#my friend knows adam as mr poop hand man

[yamithediaperdork]

My Little Brothers revenge Part 1

My little brothers revenge

The Hickman's were for the most part a average middle class family. both the parents worked and they had two children.

A 12 year old named Justin who had natural blond hair in a brush cut though he currently had it dyed indigo blue to go with his icy blue eyes. He had a jock's build (well as much as one could have at that age) and wasn't scared to use his physical power to his advantage.

his little brother Alex was short for his age and was always being mistaken for a 6 year old or worse when he was 9 and a half. He had red hair that went down to his shoulders and he kept in a pony tail and his checks were sprinkled with freckles.His slim body meant he was last to be picked for any sports though unlike his brother he was a strait A student and actually sometimes had to help his older brother with his homework, a fact that neither of them enjoyed.

It was their mother Anne (who Alex took after in appearance) who insisted that he help his big brother and it always ended with Justin pissed off and Alex hanging from a bed post by his sponge bob underoo's.

Their father who Justin took after in appearance refused to believe his little all star could be such a bully and so it was usually left to Alex to figure out a way to hold his own or go and whine to their mother, getting him labeled a mama's boy.

Still all brothers fight, it was just a fact of life and it might of all just gone this way with them being a semi happy family till the day the bully of a big brother took things a step too far and Alex decided that Justin had to be put in his place once and for all.

Alex had been hanging out with his friends Saturday afternoon, playing video games in the living room and having semi pissed off Justin who had wanted to watch a movie with HIS friends.

But mom and dad made sure that the TV time was shared and that both boys got a block of time and with their parents just down the block, Justin knew better then to try and strong arm them out.

Said friends were Kyle and Lyle, twins from down the block who had a semi creepy habit of finishing each others sentences and had light caramel skin and black hair in matching mushroom cuts. it was easy enough to tell them apart as by a semi quick of fate Lyle had brown eyes while Kyle had green.

Missing in action because he'd gone fishing with his dad was Max, anther shrimp who had dirty blond hair in a short Mohawk (his attempt to look cool which had backfired) and was so white he looked pale most of the time.

being shrimps themselves they had hit it off well with Alex and had formed a semi losers club of sorts, though Alex wasn't found of the name the twins who loved anything Steven king had insisted and he was out voted 2 to 1 since Max had joined the group after.

the boys were doing a retro gaming session of sorts, playing downloaded old games on a new machine and the game of choice for the moment was Ninja turtles two.

"Man, this game is so bad.." Lyle spoke up, playing as Leonardo.

"That it's almost good!" Kyle finished and was playing as Ralph.

"heh, that the fun part of these old games..you know they were giving it their all but just were limited." Alex said.

all three of them were seated on the hard wood floor of the living room though they had spread out a blanket since despite the chill of the October air his parents had refused to turn on the heat yet.

the twins nodded and Alex went to say something else when he hear the booming footsteps of his brother then a familiar stink hit his nose.

'No way, he wouldn't!' Alex thought.

"Hey Little Alexandra, Didn't mom tell you to toss out your pissy wet diapie when you got changed this morning? It's bad enough your a bed wetter, do you have to leave your soggy huggies around?" Justin asked.

and indeed Justin was holding out a totally soaked Spider-man print diaper in front of him, holding it with just a finger and his thumb and holding his nose.

Behind him were his friend Adam (Nicknamed grizz or grizzly because of his girth and wildly unkempt brown hair) and Rayne, actually a year younger then the other two but a head taller and so very, very much stupider. Rayne kept his head shaved because he thought it made him look more like the pro wrestlers that he so so loved.

"is that-" Lyle asked, pausing the game and turning to look.

"-A diaper?" Kyle finished, raising a eyebrow.

"JUSTIN! Mom told you not show people those! and I DID toss it out!" Alex huffed and whined, his cheeks going crimson then adding. "And DON'T call me Alexandra!"

"Whatever you say pamper pisser. Look, I went to go into our room to get something and was assaulted by the stink of your bed wetter pants." Justin said and then tossed the soggy thing at Alex, hitting him in the face and knocking him over.

the truth was Alex KNEW he'd tossed the diaper out this morning, he wasn't allowed to toss his very much needed bed time diapers out in the house trash because Dad and Justin would raise a fuss about it stinking up the house and he'd had to wait five minutes because the paper boy had stopped to talk to Mr. Johnson next door.

"JUSTIN GROSS!" Alex whined and sat up, whining and now smelling like stale pee.

"Whatever dork, go and toss your diaper out then take a shower..me and the guys are gonna start our movie early. Wonder twins, I'm sure you don't wanna stick around and hang out with a pamper packer like my little brother right?" Justin said.

"Hey! Leave him alone!" Lyle huffed and went to put a supportive hand on Alex's shoulder, but then pulled it back.

he was with his friend but that didn't mean he wanted to get any of the ick on him.

"What he said! Everyone matures differently! Heck, Lyle only just stopped needing a night light this year!" Kyle said, then pout his hands over his mouth as his brother glared at him.

"...Pfffftt BWHAHAHAHAHA!" all three big bullies broke into gut busting laughter.

"I'm not the one who has to suck on a pacifier during thunder storms!" Lyle shot back and blew a raspberry at his twin who huffed and glared.

the bullies naturally were loving it as the twins only dug themselves in deeper and Alex just face palmed.

"Guys, you're NOT helping yourselves." He pointed out.

"Oh my god, it's a group of BABIES! No wonder they all get along!" Grizz laughed, slapping his leg.

"I bet their next sleep over is gonna have them in a crib." Rayne added.

"Alright pamper packers, out of the living room, this movie is PG 13 and I don't want you all blorting your pants when something scary happens. Wonder twins, get your asses home. Alexandra, go take a shower AFTER you toss out your pissy diaper." Justin said, unable to believe just how well all of this had worked out.

"Whatever jerk.." Alex huffed and got up.

he saw his friends off though the twins were still semi huffing and fighting, shoving each other as the walked away and Alex got his wet diaper tossed out without anyone seeing him.

as he went upstairs and got his shower ready one thing was on his mind.

'This means war. I'm gonna make him feel EXACTLY how embarrassing being seen in diapers around your fiends is.' Alex vowed to himself.

Ok, he had no idea HOW he was going to do so, but while Justin may of won the first battle, it was going to be Alex who won the war and prove his Brain's out did his brother brawn.

The movie was going about as well as could be expected since they had to keep pausing it to have anther laugh at just how dorky Alex and his friends were.

Of course Rayne and Grizz had known for awhile (even if Justin technically wasn't suppose to of told them) about Alex being a diaper filler. (and he might of exaggerated what all Alex used his diapers for)

Maybe a SMALL part of Justin had felt sorry for Alex being humiliated like that in front of his friends, but Grizz had actually come up with the idea and he didn't wanna look like a pussy in front of the guys.

Besides with it coming out that the twins were just as big of dorks as his little brother any real guilt had vanished and he toyed with the idea of dragging out Alex's old play pen out of the basement for the next time he had all his dorky friends over.

'heh, get some pacifiers to shut'em up..put them all in Alex's diapers and take lots of pictures. boom, homework and chore bitches till I graduate.' Justin thought with a smirk and chuckled.

"what's so funny? Oooo and I know that look. Someone's had a evil thought." Grizz asked.

"Heh.. How would you guys feel about making some diapered nerds do our homework for us?" Justin asked.

"well, could be funny, but where are we gonna find some?" Rayne asked.

"..." Grizz roiled his eyes

"...Rayne buddy just smile and listen." Justin said semi sweat dropping.

"I can do that!" Rayne said with a big toothy grin.

Shaking his head Justin started to explain his evil plan, and his friends laughed and chuckled, and were MORE then on board.

Getting out of the shower and drying off, Alex got dressed in a pair of black jogging pants and a t-shirt then sat on his bed with his laptop.

He tried different google searches trying to figure out just how to get his brother back in diapers but for the most part it ended up giving him story link's that he bookmarked to look over later and see if there was anything usable.

He did find a forum called little brothers revenge and it had some really wicked ideas for the most part, but only two threads popped up when he searched for diaper.

the first one was clearly bull with it talking about how this kid had pooped in a diaper and hide it in his big brothers room and gotten the big brother in trouble (and even if it wasn't, Alex would hold off crapping himself as a weapon of last resort.)

the other thread was old, and had been posted just before Christmas of last year and had a little brother talk about how he had set his brother up to look like he wanted diapers for Christmas and his dad had fallen for it, and so had the rest of the family.

Of course there was a lot of disbelief in the read over that and one guy commented 'pics or your full of shit!'

As Alex scrolled down, he pretty much thought the same but then his jaw dropped as there was a picture of a sleeping boy, in a t-shirt and thick diapers and sucking on a paci and a younger boy was in frame too, it was a semi selfie and was smirking and giving the peace sign. the caption under the picture read 'Believe me now bitches?'

"Hoooly shitttttt." Alex said, this guy was his hero!

he didn't seem to be activate on the forum anymore though, there were a bout a dozen replies and a few more comments from the guy but then he vanished.

his user profile did have a e-mail attached to it and so Alex snagged it and went to write the guy a e-mail.

From: Alexander_the_awesome@gmail.com

To: Ben_better@Hotmail.com

Subject: DUDE YOUR MY HERO!

Hey just wanted to say, I saw your post on Little brothers revenge and wanted to say how awesome that was and also I was wondering if you had any advice or tips on getting a big brother in padding. mine's being a total butt hole lately and just ugggghhh @_@

I had one idea about maybe like peeing on his bed after he gets up to frame him for bed wetting, what do you think? hope to hear from you soon!

E-mail written Alex clicked send and then went to kill some time play a few games online, never once suspecting that while he was trying to plot his big brother diaper doom, he was likewise plotting out Alex's downstairs.

It was a hour latter when Alex heard the ding that told him he'd gotten a reply and he switched tabs to go and take a look.

From: Ben_better@hotmail.com

To: Alexander_the_awesome@gmail.com

Subject: Re:DUDE YOUR MY HERO

Heh, thanks for the high praise though I gotta warn you, first of all this is something you've gotta be reallllly careful with. Diaper humiliation is a double edged sword, trust me. Had a friend named Ken who tried this and now he's in diapers.

Anyways just taking a leak on your big bro's bed is dumb, you'll get busted for sure! what I'd recommend is making use of laxatives and pee pills in increasing doses till he's wetting his pants all the time and blorting them too. It's a longer game but better results.

what made you wanna get his butt back in diapers anyways, and FYI i expect 'baby pictures' when your plan works.

Alex thought about that for a second and couldn't help but wonder if maybe this 'ken' was really Ben, but pushed that thought out of his head as he started to write his reply.

From: Alexander_the_awesome@gmail.com

To: Ben_better@Hotmail.com

Subject: Re:Re:DUDE YOUR MY HERO!

Oh well, I'm a bed wetter and the butt hole went and fished one of my soggy diapers out of the trash and threw it at me while I was hanging out with my friends, trying to say i never tossed it out. so trust me, he totes has this coming.

I really got nothing to lose if I get busted since I'm in huggies every night so I'll try out your plan. it works out because he likes to make me get him drinks and snacks.

as for the picture of him once he's back in huggies heh, sure. thanks for the advice and I'll let you know when the plan starts to work.

E-mail sent Alex closed his e-mail and his game tab then went searching online for the best med's to get to reduce his brother to a helpless pants wetting stinker, only to pause after a few minutes recalling that Max had gotten in trouble awhile back for causing a series of messy accidents around school.

'nggggh..no way he'll be back yet though. I'll go and talk to him tomorrow.' Alex thought and set his laptop aside and laid back on his bed, thinking about just how much fun he was gonna have and ended up conking out.

which was unfortunate as he hadn't put on one of his spider-man diapers and with in ten minutes a wet patch was starting to grow on the front of his jogging pants, which while the dark color would hide it, the tan covered blanket he was laying on wouldn't.

"So when do you think we can do this?" Grizz asked.

the movie was basically forgotten but had been kept on to cover up their voices on the off chance Alex came downstairs (Small chance of that) or if their parents came back early.

"Welll that's the tricky part. I have to have all four of the dweebs here AND have my parents gone. they're going on a weekend trip in about 2 weeks though so I'll try and convince the dweeb to get the loser's club all over here." Justin said.

Rayne, who had just shut his mouth like he'd been told to raised his hand like he was in class.

"heh, Yes Rayne?" Justin asked.

"Aren't they into that dice game, Dragons and prison or whatever?" he asked.

"..Dungeons and dragons, yeah." Justin chuckled.

"Same difference. anyways, say you've been reading up on it and wanna try your hand at hosting a game, but just want them over before you embarrasses yourself in front of us.Most nerds I know love to play and will jump at the chance." Rayne said and smiled.

"Sweet fucking cthulhu. Rayne had a good idea." Grizz chuckled and to patted the bigger boys head. "good boy!"

Rayne beamed and was clearly proud of himself and Justin chuckled.

"Ok, I'll just have to learn enough about this nerd stuff to fake it and get them over. you guys will have to be ready to help though, I don't wanna risk one of the losers getting away." Justin said nodding.

"Hey, as long as I don't have to change any shitty asses I'm in." Grizz said.

"Wait, your gonna make them USE the diapers?" Rayne said and then laughed lots. "Gross!"

"Heh, well the best blackmail is a sobbing little brat in a stinky diaper blackmail. no way the dweeb will risk him in all his smelly glory ending up ALL over town."

"Man, I am glad your not MY big brother." Rayne said, never mind the fact Justin was pretty sure if he tried anything on the semi giant he'd be the one in huggies.

"Eh, No worries. you'd be a awesome little bro. Now all we need to do is go and pick the perfect pampers for them."

"Oh, I got it! There's this discount store my mom drags me to because they have her cream of wheat and other junk she likes cheap, but they got in a shipment of over night diapers for big kids, boys and girls. the boys has rockets and stars on them and are blue." Grizz said, setting up the best part.

"Oh, this is gonna be good." Justin smirked.

"the girls has unicorns and rainbows and are pink!" Grizz finished and cackled.

Plans set for his brother's diapered humiliation, the boys finally turned they're attention back to the movie.

After the movie it was getting late and so Justin sent the guys home as technically speaking they weren't suppose to be over, only him or Alex could have friends over for the most part if mom and dad weren't home. (Weekend vacations were the exception, though their folks made it clear the house had been be clean when they got back)

Whoever had their friends over was also suppose to clean up after them and after a chip fight in the living room Justin smirked, knowing he could get Alex to clean the mess up, since it would be Alex and his friend getting blamed for the mess.

Of course Justin usually made Alex clean up after him and his friends anyways but that always took a little bit more effort in the form of using the dorks undies to bounce him like a yo yo if he didn't listen.

He toyed with leaving Alex sulking in their room where he been since the shower and just letting the dweeb get in trouble but since it was Justin's turn to start dinner so it'd be ready and he didn't feel like cooking, he had to get Alex downstairs anyways to be a good little chore bitch.

