#my day has been great <33 i'm feeling a lot better i got sick the other day 💀

[dwtsfun]

Dancing with the Stars Season 33: Weeks 3 and 4

Sorry this is so late. I was out of town for a few days last week including Monday. So I couldn't watch DWTS until Wednesday. And I was trying to get caught up with all of my shows, so this kinda got pushed to the back burner. I'm gonna make this brief as the show starts for the east coast and central time zones in less than an hour. I think it's been beaten to death, so I won't go into much detail about Gene Simmons sucking as a guest judge. Just know that he was the worst we've had on this show and that DWTS might wanna chill with the stunts. Unfortunately for Rosie, her guest judge appearance was overshadowed by Gene. But she was honestly great, kind or constructive with her critiques while still giving the kind guest judge points. While I'm sad that they left, it was time for Eric and Reggie to go. I feel like both had reached their physical limits and were only going to get worse/injure themselves as time went on.

Chandler was my favorite on both nights. Brandon choreographed one of my favorite dances that I've seen on this show with that cha-cha. I wanted more of it. While Chandler's jive wasn't as strong of a dance, it was still the best of night 2 (week 4) in my opinion. I said this on twitter, but Brandon is proving to be the male heir to Derek and Mark's throne. The man is very good at what he does, he just is never able to get through to the end to really get his props. And that's not really his or his partner's faults.

Joey is starting to be given a lot of leniency in his dances. While he is the best male there, it's not a huge gap between him and Stephen. His jive was good, but his feet were messy. His tango was okay, but stompy and definitely not the best male tango ever on the show. So let's chill out shall we. The man is good and he's a natural. He's no Gilles Marini or James Hinchcliffe.

Danny's foxtrot was super impressive and my second favorite dance of both nights. He turned the charm on and I was shocked. His paso was kinda blah, but he's improving. I hope he stays around for a long time because I see great things from him. Stephen is such an awkward mover. I didn't care for any of his dances. He has to work on his musicality and his posture. They're fun, but their dances are not impressing like they should (outside of that jive).

I hate that Ilona's nerves got the better of her in her jive. But her foxtrot was gorgeous. I need Alan to continue to tap into that energy for her moving forward. I think it will help her nerves for sure. Jenn is actually dancing better than I was expecting her to. Sasha is also doing a better job of choreographing her than he has in the past. One thing, she needs to work on really extending her lines. She's short, so her lines feel extra short when she doesn't extend.

Dwight completely forgot that cha-cha, but it was so much fun that I didn't care. It was a good time. That paso was extremely respectable though. So I'm excited for the continued growth and what things Daniella has in store for this partnership. Brooks has not danced a single dance that I have cared for. This falls on Gleb. He sucks and I'm sick of him. Either fire him or someone needs to discipline him. The entitled attitude is so stank and I want it gone. I wish Brooks had a better partner. She has so much potential and a pro that doesn't wanna get off his ass and work. And Phaedra? Well, she's a great performer. But her technique is not good. I don't think Val has given her dances that look good on her. On twitter I said that Phaedra isn't a "dancer" but she's someone that you can easily make look like a dancer. And that comes with giving her dances that look good on her. A lot of what she's done might look good for his other partners. Not Phaedra.

So that's it. Let me know your thoughts and I will talk to you all soon. Glad I got this out *checks time* 8 minutes before the show starts lol.

[polite-pandemonium]

Thoughts from an exhausted 30-something

I have been at my job nearly two years and still, sometimes I look around and see someone walk by and just think to myself, wow, I have never seen you before in my life. This honestly happens a lot more than I would like.

I need to go to the pharmacy before it closes and pick up my prescriptions, but I just need like, five minutes to think about what a bad mood I am in and wait to see if I am going to get indigestion from basically INHALING my dinner.

I also inhaled a bunch of Skittles as soon as I got in the door, what is wrong with me?

Speaking of what is wrong with me, spent a good fifteen minutes going back and forth from the kitchen to the mirror by my front door looking at my throat and thinking, "Is that part by my tonsils always red? Have I just never noticed before or am I getting sick?" like a fucking WEIRDO - my health anxiety is so much better than it was before but EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I stare at my throat like a WEIRDO.

I ended up saying to my reflection, "ARE YOU OKAY?"

I am SO SICK AND TIRED of the amount of admin life requires. Like I don't want to go to the pharmacy? I don't want to put my dinner away and pack my lunch for tomorrow and run the dish washer and fold laundry. I WANT TO REST.

I read a post on Reddit recently where the poster was lamenting the amount of life admin tasks that make her too exhausted for hobbies and I just...felt that so deeply. I haven't completed any writing in almost four years and I think while a huge part of it is work, the other part is life admin. I just spend so much time cooking and cleaning and feeding myself and book appointments and steaming my clothes and figuring out what to wear to work and putting on make up and washing and drying my hair that I just feel depleted.

But also, I was reading something a bit of writing i was working on yesterday and I just hate it! I think it's so bad! Maybe my best writing days are just behind me! Maybe I just don't got it! Maybe it's not work or life admin, but my talent! Maybe I'm the problem!

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

Taylor Swift has released two new albums (evermore, Midnights) and will probably release a new one (TTPD) before I get around to updating my fic.

Taylor Swift is a year older than me (because she is born so late in 1989 and I was born so early in 1991) and I sometimes feel incredibly close in age to her and also incredibly far away.

Recently, for the first time in years, I just feel incredibly behind my peers. It's a wild feeling but I am accepting that I am kind of stagnating in my career and I'm kind of in a place where I can't do anything about it. I feel like I maybe wrote about this, but I don't think I am worthy of a promotion, but I want one and I want more money. And since I have such great insurance and medication that costs $3,000 a month, I can't really just comfortably move.

God, I regret spending FIVE FUCKING YEARS at a company that bled me dry and wouldn't promote me when I didn't need insurance and wasn't chronically ill.

I guess you can't know you are making mistakes until after you have made them, though.

I also never really care about being single, but I'm so tired lately, that all I want is a partner who can clean the kitchen and make dinner and pick up my prescriptions sometimes. If I didn't have to make dinner or clean up tonight, I could have done so much more! I could even go pick up my prescriptions and still have spare time.

But no, instead I have a messy kitchen and pasta sauce on my shirt.

Oh, to be 33 and hopelessly tired.

Oh, to be 33 and hopelessly alone.

I, for the most part, like being alone. I'm good at alone! I love living alone. I don't really feel like I *need* something or someone to feel less alone. It's just being alone just means that you only have yourself to depend on for everything and it's just a lot.

