#my hopes up :/ that kinda crushed me so
Text
ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Is the video that those bucktommy shippers were sharing is real?
About the actress of Maddie saying that buddie is never going to happen and people should let it go? Apparently it happened in a live, is that real?
#buddie#buck and eddie#eddie and buck#eddie x buck#buck x eddie#was that real?#I didn’t see the live but apparently the actress said that#idk I think imma take a break from this ship cause I don’t want to get#my hopes up :/ that kinda crushed me so#imma come back until September when the new episodes premier#but I think it’s best for people to CALM DOWN and maybe don’t get your hopes up?#cause I know what happened before when a fandom got their hopes up for their ship#only for it to NOT be canon#and it was CHAOS#and I don’t want y’all to embarrass yourselves over fiction characters (even tho yall have all the rights to get mad) cause I would be#pissed too :/ but still I don’t want to be disappointed
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
teehee i now have a very very wonderful photo
#me leaning and slightly sleeping on the guy i like#🤭🤭#for those who follow my lore closely (so i think only milo) this isn't the cute guy in history whom i have never spoken to#this is the now pretty close friend in my school friendgroup who i had a big crush on for a few months#i became less obsessed with him but that was definitely a good thing i think crushes get unhealthy when they're too strong#and i still think he's cute obviously i mean i liked him for looks alone the first couple weeks#anyway today at this party i was sitting next to him and ended up sleeping next to him three times in succession#i mean kind of sleeping looking back i probably did doze off at points but it was kindaaa fake sleep#first time i edged toward his shoulder but didn't fully have my head resting against it#then i ducked my head up and said i wasn't asleep just resting and we laughed a little#i think he said he wanted to draw on my face avjddhbd#anyway second time my head inched toward his shoulder and was fully on there teehee#then when i ducked my head back up he was like awwe its okay and kinda tucked my head back against his shoulder#i was GEEKING bro 😭😭 i opened my eyes those three times when people questioned my sleepiness bc i could not keep a straight face#i was fighting to contain a grin the whole time#uuughh and he was saying how he didn't want to move and was getting people to pass him things abdjbdhd#he could have kicked me off but he didn't!! that's so cute#i was hoping someone would get a photo and a couple people did and they're so cute#gawwddd idk if now is the right time for anything but i really like him i enjoy his presence immensely#he's so nice he's not absolutely perfect of course but he's such a sweet guy#im thinking of that one tumblr relationship advice post about how the ancients didn't stumble across fully built temples#they found a flat place with good grass and water nearby they found a good place to build and then built#if there's any chance of things happening between us iiii think it's a good place to build#literally my only personal downsides for him are such minor things that could definitely change with age and maturing#it's just a lack of motivation or passion toward things and sometimes a bit of a lack of consideration#but i know im guilty of that too and he really is so nice he never acts maliciously#never at all augh he's so sweet
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
DATING IS SO HARD WTF
#vent to follow in the tags lmao#like. what????#people!!! chill the fuck out!!#i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY#and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life?#he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT#like. fine if you do that but the message?? what??#anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn#cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to#talk to them that much#and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)#and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything#anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out#and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end#also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like#stopped talking to me for a while#that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason#and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp#okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo#sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3#｡･:*˚:✧｡ mimi speaks!
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Weird side development in all my romantic angst
I have a friend (who I funnily enough did briefly consider asking out when I met her before learning she was engaged but it was never truly a “crush” and I quickly came to the conclusion I don’t really see myself romantically with her regardless) who has REALLY REALLY started to take a super NEGATIVE view of my crush since the whole silence/coldness thing started calling her a bitch saying she’s not that pretty etc etc.
Recently she called off her engagement to her fiancée but does NOT seem emotionally bothered by this at all when I offered emotional support and mainly emphasized how now that she’s living with her mom we’ll be neighbors now. She also said she only really liked her fiancee as a friend but now thinks she wants to experience true romantic feelings. She asked me for advice for gestures of intimacy to be more romantic in her next relationship. She’s started spam liking my stories on insta and has responded to one at like 3 AM today.
