#my boy struggles with maintaining control of his magic so... it's a fair question

[ravenshour]

@wcrldcfvtlvs liked for a starter

"how do you do it?" he asks, fingers pressed against the sides of his legs, tapping away anxiously. they're chewing on the inside of his cheek, watching her with uncertainty in his gaze. they seem frustrated more than anything else. "how do you maintain control?"

[palimpsessed]

I have a question for you because you are SO GOOD at analyzing awtwb. Can you explain the “is this what people do?” Thinking that Simon is going through? Most of the things he goes through I see reflected in myself or people I know, but I haven’t seen that before. I would love to know all your thoughts on that?

Hi, Anon! Thanks for sending this ask and for your kind words about my analysis. ❤️

I would love to talk about "is this what people do"!

I'm going to give you my take, and then I'm going to include some thoughts from a friend who isn't on tumblr. Let’s dive in!

Simon asks "is this what people do" because he truly doesn't know what people do. He knows how to be a Chosen One, but he doesn't know how to be a person. He's spent the bulk of his life up until this point as a weapon. He understands how to fight, how to protect those around him, how to sacrifice himself, but he doesn't really understand living for the sake of living. In my answer to another ask, I talked about how Simon doesn't know how to be at peace. I think that's applicable here, too.

Part of what Simon struggles with so much in the time between the end of CO and the beginning of WS is how to live without having a defined purpose, a "mission". He's lost a lot of things that he allowed to define his sense of self, and now he has to sort out who he is without all of that. We see him start to make progress with living for the sake of living in WS: going on a roadtrip to a place he's always wanted to see; being silly and flirting at the Renaissance Faire and walking around with his wings out; flying over Utah, getting to feel the wind in his face and under his wings. But most of the time, he's still struggling with being at peace—living without a mission. Living for himself.

The WS epilogue tells us: "This is what happens if you try to hang on after the end…the pages go blank...Simon Snow's [story] is over." There's no established arc for a hero post-final battle—there's no set narrative or expectations for this point in Simon's life and he's struggling in the uncertainty of it all. He's also struggling with the lingering trauma from years of neglect, exploitation, and violence.

There's a reason the gang literally goes off the map in WS—there is no guide for this part of their journey, and, at least for Simon, doing the "normal" expected thing at this time (getting a flat, going to university, making new friends) isn't working for him. He doesn't have any idea what to do with his life now—this part was never planned out for him. As a child in care and then a boy soldier, Simon never had agency over himself. He was responsible for the fate of the World of Mages and saving all of magic, but he wasn't ever allowed to be responsible for himself. I don't mean that Simon doesn't know how to take care of himself—I'd argue he's the most self-sufficient and practically-minded of the gang because of all the time he was left to fend for himself. But Simon is going out into the world as an adult and there isn't someone else to tell him what to do anymore. (This is something we all face at some point growing up, but it's definitely more extreme in his case!) Don't get me wrong. Being in control of his own life is a really good thing for Simon, but it also leaves him without any idea of how to navigate through life. Someone else has always been there to give him orders or to give him a plan, but we see all of the plans in WS fall apart.

In AWTWB, Simon tries move forward with a new plan—one he thinks is best for everyone—fracturing his relationships with the two most important people in his life while also attempting to make a clean break from magic. It's the wrong thing to do, even if it's something that needs to happen. From the end of CO to the start of AWTWB, Simon chooses to do nothing, because he's afraid. Then he does the wrong thing, also out of fear.

Instead of fighting, which is what he's always done before, Simon allows fear to keep him from acting, allows fear to drive him away from what's important. Simon didn't fear dying as a child in the course of his heroic deeds, but he does fear a future spent with the people he loves (it's "frightening"). He fears it because it’s “uncertain” and he doesn't think he can hold onto it (“I never believed I’d get to keep you”). He doesn't think he has a right to try.

"Is this what people do" is Simon trying. It's him trying with Baz, specifically. Simon is scared because he and Baz are in unknown territory, and he cares so much about making things work between them. He knows how much there is to lose. He just doesn’t know what he needs to do to hold on to Baz. He doesn’t really have any idea what a healthy relationship looks like. I know I’ve seen discussions about how Simon never had proper relationship modeling. (@mostlymaudlin has addressed this and other aspects of Simon’s previous relationship experience with Agatha in this post that is highly relevant and I also just recommend it.) Yes, Simon has prior experience with Agatha, but he didn’t know what he was doing in that relationship either and he tells Baz that his experience with her doesn’t come anywhere close to his feelings for Baz. With Agatha, Simon saw a nebulous “happy ending” without knowing what that happy ending was going to look like, nor how he was going to get there. He has no idea of the reality of a healthy relationship or how to do the hard work to maintain it. This is what both Simon and Baz are learning in AWTWB.

When the refrain comes up, it's always in response to a milestone that Simon and Baz have crossed in their relationship, from (practically) moving in together to being intimate.

Simon is mentally taking a step back and looking at his relationship with Baz. He's looking at the things they're doing, as a couple. Things they've not managed to do before, or things they have done that he hasn't given himself the space to process—something he admits he never did with Agatha. Simon asking the question "is this what people do" encapsulates so much: Is this what life and love looks like for other people? For us? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? What we're supposed to be doing? How do I feel about what’s happening now? What do I want to happen? Is this how two people love each other?

The ways in which the refrain shifts over the course of the book show us how Simon's thinking shifts as his relationship with Baz progresses. And at the end, the refrain has changed from a question into a statement. Seeing the first and last occurrences next to each other tells so much of the story of Simon's growth.

Chapter 38:

Is this what people do when they're in love? Do they just keep touching and talking? And then what? Like what is it all leading to? I don't mean sex, I mean…

If I knew what I meant, it wouldn't be so frightening.

I'm living second by second.

Chapter 82:

This is what people do.

They get close and try to stay there.

They stay.

They keep trying to hold on to each other...this is what they do. They keep trying.

…This is what people do. This is what we'll do. Baz and me.

…"Stay with me."

"I will."

This shift in confidence is subtle, but it is such a big deal! Simon has gone from not being able to think about the future at all to promising Baz that he will stay with him and keep trying in their relationship. He's answered the question for himself!!! He’s figured out how to try for Baz. The thing is, in the end, it really doesn’t matter what “people” do. It matters what Simon and Baz do, because they’re the ones who are doing this together, for each other. They have plenty of time to figure out how “what people do” is going to look for them.

Now I want to add some thoughts shared by RooBadley in the conversations we've had about "is this what people do". I always appreciate getting Roo's take on things, and I completely agree with them on this. (Do yourself a favor and check out Roo's AO3 if you haven't already.)

"the subtlety of [is this what people do is] a reflection of [Simon’s] queerness/a touchstone universal queer youth experience (is this what it's supposed to be like? I dunno, I've never seen A Person Like Me get to have a happy/healthy/normal relationship). Is this what (queer) people do? Am I doing it right?"

and...

"I've ruminated more on that statement as reference to the queer experience and I feel like there's more evidence to support that reading. we know he's had sex with Agatha (and he's woke/attentive enough to know about peeing to prevent UTI's, so clearly he knows what straight, penetrative sex is) and there's that lovely line at the start about Dr Wellbelove giving him the birds & bees talk, but leaving some things out (I love that bit) And he's so confident when he's talking with Baz about having had sex with Agatha, like, he knows what they did. It's just with Baz that he's suddenly in self-doubt "is this..." Land"

Reading this take from Roo about a universal queer youth experience definitely hit home for me. I think Rainbow did a superb job of speaking to multiple experiences with Simon’s journey and in treating that journey with so much care. I think it’s amazing that we get to see this part of the story, this aftermath and healing, because it really isn’t part of the established story arc we’re used to and it really should be. Like you said in your ask, Anon, we’ve all had lived experiences that help us see ourselves in these characters, and to watch them struggle and persevere and succeed is incredibly important.