I am feeling TIRED IN MY BONES.

OK, my time is up, I really gotta go get my prescriptions now.

Which means I have to put on real pants and bundle up and get my travel cooler and ice packs from the freezer to transport one prescription.

Which feels like too much work.

Ugh.

Wait, also, I was in the elevator alone with our CEO today and he brought up my recent trip to Asia and then he mentioned that someone on accounts is going to Tokyo next week and I just felt SILLY saying, "Oh, I am headed back to Tokyo next week, too!" so I just DIDN'T and now he's probably gonna find out I'm going back from my boss and be like, oh that's weird why didn't she say anything? I JUST FEEL A LITTLE SILLY SAYING I'M GOING BACK SO SOON TO MOST PEOPLE.

The more I think about this, he probably won't think that cause he probably WILL NOT REMEMBER we chatted given the conversation started with him saying, "Sorry, I can't remember, have you gone on your trip yet?" And I was like, oh yes, I went in November.

I don't mean this as a slight to him, I just mean he's a busy man and has a lot to think about other than conversations in passing and all of the vacation dates of the many staff.

Also all to say, he's not thinking about me, I'm just placing too much importance on this conversation.

[starryandpied]

Juuudeee!!! I was just thinking about you! I'm doing great, even better now!

Yeah, Korean barbeque was awesome! (Man, for some reason I've always wanted to try a big hunk of meat like that! 🍖🍖 It would be crazy trying to tear into it. I think I'd go a little feral U(⭐ ⁠ꈊ⁠ ⭐ )U ) We got to cook our own meat! There was a little fire pit in our table with a grill over it, and we got tongs to flip the meat with. It nearly gave me a heart attack when the server switched out our grill for a fresh one! He stuck his whole hand in there! But oh my god it was the best 🤤🤤🤤🤤 I now understand anime boys' obsession with meat on a spiritual level. I don't go out to eat that often, but it's super special when I do :)))

Nice! I've had a bit of an odd sleep schedule and a quiet morning too :33 *gasp!* And a rare Phil! 🩵🩵🩵

Aww, nice, haha! Let's just keep passing the joy back and forth, it seems to be working ✨💖💞✨ Haha, I love them all!

^ My irl reaction to hearing that you like my fic. AAHH, I'm so happy you like it! 🧡🧡🧡 This might sound weird, but like what were some specific lines or bits of imagery that stuck out to you? I want to know so I can get even better at it in the future (✿ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠).

Hehe, I love the cows too. I have an actual field of cows nearby, so I was inspired by that :) I imagine you would have to find a lot of little things to fill your day as a ghost, like hanging out with cows! Personally, I really like how he named them and got attached so quickly. His flippant love for everything is one of my favorite parts of his character so far.

Haha, yeah! I can't wait to explore Josh more! His stickers are definitely based off of myself. I'm trying to cover most of my furniture in stickers right now :P The only problem is I don't have enough stickers!

The oh ms. believer part is actually my favorite so far 😁😁 I did not expect it to go that hard! I'm glad you enjoyed. That sounds sick reading it in a storm! It must have been such a vibe 🩵🩵

Heheh, I can't say much about the characters unless you want spoilers in the dms (⁠｡•͈ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ But rest assured, I have many plans!

Oooh, I've never seen Goofy Boss before. Is it good?

Thanks for sticking around while I let my brain cook (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠) It means a lot 🧡

Yeah, it's nice having them around, I just wish I could relate to them more :j

Yeah, I didn't really realize how much I was suppressing myself. I'm so much louder, happier, and more vibrant now. I can finally figure out who me is, without feeling like I have to be who they want me to be. Np home slice 🫶🫶

Haha, I love Rin! He was always my favorite :)) I also haven't seen some of the newer seasons. Like I said, it's time for a rewatch! And haha, Levi's not a bad choice! I know my cousin still has pics of that cosplay somewhere. I'll ask her about it :)) Haha, no problem, the gospel of 50% off must be shared!

Even better, they're actually pubby ears ^´⁠꓃⁠ ⁠`⁠ ^🩵🩵🩵🩵

Haha, should I add 6teen to the list too?

It was called the COOLER internet by green hoodie cat :)))

Haha, nice! I'm looking forward to it :)))

With much love,

Starry 💖

Howdy, Jude! What's good? :)

(this is a modified version of the game "what doin'", in which you ask your friends "what doin'?" and it facilitates a conversation. I never know what to ask about in asks, so I'm playing what doin'. But I figure asking "what doin'?" would probably provide a boring answer like eating food, so I modified it to "what's good?" which pretty much opens up the floor for you to talk about what ever is good in your life right now :)). Sorry if this seems very autistic, I'm probably very autistic, and I decided to embrace it today.)

Omg hiiii Starry! (Idk if thats cool i love all your names lmk) :3

Im so glad u sent this im also very autistic so i have a hard time initiating conversation. 😆 As for whats good in my life right now hehe um🤔 my cat 🐈‍⬛ (as always). OH and dans mullet lmaoo. Got my lisence recently besides that just basking in the winter depression currently drawing and playing totk🙂. How about you?🥴 How are you doing whats good in your life right now? Id love to know🫶

[woozi]

its honestly really amazing how many concepts svt can pull of in a single album or project like for the recent one ... flower faery , world domination in all white [ig thats a concept] , retro ✨✨ ...like the possibilities are endless.....

-🍘anon

ps. hi yza how are you ...? how was your day <33??

[teklarn]

hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!! 

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst. 

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk 

word count: 3,859 

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !) 

- - - 

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally. 

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’? 

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day. 

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders. 

his leg was bouncing eagerly. 

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else. 

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn... 

“y/n! come look at this!” 

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over. 

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone. 

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku? 

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!” 

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you. 

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?” 

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look. 

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?” 

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.” 

“holy—” 

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking. 

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article. 

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!” 

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?” 

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped. 

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them. 

his eyes bore into yours. 

“did you...need something?” 

your voice broke his trance. 

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.” 

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?” 

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?” 

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me. 

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting. 

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was. 

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.) 

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up. 

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.” 

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother. 

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you. 

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped. 

“shitty hair, let go of me.” 

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?” 

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato. 

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped. 

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries. 

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together. 

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms. 

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh. 

- 

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.” 

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.” 

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.” 

denki sighed, slumping back. 

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds. 

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head. 

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.” 

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned. 

the brunette grinned. “great!” 

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name. 

“bakugou.” 

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find... 

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground. 

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent. 

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called. 

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure. 

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him. 

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks. 

you laughed. “what?” 