"This will be SO much easier once I have the blackmail on him." Justin sighed to himself as he made his way up the stairs to the boys shared bedroom.

Opening the door he went to go and say something but was hit by the stench of piss and a quick look confirmed the little bed soaker had gone night night without a pamper on.

"Hey dork face! wake up! you pissed the bed!" Justin said in a loud voice.

"Ngggh a gigi boo..Five more minutes mommy.." the still mostly asleep dweeb said, trying to shoo Justin away.

"heh, baby talk? really? Wow, just when I think you can't lower the bar any more Little bro.. ALEXANDRA! WAKE UP!" Justin said then cupped a hand to his mouth and yelled.

Alex jumped sort in bed then sat up, eyes wide and panting, looking around.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" He growled once he locked eyes on Justin."ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK?!"

"No, but you had a wetting attack dork." Justin said and pointed.

Alex went to say something then looked down and went from pissed off to blushing and tried to cover himself up.

"Ah crap crap crap crap!" Alex whined and got up off the bed.

this was NOT good. not good at ALL! Dad was already riding him on the bed wetting and if he found out Alex had soaked the bed from a little nap he would NOT hear the end of it, or worse, dad would make him wear ALL day tomorrow!

"Ah..ah..Justin big brother who I love ever so much.." Alex started, swallowing and trying to put on his best 'I'm so cute help me' faces.

"Save it dweeb. I'll keep my mouth shut about your little..well BIG accident as long as you go and be a good little chore bitch and get the living room cleaned up and start supper." Justin said and leaned on the door frame, a evil smirk on his face.

Considering his options Alex just hung is head and then did a small nod.

"Butttt to show you I'm not totally heartless..I got some clothes that need to be washed so you can do them and wash your sheet at the same time as a cover up. I know, my kindness knows no bounds. just be thankful mom got you that rubber sheet or you'd be going to sleep in a soggy bed tonight." Justin said and laughed.

'gee he's all heart. letting me do his landry and clean up AND cook.. ' Alex thought but it WAS better then trying to explain the sheet alone.

"Yeah ok.." He said finally and went to strip stripping the bed.

"ah ah ah, what do you say to your kind and wonderful brother for helping you out?" Justin said, milking this for all it was worth.

'He has to be..ok no, I know him better then that.. just keep digging your grave jerk.' Alex thought then took a deep calming breath.

"Thank you for letting me do your landry big brother." he said, clenching a fist.

"Anytime dork. not get to it, you don't have a whole lotta time. my clothes are in the hamper in the bathroom." Justin said and started to walk away, then poked his head back in. "Oh and dweeb? next time don't forget to put on your diapies when your going for your afternoon nap."

and with that he walked off laughing.

"...I'm SO going to enjoy getting him in diapers." Alex huffed.

Changing into a pair of clean spider-man shorts and a captain America t-shirt, Alex got the load of landry started and then went to work cleaning up the living room while keeping a eye on the time.

the chips were everywhere and every time he though he was done he'd spot some more and wondered how much the three bullies had actually managed to get in their stupid fat mouths.

Between the cleaning and getting landry switched over he didn't have time to make anything too special so he went with the old stand by of making macaroni and cheese with hot dogs as it was quick and simple and his parents never really expected Justin to go all out when he was cooking anyways.

Dinner was ready and the landry was finished by the time their parents got home, Alex just had to go and get it out of the dryer but he figured he'd have time to do it stealthy after eating.

"So, what did you boys do for fun today?" Dad asked as they were sitting at the dinner table, a small grimace on his face at the prospect of eating the old stand by.

"Oh well-" Alex started by Justin cut him off.

"It was pretty much same old same old for me, went out and played some football with the guys and had fun. Came back though and I think The twins brought over some super sugar loaded snacks or something because Alex and them where have a chip fight and trashed the living room. it was cute though." Justin said and smirked, winking at Alex who's jaw hung open.

"Alex, you didn't!" Mom signed and shook her head. "After supper you'll be cleaning up the living room!"

"Oh don't worry about it mom, I know little guys like him just need to get it out of their systems. after the twins went home he was super pooped though, think it was a sugar crash so let him go and take a nap and I cleaned up the living room." Justin lied.

"Well that was was nice of you Justin, but in the future leave the cleaning for Alex to do." Dad said and shook his head at Alex. "Alex, we've talked about this."

Alex for his part was stuttering now, trying to think of a way to prove his innocence without getting scolded but first shots had been fired by Justin and there was nothing he could do now.

"Alex did you say thank you to Justin for cleaning up after you?" Mom asked and her tone made it clear if he hadn't she expected him to now, but again Justin spoke up.

"Oh, he's already thanked me for something else. see somebody was just SO sleepy when he went for his nap that he forgot to get his bed wetter pants on and well, Let's just say it's a good thing I had to do a load of landry anyways." Justin said as Alex,'s jaw dropped.

"Y-You said..you.." Alex stammered.

"Alex! what have I told you about not going to sleep without one of your diapers on?" Dad asked in a sharp tone.

"N-Not to do it again or..or.." Alex whined, looking down and feeling ready to cry.

this wasn't fair! he'd done everything Justin had asked him too and he was still gonna get punished!

"Or you'll be spending the next day in your diapers all day. Now I was hoping NOT to have to use that punishment but clearly you've left me no choice. you can still use the potty of course, in fact I encourage it, but you WILL be in diapers all day tomorrow." Dad said.

His tone left no room for argument and feeling hot tears start to slid down his cheeks Alex looked down at his bowl of food and sniffled.

"Yes sir."

After supper Justin offered to do the dishes if Alex would go and get the landry out of the dryer, but mom said since Justin had already cleaned up after Alex, made supper and did the landry for the most part he could go and relax and watch TV with their dad while Alex got the landry out and folded it.

Justin smiled and kissed his mom's cheek and asked if she was sure, but she insisted and so he went and plopped down on the couch, ready to watch some hockey with his dad and giving Alex a shit eating grin as the huffy and tear stained cheek dork started to stomp his way up the steps till dad called for him to knock it off unless he wanted to go to bed early.

'Oh my god. this worked out even better then I could of hoped! Mom and Dad are just too easy!' Justin thought, having to bite his tongue every so often to keep from laughing.

the dweeb had done all the work and yet here he was sipping on pop and munching on chips with their dad while the dork was off folding his undies and was gonna be a crinkle butt the next day.

'It'll be a nice little preview of whats to come.' Justin thought and let out a little chuckle despite himself.

"what's so funny?" Dad asked.

"Oh, just thinking of how silly Alex and his friends looked this after noon. they were like sugar crazed toddlers." Justin lied.

"heh, Next time you should try and get a video of it, I bet it looked cute." Dad chuckled.

Upstairs Alex was mentally cursing up a storm, pissed off and fuming like crazy as he folded pair after pair of his brothers skid marked undies.

'Son of a bitch! son of a bisket eating bitch! I'm not just gonna get him in diapers, I'm gonna make him the biggest dumbest big baby loser of all time! I'm gonna have him in the halls of his school in nothing but huggies and a bib and bonnet!'

of course a small part of Alex knew that going that far likely wasn't gonna be possible, it was a warm thought that helped him keep from just having a melt down fit that would of gotten his bun's blistered and him put to bed before it was even 8 pm.

He should of know better then to think that Justin was gonna hold up his end of the deal, or he should of spoken up about getting the landry done but nope. He'd trusted his big brother and was paying the price for it now in spades.

'And now I have to wear a diaper all day tomorrow..Maybe I'll wait till Monday to go and talk with Max.' Alex thought.

it would mean putting his plans on hold for a bit but he really didn't wanna waddle the block and a half over to Max's with pampers on under his pants.

Finishing up the folding and putting the clothes away Alex checked to make sure that his rubber sheet was dry and tugged in his blanket he'd hung out the window to dry (as it would of taken up too much room in the machines to do Justin's landry too) and with it dry he started to make his bed.

'God, what did I ever do to deserve a asshole like him for a big brother.' Alex whined mentally and finished making his bed, looking it over and then jumping and letting out a girlish shriek as a hand came on his shoulder.

"heh, Relax sweetie, it's mommy." Came his mother voice, sounding a little amused.

"That's ok, I didn't need that heart." Alex huffed, blushing and turning around to face his smirking mother. "what's up mom?"

"Well I wanted to come up and check on how the folding was going and to help you get ready for bed." She said with a smile.

"...Mom it's not even 8 yet, and it's a Saturday night.." Alex said, not liking where this was going.

"Oh You can stay up and everything till 11 like normal, but I just wanna make sure you don't conk out with your 'special armor' on." she said, using finger quotes.

"Mom I think I'm quite capable of putting my own diaper on." Alex huffed, feeling a hot blush cover his face.

"And yet you soaked your bed earlier." She cheerfully pointed out.

"T-That was different, I was just all tired and didn't realize I'd be conking out!" Alex whined, sounding more like a fussy toddler the the big kid he was trying to be.

"I know sweetie, but it kinda goes with my point. what if you just conk out again tonight? do you really wanna have to go to school on Monday in a diaper?" She asked, and the ruffled his hair.

The mental image of it stopped Alex's whining in it's tracks, picturing himself in a bib and spider-man diaper and sucking on a paci in the halls.

"No way! I'd Dieeeee!" Alex whined and shook his head no A LOT.

"well then let mommy help you out. And also if your gonna keep being so tired maybe we'll lower your bedtime for awhile." She added, then smirked and winced at the glare Alex gave her. "Now now, no using your super pouty powers on family."

"Moooom!" Alex huffed but resigned himself to his fate, when she got like this there was no getting her to back down.

He reached under his bed and pulled out his pack of spider-man diapers and noted that he was running low, and started to tug down his shorts when mom spoke up.

"Oh Alex, before we get your in your bed time diaper, do you have to use the potty?"

"mom, I know I wet the bed but I THINK I would know if had to take a leak or a dump you kn-" Alex started and then there was a loud 10 second poot out of his bottom and his tummy was gurgling.

"You were saying?" Mom asked, holding her nose but smirking."

"I-I'll be back.." Alex said in a small voice, blushing SO bad as he went past her he was shocked his hair hadn't caught on fire.

As she watched him go and had to fight the urge laugh, the little guy's undies had a fresh skid mark appearing on the back.

'Maybe I should look into getting him some of those washable training pants.' She mused.

One trip to the potty later and with Alex realizing what's he'd almost done in his undies, and the fight was all out of the little guy at least for the moment.

Zero fight was put up as he let his mom take his shorts and briefs and then proceed to diaper him, numbly just going along with her requests of butt up and the like.

"Are you sure your feeling alright? Maybe I should of checked your temperature before getting the diaper on." Mom asked, putting a hand to Alex's forehead.

"N-No I'm fine..just I dunno, Tired." Alex said, wincing.

he had to be the only boy his age to still get his temperature checked via the back door and it's wasn't that fun of a experience.

"Hmmm I think somebody better lay off of the sweets for awhile if it leaves you JUST drained after." Mom said and then started to tug Alex's blanket up on him.

"M-Mom what are you doing?" Alex whined, looking at the clock, it was 7:51 PM!

"I think you've had a big day, and your just not feeling that good. it would explain all the huffing and whining too. if you be a good boy and go night night for me now I'll see what I can do to get your father to back off with the all day diaper punishment tomorrow. I have to take you shopping for more diapers anyways with you almost being out and you get embarrassed enough as is when your in your undies."

Alex whined and whimpered a little but after a few seconds just signed and nodded.

"Good boy." She said and leaned down, kissing his forehead and then went and got one of his stuffie style Avengers from their display shelf and handed him Thor.

Lacking the energy to fight back Alex just took the offered stuffie and snuggled into it as his mom turned off the lights in the room and paused at the doorway.

"Night night little guy. Mommy will leave the door open a crack for you so you don't get scared. Love you and see you in the morning." She coo'ed/

"..Love you too mommy." Alex said, blushing.

He hadn't been scared of the door in like ages but somehow mom had the impression he still was and the only reason he wouldn't accept a night light was Justin would complain.

She left the little guy to go to sleep and Alex listened to her footsteps.

'This is bull shit. I'm not some little baby! I bet I don't even fall asleep till 11 anyways.' He huffed, crinkling and squirming in his bed.

Five minutes later he was snoring softly around his thumb as he sucked it in his sleep.

"So did Alex give you much of a fight?" Justin asked as Mom came downstairs.

"Just a token one, he's already gone to bed. I don't think he's feeling well and I think that should excuse him for needing his punishment tomorrow." Anne said, though the last part was more directed at her husband.

"Look, rules are rules, and if we start g-" Jackson started but was cut off.

"Excuse me, but who's idea was the rule that a D or worse meant no TV or computer time, and yet Justin who got a D on his last English test is watching the game with you?" She asked sweetly.

Justin gulped now and turned to his dad.

"Uh..you know..I think mom's right, we can't punish Alex if he had his accident because he's sick!" Justin chimed in.

"Heh, Nice try buddy but your mother is right in a way. I can't really punish your brother and not punish you. "Jackson said

"Soooo Alex isn't wearing a diaper tomorrow?" Justin asked hopefully.

"try again buddy, but do it in anther room so I can finish watching the game." Jackson chuckled and ruffled his sons hair as the 12 year old pouted.

"Finnne, I'll just go to my room an-." he started to huff and went to get up.

"ahhh nope. First of all I know you well enough you'll just go on your laptop." Anne said. "and second of all your brother is sleeping. Don't worry though, we have LOTS of board games you can play with me."

"Geee, spending Saturday night playing board games with my mom. aren't I lucky." Justin groaned

One mind numbing night of games later and Justin went to bed, taking note of the fact that Alex had semi drenched his pillow in drool and was still sucking his thumb.

'Heh, He's kinda cute...Still gonna make him a big dumb diaper nerd chore boy..but he's cute.' Justin thought before going and climbing into his bed.

as he went to go to sleep he had the most wonderful evil idea that could at the same time be played off as just being a nice big brother and help get 'revenge' on Alex for making him miss the end of the game.

'Hehehehe damn I'm so smart!' Justin chuckled and dropped off to sleep.

[tcookies777]

Here is a sneak peek at a side story I've written for The Anatomy of Love (a KakaSaku modern college au - AO3 hyperlink included)! You don't need to have read the fic to read this side story since this is a flashback to Kakashi's past when he was a teen, but it does help to understand since it's in the context of the fic itself!

The Anatomy of Love: Side Story - What He's Looking For

About 17 years ago on a sunny September day...

