#my dad directed me to this course‚ which i didn't know existed beforehand

[crescentmp3]

hi! hi hello

[tamhrayis]

I brought a theory from Reddit.

Disclaimer:

I am here to not disrespect the author by any means. I simply have questions as a person who is reading it and pointed out which parts are confusing. It’s up to you to believe this theory or not.

What’s more, reborn Ymir will be in the same position as 2000 years ago – the Founding Titan's shifter. BUT, this time she's free. Therefore, once she pops out and gets her abilities back, she can do whatever she wants with them. She no longer needs to be commanded by royals, which gives her the ideal opportunity to conclude everything. [How does Eren know that an infant can assist him in such an endeavour?]

Well...Ymir was definitely not free, but Ymir wasn’t born with her abilities. She got them because of hallucigenia attached to her back when she fell into that water in the tree. She wasn’t born special.

Another point. How Ymir being born with titan powers will stop the cycle of hatred?

Zeke’s death was a necessary distraction, deliberately included by Isayama to divert our attention. It tricked us into thinking that the baby inheriting Zeke’s titan is relevant as it would help Eren resume the Rumbling. But that’s not the case. The child will indeed inherit the Beast but what’s important here is the baby inheriting the Founder (what Isayama tried to hide behind Zeke’s death). Also, his death served the purpose of stopping the Rumbling as it is not needed anymore. Most of the world's population is already massacred. [What was the point of Zeke dying? Will the baby inherit the Beast Titan?]

Hm...Yeah, Zeke’s death indeed helped to stop the rumbling, because Eren could reach the Paths because of him and killing him stopped the whole process, but why would Isayama make such a distraction at the last third chapter of the whole manga? Shouldn’t he kill Zeke before, so Eren and Historia’s plan would work and it had more screen time?

“In a vision, Eren saw that Ymir will be reborn after his death. He told Historia that he has to figure out which random child will inherit the Founder”. [“What would you think… about me having a child?”]

Which vision? Ch.1 or after kissing Historia’s hand? Ch.1 vision was Eren and Mikasa’s shared dream and we still don’t know what exactly Eren saw while kissing Historia’s hand.

Of course it’s safe to say that it was his future memories, but it yet has to be revealed.

Random child. How Eren can predict that the baby will be Historia’s? Does he know how many pregnant women are there on Paradise? Okay, let’s say that it’s FT and Paths magic, but can he control which child will be born with Founder’s powers?

It would also explain why Historia didn't appear in Ch. 138 – if Isayama showed the baby coming out seconds after Mikasa decapitated Eren then it would’ve been obvious what’s going on.[“What would you think… about me having a child?”]

Chapters are 45 pages long. Why Isayama didn’t cut out some panels and didn’t put it here? Why not to show it right after the kiss page? Distraction?

Moreover, Ymir is smiling at Eren and Mikasa not simply because she saw affection. Yes, she does care about bonds but another thing could be that Eren's plan downed on her – she connected the dots and figured out that it's now her turn to contribute and complete the mission Eren wordlessly gave her. I believe next chapter will start with her disappearing from inside the Founder's mouth and switch to her being born. [“What would you think… about me having a child?”]

Okay! I agree with the part that Ymir smiled at Mikasa and Eren because of the affection they showed to each other and the part that she will contribute to the “mission”.

They showed affection to each other. Why would Eren show affection to Mikasa if he is having a child with the woman he loves?

What about the hallucigenia? Will it still stay there or disappear with her?

Immediately after she cries for the first time, all Eldians will perhaps be summoned in Paths, where Eren will be waiting. To their surprise, he will announce the end of the Titan Age. Then, Ymir will make the command and Paths will begin collapsing. Eren will hold her in his arms as all traces of titans disappear. "You're free." will collectively be directed to Ymir and all of her Subjects. [What will happen after she is reborn?]

Hold on. Can the power of Founder be shared between two people? Is it like One for All? If Ymir was born with FT, doesn’t that mean that Eren no longer has FT, AT and WHT? How Ymir can summon them? She is an infant. She doesn’t have a proper consciousness to purposely summon everyone into Paths. Where AT and WHT will go? To random Eldian children or Ymir?

It has always been suspicious as to why Eren teased Zeke about them not reaching "the part where he eats their old man". It's strange that Grisha gave Eren the power of the titans when beforehand he begged Zeke to stop him. The only logical thing would be that Eren showed him what I described above: the resolution. [What did Eren show Grisha?]

