#my job consisted of sitting in an auditorium and doing something on a laptop. I really don't know what.

[gimmick-blog-bracket]

I had a dream where I was in a time loop except hasgavlebockenburneddownyet kept winning by increasingly improbable margins.

The first time, it lost 49.8–50.2, but it had a staggering 70% of the votes by the time the final iteration came around

@facts-i-just-made-up

They're a good lesson in fact checking the bare minimum (looking at least at the blog name)

@hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

What's more happy holiday cheer than cheering on the destruction of a giant straw goat?

The birds may have won 2023, but I believe in humanity's capability for arson for 2024 <3

[nikki-writes-stuff]

Sweet As Sin - Part One

Summary: After losing your job and having to spend all of your savings, you find yourself completely broke as you desperately search for a job. On a whim, you join a website for sugar babies and sugar daddies can meet, and you’re surprised when you immediately make a connection with Captain America, of all people. But as you grow closer to Steve, you start to realize that there may be a dark side to America’s golden boy. 

Pairing: SugarDaddy!Steve Rogers x Reader, with eventual Dark!Steve Rogers

Read Part Two here!

After reaching a certain point in life, people generally come to the realization that the old adage of “when it rains, it pours” is true. At least, that was what you were thinking as you walked to your car, cheeks still burning with shame from what had just transpired in the grocery store.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but your card was declined. Do you have any other methods of payment?”

The words echoed in your ears as you drove home; of course you didn’t have another method of payment. You hadn’t ever since your job laid you off. You’d been living off of unemployment for a few months now, barely able to afford rent and living off a diet consisting mostly of ramen noodles. What’s more, you’d just had to get your car fixed after someone t-boned you at the intersection across from your house. So now, you didn’t even have any more savings to fall back on. It was even worse than when you’d been in college; back then, there had at least been a goal in mind. Just graduate, you’d told yourself, and then you’ll find a job.

Well, you’d graduated a year ago, and now you were back to where you’d started – broke and desperate.

You slammed the door shut when you entered your apartment, kicking your shoes off before throwing yourself onto the sofa. You lay on your back, looking up at the ceiling as your stomach growled at you.

“Yeah, I’m hungry, too,” you told it. Looks like it was noodles in broth for dinner again, tonight.

Anxiety was constantly clawing at your chest these days, especially now that you were too broke to afford your medication. Later on that evening, you stood over your stove while typing ‘how to make money fast’ into Google. It was a cheap shot, one that you didn’t foresee getting you anywhere, but it was at least something to take your mind off of things while you waited for the water on the stove to heat up.

That was when you saw the add. ‘Finding Arrangements – Where beautiful, successful people find mutually beneficial relationships’ – basically, a website for Sugar Daddies looking for a pretty set of tits to spend money on. You huffed a laugh and scrolled past it, only to return to it a few seconds later.

You chewed on your lip, pondering the link sitting right there on the screen, so engrossed in your thoughts that you jolted when the water started boiling over, sizzling onto the stovetop beneath it. With a curse, you turned down the heat and added the noodles, stirring them in with the seasoning packet as you thought it over. It wouldn’t hurt to check, right? Just a quick glance wouldn’t hurt; if you signed up and didn’t like any of the people you matched with, you could just delete your profile and pretend it never happened.

Your thoughts lingered on the idea as you sat on the couch, still hungry after finishing your meager meal. You’d brought the link up on your laptop, and now you were staring at the site’s homepage. To the right, there was a link to sign up, and to the left, there was a picture of a man in a business suit surrounded by three beautiful women. You gulped, starting to psych yourself out as you stared at the image. But then you closed your eyes and thought about the number in your bank account, and it was enough to motivate you to start typing.

You filled out your personal information and clicked the link the website sent to your email, confirming your new membership. When it came to choose a profile photo, you chose one of yourself from your graduation day. You were standing in your college’s auditorium, wearing a dress made out of gold fabric that was covered with thick black lace; it was your favorite picture of yourself, and you hoped that the dress wasn’t too revealing. It had a high neckline, but it had only come down to about mid-thigh.

You filled out the ‘About Me’ section and then paused when you came to the next question – What are you looking for in a relationship? You thought for a moment, biting your lip and turning over your words before starting to type again.

This is my first time trying out a relationship like this, you wrote. So I would like to find someone who I can trust to guide me through it. In return, I would like to be able to give my (you cringed as you typed the next two words) Sugar Daddy a fulfilling, comfortable relationship in return.

After reviewing your profile, you uploaded it, forcing yourself to sit back from your laptop and breathe. It was out there now; people would see it. Wealthy, presumably powerful people would see it. You closed your computer and hurried to put a movie on, choosing one of your old favorites; it had helped you when you were feeling anxious before.