If anyone has anything they’d like to add on, or another question to ask, as always, please feel free to do so! I will never get enough of talking about this book! ❤️

[mediocre--writing]

Hi! I love your writing and your blog, I was wondering if you would write a second part for "and he loved you back" following the rest of events + a little epilogue when they are already married with kids? But just if you want! I just loved those headcanons so much, thank you! ❤️

Harry Potter x Gryffindor!Muggleborn!Reader

Summary: You and Harry are officially together (ish) but war can get in the way, though it can’t stop your happy ending

Word Count: 4367

Warnings: mentions of scars, torture, starvation, and war

I may have gotten carried away again, and I also may have added a few tweaks on the storyline because I believe in second chances and people being alive :)

Part I: And He Loved You Back

after you went back to school for the rest of 6th year, you and harry were back on your bullshit

joking around and being together

but in the happiness of the moment

you never really discussed

what

exactly

you

were

so you were in that weird gray area of bf/gf or just flirting???

everyone thought you were just getting over an argument because this is how you always were with each other

then

after a spectacular quidditch win

right in the middle of the common room party

you kissed

every

single

person

watched

ew

but it wasn’t like it was an important kiss, you’d been stealing kisses here and there since your night on the couch so it wasn’t anything big

though little colin

(who wasn’t very young anymore)

snapped a quick picture

he gave copies to you both that morning in the common room

yours was put in your pocket every day, no matter where you went

it was your favorite picture ever

the year remained pretty neutral

until

dumbledore died

you, ron, hermione, and others that were in dumbledore’s army were trying to fight off death eaters with the order of phoenix

it was terrifying

you were cornered by a wild woman with even wilder hair

she looked deranged and it wasn’t until she was standing over you with a wand pointed to your face that you realized

that was bellatrix lestrange

you knew she was at the department of mysteries with you all

but you never tried to remember her face

neville blasted her off you

you almost cried in relief

you hugged neville really tight when the hallway cleared out

he was so awkward but it was ok

then you sprinted off to find harry

he was crying over dumbledore’s body

you’d never been emotionally close to the headmaster

so his death wasn’t too life-altering to you

i mean nobody was safe anymore

but you didn’t feel like you were losing a friend

you were dragging harry away from him

when he saw snape

who he chased after

and got knocked down

multiple times

then bellatrix decided to make matters worse

and use the cruciatus curse

and we can’t have that now can we

so while she was being yelled at by snape for trying to get harry

you shot your own little curse at the mad woman

and you

sort of

kind of

maybe

used the cruciatus curse right back at her

oopsie

her screams of agony were what brought the other death eaters to turn around

and even though you were the one to cast the spell

you were the most shocked that you did it

your anger at her for hurting harry had controlled your feelings

you didn’t even know you knew how to do the spell

you just did it

and then one by one the death eaters started disapparating

and one whispered into snapes ear before disapparating himself

and snape strolled up to you and harry

you were defensively standing in front of harry, who was still in a great deal of pain

snape grabbed your arm tightly and disapparated

with you

harry screamed your name

but you weren’t there to hear it

you were being dragged into voldy’s headquarters

the malfoy manor

you were sick of those dumbass blond boys

utterly sick of them

you were oh so kindly greeted by a variety of death eaters, including, but not limited to:

snape

bellatrix

big malfoy

little malfoy

a man you assumed to be fenrir greyback

two other scary looking men you’d seen on wanted posters a time or two

and

the man of the year

old voldy toes

your wand was taken out of your hand with more aggression than necessary

and you were trying to stand up with the best posture you could muster

but you hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning and had gone through a lot in the past two hours

so it was a bit hard to maintain confidence

and consciousness

when you were being swarmed by scary adults

and you just got the ability to use magic outside of school

it just didn’t seem fair

but you didn’t have much time to dwell on it when there was a creepy, snakelike voice

“go on, bella”

then a high pitched giggle was heard before the world went fuzzy

you felt like there were a million pins sticking into every pore on your body

and you heard screaming

it sounded distant

but it was you

you were writhing on the floor screaming louder than gryffindors after a quidditch match win

after the third round of her torture,

you were laying on your back

clutching your head

trying to bang it on the floor

as if that would stop the pain

bellatrix stopped after because what was the point in torture if they died before it began?

so you were aggressively carried/thrown down to the cellar

it was dirty and gross and was barely lit

but you didn’t regain consciousness long enough to really survey the room

and that’s where you stayed for the next few days

you could barely stand the first day

your head was bleeding and your muscles felt more worn out then ever

blinking seemed like too hard a task

your vision still felt fuzzy

after the third day, you could move all your fingers individually at will again

which was more of an accomplishment than you would think

and then you realized

there was an odd bulge in your jean pocket

it was a crumpled piece of paper

but not just any paper

it was a picture

an amazingly wonderful picture

the wonderful gryffindor common room in all its glory

and right in the center

drawing the most attention

was you and harry

sharing your first public kiss

and you wondered if he was looking at the picture too

you wondered if he was looking for you

a part of you didn’t want him to find you because you didn’t want him to be subject to the same torture you had

and you cried quietly that night

you couldn’t stop

you were slumped against a dirty cement wall, tired and hungry and thirsty and you couldn’t stop crying

apparently your sobs were louder than you thought

because you could hear the stomping of someone’s feet on the stairs

you tried to stop crying and tried to hide the photo back in your pocket before the person got to the creepy door/gate thing

but you were still sniffling and you couldn’t get the photo back in your pocket while sitting down

and when you saw the platinum blond hair outside the gate, you tried to shove it into your pocket faster

he opened the door quietly and made eye contact with you before slowly walking towards you

you looked back down, not wanting to look him in the eye

until you saw a shiny, green apple to your left

slowly, you looked up and saw draco handing you an apple, pity in his eyes

you took it cautiously and he turned and walked away, back to the entrance

he looked over his shoulder once again

you were staring at him, eyebrows scrunched together

he mouthed two words before locking the door and going back upstairs

“i’m sorry”

the days went on

every once and a while, when bella was feeling particularly aggravated or thought you looked a bit too happy, she would torture you a bit

the day when she found the photo in your pocket was the worst

she craved the word “mudblood” into your arm

so now you had a werewolf scar and umbridge’s “i must respect my superriors” on your left arm and the messy carving of “mudblood” on your right

it went on for almost seven months before you finally gained a bit of hope

you were with the company of luna lovegood, ollivander, and a particularly crabby goblin

but one day, when you expected the same routine of one of you guys being pulled from the dungeon to be questioned or tortured

(though those were basically the same thing)

you heard bellatrix’s cackling before anything else

then some yelling

then a name

harry potter

your heart twisted in both longing and regret

he was here, but at what cost?

there was no telling how this would play out

voldy has been trying to kill him since he was born but harry had a knack for getting out of sticky situations

meanwhile, upstairs, harry was on his knees, ron and hermione were being held back, and draco was more conflicted then he ever had been

he knew it was harry

it was more obvious than the fact that he, himself had platinum blond hair

but he got flickers and memories every time he blinked

he saw the way you would clutch onto your picture when he would bring you an apple or a small piece of chicken from dinner

how sad you looked when you were writhing on his living room floor while being tortured

how, after christmas break during sixth year, you both looked absolutely unbothered by any upcoming war or disaster when you were in one another’s company

so he stalled

he knew that granger was smart

he knew that ron and harry had a strange way of getting out of trouble

so he waited for any of them to make a move

to do something so he wouldn’t have to

but the distraction came from the snatchers, though it did buy some time regardless

and as harry and ron were struggling to resist against being pushed down the stairs, draco felt a small pinch on his heart as he knew that harry and you would be reunited

you were laying against the wall, tired but not sleeping

sleeping during the day was like insulting bellatrix right to her face, and sleeping at night was almost as terrifying

but suddenly, you didn’t feel so tired anymore

because you saw it

the bright red hair that could only belong to a weasley

and with the mention of potter you heard echo through the house

it could only mean one thing

so the second the door was shut and nobody was left on the stairs, you stood up as quick as you could, not that it was very fast with the lack of food and sleep you’d had

but the sound of your footsteps caused harry--

who, no offense to him, looked hideously deformed--

to turn around

and he swears to this day that he could have cried in that very moment at the sight of your thinning body wobbling towards his, tears in your eyes, and arms reached out to him as he ran faster than when he was being chased by snatchers, just to hold you tight as possible in his arms

the sweet moment, however, was interrupted by hermione’s screaming, pulling a pitiful whisper of “no” from your lips

ron was banging on the gate and screaming for hermione, so was harry, but he was also switching between looking up the stairs and staring at you

it took a while, and a little help from dobby, but you all got out of the cellar and were in a kind of battle with the death eaters upstairs

