#my new way to conceptualize scary darkness

[sanchoyo]

just finished echoes of wisdom!! (MAJOR) spoilers under the cut for my initial, very fresh thoughts. Lots of them

the outfits were so so cute. kitty outfit was a big hit for obvious reasons but I also loved Silk PJs and OG princess fits (dress and traveling one... <3) theres apparently a blue version of the dress and black cat outfit you get from amibos but I wasnt 100%ing and im not buying amibos just for that (even tho I would really like 2 have it akdsfk) a+ accessory designs too!!

great character designs, insanely varied for the gerudo and goron designs between every npc!! (probably the best gerudo designs to date IMO)

fav echoes were Hoard of Crows (me siccing like 6 crows on enemies) gold wind up bird u get from dampe (btw fun new role for him!!) bc I Liked Fast Money, lv 3 lizalfos (BLUE BIG BODYGUARD FOR ME) and lv 3 darknut. also obviously teddy bear. was throwing it at NPCs i liked all game

really enjoyed how many enemies returned from previous games!!! and diving!!! diving finally came back!! (LOVED the zora area, had a lot of fun with the pirate ship area over there too)

what was up with that one optional boss that was like a sentient fart. that was weird and I suspect he was supposed to come back and then I missed him on the second go around LMAO

the hebra mountain storyline had me in TEARS i was spawning teddy bears at that dude to try to make him feel better rapid fire (this did not help. sad) i was hoping i could find his brother and make him go back ;_; (cant recall the dudes name but that was the same species as the ones from twilight princess, right?)

the way i leveled up my swordfighter form SO much expecting to use it in the final boss fight and then had to give link his shit back and was unable to use it in the final fight?? INFURIATING. docking points on the rating for this game just for that shit. why give me the option to level up my sword and energy if not let me use it again null??? AUGH!!! I WANTED TO FIGHT TOO!!! NOT JUST USE ECHOES!!!

link and zelda both having to fight evil versions of each other at some point was kind of slay tho (also us having to come rescue him from the crystal? also slay) fanfic writers please have them jumping at mirrors and also seeing each other for a while tho, great concept

the final boss had me really surprised, i was 100% expecting ganon to show up or be the final boss (HE WAS ON THE POSTER...AND COVER ART...) but he was just another echo?? so where did null get that echo, exactly? was the ganon at the start that kidnapped zelda the real one, then link killed him and null echoed him from there?? unclear

null was a great final boss conceptually tho and i 100% hope they use them for future games. eldritch horror wasnt what i expected but thats AMAZING (putting their disappointing, sort of chaotic, but not hard final boss fight aside). very scary. very cool. walking around in their insides(??) to get to them (??) was awesome. love when cute games get a lil dark. adds flavor. cool new lore!!! cant wait for the lore implication theory videos to come out (do we think null is stronger than demise?? I decided I Do think so, demise is a Demon and null is some huge cosmic horror, feels like the scales tip to null being stronger...)

why was everyone at the end so shocked at what link said. whatd he say that had them shook i need to know (was it that he could talk again?? wasnt that a temporary problem from being in the void lol??)

need more games to play as zelda now. loved it. best loz game to come out since botw, maybe actually ranks higher in my mind?? (could be recency bias ofc, but it checked so many boxes for me) really fresh concept, my only real gripes are how the final boss fight played out (GIVE ME MY SWORDFIGHTER FORM BACK!!! LET ME SLICE!!) and the dang echo menu being 234234 miles long...the sorting features were nice, but still, needed a better menu for that in general. i scrolled 30 miles in the snow uphill etc.

also barely any of the ost was super stand-out to me, which (like. it was FINE but given how good the music in cadence of hyrule was they shouldve brought those guys back to do this music tbh. that game had me spoiled on good loz remixes. I stand by the fact it has probably the best ost in ALL of the zelda games.)

i LOVED the puzzles and dungeons. missed them soo much in recent loz games. i LOVE PUZZLE!!!!!!!!! none of them were too hard and it also wasnt too hand-holdy. perfect level of makes me think but not Steam my Brain type stuff.

smoothies were cute and really fun to play with. the deku scrubs were SO cute (they all used they/them too i think. based) all the CATS!! WERE SO CUTE!! just really appreciate how cute everything in the game was in general. the fact i could chuck teddy bears at enemies. best game actually

cant say i was crazy about any of the mini games but none were super hard once you had the froggy item. it felt like cheating a lil bit to use it but that was one of the items I wore until the end (along with my cute heart bow of COURSE. cant be saving hyrule if you aint cute)

fav NPCS were hebra mountain guy (conte??) the gerudo chief's daughter (she really felt like zelda's sidon, but not annoying <3) and general wright surprisingly (I really enjoyed how loudly supportive of zelda he was!! he was like YEAH OUR PRINCESS IS SO STRONG SHE CAN FIX IT AND BEAT THOSE MONSTERS!!! LETS GOO i loved that energy for us)

saying goodbye to tri destroyed me. I was crying real ugly tears. (I started thinking about my dog and saying goodbye to him last month and how much tri's speech reminded me of what I told him AUGH. its still fresh and hurts but this was somehow really healing to play. like this came at the perfect time I think)

thoughts subject to change once I watch other people's playthrus and listen to theory videos and think on it for a while but rn? solid 8/10 game (and I only docked points for the dang end boss fight really, REALLY good game up until then)

[thesinglesjukebox]

WEYES BLOOD - "GOD TURN ME INTO A FLOWER"

Josh Winters recommends some mythological floral folk...

[6.14]

Josh Winters: I never thought that, in my lifetime, I would experience the threat of war looming above my homeland or the menace of institutional collapse in our society, and I have been fortunate to live this long without those external fears running through my veins. Then again, as lucid as ever, my conscience tells me that I may not have been grounded in the parts of recent history that have led to the great unknown we find ourselves in now. It's not that I ignored or denied the many tragedies occurring in our world; it's that my preoccupation with reaching the sublime took hold as a baby adult spreading their wings and trying to make some dreams happen. In the past two years, I've experienced the slow death of those dreams, which has been the same as the death of a sense of self that was going to save me from all my suffering. New life and new goals have emerged out of that period, but ever since my visceral sense of mortality hit me the moment I turned 28, there's not a day that goes by where I'm not thinking about death, with the hope that I (and we) will be able to live long enough to experience a whole, rich life on this earth. It's not sincerity that's scary to me; it's the possibility that we may withhold our sincerity from the ones we love before it's too late. I had to learn the hard way, but I'm grateful to understand and embrace that life is about other people: our friends and loved ones, at the very least. I hope I'll become full enough to give myself away generously in the way that art, music, and nature have given an immeasurable amount to me. [10]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: This left me completely cold until I walked through Oakland at dusk on a warm winter's day, ensorceled by the wonder of the world around me. Then I got it. Still not quite as good as "Movies", though. [6]

Dorian Sinclair: And In The Darkness, Hearts Aglow is a gorgeous album, and "God Turn Me Into a Flower" has many beautiful passages that recall the things about that record I found so appealing. But it's a little too languid and formless, and the gentleness of the composition feels at odds with the intensity of some of the lyrics, particularly the second verse. For 15 or 30 seconds at a time, I can be swept away by the beauty in the song, but when I step back and consider it as a whole, its shortcomings are harder to ignore. [5]

Hannah Jocelyn: Weyes Blood's voice is mesmerizing as ever: in the lineage of Karen Carpenter and Vashti Bunyan, but definitely post-Polachek in its slight auto-yodel. I love how she merges with the horns right at the end of the track, aware her voice is as mellifluous as a reverberating ambient pad. As for everything else, I have to quote a certain critic on some other '70s songwriters: "Melodic." [5]

Brad Shoup: A true but thuddingly banal sentiment--a Serenity Prayer for anyone who's legitimately asked themselves "am I too online?"--presented with the solemnity of a folk hymn, and garlanded with nature sounds like a new-age album c. 1992. [4]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Steadfast until it's not, "God Turn Me Into a Flower" wants both the dignity of a hymn and the chintzy splendor of a new age retread. The existence of a new Virginia Astley album clarified for me that this shouldn't split the difference between the ceremonious and gaudy; both moods only come together here to make the conceptual more needlessly literal. Most painful is the Leaving Records-informed ambiance. If Weyes Blood is the flower, her light source is a, sigh, New Blue Sun. [5]

Michael Hong: I like the parts where this gets ugly. "You shatter easily," she sings, stretching her voice into as harsh of a wail as the song will allow. It otherwise feels like just heart aglow, rather than heart set aflame. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: A gorgeous phototropism hymn, all the more so for its languid runtime. Flowers don't turn into themselves quickly, either. [9]

Micha Cavaseno: The crescendo on this sounds like that one TikTok cover of the "Girl It's You" song. Somehow that song has far less instrumentation in its arrangement, though it was presumably just remade by someone in their bedroom, and conveys a lot more emotion than Natalie Mering's pulling off here. So many musicians were asked to make this song feel like it was anything of note, but ultimately I can only think about how nothing this vocal performance is. It's like if you asked Lana del Rey to become far more anodyne, but half as competent. [2]

Kat Stevens: I waited and waited for the big belting "...cos I am your LAYYYYDAYYYYY, and you are my MA-A-AN" but it never arrived :( [5]

Nortey Dowuona: The organ played by Weyes takes up a massive amount of space in the mix, even beginning to fade the lyrics above it. The echoing vocals from Ben Babbitt atop it can't even squeak in, and the shrieks of Daniel Lopatin's synths just bubble up and disappear. Cornella Babbitt's cello and Charlie Bisharat's electric violin also billow below but can't seem to squeeze past. I mean, it's great, it sounds amazing, I just want to know what happened. [10]

Ian Mathers: "God Turn Me Into a Flower" works so much better for me when I watch the video instead of just listening to the song. There's something about the contrast of the beautiful, opaque music and the more overtly intense images (and how their subject matter and sources vary so widely, and yet still work) that gives the track an oomph I don't get from it when I try and listen to it on its own. I wind up drifting without the images to focus me, especially during that gorgeous long fade at the end. [7]

Alfred Soto: I admire her concentration and purity of tone, neither of which she loses here. But she puts both in the service of a drone requiring more spit and fire. [4]

Tara Hillegeist: It's tempting to hear such an attempt at the kind of sincerity that deserves the adjective "aching" and sneer away from it: to make a scaffold of the reflex that pulls me, flinching, away from the melodrama of it all. There's none of the corpse-rot that makes Mitski's similar songs feel wise enough to excuse its simplicity, only an endlessly swelling moan that dissolves into birdsong, a gesture so cloying it prompts the question of how naive Weyes Blood actually expect me to be about all this. But when I was a child, the first girl I ever loved told me there were trolls living between the trees, and if I chased her deep enough into the woods, she'd show me how to see the hidden places where they slept, too. I figured she was lying, even then -- even so, I still reckoned it was worth the risk of falling for it anyway, if I was worth the risk, to her, of believing I was worth trying to convince. It's been a long time since I lived anywhere near a forest, but I still look out over the dark stiff rows of trees from the windows of passing trains sometimes, and I wonder if someday I might see a troll, looking back. Is that such a selfish dream to have, do you think? [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[hokuto-no-pen]

Arguing with my chosen sister about Synesthesia and Aphantasia: The Reckoning

So… I’d like to go on a nerdy rant about the mind’s eye and the senses.

So back in the Jurassic Period, (2016) I was fortunate enough to take a workshop with the late Kim Jung Gi in Los Angeles, where he was going to do a presentation on his methodology of drawing, and all about HOW he did what he did.

Up until this point, I knew something was up with the way I thought about art making, but I couldn’t for the life of me put my finger on why I thought about things so strangely.

Growing up, I had anxiety going to sleep, and I remember my mother coming into my room to comfort me. She would tell me to count sheep until I fell asleep. I never saw anything but the darkness behind my eyelids, and assumed she was heavily involved in a metaphor because she thought I was stupid. So I entertained her idea, and despite it being a completely conceptual ritual in the dark that was scary, I managed to fall asleep. So I assumed that whatever that was, must have been imagination, right?

Fast forward, and throughout school EVERYONE (and I mean everyone, my friends, the teachers, my parents, bullies, my conversion therapist) would tell me “Oh wow! You’re so imaginative!” A phrase so loaded it could have shot up my entire high school /s (too soon?)

But these comments from (mostly) well meaning people definitely created a seed of confusion that prevented me from improving in my art.

