#my first day off in a month finally gave me 0.2 seconds to reflect very very briefly on the past 7 months
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scottspack · 5 months ago
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i need a real diary but the online public one will have to do. im feeling so many things lately and have had such a crazy year of intense sudden growth and change and im trying to keep my head above water while also trying to appreciate and enjoy the new challenges as they come but also trying to synthesize and learn lessons not just go from one fire to the next without learning anything from the one I just put out. I want to be an intentional leader who leads in a pre meditative and considerate way and not in whatever instinctive and reactionary way first springs to mind when im in a situation. I want to make good decisions, not just acceptable ones, I want to build good habits, not just easy ones, I want to act, not just react. I’ve done a lot of maturing, but not enough. I’ve made a lot of progress, but there’s still so much room to grow. I’m proud of the decisions I’ve made, but I know I’ll look back on some of them in the future and see all of the ways I could’ve done better. I’m proud of myself and impatient for the future version of me that’s better at all of this.
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