you were barely able to do anything, given your wand was in the possession of one of the death eaters since you’d been there, and there was no way you were any good at wandless magic

but nothing seemed to hit you

and then you realized

while everyone was fighting each other

without the other knowing, both harry and draco had been taking turns sending defensive spells to whoever targeted you

hermione was in bellatrix’s grasp and there was a squeaking sound before dobby had released the chandelier, and you had sprinted to hermione to push her away

you both barely made it out from under the broken chandelier, and your legs were on fire from using them so vigorously after barely standing for the past few months

but you were all safe, and dobby had gotten you, hermione, harry, and ron into a cluster to disapparate, when two things were thrown at you before you could get away

a knife, thrown by bellatrix, was lodged into dobby’s stomach when you got away, sadly killing the sweet house elf

the second object, a wand, your wand, was laying on the sand beside you all

draco had had your wand and thrown it to you before you escaped

that night was rough

you were helping hermione, because you knew that the pain didn’t really go away after the spell stopped, 

it lingered and it didn’t feel like you were in your own body

you also made light of the carving that now graced both of your arms, yours was more healed over, of course, but the discoloration and raised skin still stuck out like a sore thumb

hermione fell asleep quickly that night, the mental and physical exhaustion and having a comfy bed again mixed and she was out like a light

you, however, were in the living room with harry, each of you talking about how your past seven months had been without the other

you sat with your back pressed into harry’s chest as he ran his fingers along your arms and shoulders

you were freshly showered for the first time in a while and you were in one of bill’s classic weasley sweaters and fleur’s sweatpants and fluffy socks and couldn't have been anymore comfy than you were in that moment

harry held you tighter when you talked about bellatrix

he loosened his grip when you talked about luna and ollivander

he felt a pang in his heart when he heard that you had looked at the picture frequently, just as he had done while with hermione and ron

he wasn’t sure how to feel when you talked about how kind draco was, how he was genuinely scared

he didn’t like draco but he was also glad that he had given you food and a bit of company or hope while you were stuck there

he felt happier than ever when you had fallen asleep in his arms, steady breathing lulling him to sleep as well

you weren’t allowed to go to the ministry with them, because you were still too malnourished and bill, who was more like his mother than he cared to admit, outright refused to let you do anything but eat homemade soup and lay on the couch with a book

you were grateful for his kindness but also anxious to know how harry was

you’d felt good as new after a day, thanks to fleur, who was really extremely talented at healing potions

the order was called to hogwarts to aid harry, and of course you weren’t technically part of the order, but you were good as

so as you all made your dramatic entrance, harry had a gleam of pride in his eyes as he looked at you, standing tall and with a dangerous glare that made him feel lucky you were fighting on the same side

the fighting began before you could realize

you had gone with fred, george, and percy to the courtyards, protecting any younger students who were still there or anyone else on their side

while fighting, you and george had taken one end of the courtyard and percy and fred had taken the other end

you had a twisting feeling erupt in your stomach, not the one that was there before, but now it was worry for something about to happen

and that’s when you saw the wall start to collapse right over fred and percy

“aresto momentum!”

the words came before you even realized, and the bricks were hovering over fred and percy as they ran towards you and george, then the bricks fell as you took your wand away

you felt more relieved than ever, until everything died down a bit and you made your way back to the great hall and saw the true destruction

you saw professor lupin and his wife, tonks

you saw poor colin creevy who, albeit being a little annoying, had a soft spot in your heart after he gave you your favorite picture

you saw lavender brown, who annoyed the living hell out of you, but never deserved to die

you grabbed harry’s hand when he came into the hall, scared he would all of a sudden drop dead too

and when harry said he was actually going to meet voldemort in the woods, you were going to be the reason he dropped dead

but you couldn’t truly stop him because it was his choice, so you told him everything

“i love you, and i know you know that, but it’s important that you go into this knowing that everyone here isn’t getting hurt because of you, they’re getting hurt because the cause is important, and you may not believe it, but everyone here cares about you. i care about you and i can’t lose you, too, h. please be cautious and safe and, if you can help it, don’t leave me.”

“marry me.”

“excuse me?”

“when i get back, marry me. that’s how i want the rest of my life to go, so marry me and we can live in a small house, or a big house if you want, and we can have a family-- or not, whatever you want-- but i want to be with you forever, so when i get back, let’s get married”

“of course, when you get back, i will marry you, harry”

“i love you”

“i love you as well”

so harry set off with a light ignited in his heart as he walked to what would surely be his last breath

and it wasn’t until students and order members were standing around the courtyard watching as voldemort and his army were walking with hagrid, who was carrying something

that something turned out to be a dead harry potter

you were standing in the crowd between with the twins to your left and draco malfoy to your right

your heart broke and you decided that nothing would feel as dreadful as this moment

as voldemort was making his official speech as if it would encourage everyone who had just been fighting him that they wanted to do a full 180, a certain long-haired blond began calling over draco

draco looked close to tears as you inched closer and closer to him

his dad was begging him to come across the courtyard to the death eater side and draco took a single step forward before you grabbed his elbow

he hadn’t been paying attention to anything but his father and the stares of the students

your grasp on his arm startled him

you raised your eyebrows at him as if saying “this is your choice, not his”

and that was all he needed

draco needed someone to see the good in him, to tell him that there were people who cared for him beyond whatever use he may serve as a weapon or soldier

he needed a real friend

he needed you

and so he didn’t move

and neville made his grand speech

and harry potter lept out of hagrid’s arms

and the war commenced, ending quite sooner than anyone had thought

once their leader was dead, the death eaters seemed to realize it was a losing battle

so the order and the students were all rallied in the great hall, the hallways, and sparsely in the courtyards

narcissa, who seemed to be the only one dressed in black robes at the castle, was looking for her son when she ran into you

“i’m sorry dear-” she apologised as she ran into you

“you’re fine,” you stopped when you realize who it was “draco is in the great hall, had a scratch or something so he’s getting checked”

“thank you” she hugged you as tight as she could, and you could feel the tears on your neck as she held you close “i’m so sorry and i couldn’t be happier that you stopped him from coming over, i couldn’t bare-- i don’t want him to be hurt--”

“i understand, mrs. malfoy”

“narcissa”

“ok, well he’s probably waiting for you, so,”

“oh, yes, well thank you darling,”

“it was no big deal. everyone deserves a second chance,”

you had made your way to harry, who was standing with the weasleys, and you kissed him like you had never done before

it was almost better than your first and almost as magical as the one in the common room

“so…” harry blushed

“so… i guess we’re getting married!”

you embraced once more, holding onto each other for dear life

it was barely two months after the war when harry finally told you about remus and tonks making him the godfather of their son, edward remus, and that he’d been staying with tonk’s mom, andromeda

harry wanted to make the young boy’s life better than his own

not that he had any doubt of adromeda being an amazing mother, but she had already raised a child, and didn’t need to start over again

you both relieved andromeda of her duties and kept young teddy with you full time

neither of you were too eager to get a job just yet, as harry could do basically anything he wanted, and you, while not being the best student or anything, were insured a job at weasley’s wizard wheezes once you felt like it

you both got married in the fall, outside the burrow

you wore a simple, lacy gown, and harry wore a simple set of dress robes

everyone wore casual clothes, as it was a very, very small wedding, including only the weasley family, ron, hermione, a few other gryffindors from school, and the malfoys

just draco and narcissa

who had only showed at the reception, as they didn’t want to intrude, even though they were invited

it was a little tense

but everyone knew that draco was on their side from the little thing at the battle of hogwarts

you and harry were happier than ever

you had two more kids besides teddy, who you loved like your own son

(and how that boy ended up being exactly like remus without ever truly meeting him, you both will never know)

your other children, twins, were james sirius and lily minerva

of course you don't name them after a teacher who bullied his students and a headmaster who didn’t do what was best for anybody

who would do that?

it’s just stupid???

ron and hermione had rose and hugo and lived close to the burrow

fred had never married, claiming that he was built to be the fun uncle to every niece and nephew

which he did flawlessly

a little recklessly...

