#my dad is a computer genius but he just wants to build balconies

[benjaminschreave]

pressure

a/n: note at the bottom once you’ve read!!

— — — —

w y a t t

— — — —

It had been two days since Gabby had appeared at my doorway drunk.

Those two days had been filled with awkward glances at breakfast.

Hazel was starting to give me suspicious glances for it even if we still joked around with our seats being so close. Sometimes I simply noticed her smile too much and had to snap out of it.

As I stared at the picture Gabby’s little sister had taken of us, I couldn’t help but smile a bit myself. She’d forced Gabby to hold the most uncomfortable of poses and to keep books steady on the top of her head. The picture had come spot on with Gabby focused on balancing everything, using my hand as support as I grinning at the sight over my shoulder.

I’d told Gabby I liked candids because they gave no one the chance to hide anything, and it was true. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be a hypocrite and try to fool myself just a tad.

I placed the picture with the other revealed photographs I’d taken that day at the library. I’d also added in the one from the balcony. She was laughing loudly, completely ignoring the fact that it was way too late for her to make such noise. I figured her dad would appreciate that picture as well. I was still debating if I would send the pictures to Gabby’s address as her dad had asked, or if I would give them directly to her and have her keep them until she “inevitably left” as she said.

I didn’t really trust her not to burn them to keep her dad from having more things to blackmail her with though, so I decided to save the box on my drawer for later and continue with my next task.

————

It only takes a single moment for things to spiral down into a crisis every week.

The single moment was Ben’s birthday being interrupted.

Dozens of guests were injured or worse during the attack. Selected had to be hospitalized and treated. A couple of advisers were lost...good people that had families. Ambassador Yuan was also one of the casualties. It felt wrong to call him that, but it was easier than thinking too much about it. We needed to figure things out first.

New Asia reacted as expected to the loss of their representative in Illéa, but as rumors spread of the attack and they found out their second prince was poisoned by someone Illéan monarchy claimed to trust, our usual begrudges started making people suspicious.

If Clemenza hadn’t been such a closed book things might’ve been better, but he said nothing during interrogations. The general investigations weren’t being any easier with our options running out and people, at least in New Asia, getting impatient.

It was bad on its own, but if you added on the fact that such pressure would force dad to focus resources on finding a different angle to the situation—an angle that wasn’t suggested by a sixteen-year-old girl—we could lose our edge.

Hazel had turned out to be even more observant than I’d ever given her credit for and I knew she had no doubt in her mind of what she saw. Dad trusted her as well, but with everyone watching, there was only so much he could do.

Thankfully and unfortunately, some of Illéa’s attention was taken away from the attack as other, more interesting headlines came out. It was a blessing and a curse.

It turned out one of Vivienne’s side jobs was being an escort which was...of course not well received by everyone. Rumors about who she’d been involved with kept floating about. People kept waiting for Ben to eliminate her.

He didn’t.

People then decided that was another show of character, an addition to what had already been shown when he kissed Rosie at the bar. They thought Ben lacked better judgement. Which meant they were saying he was not fit to rule the country. I’d tried talking with him, knowing how that would make him feel, especially with all the additional pressure we’d been dealing with lately, but he’d only shown slight frustration before diving into work. The first sign that he wasn’t heading into the best of places.

I hoped I wasn’t too late and opened the door to his room slowly. As always, I tried to come in with a joke. That tended to get Ben out of his thoughts. Something to remind him it was time to step back and loosen up.

Nothing really creative came to mind tragically, but in my defense, I hadn’t been getting much sleep since everything that happened, just like Ben probably hadn’t either.

I snuck in and spun his chair around so he would face me, smiling even if I didn't really feel like it. It was fine, he wouldn’t be able to tell right now. I was better at surviving with no sleep than he was, which made it easier to pretend I wasn’t tired.

Standing up straighter, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, you look radiant, brother.”

He wasted none of his time with me and sighed in frustration, spinning back around as he tried to focus on some paperwork in front of him. “Shut up Wyatt.”

My smile faltered, knowing his snapping back wasn’t good. I swallowed and stared at him for a moment, shoulders slumping. I couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been like this, but I knew I wasn’t going to let him do this to himself if I could help it. I’d drag him out of his room if needed.