Additionally, at Goth Night she offered me perfumes and colognes but like instead of letting me apply them myself she like lifted my skirt and put them on with her fiancee at that time like right across the side of the car. It was honestly a bit awkward (she was also a bit drunk tbh)
I still don’t THINK that’s what it is cause I don’t realy see her being that type of person BUT…hmmmm……
Damn what has my life become 😭
#shut up alex#personal#sapphic#sapphic transfemme#lesbian#transbian#dating stuff#kinda#this is so fucking awakward#I really hope my crush talks to me again soon 😭
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately
#marzi speaks#I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO EARN GOOD BOY POINTS HOLD ON LET ME. EXPLAIN MYSELF HERE#obvs we're in kinda a tense political climate rn#and i'm noticing trends have been getting . increasingly misogynistic lately?#in like . a subtle but for sure still noticeable way#and women are being dismissed and all this awful shit#and ppl are going. completely mask off about it when the woman happens to be a trans gender#and it reminds me of when i was a little girl. and how my mom spent so much time in my childhood#training me to not stand for and take misogynistic bullshit from anyone. and to defend other women too#she taught me to assert myself in professional or academic environments. she taught me to stand proud and take up physical space#once as a kid my great uncle (who's always been a nut) didn't let me come on a fishing trip because i was a girl#when i came to my mom crying about it because i loved boats and fishing and my family she just about murdered him. completely tore into him#my whole life my mom has been there to tell me that people will try to put me down. they will try to overlook me or dismiss me#or make me feel smaller. and if i dare to get too confident i'll be labeled bossy or a bitch#and that no matter what i do i cannot let those pieces of shit win. i cannot let that stop me#and that i'd have to fight so fucking hard for it my whole life and it won't be fair but i will do it because i have no other option#and i'm seeing a lot of transfems having to navigate that now too#but they didn't get the privilege of being trained in this since day 1. they have to figure it out on their own#and the demonization right now is so strong that a single misstep can be. so dangerous#and it makes me so mad. all of that built up anger from every time i've had to learn how to not take misogynistic bullshit comes to a boil#the little girl scout in my brain who grew up forcing people to see that a girl can do whatever the fuck she wants fuck you is ACTIVE rn#she's angry. she's so angry. because she's seeing the same bullshit she dealt with in middle school being repeated again#anyways. transfems. i love you so much. you deserve so much fucking better.#i hope you can safely advocate for yourself. until then i will fucking yell and scream from the rooftops because this shit is so unfair#you should be allowed to succeed and you should be allowed to fail. and you should be allowed to take up as much goddamn space as you want#and wear whatever the hell you want. transfems i love you and i am so so angry on your behalf. modern feminism has failed you#and i am going to kill someone over it#remember to be loudly and unapologetically yourself as much as you safely can. do not let them crush your spirit
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Forgive me for the person I'll become when Missa releases all his new music <- delusional
#been on a missa kick lately which I've never really shared#been getting reeeeally into some of his music and lowkey getting a crush on him 😳🥰#and like. who cares if its been a month or smth. im still very obsessed with that stream he did where he showed off music he was working on#like his voice is insanely good and im going crazy like. to this day i still dont know if he plans to release all that or if that was just-#-scrapped music. with how excited he was when showing music i dont think its scrapped? but idk#dont wanna get my hopes up but. gah#also im just gonna come right out and say it. missa sinfonia is fucking hot as hell#he's so insanely hot and attractive and the music makes him hotter and he's so funny and grhgrgjfrh#ive been a little bit a lot obsessed lately. oh my god how are you so damn attractive#ive kinda told myself that if i ever get a partner the first thing i would do is show him missa and make them fall for him like i did#he's like. handsome like a guy from my culture. does that make sense#missa sinfonia has malay guy swag#i think i can say that here yeah. ive spoken my mother tongue language here#sorry im reaching he just reminds me of someone irl. but also. missa is hot asf i need someone to shake hands with me#frickin. schoolgirl crush on a funny mexican youtuber#ive watched more missa videos than i thought i would and its embarrassing how giddy i would get watching like#i am in my 20s but i am resting my chin on my hand like 🥰#brother I've fallen someone pull me back up i cant do this today
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk
#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk.#hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just ....#god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go#in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car#and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour#in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot#i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh#yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half#and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more#and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually#has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for.#entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ.#so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my#hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that#so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he#check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked#and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding#and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing#(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk#i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used#and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i#and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really#appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really#understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway#from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out'#and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that#i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like.#after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away#but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is:#crushposting