Wait. Why would Grisha be this heartbroken and scared if Eren showed him the resolution? He doesn’t look like crying from happiness. Sure, he was crying because he killed children and others, but why would he look at Zeke like that? He was in literal pain.

What used to be nonsensical before is now super logical. Grisha and Kruger were not helping the Alliance because Armin’s TnJ (talk no jutsu) worked. They aided them because beforehand Eren revealed the truth of what is to come and that they will NEED to kill him in order for Historia’s baby to inherit the Founder. Basically, they didn't feel sympathy for Marley all of a sudden – instead, they were helping Eren in liberating Eldians from titans. [Why did Grisha and Kruger help the Alliance? Why did Ymir revive them if they were going to go against Eren?]

Well...Besides Grisha and Kruger, Marcel, Ymir, Mr. Xavier, Porco and Bertholdt were there. Did they want to help Eren too?

As it has been confirmed by Isayama's notes on Ch. 138, it’s not an AU. So we should probably forget about time loops. It's a dream. Eren entered it (through Paths, duh) as he wanted to convince Mikasa to behead him as fast as possible as they have no time left. Him joining her is why Aaron Yogurt dream Eren got shifter marks on his face and why in Ch. 1, he saw this particular moment. [What’s up with Mikasa’s hallucinations?]

Oh! “A long dream” topic again. I went to the link author put and this is what I see (see below).

Okay, let’s say that he entered it via Paths, but why not to straightforwardly say that? Why to create a dream where they live happily? Why to show this hug, “I want to live with you for the rest of my 4 years”?

I don’t really like the time loop concept myself, because I don’t like time travel stuff, but why then he saw the exact same dream in ch.1? Something is not clicking.

The former will likely return to being humans. There’s no reason for them to disappear as they’re material beings that exist in the physical world – what will be removed is just titanization. Plus, with this, Eren will keep his promise of his friends living long lives. Though, this is something I cannot predict properly and just speculation. The latter will be free from the Curse of Ymir (good luck, Reiner, no dying for you). [What will happen to the titanized Eldians and titan shifters?]

Fully agree! No debate.

There's no question really. I feel like it should be self-explanatory after everything discussed so far. The farmer being Ymir's father would be a more shocking twist than Eren being the dad. [Is it sure that Eren is the father?]

Why wouldn’t Isayama add a plot twist into his story? It’s not hard to do. But Isayama’s plot twists work because he visually foreshadows it or uses characters’ dialogues. He already has showed us farmer. Why he is here? For cover up? Why would Isayama put these words if farmer is unnecessary? Why not to add more information?

To stop the cycle of violence and hate once and for all. If Eren removed titan powers without the Rumbling, most people (especially Marleyans) would’ve still despised Eldians and they would've just been defenseless. So Eren wanted to prevent that. [Why did the Rumbling have to occur?]

I agree with this. Rumbling was a cause for people to work and stop fighting each other as I said here. Rumbling plan was very risky, but it was unavoidable, because Marley is way more advanced and Paradise would terribly lose. Good point!

But why would Historia, who has decided to live for herself agree with Eren’s plan? How would she benefit from it? Okay, she and Historia are in love, but why would she want the person she loves to become a mass murderer? Why she couldn’t stop him? Why she was crying when he told his plan? She is a royal blood after all too! They could come up with another plan which wouldn’t involving Zeke.

I assume it would just die/disappear/go back to the tree it emerged from. [What about hallucigenia?]

Where’s that tree? How it will get there?

In conclusion, the theory isn’t bad, but it would work if Historia and Eren had more set up, the importance of Zeke would be explored a little more here and ch.138 didn’t have clear symbolism between Eren and Mikasa. There’re some holes, but the author gave some good points, which is truly appreciated!

