom right now, so I just thought I'd answer for him in case it was anything important.”

“ah, that's very sweet of you, jungwon!” riki's mother chirps, heavily familiar with all of her son's friends. “I was just calling to check if my boy was coming home for dinner or not.”

“he can stay here with us for dinner if that's okay,” he replies in a polite manner.

“of course,” she hums. “I guess it'll just be me and y/n today,” her voice switches into a quieter tone, as if she was thinking aloud.

“y/n?” jungwon furrows his eyebrows in confusion. the name alone gets heeseung and jay to silently eavesdrop on the conversation while they continue gaming. “is y/n over there right now?”

'why is she at ni-ki's house without ni-ki?'

“yes, I've heard from riki that she's been hanging out a lot with you boys! I'm so glad he finally introduced her to all of you after all these years. isn't she lovely?”

“yeah, she's great,” jungwon answers thoughtlessly before backtracking. “wait, all these years? can you elaborate on that?”

“did he not explain how he knows y/n to you yet? he's always so forgetful, but y/n is a good family friend of ours!” she happily fills in the blanks for him. “they've known each other since they were in diapers. he's so in love with her, you know, I wish he'd just confess already.”

“I'm sorry, could you say that again?” jungwon stammers, not believing his own ears. “confess? they're not dating?”

“I know right! they look so much like a couple sometimes that it doesn't seem like they're just best friends.”

“I should get going now, mrs. nishimura,” jungwon swiftly excuses himself. “I'll let ni-ki know you called.”

after exchanging brief goodbyes, jungwon hangs up the phone, blanking staring at the wall.

he sighs, “we've been lied to.”

nobody speaks for a moment.

“so y/n's not ni-ki's girlfriend?” heeseung says, mouth ajar and video game already put on pause. “woah, how have we not discovered that this entire time?”

“I always knew something was up,” jay mutters, shaking his head. “they both were always acting super off; it was clear as day.”

the door to heeseung's room opens and the three boy's instantly lock their eyes on the figure walking in.

“what?” riki awkwardly laughs as he enters back into the room, clueless to the situation as he holds a plate of heeseung's microwaved leftovers in his hands. “why are you guys looking at me like that?”

“ni-ki,” jungwon's voice drops an octave as he narrows his eyes at the boy. “you've got a lot of explaining to do.”

“so,” riki draws out the vowel, tapping his foot on the pavement. “our cover is blown.”

“what?” you almost drop your ice cream cone in shock, meeting his eyes from the opposite side of your table at the ice cream shop. “what happened?”

“jungwon answered a call from my mom, and knowing how my mom is, you can pretty much guess how the rest went,” he summarizes the events from the previous day. “they grilled me about everything for a good ten minutes before heeseung had the idea to do a group facetime call with the rest and then that went on for who knows how long.”

“oh,” you lazily rest your chin on the palm of your hand. “then I guess this whole thing is over, right?”

you had been begging riki to call off the whole act all summer, but a part of you was still sad to hear that it was officially coming to an end.

“what if I don't want it to be over?” riki mutters while swirling around the scoop of ice cream left in the cup.

you freeze, barely being able to make out the words he had just said before stuttering, “huh? why would you not want it to be over?”

his saddened tone leaves you confused, and that's when you remember game night at jake's house. you remember riki claiming that his reasonings were more than just pride, and something about that undeniably filled you with the hope you had been avoiding.

you didn't want to get your heartbroken, but at the same time, you wanted to hear riki's true feelings for yourself.

“I'm not getting out of this, am I?”

“just answer honestly and I might let you live.”

“I like you. I've liked you for as long as I can remember,” he hesitantly confesses, deciding to shoot his shot before he regrets not taking advantage of the opportunity. “and I only convinced you to keep being my fake girlfriend because I thought it was my only chance with you, but I don't want you to just be my fake girlfriend. I want to date you, for real this time.”

you let out a sigh of relief, your hands instantly moving to cover your face, “oh thank god, it's not just me.”

riki's eyes widen in shock, “is that your way of saying you like me back?”

“I've always liked you, idiot.”

a wave of silence washes over you both, neither of you knowing exactly what to say.

keeping in mind that actions speak louder than words, you take riki's hand in yours, a gesture you had repeated so many times this summer but finally in a different context.

“think you can handle a real long distance relationship?” you tease with a smirk decorating your face.

“with you, I can handle anything,” his grip on your hand tightens. “nothing else matters.”

you didn't have to worry about whether or not you had riki's heart. he had reserved it for you from the beginning.

“oh, and you better start calling me first from now on.”

“but...”

“nishimura riki.”

“whatever, you're lucky I like you so much.”

main masterlist

THE SUMMER YOU CONFESSED

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