#my girl aislinn deserves the best

[choices-binglebonkus]

Which was the last choices bk you actually enjoyed and felt like investing your time in? Like the storyline, the mc and the LIs as well.

Uh wow. I actually had to think about this, which really says a lot about the state of Choices right now.

Definitely LoA for a multitude of reasons. No, it wasn’t a great book, but it pleasantly surprised me and ended up being one I really liked. It’s also been one of the only books as of late that I’ve invested diamonds in, and it actually drained quite a bit of my amassed treasure trove.

-The friend group wasn’t solely MC and the love interests. I liked getting to know Gigi and Beau, and even though Aislinn and Gabe were love interests, I enjoyed their characters as well. I also liked having Martin around. He wasn’t a friend, but a very morally grey ally who added something to the group that wouldn’t have been there without him. I was disappointed when PB took the cheapo route and made him a villain for book two.

-The MC had a pretty good head on their shoulders and I liked that they pretty much knew what they were doing because I’m sick to death of the fish out of water trope. Granted, I’m also sick of the rising to the top trope, but I liked playing as this MC.

-The music slaps, that’s all I have to say about that.

-And of course, the storyline. It starts off kiiiiinda slow with a few smaller cases before we get to the big one, but I think they did a pretty good job with the pacing storywise.

-The Marcus Sharpe case deserves its own section separate from the storyline. First off, I loved Marcus Sharpe as a character and really wanted to win the case for him, but at the same time, LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYERS, MAN! Aside from that, it felt great proving Marcus innocent and clearing his name. The poor guy couldn’t catch a damn break before we stepped in.

-Sadie McGraw was one of the best twist villains I’ve seen in a really long time. Disclaimer, I am SO bad at predicting twists that it’s not even funny, but even so, Sadie being the Big Bad shocked me. She was kinda shady at times, just enough that we’d be like damn girl you’re shady, but not enough that we were like damn girl you’re the villain aren’t you?

-But DAMN was Gabe annoying early on in the book. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but PB fucked him up with their shitty romance pacing and reuse of generic lines. If you brushed hands with Gabe you’d feel a spark, or if you’d talk to him you’d feel an electric charge, oh oh wait nope you’re feeling another spark again too. Like dude, stop short-circuiting, I’m being friendly to you. Half the time I was expecting the MC to bump into him and all of a sudden the whole firm ignites from an electrical fire.

-The outfits were either boring or they were iconic. Not much else to report here.

-Lastly…the hookups! I loved that the MC got to hook up with people. They just got a job at a prestigious firm, a new apartment, and they were ready to live their best life and I was loving every minute of it.

As much as I enjoyed LoA, I don’t have very high hopes for book two. The “you gotta defeat Martin now” cliffhanger was really cheap and it’s been done a bunch of times before in Choices. But who knows, I’ve been wrong before.

[niksixx]

Two Loves of Mine

Part 8 is here! This chapter is mainly conversation, as you are all going to begin to see a relationship bloom between Duff and Bree, primarily through their dialogue first. I especially enjoy Bree and Tallulah’s conversation in this part. We all deserve a tough love, no bullshit friend like Tallulah. Please let me know in the comments how you liked this part, and please reblog so others can read my work. 🥰

-Bree’s POV-

“She’ll be home any minute, Bree. Quit your tapping. Now, do you have any 3s?”

I roll my eyes at Tallulah’s request, placing my palm flat on the table. I scan my cards and shake my head. “Go fish.”

Tallulah groans and fishes a card from the deck. I hide my laugh behind a sip from my sparkling water glass. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing life completely wrong. I’m twenty four years old and I’m spending my Sunday night drinking fizzy water and playing a children’s card game with my best friend. Most people my age spend their weekend partying, recovering, and drinking again. They swear it’s the best way to spend your early twenties. They swear it’s the normal life of a young adult.

And then I look around me and all doubt about my life vanishes. I’m playing that childish card game in the comfort of my own home, an apartment Tallulah and I have lived in since we were almost twenty one years old. An apartment whose interior has almost completely transformed thanks to the money we both receive from stable jobs. The apartment my daughter was raised in.

I smile instantly. My daughter. Sure, maybe those partygoers are living their best lives. I choose to live mine a different way. It works for me. And I’m happy.

“Earth to Bree,” I blink when Tallulah snaps her fingers. Her eyebrows quirk. “What’s on your mind?”

I shrug, taking another sip from my glass. “Nothing. I’m just thinking about the life we have right now, the life I have. I like it. It’s...good. We’re good. I’m happy.”

Tallulah sips from her glass, lying her cards down. “Is that why you were so adamant to push Duff away?” After a month of having him back in my life, his name doesn’t send as many uncomfortable chills down my spine. “You didn’t want anything to change?”

It’s pathetic, I know. For the most part, change is good. I’m aware of that. But that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. “Yeah. And look how that’s turned out. My life did a complete one-eighty overnight.”

“I’d argue for the better, too,” Tallulah tucks her feet underneath her, wine swirling in the glass. “The custody case was a month ago, Bree, and look how much has changed since then. I know you can tell Aislinn is so much happier now that her daddy is in her life,” I flinch, but Tallulah continues. “And I know it hurts to think about that, but that little girl has gone four years without him. Duff is making up for lost time, too. You don’t pay attention to him, but honey, he is so good to that little girl. He adores her, and he is a good daddy whether you’re too proud to admit that or not.”

“You think I’m not paying attention?” I ask incredulously. “It’s impossible not to. She’s all he talks about, Lu. She used to see me as her whole world and now,” My voice breaks off at the end.

Tallulah reaches across the coffee table, fingers overlapping my knuckles. “You still are. You just have to accept that her world got bigger.”

We both jump when the door opens, accidentally hitting the back wall. I furrow my brows as Duff walks in, carrying a sleeping Aislinn in both arms. He flinches. “Sorry about the door. Hands are kind of full,” he says with a soft laugh.

“I’ll put her to bed,” Tallulah offers, sliding over to take Aislinn from his arms. She gives me a look before ascending the stairs.

My empty glass catches my attention. Before I’m forced to make conversation, I grab the glass and head for more sparkling water on the kitchen counter beside the wine. A short while later, Duff stands across the island, arms leaning on the counter. I bring my glass to my lips, and then freeze. “Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry,” I say, grabbing Tallulah’s wine bottle to place it back in the cabinet.

“It’s okay,” He answers with a laugh. “It doesn’t bother me. Not anymore. That was sweet of you, though.” He says, shooting a wink my way.

I nod, clasping my hands in front of me. “Did she have a good time today?”

“Oh yes, I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it tomorrow,” He grins. “You know, I’m really enjoying this whole co-parenting thing.”

I huff out a breath, slumping my cheek in my hand. “That makes one of us,” I whisper, not so subtly.

Duff clears his throat. I gaze at him blankly. “I know this is hard for you, but please don’t ever think I’m not grateful for the sacrifices you’re making.” His hand inches toward the one of mine that’s palm down on the counter. “And I’d really love the chance to thank you.”

I groan, kneading my temples. “For the last time Duff, I’m not going on a date with you.”

He sighs, sitting back on one of the metal chairs. A teasing smile lights up his face. “You are so goddamn stubborn, Breelyn,” My belly flutters when he uses my full name. He’s the only one I’d ever allowed to use it. “Think of Aislinn. Wouldn’t it be nice for her to see her parents getting along?”

“Oh, you are so not going to manipulate me into having dinner with you!” I say, pointing a finger as he grins bashfully. I fail to hold my hard gaze, instead cracking a smile. He’s still persistent, thinking of any way he can possibly slither back into my life. It baffles me to my core, so I ask him about it while fetching him a glass of water. “You know, you’re in a worldwide famous band now. Realistically, you could have anyone you want.” I set the glass in front of him. “So why me? Huh? Why me?”

“If you’re trying to say I shouldn’t want you, you’re right,” He admits, pausing to sip from his glass. The way he stares at me, intently, longingly, confidently, has my knees almost buckling under me. “But hell, Bree, I want you and I want you bad. Bad enough that I’m pretty much willing to overlook all the shit you’ve put me through these last few weeks and start fresh.”

I swallow shyly, ashamed at how attracted I am to his sense of certainty. In the chair across from me, he lounges coolly, legs spread in front of him while his arms are crossed tightly over his chest. His eyes are focused and his lips are set. He’s a man that knows what he wants. And knowing Duff? He’s a man who won’t stop until he has it.

My fingers drum on the countertop softly. “You put me through a lot of shit too, Duff. Not just the last few weeks, either.”

He nods. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

“And maybe it was necessary. For us to grow and mature and find ourselves after all these years. But we are not the same people we were four years ago. What we had is gone.”

“Hence why I suggest we start over,” He leans forward, taking my hands. I don’t fight it. “I want us to build something new.”

“Duff you’ve only been back in our lives for a month,” I remind him, pulling up a stool to sit beside him. “What you’re saying is....this is all just too...fast. I need to be able to trust you.”

“I haven’t failed you since I came back,” My body stills at the warmth from his palm on my cheek. I lean into it, and he smiles. “And I don’t plan to.” The wheels turn in his head, an idea stewing. “Slash’s birthday is next week. We’re going out to celebrate. I want you to come with me.”

I cringe at the thought. “You’re a recovering alcoholic and I don’t drink. That’s not the best idea. Plus, I imagine your friends have some very strong words waiting for me.”

“Only Axl,” Duff grins, though it doesn’t ease my nerves. He perceives this and gently rubs circles into the skin of my hands. “If I can’t take you on a date yet, then at least we can be friends first. Contrary to your belief, the boys would be glad to see you again,” His eyes gleam with hope. “What do you say?”

Against my better judgment, I know what my answer is going to be.

[dramyhsturgis]

Halloween Countdown 2019, Day 12

It’s film time! Every year about this time I think about good Halloween films (not necessarily horror movies, and definitely not lame slasher pictures, but suspenseful, atmospheric films that put a chill up the spine) that are “off the beaten path” – that is, films that are independent, foreign, direct to DVD or VOD, or somehow under promoted, and thus might easily slip under the proverbial radar. Not the classics. Not the usual suspects.

I’ve already made a separate post in the past with recommendations of Anton Yelchin’s Halloween-friendly films, so I won’t repeat those here.

Now I have a few new recommendations to add to my list, based on this past year’s viewing. (We accessed nearly all of these via Netflix or Amazon streaming.) Here they are in reverse chronological order:

The Hole in the Ground (2019): This spooky little Irish film links a little boy’s strange behavior to a mysterious sinkhole in the Irish countryside. We automatically try any horror film with James Cosmo in the cast, and as usual, this one did not disappoint. Bleak, claustrophobic, and chilling. 

Us (2019): Jordan Peele’s latest wasn’t exactly under the radar, but wow, it was *good*!

Clovehitch Killer (2018): Set and filmed in Kentucky, this film follows a teen’s gradual realization that his father (an amazingly, disturbingly convincing Dylan McDermott) is the local area’s still-at-large serial killer. We loved this one!

The Devil’s Doorway (2018): I’ll start by quoting IndieWire: “The film’s director, Aislinn Clarke, is the first women to helm a horror film in her native Northern Ireland. But apart from making history, Clarke also chose to mine one of Ireland’s darkest chapters for her debut: the Magdalene Laundries, where young women were sentenced to life sentences of hard labor for ‘loose morals’ for nearly 250 years.” This found-footage horror film is one of my favorites of the year, despite (or because of) how wrenching it was to watch. It’s a perfect example of how the genre has the power to raise questions as well as deliver scares.

Down A Dark Hall (2018): This U.S.-Spanish film is based on the supernatural horror novel of the same name by Lois Duncan, and it rises above its trite girl-sent-to-creepy-boarding-school origins to offer something stylish and clever. We weren’t expecting much from this and ended up really enjoying it. 

I Still See You (2018): Not great but not bad, either, this is an adaptation of the teen-centric Break My Heart 1000 Times by Daniel Waters. After a tragic explosion at a top-secret laboratory, the dead victims appear daily as ghostly "remnants” repeating the everyday actions of their lives -- except for the remnant who wants to either warn or harm the film’s young heroine. 

The Little Stranger (2018): I quite liked this claustrobic and disturbing character study, whereas my better half found it to be more style than substance. Either way, Domhnall Gleeson, Ruth Wilson, and Charlotte Rampling wandering around a disintegrating house is as Gothic as it gets.

Our House (2018): After his parents die in a car crash, science genius Ethan drops out of college to care for his younger siblings but keeps experimenting in the family garage. His latest invention may do more than he expects, however... such as establish contact with the dead. It won’t win any awards, but it’s worth watching if you like a little science fiction twist to your horror.   

The Lodgers (2017): This is a standout, unlike any of the others we watched this year. Highly recommended. Gothic, dreamlike (or nightmarish), Lovecraftian to the core. I don’t want to say too much, so I’ll just quote the official description: “In this Gothic supernatural thriller, a family curse confines orphan twins Rachel (Charlotte Vega) and Edward (Bill Milner) to their home as punishment for their ancestors’ sins. Bound to rules derived from a childhood nursery rhyme, they must never let any outsiders into the house, be in their rooms before midnight, and never be separated. Breaking the rules would let the wrath of ‘The Lodgers’ who prowl the corridors at night.”  

Prodigy (2017): A psychologist and a genius girl engage in a life-and-death battle of wits. This tense, smart film is a perfect example of how little expensive sets or flashy effects (or the lack thereof) matter as long  a filmmaker has a quality script and solid cast of actors. Also, here’s further proof that kids are always creepy.   

Jessabelle (2014): Sarah Snook doesn’t get nearly enough appreciation for her acting, and I was delighted to see her in this atmospheric film that ticks all the boxes of the Southern (specifically Louisiana) Gothic. Joelle Carter’s turn as Jessie’s dead-from-a-brain-tumor mother speaking to her through old videotapes also deserves special mention. Well worth watching.

Wind Chill (2007): A woman student (’the girl’) at a Pennsylvania university uses the campus ride share board to find a ride home (”the guy”) for Christmas. You won’t hear “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” the same way again. Not the best of this bunch, but worth a peek.

Dark Water (2005): This is the U.S. remake of the Japanese film of the same name, and it stars Jennifer Connelly, Tim Roth, and John C. Reilly. It’s definitely spooky enough in its own right, but it’s downright terrifying if you know anything about the case of Elisa Lam. Highly recommended.

Below are recommendations from previous years.

Here are my 2018 recommendations:

Cargo (2018): This Australian post-zombie-apocalypse story is a haunting study of family and sacrifice. Martin Freeman is always worth watching, and Simone Landers is fantastic. The film offers compelling depictions of both humanity on the raggedy edge of tragedy and the perseverance of Indigenous Australians.  

