#my bestie is feeling bad so we can't really talk because i'm too afraid i'd end up saying something to make xem feel worse

[knifegremliin]

why is today SO determined to kick my ass i don't understand :(

[creedslove]

HEARTLESS 💔 - PART SEVEN

Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels x f!reader)

Summary: You and Jack have a real conversation for the first time and you find out he's more vulnerable than you thought

(This is the seventh chapter of the HEARTLESS 💔 series)

• PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX

Warnings: hurt, angst, hurt, angst, talk of past trauma, asshole!jack (but not really), mom!reader, and fluff because Wyatt is too cute

A/N: besties, I gotta confess 🥺 that I teared up writing this one, I don't know how you will all react, but my heart is broken for jack and reader 🥺

3.2k words

It was only evening when Wyatt finally showed signs of being tired. He loved Silver Pony so much and no matter if Jack showed him the other horses, he was hooked to your favorite girl, always clinging to her and stroking her soft fur. Silver Pony also enjoyed the affection, always hovering around the two of you gently, making your son giggle and reward both you and Jack with his sweet laughs. 

The cowboy didn't interfere, he just watched the two of you having fun, his mind wandering through his thoughts. For once, he didn't think of his late wife and their unborn son, instead, he kept thinking of you and Wyatt, wondering and picturing what life would be like if he hadn't made you go away, if he'd taken care of you while you were pregnant, he was sure you were glowing and looking gorgeous, he thought of what would it be like holding you at night, stroking your pregnant bump and talking to the baby in your womb. How he would shower you in presents and you two would get the baby's room ready together. He liked imagining taking care of Wyatt as a newborn, how he would probably be afraid of holding him and you would soothe him. You two would be so happy with your beautiful little family. He thought of all the celebrations and parties that could have happened on his ranch, your engagement dinner, your wedding party, Wyatt's first birthday and so on. It shattered his heart to think he had missed out on an entire life of happiness only because he was a bad person. 

He watched as the sun was setting and got up, gathering the basket and walking towards Silver Pony "I think we should head back, the sun is going down and Helen made us dinner…" he swallowed "it's your favorite sugar" he looked at you with his puppy eyes and you controlled the urge of rolling your own. It baffled you his ability of being a real dick and pretending nothing was happening, you were going to ignore what he said, but Wyatt smiled big "mommy happy?" He asked and you nodded, turning to Silver Pony "I'm very happy because I have you, my beautiful son, and also our gorgeous Silver Pony" she caressed down the mare's face and Wyatt whimpered as he couldn't reach it, so Jack quickly joined them, lifting him up and he imitated his mommy's gesture 

"I wove Silvew Pony… can we take hew home, mommy?" He tilted his head in such innocent way your chest tightened and you laughed softly at him "we can't fit her in our apartment baby, otherwise I'd love to take her with us, so for now she has to stay here" 

Wyatt pouted and nodded and then his face lit up as he had an amazing idea "can we wive hewe? With cowboy, mommy, Wyatt and Silvew Pony" he said happily and clapped his hands excitedly. Jack swallowed sadly and looked at you, you glanced back at him and licked your lips. As much as you wanted to punch him, you couldn't help but feel your lips tingling every time you remembered the kiss he forcefully imposed on you. 

"I would love for you and your mommy to live with me, big guy, but I think mommy likes the city, but you two are always welcome here, to spend the weekend or as long as you would like" he said and rubbed Wyatt's arm, seeing his skin was cold and they should probably get back inside. 

"Y/N… Wyatt is a little cold…" he said as he gently placed his big hand on your arm, startling you as you didn't expect his warm touch. "You're cold too. Here…" he told you, carefully handing you Wyatt as he took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around your body. 

You didn't say much as Wyatt snuggled you, clinging to your body and yawning as your warmth spread through his body. You also tried not paying attention to Jack's scent lingering all over it. It smelled like pine, a little bit of cologne, whiskey and him. It used to be your favorite smell in the whole world, but now it only left shattered pieces of your heart behind. You nuzzled Wyatt's curls and kissed his forehead, making him giggle as you two rushed inside as Jack stayed behind to take Silver Pony back into the stable. 