Now, when everyone in your life tells you something, a majority of the time they are right. Like when your friends and family tell you you’re drinking too much, or have an attitude problem. But for whatever reason in my life the trend has been these people are actually almost always in the wrong. Obviously they were wrong about my gender identity being a delusion. I’m definitely trans and have always been. But, what I think nobody at the time collectively expected was that imagination and conceptual skills are two different things! Foreign to people at the time was the concept of Aphantasia, or lack of minds eye. That, on top of people assuming and reiterating I must have been imaginative by my sheer ability in my art making created an intense amount of unbearable confusion and self doubt in my younger self.

Going to school with students who had synesthesia was when I first noticed something was off. I tried describing to them how I draw by physically feeling colors and forms rather than seeing them flat, to which they didn’t seem to really understand or recognize that as synesthesia. Most of them had music synesthesia, and told me that it was a mixing of the senses. I had never heard colors, or seen sounds, or had a strange mix of associations with language and sound. So I didn’t fit the bill, and that was off the table. Disappointed, I tried to figure out why my perception and creative process was so strange, but was met with shrugs. So I accepted, rather than me being imaginative, I was just weird. But it wasn’t effecting my art at that point, just leaving many questions unanswered.

In 2014, I took an animation summer course at CalArts and experienced an entirely new problem. People were able to draw without planning, and from imagination in ways I had never seen before. I was shocked at how little my mind was capable of being surrounded by the sheer talent, and sunk into a deep depression when the course ended.

Then, back to where I left off before, I eventually took the anatomy class with Kim Jung Gi. Now Kim Jung Gi, for those not familiar with his presence prior to Aphantasia as a concept going mainstream, was like this magical fucking god from KOREA (a scary place where people actually value education and are smart) and made zero sense to the average person. Here’s a man who, in his own words, could fly around in a 3D world created in his mind and a seemingly endless visual library of objects he mentally collected, all of which was evident in his ability to externalize it on paper with pen flawlessly. Now it goes without saying once his shit got onto YouTube, kids from all over the world wanted to understand how he achieved such an imagination. It was like One Piece, but you’re not Luffy, you’re in the crowd watching Luffy as he punches the villain and sends you miles away as a casualty. He was the poster child for Hyperphantasia before that word was even coined. To the average person, he made working hard look like a joke. He was to the average overweight Animation Guild student what a human was to a chimpanzee. Unthinkable.

“How can I build a visual library and do that?” I thought, not realizing the mind fuckery that was in store.

I remember the workshop took place in an auditorium, with a big smart board and live feed of Kim’s table. From there a crowd of people, adults and fans, could witness the man in action.

Kim’s lecture was quite frankly in extreme depth, but was in layman’s terms this:

1.) You must study and copy reality directly and draw exactly what you see, which in turn builds the library of your imagination (if you have hyperphantasia).

2.) You must understand how the human eye sees perspective, and how those distortions effect your ability to properly place into space what you have learned and created from studies.

When the workshop was over, I remember some people had questions, but ultimately everyone seemed afraid to go up to him and get direct feedback. I figured, that maybe this man of all people could tell me what I was doing wrong. And believe me, he absolutely did.

So I went up to him and showed him some of my artwork. At the time, I was planning my pieces with dots because planning in my head wasn’t working (I’m sure you can imagine why).

And after a long pause, Kim said something to me, that at the time unbelievably pissed me off, yet was so poignant and literal I laugh at it today.

“You’re not really seeing.” He said.

At first, I think you can imagine the words going through my head.

“What do you mean I’m not really seeing? This guy thinks I’m blind? If I’m blind how the fuck did I walk here?

But years later, it would all make perfect sense.

I was browsing YouTube when I was 22, and found the TED talk about Aphantasia. And just, wow. I had gone my whole life thinking something was wrong with me, and I was absolutely right and once again other people were wrong.

I’m certainly a creative person, but imaginative isn’t the right word.

I’m conceptual, tactile, and certainly physical in my art making. I remember how it feels to draw something and the shapes and forms it makes, not how it looks. Like sculpting on paper.

Funny enough, one of my favorite animation heroes Glen Keane came out as also having Aphantasia. As an animator this gave me tremendous hope that my way of creating wouldn’t stop me from doing what I love, and the motivation to keep going.

And so I kept going. And now I’m here, farther along than I could have ever dreamed.

But recently talking with my chosen sister who has synesthesia has made me reevaluate some of the conclusions I came to about myself.

We were driving, and I asked, “Can you see the vibrations in colors? Like seeing the dots of light hit your eye, and the colors within the colors within the colors? Like film grain? Because I never see true colors, only the illusion of colors.

“No?” She said with extreme skepticism.

“That sounds like Synesthesia.”

I doubled down and exclaimed that it couldn’t be. I didn’t feel a mixing of the senses. So there’s no way.

She defended her answer with precision as always, saying “Isn’t a vibrantion a sound?”

“Yeah but it’s visual! You can’t hear it!”

She doubled down again.

“You probably have synesthesia dude. That isn’t normal.”

To this day, I still don’t know exactly why I’m able to see the individual rays of light in every color, or what that’s even called. I know I have aphantasia because I don’t see shit in my minds eye when I create. But nonetheless the creative process is certainly a extraordinary experience for me.

That being said. The journey is never over and I’m onto the next thing, unless I find another puzzle piece. Until then…

🫡

R.I.P. Kim Jung Gi

You told me what I needed to hear when literally no one else could, because you saw what no one else could see. Was a blessing to have met you, even for a minute.

[whumpfish]

I tell you what, it may surprise some of y'all to hear, but I grew up away from horror content. I had a vivid, visual imagination as a kid. I was at a sleepover when I was like 8 or some shit in the 90s and their mom had decided that Look Who's Talking was a great sleepover movie, and I had nightmares about childbirth for a week. At that point my mom decided no actually scary things for me. And one look at the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark illustrations told me she was probably right.

And boy did I miss out on a lot. All the classics of the 80s and 90s, Goosebumps, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, Darren Shan's Demonata, Wes Craven's entire career... but I wasn't ready. So I stayed out of that space.

So I grew up a bit, and got really into Hitchcock - Strangers On A Train, North By Northwest - and having a feel for what I could handle at that point, kept going. We saved Psycho and The Birds for last. Again, good insight on my mom's part, I was not ready for those at the North By Northwest phase. Around this time, I'm also getting into The X-Files, which is kind of a baby's first horror thing. The episode Stephen King guest wrote still fucked me up the first time, though, so I hung back from what I judged to be the hard stuff at that point. I wasn't ready yet. So I stayed out of that space.

I suffered a minor setback when I had the bright idea to watch the network remake of The Shining with a fever of 105. I have never sleepwalked before or since, but I legit got up mid nightmare, still fully asleep, and ran away from the bathtub zombie (hilariously where I hid in my sleepwalking genius was... my bathroom). But by and by, I recovered from Bathtub Zombie Delirium, and started getting into more serious thrillers. And then I steeled myself and watched Se7en, and a new era began. I finally had confidence in my capacity to handle horror. I finally had an appetite for it.

I'm in college at this point, streaming is in its infancy, and FearNet is still a thing. I make a point to go through their whole monthly selection just to see if I can. I'm introduced to Dario Argento and fall in love, suffer through a minor Fulci and learn my lesson, discover indie works of genius like Hard Candy, hear soprano Sarah Brightman as never before in Repo!: The Genetic Opera, finally see Saw. And I say to myself, you know what, I love this shit, I want to keep going. I think I'm ready.

I go international. Junji Ito enters my life and my heart. I watch Ju-On and realize that weird clicky noise I would make when I was a kid just for the hell of it if I was alone and bored is actually kind of terrifying under the right circumstances. I see Eyes Without A Face. I dive into the world of giallo and B-grade Italian horror. Force myself to watch The Beyond and am the donest of dones with Lucio Fulci--then watch Don't Torture A Duckling and spend the rest of the week mad because it's so good and he just. Idk forgot how to movie when he started doing horror?

Giallo leads me down a rabbit hole to extreme cinema, of which I am now an avid devotee. Martyrs was a fucking religious experience. I still marvel at how Female Prisoner 701: Scorpion managed to package most of The Handmaid's Tale as a quartet of exploitation movies, and do a better and more visceral job (imho) than the latter. I could write essays on how Matsushiro transcends the woman's revenge trope. I could write a fucking thesis. Pieces of Found are still seared into my brain in a traumatic way--and pieces of Found are seared into my brain in a positive, visual and conceptual way. I'm still not entirely sure I was ready for Found, but I done did it anyway, and I think I'm the better for it. But had I discovered I wasn't ready, I would not have made it anybody else's problem.

There are things I know I'll never be ready for, like Men Behind the Sun. I couldn't take Schindler's List; no thank you, Unit 731. There are things I could probably take but have no interest in, Joe D'Amato on the lame end and Ruggero Deodato on the competent but way too questionable end. And you know what? I do and will continue to stay out of those spaces.

Everyone moves at their own pace, and that's fine. That's what makes us unique individuals. I was part of the R.L. Stine generation. Our parents were professional pearl-clutchers, from scary books and movies to the *gasp* violence of Mortal Kombat. I was the one kid who wasn't out there trying to see what my gross-out threshold was and then yeet myself over that line. And that's okay.

It was still there when I caught up. Even if I only decided today that I was ready, it would be there just as it was the day it entered the world.

If you’re not ready for something, that's fine. It's fine if you come to it late, or never get there at all... as long as you stay out of those spaces until you are ready, and quietly turn around if you make a miscalculation and see something you're not actually prepared for. You have to take responsibility for your own content consumption. People come together to share something they like because it touches a piece of them, because they find understanding in it just the way it is. It's not right or fair to bulldoze other people's spaces in the name of expanding your own.

It may sound harsh, but it's a fact. If you're out here writing a ton of aftermath sadporn but you can't write the Before half and need basic elements of what is supposed to have caused your perpetually pathetic "whumpee" to become a sad pile of jello tw tagged, especially something as foundational as #blood, you're not ready for whump. Stay in angst spaces a little longer. It's not a race. It's not a competition. And you're not actually entitled to every space in the known universe.

[lucem-stellarum]

I agree, Regulus is hands down the most terrifying so far. His violence is personal.

Under the cut because of in depth discussions of the canon violence that various characters do to the listener, as well as bringing up mental illness and (self) victim blaming. It's pretty heavy and dark stuff:

Ivan gets close, but he doesn't have the raw power to pull off what Regulus is succeeding at. Adam (and Imp!vamp!Baby) wanted what Regulus has, the ability to literally rewire their mind and take away their ability to resist and say "no". Vega, Hush, Blake, and to an extent James are scary in a disconnected and practical way, in that they'll do whatever is necessary to achieve their goals. But it's not personal; if you could come up with a more expedient alternative I bet they'd take the chance. Even Vega, as a sadism demon, doesn't necessarily seem to enjoy causing pain even though he feeds on it. It's a means to an end for him, a way to get more power to achieve his goals. Like Avior said, you are not what you eat; I bet sadism demons out of everyone would understand that sentiment. Marcus gets eerily close because he succeeds at molding the Android listener in the same way almost on accident (since he never intended the code to go that far, though he didn't stop it when it reached that point either), but he has external pressures keeping him in check, the code could be scrubbed, and so far the Android has a happy ending (at least with regards to what he did to them).

As far as power imbalance goes, I think Imp!Vega and his listener might be a close second; insanely OP Sadism demon who hides his full capabilities with an unempowered human in the Imperium who's so masochistic they never tell him "no". Imp!Vega doesn't hurt them more than they can handle, but just because he doesn't abuse his power over them doesn't mean it's not there. But that's debatable, and also not your question.

I think it does touch on a lot of common fears about mental illnesses like schizophrenia- you're convinced that your hallucinated sleep paralysis demon is really there and is really holding you down and hurting you. (Not that schizophrenia is solely characterized by delusions, nor is it the only mental illness that can cause delusions. It's complex, yeah?) I'm hoping that we're, culturally, at the point where people generally realize that people with mental illnesses are SO more likely to hurt themselves and be hurt than to hurt other people, but that doesn’t feel as reassuring when you're still the one in pain. How do you fight back when your own body, your own mind, turns against you? As an unempowered, uninformed human, that's basically the only thing that would explain what's happening (except not really). You can feel your sanity start slipping away, wholly cognizant of every second that you stay trapped in the waking nightmare. Mental illness can be managed, why are you so weak you can't find the fortitude to save yourself? Doubting yourself, losing grip on reality, what if you really do want this to happen? (That whole bit does not reflect my actual beliefs, just the worst kind of fears and anxieties. You're so strong for making it through every day despite the weight holding you down <3)

Regulus is perfectly designed to twist the most wholesome, sweet concepts into a waking nightmare. Everyone wants to be loved, until it's love bombing. Nobody wants to be lonely, until you have an undetectable stalker watching your every move. Everyone wants to be valued, until they keep you frozen on your bed, unable to move. People want to be understood, until he's literally and inescapably in your mind 24/7. People want help with their problems, until you're given new, more terrifying ones to deal with. It's the literal definition of "too much of a good thing".