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
guy i have a crush on who works at my local comic book store gave me his number but he fucked up the second to last number so i cant tell if its a 0 or a 5 and when i texted both i got no response. Im going again to the store tomorrow since its batman day and im just gonna hand him my phone to put his number in it. But if i actually guessed the number right and he was purposely ignoring my text im gonna eviscerate him with my bare hands
#im screaming. im crying. im throwing up#fingers crossed im overthinking and i didnt guess the right number#he looked so nervous handing me my receipt with his number on it!!!! his hands were kinda shaking#i was on cloud nine the rest of that day cause i was so happy#i couldnt stop smiling for half an hour#listen. ive had a little crush on him since last year#he likes comics and historical fashion so like Heart Eyes#anyway it was his birthday a few weeks ago and after i asked if he had any cake and he said no and that his fav was lemon#so i made a lemon cake with lemon curd filling and lemon icing from scratch and brought him a big slice eariler this week#after that was when he gave me his number#he looked kinda shocked when i told him it was lemon and he commented saying that is his fav. like Bitch I Know!!! I remembered!!!!#i made lemon curd from scratch for you!!!#i juiced and jested 2 pounds of lemons for that cake!!!#anyway it is pretty good and im happy with it regardless of if i get a date from it#but im hoping i get a date cause after he gave me his number he said maybe we could hang out this weekend#likeYesIWouldLoveTo
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
fuckfuckfuck
#t-minus about an hour until I tell him#here’s hoping#will update soon i suppose but i anticipate it going like this#’hey can i ask for your opinion? i kinda maybe have a bit of a crush on you & i was wondering what you thought about that.’#’oh uh. yeah no im sorry i dont feel the same.’#’cool beans! do we wanna forget I ever said that? i appreciate your friendship and I dont want to make things weird between us.’#’sounds like a plan.’#anyways getting back to the last movie!#update! thats pretty much exactly how it went#he is not into me but we arent being weird about it and he agreed to forget I said anything#and he also said smth like ‘dont confuse this with me not caring about you’ and ‘dont let this stop you from coming to me when u need smth’#and I am glad hes being normal about it and was incredibly gentle with me but :( yknow?#i really liked him and im just sad#the sad will go away after a bit im sure its just a fleeting emotion but man i really wanted this#im also gonna hold up my end and not be weird about it but just :(#im allowed to be sad over this & i just need to feel the sad now so it doesnt come back to bite me later
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Am I aroace or have I just been awake too long?
#rav speaks#its 2am and im listening to a mix of twice aqourus and J-metal girl bands while questioning everything in my life#anyway do people actually feel the way they describe in romance songs??#like idk ive had like 3 crushes in my life but like i dont think i could actually see myself in a relationship?#so either im aro or like I just have trouble imagining a relationship becuase ive been single my whole life#its like how sex is pretty interesting to me and id be down for it in theory but i cant see myself actually doing it#interesting in a im curious if its really all that people make it out to be#cuz it seems prettyyyy boring to me lol#specially since lesbo sex apparently takes agessss and i know for a fact i would not let a dick get anywhere close to me#anyway off topic#im trying to figure out if the way i feel about romantic relationships is the same way i feel about sex#like in theory id love to have a gf and like do datey things but like it seems like so much effort to get to that stage#got a dating app and im barely on it because ive realised i dont really want to actually talk to anyone#and like i was meant to meet up with someone today who when i first started talking to on said app i was like kicking my feet and blushing#but i noticed that im starting all the convos and decided i was just like fed up of that whats the point of trying to get to know someone#if they arent interested yknow. like they were meant to get a bus to my city and i was hoping they would just like tell me a bus time#and we'd go from there but nothing. so im just like. over it#and i feel like thsts probably not really how crushes really work?#its like i had a bit of a crush on a girl in my classes but once exam season hot and i stopped seeing her so regaually i just kinda forgot#i think she might be in 1 or w of my classes this term so maybe talking to her again will relight that but im prettyyyy sure shes staight#so prpbs better to loose the feels anyway#this is just a rambling mess now i really need to sleep#Maybe I'll figure myself out eventually but for now im gonna stick with grey aro cuz i think thst makes the most sense?#unless there are other micro aro lables i dont knoe of (very likely)#at least i know I'll always be an asexual lesbian even if i dont know if ill ever actually date girls#honestly life would be so much easier if i jsut loved my bestfriend it wojld be so cool if we could be in romantic feeling together but#alas we tried dating for lkke a week and i avoided her the whole time cuz i felt a deep deep sence of wrongness lol#its like again in theory i could see us as a great gf duo like if i was watching our lives as a show id be shipping us#but in practice its njst wrong#if anyone actually reads all of this you get a reward of uhh 🦎 goodnight!!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
2 days before I have to send the calling card for Sae. Goro, the one who insists he Hates Me and that he will totally not have time for me after this mission (totally not bc he's gonna be killing me lol)... he invites me to the jazz jin. Talks about how useless teachers are. And then
"The time I spend with you is so meaningful." Definitely sounds like you hate this dude. Uh huh.