They'd raised the prices on the gum again. Under normal circumstances, Kakashi would've thought that was absurd. Really, 4 ryos for a few sticks of gum with a strawberry flavor that would last for only—what?—fifty chews? But it was also understandable given that the war efforts required such generous financial contributions. Money didn't grow on trees and soldiers didn't come back to life. It was to be expected that the economy would tank during war, but looking at the propaganda posters, anyone would think Fire country was thriving. It was the exact opposite, however, and the high inflation, budget deficits, rise in taxes, and reduced consumption of goods only proved that. So he was loathed to think that he would have to waste a couple of ryo on a pack of gum, but he also wanted to support the soldiers on the frontlines.

With a sigh of defeat, he snatched the pack of gum off the stand before traipsing further down the store in search of his journey's main quest item. There wasn't really much supply to offer these days, and even less food to fill the shelves. But Kakashi wasn't here today to buy some bread or milk, so he had no need to worry about that. All he needed to worry about was looking for the right condoms. And as he entered the aisle of pleasure to peruse his selection for the day, his presence did not go by without notice from a nearby clerk. It was not entirely unusual to see a boy in this aisle, but the clerk had certainly not anticipated that the purpose of the boy's presence here was for contraception. Perhaps he thought the boy was buying for his father, or maybe even an older friend—which, technically, Kakashi suppose he was. But the clerk seemed adamant in keeping his eye on him and Kakashi did his best to ignore him. There was also the possibility that the guy thought he was a shoplifter. After all, despite the clean way Kakashi dressed in his slim dark jeans and olive shirt, he did have the rugged gaze of a kid who'd been beaten up by life but was now ready to fight back. That, and the apathetic darkness in his eyes tended to disturb adults whenever they encountered a kid who was too young to look at them like they were the ones who were younger.

Although, to be fair with the clerk, there had been an increase in theft and street crime ever since the war had started, so Kakashi didn't blame the guy for dogging after him up and down the aisle.

"Uh, hi…?"

The words came muffled through Kakashi's headphones. With a heavy sigh, he slowly reached up and tugged the headphones down to let them rest on his shoulders, but the music continued to blare loudly through both sides of the speakers. The clerk's brow twitched when the boy in front of him still didn't even spare him a glance.

A throat was cleared, and then, "Hi?"

Finally turning to meet the annoyed face of the man, Kakashi crinkled his eyes at him. "Yes, I heard you the first time."

The clerk's brows twitched harder and he shuffled a step closer, still not quite sure how to approach him or maybe the subject before them. "Uh, did you need help finding anything today?" he asked in a peppy voice, remembering to plaster his customer-service smile back on.

"What kind of condoms would a girl like?"

The clerk blinked at him. "P-Pardon?"

"What kind of condoms would a girl like?"

Realizing the boy wasn't joking, the guy's face reddened and he stammered, "I-I-I do-don't know!"

Hmm, pity. "Then I guess you can't help me," Kakashi sighed out, wandering further down the aisle to let the guy lick his wounds.

Ignoring the aghast look cast his way, Kakashi studied a box of condoms that were of various colors and various tropical flavors including strawberry, apple, orange, banana, and—oh!—even cherry. If his suspicions were correct, however, he doubted anyone would appreciate a cherry-flavored condom that tasted more medicinal than fruity. Still, maybe Sakae wouldn't care. She'd always had a wicked tongue that could handle the taste of anything, which Kakashi had learned when she'd swallowed down his cum like she was sucking up the last dregs of a vanilla milkshake.

But Kakashi set down the box and picked up the standard, ultra-fine lubricated condoms instead.

Tonight, he didn't plan to get another blowjob in the back of an abandoned lot. Tonight was meant to be the first lay of his life if he played all his cards right, which he'd had no problem doing so in the past few weeks since the night of his birthday when Sakae had taken him into the backyard to give him his first kiss. Even if the kiss had happened through his mask, she'd liked it enough to guide his hand to her generous breasts which he'd always taken the time to admire during dinners when she'd eat across him with her breasts resting on the edge of the table so that he could study the way a stray crumb would disappear down the same cleavage he often dreamt of burying his face in. And then the week after that, he'd guided her hand to cup him through his jeans, encouraging her to slip that hand down his pants and fist his cock well enough to make him burst into the cage of her fingers. The next week, it was her turn to guide his hand down her shorts too.

It should have left him quivering with trepidation when he'd slipped his finger inside her the first time, hearing her cry out either from pain or pleasure or both. Instead, Kakashi had felt no sense of fear or anxiety—or anything, really, save for the sense of satisfaction and curiosity as he explored the velvet insides of a girl for the first time. His fingers had to have been good enough if it eventually had Sakae collapsing against him, shaking and whimpering as if she was in pain but smiling like she enjoyed it. And so it was last week when Kakashi had to tug his mask back on and pull his face out from between her legs to ask if she could repeat what she'd just said.

'If you can get your hands on a condom, I'll do it with you.'

'Do what?' he'd asked her, her orgasm staining the thin cloth of his mask.

'Sex,' she'd purred in his ear, just as he'd expected.

And so in Kakashi's young but precocious mind, of course it only made sense that he would obey the lady's wishes—as well as his own—and seek out the item of his quest. As it was now, he tossed the box of condoms in his hand much like he would as if he was a character from a video game doing a little victory jig, tossing his trophy in a show of smug triumph.

But because it was still too early in the noon to return to the orphanage and catch Mrs. Matsuda breathing fire out her mouth with more bitching, he took a turn into the next aisle full of baby diapers. The efflorescent smell of baby wipes assaulted his nose, sweet as a baby's bum and much to odoriferous for Kakashi's tastes. Then again, he'd always despised the pungent chemicals of perfume. However, the stray pug in the alley across school was in desperate need of diapers since his crippled hind legs always trailed right through his own filth and feces, and Kakashi had grown tired of bathing the old dog daily with a neighbor's sort-of borrowed hose.

In the midst of studying the difference between 'disposable diapers' and 'disposable underwear', Kakashi was indifferent to the cart that rolled up near him just a respectable foot away. At the background of his thoughts regarding the expensive cons of disposable underwear, a woman's voice spoke aloud, her words lashing out with the venomous bite of anger. She wasn't speaking to him, of course, since he definitely had nothing to do with the 'sorry piece of sods who didn't know a leaf from a ryo bill'.

Inclined to give her a wide berth and let the lady yell into the phone without breaking his left eardrum, Kakashi sidled over a step or two. Apparently, it wasn't enough distance, however, as he felt something bump the side of his left sneaker.

He peered down from the disposable diapers and to the stuffed sloth that had somehow ended up against his shoe. Picking it up, he frowned at the sloth that was barely the size of his one hand. Just then his nose wrinkled at the scent that permeated from the stuffed toy—milk that seemed to have been churned up in the stomach and spat back out. Nose still wrinkled, he quickly adjusted his grip so that it was only his finger and thumb that pinched the ear of the sloth.

A quiet cooing sound quickly stole his attention away and to the side where a baby in a cart stared curiously at him. She was dressed in a hideous tuft of pink that nearly swallowed her whole with two chubby little feet poking out from beneath.

Kakashi glimpsed at the woman who was still berating whoever the poor soul was on the other end of the phone. Her back was turned, and she'd taken too many steps away from the child in her cart to notice Kakashi approaching the babe.

Sure enough, she smelled like milk and baby wipes. But there was also another softer, more subtle sweet scent beneath. Not quite aromatic like perfume, but it clung to her gently as if someone's perfume might've rubbed off on her rosy, chubby cheeks after one too many kisses or cuddles. Or maybe she'd just gone rolling down a hill of flowers—cherry blossoms, it smelled like—for all he knew. He didn't know what babies did in their free time besides piss, poop, and play anyway.

"Here," Kakashi muttered quietly, dumping the sloth in the cloud of pink tulle that was the baby's skirt.

Large spring green eyes blinked up at him as if she was asking, 'what the fuck is this doing on my lap?'

He shrugged and stepped away to return his attention to the shelf of diapers. But no sooner did he pick up a pack when he felt another nudge against his left shoe again. He glanced down at the sloth smiling up at him from its position by his shoe, and then he glanced over to the baby in the cart.

She was staring almost expectantly at him as if to say, 'pick it up, dumbass'. Or maybe she was just curious why a boy was wearing a mask when nobody else was. Perhaps she thought he was a creature of the night come to nom on the fat rolls of her thighs and this was her way of testing him. Nah, babies were curious oddities but not too astute.

With a roll of his eyes, Kakashi bent down to retrieve the sloth whose smile seemed more derisive than friendly now. While the mother was still turned away and barking into the phone, he pressed the sloth toy more firmly, insistently to the baby's front.

There it was again, those big eyes staring up at him like saucers of green tea. Huh, now that he thought of it, he hadn't had a cup of tea in a while. Rin had given away the last pack to a younger kid who'd wasted it down the drain anyway. Shit, but he remembered the prices for green tea had risen too. Oh well.

Taking a step away from the baby, Kakashi was miffed when she suddenly threw down her sloth at his feet again before he'd even had the chance to look away from her. He frowned and glared over at the mother who couldn't be bothered to keep a better eye on her daughter who'd decided only a few months old wasn't too young to start acting like a bratty princess already. A bratty princess who was treating him like her dog that she was playing fetch with, he realized belatedly.

As if to assert her royal if infantile position, she looked up at him, spring green orbs glittering with pure mirth as a gummy smile broke out on her face. Kakashi raised a brow at her, none too impressed when a wave of drool spilled down petal-pink lips and painted her poor sloth's face in saliva so that it looked like it was crying for help now.

Sighing quietly, Kakashi shook his head and decided to make his retreat from the diaper aisle. This was a battle he could not win, and the baby only proved that with a gleeful 'mah!' as she waved her hands, gesticulating in a language he could not begin to comprehend beyond grabby, chubby hands reaching for him. The further he retreated down the aisle, the more she kicked up a fuss, kicking up her tiny feet too. Her mother peeked over a shoulder for a split-second but looked away when she saw her baby was fussing for no reason.

Just as Kakashi turned the corner, he caught a glimpse of the baby tossing her sloth back down to the floor like it was her means of summoning her new dog to play fetch with her at her beck and call. Yeah, well, that went against Kakashi's domineering nature and so he stuffed his hands to search for the literature section.

Much to his pleasure, the books were kept at the back of the store where he could read through them in private without a clerk judging him for not paying for the paperback service instead. Much to his disappointment, however, there was no Make-Out Paradise and the selection of books was few and far between, and not to mention somewhat outdated since all the covers were easily recognizable from the days that he'd spent poring through them. Despite the pitiful collection of paperbacks collecting dust in the hopes a perverted reader might spread open their covers and peruse their naughty tales, Kakashi's attention zeroed in on the single brand-new hardcover tempting him with the 10% off sticker. Even more tempting was the cover art of a high school girl wearing a blouse that was buttoned just enough to keep from flashing a nipple, her tennis skirt a plaid black and red color to imitate the style of a uniform a private school girl was mandated to wear. A private school girl who wore that sultry smile just as well as she wore the necktie hanging loosely around her shoulders and arranged to cover a pair of hardened nipples.

Cracking open the cover, Kakashi inhaled the scent of fresh paper and ink first before glimpsing the first string of words that sat beneath the chapter title. He breezed through the first page, mouth quirking up when he recognized the set up for a good fucking. By the third page, however, his small smile had disappeared once he realized the setup was just that: a setup. No fucking. It was even more disconcerting when he flipped through the pages more quickly and concluded that most of the story was just one agonizingly slow striptease that he had neither the time nor patience for. He could even already see the ending from a mile away just by the building premise riddled with clichés and tropes: the professor gets caught and blamed for his sordid affair while his seductive mastermind of a student twiddles her thumbs in a very plausible show of innocence that hid her conniving smile. Of course, the man who gives in to temptation must always be punished for it in the end. It was a theme Kakashi was consistently seeing in almost every book he read.

With a huff of disappointment, he returned the book to the shelf where it could sit with its siblings to collect its own film of dust.

Straying his eyes over to the magazine section, Kakashi hummed in contemplation as he eyed the cover of a girl drawing the shape of a heart over her exposed lower belly with both hands, a peeled banana angled to censor her pussy. He picked up that magazine, flipping over to the section of the sex tips, most of which he already knew and had already practiced several times with Sakae. But, just for good measure, he decided to review the part that advised him how to last long during sexual intercourse.

It was when he was in the middle of studying about technique over speed did the hairs on the back of his neck suddenly rose up at the same time the smell of tobacco and rotten garbage flooded his nose. Kakashi was about to gag but stopped himself when a man stepped into the aisle—into his peripheral view. There was nothing unusual about the guy as he was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt sporting a rock band that had broken up too long ago for Kakashi to even know who they were. What was unusual, however, was the baby hoisted against his hip. The monstrous pink tulle skirt was fluffed up to block her face, but he recognized that hideous dress that nearly swallowed her.

The stench of tobacco and garbage grew stronger as the man stepped closer, and it overpowered the delicate scent of baby milk. Despite having never been a parent before, and certainly not old enough to even have a child, Kakashi was still aware that it was never a good idea to smoke in the presence of a pregnant woman or newborn child. If Rin were with him right now, he had no doubt she would instantly spin on her heel to give the man a good tongue-lashing. And even though Rin wasn't with him right now, he could still feel her elbowing his ribs hard to get him to stop the man.

So with a sigh, he lowered the magazine from his face and sidled his eyes over just to check if the man had some sort of joint in his hand. Nope, nothing but the toy sloth. Kakashi flicked his eyes over to the baby who kept squirming in the man's arms, whining quietly as she swiveled her head left and right as if in search of something. Her toy? No...

Her mom.

Kakashi turned his cheek to glance at the back exit of the store that was reserved for employee use. Just as the man was about to sweep by him, Kakashi dropped the magazine right in his line of path and quickly moved to intercept. The man jerked to a stop, visibly disgruntled by a boy's ass blocking his path to the exit.

"Oh, what a cute baby you've got there," Kakashi drawled out, standing up to set the magazine of sex tips aside. The man paused at the sight of the boy giving him a crease-eyed smile that seemed friendly enough, but hesitation still flickered through his scowling face. Nonplussed, Kakashi tilted his head to the baby beginning to squirm. "What's her name?"

"Hana," the man grunted, moving to step around him.

Kakashi stepped with him, still effectively blocking his path and still smiling beneath his mask although the crinkle of his eyes had smoothened away to display the dead apathy in his gaze. "But that's not really her name, is it?"

The man's eyes widened by a fraction and he stepped back, dropping the sloth toy to reach for something at his back. But Kakashi's instincts were razor-sharp as well, honed by the many late-night street fights he'd often get into on nights when he had trouble sleeping. So before the man could pull out his gun, Kakashi had already pulled out his own pocketknife in a flash and sunk the blade all the way into the man's eyeball so that the hilt rested against the brow bone.

