#my brain hurts bc i don't really *see* images clearly in my head

[toburnup]

Hi hi hiii Vio. Meant to sent this last week but clearly didn't happen. Two things from your replies that live in my brain (I'm mentioning it in an ask in case you want to talk more about them but I also just want to point out that I love them)

1. "like eddie was kind of building up what they had in his own head, like steve was overcoming everything just for him." This made my brain screech to a halt. In a good way bc I can see why he might think that/fall back on that considering how little power he has/how he's building up an Image (which he keeps on doing). Especially as he cannot do much else w his time etc. Like it's such a trap thought and not how life works and he never communicates any of that ...and that makes me love it more

2. "even though steve is sort of (?) setting boundaries without explicitly saying so" had me on a tailspin in the best way bc? That boundary? Is so tricky but also people are allowed their boundaries regardless of trickiness. But then also like (see: tailspin) how is that boundary meant to realistically work for what they had? Like, Steve suddenly not being okay with touching outside of Eddie's home - is that feasible? Plus, it feels like a symptom of an issue instead of the issue itself if that makes sense.

Maybe you also meant something else so I was curious about your thoughts but in any case, that had me so happily unhinged.

And falls into the things I love about IYLO: all their actions make sense for who they are, no matter how questionable(?) & they could be the right person for each other but it's not the right time/place

💙💙💙

HELLO, i loved seeing your thoughts on ch 6!! eddie's pov was revealing of quite a bit (yay), especially the different ways they both approached the porch scene.

iylo meta and spoilers below !!

after the breakup scene, eddie goes to bed and there's a line like "so fucking embarrassed." or something like that. and i really wanted to get it across that this isn't like eddie is only hurt by steve's actions, but is also terrified by how much he himself got swept away in this idea of what they were. and how steve wasn't seeing it like that at all.

I can see why he might think that/fall back on that considering how little power he has/how he's building up an Image (which he keeps on doing). Especially as he cannot do much else w his time etc.

there's a lot in IYLO about steve's image of himself and how he's perceived. and eddie has a pretty good intuition so it's all the more devastating that he didn't see it turning out the way it did. and how much all the steve stuff consumed him - his time, energy, thoughts. like eddie was thinking about steve constantly.

how is that boundary meant to realistically work for what they had? Like, Steve suddenly not being okay with touching outside of Eddie's home - is that feasible?

probably not. like, i think eddie is the kind of person to demonstrate friendly and platonic affection with physical touch, he's not worried about "looking weird" or making a scene. he doesn't care.

steve is definitely into physical affection, but probably just with people he's dating. so... as he feels more eyes on him (after his conversation with his mom), he's overthinking every aspect of physical touch, even those that would be normal between two friends.

that's also why, in ch 4, steve has a small step of growth at eddie's goodbye party. he's sitting on the couch once more, thinks of all the ways he and eddie could touch without crossing that 'line' for him. and is so close do doing it, even. pre-breakup, i don't think he even saw that distinction other than in the broadest of terms (like the guy he hooked up with on his baseball team who refused to look at him, and steve was annoyed that that guy couldn't compartmentalize it like he did).

Plus, it feels like a symptom of an issue instead of the issue itself if that makes sense.

absolutely. it comes down to what they fear and how they operate. steve isn't weak for having such an ingrained and stark method of self-protection, but i think he has a bad grasp of seeing the full picture. in thinking about his breakup with nancy, the 'i love you' thing was the same - it's a symptom of a larger issue, and steve couldn't see the forest for the trees.

if anyone wants the full context (and to see our delightful - imo - exchange about IYLO) you can read the original comment thread here