but that was good ‘ol uncle fred

george and angelina had two children, fred and roxanne

the entire weasley family believes that george named his son fred just to cause a little more chaos during holidays

luna and ginny had gotten together about six years after the battle, living together for three of them, and molly wondered how she didn’t figure it out sooner

neville, along with harry, worked at hogwarts teaching

neville taught herbology and became gryffindor’s head of house after mcgonagall had decided that being both transfiguration and head of house was too stressful

harry took up the post of dada professor, in which he taught with remus in mind

you had gone on to work with fred and george in the joke shop when you could, along with working on products at home when you had to watch the kids

you still kept in close touch with draco malfoy, who had married a girl in the year below you, astoria, and had a son, scorpius

you made sure to meet up as often as possible, especially since your children were close in age

draco had become the potions professor at hogwarts, and was actually a favorite to most students, given he was an amazingly intelligent man and held kindness and compassion to the younger kids, making sure they all knew they had choices on who they were in life

you would visit the castle frequently once your kids all got out of the house

while you still had fred and george at work and the others to talk to sometimes, it got lonely in the big house that was usually filled with noise

you would go to the castle and sit in a student’s desk while mcgonagall taught, waiting for her to notice you

which she did, every time, as it seemed age never brought her personality down a bit

you would chat with neville and draco on their breaks, and you always went down to see hagrid when you were there, enjoying his big, bad, teddy bear persona

and you loved to watch harry teach, because he was so in his element that it made you feel a deep-rooted sense of happiness just being around him

and you made sure to come around every year, around the week before christmas break started, and you and harry would share stories of the war with the sixth and seventh years who were curious

but your favorite part of the trips to hogwarts was embarrassing your children, just as god intended

you would wave to and sit with teddy at the hufflepuff table and share stories that made his face turn as pink as his hair

you would go up to the twins, who had both been sorted into gryffindor, and pinch their cheeks and somehow mention the fact that you had baby pictures of them in the bath together

life was peaceful now

you still had the scars from your teenage years

and harry still had his lightning bolt scar on his forehead

but he was never mentioned as “harry potter: the boy who lived” anymore

he was now “cool professor potter”

and, occasionally, if a student was annoyed, they would call him “y/n l/n’s husband or whatever” (a nickname started by teddy lupin himself)

their life was small, and filled with gory details, but they wouldn’t change it for the world

[theewildflowers]

dramione fanfic recs

I’ve fallen into the Dramione fanfiction hole lately due to a friend’s recent obsession with Dramione and Draco Malfoy tik tok, so I wanted share some favorite stories I’ve read, especially with those who are also new to the pairing. Many of the fics below are pretty popular within the fandom, but maybe there will be something new as well for those who come across this post.

I’ve included the rating and word count in parenthesis, and the fics are set in the magical universe unless otherwise noted. Please mind the tags when you click through—many fics may have triggers. Happy reading!

wait and hope by mightbewriting (M, 95k) “Harry,” Hermione began, voice very controlled, but she could feel the blade of panic slicing at her vocal cords. “Why was Draco Malfoy just screaming bloody murder about his,” and the word almost strangled her as she said it, “wife?” Harry's green eyes blew wide. Healer Lucas pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly displeased with the recent series of events. “He was referring to you, my dear,” she said. “That was the other question you got wrong. Your name is Hermione Jean Granger-Malfoy.”

Part of the Wait and Hope story universe. Draco’s POV, Beginning and End, is a WIP. (I’ve read and reread Wait and Hope multiple times in a few weeks span, so it’s safe to say that it’s my favorite Dramione story universe.)

the politician’s wife by Pir8fancier (M, 66k) This story is set twenty-three years after the fall of Voldemort. Our main characters are Ministry employees, middle-aged, and the majority of them not very happy. (This was the first Dramione fic I’ve ever read and is still one of my favorites)

the right thing to do by LovesBitca8 (E, 176k) Hermione felt the pounding in her ears again. She would see him for the first time since the Great Hall, gaunt and stricken at the Slytherin table with his mother clutching his arm. She hadn't meant to look for him. Not in the corridors, not beneath the white sheets of the fallen, not on the way to the Chamber of Secrets with Ron, but she was a stupid girl. Part of the Rights and Wrongs story universe (highly recommend Draco’s POV, All the Wrong Things, as well).

remain nameless by HeyJude19 (E, WIP) The monotony of Draco’s daily routine had become both a lifeline and a noose. But this new habit of grabbing coffee with Hermione Granger is quickly becoming a reason to get out of bed and is unfortunately forcing him to re-evaluate his inconsequential existence.

seeker fit by selinyu and etlithien (T, 2.6k) “Will the Head Girl grace the pitch with her presence for today’s match?” The timbre of Malfoy’s cool lilting drawl slid down Hermione’s spine. I recommend all the fics in the SenLithien Dramione Collaboration collection.

breath mints / battle scars by Onyx_and_Elm (E, 148k) For a moment, she's almost giddy. Because Draco Malfoy's been ruined by this war and he's as out of place as she is and — yes, he has scars too. He's got an even bigger one. She wonders whether one day they'll compare sizes.

apple pies and other amends by ToEatAPeach (M, 76k) It’s not until she’s brought a basil and strawberry sponge cake to Neville Longbottom and his new girlfriend, Hannah Abbott, a dozen rhubarb hand-pies to Luna and Xenophilius Lovegood, and another basket of ganache-covered muffins to Dean and Seamus, that Hermione admits to herself what she’s actually doing:  she’s making a thing of this. It’s a veritable PTSD tour. With pastries. And hand-skimmed clotted cream. And she has no idea why she’s doing it, but it’s becoming very apparent that she is.

clean and marked by olivieblake (M, 118k and 178k) Malfoy's handsome face was contoured into a condescending smirk. "No faith in that giant brain of yours, Granger?" She looked up at him defiantly. "Maybe I don't have faith in you!" she said, raising her voice. Malfoy only looked at her. "You'll find I'm very surprising." Basically a sixth year retelling.

the best of me by MrsRen (E, 148k) Officially, Hermione Granger was killed in action during the Battle of Hogwarts. Unofficially, Draco Malfoy has never stopped searching for her. Years after the war during a mission in France, his salvation comes in the form of a little blond boy and a familiar half-Kneazle.

fortuitous by MrsRen (M, 93k) Recently divorced Draco doesn't believe in the ideology of having one true love. He certainly doesn't expect to meet his match in a Halloween themed coffee shop, but fate has a peculiar way of giving you just what you need.

bring him to his knees by Musyc (E, WIP) Draco is on the case of a murderer, but to investigate, he needs a fake relationship - and a kink club play partner. When Hermione volunteers to take the role, both do their best to maintain the lie without letting each other know the truth: neither of them are acting.

looking glass by kyonomiko (M, 99k) No one knows what happened to Draco Malfoy in the final battle, but, when his portrait shows up at Harry Potter's house, it's readily assumed he didn't make it. Hermione's perspective on the wizard starts to change as she learns more about who he really was. The more she knows, the more tragic his apparent demise seems to be.

isolation by bex-chan (E, 264k) He can't leave the room. Her room. And it's all the Order's fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something's going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not. "There," she spat. "Now your Blood's filthy too!"

thirty-five by raven_maiden (M, 2.3k) It's Draco Malfoy's birthday, and you'd think he'd have some say in the matters concerning his birthday. Then again, the will of four other Malfoys is hard to overcome. Part of Meet the Malfoys collection.

apples & cream by LovesBitca8 (E, 1.4k) She could have taken her things and gone through his Floo without a word. She could have ignored him on Monday morning, as though last night had been no more than a fever dream and too much Firewhisky. But she’d come back to bed.

universal truths by scullymurphy (E, 145k, pride & prejudice inspired AU) Hermione Granger is a woman of intelligence and spirit. Draco Malfoy is a man of wealth and privilege. When they meet again, a decade after the second great wizarding war—they are not impressed. But when circumstances throw them together, dislike turns to attraction, attraction turns to passion and passion may turn into something more... If they can stay out of their own way and let love take its course.

my brown-eyed girl by PacificRimbaud (M, 2k) "Give it up, Granger. We've had our N.E.W.T. results for a week. What can possibly have earned your continued academic devotion in the last four days of term?" Draco and Hermione have a lazy snuggle in the grass behind the Quidditch pitch.

bite marks by provactive_envy (E, 19.4k, muggle AU) Draco’s mouth falls open. He clutches his cookie and ignores the shower of crumbs littering his grey cashmere fingerless gloves. He can’t decide if he wants to fuck this girl or fight with her. Maybe both? Maybe at the same time?