By the time you finished the movie, you’d mostly calmed down, controlling your nerves until they were just a dull ache in your chest. Before you stood up and went to bed, you checked your phone, eyes bulging when you saw that you already had five replies to your profile.

You opened your notifications, scrolling through the different profiles. Four of them were from men with one of them being from a woman. Your nose wrinkled up when you saw that one of the men were in his 70s, and you quickly deleted his message without even reading it. The next one was in his early 50s, and his profile picture was of him standing in front of a car that looked like it cost more than the entirety of your college tuition. You didn’t delete his message, but you definitely felt dismayed as you skimmed through the rest of them.

You paused, though, when you saw the last one. His profile said that he was 38, making him the youngest of those that had replied to you. His username was Captain_Grant, and his profile only showed his silhouette outlined against a setting sun. The only thing you could see about his features were his defined, slightly-crooked nose and the shadow of a beard against his jawline, but you were more interested in seeing the message he’d sent you.

Good evening, miss. I hope you’re having a nice day. I saw on your profile that you liked to read?

You furrowed your eyebrows, laughing a little. The other ones had pretty much sent you the same thing – “hi”. One of them had had the courtesy of adding a smiley face afterwards, but the fact that this guy had actually taken the time to read your profile made him stand out amongst the rest.

Good evening, you typed back. I do love to read; right now I’m in the middle of a great book.

His reply came only about a minute after you sent your response.

What’s it called?

You typed out the title of the book. After another minute, Captain sent you a picture. You held your breath as you opened the attachment, praying that it wasn’t a dick pic, and you were pleasantly surprised to see a photo of a bookshelf. The book you’d mentioned was resting on it along with a few others by the same author.

I’m a fan of theirs, too, as you can see.

You grinned and got up, taking a quick photo of your own bookshelf and sending it to him. You’d bought it from IKEA years ago, and its thin shelves had started to sag under the weight of all of your books, but you loved it anyways.

You have quite the collection, miss.

You chuckled at how polite he was and sent him a message that he call you by your first name.

‘Miss’ just seems so formal, don’t you think?

I was going more for polite, but I see what you mean. Well, then, you should call me Steve. ‘Captain’ isn’t really formal so much as it’s just weird. …I’ve been told I’m not good at picking out profile names.

You giggled at that; Steve seemed like a dork. But a cute one.

I think your profile name is great, for the record, but I’ll stick with Steve. What made you join this website, Steve?

It took him a few minutes to respond, and you worried for a second that you’d asked something too personal. But as you got ready for bed, you saw that he’d finally responded.

I’m an old fashioned kinda guy, and in the past I’ve been told that I’m a bit too…overbearing in a relationship. But I’ve always believed that a man should take care of the woman he’s with. So a friend of mine suggested this site, and I figured I would try it out. You’re the first girl who I liked enough to send a message to, though.

You smiled at that, feeling warmth bloom in your chest.

What made me different from the rest?

All the other girls on here only talked about what they wanted to get out of a relationship in their profiles. You were the only one who mentioned what she wanted to give.

You felt as if butterflies were flying around your stomach, and your thumbs started typing of their own accord.

Do you think we could meet sometime? Maybe grab a cup of coffee?

I would love to, doll. I’m out of the country right now, but I get back in a week. How about we meet up then? Your profile said you live in Brooklyn; is that right?

It sure is; I’ve lived here ever since I finished college.

You’re a girl after my own heart; I grew up in Brooklyn. There’s a bagel shop that also serves coffee that I highly recommend. We could meet there if you’re up for it.

You didn’t even think before you answered him back.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

________

Over the next three days, you and Steve messaged each other as much as possible. He was so easy to talk to; you’d almost forgotten about the financial element of your relationship. During the day, when he was busy with work, you found yourself missing him. Right around the evening, you would start jumping for your phone any time it buzzed, and your heart would sink with disappointment when it wasn’t Steve.

You were on such a high from meeting Steve that you’d forgotten all about the things that were causing you anxiety. That was, until your landlord sent you an email talking about how rent was going to be raised an extra $50 each month. The news had washed over you like a bucket of iced water, sending you into the worst panic attack you’d had since college.

You’d spent the next few hours either pacing across your living room or crying in bed, curled up as that same feeling of helplessness that had haunted you for the past few months settled over you heavily. You hadn’t even realized that your phone was buzzing. At least, not until the fifth or sixth buzz. Wiping away your tears, you pulled your phone out of your pocket and opened it up, seeing several missed messages from Steve.

Hey, doll, just got done with work for the day.

How was your day?

You ok, doll? You’re usually around by now.

Are you ok?

I’m sorry for hovering, I’m just worried about you.

You there?