Regulus does scare me because of all that we've said. It's conceptually horrifying how deeply his violation reaches into his listener, rewriting everything that they are as a person and having no way to resist. I think only Ivan scares me more because he's someone that could actually happen, and that possibility is chilling.

Yes, Blake is scary because hubris makes him blind to any sort of reason. But REGULUS --

I have words. Starting with the fact that, to me, Regulus is the scariest Redacted villain.

Let me explain.

I'm going to preface this by saying that no, Regulus does not scare me. It's the idea and dynamic between Regulus and his listener, who I will be dubbing "Mine," that's legitimately unsettling.

Let's break this down. "Mine" is an uninformed, unempowered human. Regulus is a cloaked Empathy Daemon of unknown age. Already, we have an insane power imbalance. I think this is the most imbalance we've seen in terms of power and knowledge from any Prime Redacted couple (if I'm wrong, please let me know). And it's only made worse by what Regulus does with his power over "Mine."

Can you imagine having an invisible stalker? Being watched at all hours of the day and never even knowing until they reveal themselves? That's chilling. Beyond that, you can't even see them when they do eventually reveal themselves, and you have no context as to why that might be. Magic doesn't exist to you -- there's no possible way for this to be happening. But it is.

And when this stalker finally speaks to you and confesses that they've been watching your every move, it's unnatural. They're speaking in your mind. That shouldn't be possible. You can't see them, you hear them in your mind -- could it all be in your head? Is this all just a really bad dream?

You aren't able to move. You can feel them on you, but even the parts of you that aren't touching them are paralyzed in place.

They tell you that they're going to fill in the gaps. They're going to "pour themselves into your mind like water." You're told that "you won't get a moment of respite." The invisible stalker's voice is bouncing around your brain, reverberating and echoing in your mind. And you're helpless.

You don't understand what's happening, and you're clearly completely at the mercy of whoever or whatever this being is. Who knows? Maybe if it really is a dream, then you'll just wake up from it all. Sitting up in bed, walking to the kitchen, and making breakfast, getting back to your old routine. Maybe if you just ride this out, it'll all end soon..

And that's the thing. It DOES. "Mine" is saved by the Department, gets their memories wiped, and they start a new relationship. They're happy. Regulus gets taken to containment to be rehabilitated, and it's all over.

Until it's not.

I'm gonna be honest, I low-key was a little "meh" about Regulus being more open with "Mine." It took away the intimidation of their difference in knowledge and made the relationship a little less interesting to me. That is, of course, until that most recent Regulus video came out.

Pardon my southern, but Y'ALL. That shit was insane. That audio put me on edge the entire time. The distortions, the off-putting atmosphere of the dream, the transition from "they are safe in my grasp" to "I'm going to crush the stars between my fingers and make new ones" -- all of it. Chef's kiss. Him saying that he knows it's going to hurt, but that it'll be worth it? Because they'll finally be perfect? It's so insane.

He wants to mold "Mine." That's what makes him so interesting to me. Other yanderes will be all, "oh, you're perfect the way you are, and no one will ever touch you." Regulus? Nah. To him, "Mine" is almost perfect. In every sense except for one: They're still thinking about the outside world. And it drives him crazy.

Overwhelming their thoughts with his voice and presence at all hours of every day (which, as someone who can hardly stand being in a packed grocery store for too long, is a terrifying prospect) wasn't enough. He has to make his reality their reality. That's the only way that they'll finally be perfect.

"I'll make myself so much a part of you that they wouldn't be able to separate us no matter how hard they tried."

[minty-playhouse]

Rambling about this one Monkees + Who Crossover of mine...

So lately I've been thinking about this idea I had way back when I was 18-19 where I wanted to write a series that picked up from where the Monkees TV show ended. They would still be living at the pad by the beach, they are slightly more famous but still didn’t really make it BIG, and then one day another band moves down the street they live in. It's The Who and they hit it off because hey, music inclined individuals, cool.

And then a bunch of Monkees' typical shenanigans ensue along with shippy stuff. I never planned on adding any type of explicit content to this, just silly, fun stuff and feelings talk! Maybe some small bit of angst here and there, as a treat. But I kind of want it to have the same energy as the Monkees TV show where nothing was really THAT serious.

So, I wanna put my ramblings here and I’m putting them under a read more for brevity!

So, first things first, characterization, because even though the Monkees have very defined personalities on the TV show I wanna twist them a tad (mostly by borrowing stuff from the movie) and also just establish the personalities for The Who.

Micky Dolenz: Lil' sunshine goofball as always, and is INCREDIBLY curious about the new people that recently moved in. Him and Moonie hit it off almost instantly because they are both chaotic drummer gremlins who like to cause mischief. Can be a little sarcastic and cynical at times if his patient runs short (rarely happens, but hey).

Mike Nesmith: Still 'the serious one' of the group, and still the most responsible. Has taken an interest in conceptual music. Hits off with Pete who also has some interesting takes when it comes to music creation, and he's glad he found someone who's also serious and not super chaotic (most of the time).

Davy Jones: Still the thirsty boy everyone knows and loves. Fun loving, goes to parties often but seems to be leaning into the idea of finding someone "for life" instead of flirting with everything that moves. Is still the shortest despite Roger not being too far behind.

Peter Tork: More "himbo" than completely dumb, still very much into hippie counter culture which makes him a bit of an outlier in the group. Has been into music making something fierce lately. Is very bad at reading people's signs aka he doesn't understand flirting very well. Says some pretty deep stuff from time to time that catches everyone off guard.

Roger Daltrey: Labelled the "pretty boy" of the group, has a thing for fashion and is probably the one that dresses the best among all the Who members. He jokes a lot about things but he's quick to anger and has a short temper (but he cares for his friends even if he comes off a little harsh).

Pete Townshend: No non-sense guy who just wants to be left alone and make music but is roped into shenanigans against his will. His bond with Mike becomes pretty strong. He's just lanky and quiet and a bit awkward. He's not very good at opening up to others.

Keith Moon: Absolute gremlin of a boy, and it just gets worse when him and Micky are together. Energetic and enthusiastic, with a clear interest in making things go 'boom'. Has an inclination for crossdressing, which just adds an extra layer to already chaotic shenanigans.

John Entwistle: Quiet, but in a completely different way than Pete is. Everyone believes he’s into dark, almost supernatural stuff but no one is brave enough to ask and confirm. Actually very scary when pissed off, but he’s a very patient guy so it doesn’t happen often.

Sure enough their personalities are a little more "complex" than what I described but this is the general gist of it. And since we are here let's talk ships (both platonic and romantic!)

Micky + Keith = Always 'up to no good', absolutely cannot be left alone or they will cause mayhem. Keith also hears word about that one time Micky had to crossdress and tries a little to hard to convince Micky to embrace it and join him in on the silliness.

Peter/Davy = Davy slowly comes to the realization that he has a huge crush on Peter, but because Peter is bad at reading flirting it's quite the challenge for them to get together. Their relationship is pretty much "Davy is awestruck and Peter is just 'this is nice :D” (yes, I am aware that Peter was absolutely enamored with Davy IRL but let me dream!)

Mike/Pete = Their mutual interest in making more complex music makes them grow closer, and before they know it they are genuinely interested in each other. It takes forever for the others to catch up on them being 'a thing' because they never really display their affection for each other in front of others. It takes everyone by surprise.

John/Keith = Literally EVERYONE knows they have a thing for each other. Everyone but them. It's even more obvious to everyone when they catch up on the fact that John has lost his patience with everyone but Keith. They are the complete opposite of Mike and Pete where they are literally together all the time and everyone is frustrated that they won’t hook up!

Roger + Davy = They bond over being short and also being the ones who are super into dressing up fancy/fashion. They exchange beauty tips you can't convince me they don't.

I could talk about the ideas I have for plots and whatnot, but this post is already way too long as it is, I’ll write more about this later, that you can be sure of! Also feel free to reply to this post with anything you might want to know more about, I’m falling in love with this concept all over again!

[ganymedesclock]

"Normal looking person has terrifying teeth. bonus points if they have an extending/splitting jaw or retractable teeth or something like that" this seems... oddly specific. how'd you find out you like this?

It was a long process starting at my middle school goth phase where tiny vampire fangs were neat, and then later I was like, "well, that's not very scary is it, it could be scarier" and that graduated to progressively bigger scary teeth until I realized that the average human jaw can only fit so much teeth in it, and then I saw the art of @deadwooddross and it cracked open some brave new frontiers regarding how people can look.

Really in general it seems more specific than it is, it's generally that I think horror mouth is a good concept-

(monkey brain says bared teeth bad? Social repulsion of hunger, humanity's own predatory instincts and the primal hunting behaviors that once fed us, and one need not look any further than modern diet culture to consider that man has a very precarious nature indeed with the hunger that has always defined us? something else entirely? the fine line between the alluring, desirable, or appealing mouth that might yield tender kisses or speak sweet words and the aforementioned primal nature and threat potential of mouths?)

-and then throughout my life, in both consuming and creating art, I'm trying to challenge myself to outgrow the mindset that for something to be good or likable or deserving of patience or attention in any way it has to be the least offensive, prettiest thing- so slapping a horrible unfolding bobbit worm mouth or a leering skull grimace or a great slobbery aperture on a human face is a good challenge to that regard.

Honestly, anon, I think your question is a good one! Like I said, when I first discovered Dross's art, I was really amazed at their monster designs and it got me frustrated with the level of monstrosity in my own art. I was left wondering how someone could come to such wonderfully gross, unsettling, specific concepts. It's been years since then, and I think I can confidently say it's all just a matter of practice and inspiration!

I know we can often think of creativity as something semi-divine, born from the void (or, jokingly, as some like to insinuate, affected by psychoactive substances) and nothing us mere mortals can change- but really it's a lot more of a practical skill. For me, challenging my assumptions and interrogating my thoughts does a lot of the legwork- the important other piece is that this engine of analysis is driven by new ideas being pumped in from the things I consume.

While this has nothing to do with teeth, I remember seeing- incidentally, in a gif, I've never watched the movie and don't really plan to- Moder, the bestial antagonist of a live-action horror movie called The Ritual. Moder is a beautiful monster; she has a really unique design evoking a moose, with a hidden but disconcertingly humanlike face and two dangling arms where her mouth should be. Seeing her in motion struck me all at once that I had never really seen, before then, an ungulate monster. Hoofed creatures are conceptualized with a sort of unthreatening banality; the docile cow, the sweet innocent deer, the sacred unicorn, the majestic but servile horse. Seldom do we get this sort of old-god megafauna feeling cut loose in such a creature, and yet, looking at Moder, why the fuck not? At a point in the movie itself she effortlessly overtakes one of the main characters at a run, her great powerful legs and thrashing hooves causing her to keep pace with him in a moment that seems profoundly effortless before she banks to the side and decides to end the chase.

To bring this back to "why teeth", I think that horror character design is really a case where you just gotta look to your idols, in life and in creative works! Find something that fucks you up, even and ESPECIALLY something that seems stupid, and then gently lie back somewhere comfortable and look at the ceiling, and entertain, "wouldn't it be fucked up if you met a person whose entire face was just a pleasant mask and when they actually ate something their whole head hinged upwards to reveal their real mouth, which is just a gaping, cavernous, tooth-riddled throat?"

And it doesn't necessarily have to be teeth. There's no rule of what's exceptionally scary. For me, I like teeth. Like thinking about them. There's something about teeth and savagery and decorum and speech and the complex dance between them that, at risk of sounding insufferable, is one of the endless interstitial crossroads that make humans human.

Another very dear inspiration of mine is the decorum and presentation of the skeksis from The Dark Crystal- they simultaneously scratch my itch for predatory sophonts whose intelligence doesn't completely cut their instincts and court dramas where the image of high society is used as a contrast to the brutal and often ugly, undignified nature of ambition, pettiness, greed and lust- and they don't just serve up both of those flavors but use them to enrich each other, so that we are watching these vicious hyena birds stalking around, all puffed-up in arrogance, using gilded nail-guard forks and toothpicks, while devouring a horrible vampiric gluttonous feast and snarling at each other as they pass too close like starving wolves about to tear each other to pieces.

