#motha fuckin money

[mad-maximoff]

𝐒𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝟐

Warnings: Language, Forceable touching

Word Count: 3,914

Why in the sam hell does it have to rain? Every goddamn time I go out on a nightly investigation it piss pours. The lower east side down poured more than the upper east. Everything bad that can happen happens here 10 times worse.

I had the shittest sleep on top of this rain. My sleep schedule is fucked up with these stakeouts. I have to find her. This Cherry. A common fake name for any hooker. Cherry's are normally perceived as red, delicious and sweet. So trying to find a redhead or any broad in red lipstick is like finding a needle in a haystack. I changed out of my usual 'detective' clothes to something casual. Jeans and shirt. Nothing fancy. The night was young. If I was to find Cherry I will have to get my ass in gear. I grabbed a coffee before my search. Using the deceased phone, I kept calling Cherry's number. Either left on voicemail or when I would open my mouth to speak she'd hang up. Probably a safety precaution, if a John or pimp gets ahold of their phones. Though as a man looking for information, it's getting pretty damn tiring.

"Fuck! Goddamnit!" Straight to voicemail again. I slammed my foot into a newspaper vending machine. It backfired immediately as it jolted up my toe to my thigh. I cussed worst almost causing a scene.

"Poor baby. You want me to help you ease that pain?" A crap-dyed blonde heavier than me beckoned me over. She was dark as midnight, maybe if her hair did not look like skunk she'd be not too bad to look at. Hot pink lipstick and blood red fishnet bodysuit. Covering only the essentials thank god. "No sweetheart, I'm okay. You know what? Do you know anyone named Cherry around here?"

"Darlin' I know a whole lotta of Cherry's! Need to be more specific. Asian? Black? Puerto Rican? White? You Latinos always like the paler ones huh?"

"Haha! Not looking for anything like that. I suppose I do. She hung out with a girl named Rose. Rose wanted me to return something to her."

"Oh! You mean that Cherry! The motha-fuckin' FT! Haha! You can try to return her shit but she will not return the favour, honey. Try Pianos. She and Scarjo like the live entertainment." Scarjo? I've heard that name somewhere. Have I picked her up before? Must have. I reached into my overcoat pocket to pull out a crisp 20-dollar bill and handed it to the blonde. "Here, I might as well give you something for taking up your time and business. Thank you."

"Oh shit! Anytime honey, if you need anything else ask for Miss Elsa!" Her voice trailed on as I hopped back into my car. "Thank you!" My tires squealed as I sped off down 4 blocks west.

·:*¨༺ ♱ ☠︎ ♱ ༻¨*:·.

Pianos was a ghost town. Not a soul in sight. I was wondering if Miss Elsa's advice wasn't worth the 20. I sat at the barstool near the exit to examine anyone who left or came in. No one I recognized. No one I knew named ScarJo. However, that name resonated with me somehow.

I joined the police academy like every lower-class Guatemalan boy from the Bronx. For the stupid reason. The wrong reason. To make this city a better place. You come to realize after a few too many bad crime scenes you cannot do anything to help New York. Some of the shit I saw would turn any man's stomach, but hey, the pay is good and when I retire I'm set for life. I hate to shit-talk any of my fellow officers but I'll tell you this. All I'm spending my money on is bills and booze. Not pushing it up my nose or swinging my dick around to every pair of tits I see. No, no. I see more corruption in the force than out of it. At least the gangbangers and hookers have standards and couth. None of these jackoffs do. It's tiring being the 'good' cop, even more as a 'good'  detective.

I got a scotch from the bartender focusing only on the contents in my glass swirl around. Every circle, every turning the liquid would go. Until my hand stopped its motion, throwing it back. Pianos was starting to become more alive. Different people piled in. No one would fit the bill of an ordinary 'hooker', though, with the golden age of the internet and Onlyfan-like sites popping up everywhere, one can never judge a book by its cover. I tried to ring up Cherry's number again. To see if I would hear a ring in the club.

