#my handwriting actually isn't that bad of im not going fast

[altruistic-meme]

text reads: My handwriting legibility depends heavily on if I'm the only one who'll be reading it or if I expect someone else to read it

And it depends on how fast I'm trying to write as well

My notes in class are never really readable

*(I'm writing in the half-darkness, that's the only reason it's so big)

Text reads: OK, so. On twitter I saw a post where a bunch of people were sharing their handwriting, but it was all like OBNOXIOUSLY neat and pretty. So I want y'all to share your normal handwriting so I stop feeling so bad! Let me see 'em!

[davepetea]

((just ranting abt writing fanfics you can ignore me lmao. I'm just in a weird place atm but I'm feeling kinda passionate abt writing rn so I'm gonna vent

originally I wrote a lil of this in the tags but then decided to just chuck it under a readmore so people aren't subjected to it against their will. then it got really long.

I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this im just sorta venting to myself. it helps me get my thoughts sorted if I write them down. I can also look back through my #.vat file tag in a few years from now and hopefully be like "wow I'm doing so much better than THAT now", so if that's the case, hi future Vatta! I hope you're having a good day. and if you're not future me, then I still hope you're having a good day, I love you, and this is your chance to turn back bc my rants are boring and LONG

(not turning back yet? ok. your funeral)

so, I haven't been online much bc I've just been in a weird limbo lately and I'm really busy when I'm at home either sorting stuff out or, with my PDA, doing anything I can to avoid my responsibilities lmao

I've been rereading my Tokyo ghoul light novels (I only have Void and Days ? I think they're called), rewatching Zankyou no Terror, and Bungou Stray Dogs (plus the live action Beast film which was? hilarious but I don't think it was supposed to be), and just suffering lmao

(you're still here? wow. you need a hobby. jk. ily)

I've been locked out of the systems at work for a bit, but I still need to be there and wait for the IT ticket to be sorted, so I've gotta be at my desk, cant have my phone or anything, so instead of sitting there doing nothing, I've either been reading, doing codeword puzzles, or I've been writing up 'drafts' for potential fanfics.

in this year of our sufferer 2024. I've been writing up some self indulgent homestuck college AU lmao. I've written over 60 sides of a5, (not inc the inbetween sections where I wrote some stuff on the chromebook at home) some notes, some accidental first draft, bc I wanted something to take up the time. but my handwriting is terrible, I don't write fast enough for my brain, I have a lil dyslexia so the letters and words get jumbled sometimes, and I have this weird thing where I don't do spaces right. but I've been trying to upload it to Google docs with Bixby's photo text extraction. it's pretty good considering how bad my writing is, then I just need to go through and touch it up, the main issues are things like names, there's some letters I do weird like my v turns into an r, or every p it thinks is a capital, but overall. amazing how technology do that.

(see my long ass rambling isn't just confined to venting. I also pretend to write actual things. you can still leave you know. I'm not holding you hostage until you read all this. you have free will)

can't remember how I ended up back in fanfic hell but I read back through like all my old published fics (aside from the cringe ones I orphaned) and the writing isn't terrible. I don't think I actually finished any of them though, which really shows my true nature lmao,,, but I've picked up a few things on my writing style now. and I've got a few things I see other people do that I wanna avoid bc I personally don't like it, and it's mostly about balance, like using names too often/not enough, being too descriptive like All The Time and making the writing really nice, but not much happens in the story so you take like an hour to read each scene, vs not enough description so everything is happening but you don't really get a visual or a breather to appreciate what's happened so far. I've been working on finding my right balance, which is imo easier if you're writing fanfic bc first up you hardly ever have to describe the characters. if someone's reading it they already know who they are. and for scenes you can take some inspo from the source material. does the original work put alot of effort into setting a cool scene? if not, then you don't have to either! if it's 90% scenery then you've gotta do it too I don't make the rules

I'm losing steam now I'm so sleepy and I've gotta go to work in a bit ugh.

(bet you're sleepy reading this too huh. told you it'd be boring)

I've been thinking about trying out writing some BSD fics but on an anonym not linked to my main Ao3, bc the themes are doozys and I kinda just wanna have the freedom of anonymity. also I'm a baby and if someone publicly criticises my stuff without it being a requested critique then it makes me bleh (I've had a few comments in the past of just general negatives, not even constructive feedback, not that I asked for any anyway...), but the abilities are tricky to write for, so it's effort lol

anyway I'm gonna stop now ive gotta get ready for work

(if you actually read this then thanks for going on this emotion deep dive with me. tune in next week when we'll get back to my usual mental breakdown)

[icedmetaltea]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEA!!!!!! man time is going by way too fast and im not very comfortable with that revelation,,,anyways!!! it sucks a lot of bad stuff's been happening to you so recently around the time when you should be happy and excited for being on this floating rock for another year, and i wish i could do something like i did last year 4 u

so this isnt exactly a traditional birthday gift or anything, but i wanted to show you something cute! idk if you know much about pikmin, but recently ive been *super* into it and, well,,,clashing hyperfixations happened

sun and moon based pikmin!!! let me know if it's hard for you to read the text; i feel like i should've not used my actual handwriting for something like this LMAO

anyways yeah it isn't what i call a regular gift, but i still hope these two fellas cheer you up! soon, i plan on making a captain y/n (basically just the normal reader insert but with olimar's suit on lol) and eclipse once i figure out their specific powers!

but i hope you know im so happy to be your friend for another year, and i deeply wish we'll keep being friends for years after this one ^^ Again, happy birthday, Tea, and stay safe!!!

