#my dad then goes 'what kind of psychopath notices that?'

[iminlovewithpercyjackson]

"you know what I noticed? this cup isn't a hexagon and it isn't an octagon. it's a nonagon! what kind of psychopath does that?!"

[alexandraisyes]

This is a flag I found for ASPD. There's an entire archive of support flags for people with different kinds of Cluster B Disorders. I just really like this version.

Antisocial Personality Disorder can be disabling and is considered a social disability. Depending on the psychologist it’s also considered an emotional disability like ADHD or Bipolar.

This may not make sense at a glance, but there’s psychologically found logic behind this.

People with ASPD have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Chronic Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder GAD).

The disorder also tends to be comorbid with Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DDD), as well as some psychotic disorders like Brief Psychosis Disorder and Schizophrenia. although these last two aren't as common.

There's also a chance for people with ASPD to have overlapping traits from other Cluster-B Disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD). And many people with ASPD struggle with impulse disorders. Common impulse disorders related to ASPD are as follows:

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED): Characterized by recurrent outbursts of verbal or physical aggression that are disproportionate to the provocation.

Kleptomania: A recurrent urge to steal items that are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.

Pyromania: An impulse control disorder characterized by recurrent and deliberate fire-setting behavior.

Pathological Gambling: Persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior that leads to significant distress or impairment.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder): An irresistible urge to pull out one's own hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss.

Many people with ASPD also struggle with addiction and may be fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, binge eating, and social media because these are quick endorphin fixes that help us feel something due to the inherent nature of ASPD to be numb almost 24/7.

It's extremely rare for someone with ASPD to get disability aid. Which probably sounds ridiculous, when you look at this massive list of issues. A large part of it is our society. People tend to see someone who has a label that is synonymous with Sociopath and Psychopath (there's a difference between the two) and immediately want them in jail. And it doesn't matter how long they've known that person, or what their relationship is. (I got dumped last year when my ex found out I have ASPD and almost disowned during Christmas when I told my dad. The only reason I haven't been being that he thinks it's a demonic issue that can be "cured with prayer".)

On top of that, our psychology system isn't built to handle someone with a personality disorder like ASPD (or even NPD). I get told a lot "You're really self-aware." Which is basically them saying they aren't going to help you. Of course I'm self-aware if I'm going into the therapist's office for advice (at the least) and actual help (would be great), but I get turned away because if I'm "self-aware", so I should be able to figure it out. This isn't an issue that pertains directly to ASPD, it's also one that affects every disorder that's hard for a neurotypical to understand.

This is more personal. Feel free to read this in a mildly irritated, but not very much, tone of voice. Preferably a tired scholar from Skyrim, that'll make my day.

I cannot function in today's society. I can't hold down a job, and I've tried time and time again. I get a few months in and I hit a wall and my mental health goes to shit. I had to quit my last job for my physical safety because I got bored with just life in general, to the point I was seriously considering sticking my arm in a fry vat.

I haven't even managed to get a proper diagnosis because I don't have health insurance, and I have so many false disorders on my medical diagnosis sheet from my narcissistic father bullying my long-term therapist into giving me damn near every disorder except for ADHD and Conduct Disorder (I was below the age of 18, but it would have helped me in the here and now with securing the diagnosis I need for medical reasons.) Growing up several doctors I worked with wanted to get me set up for an ASPD diagnosis and my father told them no. And because of where I lived I had no say in it, and even if I did my father was abusive, so goodbye to ever speaking up for myself.

On top of that, I'm a woman. There's a severe gender bias in ASPD, as well as the fact that women with ASPD are reportedly less likely to be physically aggressive and more likely to be mentally aggressive, so our symptoms show up slightly differently than the stereotype. And don't even get me started on the stereotypes. Plus women are more likely to be studied for comorbid disorders than psychologists even considering ASPD. This is the same shit autistic women struggled with.

There's a massive underreporting in the female ASPD populace because of this, and a lot more masking going on because everything gets chalked up to "she's just a bitch" or "hormones". There's also just not enough research done on females with ASPD to understand how it may be different from a male with ASPD.

I'm tired. I've been fighting for a year to get people to recognize me as an individual who deals with ASPD. Every time I run into threats of being abandoned (which is horrible, considering I was abused and then abandoned by my biological mom, then put in foster care for the next 4 years), or the road block of "You're a woman. Are you sure you don't have BPD? That's the female disorder." Or just getting tired of the uphill slope. I only have so much stamina, and sure I have a lot of spite for the world, but eventually that's going to run out too. And then I'll probably kill myself.

The suicide rate in general is less than 2%.

The suicide rate for people with ASPD is 23%.

[kalimaruquin]

How dare you, I've been turning this in my head like a rotisserie chicken for hours.

Episode 1:

Ishmael's normal life as he keeps contemplating suicide before running away from 'Death' by heading out to sea. (Staring too long at a gun in a shop window, before wincing back at the image of his own reflection. He sees Death in himself.)

He meets Ahab and Queequeg who act like red and blue sentai heroes (Power Rangers). Ahab is Certifiably Insane in the way that he breaks what upsets him or his crew *cough*sons*cough*. Queequeg then acts as Ahab's minder, constantly curbing Ahab's more suicidal acts in town. Queequeg 'adopts' Ishmael since he sees the same focus in him that he sees in Ahab. (Ahab doesn't look at the gun, he steps out in front of cars because someone said something he thought was racist towards Queequeg, so his son has to hold him back. While Ahab's screaming, Queequeg notices Ishmael's panic sequence and uses Ishmael to distract Ahab.)

An Illveli attacks the port, and Ahab and Queequeg get caught empty handed. Ishmael helps them out, so they invite him to their crew. (Monster attack breaks the shop window, Ishmael looks at the gun. Focus on how his reflection looks distorted but normal in the shine on the gun. There is still Death in him, but he's using it to help someone. He brings the gun to Ahab and Queequeg and they use it to kill the monster.)

Smash cut to the shadowy organization of underwater evil. Someone says they've found 'him'.

Episode 2:

Ishmael gets introduced to the crew. He is a cinnamon roll, and the crew all wonder which of their dads adopted him. Surprise, it's both and Ishmael is actually Dad #3. Starbuck is absolutely Dad #1: The Mom-Dad. Ahab is Dad #2: Murder Dad. Ishmael ends up as Spy Dad, what with his frankly bizarre ability to be absolutely anywhere, even in places that he could not possibly have gotten to.

Other episode notes:

One of the monsters of the week is a shark mercenary. He fights vicious, but Ishmael and Ahab figure out that he's nearly blind. (Ishmael because the shark doesn't notice him until a stray shot cuts him, and Ahab figures it out immediately from instinct.) The shark ends being kind of chill. He has some sort of empathic bite, matching real sharks nomming to identify what they're looking at. He ends up leaving after he sees that Ishmael and Starbuck are defending Ahab. (Again, Ahab's Nuts, so the merc thought he'd been sent to put down a dangerous psychopath. He's not wrong, but Starbuck tells him to re-evaluate who he's working for.) The shark then goes back and prowls around the evil lair, occasionally nipping various villains to get a read on them. He'll then either warn them to avoid Ahab, or head out to 'coincidentally' give Ishmael something to help Ahab with. He'll even fight Ahab himself on occasion, depending on the circumstances.

Another villain is the dolphin gang leader. He's a horrific piece of shit. He makes a (selkie) girl act as bait/suicide bomber/assassin. Of note is that Pip, one of the crew, falls for her. She falls for him back, but doesn't want to reveal that she fell for a human to her boss. It's obvious though, so the dolphin attack on our boys involves holding her down and seeing who it is she fell for. The dolphin leader basically threatens to kill and rape Pip, but the shark merc (who was brought along to keep Ahab busy) and Ahab slaughter him and his gang. The girl then runs away because falling for this boy nearly got him killed. (Don't worry. She'll be back later.)

Another villain is a siren. She hypnotizes various crew members, including Ahab. Her song doesn't work on Queequeg at all, and it almost works on Ishmael but Queequeg saves him. Through Ishmael, we see that the song works by making you see the world through yourself. Given that Ishmael sees Death in himself, that's why he was slow enough for Queequeg to save him, yet nutty Ahab was got surprisingly easy. The episode then splits between the real world where Queequeg and Ishmael try to save their friends and Ahab's delusion where he's in Anime School with his Anime Big Tiddy Whale Senpai who is obviously some horrific eldritch abomination wearing human skin. The delusion plays up Ahab's weird obsession to the level of "Please don't tell me he's horny for the whale" quickly escalating to "Oh god no he's 'bout to do it". Cut back to reality, oops there goes gravity, and the Siren has Queequeg and Ishmael dead to rights using Ahab and starts monologue-ing. Then Ahab gets her. It isn't some glorious victory though, because Ahab was very much still in the delusion, it's just that it finally played through his outside persona and stepped into his madness and he killed the source of it immediately. After the anti-climactic end of the siren, Ahab tries to distance himself from his crew since even he can see that he's a murderous psycho. We get a flash of what he saw when he killed the siren, it was him and the whale laid bare and exposed and he was no different from it. As he ripped it apart with his bare hands, murdering the anime girl illusion and then killing the creature underneath, it had struck back and cut through his own skin to reveal that he was the same as it. He too was only wearing the skin of a human, pretending to fit in with his soon-to-be victims. Ishmael and Queequeg cut right through that bullshit though. Ishmael knows what it's like to see yourself as the thing out to get you, and Queequeg has been seeing Death in his dreams so often that he doesn't even care that Ahab and Ishmael are seemingly possessed by it. Ahab then gets to wonder how he lucked out in getting such fantastic gay sons.

When The Whale confronts the crew, it isn't a whale. It's vaguely whale shaped, but it is clearly something Evil and Unnatural. For one, it has all of its victims embedded in its flesh. Not only that, but the surface of the creature moves along it. It actively shows you the faces of your loved ones that it has killed. If it doesn't have someone you know, it will get one soon.

Ahab and Moby share a musical motif. It goes A minor, A, A minor, B minor. It's played out slow in whalesong, but it's laced through everything that has to do with Ahab's obsession and The Whale. The reason for it is that there is no H key, but the note progression means that the next A stands in for H. It spells A-H-A-B, which means that Ahab's obsession is literally calling his name.

they should make a moby dick anime that has barely anything to do with the actual plot. new whale every week. and it should go as hard as gurren lagann

[boldlyvoid]

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

warnings: strangers to lovers, blind dates, betting, talks of: drug use, drug addiction, abusive marriages, rape, sexual assault, abuse, attempted murder, mass shootings, parental death, love confessions, elopements, opposite of slow burn

word count: 8K

A/N: this is based on a request I received a while back about this article

Derek was a betting man, to say the least. He knew Spencer was from Vegas, he also knew Emily couldn’t say no to a challenge and that Rossi had enough money to burn. Betting at work was the best way to have fun when he worked there, and now he can’t stop.

“I’m not saying con a woman into loving you, I’m saying let us find a girl and let’s see if she can fall in love with you, take a week off from work and just spend time wooing her, and in a week, me or Emily will hit on her, if she turns us down for you, then you’ve won.”

Derek explained it like it was simple, and yet the mere thought of being set up with someone was horrifyingly nerve-wracking. But he got Spencer to agree… unbeknown to him that he had another bet going on the side.

You see earlier that day he was invited to Penelope’s apartment, her younger sister was moving in for a little while and they needed a big strong man to help move the boxes. And like Penelope, Y/N was really chatty and overly friendly really fast. It was like he’s always known Y/N Garcia.

She explained to Derek how hard it was in California to find good men who want someone to love them, she’s tired of guys thinking she comes on too fast, she wants someone who wants to settle and have kids and be a dad. Not a Vain narcissist who only cares about what the city can offer him.

“The last guy I went on a date with literally ran when I mentioned I read a New York Times article about 36 questions to make you fall in love… I just want a person to love? Is that really so hard?”

A lightbulb goes off in Derek’s mind, and Penelope almost reads it.

“Spencer.” They both reply with the same cheeky grin.

“I bet you, you could be as insane as you say you are and he’d still be in love with you by the end of the week.” Derek teases, and the way she smiles shows just how interested she is.

—

Woo her.

The words have rattled around in his brain every second of every moment since Derek said he found a girl for him.

She was free on Saturday, all Spencer had to do was tell Derek where she should meet him and all Penelope had to do was not mention to Spencer that she had a sister, it was up to Y/N when Spencer learned that fact.

She’s already there at the restaurant when he arrives, he’s not sure what he was expecting when Derek said he found the perfect girl but it wasn’t this. He was thinking it was going to be a joke, that either no one would show or Derek was hooking him up with some hot blonde who was way out of his league.

She was beautiful in a nice dress, her makeup was stunning and she looked so content sitting there, waiting for him. Starring her ice water with a straw, she wasn’t paying any attention to the room, she barely knew he was there.

“Hi?” He said softly, not wanting to startle her.

“Hi,” she beamed up at him, that same unsure look on her face. Neither of them was expecting anything from the other, but they were pleasantly surprised.

“Spencer Reid,” he says, actually extending a hand to shake her’s because it’s the chivalrous thing to do.

She reaches out her hand, watching him take it and kiss her knuckle softly, she’s so surprised. “Oh, um, Y/N Garcia,” she whispers the name and his eyes go wide.

“Garcia?” He panics a little, sitting down in the booth and facing her as her face drops at his reaction.

“Did he not tell you I’m Penelope’s sister? I knew Derek was up to something,” she looked like it was all too good to be true, upset almost.

“He didn’t, he probably wanted you to tell me, I mean this all so we can get to know each other,” Spencer shrugs it off, interested in seeing why Derek picked her of all people.

“I guess,” she smiled again, “so what do you do?”

“I work with Penelope, I specialize more in psycho-linguistics and geographical profiling.”

She nods in approval, “I’m a high school English teacher.”

Spencer laughs lightly, “what’s that like?”

“Interesting to say the least, especially in California. Every kid there wants to be on TikTok, no one cares about reading any of the books I ask them too,” she just shakes her head. “I’m worried about the next generation.”

“Me too, it’s almost alarming how many kids are unsubs,” he agrees. She’s so easy to talk to, he’s suddenly not nervous anymore and the waiter is coming to take their order.

He never even opened the menu, “what looks good?” He asks Y/N, nervous and she can tell.

“I think I’m going to have the lobster, let’s go all out?” She shrugged again, both of them feeling more adventurous than normal.

“I’ll have that as well,” Spencer smiled, keeping eye contact with only her as she handed the menus back to him.

They ordered sides and appetizers, stuffed mushrooms and fresh bread, it was amazing. They traded small facts about each other, Spencer noticed a lot of Penelope’s quirks in her, she was very friendly and kind and funny. She loved to tease him and make him laugh, his stomach hurt by the time their lobsters came out.

“I’ve never done this before,” she admits, putting on her bib and holding the claw cracker in one hand.

“Neither have I, but I think it’s fairly simple you just need to apply the correct amount of pressure,” he demonstrates by picking up the crustacean and cracking it at its weakest point before twisting it open.

He’s surprised he did it, so is she as she copies is movements and struggles a bit. “You got it, come on,” he encourages her as she squeezed so hard her hands shake but the shell does eventually crack.

She smiles like she just won the science fair, overly proud as they stare at each other. Enamoured already by just how cute the other was.

“So, what do you do for fun outside being a fed?” She teases between bites.

“I like to spend my time finding new things, I tend to go to the same spots often but I’m always looking for new places. I like the theatre, the old cemetery is nice, I’m excited for the new phantasmagoria to open this fall,” he explains all his interests as he cracks away at his dinner. “I just like to try and appreciate what’s out there, after everything I see.”

“That’s really nice, I’ve always wanted to go to a phantasmagoria actually, science magic is the best kind of magic,” she says it like it’s nothing, almost embarrassed by the interest.

“Me too, I love magic,” Spencer lights up, “I can actually do some magic, hold on.”

He digs his NA chip out of his pocket, showing it to her quickly before making it disappear and reappear behind her ear and she was so smitten, “how the heck?” She asked as she reached for her own ear, shocked at the fact he could do it.

“Do you always keep a coin on you for that?”

He thinks about it for a second, not knowing if he should tell her or not. “No, I keep this on me for support.”

He places it on the table, she picks it up instead and inspects it carefully, “2 years is a really long time, I’m really proud of you.”

He feels like he falls in love with her in that moment, she places the chip back in his hand and smiles, “it’s not easy to admit nor recover from, it’s something you should be really proud of Spencer.”

“Thank you,” he blushes, “um, is there anything else you want to know about me?”

She bites the inside of her lip as she thinks, “actually I was reading an article the other day that said there are a list of personal questions you can ask someone and by the end of all of them you should be in love with the person.”

He thought it was a good opportunity to take a sip of water, upon hearing the word love he realizes it was a mistake. He chokes lightly, coughing as he puts the glass back down and apologizes.

“Love?” He repeats the word.

“I’m going to be real honest here Spencer, I don’t date to get my heartbroken, I date to find my life partner so if you’re not interested in marriage or kids one day tell me now,” she’s very stern about it and he can tell she’s gotten her hopes up and heart broken before.

“I want that too, I just didn’t expect you to be so upfront about it,” he’s honest, because clearly that’s what she wants from him. “What was on the question list?”

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” She asks, remembering the questions easily.

“Wow,” he takes a moment to think about it, “alive or dead?”

“Sure, why not,” she shrugs.

“Probably biological Eve,” he comes to the decision rather quickly. “I’ve always been fascinated with the fact all humans can be traced back to one single women. I’m sure she was amazing, it must have been so interesting being the first women on earth.”

“That is the coolest answer anyone has ever given me,” she smiles, “I think I’d be boring and have dinner with Julia Roberts.”

“She’s a very talented actress,” he smiles, recognizing the name from Penelope’s movie nights. “Um, I have an eidetic memory, do you have the list I can just read it once and then we can spit it back and forth easily.”

She looks at him with wide eyes and a growing smile, “yeah hold on.” She takes out her cellphone and pulls up the article before handing it to him.

He reads it quickly and then hands it right back, she was amazed, surely it was a joke? “Would I like to be famous?” He repeats the next question to himself.

“No,” he’s very certain. “I’ve had some encounters with psychopaths who think they are my biggest fans, perfect match or my only rival, and it’s not fun. I’m sure being adored is lovely, but I don’t like the attention if it’s not from a good place.”

“So you want praise but you don’t want a stalker?” She dumbs it down slightly with a smile, “I definitely don’t want to be famous because I don’t like other peoples opinions about me.”

“That’s incredibly fair.”

“Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?” She asks the next one.

“If it’s for work or my mother, yes,” he answers it completely honestly. “I prefer not to make phone calls, so when I have to make them I typically spend the day before panicking.”

She smiles, “well, if you ever need someone to call tech support and pretend to be you, I am really good on the phone.”

“Like Penelope?”

She nods, “we spent a lot of time talking on the phone when she moved to Virginia for your team.”

“That must have been really hard, I’m surprised she hasn’t mentioned you yet?”

“I’m not really her sister,” she smiles, “I wish I was. I met her during a really abusive relationship and I didn’t feel close to my parents anymore, so my old name didn’t feel right either. Penelope and her brothers were the closest thing I had to family, so I took their name after my divorce.”

“That’s beautiful,” his smile is so soft, she wonders if he feels the same about Penelope.

“What do you consider a perfect day?” She moves on before she can pry into his personal life further, just to pry into his personal life further— in another direction.

“Nobody dies.”

“Even the bad guys?” She squints as she asks it, wondering if that was an appropriate topic for the first date.

“I’m not a fan of the prison system, and I’m really not a very big fan of suicide by cop, let alone lethal injection,” he explained. “Just because you’re a murderer or a psychopath doesn’t mean you have to die too, there is rehabilitation and a way to keep them sane and alive while keeping people safe. I just hate when people die.”