So I guess that's the essential linchpin of why I like unfolding or distending mouths, because it also conveys that sort of quality about a character. If your mouth splits like a flower, to a horrible toothy construct useful for mauling and threshing..... it's not going to be very good for speech. Reining it in to a humanlike configuration is stifling, and suppresses the true nature of a very specialized meat grinder, but it allows you to relate to things as something other than threats and prey. A sort of literal and figurative, sympathetic and horrifying, two-faced nature. It also plays to a good old vampire classic, the "game face" where a creature who might look beguiling and beautiful reveals a nasty appetite and a dangerous side, in a very pulpy organic fashion- it's no glamour, it's just cheeks that can retreat and a jawbone that splits.

[tiramisiyu]

Light and Night:  Sariel 【永恒花园】 Eternal Garden Date Translation

Translation Masterlist | Video

I lied about not doing any translations for Light & Night 🤡 Can’t believe this guy grew on me so much that I did this

--

My relaxed, leisurely weekend morning was cut short by Sariel’s message.

Sariel’s Message: Come to the greenhouse behind the studio right now.

After sighing miserably as I clutched onto my blankets, I got up and rushed out towards my destination.

--

That glass greenhouse was surrounded by lush forest, and only its simple contours were visible from far away. A mass of verdant green occupied three rows of plant shelves, with magenta flowers peeking out from them, looking full of life. A woven hammock hung beside the floor-to-ceiling window on the north side, and two cushions had been casually thrown on them. Languor and elegance were evident in every single design detail in the room. Sunlight shone in through the window, making the entire space look bright and open, like a secret garden that could be used to relax under the sun.

I slowed my breathing, following the small sounds of branches being cut as I walked carefully to the front of a shelf row.

Sariel was in the middle of handling a pair of flower arrangement scissors with familiarity. It seemed like a few white roses that he had cut off were blooming in his hands. Light and shadow shifted, shining on his hair and shoulders, becoming colourful with refinement and vigor. The whole picture was so beautiful that it was somewhat dazzling, looking a little unreal.

Did he have me come to clean the greenhouse?

Crunch – in my moment of distraction, I stepped on the dead branches that had fallen on the floor. Sariel lifted his eyes from the blooming flowers, carelessly glancing at me.

Sariel: What are you standing there dumbly for?

MC: I saw that you were busy and didn’t want to disturb you.

Sariel looked at me again.

Sariel: As if you could disturb me.

MC: Oh.

He smirked, tapping his finger on the wooden table in front.

Sariel: These flowers have to be arranged and maintained today.

Sariel: Watch carefully. I’ll only show you once.

MC: Huh?

As I hesitated, he took a few green plants and white roses from the side, trimmed them one by one, then placed them in the vase. Soon, the originally ordinary plants took on a completely new look in his hands. I stared those arranged white roses.

MC: It looks really easy, yet it also doesn’t seem to be that easy.

Sariel scoffed, motioning towards the pile of unarranged plants and fresh flowers on the table.

Sariel: Arrange it yourself.

MC: I’ll try!

I grabbed another empty vase, recalling Sariel’s steps from just now as I carefully held onto the plants. However, no matter how I trimmed or arranged then, they all ended up as a vaseful of failures… Where am I going wrong? I had sunk into thought, looking at the plants in front of me.

Click. A clear sound resonated beside my ear, and I abruptly came back to my senses.

Sariel: You’re supposed to be arranging the flowers. What are you all dazed for?

MC: Huh? I was just conceptualizing!

Sariel: Conceptualizing? Then tell me what you’ve conceptualized.

MC: Uh…

My mind moved at light speed as I looked at the plants and flowers in front of me.

MC: I was thinking, is it possible to put white roses, lavenders, and peonies together without making them clash?

Sariel: …

MC: Why aren’t you talking?

Sariel: Because I was wondering how strange a person’s brain circuits have to be, to think of putting those ones together.

Sariel: Forget it, you can go clean up.

As Sariel spoke, he pointed at the leaves and branches scattered on the floor.

MC: Alright.

I put down the plants in my hands, nimbly collected the discarded branches and leaves into the garbage back, and took them to the greenhouse door.

I had just turned around to return when a strange, long sound suddenly came faintly from the forest.

Woo—

MC: …?!

I turned my gaze towards the depths of the forest instantly.

Woo—woo—

The sound gave no indication of stopping, gloomily burrowing into my heart on the melancholic wind.

In shock, my scalp was tingling as I staggeringly pushed the door open and ran to Sariel’s side, pointing towards the outside.

MC: Sariel, there’s a weird cry coming from outside the greenhouse!

He looked me in my panic, his expression still calm.

Sariel: I only heard you making a big deal out of nothing.

MC: Seriously! It came from the forest! It sounded like the wind, but it also sounded like a child crying…

He paused, rubbing between his eyebrows.

MC: Is there something strange in the forest?

He didn’t respond as he walked straight to a shelf on the side, taking a bamboo basket and tossing it to me. I caught it hurriedly with a face full of question marks – what does he mean by this?

Sariel: Hold onto that and take a large hedge clipper.

MC: Huh? Okay!

As I took the hedge clipper, Sariel grabbed a little shovel on the side.

Sariel: That’s all we need. Come with me.

Clutching on the pile of tools, I followed him quickly.

MC: Sariel, what are we doing with this? The thing in the forest… you’re not going to concern yourself with it?

MC: Could it be dangerous? It sounded a little scary.

MC: Sariel, wait for me!

Sariel, who was walking in front of me, suddenly stopped. I hadn’t come to a stop myself and ran straight into his back.

Sariel: Stop talking for now. You’ll have plenty of chances to expend energy in a moment.

I rubbed my nose and suddenly thought of something.

MC: Are we looking for that sound in the forest?

Sariel: Where else would we be going?

MC: So we’re taking these tools to catch it?

MC: This one is probably more convenient to use… do you want to hold onto it?

I handed the hedge clippers, the most threatening out of the bunch. He looked at me without a word.  

Sariel: Still remember what the second-last thing I said was?

MC: Hmm? I’d have chances to expend energy?

Sariel: One more before that.

MC: Uh… I think it was to stop talking for now.

Sariel: So, drop those pointless thoughts in your head, got it?

I covered my mouth obediently and nodded.

--

I followed Sariel into this forest that I had never stepped in. The straight, tall trees covered the sky, as dappled, sparse patches of light shone in through between the leaves. The dead branches I stepped on made crunching sounds.

Though I was surrounded by an unfamiliar and dark forest, and the strange sobbing sound kept getting closer, seeing Sariel’s straight, wide back made my heart calm down inexplicably.

Sariel: We’re here.

Sariel halted, and the sobbing sounds also stopped suddenly. I scanned the area in curiosity, but I didn’t see any crying children or any unexpected dangers. The only strange thing was a little pit, filled with dead branches and vines.

I looked down past the layers of branches, and was surprised to see peeks of a soft-looking, fiery red bundle between the branches.

It was a poor little fox!

Looked like it was because it had fallen into a trap that it made those pitiful cries for help.

My heart fell, and I decided –

⊳ [Get close] – catch his attention ⊳ [Listen] – undo the trap ⊳ [Heart racing] – ask Sariel what to do

The little fox huddled in the corner, looking like it was afraid of how close we were.

Sariel probably must know nearly everything there is to know about foxes – maybe he had an idea to have to fox relax. As he was examining the trap seriously, I could only tap him to catch his attention.

[insert bit here you tap on Sariel’s sprite and he complains]

Sariel: What are you trying to do?

MC: I just wanted to ask if there were any ways to make the fox not be this afraid.

Sariel: It’s very normal for foxes to fear strangers. It won’t affect you saving it.

Aside from that, Sariel didn’t say anything else. He only focused on starting to dismantle the trap.

Did he feel offended by my actions just now? I waited on the side uneasily, rather than stepping up to help.

It seemed like the fox had also sensed the coldness emanating from Sariel and became even more agitated. The moment a gap appeared in the trap, the fox burrowed out and ran off far from us.

 ⊳ [Get close] – catch his attention ⊳ [Listen] – undo the trap ⊳ [Heart racing] – ask Sariel what to do

 After dealing with the trap, we successfully returned the little fox to the forest.

So the strange cries earlier was just a little fox waiting for help… thinking of this encounter today, I couldn’t help thinking of a fairy-tale.

MC: Sariel, don’t you feel like what we went through was like in The Secret Garden?

MC: Though there are a lot of differences in the plot, it was the fox’s whines that drew us into this forest…

MC: Doesn’t that count as the key to opening this forest area?

MC: Since we’ve saved the fox, maybe it’ll also bring new changes to this forest!

~ASMR Portion ftg. Sariel~

You thought of the story of The Secret Garden from saving the fox?

To link these two things that are as different as heaven and earth together – you really do like to indulge in fantasy.

Although, you are quite like Mary from the story.

Don’t think too much about it. I’m not praising you.

I just feel like you have the same ignorant, fearless curiosity that she has.

What are you muttering about?

I’m like that hunchbacked old man? … And the locked-up boy?

Don’t think that I didn’t hear. You really are daring.

You forgot the rest of the story? … Your ability to come up with excuses is also getting better.

Although I do have a lot of time today, so I can retell the whole story for you.

I remember that the start of the story, the master of a manor buried the key to the secret garden after the death of his wife.

He refused to let anyone come and go from the garden.

As young Mary had no guardians, she was sent to this master, her uncle.

Under the encouragement of her maid, Mary started to try searching for her own happiness in the manor and acquainted herself with a robin.

Under the guidance of the robin, she found the key that had long been covered in dust and opened that secret garden once again.

The secret garden was desolate since no one had taken care of it. Mary thus had found her good friend.

Seeding the garden rejuvenated it once again, bringing it back to life.

If I remember correctly, that’s how the story goes.

Before, I always felt that the secret garden could only be miraculously rejuvenated in fairy tales.

However, I now look forward to what comes next in reality.

After all, someone broke into the secret garden without authorization like Mary. After that, didn’t she also bring new life to that garden?

  ⊳ [Get close] – catch his attention ⊳ [Listen] – undo the trap ⊳ [Heart racing] – ask Sariel what to do

MC: What do we do now? How do we save it?

Sariel leaned on a tree on the side, lazily nodding at the tool basket in my hands.

Sariel: Wear your gloves. First, take out the dead branches and leaves from the pit.

MC Huh? Okay.

I picked out those dried branches and leaves and placed them aside, leaving tangled vines and roots.

MC: Done.

Sariel: Now, untangle the bundled vines.

MC: You sure are gentle with these plants.

Sariel: Are you insinuating that I’m not gentle enough with you?

MC: I wouldn’t dare…

I turned around to hide my sneaky grin, crouched beside the pit, and started to deal with them patiently and slowly.

As these plants had flourished a little too well in the forest, they were still a tangled bundle after a long time spent untangling.

Sariel: You can just cut off the parts that have already withered.

MC: Okay…

MC: How are you this familiar with these? Do you often undo traps like this?

Sariel: Of course this isn’t the first time. After all, there are always idiots running around.

MC: … I feel like there’s something up with what you just said.

Finally, under Sariel’s guidance, we cleared an escape route in the trap. Once the gap appeared, the little fox nimbly burrowed out.

MC: Done!

It didn’t look too injured. It shook its fur, shaking off the leaves on its body, then stretched its body out leisurely. It hadn’t even finished stretching when a pair of hands heartlessly caught it. Sariel held up that fox, looking it over sternly, then stared coldly at that pair of round little eyes.

Sariel: You again.

The fox’s paws struggled for a bit. Seeing that it was no use, it dangled down again, disheartened.

MC: Did you scare it?

Sariel: If scaring it worked, we would not be here right now.

Having confirmed that the fox was alright, Sariel let it go. The fox immediately jumped onto the ground lithely, spinning around happily.

MC: It really doesn’t fear you at all. Haha, it’s so cute.

Maybe it had understood my words, as it suddenly waved its tail at me. After circling the trap a few times, it stuck its paw into the layers of branches. It forcefully dug out a few plants that I couldn’t identify, then pushed it in front of Sariel and me.

MC: Is this for us?

Sariel: Yes. Thank-you gifts.

MC: It’s thanking us for saving it? How cute! Then should we accept?

Sariel: You were the one to save it. Accept it if you want.

MC: Since these are its kind intentions, I’ll accept them.

Smiling, I emptied out one hand and patted the fox’s head.

MC: We’ll accept your gift, then. Thank you!

Seeming like it had understood, the fox held its head high as it shook its tail, then bounded off.

--

When its fiery red body had disappeared into the depths of the forest, Sariel and I returned to the greenhouse.

I organized the plants that the fox had given me and placed them on the table, then realized that the, then realized that most of the plants in front of me weren’t common ones. Among them, there was one that looked a bit like reeds, but its cilia were shorter, it was so white that it was almost transparent, and it dispersed a strange fragrance.

MC: It’s really pretty… I’ll add it in, then.