I let out a small sigh of my own before leaning on the desk with one hand, a new smile on my face. “Someone's grumpy…” I stared at the papers briefly, not really reading them. I knew what they were. “Maybe you need to get your face away from paperwork for a bit—”

I stepped aside when he stood up abruptly, snatching his papers up as he towered over me stiffly. “What I need you to do is let me work in peace.” Spinning on his heel, he grabbed another folder from his bed along with a pen and made his way towards the door. I blinked at him in surprise.

Not good.

When too many things pile up and you don’t have enough time to process—that’s when you break. When stress kicks in. All Schreaves react to stress in different ways.

Layla gets frustrated to the point where she can’t think clearly. She loses her ability to focus. Her sentences ramble out of logic because even in her head, she’s not making sense.

Hazel, maybe the smartest of us, takes a moment to step back. She goes to her room or the gardens. She distracts herself until she’s ready to go over things slowly.

I shut down. Like a computer. Give it too much information and it’ll block you out eventually.

Ben? He lashes out.  

“Ben, come on…” I frowned, hoping I could stop him before he got to the door. “There's a lot going on right now. Just take one thing off your plate for a bit.”

“No. I need to work.” His tone was dismissive. I knew he was trying to get me to leave him alone, but I only watched him yank the door open and followed after him down the halls as he stormed off.

This was the reason why I usually made Ben go out of the palace occasionally. Or reminded him to hang out with me, Hazel and Layla. It had always been Ben’s issue when dealing with things. He crashed if no one steered him away from the building every now and then. It was usually my job to steer him away, but even I couldn’t see the walls coming sometimes.

“Seriously, I bet you haven’t slept enough the past week. A small break won't kill you.”

“And what would you have me do?” He muttered to himself. “Waste some time in a bar and let people question my judgement even more?”

I set my jaw. “That's not how the night should've gone, but my point still stands. We don't need to go out, just—”

He whirled around, face screwed in anger. “Just what? I need to fix yet another problem and you’re not letting me do that. I don’t need a stupid break, let me do my job.”

He wasn’t going to fix anything like this but he wasn’t going to realize it if I backed down. So foolishly I followed him down to the first floor.

— — — —

b e n

— — — —

His persistent voice followed me down the stairs. “Fine, what's your plan then? Tell me. Why are you in your room dealing with this alone? People are always going to judge us, Ben. You know that.” The one time I need him to leave me be he doesn’t listen.

“I don’t know, but if you left me alone I might be able to actually figure something out.” I huffed out a breath, pressing my lips together before I added, “They’re questioning every ability I have to be king someday. It’s more than just being judged.”

When the verbal criticism shifted from Viv to me, I didn’t know what to do. Or ever, apparently. This lost feeling I loathed continued to well up inside me and talking about it to Wyatt only made it worse, but he didn’t shut up.

“Well, I'm not going to act like I know what you're feeling like, you know I don't, but that doesn't mean I can't try to give some decent advice.”

His hand went to my shoulder as we reached an odd part of the first floor. I flinched away from his touch, the door behind me already half-opened.

“You're not ruling the country yet,” he continued. “Running around with papers in your hands isn't going to fix things or help anyone. Not even yourself.” He flashed a slight smile that only fueled my irritation, as if everything I was going through could be placated through a simple talk with him. “Take a moment to clear your head. Just take something off your plate.”

Clear my head? My eyes narrowed, gaze sharp at the idiotic and somehow genius suggestion. I was done. I didn’t want to deal with any more countless pressure.

“You want me to take something off my plate? Fine How about this stupid Selection, hm? Would that satisfy you?”

Was I being irrational?

Probably.

Did I care?

No.

— — — —

w y a t t

— — — —

He was entering the Women’s Room.  

My eyes widened and I stopped walking. I wasn’t taking the argument in there, and either way, we weren’t allowed in without permission. “Ben, let's be reasonable here…” I said, keeping my voice low. He was going to say the wrong thing. I could already see it in his eyes. The way he breathed in angrily. The defiance in his face like I was trying to beat him at something. I took another step but didn’t go inside. “That's not what you want to do. Close the door.”