You felt guilt settle over you as you began to type with trembling fingers.

I’m so sorry, Steve. I just had a really rough day; I didn’t even realize that my phone was going off.

His reply was instantaneous.

God, you scared me, doll. Are you alright? What happened?

My landlord raised the rent by an entire $50. Rent is due by the end of the week, and I have no idea how to come up with the money.

You sniffled and waited for him to reply, and when he did you felt you felt your tears subside for a brief moment.

Is that all? That’s why I’m here, hon. Do you have a PayPal?

Steve… Are you sure? This is so much.

You could almost hear his laughter in his next reply.

Doll, I promise that $50 is NOT a lot to me. Besides, that’s part of this whole thing, isn’t it? Me taking care of you?

But I haven’t done anything for you in return…

He waited a few more minutes before responding.

Well… What if you did something for me tonight? Would that make you feel better?

Your felt your heart start to beat faster at his words, wondering what he would have you do.

What do you have in mind? you replied, trying to keep your words neutral.

Give me your phone number and let me call you?

Your breath puffed out at such a simple response, and you sent him your number without a second thought.

A few seconds later, your phone began to came, and unknown number appearing on your screen. You took a deep breath, feeling your heartrate skyrocket once more; you’d only known him for a few days, and yet a simple phone call from him was enough to make you feel breathless.

You fumbled with your phone, accepting the call and hesitantly raising it up to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, doll. It’s Steve. Although… Well, that was probably obvious, right?”

Your laugh sounded more like a hiccup, and you cringed at the sound, trying to blink away the tears that were still trying to escape.

“Hi, Steve,” was all you could sigh. “It’s…really good to hear your voice.”

And it really was; it was somehow even better than you’d imagined it – not terribly deep, but warm, so warm that you wish you could curl up and get him to read bedtime stories to you.

“Have you been crying?” he asked, a touch of worry working its way into his voice.

“Oh, um… Yeah,” you sighed. “This whole rent thing has really got me anxious.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he replied. “Can you give me your email address?”

You gave it to him, hearing the typing of a keyboard in the background.

“Thanks, doll. Just give me a minute, ok? I’m still trying to get better with my typing skills.”

You chuckled, picturing him typing with his two pointer fingers, but you still didn’t understand what he was asking you to give him a minute with.

“What are you doing, Steve?” you asked.

“Just wait; I’m almost done.”

After a few more seconds of typing, you felt your phone buzz, and you pulled it away to see that it was an email from PayPal. Your eyes went wide as you opened it, audibly gasping when you saw the message waiting for you when you opened your account. You have $250 waiting to be accepted.

“Steve!” You heard his laugh from the other line, and for a second you were caught off guard; you immediately loved the sound more than you’d loved any other laugh you’d ever encountered.

“This is too much!” you cried out. “I only needed $50! Steve, I’m no mathematician, but you gave me two hundred more than that!”

Steve only laughed again.

“I won’t apologize for taking care of my girl,” he said, making your cheeks heat up at the term of endearment. “You deserve it; you’ve had a rough day. Go out and get a massage, or buy something nice for yourself. Do something that’ll relieve some stress.”

Your eyes went half-lidded for a second at the thought of a massage; you couldn’t remember the last massage you’d gotten. But no; you needed to be smart with your money.

“Well… Thank you, Steve,” you sighed. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

“Every penny is worth getting to hear your voice,” he murmured. “It’s even prettier than I imagined it.”

“Steve…no…”

“No?”

“You gotta stop saying such nice things. It’s bad enough through text; actually hearing you say them is gonna make me spontaneously combust.”

Steve’s laughed rumbled across the receiver once more.

“Well try your best not to. At least not until we meet face-to-face.”

“Tell me about it. I still don’t know what you look like.”

You could tell by his voice that Steve was smiling when he spoke next.

“What do you imagine I look like?”

You grinned and stretched out in bed, your anxiety from before completely melting away.

“Well… You’re probably tall,” you started. “No… You’re definitely tall. I can tell.”

“Really? What gave it away?”

“You just seem like a tall person.” He chuckled at that, but you kept going on. “I could tell from your profile picture that you have a beard, and I bet you keep it trimmed all nice and neat. And… I’m going to guess that you have brown hair.”

“Well, I’ll be back in three days. There’s only one way for you to find out if you’re right.”

“I know. Still planning on the bagel shop at 9 am sharp, right? On Sunday?”

“Absolutely, doll. It’s a date.”

_______

The next day, you were able to pay your rent early, much to your landlord’s delight. After that, you decided that you would treat yourself to some actual groceries. Having a full shopping cart was a novelty to you; usually, you would load up with a basket containing ramen, maybe some chicken, some eggs, and whatever toiletries you needed. But today, you actually put together a meal plan and a list before going shopping.