“shut up.” 

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.” 

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?” 

so you had heard him! 

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.” 

“i wouldn’t dream of it.” 

gosh he loved that about you. 

bakugou caught his thought in the air. 

ahem...gosh he hated that about you. 

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first. 

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it. 

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache. 

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.  

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body. 

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back. 

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t. 

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either. 

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky. 

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out. 

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent. 

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so... 

you stood over him, hands on your hips. 

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile. 

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain. 

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels. 

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.” 

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back. 

- 

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on. 

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room? 

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard. 

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.” 

you barely grunted in response. 

“don’t ignore me.” 

“i heard you, mom.” 

“the hell did you call me?” 

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive. 

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back. 

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened. 

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you. 

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.” 

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?” 

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—” 

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving. 

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly. 

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?” 

“you’re annoying.” 

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it. 

- 

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body. 

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds. 

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you. 

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason. 

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion. 

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions. 

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes. 

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen. 

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back. 

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face. 

“fight me again,” he demanded. 

“excuse me?” 

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” 

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.” 

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.” 

“you’re being stubborn.” 

“i’m being reasonable. back off.” 

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou. 

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.” 

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?” 

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away. 

-

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself. 

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?” 

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.” 

“dude...that sounds really weird.” 

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.” 

- 

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again. 

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong. 

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great? 

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear. 

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right? 

what was so...amazing about deku? 

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these. 

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent. 

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you. 

you were the only person to be able to do this to him. 

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head. 

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.” 

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga. 

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.) 

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?” 

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not. 

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here. 

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.” 

“okay? is that it?” 

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him? 

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”  

“...what?” 

gosh dammit, as friends? 

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side. 

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor. 

this earned a snicker from you. 

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.” 

your eyes flew wide. “...what?” 

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.” 

he swallowed. 

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.” 

he leaned closer. “yes?” 

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.” 

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal. 

“oh, alright.” 

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode. 

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything. 

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right? 

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you. 

[dexpairs-blog]

RAD NEWSPAPER CLUB INTERVIEW

~interviewer: i'm going to ask you some general questions if you don't mind, just to give our readers an idea of who you are.

Ciel: sure i don't mind!~

1. What's your name?

Ciel!

2. Give me your full name...

Ciel Cintio

3. Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it and how did you come to have it?

Well, It depends on the person, but most call me "C"

4. What species are you?

Human

5. Where/when were you born?

Italy, June 10th! And i'm pretty sure you know i'm younger than most of you.

6. I see. And that would make your age...?

16

7. How would you describe your personality?

I don't know... Introverted and chaotic at the same time? I mean... I'm pretty quiet when you meet me but once i open up i'm pretty loud.

8. Would you say you're someone who can handle pressure?

Not really

9. Do you like to read?

Yeah!

10. Favorite color?

Pink and black

11. Do you get along with others?

Yes!

12. Do you have any enemies?

Um... No? I don't think so...

13. How about friends?

Yeah, i do have friends.

14. Are you patient?

I don't know to be honest *giggles*?

15. Suppose that you could become any creature you know of. What would you pick, and why?

16. One of your enemies in question 13 just complimented you. Response?

Ignore them.

17. One of your friends in Question 14 just insulted you. Response?

Depends, if they did that as a

joke then it's fine if they actually meant It then i'll just find better friends i guess.

18. If you could change anything about yourself...

My height, i want to be taller.

19. What're your parents like?

-didn't answer-

20. Do you have any siblings?

No.

21. Are you seeing/dating anyone?

No.

22. Favorite food?

Chocolate and pizza

23. Favorite drink?

Pepsi or Arizona tea

~Interviewer: ok! Now about the exchange program!

Ciel: oh, i'm ready!~

24. What was your first reaction when you arrived to the Devildom?

Well, i was pretty mad and confused. I literally just been brought into an unknown place all of the sudden without me knowing anything about it, so yeah i think it would be pretty self explanatory.

25. Do you like the Devildom?

Yeah i like it! I've never got the chance to travel outside Italy and this was an experience.

26: name three pros and cons about the Devildom.

Ok so, the pros are my friends, Madame Scream and the never changing weather. The cons are the lack of sunlight, humans need it, since i got here i get sick easily because of it, the constant danger of someone attacking me and the constant need of someone with me everywhere i go.

27. What do you think of the student council members?

They're cool.

28. What do you think about lord Diavolo?

Well, he's really nice and i love how open minded he is. It's a very important thing to have if you're in an important role such as his. I also think he's a really cool person to hang out with!

29. What about his butler, what do you think of him?

He's really hardworking, he does a great job as a butler and his cooking is amazing. He's very polite and calm.

30. What about the brothers?

We had our up and down a but i love them, they're like family to me. Well, all of them actually, not only the brothers, the other exchange students, lord Diavolo Barbatos are included as well.

31. That's so sweet! How would you describe living with them?

One word. Chaos.

32. Why is that?

Every day someone is on some bs (me included) and at times i feel more of a baby sitter. Ironic since i'm a kid.

33. what do you think of Lucifer?

He's strict. Too strict, but he's not a bad person. He can be nice when he wants to.

34. What about Mammon?

He's the first demon i made a pact with, at first he was pretty rude but he's actually really funny. We hang out often.

35. Leviathan?

He was also rude to me~! Lol, but anyway. He's a great friend and he gets the memes i send him. We watch anime togheter!

36. Satan?

He's like the fift demon i made a pact with, he's super smart and conversations with him are never boring! I like to hear his point of view on things, it's interesting. pulling pranks on Lucifer with him and Belphie it's fun.

37. Asmodeus?

At first he lowkey intimidated me for some reason...? I don't know why. It didn't last long though, like and hour.

He's super nice and his fashion sense is ✨IMMACULATE✨ he has elite taste.

38. Beelzebub?

He intimidated me, like a lot. He's HUGE, not to mentions that humans are smaller than demons in general.

But he's actually a sweetheart, he really cares about his family and wants to see everyone happy. He's the literal definition of "gentle giant".

39. Belphegor?

Uh... He's fine i guess...? I don't have much to say about him. Pranking Lucifer with him and Satan it's fun.

40. What do you think about the other exchange students?

They're super cool! I love hanging out with them.

41. What do you think of the angels?

Luke is like a little brother to me, i care a lot about him. Simeon is always super nice to me and i like him, i like the relationship Luke and him have, it's really sweet.

42. What about the other human, Solomon?

He's cool! We don't get to spend much time togheter though... I kind of want him to teach me magic hahah! *Giggles*

43. Do you prefer humans, demons or angels?

I don't have a preference.