thirteenth night by Nelpher (M, 78k) When Hermione is assigned to keep tabs on a memory-charmed Draco, she is faced with a decision that could change her life forever.

familiar faces, worn out places by LovesBitca8 (E, 7k) “You are at St. Mungo’s. You were in a coma.” He looks me over again, taking a pause. “I am a Healer here now,” he says, like it explains something. My fingers stretch, drifting across his sleeve. He looks down, like I’ve thrown mud at him. Forcing my vocal chords together for the first time, I whisper, “What’s your name?”

bone mortar by mightbewriting (M, 10k, muggle AU) Draco clenched his teeth, forcing sharp, shallow breaths through his nose as he ripped open the door to his usual lecture hall only to find— someone at his desk. Well, he supposed it was technically less his desk and more the desk as he didn’t actually own this particular classroom. But since he’d taught in it for the last four semesters in a row he at least felt like he’d earned common law ownership of some sort.

of mongolian fireflies and russian sharpclaws by barnettdidit (T, 37k) As colleagues for the F.A.U.C.E.T. (Fetching And Uncovering Creatures Experiencing Terror) department, Draco and Hermione have had their fair share of arguments. When they face their hardest case yet, mixed with an odd swarm of fireflies that glow in the colour according to how they feel about each other, Hermione is struggling to keep a straight mind.

a muggle-born magic by Musyc (M, 50k, regency era AU) Physician's daughter Hermione Granger finds herself in need of a way to pay off her father's debts after his death. Draco Malfoy, retired from the politics of the Isolationists, a group of pure-bloods bent on separating 'true' magic from lesser folk, finds himself in need of a tutor for his son, Scorpius, who appears to be incapable of magic and must learn to survive in a world without it. Draco also needs a wife and mother for Scorpius, to satisfy a promise to his unwell father. After she saves his son from an attack by Isolationists, Draco hires the Muggle-born Miss Granger for the former, and after a riot in Vauxhall Gardens and a scandalous discovery made by his mother, weds that selfsame Muggle-born for the latter. While making the best of her marriage of (in)convenience, Hermione discovers that Scorpius' history of wild imaginings and dreams is more than just imagination. As she attempts to teach him about magical abilities no one expected he would ever have, she and Draco work together to raise Scorpius and learn to trust each other.

aurelian by BittyBlueEyes (T, 255k) Two years after the war, a young stranger pays a visit to the burrow. His arrival alone is baffling, but the news he brings of an upcoming war turns the world upside down. Hermione's quiet, post-war life will never be the same.

malfoy shrugged by uselessenglishmajor (E, 11k) February 14th is just another day at the office for Hermione Granger. Shame no one else got the memo.

distance by In_Dreams (T, 138k) She’s a novice Unspeakable trying to earn her stripes. He’s a shafted Auror desperate to prove himself. When they end up forced together on a shared assignment, neither is willing to back down. But when the mission pulls them into an ancient world of mystery and adventure, they find themselves depending on each other in a race against time.

nonscents by In_Dreams (M, 10k) Granger's Amortentia smells like him and Draco can't understand why. More importantly, he can't let her figure it out.

correspondence by olivieblake (T, 5k) Every year, Draco insists that Hermione take a picture for their Christmas card. Why? Hell if she knows, but if it will make him happy, so be it.

sandalwood and gardenias by secondbutton (E, 9k) A balanced fragrance of sandalwood and something musky and earthy followed him like a shroud. Draco Malfoy smelled like a magical forest’s best kept secret. Like the moment following a storm when the sun peeks back over the clouds and living beings stop what they’re doing and pause to marvel at being able to roam outside again. It was a crisp top note with more robust undertones, and just a hint of sweetness. She thought she might love the scent if it lived on anyone else other than him.

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

cog! indifference because I feel like that’s not a very cog thing she tends to feel. also: disgust! enthusiasm! raini: panic! mischief! ............ lust??? for auriga: frustration... excitement... boredom! ayen: anxiety, confusion!

Already answered disgust and enthusiasm for Cog, and mischief for Raini! Great minds, great minds, the group chat shares one braincell, etc. etc. 

Cog

Indifference: I think Cog struggles to process and express a lot of negative emotions, because she’s made such a conscious choice to repress put them out of her mind in pursuit of positivity. But she can get angry! She can get snippy because she’s stressed and hasn’t slept enough! But even then, even though the emotion is negative, at least she’s feeling and doing something. She’s taking a stand! She’s acting in defense of something she believes in! Indifference, though? It’s passive, it’s an inaction, it’s giving up. She has a bleeding heart, she isn’t capable of just turning that off and deciding she doesn’t care. If Cog gets to the point of indifference, it’s because she’s physically and emotionally exhausted. There’s too many morally gray choices she’s being forced to make, and there’s never a “right” answer, and everything she does hurts someone who doesn’t deserve it. Cog’s indifference is head down, shoulders hunched, tired eyes and still, folded hands. It’s pulling back from the conversation around her and letting the rest of the party decide the right course of action instead of weighing in and trying to steer them toward a more morally upstanding decision. She’s tired, and there’s no time to rest, and there’s no objective “good” to push toward. What does it matter what decision they make in the face of that? 

Raini

Panic: Flighty! If I had to pick one word- which I do not because as yesterday’s ask proved I have never in my life heard of “brevity”- panicked Raini is flighty. Whether that just means skittish in the moment, moving quickly from spot to spot as things Spook her, or if that means leaving the situation entirely with a Dimension Door or Teleport, she is not going to stay in one place very long at all. Her movements when she talks get a lot more jerky and abrupt, and she loses most of her intentionally cultivated air of aloofness evaporates. I don’t think it comes to this very often! I think it takes a lot to rattle Raini to the point of panic. But, you know, again. Sometimes you kill the goddess of magic, or whatever. Sometimes you’re staring down the barrel of an attack you know you won’t survive, and you have enough time to whip around to face your party with wide eyes before the blade of a sword that’s nearly as long as you are tall sinks home in your stomach, and you have just a second to panic because. What if this is the end? Are the others going to try to help you? Why would they? They don’t have to! I think, of just about every emotion, panic is the one Raini hates the most. You’re helpless, it means you’ve lost your head, and you’re just grossly out of control of the situation. Pass! Hard fucking pass!!! Lust: You just want to know how she acts when Ecstasy is visiting and that’s Fair but you have to own it.  Raini who’s trying to Get some is honestly like. Essentially unrecognizable. Y’all know that “oh, with the horns!! you’re so funny!” text post? But like, for real. And maybe 40% sarcastic? She’s SO more touchy than she usually is, especially on the bicep or upper thigh if they’re sitting down. Lots of lip biting, lots of stolen glances through eyelashes, and honestly? I think she’s very much the type of person to just circle while she flirts. We’re playing coy a little, but we’re also moving a little closer on each pass, so read into that what you will. Also! It’s definitely a competition to her, in a weird way? Like she’s super pale, so any amount of blushing shows up super clearly, but she will Not acknowledge it because that is losing. Somehow. Even though we all know how the night ends anyway. And while there are no losers when it comes to having sex with someone who is very hot very sensual very sexy, Raini does Not generally get to maintain her pride to the extent she would like to those nights. Is that too much information? Maybe so! But you asked, So! (Also again I Know this is non-verbal BUT such a big part of Raini flirting is banter. What’s the point of spending time on someone who already can’t keep up with you outside the bedroom?)