“Me too,” her smile is sad, “my perfect day would be having my parents back, I’d like to show them my degree and go out for ice cream and give them another hug.”

“We should have our perfect days back to back,” his voice is low, he was nervous to say it. “Cause then once you bring them back, I stop people from dying and they can stay forever.”

He sees her heartbreak as the tears well in her eyes, “that would be nice.”

“Um,” he clears his throat and then takes a sip of water. “When was the last time you sang to yourself, or someone else?”

“I was singing in the car on the way here,” she smiles with a sniffle, “I sing a lot actually. I’m always humming or tapping as well, if my mind is wandering then it has to make some kind of noise.”

“What is your favourite thing to hum?” He can’t stop himself from asking it, “I personally do the muppets, duh duh nanana, manamanah.”

She laughs again, and a tear slips out as her eyes close. She hurries to wipe it away, “I often find myself doing the teletubbies song, you know; ‘Tinky-Winky, Dipsy,’” she sings the words before humming the tune to match.

“That’s a good one too,” Spencer is really enthusiastic suddenly, the way he would be with Penelope. He was really comfortable. “If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?”

“Mind, because that’s how you keep a good body. If I can keep the strength and willpower to get up in the mornings and go to work and remember why I love being alive, I’ll be young forever,” she answers like it’s rehearsed.

“I was going to say I’d want my mind too, but the way you said it is a lot more elegant,” he teases. “My mom has Alzheimer's, you were honest about wanting kids and you should know that's genetic. I can also pass on schizophrenia and any other mental illness, like depression, bipolar disorder and most definitely anxiety—

“Spencer,” she reaches across the table for his hand, “breathe, that’s not scary to me. My grandma had it too, I’m not optimal gene-wise either.”

He takes a deep breath, “Sorry.”

“It makes you real to react like that, I don’t mind seeing that side of you. Fake strong men and men who compensate are the worst, in my opinion.”

“Mine too,” he agrees. “I am an anxious worrier, I barely sleep, I’m terrified of the dark, I have PTSD nightmares about my short stay in prison, and I cry a lot when I’m alone.”

“It was a mistake clearly? The prison stay, that is.”

“Yeah,” he nods, moving to the next question. “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

She laughs through her nose at the switch topic change, “well until I was 19 I thought my husband was going to kill me, then I thought maybe it would be myself, now I’m content dying in my sleep when I'm old.”

“It is ever-changing,” he agrees. “I have died before.”

“What did it feel like?”

She doesn’t ask how, she knows he was sober, she knows he’s been to prison, she knows he’s an agent. It wasn’t a surprise. Penelope even almost died once before, it was an unfortunate part of the job.

“Warm.”

“Like soothing warm, like drinking a hot chocolate, or that uncomfortable warm like being in a hot car?”

“Like a hug.”

Her lips purse, she hums a bit. “Yeah, my answer stays the same.”

“Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

“You like to learn,” she smiles again. “You enjoy the mysteries and the horribleness of the world because it keeps you grounded. You love your mom.”

“We love Penelope, our hearts have similar scars, life has been mean to us for no reason,” he adds 3 more for good measure.

“What are you grateful for in life?” She asks the next question.

“I’ve never said this before,” he prefaces, “but found family. If it wasn’t for my team, no matter who was coming and going over the years, anyone who has had my back. Anyone who loves me in any capacity. That’s what I’m grateful for.”

“We’re not even through the first set of questions and I can see why everyone loves you,” she admits. Moving far too fast, doing exactly what Derek wanted from her.

To scare him and see if he still stays.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Spencer stops the questions, “I can’t continue if I can’t tell you this.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Derek and Emily bet me $20 that I couldn’t get someone to fall in love with me, he wanted to set this up and then hit on you in a week and see if you picked me over him, and it feels like a really shitty thing to do to you. It’s making me feel like you’re an object more than a person and I feel really bad about it.”

She just laughs and he has no idea why. “He bet me that I could be as insane as I am with most of my dates and you’d still want to stay with me after a week.”

“You’re not mad?” He worries, by passing her words and the implications of it all.

“No, did you truly mean how you feel?”

“Yes…”

“Then I accept your apology, you’re really kind Spencer. I believe you when you speak, I trust you,” she explains her reasoning and he settles once more. “You’re the most real man I’ve ever met, I think.”

“Thank you,” he smiles again, reaching out for her hand once more, “do you want to finish these questions?”

“Not really,” she smirks, “I think they were wrong about all 35 of them making you fall in love with someone.”

“How so?”

“It only took me 9.”

It’s so absurd they start to laugh, making eye contact, they feel delirious. His hand in hers, she squeezes it lightly and he never wants to let it go.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Sure, did you drive?” She asks.

“No, I walked over.”

She gets up from the table and takes his hand once more, “well, are we going to mine or yours?”

“Are you living with Penelope?”

“Yours it is then,” she teases, bumping his shoulder. This was going to be fun.

Spencer pays for their meal and meets her out front, he gets in her passenger seat and gives her the directions. “Do you want to finish the questions on the drive?” He asks.

“Hmm, well, 11 is a long one, if you want to start telling me your life story in graphic detail? Or we can jump to 12 and you can tell me what super ability you’d like to wake up with?”

“Have you ever watched star trek?”

She’s not expecting that, it makes her take a double-take, she laughs lightly, “Yeah, why?”

“Deanna Troi can sense peoples emotions, I think that would really help with my job,” he explains it easily. “And in times like this.”

“I can just tell you,” she offers, pulling into his apartment complex, she can tell why he walked.

“You don’t have to yet, let it simmer,” he smiles softly, he’s not ready for her to make a decision like loving him when she really doesn’t know everything yet. “Come inside?”

She nods, getting out and taking his hand again for the walk inside. His house is green, and it makes sense. There are door wooden bookshelves and the distant smell of old books and spilled coffee, it’s dusty and old and very Spencer.

“Can I tell you some of my story?” She asks as she kicks her shoes off.

“Absolutely,” he follows her lead, “do you want anything, wine, water?”

“Wine would be nice,” she smiles, following him to the kitchen, “you know my favourite place to talk to someone is in the kitchen.”

“Why?”

“It's the heart of the house,” she smiles slightly, “that's what my mom used to say. This is where all the love happens.”

He loves her and he knows it already, she makes him happy and calm and if she’s in the heart of his house she might as well know all of his own heart.

“I was born in Vegas,” Spencer admits, pushing his life story past his lips before she can stop him or else he wouldn’t.

“My mom was a professor, my dad is an attorney, I have always been really smart and not so athletic, I enjoy chess and reading and I had big thick glasses as a child. My mom participated in a murder and my dad covered it up and that ruined their marriage but they blamed it on her schizophrenia when he left. And then I was left to raise her when she was supposed to be raising me. I cared for her until I turned 13, I left her during the weeks and my aunt would make sure she was okay and I would travel back and forth from CalTech and Vegas on the weekends.”

She can see the exhaustion on his face at just remembering it.

“I got my licence at 16, and then I took her car and it was easier. When I was 18 I put her in a sanatarium and sold her house and took a road trip with my friend to Virginia to go to the academy. He didn’t like it after a week and asked me to go with him to New Orleans and I didn’t— I met my mentor and joined the BAU instead. I was kidnapped and drugged by a man with DID… I died and then his personality switched and Tobias brought me back. I had an addiction to Dilaudid for a few months after, then I got sober after visiting Ethan in New Orleans.”

“Was he good to you?”

“Wonderful,” he smiles, “he was my shoulder to cry on for a long time and I didn’t realize how much I needed him in my recovery until we got a case and I had a reason to see him. I missed a plane and ignored my friends to just be with him. He’s the reason I got clean, not anything else… he told me that I was too special to hate myself, and he was right.”

“He was,” she smiles. “He sounds lovely.”

“And then, the first time I saw my mom after putting her in the sanatarium was because she told parts of our case to a man who lost his daughter, and he did a lot of messed up stuff… like he shot my co-worker. She was another special person to me—“

“I’m so sorry.”

He smiles, “she lived, don’t worry. I loved Elle, she was amazing but the bureau didn’t see that. She was a broken toy to them, we all become one eventually. I miss her a lot.”

She walks into his space and wraps her arms around him, giving him a hug as he rests against the counter, she makes no attempt to move back. Holding him in the heart of the house, close to her own. He holds her back just as tight.

“Maeve, she was another person I loved who got shot, she died. I see her sometimes when I sleep, she visits me when I’m in the most need. I’ll always love her, but she’s gone. The only other woman who claims to have loved me was a psychopath who is dead now too, she framed me for murder, had me drugged, kidnapped my mother and the list goes on and it’s not pretty. In prison she had a lot of bad things happen to me, I have scars that will never heal and a part of me was lost but I’m okay now.”

They have a moment of silence in the middle of their stories, she absorbs it while preparing her own, rubbing his back as her cheek stays pressed to his chest.

“I was born in California, my parents were high school sweethearts, they made me at prom. Learned that from the scrapbooks,” she laughs against his chest, “they were great and then they died when I was 14, it was a mass shooting at a mall, and I went to a foster home. I married the oldest son in the home after he groomed me for a few years… I met Penelope when I was 20 and she helped me get divorced and back on my feet and her brothers protected me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry you relate to loss.”

“It's the one thing that unites us all, really,” Spencer’s voice is barely a whisper. “When you think about it, we’re all born and we all die, the only difference is how we fill the middle.”

They never get to that bottle of wine he mentioned, she pulls back and asks the next question as she drags him to his bedroom. “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?”

“If I get to have kids.”

She drags him into the room and closes the door, “that was going to be my answer.”

“Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?” He asks as she starts to take her clothes off.

“Sleep beside the love of my life.”

“I’ve never woken up beside the love of my life,” he replies with a soft smile and follows suit, getting undressed down to their underwear before climbing in bed.

“Greatest accomplishment?” She asks as they settle in, laying her cheek on his chest once more.

He takes a moment to think of everything he’s done that has been good, and one really stands out. “there was a case a few years back, we found a bunch of kids who went missing and returned them to their families and gave answers to the families of children who didn’t make it. Days like that feel like a reward.”

“Getting divorced,” she pushes the words out quickly.

“Most valued friendship?” He asks, knowing she doesn’t need to explain herself.

“Penelope.”

“Derek.”

“Most treasured memory?”

“When JJ placed her son in my arms and told me I was his godfather,” his voice is hushed and she knows it’s because he doesn’t want to cry. “It's the closest I’ve gotten to being a father so far.”

“I got an end of the year present when I was first starting out, this girl told me that I was the reason she enjoyed reading again and it was the reason I started teaching, I’ll never forget her. Tammy Brownlee, she graduated in 2009 and we’ve been Facebook friends ever since.”

“Most terrible memory?”

“My parents dying.”

��You’d think mine would be dying right?” He asked, she nodded against his chest, “it was actually being held down by 3 men, getting a sock shoved in my mouth while they beat me.”

She kissed his chest softly, “I’m sorry, I know that feeling. Mind you, he was only 1 man, it’s not a good feeling.”

“If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?”

“If it’s definite; not like a chance or a cancer statistic, if it’s like this is the day you die no ifs and's or butts, then I’d just continue as normal and have 1 really awesome day right before,” she smiles against him. “Make the most of it all.”

“If I was dying a year today, I’d ask you to marry me.”

“Already?” She laughs, thinking he’s kidding.

“You want a nice husband and a kid? I will be good for you as long as I know you, and I’ll have as many kids as you want me to help you make.”

She’s silent as she thinks about it. “What does friendship mean to you?”

“Someone who is there for you even when they don’t want to be, even when it’s hard,” Spencer whispers, thinking about his friends.

“It means hacking the government and voiding a marriage and changing someone's name so they can escape,” Y/N whispers. “don’t tell the feds she did that too.”

“What roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“I crave it and hardly receive it, but I give it out like it’s a sample at costco,” she snickers at the example she gave. “It’s something that people have always admired about me and yet it’s also the thing that scares people away. When I love, I love hard and it’s full and annoying and you will feel suffocated sometimes, but just tell me when and I’ll back off.”

“I don’t know how to ask for what I need,” Spencer whispers. “But I need someone to love me like that.”

“The next one is to alternate 5 good things about each other,” she rests her chin on her hand as she looks up at his face in the darkness, “soft.”

He pauses for a moment, bypassing the easiest one and saying pretty, instead, he says; “you’re honest.”

“You’re very caring,” she replies.

“You see beauty in the world still.”

She smiles at that one, “you make the world beautiful.”

“You are beautiful.”

“And you’re handsome, that’s my 4th,” she keeps track in her head.

“You’re true, to your heart, your promises, everything.”

“And you’re real, you see the world for what it is and you don’t try to change it for the better. You want to make it manageable,” her explanation is the longest one yet. “Was your childhood happy, and do you feel close with your family still?”

“I write to my mom every single day and I drop the notes off weekly, and no,” he doesn’t want to cry, but he feels like he might again. “It was liveable, I made it.”

“Mine was happy until I was 14, then I was alone, I have 1 living aunt and she is strange but I get a card from her every Christmas,” Y/N adds. “I’d like to think your lack of love and my need to fill the world with what I miss from my parents will make a really good family dynamic.”

“Me too.”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” She asks, “I think I know already, but it’s the next one.”

“She hit me a few years ago because I made her take some medicine, she hit me once when I was a kid too…” he whispers them so that they stay a secret, if they can’t be heard else where then they don’t exist in his mind. “She was a wonderful mother but the worst memories stick out the most now. She’s forgetting everything and all I can remember is how hard it’s been on me, like a bad son.”

“My mom was my best friend, and I still talk to her every day, I bring her and my dad around with me in my necklace,” she pulls the chain on her neck and shows him the little jar. “Mom, Dad, this is Spencer. Spencer, this is my mom and dad.”

He holds it in his hand and tips it gently, “nice to meet you.”

“The next one is weird,” she changed the topic again.

“Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling…" Spencer says it verbatim. “We are both feeling understood.”

“We are both hopeful.”

“We are both falling in love,” Spencer ends the feelings with the most prominent one.

“We are,” she agrees with another smile.

“Finish this,” he insists on moving forward, “I wish I had someone I could share…”

“The rest of my life with,” she whispers this time. “If we become besties, what’s something I should know?”

“I think I’ve told you all the important stuff so far,” Spencer thinks hard, pausing for a moment. “My butt is ticklish?”

It makes her giggle, “that is a good one. My sides and the bottom of my feet are ticklish too.”

“Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met,” Spencer reads the question back from memory, “don’t be afraid to be too honest.”

“I like that you know how I feel but I hate that you’ve been hurt. I like how you listen to me, and I really like how comfortable you make me feel. I’m almost naked in your bed right now and I know you’d never, ever hurt me, and I haven’t felt that in a really long time.”

“I like that you are indulging me in the dream of becoming a husband and a dad one day… most people say it’ll happen but they never picture it. No one has ever said yeah id have your kids. I like that you know what you want and you’re actively looking for it.”

She moves up so she can hold his face in her hands, “only 7 more. Is it working?”

He nods, “my most embarrassing moment is the time I had a wet dream on the work jet.”

She laughs and then covers her mouth in panic, “I’m sorry that’s not funny.”

“It is, it’s fine,” he smiles. “I was dreaming about kissing this actress we helped, she actually did kiss me in the pool, so I guess it was bound to happen.”

She leans in and presses her lips against his, holding his cheeks in her hands his wrap around her waist as he holds her there. She peppers smaller kisses to his lips before pulling back, “we both cried in front of each other already today, so next question.”

“Tell me what you like about me already?”

Her hands trail his chest and down towards his boxers, he’s hard again from just kissing and she smirks, “this is promising.”

His hand on her back unclips her bra, “I love boobs, not even going to lie. They are my weakness.”

She pushes the straps down and tosses her bra aside, pressing her naked chest against his, she moves on. “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”

“Being called insane, saying I'm seeing things, or acting crazy, those are things I don’t like to be told because they make my anxiety worse.”

“Noted,” she smiles. “I talk to myself a lot so get ready for that.”

“Okay,” he smiles, she’s way too easy to be real.

“I don’t want to mention my last husband from here on out, I think if I get married again I will never tell anyone I have a first husband,” she’s firm in her words.

“Technically, Y/N Garcia has never had a husband,” he reminds her.

Her face lights up at the realization, “you’re right.”

“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?” Spencer asks.

“I regret not screaming at my ex before I disappeared but I wanted to live.”

He hums, understanding how it feels. “There isn’t anyone in specific I’ve wanted to tell this to, but I wanted to kill people when I was in prison. It made me really angry being in there and I let myself dream about killing people who hurt me and then I almost did kill someone.”

“Remember what you said about bad guys?” She whispers a helpful tip, “even the worst people deserve to have a chance at life. And you’re not hardly as bad as the worst people you’ve met.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “Thank you.”

“This place burns down, what’s one thing you’d run back inside for? Outside of people and animals…” she asks the 3rd last question.

“The book Maeve gave me.”

“The girlfriend who died?” She confirms, and he nods. “If my place with Penelope burned down, I just want my necklace and I don’t take it off that often.”

“The next question is interesting,” Spencer thinks about it, “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing, and why?”

“I’m glad I wasn’t at the mall with my parents, if I saw them get shot it would hurt more,” she whispers. “I’m sorry you had to see Maeve die like that.”

“In a way, I’m glad I saw Maeve get shot, otherwise I wouldn’t have believed it. She never felt real to me and then she was dead…”

She just hums, “Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it,” she whispers the last question.

“Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen,” Spencer adds in the second half.

“I need to find a place to stay now that I’m here, I don’t want to keep living with Penelope. As much as I love her, I want my own place,” Y/N admits.

“I think I’m in love with this girl that I just met and I don’t know if it’s too soon to ask her to look for a house with me?” Spencer pretends to sigh, “she’s super cool and I think we’d make some nice kids. I would love some advice.”

“Has she told you she loves you yet?” She teases.

Spencer shakes his head. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she replies, leaning in one more time to kiss him.

It’s deeper this time, she breathes him in and rests her forehead against his as she breathes between them.

“How did that work?” She whispers, truly amazed at how easy it was.

He shrugs, “it’s a good questionnaire.”

“You were really honest, your heart is really pure and I would like to get to know you more, but I feel like I know everything?” She shakes her head while she talks, overthinking all the things she has learned, “I don’t even know what could be left?”

“My birthday is October 28th?” He whispers, “we have a lot to discover yet.”

—

When she doesn’t come home in the morning, Penelope knows she’s at Reid’s house. She just doesn’t expect to walk in and find them naked in Reid’s bed, out cold and cuddled together with their clothes all over the room.

It looks like something happened. If only she knew the truth.

“Oh my god?” Penelope’s voice wakes them up and Spencer scrambles to make sure they are covered by his blankets.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N shouts as she wakes up.

“I came to see if you were okay. I expected one of you to be on the couch, I didn’t think it went this good?”

“We just slept in the same bed, I promise,” Spencer turned bright red as he panicked, “we just got to know each other and talked all night, in what we normally sleep in.”

“Uh-huh,” Penelope smirks, “so I take it the 36 questions worked?”

“Perhaps,” Y/N smirks back at her sister.

“Do you use it on many people?”

“No one has made it past the first question,” she smiles at him instead, kissing his cheek as Penelope watches.

“That’s my queue to go, um… yeah, wow, I didn’t see this happening so fast,” Penelope is shocked but in the best way.

She leaves just as fast as she arrived and Y/N settles back into Spencer the second she closes the bedroom door. “You know, if she’s not going to believe us we might as well do it? If you accidentally get me pregnant then we can move fast and no one will question it.”

He laughs, “accidentally, is the key word there.”

“My parents made me at prom after crushing on each other for 2 years… I think knowing each other for 2 days isn’t the weirdest way to start a family?”

“Honestly,” Spencer lets out a sigh and her happy mood drops to a more serious one. “I was a little worried that we’d wake up this morning and you’d change your mind.”