Searching (2018): I was so stoked about this film that I saw in the theater, and it didn’t disappoint. Smartly written and tightly plotted, this missing-family-member tale takes twists and turns that echo the best of Hitchcock. John Cho is brilliant. While the story is all about cyberspace and social media, technology is not demonized; it makes both the dilemma and its solution possible. Humans are the source of the scary stuff – and the redeeming stuff. This is one of my favorite films of the year.    

Winchester (2018): Helen Mirren is the haunted Sarah Winchester in the iconic Winchester House in 1906. Don’t overthink this. It’s spooky. It’s Helen Mirren. You’re welcome.

Ghost Stories (2017): This looks like a debunker/skeptic-investigating-unsolved-mysteries anthology film, with each “file” offering a story within a story, but then it goes somewhere else, deeper and darker. This is not the best film we saw this year, but I was fascinated, all the same.  

Marrowbone (2017): This (English-language) Spanish psychological horror film is another standout we strongly recommend. I plan to use this in class the next time I offer my Gothic course. Rose flees Britain with her four children and tries to disappear into her secluded, dilapidated family home in the rural United States. Then she dies, leaving her children on their own to continue hiding from… what? As the mystery unfolds, this film goes from haunting to unforgettable. I will be rewatching this one again and again.

The Ritual (2017): The film is based on the 2011 novel of the same name by Adam Nevill. The Scandinavian wilderness is the real star here, and it delivers a pervasive sense of doom as the reunited college pals, after the tragic loss of their mutual friend, hike their way straight into ancient Scandinavian mythology. Part Lovecraft, part Wicker Man, part guilt-and-redemption morality tale.    

I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House (2016): The live-in nurse suspects her elderly employer’s house may be haunted. This sounds trite, but my husband and I agree that this quiet, elegant, slow-burn masterpiece is one of the best films we’ve seen in a good while. (The film’s director, Osgood Perkins, is the son of Anthony Perkins.) Don’t miss this film.  

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016): This is director André Ovredal’s first English-language film. What you might assume is a gorefest subverts expectations nicely to become a claustrophobic piece that operates on suggestion more than effects. Father-and-son coroners examine the body of an unidentified woman, and as the autopsy unfolds, so does the sinister supernatural mystery. Did I mention Brian Cox is the father? That’s why we gave this a chance, and we’re glad we did!

Train to Busan (2016): Huge thanks to Ryan for this great recommendation. This South Korean film proves that the secret to an engrossing zombie apocalypse story isn’t zombie-related special effects, but rather compelling characters, their relationships, and their struggles to survive and avoid zombiedom. I think I may have held my breath through at least half of this fast-paced and moving film.

Backtrack (2015): This Australian film is part horror, part mystery, and part dark night of the soul for the psychotherapist protagonist (Adrian Brody), who suffers from nightmares and visions as he mourns his dead daughter. Did I mention there’s a ghost train? And Sam Neill? This won’t change your life, but it’s definitely worth watching.

The House of the Devil (2009): This is a loving tribute to 1980s horror, especially babysitter and “Satanic panic” tales. It was even shot with 16mm film to give the movie a retro look. If you are of a certain age (as I am), this may put a goofy grin on your face (as it did for me).

The Reaping (2007): This is one of the weakest films on this list, but Hilary Swank, Idris Elba, David Morse, and Stephen Rea are all solid in whatever roles they take, and the over-the-top, “What hath God wrought?” nature of the Biblical plagues visiting the Louisiana bayou pushes it to the boundary of so-bad-it’s-good territory.  

Here are my other top recommendations from recent years:

Dig Two Graves (2017): This award-winning indie has big-budget quality thanks to several factors: it was executive produced by actor and director Larry Fessenden, its crew was selected by the Independent Filmmaker Project, and the production involved the Southern Illinois University film department and the community of the film’s Southern Illinois location. We tend to give anything with Ted Levine a chance, and the gamble certainly paid off with this small-town U.S. suspense thriller. It tells the story of a young girl’s obsession with the death of her brother, taking her on a nightmarish journey where she must a face a deadly proposition to bring him back. The title refers to an ancient Chinese proverb: “When you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves!” Recommended!

Get Out (2017): I know, I  know, this is hardly “under the radar.” But it deserves its reputation and success, and I wanted to take the opportunity to say so.

The Girl with All the Gifts (2017): This is also not “under the radar” but worth an emphatic recommendation.

Little Evil (2017): I have a low tolerance for comedies in general, and especially for comedies that laugh at genres I love. On the other hand, I need little persuasion to believe that one of the scariest things on the planet is a kid! Little Evil is such a loving, clever, and knowledgeable send-up of the “evil child” trope that it won me over.

Abbattoir (2016): This dark and imaginative U.S. film follows a real estate reporter as he investigates a mysterious old man who is assembling a haunted house constructed from rooms in which people have died. It’s not a great film, but it has its moments.

Dark Signal (2016): This British film, set in Wales, covers two different but linked tales. In one, a radio DJ and her engineer (Torchwood’s Gareth David-Lloyd) invite a psychic to be their special guest on their very last broadcast, and in the other, a listener of the show is haunted by the victim of a serial killer. Effective atmosphere and chills.

Lavender (2016): This is an imperfect film, but it earns points with me for creepy rural “American Gothic” atmosphere. After losing her memory, Jane visits her childhood home at the suggestion of her psychiatrist – the home where the rest of her family was massacred. She begins to see unexplained things and strange clues within her photos that suggest she may be responsible for the deaths.

The Boy (2016): Although it has its moments of predictability, on the whole this one satisfies. Greta is a young American woman who escapes an abusive relationship by getting a temporary job as a nanny for a British family. When she arrives at the parents’ home, they introduce her to their son, Brahms. Brahms is a porcelain doll who is treated like the living child he replaced after the real Brahms’ childhood tragedy. Things get really weird from there in a mostly satisfying “this is how you go crazy” kind of way. Not perfect, but worth seeing.

The Forest (2016): Natalie Dormer stars as twins in this supernatural thriller about one sister searching for the other, who is presumably lost in Japan’s Aokigahara Forest. My husband and I are on the same page about films about 95% of the time, but this is the one on which our opinions diverged this year. He found this to be trite and mostly short on substance. I was looking mostly for the chilling atmosphere of the so-called Suicide Forest and the acute sense of vulnerability that comes with being alone in an emergency in a foreign country, so I didn’t mind the movie’s (over)reliance on this, and I found the ending twist related to the twins’ backstory to be effective. Your mileage may vary.

Sacrifice (2016): If Rupert Graves is in it, then I watch it, no exceptions. That’s just how I roll. He stars opposite Radha Mitchell here in an adaptation of the novel Sacrifice by Sharon Bolton. Set in the Shetland Islands, this horror film fits in the Wicker Man category of ancient rites surviving intact in remote locales, and it effectively captures a nightmarish scenario: men using women to have sons and then, according to their old traditions, yielding them up as a kind of human sacrifice. Mitchell and Graves relocate to the Shetlands, where Mitchell’s character unearths a “bog body” of a woman who had recently given birth and then been murdered in a ritualistic fashion. Mitchell and Joanne Crawford, portraying a local police sergeant, drive the investigation to bring justice to this woman, and in the process find their own lives at risk. The film has its flaws, but it’s refreshing to see a genuinely spooky film with a genuinely feminist bent, and all of the leads are compelling in their roles. The scenic locations provide atmospheric settings for the eerie goings-on.

The Veil (2016): Twenty-five years after members of Heaven’s Veil, a religious cult, commit suicide, a documentary filmmaker contacts the sole survivor to film a work about what really happened. A Fangoria review describes the premise as the idea “that Jim Jones could have been right,” and that pretty much sums it up. The film doesn’t quite live up to such an ambitious premise, but the whole “investigating the cult after the fact” aspect, on site and with found footage, is so downright disturbing that this supernatural thriller still works well enough in the goosebumps department. Or to put it another way, the film radiates a sense of wrongness – in part, no doubt, because it skirts so closely around tragic real-life events – that it sticks with you.

They’re Watching (2016): This is a film in the blood-soaked horror comedy oeuvre, which is not usually the way I roll, but I found this more palatable than most. The crew of an American home improvement TV show goes to Moldova to film a segment about an American woman who is transforming a run-down, isolated dwelling into an artist’s haven, only to discover that the locals consider her (not without reason!) to be a witch. This isn’t going to win any awards, but it doesn’t take itself too seriously, and its parody aspects are on point.

Amnesiac (2015): This tells the story of a man who wakes up in bed suffering from memory loss after being in an accident, only to begin to suspect that his caretaker, who claims to be his wife, may not be his real wife and may not have his best interests at heart. Wes Bentley won me over as the bewildered protagonist, and good heavens, Kate Bosworth as the “wife” really brought the chills. Stylish, understated, and slow-burn spooky.

10 Cloverfield Lane (2015): Between you and me, this is the scariest film I’ve seen in ages. I’m sure the twists are common knowledge by now, but just in case they aren’t, I won’t say anything except this is absolutely ideal for the Halloween season – or anytime you want your brain turned inside out and goosebumps on your skin. Hats off to John Goodman, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and John Gallagher Jr. for bringing the tense, claustrophobic script to vivid life. You need to see this!

Estranged (2015): January is forced to return home after six years traveling abroad, because a near-fatal accident has left her temporarily wheelchair bound and depleted of her long-term memory. At the mercy of those who claim to be her loved ones, isolated from outside help, she tries to discover the truth about her past and her present. This is smarter and more complex than we expected it to be, very Gothic in tone and execution.

Krampus (2015): This irreverent horror film, in which a boy who is having a bad Christmas accidentally summons an old-world Christmas demon to wreak havoc, is not for everyone, but if you’re like me, and you’d trade Christmas for Halloween any day of the week, it’s a lot of fun. Think of it as the evil Mirror Universe version of It’s A Wonderful Life.

The Reconstruction of William Zero (2015): A geneticist who wakes up from an accident with only fragments of his memory must relearn who he is from his twin brother. But the deeper he digs, the more he realizes that he may be wrong about who he thinks he is – and who he thinks his twin is. Variety review compared this sad tale of human cloning and human frailty to a story by H.G. Wells, and that sounds about right. It’s not a perfect film, but it’s a good example of thoughtful indie science fiction.

The Similars (Los Parecidos) (2015): If you love the weird, if you are a fan of The Twilight Zone, then you owe it to yourself to see this wonderfully original Mexican movie immediately. We watched this on a lark, and it became one of our favorite films of the year. A group of people are trapped by a hurricane at a bus station around the time of the Tlatelolco massacre in 1968. As the passengers wait for a bus to arrive, they are horrified to find that everyone’s face is changing to match. Why? Don’t miss this!

They Look Like People (2015): The longer we watched this indie psychological thriller, the more we liked it. It builds and builds and builds. It stars MacLeod Andrews as a man who believes that humanity is being secretly taken over by evil creatures (think of a slow and simmering episode of The X-Files in which Mulder or Scully never manage to arrive on the scene), and it won a special jury award at the Slamdance Film Festival.

The Visit (2015): This is a found footage horror film written, produced, and directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I know that Shyamalan can be hit or miss, but this was much more of a hit. A brother and sister are sent for their vacation to visit their grandparents, which is a gesture of reconciliation, as the family has been estranged. While there, the siblings become increasingly frightened by their grandparents’ disturbing behavior. The kids are compelling, and their isolation is palpable. The twist, when it comes, it terrific.

The Witch (2015): This film is like watching a colonial American nightmare come to life (which is not for everyone, but definitely was for me). The production team worked extensively with English and American texts and museums, and they consulted with experts on seventeenth-century English agriculture as well to bring early reports and imaginative depictions of witchcraft alive in a gritty, realistic setting. I’ve read some of the texts that inspired the film, such as those referenced in and created by the witch trials, and I was transported and enthralled by this dark and disturbing work. It rations its moments of gruesomeness for absolute impact and relies heavily on suggestion, underscoring the choking paranoia and claustrophobia of the Puritan existence. Not for those faint of heart or short of attention span.

Stonehearst Asylum (2014) Based on a tale by Edgar Allan Poe and starring Ben Kingsley, Michael Caine, and Kate Beckinsale… need I say more? In the words of Film Journal International, “While the film lacks the macabre humor of the original story, it does an excellent job of conveying the creeping horror of Victorian medicine.” Delicious.

As Above, So Below (2014) I know I’m in the minority here, but I really loved this film. A trip by urban explorers into the Parisian catacombs becomes a journey of alchemical transformation. Okay, this had me at “Parisian catacombs,” but I was delightfully surprised by characters actually being smart in a crisis, having meaningful backstories, and seeking redemption along the way.

Housebound (2014) This New Zealand horror comedy about a woman under house arrest in what may be a haunted house was a morbidly pleasant trip, alternately wacky and spooky.

The Incident (El Incidente) (2014): This fascinating Mexican film follows two parallel stories about characters trapped in illogical endless spaces – two brothers and a detective locked on an infinite staircase, and a family locked on an infinite road – for a very, very long time. This is psychologically, if not physically, a real (and powerful) trip.

Cut Bank (2014) This small-town murder thriller may err on the predictable side, but outstanding performances by the likes of Bruce Dern, John Malkovich, Billy Bob Thornton, and Liam Hemsworth make it memorable.

Oculus (2014): We watched this for Longmire’s Katee Sackhoff and Doctor Who’s Karen Gillan. We ended up agreeing it was one of our favorite movies of the year. A young woman is convinced that an antique mirror is responsible for the death and misfortune her family has suffered. This is beautifully crafted horror.

Alien Abduction (2014): This is the film I mentioned in my post about the Brown Mountain Lights. It’s a found-footage film done right, with scenes that reminded us of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Signs, The Blair Witch Project, and The X-Files. Its restraint in showing very little of the aliens is a strength. Be sure to watch through the credits!

Europa Report (2013): For my money, this is the best science fiction film of the last year. Gravitycan’t begin to compare. This recounts the fictional story of the first crewed mission to Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons. Despite a disastrous technical failure that loses all communications with Earth mission control and a series of dangerous crises, the international crew continues their mission to Europa and encounters a baffling mystery. All SF fans must see this.

The Happy House (2013): It’s the bed and breakfast you always dreaded - and that’s on a good day. This is not a good day. This quirky, clever serial-killer comedy works unexpectedly well thanks to its dark, restrained script and compelling characters.

The House at the End of Time (2013) This Venezuelan horror-suspense film is a must see. I don’t want to spoil it in any way. This may be my favorite pick from 2015. You want to see this. You do.