44. Would you like to keep in touch with your friends after the exchange program?

Yeah absolutely!

45. Is there a place in the human world you would like to take them?

Well, there are quite a bit actually... If i had to choose one i'd say Gardaland, it's an amusement park in Italy.

46. Why is that?

I don't know, i feel like they would enjoy it as much as i do. I've been going there since i was a child and i never get tired of it, last time i went there it was like 3/4 before coming to the Devildom, so very recently.

47. Do you feel any sort of connection with this park?

I have a lot of happy memories there, so that's why i love that place so much. There's also a restaurant on the western area that makes an amazing pizza! I know the place by heart now hahah!

48. Did you enjoy this exchange year?

Yeah i did!

49. Do you plan on visiting the Devildom again?

If given the chance yes, i don't know how to get into the Devildom.

50. Allright we're done! Is there something else you want to say to our readers?

No, i'm good.

~interviewer: allright! Thank you so much for your time!

Ciel: no problem i had fun!~

[kyunsies]

madch madch <3 hello love!

how are you my love :D YAY I'M SO HAPPY YOUR COLD IS GONE OMG!! Do you feel properly better now? the sleep nose cloggs is the worst, i'm super glad it's gone for you.

YES for a whole month - like it makes me miss summer holidays when i was a kid and you could take the time off like that. do you ever feel like you didn't appreciate that stuff like when you were a kid? like being able to have long sleeps and stuff or just running about the mall with no consequence? we really do have the same situation going on! i just want to be able to buy my mum a better house and a better car and nicer holidays and stuff? like that small stuff which sounds a bit boring but like, idk that means more to me than the overly flashy stuff? like i'd love to be a mum one day but seeing how much my mum does sometimes i'm like... IDK if I could hack it you know?

ah wow ok! my school i really get what you say about catholic guilt as it's super similar from my cultural influences as well? YES like, it's bad to think too well of yourself, or just that you shouldn't do it? or you're gonna end up inviting bad things if you do think too much of yourself? i get really confused about it sometimes. like - almost like there's a difference between self love and thinking too well of yourself? and i can appreciate myself without ever thinking i'm too good at something etc? does that make sense? idk i'm worried about self love it if means it makes my ego bad and over arrogant and all that stuff? I GET YOU tho - it is that line between contentment and like feeling yourself to the point it's ... ick? it's hard isn't it?

THAT FACT STEALING TOILET PAPER WAS YOU USING BAD LANGUAGE omg do you see what i mean you are just so so so so pure of heart and sweet and thank you for being so kind <3 are you looking forward to going back to uni in some ways? or is it all general *internal screaming*? remember you're mega and amazing <3

omg we literally had a HUGE HEARTWAVE to the point where I have so many bites everywhere - i'm glad you've had a bunch of sun but YAY TINY TINY SQUAD!!!!!!! I AM 5'1" so yay to us being tiny together <3 I am always the tiny one too! i used to hate it but i like my height more now - and like the fact i can fit into kids stuff on sale? or like shoe sizes not being a problem? but then sometimes the sizing is a bit weird like you said before! YOU GET IT WITH THE BF JEANS. It is a neverending quest RN. I've figured out the size I can really get for them but so few stores make it :/ we will see how this saga unfolds. do you lampshade a lot with clothes? i find i always end up doing that even if i don't mean to haha XD

OKAY SO JO MALONE I like the smell of pomegrante noir but IDK if I'd wear it but the lime and basil is another fave of mine. I just really really don't like musky smells I'm with you with the citrus! like, stuff that reminds me of summer and fresh stuff? musk makes me feel like i'm walking into like a noughties teen clothing store i just can't hasjdakshd. like i hate lynx smells? WHY DO BOYS WEAR IT?

AHHHH OMG ok mutual blue moon love YES HELLO <3 <3 <3 I ADORE lofi jazz garage I honestly die/simp for that sound. like they dabbled a bit more with those vibes in OOAK and that's why I loved the new album so much I guess? just so so so beautiful. i just wanna drown in like the sounds of moonlight and suggestions of other things by candlelight or long city drives? does that make sense? ugh LOVE IT. getting up in my feels here hahahajsdkhasda

YAY HI TO YOUR MOM <3 I hope she's having a beautiful beautiful day too and that's getting rest as well! never worry about getting back to me late, I know you're so busy and that's always okay, love you lots and lots <3 <3 <3

-💥xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MY BEST PAL <33 hello my sweet, how have u been doing these days? i know i must sound like a record on repeat, but i miss you all the days that i don't hear from you, i'm always thinking about how you are doing ;____;

but YES after like ,,,,,,2 and a half weeks of being sick with the cold i am FINALLY over it :') it's not so much the stuffy nose during the daytime that annoys me it was the freaking clogged nose at night for the love of GOD i hate breathing with my mouth open it's so gross ;___; and sore throats ......... honestly i wouldn't wish a sore throat on my worst enemy lol like i'd rather have the flu for 2 days than a sore throat for a whole week ldkfjsdkf i'm such a baby <3

about being on holiday as a kid LOL IT WAS !!!!! the absolute best time !!! i know at some point we need to be functioning human beings in society lol but honestly at the age of like 13 where ur too young to work but u can't drive yourself anywhere ?? it's the best time (besides the driving part lol) bc you literally do not have one ounce of responsibility it's so great ;____; it's good to work and help ppl but i miss that too ....... and about our experiences with our single moms !!! pls this is all i want for her lol ; like u said nothing overly flashy but once i'm established i would like for her to live comfortably without being at the hands of someone else so i wouldn't mind like buying her a nice apartment ;____; when she was younger she traveled all the time and once i was born she coudn't do that with me bc she simply didn't have the money so she's always telling me after i graduate we should take a little trip to europe or go out west :( i think that would be so great :(((

OH GOOD OLD CATHOLIC GUILT LOL listen ..... there are a lot of things that the catholic church has done in the past that i don't agree with at all and stuff but ;____; i'm still grateful in some aspects bc my moral compass is like . a super big part of my life and it guides me to lead me away from decisions that aren't the best for me lol and i'm really grateful again for my mom for sending me to catholic school all these years :') and i think it's good to have this sense of humbleness (i hate ppl that are so boastful about themselves like truly no one cares sdjfslkf) but i do agree that catholic guilt can sometimes be a hinderance like i keep on saying i wish i had at least one ounce of self dignity SDLKFJ idk like u said it's a fine line between being humble and having no self worth :') i guess at the end of the day u need ppl surrounding u who make u feel like u are worth something and that it's okay to think positively about urself <3

honestly babe no ,,,,,, i'm not looking forward to going back to my final year of uni at all ;____; i don't know when i got like this but nursing school has literally scarred me to the point where i'm so anxious to even finish this year :( the ICU, my preceptorship, exams, finding and landing a job successfully before i graduate ???? i want it to all be over with so quickly but i'm so nervous for the future ahead of me ;____; will i get to where i am meant to be ???? i'm going to sOB IM NOT READY FSKDJFDS .............................