Helen greeted you at the door, you knew Saturdays evenings she went back to her home and would only come back on Monday, she was ready to go, but not without showering Wyatt and kisses and hugging you tight, telling you once again how happy she was to see you and how she wished you would come more often to visit them, you nodded and said goodbye, feeling happy to have seen the woman and placed Wyatt down. You took off Jack's jacket just in time to see him walk through the door and handed it back to him "thank you" you said in a low voice and turned to your son "now you're gonna get a nice warm shower, okay? So we can have yummy dinner" she told him, but he pouted and hugged his dad's legs, who knelt in front of him and stroked his cheek "mommy is right, buddy, you gotta do what she says, it's time for shower because no one likes a smelly cowboy" he winked and tickled his tummy making his son laugh. 

You nodded, surprised at Jack's reinforcement as you expected low of him after he displayed his true character towards you so many times. You just assumed he would always take the easy road in order to be Wyatt's favorite, but it was good he knew you should work as a team and not as rivals. 

You took Wyatt back to the guest bedroom you'd be having through the night as you would help him shower in the bathroom. He was excited to put on his horses PJs after showering, so he could show his cowboy friend how much of a cowboy himself he was. You chuckled, finding it amusing while Wyatt already got undressed by himself and got under the shower wanting to be over with it as soon as possible; though you tried starting it, no stream of water came out and you sighed, as you had no idea how to fix it, you wrapped a towel around your son and went to the stairs, calling Jack so he could assist you. He ran up the stairs as quickly as possible, excitement rushed through his veins as you were addressing him "what's wrong?" He licked his bottom lip and watched you intently

"Shower's not working" you informed him and he nodded and followed you into the bathroom. Wyatt giggled as he saw the cowboy, he shyly hid under his mommy still in his towel, waiting patiently while Jack took a look at things. 

"Seems like this cowboy will have to shower somewhere else and you too sugar. You can take the bathroom in my bedroom, you know where it is and you can use the tub as well" he said with an excited smile at Wyatt "how's that buddy? Would you like to be a water cowboy tonight?" He cooed at Wyatt who nodded excitedly "pwease mommy, i want to pway watew cowboy" he pouted and you agreed, heading towards Jack's bedroom - the one that used to be yours too. 

"I'll warm up dinner while you bathe him, sugar, unless you want my help…" he offered but you quickly dismissed. 

After Wyatt had a blast in Jack's tub and begged you to brush your hair to the side just like the cowboy's, the three of you had dinner together. Helen had been so kind to make your favorite dish, along with some nuggets for your son, who enjoyed every second of it completely oblivious to the tension between you and his daddy. 

Wyatt didn't take long to fall asleep on the couch after the amount of fun and activities he had during the week. He was so happy and enjoyed every single minute of the day and, though Jack sighed a little disappointed as he saw him already fast asleep

"I wanted to show him the bedroom I set up for him… Y/N please, I want Wyatt to keep coming here, you too, of course, so you can visit Helen and Silver Pony, but I know you hate my guts so I won't force you to come any longer, but I want my son around" he said as he sat on the edge of the couch and caressed his hair gently. 

"Why did you come back after so long? I don't understand… I know you've been providing us with money here and there and that you also watched us from afar, but why now?" 

You saw how tense Jack got as he looked down and took a deep breath, ready to speak but then changed his mind as Wyatt whimpered in his dream "this ain't something we should talk about in front of a kid, Y/N… go relax, take your shower and I'll tell you later" he said firmly and very gently picked up Wyatt, asking you to follow him down the hallway where he stood next to a door, which you remembered really well it was another guest bedroom, but apparently Jack had made it into Wyatt's room. He waited for you to open the door as his own hands were busy with your son and your heart warmed at how beautifully he had it made. 

It was of course, all farm themed, with paintings on the wall, all kinds of animal plushies and matching furniture. You knew your son would go crazy once he saw it and you couldn't help tearing up at how thoughtful that place was. Even if things were ruined between you and Jack, maybe he could be a good father after all. 