Haunter (2013): This Canadian film is about teenager stuck in a time loop that is not quite the same with each revolution. She must uncover the truth, but her actions have consequences for herself and others. This one really surprised us (in a good way). Shiver inducing and well worth watching.

How I Live Now (2013): Ably adapted from the award-winning novel by Meg Rosoff (which I really liked), this dreamlike film follows fifteen-year-old American Daisy, who is sent to stay with cousins on a remote farm in the United Kingdom just before the outbreak of a fictional third world war. I don’t know why this haunting apocalyptic work didn’t receive more attention, because it deserved it.

Jug Face (2013): This wins the original premise award. There’s no way to describe the film that doesn’t sound bizarre, but it’s unexpectedly compelling. A teen girl who is pregnant with her brother’s child tries to escape from a backwoods community, only to discover that her people have determined that she must sacrifice herself to a creature in a pit. (Be warned about the subject of miscarriage.)

The Numbers Station (2013): This is a British-American action thriller about a burned-out CIA black ops agent (John Cusack) assigned to protect the code operator at a secret American numbers station somewhere in the British countryside. I suspect the poor reception this received is because it’s more quiet, melancholy, and introspective than the run-of-the-mill action-mystery. Of course, that’s why we liked it.

Mama (2013): This is a Spanish-Canadian treat based on the Argentine Muschietti’s Mamá, a 2008 Spanish-language short film of the same name. Young children can be disturbing. Young children abandoned in the woods for several years and raised by a (territorial and possessive) spirit can be doubly so.

Dark Skies (2013): This wasn’t the very best spooky film we saw this past year, but it was far, far better than I’d anticipated, and it scratched that “alien abduction” itch of mine that’s been troubling me ever since The X-Files left the small and big screens.

Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia (2013): This stand-alone story works independently of its prequel. It’s not an unproblematic film, but if you have a taste for Southern Gothic, it’s worth a look.

House Hunting, also released as The Wrong House (2013): What a surprise this psychological horror film was! Quite the mind game. Home-shopping families visit an empty farmhouse… and the house keeps them there.

After (2012) When two bus crash survivors awake to discover that they are the only people left in their town, they work together to unravel the truth behind the strange events. A bit saccharine, but worth seeing.

Citadel (2012) I’m still not sure what I think about this Irish psychological horror film, but months later I’m still thinking about it, so that’s noteworthy in itself. I’m now horrified of high rises for an all new reason.

Extracted (2012): This thought-provoking indie SF film considers a scientist whose consciousness becomes trapped in the mind of a convict who volunteered to be a part of an experimental procedure. This is another cerebral tale well worth seeing.

Last Kind Words (2012): Brad Dourif movies are always a part of Halloween, or at least they should be. Seventeen-year-old Eli has just moved with his family deep into the backwoods of Kentucky to work on the isolated farm of a local recluse. Inexplicably drawn into the strange forest that lies beyond the farm, Eli encounters the beautiful, sweet, and mysterious Amanda, seemingly the perfect girl. But with the discovery of decaying bodies hanging from the trees, he realizes that the forest - and Amanda - are harboring some very dark secrets. If a horror film can be called lovely, it’s this one.

Resolution (2012): Two long-time friends end up in a remote cabin, and I dare not say more. This subtle Lovecraftian film hinges on great characterization and suggestions of an unseen force that “manipulates reality to create interesting stories.” Don’t expect solid answers to the mysteries of this tale. This is a personal favorite.

The Wall (2012): This elegant Austrian-German film haunted me for a good long while. A woman visits with friends at their hunting lodge in the Austrian Alps. Left alone while her friends walk to a nearby village, the woman soon discovers she is cut off from all human contact by a mysterious invisible wall. With her friends’ loyal dog Lynx as her companion, she lives the next three years in isolation looking after her animals. Understated and affecting.

The Tall Man (2012): I love it when a film goes in a direction I didn’t foresee, and this French-Canadian mystery-thriller one did it again and again. In a small, poverty-stricken former mining town, children are disappearing on a regular basis. The abductions are blamed on a local legend called the “Tall Man.” One of the standout favorites of the year for me, this one asks some uncomfortable and thought-provoking questions that keep you thinking long after the film is over.

The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012): This little Canadian film serves up some effective atmosphere. An antiques collector inherits a house from his estranged mother only to discover that she had been living in a shrine devoted to a mysterious cult. Soon he comes to suspect that his mother’s oppressive spirit still lingers within her home and is using items in the house to contact him with an urgent message. Vanessa Redgrave’s voice-overs as the late mother add depth to the spooky visuals.

In the Dark Half (2012): This was the first of three micro-budget movies to be made in Bristol, UK under the iFeatures scheme. Despite its humble beginnings, this is an absolutely riveting and deeply soulful work. Young Jessica Barden gives a particularly brilliant performance. Bad things are happening in a run-down working-class town, where a young woman is convinced that something nasty is out to get her. But she’s also struggling with conflicting feelings toward her hard-drinking neighbor, whose son mysteriously died while she was babysitting him. One of my favorites from this year.

Sinister (2012): After moving to a new town, a true-crime writer discovers a cache of videotapes depicting brutal murders that took place in the very house he just bought. As he tries to solve the mystery behind the crimes, a sinister force threatens his own family. I’m sort of breaking my own rules here, as this wasn’t an under-the-radar film, but merely hearing the music for this movie creeps me out!

Paranorman (2012): Okay, this wasn’t exactly an off-the-beaten-path film either, but it’s so wonderful, I had to list it. A perfect “feel-good” movie for Halloween!

The Awakening (2011): If I had to recommend one new(ish) film for this season, this would be it. Gorgeously done from start to finish. In post-World War I England, a boarding school haunted by a boy’s ghost calls on Florence Cathcart, who disproves hoaxes for a living. But Cathcart senses something truly strange about the school, leading her to question her belief in the rational.

Whisperer in Darkness (2011): You can’t go wrong with the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society’s adaptations of Lovecraft’s stories. This is a “talkie” instead of a silent film (like the HPLHS’s Call of Cthulhu, and it works well.

Sound of My Voice (2011): Wow. I mean, wow. This is high on my list of favorite viewing from this year. In this psychological thriller, journalists Peter and Lorna undergo an elaborate preparation process in order to infiltrate a cult, leading from a desolate road to an unmarked location, but the mystery only deepens when their blindfolds are removed. This is a smart, chilling film with just the right touch of cerebral science fiction.

Ghost from the Machine (2010): After his parents die, Cody, an inventor, becomes obsessed with finding a way to contact them once again. Tom, a local scientist who lost his wife, becomes interested in the project and helps Cody. Together, they discover that Cody’s invention can cause ghosts momentarily to reappear as flesh and blood. What follows is a dark and moving study of human nature.

True Nature (2010): This is another film that really surprised me, to my delight. This tells the story of a family reunited when their college-age daughter is found after a year-long disappearance. With no memory of what happened to her, she soon discovers that her very presence threatens to expose the secrets and fragile lies by which her family has lived.

Womb (2010): This stark, minimalist, quietly haunting film stars Eva Green and Matt (“Eleven”) Smith, both of whom turn in subtle performances. A woman’s consuming love forces her to bear the clone of her dead beloved. From his infancy to manhood, she faces the unavoidable complexities of her controversial decision. I found this to be wrenching, disturbing, and darkly beautiful. Full disclosure, though: my husband found it to have more style than substance.

Extraordinary Tales (2013): Several of my students recommended this to me, and I’m grateful that they did! This is an anthology film comprised of five different animated adaptations of Poe’s stories, namely “The Fall of the House of Usher” narrated by Christopher Lee, “The Tell-Tale Heart” narrated by Bela Lugosi, “The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar” narrated by Julian Sands, “The Pit and the Pendulum” narrated by Guillermo del Toro, and “The Masque of the Red Death” – my favorite – which is eerily and beautifully silent. Despite uneven narration quality, due to the age of some of the audio recordings, this is terrific fun for Poe fans.

These Final Hours (2013): Wow, this one unexpectedly blew us away. A meteor has collided with Earth in the North Atlantic, and that leaves about twelve hours before the final global firestorm reaches Western Australia. In Perth, bad boy James leaves his pregnant girlfriend to try to drown his fear at “the party to end all parties,” but his life abruptly changes when he comes across a young girl being attacked. This is a delicate and powerful story of character growth and redemption in the face of the biggest horror of all: the end of all things. Highly recommended.

Woman in Black (2012): This one isn’t “off the beaten path” by any means, but I enjoyed it so much I’m noting it anyway. It’s a rare example of a film adaptation that changes the ending of its source text and in fact improves the story.

Another Earth (2011): On the night of the discovery of a duplicate planet in the solar system, an ambitious young student and an accomplished composer cross paths in a tragic accident. This is one of my very favorite films of 2012.

Absentia (2011): A woman and her sister begin to link a mysterious tunnel to a series of disappearances, including that of her own husband. This is my other top favorite of 2012.

Exit Humanity (2011): A young man struggles to survive in the aftermath of a deadly undead outbreak during the American Civil War. This is a period zombie film with a heart and a brain. There’s zombie-related gore, but it serves the purpose of the story.

Cabin in the Woods (2011): Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin in the woods, where they get more than they bargained for. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods. Joss Whedon wrote this, and that’s probably enough said right there. This turns all the classic horror tropes upside down.

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011): In this satirical film, a homeless vigilante played by Rutger Hauer blows away “crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags” with his trusty pump-action shotgun. Warnings for gore and adult content. This is a dark and wry tongue-halfway-but-only-halfway-in-cheek dystopia.

Some Guy Who Kills People (2011): This is a horror-comedy about a small town loser fresh out of an asylum who seeks revenge on those he deems responsible for ruining his life. Unexpectedly poignant and character-driven.

The Last Exorcism (2010): A troubled evangelical minister agrees to let his last exorcism be filmed by a documentary crew. I was unexpectedly enthralled with this; it twisted and turned in directions I didn’t anticipate, and its ending is straight out of a Lovecraft story. Highly recommended. Note(!!!): The 2013 sequel is a terrible mess. Don’t waste your time.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010): “Good old boys” Tucker and Dale are on vacation at their dilapidated mountain cabin when they are attacked by a group of preppy college kids. This is ridiculously clever as it plays into and subverts classic horror scenarios. I laughed out loud.

YellowBrickRoad (2010): In 1940, the entire population of Friar, New Hampshire walked up a winding mountain trail, leaving everything behind. In 2008, the first official expedition into the wilderness attempts to solve the mystery of the lost citizens of Friar. There’s gore here, but far more psychological horror. The premise would’ve made a fine Twilight Zone episode. My husband felt the ending was a disappointing cop-out, but I give it props for originality.

The dark fantasy Black Death (2010): Set during the time of the first outbreak of bubonic plague in England, a young monk is tasked with learning the truth about reports of people who are immune to the sickness in a small village, allegedly made so by “witchcraft.” What follows is a dark fable that considers evil and love, loyalty and death, faith and fate. Excellent turns by Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, and a strong supporting cast really bring this to life (pun intended), and I was more than pleasantly surprised by the atmospheric eeriness and thoughtful tragedy of this film. As Alan Jones from Film4’s “FrightFest” said about the film, “This intelligent original represents a commendable break from the genre norm and is one of the most powerful films made about God, the godless and what the Devil truly represents.”

Color Out of Space (2010): This is an absolutely brilliant adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space” set in Germany. We thought this was amazing. Beautiful visual storytelling. Even if you’re not one for subtitled films, do give this a try, especially if you know and appreciate the source material.

Dorian Gray (2009): I don’t believe this was ever widely released in theaters in the U.S. I thought it was quite well done, true to the spirit if not the letter of Oscar Wilde’s story, admirably restrained with the special effects, and graced by compelling performances by Ben Barnes, Colin Firth, and Rachel Hurd-Wood. It’s perfect for the Halloween season, to my way of thinking.

The Brøken (2008): This understated doppleganger film plays out much like a modern-day Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Quiet and disturbing, and I mean that in a good way.

The Burrowers (2008): This is a brilliant independent science fiction/horror Western that was short on cheap gore and long on psychological terror (just the way I like it), and we thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. Highly recommended.

You can’t miss the brilliant, quirky, lovingly satirical films of Larry Blamire (thanks to marthawells for the recommendation), which are “must see” material, including The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2004) and its sequel The Lost Skeleton Returns Again (2009), as well as the standalone films Trail of the Screaming Forehead (2007) and Dark and Stormy Night (2009) - I simply can’t praise these enough.

The Lazarus Project (2008): A former criminal gets a second chance at life and mysteriously ends up working at a psychiatric hospital where nothing is at it seems. Terrific psychological piece. I don’t know why this didn’t receive more attention and praise.

Painted Skin (2008): This Hong Kong/China production is not the easiest film to find with English subtitles, but it is well worth the effort. Set sometime in the late Qin or early Han dynasty in China, a fox spirit consumes human hearts to maintain her youth and beauty. She falls in love with her human rescuer, however, who already has a wife he adores. This is a beautiful and bittersweet film about love, sacrifice, and deadly magic, with a haunting score… and Donnie Yen. Win, win, win!

Another well worth watching is the Finnish historical fantasy/horror/morality play Sauna (2008 - thanks to mr_earbrass for the recommendation).

We also quite liked the surreal dark fantasy Franklyn (2008), as well as

the chilling, true crime-inspired Borderland (2007),

the Spanish science fiction thriller Timecrimes (2007),

the moody, Lovecraft-inspired Cthulhu (2007),

the gorgeous, silent Lovecraft adaptation The Call of Cthulhu (2005),

the U.S. Civil War-era dark fantasy/horror Dead Birds (2004),

the dystopian psychological thriller Final (2001),

Imprint (2007): Can you hear their cries? Shayla Stonefeather, a Native American attorney prosecuting a Lakota teen in a controversial murder trial, returns to the reservation to say goodbye to her dying father. After the teen is killed, she hears ghostly voices and sees strange visions that cause her to re-examine beliefs she thought she left behind. This is a solid independent film with a gifted Native cast.

Wicked Little Things (2006): This is a film about the Appalachian children who died in a mine coming back to haunt the mine-owner’s descendants. It’s exactly what it says on the tin, no real surprises. What sets this apart is beautifully atmospheric shots of the woods and a spectacular sense of place. Visually memorable.

House of Voices, also released as Saint Ange (2004): This French-Romanian film is a sophisticated mind game that kept me utterly fascinated and glued to the screen. A young cleaning woman is dispatched to tend to a crumbling orphanage called Saint Ange that houses only one child. While going about her duties, the new housekeeper begins to witness supernatural occurrences, causing her sole co-worker, a cook, to question her sanity. Whatever you expect this to be, I guarantee it will surprise you.

