#my heart is very full right now
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I beat Veilguard.
It's 4am. I'm a mess. I'm in tears.
#datv spoilers#the moment that completely broke me#''Ich entlasse Euch aus meinen Diensten''#Ar lasa mala revas#you are free#and so am I.. I feel like I've ascended from Solavellan Hell to Solavellan Heaven after ten flippin years#I think an embrace would have hit me even harder than a kiss at the end.. but it was just done so beautifully#I've always had one wish for Solas' story regardless of all the speculation and theories made over the years#and that was for him to find peace#so these are mostly tears of joy#I'm too overwhelmed to find the right words now#this game had many glaring problems to me but I still had a great time and there are many things to love#and maybe I mourn the potential of what could have been#the Veil still being up is.... very unexpected to say the least?#but Act 3 was incredible and god did that ending hit all the right spots for me#it's so strange to say ''goodbye'' to a character that you've been thinking about for so long#but I'm so thankful to have closure now#my heart is full#you know what's crazy?#right after that final cutscene ended I saw that it had actually started to snow outside for the first time this season#snow symbolizes purity or something right?#and that just made me think of how Solas used to envy Sera for her purity of purpose that he lacked#I like to think he regained it now#thinking about a little Wisdom spirit#hmm#I don't think I can sleep now#I think I'll just watch the snow a little more
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I'm not even 15 minutes into rewatching Interstellar and I think there is a chance my imagination is running wild again . . .
I have at least half a loose fic plot already hELP.
#okay brace yourself these tags are gonna be long. sorry in advance. now picture this:#carlando are on earth. carlos goes on the mission to find a new home for humanity. lando stays behind and is upset about carlos leaving#the mission also includes oscar. martin is on earth and one of lando's friends who supports him while he's missing carlos#osc and carlos start on the wrong foot but get along more along the way. idk who else is on the mission use your imagination for now#yadda yadda space shenanigans . . . relativity . . . fun stuff#black hole time. carlos sacrifices himself to save osc so that he has a chance to find a new home for humanity#osc is devastated. carcar crumbs. they were all they had left for a while. and now osc is alone#carlos gets a message back to lando thanks to black hole magic. lando realizes that carlos never abandoned him at all.#lando leads the project to save humanity from earth w/ carlos' intel. once successful he goes on to live a long full life.#as much as he still loves carlos he knows that he might not come back until the very end of lando's life. if at all.#he knows carlos wouldn't want him to be alone and unhappy if he couldn't be there. norrix becomes canon and they have a happy life together#carlos is found many many years later virtually unaged thanks to relativity. he has a chance to say goodbye to lando who's very very old#he's happy that he helped save earth and that lando was able to have a good life. he missed so much time but at least it was worth it#there's just one more thing he feels the need to do. osc is still out there. on the planet that will be humanity's new home. all alone#he commandeers a ship and goes to find him. he has lost so much already . . . but he has a chance to hold onto at least one thing#he loved lando with his whole heart. and even though lando is gone . . . maybe he can still have a happy life of his own#*and scene*#yeah i think that's like half the plot right there . . .#i'm committing. it's going on the list#interstellar au#which at various times will feature:#carlando#norrix#carcar#this is one of my top 10 fave movies this project will definitely receive a lot of care
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Narcissus
#my current fursona thinking stage is once again treating them partially as oc.#right now they are some cold hearted noble who's so full of themselves it leads to their very demise#Furry#mouse#anthro mouse#furry mouse#ocs#Narcissus#fursona#furry art#carpet's art#hiddencarpet#accessible art#artists on tumblr#anthro art#furry oc#clean furry#furry artist#furry sfw#described#Id in alt#knight#noble#nobility#knights#furry knight
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I JSUUT WOKE UP. ?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?