Auriga

Frustration: I think, in an incredibly ambitious and unprecedented move, I have finally created a character who is a wellspring of patience. He’s an elf, a cleric, a ruler, and a middle child. Technically. He has a fuse, because everybody does, but it’s probably literally about a mile long. But like, as a result? When it’s done, he’s done. He finally gets fed up trying to explain something to someone? Well, that’s it. His expression is still placid and pleasant, because he was Raised Well, but he’s written them off entirely. Too stupid to make understand, to slow to bother with. He’s had too much of a frustrating situation? It’s hopeless. There’s nothing to be done about it. Someone else is going to have to take care of it. He pulls back entirely behind manners and decorum, smiles politely but coldly, and excuses himself from the situation as soon as is respectable. Excitement: Aww this was so sweet to think about. Generally, Auriga is a pretty reserved person! The centuries of High Expectations (and a seven charisma) will do that to you! Can’t put your foot in your mouth if you don’t open it in the first place! But when he’s excited, he lights up. You get a real, not practiced smile, and soft touches on your forearm or shoulder. Still respectable!! But small, fleeting moments of intimacy, urging the other person to be as excited as he is about what is, in fairness, probably some pretty lame shit. I think he’s also very likely to default to drawing pictures to explain whatever he’s talking about so that the other person can see exactly what he means. Someone who engages and asks the right questions can absolutely get him to talk for hours about a given topic, when before that they may have heard barely a handful of words from him. Boredom: I’m making this character choice now and I may come to regret it when we start to actually play but I don’t care: Auriga’s default when he’s bored is to start to doze off. Like, has he had a lot of practice sitting in council meetings for long hours, debating circles around the same topic without making much, if any, progress? Sure! But that’s, bless him, something he finds interesting. Somehow. If it’s something he has absolutely zero interest in though (like, for example, a stuffy, boring play he’s obligated to attend out of professional courtesy? hypothetically) I think he’ll try to focus for a while? Because he was raised right, he has manners. But eventually his chin finds its way to his palm, and his eyes start to droop, and idk if mechanically elves can sleep and just don’t or if he’s just trancing in the middle of a public place (which I guess would be less conspicuous, technically?) but our boy is No Longer Paying Attention. 

Ayen

Anxiety: Anxious Ayen is fidgety. Bounce the leg! Continually summon and dismiss various small hexblade weapons! Open your hand, close it around the handle of a dagger. Open it agin and let the dagger disappear in a puff of smoke, close it again around a weird crooked sickle. Open your hand and let the sickle disappear, close it again around-- And so on, and so forth. I think she gets worked up really easily when she’s anxious, gets kinda jumpy, and is definitely ready to shoot off at a moment’s notice to go do whatever there is to do that will get rid of or distract from her anxiety.  (Also I know the original prompt was ‘non-verbal’ but it’s important to me that you know that she for sure talks to herself when she’s anxious, like. “Okay Ayen, you got this. We have no clue what the Fuck is going on, but we’re gonna pull it together and take it the fuck out. Alright? Alright.”) Confusion: Ayen is that classmate you sit next to in like some fuckoff high level math class, and the professor is talking and you realize you have No idea what they’re talking about? And you look over at Ayen to see if she can clarify anything, and she’s already writing “bro idfk” on the corner of her notes for you to read. If Ayen’s confused she’s gonna default to thinking it’s funny, because like. Can’t look stupid if you’ve decided the stuff you don’t understand is stupid first! So she’ll laugh, and shrug real big, and make a show of not caring what’s going on, because that saves face. That’s dumbshit nerd stuff, she is Way too cool for that.

[elliepassmore]

Queen of Shadows Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: series, fantasy, magic, multiple POV, strong female leads, scheming, foreshadowing Half the cast of the book is in a bad situation when this one opens. Aedion's locked up, Dorian has a Valg collar on, Chaol's disgraced from his previous position, and Manon + the Thirteen are stationed in Morath. Fun. Even still, everyone has their plans and schemes and tempers, my god, it's almost as if being immortal, or being in proximity to someone who's immortal, makes you extra cranky. Rifthold could do with some Snickers. Since I've started the reviews with Chaol for the last two books, I'll continue the tradition here. He is...frustrating, to say the least. He was doing so well in the last book, and then he just fucking tanks for almost the entirety of this oen. When we first see him, he's meeting with Arobynn to make plans and do other rebel stuff. Maybe it's two-faced of me, since Aelin also meets with Arobynn for things, but it bothers me so much that Chaol goes to Arobynn knowing what the guy did to Aelin growing up. Aside from that first instance, which is really one of the lesser points of his actions in the book, he acts like a complete ass when he and Aelin finally come face-to-face and BLAMES HER for everything that's happened in Rifthold since her incident with the Valgs in Wendlyn. Are. You. Kidding me?! He was doing so well in the last book, accepting Aedion and Aelin being from Terrasen and potentially raising a Court, struggling to accept Dorian's magic (it's the effort here, right?), and even feeding info to the rebels. It was like !!! progress, our baby boy is learning something other than blind obedience....and then this book comes along. To be fair, Chaol is not blindly obedient anymore, and he's coming into the full realization that he served a monster for years without question, but his actions toward Aelin, toward Dorian, toward Rowan, even toward his 'friend' Nesryn (friend is in quotes because he's an ass to her too), it absolutely ridiculous. He acts like he's the only one with clean hands in any of this and that the King of Adarlan is doing evil things now just because Aelin announced herself. Bullshit. His actions end up getting people in trouble multiple times, and when Aelin tips him and the rebels off to certain things, he's not even grateful. Awesome. On the plus side, after there's a little incident in the woods involving Dorian and some witches, Chaol kind of pulls his head out of his ass. He finally admits that he may have gone about things poorly and that Aelin wasn't *being an ass* just to be an ass, but that her *being an ass* was mostly 1) her being right and him not wanting to hear it, 2) a direct reaction to his being an ass, or 3) both...or 4) she really was just being an ass because she's like that sometimes. By the end of the book, he has, thankfully gotten over himself and is willing to help other people, not be a dickhead, and even free magic. Whoopee, he's back to HoF!Chaol. Aelin's fun to read in this one, she had so many different faces throughout the series it's interesting to see her try on several of them throughout the book. Naturally, she's Aelin to most of the people addressing her and when it's her chapters, but there are still times she goes by Celaena, and even goes by a 'new' name entirely, Ansel. She also seems to be back at Blade levels of cunning and planning in this one, as there's so many different strings she pulls and weaves together while making her plans, leaving nearly everyone else in the dark. She orchestrates all these plans and then has fun revealing them to the people around her, a move that becomes a staple of hers for the rest of the series. Aelin really gets another layer of 'bad-assery' with all her sneaking around and planning. There's still some healing going on, as well as some growth into queenhood, for her in this book, but I feel that this one is largely a development static book for Aelin. There's so much action going on with everyone, and there's so much character development for a lot of the other characters, that Aelin's arc has slowed a little in this book to allow room for all of that. In the context of everything going on in the book, it works, it doesn't feel like we're missing something by having her arc stagnate a little in this book, and I honestly didn't really notice until I went to analyze her arc in this book and found it less development-filled than normal. Dorian was, obviously, absent(??) in his chapters. He has the collar around his neck, and a Valg prince in his body, but we still get chapters from his POV, which I thought were particularly interesting. in HoF, we didn't get to see inside someone who had a Valg in them, we only saw the Valg from the outside, but here, we have Dorian, who's been a narrator since ToG, and now has a Valg possessing him. Dorian is still alive inside, so it's cool to see how he and the Valg interact with one another, especially when it comes to who's more in charge of the body. In the beginning, it's obvious that Dorian has maintained some level of control and presence, and is fighting back against the Valg in his mind. As the story progresses, however, the Valg chips away at Dorian's control more and more until there's little-to-none left. So, as the others prepare to carry out their plans, we have Valg!Dorian in the palace ready to move and act at the king's beck-and-call, which definitely puts some kinks into everyone's plans. As an aside, Dorian having the Valg and darkness shove him down after everything that happened at the end of HoF almost seems like a physical mirror for the mental darkness Aelin was shoved into after the ending of CoM...but I could just be reading way into things. I really like Manon in this one. After being chosen as Wing Leader, she and the Thirteen are sent to Morath in preparation for...something or other, it isn't really revealed entirely other than a vague 'for war' explanation. In Morath, Manon is definitely put on unsure footing. She's used to being in charge, used to not being questioned or ordered about, and especially not by humans. Naturally, all that occurs in Morath, plus a little extra challenge from Asterin. Manon is Not Happy, and more than that, she's beginning to question things. I know I get on Chaol for blind obedience, but if you want to talk to blind obedience, it's name is Manon Blackbeak. For some reason, her blind obedience doesn't bother me as much as Chaol's...maybe because she's been lowkey rebelling since the beginning? Those thoughts aside, Manon's definitely dealing with issues of obedience and morality in this book. She knows what she's been told, but she also knows what her senses and history tell her, which is that things are Not Right in Morath and she and the other witches should not be subject to whatever the humans are doing. Manon's character develops by leaps and bounds in this one, and the ruthless witch begins questioning the aim of her ruthlessness (and questioning what the fuck is actually going on). Someone Manon runs into in Morath is Elide Lochan. Yes, the Elide Lochan who was a Lady of Terrasen and whose mother saved Aelin's life, that Elide Lochan. Turns out she's spent the last ten years being locked in one tower or another, serving her uncle who really only wants political gain and for Elide to just disappear. Despite having been a prisoner for most of her life, Elide is extremely observant and resourceful. I mean, she manages to endear herself to Manon, which is a feat in and of itself when your blood runs red. These kids from Terrasen really have a knack for being badass while in shackles, albeit in different ways. Elide is literally shackled, and is basically Erilea's Sherlock in terms of observation powers. Despite being shy, almost meek, Elide has courage for miles, and isn't afraid to get in the middle of things sometimes. Aedion...gotta give him points for spirit. Imprisoned at the start of the book, he seems pretty well convinced that if he can just get blood poisoning fast enough, then the king can't use him against Aelin, which is....sweet and strategic, but I don't think for one second the king woulnd't've used his dead body to lure Aelin in, so it's also a bit misguided. Anyway, he does survive to his execution day, much to his chagrin, and proves his spirit even further by thinking of ways he can 'lose his shit' and get one of the guards to attack him and kill him, all while taking a few of them out himself. So, definitely not someone you want on your bad side. Once Aelin gets him out, the two of them but heads a little, unsurprisingly since they're so similar. He's also a general, so being left out of Aelin's plans chafes at him more than a bit. But more than anything, he supports and loves Aelin, and receives the same love and support in return. As is mentioned several times throughout the books, they are two sides to the same coin. Both had to do things they aren't proud of, both had to serve the king that took everything from them, but they both came out the other side and they each understand the cost of survival the other had to pay. Rowan's back in this one too, yay! He came back due to Lorcan, one of Maeve's cadre, fleeing to Rifthold from Wendlyn. I really like reading Rowan's interactions with everything, I just like his character and I can't even pinpoint exactly why, other than he's super supportive of Aelin and matches her sense of humor pretty well. Anyway, the two of them reunite and things are mostly good, though they have some bumps about Aelin not sharing her plans, among other things. He's still coming out of that healing phase he and Aelin were in in HoF, and he seems the better for it. He's definitely more open in this one, more willing to let other people take the lead and even just more open to people in general, which was nice to see (it's also nice to see Rowaelin start, but that's not the point). Like Aelin, though, I feel that most of Rowan's development is external. We don't see *a ton* of internal development, though there is some--I'd even say he gets more internal development than Aelin does--but a lot of his actions have to do with external forces in this one, rather than internal development of self/character. Another character who makes a return is Lysandra. She's still chilling around Arobynn and, naturally, gets caught up in the entire mess with Arobynn, Aelin, Chaol, and everything else. However, she's a lot better than she was in Blade, so like the rest of the cast of characters, she's undergone some serious character development. She and Aelin become fast friends, now that they're both older and have eased a bit from Arobynn's toxic influence. Lysandra is one of the people who starts by calling Aelin Celaena, though being informed the two are the same person doesn't seem to faze her as much as it did some other characters. Despite what we saw of her in Blade, Lysandra seems a genuinely loyal, caring person, and she's another character who, like Elide, has courage for miles. She's not from Terrasen originally, but by the end of the book, she's nudged her way so thoroughly into everyone's hearts and proven her fighting ability well enough that Aelin offers Lysandra a spot in her Court. A lot of the stuff re: Lysandra is spoilery, but she's such a badass character and I love her so much, I want chapters by her. Nesryn Faliq is a new character who's a rebel. She's generally quiet, but she's got plenty of tricks and knowledge up her sleeve. I especially like how she just flat-out lays down the truth to people, and am really glad we get to see more of her in ToD. We get to see Arobynn and his scheming ass again. He's definitely creepier in this one, more manipulative, and he deserves everything coming to him. Kaltain is someone we see again and, much like Lysandra, is someone who was bitchy in Part I of the series, but now is just in a really shitty situation. References to Kaltain come back in the following books, and I really like how Maas handled things regarding her going forward. Lysandra has a young charge named Evangeline, and she's an absolute darling and menace. I feel like she's a perfect mix of still-innocent and grew-up-too-fast, and she has some funny lines both in this book and the ones going forward. We get one line about Philippa, but not much else, unfortunately. And also, Fleetfoot is in this one a little. This book has a lot of Easter Eggs for future books in it, and it's a nice book to give Aelin a bit of a break from things for a little bit while still keeping things action packed and quick-paced. It's a solid book with lots of quality content, and I like the way it ended, especially, with the groups splintering five ways, so we'll be able to see a lot more of the world and goings-on in EoS and ToD.