YAY TINY SQUAD LOL SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS !!!!!!! everyone on here is like boo hoo i'm 5'3 and im like ?????? ur inching near normal height shut up ?? SDKFJ :') truly shopping is so hard literally u can kill pants every fitting u perfectly unless u hem them and omg ??? pls explain to me what lampshading is LOL I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT TERM BEFORE ?? :o !!!!!!!!! but also yes almost all of my sneakers are kids shoes LOL JOKES ON TALL PPL WE CAN GET THEM FOR CHEAPER <3

and about jo malone !!!!!!!!!!! the lime and basil one i've had my eye on it omg !!!!!!! bc i love love the smell of basil :) i'm actually visiting my grandparents this weekend and we are going to the mall so i'm going to finally pick up a new scent !!! i've literally had the one i told u about for 2 years LOL but i also agree everyone loves musky scents for some reason but i don't lsdkfjs i feel like those heavy scents "weigh me down" ????? do u feel that way too? it's hard to explain :')

ALSO OMG OKAY you are my blue moon ride or die now <3 have never met a mbb yet who loves blue moon as much as i do LOL it's just *mwah* perfection ........... absolute perfection like it fits all moods its fresh its lowkey it's perfect and YES YES i felt heaven kinda had the same vibe ??? not so much the dark garage jazz sound but more of the light and airy garage jazz sound LKDFJS i know that sounds dumb but it's lighter and happier but has that same lofi sound i'm obsessed with <3

okay bubbie but YEAH mom and i are healthy now we are in good spirits and we are hanging in there !! again i'm sorry for getting back so late hun really i always want to respond right away but like i always say quality over any short answer hhhh <3 i hope u have a lovely rest of the week if i don't hear from u soon okay? always sending love and hugs xxxxxxxxx !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

[master-sass-blast]

Henlo, it's me, your local trash monster here to say I love Hannah and I can't wait to hear more about her?? That being said, GIMME ALL THE SAD GOODS ABOUT HER. But also add in something happy about her in the end! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ ((Also sending hugs! I know things have been stressful the last few days so just know I'm rooting for you !!))

Holy fuck I think this is the first time someone’s ever told me to cut loose and just SAY ALL THE THINGS AND I’M SO EXCITED!!!! :D

(Answers under the cut because I just went with the entire list. I have no self control.

And thank you for the hugs and encouragement!)

1. What is one word to shut them up: Okay, for some context, Hannah is a lawyer. She has a thick skin (unlike me, heyoooo). It takes a lot to shut her up; she’s an HBIC and she owns it.

But if someone starts talking about her scars (she’s struggled/struggles with self-harm), she shuts down. It’s a part of her she’s still self-conscious about, and if someone mentions it she’ll literally stop mid-sentence and mentally exit the conversation.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about: Again, she’s got a pretty thick skin, so she doesn’t hold onto too much. Life happens, you make mistakes, and it’s better to learn from them rather than beat yourself over the head for something you can’t change anyway.

If there’s something she’s going to feel guilty about, though, it’s fights or incidents she’s had with family members/close friends where she’s hurt them with something she’s said or done. She holds herself in high accountability to ensure that she doesn’t step all over people, and when she does she fails not only them but her expectations for herself, so yeah. Guilt.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced: Physical pain? Probably different injuries from her career in martial arts. She’s a tough cookie, but some of that stuff just hurts.

Emotional pain? Anytime she fails her expectations for herself. She has very high standards for herself, and when she can’t reach them she becomes very depressed (more so than usual).

4. Describe their worst nightmare: Actual dream? Anything where she’s drowning or running out of air. She almost drowned a couple times as a child/preteen, and the trauma still emerges in her adult life from time to time.

Real life “this is a nightmare” scenario? Any point where her depression gets so bad that she stops being functional. Things just start piling up and get overwhelming very quickly.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear: 1.) Drowning, which runs pretty deep but it’s an obvious one that she’s done a lot of therapy work for, and she doesn’t mind talking about it with other people. 2.) Wasps. She accidentally got locked into a shed with an active wasp nest in it as a child. She made it out alright, but the sheer terror of the situation made her repress the memory. She’s heard the story from friends and family, and “gets” why she’s scared of the fuckers, but can’t actually recall the incident itself. 3.) The dark. A side effect of depression is paranoia, and when she’s alone, in the dark, she can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of creature watching/following her. When her depression gets really bad, she has to sleep with a light on to keep from flipping out.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick: She’s not naturally squeamish, but the sounds of belching (ala college frat boys, y’all know what I mean) make her stomach churn.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves: Her scars. She’s very ashamed of them, and goes out of her way to wear long sleeved shirts so she can hide them.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them: Feeling like she’s failed her own expectations/expectations others have of her, accidentally inhaling water, the ‘buzzing’ sound bees/wasps make.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness: Her height. She might be a kickass lawyer and an even kick-assier martial artist, but she barely clears five feet.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness: Her struggles with self-hatred. She’s her own worst enemy a lot of the time.

11. Do they have any vices: Not really. Not as far as serious vices go. She’s pretty grounded.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it: Nope. She knew she wanted to be a lawyer from day one and made sure her record was spotless.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them: Pride? I think that one comes closest? Again, since she really doesn’t have a vice or a thorn in her side, it’s hard to pick something for her.

I think Pride comes closest because she spirals when she fails to live up to her own expectations, which I think often comes with a bit of ego (at least in my experience with that sort of thing). She’s also got a lot to be proud of (lawyer, martial artist, financially independent), but she’s not a walking ego either?

Idk. This is a weird question, lol.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… ): Not really. Don’t get me wrong, she can get there, but it takes a lot. She’s very collected (and usually swings the opposite way; she’s more likely to cold shoulder you if she’s mad).

She does threaten to shove her Prada stiletto sideways up Hank Pym’s ass, though. So there’s that.

15. Who do they hate the most: Guys who use her height against her by cornering her into spots while they try to ask her out/talk to her about something. It’s the fastest way to wind up on her shit list.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior: Herself. She’s her own worst enemy.