Breaking Dawn (2004) No, this is not that Breaking Dawn. This is cerebral little film that rewards careful watching. Dawn is a young medical student is charged with uncovering the murder of a mental patient’s mother. Or is she? Well crafted and satisfying. And spooky.

Below (2002): This is a World War II-era horror film that makes great use of the claustrophobia of submarines to create a chilling mood, very atmospheric. If you like Star Trek’s Bruce Greenwood (and who doesn’t?), you’ll want to see this.

and Last Night (1998): (Thanks to penfold_x for the rec!) In Toronto, a group of friends and family prepares for the fast-approaching end of the world. This apocalyptic film starts out like a dark comedy but ends much more like a serious drama. It won three Genie Awards, including a Best Actress for Sandra Oh, and I see why. She really shines here, and her last scene is stuck in my head. If you like to ponder how you would spend your very last – and the world’s very last – night, try this.

Your mileage, of course, may vary.

Okay, you’re turn: what under-the-radar, off-the-beaten-path, Halloween-friendly films do you recommend?

[claresedwards]

Omg right! I wanna protect her she has no idea

I think Clare was cute in season 6

Because little did she know what the show has in store for her

[dreamonslayer]

So... I haven’t been feeling great still. You could argue I’m not trying hard enough to, but I just don’t have the energy, lately. But yesterday? Yesterday was different.

I got up, and I had food. I figured it would be cool to just walk downtown, since it wasn’t obscenely cold out or anything, and see where the day took me.

I found a cafe, with a four leaf clover on the sign that swayed in the wind. I may not have felt lucky in ages, but whatever helps helps, right? And plus, warm beverages are always good.

The place was pretty quiet, save for four girls probably about 5 years older than me. I ordered a peppermint hot chocolate, and sat down, only to find a few minutes later they had abandoned their work and decided to sit with me.

They told me they just felt like I seemed lonely and they got this feeling that I needed a friend today. A friend who could talk back, added the one, nodding to my trusty “corgi.”

“So, how are you?”

And that’s when I fell apart. Vulpecula hopped onto my lap and they all grouped around me, asking if I was okay with hugs. I don’t remember how long it’s been since I got a hug like that, halfway through my head nod. One brought a tissue, another scolded her for going underboard and grabbed a whole box, followed by someone bringing a whole unopened package of tissues. They obviously wanted to make me laugh, and it did.

“Don’t know if you want to talk about it, but here,” said two of them, and they ran into the back room for a few minutes before coming back with a beautiful crystal pendant. It was pink, on a blue cord.

“Rose quartz. It has healing energy, and it’s meant to comfort you,” said the green-haired one.

“And blue because it looks nice with your eyes!” said the one with a red ponytail.

I smiled, thanking her.

“So... different small talk opener? What’s your name, dear?”

“Aislinn.”

“Oh, nice to meet you Aislinn,” one said, pronouncing my name with an ‘ash.’

“Oh come on, don’t be a name snob! Not everyone knows the intricacies of Gaelic naming.”

“True. And my mom and dad are two of those people.” I dabbed at my eye with a tissue, catching the last of that outburst of tears. “I’m used to how it’s always been, but I like the little hidden part of it. People often tell me I have a fiery personality,” I said.

“Oh! A kindling spirit!!” shouted the pink-haired one.

“Huh...?” I questioned.

“Don’t you mean kindred?” added the blonde.

“Not when kindling is a fire pun!”

“I gotta say, it’s pretty lit!” I added, with a smirk and a laugh contrasting my tired eyes and weak voice after my little breakdown.

“Oh, I like you!” She grinned. “I’m Hisa. And yes, I’m also a pretty fiery person, some would say. I make the rice balls, and you get a complimentary one. Fire friends discount!”

“Mina,” added the blonde, adjusting her glasses. “Smoothies and parfaits.”

“And I’m the resident tea snob, Aki! And, of course,” she added, tapping my cup, “the hot cocoa. Which I will absolutely refill if needed, hun.”

“Which leaves me, Chiyo! I bake. New pastries every day, depending on what I feel like baking. And we welcome you formally to the Cafe Yotsuba!”

I hadn’t felt so comfortable around people in so long. These girls felt like the kind of people I could trust.

“Cute friend you have there, by the way!” Chiyo interrupted my thoughts. “What’s their name?”

“Vulpecula.”

“Ah, a little fox!” said Aki. “What a sweetie! And fitting, too!”

I could practically hear their voice snickering in my head.

“Thanks... it’s been a while since I really talked with people, so...”

They nodded, and I could tell they were encouraging me. And if they would listen, maybe it would be a good time to let it out after keeping it all bottled up for so long.

“I... a while ago, I lost my best friend. And it started a whole adventure of emotions and trauma. And then it feels like... it feels like it’s hard to get close to people again, and if I manage to... it’s like I lose them again and again... there’s been a lot of that happening lately. And I haven’t felt okay in years... not at all...”

They all gathered together to envelop me in a group hug again.

“It’s hard to talk about, but... I’m just lonely, and I don’t know how to talk to people anymore. So much about me has changed, and I feel detached from everyone else...”

“Aislinn. She loves you. I can tell.” Aki said, holding my hands. “I can feel these things, and even though I don’t know her, I feel her presence radiating around you. Not literally, but... you know, people always leave traces with those they care about. And I think that energy is what led me to the rose quartz for you. Part of her is forever with you, guiding you, trying to help you heal.”

“I just sometimes... sometimes I feel selfish for wishing it was me. I’d rather take the burden of living without her than leave her in the same place.”

“It’s okay to mourn, dear. It’s part of you. It’s how your heart is meant to work,” said Mina.

“It hurts, and it’s okay to feel that. It reminds you you’re living. And that you can make a difference. Even with the smallest step, by living on, you’re carrying her legacy with you to whatever greatness might come. Even if the greatness is getting up in the morning, or coming to a cafe full of four weird girls who gave you a weird rock.”

“I mean, I hate to break it to you, but...there’s five of us here,” I said, smiling, then nodded to a Vulpecula who seemed very indignant at being ignored. “Well, six of us.”

“The more the merrier!” Hisa grinned, then looked at me with a more serious expression. “Aislinn, it sucks whatever you went through. All of us can feel it’s complicated and raw. But I can speak for all of us when I say, your aura is like... a bonfire. You radiate strength even though you might not feel strong. I’m glad you found us today. I hope this is only a start.”

“Oh, it is...” I nodded, sipping my drink. “There’s only been a few people who made me feel even close to being at home like she did. And it’s been a while since I could let anyone else in. So... thanks for being here.”

“Thank you for coming!” said Aki. “I look forward to seeing you around.”

“We all do!” added Chiyo. “And if you need to talk, just stop in. Or if you wanna exchange numbers...?”

“Sure, of course!” One by one, they handed me their phones to add my information into. As I typed away, Aki left and came back with a fresh hot cocoa, as promised, with a few heart-shaped marshmallows.

“You seem like an interesting girl, Ais. I know it’s hard to talk about hard stuff, but I think it’s helpful if you do. In your own time, of course.”

“Well, to be honest, it’s also hard to talk about because it’s... such a long story. And I guess kind of hard to believe.”

“Oh,” Hisa said with a little smile. “I got the feeling that might be the case. But I think you’d be surprised what kind of stuff we’d believe. We have our own surprising stories, too!”

Seamlessly, she led this transition to a lighter conversation. For a while, we laughed about those stories. Tales of funny coincidences, their entertaining antics as cafe co-owners and roommates, and more. I felt like it was easier to be normal around them, and maybe it was because they weren’t as “normal” as I feared they would be. They were fun to talk to, and it was a nice distraction from my regularly scheduled programming of tired, sad numbness and angry thoughts.

After a while, I decided to head home before sunset (mostly because they convinced me, since I obviously wasn’t uncomfortable in the dark at all.) I texted them once I plopped onto my bed, since the girls also threatened me if I didn’t let them know I was home safe. It was nice, knowing that in one afternoon they grew to care about me that much.

I felt understood, for the first time in a while. Maybe they’d even understand the real story, and maybe it’d help. I’d need to get to know them, but I had a good feeling about them. Not like my counselor, who can only be so helpful when I have to omit most of the story because I don’t want to explain spirits and magic and all these things I hardly understand enough, even after all these years. Plus, she doesn’t deserve having to hear about my convoluted experiences with a side of pyromania.

I feel lighter now. And while I still miss you, Mie, and the others I don’t get to see much, I’m glad I was able to find a new place to be. And some new friends.

And if it was you, or a part of you that’s also part of me, or whatever it was that led me there... thank you. The only reason I’m still moving forward is because of you. It hurts every day, Mie. I won’t lie, and I’m sure you know. But as long as I’m going on, no matter how little progress I make, they still haven’t won. And I’ll fight for you for as long as I have to. I’ll fight the baku, I’ll fight my negativity, and I’ll just fight to live every day in your honor until I hopefully get to hold you again. You’re where my greatness comes from.

I love you, Miesha. And I always, always will.

[scatteredhxpe]

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

• name: Jolie Lacroix

• eye color: Dark chocolate with hints of a paler brown. 

• hair style/color: Kinda like a librarian in the movie with the hair pulled back into a bun, just add some long bangs and that’s her. 

• height: 5′7 / 170cm

• clothing style:  A plain red turtleneck tucked into a black plaid godet skirt with all white sneakers with a circular black purse to accessorize (and keep her things in) hair is pulled from the bun and cascades down her back in waves. LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

• your fears: I don’t want to lose any more loved ones. it’s a scary feeling...knowing the reason for why they’re gone but not being able to do anything to bring them back. 

• your guilty pleasure: I love reading romance novels despite not wanting to dive back into that particular part of life. I enjoy seeing as the main protagonist falls in love slowly and their progression throughout the story.

• your biggest pet peeve: Hm? Well, I’d have to say, people who are not open-minded and like to talk over others! everyone deserves a chance to speak their own thoughts. 

• your ambitions for the future: I want to travel more...with a partner, oh! that would be so nice...working at more schools, teaching more children!

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

• your first thoughts waking up: “Will these night terrors ever stop...?” 

• what you think about most: If things would’ve been different, if I had never opened up to him or if I had swallowed my fears would they still be alive? 

• what you think about before bed: “Please let me sleep, no more nightmares I can’t do it...I can’t!” 

• you think your best quality is: How willing I am to help others.

WHAT’S BETTER? • single or group dates: Singles! It’s so nice having that time alone to get to know the person you’re trying to pursue.. • to be loved or respected: Loved! Being respected is nice, but the warmth that loves fills you with will always be much, much sweeter. • beauty or brains: Why not both? Shouldn’t you be able to both?  • dogs or cats: Cats! They can take care of themselves, wonderful snuggle buddies and quite entertaining if I do say so myself.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU…

• lie: I don’t take any kind of pride in it...but when the circumstance has called for it, I’ve told a lie or two... • believe in yourself: I try my best to because in the end? If no one believes in you, you should believe in yourself.

• believe in love: I do! I have experienced it before...it’s a fantastic but terrifying feeling...however? I’d give anything to ride that beautiful wave once more.

• want someone: Mm...there’s a part of me who desires that intimate feeling with another...but it’s scary...I do...but at what cost? 

LAYER SIX: EVER BEEN…

• been on stage: Does the “stage” at church, count...? • done drugs: I have a hard time dealing with the mind I was given, altering it is not a choice I’d want to make.  • changed who you were to fit in: Surprisingly? I haven���t. I don’t see the need to, being yourself is what will attract others to you. 

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

• favorite color: Apricot, Cameo Pink • favorite animal: Panda bears, Penguins. • favorite movie: I think it would be that one movie...where that girl wishes to be thirty? Hm...what was it called? Oh! Thirteen going on Thirty! • favorite game: I’m not into video games, actually...I understand why children would be fond of them. Should I try one? I’m not sure if there’d be any I’d like though. 

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

• day your next birthday will be: November 22. 

• how old will you be: It’s quite easy to remember my current age: 22. So, I will be 23...? It doesn’t seem that way but I will be. 

• age you lost your virginity: Sixteen. I wasn’t really sure if it was the right time, but oh well. I cannot go back. • does age matter: It does.

LAYER NINE: IN A PERSON

• best personality: Someone who is actually great at having a conversation, a little mysterious at first. • best eye color: I prefer lighter shades occasionally but there is a beauty in darker eye colors.

• best hair color: It doesn’t matter to me! • best thing to do with a partner: Traveling together!

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

• i love: my kitten, my students. • i feel: depressed, lost.  • i hide: my insecurities. • i miss: my darling aislinn, and my parents. • i wish: i could go back into the past, change what i did.

TAGGED BY: @redicidium (thank u friend!! <3)

TAGGING: @countersides, @heartmemos, @deadsun, @aetherevs, @idleattempts

[claresedwards]

I want that haircut!!! Gosh I love her!!!

[thrandilf]

The Worst Pirate I've Ever Seen

Ahoy! A Julian Devorak adventure!

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748518

Coarse rope swayed under the calloused soles of Julian's feet and his roughened hands as he bounded up the ship's rigging. Ocean waves crashed below him in the darkness, a comforting constant din. He grinned as he hauled himself into the crow's nest, ignoring a disdainful caw of an actual crow kept caged on the lookout point.

This was his favorite part of seafaring- the serene ocean glistening in the starlight. Adventure awaited in every direction, the wild breeze soaring in his ears calling to his heart to wander forever. He gazed up at the sky through his windswept locks and rehearsed his constellation charts, verifying that the ship was headed west as planned. It was peaceful, lovely, stunning-

"I think I have scurvy."

Julian groaned, not even needing to turn around to look at the man behind him. "You don't have scurvy."

"You sure?" The pirate in the crow's nest with him was the picture of perfect somewhat sunburnt health. The only thing Julian could prescribe was rest for the circles around the man's eyes.

"We've been over this. You're homesick."

It earned him a loud sniffle. "I DON'T have FEELINGS!"

Julian was ship medic, which on occasion turned into drinking buddy, comic relief, and unofficial therapist. He wasn't even supposed to be a pirate in the first place, but he'd been plundered from a trade ship and conscripted into a life of piracy, spared for his abundant charisma and charm and he supposed for his (dubious) medical abilities.

The main difference between the spice traders and the pirates was marked increase in personal drama.

"Well I've made damn sure that you're all eating like you live in a tropical pineapple scented paradise, so admit that you're sad and don't have scurvy!"

The sailor sighed. "I might cash in next port we fall into. Take my share, settle down. The sea changes you."

"And people say I'M dramatic."

"You are!"

Julian watched dawn crest over the sea, pleased to see land in the distance, and less pleased when he realized what land it was. "Captain!"