#speculation nation#akechi is so full of contradictions. it'd be funny if it wasnt so sad.#days away from betraying him & he cant help but want to spend time with him anyways.#and then he leveled up 3 levels (a level higher than me now) & gained 20 sp#bro really took one last date with his crush before he tries to kill him & is profoundly strengthened by the experience#20 sp... thats a Lot lmfao.#well i hope this carries on to 3rd semester lmao. bc im days away from losing him for a month. 😔#hardest part of the end of november isnt getting betrayed by akechi. it's losing him as a party member 😭#i also really wish u could have him switch between loki and robin hood in 3rd semester#since i had him walking around in his black mask outfit in the palace there was more than once i got tripped up by it lmfao#him being targetted by a darkness attack and im like 'lmfao nice try' only for him to be knocked down#and i remember Oh Yeah hes uh. hes weak to dark rn. im kinda not used to that.#cradles him in my hands. he is Such a mess. i love him.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate that I love to read because why the moment I step in the shower I'm in a book
#its always love stories too if not something heartwrenching#im aromantic af#but clearly that doesnt stop my shower from making me imagine crushing on a girl im super close friends with#then she gets with someone else#so im. upset but yk im supportive !!! you go girl !!!!#but one night she hits me up bc she got her heart broken#i dont text back at first i say “hold on for a bit” “don't fall asleep”#i dont say anything else#because im at a store#buying things ik she likes (snackwise)#i stop at McDonald's#or any fast food joint she likes#then i pull up at her house and knock#then i text her “pls open up its kinda cold and this is heavy”#so she opens the door and she's been crying but lets me in#we hug n cuddle n shit we eat the food i got for her (she does most of the eating but she insists i eat something)#and yippee happy night !!!#I AM AROMANTIC#brains be like “imagine this. a scenario you probably would never find yourself in but make you lowky hope for it”#bro what#get out of my face !!!! 😭
1 note
·
View note
Text
dancing because eating all my food and stuffing myself to the point i puke and doing it over and over utill the idea of eating itself makes me nauseous is wrong
#im so#im so fucking gullible#it was a fucking prank call#of course it was#i really have begun to think no one will ever like me irl#its so sickening#im convinced no one irl could ever love me. Every person ive dated irl has dumped me because of my psychosis or the fact im “offputting” and#ive always been the kid being fucked with with “ ny friend thinks your cute” and its fucking made me hate myself because for once in my damn#life like id have a damn chance#for a relationship irl that might not fall to hell and im so fucking exhausted but cant sleep and its so fucking soul crushing to hear it#from one i actually kinda liked#I really dont think id be able to hold an irl partner because of any of this is so fuckkng infuriating because i have no fucking clue why#everytime it ends the fucking same#L dumped me because of my psychosis#G dumped me because i was dealing with a damn drug addiction she knew about long before#and so many#before its time and time agaon and it makes me want to fucking just#i just wabt to scream abd cry i hate how fucking stupid and gullible i can fucking be sometimes how quick i get my hopes up it makes me such#an easy and stupid target i hate it i hate nyself so fucking nuch for it amd i cant even fucking stop it i hate it#i keep my fucking#shitty pessimistic attitude for this fucking reason and whenever i drop it this fucking shit happens everytime i fucking cant tske this shit#vent#alamos relentless screams of agonizing suffering
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
colduncrustable
professor trashmouth
oshigoto
おしごと
morpheous1990
Untitled
bandollina
gio
watersigning
WaterSinging