#my house for dr appointments and occasionally i go with my husband to the grocery store. i'm Disabled and have virtually zero | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bgreenaker12 · 7 years ago

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It’s been my experience that people tend to fall into one of two categories when it comes to health, the first are those who are extremely vigilant about their health, they schedule regular Dr visits, even when nothing is wrong with them, they take the medications they are supposed to, they follow all their Physician’s instructions to the letter, and they go to the doctor’s office when something seems to be amiss. They are basically what could be called, a “good” patient.

Then there is the second category.

The one I was in.

This second category is filled with people like me who tend to be too busy, too stubborn, think that whatever is ailing them will “just go away”, don’t have health insurance, or they self diagnose from friends or the internet.

Yup, that was me.

A few years ago, near Thanksgiving, I almost died.

Not as a result of an accident, but because of my own inherent stubbornness and stupidity. My downward slide was so gradual that I never really recognized there was something truly wrong until it was almost too late. I had always been boringly healthy most of my life, except for a “funky form of Arthritis” as a Rheumatologist back in the early 90’s called whatever I had. Lab tests couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong with me then. Over the years, I gave up trying to figure out what my “malady” was and thought this was my lot in life, and moved on.

Fast forward a couple of decades to what would be the culmination of what happens when you ignore your health for way too long.

The first time I noticed anything was wrong, was a few years ago when I had been running a group home for brain injured adults. It was a rewarding, albeit at times, very stressful, frustrating and low paying, but an overall very satisfying job. Part of the job was going grocery shopping with the residents to teach life and financial skills. When we would arrive back to the residence from the supermarket, we’d bring the shopping bags into the house. No matter which way we entered the house we had to climb a flight of stairs to reach the kitchen. As I usually did when I went to the grocery store, I felt less trips back and forth from the car, would be more efficient. So when I carried two or three bags in each hand up the stairs, I noticed that my legs felt tired, really tired. Like I was walking in a deep pool with weights around my ankles. It was a huge struggle to accomplish this task, but me being me, I would soldier on. Besides, I just chalked it up to getting older, I was in my early fifties, and didn’t give it much more thought.

When I started having mood swings, I attributed them to Menopause. After all, I was the right age and hadn’t had a period in quite some time. My poor husband had to put up with me being such a bitch! I couldn’t help myself, I at times felt out of control and that really isn’t me at all, I’m usually pretty laid back. So in my mind, it had to be “the change of life” right? That line of thinking played heavily into what would happen during the next several months.

So, on I went, going about my business and coping with the “must be getting older” mentality. When my husband and I decided to move back to NY state from NH, to live and take care of with my elderly mother, it was very difficult for me to focus. My brain seemed so hazy sometimes that simple tasks like going to the store, or driving, were tiresome and difficult. Packing our things to move was exhausting. This wasn’t an everyday occurrence, just a feeling that would come and go. Quite frankly at that time, I was too busy to really pay attention and give credence to how I really felt. Driving in the moving caravan was taxing, I was on major interstates with confusing signage and during rush hour to boot. We eventually made it to our destination safely after ten hours of driving. As exhausting as the trip was, having to unload all of our belongings was more so, but I still managed.

Since I didn’t have a job, the next few months I would be my husband’s helper with his painting/handyman business although I would tire easily and need frequent breaks.

I would get intense hot flashes that would take quite a bit of time to cool down and I had a craving for almost frozen water. I noticed that I was losing weight. All my adult life I usually didn’t have any problem gaining weight, so losing wasn’t viewed by me as a bad thing. Besides, I had done an online search of Menopause symptoms and learned that some women actually lost weight instead of gaining, for once I thought the stars had aligned in my favor. It didn’t matter what I ate or how much, I was losing weight and loving it and I took full advantage of eating with gusto!