“Don’t tell me what I want or don’t want, Wyatt!” He yelled, catching the attention of any girl inside hat wasn’t already looking. “What’s even the point of keeping this going when clearly no one wants to? Danielle said herself she barely liked me, that I was fake and annoying and—” he winced and I frowned. It was one of the countless things he hadn’t brought up yet. It was an opening to get him to calm down, but he continued before I could take it.

“I’m obviously not enough to keep the girls around. Or keep them safe.” His tone was harsh. I wasn’t surprised as he let out a humorless laugh. “Half of them left me for other people they met in the palace.”

Aran was the first to come to mind. We’d noticed his close friendship with Zara. It didn’t seem like much, but with how reserved Aran was with anyone he didn’t know well, it was strange. There were others. Girls already gone.

I realized, however, that wasn’t the only name crossing Ben’s mind. I couldn’t help but clench my fists at his staring, shocked disbelief taking over his features as something registered in his mind. Suddenly, I was too scared to really say anything back. He noticed.

“And one of them wants you,” he stated. Not in question. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you and Gabriella. How do you think that makes me feel?”

It felt like he’d just punched me. I hadn’t meant for anything to happen. Nothing had happened. I made sure nothing did. How could I ever ask him to forgive me for something like that? I wasn’t going to risk it. The accusation couldn’t be taken back though and I staggered back at his words.

There wasn’t anything between me and Gabby. I’d made that very clear with myself. There couldn’t be anything between us. I didn’t like her. I couldn’t. She was a Selected. We were friends.

Anika was also just a friend, Wyatt.

No.

It wasn’t the same. Or so I told myself despite the confusion I’d felt for the past two days.

I wanted to leave. I could feel everyone staring. Ben was staring. Like I was guilty of something. He was hurt. I knew that. Too many things were going on and something like that didn’t help.

“You don't know what you're talking about,” I mumbled. “I didn't— you know I—” I wouldn’t...

Gabby came to mind. Curled with my blanket and taking over my room with her deluded Twilight reviews.

Would she think I told Ben about her confession? Clenching my jaw, I made the mistake of looking at the girls gathered in the room. Six pairs of eyes looked back at me, half of them girls I didn’t know or trust if I was being honest. More than one hadn’t talked with me for more than out of politeness.

The tension on my shoulders got worse and Gabby’s eyes found mine for a brief second. I broke eye contact without a second thought. I’d never wanted to disappear from a room so quickly.

I tried to reach for Ben again, a last attempt to pull him out. “Please, just—”

“NO,” he took another step, further into the room as he crumpled the papers in his hand. “No just anything! God the one time in your life you do something for yourself it’s with this? The only thing that’ll truly matter besides my coronation during my reign?”

The one time in your life you do something for yourself.

The one time…

A lump formed in my throat, but Ben didn’t stop. “If every obstacle is telling me to end the Selection then maybe I should listen. Go be happy. Take your stupid photos and be with anyone you want. I don’t care anymore. Just leave me alone.”

I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.

Take your stupid photos.

Leave me alone.

Useless. Annoying. You're just bothering him. What makes you think you can help anyone?

Usually in the situation I would’ve snapped back at someone for saying something like that. Tell them why they were wrong even if I had doubts of it myself… but this was Ben. I couldn’t believe he’d actually said something like that—even if it’s exactly what I knew he did when he was like this—but my mind failed to come up with a reason not to believe his words despite the moment.

I shrunk back again. My eyes darted to the girls once more. Maybe they waited for some sort of reaction on my part, I wasn’t really taking their expressions in as I forced myself to look back at Ben before I’d freeze.

My eyes fell on his chest, unable to really look at him anymore. Part of me still wished I could talk some sense into him, but there was no point. Who was I kidding? I could only mumble, “okay…” and turn around to leave.

— — — —

b e n

— — — —

I stared at the space he had left, the shock of what I’d done slowly sinking in. My face screwed up as a heavy weight settled on my chest and I had to lean on the doorframe to keep my legs from buckling. Stupid stupid stupid. Why couldn’t I have just calmed down? I knew how I got under pressure. I tried to prevent it. And I still—

Horrible. You’re horrible and cruel.

I should’ve listened. I should’ve let him drag me away like he always did. I should’ve been a better brother.