There was an audible 'squelch' that had the baby whimpering louder in distress while Kakashi impassively watched red dribble over the bottom lid of the stabbed eye. The blood started to trickle down a scraggly beard. The man let out a gasp, still staring in surprise at Kakashi as if he couldn't register the knife that'd been jammed into his head or the baby calmly taken from his stiff arms. He stumbled back, reaching up a shaky hand as if considering pulling the knife out even though that would mean taking his eye out with it. With one last gasp, he toppled onto the floor, his one good eye now staring listlessly at Kakashi's scuffed sneakers.

The blood started to pool out from his head rapidly now, spreading across the shiny epoxy flooring of the store. Before the blood could stain the sloth toy, Kakashi swooped down to pluck it off the floor. The baby had stopped her whimpering, looking on curiously as he pressed the toy to her chest.

"This is the last time I'm picking it up for you," Kakashi warned her. "I'm not your dog."

Instead of breaking into tears under his irritated gaze, however, she defiantly dropped her toy sloth (away from the pool of blood, thankfully) in favor of grabbing for Kakashi's face. Faster than he could react this time, she had yanked down his mask to paw and smack his mouth with hands that had probably been in her mouth too. Kakashi's nose wrinkled once more at the weird, somewhat sweet milky scent that he was only now figuring out was indeed saliva.

He jerked his face back in disgust, but that only served to give her a better view of his mouth. She paused, big jade orbs widening at his lips and she broke out into another gummy smile before leaning forth, mouth open like she planned to give him either a great big wet smooch or a great big gummy bite.

"Why not save that for your mom?" He frowned at the river of drool spilling down her chin.

"Agooo!" she squealed gleefully.

"Uh… bless you?"

No longer holding back a cringe, Kakashi held her further away, glancing down when his shoes felt slippery on the floor. He belatedly realized he was now standing in a puddle of blood. And among the sharp scent of copper and the gentle smell of milk, there was now a foul odor that stung his nose and this time Kakashi did gag. The baby giggled aloud, prompting him to glare at her. She only responded with another fart and then a giggle. Kakashi rolled his eyes, adjusting her onto his hip so that he could pull his mask back over his nose even though it wouldn't help much.

"SAKURA!" A woman's voice screamed out—the same woman who'd been too busy arguing on the phone earlier to notice her baby playing fetch with a boy shortly before getting kidnapped by a man.

The woman rushed over in a panic, face flustered with tears and fear. She wrested her baby from Kakashi's arms, glaring murderously at him like he was the culprit and not the dead man on the floor. Well, dead men couldn't tell any tales, so it fell upon Kakashi's shoulders to explain what happened. Maybe it was better to start from the beginning instead of jumping right into the scene where he stabbed the guy's eye out on a hunch. Now the woman was hysterical, crying over her baby's safety and the horror of a dead man on the floor. The woman was still eyeing him warily as the clerk came around to see what all the screaming and blubbering was about. Then he, too, screamed at the dead body on the floor. Which had then resulted in Kakashi retelling his story from the beginning again, this time including how the little babe still farting in her mother's arms had attempted to make Kakashi her toy dog to play fetch with.

The mother hadn't taken too kindly to that part, of course, even though it was the truth and she had demanded him to tell the story all the way from the beginning.

And then the cops had come and now Kakashi was getting really tired of retelling the same story all over again. At this rate, Rin would give him an earful when he got home if Mrs. Matsuda hadn't already blown out his eardrums by then. Of course, it was only until the officers had gotten his statement did they go bother to check the camera footage. And it was only until every microsecond was picked apart and the man was confirmed to have a gun on him did the officers decide to let Kakashi go. If Kakashi had to be honest, he'd thought the police would let him go once he'd mentioned the name 'Sakumo Hatake' to them. Alas, they were too bewildered by the fact that a teenage boy was able to take down a kidnapper with multiple felonies in the blink of an eye. So the fact that said teenage boy was the son of Sakumo Hatake was more or less glazed over.

When the reporters had finally come, it was just a motley crew of young journalists that looked like they were more interested in ordering some burgers than reporting a mere kidnapping attempt. Kakashi couldn't blame them. A burger and a milkshake sound good, he thought to himself, too absentminded when the baby was shoved back into his arms again, this time by her mother who now seemed to have flipped a switch and was giving him—or rather the reporters taking pictures of them—a saccharine smile instead of the accusing scowl from earlier.

One of the reporters had the gall to say, 'smile!' when Kakashi had been forced to pose for a picture, holding the baby against his hip and against his will. Even beneath his mask, it was hard to attempt a smile when she kept making grabby hands at his face. Tufts of pale pink hair tickled his cheek when the mother managed to wrangle her cooing daughter to hold still for just one photo.

"She needs her diapers changed," Kakashi sniffed, all too happy to give the baby back before she really did start treating him like a toy dog to yank around with her.

When the journalists trailed after him in an attempt for an interview, they at least had the common sense to realize their efforts were futile as Kakashi easily sniped them down with curt, one-word answers. Although he'd found it amusing to see them tripping over the cords of their microphones, he was ecstatic (inwardly) when the crew had finally given up and left, having not much else to report but maybe a two-hundred-word essay at most.

Good. He didn't need Mrs. Matsuda blowing up in his face the moment he stepped back inside the orphanage. Not when she was already a ticking time bomb ready to explode over his tardiness and other riff-raff nonsense. She already had disdain for his recalcitrant behavior, and he was sure she was keeping a list of all his shameless shenanigans.

Which was why he hurriedly dumped his box of condoms, the diapers, and the pack of bubblegum on the counter. The clerk, still quietly bemoaning his inevitable duty to clean up the blood at the other side of the store, flinched when Kakashi slapped a ryo bill in front of him.

Only a few years older, the clerk eyed the condoms warily before shifting his attention to the boy who'd just killed a guy like he'd only been playing pin the tail on the donkey—or eye, in this case. "Uh… how old are you?"

"Fourteen."

"You're pretty young."

"There's no age minimum to purchase condoms."

"Yeah, but I mean… aren't you a lil' too young to be..." The clerk trailed off unsurely.

"Fucking?" Kakashi finished for him, deadpan. "Or did you mean killing?"

It was a sincere question. He really didn't know if the clerk was raising his brow because of the condoms between them or because of the pool of blood further away. Or maybe his apathetic attitude to it all exacerbated the awkward atmosphere that reeked faintly of blood still.

There was also the option to just brag to the guy that he was old enough to already have a college degree under his belt and would have his Masters by fifteen years old. After all, prodigies like Kakashi didn't need to follow the guidelines of how to grow up like a normal child. He was far from normal, and they both knew it after what had just transpired today. But Kakashi found it more amusing to see the guy shiver visibly in distraught of how fucked up in the head this kid in front of him had to be to walk away from a crime scene like it was a walk through the park.

"Give me a pack of Spinel," Kakashi nodded to the cigarettes behind the counter.

The clerk hesitated once again. Clearly, fourteen years old was not quite old enough to buy cancer sticks like they were lollipops. But considering what this kid had just done to a full-grown man earlier and without so much as a blink of an eye... Smoking a cigarette seemed to be harmless when compared to killing a man.

With his condoms, diapers, bubblegum, and Spinel cigarettes now packed in a plastic bag, Kakashi crinkled his eyes at the clerk who shivered again when he realized it was the same expression he had just before killing a man. Unperturbed, Kakashi made his way out of the store, but not without suggesting aloud that they restock the literary section for the poor, depraved souls in desperate need of a raunchy book to soothe the ache of their groins.

On his way back to the orphanage, Kakashi stopped by the corner for a quick smoke. He counted his puffs carefully. Mrs. Matsuda had given up warning him of the addiction to nicotine he would develop sooner or later, but she underestimated him. The shrewd woman liked to believe that she knew him like the back of her hand just because he'd been under her wing for a couple of years already. Little did she know that underneath all that 'recalcitrant behavior that brought shame to his father', Kakashi was in complete control of himself. It was almost neurotic for him to fine-tune his body like an instrument—or a weapon—and constantly stay on high alert for any sign of danger. Like a master of his own puppet, he pulled the strings on every single muscle and breath he owned.

He was in control of himself, and he made a promise that no urge would ever control him. If he wanted to smoke a stick, that was fine. But he wouldn't let the cravings get out of hand. Because it hurt too much to want something so badly that it destroyed you, and Kakashi Hatake was all too aware of what that was like. He'd been craving the impossible since he was a five-year-old kid who'd discovered his father's gutted body one stormy night. And though the cravings never really stop, what mattered was that he was in control of himself.

Even so, he finished his last puff and dropped the stick to snuff it out with a quick grind of his heel. The sun was hanging low, signaling that it was almost in time for dinner and Kakashi knew that his tardiness would only add more fuel to Mrs. Matsuda's already raging fire. He could already smell the smoke of danger—or maybe that was just the smoke of his cigarette clinging to him. Still, he couldn't afford to listen to her bitch for an extra hour when he had another appointment to get ready for tonight.

And it was after dinner that he readied himself for that appointment by sneaking out onto the back porch to enjoy the fresh air as well as the bottle of vodka he'd swiped after picking the lock of the alcohol cabinet. The vodka ran down his throat like fire and settled warm in his stomach. He sighed, leaning back to watch a plane fly overhead. The backyard was filled with fireflies at this time of night, the bugs eager to get some fresh, cool air after a balmy day under the sun.

"Someone made the local newspaper today."

Kakashi glanced up as Rin lowered herself down to take a seat beside him. "Front-page?"

"Last," she replied, presenting him with the page of his deed—minus the word 'heroic' though. At the bottom of the page was a photo of him holding the baby, the both of them painted in shades of black ink and icky grey but neither of them even looking at the camera. Kakashi was in the middle of thinking how much the baby's cheeks look a lot like a chipmunk's when Rin sighed beside him. "They say you killed a man, Kakashi."

He raised his eyes to her. Her face was marred by a disapproving frown while his was as smooth and blank as a canvas.

"Yeah... And?"

Rin's frown deepened. "And... you don't seem to care," she said, her gaze heavy with woe instead of bright with fear.

"I don't care that I killed a man that was going to do god-knows-what to that baby?" He couldn't help but get a little defensive. What did she want him to do? Cry and mourn the loss of a man who contributed nothing to society and was more of a fungal infection that needed to be taken care of? Sure, a life was a life and Kakashi had no intention to play god and decide who lives and who dies. But in a situation like that, there was no choice but to decide who lives and who dies—and hadn't he made the correct judgment in killing the guilty to save the innocent?

Every soldier out on the battlefield was doing that right now. Killing people to save people. It was a necessary evil for the greater good, but maybe Rin didn't understand that quite yet. She was still young and naïve in the sense that she was a proponent for idealism rather than realism. She still had yet to take off her rose-tinted glasses and see the world for what it really was and not for what she wanted it to be. And right now, she was squinting through those glasses to scrutinize him.

He didn't know what she saw, but he knew she didn't like it.

"You know what I mean," she sighed, looking at him the same way she'd looked upon that crippled, old pug in the alley. Broken, and waiting for death.

Just like his father.

"Don't look at me like that, Rin," Kakashi muttered darkly. He looked away from her, taking a sharp swig of vodka straight from the bottle.

She clicked her tongue but grabbed the drink to take a sip, wincing from the burn before tapping a finger on the photo from the newspaper. "You know, it almost looks like this is your baby," she said with a teasing smile. "You almost look adorable as a teen daddy."

"Very funny," Kakashi said with a roll of his eyes although he was grateful for the change in subject. "You know I'm never having children, right? They're fussy and needy and I dare even say abusive. This one pulled my mask down and saw my face while I was helpless to do anything about it. She practically tried to assault her own savior!"

"What?! Why, out of all the people in this world, it's a baby who gets to see your face first?!" Now Rin was pouting with him, but a smile was threatening to twitch awake again. "So not fair. I wiped your puke the first time you got blackout drunk and you still wouldn't let me see!"

"I'll show you one day."

But first, he hoped she'd forget about it.

"At this rate, I'll be dead by the time you do show me."

"I promise to show you," he said, taking absolute care not to pinky promise because, according to Rin, those were unbreakable even for him. He dug into his pocket for the pack of strawberry bubblegum and tossed it to her.

"You remembered the flavor I asked for?" She looked pleased.

"I do have perfect memory."

"Only when you care to remember things."

He raised a shoulder into a shrug like he could care less. "Go brush your teeth and make sure to clean your tongue like I taught you. I can smell the garlic chips you snuck in."

Rin sniffed and curled her lip in distaste. "And I can smell the nicotine on you."

"That's from Asuma."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

She rolled her eyes back at him but stood up, brushing the invisible dust off her skirt. "What about you? If Mrs. Matsuda catches you here—and with her stolen vodka..." she had her brow raised at the way Kakashi had grabbed the bottle to hug it to himself. Then her brow dipped into a frown and she followed his gaze to the shadows of the backyard. Her face scrunched up in disgust. "Wait, are you going to be making out with Sakae again?"

"Of course not," he snorted. "I'm way past first base already."

And second, and third, and now he was on the last stretch of his home run.

"You say you'll never have children but you sure like practicing making them," Rin said dryly.

Kakashi shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a healthy growing boy with healthy hobbies."

That earned him a sharp kick in the ribs from Rin but he hardly winced. "Remind me to not buy you the next installment of the Make-Out series when it comes out next year."

Ouch. She knew where to hit him where it really hurt.

Hearing her leave to get ready for bed, Kakashi sat straighter, knocking the bottle back for another swig of vodka. He had a better tolerance than last year, and at 5 feet and 5 inches, he already had a solid build shaping up even if his bones still ached and his voice still broke. But he'd already become a man at five years old, growing up in the hard blink of an eye. The painful whiplash of his childhood ending so abruptly had already faded away, but he still found his thoughts straying to his father even on a night like this.

Glimpsing the photo of himself and that baby, Kakashi couldn't help but replace the image with him in his father's arms instead. He blinked once, and he was back to staring at his deadpanned face in sharp contrast to the giggling, gurgling baby he'd been forced to carry for the photo-op.

Heaving a sigh, Kakashi scrubbed a hand down his face before reaching for the newspaper to tear off that page. He folded the sides, making sure the edges were crisp and aligned before throwing the makeshift plane out into the garden. It caught a warm breeze and rode on the tails of the wind, rising higher into the night sky. Kakashi watched on, his memory of today's events already miles away like the paper plane would soon be; soon to be forgotten completely by the end of the night. And as the paper plane raced over the neighborhood, Kakashi's thoughts were now racing towards the future, particularly tonight during which he'd get to weigh Sakae's generous breasts in his hands again.

They're definitely just as soft and heavy as I remember, Kakashi thought at the back of his mind an hour later. But he'd also just as soon forgotten those plush breasts once he found himself inside of Sakae, fucking her in the shadows of the backyard with the rest of the orphanage (save for Rin) none the wiser. He'd impressed her when he managed to roll the condom on without a problem, and he'd been impressed when she guided him down on the bench to ride him. Then they'd both been impressed when, in a sudden turn of events, Kakashi had ended up bending her over and fucking her from behind, her hands gripping the bench so hard that her knuckles bled white and his hands gripping her hips hard enough to bruise.

