#my brain did not even question the possibility of three eds happily curled up around crowley

[puckmanhq]

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?: part one of two

WHO: Noah Puckerman & @berrytobias ( feat. @alipucks )

WHAT: surprise hangout

WHERE:  Toby and Aliyah's place

WHEN: June 28, 2019 @ 1:00 am-ish - June 28, 2019 @ 8:30 am

WHY: Puck needed to not be at home or on ihq property so he opts to surprise visit his sister at her place.

WARNINGS: excessive drinking and non descriptive nudity

ABOUT 1:00 AM ON JUNE 28, 2019

Well, shit. Puck thought as his sister walked off to her room, her middle fingers the last thing he saw before she completely disappeared. "Fucking charming." Ha, I got the last word. Less than a second later the sound of an opening door before, "Fucking dumbass." One final door close and now it was painfully quiet. Puck started bouncing his knee, looking around like he'd never seen the inside of an apartment before. See, now he was just chillin' in the room with Tobias and honestly, he'd never really hung out with him, even though he was technically family, as Joey's uncle. Guess they just didn't have the much in common. Probably should have got the fuck up and taken his tipsy ass home but he really couldn't be bothered. So instead he looked over at Toby, "Beer or tequila?" He asked as he poured himself a shot, ready to pour another.

“Fuckin’ traitor,” Tobias mumbled. How could Aliyah leave him right now? They weren’t even halfway through their movie. It’s not like it was-- Tobias checked his phone. “Shit,” he exhaled gently. “It’s later than I thought it was.” Which, if that was the case, why the hell did Aliyah let Puck inside in the first place? Tobias rubbed his eyes, still red from the makeshift hotbox in the bathroom earlier, and dismissed his own question with a shrug. Nope. Practical thought just didn’t exist when it was past midnight and you were still high as fuck. Tobias slowly turned his head towards Puck, interest finally piqued by his presence and the classical conditioning of the promise of alcohol. “Well, shit. If you’re pouring, then whatever cost the most.”

"Tequila it fucking is then." Pouring a second shot he handed it to his unlikely drunking buddy and riased his own glass. "To whatever the fuck this night's gonna be." Clinking his glass against Toby's, Puck did the classic frat boy table touch before throwing it back. Feeling the familiar burn, he chased it with a swig of beer before pouring himself another one. Already feeling the temperature rising which caused him to pull at the collar of his tank before leaning forward to place his beer on the coffee table. Looking at the screen he couldn't even remeber what they were watching. "Dude, you look high enough to hear colors right now." He said as he took off his hat, because really was it 78 degress in here? "And what the fuck is this movie?" He asked handing the younger man another shot.

With an exaggerated wince, teeth bared and all, Tobias placed the glass down. His technique was amateur, greedy even. But thankfully he didn’t have to smell and savor the damn thing. He just had to throw it back and accept that clear liquor was a foul ass invention. He drew a line with his eyes from the bottle to his empty drink, and gave Puck his best DJ Khaled impression. “Another one.” Condensation was already pooling around the base of their shot glasses, and the coasters they should have been using were sitting in a neat pile off to the side. Tobias exhaled warmly, shrugging off his signature denim jacket, before running a hand through his hair. Toby and Aliyah’s AC had been fucked for about a week now. The superintendent was taking his sweet ass time (as usual) in fixing it. Tobias hit at his sternum with a weak fist to break up the burn. “Oh, that?” He pointed at the screen. “It’s that one movie where that dude’s chest gets caved in and bites this other guy’s hands off?” Tobias started giggling. “It’s real great when you’re high,” he sang. “A classic.” Tobias’ cat, Mercutio weaved around Puck’s legs, purring happily. “He likes dudes,” Tobias spoke earnestly, before snatching up the bottle of tequila from the coffee table. “I’m pretty sure he’s gay.” He took a gulp. Or two. Or three. “It’s so fucking hot. Are you hot?” Toby handed the bottle back over to Puck. “I’m hot as hell.” He wiped at his forehead with his arm. “You can stay and roast but--” he pulled his shirt over his head “--I’m not trying to die in my own apartment.”

Raising an eyebrow at the description of the movie they'd been watching, Puck shouldn't have been surprised. Aliyah was definitely into some weird shit and somehow she was pulling that off in a cool way and honestly Puck had never been more proud of a sibling. Looking at Toby, he assessed him, trying to decide if he was cool or not. On the one hand he quoted DJ Khaled and couldn't take a shot of tequila with looking like someone was feeding him fire. On the other hand, he quoted DJ Khaled and took a shot like he was eating fire. So, unclear where he was on the Noah Puckerman dopeometer. "You and my sister really found each other." Standing up for no apparent reason just to immediately sit back down, it was definitely approaching 'fuck it' levels of intoxicated, which is where any potential impulse control peace-ed the absolute fuck out. Looking down at the cat, Puck smirked, "Don't blame 'im, I'm fucking hot. Good taste, bro." And then he tried to bro fist the cat and Puck could swear he could hear the thank god you're pretty coming from the little dude. Hearing that it wasn't just him burning the fuck up made him want to facetime his brothers just to flip them off, because fuck you guys clothes are dumb when you're drunk. Standing up, and this time with purpose, Puck pulled out his phone because obviously his magic mike ass needed music for this moment. Turning up his phone after picking Hot In Here by Nelly, he removed his tank in a very aesthetically pleasing and manly way. Alright, so what really happened was, his drunk ass picked Metro Station's Shake It and as he went to take off his tank with one hand it got stuck and ripped and he just kind of through it to the ground and then he winked like a jackass. "Gotta give 'em a show." But who the fuck was he talking to? Oh, right, the gay cat, naturally.