Turning around to retreat into whatever room I had walked into, I stared into six pairs of shocked eyes.

Selected eyes. Oh God.

The horror deepened and I stumbled backwards into the hallway, yelling after the best friend I had hurt more than I ever thought I’d be able to. “Wyatt, wait!”

He was still rushing down the hall, not looking back as his pace quickened and entering the first unlocked room he could find. The door slammed behind him and I skidded to a stop in front it, trying the handle with no luck. My fists pounded desperately against what felt like the only obstacle between him and I, when in reality it was every phrase I uttered to make him break down right in front of me.

“Wyatt open up! Please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” Not in the way he thought. I pounded again, voice cracking. “I’m so sorry, I-I was just angry angry and I took it out on you, I didn’t mean any of it.”

Please please please forgive me.

His voice came shaky from behind the door. “You always mean what you say. Everyone means what they say!”

“No I’m just tired and frustrated and-and you know I don’t handle things well, please Wyatt, just open the door.” Every word sounded more pleading as my fingernails dug into door frame, head hanging low. Out of anything I could have said to make him leave, this was it. But now I hated myself for letting myself ever get that far.

What do I do?

— — — —

w y a t t

— — — —

Taking slow breaths, I managed to calm down and tried to straighten my thoughts. Why did everything have to be a mess? Why did Gabriella even like me? Oh God, she thought I didn’t even know about her confession. I’d forgotten completely. She’d been so drunk she didn’t even remember any of our conversation from that night the next morning. I figured I would spare us both the embarrassment by not being it up… I should’ve stayed away from the girls altogether.

What hurt most was the vivid reminder I really wasn’t doing anything with my life. Maybe I was just bound to fall for girls I couldn’t be with.

Stop being absurd.

Was it really absurd if even Ben thought it was true though? My siblings knew me better than anyone. Were my photographs that bad? It was just a dumb hobby.

My vision blurred as stupid tears tried to take over but I wasn’t going to cry. Not for something I already knew.

“You were right. A part of you knows it. We speak what we think, Ben.” My shoulders slumped as I sat on the floor, back to the door. Running a hand through my hair, letting the strands get caught between my fingers and pulling at them slightly to focus on something else.

You might think I was being difficult with him. That I wanted him to feel bad for what he’d said, but I didn’t. Ben wasn’t a bad person. It almost physically pained him to hurt someone without meaning to, so of course he’d feel bad for what he said to me. He really didn’t need to put up with me because I was his brother though. It wasn’t his responsibility. I knew eventually he’d realize that. I feared it. My voice didn’t waver when I said at last, “You can leave.”

— — — —

b e n

— — — —

I didn’t want to leave. Not when his voice sounded so eerily calm that I knew it meant he was shutting down. I wanted to break down the door and shake him until he understood that my stupid temper came out at the worst moments, that he shouldn’t listen to me.

But I couldn’t.

Anyone could have told me he didn’t even want to look at me right now, and while I couldn’t deny the insecurities that came with the Selection, everything I said about him was wrong. I just wanted him to leave me alone, not reveal his deepest fears in front of girls he barely knew.

You knew what you were doing. And you did it anyway.

The guilt of hurting him crawled its way into my throat, coming out as a strangled cry as I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to let any tears fall. Wyatt was my brother and I hurt him in the most painful way possible. How do I fix this?

Another problem I couldn’t solve. Another person I hurt on top of the girls who had come to mean the most to me, who trusted me. Another choked gasp at the realization I had probably ruined everything.

“I’m sorry. I’ll go,” I barely managed to utter at the closed door, letting go of the doorframe and waiting for a moment. A sad, pitiful moment that he might actually come out even though I knew he wouldn’t.

So I left.

Left to let the sinking feeling in my stomach swallow me whole.