17. What sound always gives them a headache: Her coworker Tracey’s text/notification sound. Which is always going off because Tracey’s always talking to someone.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them: Not really. She’s half Japanese, half ethnic Jew, and a practicing Jew to boot, so she grew up on a pretty broad flavor palette.

She’s tried a bacon cheeseburger once on a dare, though, and she hated it.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly: Not really (outside of her scars). She’s pretty confident in her appearance.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable: Again, not really. She’s spent a lot of time in therapy, which helps, but she’s always had her feet pretty well on the ground.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety: The prospect of losing. She’s very competitive.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses: Depression.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped: She’s run into the usual guys that like to try and use her size against her, but they usually wind up worse for wear than she does.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped: Yes. She’s five feet tall and doesn’t clear 110 lbs. She’s very aware that she’s got “TARGET” written across her back.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust: Fortunately, no. Most of her close relationships come from communities she knows well (school, work, the temple she attends in LA), so she hasn’t had to deal with too much betrayal.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured: Yes. Even outside of her struggles with self-harm, she’s a martial artist. She’s broken a few bones over the years from that.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital: Five. Three for some pretty drastic self harm incidents, and two from sparring injuries.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them: Obviously, she has frustrations with asshole guys, racists/anti-Semites, but she cannot stand people who work in organizations that prey on the disenfranchised (ala military recruiters going to schools in impoverished areas to fill their quota because they know how to trick the kids into trying out and all that). It gets her blood boiling fast.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them: Yes. Again, this shows perfectly with her fear of the dark.

30. Have they ever been bullied: Yupp. For her heritage, her beliefs, her mental health struggles, her size... High school sucks.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues: Yes and no. Again, she’s pretty confident about most things in life, but she does have certain weak points (her scars, living up to her own expectations, her height).

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents: Actually, no! She has a good relationship with both her parents and her extended family!

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well: Not in the drastic sense of things. She’s been through a few break ups, sure, but nothing that was abusive or crazy.

34. Have they ever self harmed: Yes. It’s something she still struggles with as an adult.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be: Her scars. She’d make them disappear.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them: She’s pretty well in control of her emotions.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away: Not really, no.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned: Nope.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do: Not in any serious sense. Her reputation for toeing the line was too well known for her to be accused of something she didn’t do.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems: She did as a teenager, but dutiful therapy and self-care has helped her outgrow that habit.

41. Do they get sick often: Nope! She’s pretty healthy.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life: She’s content, but not complacent.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts: Yes. Again, she doesn’t like her history with self-harm. If she could erase that, she would.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t: Travel. Her job’s pretty demanding as far as hours go.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience: Melancholy. No matter what she’s doing, it’s sort of always hanging around her, like a tiny cloud.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide: Yes. Unfortunately, it’s a side effect of the depression.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide: A couple of times, when she was teenager.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill: Outside of self-defense/the defense of others? No.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through: Being forced to reject her identities as a Jew/person of Japanese heritage. Her families have made it through so much (internment camps, persecution, the Holocaust), and she’d rather die than erase her own identity.

50. Create your own: Alright, I’m gonna put the happy one here so we end on a high note!

She’s a firm believer in the need for “mah” (the Japanese word for “emptiness), or a moment to pause and do nothing. It’s easy to see that reflected in how she practices meditation, follows Shabbat, or takes time each day to simply be.

However, she also believes that the principle of “mah” is what makes her and Luis work so well as a couple. She is the silence to his constant chatter and helps him keep his feet on the ground. Likewise, he keeps her from living inside her head and helps her connect to the world.

They’re just such opposites attract. Ugh, I love them so much!

[sp00kymulderr]

dO THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL /EVIL LAUGH (??)/ uhm from the "let's talk about" post úwù 💗 I'm sorry I'm making you write so much but i really wanna know!!! ILYSM

ANYTHING FOR YOOOU!

There is a lot here, I’m apparently feeling very chatty tonight so sorry about some of the long ramble-y answers again:

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

Itwas 2005, and 15 year old me had dragged my dad and brother to thecinema to see a movie that looked really interesting to me – itfeatured several badass women in the main cast at a time when Iwasn’t seeing much with actually strong, well written femalecharacters in. So I had to see this, and it was sci-fi which my wholefamily enjoys, so off we went to watch it. At the beginning, therewas a filmed intro of Joss Whedon talking about the movie and aboutthe TV series it came from, which I knew nothing about and thatworried me. But then the film started and I swear my heart stoppedfor a moment, I fell so deeply in love with the setting, thecharacters, the cast. The film was Serenity, and it started a lot forme

2: Talk about your first kiss.

Myfirst kiss wasn’t special like I wish it had been. I was about 14and it was with my best friend at the time, a guy who I had nofeelings towards whatsoever. I regret the kiss a lot, and the kissesthat followed. I wish I hadn’t felt pressured in to it the way Idid.

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

Idon’t really get intense feelings for people that often, especiallynot now I’m older. There was a guy when I was in secondary schoolthough, who I genuinely thought I loved (I didn’t). It was veryunrequited and took over my life for too long, and was a catalyst tothe depression I later suffered with.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

Partof me regrets going to uni, but then I think about all theexperiences I had at uni and I would never have had those, or madethose friends, or enjoyed myself that much anywhere else. I can’tthink of much that I really really regret, I tend to think thingsthrough a lot before I do them.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

Iam the queen of good birthdays, istg! I ALWAYS go on holiday for mybirthday, have ever since I was young, so I have so many good ones.But I think it has to be between going to New York for my 21stor Berlin for my 23rd (my favourite place in the wholeworld), or this past birthday which I spent on my own in New Zealandand got to go to Hobbiton for the first time!

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

Ihave genuinely not had a bad birthday yet. This year would’ve beensad if I hadn’t gone to Hobbiton, as I was completely on my own forthe first birthday ever.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

I’ma total mess of insecurities tbh. I wouldn’t know where to start.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

In2012, when I left uni and moved to London on my own, I started a blogcalled The Theatre Tourist where I wrote about two of my biggestpassions; theatre and travel. A year after I started it, I got myfirst invite to review a theatre production which I accepted havingnever written a review. Once I wrote it, I knew this was what Iwanted to be doing, I fell completely in love with it. And to thisday I still run that blog, I have a fair few readers and connectionswith theatre PR’S all around the world. Currently I’m writing atleast a review a month for New Zealand theatre but when I was back inLondon I was being invited to at least 4 a week every week. I am soproud of that blog.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

Mytattoos. They make me feel better about myself because I find thembeautiful and they mean a lot to me.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

Thatbest friend I mentioned earlier. He accused me of all sorts andcaused so much stupid drama in my life. We had a massive argument inthe hallway at school once, I ended up in tears in the bathroom andwe stopped talking to each other. He was a massive fucking jerk andI’m glad he’s not in my life any more.