*Mailbox Full*

"Fuck!... Hey, get me another!" I slammed the phone down to raise my empty glass. As I shook the empty crystal glass to the light something caught my eye. Not a thing but more or less someone. She looked as if she jumped right out of the pages of a Tank Girl comic strip I used to read as a teen. Gothic, tiny frame, in a short black dress. Her dress had a skeleton's body printed on, and under was a pair of fishnet garters creeping up her thighs. What caught my eye to most was her hair. It was black with thick chunky white highlights. It wasn't badly done, it looked professionally done. She looked soft. Her hair I mean. Her face was young but young in the sense I had to urge to ask for her ID. It reminded me of how I used to look before I became a cop. Painted on under the heavy eyeliner and bold black lips. Hope.

I got up from my stool to follow a distance from her. Something told me I had to. The tiny strides she took with her platformed boots were soft on the floor. Her body cascaded around the club floor leaving behind only the scent of cherries. Wait! Cherries! That's it! She's the girl! The girl stopped at the front of the stage giving pleasantries to people from her left to her right. An announcer ran out onto stage introducing himself and attempting to get the crowd riled up.

"Ladies & Gentlemen! Without further ado! Please put your hands together for ScarJo!" My ears perked hearing the name. The gothic cutie cheered as the song played. I pictured a drag queen named ScarJo. Perhaps a gal I picked up in Greenwich. They all picked the same damn song. 'You Don't Own Me' By Lesley Gore. However, this was the much newer version with some rappers I do not know. Out came a striking familiar face. Caramel auburn hair suited her nicely. Especially in latex knee-high boots and fishnet garters.

"You don't own me, I'm not just one of your many toys. You don't own me, don't say I can't go with other boys..." She lip-synced the song along as she bent down over a chair. Scarlett Johansson. I remember now. She was an undercover cop when I was still a metre-maid. Until she got too deep into the prostitute game. It swallowed her whole. Word on the street is she quit hooking entirely. Or so what the rumour detailed. If that was true, then what else would she be doing here? Not prancing around in latex in front of crowds. Her body levitated over the seat of the chair as her arms folded on each other. Her lips mouthed the words like any other performance, with cheap red lipstick.

"I don't tell you what to do, So just let me be myself...That's all I ask of you!"

She fell to her knees landing on the stage floor. Her upper body dipped as her lower half bucked in the air. The goth cheered more loudly than any other audience member in the crowd. Scarlett's eyes locked with the dark-haired girl. A cheeky smile swept across her face as she sprung her body onto her back. Hips arched in the air in her monstrous heels.

"I'm young and I love to be young! I'm free and I love to be free! To live my life the way I want, to say and do whatever I please!" The song finished out with Scarlett's leg swinging open in a 'V' shape. The crowd erupted in praise. The woman I was searching for jumped in her tall boots, clapping over her head.

"Dude! That was fucking amazing! I told Scar that song would be a killer!" She turned around shaking a girl's shoulders amid the crowd. Her voice wasn't something I pictured in my mind. Strangely, I pictured her voice to be soft and sweet. Her voice was monotone, more throaty. Raspy. I followed behind her growing in distance. Her feet halted at the bar. She rotated her boots around, looking at me from top to bottom. "Sorry baby, I'm off tonight. If you wanted to follow me around you should have done that last night." She laughed leaning her arm over on the bar.

"No, that's not why I'm following you, Cherry."

"Hmph...who are you?" She asked.

"I am Detective Oscar Isaac. I hate to spoil your night but I believe your friend Rose is the 19th victim of the Smiley Face Killer. I wanted to ask you some questions in private." I wanted to play it cool to not allow her to cause a scene. Her jaw cracked open. Her heavy black eyes pointed down at the floor. "Oh god...are you sure? Maybe you got her confused with another girl?!" Cherry's voice shook. "No, I'm so sorry. We retrieved her phone and your phone number was on her phone. You are a hard woman to get ahold of."

"Ha...if I had a nickel...well what would you like to know?"

"Well, do you know where Rose was last night? I hate to be frank with you but they think she passed around 1 am or 3 am."

"R-Rose was here for a bit. She left saying she was heading to The Core. She was meeting someone outside there."

"A John you mean? Inside the Core or outside?"