— — — —

a/n: HERE IT IS. we’ve been building up to this for a while, also adding some context for the attack at the ball. lots of character drama now hopefully, lol. so as the second part to this challenge, ben will obviously need to have a conversation with each selected after this,,, scene. which is why we required a side rp this week ™ bless ester for being the most magical writer, my parts are meh but it’s fine lol I’ve accepted my fATE. THANK U ES FOR BEING GREAT: I’VE GOT THE POWER OF ESTER AND ANIME ON MY SIDE *screams* and hope you guys enjoy this fic <3 It’s 5:40am y’all better appreciate my trash fic writing—ester. word count: 3663

[bffhreprise]

Entry 355

 A week ago, I joined Best Friend For Hire.  My parents insisted on helping me move in, which quickly had turned to the group of us standing around and watching as everyone else moved my stuff.  Once inside the mansion, I made some introductions as my stuff was unloaded before we ever arrived in my rooms.  Marco was more than happy to oblige in distracting my parents from anything unusual happening, and his cooking could be very distracting for hours, as it turned out.

 Mom and Dad were just as overwhelmed as I was, maybe even more so.  Just the sight of Best Friend For Hire’s headquarters was enough to awe a casual visitor.  Though only three stories high, the building seemed enormous, stretching on and on both ways from the entrance.  Part of that effect came from the wings, which weren’t as deep as the main building, but they still added substantial space.

 Once inside, the mansion was absolutely lavish.  The entrance hall was very open, allowing us to see the second story ceiling as we took in the balcony.  The other halls had carved ceilings that appeared to be telling a story, the tiles on the floor were ornate and polished to a shine.  The walls varied in different areas, but fancy woodwork was common.  Even many of the doors here were ornate rather than being plain wood.

 Mila, of course, was needed to help explain the different rooms.  The idea of a self-aware computer system aiding with everything made my parents think of several Sci-Fi stories they both enjoyed.

 When we finally reached my apartment, they were surprised by the amount of space I was allotted with so much else available to me.  Mila explained that best friends were expected to be comfortable in their own rooms when they wanted time alone.  The few additional furnishings I had requested were already in place, making my old stuff look cheap in comparison.  Emma had demonstrated her woodworking skills in front of me when making the furniture.  Through her magic, everything was grown as a whole piece in barely a second.  She took longer verifying patterns for the “carvings” with me than she did creating anything.  Even the staining and finish were plant-based components that simply happened at her desire.  Every piece was seamless, and I declined her offer to make the appearance of seams.  The Wood Family adored finely crafted woodwork, and my parents gushed over my new armoire, tables, and bedframe.

 Mom asked why I had chosen a Japanese-style table by the TV, so I just had to show her my gifts from Raine’s trip to Japan!  I had a matching set of zabuton, floor pillows.  Going by the conversations I overheard when Raine called people for verification, I didn’t want to consider the price of what I’d be sitting on.  I also didn’t mention to my parents that Raine visited the entirety of Japan in a single day, dropping off purchases as she made them.  I still had difficulty believing that she wasn’t actually teleporting.

 I didn’t let Jemal escape meeting my parents after catching sight of him down the hall.  Mila was more than happy to stop him for me.  Luckily, he was dressed, being on his way out for a job.  There was little chance that he made a very lasting impression on my parents just yet, but Mom seemed to remember me mentioning him to her a few years ago.

 The days after my moving day were very busy, and I finally understood why Jemal felt he’d never catch up on the training courses.  Instead of working myself to the bone, I took James’ comment that finishing all of the courses was impossible at human speed as a fact.  Eight hours of studying was enough per day.

 I really would have liked to warn my guild on Ancient Tribes of Earth about the rising vampire guild, but I just couldn’t until someone slipped up.  All of them were totally jealous over my new job after hearing what I was allowed to share.  Meeting Aaliyah was a highlight everyone kept coming back to.  I hadn’t known to tell them that our group would be taking a leisurely ride ot the airport in limousines for our trip to France.

 “Why aren't you hurrying?” questioned Iris shortly after leaving our limo.  “We still have to make our way through security before our flight.”

 James smiled and assured her “Don't worry.  We'll be heading to an exclusive wing, and security won't bother us.  My wife and I have a great deal of experience flying.”

 My family hadn’t flown very much, but I never knew anyone could be as relaxed as he seemed about flying somewhere.

 “Daddy!  We may starve to death before we even arrive at this rate.  Traffic is sooo slow.” complained Dani.  For the moment, she wasn’t pink.  There was an illusion spell over her that made her appear human, though still strikingly beautiful.