Sorry for the late response (the new meds knocked me tf out at like 10pm, I got well over 7 hours of sleep so despite how weird they made me feel ((I was havin hypnagogic hallucinations all over the place, seein mcfuckin outlines of fish in the wall every time I opened my eyes)) I'm feeling a lot better😭)

Thank you so much!! This is very cute :) I don't know much about pikmin but I've been thinkin about playing it or at least watching some playthroughs since a lotta people seem to be enjoying it (and it looks precious)

Have a wonderful day my fren :>

[goblin-enjoyer]

why must twitter be my main source for meme harvesting. so much doom scrolling, i get why but also i kind of wish I could get some relief from it all before the big day. Like either way its gonna be worse tomorrow I just want some nice funny memes,jokes and posts in general. It doesn't help that I have no clue on how to vote in the slightest, like it seems like its handwriting stuff, but also fill in the dots?? From what i can gather from vaguely worded garbo commercials that constantly air it seems like its formatted as "question [NUMBER] yes or no" without much actual detail on the specifics of the question. I wouldn't know because literally everything i see seems to contradict each other! How in the world is a git with little to no political knowledge supposed to figure this out?? Everytime I see anything on the voting process it always seems almost intended to not make any sense on purpose! Its always discussed online about policies and how to get your vote to the right place (which its important! very much so, i am not downplaying the import of that) not on the actual format of the voting pamphlet-thing! I don't even know what form it takes! Is it a MCAS style giga packet? Is it a single sheet of paper with bubbles to fill in? is it threw a machine? is it something you have to get printed and mail out or is it something i could just find online and put my ID into? I JUST GOT MY ID LITERALLY ONLY A FEW MONTHS AGO. I swear it feels like I wasn't supposed to progress as a person this far and the universe just gave up with my character progression after the final school arc. like it was support to be another few month hiatus before the next school arc started back up but it got delayed so far that nobody knows if its still coming or just cancelled so its in a limbo of minor basic arcs about a background side character the writers never planned on having a story for. so they never put any motivations for them and just had them be a school setting only character. no extended roster of interactions with other more well written characters that build up both characters arcs. no bothering with writing in skills that all the other characters earn, why bother this character isn't meant to go past this series, no use in having to write explanations for knowing how to drive or having a job. ugh this post is deteriorating, why must the only way to explain how i feel about my life sometimes be through media tropes and crap. while i'm happier with my life now and enjoy living as i do, there's nothing really for me. I can't drive as i suck with directions and am afraid i can't handle all the buttons and rules all while dealing with other drivers while going around in a death fast metal box fuelled by explosions, i'm not built for having any conventional job as im too autistic (to put it simply) to or weak/low energy to be doing stuff like that. I have no motivation to do anything, I cant even ask my dad for a SITUATIONAL raise on my maybe 20 dollars a week allowance. it feels like my life wasn't supposed to get this far. i feel like a useless pile of biomass rotting around stale while everyone who knows me slowly loses hope in me amounting to anything. my parents know it,my friends know it, my younger brother is the only one foolish enough to still seem to me like they have hope in my future. he has been pushing me to vote on his behalf as he cant vote yet and that's been putting on so much pressure on me to get everything right that I just slink away and compress and wrap around myself in what feels like a dark corner of being. everything feels bad because I want to vote somewhat, my closest compatriots are LGBTQ+ i am a autistic person! I should be voting against the tigers eat your face party! but i just can't, it feels like the weight of deep sea pressure on me making me unable to move. it feels awful, i can't even do this one basic thing that everyone else can, why do i even still exist? Maybe young me was right, maybe i was meant to die before adulthood.

[johnnys-wig]

❛ the side effects of loving you ❜

Group: Stray Kids

Ship: ChanLix | Bang Chan X Felix

Genre: angst(?)

Includes: a letter, hanahaki disease, mention of suicide attempt

Characters: Felix (19), Bang Chan (19), Jeongin ((18) side character)

A/N: it's pretty short lul

- In which Bang Chan has hanahaki because of Felix who fucks around with half the school for money.