"Pfft! Yeah, a John. Outside of Core? No. Cate never liked Ro. She had to meet outside"

"Did Rose say who he was? Anything distinct about him?"

"Nope. She didn't say a thing. She was her usual bubbly self." She leaned her back against the bar counter folding her arms roughly into her chest. She tilted her head to hide her tears to probably not mess up her face. "Rose said she loved us and left."

"What about yourself? Were you here all night?"

"Um...yes and no. I was here watching a local metal band with Scar then I had an online client to attend to."

"Where did you go with this um...online client?"

"Russian Tea Room. Funnily enough, I got bought for dinner and conversation these days, no fucking required officer. You can see the app and the texts back and forth." She whipped out her phone with the bright screen saver illuminating her face flipping the screen to me.

"N-no need just needed to write it down. Hey, if you need anything. I mean if you feel unsafe or something feels odd with a client please do not hesitate to call me Cherry." I handed her one of my cards. Her pale fingers were small grasping the card and flipping it front to back. Gleaming her jet-black nail polish

"Sure. Thank you, Detective."

              ·:*¨༺ ♱ ☠︎ ♱ ༻¨*:·.

I left Pinaos with no intention of being out any more than I had to. I stopped at the curb before hopping into my car, and lighting a cigarette. I had two measly drinks, nothing that would bring my BAC to a DUI-level charge. I know my limits. I'll drink more when I'm more comfortable at home.

"Hey! Hot stuff! You know that's bad for you!" Another raspy-voiced woman yelled out from behind. I turned exhaling a puff of smoke. It was Scarjo.

"Pendejo! You're one to talk Johansson!" Her leather boots clicked along the concrete. "Fuck, no one's called me that in a long time Officer Issac."

"Detective, Scarlett."

"Oh excuse me Mr. Big-shot. What? I left the force and they upgraded you up to your big boy panties or what?" Scarlett exhaled another puff of smoke directly in my face. Her cheap red lipstick left a stain on the tan end of her cigarette.

"No Scarlett. Pedro and I both got promoted at the same time Detective Bling and Wilson got gunned down." I pulled the collar of my coat over my neck. The cold breeze downtown was sharp. I could not imagine what Scarlett was feeling in the fishnets. "That's a shame. I saw that on TV. Did I see you talking to my girl Cherry just now?" Scarlett flicked the butt of her cigarette into the street.  

"Oh, your girl now? Are you two a thing or are you her handler?" I inhaled my last puff before the smoke shot out of me, coughing up a lung. Scarlett cackled, with a mixture of cigarettes and a hint of vodka escaping her breath. "Are you asking if I'm Cherry's pimp?! Hell no! And I'm not dating her either. She's just a girl I met when I first went undercover 4 years ago. She just turned 14 and I held her under my wing. Just in case things got dangerous."

"14!? Cherry was 14 when she started?!"

"I dunno. I met her when she was 14. It didn't mean she started this life at that time."

"Jesus H Christ..."

"Yeah I know, thank god they call her an FT." Scarlett swayed her hair over her shoulder, adjusting her fur coat. I turned with a puzzled thought and the same expression. "About that, what the hell is an FT? Another girl called her the same thing."

"Oh shit, sorry. I'm so used to so many people knowing the lingo I keep forgetting about everyone else. Cherry is an FT, which in layman's terms just means Fucking Tease. She doesn't put out. Meaning she doesn't actually fuck. When she was younger she'd get paid to do strip shows. Men would pay to see her strip but not to be caught with actually fucking a minor. She was the gateway drug for most businessmen. Nowadays, those same businessmen have created a platonic repertoire with her. They pay for her championship, not for sex."

"So she's not a hooker but more or less an escort?"

"Basically at this point, Isaac. But, since she hangs around hookers for so long, she got labelled as one. But, you didn't ask my question, why were asking her questions?" Scarlett followed me as I trotted closer to my car. "A girl she knew was found dead this morning. Her name and number were in the deceased phone."

"Awe shit, you think Smiley Face did it?"

"Pedro and I think so. You hear of Smiley often?"