Later on that day, you were grinning ear to ear as you put your purchases away in your tiny kitchen. There were green things in your fridge again! And they weren’t mold!

You were cooking a late breakfast for yourself when your phone rang, and you let out an excited squeak when you saw who it was.

“Steve!”

“Wow; someone sounds happy today.”

“I just got back from the grocery store,” you told him. “Thanks to a very wonderful, generous person, I was able to get food! Like, fancy food!”

“Fancy food, huh? What kind of fancy food?”

“Um… Well, I got stuff for salads! And I’m going to make a casserole for dinner. And I have some pasta, some beef, some taco stuff-“

“…Baby, that doesn’t really sound like fancy food. It sounds like regular groceries.”

“Well, it’s fancy compared to what I usually eat,” you pointed out.

“And what is that?”

“…Um…Ramen, mostly. Not that I mind! It’s better than nothing. I’ve got really creative with ramen recipes; it’s a skill I learned in college.”

Steve let out an exasperated sigh.

“That’s gonna have to change,” he asserted. “From now on, I’ll take you grocery shopping once a week, and I want you to get food with actual nutrients in it. Understood?”

You grinned as you flipped the omelet in the pan.

“Only if you let me cook for you sometime,” you bargained. You felt your cheeks heat up when he let out a groan.

“God, I can’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal,” he sighed. “I wish I could come back sooner.”

“You can make it for two more days,” you said. “I believe in you.”

“Well, I’m glad someone does.”

The two of you talked until your breakfast was ready, and for the rest of the day you worked on applying for jobs. You kept the news on your tv at a low volume, but later on, while you were cooking your casserole, you heard something about Moscow that made you perk up; Steve had mentioned that he was in Moscow on his business trip.

You hurried to pull the casserole out of the oven and place it on a cooling rack before jogging into the living room and turning up the volume.

“….in Moscow today. It is reported that the small terrorist organization was eliminated by Captain America, Natasha Romanoff, and a group of American agents with them. Luckily, the attempted bombing was stopped before there could be any casualties.”

You watched as the footage cut to Captain America standing in front of a group of reporters, decked out in his uniform with his signature shield strapped to his back. He shifted on his feet, looking out over the room before starting to speak.

“I’m relieved to inform you that the terrorist threat has been eliminated,” he began, and you frowned at how familiar his voice sounded. If you didn’t know any better, then you would think that it was Steve talking to you, your Steve, but you knew the idea was ridiculous. You smiled at the thought; you’d have to ask him later on if anybody else had noticed the similarity.

“The group was small and disorganized, and we believe that they acted independently of any larger organization,” he continued. “Our men and woman, however, are keeping a close eye on any and all other suspicious activity in this and the surrounding countries. For now, we advise you to rest easy, and-“

You muted the tv once more, heading into the kitchen to grab a plate of food. You sat down on your couch and pulled your phone out, dialing Steve’s number. You frowned when you reached his answering machine, but you left a message anyways.

“Hi, Steve! I just saw something on the news about a terrorist group in Moscow… I guess I just wanted to call and make sure you were okay. Just shoot me a text or give me a call when you’re able to. I’ll talk to you soon!”

After that, you ate your food, reveling in having something on your stomach other than the same old noodles. It was while you were wrapping your casserole to put in in the fridge that Steve called you back, and you rushed to answer the phone.

“Hello!”

“Hi, doll,” Steve sighed.

“You sound so tired.”

“Yeah… I guess I am. It was, uh… A rough day at work. But the good news is that I get to come home a day early. Think we could move our date to tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? You can get here all the way from Moscow tonight?”

“Sure can. I’m on the plane right now.”

“Wow. Talk about company benefits…” Steve chuckled, and you smiled fondly as you closed the fridge. “I worried about you when I heard about the terrorists. Is everything ok? No one you knew got hurt, did they?”

“Nah, we’re fine, doll. But you’re sweet to ask.”

“Well, I saw Captain America talking on the news about it and just wanted to make sure. Hey, have you ever noticed that you sound a lot like him?”

“Uh… You think I sound like Captain America?” Steve seemed flustered, and you grinned as you walked back to your couch.

“Yeah; you guys have practically the same voice,” you grinned. “Crazy coincidence, right? You sound like him; you have the same first name… And did you know that he’s grown a beard since-“

“Hey, doll? The plane is experiencing some turbulence. Would it be ok if I let you go?”

“Oh. Yeah! Sure thing, Steve. But we’re still planning on tomorrow morning?”

“You betcha. I’ll see you at 9, and I’ll text you the address.”

“See you soon!”