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

Ihad a lot of great dreams just before I moved to New Zealand, aboutwhat a great time I was going to have out here, and they havedefinitely come true

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

Istress dream quite a lot, the most recent one was losing my family ina natural disaster and it was awful.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Iwaited quite a while, so I was 18 when I lost it. It wasn’t perfectbut it was nice and with someone I liked at the time. It was, however, in a single bed which was AWFUL god. But other than that, there’s not much to talk about.

14: Talk about a vacation.

Whichone to choose though??? I love travelling and have been so lucky totravel a lot, I studied tourism and it’s always been a huge part ofmy life. That’s why I’m out here on this beautiful island in themiddle of nowhere right now.

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

Idon’t feel content a lot, but my first and subsequent 6 visits toBerlin have been the best I’ve ever felt in my whole life. Berlinis the one place I feel completely at home and know I belong.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

Idon’t go to a lot of parties! And the ones I went to when I wasyounger, I don’t remember a lot of them… I went to a really funfoam party in my first year of uni that I always remember fondly iffuzzily.

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

Whichone is elementary? Primary I think? Jesus, who remembers primaryschool? I don’t think much exciting happened when I was that young!

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

Waitwhat’s middle school if the next question is high school? Do theyhave a school between primary and secondary in America? I’mCONFUSED

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

Ohall sorts of shit.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

Therewas this guy in college who I became pretty close friends with thenlater told me he really liked me. He was sweet but so not my type soI just said no and then he never spoke to me again lol

22: Talk about your worst fear.

Interms of an actual phobia, I’m really afraid of dogs. Which ispretty inconvenient, they make me panic.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

Ugh,I got drunk at a work party and asked out a guy from IT I had beeneyeing up and he turned me down which is fair enough I was a messback then. But then I had to see him at work all the time and it wasso embarrassing for me.

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

Justrecently I’ve been having a crisis about what I’m going to dowith my life once I get back to the UK next year, I want to get a jobI actually love as opposed to ending up in a shitty call centre jobhating my life again. But the other day my manager told me that shegenuinely believes I can do absolutely anything and be brilliant atit, and that just boosted my confidence so much.

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

Iusually try and just get on with things and don’t admit I’m sickunless it’s really bad. I hate sitting still, I need to be doingsomething all the time even when ill.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

Scary?Death scares me, I can’t lie. I try not to think about it.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

TheatreRoyal Bath, I associate so many good memories with this building.When I was a kid and first expressed an interest in Shakespeare mymum used to sometimes take me to see plays there. I started a massivething in me and it’s always a place that makes me feel happy.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

Iput on music. Loud. Usually Bowie, because I know he will make mefeel better, he always does.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

Ireally hope this doesn’t tempt fate, but as of yet I’ve onlyexperienced self inflicted pain. Never broken a bone or sprainedanything. Uhm so probably my first tattoo but even then that was a good pain for the most part.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

Beinganxious. Seriously, if I could control my anxiety or make itdissapear things would be so different.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

Meand my dad share a fairly similar musical taste, and he was the onewho introduced me to all the musicians I love so deeply now.Specifically listening to Delilah by The Sensational Alex Harvey Bandmakes me think of him. With my mum, we both love Alice Cooper so anytime I hear him I think of her.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

Iwish I’d known earlier that there’s no shame in ‘sleeping around’.I felt ashamed for a long time about my sexual habits, and got shamedfor them. I know now that it’s all bullshit and me being in controlof my sexuality is a good thing.

Ialso wish someone had told me that you’re allowed to have stops andstarts in your career, for years after uni I tried so hard to followa career path that wasn’t working for me but I thought I would be afailure if I gave up, or if I ended up doing something that didn’trelate to my degree. Even though I still struggle with the idea of acareer, I at least do know now that I am allowed to do whatever thehell I want whether I studied for it or not.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

In 2016 the West Endmusical Sunny Afternoon closed. By the time it closed I had seen it150 times, literally seeing it at the very least once a week for twowhole years. It changed me a lot – I became more confident, I madea group of the best friends I’ve ever had, I started a fan groupfor it and worked with the marketing team for the show on a socialmedia campaign. It was a HUGE part of my life. When the show closedit felt like the end of an era, I really didn’t know what I wasgoing to do without it. It meant so much to me. But now I have allthese great friends who still talk and hang out and I have two castsof actors whose careers I’ll be following for the rest of my life.

[transparentheartz]

day 10!! good morning!! thank you for wishing me happy birthday, you're so sweet<33 i did get it in eventually but was like 4 hours late for my other portfolio but its fine!!

i feel the same about my job, it just tedious and boring ish but money is money i guess

astroworld is like a nightmare come true for me, honestly i don't even like to think about the families bc it's so so horrible, i feel sick when i do. oo a wedding, that should be fun, maybe? i didn't get tickets for olivia in the end, the venue has a capacity of 5000 and there was 30,000 ppl in the queue ahead of me so that was never going to happen.

aw no i'm really sorry to hear that, i can't imagine how horrible that year must have been for you, to have to go in everyday. was online school a bit better? school really isn't the nicest place at all, my sister is kinda struggling atm, but homeschooling isn't really a thing here as much. i spent the majority of my classes with my head in a boolk and tried to get through it but i got in trouble with teachers constantly for reading even tho i never bothered anyone.

yeah i think when you don't do what you're "supposed" to be in school and just stay quiet they call you the "quiet smart one" i don't like it. i used to consider myself quite shy but i think honestly i'm just really content to be alone, i don't feel a lot of need to talk to people or friends all the time, it can be so draining. making friends in college is really fucking hard

i read such a good tomlinshaw harry potter au a while ago, it was super long and just so so good, idk if you read tomlinshaw, i used to hate having nick in fics but idk it just works

that's not too bad pain wise then, the healing process is tends to be a bit more painful for me anyways. it's the best thing when you can look at something like that and just be so happy with it, like it makes you smile. do you've any tattoos or just the piercings?

omg eight sisters wow, the chaos, bc i have two and they're noisy noisy, well we are noisy i suppose. and you're the youngest too!! are you close in age? or do you have a sister you get along with the best?