"Mostly ghost stories. Cate Blanchett is the only one who has seen Smiley and walked out alive. She owns the Core. But, for the love of god, don't bring up you're a cop and don't look at her face too long. I learned my lesson while I was undercover." She lifted her fishnet top to see a C-curved scar across her torso. "She loves Cherry though. Wants her to work for her. But she's not the only one who wants Cherry." 

"It seems you have pissed off the infamous Cate Blanchett. She's a stone-cold bitch."

"Well, yes, but once she lets you in she's a nice woman. The one woman you have to look out for is Mama Ciccone. She's a real scary pimp. She turns out girls and profits millions. She's a cold-hearted bitch from hell. She runs girls from Wall Street to the red light district. She wants Cherry. Not to turn out, but wants Cherry all the herself."

"I heard of Mama Ciccone, I swore I read she was dead."

"Evil doesn't die Oscar. It just finds better ways to hide."

"Good to know, you take care of yourself Scar. And watch Cherry too." I unlocked my driver's side sliding into the seat.

"You know I will, bye Detective."

·:*¨༺ ♱ ☠︎ ♱ ༻¨*:·.

*Cherry's Pov*

Rose is dead. I could not believe it. She was so young. She just started in this game. Not even a week. How is this possible? I suppose it wasn't meant to be.

Rose and I always texted our locations and schedules just in case. I knew tonight she had to be somewhere I enjoyed and loathed the most. The world thought this place was closed in the 80s due to the AIDs epidemic, but the owner held on underground waiting to reopen after Covid. Plato's Retreat. It used to be the biggest swinger joint in New York in the 70s, but, as of late it's basically a bath house. People still swing yes but it's mostly girls like me with men in saunas. I personally don't like Plato's due to too many grabby men not knowing my limits.

Plato's was busier than the last time I weaselled in. Though, I think the last time I was here I could not legally get a driver's license. Only a damn permit if I wanted. Hell, it's New York. You're pretentious if you think you could get around in New York driving. Though, maybe getting my license could get me out of New York. Not forever, just to visit. I have never left the city in my 18 years.

This was Rose's most popular spot. She'd walk around in a lacey white bikini acting younger than she was. It was cheap, and that's a lot coming from 'someone' like me. I've seen what men do when they find out how old you really are, it's strange to be the age you lied you were. I almost feel like an old model. Ready to be put out to pasture.

There are a few rules in Plato's, all a very standard of any establishment such as this. Some however have changed due to the digital age, but one rule remained. Everyone must be either partially or fully nude. I chose partial in black swim bottoms. I hate to say in my line of work that I am some kind of germaphobe but it's easy to catch something if the workers do not fulfill their duties properly. Working at night isn't my only life. It's just my job. I started in the public saunas. Mostly, liver-spotted old men rosey in the face. Big and jolly. Except the jolly part is what it's in the wallets. Most out of breath just sitting down. I can just jiggle my tits and these men will bust. None were steering my way. Too busy conversing over the stock market. Something I love to eavesdrop on. I'd love to have some extra cash to throw into the stock market just to see if I get more or lose it all. It's basically the wealthy version of a casino.

"Hmm...seems to me these gentlemen aren't paying you mind huh, Cherry?" I shuddered at the voice that broke through my concentration. It was hers. A woman I have been hiding from for years. Always around every dark corner. Waiting for me to be alone or to be away from Scarlett. Mama Ciccone. I figured she'd be here in this neck of the woods, it's her turf. She highrolls with the big boys. Pimps more like. Grown men still act like little boys with guns. She's a real terror.

"Maybe because you showed up." I cocked my head to see Ciccone. The last time I saw her she had burnt orange hair, now she's gone back to her roots. Back to her platinum blonde. Breaking Plato's rules completely. Wearing a forest green suit and her stable gloves. In the 5 years I have run into Ciccone, not once have I seen her hands uncovered. She was older maybe late 50s or early 60s. All the work she's gotten done to her face and body you would think there would be a procedure for hands. Shows her true age under the botox.

"Oh now, now Cher. I hate to watch you milk these duds. Why don't you come and party in our private lounge? You can make easy cash." Ciccone leaned her arm, brushing my back.