“Why?”

“In the heat of the moment, learning everything about each other and saying I love you was really exhilarating, but I have a hard time believing it,” he admits, “not many people mean it, or stay around after they tell me they love me.”

She cuddles back into the crook of his neck and holds him as tightly as possible, wrapping a leg around him for optimal coverage, “I am staying right here, because I love you, Spencer.”

“Okay,” he whispers. Sounding like he still doesn’t believe it.

“I love you because you’re honest, you want what I want and you’re truly kind. You’re friends with my sister, you’re smart, you would make a great dad, you won't hurt me, you are really nice to cuddle with, and I know you mean it when you say you love me because it’s not a word you use lightly.”

“Are you my girlfriend now?” He wonders aloud, “cause if you really want to have a kid, I have my mom's old wedding ring in my closet, and I would rather be married to you before we do that?”

“Okay,” she whispers, tears welling in her eyes as she hides her face in his neck, “the courthouse is literally just down the road?”

“We can get breakfast together after?” Spencer adds, rubbing her back as they plan, he wasn’t scared anymore.

“Penelope will kill me if she’s not there, can we have her as our witness?” Y/N finally sits up to look at him, pulling away to sit on the bed, still shirtless.

His smile while he tries to keep eye contact with her is so funny, she giggles a little as she hides her nipples behind her palms and cups her boobs.

“I’m pretty sure she’s still in my living room,” Spencer giggles, “Penelope!?”

She comes back in then, “yes?”

“We’re going to the courthouse to get married, wanna come?” Y/N asks with an embarrassed smile.

“Yes!” She cheers, “I’ll go get you a dress!”

And then she’s off again, this time actually leaving Spencer’s apartment. “What if we don’t tell Derek, and let him hit on me next week anyway?

“Then you can say ‘sorry I have a husband,’ and he’ll body slam me to the floor,” Spencer laughs nervously, “the whole team is going to be so pissed they missed my wedding…”

She frowns, “send out a mass text, tell them to meet us at the court house, it’s their day off right?”

“You’re right,” he smiles.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Walking out of the courthouse, hand in hand, she’s in a white dress, he’s in a suit he’d probably wear to work, Penelope is crying and the whole team is waiting outside for them.

At the bottom of the courthouse steps, they all clap and cheer, throwing rice at them like an old movie, Spencer’s smiling so hard his cheeks are burning. Y/N introduces herself to everyone, hugged over and over by everyone she should have met 15 years ago.

Derek is tapping his foot, waiting for Spencer to come and hug him, “what the fuck?” He asks as Spencer steps into his space, wrapping his arms around him and shaking his back and forth.

“Nice try, I’ll give you $20 as a thank you,” Spencer teases as he pulls away. “She is perfect.”

JJ and Will are busy talking to Y/N when he turns around, Mike and Henry not far behind them. Spencer walks over and wraps Henry up in his arms, the kid was growing way too fast, Spencer loved him so much it hurt sometimes.

“Y/N, this is my godson,” Spencer introduces them, “Henry, this is Y/N.”

She gives him a big hug too, “do you have any cousins, Henry?”

“No, but I was 8 when Michael was born,” he smiles, “and I’m getting old enough to be a good babysitter?”

Spencer laughed, messing up Henry’s hair quickly with a smile, “I’m sure by the time you’re a cousin you’ll be great.”

They take a group photo outside, Spencer and Y/N in the middle, everyone was smiling. It was the first time all of them had been in a photo together, the entirety of Spencer’s found family. Now they were Y/N’s too.

She hyphenated her last name, Y/N Garcia-Reid, and their kids would share the same one. He was not only about became a father thanks to Y/N, but Penelope would also become an Aunt once more. It was like a gift that kept on giving, seeing Spencer and Y/N create a little family of their own.

—

She cried her eyes out when she met Diana. She wasn’t expecting to be so emotional, but then Diana was lucid and very welcoming and sweet.

“It’s going to be a pleasure having you as my daughter,” Diana smiles, thinking it was just a nice thing to say.

Y/N cries and holds her so tight Diana almost can’t breathe but she lets her hold her as long as she needs to, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome?”

“I haven’t had someone to call mom since I was 14,” Y/N whispers, “if that’s okay?”

Diana hugs her just a little too tight in response, “you can call me mom whenever you want.”

“Just until you become a grandma,” she whispers again as she pulls back and Diana’s attention snaps to Spencer.

“Are you trying?”

He nods, “we want kids, we’re not getting any younger.”

Diana wraps him up in a hug and he almost falls off his chair at the sheer force of it, she was so happy for him. She knew this was all he’s ever wanted; because he would be good at it, he had all this love in his heart, and he wanted to show his father how easy it is to stay.

“You’re going to be a great dad, Spencer,” she holds his cheeks as she pulls away, “I’m proud of you.”

He cried. It’s all he’s wanted from her, and now he has everything right here in this room.

—

When they find out they’re pregnant after the first try, it’s really funny to them. It was all working so well, it was a little too much for them at first. They were looking for a house, she was looking for a permanent teaching job but Spencer convinced her to wait until after the baby is born to go back.

They name her Morgan Garcia-Reid as a thank you for Derek’s little bet, and before she’s even 6 months old they’re pregnant again. By the time they have 4 kids under 5 they take a break and just enjoy their little family.

To think Derek gave them 7 days to fall in love… and then they lived happily ever after.

taglist: @g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria@reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[tessenpai]

I want to hear your opinion about the relationship between natsu and uzuki

This is something I have discussed on the KOT Discord server but I now realize I never really shared my thoughts on them here! I will start by saying that I find it really interesting how Amyuu developed the whole "Uzuki and Momoya are siblings" plot.

In the first place, the very start of their relationship is complicated... they are related because of infidelity. That in itself is a pretty taxing situation. A little more on Uzuki than for Natsu for a variety of reasons

1. Natsu's mom would be the biggest differentiating factor, in my opinion. She (according to Uzuki and for all we know) didn't really know Natsu's father was cheating on her. Natsu noticed something was odd because he is a very sensitive child. He is aware of moods and he realized something in his parent's relationship was not quite normal.

Upon investigating he, of course, finds out the reason. Natsu's mother eventually learns about it and cuts things off with the guy, while trying to shield Natsu from that reality by telling him that even though their relationship is over, that does not have to change his relationship with his dad at all. He is still his father. She doesn't know Natsu has known about everything for a long time, and the whole situation is aggravating, to say the least.

I believe, however, she does everything with Natsu in mind. As a parent, she tries to protect her boy from everything ugly in the world, even if it affects her directly... and I can not condemn her for that. Natsu, however, is fed up with the lies. In the one scene they share in the whole manga, we can see that their relationship is not bad, exactly. He is thankful to her because he understands she works so much to raise him. Hell, he takes on part-time jobs because he wants to help her. We can see his caring nature in that. But every time she tries to bring up his dad, or tell him they should hang out, Natsu freezes her off.

I say all this because I want to point out that is not that Natsu is in a situation like, say, Uzuki or Chika, where he didn't know love or care. He does know it but has a difficult time connecting because that love and care are tied to lies and deceit. I believe the way he lives with that juxtaposition is by "going with the flow". He stops analyzing his feelings and looking within himself, and he avoids situations where he has to emotionally connect.

The importance of this will be highlighted later

2. On the other hand, as I said in my essay about Uzuki's motivations toward Chika, Uzuki seems to have psychopath tendencies further proven by how he can not understand other people's emotions at all, and if we see his character profile, he can't even find pleasure in simple things like food, since he isn't able to taste anything. You pair that up with his parents blatantly displaying their infidelities and you have a recipe for disaster. Uzuki, however, craves that connection. He craves to understand how people connect with one another, and what normal relationships look like. He is DELIGHTED to learn he has a brother. And when he meets Natsu, he feels there is finally someone who can understand his situation. Natsu's existence proves he is not alone in this world.

3. But as I said before, Natsu does not wish to connect deeply with anyone, and he mistakes Uzuki's careful approach as him not wanting to connect either. He does not realize that even though Uzuki is calm, he is breaking down on the inside. When everything blows up, Natsu has learned through the club more about his feelings and how to connect with others. And he realizes that by treating his brother like he treats everyone else, he ignored his cry for help.

4. Is interesting how Amyuu does not ignore this sibling relationship. Uzuki knows Natsu in ways no one else does. And Natsu knows Uzuki better than anyone else in the world. Natsu is the one thing Uzuki could count on for any kind of support. So when everything goes down with the koto club, we find a dilemma. Will you ignore those two are siblings for the sake of punishing Uzuki? I don't think that is fair. They are brothers. Amyuu didn't want to let go of that fact. Throughout the whole manga, familial relationships are of vital importance. Natsu does not want his brother to suffer, but he understands that does not have anything to do with the club and he can't force them to forgive him. So is regarding to see Chika settle things with Uzuki, in part for Natsu. He does not want Natsu to suffer because of his relationship with Uzuki.

This way, even though Uzuki does not need to have any kind of relationship with the club, he can have his relationship with his brother, work towards understanding human relationships and forming connections, and Natsu can stop feeling guilty about wanting his brother to be ok.

[toujourspur13]

The Black family / Walburga Black / canon.

As I said before I do not care that much about canon/fanon/headcanon because transformative works by definition include a wide variety of different interpretations. However, I am forever perplexed when I see uncompromising opinions on the Black family - particularly the unwavering certainty that Sirius Black’s parents were psychotic abusers. All personal opinions aside - why is this so popular?

I mean - it’s absolutely ok to headcanon this version and to play with it - but saying 'don’t you dare say they did not physically and emotionally abuse Sirius' is a little strong, isn’t it?

This is a mystery to me. So…let’s discuss my favourite subject…Again.

Let’s stick to the facts. The frequently cited things proving the abuse in the Black family are as follows:

Sirius said his parents were awful maniacs (pureblood ideology)

he ran away from home

he was severely depressed in OoTP

Kreacher

Portrait

So…when you say that Sirius’s parents were abusive…you mean exactly what? These people got cold feet when they saw the real nature of Voldemort - I guess it somehow implies that they did not share his methods…that they were against violence as a tool to get purebloods in charge.

But then it usually goes this way: ‘well at least he was verbally and emotionally abused by his family’ - but is it so? Is this based on the portrait of Sirius's mother? She insulted strangers who took over her house and her runaway son - how does this prove anything about how Sirius and Regulus were raised and treated when they were kids? I agree it’s rather impolite - jkr did a good job showing how purebloods perceived others ( those below them) -but in all honesty, this has very little to do with Sirius and his childhood.

Why to make Sirius a victim at all? - c’mon he was tougher than this, he spent 12 years in Azkaban; are you actually saying that a portrait throwing insults at everyone is worse? I doubt that. And is it such a surprise that a mother who lost her son (that said son actually ran away and abandoned his duty) would be that furious at him when seeing him again...even if it’s only a portrait...I believe it to be a rather unpleasant experience for a parent when a child runs away.

We already talked about the portrait a lot - I don’t even want to mention it here- - I feel we should rather pay more attention to the fact that Sirius himself was not an angel.

I am not saying the colourful vocabulary of Walburga Black should be used…but Sirius himself upon seeing Snape  immediately  recognised his weakness and went for it without any hesitation …we are talking about Sirius who in fact was quite a renowned bully ( I mean - we know for a fact that from time to time Sirius and James got carried away)…

And it was Sirius who sent Snape to meet and chat with a real werewolf (yes, I agree - he was not thinking this through - he probably was just vexed and fed up with Snape and thought he wouldn’t go there, would get cold feet or idk run away…But it actually changes nothing. If a drunken driver hits someone it will be 100% his fault whether he means it or not. Whether he is in a fragile mental state or not - such situations are definite. It’s the same with Sirius - even if he did not mean anything bad he should have understood the cost of his mistake - all teenagers make silly things but not all of them send their classmate to meet a werewolf - James thought it not a very good idea as I recall… -

So we see that Sirius was not an angel from the start and I can hardly believe he was a victim by nature. His behaviour loudly manifested that he used to get what he wanted with no thought of the consequences.

And all those pictures of bikini-clad girls on the walls in his room prove that he was quite a spoiled boy who had nothing to fear from mum and dad. Harry himself noticed «Sirius seemed to have gone out of his way to annoy his parents». All this shows that Sirius was not afraid of his parents at all. What kind of masochist would suffer for motorbike posters? That would be ridiculous.

Let’s move to Kreacher: If Sirius’s mother had been a monster why even mention her heart?  JKR wrote this for a purpose and this heavily implies that Sirius's situation was never meant to be ‘the abusive heartless parents vs the poor helpless victim’.  

The fact that Sirius ran away and hence broke his mother’s heart says against the popular idea that he was not loved by his family, that he was always the second one, that they abused him. I’m 100% certain that Kreacher told the truth in that scene. Why would he say something like this if it were not the truth - something like…that his beloved mistress having been so upset over Sirius running away that it broke her heart. Just tell me one reason that would have justified such a lie - why to say this at all?

Then this: “Leave?” Sirius smiled bitterly and ran a hand through his long, unkempt hair. “Because I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal … my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them … that’s him.”…. “He was younger than me,” said Sirius, “and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded.”

I’ve already said it before - this ‘better son than me’ is exactly what insecure 14-year old kids like to say. Well...he’s a bit older but it’s not as if he had a life and a chance to mature. Moreover, I don’t know if it comes as a great shock but a lot of teenagers like to badmouth their parents…usually, it involves something like ‘those bloody uptight retrogrades know nothing of the real world’ (it fades away when they get closer to thirty).

To be serious, I find that it’s just another example of similarities between Sirius and his mother. They clearly did not know what it means to be composed, polite, and respectful. Yeah…I think that, on the whole, parents are owed their children’s respect (unless they are completely inadequate - somehow I don’t believe this was the case). Someone should teach both of them what mutual respect means. Anyway, there is nothing in this quote that says that Sirius was subjected to any forms of abuse - it’s about how Sirius justified his running away,  how he saw the situation.

There’s also the fact that Sirius was incredibly unhappy because he was back at his childhood home and having to spend time around anything that reminded him of his family: “Hasn’t anyone told you? This was my parents’ house,” said Sirius. “But I’m the last Black left, so it’s mine now. I offered it to Dumbledore for headquarters — about the only useful thing I’ve been able to do.” Harry, who had expected a better welcome, noted how hard and bitter Sirius’s voice sounded”.

Here it comes…the severe depression that makes people question the severity of his abuse… I have thought a lot about this because it is the reason why some consider ‘the abusive blacks' canon while others believe it was more of a tragedy of the family rather than the banal brutality.

Of course, Sirius was upset in that house - but I don’t think he suffered the memories of his unhappy childhood - I think he suffered from the strong feeling of guilt. Being in that house meant an everyday reminder that he was a failure. And it’s not even a lie. If you look at his whole life you’ll see that he literally failed everyone in his life: he failed James and Lily - they were dead and he unwillingly became the reason. It was his plan that turned everything into a tragedy.

And, to some extent, he failed Harry- he was not around him like James and Lily would have wanted. Sirius did not give him the real family - he only promised they'd be the one «when it’s all over».

And finally - he failed his parents, his brother, his own family.

Is it possible to live with so much guilt in your heart?

I don't think that Sirius completely forgot who he was born to be. If the family keeps traditions and can trace its existence back in centuries you can't shake it off even if you want. I doubt Sirius switched it off just because he had griffindor friends. He was the last Black - it is tragically poetic that he was once the hope of his family and then this family died with him. If Sirius had heart (and I truly believe he had a heart) he knew exactly what it meant to be trapped in the house that represented the death of his family. A constant reminder  that he was the last one.  

“The others’ hushed voices were giving Harry an odd feeling of foreboding; it was as though they had just entered the house of a dying person”. 

I think that the scene when he threw his father's ring away - he threw it away because it was all over for his family. It was the end of the dynasty - and for him it was all over long before he met Bellatrix for the last time.

Well, I admit Sirius' situation is open for wide interpretation but I don’t think the abusive black household is a canon thing - of course, it’s fanon. It makes Sirius a hero who broke the chains when in fact he ended up being a victim of his own life.

You know, it always seems strange to me that fandom when discussing Walburga usually overlooks the simple truth of life - that even if you are clever enough and mean good for your loved ones it is still possible to end up on the losing side, on the dark side.  However, mistakes don't automatically turn humans into monsters.

To some extent Sirius’s story represents the consequences of war.  No-one is protected; the whole families could be wiped off the face of the earth. It’s a simple yet profound idea. It correlates with the main idea of hp books far better than the ‘abusive psychopaths’ (there are already Voldemort and Bellatrix - there is no-one who can beat them in this department).

All I say - it’s okay to imagine them bad if you want- your right - but don’t write everywhere that it’s canon because it is not.There is no need for such inflexibility especially when it comes to the fandom - a place where everyone should be welcomed and their views on the books be respected.

[thedevilsmemes]

    PINTEREST QUOTES I USE IN MY MUSINGS BOARDS                           ~ A SENTENCE MEME - PART 1

                        Change pronouns as / when needed to preferred pronoun.

“I prefer to distance myself whenever I’m in a bad mood because I’ll become the most heartless person you’ll ever meet.”

“I can’t be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.”

“And yet, despite the look on my face, you’re still talking!”

“Master the art of observing.”

“You have to present yourself in such a way that people don’t even feel right approaching you with bullshit.”

“If you want to be strong, learn how to fight alone.”

“Move in silence; only speak when it’s time to say CHECKMATE!”

“My biggest problem? I notice everything.”

“Sometimes it’s better just to remain silent and smile.”

“She has a way with words, red lipstick and making an entrance.”

“Don’t play games with a girl who can play better.”

“My touch is power.”

“Let me distract you.”

“You can’t do epic shit with basic people.”

“I honestly don’t know anyone like you. Except for me, You’re a lot like me; which I absolutely love.”

“The secret to a well balanced life is a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other.”

“Dangerous but fun.”

“I’m not in danger, I’m the danger.”

“ ‘You look unapproachable…’ and yet here you are… approaching me.”

“I’m not the good guy, remember? I’m the selfish one. I take what I want, I do what I want. I don’t do the right thing.”

“Admit it, life would be so boring without me.”

“I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.”

“Is my soul too dark for you?”

“We all have demons; I just choose to feed mine.”

“Here comes trouble.”

“What I create is chaos.”

“I’m not a thief, I’m just really good at accumulating things that aren’t mine.”

“A grin as sharp as a knife.”

“He was pretty cute for a monster.”

“You’re a psychopath!”

“I prefer creative.”

“Crooked grins, sly hands, and one dangerous voice.”

“I’m the tall dark stranger, those warnings prepared you for.”

“He was beautiful; beautiful like the Devil before his fall.”

“What doesn’t kill me, better run.”

“I’m everything you can’t control.”

“Who are you?”

“Demon to some; angel to others.”

“He will do what it takes to survive.”

“Nothing stands between a girl and her coffee.”

“She wasn’t just pretty. She was otherworldly and vaguely threatening.”

“And what could be more beautiful, than bringing new life into the world?”

“My body is basically a filter. Coffee goes in and sarcasm comes out.”

“I love the way your eyes light up when someone says ‘It might be dangerous!’ ”

“With OCD, little things become all that you can see.”

“I chose medicine because I can think of no other professional avenue more challenging, evolving and noble.”

“Insert coffee to begin.”

“Stressed, Blessed and Coffee obsessed.”

“I love it when the coffee kicks in, and I realise what an adorable badass I’m going to be today.”

“Follow your heart but take coffee with you.”

“I have sea foam in my veins, I understand the language of the waves.”

“The waves of the sea help me to get back to me.”

“Because I am my mother’s daughter, I can do anything. My mother’s strength lives in me.”

“I’d rather be dancing.”

“Where there is kindness, there is goodness and where there is goodness, there is magic.”

