#my beloved gf has advised me to put this under a read more bc it's physically painful to scroll past. god forbid a woman have an opinion!

[electrical-banana]

Hey @maeve-on-mustafar, thank you for the ask! Unfortunately it's trapped in my inbox omfg so I guess I have to answer it like this instead. Functional website.

Anyway, I love to chat. ❤️

Up front, my answer to this is informed by my own take on canon, which may differ from some other interpretations bc I'm a Legends fan and not super into the Filoniverse. I feel like I need this little disclaimer bc I won't be discussing TCW, I'm mostly interested in what we see in the PT.

But based on that, I personally think the answer to the first question is yes, he is aware of that. Not to sound pithy or dismissive or anything, but I can't imagine Anakin not knowing that about himself-- if he knows anything, he knows that. I believe in the tags you're talking about here I make a reference to his comment in TPM where he says to Padme that he "wouldn't have lasted long" on Tatooine if he hadn't been so good at building things-- he was born into slavery, his entire existence violently delimited by the labor his enslavers could forcibly extract from him, and even the values Shmi instilled in him ("the biggest problem in this universe is that no one wants to help each other "), righteous and selfless though they may be, were predicated on this idea that your worth as a person is dependent on what you can do for or give other people. This is also a core tenet of Jedi ideology-- a giving over of the self to serve the greater good in the galaxy. "What can we do for each other? What do we owe each other?" seem to be questions that George was trying to explore in the six-film saga, and he grapples with this questions using a protagonist who spent his formative years hideously abused and exploited as a child slave. Insane btw. Insane man. In the PT, Anakin is flanked by two supporting characters (Obi-Wan and Padme) who both define themselves by their service to the galaxy. From his point of view, this is ALSO how he would describe Palpatine, regardless of our knowing that Palpatine was only ever projecting a false persona to pursue his own ends. And these are three of the four people who are most important to Anakin (the fourth ofc being Shmi, a slave, also inescapably defined by what she can do and give), the three people whom he idolizes above all others. What you can do for other people-- your usefulness, your utility, and how far you'll go to prove it-- is central not only to Anakin's sense of self, but the entire concept of goodness as it exists in Star Wars.

To get to the crux of it, do I think Anakin only "lasted as long as he did" with the Jedi bc he was especially useful to them?? Absolutely yes. Regardless of the actual validity of that, it's what he believed. This is a guy whose brain was borked from infancy into believing that his survival is dependent upon his exceptionalism, his productiveness, his cultivation of valuable skills and his ability to serve-- his personality formed around this, and it wasn't simply a "belief" to him, it was a fact, it was a component of the actual material conditions of his life on Tatooine, and he knew that if he failed to exceed the expectations of his superiors, there was always some worse fate waiting for him just around the corner, whether it was death or violence or being sold to a worse enslaver, and when I mentioned in my tags that his usefulness is a matter of existential security, it's very literal, this is what I mean. And a person doesn't shed this mindset just bc he goes to live with new people somewhere else-- no matter how nice the Jedi may have been to Anakin, you can't reset a child to factory settings, the only personality he has and has ever had is the one that formed under the horrific and violently-enforced conditions of slavery, there is no unfucked version of himself that he is able to fall back on or reconnect with once he's free. This is the identity he's got.

And what do we know about the Jedi permitting Anakin's training? We know that in the span of like 24 hours we go from Qui-Gon telling Anakin "I'm not allowed to train you" to Obi-Wan telling him "the Council has granted me permission to train you." What changed? No character ever outright states what made the Council reconvene on a settled matter, though we do know it must have been a controversial move based on Yoda's uhh dissatisfaction ("agree on you taking this boy as your padawan learner, I do not") with the outcome. I don't think Qui-Gon's death alone was enough to sway the decision, and I don't think it was done out of pity or a sense of obligation or doing right, I think we're meant to believe it was because of Anakin's participation in the destruction of the blockade of Naboo and the plausibility of the Chosen One prophecy coupled with the threat of the return of the Sith. Like half the time we see the Council, they're bandying about the question of Anakin's Chosen One status and the validity of the prophecy, we know they view him in a different light than they do all the other Jedi. After his initial assessment and rejection, Anakin certainly knows that he was only later admitted into the Order under extraordinary circumstances, having failed to pass the ordinary test. I'm not sure if as a nine-year-old he knew anything about the prophecy, but he definitely knew that destroying the Trade Federation command center ended the Naboo crisis and saved the day. And that is uhhhh one hell of a special exception to win over a group of people who wanted nothing to do with you the day before.