"I don't think so. I'm just picking up...the slack...Rose was s-supposed to be here tonight." I got up fixing my hair to cover my chest. Feeling her eyes stare me down.

"Oh, you mean the same Rose chopped up by Smiley? Sorry to be blunt darlin' but that's what happens to cute girls all alone." She rose following behind me. I choked pretending to cough. I could not believe how heartless her attitude was. "How'd you know?" I pivoted my heels back to see her face-to-face. For all the rumours I've heard about the infamous Mama Ciccone, I imagined she'd be taller. Funny to think we were the same height. She doesn't seem as scary up close.

"Darlin' have ears everywhere. Even some ears with badges. Listen, my ears tell me you're still an FT. After what? 4-5 years?! Ha! I've never in my 40 years of work heard of a virgin hooker! Or has it changed? Has my little Cherry popped?" She leaned in hooking her clothed hands to my sides. I pulled away in disgust. "Not interested. I know you must be pissed I'm still quote on quote a 'fucking tease'. " She snickered at my remark as if I was telling a joke. Did I fucking stutter? I don't think so. "No honey, not pissed. Intrigued would be the word. See, I pick up so many girls a week and most of them are not like you."

"What? Worn out? Been around the block? I hate to tell you this Ciccone, but it's 2024. Most girls my age have a handful of exes under their belt." I turned down a corner to a barely lit hallway. It leads to the changing rooms. Don't get me started on the filth there. Wearing flip-flops in those showers would not save you. Ciccone's hand reached from behind to my arm yanking me against a wall. "And that's why I want you. I don't want you as one of my girls. I want you. All to myself." Her small frame pressed against my body. Her suit burned my bare skin. The expensive silk or the peachy musk of her perfume. It made my head throb. Her hand left my arm, dropping lower to caress my hip bone. "Come on Cherry, sweet young thing needs someone like me. Someone who can protect you and love you." I was too busy watching Mama Ciccone's facial expressions to feel where her hands were. Ex-girls who made it out alive working for Ciccone said to always watch her face. Sometimes the botox doesn't always hide true emotions.

"Sweet of you to think that but I'm not a gal that needs protecting-..." I gasped sucking air through my teeth. I should have watched her hands more than her face. Not knowing she slipped her lace hand under my bikini bottoms. "Real love...right? Yeah...yeah...love."

[dingdongdoodilydoodilydoo]

"pickles come out and give ya motha a hug and help us find the pinot noir! Seth just got a promotion ya know! You have the audacity to not congratulate him and not greet me?!"

"Fuckin' hell— MOM? how the fuck did you find m— Why do you care?? 'S naht like it's that fuckin' important. I gave him an' his fuckin' wife money to start a fuckin' school! THAT is more important than a fuckin' promotion! Maybe I'd fuckin' greet you if you weren't such a—"

[rk-ocs]

Yugioh abridged ebonics ep5

---.

Yugioh abridged ebonics translated script episode 5

Yo YAMI: (holding uh bawx o' cereal) Yu-Gi-awww! iz sponsored by Yugios. dey're Yugi-licious. Wait uh minute— "Yugi-licious"? iz dat even uh werd?

OFF-SCREEN VOICE: It lets da kids know dat dey're tasty!

YAMI: yeea , but "Yugi-licious"? is dey supposed ta taste like Yugi or somethin`?

OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Yami...

YAMI: How exactly do you go 'bouttesting somethin` like dat? ah mean, besides da obvious method...

OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Just... say... da line... you amateur.

YAMI: Fine. Yugios! Apparently, dey're Yugi-licious! otay, where's muh motha fuckin [bleep]ing paycheck?

(New Title Sequence plays, wif theme rap from da original Yu-Gi-awww! (season 0) anime ("Kawaita Sakebi"). Yugi puts his deck in his pocket an' whips his belt 'bfoe transforming into Yami, who do uh Mind Crush.)

At Duelist Kingdom

JOEY: Even though ah'm da clear underdog in dis here tournament, da fact dat ah'm uh main character fine ass much assures me uh place in da finals!