He covered Wyatt gently and pecked his forehead, turning to you and giving you another sad smile "you should go shower now, we can talk in a little while" 

                           •••

Jack waited for you to exit the bathroom in his master room with a glass of scotch in hands and sitting down in the armchair. He felt anxious at the same time he wanted to get things done with you as soon as possible. He knew you deserved the truth, as well as his apologies though he was sure you wouldn't actually accept them, still he had to try. He wanted his son around and he could only get it if you could stand him at least a little, because even if he had blackmailed you, he didn't want to bring lawyers into the game, he didn't want to take things to the court and cause you and Wyatt more distress. He hoped he could make things civil between the two of you and he knew the way of getting into it was being honest with you. 

He could hear the shower running and wondered why you hadn't bathed in the tub, as you loved doing it and very often invited him to join in with you. He felt a wave of lust hitting him, as he thought of all the time you'd spent there together, how you touched each other's bodies, your lips on him, your taste in his mouth, he was so happy and wasn't even aware that would end some day. 

He was so caught up in his thoughts he barely noticed the shower went completely silent and a few minutes later, you opened the door and walked out only in your underwear, completely unaware of him at first. He gasped and felt his mouth getting dry, not expecting such a beautiful sight for his sore eyes, he licked his lips and wasn't sure if he should make his presence known, though his presence was completely explicit as he was sat there a few meters from you, under the bright lights, you were just too distracted, and he knew exactly what had caught your attention: the picture frame he had in one of his shelves. It was you and Wyatt, on his first birthday. 

You didn't know how you missed it the first time you'd been into his bedroom earlier, taking your son to be bathed, but now you saw it: it was a picture of you and him. You didn't know how Jack managed to get his hands on that picture, but it was also quite shocking as you analyzed the rest of the furniture and the wall and you didn't find any pictures of his late wife. Why did he keep your pictures and not hers? It was another Jack Daniels mystery you weren't sure you wanted to find out. 

You knew you would have to put up some clothes and find him, he managed to make you curious and you didn't know until what extent he needed to tell you something serious or if it was one of his games, but once you turned away and walked to his bed to get the clothes you'd left there, you finally spotted him in the armchair. Your heart nearly stopped at the sight of him there, you didn't expect to see Jack and he looked almost as shocked as you did, not believing you were flashing him your body like that. 

"Fuck Jack, what are you doing here?" You raised your voice at him, anger and embarrassment formed a wave inside of you, as you immediately grabbed your towel and covered yourself. 

He swallowed hard and finished his whiskey, looking embarrassed himself and rubbed the back of his neck "I didn't know you would come out of the shower without clothes, well, technically you're covering your… body" he said choosing his words carefully "but I thought you'd be fully dressed and well, you look gorgeous, even better than what I remembered, if it makes you feel any better. 

You scoffed at him and shook your head 

"Gorgeous? You said I looked rough this morning, Jack… you don't have to pity me. Besides, don't forget you're older than me and with the way you drink, you can start kissing your pretty face goodbye real soon, so you will definitely look rougher than me" you spat at him, not caring if that was pretty at all. You caught a hint of hurt in his eyes and that made you feel really proud even if it shouldn't have, but he immediately shook his head and stared at you. 

"I deserved that" he chuckled dryly "but I didn't mean that, and I also didn't mean anything bad I told you before… I am a dick I know, but I knew you hated my guts after I made you leave and I thought to myself it would be easier for me if I just pushed you away, you hate me Y/N and you got all the right to do so, and I thought it would be less painful if I forced myself to believe I hated you too, maybe if I tried hard enough, I'd stop loving you and it would be easier to handle your rejection" he said feeling ashamed and looked down. 