[thejustmaiden]

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

[punkscowardschampions]

Ro & Ali

Ro: Hey! Tess has declared the hospital a no-go zone without saying any more, are you and the baby okay? Ro: I'm really worried Ro: Just hoping that you're both doing well Ali: I'm fine, we're both fine Ali: Don't worry Ali: There's just been...unexpected drama that needs to be dealt with Ali: but its not physical complications, both of us in good health Ro: Oh thank god! I've been praying since I first heard you two were off limits Ro: Anything I can do to help? Ali: Oh God Ali: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Ro Ro: No need to apologise you've been very busy and had much more important things on your mind Ali: There's every need, but also, more than every chance that it won't mean or do anything Ali: I've got to tell you something and its going to change everything and I'm Ali: Well, you'll see how I could not regret or be repentant for anything more Ro: Ali, you're scaring me Ro: What's wrong? Ali: Fuck Ali: Shit Ali: Sorry Posy Ali: There isn't any way to break this easily, ask Caleb, and that's why the 'rents have kept you all away because its so surreal and a mess Ali: but, the baby Ali: its white, Caleb isn't the Dad Ro: Oh Ali: and I know who it is, there's only one person it could be and believe me when I say he is the LAST person I would ever want it to be Ali: it was once, and protection was used and so many other circumstances that now just sound like excuses from someone who's trapped into their worst betrayal Ali: its Drew Ali: I don't know what to say beyond apologising 'til my final breath Ro: Wait....what....no Ro: You're not saying what I think you're saying Ro: What I just read Ro: Because that can't have happened, it wouldn't have Ali: It did Ali: shouldn't have but it did, I did Ali: it should go without saying that you weren't together but how can it now, and I know it does next to nothing to make it better Ali: and I wasn't with Caleb either but these things don't matter now, to anyone, I know Ro: I can't believe this, I don't want to Ro: When was this? Tell me that he didn't come back to me as though nothing had happened Ro: And you didn't just let it happen Ali: Me either Ali: but its happening, and its too late to change it or stop it Ali: He did Ali: I did Ali: I don't know why, I had reasons I convinced myself were right and the best for you but Ali: I'm just a coward Ali: I'm so sorry that my fuck ups are flaws have encroached on and tainted your life Ali: more sorry than I am able to show now, with all this between us Ro: How could you?! Ro: You should've told me Ro: In your silence I was continuing to tell him everything Ro: Give him everything Ro: Not to mention you. We don't have secrets Ali: I don't know, I truly don't Ali: I can shout good intentions from the rooftops but look where we are, and I wasn't ignorant of the old adage beforehand either so Ali: it happened when I believed, you too, that you were over for good Ali: I didn't think he'd come back...then your last birthday happened and I Ali: I didn't say anything, because by Uni, I thought he'd be gone again, and it could really be over, or he'd fuck it up himself Ali: I didn't want to be part of the fuck up, it was beyond cowardly, I know Ro: Don't you understand how little the timing matters? He was my boyfriend, the first, and I loved him Ro: I would never date any of your exes Ro: Sisters don't do that, Ali Ro: It's bad enough that you did, but to never say a word about it until your hand was forced Ro: It's the lowest Ali: I know Ali: I know Ali: Is there anything I can do? Ro: How could there be? You betrayed me Ali: But we're sisters Ro: Are we? Ro: Even Bea wouldn't do this Ali: It was a mistake, a stupid one that lasted 15 minutes if that Ali: Please Ali: Please I don't want to throw away everything we have, all that time, over that Ro: That makes it worse! You don't even feel anything for him Ro: It didn't mean anything to you but you still went ahead with it, despite knowing the consequences for us Ali: It wasn't like that, it didn't just happen because I could, because I was bored or whatever else Ali: it might not have been love but it wasn't that Ali: I was at my lowest, Caleb wasn't being a Father, nevermind a partner, I had two babies on my own and Junior was so...difficult Ali: I was alone and scared and drunk and then Drew was just there Ali: and willing to console Ali: It doesn't make it right, of course, but I would never just do it with no reasoning at all Ali: I'm not looking to be excused or forgiven, not immediately but please give me some hope because I can't lose everyone over this Ali: Please Ro: I don't have anything to give you Ro: I have no doubt you were feeling as bad as you say and I'm sorry for that, but I can't offer you any consolation. I need it for myself Ro: Of course Drew was willing, we've all known that for a long time, but I was just as certain, until