#my computer just went insane rn with the fan and wouldn't stop

[bending-sickle]

i am one fuckery away from committing grievous acts of violence

[brilapse]

1-60. That should keep you busy. Plus it'll be fun to read.

lol, jesus christ. Yeah, it'll keep me busy, that's for sure. :|

Okay, let's get started:

EDIT- Okay, this took me way too long, lol. I started it a couple days ago and go to the low 20s and then went to make dinner and got distracted after dinner and then watched the game, lol. Then yesterday I got on the computer, saw it and remembered and did a few more and then gave up really quickly because it was HOT AS HELL here yesterday. The humidity was insane. Newfoundland usually has mild weather, but when it is hot (25-30) it is extremely humid and dense. I was in a sports bra and female boxers and was still sweating and my hair sticking to my face and ugh, IT WAS HORRIBLE. So I went in the bedroom and lied down on the cool floor with the fan blasting on me and stayed there for the rest of the night reading lol, and then that brings us to this morning, I finished the last little bit and here you go. Not like anyone is going to read this anyways, I have some pretty long rambling TL;DR answers hahahaha so yeah:

1. selfie

I don't feel like taking a selfie right now lol, besides I left my phone at my computer desk to charge in the living room and I'm on my tablet in bed rn lol

2. what would you name your future kids?

Boys: lol okay so I LOVE the name Gaius (Ancient Roman/ Latin) but noone I tell likes it lol so I'd have to settle for Marcus, a more normal name from ancient Rome. I also LOVE the name Damien, but my mom says it reminds her of the devil lmao. I reallllllly like the names William (not will. Not willy. WILLAIM) & Richard as well, so it'll probably be one of those two because they're the most "normal" haha

Girls: Aeliana (ae is pronounced like ee) Cassia (can call her Cassie), or Saoirse. If I had it my way my daughter would be named Bouddica after the Ancient Briton Warrior who rose up against the Romans 😏😏

3. do you miss anyone?

My mom, brother and dog who are in another province.

4. what are you looking forward to?

Death. Blackness. Peace and Quiet.

Lol. for real tho, Nothing particularly exciting is coming up, so I'm not really looking forward to anything. Probably hiking La Manche this weekend. OH, Game 5 Habs + Vegas! EDIT: Game 6 now!

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Yeah, Aragorn 💗 ....and my boyfriend...I guess

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Hmmm, I mean, it depends. Obviously if I invested a lot into a relationship and it was a pretty good relationship- yes I'd say I have "trouble" getting over someone.

7. what was your life like last year?

The same as everyone else's. LOL. Stay at home, quarantine lockdown, work from home, lots of Netflix and reading, haha.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES. Sometimes you just hit your limit (especially after an anxiety ridden day) and any little thing you find annoying will throw you over the edge. I cried once because my boyfriend wouldn't stop snoring lmao. One of many examples.

9. who did you last see in person?

My boyfriend when he left for work this Morning.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Immaculate. Do I choose not to and overshare sometimes? Lol, yes.

11. are you listening to music right now?

I am, I am. Drinking my Morning Tea and listening to my Celtic/ Nordic/ Medieval Chill Playlist lol

12. what is something you want right now?

A cigarette, lol. Thanks for reminding me lol. I'm cutting down and hopefully eventually quit fully. I'm down to 5 a day from like 12-14 a day. I've already had 4 today (anxiety was bad today) so I'm trying not to have another one until before I go to sleep.

13. how do you feel right now?

Blasié would be the best way to describe it.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

This morning.

15. personality description

Jesus. I hate describing my personality, its like, how do I even begin to summarize something so convoluted? I refuse, we'll be here for ages. Go through my tumblr, you'll get an idea at least lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yes. You're a liar if you say you've never not told someone something you wanted to say. What kind of question? ? ? ??

17. opinion on insecurities.

They suck and the confirmation bias (looking around for things that confirm your insecurities, like when you walk past a group of people and share eye contact for a moment and hear them laughing, think "they're laughing at me", etc) that goes along with them suck as well.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?

No. We were on full lockdown and I was working from home at a job I hated.

19. have you ever been to New York?