With that, he hung up, and a few minutes later you received the text with the address. You sent him back a smiley face before getting ready for bed; you would need to get up early to get ready for your date.

It took you a while to fall asleep that night; your mind wouldn’t shut off. Over and over again, it would play possible scenarios of how meeting Steve might go – about what he would look like, what you two would talk about. Eventually, though, you were able to fall into a peaceful slumber, and even your dreams seemed happy that night.

______

You surveyed yourself in the mirror, looking for any imperfections that needed to be sorted out before you left. You’d somehow wrangled your hair into a nice-looking style, although you were pretty sure you’d killed half of the remaining ozone layer with how much hair spray you’d had to use to keep it that way. You were wearing a red set of leggings with an oversized, cream-colored sweater overtop it; despite the fact that the clothes were old, they still looked good, and you hated the fact that you didn’t have better shoes to complete the ensemble. You pulled on your black high-top Converse, deciding that they were the best looking pair of shoes you had, and you checked yourself out in the mirror one more time before walking out the door.

The bagel shop was only fifteen minutes away from where you lived, but the drive seemed to last for fifteen seconds and fifteen eternities all at once. You tried in vain to calm the frantic beating of your heart, but it was still pounding by the time you pulled up in front of the restaurant. You took a short moment to calm yourself, letting out a deep breath before getting out of your car.

You tried to walk with confidence as you walked into the bagel shop, inhaling the scent of baked bread, cinnamon, and coffee that lay heavy in the air. The walls inside were painted a bright, sky blue, and black-and-white sketches were hanging on the walls. The entire wall behind the display case had been turned into a chalkboard, and the various menu items were written across it in neat cursive font. One of your favorite songs from the 60’s was playing over the radio, and you smiled; you already knew that this place would become one of your regular hang outs.

At the moment, though, your eyes were scanning the shop for Steve. All you knew about him was that he had a beard; that is, if he hadn’t shaved it since taking his profile picture. There were only a few people dotted around the room, and most of them were with someone else. In fact, there were only two people there who were sitting alone. One of them was sitting at a nearby table, and he was a man who looked to be in his late 50’s; you hoped to God that he wasn’t Steve.

The only other person there was sitting at a table in the far corner, and he had his back to you. His hair was blonde and slicked back neatly, and his shoulders were incredibly broad. Letting out a sigh, you started walking towards him, wringing your hands as you grew nearer.

“Steve?” you finally asked when you were close, and you saw him straighten up.

When he turned around to face you, though, your eyes grew wide and your lips parted in surprise. There had to be some mistake; this couldn’t be him.

“I… I’m sorry,” you stuttered. “I’m here to meet, um…”

Captain America, or rather, Steve gave you a soft, sheepish smile, and he stood up to face you.

“Hey, doll,” he sighed.

“…I can explain.”

[yoon-kooks]

Signed in Black- Part 2

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Soulmate!AU, BadBoy!AU, FLUFF [potential smut in future chapters]

Summary: Min Yoongi. That was the name magically tattooed to your skin. You were told he was your lover by fate. And as cute as it would be to have a soulmate, Yoongi was the last person you ever wanted to be bound to. But thankfully, there was a way to remove the tattoo. All you had to do was convince six Bulletproof Fairies that the two of you were in love.

Word Count: 3.2k

Parts: ONE // TWO // THREE // FOUR // FIVE // SIX // FINAL

“I can’t believe you were a matchmaking fairy this entire time…” You set the white mocha down next to Jimin’s laptop. He was typing away at his word document, just like your basic college kid in a coffee shop—except instead of biology or history, his research consisted of you and the boy you were bound to by a shitty tattoo.

“I wouldn’t call it matchmaking, though… You of all people should understand that, Y/N,” Jimin giggled before taking a sip of his mocha.

“What d’ya mean?”

“Well, according to my research, it seems you’re an avid horoscope reader and a firm believer in soulmates.” You were a bit embarrassed to have your soft, hopeless romantic side exposed by the boy, and even more embarrassed that he knew such private things about you. How many of your other dark secrets was he aware of? Did he know you had had the smallest of crushes on him? “Which means, you should be more than aware that soulmates are destined by fate, not by matchmaking fairies as you like to call us. All we do is give their relationship a tiny push!”

“You guys basically threatened to leave an ugly tattoo on my skin unless I fall in love with Min What’s-His-Face,” you puffed up your cheeks and crossed your arms. “That’s not a tiny push…”

“So romantic, right?” Jimin gave you a thumbs up. In your mind, there was nothing even remotely romantic about the situation you were put in. But for some reason, the fairy was so enthusiastic about it that his eyesmile radiated with sparkles. “I’m glad the two of you are my first Soul Link~!”