“Have courage and be kind.”

“Gentle and loving and very patient.”

“Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.”

“She didn’t need to be fixed, just loved.”

“I wasn’t ready for half of the shit I’ve been through, but obviously I’m built for it.”

“I dance because there is no greater feeling in the world than moving to a piece of music and letting the rest of the world disappear.” 

“Don’t fashion me into a maiden that needs saving from a dragon. I am the dragon and I will eat you whole.”

“Don’t worry mother, your daughter is a soldier.”

“Sometimes you just gotta lay on the floor with your dog.”

“I am a fate worse than death.”

“She doesn’t need a hero, she is the hero.”

“You should never make a dance mad. They can kick your face, no matter how tall you are.”

“A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.”

“And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.”

“Note to self: Let shit go.”

“Beautiful girl, you were made to do hard things, so believe in yourself.”

“I’m a monster.”

“My sadness turns to anger and that’s one of my worst toxic traits I have.”

“I don’t know where my head is at anymore… one minute I’m happy and the next I feel broken.”

“Me shutting down is far worse than me blowing up, I promise.”

“When the Devil falls in love, it’s the most hauntingly beautiful thing ever. And you should be terrified, because he will go to the depths of Hell for her.”

“Hello, I’m rich, nice to meet you.”

“Fifty shades of tired.”

“I’ll get over it, I’ve just got to be dramatic first.”

“Of course I feel too much. I’m a universe of exploding stars.”

“If I’m not hurting myself, I’m hurting everyone around me.”

“It’s not okay. Nothing about me is okay.”

“For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen; a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.”

“It doesn’t matter what I do or what I choose because I’m what’s wrong.”

“Why should I apologize for the monster I’ve become? No one ever apologized for making me this way.”

“I’m terrified. I’m always terrified. I act like I know what I’m doing but the truth is I don’t.”

“You wanna know what I’m scared of? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared to move, I’m scared to breathe.”

“What does it matter if I say it? It’s not going to change it. It’s not going to make me good.”

“You are not your father.”

“A man with charm is a very dangerous thing.”

“I think he’s lonely. Lonelier than he lets on. Maybe lonelier than he realises.”

“Rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony.”

“Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?”

“I hope you’re proud of me, dad.”

“Me? Sarcastic? Never!”

“Hands up if your dad sucks”

“My sisters. My responsibility.”

“He’s a badass with a good heart. Soft, but strong. Unapologetic and honest. He’s the type of many you go to war beside, not against.”

“Because I’m the big brother. I’m sorry I wasn’t better at it, until now.”

“There’s a special place in Hell, reserved just for me. It’s called the throne.”

“Always protect her.”

“A gentleman takes actions when others are too scared to do so.”

“Your smile is your logo, your personality is your business card. How you leave others feeling after having an experience with you becomes your trademark.”

“Rebellion is the only thing that keeps you alive.”

“Haven’t eaten much lately, not getting enough sleep, constantly horny and mentally unstable.”

“You can’t protect everyone.”

“I have to try.”

“The Devil is and always will be, a Gentleman.”

“I’m a bad influence, but damn I’m fun.”

“I am not who I was.”

“That sounds illegal, I’m in!”

“Original family disappointment.”

“Feel like making a deal with the Devil.”

“A king with no crown.”

“You don’t understand. It’s not that he can’t love… it’s that he’s afraid.”

“Him! Ah, there he is, that motherfucker. What a tool!”

“There’s still light in him.”

“I stopped being a kid the day you sent me down here to die.”

“I’m a reckless mistake. I’m a cold night’s intake. I’m a one night too long. I’m a come on too strong.”

“I don’t like what I’m becoming.”

[sparklinpixiedust]

Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly  , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude,  nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules,  and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long,  more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members,  as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members,  please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing,  name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

[roxa-sos]

hurts to see you hurt - jj maybank

jj maybank x pogue!reader

tw; abuse, violence, sad jj :(

request; “can u do one..well I kinda like sad fics ...so y/n is new to the pogues and she goes to jjs house so he can teach her to surf, he doesn’t know she is coming and when she gets there she meets his dad. He is horrible to her and she freezes, all this time not knowing what jj went through, she manages to escape without jj noticing she was ever there. The next day she tries to get jj yo tell her what’s going on without him knowing she knows, as always he wants to stay strong and he denies anything, he has a crush on you and you haven’t expressed that you like him so he wants to stay cool in your eyes. You tell john b what his dad did to you and he helps you tell jj. Jj denies anything but then you pull him into a hug and he breaks down”

a/n -- can i be the ceo of only writing about jj? i literally have a john b fic i need to publish but i only have motivation for this bOy-

you’d finally found your people. the pogues. you just... you fit in with them. of course, you fit in in every way other than that you sucked at surfing. 

jj had told you to meet him at his dad’s place. outside, next to the road. he’d told you that he had boards and enough surfing knowledge to keep you alive and getting better at surfing, so you agreed to meet him.

you agreed to meet that chaotic, blond ball of sunshine that was now one of your best friends. 

he was nice - really nice, really nice to you. of course, he was nice to all of the pogues, and he might’ve just been hazing you in some weird pogue way, but he’d sort of been looking out for you for a while. you appreciated that from him. you liked being... noticed like that. 

he deserved a little surprise from you, you figured you’d meet him inside his house. you were early, and a little wake up call would be kind of nice. at least, you figured. you made your way from the dirt road up to the house, going to knock on the door. you could meet his dad - that was a plus too. 

his dad had to be some sort of saint to be putting up with someone as crazy as jj. but jj had decent morals, he was polite, selfless - it’d be a pleasure to meet his dad. jj probably perfectly mirrored him. 

though, that wasn’t the type of man you were met by at the door. 

“who the hell’re you supposed to be?” he stank of alcohol through the screen door. his voice was gruff, and he looked angry. if you looked at him a certain way, you thought he looked kind of like jj. 

the man exited the house, meeting you outside rather than letting you in. that was strange, but you figured it was because you hadn’t introduced yourself yet.

something just felt off though. 

“hey, sir, uh, i’m y/n. i’m a friend of jj’s.” you introduced yourself, giving him a sweet smile. the kind you used on jj himself when you first met him. 

“damn kid, he invited you over here? got you prancing around following him?” the man chuckled, which made you take a step back. talking to him was like talking to some sort of psycho that liked kicking puppies.

you didn’t speak, you didn’t know what to say. you didn’t feel like you were supposed to meet him at all. this was a mistake. 

“i-” you began, trying to keep the man cool.

“no, no, i don’t want to fucking hear it. take it up with your fuckin’ friends. you hear me?” he was practically screaming, getting his face all in yours. 

he smelled like he hadn’t taken a damn shower in weeks. he was obviously drunk, but who got drunk at nine in the morning? 

you didn’t have the courage to take another step back, even though your whole body was screaming at you to run. 

“get off of my damn property!” he spat, raising his hand in a fist. 

that was when you got the burst of adrenaline that let you pivot on your heel, barely feeling the gush of air that came from his fist barely grazing your head. you booked it down the driveway, down the road, and you ran until you couldn’t anymore. he didn’t follow you - you didn’t expect him to unless he was a real psychopath. 

what you did hear, though, was more screaming coming from that man.

and it could only be directed at one person, because you knew jj’s mom wasn’t around. 

-----

the next night, hanging out in john b’s yard, you couldn’t get the image from the morning before out of your head. god, it was terrifying. jj was in the hammock, a few feet away from you, john b, kie, and pope. you got up from where you were sitting, eyes still on the boy. he was throwing rocks at tree branches, he was distant. he was like that sometimes - you just hadn’t realized until then. 

nobody questioned you moving, nobody questioned you walking over to the hammock. 

you sank down into it across from jj, one of your legs hanging off of the side of it. 

“what’s up?” he was quick to ask you what you were doing over there, not looking away from the tree he was throwing rocks at. 

you two had already had the awkward conversation as to why you hadn’t been outside of his house the morning before. you said you slept in late and missed it, no big deal. he even thought it was kind of funny, which was a plus in your mind. 

“nothing, nothing.” you brushed off the thoughts in your head, trying to figure out how to talk to him now that you... knew things. “how’s living with your dad?” you asked, quickly making the question seem nonchalant. “ ‘cause i’m trying to figure out who’s couch i can crash on tonight. get a change of pace from john b’s place, but my house is chaotic.” 

“oh, it’s fine. my dad’s a mess, you don’t want to sleep there. i’ll be here tonight anyways.” his eyes met yours for a second when you mentioned his dad, and he’d looked worried. he obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but that wasn’t going to stop you. 

you didn’t know why, but you needed to know what was going on. 

“i’m sure it isn’t that bad.” you cringed at your own words, because where you were replying to him saying his dad was messy, you knew his dad was mean. and you couldn’t bring yourself to say that his dad’s abuse wasn’t ‘that bad’.

“okay, he’s a little more than messy, but he’s loud, so you don’t want to meet him.” jj had run out of rocks to throw, but he still wouldn’t make eye contact with you. he was almost facing away. 

“loud? like he... yells at you?” you poked more, leaning over to try to get him to look at you. that caught his attention, and he moved his head so that he could see you. and you looked concerned, and he hated it. 

“no, no. he’s fine. it’s fine, you just shouldn’t be around him.” jj didn’t want to talk about it. “and it doesn’t matter. it’s fine.” 

“okay, the more you say ‘it’s fine’ makes me think it’s worse-”

“y/n. it’s no big deal, alright?” he chuckled, shaking his head. “my dad’s fine. he’s annoying.” 

jj wanted to pull you into a hug or something and tell you you were being dumb, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. it was too close. so instead, he got out of the hammock, patting your shoulder before he began to head back towards the rest of your friends. 

later that night, jj lingered out on the porch as you and the other pogues began heading inside. you pulled john b to the side once you were sure jj couldn’t hear you, and john b was a little confused at first. 

“need something?” he asked, a beer in his hand. he had that staple john b smile on his face, it gave him that occasional himbo energy. 

“yeah, uh,” your gaze skimmed over the room as you tried to figure out how to say what you were going to say to john b. “i was at jj’s house yesterday. and... i met his dad. it wasn’t for long, but his dad almost hit me, john b.”

he stayed silent, trying to figure out what you were saying. none of the pogues had gotten too close to jj’s dad, a good chunk of them knew better. 

“does,” you were breathing a little heavily, fidgeting with your fingers, “does jj’s dad hit him?” you asked, a pleading look in your eyes. 

john b avoided the question, going back to what you said first. “he hit you?”

“almost.” you corrected, raising your hands a bit as if to show that you were fine.

“jesus, y/n...” john b leaned back a bit, trying to see if jj was still on his porch. and he was. “come on.” he abandoned his beer on the table, leading you across the room to the door. 

you followed, unsure of what was coming next. you could hear your heartbeat, and you were afraid of what john b was going to say. 

“jj,” john b sounded remorseful, and while those two had known each other since elementary school, you didn’t recall a time when john b sounded sorry for jj. 

“yeah dude?” jj turned to face john b, looking a little concerned when he saw you by his side.

“y/n met your dad, dude. yesterday morning.” john b didn’t explain anything other than that, giving him a look you couldn’t read before jj’s jaw set and his eyes moved to the ground. 

jj’s dad had gotten mad at him for some reason the morning before, that was something you didn’t yet know. the moment john b said that you’d met his dad, he knew you met the dad that jj himself knew. 

“no, no, it’s no big deal, right? we’re all fine.” jj sounded frustrated, angry with himself. “i’m fine. we’re all fine. it’s-” 

you didn’t give him a chance to continue lying to you. you adored the boy, it hurt to see him hurt. 

you pulled him into a hug, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and laying your head on his shoulder. for some reason, you expected him to pull away. he didn’t. he stayed there, lightly shaking as he choked back what sounded like sobs. his arms gently wrapped around you, his hands gripping your shirt as he tried to keep from crying. 

he buried his head into the crook of your neck, shuddering. it sounded like he was trying to say something, but you already knew. 

you shushed him softly, swaying back and forth ever so slightly. “it’s not fine, is it?” you mumbled, and he could only nod.

“but i’m here, j,” you continued, your hand at the back of his neck, stroking his hair. “and you should talk to me. or let things out.” you reassured him, trying to convince him to not keep this shit bottled up. 

“i love you. stop hurting alone.” you laughed weakly, one of your own tears streaming down your cheek.

it hurt to see him hurt. 

a/n -- aowindefoalwonreionkolnm adosndoklfamdv literally??? i’m screaming bc best friend john b and soft jj and AOIEndoeDOKLLNVL okay anyways i loved writing this and it made me cry lmao :’) hope u enjoyed

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Bad Manners (S2, E5)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:35 - Martin totally thought John Watkins abducted and killed Ainsley. Mark my words. 

0:44 - Holy. Shit. Ainsley is FIVE years old (or younger) here right? A five year old with that much determination?!?! She literally stayed silent in that clock for probably hours......and no one was concerned about this kid when Martin was arrested because...?

1:09 - Anyone else impressed with Malcolm’s aim here? Just me?

1:20 - Gil and Malcolm talking about sleep and murder is so freaking sweet. <3 Honestly, they’re acting like friends instead of co-workers and it warms my cold dead heart. 

1:29 - Does Gil become a grumpy old man when he doesn’t get 8 hours sleep? I really want to know now. 

1:39 - OMG. Gil pointing at Ainsley here is hilarious. He’s totally acting like some weird mix of a stern pissed off high-school teacher, and a step-dad trying to discipline an unruly teen. hahaha AND MALCOLM’S FACE. Look how done Malcolm is. He looks so so tired, sad, and exasperated. 

1:44 - Wow. Girl power. Ainsley has those camera guys bending to her will. I honestly would’ve thought they would just read the situation and turn the camera off themselves. 

1:47 - “It’s not a game.” Yikes. I have thoughts about this:

Malcolm is right - it’s not a game. 

Malcolm is a bit of a hypocrite for saying that to Ainsley. Although, to his credit even when Malcolm is excited/inappropriately happy about murder it’s always pretty clear that he thinks murder is wrong, and that he has sympathy for the victims and their families. 

Ainsley does not have that same sympathy for the victims. That much is clear later in this episode. 

Pretty sure the writers are trying to turn Ainsley into a serial killer this season. 

2:13 - “You know I like to share these things with my friends.” .....does this mean Malcolm thinks Dani and JT are his friends now? Last I checked (Ep 1x05) Malcolm didn’t have friends. This absolutely melts my heart. <3 I’m honestly so happy that Malcolm considers someone other than Gil to be his friend.

2:18 - “We lost Dani to vice.” .....What is vice? AND WHAT IS THE REAL LIFE REASON THAT DANI WASN’T IN THIS EPISODE?!? 

2:19 - Edrisa has a medical degree right? She has to know how dangerous consuming that much caffeine is right? Plus aren’t energy drinks super dangerous if you drink a lot of them (or maybe that’s just what adults in my neighbourhood told kids)?

2:30 - Edrisa SHINES in this episode. She’s so funny and awkward and I just love her. 

2:36 - hahaha Gil has adopted the whole team. Look at him throwing the “Dad warning stare” at Edrisa. 

3:31 - Why does Edrisa start bouncing around looking upset when Malcolm says, “rejection is a powerful motivator”?!?! Has she recently been broken up with or something? Is this a reference to how she has a crush on Malcolm (who doesn’t reciprocate)? I WANT MORE INFORMATION.

3:47 - TWIZZLERS!!! <3 Damn I love how this tiny detail about Malcolm’s character keeps coming up. 

3:55 - Ainsley is on a rampage this episode. She’s so determined ...actually she’s acting a lot like Jessica (think girl in the box bracelet). However, unlike Jessica, Ainsley’s motives aren’t about justice or the safety of her loved ones.  Ainsley is chasing personal gain (career) with a side of (a subconscious?) need to be exposed to murder and her father’s twisted world. 

4:05 - This whole interaction between Ainsley and Malcolm is really interesting. Ainsley is knowingly manipulating Malcolm to get the answers she wants. We’ve seen her do it in 2x4 and 1x19. She knows her big brother would do anything for her. It makes sense, they’re five years apart and after the trauma they experienced as children Malcolm felt responsible to protect Ainsley. He never wants to disappoint Ainsley. Not a burden he should’ve had to deal with but I digress. PLUS Malcolm looks weary of Ainsley here. He knows what she’s doing. He’s scared that she’s turning to the dark side. But he still gives her the answers because if he doesn’t - that means something has changed. He thinks that would make Ainsley suspicious and then she might remember what happened to Endicott. He’s scared of and for Ainsley. 

4:32 - OKAY. I’ll say it. The thing that annoys me the most about this episode is that it suggests that Ainsley was a debutant when in 1x6 AINSLEY TELLS MARTIN SHE WAS NEVER A DEBUTANT. She went to etiquette school - I guess that doesn’t strictly mean she also did debutant balls but it sort of suggests it in the context of this episode? Did she actually graduate from the etiquette school (there was bullying, maybe she was expelled/dropped out similar to Malcolm and Remington?)?

4:59 - “No stabbies” OMG. How is this show not classified as a comedy?!? Istg I laugh harder watching this ‘drama’ then I do watching most of the shows that call themselves ‘comedies’.

5:35 - It’s honestly kind of amazing that Ainsley and Malcolm are as ‘sane’ as they are. They were raised by a stubborn predatory psychopath and a stubborn rich meddling socialite. They had no chance of normalcy. Look at the amount of pleasure Martin is currently getting by throwing his son under the bus with regards to Jessica. 

 5:45 - “No actually, I cleaned it up.”.....does this have a dual meaning? Did Martin do something to make Malcolm dispose of the body? We already know that Martin has tried some sort of conditioning on Malcolm (remember ‘C’mon boy!’ from 1x14? The stabbing?). What if Martin said some sort of trigger word to control Malcolm and coerced Malcolm into getting rid of the body? What if this isn’t the first time?

6:05 - Ainsley is a sociopath. I’m calling it again. I called it when I first watched Q&A (1x7) because the way she treated Malcolm was more than just selfish/careless. It was cruel and she didn’t feel any remorse for literally broadcasting her brother’s private health details on television. That is messed up. I honestly won’t be shocked if the writers make Ainsley a full blown serial killers (although I’m not sure I want that because I don’t know how Malcolm would remain the main character if the story goes in that direction?). 

6:12 - Poor Jessica. I honestly feel really bad for her. Sure, she’s a headstrong alcohol dependant crazy rich woman. She also has a good heart. She’s been dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to relationships (minus Gil but she ruined that because she’s a MORON) and now she’s terrified that her own children have become monsters and she blames herself. She definitely hasn’t been a perfect mother but I don’t think she’s to blame for Ainsley and Malcolm’s obsession with murder. If these kids had a different bio dad, they would probably just have a low-key drug problem or some other common rich kid baggage. 

6:15 - “You know that’s not how cancer works right?” LOL. hahahaha

6:33 - Martin kind of has a point. There’s no rehab for murder. That’s why he’s been in jail for 20 years and he still wants to kill people. In my opinion, given what we’ve seen of Ainsley’s personality: as soon as she fully remembers that night - she’s gone. She’ll go full serial killer and Jessica and Malcolm will lose her forever. 

6:40 - Jessica’s little jazz hand finger twinkle as she spins on her heel and leaves Martin kills me. It’s so extra. It’s so funny. And it’s sooo Jessica. 

6:47 - Damn. Martin is pissed. I’m worried. That’s murder-level rage. If he escapes ISTG Martin is going to try and kill Gil. For so many reasons 1) because he hates Gil, 2) it’ll hurt Jessica, and 3) killing Gil will eliminate his ‘Dad’ competition. 

6:54 - Edrisa on caffeine is AMAZING.

7:43 - I love Edrisa but her blatant, unreciprocated crush on Malcolm is honestly getting a little creepy. 

