#my mom only deigned to help me when i explained point blank I'm only alive for my pets

[chibimonkey]

I've started looking around for therapists. I found seven that take Medicaid. One is closed, three aren't accepting new patients, and two have a 6+ month waiting list. One just took my info and was like "I'll see if we have a doctor who meets your needs." The one my mom really wants me to try has a three month waiting list to even get a call to assign me a therapist.

This is going on day ten I've cried every single day and can't get out of bed. I'm stressed out which makes my head hurt worse than when I was in retail, I'm unable to focus and get out of bed.

I need counseling to help apply for disability. I can't do that with no counseling. I can't even start the application without being in therapy. I've been depressed since I was six and unable to function in society for the past four years. It's gotten worse in the past two. I have $500 to my name. I've tried fundraising - didn't get anything. I've tried selling things - no buyers. I haven't been able to work my freelance gig for over a week and a half because of my headaches, and even then I make maybe a dollar a day.

It's ONLY because I'm afraid what will happen to my pets if I kill myself that I'm even trying for this. And I've spent all afternoon crying and feeling hopeless because I can't even get a fucking appointment.