Tobias’ laughter slipped past his teeth and fingers. “Dude, I can totally see why you get so much play. You’re amazing,” he slurred. Tobias’ giggles died down, but the ache in his cheeks remained as the room tilted. “I can almost see why Lucky slept with you.” Toby squinted. “Where are my glasses?” He patted over his face. Sheer force of will would definitely make his vision clearer. “Do you ever think that, like, your eyes are so blue because you’re sad?” Toby cradled his head in his hands,hoping his over-saturated sponge of a brain wouldn’t leak out of his ears. Every blink was heavy, every movement slowed-down to an unbearable rate. “Fuuuuuuuuck. That weed was too strong.” Sweat slid down his back. “I have no idea how--” Tobias undid his belt ”--Aliyah is sleeping through this. I’m about to off myself.”

"Almost?” Puck said momentarily alert. “I’m the most fuckable.” As if to prove himself, he removed his pants, swearing feet weren’t usually this fucking difficult to get through a damn pant hole.Now, he was just standing there in his stripey boxer briefs vaguely gesturing at himself to accentuate his point. Honestly, at this point sounds were muffled and everything sounded kind of far away, maybe that’s why he was hyper focused on the younger man’s mouth. Not that he was secretly a master at lip reading, but when you’res drunk you’re pretty convinced you’re the master of everything. Picking up his phone again he pulled up his camera and started recording before standing stupidly close to Toby and making the camera lens face them, because there was no fucking way he was capable of remembering the invention of the fucking front facing function. Throwing his free arm around the taller man’s shoulders, he pulled him in close before tuning his face toward him. “You ever seen what happens when Ali gets serenaded?” He asked pausing for a moment letting a drunken smile creep on his face and he handed Toby his phone. “I think we oughta find out.” Honestly everything that happened next was..... something that never needs to see the light of day.

8:30 AM ON JUNE 28, 2019

Tobias whined, refusing to open his eyes. “Why are there such things as hangovers,” he spoke groggily. His cheek was stuck to warm skin, a slow heartbeat making a tender home inside his ear. He was too comfortable to move, but Mercutio’s timid cries were annoying as fuck. “And why does my mouth taste like literal ass?” Finally lifting up, Puck’s heavy arm slid from around his form. Toby’s eyes widened. “Oh no.” Suddenly launching himself into space seemed like the best out, but then he spotted Aliyah, standing smugly in front of the couch. “I… this isn’t what it looks like.” His voice was thick with sleep (and hopefully nothing else). “Pretty sure there’s a valid explanation for...” Tobias examined the crime scene. His and Puck’s clothes were strewn about the floor and the entire bottle of Tequila from last night was empty. He wiped the drool he left on Puck’s chest, nausea bubbling in the pit of his stomach. No matter what Toby said, he didn’t know what happened, and that meant there was a lingering possibility that Puck’s dick had been in or around his mouth. Or worse. “Please don’t tell anyone, Al.”

ALIYAH: Pulling a mess of curls back into a messy bun, Aliyah had been staring at the rather amusing sight of a blanket covered, naked, hardcore cuddling Puck and Toby. "Oh that's totally on what the fuck, bingo." She said to herself as she got her phone out to take about 15 different pictures. Seriously contemplating posting a couple on insta. Making a mental note to create the WTF?! bingo card for real, Aliyah watched as her best friend stirred to life. As he looked at her, she raised an eyebrow, listening to his pleas and getting way too much of a power trip out of it. "You know I don't talk to people." Grabbing her thermos of espresso she bent down to flick Puck's nose until he opened his eyes. "I'm going to work." Then she was gone. 

PUCK: Smacking the hand away from his face, he slowly opened his eyes, and all he could really see was a combat boots moving further away. Shit, the IHQ pride games or whatever is today. He thought to himself, not even noticing the second body lying with him, he sat up ready to get up before he finally realized there was a whole ass person on him and out of instinct he caught them around the waist. Just like that he could feel them breathing, his sight was clearing up and soon the dark head of hair and skinny frame were starting to form a face in his mind. "Fuck." Moving Toby off of him, he stood up, some discomfort in the Puckzilla region. Looking down he noticed all the clothes strewn everywhere and the cause of his dickcomfort (if you will). "Why's there a sock on my dick?" Adjusting it he looked for his underwear. "Why the fuck is it so scratchy?"