7:52 - Gil spent all last season drinking out of a Yankee’s mug. Doesn’t that mean he’s a baseball fan? Why doesn’t he know this pitcher guy?

7:56 - hahahaa “Where is JT?” Because obviously JT is the team sports fan. 

8:22 - Does Gil get nightmares about cases? He always seems really uncomfortable around the dead bodies. 

8:45 - “And suddenly I’m wide awake” SERIOUSLY - is anyone else laughing every 60 seconds when they watch this show? Is my sense of humour just super dark and messed up?

8:54 - YES. The liquorice is BACK.

9:00 - I love Malcolm talking to JT about his obsession with candy. I love how Malcolm doesn’t even hesitate before giving JT an honest answer. Malcolm is acting like JT’s annoying little brother and I am here for it. One thing I did notice though - Malcolm specifically mentions candy+dopamine but doesn’t mention his depression/anxiety. Processed sugar can be a short-term (unhealthy) way to boost your mood. It’s why some people eat their feelings. I really want more backstory about Malcolm with the lollipops and licorice though. 

9:19 - “But you didn’t do anything wrong.” Awwww Malcolm is so soft here. I love how much he genuinely cares about JT. <3 I love how JT is comfortable enough with Malcolm to give him an honest answer. <3 THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A GLOW UP. <3 

9:32 - “Like toy dolls?” hahaha the way Malcolm perked up here. All I could think was “SQUIRREL!” hahaha. 

9:41 - Malcolm is doing better than he has been the past few episodes? I mean he’s still suffering and he’s still in a terrible mental state. BUT he also seems happier? IDK maybe he’s just entered the more manic nervous energy stage of his emotions as opposed to the depressed and scared stage. 

9:49 - “Deep childhood trauma”. So we’re looking for a debutant killer with childhood trauma who is chasing perfection? Debutant = rich lady culture. Like Ainsley. AND Ainsley went to the same etiquette school as the first two victims. The writer’s wanted us to assume the killer was Ainsley for the first 15 mins of this episode right? I’m not the only one seeing it?

10:04 - “My sister went there too.” ....why is there something super attractive about the way that line was delivered?

10:08 - I’m so done with this absolute tom foolery. Why does the team keep splitting up into two teams - where one team is JUST MALCOLM. The one who is unarmed and technically a civilian?!? This makes no logical sense to me (except for plot).

10:25 - Was Martin just about to say, “Just like the old days”?!? Is Martin referring to Endicott? OR is Martin referring to something that Malcolm’s repressed from his childhood?

10:30 - “I always root for the bad guys.” .....finally some truth from Martin.

10:40 - Soooooo I guess Mr. David doesn’t know? I promise you Mr. David has suspicions though. How could he not?!?!

11:24 - “It was brutal for Ains.” Look at how sad Malcolm is! Ugh. This hurts so much. He clearly loves his sister so so much and what she’s done is slowly killing him. I honestly think that part of the reason Malcolm helped Ainsley dispose of the body is that Malcolm doesn’t want to loose his sister. His sister is one of the only good things he’s always been able to count on. If word gets around that she’s a killer - Malcolm’s fragile world gets shattered a little more and I don’t know if Malcolm can recover mentally from that. 

11:36 - “Teasing made her capable of...stuff.” C’MON. There’s no way Mr. David doesn’t know. 

11:45 - Sooo is Martin saying that he recognized that Ainsley was a sociopath when she was a small child? Or did she just respond to his (or John Watkins’) grooming much ‘better’ than Malcolm?

11:56 - “Because she’s her mother’s” Okay. So I see the point. I can see that Ainsley is driven and stubborn like Jessica. BUT it feels like Martin is suggesting that Jessica is capable of murder? Which - I honestly don’t think she is. If anything - Malcolm is more like Jessica than Ainsley is.

11:59 - There was a look in Martin’s eyes when he was comparing Ainsley to Jessica that really freaked me out. I can’t figure out why. It makes me wonder if Martin still somehow views Jessica as ‘his possession’ (he refers to her as his wife all the time but I always assumed that was just to get a rise out of people?). Martin’s dream from 2x4 certainly suggests that he still wants Jessica romantically. I honestly think he’s going to try to escape and rekindle the romance with Jess; and it’s going to go very poorly when Jessica rejects him. 

12:06 - Preach JT. Preach. This is creepy af. 

13:00 - Ugh. Of course this creep has a history of indecent exposure. Now I understand why Gil and JT were hostile with the dude right from the start. 

13:12 - Man. People will use the Bible to justify anything. No wonder people hate Christians ( I say this as a practicing Christian).

13:18 - JT is such a good dude. I’m so glad he’s a dad now. <3 He’s going to be such a good one. <3

13:26 - “One phone call and this place will be shut down.” OH SHIT. GIL THAT IS VICIOUS AND I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

13:35 - I soooo thought that dude was going to sprint out of that room. 

14:30 - THIS. YES. This is why I have a problem with Ainsley’s enthusiasm for murder vs. Malcolm’s. Ainsley’s enthusiasm is centred on her nee to ‘get the story’. She’s obsessed with forwarding her career and as a result she’s treating crime like a competitive sport. Malcolm’s obsession (while it can border on creepy and reckless) is always centred on his need to find the killer and stop the murders. Malcolm is seeking justice and his heart is in the right place. I can’t say the same for Ainsley.

14:31 - “We’re brother and sister, everything is a competitive sport”.....whoever wrote this doesn’t have a sibling they experienced trauma with as a kid (and as a result was raised by a single parent). Seriously, my dad was abusive he lived with us until I was 10 and my brother was 7. Then my parents got divorced and my mom was a single parent (he didn’t pay child support or see his kids after the divorce). Are my brother and I competitive? Sure sometimes. But the way we grew up forced us to become partners. Annoyed with Mom? Let’s rant about it together. Is he struggling in math? I’ll tutor him in exchange for a Reese cup. Am I struggling at daycare because I have massive social anxiety? He’ll include me in whatever he’s doing so I’m not sitting alone in a corner. My point: siblings who experience trauma together don’t have the typical sibling relationships that are widely televised in North America. There’s a lot less fighting and competition and a lot more teaming up and commiserating. 

14:39 - “It. It’s terrible.” - Notice how Ainsley didn’t actually say how it made her feel? She gave the standard “TV response” to a murder “a terrible/horrific/tragedy has occurred”. She doesn’t feel bad that these women are dead. She’s too consumed with getting a story to even stop and let herself feel anything. I’ve been saying it since last season - the way Ainsley shows no regard for other people and their feelings when she’s obsessed with her job is concerning. 

14:50 - “Remind me of the people who cut us off after Dad’s arrest.” ...Are you kidding me?!? The whole fandom has been speculating about this since early season one and they’re not going to elaborate on that line?!? I’m going to need some more information about this and it better be in the upcoming episode where Jessica’s younger sister appears. 

15:40 - She thinks of her students as family? Sooo what does she think of Ainsley? Wasn’t Ainsley bullied at this school? Did she do anything about it? 

16:00 - this is like a ‘weekend/evening school’ right? Kids aren’t living in this house like a boarding school/summer camp?

16:01 - “Mr. Whitly” UGH. This bitch preaches etiquette and she doesn’t even have the common courtesy to call Malcolm by the name with which he introduced himself? Nah. I don’t like her. 

16:13 - Ugh. Ainsley, seriously? Why don’t you help your brother solve the case. AND PREVENT MORE MURDERS. Why are you indirectly but purposely obstructing justice?

16:37 - “Of course.” Huh. Do you think Martin might try and manipulate Ainsley into killing Malcolm? Ainsley definitely capable of it. She doesn’t actually seem to care about Malcolm nearly as much as he cares about her. 

17:17 - WTF?!? That’s creepy af. How did no one in this show think this assistant was a suspect? She has a super creepy doll that she ‘forgot’ on the floor the middle of a hallway. AND THE DOLL WAS STANDING UP. Not sitting, not dropped carelessly, STANDING UP.

17:30 - Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s definitely going to be having nightmares about that doll. 

18:25 - OMG. This was amazing. JT just totally bulldozed his way into catching that dude. Very badass. Also kind of funny (maybe that’s just my messed up sense of humour again?).

18:44 - Ugh. This dude has a thing for dolls. I don’t want to kink shame but - no. no. There’s something really gross about that.  

18:48 - I’ve seen some people say that this doll looks like Ainsley and how that’s supposed to be some sort of foreshadowing/symbolism. I kind of see it? I mean the hair colour is similar and if you pause the screen at 18:48 the angle kind of looks like Ainsley? It would be an interesting metaphor though - Ainsley played with dolls as a little girl. John Watkins gave her angel statues. She is Watkins’ and Martin’s doll’ in the sense that she was the object that murders manipulated/groomed. 

18:53 - Then again, pause the screen here and there’s something about the facial structure that looks like Dani to me. 

19:00 - Jessica lets Ainsley work in the murder office?!? No. No she doesn’t. This is garbage. Jessica would’ve forbade it. Jessica would’ve bordered up this room immediately after Watkins.

19:57 - Poor Jessica. She’s clearly terrified that she’s losing Ainsley and terrified of Ainsley. BUT Jess, sweetie, running to Europe won’t fix this. 

20:16 - “She wanted the dolls to look like her students.” AND PEOPLE SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO HER?!? WTF?!? NO. NO. NO. NOT OKAY. 

20:31 - HAHA look at Gil’s face when Trevor tells him he can make the ‘perfect woman’. Gil’s like WTF - can I arrest you for thinking you can fabricate a ‘perfect woman’?!!?

21:06 - Malcolm is having so much fun playing with Trevor’s doll head. Look at how excited he is. It’s kind of adorable but his manic energy is showing which is concerning. 

21:10 - Why is Trevor giving his doll fancy 1940s(ish) names? 

21:31 - Props to LDP. I honestly believed Gil was annoyed with Malcolm for barging in on the interrogation the first time I watched this. 

21:42 - “They got a word for everything.” hahaha OMG. This is so reminiscent of a teenager explaining some new tech to their tech-illiterate parents. 

22:00 - I can’t tell if Gil feels sorry for this creep or if he just thinks the dude is really gross. Probably a mixture. 

23:00 - Oh we’re bringing up the chloroform again. At least Malcolm knows not listen to Martin about this nonsense. 

23:25 - “It doesn’t feel fun.” - THIS. This is why I honestly don’t think Malcolm will ever become a serial killer. His guilt complex is just too big.

23:56 - Are. You. Kidding. Me? This is next level. Ainsley is so out of line here. AND SHE SHOWS NO REMORSE. SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE’S DONE ANYTHING WRONG. THIS GIRL HAS GONE DARK SIDE (she was already halfway there).

24:17 - I’m getting papa!Gil vibes when Gil is talking to Ainsley and I want more scenes of them interacting. Seriously, did Gil have a relationship with Ainsley when she was a kid? I MUST KNOW.

24:45 - Ainsley has no conscience. I honestly don’t think Ainsley has a conscience. 

25:00 - “Who is that!?” Malcolm is totally acting like he’s Ainsley’s father-figure right now. I’m here for it. 

25:22 - SORE LOSERS?!? I’m sorry. What? If you weren’t concerned about Ainsley you damn well should be now. That is seriously messed up. People are dead. This is not a game. Do you know who else thought murder was a game? Martin Whitly.

25:31 - Okay. Ainsley has a point. Malcolm lecturing anyone about being reckless is pretty hypocritical. But at least Malcolm cares about her. 

25:54 - Heart. Shattered. Look at how terrified Jessica is. Look at how gentle and reassuring Gil is. UGh. WHY DID SHE BREAK UP WITH HIM??! I mean, I know why I just think she’s a moron for doing it. 

26:00 - Poor Gil. He’s so confused and so concerned. The whole Whitly family is acting crazier then usual and he doesn’t know why. 

26:11 - “Both you and Malcolm are at an 11 and I’ve never seen Ainsley like that.” FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO CARES LIKE GIL AND NEVER LET HIM GO. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Seriously. The love and concern he shows for this family warms my cold dead heart. 

26:16 - “Her father?!” Oh shit. Now Gil knows there’s something BIG happening. Jessica would never run to Martin unless she absolutely had to. 

26:19 - annnnd Gil’s also being a prideful man who’s feeling are hurt. “You went to him?” He’s right to be though - the woman he loves went to a serial killer for advice before going to the guy who practically co-parented with her. 

26:33 - “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here.” <3 <3 Gil is the definition of a good man. <3 I’m in love with it. 

26:48 - “You were right on time for me.” ....*snort* subtle Gil (and in front of JT!!)

27:08 - Edrisa is hysterical on caffeine. hahaha. This whole scene is perfect. 

27:20 - You know someone is acting manic when Malcolm Bright is concerned about their eccentric behaviour. 

27:34 - Annnnnd Tom Payne was a split second from breaking character here. I don’t blame him. hahaha

28:05 - EDRISA flipping and dropping that pencil. HAHAHAHAHAHA

29:10 - “Absolutely not.” hahaha this is funny but also really sweet. Malcolm knows that Edrisa hopped up on caffeine isn’t safe to have near an active killer. Who knows what’ll happen. I wish he’d care that much about his own well being. Looks like calling for backup last episode was a one time thing. 

30:37 - I’ll give the writers one thing - Miss Windsor makes a convincing murder suspect.

31:22 - GIL. STANDING. UP. FOR. JT. IS. EVERYTHING. Where is O’Malley’s back up? Oh yeah, they’re not brave enough to defend him.

32:00 - Huh. Bright texted for backup. This is growth. I’m proud of him. 

32:15 - YES. This JT arc was handled right. Sure JT could’ve complained. It would’ve been episodes upon episodes of bureaucratic nightmares and injustice. This show isn’t about racism. They showed enough to portray that the system is broken and they had JT act like a responsible adult. It’s not fair that JT had to go through this or that he’ll likely experience something similar to it again. But the fact that JT is acting like a bigger person is perfect. JT will protect his family. Always. That includes Malcolm. So JT avoids putting through a formal complaint because he knows that will take time away from doing his job, from protecting others, from hanging out with his wife and kid. JT’s taking the higher road, it might not be gratifying or fair but I respect the hell out of him for taking it. 

32:28 - Gil is so so proud of JT. Look at him. <3 <3 

33:40 - Look, Miss Windsor is a bit of a stuck up bitch but she has a good heart. Look at the way she immediately tells Malcolm where Ainsley is when she realizes what’s happening. 

34:14 - This confused me during the first watch - Ainsley obviously didn’t drink any tea - so why is she drugged? (obviously I know now). 

34:17 - Big brother Malcolm frantically looking for Ainsley is so so sweet. <3 

35:42 - The music, the dolls, and Miss Windsor’s speech here. There’s something about this part of the episode that is strangely reminiscent of 5x16 of Criminal Minds.

36:20 - ......does Miss Windsor have some sort of mental illness? She’s talking to herself and ranting erratically. Is this just emotional stress or something deeper?

37:00 - This is why Malcolm’s not a serial killer. Even now- looking at a killer - he’s trying to sympathize with her. He’s trying to understand why. He’s trying to calm her down, diffuse the threat, and get her mental help. 

39:00 - Oh yeah. Ainsley was definitely going to kill without remorse. Again. I’ve seen some theories that Ainsley only ever tries to kill to protect Malcolm. I disagree. I think Ainsley’s trying to protect herself. Ainsley is pissed off that this girl tried to drug her and kill her because she thinks Ainsley is wicked. Ainsley was pissed at Endicott for whatever he did to Ainsley before Malcolm got there. I think Ainsley felt threatened and scared so she reacted. I don’t think this has anything to do with protecting Malcolm.

39:41 - Malcolm isn’t a killer. Look. He smells gas but he takes the time to carry an unconscious murderer (who literally just tried to kill his sister) out of the building. 

40:00 - The drama. Holy hell. What a weird ending to this case.

40:48 - Who gave Ainsley a police jacket and let her keep it?

41:14 - She almost died and she’s still obsessing over ‘winning’. This is seriously unstable behaviour. Way more concerning than anything Malcolm’s done since 2x1. 

41:45 - “My father was a serial killer also.” Anyone else super irritated by that phrasing?!?  Just me?!? Something about the ‘also’ feels super wrong to me.

41:53 - Oh sweetie. I’d argue that you are more messed up than Malcolm. 

42:06 - Jessica went to see Martin twice in one episode. THIS IS BAD.

42:15 - “Maybe even more so than Malcolm if that’s possible.” Jessica knows her kids. I’m on her side here. 

42:20 - Martin is way too happy about Ainsley showing signs of serial killing. 

42:30 - Jessica? You married an act. That man never existed. He’s always been a serial killer. You just didn’t know it. He’s manipulative and you were a victim to it. 

42:50 - “A partner.” OH THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. ESPECIALLY FOR THE GIL/JESSICA ARC.

Okay....so definitely the weakest episode of the season so far. AND the fact that we got no mention of Tally and/or the baby this episode is a crime. 

BUT I’M SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. It’s going to be a televised fanfic and I can’t wait. 

[stetervault]

Hello! Do you do rec lists? Would you be willing rec some Steter fics that aren't the most common/popular ones? If not, no worries!

Technically this isn’t a rec-finding blog lol but I do make rec lists sometimes if someone asks and I have the time and I feel like it. Here are some (I think?) less known Steter fics, oldies that people may have missed or forgotten (Idk how well I succeeded, I just picked a bunch that have significantly less reads/bookmarks than the really big fics):

Fear (Doesn't Mean I Can't Fight) by azerblazer

Peter is the damsel in distress, the Sheriff is the hostage, random unnamed hunters are the bad guys.

Stiles has a bat, a hoodie and a willingness to do anything to protect those he's loyal to.

Bring it on.

A Lean and Hungry Look by kototyph

The woods aren't the only place you find wolves.

You're Mine, Valentine by orphan_account

In which Peter decides to court Stiles, and does so by leaving him hearts.

Bloody ones.

Zodiac by Green

"You know, Taurus and Libra make a good match," Peter says with a sly smile.

Stiles looks away. "Yeah. I looked that up, too."

Surviving Peter and the Zombie Apocalypse by Nopennamesleft

Its the end of the world and Stiles has run out of luck. He saves a werewolf from certain death. Will they begin to rely on each other to survive or will the wolf just eat Stiles for a midnight snack?

He Is A Villain By The Devil's Law by neglectedtuesday

Stiles’ lungs are burning, blood is pumping through his veins and he’s pretty sure that if he stops running then he’ll just keel over into the gutter. But God does he feel alive. The sirens are wailing, loud and clear. Just one more block. One more block. Stiles ducks down an alleyway, the bag full of bank notes swinging behind him. It hits his side with a dull thud. The alley smells like cat pee and yesterdays trash so Stiles breathes shallowly through his mouth. He continues walking down it until he reaches the end. It opens out onto the street. He stops just shy of the exit, waiting. He waits a bit more. Then he kicks a can lying idle on the ground. He whips out his burner phone, punching in a number.

“Where the fuck are you?” Stiles growls, “Where’s my goddamn getaway car?”

“Change of plans Stilinski, you’re gonna have to get away on your own. Also ditch the phone.”

Fascinated by lemonstiles, migratoryslashfan

Stiles pontificates over Peter's naked body.

Night-blooming Flowers by imriebelow

Peter always gets what he wants. Stiles learns to live with it.

None of These Things (Are Happening) by Horribibble

After years away, Stiles returns to Beacon Hills just in time to put Isaac's insides back where they belong.

It's cute how people think he's trustworthy.

-

Peter can smell the violence inside him, the urge to do something grand and possibly cataclysmic. It’s there—mixed with a balance and natural calm, but in the undercurrent, it’s there. He has seen things beyond the scope of Beacon Hills’ petty horror show. He has learned things.