No.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

At the moment I would have to say "Hallucinogenics" by Matt Maeson ft Lana Del Rey - I've been listening to it A LOT lately. I've also been listening to Anything (Malaa Remix) by Alison Wonderland, Valentino Khan, Malaa a lot recently too haha. It's my go to song when cleaning the past week :)

21. age and birthday?

Twenty-five.. November 20th.

22. description of crush. boyfriend.

Ginger, thick wavy hair (I LOVED it when he had it longer, like "hockey flow" with his "beard" (lmao he cant grow one, he has like a short stubble beard i guess) Chubby (dad bod <3) but has Big Muscular Arms (MY FAV in a man).

He's also DUMB AS SHITTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao, well. He's actually fairly intelligent when it comes to numbers, patterns, etc. He's like a damn calculator, like he would literally be able to figure out a random equation like 491x596 in the same amount of time it would take me to put it in a calculator, kinda crazy sometimes lmao. THOUGH HE DUMB AS SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO COMMON SENSE SHIT AND WOMEN AND RELATIONSHIPS and like abstract theories and shit haha.

Kind. Like. Too kind sometimes. When we "fight", I always feel like a piece of shit because I'm after getting heated (CAUSE HE DUMB!!!!!!! :') ) and raising my voice, saying some not so nice things (he describes me as "ruthless" lol) and he NEVER raises his voice back or gets heated back. It's extremely rare. Which, in the moment annoys me because I feel like my energy needs to be matched and he isn't taking me or the situation seriously, but afterwards I appreciate it because I know the reason he doesn't is because before him, I was in a pretty abusive relationship mentally and physically, and I also have PTSD from situations that occured while I was homeless & a drug addict, so sometimes men getting angry with me triggers a panic attack or tramautic memories, and he literally doesn't raise his voice back or get angry because he never wants me to perceive him that way or inadverently scare me. So I do appreciate it.

Funny. In such a stupid way, you have no choice but to laugh at how stupid his humour is. (Like superbad, Step Brothers, etc ahah)

Lol. *writes 3 paragraphs describing my boyfriend but can't write 1 sentence describing myself*

23. fear(s)

I actually don't have many fears, and I think that's attributed to the fact that I have seen/experienced some traumatic things and I've just become desensitized I guess. I would say my fears are things that fairly improbable and silly. Like a plane crash and dying in burning flames, or a ship sinking and being trapped inside and slowly waiting for the water to come in and drown me. Fear of dying in a painful way, I guess. That's pretty evoluntionarily normal for any human though haha.

24. height

5'2 and a bit, pretty much 5'3. My DL says 5'3.

25. role model

I don't really have a role model. I don't really "look up" to anyone enough to model myself after them. There are people I admire, which leads us to the next question.

26. idol(s)

I have plenty of idols. (and I may not admire EVERYTHING about these people either) A few being, Bouddica. Livia Drusilla. Nero. Sappho. Augustus. Hypatia of Alexandria. Carl Sagan. Friedrich Nietzsche. Michaelangelo. Marie Curie. Jean-Paul Sartre. Albert Camus. Simone de Beauvoir. William-Adolphe Bouguereau. Botticelli. Jane Fonda. Hedy Lamarr. Marilyn Monroe. Sarah Paulson. Catherine the Great. Elizabeth I. Rousseau. Marx. Engels. Isaac Asimov. Richard Dawkins. I could go on and on.........

27. things i hate

I don't "hate" much. Humanity, I guess. More so Humanity's ability to be ineradicable violent and then use a "higher goal" ( For God, for "protecting" our country, etc) as a justification to keep recoursing to brutality. Humanity is also extremely self-righteous. We are constantly creating a reason about why it was right for us to do what we did and why we are victims rather than perpetrators. We ignore self-examination and our moments of guilt and atonement might amount to no more than half an hour across a lifetime for some people. We're envious and greedy, ignoring empathy for richness. We can be unbelievably cruel. We can be extremely close-minded. We are moral hypocrites.