[righteousmade]

rules: repost, don’t reblog. just pick a muse of yours and fill it out.

muse: Anders 

basics

▸ is your muse tall/short/average? 6′1; pretty much past the point where most tall guys don’t trust other tall guys ( @gracebroken )

▸ are they okay with their height? He’s never thought about it honestly? So I guess he’d be fine with it. 

▸ what’s their hair like? strawberry blonde, long and seemingly always has the ability to find itself slipping from the tie he uses to keep it up. it goes a little past their shoulders and is relatively clean. there is perhaps there the smallest touch of vanity. 

▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair/with their grooming? he doesn’t have much luxury over looking after his hair, it’s just kept clean so it won’t get that luscious shine or softness. he is well groomed though, as much as he can --- mostly for profession and the hygiene required. not to mention habit. there are some things he has absolute control of, and a clean and well kept appearance is one of them. 

▸ does your muse care about their appearance? in some instances. because he is a healer and a mage he does keep up an appearance to maintain a certain image. as the leader of the black staves, there is that too. anders knows he’s a figure for something, and it can shift and change depending on person, but he will endeavour to maintain an appearance that directly associates with the message he wishes to send. 

▸ does your muse care about what others think about them? not entirely. there are people who are important and their opinions are valid, but for the most part in his life he has been on the opposite end of a heavily favoured argument. aside from important folk, there’s not much care because anders priorities don’t entirely involve himself. 

preferences

▸ indoors or outdoors? outdoors. not the deep roads. ▸ rain or sunshine? sunshine. ▸ forest or beach? beach likely.  ▸ precious metals or gems? precious metals.  ▸ flowers or perfumes? flowers ▸ personality or appearance? personality ▸ being alone or being in a crowd? neither.  ▸ order or anarchy? fairness (ANARCHY!) ▸ painful truths or white lies? depends on situation, but, possibly white lies. he’s an omitter. ▸ science or magic? magic ▸ peace or conflict? peace

▸ night or day? day ▸ dusk or dawn? dawn ▸ warmth or cold? warmth ▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends? a few close friends ▸ reading or playing a game? reading

questionnaire

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? he tends to be blind when it comes to things beyond the cause of mage rights. there is a genuine care for people and a want for good health, fairness, peace, and the dream of that perfect world --- but he can be antagonistic / blunt / stick his foot in his mouth when it comes to the struggle of others. it’s something that stems from living in the circle, where he only sees it as a prison, and the only us and them were mages and non mages/templars. because of this he’s unintentionally terrible when it comes to drawing parallels and such e.g. slavery with fenris ( because how do you not see that there is cruelty against mages when there are those who have magic and are oppressed also ), his opinion on qunari ( bc of their treatment of mages ), and in general his attitude towards merrill ( which is primarily directed at the fact that she’s a blood mage and a bitter jealousy on the freedom of magic and how clans operate that he sees through anders rose coloured glasses ). 

he also jumps to conclusions, and he’s as i said, the kind of person that sometimes says the wrong thing at the worst time. 

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them? his mother - a woman of such a high level of influence in his life, it broke his heart and made him kill the boy / man he was before he went to the circle. losing her proved the loss of home and the idea of having no family --- no one, really because of the magic he had within him. 

karl, also; a key figure in the actions taken in kirkwall. he learnt of trust, learnt of love, and knew a different kind of heart break. it roused an anger within him that shook the steady stream of control between justice and vengeance and blurred the lines and made him lose his clarity. 