#🐰💛#IM ALREADY CRYINGGGGGGVGG RHWHRS MY LIL BUNNY#Whoever did this knowsstheir funnybunny stuff… Her fav food is the pink donuts with sprinkles…… oh I could cry#I thought nobody would have listened to my silly rabbit ramble my heart is so full. it’s aching in the best way#I’m soooSOOOO HAPPY#She means the absolute world to me……… she’s like. A big chunk of me you know . very important#cradling her right now#💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛#RHANK YOU#mailbox
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there are two wolves inside of you. One of them is fretting that you went through all the effort of making a new art account just to pigeonhole yourself once more into a specific fandom, which holds you back from exploring original art concepts that you care about. The other one came up with three separate ace attorney comic ideas in the last hour alone and isn't stopping anytime soon
#laurellala talks#am i unwell? perhaps#i also drew like 5 more sketchy comics i haven't posted#and a full colored drawing i haven't posted bc i'm overthinking if i need to attach comics to it also or post on its own#i want to draw more muppets interactions and come up with an actual theoretical muppets ace attorney case!#they would get to explore the muppet studio as a location aaa it would be so cuteee#and i'm in the middle of drawing a comic of miles and nick video calling and teasing a young trucy (i love trucy)#and i NEED to draw nick and maya interactions from trials and tribulations case 3 it's so sibling coded agh my heart#also i want to draw lisa basil in general the roboty software company lady#i want to design an ace attorney self insert called Laurel Lyre (you're a liar) and draw sprite expressions and character interactions#she would be an art student that Nick knew from college and she was painting a still life of the scene of the crime#and her painting has something different than how the crime scene looked which is used as proof in court#ALSOOO i had an idea for a silly comic of nick visiting miles in germany (platonic coded)#and of either a comic or short story idea of them going out to dinner together. This one is hard to explain but it would be good#I WANT TO DRAW FRANZISKA TOO i have an angst comic idea for her! And i want to draw her as a kid in dance class#i feel like she has so much scrutiny of herself which is very “i was in dance as a kid” coded. Ballet probably#I ALSO have a comic idea of a holiday party that took place before miles' murder trial but after steel samurai case#where miles begrudgingly talks to phoenix to avoid small talk with strangers and they talk about college#specifically like. it is canon to me that phoenix was in an improv group in college. That's where he learned to bluff. he's so silly#i also want to make a comic of the parents at trucy's school trying to sus out how old nick is#since he's only like what 17 years older than her?#I also want to make a gilmore girls joke but i can't tell if this is too dated to be funny. Do people know this show still#i had never watched it before so i just watched like half a season of it just to make a joke. It's cute.#What Else. I have like 5 animatic ideas but i need to ask my friend what she uses to make hers bc in the past I've used imovie on my phone#do not recommend#and if i don't draw everything RIGHT NOW i'm going to lose interest and nothing will get made!!!!!!#andandand I STILL NEED TO FINISH TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONSSSSS#i got sooo far i'm doing so well in the waitress case#i need to finish it so i can finally understand apollo justice and know what the HECK happened in that time skip#ace attorney
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upcoming Carlos x chess content soon ❤️♟️✨
#carlos sainz#autumn posts#Santander Private Banking release the chess content posthaste please!!!!!!!!#I love chess and I love him so you can imagine my delight hehe ✨🙂↕️💫#it looks like he may win (at least this round shown) spoilers Santander smh teehee#anyways quick gifs again before work!!!#thinking of everyone especially fellow Daniel fans ❤️🩹 it's still too much to express right now for me#but sending everyone so much healing energy#❤️🌅❤️🩹 something good must be coming I know it#head very full after Daniel's post#but good things too!! he can get away from the mess of RBR#Max to anywhere else king? 👀 imagine?#realistically I never see Max leaving rbr tho...I also have many wild hopes for 2025 that cannot be wrung from my heart 🙂↕️#also in good news AHHH LEWIS AND THE MET GALA#many complicated feelings on the fashion industry ahh too much to yap about in the tags rn!!#but so so so happy for Lewis and this theme ❤️ cannot wait for the Met ahhhhhhhhh also going to insta dive for moments from this week#one more bananas work day 🙂↕️✨ also I changed my blog theme!! on the fence if I'll keep it but we shall see!!!! 💖#anyways sending everyone good energy from Texas 🌆✨ brb soon!!!!!!#also I maybe might post writing on the sideblog!! so many incredible artists are so inspiring!!!!#but oh the nerves of showing one of the particular charms on the sicko pandora bracelet of my soul 🙂↕️#maybe maybe maybe!! but there's a certain Max Carlos fic I'd love to read but haven't seen so#gotta be the change you want to see in the world ❤️🫡 hehe anyways I gotta hit the bricks (Microsoft Outlook my beloathed) bye for now!!!!!!
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After very little research into the other writings of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane, my hypothesis about the Little House authorship question is that the writing is mostly Rose's, but the heart is Laura's.