When it was all done and nothing left to be said, Kakashi honestly didn't feel any different from before. Even when Sakae had blushed and stuttered through her words to tell him to take her out on a date, he felt no inclination to return the romantic sentiment. Of course, he'd still proposed to take her to the movies next week, and she'd proposed to give him a handjob if they stayed for the credits. But beyond the primitive nature that drove Kakashi to accept the sex, there was no tug at his heart the way Sakae's had been.

He liked her as much as he liked her big breasts, and he liked the sex just as much as any healthy, hormonal boy would at his age. But his loss of virginity tonight had changed virtually nothing inside him. Sakae didn't seem to notice at all though when she'd peck a goodnight kiss on his cheek, and Kakashi had given her that same crease-eyed smile he'd given to the clerk and the man he'd killed.

After checking that Rin was tucked in bed and asleep, he made his way to the boy's bathroom. There probably would've been a celebration of sorts among his male peers had they known that Kakashi lost his virginity and got to cum inside a girl—four years older than him at that—all in one night. But at the tender age of fourteen and a genius in his own right, the only one he could celebrate with was the old, crippled pug across the school. He was the only one of his peers who'd had sex with a girl, killed a man, and found his father's own corpse, so of course there wasn't really anyone he could talk to except for the pug who was already too tired laying on Death's doors to care about the fucked-up adventures of a fucked-up boy.

And when Kakashi started to strip off his clothes to shower off the smell of sex, it was then that he realized the bit of blood from the store had stained the edges of his sleeve, the red nearly blending into the black fabric. He didn't care for the copper scent, but he did frown at the light smell of thrown-up milk and cherry blossoms. But of course the baby had drooled on his shirt. He was probably lucky enough that she hadn't puked milk all over him too.

"Never gonna have children," Kakashi groused to himself, and then he stepped into the shower to rinse away the last evidence of today's events.

The rest of the chapter will be published soon on AO3 and Fanfiction.Net! Thank you for reading!

[maluminspace]

Genre: Fluff

Pairings: Michael Clifford/Reader

Word Count: 2.7

Requested: @clffrd

Hufflepuff Michael / Slytherin Reader - playful arguments in detention!

Trigger Warnings: strong language

A/N: I really loved writing this! I love you Effy, I hope you enjoy this 🥰

***

The late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the spacious transfiguration classroom as you traipsed inside. It’s unsurprisingly empty, seeing as you’re a little early for your detention. Sighing, you drop your satchel down onto the nearest desk before wondering over to the cages and glass tanks lining one of the walls. You head straight for the hedgehogs, having always had a soft spot for them. Most of them are curled up in little spiky balls, sleeping soundly in the warmth of the light filtering in through the tall windows of the ground floor room. After quickly checking in on each of the other species in the various cages, you head back over to the desk where you’d left your bag, grumpily contemplating why you’d ended up here in the first place.

Despite being no stranger to detention, you’re adamant that this particular punishment is uncalled for. It’s not your fault that Luke Hemmings is a fucking clumsy shit. How were you ever meant to anticipate that he’d lean forward in his chair at the very moment you cast the enlargement charm on the marble in front of him. In your opinion, you’re entirely blameless for the fact that the charm hit Luke’s nose and the resulting effect, which was that his nose swelled to the size of an average grapefruit. 

When the sound of footsteps approaching the classroom drifts in from the corridor, you glance up at the doorway, fully expecting your transfiguration professor to appear there at any moment. However, you’re somewhat surprised when the only person that appears is one of your fellow students. Your heart skips a little as you notice the flurry of fluffy pink hair and Hufflepuff robes, knowing they can only mean the arrival of one person. Your friend and long term crush; Michael Clifford. 

“Surprise, my little rainbow boa.” Michael smiles, looking thoroughly pleased with himself for some reason as he sweeps into the room, claiming the desk next to you. Most other people usually assume that he chose that snake at random just because you’re a Slytherin, but that’s not true at all. He chose it because you spoke about them during in your very first class together shortly after arriving at Hogwarts. You’d told him they were one of your very favourite animals and he’d obviously associated them with you after that. Of course, being from an all Slytherin family, snakes have always been a big part of your life. Unlike most families, however, yours have always dedicated a lot of time to conservation work and breeding programmes for endangered species. During the summer before coming to Hogwarts, you’d accompanied your parents on a trip to help out one of their friends with a breeding programme for Brazillian Rainbow Boas. You’d fallen in love with their pretty iridescent scales and pretty patterns. The enthusiasm with which you’d described them to Michael during that first class, had seemingly made quite an impact on him. He’s called you ‘rainbow boa’ or ‘bow’ or ‘boa’ ever since and it never fails to bring butterflies to your tummy.

As pleased as you are to see him, you’re also very confused. You weren’t aware that anyone else had detention today. “What’re you doing here, flossy?” Your pet name for him had been born during your third year at Hogwarts, when Michael had tried to show off by casting the colour changing spell on your beanie hat, unfortunately it had backfired and turned his blonde hair bright pink. You’d told him that it looked like candy floss and he’d been surprisingly pleased about that. So pleased, in fact, that he’d intentionally changed it to a less garish shade of pink which he’s kept ever since.

Michael scoffs, slumping back in his seat, although the use of your fond pet name for him brings a tinge of colour to his cheeks. “You could act a little more pleased to see me!” He states, folding his arms across the front of his crumpled robes. “I’m gifting you with my company so that you don’t have to suffer this boring fate alone!”

You raise a questioning eyebrow, silently awaiting a more insightful explanation.

“It’s incredibly lucky for you that I was caught graffiting the side of the greenhouses this afternoon.” He elaborates, loosening his tie to give himself an even more dishevelled appearance. 

His story isn’t entirely believable. Michael has been known to be mischievous in class and it’s definitely not out of the ordinary for him to end his day in detention. However, his disregard of school rules usually revolve around him talking too loudly in the library or deliberately disrupting boring classwork with random acts of clownery. Vandalism of any kind, has never really been something he’d gotten into trouble for before, so it strikes you as more than a little bit odd.

Before you can question your friend on whether or not his story is bullshit, your transfiguration teacher, Mr Barkridge, arrives. He shuffles into the classroom, his infamously long, grey moustache fluttering in the breeze he creates with his own brisk pace. He’s wearing a typically irritated expression as he fixes you and Michael with a stern glare. “Don’t get too comfortable, there.” He barks, his croaky voice grating your nerves as it always does. “You won’t be staying in here this afternoon.”

You exchange a curious look with Michael before you both get to your feet. “I thought we were meant to be re-organising your textbooks, professor.” You ponder out loud.

An almost sadistic smile takes over the elderly man’s face as he shakes his head. “Change of plan. You can both leave your bags here, you can collect them when I dismiss you.” He turns on his heel and gestures for you both to follow him.

Still curious as to what's happening, you hastily take off after the teacher, aware of Michael following close behind you.

As if he can read your mind, Mr Barkridge breaks the silence just moments after you exit classroom 1B into the semi-outdoor corridor that lines the middle courtyard. “I’ve left two yard brushes and two buckets of water out on the courtyard for you.” He explains in the most chirpy voice you’ve ever heard him use.

“And what is it that we’re meant to be doing, sir?” Michael asks, taking the words right out of your mouth as you near the archway that leads out onto the paved courtyard.

Mr Barkridge smirks, his brown eyes twinkling with something like glee. A most unusual emotion for the grumpiest teacher at Hogwarts. “Well my sixth years were practicing their bird conjuring charm this afternoon, Mr Clifford.” He replies delightedly. “As I’m sure you’re aware, our little winged friends can leave behind quite a mess!”

You have to bite back a giggle at the expression on Michael’s face he realises that your detention task is cleaning up bird poop.

Your friend’s disgusted expression seems to delight the professor even further as halts under the archway. “I expect this courtyard to be gleaming when I return in an hour.” Professor Barkridge sneers at the two of you. “If there’s even a spec of bird mess left when I carry out my inspection, you’ll both find yourselves back here tomorrow to repeat the process, do you understand?”

You nod in confirmation and you’re vaguely aware of Michael doing the same thing, before you both turn towards the cleaning implements that have been left for you against the low wall surrounding the semi-outdoor corridor. 

Professor Barkridge clears his throat before you’ve even taken two steps and you halt, turning back to shoot him a questioning glance.

“Your wands…” The elderly teacher sneers, holding out a wrinkly hand to each of you. “I’m not stupid enough to believe that neither of you will try to cheat by using magic.”

It’s a huge effort not to roll your eyes as you pull your wand out from your Slytherin robes and out of the corner of your eye you see Michael handing his over, too.

“But what if we need more water?” The Hufflepuff asks, looking genuinely perplexed.

A bark of croaky laughter bursts from the teacher before he replies. “There are various bathroom facilities in the school, Mr Clifford.” He scoffs. “You have been here for five years, I know you’re aware of where they are, you’ve been excused from class often enough to use them. All of the bathrooms contain a piece of equipment called a sink, which all have taps that dispense hot and cold water. Please feel free to use those to refill your buckets.”

You have to bite back a laugh as Michael blushes with embarrassment.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it.” Professor Barkridge nods, still looking disgustingly pleased with himself. “I’ll be back in an hour.” He heads off towards his office without a backwards glance and you watch him until he turns a corner and disappears from sight.

Michael sighs dramatically as he grabs one of the yard brushes and a bucket. “This is gonna fucking suck.” He mutters, tipping a little of the water over the nearest patch of bird poo. 

You nod in agreement, glancing around the mucky courtyard. “We’re never gonna finish this in one hour.” You grumble, taking hold of your own brush and bucket of water. “Especially since you don’t know how to fill up a bucket without magic.” 

The Hufflepuff sneers at you as his cheeks heat up, turning a deep pink as he purposely sweeps some water your way. “Fuck you, boa.” He hisses, although his expression when he glances over at you , is all-too-fond. “I bless you with my company and this is how you repay me?”

Chuckling, you sidestep the mini wave Michael sweeps your way before moving your bucket to a patch a few feet away from him. “I never asked you to keep me company.” You reply honestly, tipping a little of your water over a particularly shitty cluster of paving stones.

Michael’s blush deepens a little bit as he drops his gaze, apparently becoming seriously interested in the job at hand all of a sudden. “Well I’m not mad that we got to spend this bit of extra time together.” He mumbles, scrubbing the ground a little too enthusiastically and splashing water over his own shoes. 

“Is that why you lied about vandalising the greenhouses? To spend an hour scrubbing up bird shit with me?” You ask, your voice sounding a little cautious. Even though you’re fairly sure Michael would never graffiti on one of his beloved greenhouses, there’s still a tiny niggling doubt that maybe you’ve misjudged this whole situation.

He mumbles something that you can’t quite make out as he concentrates on his task, deliberately avoiding your gaze.

“What was that, flossy?” You smirk, stepping a little closer to him so that you can hear him better when he speaks again.

“I said I don’t know why you’d think I’d lie about something like that…” Michael responds, shrugging his shoulders as he continues to stare at the ground he’s brushing. “It’s not like I want to be in detention.”

Even though you can’t see much of Michael’s face behind his long fringe, you can tell by his tone of voice that he’s being cagy and he also sounds a little embarrassed. This is classic Michael behaviour after he’s been caught out on something. It’s your confirmation that you’re right about him not being a vandal. He obviously isn’t in the mood to talk about it right now, though, so you decide to drop the subject for the time being. “Well regardless of how you ended up here, I’m still distressed that you don’t know how to fill a bucket with water without magic.”

Without saying a word Michael picks up his bucket again and swiftly sloshes some more water onto the paving stones. He purposely ensures that he aims it close enough to you that some of it splashes up at you, soaking the bottom of your robes.

An involuntary squeal escapes you as you pick up your own bucket and deliberately soak Michael’s feet with a hefty portion of its contents. 

The Hufflepuff lets out a squeaky yell as the water soaks through the bottom of his trouser legs. “I’m gonna get you for that!” He threatens jokingly, dropping his yard brush and lunging at you, hands outstretched ready to tickle your sides.

Luckily for you, he’s a creature of habit. You manage to anticipate his move in enough time to sidestep the ‘attack’. It would be easy for you to deflect him and run away, but instead it’s like the part of you that wants him as more than a friend takes over your usually rational mind. You grab him with both hands and push him against the nearest stone pillar, pinning him to it by his wrists.

Michael lets out an involuntary gasp as you inadvertently press your body against his. He goes pliant in your grasp, sinking back against the wall as his startled eyes drift to your lips. Without allowing yourself to overthink it, you lean in closer to him until the tip of your nose is touching his. “You need to get better moves, Clifford.” You whisper, ensuring that he can feel your breath on his lips.

The Hufflepuff meets your gaze as he tilts his head to one side ever-so-slightly. “I agree.” He replies before surging forward to close the tiny gap between his lips and yours. The kiss is soft and hesitant but you melt into it easily. It doesn’t feel real at first, you’ve imagined this moment hundreds of times but it somehow feels even more perfect than any daydream you’ve ever had about it.

“Well that’s certainly a new move, flossy.” You giggle breathlessly, as you pull back from him, fully aware that you’re blushing terribly. 

Michael lets out a small chuckle too as he twists his wrists in your grip. You release him reluctantly but you’re rewarded when he cups your cheek gently with one hand. “I’ve wanted to do that forever.” He confesses quitely, his nerves clear in his soft tone.

“What stopped you?” You ask, leaning into his touch. 

Michael shrugs, “I dunno… I guess part of me would never believe you’d like me as more than a friend.”

Giggling you place a kiss on his cheek. “We’re more alike than I care to admit, flossy.”

Michael regards you with a confused expression for a moment. It’s very in character for him to not even contemplate the possibility that you’ve liked him back this whole time.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you since the second you sat next to me in our first ever Charms class five years ago.” You admit, cautiously interlacing your fingers with his at your side. “I just never thought you saw me that way, either.”

“That’s a very ‘us’ thing to do.” Michael smiles sweetly. “I can’t believe we could have been kissing this whole time.”

As much as you want to continue this tender moment with your long-term crush, you know that if you don’t get on with your detention task, the two of you will get into even bigger trouble. That’s just something you can’t allow to happen when your O.W.L exams are fast approaching. “Well we can make up for it after this detention.” You smirk, reluctantly backing away from him. “You can sit at the Slytherin table for dinner and then take me to the library.” 

Michael blushes at your insinuation and suggestive tone, but agrees to it eagerly as he picks up his brush again. “I’ve always loved how direct you are.” He muses out loud. “You always know what you want, that's part of what attracts me to you so much.”

Trying not to act like the love-sick puppy you’re quickly becoming, you pick up your own brush and fix him with a knowing smirk. “I always know when you’re lying too, flossy, don’t forget that.”