The pirate captain was a younger, respectable man as far as pirates went. He raised his eyebrows under his tricorn hat at Julian, prepared for antics of some kind. "Yes, Devorak?"

"Is there a particular reason we're sailing towards Vesuvia?"

"Sure. It's a small country- but absolutely filled to the gills with gold. Run by some bratty blond no one else will bother defending."

Julian coughed. "Yes, well. I've met this bratty blond. I ah, amputated his arm, in fact."

The captain roared with laughter. "Excellent! You'll have to tell me all about it."

Julian explained it later to the captain and first mate below deck, embellishing only harmless details of the battle- as if either of them believed Julian had truly killed any jaded warriors while simultaneously crouched under cover with Lucio, terrified for his life. He delighted in acting out Lucio's whiny, self absorbed floundering and rage at needing his grievously wounded limb cut off crudely in a war camp tent, sharing a laugh at the concept of a man who denied defeat even at death's door.

The first mate was particularly amused. She grinned at Julian. "I hear Lucio got a real wonder to replace his arm- an alchemical beauty made of pure gold."

The captain laughed. "Say, Devorak- wouldn't it be incredible to take his arm again? Ha!"

Julian laughed.

And kept laughing.

Oh, what a delectable joke!

He finally breathed again and his crewmates were looking at him expectantly. Julian's eyes widened. "This is- this is harebrained even for me. Absolutely bonkers. You can't be serious."

The captain mused for a moment. "Vesuvia itself wouldn't be difficult to loot- quick in and out disguised as a merchant ship as we hustle around the port and terrorize some small fry. Now, Lucio is an idiot. His arm is completely solid gold, magic, and power. It's likely the most valuable object we know of. If we can get inside the palace with you as our In to distract him- forget the city! The palace is full of so many riches they won't notice what's gone!"

"So you want me to infiltrate the palace, let our crew loot to their heart's content, and if possible steal Lucio's arm?"

"Yeah."

Julian stared in disbelief. "That's the worst scheme I've ever heard."

The first mate scowled, disappointment on her tanned features. "So, we're not storming the castle?"

Julian smirked. "I've never looked forward to anything more in my entire life."

-~-

Julian was filled with dread.

It wasn't out of fondness for Lucio. No, if there was anyone who deserved to have pirates ransack their house, it was Lucio. This was the most righteous conquest so far in Julian's life as a professional scoundrel. Lucio was volatile at best and he'd have to tread carefully.

They made port with ease, looking for all the world like honest merchants. Pirates could clean up well if they liked- Julian had even sacrificed the last of his apricot oil soap to the cause. Julian let the majority of the crew do as they pleased in the city and led the first mate and a few more respectable looking pirates to the palace.

The palace guards blocked the gate, glaring at Julian. "Password?"

Julian stood tall, grinning widely. "Tell Lucio Doctor Jules is here to ah, check up on him. I come with greetings for an old friend."

One guard left and the other employee eyed him. "You cut his arm off, right?"

"Yes- our relationship is rather complicated."

The remaining guard lowered their voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Was it gross? Like blood everywhere?"

"Appallingly so. Gushing blood and torn muscle sinew everywhere. I had to cauterize the wound."

"Ew." They looked delighted.

The other guard returned and waved them through the gate. Julian eyed the moat under the grand bridge to the palace with suspicion. Long curvy shapes drifted in the water and one of his crew members looked over with wide eyes. "Vampire eels?"

"Yeah Aislinn," said the first mate. "Don't jump in no matter what you do. Didn't think this guy was the type to have exotic pets all over."

Right on cue, Mercedes and Melchior bounded out of the palace foyer barking and snarling. Julian put himself in front of his crew, blocking the huge white dogs as they yipped and tried to jump him. "Ack! It's ME! Come on guys!"

Lucio himself followed the dogs, grinning widely and taking his time to call them off. His voice was as raspy and high pitched as Julian remembered- a perfect balance of sinister and annoying with a shot of whiny. "Alright, alright. It's just Jules!" His gold trimmed white blazer was roguishly open to reveal toned muscle under his red decorated sash. Despite the provocative neglect of buttons and regal shoulder cape, Lucio's arm still stood out the most. Typical that he'd want to draw attention to his wealth with every first impression. "Doctor Jules- finally dropped by to apologize?"

Julian had expected this. "I wanted to check in on an old friend when I found out my merchant ship was headed to Vesuvia. May we talk somewhere without my entourage? We've been at sea for months and I'm sure they could use-"

Lucio waved his hand dismissively. "Yes yes, go ask some servants for rum or whatever else it is I don't drink."

This was ridiculously easy. The first mate grinned at waved at Julian. "We'll be enjoying the grandeur and hospitality, see you later!"

Lucio sighed loudly. "You must be so low in life, Jules, trouncing around with sailors who barely have soles on their shoes. Rustic. Abhorrent. Please, have something civilized to drink with me while we discuss your employment."

"My what?!"

Lucio plopped down on a couch in a vast private parlor complete with floor to ceiling windows and a balcony. They faced a huge magical fish tank that took up an entire wall, housing a deadly gorgeous lionfish the size of Julian's torso. Julian busied himself with staring at the vivid coral rock sculptures and swaying deep sea plants in the tank. Lucio poured a glass of wine for himself. "Come on Jules- surely you'd rather work for me. If I travel, it's in class."

Julian held back a groan. Prolonged exposure to Lucio would be a blight upon his soul. "I'm quite content. I booked free passage providing medical expertise and I've seen more of the world than ever before- even took a trip back to Praka."

"Ah, Praka!" Lucio sipped his wine, slouched and uncaring about Julian's tensed posture. "The prettiest girls are from Praka, you know. Goddesses, all of them. Meet any lovely ladies there?"

Julian floundered. This wasn't how he imagined this conversation going. "Er- at least seven."

"Seven? Jules, you've GOT to get out more!" Lucio winked. "Don't you owe me some company? Have a drink, I insist!"

"Ah- coffee, if you please." Lucio snapped his fingers for a servant and Julian's mind raced. His companions were likely already looting what they could get away with like kids at a sweets stall, and he didn't have too much time no matter how smooth and rich the coffee brew. "Do you mind if I take a look at you? I am rather sorry about the amputation- nasty business."

"As you should be."

"I don't delight in harming others!" Julian took a sip of his coffee when a servant brought it to him and stood up, circling behind Lucio. He brought his hands down to his shoulders and squeezed, feeling the joining of metal to flesh under the guise of giving Lucio a massage. "It doesn't pain you, does it?"

"Only my pride!" exclaimed Lucio.

Julian felt around as much as he could without getting caught. There didn't seem to be a catch or release mechanism on it, and it felt seamlessly grafted to Lucio's flesh. "Magic?" he asked.

"Of course- what else would it be?" Lucio finished his glass of wine and poured another. Julian noted that it was barely 9 AM and scowled with judgement, even if he also was prone to bouts of day drinking. "If not now, since you're so inclined to take a slow boat everywhere, then in the future- I insist you'll be my official physician. If I have need of you, I expect you to be here."

Julian wasn't one to turn down future job prospects, and keeping Lucio happy was key as he withdrew his hands. "Of course. I'd be honored."

"Good!" Lucio yawned and Julian's ears twitched as he thought he heard a commotion in the distance. "I have an execution to freshen up for- what's that noise?"

Julian panicked. He needed to distract Lucio and followed his basic instincts. "I must leave!" he exclaimed. With a dramatic spin on his feet he chugged the rest of his coffee and sprinted out a window with a horrifying, all consuming crash of glass as he hurtled through the air to the eel infested moat.

"What the FUCK!" Lucio blinked at the glass shards all over the floor and laughed at Julian's high pitched screams of horror as he fell down into the water. Lucio didn't even bother getting up, shaking his head and drinking directly from his wine bottle. "Typical Jules. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO FIX THIS WINDOW!"

Julian belatedly remembered the pet vampire eels and screeched, flailing in the swirling depths as something sank fangs into his thigh. He managed to kick it off and frantically scramble to shore, running with adrenaline pumping so hard through him he crashed into a street vendor's cart. "MY CABBAGES!" he wailed.

"I'M SORRY!" Julian haphazardly bolted through the crowded streets, soaking wet, limping, and injured with bloodied cuts all over his face and hands. Many people shrieked at seeing him and helpfully ducked out of the way.

What he didn't expect was to be physically grabbed as he turned down a side street. He readied himself to fight but paused as he realized his would be attacker was a small older woman giving him a stern look. "I- I gotta go I'm so sorry-"

She spoke in a strong accent that reminded Julian's salty heart achingly of home. "You've got to be the worst pirate I've ever seen."

Julian laughed nervously. "Pirate? You must be-"

"I'm coming with you."

"Uh, what?"

"I'm Mazelinka." She jerked her head back down the street. "I live down there. You'll need to remember that when you're back."

"I-"

"You are a disaster, boy!" She snapped. "I make a better pirate than you!" She thrust a small package at him. "For your injuries. I knew you'd need them. I see much."

Julian melted under her short glare and led her to the docks, unsure why he suddenly trusted Mazelinka with his life. "Call me Ilya."

She chuckled at him and remained silent. Julian got the bizarre feeling he'd just been adopted.

-~-

The pirate captain stared at Julian with disbelief. The crew gathered around their exquisitely expensive spoils dumped out on the table, already sailing off to another country to pawn off things such as a priceless vase and large amounts of ruby jewelry. "You went to steal Lucio's arm and came back with an entire old woman?"

Julian blushed. "Yes."

The captain grinned at Mazelinka. "Welcome aboard. Devorak's outdone himself! We needed a lookout since Scurvy Boy left us this very morning."

Julian smirked and rummaged in his pockets. "Now, I don't want you to think I'd come back, ah, empty handed?" He held up a piece of carved gold on a short vibrant violet ribbon, a token of the shoulder rub he'd given Lucio. "Think one of Lucio's war metals will fetch a pretty price?"

The gathered crew cheered and clapped him on the back as he tossed it on the table. With luck, Lucio would blame the loss on a blacked out partying episode. Julian excused himself for some fresh air and leaned on the railing, sighing as he gazed up at the cloudy sky.

The first mate lounged next to him, grinning as the wind whipped their hair. "Say, Devorak- ever thought of getting an eyepatch? It'd look good on you."

Julian snorted. "That's HIGHLY unlikely."

[hraewordsmith]

making myself answer all 150 questions of an ask meme

because i can.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my mom 2. Are you outgoing or shy? depends on the situation. naturally shy 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my boyfriend, tomorrow :) 4. Are you easy to get along with? i mean yeah?  5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? absolutely. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? deep, loving people who are completely accepting. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? lol i’ve been in a four year relationship, so yeah 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend Leo 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? yeah 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? same bff 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “yeah” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? i’m so tired... by Lauv, Dark by Lael, Please by William Singe, 100 Bad Days by AJR, and Paris by Sabrina Carpenter 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? OH MY GOSH yes 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? i believe in miracles. luck? not so much. 15. What good thing happened this summer? i made a new friend 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yeah 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? not really 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? :)))) yeah he’s my boyfriend 19. Do you like bubble baths? ohhh yeah baby 20. Do you like your neighbors? yeah, i mean they’re quiet which is nice 21. What are you bad habits? picking at acne scabs, faking a smile 22. Where would you like to travel? London, England 23. Do you have trust issues? absolutely 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? washing my face  25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my thighs 26. What do you do when you wake up? lie in bed on my phone 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? no 28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend and boyfriend  29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? never had an ex YEET 30. Do you ever want to get married? absolutely 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes  32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?  lol no 33. Spell your name with your chin. fdzd 34. Do you play sports? What sports? no, actually 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV, no question 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yyyyep 37. What do you say during awkward silences? i start humming 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? the guy i’m with :) NEXT 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? any bookstore or craft store 40. What do you want to do after high school? LOL I’M ABOUT TO BE IN GRAD SCHOOL  41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yes, but not with me. 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? i am hiding something. 43. Do you smile at strangers? yes, they deserve it 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? bottom of the ocean 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? food or to pee 46. What are you paranoid about? losing the people i love 47. Have you ever been high? nope 48. Have you ever been drunk? nnnope 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? yeah probably 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? BLACK DARKNESS HOODIE 51. Ever wished you were someone else? yep 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my mental health 53. Favourite makeup brand? morphe, atm! 54. Favourite store? Barnes and Noble 55. Favourite blog? do i have to pick? 56. Favourite colour? teal blue 57. Favourite food? chocolate 58. Last thing you ate? chicken, cheesy rice, and potatoes 59. First thing you ate this morning? captain crunch cereal 60. Ever won a competition? For what? uhhhm not sure actually 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope, i was homeschooled so i don’t think that counts 62. Been arrested? For what? nope 63. Ever been in love? :))))) 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? you mean, to the 6 year old i used to babysit? 65. Are you hungry right now? mmm yeah 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? they are my real friends. invalid question. NEXT 67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? hehehehehehe nope 70. Names of your best friends? aislinn, nora, leo, katherine, andrew 71. Craving something? What? chocolate and sweet tea 72. What colour are your towels? blue and dark green 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? one and a body pillow 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? you know it 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? heckin lots. i used to have more. right now, 30+. 75. Favourite animal? kiwi bird 76. What colour is your underwear?  blue?? what kind of question 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? either dark dark chocolate or banana 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? white.... 80. What colour pants? black. why do you care so much about my clothes?? 81. Favourite tv show? the office 82. Favourite movie? pride and prejudice, 2005 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? haven't seen them 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? nope 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? also nope 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? THE BABY JELLYFISH 87. First person you talked to today? my lovely mama 88. Last person you talked to today? @mckellaraislinn 89. Name a person you hate? do i have to hate people? 90. Name a person you love? you, uwu 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? yep 92. In a fight with someone? not physically 93. How many sweatpants do you have? at least 15 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? OMG uh lots 95. Last movie you watched? Pride and Prejudice 96. Favourite actress? actually don’t know 97. Favourite actor? chris hemsworth 98. Do you tan a lot? not at all 99. Have any pets? fish named Taco and dog named Coco 100. How are you feeling? sick and sad  101. Do you type fast? oh yeah 102. Do you regret anything from your past? everything 103. Can you spell well? yeah i actually spell really well 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? everyone 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yep 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? ...in the romantic way, no.  107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep! 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 109. Is something irritating you right now? oh yeah 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah 111. Do you have trust issues? you already asked this but yeah 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Leo 113. What was your childhood nickname? **CLASSIFIED** cause y’all don’t know my first name 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yep! quite a bit 115. Do you play the Wii? i used to, quite a bit 116. Are you listening to music right now? no cause i’m on the phONE 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yee 118. Do you like Chinese food? YEE 119. Favourite book? The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 120. Are you afraid of the dark? nope 121. Are you mean? ...no??????? 122. Is cheating ever okay? absolutely not 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? ...i mean kinda 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no, i’m always skeptical 125. Do you believe in true love? absolutely 126. Are you currently bored? nope 127. What makes you happy? my friends and my dog 128. Would you change your name? i’d love to go by my middle name all the time 129. What your zodiac sign? Pisces 130. Do you like Subway? yeah but i can’t really eat it anymore 131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? OH HECK THANK GOD HE DOES NOT but we’d probably talk it out and stay friends 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Leo 133. Favourite lyrics right now? “i’m so tired of love songs, tired of love, just wanna go home...” 134. Can you count to one million? yes but I'm not gonna do it YEET 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? “i’m fine” 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 137. How tall are you? 5′1″ 138. Curly or Straight hair? straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette 140. Summer or Winter? winter 141. Night or Day? night 142. Favourite month? march cause my birthdAY 143. Are you a vegetarian? nope 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark 145. Tea or Coffee? coffee 146. Was today a good day? ...not really 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” 149. Do you believe in ghosts? nope 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Saturday?”