“Soul Link?” You quickly checked your watch, grateful that your work break had just started. Because you knew you would need time to just sit down with Jimin and get an explanation of this Soul Link you had somehow gotten yourself caught up in.

“Yeah, Soul Links are how the Bulletproof Fairy Council regulates and assists soulmate pairings! In your case, you’re linked to Yoongi by those tattoos, which serve as a constant reminder of who your soulmate is. And once the two of you are truly in love, the tattoos will fade along with the Soul Link since your love’ll be strong enough to survive on its own without our assistance.”

You stared blankly at Jimin as his explanation went in and out of your ears, still not fully understanding the logic behind a Soul Link. But at the very least, you understood that you and Yoongi would be linked together forever unless the two of you worked together to figure something out. Though the question remained: Would it even be worth it to cooperate with that jerk?

“But I know I don’t love Yoongi…and I don’t plan to fall for him either.” You were surprised at how honest you were to the fairy responsible for your tattoo. “A love like this…just doesn’t feel right to me.”

“That’s understandable,” Jimin nodded. “But you can’t expect any relationship to be great without giving it a chance and putting in the effort.”

“I guess you’re right, but still…” you sighed.

“If it helps any, you and Yoongi aren’t the only ones being tested here. Since I’m new to the Fairy Council, I can basically lose my job if my first Soul Link isn’t a successful one~!”

“Uhh… That’s not really reassuring, Jimin,” you gulped. All it did was put more pressure on a love relationship you never wanted in the first place. “But I guess for your sake and for mine, I’ll at least give it a shot.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” His soft, angelic voice brought a flush of red to your face. Sure, you had a crush on the boy when you thought he was human. But your feelings should’ve disappeared as soon as you found out he’s basically cupid without the diaper and arrows. So why were you still getting all flustered over the boy, and why were you willing to do your best for his sake?

“Ahem.” Your mood was instantly brought down by the sound of the devil’s low mischievous voice. You were almost ashamed to be able to identify Yoongi from a single clearing of the throat.

You turned around and gave the boy a dirty look, although that only proved to be a mistake. The only thing you hated more than being interrupted during your time with Jimin was the fact that you almost licked your lips at how good Yoongi looked. His hair was still damp, and he had a strong scent of vanilla and sugar, like he had just stepped out of a hot and steamy shower. And although he only wore a simple black crewneck and ripped faded jeans, you were amazed at how well he pulled off the boyfriend look.

“W-what do you want?” You quickly averted your eyes to something less attractive, like the dirty dishes at the neighboring booth. If you stared any longer, you’d surely be caught and teased for the rest of your life.

“Can I steal you for a second?” He tilted his head and blocked your view of the dirty dishes with his flawless face. And when he caught a glimpse of your rosy cheeks, he chuckled as the ends of his lips curved upward like a kitten. “Actually, can I steal you for the rest of the day?”

“I have work for a few more hours.” You brushed your fingertips against his chest, pushing him back gently. “But you’re free to wait if you don't have any other dates planned for today.” Your words were meant to come across as annoyed and bitchy, but somehow there was a soft tone when you spoke to the boy.

“Just to clarify, I don’t have any other dates, Sweetheart.” He took a quick glance at Jimin, who was on his computer, pretending to mind his own business. But you and Yoongi both knew he had to be typing up notes on the entire conversation in front of him. “But I do have class later on. You can come too if you’re interested in Gustav Holst and The Planets.”

“I have no idea who that is, but I do kinda like astronomy and stuff…” You blushed at the fact that you only liked astronomy because it was a tiny bit related to astrology and horoscopes, but you’d never tell Yoongi that. “Are you an astronomy major or something?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “You’re really cute, you know that?” You? Cute? Half of your brain was screaming, and the other half was reminding you that it was a playboy you were dealing with and to not take him seriously. But you were a little bit flattered.

As you continued your shift in a more uplifted mood, you couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Yoongi had called you cute, or that he was taking you to one of his college classes. Even though you didn’t necessarily like the guy or believe he truly meant what he said, it was somehow still refreshing to you.

“Y/N~” The soft fairy called you over as he closed his laptop and tucked it back into his bag. “I’ll be leaving now, but Jungkook’s gonna check up on you later, okay?” Jungkook. You weren’t sure which fairy he was, but you hoped he’d go easy on you and Yoongi.

After you smiled and waved farewell to the boy, you noticed your shift was over and removed your apron while clocking out.

“I can’t believe you have a crush on a fairy,” Yoongi startled you as you released your hair from your messy bun. He rustled your hair before extending a hand out to you. “Ready to go?”