Michael rolls his eyes, finally conceding that he’s not going to get away with his bullshit about the vandalism. “Fine, I lied about the greenhouse graffiti.” He confesses. “It wasn’t me that drew the dick on the door, Luke did it earlier in the day. I told Professor Boyde it was me because Luke wasn’t there to take the blame anyway since you blew up his nose in the class before. I knew you’d gotten detention for that and I wanted to keep you company.”

Your heart melts at Michael’s sweet gesture. As far as teenage love goes, taking the punishment for someone else so that he could spend an hour in detention with you, is just about as romantic as it gets.

Tag list: @clffrd @byxthexway @afuckingunicornn @painkillerash @moonchildsblack @calumbbyyy @h0tsos @loveroflrh @sexgodashton @megz1985 @myfalsedevotion @aulxna @honeyedlashton @tea4sykes @ghostofmashton @fairyintheglass @cashworthy @cashtonasfuck @opheliaaurora23 @5sosnsfw @wildmichaelflower @myloverboyash @loverofcashton @irwinkitten @cxddlyash @wildmalumflower @cashtonasff5sos @iovehemmings @kindawannacryx @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​ @celticclifford @5-secondsofcolor

[peachhoneii]

Board Meeting Baby:

Wanted to write this for a while now. It’s such a fun concept to think about, and it’d be awesome to see what would’ve happened if Scrooge had ever done this (with Donald/Della/both).

There’s a reason the board didn’t voice a single complain to Louie’s presence at the board meeting.

Scrooge had done it before, but they’ll admit it wasn’t as destructive.

@peeka-boo-blogs, @donaldtheduckdad, @humanityinahandbag (it ain’t angst), and @robinine-blog

Happy New Year everyone!

Santiago Reyes preferred the comforts of his uptown office.

These comforts included his desk, his table, his vending machine, his secretary, and the fifteen-minute drive to and from home. The last was consequentially vain of him, he knew, but he was of the opinion that his office was far more aesthetically pleasing compared to the titanium-cinder block rock that was a rock blotch on the puny if usually lovely island.

Scrooge McDuck was not the sort of man to hold a board meeting where he didn’t want to. He was known to avoid such meetings if he could, which was frequently, and preferred to meet at his expressed approval, a habit that had become exceedingly rare in the past five months.

The decision to make the forty-minute drive to the Money Bin was not made easily. He, Alcides, and Frankie made the terrible drive from the safety of their offices, and settled into preparation for what was to come.

Santiago prepared the balance sheets. Alcides took upon the income statements. Frankie bit down into the cash flow statement, right eye twitching at the numbers. He felt for the slightly younger buzzard. It must be difficult, so recently incorporated into the board.

“What do you think he’ll say this time?”

“I’m not sure.” Santiago answered, “He isn’t the type of man to give excuses, just answers and demands, but,” he sighed as he straightened the balance sheets on the table while Frankie prepared the presentation along the wall, “he has been…distracted as of lately. My secretary has informed me all calls from my office have been put on indefinite hold.”

Alcides sniffed loudly, “As you may know why.”

“Alcides,” Santiago warned.

Frankie’s turned to stare wide eyed at them, “What?”

“Oh you know,” Alcides straightened his papers on the table, “it seems he has become reacquainted with an old friend from his prospector days,” he sent a chilled glare down the table, “we’ve discussed this, Santiago.”

“As I am well aware, Alcides.”

“And what did you say about the rumors?”

“I said it was best to ignore them.” That alone did not sway Alcides, “It would only fan the flames if he or any of us gave comment, and we don’t want the flames to grow.”

“Why are we worried about flames,” Frankie dug through his suitcase.

Alcides sneered, “As long as Mr. McDuck stays true, we may not have to,” and even quieter, “fortunately, we may not have to worry about this matter today.”

“Fortunately.” Santiago glowered in Alcides’ direction, “Let us focus our attentions on what is important.”

“And this is not important?”

“It is not relevant.”

“And who are you to say it is not relevant?”

Santiago sighed, “It is not pertinent to financial business, and knowing Mr. McDuck,” a dark tremor passed along his beak, “if we were to bring it up, it’d make him even more adamant. It is best to let it pass its natural course, and as it did not come to fruition previously, we can be safe assured it will not now.”

Alcides glared tightly. His right eye bulged as if it would shoot right out of its socket. He sighed, collected his papers, and faced Frankie, “It’s a waste to flatter him. Be direct, blunt, and to the point, he respects that.”

“Yes, yes, I am well aware of it.”

“Duckworth, inform Quackmore Ah’d like ta' take a look at the books for the renovations.” A powerful timbre of Scottish origin drummed to the meeting room, “Please remind Matilda and Hortense we’ll be visiting this afternoon.”

“Yes, Mr. McDuck.”

The door opened. Scrooge entered, and a deathly silence ensued.

Scrooge huffed as he dropped his luggage to his right. He sat at the head of the table, deep scowled, and ready to work.

Santiago flinched.

Alcides’ mouth was left agape.

Frankie stared bright eyed, a nervous grin passed on his lips. He wasn’t able to identify immediately what was wrong, but knew something was not quite right.

Three sets of eyes fell on Scrooge’s chest, unable to turn away.

“ ‘Suppose it’s that time of the day.” Scrooge pointed to the oversized projection screen behind the three men, “Ah don’t have all day.”

“What is that?” Alcides’ muttered, scandalized.

“What is what?”

“That.” He repeated, gesturing hotly at Scrooge’s chest, “What is that thing hanging around your chest?”

Scrooge frowned, glanced down, then back at up wearing the most obvious expression on his face, “Ah don’t know what ye’ talkin’ ‘bout, it’s just a baby.”

“And may I ask why is there a baby hanging around your neck,” Santiago asked.

“It isn’t a baby.” Frustrated, Scrooge shifted the wrap the child was carefully swaddled in, “It’s my baby, and her name is Opal. She’ll be joining us from now on.”

As if this was the cue for introductions, the small infant cooed loudly for all to hear. To his horror, Santiago saw a pair of tiny, little fingers reach for Scrooge.

Scrooge’s obstinate scowl cracked under gentle smiles and warm eyes as he cooed gleefully in return, “There she is, me wee bairn, now, now, say hello to the Executive Board, yes, yes, ye’ll be comin’ with Poppa from now on, won’t ye?”

“I suppose this explains your frequent absences, sir.”

“Yes, Mr. -,” Scrooge peered curiously at him, “may Ah ask which one are ye, Condor is it?”

“Frankie Condor, yes.” He smiled at the baby, “Congratulations, sir.”

“Thank ye.” His scowl returned, “Now, that’s out of the way, let’s get on with this.”

Santiago stared at his downcast reflection on the table. When he raised his head, his flabbergasted irises met with Alcides’ incensed pair glowering back at him.

Her preferred not think of what his call to his secretary would sound like.

“Mr. McDuck.”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

Scrooge looked up from his task, “Isn’t it obvious?”

“I wish it wasn’t, sir.”

“She needsto be changed.” He flicked his chin towards them, “And Ah’m listening, ye said what about the renovations?”

Alcides’ straightened his tie, “I said there was no need for the amount of money spent for the renovations of the mansion.”

“Ah did say renovations.” He lifted Opal’s tiny feet, gently wiping the poop off of her bottom, “It was for the nursery.”

“Nursery?”

“Yes, nursery.” He flinched at the odor, “Me darlin’, Ah must say, this formula makes ye a monster.”

The child’s giggles grated on his ears. Alcides' teeth grinded loudly, “Sir, you must say, the funds used for this nursery are atrocious.”

“Ah, yes, yes.” He said dismissively, “But do ye have any ideas how many revenge curses and diabolical plans have crossed me head over the past ten years?”

“I doubt these curses and plans cost $250,765.75.”

“Who knows?” He powdered the baby’s bottom, “Ah don’t know what it’s going to be like in the future if Ah keep going the way I do. Ah might have tae’ start some kind of magical defense.”

Alcides sat down quietly, “You had to hire Von Drake for this?”

“Certainly, Von Drake is a man out of time, beyond time.” He scrutinized the standing man, “Not like Ah’d expect ye to understand it.”

“And why is that?” Alcides drawled, “An infant doesn’t need so much protection.”

“Aye, she does.” He strapped the diaper and cooed proudly, but Alcides glared at the steady gleam over the man’s gaze, the warning that didn’t need to be said aloud, “When her poppa’s Scrooge McDuck.”

He sucked in a sharp breath, “Moving on, may we discuss the revenue reports, Mr. Reyes.”

“Yes.” Santiago coughed, “Lets hurry, there’s much to discuss.”

Scrooge’s crooked brow lifted slightly, “Ah’m not surprised.”

A self-proclaimed man of cleverness and crippling astuteness, Alcides was at a loss for his next action. Scrooge’s penetrative gaze mocked him, tested him as he divulged critically in the statements they prepared for the meting. He listened carefully, making harsh comments when he felt necessary – rapid defense of specific purchases, and harshness slipped into tenderness whenever the child was concerned.

The quick spasms from unforgiving businessman to doting father was baffling, maddening, and potentially dangerous.

“Light o’ my life, don’t drool on Poppa’s coat.”

“Something needs to be done quickly.”

Frankie didn’t understand what was so wrong.

“Alcides, there isn’t much we can do.” Santiago massaged his temples, “The child is here, there isn’t more to be done.”

“So you say!” Alcides passed back and forth, forth and back, his hands twisted anxiously, “A lot of things can be done.”

Santiago dismissed him with a roll of his eyes, “We’re talking about a child, Alcides. Scrooge isn’t going to announce the baby’s birth, but surely, reporters are going to notice.”

“I don’t see the problem.” Frankie packed his things into the suitcase, “I think it’s…progressive for him have brought her here, to think she may take over one day.”

Alcides growled, “I highly doubt it.”

“It’s certainly possible, bringing her to board meetings, saying it’s going to be something we’ll get used to.” Frankie frowned at each of them, speaking softly, “It’s just a baby, Alcides -,”

“Just a baby!”

“And he isn’t the only one doing it.” Frankie added, “Flintheart Glomgold brought his own daughter to a diamond mining expedition, and I don’t think she’s much older than little Opal.”

“He also had a nanny,” Alcides huffed.

Santiago cocked his head debatably, “And what of the Rockerducks?

“The young heir recently had a daughter of his own.” Frankie explained testily. This was information they should have acquired far earlier, “He and his bride welcomed a daughter into the family a few weeks ago.”

Santiago leaned back in his chair, fingers tapping softly against each other, “Excellent points, Frankie, but Mr. McDuck’s scandalous circumstances have made this…complicated.”

“Exceptionally so.”

“Can anyone inform me before he returns?”

Santiago nodded, and Alcides sniffed, “His old acquaintance was a harlot in Dawson City…the Klondike.”

“My sources say she was a dancehall girl at a saloon.”

“She drugged him and robbed him.”

“Maybe, he's into that kind of stuff,” Frankie whispered, “I’ve read articles about it.”

“About what?”

“About certain activities couples indulge in.” He closed his suitcase, “I find it extremely interesting. Human sexuality is a marvel.”

Alcides glared, “We are not dealing with a mere human. This is Scrooge McDuck, and when this gets out,” he pinched the skin between his eyes, “consider the damage to his reputation.”

“He already seemed to have damaged his reputation.” Frankie shrugged, “He is known for his terrible temper, unyielding obstinacy, and savvy business skills…I doubt the fact he has produced an illegitimate child will do much harm to him that he hasn’t done already.”

“Do you think this will help?” Alcides slammed his hands on the table. The roar of the projector drowned his heavy breathing, “It is our job to protect Mr. McDuck’s best self-interests.”

“And his daughter isn’t?”

His cold glare sent a tremor up his spine, “No.”

“You can do what you like, sir.” Frankie said quietly, “But I think this is one battle you cannot win. The Hippie Movement is in full swing, and it is not unheard of for unwed mothers and fathers to take charge in raising their children these days.”

Alcides slid into his chair, “Damn hippies. We cannot allow Mr. McDuck to be associated with them.”

“And he won’t,” Santiago declared.

“How do you know?”

Frankie stood from his chair, “He’s a capitalist, and one of the greatest known to the world. He represents everything they hate,” he thought for a moment, “most of the things they hate," he turned around with a bored sigh,"this meeting has been adjourned.”

“I must say,” Santiago placed his papers into his briefcase, “you are in a hurry, Mr. Condor.”

“Well, Reyes.” He grinned as he looked back at their mildly interested and disinterred faces, “My wife and children are waiting for me. We’re going to Funso’s Funzone!”

He ran out the door, leaving his two colleagues dumbfounded.

Santiago blinked at Alcides, “What is a Funso?”

“I don’t know.” He glared at his briefcase, shutting it with a definite click, “But I hate it.”

Opal kicked.

“Ah know, my darlin’.” Scrooge strapped the belt around and under the baby seat, “Ready ta’ go, ready ta’ sleep, but we’ll be at Auntie Hortense’s soon.’

He grunted as he readjusted the strap. This never did get easier.

Duckworth stood to the side, watching carefully as his employer struggled with the seat belt, “Mr. McDuck, do you require assistance?”

“Nah, nah, Ah donnae any help.” He grunted and pushed the metal into the slot, and cackled when it clicked – locked, “Good riddance ta’ ye!”

Opal giggled, legs kicking towards him, suddenly excited.

“Ye ready to make noise, are ye?” He sat beside her, and stared across the seat, “And did ye’ have fun watchin?”

Quackmore shrugged, “It was more comical than I was expecting the work day to be,” he smiled at Opal, “but it’s also far more cuter than I expected too. Nice to meet you, Opal.”

He offered his finger to her, and laughed when she took hold of it, “Yes, I’m your Uncle Quackmore.”

“Not married yet.”

“Will be soon.” His stare flickered to Scrooge, “And what of you and Miss O’Gilt?”

Scrooge huffed, “There isn’t anything to say.” He glared guardedly at his soon to be brother-in-law, “My board nearly had a heart attack when they saw her, and with her being in the Andes for the unforeseeable future, I

Opal craned her head to look at Scrooge.

“Here ya’ daddy, don’t ya’?” Quackmore eased back into his seat, “It’s amazing that the cheapest, stingiest, most miserly, turnip-squeezingest, penny-pinching tightwad on Earth could help create a precious, darling, adorable, and divine little creature as you.”*

She giggled and coughed. Scrooge raised his head for that, and started to dig into the diaper bag.

“Ah didn’t want to use this in the meeting.” He placed the pump above her mouth, “Ta’ think what else they’d have to say. Was positive Vultur was about to have a heart attack right then and there.”

“Can they do anything about it?”

She fought him for several moments, “No, they can’t,” he pumped gently, relaxing as her breathing eased, “but that doesn’t meant they won’t try to convince me other wise.”

“I don’t know why you decided to get a board.”