But soon there were other things, I was starting to lose more hair than usual and a couple of my toenails and fingernails were starting starting to look a little strange, the white part at the end of my nail was more pronounced, even though the nail itself was still fairly short, I was also getting short of breath going up a flight of stairs. Of course I rationalized those symptoms and did nothing.

At night I would take a slew of herbal medicines, antihistamines and a lot of Ibuprofen to go to sleep at night. Again, the internet searches I was doing, indicated that difficulty sleeping is perfectly normal for Menopause, so I ignored yet another big red flag.

Towards the Fall of that year I noticed that when I slept I would frequently wake up in the night, which wasn’t unusual, but I found myself mouth breathing during the night. I’ve never been a mouth breather except during the occasional Common Cold, so for the first time I was waking up to the reality that all was not right in my world.

I also noticed when I got hungry and waited too long to eat, I frequently would get nauseous and on many occasions, vomit. Which on an empty stomach, is no small feat! That was the case when we went to a mall, stayed too long and I ended up in the parking lot sitting in our car using an empty shopping bag to throw up in.

Charming.

My husband would nag and say, there was something wrong and I should see a doctor. He would tell me when I was having a hot flash that I looked like a red, melting candle. I always had an excuse as to why I didn’t call anyone, no primary doctor, not enough money and truth be told a good dose of fear, though I wouldn’t admit to that to him at the time.

To be honest also I was such a rotten bitch and would shut him out if he bugged me too much about my health. Since our recent move, I hadn’t yet found a job, so I had no health insurance and I was way too proud to sit in some welfare office and beg for Medicaid.

The hot flashes were becoming much more intense and my husband noted that if he was within six feet of me, he could feel the heat coming from me and see the pulse banging away in my neck. I was slowly coming around to the fact that all was not well, but I wasn’t quite there yet, despite the fact that it would be 25–30 degrees outside and I wouldn’t wear anything more than a tee shirt and would drive with the windows down because I was so hot. My husband absolutely refused to drive me with the windows down, so I would open the air vent on the passenger side to keep me cool whenever we went anywhere together.

I continued to lose weight and now my hands would shake like a detoxing alcoholic.

Around Thanksgiving, I had an opportunity to finally be employed so I applied for a job

helping the elderly by doing basic errands, cleaning their homes and providing companionship to them. After I applied with the agency, I was accepted on the condition that I have a pre-employment physical. By this time quite frankly I was glad for the upcoming appointment, partially because I might get some answers about what was going on with me and also, it wouldn’t cost me a dime.

By now my heart rate was quite rapid all the time, even when I was sitting still and at times I was having palpitations, that was very scary for me although I would push those fears down, no sense in borrowing trouble I thought, there might be a simple answer to how I feeling, I rationalized.

It’s very interesting how when you’re sick, you will do anything to deny there is a problem.

I could no longer sleep on my stomach anymore, because I could feel my pulse pounding in my neck and I felt like I was choking.

Wonderful.

The day of my physical finally arrived and I drove myself to the medical complex which was about seven miles from home. I checked in with the receptionist and sat in a full reception area waiting for my name to be called. Finally it was my turn and I walked back to the exam room with the nurse and we stopped in the hallway so I could get weighed, I was pleased to see I was still losing weight despite all the food I had been eating lately. Next we sat down in an exam room and she took my blood pressure. As I watched her pump up the cuff, I was keenly aware of just how tight it was getting and how high up the needle was going. As she released the pressure and listened to my arm under the cuff, she frowned and sort of shook her head and repeated the whole process again and again. When she finished the third time she raised her eyebrows and for the first time, really looked at me. “How do you feel?” she asked me.

“Fine, the same way I always do.” I said

“Your blood pressure is 220 over 132” she said.

“Oh” I replied.

I was unable to comprehend what she was telling me, but I was starting to feel the panic rising in my chest. The nurse then got up and made a call.