“For your information, I don't have a crush on him!” you puffed up your cheeks. And although it was mighty tempting to take the boy’s hand, you didn’t think you trusted him enough to hold hands yet. So you gave him a highfive and stuck your tongue out at him instead. “Let’s go before you’re late for class~”

-

“Are you sure I can really just go to class with you though? Like, won’t the professor get mad that you brought your friend to class?” You made a curious duck face as the two of you walked onto the campus.

“It’s a huge lecture hall, Sweetheart,” Yoongi laughed. You didn’t know if it was because he thought your face was cute or that your question was silly. “He’s not gonna notice one extra person in the seats.”

“Oh, I thought college classes were small or something…”

“Not this one,” he looked at you from head to toe. “You’re not a college kid?”

You shook your head.

“Wait… you’re not in high school still, right…?”

You shook your head again. “I just started working right after I graduated high school.”

“Ah, so you don’t know about the college life then, huh?”

“You mean like partying and hookups?” you narrowed your eyes at the boy.

“Nah, I hate parties.”

“What about hookups?”

“Oh look! Here’s the lecture hall~” The boy opened the door to what looked like an auditorium. It was huge just like he had said. You would’ve called him out for ignoring your question about hookups, but you were too distracted by the college atmosphere around you. He led you to a seat right next to him and sat you down. You thought it was cute how each seat had its own little mini desk to take notes on. As you kept flipping your desk up and down, you felt Yoongi’s dark pair of eyes on you. “Well, since we came a bit early, we should discuss The Plan.”

“What’s The Plan?”

“About how we’re gonna swindle those fairies~”

“You mean pretend to be in love so that they remove our tattoos?”

“Exactly. I’m glad we’re on the same page here.”

“But isn’t it gonna be obvious that we don’t like each other…?”

“Not if we act like we love each other.”

“What does love even look like?”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Have you?”

“You’re asking too many questions, Y/N… All we have to do is hold hands and makeout and other naughty things that you’ve probably never done before.”

“Love isn’t that simple,” you pouted.

“I know, I know,” he laughed. “I think you’re forgetting that we’re only faking our love.”

“But-”

“Just trust me,” he said in a gentler tone, and again, he extended a hand out for you to hold.

This time, rather than highfiving the boy, you placed your phone into his hand. “You wanted my number, didn’t you?” Yoongi looked at you for a moment before entering in his contact information into your phone and sending himself a text. As soon as he returned your phone, you check the text and nudged the boy with your elbow. “Why did you add a heart emoji to the end of your name…?”

“Because it’s what couples do,” he gave you a thumbs up.

“I guess…” you said as you changed his name to something more appropriate and accurate.

Just then, a familiar-looking boy walked into your row of seats. From what you observed, college students usually tried to keep an empty seat between fellow classmates unless they were friends or something. But for some reason, this boy decided to walk all the way up to where you and Yoongi were sitting when there were still plenty of other empty seats in the lecture hall.

“Is someone sitting here?” he pointed to the seat right next to yours.

You politely shook your head, but continued to stare at the boy to try and figure out why he seemed so familiar. He was pretty tall compared to Yoongi, had beautiful big eyes, and somewhat resembled a bunny-

“Cool beans.” He took out a suspicious-looking clipboard and began to jot down things on a form. Shit.

You swiftly unlocked your phone and opened up the text messages between you and Yoongi.

5:52PM barista13 “dude that’s a fairy >.>”

5:53PM yoongi the boob “💪🐰?”

5:54PM barista13 “it’s jungkook! jimin warned me that he was coming”

5:55PM yoongi the boob “oh your PRINCE warned you? how cute”

5:56PM barista13 “stfu jimin’s nOT MY PRINCE”

5:57PM yoongi the boob “fine prove it”

Yoongi set down his phone and held his hand out one last time. Honestly, you still didn’t want to hold that guy’s hand, but maybe it would shut him up from teasing you about Jimin. And plus, if you were going to follow through with The Plan, you needed to act in love while the fairies were keeping a close eye on you.

So you placed your hand into Yoongi’s as his fingers slowly entwined with yours. His hand was surprisingly cold, although it didn’t take too long before your heat radiated to his. You took notice of the rings on his long, veiny fingers. He had a couple of pretty rings, but your favorite was a simple band with his initials MYG around his middle finger. Too bad it reminded you of the tattoo of his name on your ribs.

“Okay, we’re going to get started on this evening’s lecture on Gustav Holst and The Planets.” An old man’s voice sounded through the speakers and startled you. Yoongi chuckled and gave your hand a comforting squeeze. Your heart beat sped up and you weren’t sure if that was because you were actually in a college class, because you were about to learn some astronomy, or because a handsome boy was holding your hand.

You finally spotted the old man at the front of the class with a huge powerpoint projected behind him. “So as you all already know, Holst was the musical genius behind The Planets suite. We’ll start the lecture with a brief listening of my personal favorite movement of the bunch, Jupiter.”