I quickly combined this plant, the white roses, lavenders, and peonies into a flourishing bouquet. Satisfied, I set up the vase, cleaned up the unneeded stems and leaves, then took them to the greenhouse door.

When I returned to the greenhouse, I saw Sariel holding that vase and looking it over carefully, his expression somewhat serious.

MC: Why are you looking at them now? I was planning to refine it a bit before showing you.

MC: … What do you think?

Sariel turned around and suddenly set down that vase. His indifferent eyes had a sliver of a strange blurredness in it.

Sariel: Take it away.

MC: ?

Sariel: Take it away.

MC: Alright, alright. I’ll take it away now.

I placed the vase aside, feeling half depressed and half dubious. Did these flowers look so ugly that Sariel wasn’t even willing to look at them?

I turned around, saw that Sariel was still staring at that vase. He then immediately pushed that vase even farther, his face still serious.

MC: ???? Sariel?

He pretended to not hear as he continued his work, his expression indifferent – as if nothing had happened just now. Something seemed to be up with him… but I couldn’t place my finger on where.

MC: What’s the matter? You look somewhat off.

He glanced at me, his eyes calm.

Sariel: I’m fine. There’s nothing off about me.

MC: What do you mean? You’re even using repeating terms!

Note: What MC says here refers to how Sariel said 怪怪 (which I translated to “off”), when just one 怪 would suffice. MC also used the doubled version though… so I guess she means that Sariel isn’t the type to double it up like that?

I worriedly felt his forehead, but I didn’t notice anything abnormal.

MC: I just went out for a bit, how did you end up like this?

His eyebrows wrinkled, seeming to be thinking over something. After several seconds, he finally responded, his words short.

Sariel: Foxtail grass.

MC: Foxtail grass?

Was it that white, reed-like plant in the bouquet?

Sariel: Yes. After a fox touches or eats it, it will…

MC: It’ll do what? Will it hurt you?

Sariel: It won’t.

MC: Really?

Sariel: Yes.

He once again turned around indifferently, cutting loudly at the rhizomes in his hand.

MC: Stop bothering with those flowers for now!

Sariel: Okay.

He obediently placed the things in his hands down, turned around, and looked at me earnestly.

MC: Huh, you’re going to be this obedient?

He docilely nodded at me.

MC: If I were to say anything right now, would you obey it all?

Sariel: Yes.

I pondered for a bit, then tentatively showed him a V sign.

MC: Then tell me, how many fingers am I holding up?

Sariel: 2.

I looked at him in shock.

Can foxtail make Sariel become obedient? Then right now, isn’t he…

I emboldened myself, taking advantage of this as I got close and raised an eyebrow.

MC: Do you know who I am?

Sariel: I do. You’re a foolish idiot.

MC: …………

Sariel: You…

MC: You aren’t allowed to call me an idiot! Praise me!

Sariel: ……

MC: ? Looking like you’re at an utter loss is going overboard!

MC: Whatever, you…

I looked at the pile of plants and flowers in front of me and was suddenly inspired.

MC: How about you help me arrange the flowers?

Sariel: Okay.

He stood beside me and started to clean up those plants that had given me such headaches. Only ten minutes later, a vivacious-looking bouquet appeared in the originally empty vase. However, this bouquet was no longer just one type of plant surrounding the white roses; he’d also added lavenders and peonies.

MC: Whoa, so beautiful.

MC: Although, didn’t you just say that only people with strange brain circuits would do this? Why did you…

Sariel looked earnestly at me.

Sariel: You wanted it.

I startled, caught off guard by a wave of emotion.

MC: Thank you! You’re really the skilled one when it comes to flower arrangements. How about arranging a few more for me to take to the office?

MC: One for An An, one for big sis Zheng Lin, and… right! I could also put one at Mao Ge’s place. He’ll like it for sure!

Sariel: Don’t give him one.

MC: … Huh?

I came back to my senses, noticing that Sariel was looking at me somewhat angrily.

Sariel: Don’t give him one.

MC: Eh, why?

Sariel: Don’t give him one!

MC: Alright, alright, I won’t give him one. Then… can I give one to An An and the rest?

Sariel: No.

MC: Then what about Mya? You’ll be able to see it when you go to her office if I give one to her.

Sariel: No!

Sariel: I don’t go to her office.

He stuffed the vase forcefully into my hand, stooping down at me, his expression making it hard to refuse.

Sariel: Don’t give it to anyone.

Sunlight shone in through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, falling on his body, surround him in a gentle and enchanting halo. He looked straight at me, as if in wait for my answer. Those slender eyelashes flickered with light. I looked at him, freezing for half a second, my face somewhat hot. Suddenly, an idea popped up in my chaotic mind.

MC: Sariel, are you…

I agitatedly licked my dry lips.

MC: Are you jealous right now?

Sariel: …

MC: With this sort of expression… did I hit the mark?

He froze, dumped the things in his hands, and walked away, stopping in front of the hammock by the window.

Sariel: I’m going to sleep.

MC: Huh? So suddenly? Should I take you back to your bedroom?

Sariel: I’m sleeping here.

MC: …

Without any explanation, he laid down. He did look somewhat tired.

I pulled out the pillows that he had squashed under him, cushioned them beneath his neck, and helped him adjust his centre of gravity.

MC: Then sleep. I’ll wake you when the sun sets.

He did not speak; instead, he just stared at me. I felt something inexplicable from his stare and could only straight-up ask about it.

MC: Why have you been staring at me?

He still didn’t respond, though he finally looked away, no longer looking straight at me.

I released a breath, intending to leave. Suddenly, his long arm circled from behind around my waist, suddenly dragging me into his warm arms!

MC: !!!

The world flipped around, and I fell into Sariel’s arms as he held onto me tightly. In an instant, a cool breeze wafted over me, overbearingly covering my body.

Sariel: You’re not allowed to go.

MC: You…

I held my breath, wanting to turn around and look at him, yet I didn’t dare do so. My mind was blank, unable to think at all.

MC: Sariel…

MC: L-let me go first.

The only reply I received was a tightening of the arms around my waist.

MC: Sar…

Sariel humphed impatiently, enfolding me in his arms completely. For a moment, the whole world had quieted. There was only the feeling of his warm breath on my neck.

MC: You really are…

When I came back to my senses, I realized I was secretly smiling.

Oh well. After being a “worker” for so long, being a “hug pillow” every now and then wasn’t a big deal.

I was also somewhat tired, but I couldn’t fall asleep at all in his arms at all. Maybe it was because it was too warm in the greenhouse, or because of Sariel’s heartbeat and breath.

--

After a long, peaceful period, by the time the sunset had dyed the sky outside the greenhouse red, Sariel finally started to show signs of waking. His silvery white hair drooped down, a slight flush on his face, showing a sliver of rare docility. The gorgeous sunset fell on his slightly disheveled collar, adding the slightest touch of tenderness.

He gradually opened his drowsy-looking eyes, but the moment he saw me, a flicker of a complicated emotion appeared in his irises.

MC: How do you feel? Are you alright?

Hearing my questions, Sariel froze up, a rare action for him. A few seconds later, he lifted his hand and rubbed at his forehead – maybe he was thinking about what had happened earlier.

Sariel: I’m fine. Just now…

MC: I promise, I’ve completely forgotten what just happened.

Sariel frowned.

MC: Pfft! Although, you really were cute just now. Not only were you docile, but you even got jealous and cottequish!

Sariel’s face instantly darkened.

Sariel: What did you say?!

MC: … I-I didn’t say anything at all.

I immediately covered my mouth, then remembered that I now had his “blackmail material” in my hands. I straightened up and looked at him, putting on a fierce air.

MC: You aren’t allowed to be mean to me in the future!

Sariel: ?

MC: Otherwise, I might just accidentally scatter your yard full of foxtail seeds.

MC: That way, you’ll end up with a whole field of foxtails next spring.

Sariel shut his eyes, his mouth curving up slightly as he stepped near me.

Sariel: Say it again. What are you going to do in the field?

I blinked, staring frozen at the face that had suddenly magnified itself in front of me as my heart missed a beat.

MC: Plant… foxtails?

His mouth curved more, his warm breath scattering over my face. He’s a lot more dangerous right now than he is when creating illusions!

I wanted to escape, but as if he had cast magic, I could only stand in place without moving.

His mouth opened and closed, as his eyes shone with a colour more beautiful than the subset.

Sariel: There’s no need to wait for next year. I do not mind repeating everything that was done just now.

Sariel: Want to try?

 ~COMMON END~

Time passed slowly and quietly, until the setting sun had nearly disappeared from view. Sariel leisurely threw a glance at the vase I was holding, the disgust on his face becoming more and more evident.

Sariel: I really have troubled you by having you do this.

MC: I think it’s alright.

Sariel: You really don’t set any standards for yourself.

I pouted as I thought, quietly taking out the flower arrangement hidden on the side and excitedly placing it in front of him.

MC: Then look at this!

Sariel gave me an indifferent glance.

Sariel: What’s this?

MC: A flower arrangement, of course. I mulled over this for a long time – doesn’t it look pretty decent?

Sariel looked over the flower arrangement skeptically.

Sariel: The greenery is a little too dominant.

Sariel: The withered petals on the white roses haven’t been cleared out.

Sariel: The rhizomes are also trimmed into an utter mess.

MC: …

Sariel: But if I were to lower my expectations, I could say it’s alright.

MC: Huh? I worked really hard on this for you.

Sariel: … For me?

I nodded.

MC: Don’t you feel like this white rose is a lot like you?

MC: Completely indifferent to the plants around it, and only focusing on what’s right in front of it.

He paused, staring at me.

Sariel: … Smart aleck.

MC: I’m not! Either way, this bouquet’s for you. You have to take care of them.

Sariel: Using my flowers to make a bouquet for me? You sure know how to use things to your full advantage.

MC: The flowers are yours, but I’ve added my creativity and design to them too~

MC: So… please accept them, hehe.

Sariel scoffed, took a pink peony from the table, then trimmed it and placed it in that vase.

Though the pink petals did not look like much on their own, the contrast of it against the rose’s white added an elegance and liveliness to it. The two flowers pressed together, the petals layering together like thin wings, glowing with the sunset’s light.

Sariel: You forgot an idiot earlier. Now it looks like me.

MC: Huh?

I stared dazedly at the bouquet, my brain slightly muddled.

Did “idiot” refer to the peony… or… me?

Sariel: That’s not important. Right, flower arrangement is just the first step.

MC: What do you mean?

Sariel: Are you expecting these flowers to change their water themselves?

Sariel: So, you have to come to the greenhouse three times each week from now on.

MC: But I sent this to you.

Sariel: Sending this to me means that you don’t have to pay it any mind anymore? Do I have to teach you what it means to see something to the end?

MC: It’s not that serious…

Sariel: So, do you understand?

MC: Yep, I have! I’ll be here on time, three times a week! I’ll definitely take good care of them!

I looked at the bouquet, giving Sariel a slight smile.

MC: I’ll definitely be here.

Since this was the first bouquet that belonged to Sariel and me, I would take good care of them. I’d do my best to have them become a more beautiful existence in this world.

[tatzlyip]

To be honest it isnt really fleshed out because I just started conceptualizing it (alas i get my most interesting ideas when i am sleep deprived and dont make much sense)

Game wise though it could start out with the MC being lost in the middle of the night and come across a quiet small town. "Comes across" by i mean the MC drives on a shitty dirt road and runs over a giant moose (lumpy) and wrecks their car and has no choice but to go into this town (as there doesnt seem to be anywhere else nearby) that they definitely just killed a villager of. Could try to call police/an ambulance but theres no signal. The town looks creepy in the dark.

MC rushes in and says someone's dying and everyone thats there just looks at you weird. They don't seem concerned or frightened at all and they just brush it off. (And maybe dialogue options make you learn that you killed lumpy and some even seem relieved that you killed him)

Not sure where to go from there but generally since its night you dont meet everyone, maybe a few folks (and maybe a flippy jumpscare.. i kinda in my own headcanon assign him 'town lumberjack' because every town needs a jumberjack riight but basically dark sillhouette holding an axe scares MC but we dont actually meet flip that night and probably not for the next few days to build tension). MC finds somewhere to settle down though and optionally you can talk to whos still awake, they probably definitely say that they dont get visitors, and you can learn more about the town and its villagers/what folks think of each other, ask why theyre not horrified about that death and they give weird responses like "It happens to the best of us" and you could get swindled (raccoon bros would definitely try to immediately scam a disoriented new person)

There could be a "days" mechanic where if you stay there, the town actually looks cheery and cute the first day in direct opposition of how scary it looks in the dark. You meet the rest of the cast this time and to give the player enough time to wander and chat/look around, the only event on the first day is nightfall. Once it starts to get darker, you can meet lumpy. Hes not offended that you killed him and in lumpy fashion wanders to go do something loud while everyone is going to be trying to sleep, MC is horribly confused.

