#my old solution was to just pretend it wasn't there cuz i genuinely can't bear it

[puppyudderly-dreamy]

sometimes i wish i could feel the "get use out of it before it's gone" mentality i've seen some girls have abt bottom surgery cuz i feel like it'd make my time in waiting less uncomfortable and dysphoric but i always fall short whenever i try. idk i don't think there's some evil air of penis about my genitals or anything but i still can't conceive of them as mine, i didn't ask for this, it was forced on me in every sense to have my anatomy be this way and i find no joy in what i can do with it. and i don't wanna treat it like an other because that's just dumb and can lead to some bad thinking but i also don't think it's representative of me considering how unhappy it makes me being associated with it idk i just sometimes wish i could be the kinda girl that wants to fuck one last time or make a mold of it or smthn but i just can't cuz if i were to do that personally id be making memories of an aspect forced on me that made me nothing but unhappy and the only thing that has ever alleviated that feeling is thinking of the day it's changed getting closer. idk why im so insecure abt it i guess i just feel like my kind of bottom dysphoria is old fashioned or belies a thinking of internalized transmisogyny because ive never met another girl who feels the way i do