The Terrible Things We Do (For Love) by rospeaks

Being a demon, he’s seen some of the pretty nasty things that humans are willing to do for love. Things that, were he still alive (and human), would make him hesitate to be in a relationship with anyone lest his partner start getting some funny ideas. That said—

"This seems a little desperate for a kid your age," he says to Stiles.

Spin, Sweet Clotho by ChuckleVoodoos

Oh, it’s a beautiful thing to watch, the way they dance around each other, spun in sugar and glittering glass. Like a fragile little fairytale, a tender rosebud just waiting to unfurl. It makes Peter sick.

Because love is a fairytale, and his dear darling nephew does not deserve a happy ending.

whisper by tricksterity

Stiles was tired.

He was done of people pushing him and his pack around. They’d already lost so much and he was damned if he’d let them lose anyone else, especially to this psychopath who had no reasons for what he did other than he liked it.

And that’s when the whispers in his mind grew louder.

Remember Darling, All the While by Sang_argente

It was fire, ice, electricity. It was the first kiss, the last kiss, and every kiss inbetween. It was lips parting, tongues sliding, hearts beating.

Impress Me by ToAStranger

Their new English teacher has gone missing.

Falling Upward by moonstalker24

There is nothing quite like flying. There is a calm and a peace found in the sky that cannot be found on earth. All the chaos of the world is below you and there is no sound save that which the propeller makes as the engine turns it. You are free and unfettered and the clouds are close enough to touch; all you need do is stretch out your hand to grasp them.

Stiles takes Peter flying after he gets out of Eichen House.

Sweeter Than Gingerbread by taylorpotato (Stetallison)

The saying goes that lovers who commit suicide together start their next life as twins. Perhaps that's why Stiles and Ally feel the way they do about each other.

The Shadow Effect by Mysenia

What was the fun in being a twin if you couldn't trick a person or two?

Deep under by Sashaya

There's a reason Stiles knows so much about drowning. He'd rather not remember why...

All the World's a Stage (but the light design is subpar) by BonesOfBirdWings

Peter Hale is a successful Off-Broadway actor, and Stiles is a stage lighter who literally falls into his life.

Peter smiled at him. "Thank you, Stiles. But should I take this to mean that you don't want a meatball sandwich from Banh Mi Saigon?"

Stiles' mouth dropped open. "You - I - Yes, I want! Oh my god, you do the best apologies! Can you piss me off more, please? I accept all future apologies enthusiastically!"

Peter chuckled. "I'm sure that won't be a problem, dear boy. I've been informed that I'm an asshole by a very reliable source."

Stiles beamed. "But you have good taste in food, so things balance out?" he ventured.

Peter threw back his head and laughed. Stiles' grin brightened in answer.

The D.C. Backroom Deal by septima_sum

Stiles is a regular prostitute with moderate life goals – until his current client makes him an offer he can’t refuse.

Strange Duet by BelleAmante, thiliart (thilia)

The past three years have been a series of shocking, or not so shocking, successes for 2018 Tony award winner and two time Grammy nominee, Stiles Stilinski. You don’t typically find classically trained opera singers singing alternative folk rock to crowds at Coachella. Nor do you find indie singer/songwriters winning best actor awards at the Tony’s for their Broadway debuts. Stilinski has made it his lifetime habit to defy and exceed all expectations.

-or-

A Steter fic loosely based on Phantom of the Opera

Hold Me Down by sneksonaplane

Waking up in Peter Hale’s bed was weird. Waking up in Peter Hale’s body was even weirder. Stiles had been disoriented and confused when he’d found himself in a plush, king sized bed in an unfamiliar bedroom instead of in his own room (and seriously, why did Peter even need a king sized bed? Why would anyone need a bed that big?) It had all come back to him when he’d glimpsed the body he was inhabiting, one that was shorter but more defined than his own, and older, and kind of hot.

OR

The one where Stiles and Peter swap bodies, Peter relives his adolescence, Stiles suffers, and then suffers a little less when he discovers Peter's fetlife profile where he's listed as a submissive seeking a daddy.

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night by Guede

This is a ghost story. It’s not straightforward.

Put My Faith in Something Unknown by Twisted_Mind

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, suspended between thought and action, unable to feel. At some point, he becomes aware that there’s a hand on his face. A warm palm cradles his jaw, and a thumb brushes across his cheekbone tenderly.

The Rest of Our Lives by mia6363

“I don’t know, as a kid I watched a lot of movies, you know? And at first I figured like… I’d be on some great adventure that would take me away from it all, you know? Like Indiana Jones comes around and is all, ‘Hey Stiles, buddy, come with me we’ve got to go save the world.’ Then… you and… everything happened… then I just… I figured I’d die before I was eighteen.”

Enemy Action by pprfaith

Once is chance, twice is coincidence and three times is far too many bodies on the ground.

Buy Me a New Pair by Julibean19

"I don't practice law much these days."

"And why is that?" Stiles asked, wondering why a handsome and presumably successful lawyer wouldn't want to continue working.

"I've been drawn away by more pleasurable pursuits," Peter said, lips quirked upward as he spoke.

Tale as Old as Time by wynnebat

The one in which Lydia's got better things to do than be Belle, Stiles is a much more likeable Gaston, and Peter is a beast but not quite beastly.

The clothes make the man by FeelingsDusk

The trick to sneaking into a building where you shouldn’t be is to make it seem to all eyes like you should. Stiles has been doing this since he was a little older than toddler and he wanted to get back his Batman action figure from the evidence room in his dad’s Police Station.

(Spolier alert: just like back then, Stiles gets caught.)

Smile Like You Mean It by NinaRooxx

After sulking about the changing weather over the autumn, Stiles notices that despite the weather getting colder, Peter’s wardrobe isn’t changing at all.

Swing by ShippersList

Stiles wants to fly.

Angels, Devils, and Peter by Triangulum

Everyone has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. They give advice, help guide their human through life. They tempt, they listen, they offer help. Everyone has one of each. Everyone except for Stiles.

OR

Stiles and Peter are murder husbands.

love and madness by sinequanon

Peter and Stiles haven’t seen each other in months when the alphas ask them to meet up to look over an abandoned house. Now, they’re going to be seeing a lot of each other for quite a while to come.

Not This Again by RebaK1tten

There's a rumor that the last episode of the show will have Peter getting killed, again. Perhaps to give him a redemption arc or something.

A Light at the (Near) End of the World by ladyoneill

The world he grew up in has ended in a supernatural war that devastated the human population. A survivor, Stiles lives a solitary, quiet life in Wales until there's a knock on his door.

Through Space and Time by MaroonDragon

When Stiles pulls the body of Peter Hale into his ship, he doesn't expect him to be alive. He also doesn't realise he might have gotten more than he bargained for.

His Color by SushiOwl

“Darling, have you been carrying a throw-away comment I made in your mind for almost four months?”

Stiles’s face felt like it was one with fire now.

After You by FlyAwayMeow (rjaejoo)

It’s true that sometimes what you want the most, you can’t have and that you’ll miss what you once had all along when it’s finally gone.

After breaking his engagement to Chris, Peter heads to New York to start over. He meets Stiles, a young author at his publishing house who helps him piece his confidence back together. When tragedy strikes, he discovers how to finally let go of his past and have the family and future he's always wanted with the pieces already in his life.

Looking After You by Slayer_of_Destiny

Can Peter be a chance for Stiles, can Stiles be a second chance for Peter? When Peter offers Stiles a relationship will the younger man take the chance with the werewolf?

Maybe We Both Are by lavenderlotion

The first time Stiles lets his fingers brush against Peter he wasn’t expecting the response he got. They were sitting on Stiles bed researching something. Or, they were researching. Now they were just talking. They did that a lot these days, just talked. They also ate together a lot. Or got coffee.

these words bear my scars (paint your love on my skin) by WindyRein

One day butterflies and childish codes change to I'm sorry you're meant for a murderer and he won't realize for years how much that changed his life.

Before you let go (and the light takes you in) by Issay

Stiles makes one last errand - goes to leave flowers on all the other graves. Fuck, so many graves. The grief is as endless and as inescapable as the sky.

He goes home and there is a thing wearing his father's face, waiting for him in the kitchen.

The Lady of Lightning by kiranightshade

"Those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside"

Can You Use Lube For That? by AlreadyBoss

“You think your what is haunted now?” Surely he'd misheard. There was no way-

“My vibrator,” Stiles answered with alarming sincerity.

Well. He hadn't misheard after all.

Pianist Envy by Bunnywest

Stiles is the piano player.Peter can think of other things he'd like to see those hands do.Shame the guy's straight.

Everything You Deserve by Areiton

You think about it. More than you should, you think about it. About what would have happened, if you had bitten Stiles instead of Scott.

Home by Ragga

Don't be like him, they would say, and then add, or else you get burned.

Unable to bear the whispers any longer, This One left. He forsook those who forsook him, left him bear his scars alone, the scars he bore for his herd. It was better to be alone, stay off the currents, than swim with those most undeserving of his loyalty. So mote it be.

That is, until he met That One.

Lord Peter by Therapeutic_Steter

Peter rung out the rag before gently placing it on his mother’s head, reaching over to feel his father’s equally flushed features.

“Such a good boy,” his mother said, patting his arm with what little strength she had remaining. His father smiled softly at him even as his fell unconscious. Peter pushed back the lump in his throat, smiling shakily for his mother before venturing out into the living space.

knit me together by nezstorm

Peter asks Stiles to stay the night after a really awful day.

Warriors by CinnamonLily

Peter is ten years old when humans discover Azure, a planet not unlike Earth. From there on, he wants to learn everything about their new neighbors and the planet itself. It takes him over twenty years to get to Azure, but when he does, it's so worth it. His anthropologist heart is happy, and a new acquaintance in the form of an Azurian called Stiles might just make the rest of him happy, too.

[krysyuy]

Episode 6, and holy shit. Real Hee Seong up and about (in a flashback)! And it was him behind the wheel👀 I didn’t get any weird vibes off him just yet, plus he seemed genuinely worried about Hyun Soo (well, he did just run him over… lol). Since HS asked for no hospitals, I think Hee Seong will bring him home to doctor dad so he can patch him up. I previously assumed the car accident would be part of the reason behind the Baek family mystery. But now, what if Hyun Soo actually recovers at their home in secret, and he and real!HS develop a bond of sorts? Or at least are on good terms before shit goes down. As a side-note, I wonder if real!HS was in a gang, his clothes were flashy enough, lol. The parents continue to be shady as fuck. And for the first time, we get confirmation that the mother and her agitation is the reason they’re all in this mess. However, this came from the father’s mouth and I don’t trust him one bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some kind of gaslighting going on (a la the first case from Ep1). Also, I cannot believe the mom called Eun Ha a little rat. I will not stand for this slander!! I know HS doesn’t really feel anger, but I’m glad he defended his daughter. Hyun Soo and Hae Soo seem to have a real bond. I hope so because she was probably the only one who accepted him as he is. He only had her. I doubt either sibling knew about their father. (And HS confirms this, at least on his end, later.) If they did, they wouldn’t have let Moo Jin film so freely in their home and they definitely would not have let him go down to the basement. While the last episode made me doubt Hae Soo immensely (I’m sorry!), this episode reversed it. We see that Moo Jin was an asshole when he broke up with her, and Hyun Soo vouches for her. Someone else deliberately gave the charm to her, and she in turn gave it to HS. The accomplice is most likely a man (from the eyewitness account + voice message), who has to be from the same hometown. Normally, I don’t mind spoilers and even actively seek them out. I wish I had refrained here as I spoiled myself for the reveal. I wonder what I would’ve thought of JW’s actions prior if I didn’t already know that she knew. I think it was obvious something was going on with her, though that could be attributed to her worry and trauma from her husband nearly dying in front of her (which was of course part of the reason). But then - THEN - we get the reveal that she knew, woo boy. The conversation before that, when JW and HS talk in his hospital room, has to be my favorite scene from the episode. There are so many layers, especially in JW’s dialogue. She knows, and she’s saying one thing, but if you rewatch it with the knowledge that she knows, she means something else (or at least, not just that). While HS doesn’t process it all normally, he’s so in tune with JW that he knows something is wrong when she comes into the room. The emotions were so raw. She doesn’t want to be alone, to live without him, all while struggling with the fact that he’s been lying to her about his identity. HS wants to talk, to make it right, he wants to know what he can do, but this is something he can’t fix. God, the look on his face when she pulls away, and then when she leaves the room… Inject this into my veins. She knows. SHE KNOWSSSSS. And Hyun Soo TOLD her. What we think are his thoughts in the beginning of the episode is him talking to his wife. Of course, he was out of it, but she still heard it from his own mouth. (“I only believe what I see.”) I love that. I did not expect the reveal to go down that way. And my other prediction was right! Well, I was wrong about JW figuring it out for herself. But she does know and she’s investigating on her own, and at the same time trying to cover this up because she realizes how Bad this is. If it gets out, there’s no going back. And she wants to be absolutely sure of his crimes before she possibly has to do the unthinkable: arresting her husband and bringing him to justice. Meanwhile, he’s going about things normally after being discharged, probably thinking that things are okay, all while his wife continues to investigate him. In the next episode, she’s going to take him to his old home, to his father’s basement. She’s probably going to reveal that she knows, and she’s going to give him a choice. This is most likely where we get the last scene from the trailer - where he slowly approaches her and puts his hand on her neck. I wonder what prompts this because we know he doesn’t murder willy-nilly (or at all). If he’s not going to off the people who have actually tried to kill him, he’s not going to do anything to the woman who has been his safe harbor for the last fourteen years. The bag with Hyun Soo’s things… from the preview, we know she listens to the cassette player. (I’m actually curious as to what HS listens to - we see it first in a flashback with restaurant guy, and then even further back at his father’s funeral. Something that comforts him?) But whatever happens after that, it leads her to burn the evidence of Hyun Soo in that bag. There’s that scene in the trailer where she’s staring into a bonfire, and we even get a shot of it. What leads her to this decision? She declares that she’s going to give him the punishment that he deserves… so is she doing this because she figured out the truth? Or for more selfish reasons? From what we know of JW’s character, I doubt the latter even if there’s a (slim) possibility. It would’ve been so easy for JW to freak, to think the absolute worst when she finds the blood and the zip tie in the basement. But she sees the old baby walker, and she - more than anyone in the world - knows things aren’t that simple. There’s something going on, but he’s not a psychopath, and she will get to the truth of things, even if it’s ugly. While Ji Won is dealing with the worst crisis of her life, Hyun Soo is being given the dirty work by his “father”. Typical. That’s a man who definitely won’t get his own hands dirty even if he orders the act itself. Hyun Soo’s conversation with the taxi driver might be my next favorite scene. The fact that HS asks him of all people about emotions… HS doesn’t get it, but he wants to understand JW and where she’s coming from. And the way this drama gave us another fake-out, making us think he was really going to kill him… all this isn’t good for my heart. I pity the taxi driver. Yes, his actions are inexcusable but at the heart of it, he is a man desperate to find his wife so he can send her off properly. He showed remorse for everything and was willing to die at HS’s hand, knowing he deserved it. The driver even realized he could’ve been wrong about Hyun Soo. There were only rumors and he didn’t really know him at all. It’s rather ironic that he’s one of the first characters to admit this onscreen. Sunbae, just when I had warmed up to you. I don’t like him again, lolll. He has good instincts and is obviously very skilled at his job. But he’s gonna be a pain when it comes to proving HS’s innocence. He’s going to believe the worst while JW will be trying to prove the opposite. Notice how he told JW to pick a side, and she chose neither (for now). JW’s hoobae continues to be precious, however. I don’t have much to say on Moo Jin, though of course his storyline uncovered the very important fact that there was most definitely an accomplice. Who has probably been roaming free this whole time. I can only hope this doesn’t (ONCE AGAIN, ugh) point in Hyun Soo’s direction, especially since MJ has a TV appearance in the next episode. Lee Joon Gi and Moon Chae Won both killed me this time around. This drama deserves more viewers and higher ratings so that more people can see their talent. Y’all, it’s only Episode 6, and it feels like a lifetime. The pacing of this drama is insane, I love it. It doesn’t adhere to the usual kdrama norm. It’s going into unknown territory, which makes it unpredictable. Fingers crossed that it doesn’t stumble, but the writer hasn’t given me any reason to doubt them yet, so I won’t. Till next week! My Twitter liveblog for Ep6: twitter.com/krysyuy/status/1294043456944263168

[icecream-and-gadreel]

Nostra Parentela Ch. 2: Trust Issues

Series Summary: Jack goes missing days after his father betrays their family by joining another syndicate. Everyone suspects Lucifer but instead of sitting around wondering, Castiel goes to the best detective he knows: Dean Winchester. The cynical detective has lost his lust for life and doesn't want to make his miserable days anymore miserable by being caught between the two biggest crime families in the country. Ever persuasive, Castiel is able to recruit him and start a relationship that neither of them expected.

Summary: Castiel can't focus on anything but Dean during a meeting with his lawyer. Meanwhile, Jack gets out of the rain.

Pairing: Destiel, Sastiel(one sided)

Other characters: Jack, Cain, Sam, Gabriel, Chuck(mentioned)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Language, alcohol, kissing, violence mention

Word count: 2800+

A/N: I like to think that Castiel is a gentlemen, despite all of the death threats. Enjoy! (Thank you to my awesome beta @cajunquandary​ for making this chapter sparkle!)

Masterlist

Six days missing

Castiel

Castiel stares at the clock on the wall, watching as seconds tick by in an agonizingly slow pace. He never cared about time before. Really, days used to blend together if he wasn't paying close enough attention. But with every second that passes he gets more restless. If Jack is even alive, he's probably cold and hungry. If he's dead...A lump forms in Castiel's throat, the thought of it making him sick to his stomach.

“Why didn't you call them off?” Sam asks, pulling Castiel from his thoughts. Ah, the lawsuit. A few foot soldiers 'persuaded' a witness to not testify in court, and despite there being no evidence, the opposing lawyer still wants to meddle.

“It's not my garrison,” Castiel says, eyes focused on the clock. “My father sent them out,” he adds.

“I...guess you gotta relay this to Chuck,” Sam says, turning his eyes to Gabriel. Sam goes over a list of possible charges, pointing them out on his sheet as he does. Castiel wants to care, he really does, but his mind is a million miles away. The only good news thus far is the detective saying yes. He smiles as his mind trails to Dean, a hum rumbling in his throat. What kind of lunatic smiles with a gun pointed at him?

“Interesting,” Castiel mumbles, chuckling to himself. Frowning, Sam clears his throat.

“Just...tell Chuck how serious this is,” the Winchester says, glancing at Castiel with a frown. Gabriel yawns, stretching his arms above his head.

“Will do Sammich, meeting adjourned?” Gabriel asks, smiling when he gains a nod. Castiel continues staring at the clock, his mind drifting between Jack and Dean. Gabriel waves his hand in his brother's face. “Hey, you good?” he asks. Castiel raises his eyebrows, looking around. He didn't even notice Sam leaving.

“Hypothetically.” He flicks his eyes to his elder brother. “What if I found someone willing to help me find Jack? A detective so good that he...hypothetically traced a few bodies back to Mikey.” Gabriel's face sinks, the cheery air that usually surrounds him dissipating.

“You're bringing a cop into our business?”

“Someone had to do something,” Castiel retorts, throwing a hand up. “You already know how well Michael and Balthazar covered their asses. If he was able to track them, imagine what he could do to find Jack.” He glances at the clock once more, standing up. “Can this stay between us?” he asks. Gabriel nods, draping an arm around Castiel's shoulders as they begin to walk.

“As long as you keep our family affairs within the family,” he whispers, patting him on the chest. “No matter who you are –”

“Dad sends rats floating down the river,” Castiel finishes. The elder Novak nods, cracking a grin as Sam approaches.

“So, when are you gonna let me buy you dinner?” Gabriel cooes, wiggling his eyebrows at Sam. “Just imagine this handsome mug covered in spaghetti sauce.”