The next events would be character deaths you witness or can even do yourself, on purpose or accident. There would be the option to go out of your way to kill the villagers because they're just so indifferent to death, and they come back the next day after all. Nearly every object and thing in this game would be interactable, but there would always be a random chance that the MC could die when they mess with stuff (this sounds annoying though so i would probably make it that if you die to an object, you cant die to it again so you dont get killed 500 times by a coffee cup, and there would be an option to turn off random MC deaths. incentive for keeping the deaths in would just to see the MC die in interesting ways and maybe an achievement for getting all of the possible MC deaths.)

As more deaths happen in the town, the town gets more bloodied and dull and the villagers palettes get duller as well but they dont ever go completely gray or anything.

I think most players would think that there is a 'bad guy' or something. The rest of my thoughts would be to build tension to make the player think that flippy is the 'bad guy', Then you meet him and hes sweet and kind but definitely matches the figure holding the axe you saw earlier. which would probably make the player think "oh hes DEFINITELY pulling something".

Okay im running out of brainpower but the obvious plot would to be to reverse the curse. Considering the idol is usually connected to the curse in fan theories, Maybe in this game the storyline is that the golden idol was mishandled and shattered and thats why it placed the curse on this town, because the people of this town are so clumsy they deserve to die and shatter a million times and to relive it all over again.

So the MC would find all the shattered parts of the golden idol. However you can only do this in 2 ways, by talking to the villagers, learning more about them, probably doing some questlines and learning that they have fucked up lives, and when you're close enough to a villager/you do enough quests for them you can access their home, some shards of the idol would be in a villagers house while others are given to you as a reward for a quest maybe, or found in suspicious areas (like you can dig around in the towns graveyard and find it, there would be clues for these tho), and maybe even lifty/shifty have a "store" and they have a shard and you need to buy it off of them or trade it for something they like (which would most likely be a valuable item given as a reward from another villagers questline).

And the other way you could do the game is just by murdering the villagers, being able to break into their homes to steal the shards that are there, and threaten them to tell you where the other shards are (this could also be an option for getting the shard from lifty/shifty regardless tbh)

The quests you get would depend if its day or night, and who youre getting them from. Quests at night are more scary, quests during the day (at the start of the game) are less scary and more cartoonish but further down the questline you could put 2 and 2 together and realize the innocuous thing that you were requested for earlier could be used to do fucked up shit.

And the end of the game you work with sniffles to reassemble the idol to try to lift the curse.

htf but its like a creepy town in a horror game

[an-organized-confusion]

I got to reflecting on that VIA Character Strength Survey I filled out like in ‘17 (through “Resilient Grieving”). And that led me to wondering what strengths each of the Sides represent (non-exclusive/exhaustive)...

Roman

Bravery (Courage) - Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what’s right even if there’s opposition; acting on convictions even if unpopular; includes physical bravery but is not limited to it.

Creativity (Wisdom) - Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things; includes artistic achievement but is not limited to it.

Perseverance (Courage) - Finishing what one starts; persevering in a course of action in spite of obstacles; “getting it out the door”; taking pleasure in completing tasks.

Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence (Transcendence) - Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

Humor (Transcendence) - Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing the light side; making (not necessarily telling) jokes.

Zest (Courage) - Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated.

(Def walks in with that “carpe diem“ outlook.)

Hope (Transcendence) - Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it; believing that a good future is something that can be brought about.

(... even though it’s something being seriously being challenged, he does rep it.)

Remus

Honesty (Courage) - Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretense; taking responsibility for one's feelings and actions.

Curiosity (Wisdom) - Taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake; finding subjects and topics fascinating; exploring and discovering.

Creativity (Wisdom)

Humor (Transcendence)

(... mostly in the “seeing the light side of dark subject matters” sense. I think he basically embodies absurdism. Reality has no inherent meaning, might as well make one up for yourself and laugh about the sheer Absurdity of it all.)

Zest (Courage)

(Arguably transcends “carpe diem” right into “YOLO”... and honestly, I envy that. Pffft.)

Virgil

Prudence (Temperance) - Being careful about one's choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.

Humility (Temperance)- Letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is.

(I think there are times this isn’t the case, see “Embarrassing Phases”. But on a baseline, I think there’s a “I’m just doing my job” sense to him.)

Love (Humanity) - Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated; being close to people.

(As extremely scary as that is, part of his concerns IS c!Thomas’s care for his own.)

Perseverance (Courage)

(Being “the fire under everyone’s butts”, he fulfills the “get it out the door” motivation. To say nothing of the whole self-preservation fundamental function...)

Bravery (Courage)

Logan

Judgment (Wisdom) - Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; not jumping to conclusions; being able to change one's mind in light of evidence; weighing all evidence fairly.

Perspective (Wisdom) - Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself/others.

Love of learning (Wisdom) - Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one's own or formally; related to the strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systematically to what one knows.

Self-Regulation (Temperance) - Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one's appetites and emotions.

(... mostly.)

Prudence (Temperance)

Curiosity (Wisdom)

Perseverance (Courage)

Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence (Transcendence)

Janus

Fairness (Justice) - Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting feelings bias decisions about others; giving everyone a fair chance.

(... mostly making sure the self is included in the all.)

Social intelligence (Humanity) - Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.

Perspective (Wisdom)

Prudence (Temperance)

Patton

Kindness (Humanity) - Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.

Forgiveness (Temperance) - Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.

Gratitude (Transcendence) - Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.

Spirituality (Transcendence) - Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.

(Mostly thanks to being the main seat of c!Thomas’s faith.)

Fairness (Justice)

(... the consideration of everyone else. As feels-y as he is, I do think this ideal is something he tries his best to represent.)

Love (Humanity)

Humor (Transcendence)

Humility (Temperance)

Misfits

Teamwork (Justice) - Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one's share

(Honestly, I think everyone’s struggling with this one, but I do think the trajectory is to work on that more???)

Leadership (Justice) - Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the same time maintain good relations within the group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen.

(Patton was basically the ad hoc leader of the group. But it’s evident there’s work to be done for anyone to really fill those shoes in totality. Patton only has a piece of the larger picture, like the rest of the Sides.)

[rapunzelle]

may the cascade of chaos bring newness into your life

transcript;

Entropy. It’s a word I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, the consequence of being a reluctant chemistry minor and being forcibly surrounded by overwhelmingly difficult-to-conceptualize ideas. There’s a lot of words like it in science: big and scary and a little overzealous, and just extravagant enough to make me want to burn my textbook in a bonfire with a stake driven through its middle.

To mince words, entropy is just a fancy way of describing the tendency of the universe to lean towards chaos, it’s a measure of uncertainty and randomness. 

It’s a good way to describe this life of mine.

Life is entropic, everything I know seems to have a tendency to change from a state of order to one of disorder. The memories I touch, they become hazier and one blurs into the next until my childhood merges into a single smear against my backbrain. I am ripped away from my family, my friends, by the curse of growing up, and suddenly, the future I had dreamed of for years dissipates and I am left clutching at slippery uncertainty.

Nothing can ever stay the same, and sometimes it feels as if the constancy of comfort has run out the front door and I’m suddenly hurtling down a dangerous slope, one that bottoms out into darkness.

And because it brings about such chaos and disorder, one would think that entropy is inherently evil, but the truth is that it isn’t so simple, so black and white.

Life is complicated, and entropy, while it measures randomness and things disrupted, it also brings birth, growth, life. With entropy comes variability, a freshness not found within predictability. Without it, we would be stagnant, and somehow, the concept of dormancy, to have a life without truly living, is more terrifying a thought than things forever changing. 

Perhaps I am ready to grow into this new life after all.

general taglist;

@aeternve​ @ksiezniqzka​ @sea-turtles​

[livingasaghost]

warning: this post will contain spoilers for the new mike flanagan show MIDNIGHT MASS. content warning for death, grief, religion.

as someone who was scarred by horror as a child and someone who hates halloween, no one is as surprised as i am that mike flanagan is one of my favorite directors/creators. for those who don't know, this is the man behind THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE and DOCTOR SLEEP. when hill house was released a few years ago, it was barely even on my radar. the only reason i decided to watch it is because everyone kept going on about how it was so scary it made them throw up or pass out or whatever.

not sure how that spurred me to turn the show on because quite literally i do not like scary things and i've had nightmares for years because of the poltergeist. but, i did in fact turn on this scary show at night in the dark of my house alone. and spoiler alert: it changed my life.

since then i've seen hill house about four times all the way through and i've also seen bly manor. (and obviously midnight mass.) as i continue to watch mike flanagan's works, i've been struck by his storytelling, his vision, and his art direction. this man is a star of his craft. when i watch his works i spend half the time studying his camera angles, his script, the little easter eggs he leaves behind. his shows fall under the same category as most of my favorite media: highly conceptual creations that feature strong themes and messages that change the way you perceive the universe and yourself and other people. i think i will spend my entire lifetime trying to explain this type of storytelling. stories like house of leaves or cloud cuckoo land or the starless sea. stories about how life is just a story, just a dream, and all we can do is appreciate our time on earth and the people we surround ourselves with.

when midnight mass originally was announced and the trailer dropped, i don't think i fully appreciated what it would be. it didn't really occur to me that mike was working on a new show, and it also didn't occur to me that while this new show wasn't a "haunting" show...it also was exactly that. there was so much hype leading up to bly manor, and when that dropped i was left feeling fairly disappointed. i think it's better that this new series doesn't fall under the haunting franchise, but i can understand and appreciate that it's basically a continuation of mike's television works. it's the same cast, the same feel, the same director...just different. and nothing like hill house or bly.

MIDNIGHT MASS is the story of a small town, an island town, that gets a new priest. you can't know more than that going in, but if you're reading this i'll assume you've either seen the show or you don't mind getting spoiled. (last chance.) what first seems like a show about alcoholism and god, quickly turns paranormal and supernatural. the show explores so many deep themes like life after death, what happens when the church strays from god and begins to glorify itself, small town religion, forgiveness. while the plot itself is incredibly compelling and it's a great mystery, i think what always gets to me about mike flanagan shows is that at the end of the day, even though it's horror and it's thrilling to watch, there is always that underlying message that is beautifully crafted and explored and it's usually about death and/or grief. midnight mass is such a wonderful addition to the flanagan collection because it forces you to look at the act of death head on. while it does explore grief, so much of this story is about what happens when you die and where you go and what comes next. and i've spent a lot of my life actively trying not to think about that.

a few months back i read a little life by hanya yanigahara and that book is all about friendship and life and also grief. it's about knowing that no matter how long your life is, at the end of it, we all die and we all lose people and one day people will lose us too. and while it's been months since i've read or actively thought of that book, i think so much of that set the stage for my 2021. i have dealt with grief in recent months, i dealt with the loss of our cat, and the combination of all of that PLUS watching this show...it really struck a chord with me. a weird one. i think the older i get the more fascinated i am by death and grief and loss and while sometimes that can be debilitating and scary, i think it's also incredibly freeing.

there's a scene (that happens twice) where two of the characters are discussing what happens when/after we die. and since this show centers on christianity, of course one of those scenarios reflects on heaven. the other scenario pictured is from more of an atheistic/agnostic perspective: that when we die, our bodies shut down and that is the end of it. what shocked me most is that as someone raised christian, someone who actively believes in a god and has read a lot about "the afterlife" or what not, i don't know that i have ever let myself believe in or think about a death that doesn't have an afterlife. doesn't have a heaven. i can't tell if that's just really good brain-washing by the church or what, but in watching that scene i felt both the thrill of fear and also a bit of relief.

here's the thing. after thinking on it all more, i obviously don't have the answer. we don't know what comes next, if anything. i think most of what religion and faith comes down to is knowing we won't know and also knowing that there isn't any logic when it comes to spirituality. to a god. as much as science exists, if we believe in a higher power, we also have to accept that science cannot explain everything. that science isn't everything period. i would like to think, and will hopefully continue to believe, that erin's view of life after death is real. that heaven exists, that we will all be reunited one day, that there is a higher power who wants us all to be loved and not alone for eternity. that sounds real to me. but i also have realized that i have doubts. that the logic side of me believes that when we die, our bodies will shut down and we will go to sleep and that will be the end.

and you know what? even though that is scary and it's a recent thing for me to consider (especially as someone who is more and more becoming anti-religion in some ways), it's also a huge fucking relief. it's a blessing. to not exist.

that sounds like my depression talking, but it's not. i promise. i've never been the type of person who wants to live forever or extend my life span. part of the whole point of mike flanagan shows, of the types of books and stories i enjoy, is that without an end, there's no point. what's the purpose of living forever? if you've seen the good place there always reaches a point where you've reached your full potential, where you've done everything, where things stop having meaning because they've lasted so long. and obviously death is still scary, not knowing what comes next is terrifying, but watching this show gave me a kind of comfort about death that i didn't know was possible. and this is a horror show about religious vampires.

throughout all the gore and hypocrisy and terror and violence of this strange show, i found myself at peace.