your car would crush mine, ahaha, nah i had to google yours too, i know nothing about cars, not a thing. i really like it! that's so lovely your grandad gave it to you! i've always wanted a big jeep or car, like if you know teen wolf, stiles' jeep, idk why

yeah she's insanely good, some other artist i listened to recced her songs on their insta story so i gave her a listen. she's pretty cool tbh. i love 2 songs from bea miller but i've never heard that one but i do know gracie abrams, she's great. loote tho, i don't know, i'll try look them up!

trumpet that's mad! such a random instrument. i play the guitar, badly and haven't gotten lessons in years but it's good fun

i'm so sorry to hear you hate college. were you made go or did you want to try it? the fear of failing and the lack of motivation is kind of ironic in a painfully horrible way, i really hope it gets better for you.

yeah i'm in college rn, we have to declare as we apply to college. i'm doing english with creative writing. took me ages to pick, but i was told to do what would make me happy, not what would garrantee a good job but make me miserable, so i do. some modules are better than others but it's a lot of writing

i love that your best friend came to see you!! it must be so nice to see her, especially if she lives in a different state. how'd you guys meet?

hope you have a great day!! really love talking with you!

- your ss <33

hii!

well, at least you go it done, very proud of you!

aw that sucks, hopefully you'll get to go to her show another time she goes on tour. or you get to go to all the other people concerts you wanted to see.

yeah school just isnt for me. i've never really liked it. i'm super shy and hate talking to new people and adults (Its amazing that i got the job at barnes and nobles lol). I would say my favorite years were middle school. I did like online better, the first year wasnt the best only bc the program i used and the one math teacher i had. but the next two years were good, i used a different program and really liked it.

I hated when they called me smart because i was quiet, i struggled so much in school. especially with math. and people always wanted me on their team when we did projects cause they felt like i knew everything since i didn't talk a lot.

I made two friends my first semester of college but we didn't stay in contact soo oh well. then i made another but then covid happen and we never saw each other again but i do have her on snapchat (I hardly use it though)

I don't read tomlinshaw, everything i've read has been larry with a past or side tomlinshaw/harry&nick. my friend read a fic where it had the original ending and an alternate ending, where louis ended up with nick and she said she actually liked that ending better lol. i don't care for nick, in fics or irl, i just never paid attention to him the way others do in the fandom. if he's in a fic then ok, if hes not then ok.

i don't have any tattoos, i want some but am so picky and scared i'll end up hating it.

it was very chaotic growing up with so many sisters. It's confusing and a lot of explaining but i would say i'm closest with my sister who is three years older than me. i'll explain more to you when ss is over cause its a lot to type on here. we are close in age, im the youngest at 20 and the oldest is 35.

i love teen wolf, i looove stiles. the question is though, stalia or stydia ?

my favorite songs by bea miller are burning bridges, that bitch, and hallelujah. i only listen to that one song by gracie abrams. and the song i mentioned before is my favorite song by loote.

trumpet was assigned to me by my teacher lol. we never played tho we just sat around the class and took notes.

for college, it was either get a job or go to college. bc my anxiety was so bad i didn't want to get a job so i went to college. i did take a semester off but i came back this semester bc i was literally doing nothing but sitting around. i only have one semester left so i might as well finish to get my associates degree.

i have always been very unmotivated in school but had a fear of failing lol, its not been fun to live with.

english w creative writing sounds fun. are you going to become a teacher or a author? or something entirely different?

we met in eight grade (the year before high school starts), she was transferred to my class a few weeks into the school year and we jsut clicked immediately. then in high school she moved around a lot but we always managed to stay friends and in contact. she only lives the next state over so i still see her a lot.

hope you have/had a great day too, i love talking to you <3

[butyouknowiwont]

"I take the long way home, I ask the traffic lights if it'll be okay, they say 'I don't know'." (Death By A Thousand Cuts)

"Life was never worse, but never better." (Wonderland)

My sweet boys are now over 7 months old (though this is an older photo). Which means 7 months ago, I was spending long, long days in the NICU. Which means that it was right around 7 months ago that my casual enjoyment of Taylor became something much more than that.

Long story short, I had a truly terrible pregnancy, every complication in the book, and ended up needing an emergency c section at 33+6 to save my life. Great start to a story, right? Twins often come early, but over 6 weeks early is definitely not ideal. And almost any baby born over 6 weeks early is going to have some delays and need some NICU time.

Now, after we got my smaller twin breathing on his own, my boys were healthier than most babies we saw in the NICU. Because they only had feeding concerns after hour 12, we were placed in a room that functions as basically a last stop before your baby is discharged. And we spent 32 days there. Why? Well, both my boys inherited my terrible acid reflux, and they couldn't keep anything down. After a week or so, my husband had to go back to work, and I began spending 8-12 hour days alone there.

Let me tell you the NICU is a really rough place to hang out in, either you're surrounded by really sick babies or you're watching other people's babies go home every day. We watched a lot of babies with much larger concerns get discharged before we did. I learned pretty quickly that it's terrible for your mental health to hear good reports given to other parents when you're only getting at best lukewarm ones yourself. It felt like I kept reliving the same day and the rest of the world continued on like nothing was wrong. I know now that I was sliding into some really severe postpartum depression, but at the time I just knew each day felt more hopeless than the last one.

To drown out both other people's good news and my own spiraling thoughts, I listened to music almost all day. I began listening to a generic pop playlist Spotify recommended, and on (I believe) day 8, a song I didn't remember came on. Lover. It was adorable and catchy...and for the first time in a while I gave a legitimate smile. This isn't mental health concern amateur hour over here, and I know that if something gives you a glimmer of joy, you hang onto that any way you can. So I replayed it over and over again. That night, I downloaded all of her albums onto my phone (because hospitals have almost no service in them). Obviously, I had heard the radio hits before, but I don't think I had ever heard much else. The next day, I listened all the way through all of her albums. The following day, I did it again. I'm sure you can guess what happened next.

For someone who has always needed to put pen to a paper to understand anything, collapsing into bed crying every night doesn't exactly work very well. But I didn't have anything left to write from. Cleverly paired words flowing through beautiful vocals felt like someone was doing a bit of that work for me though, even if everything didn't exactly apply to my scenarios. And I fell head over heels in love with what I discovered pretty quickly. The NICU is an incredibly isolating place to spend all your time in, but this made me feel less alone. In so many ways, it became some sort of lifeline for me when my whole world was both the brightest and darkest it had ever been.

So today we're all celebrating #oneyearofLover and to be honest, I feel like a fraud for that. Lover didn't join my life a year ago today. But it did show up exactly when I needed it. I couldn't be more grateful it existed when I needed something genuine to love.

@taylorswift @taylornation