“Great visual, but I'm good,” Sam chuckles, shaking his head. Gabriel pokes his bottom lip out, playfully smacking his brother on the arm.

“I keep forgetting you're head over heels for my baby bro,” he grumbles. Sam stutters over unformed sentences, his face flushing crimson.

“I-I don't – Castiel it's not – I –”

Silently, Castiel ducks out of the room, pulling out his pocket watch .“See yourself out, Sam, I'm running late.”

–

Dean

“I really don't like you right now,” Dean groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. If working with the mafia under death threats wasn't hard enough, Castiel was making it a lot damn harder. “Let's review. Common places Jack would be?”

“I can't tell you that,” Castiel says, leaning back in his seat.

“Uh huh. Friends and acquaintances?”

“I can't say.”

“Contracts with businesses?”

“That's another no.”

“Any fucking thing?” Dean growls, throwing his hands up. Castiel stares at him silently, an impossible to read look on his face. “You come here, beg me for help, and when I finally say 'fuck it' you fight me every step of the way! What am I supposed to do?”

“Make it work,” he says, shrugging. Dean stands from his desk, staring down at the notes he has written. Jack is in his early twenties. Jack is a Novak. Jack went missing. He might be with his father – in an undisclosed location – but he might not. This is the entirety of the information Dean was given. “Well? Are we done?”

“Are we done – ” Dean cuts himself off, mouth agape in disbelief. “I'm losing my mind.”

Castiel scoffs, standing from his seat. “I told you everything I could, Dean –”

“Nah, no you didn't,” he grunts, making his way around the desk. “You told me enough to cover your ass.” Dean brushes past him wordlessly, snatching open the door and gesturing at the air. “But yeah, we're done,” he says, a forced smile on his face. Silently, Castiel stands from his seat, taking a deep breath before turning to the other man.

“Look.” Castiel darts his tongue over his lip, stroking his jaw in thought. “I'm...I can't tell you anything that could put my family at risk,” he says, shaking his head as he closes the space between himself and the detective, leaving only inches of space between them. “But I do need you.” Dean gulps thick, flicking his eyes to the ground. Why the hell is his heart racing?

“You gotta trust me if we're gonna do this,” Dean says, trying to keep his voice steady. Alright, being so close to this psychopath is making it hard to think, though he'd never admit it out loud. As far as Dean can tell, the Novak's are blessed – cursed? – with equal parts insanity and good looks.

“I've known you for four days, we need more time to establish 'trust',” Castiel says, tilting his head with a small smile perched on his face. Dean curses under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I need a drink,” Dean grumbles, chewing his lip.

“I'll buy the first round, I know a place” Castiel retorts, jetting out of the room before the Winchester can respond.

…..

“This is fine,” Dean whispers to himself, a stale smile on his face as the bartender hands him two beers. “It's just a drink.” He scans his eyes over the bar, stomach twisting at the familiar faces. Being a decorated detective in a bar full of criminals is never ideal. A few try to avoid his eye, while others won't stop staring. “Just a drink in a bar full of people who want me dead,” he whispers, clenching his jaw when his eyes land on Castiel.

Bastard.

When he said 'I need a drink', he meant in his tiny little home listening to jazz records in the dark. Dean slams the beers down, pointing at Castiel in a warning.

“You seem...upset –”

“Why here?” Dean snaps, trying to keep his voice low. Shrugging, the Novak sips his beer, frowning.

“My father helped fund the bar, I get free drinks here,” he says, speaking slowly. Dean chuckles and swipes a hand over his face.

“So – So not only am I surrounded by people who daydream ways they're gonna kill me –” Dean snatches his beer up, snarling – “I'm in a bar bought with a goon loan?!” he hisses.

Castiel stifles a laugh, holding a hand over his mouth and nodding. “You're fine, detective –”

“Don't say detective!”

“– No one will touch you. You're with me,” he says, that same soft smile on his face. Dean huffs, crossing his arms over. They sip from their beers silently, stealing glances periodically. Finally, the Novak clears his throat, gesturing to the bartender to come over. “I find that tequila and limes are great for bonding.”

“So that's what we're doing? Bonding?”

“I need to know I can trust you, so yes,” Castiel says. He orders a bottle of tequila before continuing. “Even our lawyer did it, though I'll never challenge Sam again,” he says, a disgusted look going over his face. Dean's eyebrows shoot up, and for the first time all night, a wide grin breaks across his face.

“That's a story I gotta hear,” Dean says, smacking the other man on the shoulder. The bartender sets down a bottle of Jose Cuervo, six lime wedges and two shot glasses. Castiel sighs, clenching his teeth.

“Your brother is a demon. Long story short, I'm puking in the street, Sam almost destroyed three bar tables and my nephew is actively trying to stop our eldest brother from shooting his gun in the air,” he says, the smile on his face wavering.

“Huh, didn't know Sammy had it in 'em,” Dean chuckles, filling both shot glasses and offering Castiel a lime.

…..

Castiel pulls Dean out of the taxi, slinging his arm over his shoulder with a grunt. Rain is beating down, and there's no sign of it stopping. Quickly, Castiel helps Dean to his apartment, shaking his head.

“For a borderline alcoholic, you're a lightweight,” Castiel says.

“Shuddup,” Dean grumbles, squinting his eyes. The bad spins are coming. “Gotta le'down,” he slurs, holding a hand over his head. Admittedly, Dean let the drinking get a little out of control. After finishing the bottle of tequila, six beers each, and some brown liquor Dean was too drunk to read the label of, they finally called it quits and headed back to the detective's apartment. They struggle up the stairs, trying to lean their weight on each other. As they reach the top of the stairs, Dean fishes out his keys, humming as Castiel rests a hand on his back. “M'gonna le'down, you comin' in?” he asks as he finally gets into his apartment.

“Only to get you to bed,” Castiel says.

Dean begins stumbling forward, pausing in his tracks when he realizes that Castiel isn't following. “You comin'?” he asks, a cocked smile on his face.

“I think I need to stay here,” he says, rubbing his nape. Dean frowns, throwing a hand up. The detective's thoughts are everywhere, and though he wants to stop himself from speaking, the words come flying out anyways.

“What if I asked you to come with?” Dean says, gaining a chuckle. Silently, Castiel leads Dean to his bed, gently urging Dean to sit at the edge of the bed.

“Shoes off, get some rest – Dean –” Castiel laughs as Dean pulls him flush against him, taking a deep breath.

“I know it's not jus' me,” he says, voice a near whisper and he pulls at Castiel's suit jacket. “Can't get any closer than this,” he adds. Castiel presses a chaste kiss against Dean's lips, pausing when the detective lulls his head back. With a sigh, he flicks Dean on the forehead, shaking his head.

“You're far too drunk,” he grumbles, pushing Dean down to the bed. 

“You're hot even when I'm sober,” he blurts, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He can't shake the spinning away. “You already got me in bed, come on,” he whines, squinting open an eye.

“Look at me, Dean,” Castiel says, gripping the other man's face. Dean lulls his head to the side, a drunken grin on his face. “I'll regret this in the morning, won't I?” he asks, cursing under his breath. Castiel raises up on his knees, pulling his suit jacket off with a huff. He drapes his jacket over Dean, pointing at him in a warning. “If you were sober,” he says, shaking his head and making his way out of the room. “God, if you were sober.”

Dean chuckles under his breath, wrapping himself in the suit jacket before allowing himself to drift asleep.

–

Jack

Thunder shakes the tiny house, sending an uncomfortable shiver up Jack's spine. He stares blankly ahead, slowly rubbing the plush bath towel over his hair. He closes his eyes as a blanket is draped over his shoulders, his shivering body thankful for the new found warmth. Jack glances up at the other man as he makes his way to the stove, heart pounding in his chest. He gulps thick as a bowl of soup is placed before him, pulling the blanket around himself tighter.

Cain.

Just the mention of his name sends even the most decorated goons into prayers. He's notorious in circles big and small, and all he's known for is being a sick, demented man with a lust for blood. As the smell of fresh garlic and rosemary fills his nose, Jack's mouth waters, his stomach whining.

“Hope you eat pork,” Cain grunts, cracking open a beer and gesturing to the bowl. Jack remains silent, picking up the spoon and scooping up a heap of vegetables and shredded pork. “How was the shower? You needed one desperately,” he says, chuckling. Again, Jack remains silent, save for the pleased groan that escapes his lips as he tastes his food. Outstanding. “You like it?” he asks. Jack nods slightly, glancing up at him. If it weren't for Cain, he'd still be squatting in the alley, wondering how the hell he'd get through the next few days. Still, he's wary.

“How much?” Jack asks. The other man cocks an eyebrow, swigging from his beer. “You know, for helping me. What do I owe you?”

Cain ponders over the words, a smile flitting across his face before being replaced with a bored look. “Manual labor,” he begins, tilting his head. “Tend the garden. Mow the lawn. Help with the chickens. Other than that, don't bring trouble to my home and we're even,” he says, standing from his seat and turning to leave. “Your room's down the hall.”

“Wait, just...chores?” Jack asks.

“Just chores. Not gonna make you pay rent if you're useful.”

Jack frowns as the words register. “You're not like what I heard,” he says, his voice a near whisper. Cain runs his fingers through his locks, and Jack catches his gaze lingering a bit too long. It's like being in the presence of a god. Do you grovel? Do you cower? At this point, Jack is ready to do both.

“What've you heard?” he asks.

“That...you're the one I should check for under my bed,” Jack says, laughing awkwardly. “I still don't get why you took me in.”

“You're a kid, I don't leave kids out to rot.” He makes his way to Jack, scratching his scruff. “Since we're getting familiar with each other, why are you so far from home?” he asks. Jack shovels another spoonful of food into his mouth, turning his eyes away from him. “A Novak won't let their own sleep on the street.”

It probably wouldn't make sense to anyone looking in. Living on the street instead of the huge, gaudy house his grandfather graciously allows everyone to stay in? You'd have to be insane to do that! But, for Jack, he'd rather be on the street than stuck between his father and grandfather's petty feud. Trying to choose between either leaving his family or turning his back on his dad would have ended bad either way.

“How about you?” Jack says, flicking his eyes up to Cain. “I didn't think someone as infamous as you would run a farm.”

Shrugging, Cain sips his beer. “When you know what I know about the family, you do whatever the hell you want.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah,” Cain grunts, sucking his teeth. “Alright, finish that and get some shut eye. Tomorrow's gonna be a long one.”

Eternity squad: @sheinthatfandom​ @greenshinigamieyes @lipstickandwhiskey​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @bcarolinablr​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @mssunnyone​

[kevintor]

I Watch a Movie I Should Have Seen: Teen Witch

I had not heard of this movie until friends suggested it for my list of movies to watch. They especially pointed out the amazing rap moment and that’s really all I knew that I could not infer from the title.

This movie doesn’t waste time getting to the saxophone-heavy music. This is how it should be. I can’t tell you how many movies I watch that make me wait for the sax solo. And sometimes it doesn’t even come! Looking at you, The Godfather.

We’ve all had that dream where a mystery hunk in a dress shirt with rolled up, short sleeves and Cavariccis slinks towards you in the dark. Why do we have to wake up???

No matter how good you look and feel, never stand on a ledge in heels. Maybe block heels but not the ones she has on.

Louise’s little brother eats sheet cake under her bed and reads her diary, actually ripping pages out. He’s clearly a psychopath that deserves whatever magic comes his way.

Her dad is not creepy. He’s just someone who likes his daughter to wear his favorite color.

Hot guy from the dream (Brad) rocks a 5.0 Mustang and is dating the popular girl (Randa) living right across the street from Louise. Why do the important people in these movies always live so close to each other? I bet Brad went 300 feet before he had to honk that horn (not a euphemism) for Randa.

Louise’s best friend (Polly) is excessively frumpy. She has on so many layers, I don’t know how the bike could support the weight. She’s dressed like she’s arriving at Ellis Island from the old country.

Louise and Polly wear disrespectfully large trench coats most of the time. The kind I would only wear if I was trying to cut weight for a fight. I know Louise will eventually be made over into a hottie but she doesn’t really need to start in a cocoon. In She’s All That, they simply used glasses.

There’s a trio of rappers that serenade the school. I will call them The Leastie Boys.

Louise has skipped grades because she’s so smart. I get it now. If I was a younger kid amongst seniors, I’d want to hide myself under as much wool and tweed as possible.

There’s a particularly horrific scene where the diary page that her brother ripped out is accidentally handed in with her homework and the teacher reads the whole thing to the class. Between the brother, the dad, and this awful teacher, I’m not going to be surprised if there’s a clown in the sewers.

The girls’ gym uniform is.a purple leotard and that’s it. No shorts. No trench coat.

The popular girls spontaneously break into a song called “I Like Boys.” Is this a musical? She’s introducing them all to this song and they are choreographing it on the spot beautifully. I guess if you feel confident enough in that leotard, you can do anything.

It appears that the leotards are stuck to their bodies. They don’t ever take them off. They have clearly showered because they are drying their hair while still in the gym leotards.

Brad works out shirtless on the football field. He throws a football twice at a tire and never misses. They cut from the throw to the same shot of the ball traveling through the tire. “There’s no time to throw two balls through a tire! Use the same clip! We have six more hours of leotard footage to shoot!”

Quick question: If you were doing an audition for a play and your scene was a kissing one with the girl whose diary about being into you was read out loud in front of you, would you have any awkwardness in the audition? Brad doesn’t. Nothing weird about this. Does he have the memory of a goldfish?

Brad, too aroused by teenage hanky panky, almost runs over Louise on her bike. He stops the car and tries to help her by offering a ride home. Is Brad a misunderstood jock hunk? Randa makes him leave but he was really concerned. What a sweet goldfish man.

With a broken bike and no cell phones, Louise is forced to seek the help of the nearby fortune teller. The fortune teller (Madame Serena) doesn’t let her use the phone and basically robs her of the last cash she has on her.

Madame Serena notices something odd during her palm reading and asks her name again. When Louise says “Miller,” Madame Serena realizes she is a witch with powers that will come to fruition on her 16th birthday. We later learn that Madame Serena and Louise go back 100s of years with witch souls (or whatever). If you had a spiritual connection with someone named “Miller,” I think you wouldn’t miss it the first time. Maybe she should look into getting a third ear instead of a third eye.

We learn that Goldfish Brad can Fonzie a Coke out of a machine. The impressive part about this is that Cokes were only 60 cents. I want to go to there.

Louise turns 16 while her brother dry humps the table in excitement for birthday cake. Feel free to watch it. There’s other way to describe it.

Randa asks Louise if she’d like to go on a date with her cousin from out of town. This is definitely going to work out.

The cousin is an insane nerd who is acting as if he only has one night to live. He asks her if she wants to smoke weed at one point. Then once he’s all drugged up, he tries to get some loving in the car on the way home. It’s cringe-y. Thankfully Louise is gaining powers and makes him literally disappear.

Louise turns her brother into a dog. As if I didn’t hate him enough already, now he’s a talking animal. (See Hocus Pocus)

Madame Serena gives Louise a book of spells. She uses a spell to make the popular girls tell each other the truth. It starts off with calm “you’re not a good singer” insults but gets real, super fast. One points out the other’s “alkie mother.”

Louise wants to make Brad love her and it appears that the secret to casting a good spell is cayenne pepper or maybe paprika.

Brad comes over Louise’s house to work on his English paper. Louise apparently removes the hundreds of chairs from her room so they’d have to sit on the bed. How many chairs does a teenage girl typically have in her room? It’s certainly enough for each family member to barge in and immediately notice them all missing.

Louise thinks better of forcing Brad to like her and gets all the chairs out of her closet. She’s a good person deep down.

The awful teacher is back and this time, goes through Louise’s bag and shows her birth control pills to the class. How does this teacher, even in the 80s, have a job?

Louise rightfully gets revenge. She makes a voodoo doll of the teacher and makes him undress in front of the class. The principal catches him right as Louise pulls the dolls underwear down. Somehow he still has a job. Tenure is amazing.

We finally get to the Rap Off I’ve been hearing so much about. Leader of the Leasties and Polly battle it out for one verse each. Honestly, this could have gone on longer. I know there was magic behind it but Polly’s verse was fire.

Brad tells Louise that someone like him has to go out with the most popular girl in school no matter how terrible she is. Social expectations are the worst. Instead of convincing Brad that he doesn’t have to be with Randa, it would be easier to cast a spell to make yourself popular. Maybe even insanely popular.

The chunky knit sweater budget was out of control for this movie

We have a montage showing us the extent of her popularity. She gets applause when she arrives places. People follow her around. The Leastie Boys rap for her. And her wardrobe consists of so much more denim.

Brad takes her to a lookout point that they have to climb up to and she’s unfortunately too popular for sensible footwear. It’s hard to climb up a sunflower hill in heels. But you do what you have to do to wear the crown!

In this abandoned house, they take off some of their six layers of clothing. Then they make out in the dirty house like only the most popular kids in school could.

Everyone starts dressing and wearing their hair like Louise. Polly gets left out of everything. I don’t know if scenes were cut out (What could possibly be considered “not good enough” for this film?) but we never have the scene where the newly popular girl treats her best friend like garbage and has to apologize. I know Polly misses her but I bet she could just ask Louise to hang out. Anyway, Louise tries to talk to Polly and Polly makes her feel bad.

Because she is so popular, Louise has to sneak out the back of her house to avoid her adoring classmates. Brad picks her up on a side street and takes her for a drive. They go out on the river to talk as teenagers do. He asks her to the dance. She turns him down because she thinks he’s been tricked him into liking her. She wants it real.

Louise wants to undo the popularity spell and she talks Madame Serena into coming to the dance with her to help her do it. No one questions bringing a tiny, old woman as your date to the dance. Not even the teachers.

She wishes the popularity away in the middle of the dance floor. People stop looking at her but Goldfish Brad still feels the pull for regular Louise. He walks slowly towards her. They touch fingertips and roll them up so the palms touch. This happens in a lot of romantic movies. I don’t get it. It’s a good way to train yourself to high five. You learn proper hand alignment. What you want the finish to be. But it’s not romantic. Either way, they kiss and all is good.

This is a fine, late 80s teen movie. It’s essentially a knock-off Sabrina the Teenage Witch. The brother, the nerd date, and the awful teacher were unnecessary. Now that I think about it, the nerd date never reappeared. In most movies you’d have him reappear somewhere embarrassing like under a manure truck that’s about to be dumped. In this movie, he vanishes into nothingness. It’s haunting.

Also, they show that water undoes her spells in the beginning and never return to that either. I was expecting the boat to tip over when she had that moment with Brad on the river. That never happened.

And, finally, she never made up with Polly. Where’s the learned-her-lesson reunion with the best friend, awkwardly hugging through all the layers?

Minus all these loose threads, I enjoyed it. I’d even watch it again if it was on.

[thehopefuldandelion]

Not Him

part 2

part 1 is here on ao3. here on fanfiction.net

thanks to all who supported me in part 1 specifically @lovely-tothe-bone​ and @tindomrl​

everlark.

I do not own any of these characters:)

***

A day later and I still hadn’t process the fact that just yesterday, Gale and his “intern”, Madge, were in my bed. Gale cheated on me. So what, maybe I had some erotic thoughts about Peeta. I hadn’t actually gone through with them. He’s my boss anyway. I can’t think like that.

Shaking that thought away, I focus on getting ready for the day. Another day ignoring Peeta, another day without Gale. I get dressed quickly in a pencil skirt and button up shirt with a black suit jacket. The more conservative today, the better.

The apartment seems, empty, without another soul here. The tv which used to drown out the blaring noise of honking cars is silent, no dents in the couch to be seen. I don’t have to cook breakfast for two people, instead just for me. One singular person. I suck in a breath and release it. In all honesty, the apartment might seem empty, lonely even, but I don’t miss Gale. As our relationship dwindled and tottered over the edge, we became more like roommates. I can’t even remember the last time he touched me romantically. Pass by pecks and simple questions with simple answers is the only interaction we really had near the end. No wonder he cheated on me.