“Ah need to make sure Ah’m not wasting money, to make sure it’s circulating as it should.” He counted each pump, “Ah know they don’t like the sound of her.”

What they thought of the baby and her mother didn’t faze Scrooge in the slightest. Quackmore had never seen a man, as more in love with a child, not even his father was as tender with Daphne when she hatched.

But after all, Daphne’s extraordinary luck had soothed the majority of his parents’ fears.

“Boot’ it doesn’t hurt to give her an early lesson about business,” he returned the pump to its diaper bag, “an’ who knows, she may want to run her poppa’s financial empire some day.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“A possibility.” The future was a long way from the present, “But we just want her to be happy…that’s all…and healthy too.”

“But…”

“Boot’ Ah donnae think it’d hurt to learn early about earning your money fair and square, and the work need ta’ become a success.”

“That’s extremely thoughtful of you.” Quackmore glanced down and softened his tone, “Extremely thoughtful. I think she’s going to be fine, even if it’s a bit too soon to say.”

Scrooge peeked over her head, “She’s asleep?”

“Yep.”

“Good.” He grinned and reclined in his chair, “She was never going ta’ go down for her twelve o’clock, but Ah hate the board and their meeting.”

Had they been drinkers, they would’ve drunk to that.

[abarbaricyalp]

Teach Me Something New

(A normal AU in which Adam never got out of the public school system, never met Ronan and Gansey, and could never dare to dream of politics and becomes a teacher instead and Ronan didn’t dream up Opal just...got her. IDK)

Ronan is in a scowling mood. He scowls while Opal runs around his legs. He scowls as he buttons a shirt over his tank top and then unbuttons it again so it just hangs open. He scowls as he tries to find a pair of shoes that aren’t caked in mud. He scowls when he realizes his kid still hasn’t changed out of her stained shirt.

“Opal, I told you to go change,” he says, tugging on an old pair of converse that makes him miss lazy school days with Gansey so much a physical ache erupts in his chest.

It’s not that he doesn’t like  where he is in his life right now. He loves it. He loves the Barns. He loves Opal. He loves farmer’s markets most weekends. Hell, he doesn’t even mind fighting with the school system again with Opal. It’s the part of the school system he never had to deal with that’s really getting him going. He loves Opal but he really doesn’t like kids. Any of them. None of her friends. None of her classmates. Not the shrieking brats at the store. Opal is his and he loves her but that was as far as the love for kids went. And, God, the parents. Ronan’s parents had never been really involved in his schooling. He couldn’t even remember that much that warranted their involvement. Maybe private school would be better for Opal. Certainly better for his nerves. He hated the way the other parents looked at him. He hated their snide comments about how young he was and how old, in relation, Opal was. He hated every single one of them and he hated having to do anything that would put him in close proximity to him. So, yes, he was scowling.

“I wanna match you,” Opal says from where she’s sitting on a chair stacked high with clothes Ronan just hasn’t gotten around to putting up. And it’s true, she’s trying to match him. Ronan’s shirt is a light blue plaid flannel and her shirt is almost the same shade except for where Spaghetti-Os have discolored it to an unnatural orange.

“Well,  you can match me after I do the laundry. We’re going to be late.”

Opal makes a face, her lips going in the most unamused straight line that looks like she took it right off of Ronan’s own face, and then bounces back to her connected room. She comes out a moment later in a navy blue shirt that kind of matches some of the stripes on Ronan’s shirt.

Ronan had finally managed to get dressed and he tugged on Opal’s ponytails. “I thought I told you to behave at school.”

“I do behave!” she objects quickly, looking shocked and just a little bit hurt and a lot a bit indignant.

“I don’t think there has to be mandatory parent teacher meetings for kids who behave,”  he argues just as hotly. He lets go of her pigtails to squeeze her shoulders.

“No, Mr. Parrish set up appointments for everyone! He said so because he knew there were parents like you.” She jabs a finger into Ronan’s stomach and startles a sound out of him.

“Well, I think Mr. Parrish lied so none of you would keep your parents from hearing what little shits you are.”

Opal rolls her eyes and grabs Ronan’s wallet and his keys. “Can we go? You’re going to make us late like you do every morning.”

Ronan rolls his eyes in turn and sticks out his tongue at her. “Have you brushed your teeth?”

“Have you?”

Lightening fast, he reaches out to tickle her sides and sends her shrieking in laughter down the other end of the house and out the door. He ducks into her room to grab the jacket she always wants and her little hat before following her. She’s already tucked herself into his car, dutifully awaiting him to strap in the rest of her car seat. She was small and he was a relatively reckless driver still. Sue him for keeping his kid safe.

Opal prattles on and on about nothing in particular for the entire ride to the school. It’s not a long ride. Most of it is getting away from the Barns and into town. But she manages to cover topics from the goats’ reaction when she read them her weekend reading for class to how she watched the baby pig poop to Mr. Parrish’s dog that he sometimes brings to class after sending out a permission note. Opalis fond of the huge thing. Ronan’s never seen it himself but she says it’s as tall as she is when it’s standing on all its paws and that it has scraggly hair. (“Like the beard you try to grow, Kerah.”) Opal’s a friend to animals everywhere so Ronan’s not totally sold on a giant dog wandering around a school.

Ronan doesn’t know much about Mr. Parrish. Opal likes him well enough but doesn’t talk at length about him. He knows that Mr. Parrish is young-ish, though Opal is about as good with ages as Ronan is with math. If given the chance, she will tell people, confidently, that Gansey is still in high school.  He knows that Mr. Parrish is soft spoken and he has a dog and he lives alone. He knows that he’s kind and smart and that no one is really afraid of him. (This observation because Opal’s first grade teacher was potentially a demon in disguise who hated all of the students according to, well, all the students)

Opal is still talking as Ronan parks the car and got out. Even when he starts unbuckling her and pulling her out of the back seat. She only falls silent when a few of her classmates were walking out the door. Then she presses closer to Ronan and holding onto his leg tightly.

“Opal, I can’t walk like that. Just...hold on.” He unwinds her and then takes her hand, swinging their arms between their bodies until she smiles and then starts to laugh.

“Stop. Stop! You’re gonna rip my arm off.”

“Good. Then you can’t try to take my leg with you everywhere.”

It isn’t hard to find Mr. Parrish’s room. There’s a constant flow of students in and out of the second grade wing and Mr. Parrish’s seems to be the quietest but warmest at the far end of the hall. Ronan’s met Mr. Parrish before. Not been introduced but sat in the same room. During Open House, another required attendance thing, he’d sat in the back of the room, bouncing Opal on his knee and hugging her close because she didn’t feel good but wanted to go to avoid getting in trouble. Gansey had been having a heart attack over some girl he met on campus and so Ronan was a little too preoccupied to pay attention to the quiet man at the front of the room who was having to deal with more problematic parents than Ronan was going to be.

His room hadn’t been quite completed yet. There were signs on the doors that said corny shit like, “Excuse our mess! The children are learning!” to cover up the fact that the second grade wing had only been completed a few days before the year started. It still smelt like new wood and fresh paint and the floors hadn’t been waxed yet.Ronan hadn’t realized how much he’d come to associate waxed floors with a new year. Parrish’s classroom had been mostly boxes at that point. There was a measly reading corner with a bean bag and a few blankets. A few dozen picture books had lined a shelf and a half. Boxes piled up in empty spaces. There had been an activity corner that was just a table with three boxes sat under it. His own desk had had only a few knick-knacks.

Now, the room is cluttered and lived in and warm. There’s faux candles on Parrish’s desk and the window sills. Hundreds of books line his shelves, ranging from little cardboard picture books to the Harry Potter series. The activity center has a treasure chest full of costumes and props and there are little science experiment tables set up. Arts and crafts coat the walls or dry on racks. His desk is still bare of personal effects but there are dozens of little notes and drawings from his students.

And then there’s Mr. Parrish. Ronan didn’t remember Mr. Parrish being so handsome. He was just finishing up with the family in front of them--some snot nosed kid who was playing on a phone while his mother had more tan on her than Ronan could afford to get in a month. (Excluding inheritance and life insurance. He didn’t use it that often, let him live)

Parrish looks like something out of a book. He looks transported from Princess Bride or some steampunk YA novel. He’s beautifully bronzed and his forearms are defined from where they’re visible beneath the rolled sleeves of his baby blue button up. There are a few scars along his skin and his hands are just a little disfigured to suggest a life of work beyond the classroom. His hair is messy but he’s tried to part it somehow. He’s really nicely proportioned. ‘As you wish,’ Ronan wants to say as he sinks to his knees.

Fuck, that’s his kid’s teacher. His kid who isn’t holding onto his hand anymore but running to the teacher to envelope him in a bear hug when he looks up at them and smiles wide and squats down to open his arms to her.

Ronan does not look at the way his dress pants pull tight over his thighs. He busies himself with glaring at the mother who is sneering at him, looking over his casual dress and his youth. Once she’s gone, he turns his attention back to Parrish. He’s looking up at Ronan and, Christ, his eyes look like every type of cliche for gemstone eyes. Ronan’s mouth goes dry and he takes a moment to swallow and try to remember how vocal cords work.

“Mr. Parrish,” he says, stepping forward and holding out a hand. “I’m Ronan Lynch. Opal’s guardian.” it still felt wrong to say father. Not wrong in that he didn’t think he was. Just… It was a difficult situation to explain to people. She didn’t call him dad so he didn’t say he was her father. He’d let her decide how this relationship was going to go. As it was, he thought they were pretty fucking special without dumb ass names to go with it.

“Mr. Lynch, Opal’s very favorable of you.” Adam smiles and Ronan’s heart tries to vacate his chest. Mr. Parrish looks very good hugging Ronan’s kid. Parrish looks very good on his knees…

Goddammit.

“Please, have a seat, Mr. Lynch,” Parrish says, standing up and gesturing to the undersized chair in front of his desk. Opal laughs when Ronan tries to sit on it with little success. She has to climb onto hers a little bit and the difference is hilarious to her.

Parrish looks at home behind the desk and Ronan suddenly wishes he had  Opal in his lap so his hands had something to do rather than pick uselessly at callouses.

“Opal is extremely gifted. I don’t think I’ve ever had a student as eager to learn as her.” Opal preens next to Ronan and then sticks her tongue out at him.

“I told you I wasn’t in trouble.”

Adam smiles at them and Ronan feels like jumping out a window. “How long have you been teaching?”

“About three years now. I was lucky enough to get hired on here as soon as I graduated. It’s technically the school I went to.”

Ronan would rather die on the streets before he went back to Aglionby. This guy must not have much of a life. “Technically?”

“Well, they tore down the building I actually went to school in. It’s part of the bus barn now.”

Ronan only vaguely remembered that happening a few years ago. There were supposedly old tunnels under the school and Ronan had had to remind Gansey that they had a two year old in the next room and mindless fucking off to explore potential holes in the ground was not an option for them anymore.

As if reading his mind--and sometimes Ronan honest to God thought Opal could--she asks, “Were the tunnels real?”

Adam furrows his brow before that brilliant smile takes over. “You  know, I’d tell you…”

“But then I’d have to kill you. I know. I know! You always say that.” She pouts at him and Ronan reaches over to yank on her ponytail.

“Behave.”

“Opal, do you want to go wait in the hallway while I talk to...Ronan about some adult stuff.”

“I’m an adult,” she says petulantly. Ronan is still too fascinated by the way Parrish caught himself from saying, ‘your dad’ to much care what his kid’s saying. Whatever it was, it made Adam smile, something soft and sweet. Ronan was going to set himself on fire.

“Can you go show your classmates how to be an adult out in the hallway?”

Opal takes an irritated breath and slides off the chair and stalks off to the hallway, pulling the door behind her.

“Is something wrong?” Ronan asks after watching his kid disappear into the gaping maw of the world without him. He didn’t like it. It’s why he didn’t watch when he dropped her off in the morning.

“No, no. Opal is a pleasure to have in class.” Ronan snorted but Parrish continued. “It’s just that Opal is...not shy, per se. But she doesn’t interact with the other kids all that much. She’s very confident when she’s answering questions or doing work but as soon as I suggest she ask someone for a color or to give her her scissors back, she gets a scared look in her eyes. Have you noticed it?”

It’s like a sudden and swift shot to his gut. Something reminiscent of his school days, picking fights behind cafes and bars and on dirt roads in the glare of his headlights. He hadn’t thought about Opal potentially being alone when she went to school. Parrish was right. Opal was outgoing and talkative and confident but he’s never really seen her with anyone other than the few friends she occasionally asked to be taken out with. He did remember her saying she and Gracie, Maya, and Sheila weren’t in the same class this year. Shit.

Ronan hadn’t had the best time in school when he was younger. He met Gansey in the sixth grade and after that it smoothed out but he remembered the aching loneliness until his brother would come over and eat with him or some girl would take pity on him and be his partner in class. The idea that the same thing was happening to Opal made it hard to breathe for the sudden and intense pain blooming in his chest.

“Mr. Lynch?” Parrish reaches forward and Ronan instinctively jerks back. Parrish doesn’t look pityingly at him. Instead, Ronan recognizes the realization in his eyes. And...some kind of understanding. “You and she are very similar.”

“What?” Ronan croaks out. His heart is still hammering in his chest and he can’t really concentrate with the lightheadedness that’s suddenly taken over.

“Your facial expressions. She looks just like that when I suggest she talks to other students.”

Ronan clears his throat once, twice, a third time before he reaches up to hide wiping at his eyes with pinching his nose and rubbing his temples. “Uh, no. I’ve never...I’ve never…” It’s a fucking lie though. Opal clings onto him whenever she sees someone at the grocery store. She’d just done it five minutes ago outside the school. Jesus, fuck he hadn’t even noticed. “I’ll talk to her. Um. Yeah. She’s...at home she talks all the time. You can’t make her shut up. But..yeah. She...doesn’t talk to kids when we’re out.” He swallows hard and stands up so quickly the chair topples over behind him.

Parrish stands as well, reaching out as if to steady Ronan. “Mr. Lynch, your daughter is beyond fine. There’s nothing wrong with her at all. I’d say there’s something very special about her.”

Ronan glares at him but then the man’s image blurs and distorts. When it clears again, Ronan can feel tears on his cheeks. “I know she’s special,” he huffs, wiping his cheeks and then squeezing his eyes shut which only lets a few more tears fall. “I don’t need anyone to tell me that.”

He can hear Parrish move from the other side of the desk and he feels an arm around his shoulders. It’s a little awkward and he can tell Adam is kind of tip toeing to do so. “You’re raising her alone, right?” he asks.

Ronan thinks of Matthew baby sitting and Gansey showing up to suddenly steal her away for a weekend of adventure. He thinks of Declan and the nice ass shit that Opal owns because of him. He thinks of all the old ladies at the farmers market who are so enamored with her, Ronan and Opal always leave with a crate full of things they didn’t buy. He thinks of her friends’ moms who are always happy to keep her overnight for a sleepover or grab her from school if Ronan is still stuck at the vet’s office or in the middle of a field somewhere.

