#my 30yo lesbian cousin on my mom's side texted me just to check up with me AND i made plans with my 17yo lesbian cousin on my dad's side
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i feel the lesbian cousins comraderie in this fine wednesday afternoon
#my 30yo lesbian cousin on my mom's side texted me just to check up with me AND i made plans with my 17yo lesbian cousin on my dad's side#to videocall tomorrow night#honestly i am truly so grateful to have been brought up with said 30yo cousin as a model figure#even if we didn't see each other as much since she lives in another state to see her so loved by my parents and other relatives assured me#in ways i didn't understand until much later. even if sometimes people don't call her girlfriend her gf or whatever they always accepted her#and welcomed her into the family even if a little clumsily at times#even though i'm only 3 years older than my younger cousin i hope i can be that sort of figure to her#haven't come out to that side of the family just yet but i am planning on doing so little by little this year#cause i have a much larger safety net and i want her to know she shares some of it (my parents + my brothers + my uncle for sure)#and i want to test the ones i'm not 100% sure about cause if it takes them some time to warm up to someone in the family being a lesbian#i want to receive the brunt of it#my cousin is in a much more fragile state than me#when she told me she was a lesbian (after weeks of me talking about lgbt issues with no expectations of her being anything but straight)#she said she thought she would never tell anyone :(#that made me so sad because i fully believed her#she is so repressed in a lot of aspects in her life and this is just one of them#for example she just got accepted into college but she got into law when just a few weeks ago she told me she wanted to study math#but of course my aunt wanted her to go into law and she's not strong enough to stan her ground...#my parents (who don't know about her sexuality of course) were discussing this and they said if it continues this way my aunt will probably#even decide who she will marry#and that image was absolutely devastating to me. cause honestly it isn't so far fatched :(#i will try my damn hardest to not let it happen though#i really wish she came to college in my city it would do her so well to stay with my immediate family who are never controlling#but alas it's difficult to escape my aunt :/#these notes took a much sadder turn than i was planning them too#for now i continue to be glad for my lesbian cousins and i hope we have fun in our videocall :)#my post
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