I should probably be making a bigger deal out of this but I’m too exhausted to care. Gale seemed done with me so why should I still keep rekindling the tiny fire we had? I push all these thoughts that have haunted me since last night far back into my overwhelmed brain and hope that today goes smoothly.

Shit. There goes the milk spilling all over the floor. Yeah today is not gonna be smooth. I don’t have time for this. Shit. Shit. Shit. I hear the toaster pop! meaning the toast is done, burnt, of course. And as I spread butter a chunk slides down my freshly ironed shirt. Fuck. On my way to the bedroom, pretty much jogging, I bump my hip into the chair, hard, (that will leave a bruise) causing me to stub my toe on the door post. 

“Aghhhhhhhhh,” I scream in pain and frustration.

I guess this is the world punishing me for some odd reason. Dang. I’m late. I mean I do need this job, but I won’t have to see Peeta anymore so it’s kinda a win-win. Not really, in the end it would be a hard loss and a joyful win.  Stop thinking, Katniss. You need to get to work. Yikes. This day sucks.

***

“Good Morning, Katniss,” Peeta greets me while sipping a cup of coffee. Black.

“Hello, Peeta. How was your night?”

“Wonderful. Isn’t it such a lovely day?” He says looking straight at me. I noticed he didn’t even glance out the clear windows. “And how are you on this beautiful day?”

“Uh, it’s great...I’m great,”I respond while gritting my teeth. I can’t stand his kindness. He peered at me, his face in disbelief, turning his head slightly.

He almost scoffs and then says, “Ok, Katniss. Whatever you say.”

What is he? A psychopath? Telekinetic? Wouldn't be surprised.

“Oh, and Katniss? You have a stain on your shirt.”

Fuck.

Over the past week of working at this hell-hole, I observed Peeta giving me looks, unsettling but not in a vicious way. I almost want to relish in the tingling feeling they bring from head to toe. What is wrong with me. My brain and heart are sending two very different signals to my body. I need to throw all thoughts of Peeta in the sudden absent trashcan in my baffled brain. Can anyone find that missing trashcan? 

“Katniss?” I hear someone call from behind me.

My chair swivels around and I see a jubilantly smiling Peeta fixated on me, or more particularly the stain. Ugh, that freakin stain. He pulls a hand from behind his back and I see he’s holding a shirt. I give him a befuddled look and he quickly stammers to explain what it’s for.

“Uh, I always have an extra button up with me and was wondering if...well if...if you wanted to wear it until tomorrow. I mean, obviously, you can change when you get home. You don’t actually have to wear it until tomorrow.” He rubs the back of his neck with his hand and blushes a deep shade of red. “So, if you’d be interested, I uh-”

I save him the embarrassment by grabbing the shirt out of his hands and running to the bathroom.  He gives me a bewildered look and I almost want to laugh. But I don’t. Because I hate him. Right? Right. Lie. And me borrowing his shirt is just because I have no other option. Right. Lie.

Slowly unbuttoning my shirt, I imagine what this would feel like if it was a different situation with Peeta unbuttoning it for me. Oh god. A shoot of pleasure settles in my lower half. What is this man doing to me?

The white button up smells of dill and almost, if I’m not mistaken, cinnamon. The sweet smell wafts into my nose making me hungry. As expected, I am engulfed in the shirt, enveloping me in warmth and...love? That’s bizarre. I never associated Peeta and love. Those two never intermingled in my mind. With the shirt tucked into my skirt and having splashed frigid water on my face, I walk, no, speed-walk towards my desk.

Peeta pops his head out from his office and is about to say something when he looks at me. His mouth opens a few times but no words form. Ok then. “K...Katniss, uh, um, I, uh, can you-

The phone rings distracting me momentarily from his stammering. 

“This is she.”

 “Yes, he is here.”

 “I’ll transfer you now.”

I turn to Peeta, seeing him still utterly flabbergasted, and say, “Katie’s Cakes on line 1, Mr. Mellark.”

Recovered, he answers, “Thank...Thanks, Katniss.” In a blink of an eye he is back in his office with the door safely closed.

I snort to myself and wonder where else the day will lead.

***

My head is throbbing. Countless phone calls and a trip to the coffee shop down the street later and its 6pm, and I’m still at work. Honestly, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and Netflix are calling my name. Ugh, I can’t wait to go home. I should've brought some Advil. Mentally adding that reminder for next time.

A quick glance around the office assures me I’m the only one here. Hallelujah. I’m starving. Maybe there's something in the break room. As I open the fridge and bend down to reach some leftover cookies form a party, I hear a gasp and someone run out of the room. Huh. That’s odd. My head hurts and I’m hungry so I guess I’m hallucinating. Eh, it happens.

Oh my God. These cookies are heaven on earth. I moan as I take a bite. Another gasp. What the hell. It can't be me...can it? I start to investigate. My thought process is that if it is a demon or ghost, at least I can die and never have to come here again. The only lights on are from my cubicle and...wait that's weird, why are Peeta’s office lights on. Hmm. 

As I turn the corner to get to his office, I bump into a something hard.

“Oof.”

“Are you ok, I’m so sorry Katniss.”

It takes me a second to regain my bearings. “Peeta? What the fuck?”

“Ah, I didn’t mean to bump into you,” he says with a slight blush on his cheeks. He then offers his hand for me to take and helps me up. I brush the dust from the ground of my skirt.

Ok, then.

“It’s fine Peeta. I’ll survive.”

“CanIbuyyoudinner?”

“What?”

“Uh, can I take you out?” he says.

“As a date?” I inquire him. There is no way in hell I would go on a date with Peeta Mellark. Right?

“Um,” he rubs the back of his neck, the blush spreading from his cheeks to his ears, then neck. “I guess. I was thinking more of an apology. For bumping into you, that is.”

“Ok,” I say slowly, reminding myself this is not a date. Yes, definitely not a date. “When?”

“Now?”

“Uh, um, sure. Yes, now is fine.” I say quickly trying to cover up my stammering.

I walk over to grab my purse and put on my jacket. “So where, were you thinking?”

“I have something in mind,” he tells me with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

***

We end up at a bakery about 2 miles outside of city limits. I was confused at first, until Peeta told me he grew up around here and worked at this bakery until taking over Mellark Enterprises from his dad. The bakery is small and homey, wood tables slightly worn down from years of use. The counters are stained, each stain telling a story. It seemed like a nice place to grow up, full of love and laughter, something I never understood.

Peeta lets me try a variety of pastries, all delicious and mouth watering.

“I actually own this bakery.” Peeta tells me.

“So that’s why we are in here safe and sound and not arrested for breaking and entering.” I tease him.

He laughs and looks me in the eyes. “I don’t come here often enough, being CEO of a company and all,” he says while stabbing his fork into a muffin. “It’s peaceful out here. Almost like, everyone has taken time to reflect on their lives and go about their days how they want too.”

“So, what I’m picking up on is you didn't want to be a CEO of a multi-million dollar company.”

“Honestly, no.” He breathes out. “I wanted to be a famous painter and if that didn't work out I’d just stay here, spending the rest of my days baking.”

“Makes, sense. Painter you say? Just how good are you?” I laugh.

Peeta shrugs his shoulders. “I’m not terrible.” One of his curls has fallen over his eyes and it takes all my restraint to not reach my hand over and brush it back.

Hours later we were still talking and laughing. I was having a great time.

“No, way. You actually said you were the doctor and flew around in the TARDIS. I can’t believe she considered that that was true.” 

“Oh, yeah. She was mortified. Best blind date I’ve ever been on.”

“Well, I wouldn't have run off,” I blush.

“Good to know,” Peeta says in return, giving me a look of hope.

We both just peer at each other, lost in thoughts of our own. The silence isn't awkward per se, it’s almost satiated.

“Well, I should get home. I do have work after all.”

“Of course, Katniss. Thanks for joining me. I hope this evening was apology enough,” he says kindly.

“It will suffice,” I tease.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks, almost sad to see me go.

“Tomorrow. Good Night, Peeta.”

“’Night, Katniss.”

I drive away feeling strange. Do I like my boss? More importantly, do I like Peeta Mellark?

***

After hanging up my coat and setting down my purse, I shimmy of my skirt, keeping Peeta’s button up on, I jump into bed and spread out like a starfish. This day is over. Finally. As my eyes become heavy and I drift off into a deep slumber, my phone pings!

From: Unknown 11:46

Hey Katniss, this is Peeta. I just wanted to know if you got home safe.

From: Katniss 11:47

Hi Peeta. I did thank you for your concern. Sleep Well.

From: Peeta Mellark 11:49

Sweet Dreams, Katniss.

I turn off my phone, not even considering what the message implies. It’s been a long day and the last thing I need to worry about is Peeta and I’s relationship.

I remembered to set my alarm last night, luckily, so I won't be late for work. I am still wearing Peeta’s button up. Slowly, but surely, I get out of bed, shower, and eat breakfast. I turn on the tv, because I need some distraction. Opening the window next to the fire exit, allows for some much needed air into the apartment. A familiar voice draws me out of my mental to do list for today.

Holy Shit.

Peeta is on tv. Why didn't I know about this? I’m his secretary for god’s sake. Caesar Flickerman who hosts Good Morning Panem is asking him questions about everything, from his favorite food to his love life.

“So, Peeta. What's it like being the CEO if such a profitable company?”

“Uh, it’s great. Hard work, but it’s good,” Peeta says with a somber look on his face. I think back to our conversations last night. He never asked to be CEO, but it was thrust upon him like a teacher giving homework.

“That’s awesome, Peeta.” Caesar leans back in his chair preparing to ask the next question. “Tell me, you were just added on “Forbes Top 10″ and given the title of “Panem’s Most Eligible Bachelor”. Anyone out there who catches your eye?”

Peeta has a slight hesitation in his voice before looking the camera in the eye and saying, “No, not really anyone at the moment.”

“Aw, c’mon Peeta. There must be one special someone. You can tell us.” Caesar inquires.

I see Peeta gulp nervously and blink a couple times. “Well, there is this one girl. I’ve loved her since forever, really.”

The audience, including Caesar, perk up at this. “Here’s what you do, buy her some flowers and chocolates and win her heart.”

“She’s not really that type of girl, plus I think she hates me.”

“Ah, well that's too bad,” Caesar shrugs. “Her loss. Am I right folks?”

The audience abounds in laughter and claps. Who is this mystery girl? I mean I hate Peeta, or used too, but it can't be me. Can it? Shaking those thoughts away, I turn off the tv, and grab my jacket and purse. Time to start the day.

***

Peeta’s office is still locked. I’m assuming he is still at Good Morning Panem. These past few days have been, strange. From breaking up with Gale, realizing I don't hate Peeta, and finding out he loves this mystery girl, I just don't know what to expect from this job anymore. My mind can’t process this abundance of, in a way, drama. Hey, I’m anti-social. What can I say?

Sticky notes with phone numbers and lists can be found on almost every surface of my workspace. I try to eliminate the countless number of them as the day drags on. No sign of Peeta. It’s boring without his tacky humor and clever remarks. 

I decide to call Annie to get me out of this slump.

“Hey Katniss! What’s up?” Annie asks. “Peeta likes, no, loves someone and I think it's me. What do I do?” I say shakily, unsure of what to think of all these conflicting emotions.

I hear Annie giggle and then regain her composure. “Hi to you too. And I don’t know, Katniss. Just ask him on a date and if he says yes then he likes you.”

“But, every time I even consider doing something like that with him, I’m brought back to all the times in our childhood when he was just rude and infuriating.” 

“Sounds to me that you might like him back, Katniss. You do know, that when a guy teases you it usually means he likes you. That could explain why he was how he was in middle school and high school,” Annie explains.

It makes sense, but I can’t justify that for his true feelings. The only way to figure this out is to confront him. Crap.

“You have a lot of thinking to do Everdeen. I’ll see you tomorrow for zen, yeah?”

“Yup, thanks Annie for the much needed clarification,” I say gratefully.

“Of course. Anytime, my friend. See ya.”

“Bye,” I hang up.

I go to the closest cafe for my lunch break, needing to get out of the office, and forgo an afternoon pick me up for a sandwich. It’s not as delicious as the sandwiches at Peeta’s bakery, but it does the job of filling my stomach. The bread isn't fresh and the meat was probably cut a week ago, then frozen, and don't even get me started- wait, when did I become a food connoisseur? 

I throw away the trash and walk back to Mellark Enterprises, hit the elevator button for the 8th floor, and continue in my secretary duties. I see Peeta’s office door open and something compels me to talk to him.

“Hey, so I saw you on tv this morning,” I say to a slightly surprised Peeta.

“Uh, yeah,” There he goes rubbing the back of his neck again. “What did you think?”

“You did great, I mean, you always do,” he blushes at this. “Mystery girl, eh? Caesar Flickerman had to bite tooth and nail to get that out of you.”

“She’s something special, indeed. I don’t think she knows I like her,” At this, Peeta gives me puppy dog eyes.

Clearing my throat, I respond, “I was wondering if you were free, possibly tonight? There’s this movie that came out that I’ve been dying to see and wanted to go with a friend.”

“Yeah, I would love to, Katniss.”

“O-Ok cool,” I say as I shoot finger guns at him. Finger guns...really Katniss?

Flustered and slightly embarrassed, I leave the office and sit down at my desk.

***

We meet up at the theatre and head straight for concessions. My stomach grumbles at the savory smell of popcorn and melted butter, salty pretzels and bubbly soda. 

“What do you like Peeta?” I ask him curiously.

“Oh, I myself love a classic bucket of buttered popcorn and M&Ms,” he says confidently.

“Mmm, sound delicious.”

“Do-Do you want to share Katniss?” Peeta inquires me nervously.

“It is a large bucket of popcorn; I don't think I could finish it on my own. Sure, we can share.” I have to remind myself this is not a date. I kinda wish it was though.

Before I even have a chance to get my credit card out, Peeta is already paying for our snacks.

“Peeta!” I scold while hitting his arm jokingly. “I should pay. I invited you, after all.”

“Too late, Katniss,” He says as he taps my nose.

We both look away nervously, embarrassed by our intimate actions.

About halfway through the movie, we stop passing the popcorn bucket and I feel drowsy. I wake up by someone softly calling my name.

“Katniss, Katniss. Time to wake up.”

Quickly, I realize my head is on Peeta’s shoulder and my arms are wrapped around his. How did that happen. 

“I didn't want to wake you. Your slumber looked peaceful, sleeping beauty.” 

“I’m so sorry, Peeta. I swear I didn't mean to fall asleep on your arm,” I apologize.

“It’s ok. You can fall asleep on me any time you need to,” He tells me smiling without a care in the world.

I gasp. “U-Uh, o-ok Peeta. Thank you for the offer.”

On our way out, I turn to him and give him a peck on the cheek. Then, like a cheetah, I dash to my car, leaving Peeta speechless. What is happening to me?!

***

3249 words later and this is the product. Hope you enjoyed!

[skvaderarts]

I need to get this off of my chest because it's been bothering me since I saw Brightburn at the movie theater yesterday.

You know what? I actually liked Brightburn as a whole. It wasn't the most amazing movie I've ever seen, and I won't be purchasing it, but it had some neat twists and was an interesting mixture of a horror film and an antihero film and it told a diffirent kind of story than that of what I normally see in a film. But there is one part of the movie that REALLY pissed me off. Like, it sent me into an irrational boiling rage. I'm not sure if that's a testament to the movie or a fault.

Ok, so let me explain. Spoilers below, of course. I'm on mobile, so I can't seem to put this under a read more. IDK what I'm doing wrong here.

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Ok, so the main character, a 12-year-old boy named Brandon has what I won't even dare call a crush on a young girl in his class. For the life of me can't remember her name. After his well-meaning father talks to him about puberty and how he shouldn't be ashamed to act on any sexual urges he has (He probably should have explained the concept of what urges are okay to act on, but I digress) he decides that the nice girl that sits in front of him in class is the objects of his fascinations. This wouldn't be an issue if he didn't have an uncomfortable fixation with the female reproductive system that comes of as really serial killer like and wasn't a superpowered little budding psychopath. He even likes to female murder animals and cut their reproductive systems out.

Ok, so it starts with him sneaking away from his parents while camping to stand in the window if this young girl to watch her very menacingly from her window and use his powers to mess with things in her bedroom, scaring her half to death. She catches him and tells her mom, but she can't prove it. She does, however, become noticeably uncomfortable around him. Fair enough. I would be too.

But this is where shit gets totally awful and makes me sick.

So right after this the PE class at school is doing one of those dumb "catch me" trust exercises that no one should ever make kids do because bullies are a thing and when they push Brandon very hard towards the young girl, she steps out of the way and he hits the ground. The teacher immediately tells her to help him up like this is somehow her problem and not the kid who just basically tossed him. She says she doesn't want to because he scares her and she thinks he's a pervert. She's actually right and clearly very uncomfortable, but I digress.

The teacher, being a total asshole, tells her that is she doesn't help him up, he will fail her for the whole class which forces her to have to touch him. As a result, Brandon gets pissed off at what he interpreted as her rejecting him (like he's not literally stalking her) and he grabs her had and squeezes it so hard that he shatters basically bone in her entire hand and probably her wrist while the teacher just tells him to stop and doesn't step in to stop this despite it taking him a good 10-15 seconds for this to happen and him being about two feet away.

Her arm literally folds in on its self and basically explodes.

Naturally, the parents get called, the mother of the young girl is more than a little pissed, and says she wants to press charges against him for basically disabling her child and the police officer present says "well that's not your choice." The school then suspends him for TWO DAYS and makes him talk to a counselor who happens to be his aunt (that isn't unbiased at all) while the parents take him home and don't punish him in any way for his brutal behavior towards this young girl. They don't even say sorry to her mother or offer to pay for her care. Nothing. They even get mad at the mom for talking badly to them about Brandon and tell her that she's an awful person for feeling that way about a child.

To be honest, Brandon's mom is the main issue. The dad is pretty sensible.

He then shows up at the girl's house where she is laying in bed with her hand wrapped up and she's unable to do anything to defend herself and scares her half to death. He does this just to tell her that he plans to "take care" of her mother and then he will be back for her after she begs him to just leave her alone because she is scared of him after what he did to her. After he leaves her crying in fear, he goes to her mother's job, kidnaps her, and brutally murders her, leaving her dead body in his family's barn with her reproductive system cut out. We never see or hear from her again after that.

...

...

OK WTF Brightburn?!

There are so many things wrong with this and I won't insult your intelligence by elaborating on it too much. Why is she threatened with a worse punishment for not helping him up than he gets for crushing her whole lower arm? Why isn't it within the power of her family to press charges? Why is this kid so damn predatory towards this poor little girl? Is this how he handles rejection? At several points during the film, I would have been sure he was going to sexually assault this little girl if they weren't in middle school and that would have been too inappropriate to depict in a film. I know we're not supposed to like him by the end of the film, but the things he does to that little girl and the way that every adult handles the situation pisses me off to a degree that is probably unhealthy.

He literally murders hundreds of people by the end of the movie, but this was the only part of this "horror" film that actually scared me. The idea that this little 11 year old girl gets assaulted after being preyed on and is powerless against her attacker because basically everyone is working in her attacker's favor despite even his therapist noting that he shows absolutely no remorse for his actions and thinks of her as less than him (He says and I quote "Sometimes bad things happen to people for good reasons" when asked if he is sorry he feels bad about hurting her) is so goddamn awful that I can't even put it into words. And what he does to her mother is just so damn depraved and needless that it makes you wonder how a 12-year-old could ever do something so awful. I just can't.

The kid who plays Brandon is a great actor though.