So he uses his Skills and decisively (explosively) ends a planetary occupation and the Council does a complete about-face and decides that maybe they can train him to be a Jedi after all, that the advantage of that may outweigh the perceived danger he poses to them (lol). This is setting a precedent. This is, to use extremely simplified logic, "as long as I can go above and beyond to solve other people's problems, people will want to keep me around." We don't know the conditions underlying Anakin's tenancy with the Jedi Order-- we don't know what would happen to him or where he would go if being a Jedi Just Wasn't Working Out; the one time he asks, Obi-Wan simply tells him, "You will be a Jedi, I promise you." Presumably they wouldn't just send him back to Tatooine to fend for himself but that still leaves a whole galaxy of alternatives lol, and when this character's path to self-actualization begins with "I had a dream I was a Jedi. I came back [to Tatooine] and freed all the slaves," any of these alternatives would be, from his perspective, the something worse that's waiting for him just around the corner should he fail to prove his exceptional value. It's a failure that threatens what he believes, with a child's conviction in fairytale heroes, is his only way of accessing a power great enough to overthrow the oppressive establishment on his home planet (appealing to the political process for justice is useless when the entire political process is mired in self-serving corruption, as the entire PT lays out) and heal the damage that was done to him and pretty much everyone he knows. This failure is obvs unacceptable. He can't live with himself if he's not a Jedi capable of saving the slaves (his mother), the moral injury is too deep. So he has to keep proving himself to these people so they keep wanting to keep him around. Certainly no Jedi ever said to him, "Anakin, if you don't become the best and strongest Jedi ever, we're going to send you to the glue factory and everyone you know will die in terrible agony and it will all be your fault," but it was nonetheless the reality imposed on him by his being unsalvageably clinically fucked up. Children exist at the behest of the adults who accept responsibility for them-- following a major life upheaval involving even a voluntary separation of a child from his only (and vital) support system, there is little stability in the knowledge that your new guardians (essentially strangers) could send you away on a whim if they suddenly decide you're too much of a burden to continue dealing with ("Qui-Gon sir, I don't want to be a problem"), especially when you have no recourse to appeal that decision. Therefore, it's up to Anakin to cobble together his own sense of stability the only way he knows how.

To address the second question, I guess it's difficult to imagine if Anakin would still feel the same in a galaxy without Palpatine bc a galaxy without Palpatine is unrecognizable to the universe as it was established in TPM-- Palpatine orchestrated the entire plot, he laid the whole foundation and set all the players into motion, how Anakin might have come to the Jedi Order without Palpatine is entirely up to individual fancy. But if what you mean is, would Anakin still have felt the same if Palpatine hadn't been involved in his personal life?, I still think the answer is yes. I don't think this was an idea planted in his head by Palpatine at all, I think it's an idea that pre-dates Palpatine as an influence on Anakin, even if Palpatine later exploited and manipulated it for his own gain. And honestly, I think the whole Jedi ethos probably did more to reinforce this idea in Anakin's brain than anything else-- the Jedi teach selflessness to the point of self-sacrifice, and it's easy to see how this teaching, while rooted in dedication to justice and public service, could feed into Anakin's pre-existing anxieties about needing to be useful, and how usefulness is analogous to goodness/worthiness. To say nothing on how self-sacrifice can tip so easily over into self-destruction, when pushed to extremes. It's not that Anakin's life as a Jedi is in any way equivalent to his life as a slave, and I def don't think the Jedi were demanding Anakin be their Super Specialest Boy or else they would cast him into the Outer Darkness, it's just that his worldview will always be impacted by his enslavement and the lessons he integrated into his lived reality during that period. This is exactly why training him was "too dangerous"-- he would never be able to "purely" assimilate the Order's teachings, they would always be filtered through the lens of his prior experiences in ways the Jedi could not anticipate or control.

HOLY SHIT. Sorry this got so long. There are a lot of half-baked ideas here I didn't fully explore, so sorry if my points aren't coming across. I just find this to be a huge and interesting topic and it's hard to condense all my thoughts down into something readable bc I've uhhh spent a lot of time thinking about it and trying to wrangle that into coherency is. Challenging. Lol. 💀 If you have any thoughts you'd like to share, or if I missed your point entirely lol, I'd love to hear from you!!