You sat in the other armchair, the towel covering your body as you listened to his words 

"You don't look rough at all, you're as gorgeous as you were the day you walked out of my life, Y/N, you're not a bitch, and I won't get any lawyers, I promise you" he said with a small voice "I've been hurting you so you hate me more, because I will never be worthy of your love again, I lost you, but I don't wanna lose my kid, Y/N, please" he said honestly and watched as you just had a hard expression on your face 

"You know Jack, the first time I saw you, I was already head over heels, you were on a mission and I had no idea, but I saw you approaching that woman and throwing your charm and she refused you. It was kind of funny, but all I could think of was that if it were me, it would've worked, you would have me wrapped around your finger…" you said "and only at the end of the night you saw me… and then when we started dating, I found out you'd been married before, and that's the problem with you, I'm always your second option, and I will always be" you shrugged "it hurts… to know I'm not the woman that's on your mind, that whenever we do something special to know you are thinking of how much you'd like to do with her instead… I don't want my son to grow up knowing he is only here because you couldn't have your first option… I don't want him to feel he has to compete with a ghost, because that's how I felt… that's even how I feel Jack, because do you even hear yourself? You would never do this to your wife…. You would never try to push her away by being cruel like you are, if it were her, you would get on your knees and beg for her forgiveness" you said and got up walking to his bed and getting your clothes. You didn't want to talk to him anymore, you were tired of being that hurt, as you tried leaving, he got up and held you by your wrist, firmly, making it clear you were only leaving that place when he wanted you to 

"The reason why I wanted you and my son back in my life, is because I was shot on my last mission. I tried sabotaging the mission, but the other agent got suspicious and shot me. They took me back to Statesman and Ginger fixed me right, but she still needed to trigger my memory, so she showed me a picture of my wife, God bless her soul, and nothing happened" he licked his lips and stared into your eyes "so Ginger decided to show me a picture of you and Wyatt, and that was when everything came back all at once. Us, our relationship, our life here on the ranch. I was able to relive my memories once more, and when I got back to my senses, Champ forced me into therapy, and you know what the therapist concluded?" Your jaw dropped the moment you saw Jack had tears in his eyes, you had never seen him show that kind of emotion, he was really good at controlling his feelings and he didn't show that kind of vulnerability in front of anyone. You realized he'd asked you a question and as you swallowed hard, you shook your head, answering him. 

"The therapist said I replaced one grief with another; I finally let my first wife and son rest in peace and I was grieving the loss of you and Wyatt, because I couldn't handle the guilt of making you two go away, but he reminded me you two were very much alive and I didn't want to waste any more time, I just knew I wanted my family back, and that's why I beg you for a second chance, sugar"

_____

A/N: besties, I hope you have liked this chapter and let me know your thoughts, does this cowboy deserve a second chance?

[womaninwinter]

For the rosary fic (my beloved): 11, 16, 20

For The Intruder: 7, 12

And 8 and the wild card question for whatever fic(s) you desperately want to talk about

aaaayyy bestie, you're predictable (we love that for you)

11. Was there a scene that you hadn't originally planned to include? Why did you decide to fit it in?

Bold of you to assume I planned this. Lol, okay, I do have a plan for the rosary fic, but I did not really have one when I started. I didn't intend for it to be so damn long for one thing. It was supposed to be like 4 chapters, one for each set of decades. So the decision to write one chapter per decade for the sorrowful mysteries (and maybe also the mysteries of light??) was totally unplanned. But I decided to do it because the Hollow Boy arc just couldn't be compressed into one chapter, there's too much of Lockwood's perspective there that needs to be unpacked. And also, as I was writing, I realised I wanted to explore Lockwood's journey to the Faith, so that definitely required more space. Another unplanned scene was Lucy's visit to St James' church. I added that in because I really felt that she grasped the idea of the rosary too quickly and more context was needed.

16. What was the easiest scene to write?

It's been so long that I don't remember, but I think the opening chapter was something I knocked out in an hour. The idea came and it flowed. The rest has taken more work, as the themes I'm weaving in have become more and more complicated.

20. What is something you wish more people noticed about this fic?

I think people are actually pretty good at noticing the stuff I'm proud of in this fic. Catholicism is overthinker central after all. I can't think of anything that's gone under the radar.

For The Intruder, I've answered 7 here.