THIS WAS FUN AND TOOK FOREVER YEET THANKS FOR GETTING TO KNOW ME

[crazydazeymuses-archive]

Aislinn was on her way down to the lair, cutting through the garage where the Turtle Hauler and Turtle Taxi were to get there faster. She notices Ozzy’s car was also there, and she smiles, reaching into a bag. She slips a drawing for him onto his windshield wiper, then continues on. He’d been working very hard lately the past year, but things were starting to improve. Her Birthday was also tomorrow, so maybe he’d get a break and would be able to relax with her and everyone else. Lord knows he deserved it. And despite her busy schedule and momentary hesitation to be with them, she was doing better than she ever was before.

Seemed everything was getting back on track.

“ARE YOU KIDDIN’ ME, JONES?! I told ya ta watch where you park that stupid car’a yours!”

However, the sudden yell of an angry Raphael upon her arrival makes her blink. She steps in. Instead of Leo or Mikey, who was usually the source for some of Raph’s annoyed outbursts, it was the white blood cell cop. The two were up in each other’s faces, looking about ready to bite the other’s head off. Some of her other muses were present; Mikey and Donnie were off to the side and looked uncomfortable about the fight, and Leo was giving them a disapproving look from where he was meditating. Stanley was nervously watching, taking cover behind Donatello. Brooklyn was facepalming nearby, sighing and shaking his head. Spider-Man was ignoring from a wall nearby, reading the Bugle. Sonic was up relaxing on one of the rafters, picking his ear with his pinkie as he endured the quarrel with annoyance.

Now Ozzy would normally back down from the hothead’s rage a bit, and try to sweet talk his way out of it. This? It was NOT one of those times. The Chief had him working some major overtime, and had been knee deep in case files and such for the past two weeks. So he was more than a little irritated.

He was just looking to start a fight today.

“It was an accident! I SAID I was sorry, man! AND that I’d pay for the damage! It ain’t MY fault ya don’t park your bike right in there! I could’a avoided it easy if it wasn’t smack dab in th’middle’a th’room!!”

“OR ya could’a parked outside the garage! I know you ain’t got a GED, but I thought’chu’d at least be smart enough ta not make a dumb move like THAT! Nitwit!”

Ozzy’s angry look deepens at that crack at his intellect, poking his plastron.

“Whatchu say?!”

“Ah, jalapeña...”

Donnie notices Aislinn over them arguing, then comes over to her, Stanley following. He sensed her anxiety, and puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey Ais. Good to see you.”

“Hey Donnie. Um, shouldn’t we do something before this gets ugly?”

She smiles, jerking her thumb at the two hotheads. Donatello looks at them, then rubs his neck.

“Ah, that might not be the best idea. I wouldn’t get involved...”

Mikey sees her, then grins, coming over to hug her.

“He-Hey, it’s our soon-to-be-Birthday girl! 25, huh? Man, where does the time go?!”

She starts to accept the hug, but the two stop as the fight began to escalate. Stanley yelps a bit, now hiding back behind Donnie.

“Last I checked, you ain’t no genius eitha’ Shell Fer Brains! All you do is think with yo’ muscles and yo’ fuckin’ temper! Y’act tough an’ expect ev’ryone ta run from ya. ‘Ooh I got knives and I’m a beefed up ninja reptile! One punch and you dead!’ HA! I seen MUCH tougher in the precinct than you. Though not as ugly. If anything, you should pay for the dent I got cuz’a yo’ poor excuse fer a ride!”

At that Raph growls, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket. Jones shoves his arm away, then puts a fist up.

“Oh-ho-ho, yer just BEGGIN’ for it, ain’t’cha?! You betta’ write that check for my bike now or I’ll-!”

“Hands off, ya freakin’--!”

Leonardo had just gotten up when they started to get physical, but was beaten to the punch by Aislinn. He looks at her as she uses her hands to space them by their chests, surprised.

“Guys, ENOUGH!”

Raph stops immediately, also surprised by her sudden anger and bravery to cut in. He calms a bit, looking a bit ashamed. Ozzy eases back, but still glares. She looks at the cell firmly.

“Ozzy, I know you didn’t mean to wreck his bike, but maybe you should park out from the garage from now on. Just to--”

Ozzy looks at her in outrage, then chops a hand in Raph’s direction to gesture at him.

“You takin’ his side?!”

She looks at him in surprise, then feels a bit angry herself at that.

“I’m on no one’s side. But at least I have the decency to be humble and accept when I’m wrong in the argument, Ozzy.”

The overzealous cop scoffs, rolling eyes.

“Tch, yeah, I’m wrong. Not the first time I been told that. And later afta’ it turns out I’m right.

Like you ain’t any different from the people I have’ta deal with.”

Everyone suddenly looks up at this, alarmed by what was just said. Aislinn stares at him, mouth open. Even Ozzy himself seemed surprised by what escaped his mouth, now knowing he went too far. He tries to speak up and apologize.

“Ais. I didn’t mean--”

Her shock then changes to rage, and she comes over to get in his face, poking her own finger at his chest. Ozzy blinks, then backs up and his expression falters with each poke, his black pupils looking into green eyes that were filled with frustration.

And soon enough, tears.

“You’re so sure of that then? Then go. Walk away from me like every person who’s ever done it, if that’s how you feel. You don’t want me as a friend, who’s honest with you and has stood by you through EVERYTHING you have to go through? Fine. Be my freaking guest, Ozzy. If you don’t care, leave. I know how this ends. How this always ends.”

Ozzy frowns, brows sadly furrowing. She shuts her eyes, not wanting to look at him. He reaches for her.

“Ais--”

“I SAID GO!”

She turns away and sobs, running into Leonardo’s room. Everyone looks at Ozzy, just silent now. Raph gave him a dirty look, but shook his head and left to punch at his bag. Mikey looks at him sadly, then goes to hang in his room. Donnie heads back to his lab. After giving the cell a disappointed look, Leo goes in to see her and comfort her. Brooklyn glared, then left to rejoin his clan. Spider-Man frowned under his mask at Aislinn’s running off, then narrowed lenses at Ozzy. He grabs his web sack with his stuff in it and leaves. Sonic jumps down, gives Ozzy a look, then sighs and shakes his head before departing. Stanley leaves after looking at him in anxiety.

Guilt like never before began to well up in Ozzy’s nucleus. If he had heart strings, they’d be breaking right now at the sound of her sobs. God, he could just kick his own ass right now for what he just did. On the night before her Birthday, no less! He looks at the entrance to the blue masked turtle’s room, and takes a step, wondering if he should enter and apologize.

No...She wanted him to leave. That was probably the best option right now.

He turns away and looks down in shame and closes eyes, sliding hands into his jacket pockets. He exits, dragging his feet.

When he reaches the garage, he notices something on his windshield, and picks it up. It was a drawing of her giving the weary cop a hug, and him smiling and ruffling her hair in thanks. His guilt now felt like a ton of bricks.

He clutches the art a bit, now determined as he gets into his car.

Tomorrow he was going to make this right.

[claresedwards]

My babygirl 🥰

kate’s tv female characters: (updated)  2/50

↳ clare edwards

↳ degrassi 2001-2017

↳ “ i don’t want to take a break! a year ago i had cancer. and then i got better and i thought now, now you can live your life. and then i got pregnant! what was the point of any of this, if i was just gonna lose this stupid baby? take a break clare, the universe keeps telling me, but no! no, i will not take a break! not for this! not for that doctor! and not for that stupid car”

[swiftsgetawaycar]

NATIONAL PUMPKIN DAY FT. TAYLOR SWIFT’S PUMPKIN PATCH

So, apparently it’s national Pumpkin Day and in honour of that (and RFI’s MV coming out later one) I wanted to do The Pumpkins™ Explanation & Appreciation post. Starting noowwwwwwwww….!!

Okay, well, a while ago now, I was going about my daily Tumblr routine of reflagging and liking posts related to Her Majesty Queen @taylorswift when I stumbled upon a post about it be autumn and Red (2012) season. Being my fall-loving self, I reblogged the post with a comment and it then turned into something way bigger than mere Red appreciation. @spoookyswift whose post it was, messaged me and we very swiftly (wink wink) became friends. (Flora is my amazing pumpkin mama but we’ll come onto that in a bit!) She told me that she had just made a group chat and asked if I wanted to join, I jumped at the opportunity because I didn’t really have many swiftie friends, and after an annoying process trying to get a group me account, I was in!

Not long after I joined, we decided we needed a better name than “the group chat” because that’s not catchy at all and our girl @taylorswift would not appreciate our hook-less existence so we started talking about names and for a while it looking like it’d be #justiceformeredeth or 80% Gay Swifties (which we all still think is relevant tbh ahah) but THEN because we’re the people we are, we got into a heated discussion about whether The Nightmare before Christmas is indeed a Christmas movie or rather a halloween movie, our division led to Flora (our fearless leader) casually typing in “controversial pumpkins” and THAT WAS THE MOMENT I KNEW and I said “OMG THATS IT”. Then there were multiple more polls for voting on a name, my favourite of them all being ‘the gay pumpkins Meredith disapproved of, until we settled almost unanimously (there was one controversial pumpkin who voted against the name) on the Controversial Pumpkins™. Thus, the Pumpkin Patch was born and the 10 of us at the time quickly threw around “pumpkin” like Taylor uses “dude”.  So that’s how we got the name, but what the patch is and always has been even since it’s nameless days with only Meredith as our icon pic (what? It’s an ICONIC PICTURE OF MEREDITH!) is a place of love, joy and all-round positive vibes. It’s somewhere where we all can share stuff about ourselves free of judgement, a place where we can get advice about sticky situations we’ve stumbled into, somewhere safe enough for us to be honest and to know that there is a whole bunch of people with nothing but love and support for us. Yet, it’s also a place of endless joking around, meme-sharing and boy-hating. It’s a family of people from all across this crazy world who came together because of Taylor Alison Swift but have stayed together because of each other. I am so SO lucky to have these amazing people in my life, they bring me so much happiness and joy every single day and I have no clue what I’d do without them. In short, @spoookyswift, we owe you big time for choosing us to be a part of the secret session that is The Pumpkins™. Speaking of Flora……

Flora // @spoookyswift

My darling Flora, where do I even begin? Oh, wait, I know, with that time WE WERE BOTH IN TAYLOR SWIFT’S FUCKING LIVING ROOM LISTENING TO REPUTATION AND EATING COOKIES AND WE DID NOT KNOW WE WERE BOTH FUCKING THERE BECAUSE WE KEPT IT SO SECRET AND WERE STUPID PUMPKINS AND SO I’VE NEVER GOTTEN TO HUG YOUR PUMPKIN ASS?!?!?! (Yeah, I’m not still bitter or anything hhahahahhah) No, but seriously, you’re Mama Pumpkin and we have you to thank for The Pumpkins™, I will be forever grateful that you picked me to be a part of the patch and that ever since you’ve been the greatest friend a girl could ask for! You’re my snake buddy although you’re convinced you’re a bean we both know you’re just as snakes as I am!! YOUR TAYLOR’S PUMPKIN BITCH WHICH MAKES ME EXPLODE WITH JOY AS WELL AS KIND OF WANT TO HURT YOU BUT DW I WOULD NEVER! My weird heart loves you weird heart forever 💖

Ceci // @cats-and-wildest-dreams

CECI, YOU ARE THE LITERAL CUTEST! You went away for like 24hrs and I almost died from missing you!!! You are an absolutely GORGEOUS pumpkin and make me smile so hard on a regular basis. I know you think that Tay will never notice you but I promise that she loves you just as much as I do and you’ll get your moment with her even if I have to fly to Nashville myself and speak to Taylor Nation!!

Megan //  @sweetteaswift

My first memory of Megan is when she was chasing down a UPS truck in her Speak Now t-shirt to get a photo with it because it had Reputation on the side and my snap chatting her from the library where I was supposed to be studying advising her on how to get the girl the perfect shot. I think that basically describes our relationship since. Although, she’s the only pumpkin who has appreciated my dogs and I’m still waiting for her to get her Pumpkin butt on a plane to meet them!  SHE IS THE EXTRA PUMPKIN!

Nikki // @greysswifts

NIKKI IS MY GAY ASS AUNT AND IM NOT EVEN CLOSE TO SAD ABOUT IT!! Seriously, Nikki is our resident LGBT Pumpkin Queen and is always up for dragging boys like Taylor does in her songs, unapologetically and with all the dignity in the world. SHE HAS THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL and always brightens up the Pumpkin Patch. AND I WANT HER HANDLE COZ DAMN IT’S COOL! In short, I stan Nikki!

Aislinn // @theyhaventyet

Our lovely Canadian Pumpkin, Aislinn, WAS THE ORIGINAL CONTROVERSIAL PUMPKIN, I REPAT THE OG CONTROVERSIAL PUMPKIN WAS AISLINN!!!!! The first thing that comes to mind when I think of her is Thanksgiving and me talking to her about it because I LOVE CANADA and my boarding school experience happened there and that’s about me not her so back to Aislinn WHO IS THE BEST AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I WIL FIGHT ANYONE WHO HURTS HER PURE LITTLE CLOUD OF JOY ASS!

Ozge // @wildestgiraffe

OZGE! MY TURKISH PUMPKIN FLOWER BUTTON BALL OF POSITIVITY AND JOY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU’RE SO SWEET TO ALL OF US AND YOU MAKE THE PATCH SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO BE A PART OF AND I KNOW THIS IS ALL IN CAPS WITH NO PUNCTUATION BUT I JUST AM EXPLODING WITH LOVE FOR YOU!