It wasn’t until orchestral music began playing through the speakers that it finally hit you that you had been deceived. You scooped up your phone with the free hand that wasn’t all cozied up with Yoongi and sent him some messages.

6:03PM barista13 “you told me you were an astronomy major!!”

6:03PM barista13 “liar!”

6:04PM barista13 “i h8 you!!”

Yoongi calmly picked up his phone and chuckled at your chain of texts before replying back.

6:04PM yoongi the boob “if you hate me so much, why are you still holding my hand lol?”

6:05PM barista13 “im only holding your hand bc jungkooks watching us like a hawk -_-”

6:06PM yoongi the boob “well your hand is nice and warm so dont let go ok 😉”

6:06PM barista13 “…”

6:07PM barista13 “aNYWAY”

6:07PM barista13 “so youre actually a music major then??”

6:08PM yoongi the boob “ya”

6:09PM barista13 “a musical genius?”

6:10PM yoongi the boob “of course”

You had to admit, being able to study music might’ve been cooler than studying the stars. But you wondered how seriously the boy even took his studies. You made a mental note to ask him to prove his musical talents to you another time.

As the movement ended with a boom and the professor went back to lecturing, you glanced over at Yoongi, who was surprisingly focused on taking notes. His handwriting was pretty too, although it brought back the dark memories of when he wrote you that stupid note in the coffee shop.

Not wanting to disturb the boy, you looked to the fairy sitting on the other side of you. Jungkook was staring intently at your hand interlaced with Yoongi’s. He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side before scribbling things down on his clipboard. You weren’t sure if it was a sign of approval or not, but it was a bit uncomfortable to have someone watching over your every move.

Buzz! You looked down at your phone with another notification from yoongi the boob.

6:23PM yoongi the boob “dont worry too much about 💪🐰”

6:24PM yoongi the boob “if it helps take your mind off of it, listen to lecture. hes talking about how astrology influenced the composition of gustav’s music”

6:25PM barista13 “aSTROLOGY?”

6:26PM yoongi the boob “lol are you into shit like that? like horoscopes and shit?”

6:26PM barista13 “its not sHIT”

6:27PM barista13 “but no im not into it lol”

6:28PM yoongi the boob “you seem like you would be tho ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

6:29PM yoongi the boob “what was your love horoscope for the month?”

6:31PM barista13 “it said to find someone who left a mark on me”

6:31PM yoongi the boob “like the tattoos lmao 😂😂”

6:32PM yoongi the boob “LOOOL GOOD ONE”

6:32PM yoongi the boob “but anyway. my whole point was to not stress out about the fairies watching us ok?”

6:33PM barista13 “ill try…”

You put your phone away into your jacket pocket and tried to listen in on the lecture just as Yoongi had suggested. Except you couldn't really absorb any of the information the professor was spouting out because you were too busy distracting yourself with thoughts of Yoongi. All you knew was that Jungkook was no longer a worry in your mind.

When the lecture finally came to an end, you stood up from your seat and stretched out your arms, still holding onto Yoongi’s hand. At that point, you didn’t really have any intentions of letting go, and somehow it became an unspoken competition of endurance to see who would let go first. But you had to admit, you were kind of enjoying it.

Just before the two of you made your way out of the lecture hall, your path was blocked by Jungkook’s clipboard. Without saying a word, he signed his name at the bottom of the paper and handed it off to you as he fled the scene.

You studied the paper, which was more of a scorecard that rated your “love” with Yoongi. There were a bunch of checks and numbers that filled the card, but what you cared about was Jungkook’s comments at the bottom.

“Okay so the flirting on their phones was pretty fucking cute…. And then they held hands for exactly one hour and three minutes... that’s a yikes. Dead giveaway. It was love. It was really love. I still can’t believe they held hands. I think if they kissed, I would have literally combusted. Jimin was right. This is what love looks like! Score: 98/100”

The only thing more shocking than how innocent the comments were was that he signed off as “Golden Kookie”. You never had anything to worry about, and you were thankful Yoongi had become a source of comfort for you because in the end, everything worked out just fine.

“One fairy down, five more to go~” Yoongi swung your hand back and forth as the two of you left the campus. “See? It wasn’t so hard, right?”

“Yeah, holding hands wasn’t so bad,” you spoke softly. “But what happens when we need to kiss or do other naughty things?”

“We can always fake it if you really don’t wanna do those things.”

“Thanks, Yoongi,” you nodded with a small smile. For a playboy, he was actually quite considerate of you. “But if possible, I’d like to try doing things for real with you.”

A/N: i was lowkey listening to The Planets while writing part of this... jupiter is my fave too😽💖💖