now, that you'd never cross the same line Ali: I'm not asking for pity, just the chance at redemption Ali: not today, but one day Ro: What exactly do you expect time to change in regards to this? I already know that Drew didn't love me, perhaps ever, but you were supposed to Ro: You've broken my heart Ali: I won't speak for him on anything, especially that Ali: I do Ali: You can love someone and still manage to hurt them beyond repair Ali: If only love protected us from that Ro: Ours did, for me Ro: Do you know what it's like being next to you? I told myself it didn't have to matter because you never saw me as less than, protected me instead of making a fool out of me Ro: But here we find ourselves Ali: You aren't less than! You never have been, you're incredible Ali: I didn't do this to make you look any sort of way Ro: To who? You've treated me precisely how he also chose to, like I don't deserve and can't handle the truth Ro: Whatever you meant I feel ridiculous, worse than Ro: I've never felt as if I'm just one of many stupid girls in a row until now, for all of Drew's faults Ali: Would you have listened to me? Ali: Because, you knew, you KNEW Ali: and why is my betrayal worse than his Ali: just because it was par for the course from him Ro: Because he isn't my sister! Ro: He'll never matter as much as you Ro: I knew what I meant to him, and I thought I knew what I meant to you Ali: It didn't change what you mean to me, I didn't think of it in reference to you Ali: Obviously, and that was clearly a horribly selfish and cruel oversight on my part that I can only say sorry for again and again Ali: but he isn't you, and he was never good enough for you Ali: however wrong it so obviously is in hindsight Ali: to me, it didn't even touch on you and us and what we have Ali: you're so much more than him, deserve more Ali: again my mistake for thinking HE would be decent enough to leave you alone after Ro: There's what you say and there's what you did Ro: If I deserve so much, why would you do this to me? Ro: Why wouldn't you tell me that it had happened, more importantly Ro: It would have been my choice what happened next with him Ro: Not his Ali: Okay Ali: I did it because I thought it'd mean you stayed broken up, and he'd leave you alone Ali: but of course, you're right, it SHOULD have been your choice Ali: I didn't have any right to try and take that from you, into my own hands Ali: I was just...sick of him treating you how he did Ali: but I only made it worse Ali: of course I did Ro: Yes, well....on that point I can relate Ro: Does he know about the baby? Ali: Yes Ro: And Caleb? Ali: He's gone AWOL Ali: obviously he saw it wasn't HIS but, he didn't give me time to explain the rest Ali: trying to get hold of him stll Ro: Would you like me to start searching? Ro: I won't tell him anything obviously Ali: Oh Ro Ali: it would mean a lot if you could, not just for me if that's off-putting but for him and his family Ali: he doesn't have to speak to me if he's not ready...as long as he's safe, it would be good to at least know that Ro: I know. He deserves to know as soon as possible and it's highly unlikely Drew will be putting in any leg work himself besides running in the other direction Ro: It's safe to assume that was his reaction anyway Ali: Agreed. Ali: That was pretty much the gist, yes. Ro: I know where he'll be too, another safe assumption, if you'd like to get in touch with him as well Ali: That's okay, I think he said all he has to say Ali: If he changes his mind, he knows where we are Ali: Got no right to ask but are you going to talk to him? Ali: For you Ro: No Ro: I can't Ali: Understandable Ali: you don't owe him that, as much as you owe me nothing too Ali: If its any consolation, he's not being logical at all currently so I don't think you'd get any sort of answer from him, even one you don't want to hear Ro: He's rarely logical Ali: Indeed Ali: Well, now you know, I'll leave you alone Ro: How? Ro: You can't go to Caleb's which means we live in the same house Ali: I know but I'll go in with Rock or take the sofa Ali: I promise I'll give you space Ali: and then, we'll both be gone, before too long... Ro: With a newborn? No. I'll go and you can go back to pretending I don't exist Ali: Ro Ali: Please don't Ali: Did I really make you feel like that? Ro: You didn't and that's why it hurts so desperately, because I clearly don't exist to you as a actually am, and I never knew Ali: That is NOT how I feel Ali: What you're taking from this and what you think it means about you Ali: is not what I think, or anyone else Ali: I know I can't make you believe that, I wish I could Ro: It doesn't matter, as you've said, we'll both be gone soon regardless Ali: but not forever Ali: we're still family, we always will be Ro: You've got a growing family Ali: They don't replace you Ali: There's room for us all Ro: I wish it was that simple Ro: That I could be the eager aunt I was at the beginning of this conversation