Yolanda // @sadbeautifultragicswift

This genius invented the Speak Now Pumpkin™ karaoke challenge which has blessed us with so much pure happiness and the cutest and most gorgeous voices ever so THANK YOU GENIUS GODESS FOR THAT! You’re always so incredibly lovely to all of us and I appreciate that more than you know! ALSO, YOU KNOW LIKE EVERYTHING and I love your messages because they make me laugh as well as feel inadequate for having the memory of a donut! AND YOU ARE THE CALENDAR PUMPKIN AND WE APPRECIATE YOUR SERVICE FOR OUR COUNTRY!! I still laugh over how you didn’t realise I went to the SS and told me I “DIED DED” LOVE YOU - DON’T EVER CHANGE OKAY?!?!

Katie // @these-sick-beats

You are the cutest and I love you like a lot and thank you for being such a supportive and wonderful pumpkin! Although we haven’t chatted much you’ve been nothing but nice and you’ve kept secret my secret if you know what I mean!

Janessa // @fifth-harmony

Although you stan not just Queen Taylor, you’re a swift through and through! YOU ARE SO FUNNY AND KIND AND WE MISS YOU ON THE CHAT COME BACK BE (T)HERE!!

Julia // @fragileswiftie13

JULIA BLESS YOUR CONTROVERSIAL PUMPKIN HEART!! You’re amazing drawings for whatever-the-fuck-science-of-cells-is-called class started the whole donuts vs nuclei debate which I am happy to report ended in a CLEAR victory for donuts (or as Flora says Dough-nuts) but seriously, you’re such an amazing person who I’m lucky to have met, YOU LOOK GORGEOUS WITH YOUR BRACES ON I’LL PUNCH WHOEVER SAYS DIFFERENT! Please don’t ever forget how wonderful you are!!

Laura // @swiftslastkiss

FIRSTLY YOUR PIC WITH TAYLOR IS THE ABSOLUTE GREATEST TO EVER EXIST YOU LUCKY PUMPKIN!!! You’re such an incredible friend and your heart is pure goodness and I cannot wait for the day I get to hug you because you’re the best and the Patch would not be the same without you, you make us all better pumpkins!

Lina // @confesswift

THE VIOLENT PUMPKIN OF THE PATCH AND THE

Sarah // @thatwasthenightthingschanged

GERMAN PUMPKIN, you sent the funniest messages and your Red poll was iconic! Not to mention how GORGEOUS of a person you are inside and out! Also, you’re my name twin pumpkin because although I’m Sara (SAH-RA) people call me Sarah so much it may as well be my name aha!  you dragging

Sammy // @theswiftreputation

Steve Irwin Pumpkin, I’m so glad I met your Aussie pumpkin ass - we’ll have to become Roos on January 26th ahah and show the Patch a real party!!  YOU ARE AN AMAZING BEAUTIFUL PUMPKIN WHO DESERVES ALL THE GOOD IN THE WORLD AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! YOUR LITTLE LAMBY IS THE CUTEST EVER I JUST WANNA SNUGLLE UP WITH HER!! All my fingers are crossed that your march order gets to you problem free aha

Talia // @locketswifts

TALIA BABE YOU’RE AMAZING AND I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR BEING YOUR BEAUTIFUL PUMPKIN SELF! I LOVE YOU - ENOUGH SAID! 

Safira // @acciothirteen

I’m so relieved you’re NOT a kiwi despite living in NZ otherwise there would’ve been some interesting sport related convos aha! BUT the minute your username came up in conversation I knew I’d like you and you haven’t proven me wrong! You’re sure sweet and smart and I LOVE HAVING YOU IN THE PACTH KIDDO!

Emily // @enchanteds

FAMOUS KERMIT GIRL TURNED INTO PUMPKIN YOU’VE BEEN IN THE CHAT FOR LIKE 3 DAYS AND I ALREADY ADORE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE THE BEST PERSON EVER! LONG LIVE YOUR KERMIT MEMES AND YOUR INCREDIBLE ICON

Dacia // @fifteenmp3

YOU ARE ALSO NEW BUT FABULOUS! YOU’VE MADE ME SMILE SO MUCH OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS, YOU FIT INTO THE PATCH PERFECTLY, IT’S LIKE YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN A PUMPKIN AND WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Thank you for existing!

Morgan // @teylors

ANOTHER NEW PUMPKIN WHO I LOVE AND WHO LOVES TREE!! YOU ARE ALSO FAMOUS TUMBLR THAT WE TRIED REALLY HARD TO ACT COOL FOR AND I’M SURE BY NOW YOU’VE REALISED ‘COOL’ ISN’T HOW MOST PEOPLE WOULD DESCRIBE US BUT WE’RE ALL COOL ASS PUMPKINS IN THE PATCH! YOUR KERMIT POSTS ALSO MAKE MY DAY AND I’M GLAD THAT YOU AND EMILY PROVIDE A LITTLE GREEN AMONGST ALL THE ORANGE!

Okay, I think that’s the whole patch and if not, I AM SO SORRY PUMPKIN I PROMISE IT’S NOT BECAUSE I DON’T LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU MY BRAIN IS JUST NON-FUNCTIONING A LOT OF THE TIME!!!

In conclusion, seeing as this has turned into an essay, these people make my day every day. I am so very lucky to have them in my life and everytime I see I have notifications from our chat I automatically smile. MY HEART IS FULL OF LOVE FOR MY PUMPKINS - IMMA SLUT FOR ALL OF YOU!! So, dear Pumpkins, thank you so very much for these past few months and for allowing me somewhere to be understood, laughed with not at and loved for my weird and wild ways. I LOVE YOU GUYS. THANK YOU ALSO TO OUR QUEEN, LORD AND SAVIOUR @taylorswift FOR OWNING ALL OUR ASSES IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THUS MAKING US FAMILY!

14 DAYS TILL THE PUMPKINS DIE BUT HEY, RIGHT NOW WE’RE THE LUCKY ONES!

LOVE FROM ALL MY PUMPKIN HEART,

Sar xxx

[neechoudai]

OSTER project, Jin, nem ?

Send me a Vocaloid producer and I’ll respond with my opinion of them and/or my favorite song

OSTER project

[answered]

Jin

I heard there’s some new Jin content going on but that’s all I know. I just know Kagepro is Iconic and honestly I have fond memories of showing my old roommates Kagerou Daze the first time. I’ve never seen the D: emoji so accurately displayed on a human in my life. and then there was the one who was used to my antics.

Anyway: it’s amazing to see how far this artist has come, even making it so their content is in the US! I have been collecting the entire manga and light novel series (doesn’t hurt that it’s my favorite publishers!! hell yeah shoutout to yen press for being awesome)

I love the sound of the songs and how it can sound so different and yet so similar. You feel? yeah the tuning isn’t great but you can’t have everything–and the human versions are pretty good too! i like LiSA’s rendition of headphone actor a lot (i mean i just love her voice in general buT STILL)

i think the ideas in kagepro are super interesting even tho it can be supremELY confusing at times. i’m still not as deep into it as i could be and i fondly remember y’all getting me into it.

songwise, it’s hard to pick since they all mesh together so well. i have a soft spot for the Momo songs tho.

ALSO i just wanna share two anecdotes. first, it’s amazing how much mekakucity merchandise is sold at the kinokuniya at the japanese supermarket. impressive. i would have thought it was kinda rare but it seems pretty popular!

Secondly: the other day I went to see Groundhog Day, the Broadway show based on the hit comedy movie involving a time loop, with my best friend. it was 8/16, the day after Haze Day. that was funny enough, but it turned out right down the street in plain view from the line to get into the show was a laundromat called Jin’s Cleaners and I just LOST IT and i’m still amused by the irony. also it literally just hit me that it’s also directly across the street from Cats and why is this so amusing to me. that’s the funny jin anecdote so yes

Nem

ok i literally wonder on a regular basis what this poor person would think if he saw the disaster his songs have released upon my life. I wonder how he would react to know that his song has singlehandedly propelled me into a life of being cursed by japanese mythical spirits. insert damn you len meme here.

in all serious i’m honestly a bit grateful? as much as i complain i do very much enjoy the fun times i’ve had in the Baku Discourse and with the Baku Squad. It’s always hilarious and i joke WAY too much about The Curse. it’s affected me too much and also i honestly kinda regret nothing. plus i wouldn’t have my precious daughter aislinn and i can’t see my life without ais or my intense passive aggression towards dapper clothing. y’all don’t even KNOW.

as for Nem in general, i love the way he tunes his lens. there was a reason it took so long for me to get baku out of my top 25 most played songs on itunes. and yes i’m 100% serious that i literally haven’t listened to it since I HAVE PASSIONATE SPITE OK I CAN’T GO BACK ON MY WORD I HAVE A REPUTATION

it’s interesting to see a len that’s in a lower key and i like that about nem. and it’s interesting to see len paired with not-rin all the time. give gumi the spotlight, she deserves it. yes, i definitely do have a soft spot for ah, it’s a wonderful cat life. that’s a definite fave by Nem. other than that, super hero is another Quality Song and peter and jenny is cute too

but yes, obligatory honorable mention to all the songs he’s created that ended up causing me hilarious and amusing misery lol.

i just imagine the poor guy learning english and coming across my blog and being like “why does this random american girl hate my song so much”

it’s a long story, Nem. i don’t blame you at all. but it’s a long story and you probably don’t want to know. tho i will admit i’m grateful for the friends i’ve made and the bonds that have formed because of these songs you made. and for the inspiration for ocs i adore and only half-regret torturing so much.

and i would be lying if i said i never imagined him coming across ais and writing a canon baku slayer song. it wouldn’t happen but i’ve had many random imagines that will never happen in my life. just LET ME DREAM

(badum-tshhh i had to add a pun in there somewhere lol)

[sleepy-grandpa-blog]

Kissing Booth Ch. 2

Summary: "I paid and now I think I deserve my kiss. I'm the one who is following the rules. It is you who has to meet the end of the bargain." He said, his warm breath fanning over her face as he spoke, thumbs rubbing circles on the exposed skin that made Lucy suck in her breath. "I am going to kiss you now." He announced, brushing his lips temptingly over Lucy's. Rating: T Note: I didn't think it'd be a year since I last updated. I had been going through a lot of crap. I'm sorry. Also I am writing this while I have a concussion. Rip. I read this over so many times, but I feel like I missed something. Sorry if this chapter was so horrible. ):

"Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me quick." (:)(A)(:) Kissing Booth Chapter Two: Annoyance (:)(A)(:)

"You kissed Natsu Dragneel." "Stop reminding me." "You, kissed Natsu Dragneel." "Please say it again, I didn't hear you after the seventh time." "You kissed Natsu Dragneel." "I didn't actually mean for you to say it again." "You kissed Natsu Drag—" "WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT ME KISSING DRAGNEEL?" Lucy snapped—developing a pink tinge in the face from either embarrassment or shame. She didn't know, maybe both. Mira had immediately put up the 'On Break' sign for the kissing booth and dragged Lucy to one of the nearest tables to spill everything. "Who's kissing who now?" A smooth, deep voice piped in. Lucy saw disheveled onyx-coloured hair out of the corner of her eye. She instantly knew who it was. Gray Fullbuster. One of her best friends, no matter how annoying he could be with his...exhibitionist problem. Lucy grumbled, "No one." The blonde narrowed her eyes as he took a seat at their table. "Hello to you too." He replied back. "Hey, Gray!" Mira giggled, maybe she wouldn't tell him. Lucy was wrong for Mira's creepy smile took place on her face once again. "And she kissed Natsu!" She exclaimed excitedly, waving her arms. Ultramarine coloured eyes widened in disbelief. He bounced his attention back and forth between Mira and Lucy. "W-wait...what?" Gray locked onto Lucy. The blonde flinched under his gaze, refusing to look into his eyes. "You kissed Natsu?! As in Natsu Dragneel!" Thanks, Mira. Lucy thought bitterly. "It's not like it's a big deal or anything." she barked. Except for the fact that he stole your first kiss. "Not a big deal?" Gray repeated, knitting his brows together. "Lucy, you gave your first kiss to some guy. Natsu to be exact! The guy who can barely even tie his own shoes!" He cried. Lucy rolled her eyes. "It was one time, and it's not going to happen again. Ever." She would make sure of it. "Anyway," Lucy continued, "It's Mira's fault. She's the one who forced me to help with that damn booth. I really wanted to help with the dunk tanks." Gray shot the white-haired girl a look, "Dammit, Mira! You told me that Gramps decided to change her job!" "I did!" Mira fired back, "But that may have been a white lie." She grinned sheepishly. "White lie my ass!" "I was only trying to help Lucy have fun and be social!" "Because kissing random strangers is fun!" "Well—" Lucy decided this was a perfect opportunity to escape. Quietly, she slipped away while her two friends continued to shout at each other. Honestly, those two could be a handful. With Mira's forceful matchmaking and Gray's overprotectiveness, it was just too much at times. She wanted to find a nice and quiet place to read—but she forgot her book back at the booth, so she settled for just exploring the entire fair. There was a bigger turn out to this year's fair than all the other years Lucy had been a part of helping. This year, the Rainbow Cherry Tree would finally be on display. Fairytail really outdid it this year. Lucy hummed a tune softly to herself as she walked towards the magic shop. The sign in front of the tent's entrance read, "Do you believe Fairies have tails?" Magic was a weird concept to her and yet, she believed it. Lucy went inside the shop to see beautiful jewelry. "Hello, beautiful young lady!" A short old man cried from behind the counter. "I am so glad you decided to grace my dear shop with your presence." Lucy felt a bit uncomfortable. "Uh, hello." And then a beautiful gold key caught her attention. She walked closer to it, a glass barrier keeping her from holding the beauty. It was pure gold with the zodiac symbol of Leo the Lion emblazed on the heart shape top. It reminded her so much of— Well... It reminded her of the keys her mother used to collect. "I see this specific key caught you attention!" The old man said, big nose nearly poking her eye out as he stood on his stool, leaning in close to her. "I tell you something about these keys." He looked around the tent to see if there was anyone around. "They're magical." Lucy bit the inside of her cheek. "These keys are a sign of good luck. Each zodiac will protect you, but only if you have their key." "So they're like guardian angels or something?" Lucy questioned. The old man smiled, "Something like that. Most people don't believe in the magic, but—" "LUCY!" "LUCY WHERE ARE YOU?!" Lucy flinched, hearing the voices of Gray and Mira. "Uh, I have to go." Lucy rushed out of the shop. Why was she running from them again? She didn't know, she just didn't want to be harassed about the kiss anymore. Lucy went back down the path she came from, but paused when she saw Mira's white hair and Gray's concerning blue eyes. Ultramarine blue locked onto caramel brown. Lucy cursed under her breath as Gray got Mira's attention—both walking towards her. Lucy flung herself into the crowd, hoping to blend in. It wasn't hard, it wasn't like she was the only brown-eyed blonde in all of Magnolia. Lucy lost her attention on where she was going, instead she rammed hard into something. Lucy stumbled back, and if it wasn't for a strong arm that wrapped around her waist, she would have fell flat on her ass. She opened her eyes about to say thank you, but her breath stopped, and she could only mutter out. "Y-you." Natsu grinned, pulling her a bit closer. "Hey, Luigi." He whispered. She had to admit, he was pretty attractive, now that she got a close look at him. Cheeks chiseled, tall, tan and muscular, and suddenly pink looked good on him. His deep green eyes looked at her with an amused glint. "Are you checking me—" "Dammit, I just saw her." Lucy pulled herself out of her trance, grabbing his wrist to yank him, "Shit, come on." Lucy pulled him behind one of the big booths, and pressed against it. Only poking just her head out to see if they had left. "Ya know, about that kiss—" Natsu began. "Shh!" Lucy snapped at him, watching her friends' movements closely. Soon they had turned and gone in the other direction. Lucy sighed loudly, pressing her back against one of the poles. "Sorry about that." She murmured, eyes looking everywhere but his. She went to push off the pole but Natsu had stopped her. "What?" She asked innocently. "As I was sayin'—" Natsu trapped her with his body. One hand above her head and the other gripping her waist, strongly. His lips barely grazed hers as he grinned playfully, "We got interrupted before." He pressed his lips firmly against hers. His other hand coming down to grab the other side of her waist. "Allow me to make it up to you...Luigi." He murmured on her lips. And once again. She found herself being kissed by Natsu Dragneel.