In Laura's newspaper columns, the parts that sound most like Little House mostly come from the extracts she shares from Rose's letters (incidentally, it's kind of adorable how proud she is of Rose: "My daughter's in France!", "My daughter's in Albania!", etc.) The prose of Old Home Town, Rose's inspired-by-my-childhood-home novel, has some of the same concise descriptive prose that I've come to associate with the Little House style (I could hear passages in the voice of the Little House audiobook narrator).
Yet the Little House soul is all over Laura's columns. She's fascinated by the simple tasks of life, believes in home and family and hard work, believes in holding onto the goodness of childhood and looking forward with hope toward the future. There's an optimism, almost a romanticism, about life. The children's series that bears her name clearly comes from the same woman.
Rose, by contrast, is much more pessimistic. When writing about childhood, she's almost cynical about the life of a small town. She highlights the dark stories underlying the wholesome exterior, is extremely sensitive to the pitfalls of the social scene around her. Part of the difference is that Rose is writing for adults, but there does seem to be an essential difference in the personality behind the pen, despite the stylistic similarities to Little House.
(At the risk of pop psychoanalyzing people long dead, Rose seems much more neurotic and introverted and sensitive than her mother. In her writings and in the books about her childhood in Missouri, she comes across as child of a fairly comfortable modern life, with all the modern anxieties, in contrast to a woman who grew up starving on the prairie and knows that there are much worse things to endure than small-town gossip).
It's not much of a thesis, but I'm just fascinated by the fact that the Little House series can share so many stylistic similarities with Rose's writings, yet feel so much more like Laura.
#little house#laura ingalls wilder#rose wilder lane#i did not finish old home town because it came uncomfortably close to deal-breaking swearing and i don't feel like dealing with that#but the book was interesting in its way#rose clearly has an agenda about women's rights#but in focusing so heavily on social justice it loses a lot of heart#if the mother is supposed to be based in any way on laura she's a bit harsh as a mother#though more open-minded than her neighbors#(always standing up for the gossiped-about women)#rose's stand-in (i'm going to assume it's a stand-in because cranford has trained me to assume#(that any first-person narrator in a book based on the author's childhood hometown is a self-insert)#kind of disappears into the background#and it's very tempting to consider how the woman who made her living as a ghostwriter disappeared behind others' stories#(also this book unfortunately seems to confirm that almanzo was a mason)#(sorry mom)#(seeing the freemason symbol on pa's grave was my most terrifying moment as a catholic little house fan)#(i'm pretty sure my mom threw holy water on it)#(took me a few years to get over that)#(now i've just accepted that american history is full of freemasons)#(and as long as she's not spouting anti-catholic propaganda her books are fair game)
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Be the mycorrhizae you wish to see in the world.
#my brain and heart are very full from all the folks in the native plant community right now#plus i got to wear my witch coat and drank way too much coffee today#rambling into the void#little ghost on the prairie#caching more seeds than a squirrel
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Heyyy gang, we all support each others cringeness these days, right…? If one were to, for example, invent an extremely silly and strong Thrilling Intent-sona then that would be chill right..? And if one were to say, oh i don’t know, vaguely ship said sona with an existing character that would be no reason to laugh them off of tumblr, right..? Cuz like, it’s tumblr, throwing rocks glass houses etc..???
#i don’t know gang my brain is very full of TI right now and the heart expresses that how it chooses to#It’s hardly up to me really.#The heart wants what it wants and sometimes what it wants is crack self shipping
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My internet has been investigated by a professional.
There might be something weird with the big cables (to quote the guy: the "inner-pair" and "outer-pair" of the eight-cables are of different lengths, but by all accounts still work just fine), but my own equipment has at least passed (no extra-fine for crying wolf for me).
The weird stability-thing continues to be weird. And current test is for them to switch my internet-provider (internet-provider has a use-contract with the cable-operators, who are the ones investigating) over the weekend. See if the problem is on that end.
It's possible that this is the case (at which point I guess I'll try to switch permanently), or that it's that weird cable-length resulting in the problem (which is... a whole different can of worms).