I also love humanity as well. The ability to overcome the things above. Empathy. Kindness. Intelligence that will send us out into the far reaching corners of space if we let ourselves. Our resilience. We are the most remarkable species on earth, how far we have come in the short time since we evolved from our ape ancestors and climbed down from the trees and emerged from our caves, setting off on creating Civilization, Society, Technology, etc. The speed at which we advanced and the things we have overcome in the past shows our ability as a Species. The past 100 years alone we have advanced more technologically than the 500 years combined before

Human beings, homo sapiens, are a most remarkable species which is easily seen in a comparison with how far we have come in the short time since we climbed down out of the trees and emerged from our caves. The speed with which we are currently advancing leaves the future open to a wide range of speculation, but we have overcome much in the past and will continue to do so in pursuit of our future. I’m proud of my species and confident in our future.”

28. i’ll love you if…

idk lol

29. favourite film(s)

I have a few but Ill list the first 10 that come to mind

2001: A Space Odyssey

Alien

Interstellar

Gladiator

Barbarella

Donnie Darko

The Gladiator

Jane Eyre

The Ninth Gate

Star Wars

Every Marvel Movie basically lol

30. favourite tv show(s)

Again, I have a lot of shows I really enjoy, but these 10 are what came to mind first

Star Trek - In order from most liked to least liked of: Voyager, OS, Picard, TNG, Enterprise, Discovery, The Animated Series, Deep Space Nine and The Lower Decks

Game of Thrones

Battlestar Galactica

Westworld

The White Queen Series (The White Princess and the Spanish Princess following TWQ)

The Tudors

Spartacus

The Borgias

The Expanse

Man in the High Castle

31. 3 random facts.

1-Ancient Romans would sometimes fill up a Colosseum with water for a simulated sea battle. These simulated battles were called "naumachia". Nero held one in an amphitheater with actual marine creatures as well.

2-There are an estimated 2 trillion galaxies (each galaxy with an average of 100 billion stars) in the Observable Universe. That's 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars (24 zeroes) Astronomers say this is likely a gross underestimation as well. lol.

3- If we found a way to release the energy of a singular human body (aka explode) the explosion would wipe out the earth (render it uninhabitable). So yeah, the human body contains significantly more energy (potential) than a hydrogen bomb.

Hey, it didn't say facts about yourself :)

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Mix of both. I have like 4 friends right now lol, 2 are girls, 2 are guys.

33. something you want to learn

Archery.

34. most embarrassing moment

I literally can't think of one, lol.

35. favourite subject

Damn. It's pretty hard to choose between Science, History or Philosophy.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Never have to worry about money again. Not be super rich, but to be able to afford a comfortable life and buy the things I want without worrying about spending too much, not having enough, running out, etc. Financial Stability.

Travel to all the places I want to go and see all the historical things I want to see (art, architecture, etc)

Be happy 90% of the time.

37. favourite actor/actress

Sarah Paulson. <3

also, Jodie Comer is an amazing actress, I really enjoyed her in The White Princess as Elizabeth of York and in Killing Eve as Villanelle (srz. just look up Villanelle compliation on youtube, great character, great actress.)

As for men, Tom Hardy. I really like Mandy Patinkin as well.

38. favourite comedian(s)

I think Aubrey Plaza is HILARIOUS. I also really like Ali Wong.

39. favourite sport(s)

Hockey lol

40. favourite memory

uhhhhhhh jesus this is a tough one, I have a few memories I cherish. I really can't pick one.

41. relationship status

Taken. Lol nope, I actually hate that. "taken" like i was kidnapped and forced into a relationship and my bf owns me lol

so we'll go with In a Relationship.

42. favourite book(s)

Okay, I'm going to just name one or two fiction and one or two non-fiction, or this list is going to get long af and fast haha

Foundation Series - Isaac Asimov (my favourite series of all time) and A Pillar of Iron - Taylor Caldwell

By Taylor Caldwell

Being and Time - Martin Heidegger and The Denial of Death - Ernest Becker

Okay, I need to add one more because this book will always live in my mind rent-free. Hunger - Knut Hamsun.

43. favourite song ever

EVER? ugh. I'd have to say Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead.

44. age you get mistaken for

Most people think I am my age, usually a couple years younger, early 20s rather than mid 20s.

45. how you found out about your idol

idk? usually by reading

46. what my last text message says

"I just checked the mail, you have a couple birthday cards"

OKAY I'M TIRED OF ANSWERING THESE, and the questions have started to get kind of mundane and it just gets worse from here, so yeah I'm gonna stop here :)