Note 1: Once again I am so sorry for updating after a year. So I'm sorry if this chapter sucked. Note 2: I am working on the next chapter as you are (probably) reading this. Note 3: Other stories will be updated (hopefully) shortly. Note 4: I did say I was inconsistent, lol. Note 5: It would mean so much to me if you left a review. How much did you miss this story? Note 6: See ya my dudes, and remember: You are loved! —Aislinn-Black

First Chapter: 1

[claresedwards]

My girl who I miss :)

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

okay so I’ve had A Month(tm), but through the shitstream, I’ve gotten a drop of joy. one of my best friends let me know about this app which lets you watch tv/movies for free in exchange for a couple ads. it’s not that great, most of the shows are old or duds - BUT, what it did have....

was degrassi.

for those of you who don’t know, degrassi was my first Big Kid Fandom. I literally have not watched an episode in roughly seven years, so I thought it’d be fun to go down memory lane. and OH MAN, do I have some thoughts. so strap on your helmets kids, here we go!

first off, eli and clare, oh god. eclare was my first ever ship; the first writing fanfiction, squealing during scenes, all the stuff. and man, I remember these scenes so well. I’d initially forgotten a lot of it, but once I watched it it came right back - especially all the banter and lines (‘twist my rubber arm, girlfriend.’ ‘could you be any more annoying?!’ ‘absolutely!’). though honestly, a lot of those I don’t remember so much from the show, but bc they were quoted all the time in fanfics LOL it was just so much fun seeing them again.

I mean, it is a little more....contrived then I remember it being. like that scene when eli and clare are on The Bench and she’s pushing him to get him to scream like she did; watching it as a teen I thought it was so cute, but now it’s like, it felt so....rehearsed. not that aislinn and munro don’t have chemistry, but you could definitely tell that they were, you know, acting

a lot of it feels that way. like the banter they have; it’s very much....set up, to be that way; not as seamless as some shows have it. it’s basically, clare says her Uptight But With A Bit Of Sting sentence and then eli comes back all ‘well here’s my smarmy remark to either make you laugh or roll your eyes’ tacked on with a smirk and like...it’s not Good but I love it.

I mean, the whole thing was dumb - was clare an annoying kind of dislikeable girl and eli a smarmy asshole and the whole thing overall a bad trope? absolutely. did I eat it with a fucking spoon when I was 15 years old? ABSOLUTELY

now, onto adam. adam! my beloved son who deserved so much fucking better then this show. I’ve been saying it for years already but it’s become no so more clear then through this rewatch. he was such a great character and they just...did nothing with him.

firstly, they don’t give him like, any plotline outside of being trans. literally everytime they involve adam as a main character it revolves around that. and sure, being not-cis does make it so your gender does come up in every day life, but not THIS often - it’s enough that he just becomes a trope, the Trans Character. the reason he got beat-up? bc he was trans. the reason becky or fiona or whatever girl didn’t like him? bc he was trans. the reason he couldn’t just do a Fucking Radio Show at school? bc his partner was a transphobe. like, they just won’t give him a normal plotline any of the other characters are granted. why can’t it be that adam had an argument with one of his friends? or that he’s worried about a grade or college admissions? like, he’s still A PERSON. GIVE HIM SOMETHING ELSE. I’M TIRED OF EVERY SINGLE ASSHOLE AT DEGRASSI BEING TRANSPHOBIC TO HIM JUST BC THE WRITERS COULDN’T BE ASKED TO STEP OUT OF THE BOX.

this poor man...he’s the eternal third wheel. eli and clare, imogen and fiona, ali and dave, drew and bianca - like, he CANNOT catch a break. this is his curse to bear from the writers and I feel his anguish.

it often feels to me that he cares way more then the ppl around him care about him. he’s always helping his friends with their boyfriend/girlfriend issues, there to support his brother in his troubles, always lenient and understanding when ppl flub on trans issues, literally GETTING SHOT for someone he loves - but rarely do ppl pull through for him. the only thing I can think of is eli protecting him from fitz. and I’m mad for him about it.

‘seriously you guys wanna see my scar again?!’ adam I love you so much

in 2010, when he first showed up, it was big to have a trans character - but there’s so much they failed on. not showing him exploring resources to make him feel more secure, displaying dangerous ways to bind - like, he didn’t get a proper binder until three seasons in????? hello????? and like...him talking to becky’s dad, saying he’s totally open to talk and answer questions about being trans...I almost wanted to cry bc he was just doing it all alone. there wasn’t anyone there to help him or vouch for his gender identity and he’s only a kid and he gets shovelled SO MUCH shit for it and it just makes me so sad.

and then they GO AND KILL HIM!!! they just kill him!!!! they tote him around for a couple season doing fuck all and then they murder my boy!!!!! and they don’t even do it well!!!!! I didn’t watch the episode bc I knew I would bawl, but from my information it was a fucking car crash of all things!!! he couldn’t even have a dignified death that made sense!!!!! they fucking threw it away just like they threw away his whole character for all four seasons!!!!!

I know none of this matters but like....adam was big for me, as he was the first trans character I ever saw. he was one of the segways that helped me in knowing about queerness which then helped me in discovering my own identity and although it’s all trivial I just wish they’d given him more. if not for the character, but then for all the queer kids watching him. now, even if it wasn’t through transphobic means, he’s just another dead trans character.

anyway, onto other lighter things

this thing with fitz and eli and everything...like it’s so funny to me bc they built it up so much only to just drop it LOL like where’d he go???? what happened to fitz??? he came back and then eli had a breakdown and then they just....never spoke of him. so many questions.

speaking of eli and his mental state....I’m torn on how they showed his bipolar disorder. on one hand, I can understand what they were trying to do and show it with dignity and it’s nice that they let him get better, but other times they really..fell into stereotypes. like when eli comes back, tries to apologise to jake but it doesn’t go well, and then he starts throwing and hitting things?? the second it goes awry, he goes a little bizerk then reigns it in - I dunno, it just feels like they were really playing on the anger/emotional stereotype (I’m no bipolar expert through, so take this with a grain of salt).

also, with jake - what a good ol’ dude LOL it’s so funny bc in the beginning when eclare had broken up and he was with clare, all us eclare fans were so pissed and we made fanfics where he was an absolute jackass or just straight up abusive, but he’s like..just a nice guy. good on im’ (also, anyone remember the jake x fried chicken thing? that was a weird moment in time).

soundtrack wise, degrassi has some good ones. I still remember, and listen to, ‘the good life’ and ‘better with you’ which were, of course, staples from eclare’s first episode. but when watching the one where eclare + adam throw that surprise party in the old church, I was pleasantly surprised to hear a day to remember! my favourite band; ‘if it means a lot to you’ specifically, their biggest song. this was also right around the time I first found them and started listening. there’s nothing to this really, it was just a nice surprise.

clare’s the last character I loved. I still do like her, and in some ways, when I was 15 and shy and closeted, I sorta saw myself in her (as well as finding her extremely pretty without any concern over that LOL), so when ppl said she was annoying or whiny I got mad in her defensive, but now....she is kinda annoying LOL I can see it; she’s one of the characters who kinda got worse in the later seasons. but I’d still vouch for her at the end of the day.

(sidenote: it wasn’t just that clare’s personality got a bit worse, but her wardrobe too...? she had a really nice, suiting wardrobe in s10 and then they just started putting her in blazers???? why did they do this?? she looks like she’s pushing thirty.)

watching teen shows as an adult is interesting bc when I was younger I totally believed the characters ages, but now watching it I’ll see someone and I’m like ‘.....that’s clearly a 23 year old’ (it’s like watching gilmore girls, in the early chilton seasons; I’ll see a background character and it’s clear that they’ve just got a fully 26-year old man, stuck him in a school outfit and like, sent him on his way.

s10 will always be my favourite, just for nostalgia sake probably, and I used to say that they show got worse the further it went on, but now, I see the later seasons did bring a lot in character development. they really honed in on a lot of them and so by s13, characters who I never glanced at had become my favourites. like, I don’t think anyone liked bianca until they finally gave her depth outside of being the ‘school slut’ and it gave more to fiona too, outgrowing that ‘rich girl’ stereotype and showing her good heart (helping eli with the play, rigging the election to help him win back clare, fitting bianca for her dress, like fiona actually has a really sweet heart).

and imogen! how could I forget! imogen, that ridiculous weirdo, playing water glasses at her band audition and smiling over tiny quiches and sticking tampons in her nose...I love her so much and she deserved so much more then being brought on as an accomplice to eli’s relationship angst.

also!! the app I was using didn’t have the first cabin episode! not that I enjoyed that segment by ANY means, but what it DID have was the first (and only?) time bianca and clare interacted and that was fucking gold. and I’m mad that I didn’t get to see those such polarized characters interact again AND that the creators didn’t invest in what could’ve been an amazing dynamic (in my heart of hearts, there still lives a fanfic where clare spends the night over at adam’s house while bianca’s there and they end up having to share a room and surprise bond with each other over the fact that the patriarchal means that runs highschool culture makes it so both of them are mocked around their choices with sex - bianca frowned upon for having it ‘too much’ and clare for not having any - and it blossoms into a beautiful friendship).

also eli making the play about a romance between two guys just to piss of a homophobe lmao we love to see it. what an ally. (becky actually did kinda grow on me but at that point she was just a homophobe so it’s funny).

I was gunna say something about why is dave a character bc all he does is continue be kind of an asshole (with some redemption cycles) but this is coming right on the heel’s of jahmil’s death (rip) so I’ll just leave that one

the one man on that show that they should get rid of is dallas and fiona should’ve just straight up killed him the second he continued to hit on her

eclare was always my main bag but I did love fimogen quite a bit. they were so cute and it still bums me out that they had to break up.

also clare’s cancer storyline........how do you know a show has given up on writing for a character when they get the Cancer Storyline.

however, her thing with asher..it was still sad when I was young but now as an adult it’s even sadder to me bc that’s a child. she’s just 16 and is so upset, crying that she must’ve done something to provoke him or that she made him mad when it’s not her fault and I am so upset for her. and you know, this was kinda big then, 2013 - way before the 2017 movement and way before ppl were talking about sexual assault in mainstream media much. I can’t actually remember what happened (this is where I started to skip around in my rewatch) but I hoped she kicked his ass.

that’s all I really wanted to say so I’ll just skip to eclare’s last scene (I stopped watching when clare’s cancer thing started and I really had no interest to watch it, so here we are).

firstly, I actually did know they had a last scene and stayed canon bc I had a friend check for me way back when they episode aired bc I was scared to - but I had no idea what actually went down. and I have! so! many! feelings!

for starters, they just look so different!!! eli, fucking eli goldsworthy who started with his guyliner and acid stained emo jeans and fucking hearse, looking so...normal. hair no longer dyed and naturally curly, clothes with colour..he just looks more calm and at home in himself which I loved. and clare, her face fuller where you can clearly see she’s aged out of that baby face she had in s10, her short hair, she’s changed so much too.

‘did anyone ever tell you you have pretty eyes?’ I’M GUNNA CRY

the fact that eli is all supportive of clare going out without him to do some self-exploring like !!!!!!! this is the eli who was so bogged down mentally that he went manic and crashed his car bc he thought clare was leaving him, was always fearful of losing her somehow, now knowing that it’s okay for her (and him) that she go and learn on her own and being secure enough in their relationship that it’ll turn out...we love to see growth!!!!

‘if I love you now, just imagine how much I’ll love the person you become’ I’d be lying if I said I didn’t tear up during this; he just!!!!! loves her so much!!!!!!! it’s such a pure and lovely line and I love this for them

just, considering where they started and all the troubled waters they’ve gone through and now they’re reached a stable place where they actively want to stay together and work on staying together I’m so happy!!!! they’re each other’s lobsters!!! I always knew it I’ve been saying it for years!!!!!

tldr:...this was really fun for me. I know I’m blathering on and everything but, honest to god, this was my teenagerhood. it really was. and eclare was such a big part of that. it introduced me to fandom life and fandom friends, to fanfiction (I still remember the very first eclare fic my friend sent me on FFnet, and the many others I read bc a lot of them were very well done and memorable) and so much else. was degrassi a tropey, over-dramatic, not-always-well-written show? totally. and as much as I make fun of it, I wouldn’t give up my time spent on it for anything.

thanks for the years, degrassi. it’s been a blast.

edit: okay so I tried the end of the last season, s14, just out of curiosity, and let me say, whatever zoe and grace have going on....I’m so here for this. it’s like eclare 2.0. cheery, sweet, (mostly) rule abiding with a slight stubborn streak character meets emo/goth sarcastic character who pretends to roll their eyes at character a but secretly loves their light and believes in their talents? I love it (they’ve also got a lot of laura/carmilla vibes). I’m cheering them on and I hope they make it (sadly, the app doesn’t give me anything past s14).