#also. after a full week with only paracetamol. i'm back on naproxen (self-decided) after sending an update to my doctor#(basically amounting to ''you do know that this spine-pain never actually goes away on its own. right?'')#(with an addition about how paracetamol doesn't even really do anything for me. as far as pain-reduction goes.)#(but yeah. the pain builds up over time. sometimes very little time is needed. but giving it more time isn't gonna make it go away)#(i know this bcs it took me EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS to get these pills in the first place. and they were the only things that helped.)#(you think i didn't try other pain-meds before that? you think i didn't try to exercise? you think i didn't change my sleep-posture?)#(i had eight months. i bought an entirely new fucking bed. i slept in a fucking hammock. i tilted my bed. i tried sleeping sitting up.)#(until naproxen? NOTHING FUCKING WORKED. and at this point... if i get heart-issues ten years from now?)#(at least i've had lived a comfortable life up until that point. and there's heart-medicine that can probably keep me going even longer)#bcs her most recent attempt at ''fixing my medication'' is effectively to tell me to close my eyes and make a wish#which isn't really a viable option. ''but exercise-...'' ''i've said MULTIPLE TIMES that exercise has never had an impact''#sure. exercises from the physiotherapist might have different results. but after a full month of them? no sign of those results.#and after one week off my pills (reduced)? i was sleeping in shifts (from back-pain) and struggling to stand straight#and my flexibility was so ruined that i suddenly remembered why i learned to never turn in my seat when reversing the car#(bcs i can't fucking move like that. moving like that is impossible. look in the mirrors. hope for the best)#so yeah. back on my pills. and my doctor can fight me over it. once they get around to reading my message.#won't stop me from doing the exercises. bcs let's face it i probably need them for other reasons. but yeah.#personal stuff#rants
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happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3
now, because i'm curious:
#to hell and back again#i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')#anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags:#1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now-#mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol#2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much#(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME)#3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down#i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up#but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor#and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own#and then had to go to work right after that#so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad'#so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags#idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts#anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike#byler
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I just wanted to say I love ur blog so much,, always a good spot 2 get lost in here n it was a huge inspiration 4 starting my own :3 - @sleepy-harper

you are such a sweetheart,, thank you so so much harper my heart can't take this. i am beyond honored, not just that you enjoy the blog enough to send me this but that i could inspire you to start your own blog and produce content that makes you, and undoubtably others, happy.
i truly enjoy your blog as well (you are carrying the resident evil agere fandom with a steady flow of near-daily content like how do you do it?? /lh) so to know that i somehow inspired its creation brings me indescribable joy.
i can't explain how much it means to me to have read this knowing that firelights like you would take the time to reach out or comment and let me know how much they enjoy my content. truly i read every one and i would never want to take it for granted.
thank you thank you thank you.
#firelight flares#ember's special satchel#i'm very dramatic but my heart is so full right now /lh /pos#when i saw this for the first time i made the most unholy whine /pos#i need to think up a tag for flares like these i want to be able to keep them in their own precious spot#got one!! thank you again harper for the idea
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i saw my science teacher from 5th grade omg i never thought id see her again
#the last time i saw her was in 7th grade and she recognized me and congratulated me for something#in 5th grade i had a friend from another class who told me she would use my test paper as the answer key and share my non multiple choice-#-answers as examples to them. i remember she called me randomly one day in class and i was a very timid kid but i tried and gave an answer-#-that time and she made me feel really proud of myself#oh i never thought id see her again my heart is so full right now#guys !!! my heart is so full !!!
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so it's like this.
you're young and you're scared and you're trapped in the feywild (happens to the best of us) with the love of your life. You're a half-elf and she's a fullblooded elf but you don't think about it very much because you're barely surviving day to day. And you get offered a deal to get yourself home again, and you take it. And the price of your freedom is that you leave her still trapped there, alone.
And then five years pass. And you age a century in that time, and you grow, and you change, and you find her again, and you're still in love, and you meet people, and you lose people, and you love them too, and you learn, and you start wanting a future again, and caring again, taking care of yourself, taking care of other people--
and after all of that, at the end of things, you find out the man responsible for all of the misery in your short, sad life has cast a spell which gives him complete control and ownership of you- mind, body, and soul (again. this happens to the best of us). And you are given the choice to stay under his thrall, and live a thousand years-- or to age and die, like humans do, and to be free of him.
And the love of your life is there, and you're married now, and she's still a full blooded elf, and you're still a half-elf, and you think about what that means a lot more than you used to.
And still, after everything you've learned-- you choose your freedom. You choose leaving her behind.