12. Was there a scene you wished you could have included? Why didn't it fit in?

I think so far I've managed to fit in everything that I wanted to do, although it remains to be seen if that will continue to be the case. I did have a scene where Holly checks Altwood's injuries, but I cut it because I didn't like it and it wasn't really conveying anything new about the characters. So no is the answer to this one I'm afraid. In general I don't cut a whole lot because I tend to draft in my head.

For a fic I'd like to talk about, I'm going to pick Gutted, because I haven't been asked anything about that yet.

8. What inspired the title for this fic? Is that usually how you choose titles?

I like my fics to have punchy, memorable titles as a general rule (this is why I try to avoid song-lyric titles, and also because I'm a snob). I also love a good double meaning, so Gutted ticked all these boxes. It reflects the physical event (Lockwood getting impaled on a metal spike) and the emotional ramifications — "Gutted" being slang for "bitterly disappointed or upset" in UK English. As for inspiration, it just kind of came to me in a flash: I was turning over possible titles in my head and this occurred to me and I was like, yep, that's it.

26. Wild Card! I'll tell you a fun fact about this fic!

Fun fact: as soon as I'm asked for a fact, I forget all the knowledge I've ever contained. Anyway, here is a sort of fun fact about Gutted? I was in a very rough place mentally when I wrote the first chapter (as is probably obvious to anyone who's read it lol), and I was feeling very bad about writing fic in general actually (something I have since gotten over, again obviously), and I deleted it, and my whole AO3 account, shortly after posting. Then I calmed down a bit, and retrieved the deleted version, remade the account and posted it again, along with chapter two. So, for anyone that remembers back that far, that's why my fic vanished for a while and then came back.

🎬 Behind-the-Scenes Fic Asks 🎬

[sankyeom]

aaaa hi belle it's caelin again i hope u remember me 😼 kinda late because i had to go on an impromptu trip and the internet was so whack, i was barely able to open tumblr </3 here to rant about anti-romantic bcz i absolutely loved it ☝☝

ok first of all you're so ?? good at writing 🤞 ?? like i knew the direction the plot was proceeding in— and i don't mean this in a bad way yk, predictable plots are fun to read since the anticipation is over the roof— what i mean is that the way you present makes everything like 5-10 times engaging, doesn't matter how common or unique the plot is

coming to the plot, you ate it, ma'am. devoured. slayed. left no crumbs. getting your best of the net and flannery o'connor as we speak

im loving the ynhoon dynamics ?!?!?! they're so adorable. everything is so healthy and they're such a green flags fr im glad they tried to get to know each other instead of simply believing the rumours spinning around ( heavy on this from yn's pov like she knows hoon's a fuckboy but my girl knows how to pick hints and join the dots, she's down to genuinely know the 'real' him instead of the fuckboy sunghoon, i love that for her )

and sunoo, jungwon and niki scheming ( and failing ) help that was adorable. we love protective best friends. the reverse psychology going down the drain got me in tears please, they can't outsmart yn me thinks </3 as for heeseung, jake and jay . . . bestie . . . they're stupidly smart or smartly stupid, there's no in between lmao. loving how jake is absolutely definitely certainly ready to climb up yn's bestie list ( tbh same, jake ) only to get her drunk bye

besides, i really like how there's no third-grade-high school antagonist with unrequited love ( saerom ?? saerim ?? serum. serum is an exception that man is problematic but not really i'm glad he stayed out of their business most of the time ) it's literally just sunghoon and yn and their miscommunication but also a lot of communication because yn is straightforward and talks it out ( except that one time. well i can't blame her i'd get the same idea if someone i just kissed ran away )

always supporting the un-fuckboy sunghoon agenda he's too pretty and cool to have chick flings, he deserves a permanant solution 😍👊 anyway i'm running out of things so say </3 but glad you wrote anti-romantic !! it was fun to read. hoping you're having a good day / evening ^_^

hi caelin!! yes i definitely remember you, we talked about my gamer wonwoo au last time 🥰

first of all, thank you omg you’re literally so sweet i’m blushing !! i’m pretty proud of how my writing has improved, especially in terms of smaus, so i’m very grateful that you are enjoying my fics so much 😌💛