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has? waking up with his back against soft grass and looking at the sky, feeling the wind and smellling the scent of spring. learning a spirit’s name that promised him that he would help and he would heal. a tight grip and warm embrace of a man he loved. a kiss. bethany. finding friends. kissing bethany. the warmth of comfort and when she said i love you.  ▸ is it easy for your muse to kill? no, not at all. easier when it’s a ‘monster’ , when it’s a demon or abomination. but a face? a ‘person’? as a man who heals, no.  ▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down? silence, shutting down and not letting anyone in. operating at a standard capacity of eat, drink, sleep, repeat. head bowed, he does what he needs to and nothing more. distance yourself and perhaps it’ll all just go. 

ugly crying too; fall to knees and cover face with hands and cry. let your body shake, let the tears fall and the cries come helplessly. 

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life? always. often the question he worries about is ‘should they trust him?’ ▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love? terrified. but the kind that pushes for no fear ; dive and reach for hand and seek touch. pet names: my love, sweetheart, darling. kisses. a lot of tactile behaviour. pride. hand holding. smiling. stolen company and an infectious charm he’ll promise he’ll treat and find a cure.

tagged @vigilflight tagging anyone who wants to!

[mermaidsirennikita]

October 2017 Book Roundup

As much as I tried to stick with ~spooky~ books, I found that a lot of the horror novels I looked at (especially those written by men, to be honest) seemed incredibly cliche or just... grimdark.  You have to have a good story, you know?  So I drifted into more familiar territory with fantasy quite often--though I did read one really good horror novel at the end of the month--and threw in a thriller.  But my favorite book of the month was An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson, a darkly whimsical, romantic fairy tale.  Another YA fantasy standout, if you’re looking for diverse reads written by Own Voices authors was Forest of a Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao, the origin story of Snow White’s evil queen with a dose of East Asian mythology.  But all in all, it was a good month, especially after a couple months with rather meh ratings.

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson.  5/5.  Isobel has built a reputation as a portrait painter of the fair folk.  Fairies from far and wide come to the town of Whimsy to have their portraits done by her, and so it’s no surprise that Rook, the autumn prince, wants the same.  But after Isobel paints mortal sorrow in Rook’s eyes, his authority is questioned and he spirits her away to stand trial for the crime--but their journey is treacherous, and even their attraction toward each other presents a challenge.  For if a fairy and a mortal fall in love, they break the Good Law--and are condemned to death.  Okay, so this is definitely a whimsical “girl gets whisked off to fairy land by hot fairy, romance ensues” story but a) what the fuck is wrong with that and b) I???  Loved???  It???  This is no Sarah J. Maas bullshit.  Rook is not only a bit scary but hilariously inhuman, making him a totally lovable character, not all rapey and weird like most hot dude fairies in recent YA.  His feelings for Isobel seem completely real, and aren’t presented in an over the top way.  The book maintains the sense of a fairy tale, but it’s also funny and Isobel has a sense of practicality that’s juxtaposed to the world she lives in.  If you want to get swept away, this is a book for you.

Hex by Thomas Olde Heuvelt.  1/5.  A small town is haunted by an actual witch (not the ghost of the witch, or at least not from what I could tell) who, after being unjustly executed centuries before, wanders about with her arms bound to her sides and her eyes and mouth sewn shut.  In order to keep everyone safe, the townspeople--who are unable to leave after moving there and encountering the witch--use surveillance systems to monitor the Black Rock Witch.  But, unable to abide by the strict regulations, teenagers make her presence go viral, causing a downward spiral in their society.  Basically, I wanted to read more horror this month and going onward, and this sounded cool...  It isn’t.  It’s basically a rundown of the various ways in which the Black Rock Witch and the other women of the town are lesser than the men, caricatures of themselves, or punching bags.  When teen boys started talking shit about the witch getting “wet” for them, I was... kind of getting over the book.  By the end, I was rolling my eyes.  And it is incredibly slow, so be warned--cool concept, shittiest of executions.

From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty.  4/5.  Progressive mortician and proponent of erasing the fear of death Caitlin Doughty traveled the world “in search of the good death”, observing various rituals surrounding death and grieving.  This is basically her memoir of that time, divided from place to place.  Caitlin also hosts the web series “Ask a Mortician” and wrote the great “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” about her time as a crematorium employee, and honestly... she seems like a super cool person, and it shows through her writing.  She’s frank without being unsympathetic, and even when she disagrees with people (she doesn’t only discuss cultures of whose practices she approves, which I appreciated) there’s a ton of respect and understanding on her end.  But she also expects respect in return, and is very frank regarding her own views.  The book is part death, part travel, and it’s also incredibly interesting and human.  The only critique I can make is that I wish Caitlin had been able to go to other countries just to cover even more, but I understand the limitations there.

I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh.  3/5.  Following the hit and run killing of five year old Jacob, Jenna Gray runs off a small Welsh town to hide from the death of her child and everything that preceded it.  As her story unfolds, the parallel narrative of the cops struggling to figure out what happened during that hit and run is detailed.  I was promised Gone Girl fuckery, but while this was a good and entertaining thriller, it wasn’t anywhere near as subversive as Gone Girl.  It’s not paint by numbers either, and is definitely interesting.  But don’t expect something out there.

Uprooted by Naomi Novik.  4/5.  In Agnieszka’s small village home, a girl is chosen every ten years by the Dragon, their wizard protector in the cursed Wood.  Agnieszka is sure that her best friend, the beautiful Kasia, will be the next girl chosen--so imagine her shock when the Dragon selects her.  This is one of those stories that feels very classically fairy tale-ish, with lovely writing and tons of magic.  It gets points for focusing on the friendship between Kasia and Agnieszka and going places I didn’t expect--but I do wish more page-time had been given to the romance.  It didn’t have to be central, but what we got was good and I wanted more.

Forest of A Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao.  4/5.  The beautiful and poor Xifeng lives in a small village, constantly tormented by her controlling aunt Guma while stealing away to meet her lover Wei in secret.  Guma has great plans for Xifeng, seeing the throne of Feng Lu in her future.  But there will also be a price to pay for that throne.  Running away with Wei, Xifeng arrives at the palace, only to find a caring empress--who she believes that she’s destined to replace--and enemies on every side.  This is a reimagining of Snow White’s Evil Queen, drawing from Chinese mythology.  It takes a while to get going, but once it grabbed my attention--specifically, when Xifeng arrived at the palace--I was gripped.  Xifeng is a compelling and ruthless protagonist, who I’d hesitate to call a heroine.  The book doesn’t have a lot of black and white good and evil.  A few characters fell somewhat flat, but as the book went along it became stronger and stronger, and by the end I was dying for the sequel.

Wild Beauty by Anna-Marie McLemore.  3/5.  For generations, the Nomeolvides women have been the caretakers of La Pradera, a famous garden estate.  But they have a secret: if a Nomeolvides woman falls in love, her lover will disappear.  Five girls of the current generation--cousins--are in love with the same girl, and terrified of her disappearing.  But suddenly a boy appears, rather than disappearing, and the girls are thrown into disarray, questioning his origins and what it means for their family.  McLemore is a beautiful writer; I’m so jealous of her ability to craft sentences.  This is a true magical realism book, which makes sense as McLemore is Latina, and the genre was crafted by Latinx writers (and thanks to a certain hugely popular white writer dabbling in magical realism lately, it’s been a hot topic).  I will say that for all that the book was beautifully written, I didn’t connect to the characters as I have with past books, and the plot was a little hard to grasp at times.  But it was still lovely.

The Last Days of Jack Sparks by Jason Arnopp.  4/5.  The book is set up as the final manuscript of Jack Sparks, annoying atheist and shock-value journalist.  The book was meant to be Sparks’s attempt to take down the supernatural, following his previous publishing success/personal disaster, in which he tried “every drug” and ended up with a cocaine addiction.  Sparks’s journey takes on exorcisms and combat magicians, and--as we know from the foreword by his brother--ends in his death.  But as for what happens between then and the beginning--that’s where things get interesting.  The book is creepy; actually, the creepiest parts are that Jack’s an unreliable narrator, and you’re never sure what is real, what his his intentional embellishment, and what is something he literally forgot due to the supernatural events occurring.  Jack is a dick, which is kind of good because the shit that happens to him happening to a good person would be hard to read.  But he’s a good character, and certainly grows and unveils his true self throughout the book.  It’s a super entertaining, sometimes spooky ride through a man’s descent into the paranormal, and maybe madness too.