#dnd#dungeons & dragons#ttrpg#you understand why i am insane. about my dungeons and dragons character#the way that this all started because 'she' (clone. its a long story) wanted to be free from her small town & her family's ideas of her#and so she inadvertently left THEM all behind too.#like bro watch out i think the cycle is repeating itself!!!!!!!!!#honestly girlie has to learn that passing out of someone's life is not always a betrayal#like she NEVER got over it!#giving pesche a whole speech about how loss leaves a hole behind that is filled in by rage & grief & impulse & violence like#ok. well. loss is inevitable and i think you have a very fucked up way of looking at it that despite all of your personal growth has maybe#only gotten worse over time because now you have things you care about again?#like i think she made the right choice for herself.... if the lesson she had 'learned' was to subjugate herself to Ohdran for 900 years in#the name of not 'leaving people' again. that would have been tragic. learning that love is good and precious and it matters even though#you are inevitably going to lose it. thats the real lesson. and she is learning it. she HAS learned it! she's never going to hide herself#away from the world to avoid losing people again. but she hasn't like... attached the lesson to herself yet lol. 'i accept i might lose my#friends & even though it breaks my heart im still glad to know them. if i leave people (read: LITERALLY DIE) im evil tho.' girl...#i was pretty bummed about it at the time like we have been 3 years on the endless train of suffering cant she just have a happy ending.#one thousand years of elf marriage.#but this is cool too like MAN the kind of organic storytelling moments that evolve out of ttrpgs are so crazy. we couldnt have planned this#and yet. perfect full circle moment.#mm campaign#it's alive!#harris#fisher
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i couldnt get to sleep last night so i saw this one in my email as it came in and its just. kisses it. frames it. it has broken down all my defenses
serious note: this is exactly the kind of feedback that genuinely is really encouraging, because not only am i having fun writing it — people are having fun reading it! i’m really proud of pointy objects, but it being enough to convince multiple people (!) to want to read the source material because they like my interpretation so much. sobbies into my hands this is def the kind of comment i save and reread because it makes me happy. thank u 🫶
#pointy objects#un ange#this is where i admit i Also havent read pjo….haha…..i have seen the musical and love the soundtrack so i CAN full throatedly recommend it#read pjo tho its a classic. the box set (signed by tlt musical cast Not to flex aha) sitting on my bookshelf. ill get there eventually#also while hiding in the tags: hearing positive feedback on my characterization is literally a critical hit to my heart every time. getting#a charas personality and voice and Vibe down is probably what i focus most on while writing. getting into their head enough that the words#i choose reflect on an audience as That Character is so important. there are some ppl i Am confident writing and getting right (shuuichi)#(kaito)(kaede)(komahina but thats less relevent here) but kokichi has never been one of them! im very happy with what ive put out so far#(gods above have i spent so much time on his wiki reacquainting myself with his voice) but hes a very unique and distinct character.#hearing that im doing him justice and that he comes across as and feels like kokichi. very important to me and it makes me very very happy#to get the validation there. i love writing him and its nice hearing that thats earned. Ok im shutting up now but#warriorlyy i love you im sending you good vibes beams with my brain
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woagh 2 posts in one day
#sketch#listen your honor i love him#im unsure if i wanna tag yosuke in this bc theyre like 15 min sketches so i think imma leave it like this and let the lord decide#i know hes not a like the fan fave in persona but somehow the trash boy has grown on me and is now like top 4 for the whole damn franchise#like mold or smth#you just gotta like reimagine him as a very tired repressed bi 16 yr old in a closet made of glass and he immediately becomes more likeable#like bro he works retail and is 16 thats why hes like that#also like the scene from the group date in pq where he goes “all right now we can be partners for all eternity!!!!”#that lives in my head rent free#listen he lives with teddie and works retail#as someone who also worked retail i promise you most of his not kanji related outbursts are justified#the kanji stuff is bad fr fr but like hes also 16 in 2011#let the 1st 16yr old who was not an asshole and uninformed cast the first stone#sorry i have a lot of feelings for 1 yosuke hanamura and i needed to tell all of you in this my diary#which reminds me#most of yall came from me posting about dr which ndrv3 has a very special place in my heart and on my walls#but alas p4 kicked saihara to the curb so idk if ill be making anymore??????? maybe i might in the future but idk im old and tired#and dr is and always will be full of 13 yr olds which is fine but i dont wanna interact with them bc im old#and tired of the same discourse every 6 months#maybe when the not actually but totally is dr4 that kodaka is cooking up drops ill make dr art again but unlikely for rn#once i figure out how p4 protag chan's bowl cut works ill draw boys kissing#i do need to figure out how to draw boys kissing#since it will also lead to figuring out how to draw girls kissing which is almost dare i say more important#anywho thank you for coming to my newest diary entry#i will never stop yapping in the tags#this is a promise#yall gotta know all my thoughts in as many characters and tags tumblr will let me have
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