But then he thinks about trying to figure out what foods she likes and avoid allergies. He thinks about the way he panics about how much money they might have with the inheritance split between them. He thinks about laying awake at night and staring at the ceiling while he listens to her in the next room. He thinks about how many times he’s made her cry and slam doors when he punishes her. He thinks about the looks they get in public and wonders if Opal sees them too. He thinks about breaking down in hot teachers’ classrooms because his kid talks to the goats more freely than her peers and God, where did he go wrong? He was fucking this kid up. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

“I have help but...yeah, it’s me and her,” he eventually gets out. “And the cows.” He doesn’t know why he says it. It just comes out.

“I think she’s partial to the goats,” Adam answers without missing a beat and Ronan hiccups a small laugh.

“The cows are more helpful.”

Parrish laughs then and Ronan’s ecstatic heart is at war with his dying heart. “Ronan Lynch, you are a good man. And you have a very good child. And I know it can be hard feeling like you’re on your own. Trust me, I know. But your little girl is all the proof that everything you’re doing is right. For her, for you, for the world. I think she’s going to go on to do great things.”

Ronan nodded, not willing to draw out any stupid pessimistic fight. They stay standing like that until Ronan can breathe normally and he pulls away. Parrish squeezes Ronan’s arm and then leans over his desk. Ronan allows himself to look at how his dress pants pull tight over his ass.

“Listen, I know it’s a little unconventional but if you ever need help with anything, anyone Ronan, let me know. This is my number. I answer most of the time unless I’m with the kids.” He smiles that smile and hands over a post it note shaped like a lightening bug. Ronan lets himself draw his fingers over Parrish’s and tries to memorize the beautiful knobs and wrinkles on them by touch alone.

“Even if it’s something as simple as coffee. I know it can be nice to have conversations with adults when you primarily deal with children.” His grin is crooked, pulled to the left side of his face like it’s trying to connect with a pale scar that snakes down from his temple to his cheekbone, detouring to the corner of his eye halfway there. Ronan wants to take him apart at every seam and hear every story as they restitch themselves back together.

“Coffee,” Ronan answers softly, looking at the blocky number. He recognizes it from the grades on Opal’s homework. He nods and bites his lips. “Thank you. It was nice meeting you, Mr. Parrish.”

“Please, call me Adam. Especially when you ask me out.” And, oh, his grin can turn into a smirk that has no business being in a second grade classroom. Ronan Lynch was doomed.

((Damn this one was long. Sorry not sorry. It makes up for yesterday. First time...meeting! Don’t ask me how an eighteen year old acquires a baby and raises it. That’s why I didn’t choose that prompt. If you don’t think Adam Parrish would become a teacher and help kids like him, you’re wrong. And where’s my child Noah you ask? Please be considerate and don’t. My brain was saying future AU for some reason so he was dead in my mind :( ))

[coshayphinelove]

@politeyeti , it’s been like... a billion years, but i lost my original post (tumblr ate a bunch of my drafts) and then i forgot about it and then i forgot what i wrote and now i remember.  so here it is...  more trans!delphine.

the Business Professional suits she wore in season 3 made what was already a hellish emotional nightmare into a hellish emotional dysphoric nightmare.  she can’t even look at shoulder pads anymore.

she’s really bad at expressing herself about anything.  she doesn’t feel like she has a right to be upset about the horrible things that have happened because she caused some of them.  literally the only thing she ever candidly talks to cosima about is dysphoria.  through talking about it so much she gets really good at identifying a lot of her biggest triggers and gets better at avoiding/dealing with them.  but then she has to talk about her other feelings because there’s nothing left to talk about.  she can’t decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

loves loves loves loves baths.  hates hates hates hates that the basement lab bathroom only has a shower stall.  showering together is nice but it’s not cuddling together in a cocoon of warm water surrounded by bath bomb fragrances.

has not cut her face shaving in almost a decade.  tells anyone who will listen at every opportunity.

petey doesn’t give her hormones while she’s on the island.  so on her lil old people poop adventures she finds a drug dealer that sells hormones to trans people who would not otherwise be able to get them.  she gets pills because they are the easiest to hide in a plastic bag in her bra.  but she has to ration them, seeing as she doesn’t know when she’ll be out next.  she literally never lets the baggie out of her sight, even going as far as bathing with them.

mrs. s notices.  probably because she has to take a dose while they’re talking and the really cool and great mood swings she gets from taking them improperly.  when she gets to the lab after geneva her preferred method of hormone intake is waiting for her with a note that promises that she’ll have as many as she needs until she can get to a doctor and a new prescription.

the ptsd, the anxiety, the depression, the dysphoria, the guilt, and the new prescription really lower her sex drive.  cosima has half of the same things but it has the opposite effect.  they have to come up with a 1 to 10 rating system for how Not Okay they are with sexing/not sexing and the conversation of “you don’t have to if you don’t want to” “but i want to make you happy” etc etc ad nauseam usually just leads to cuddle/kissing half naked.

and a coshayphine au outline below the cut bc *bill wurts voice* i’m a piece of garbage.  mobile users, please pardon the length.  i just have a lot of feelings.

shay works for a company that is somehow involved in the conspiracy some way.  she doesn’t know, but shows up where delphine got shot and saves her.  once back at the home base she offers her home as the safe house bc she sees how unwilling to talk to people she is.  

delphine is treated, they give her pain meds but nothing else.  so eventually she has to come out to shay to get hormones.  shay is surprised, but is overall very supportive.  even though it’s the bare minimum of human decency to not throw someone out of your home for being trans, it touches delphine and makes her really emotional.  (there’s probably an element of somebody caring for her wellbeing as well that makes her cry real hard.)

shay urges her to call cosima.  she’s not well.  she needs someone who knows her.  or is at least someone she didn’t threaten.  but delphine is terrified.  she doesn’t know if cosima even wants to see her.  if she feels the same.  if she would even care that delphine is marooned in toronto or would do anything about it.  and she doesn’t have anybody else.

whatever place she used to pull her strength from, that place that made her stand back up after she’d been knocked down is empty or gone.  she’s got nothing left.  she can barely keep it together when she asks to borrow a book and shay brings out a whole box.  if she can’t handle someone being kind then if cosima isn’t kind to her... what kind of state would that put her in?

so shay lets it drop.  but it is a goal that they have.  eventually, even if it is years from now, delphine will call cosima and tell her what happened.

shay reads up on trans women.  all of her trans friends are trans masculine so she really has no idea what she may need, and if they’re going to be roommates she’s gotta know her shit.  she comes to delphine after a while asking, “so i read a lot of stuff about trans women in general, but i was wondering if there was anything you needed.  like i know trans men have packers and binders and i know trans women have shaping underwear.  but i don’t know if you want any.  or if... you would need that... or... you know...”  delphine just laughs at her a little.  “that was a lot of words.”  she says she doesn’t really need much, just a razor for her face and some underwear in the next size up would be nice.

after that delphine lets shay help her bathe.  she didn’t want to out herself, but now that she’s out the smell from the places she couldn’t reach without ripping her stitches out is getting to be a bigger problem than any kind of shyness.

baths and bandage changings lead to hair brushing/braiding and eventually cuddling.  shay figures out that touch grounds delphine.  if she’s off in some panic spiral, a hand on her knee can bring her back and a hug can calm her down.  they become really close friends.

after delphine finds a sweater that used to belong to cosima she has a minor breakdown.  she details what she felt with cosima, someone who was kind and understanding and who didn’t have some kind of crisis of sexuality after finding out she was trans.  she misses her so much and is afraid she’ll never find someone like that again, that she’s either going to be alone forever or have a series of bad relationships.  it hurts shay’s heart a little and vows to herself to be the best friend she can be.

delphine develops a little bit of an agoraphobia.  she’s trans and bi and injured so doing clothes and makeup isn’t really high on her list so she’s afraid of someone noticing her and making her as trans.  and there’s actual literal people out in the world who tried to and still want to kill her, delphine, for being delphine.  she goes out for therapy and for quick errands, but mostly just stays inside.

shay is fine with that.  so many cuddles.  but at some point they share a kiss.  it’s a fading laugh, leaning slowly in, eyes wide open kiss.  and that kiss leads to a long talk.  which leads to more kisses.  which leads to them calling each other girlfriends.  which leads to sex.

sex with cosima had been a little intimidating.  she had an encyclopedic knowledge of sex acts and experience with most of them.  it’s not that she didn’t try to make her feel comfortable and everything, it was just A Lot.  so since a lot of sex with shay is relatively new to the both of them and there’s a lot more giggling and slipping and falling.  several times shay forgets that she’s gotta stop her knee a couple inches lower than she’s used to and knees delphine in the balls.  which delphine is adamant didn’t really hurt that much but her voice is so strained it gives her away.

they go on like this, but then shay gets word through work that cosima has been taken or has gone to neolution island.  delphine is beside herself.  she could die there, shay!!  so shay makes sure she is returned safely to toronto.  after a long hard talk, delphine decides that she would be okay with seeing her for a talk.

cosima takes it as well as you would assume anyone would.  she thought delphine was dead but she’s been around the corner the whole time?  and then she finds out that she’s been here, in a love den with shay [SHAY???] the entire time, while cosima was scared and alone and flirting with disease ridden bots.  she says things she immediately regrets, delphine cries, and they both see the scary dangerous side of shay that they knew existed but had never experienced when she kicks her out.

since that was literally a nightmare that delphine had on a regular basis, she’s a lil messed up from that.  she’s withdrawn and goes back to sleeping on the couch.  there’s a guilt that she just can’t get rid of.  ‘i should have called her.’  ‘i should have gone straight to her.’  ‘it was selfish to take care of myself.’ etc etc.

shay can’t get through to her so she contacts cosima and is all scary saying, “i don’t care if you’re lying, but you go and you apologize and say that it was a good thing for her to prioritize herself bc i’m afraid she’s gonna hurt herself and she’s not listening to me when i say it.”

that is Not what cosima wanted so she goes back and talks to delphine.  they talk about p much everything while shay is in the room bc “i’m going to tell her everything anyway.”  it’s emotional and awkward and so cathartic.  they finally know the truth about what happened and they finally know how the other felt and why and how and everything they ever had questions about.  as cosima is leaving, delphine asks if she can see her again.

and thus buds a friendship.

but it’s killing cosima.  with her time alone she realized that there were really only two people she could see herself dating.  and they’re dating each other.  and they have a better and stronger relationship than she had ever had with either of them.

she accepts her fate.  she knows she’s never gonna be more than their maid of honor.  the best friend.  auntie cosima.  the wing man.  she knows she’s probably never gonna date seriously again.  she’s just going to have a string of hookups but nothing more.  she knows this.  she’s just.  really depressed about it.

shay finds out.  probably through a melodramatic encounter in the hallway as shay comes home from work and cosima leaves.

and then shay has this soft spot for cosima.  and delphine for sure still loves cosima.  and it’s just this little triangle of unresolved feelings.

i can’t decide who brings up polyamory.  it’s never cosima bc she would never do it.  but if delphine did suggest it, it would be bc she wants to make cosima happy.  if shay did it it would be to make them both happy. 

and then it would be just a delphine-centric polyamorous vee.  and cosima is a little afraid of, very aware of shay.  and shay is the one who suggests closing the relationship into a triad.

potential for sarcoshayphine but this is already so long and yeah.... anyways always please talk to me about trans!delphine

[laceandhockeyskates]

Tyler Seguin - a lesson in babies

Request:  an imagine based on the pic of tyler seguin with baby cracknell please??

Author’s notes: Let’s be honest this man doesn’t know how to take care of a baby but it’d be adorable to teach him!

Warnings:

Up next: William Nylander

You were more than happy to babysit for your best friend to give her a night out with her husband, but you hadn’t signed up for his best friend to be there too. Although to be fair you could have told him you had a handle of things, but it was too cute to see the hockey player ooing over his god daughter. Besides as her god mother you knew you were going to have to bond with him sometime, and it might as well be while you were both focused on Lynde. 

He was currently settled on the couch holding the little baby in his hands over his lap. You joined the pairing as you sat on the edge of the couch looking over at your sweet god daughter. “I’m sure Adam is already planning on how to threaten anyone that dates her,” You admitted knowing that the poor darling was always going to have several hockey players around protecting her.

Tyler laughed lightly as he moved to rest her tiny little body against his bad arm in order to use his good one to run a finger lightly against her cheek. “I’m not so worried about Adam. I’m sure me and Jamie can handle the potential dating scene for him to keep his hands clean of any blood.”

You leaned over pressing a soft kiss to her little forehead, “You poor sweetheart. You’re going to be locked away until you’re forty if they have any say. I promise I’ll be the cool aunt and sneak you chocolate cake though,” you promised not realizing that you were cooing to the tiny baby until you sat up noticing Tyler’s amusement. “What?” You asked curiously arching your eyebrows.

He just shook his head handing Lynde over so that you could hold her. You took her against your chest in order to rock her gently. “You’re really good at this. How the hell did you learn it all?” He asked curiously watching the two of you in slight awe. 

You weren’t too sure what he meant. Sure you were good with her thanks to having some previous experience with babies but you didn’t think you were the greatest. You brushed it off with a shrug of your shoulders. “I guess a lot of my friend’s have had babies so I got use to it quickly. I make a mean bottle while jugging a baby, now that is a skill.”

“I might need some lessons,” he admitted heavily hanging his head before glancing over at you. You knew he wouldn’t be the best person to watch her right away but now you understood why Tia pushed the idea of you watching her together. He wanted to take care of Lynde, but he didn’t know how. 

You stood up easily with her in your arms. “At least you have a teacher for those lessons. Come on Mr. Hockey player you’re going to learn how to change a diaper, because I refuse to be the only one doing it.”

You watched as he scowled causing you to laugh loudly but he did follow behind you knowing he’d have to learn how to anyways. You put her down on her changing table gently being careful with her head before you undressed her. “How about you grab me a diaper and the wipes?” It didn’t take long to walk him through the steps, and he even put the fresh diaper on. You knew it’d be a different story once she actually had to poop, but for a first run it wasn’t the worst you had seen.

The rest of the day went smoothly. It was a lot of teaching Tyler how to take care of Lynde but he seemed to get the grasp of a lot rather easily. He was almost instantly a pro at feeding her, but when it came to burping it went down hill. Finally after several hours you put her down in her crib to sleep before collapsing beside Tyler. He shifted to wrap his arm around your shoulders but you were too tired to brush it off as you closed your eyes. “So when do I get to sleep with the teacher?” He asked curiously.

You shook your head in amusement, “Was that Tia and Adam’s plan this entire time? To get us together?” He didn’t need to answer though. You knew your friends better than that anyways. It was absolutely their plan.