i always think that it’s important to write about open communication and happy, healthy relationships because we see so little of it in media?? like i feel like the conflict for tv shows and movies is always so toxic for couples and just super unnecessary. thank you for recognising and loving that part of sorry, i’m and anti-romantic 🥹

i almost didn’t put serim in the story as a conflict, but i kind of wanted a tangible example of the mc being afraid of commitment and thought the story could use someone who has known her and hooked up with her, if that makes sense? like i wanted someone who wasn’t a closer friend of the mc’s to be surprised by her dating someone but i didn’t want him to have too much power in the overall fic lmao 😂

you are a literal angel and i am so grateful that you took the time to write this, thank you again caelin!! you are an absolute sweetheart and i am always here for a quick chat about anything that’s on your mind 💞💞

[peachpitmp3]

hey dw!! it's not a problem at all, i hope you feel better soon! /gen

anxcklfjwekfdlsjm "that's enough for us to make a connection" i- god i've been smiling at that line for the past few minutes <3

i read the percy jackson series' out of order so i'd say you're good lmao. and,,, yeah. it feels so bad and wrong to think back on all the good times i had reading harry potter. you put it perfectly.

that's so valid, i know what you mean by absorbing traits. MYSTERIOUS BENEDICT SOCIETY bestie i can't believe i had forgotten that until now.

ooh good luck getting your second dose!! make sure to stay hydrated afterwards! and yea ofc, we can hold off on the deep questions for as long as you need/like! /lh (i feel like that comes off as passive agressive? but it's really not)

hmm, i think i'd like wind in most weathers. the only one i wouldn't might be when it's super hot and dry? because then the wind is just all hot and unhelpful, and it gets stuff in your eyes and all. it's hard to say entirely, i feel like most tv shows and books and movies had a pretty significant impact just because of how childhood is? where you're just trying to make friends and seem like a cool person, idk. definitely the queer-coded characters, like pidge from voltron (although i only watched a few seasons, and i wasn't super super into it, but yep). also nerds and outsider kinds of characters like leo valdez. i also really loved characters that seemed kind of uptight/boring on the outside, i thought it was always fun to imagine what was going through their minds. but of course, it's always nice to have characters that are just softer and snarkier. ig it depends on the fandom and also point in time, yknow? there are comfort characters who are so open and i just <33 need them to be OK and get comfort. there are more points i had,, i know there are more that make more sense than this but my brain is being unfunctioning today fhsdklfj

favorite dessert type and/or flavor? what is a random or unusual talent that you taught yourself? do any of these sentences make sense? - 🌵

adkfjsldjf thank u so much u are so kind ily <333

ASDFLSKJFSLFD yes mysterious benedict society >>>!!! gosh i miss that series

dw!! it didn't come off as passive aggressive at all thank u so much for understanding /gen

yeah that's so true. idk i don't like wind in hot weather cause i can't wear a jacket since it's hot but then the wind attacks my skin SDJFKSLDKFJSLFJ. yeah no that's so true. pretty much any piece of media you consume or anyone you talk to in childhood has some effect on who you are. children are sponges, yknow? slkfjsldjfslfj. always the queer coded characters!! yes!! also the outsider characters exactlyyy yeah. oooh yeah!! uptight/boring characters are always interesting because you always know there's something more to them, and if it isn't explained in the book/show itself then you get to imagine why. yeah no no no i completely get what you're saying. sometimes you need different types of characters. like, when you're a kid sometimes you need those characters who are loud and brave and who aren't afraid to speak their mind and be different because you wish you could do that, too, and you want to learn from them. and then sometimes, maybe when you're a bit older, you need the characters who are more quiet, more reserved, who know how to hold back but who aren't afraid to be themselves around their friends, because you're still trying to figure yourself out.

oooh okay um!! well i have been craving chocolate chip cookies ALL DAY today. cookies are soooo good. love em. a random talent i guess would be being able to put my hair in a bun with a pencil!! sometimes!! i'm not very good at it lol.

okay your question is... milfs or dilfs /j okay uhh for real it's what is your favorite character trope and what is your least favorite character trope? and/or hot weather or cold weather & why?