[battlestar-royco]

here is part 2 of my sci fi recs masterlist! again, i could’ve gone on with even more recs but i decided to draw the line here. this set for the most part errs on the darker side, thematically, visually, conceptually etc. i personally find it super thought-provoking and intriguing but that’s just me. i highly recommend reading the tw under the cut if you’re thinking of watching, especially the matrix and space gothic slides. please view at your discretion <3

part 1/2

If you like WLW (um idk why I only made this slide based on identity; it just kinda happened lmao but I think it works):

Siren: (tw: parent loss, grief, thalassophobia) a mermaid surfaces in a cove town looking for her lost sister. Polyamorous relationship between a man, a black/indigenous woman, and the mermaid!!!! Environmentalism! As a person who has thalassophobia, I didn’t find this too hard to watch. There aren’t that many underwater scenes, thankfully.

Black Mirror: San Junipero: (tw: grief, but otherwise none that I recall; it’s pretty lighthearted) two women meet in a beach resort in the 80s and fall in love. Interracial wlw!

Orphan Black: (tw: suicide, infertility, rape implication, VB, language, drug use) a woman realizes she is one of several clones and uncovers an elaborate corporate conspiracy. This is one of my personal favorites with great rep of complex women of all ages and bodily autonomy. Several central queer characters and a black male secondary character!

Starfish: (tw: grief, a few jump scares and brief monstrous imagery, blood) after the death of her best friend, a young woman breaks into the deceased’s apartment and discovers a chain of music tapes that could save the world. Weird, subtle, and experimental. Not to sound like a surfer but you kinda have to allow yourself to be in the vibe. The main character and her friend were definitely a thing imo.

Annihilation: (tw: body horror, VB, disturbing imagery) a team of women scientists explore an anomaly that rapidly mutates genes. There are canonical and coded wlw and multiple (light-skinned) POC in this but the rep is short-lived. I put it on because although it should’ve been more ambitious with the casting, I think it breaks *some* ground for Hollywood sci fi with the all-woman team and more than one WOC. Wack ending though.

Mad Max: Fury Road: (tw: rape implication, violence) I think everyone knows about this one but: in the apocalypse, a woman breaks 4 younger women out of a harem. A badass car chase across the desert ensues. A bit light on plot/worldbuilding, but sooooo cool-looking and very thematic!!!!

If you liked STRANGER THINGS:

It: (tw: VB) don’t actually watch this lmao I’m serious. It’s really stupid, and not in a funny way. But I do think Stranger Things was inspired by this story overall. The modern It films are better but they’re also really kjslsklskls stupid? Stephen King in general is obsolete imo.

The Thing: (tw: VB) an alien that can take the form of others wreaks havoc on a scientific facility in Antarctica. It’s dark and vibey, but I feel like it’s just Alien in Antarctica with truly terrible special effects tbh?? Others feel differently. It’s also classified as sci fi/horror, so stay away if you’re easily scared! Not too good on representation.

Super 8: (tw: some language) a group of preteens witnesses an alien-caused train crash as they’re filming a home movie. Not diverse but I definitely think it inspired a lot of sci fi for the 2010s, ESPECIALLY Stranger Things. Not too scary either!

ET: (tw: it’s been a really long time since I watched so I don’t remember but it’s rated PG) I think everyone knows what this is about!

Alien: (tw: VB) truckers in space discover a deadly evolving alien. One of my favorite movies of all time! I love the aesthetic and the mood and worldbuilding so much. Ellen Ripley is one of the first Final Girls in the horror genre. I personally found this more of a sci fi than a horror movie but I’d say stay away if you’re nervous!!

Terminator: (tw: VB) a deadly android is sent to kill a woman who’s destined to birth the man who saves the world. Terminator 2 is way better imo because it centers on Sarah rather than the dudes saving her and trying to kill her. But it’s still worth a watch, you know, for the culture.

If you liked CONTAGION:

War of the Worlds: (tw: blood) pretty straightforward aliens come to Earth to take over. Sorry to rec another T*m Cruise movie but I really like the alien design and the apocalypsey feel of this one. Baby Dakota Fanning is in it too!

Falling Skies: (tw: VB, body horror, rape) alien invasion yada yada but the alien lore gets more interesting as it goes on. It’s kind of cheesy and yeah maybe I did discover it by looking up the iCarly boyfriend (and what about it??) but it’s nice to have on in the downtime. An Asian woman co-stars.

Knowing: (tw: blood) school students unearth a time capsule that contains a sheet from a girl who predicted all the tragic world events between 1959-2009. This is NOT a good movie but it’s SO hilarious to me because of the acting and contrivances. Fun to group-watch!!!!

10 Cloverfield Lane: (tw: VB, emotional abuse) a woman wakes up in a bunker to a captor who tells her that the world has fallen to alien apocalypse. I think this movie elevates the original Cloverfield in pretty much every way. Again, super tense and moody. The conflict revolves around whether or not the captor is being truthful.

Train to Busan: (tw: extreme VB and disturbing imagery) a man and his daughter are on a train when a zombie hops on at the last minute. It’s Korean with an all-Asian cast; Choi Woo-shik co-stars. I definitely wouldn’t watch if you’re scared of blood and gore. It’s very gross and violent.

12 Monkeys: (tw: ableism, violence) a man from the 2030s is sent back to the 1990s to prevent the plague that will end the world. I think the aesthetics of this are really cool but otherwise it’s not a favorite. But I think it appeals to people who like apocalypse and time travel stuff!

If you liked THE MATRIX:

Strange Days: (tw: rape, sex, nudity, VB, racism, police brutality) memories can be saved to hard-drives and sold on the black market for exorbitant prices. Very problematic and triggering presentation of rape, but young Angela Basset stars and there’s a condemnation of police brutality that’s still relevant 20+ years after its release.

Upgrade: (tw: ableism, VB, fridging) a disabled man installs an AI in his spine to help him move and investigate the murder of his wife. The premise is glaringly ableist and I feel weird even recommending it tbh but it’s got great visuals and a few good twists.

Altered Carbon: (tw: VB, weird interracial body switching, uhhh I haven’t finished this one IDK) in a society where human bodies are interchangeable, a man wakes up in a new body after 300 years of his mind being dormant. A Latina woman co-stars, two Asian characters in a subplot, a few other POC here and there as well. I think season 2 stars a black man.

eXistenZ: (tw: VB, anti-Asian racism, general weirdness? IDK it’s hard to describe. There are guns made out of bones and weirdly sexual visuals.) after someone tries to assassinate her, a video game designer and her bodyguard must play through her virtual reality game in order to save the only copy of the game.

Minority Report: (tw: VB, eye removal/insertion) all crimes are predicted and criminals reported before they are committed. The main character is preemptively accused of murder. This one is really white but it was one of the first movies that got me into sci fi. Early 2000s Colin Farrell <3.

If you liked WESTWORLD:

Humans: (tw: uncanny valley, objectification) androids are household helpers and public assistants throughout Britain until one day they start developing consciences. It hits a lot of the themes of Westworld without all the unnecessary pretentiousness, “edginess,” and “grittiness,” and it stars Gemma Chan and Colin Morgan!!

Blade Runner 2049: (^) an android is ordered to find and kill a human/android hybrid. It’s not without its issues but it’s one of my favorite movies of all time, right up there with Alien. So beautiful, so thematic, so thought-provoking (to me, anyway. I know a lot of people thought it was way too slow).

Ex Machina: (^) a man is invited to a private estate to help test the intelligence of an android. It’s kind of predictable imo but you know Oscar Isaac and Sonoya Mizuno are in it so we have to stan, and so is Domhnall Gleeson, for the SW fans! I like how isolated and quiet it feels.

I Am Mother: (tw: blood, gaslighting) after an extinction event, a young woman is raised by a lone android in a human repopulation facility until one day a woman knocks. It starts off slow and a bit generic, but I’m obsessed with the 2nd and 3rd acts of this movie---good acting, dialogue, and fantastic visuals. It has that same isolated feel as Ex Machina with only three characters, all of which are women/woman-coded!!!

If you liked ALIEN (space gothic):

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2008 reboot): (tw: genocide, war, colonization, VB, uncanny valley, rape, infidelity) space opera that follows humanity as it fights the ever-evolving and powerful enemy of their own creation: androids named Cylons. Um? I  L O V E  THIS SHOW SO MUCH and I truly do think it’s everything sci fi should be. There is a really unfortunate Miss Saigon-esque romance plot in season 1 and a lazily-written love triangle involving a black woman in season 3, but otherwise it’s one of my all-time favorites and I highly recommend. It’ll spin your mind and tug your heartstrings for years.

Black Mirror: Men Against Fire: (tw: genocide, war, nudity) soldiers in the near future protect citizens from mutant zombies, but one soldier starts experiencing strange hallucinations in the field. This is such an underrated Black Mirror episode starring a black man. There’s brief objectification of a black woman but it’s very anti-military and it has an interesting sterile aesthetic that reminds me of Alien.

High Life: (tw: rape, black holes/space anxiety, very disturbing) prisoners are given the option to join a space expedition and serve as experimental subjects en route to a black hole. Please please stay away if you are triggered by sexual violence of any kind. There’s almost no physical violence in this movie but it’s psychologically haunting imo.

The Faculty: (tw; VB, drug use) high schoolers discover their teachers are being possessed by an invading alien race. I LOVE THIS MOVIE LMFAOOOO. The cast is SO wild---Elijah Wood, John Oliver, Usher, Salma Hayek, Josh Hartnett??? And I’m probably forgetting more. The combination of the cast, the terrible dialogue, and shitty special effects is PEAK comedy imo. But bear in mind it’s bloody!!

Prometheus: (tw: body horror, VB, uncanny valley) a crew of scientists heads on a deep space mission to find the aliens who created the human race. A prequel to Alien, but I kind of view it as its own thing. Despite the plot holes, I love this movie too! It was one of my sci fi gateways and the visuals are stunning. It’s pretty gory though so if that’s not your thing stay away.

Life: (tw: extreme VB) a lesser Alien, but it provides all the space gothic tropes (jokey crew, shots of space, really pretty spaceship, everyone dies, creepy alien) with a well-known cast---Gyllenhaal, Reynolds, etc.

The X Files: (tw: a few episodes contain 90s racism, sexism, queerphobia etc but you can skip them) a lot of people have watched this so I barely have to explain, but it’s one of my favorites. Two FBI agents investigate multiple aliens and get involved in government conspiracies along the way. A good gateway!

A Quiet Place: (tw: child loss, VB, tension) I think most people know what this is about too. Alien apocalypse with aliens that hunt by sound. The daughter in the family is deaf, and so is the actress who portrays her. The representation of deafness was critically acclaimed.

[watchathon]

Halloween Special: Coraline

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watchathon, a blog where I watch something and make a blog post where I write down my thoughts as I watch. Each new thought starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so.

Today, I’m celebrating Halloween with my favorite spooky movie: Coraline! 

I realize that it’s not actually a Halloween movie, and I’m hoping to do actually Halloween-themed movies in the future, but when I had the idea to do a Halloween special post, this was the movie that first came to mind.

It’s scary, funny, gorgeously animated, but I’m sure I’ll be getting more into that during the post proper. With that said, here are my thoughts on Coraline:

- Even the studio logos and opening credits for this movie have an unsettling vibe, with both the visuals and the background music.

- And that’s before we’ve even gotten into the scene of the doll being transformed slowly into a doll of Coraline by mysterious stick limbs.

- I know that when I move, I’d love to be greeted by the sight of a man doing yoga on the rooftop.

- Nice introduction to Coraline when we see her pull a stick off of a bush and use it like a dowsing rod. Really sets up her character as a kid who’s not averse to the weird. The kind of kid who might, say, make several trips through a mystical hole in her room that brings her to button-eyed “better” versions of her parents and neighbors.

- And here we see Wyborne “Wybie” Lovat, Coraline’s closest-thing-to-a-friend in her new town. He’s more logically-minded, able to tell that Coraline’s dowsing rod is poison oak, and even analyzing Coraline’s name (after he’s corrected that it’s not Caroline.)

- I like the transition from Coraline holding her ear to the well, to her washing her hands in the kitchen sink.