After that a Doctor came into the room and took my pressure again. Then again. She looked at me and asked a few questions. She asked the nurse some questions, then she made a phone call and another Doctor, her boss came into the exam room. He repeated the same steps as the previous Doctor with the same results, blood pressure that was way too high, and my resting heart rate was a sustained 146 beats per minute. I was near tears as I realized that this was quite serious as the medical team huddled in a group to to decide what to do next.

Apparently someone called an ambulance to take me to the hospital. I refused, saying that I was fine to drive myself, that the hospital was literally half a mile up the street from my house. What I was too embarrassed to say to them was I was driving our only car and all I could think of was how was my husband going to retrieve our vehicle from 7 miles away? Also, I just couldn’t imagine myself riding in an ambulance, that was for really sick people and besides, how much would that cost me? The stupid things you think of in moments of panic. I was thinking as I was driving home that maybe I should have taken the ambulance, what if something happens? But I drove on and went home. Once there I informed my husband what had been said at my physical and then burst into tears. I’m not usually a crier in front of anyone, even my husband. I acknowledged for the first time that there was truly something wrong and now I was forced to confront my lax attitude towards my health.

We drove the 3 blocks to the hospital’s ER and once there, a nurse greeted me by name at the door, escorted me to a room in the back somewhere and took my blood pressure, this time it was 225/140. She then escorted to my own room further down the hall. I found out later that the “team” already had a heads up that I was on my way there and had a room in the back waiting for my arrival. I guess when your b/p was as high as mine was, you get to skip the line and the waiting room chairs. A saving grace from listening to wailing babies and watching bad tv with the volume on mute.

Once in the ER room, I was greeted by a few doctors and nurses who had many questions for me then in quick efficiency drew blood, started an IV and ordered quite a few tests including a chest x-ray, and EKG, and lab tests. After six hours of poking and prodding, my “team” finally had an answer for me. I was having a Thyroid Storm, which is a life threatening condition related to untreated Hyperthyroidism. I was told by one of the ER Doctors that he was very glad I came in when I did, otherwise I could have died before Thanksgiving and that would have been a bummer of a holiday.

It’s a very strange feeling when you’ve considered yourself to be boringly healthy, except for those pesky Arthritic symptoms, most of your life to find out you were off base.

Way off.

I had been ill for years and figured that my symptoms were minor things until they became more severe. Then, after consulting with Dr. Google, I attributed my condition to Menopause.

Now, let me be clear, I was also suffering from Menopause, but with all the other symptoms I was having, I should have taken my butt to a doctor long before I was finally forced to. It’s been 5 years and I still struggle with keeping my Thyroid under control, my weight has yo-yoed up and down quite dramatically so I have clothes that reflect that reality crammed into my dresser and closet. It took many, many months, to get my Thyroid under control and all these years later, I’m still having my medicine adjusted to bring me to within normal limits.

One benefit of all these trips to see the doctor have produced an answer to my other condition that had been plaguing me for over 25 years with no answer, I also have Systemic Lupus. With that new diagnosis, I have good days and bad ones, just like I always have, only now I know what to call my “malady.” I also have found out that of people who have Systemic Lupus, 10% will develop Hypothyroidism which is a too low functioning Thyroid, while 1% will develop the way too fast Hyperthyroidism.

So I guess I’m a 1 percenter in something!

My Thyroid medication often causes my Lupus symptoms to flare up so it’s a tricky balancing act. Because of my regular visits to the Endocrinologist, I have discovered I have have three nodules on my Thyroid, two between my Thyroid and my vocal cords, the other sitting very closely to my Carotid Artery. So far, so good on them, but at some point because of their locations and that fact that they are slowly growing, I will probably have to have my Thyroid removed surgically in the future.

I’m not looking forward to that, but I will be an obedient, “good” patient.

Overall, I feel better than I have in years by managing my health. My advice to women everywhere is this, please don’t assume, rely on the internet or friends when it comes to your health and well being. Go to a medical professional and consult with them. You also don’t have to be middle age to have this condition, if you feel like something could be wrong, seek professional help, it could save your life!

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