Ali: but you were my sister first Ali: even if you can't be that Ro: I know Ro: But sometimes I can barely remember a time when Drew and I weren't tangled together and I thought I'd got my head around us being apart before discovering that you're complicit in us both being ripped apart and staying together Ro: I honestly believed nobody could or would ever come between us Ali: you and Drew? Ali: but Ro- Ali: he was never faithful Ali: I just don't understand why you stayed with him Ali: so much happened before this Ro: You and I. We're so connected Ro: And yet you'll never understand Ro: I'll never be able to explain it Ro: We have such different eyes on the world, don't we? Ali: Oh Ali: But I WANT to Ali: and I will always try Ali: I always have, haven't I? Ali: That has to count for something Ro: It does and I hope it will continue to do so, if I can figure out how to get across to the 'there' Ro: It's not even your fault, that's what makes it impossible to deal with, that it's just another of my faults Ro: I thought I'd have a fresh start approaching but how can there ever be one now? Ali: You are the last person who's to blame Ali: it isn't at all your fault, not in any sense or in anyone's book but your own Ali: and you're just not right there Ali: the blame lies at mine, and Drew's respective doors, no one elses Ali: I'm just sorry I couldn't keep the rest away from you all too but Ali: She's here, the baby is here Ro: Don't you see that it is my fault, though, because I couldn't kill the part of myself that didn't need him, no matter what I tried it was never quite weak enough for me to walk away instead of back Ro: It's my fault that I was stupid enough to believe that he wanted to be around me, with me, so I let him in, constantly, keeping him around instead of letting go Ro: So there he stayed and here we are Ro: There isn't going to be a goodbye any more, he's in your lives and therefore mine, forever Ro: I don't know what to do with the idea of that Ro: Especially once the illusion of him has been utterly shattered Ali: Well, he did want you around, he must've, whether or not that was in the way he sold it to you, not for me to say but as much as he (and I, not absolving myself here, just talking about his role in it all) did lie and cheat, it doesn't mean everything he did, everything you experienced with him, was a deception or wrong Ali: and I know that that fact is harder Ali: that it would be easier to discredit it all, instead of having to sort through everything yourself and second-guess and categorise, working out what it was, what it means for you and who you'll be Ali: Heartbreak is akin to grief in so many ways you don't fully understand until you're there Ali: I don't think I've truly been there 'til now, either Ali: He plans for it to be a goodbye. Ali: I would prefer it if he would get himself together and could be in her life, as much as I don't want him in MINE forever either Ali: but he has no plans as of right now, quite the opposite. Ro: We can't let ourselves believe that's the thing he'll choose to abide by Ro: For her more than us Ro: Can I see you, both of you, I mean Ali: Yes Ali: Of course Ali: You always can Ali: Don't bring any of the others yet though, please Ali: Not even Mum and Dad know the full story, just that she's white and Caleb is gone Ro: I won't, I promise, it just doesn't seem right, or real, that we're all alone Ro: This scattered Ali: I feel the same Ali: Deserved in my case but it doesn't stop it being terrifying and just Ali: Horrible Ro: Deserved in both of cases, but I don't want to be scared as well as everything else and I don't wish it on you either Ali: Agree to disagree but I call a ceasefire Ali: At least from me, and I'd advise for you too, if only so security doesn't throw you out Ali: Insult to injury when you're very much within the right and your right Ali: Thanks, Ro Ali: You're too good, and I've never been more appreciative of the fact than now Ro: Okay Ro: No, I've never been good enough Ro: You and I both know that Ro: But I'm still here Ali: One day you'll feel different, and see yourself how I see you Ali: but for now Ali: Me too Ro: I'm leaving now Ro: Anything you need me to bring before I slip out of home? Ali: I'm pretty catered for but could you bring a nightie, please Ali: I'm wearing one of Caleb's baggy tops and Ali: yeah Ali: Now I just feel wrong Ro: Yes, sure Ro: I understand Ro: Can I still bring the baby's gift or will it simply add to the feeling? Ro: Not technically for you so Ali: Exactly Ali: If you still want to, I shan't deprive the little one Ali: already enough bad energy she's having to contend with at my expense Ro: We should do a cleanse or something Ro: I know it's been a while since we did anything of that sort but Ali: I'd like that Ali: I need that, in fact Ro: Okay Ro: I can't pretend to feel differently myself Ali: It'll be a starting point for some much needed healing Ali: Not a miracle but Ro: I hope so