- And here we see that the Coraline doll from the beginning of the movie made its way to the trunk of Wybie’s grandma. Which is scary, as well as bizarre from Coraline’s perspective. You move into a new house, and it turns out your landlady (who doesn’t normally allow kids) owned a doll that looks suspiciously similar to you, including your outfit.

- I like the music during this scene of Coraline exploring her new house. It’s so serene and calm.

- Coraline just killed the bugs in the shower with her bare hands... Not much I can really say about that except: “Gross...”

- I know all too well the feeling Coraline’s dad has when his writing is erased. I said this is a scary movie, here’s the scariest dang thing. *shivers*

- The entrance into the Other World is the perfect blend of creepy, and beckoning, with the music and cool colors.

- As well as the first appearance of the Other Mother. There’s the buttons for eyes, and the very fact that she’s an identical copy of Coraline’s real mom in everything but the eyes, making her scary on simply the conceptual level. 

But she’s so much nicer to Coraline than her real-world counterpart, not to mention that she cooks much nicer-looking meals than Coraline’s dad, and resides in a nicer version of Coraline’s house.

- And then there’s the Other Father, introducing himself to Coraline with a nice peppy song about her. The lyrics are filled with foreshadowing, but it’s not like Coraline was going to dig that deep into it. Why would she? The Other World is giving her the family life she wishes she could have in the real world.

- I’d say that Coraline shouldn’t accept food from strangers, but I mean, it’s her parents. But not really her parents, it’s her Other Parents. But they seem to know her like they are her parents. But they don’t actually know her, because they’re not her parents. But they are alternate versions of her parents. But... Oh dear, I’ve gone cross-eyed...

- And the Other World is even complete with a way for her to talk to her old friends from Michigan! Granted, they’re not actually her friends, but they are exact copies of... Nope! Not jumping down that rabbit hole again.

- Coraline gets confirmation that the Other World was real when she wakes up to find that her poison oak has completely disappeared, without a trace. I remember when I first watched this movie, I was afraid it would turn out to be all just a dream, but this confirms right off the bat that the Other World isn’t just in Coraline’s head.

- I like that we’re getting introductions to Coraline’s neighbors, starting with the Amazing Bobinsky, who’s working on a mouse circus. And also misunderstands Coraline’s name to be Caroline.

- And Coraline gets her first warning about the dark secrets of the Other World from said mouse circus. Plus, as a bonus, the mice get her name right on the first try without needing to be corrected.

- Next up is Miss Spink and Miss Forcible, the former also getting Coraline’s name wrong.

- You’ve heard of crazy cat ladies, now get ready for crazy dog ladies who stuff all their dogs when they die!

- Second warning about the danger of the Other World, from Miss Spink reading Coraline’s tea leaves.

- One thing I never really noticed before: The cat’s already showing a personality of his own right now, even when he’s just Wybie’s cat friend who’s not technically owned by Wybie.

- Seems Coraline’s starting to grow fond of Wybie, thinking of him as a friend instead of the annoying kid who lives somewhere near her house.

- Looks like Other Mother is really trying to push the idea that the Other World is better than the real world, what with how she insists that the Other Father is the Better Father.

- The garden arranged into a picture of Coraline is so beautiful. And so impressive when you remember that this is a stop-motion movie, and that portrait had to be actually built for its few seconds of screen time.

- Another thing that the Other Mother offers to Coraline as a benefit of the Other World: A version of Wybie that’ll listen to her, that won’t change the subject to slugs or whatever.

- Plus a version of Bobinsky that not only gets Coraline’s name right, but trains his mouse circus to spell it out. It’s like the Other World is “fixing” all the things that bugged Coraline about her life in the real world.

- And all that temptation looks like it’s working. When Coraline’s mom buys her the same grey uniforms the rest of her school will be wearing, Coraline only responds that the other mother would buy her a better uniform.

- Looks like the cat’s kind of suspicious of the Other World when he sees Coraline crawling inside.

- And the cat’s the only living thing from the real world other than Coraline to come into the Other World. Or, well, the only still-living thing...

- The third warning about the dangers of the Other World comes from the cat, also the first warning given directly to her instead of secondhand or via tea leaves.

- This movie can be creepy in a lot of ways even before Coraline’s life is in danger. For example, one of tne of the “good” things in the Other World is Other Miss Spink and Other Miss Forcible’s skin peeling away to reveal that underneath they’re actually young beautiful women.

- Not everything in the Other World is just the Other Mother’s puppet. She created Other Wybie, but he’s still clearly concerned for Coraline, and needs to be implicitly ordered to keep up the cheery facade.

- And here’s the big wham scene where it starts to get real spooky: The Other Parents saying that they’ll need to sew buttons into Coraline’s eyes if Coraline wants to stay in their world and keep all the things she likes better about it. Luckily, Coraline’s smart enough to refuse and immediately decide she never wants to return.

- The Other Mother might not have total control over everything in the Other World, but she clearly wants to make it so she does. Denying Other Father the ability to speak, and as we’ll see later she’s sewn Other Wybie’s face into a permanent smile that he can’t ever move.

- “Mothers don’t eat... daughters.” “I don’t know. How do you taste?” The cat might not be on the Other Mother’s side, but he can be creepy, even if it seems like he’s just messing with Coraline.

-  - I like that the cat’s here to serve as a companion from the real world to Coraline, consistently on her side even after the Other World shows its true colors. In this case, he kills a circus mouse that was sounding an alarm. Meanwhile that idea didn’t even occur to Coraline, who probably figured it was just circus practice.

- “Good kitty.” You’re darn right!

- Oh, dang, I thought that the Other Mother’s monster transformation came later than this.

- I heard somewhere that in the book, the Other Mother just looks like this monstrous form off the bat. I have to wonder, then, why Coraline was so trusting of her. Maybe it was just a really good dinner she cooked?

- Here we see that Coraline isn’t the first little kid that the Other Mother lured to her world so she could take their eyes and keep there forever. Their ghosts still reside in the Other World, unable to rest in peace or even remember their own names, but able to give Coraline her final warning so she doesn’t share their fates.

- It’s so creepy to see Other Wybie’s face with his mouth sewn into a permanent smile. But even with that, and with his eyes being only buttons, it’s easy to see that he’s desperate to save Coraline from this world.

- Other Wybie even sacrifices his life for Coraline.

- As I said before, Wybie is more logically minded than Coraline. So, really, it only makes sense that he’d hear Coraline talk about the Other World and arrive to the conclusion that she’s crazy.

- It always brings tears to my eyes, seeing Coraline sleeping in bed with pretend versions of her parents made from the pillows and sheets.

- At least the cat’s still there for Coraline.

- The charming colors of the tunnel to the Other World have even turned to a dull grey. It’s like a visual representation of how the Other Mother has given up on luring Coraline into staying, and has moved onto the idea of forcing her to stay, even eating the only key that allows travel between worlds.

- You can tell how much Coraline doesn’t want to say that she’ll let the Other Mother sew buttons in her eyes if she loses. But she has no choice; the Other Mother wouldn’t agree to the game unless there was something she could win.

- It’s both creepy and sad to see the Other Father, forced into attacking Coraline and keeping the eye from her.

- It’s cool how Coraline used Other Spink and Forcible’s bat-dogs against them. Also unsettling like everything in this part of the movie, but really cool and clever.

- Other Father and Other Spink/Forcible were transformed into corrupted versions of themselves. Other Bobinsky? Erased and replaced with a horde of rats that had his voice come out of them.

- Again, good kitty. Even when Coraline thinks she’s lost the game, the cat’s there to lend a hand.

- Coraline even thinks of the cat as a friend!

- But the cat’s not Coraline’s only ally. The ghost of one of the other children advises Coraline to be clever, all too aware that the Other Mother wouldn’t keep her word.

- You’ve heard of throwing your SO, now get ready for throwing your stray cat friend who became one of your only allies in the Other World where your parents are trapped as well as the ghosts of children who came before you! *gasps for breath*

- The Other Mother’s now given up on any pretense of being Coraline’s mother, having gone full monster. But given how she still has that hairdo? I’ve got to imagine that she’s still not quite displaying her true form.

- It’s so sweet to see Coraline interacting with the cat. Even outside of the Other World they’re still friends.

- I understand why people are upset why they changed the climax from Coraline’s clever gambit to a battle with the Other Mother’s hand (and Wybie helping), but I think this works well for a movie adaptation. I haven’t read the book, so I could be wrong, but just from seeing the movie, I think this climax is good.

- I love this ending with Coraline and her neighbors having a garden party, Bobinsky even helping plant some berries. It’s so cathartic after all the trouble Coraline’s been through.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

To reiterate: This is my absolute favorite spooky movie! And my first pick when it comes to movies fit for the season.

The first Laika movie I watched was Kubo and The Two Strings, in theaters. Then I went back and watched Paranorman to celebrate Halloween. Then I watched Missing Link when that came out in theaters.

Coraline came last out of all the Laika movies I’ve seen, but it may well be my favorite, with its lovable characters, amazing music, and gorgeous animation.

It has just the right amount of scare for me, as someone who’s not generally fond of horror. And as a PG movie, it leans more towards scary and unsettling aesthetic than jumpscares or blood/gore, another thing that makes this just right for me.

This is the perfect kinda movie for the season, and I highly recommend it for anyone who wants a spooky movie to watch tonight, on future Halloweens, or just whenever you’re in the mood for something creepy.

[ginevrapasqualeparallel]

Alexander McQueen’s fashion shows

Lee Alexander McQueen, CBE was a British fashion designer and couturier. He worked as chief designer at Givenchy from 1996 to 2001, and founded his own Alexander McQueen label in 1992. Alexander McQueen was a visionary. Over the course of his 18-year career, the designer’s presentations for both his eponymous label and Givenchy, where he served as creative director from 1996 to 2001, were the stuff of legend, 10 minutes of pure theatre that enthralled audiences with their audacity and conceptual brilliance. The recipient of four British Designer of the Year awards, as well as a CBE, and now heralded as a genius, it’s easy to forget that McQueen’s creations were divisive from the offset. His 1992 graduate collection, entitled Jack the Ripper Stalks His Victims, included a coat printed with thorns and locks of McQueen’s own hair sewn into the garments. McQueen’s shock tactics weren’t always a hit with his sponsors. The designer’s spring/summer 1998 show, partly financed by American Express, was originally titled The Golden Shower before the company demanded the name be changed. McQueen conceded, calling it Untitled, but that didn’t stop him sending models down a runway made of water-filled tanks while rain poured from above and spotlights bathed them in a suggestive yellow glow. For Joan later that year, his exploration of the elements moved from water to fire with a show that ended with a masked model being surrounded by a ring of fire. Meanwhile, 1999’s No. 13 was the collection that cemented McQueen’s reputation as the ultimate showman. It not only featured Paralympian Aimee Mullins wearing prosthetic legs carved from elm wood, but ended with two robots spray-painting a dress worn by supermodel Shalom Harlow. The latter went on to become one of the most memorable catwalk finales in fashion history. 

Ever theatrical, a model stands in a ring of fire for the finale of Alexander McQueen’s Joan of Arc themed autumn/winter 1998 show.                             

The moment Shalom Harlow’s dress was spray painted by robots at the end of the spring/summer 1999 show became one of the most memorable catwalk finales in fashion history.

Models sloshed through water once again on McQueen’s spring/summer 2000 catwalk in New York, showcasing a collection with nods to sportswear, bondage and the Middle East. The designer presented a tongue-in-cheek tribute to his host country at the end of the spring/summer 2000 show at New York Fashion Week.

The fairground scene McQueen conjured for his merry-go-round-themed autumn/winter 2001 presentation was anything but family-friendly.

I’ve personally never looked at his runways as it’s not really my favourite brand but I am so so shocked on how unique his shows have been over the past years, like they are amazing and the way he’s thought about these runways so carefully. I have seen different kind of runways like Valentino’s, Dior’s, Chanel’s but his are completely different, like in a way also a bit dark, like a bit creepy. Like the first three images I have chosen above here have creeped me out the most like the way the model has her face covered while she’s in a ring fire and the next two images the way they did their hair and makeup it’s very scary and how all the dresses and also their eyes are red which could also reflect to fire. Also the ‘The fairground scene’ is quite weird and dark as well. I think his catwalks and the stage set ups work so so well for this project I am doing, as when I firstly read the brief of this project it said ‘uncomfortable’ poses, stages.... and his do make me feel a bit weird and uncomfortable so it shows how the audience could feel a bit ‘strange’ about it. I am actually gonna consider the way he’s done his catwalks throughout the years for my Parallel catwalk that I am designing this is because if before I had an idea on how I could have done it, looking at his work has made me think of better ideas that could work so much better for this theme.

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D