 “Wow.  Do you two really only have one bag?” asked Brandon, eyeing the bag severely.  Despite Brenna’s warnings, Brandon seemed like a totally okay guy.  He was somewhat tall, redheaded, and occasionally crude, but he was also willing to help in any way he could manage when not doting on his girlfriend, Deyanira.

 Laughing, Alma said, “We're planning on shopping.  This may surprise you, but I have been to France before.  I know of a few stores in Paris that I find entirely lovely, so we'll just buy what we want to wear there.  Our luggage contains gifts for family.  James and I will be expected to pay our respects before roaming the country.  Jarod, Ai, and Mai probably should as well.”

 “Mind showing me some of these stores?” asked Brenna with barely contained excitement.

 Mila had shown me some of Brenna’s portfolio when I asked out of curiosity this past week.  She had actually appeared in a couple magazines I occasionally read, though I didn’t have those specific issues.  I still didn’t really understand how the various deals worked for our company to make much profit from assisting others, but things were obviously going well.  I suspected James’ ability to win people over helped.

 “I probably already know them and can show you if she's too busy.” stated Maxine, making me cringe slightly.  She was wearing a wig and sunglasses as a disguise, but that certainly didn’t make me trust her.

 “Don't try to escape me.” warned Portentia.

 “Of course not, cretin.  I'll enjoy watching you suffer as we shop.” replied Maxine with a warm smile.

 “How will you even afford anything?” demanded Portentia.

 Maxine’s smile turned smug as she said, “I'm owed favors around the world.  Mila allowed me to call one.”

 “James!  Did you hear that?” asked Portentia indignantly.

 “Mila wouldn't allow anything criminal on her watch, and Maxine's been well behaved.  I think we can afford to trust her intent here.  She knows not to cause trouble.” insisted James in a tone that allowed no further argument.

 Portentia looked like she wanted to argue more, but she just said, “Fine.”

 Maxine worried me because she was a famous enough criminal that I had actually heard of her.  When I asked why she wasn’t turned over to the police after Portentia captured her, I received an explanation on the regenerative powers Maxine and Portentia shared.  Unfortunately, I had had doubts and said as much.  Without a care, Portentia sliced off her own finger with the steak knife she had been using to eat.  The finger was back in no time, and touching the new one didn’t make me feel any less queasy.  I mentally forced myself to accept their immortality.  Prisons were out for Maxine.

 As we boarded our “aircraft”, James watched in amusement.  The ship was huuuge and nothing like a typical airplane.  The shape was completely wrong.  Plus, there was a full kitchen, sleeping quarters, and open space with seats bolted to the floor around tables and other things.

 While we gaped, James explained that none of the systems could be examined due to an agreement with Aaliyah, who had apparently designed some of it herself.  Though I had known Aaliyah was an engineer as well as the world’s foremost game designer, I still felt a little uncertain.

“Are you sure it's safe?” I asked, knowing that Aaliyah was still a little girl despite her genius.

 Jarod laughed and said, “I trust her tech more than anything else on the planet.  Just don't try to disassemble anything.”

 “Why isn't she with us?  I thought she was meeting us at the airport.” commented Iris as she looked around.

 Mila frowned and said, “She'll meet us in France.  Mother likes taking commercial flights to annoy customs.  Her flight left hours ago.  I'm on it, unfortunately.  Please follow me.  We'll have a brief tour before take off.  The master has graciously allowed use of the bedrooms if you wish to nap, since he and Alma will be on the bridge.  The kitchen is out-of-service, unfortunately, but Marco came prepared with drink and snacks.”

 Getting used to Mila being numerous places at once was still taking some effort, but I understood how she could be in a vague sense.  Understanding how Aaliyah could possibly have the time for everything she did was harder.

 Alma being the pilot was far less surprising to me.  Mila had explained a little of the Pendreigh Group to me when I had asked about her life before meeting James.  Unlike James, she had always been extraordinarily wealthy and possessed superhuman abilities far beyond most of us.

 Shortly after takeoff, I stopped caring about being in the air at all.  Mila started running a Pathfinder RPG session during the flight.  As Aaliyah had promised, her “daughter” was an incredible Gamemaster, carrying me away in her story within the first few sentences.