(Im sorry I made Felix a hoe😔)

________________________

Felix pulled up his trousers as he watched the younger boy breathing heavily. He had to admit; despite the fact that he was the younger's first, he actually wasn't that bad to fuck. And as long as he gets paid enough he couldn't care less, even if a good fuck is always much appreciated.

,,Hurry up now would you? I don't wanna get caught."

The boy, whose name was Jeongin, got up with shaking legs after he put on his clothes. He already paid before getting some dick, so he just said a quick: ,,Bye!", to Felix and left, still trying to fix his messed up hair. The older also left the janitor's room, but walked in another direction since their lockers were on different hallways.

The first thing he noticed as he reached his locker was a piece of paper that has been shoved into his closed locker. Fast, muffled steps were hearable, probably was it the person that put the paper here, but Felix was too lazy to go after them. The australian boy opened his locker and let the letter fall onto the ground - to let it look cliche, you know. He knealed down and picked it up while eyeing it. The envelope had a light beige color and 'To; Felix' was written on it with black ink and a beautiful handwriting.

,,Why would someone write me a letter?", he said to himself. In his eyes, there wasn't really a reason. He didn't have actual friends at the school because he knew he would end up fucking them or getting fucked by one of them. That already happened at his old school. He only had friend on the internet. And he didn't think he had any secret admirers since everyone knew he just fucks and nothing else. But that didn't mean he didn't have a crush.

Still confused, he decided to read the letter right away. He was just to curious.

Dear Felix,

what I'm about to say isn't easy for me. I didn't want to dissapoint you. You always said that if one of your friends falls for you, you'd drop them. I never understood why. Did you think they'd loose their feelings for you if you don't contact them anymore? Didn't you want anyone to love you? Well you know, you'll probably do the same to me, but I can't keep it for myself anymore. I love you, and this love for you has side effects. Those side effects include a fluttering heart, the urge to smile whenever we talk and pain caused by the petals I caugh up whenever you talk about how many people you had sex with. It hurts so fucking much you can't even imagine the pain. But it will be over very soon. I'd die in like 3 days, but I don't want the cause of my dead to be a dark red rose that grows inside my lungs. Yes, it may sound romantic in some kind of way, but it's horrible. So I came to the descision to end it by myself. While you're reading my letter, I'll be at the brigde we met at for the first time. I think I don't have to go into detail, right? Please don't come after me, and please don't try to keep me from doing it.

Don't miss me,

Bang Chan.

Felix widened his eyes in shoke as he read the last lines. The letter fell onto the ground. His whole body was trembling, he couldn't breath properly. He slammed shut his locker, his head followed. The boy punched the locker next to his a few times yelling "Fuck!" with every punch.

,,I'm not going to let you die, Christopher fucking Bang!", he said to himself and began to run. Felix didn't care if all his stuff was still distributed on the ground of the hallway. He didn't care about the people that yelled at him for nearly running into them. He only cared about Chan.

,,CHAN!"

Said boy turned around as if he got whiplash, disbelieve stained his widened eyes. Felix was still running towards him and already struggled to breath because he was so exhausted from running.

,,F-felix, what- "

,,Shut it, Christopher.", he said, catching his breath.

,,Did you really think I'd let you fucking die?! Are you stupid or sumn?!"

,,Lix, you can't save me anyways. I'm going to die either way."

Chan's hands clenched around the metal grid of the brigde, dried tears covered his face and arms and he was trembling like a chiwawa. He was at the verge of breaking down, and seeing Felix' terrified yet judging face wasn't helping him at all. The pain in his lungs started to increase, his throat was filled with bloody rose petals but he swallowed them. He was way too embarrassed and scared to choke them out.

,,You ain't going to die anytime soon.", Felix said with his loud, deep voice as he grabbed Chan's chin with his left hand. He scared the slightly older boy a bit to be honest. His threatening yet worried voice sent shivers down his skin. Chan felt the petals creeping up his throat. They were so much he nearly choked on them.

,,Spit those fucking petals out and look at me."

Chan did as he said, choking out all of the petals into his hands in pain. He looked at Felix with teary eyes. It hurt the youngers heart to see him like that, and he genuinly hoped that it wasn't already too late.

,,Chris, do you know why I fucked around like that?"

He shook his head, a tear ran down his face.

,,I did that to forget my feelings for you, you fucking idiot! God damnit, I love you! And I thought you'd never love me, so I was being a literal hoe to distract myself, but it didn't fucking work!", Felix yelled, crying. He punched Chan's chest with one finger, and ended up sobbing into the older shoulder. Chan grabbed the youngers face lightly and moved his head so that he'd look at him.

,,Felix, sometimes you're really stupid, you know?", he said with a slight smile on his lips, but it was still noticeable that he was crying. The older was staring at Felix with heart eyes for at least one minute, and it was the first time he could look at him without feeling the flower inside his lungs growing.

,,Bitch do you want to stare at me until you rot or are you going to fucking kiss me?"

,,I could stare at you forever but right now I just want to feel your lips on mine."