TÉA: yeea , but da fact dat you uh comic relief character means dat you can't possibly win!

JOEY: (falls ova anime style) Nyeheheh...

YUGI: He's just overly excited, cuz dis here iz da first episode dat actually revolves around his character.

TRISTAN: ah can't wait until ah git muh motha fuckin own episode!

(crickets)

TRISTAN: It's never gonna happen, iz it?

TÉA: Do da werdz "robot monkey" mean anythin` ta you?

JOEY: It's at times like dis here dat ah actually miss hanging out wif muh motha fuckin sister.

Flashback

SERENITY: Where is we's, Joey? Where is you taking me, big brudda?

JOEY: ta da beach! dat's what you said you wanted, right?

SERENITY: Actually, ah'd much  be at home playing video games.

JOEY: we's be going ta da beach.

SERENITY: Joey, you da world's bomb brudda. Maybe one day, you'll win uh card game tournament ta he`p fix muh motha fuckin eyesight.

JOEY: Sorry, ah didn't hear dat. yo' voice iz just too high-pitched.

SERENITY: ah love you, Joey.

JOEY: Nope, ah didn't catch dat either.

SERENITY: Can we's go home now?

JOEY: Seriously, stop jivin', ya dum broad!

End flashback

JOEY: (thinkin`) ah promise ya sis, ah promise dat ah'll win dis here tournament an' git da prize money. Then you'll be able ta afford speaking lessons, an' you'll learn ta jive pimp-tight, like what ah do.

MAI (offscreen): You lost, crybaby, now give me yo' star chips!

TÉA: Since dere's only one other beotch character on dis here island, dat has ta be Mai.

(Mai an' da duelist she defeated is in front o' uh duel ring. Mai iz seen laughing, although her laughter iz not heard, as she holds up her glove o' star chips, including those she took from da loser.)

LOSER: It's not fair! ah thought disguising myself as uh bee would he`p me ta win!

JOEY: Ain't it uh little unfair fo' uh grown beotch ta go around challenging chil'ns at card games?

MAI: Wow, Yugi, you gots such small hands.

She takes his hand, an' Téa goes deez nuts. da "alert" sound from Metal Gear Solid iz heard as Mai grabs Yugi's hand

MAI: ah like dat in uh nigga.

TÉA: (in strange robotic voice) Back off, beotch, he's mine!

MAI: muh motha fuckin titties challenge you ta uh duel!

JOEY: Samurai Warrior nigga! Attack her Winged Aerobics Instructor!

YUGI: Wait, Joey! In dis here episode, flying monsters gots an advantage ova land-based monsters fo' nahh adequately explored reason!

JOEY: How did ya summon dat monster without even looking at ya card?

MAI: ah gots ESP.

JOEY: Woah! Too much 411, beotch!

MAI: ESP! Not PMS!!

JOEY: awww, so you psychic.

MAI: Bingo. an' it's not uh trick, so don' even bother trying ta figure it out.

JOEY: Wait uh minute, you just sprayed all yo' cards wif perfume!

MAI: nahh way! How could an amateur punk like you see through muh motha fuckin aroma strategy?

JOEY: It sho iz lucky ah don' still gots dat cold from da previous episode, otherwise ah wouldn't gots been able ta notice somethin` like dat.

TÉA: Joey needs he`p, Yugi! Transform into yo' phat alter-ego!

YUGI: Ta-dada-da-dadaa! Puberty Power! (transforms into Yami)

YAMI: don' let her boobies distract you, Joey! You can defeat her. Her cards share one very distinct weakness.

JOEY: wut dat?

YAMI: dey've all been censored by 4Kids.

'bfoe an' afta shots o' Cyber Bondage appear, along wif da subtitle (nipples = bad, kids)

JOEY: dat's right! Wif da power o' 4Kids an' sexism, ah can win dis here duel! tyme Roulette GO! (summons tyme Wizard)

da tyme Wizard attacks, an' da tyme Warp song plays.

JOEY: Thousand Dragon! Destroy all three o' her Harpies at once!

TRISTAN: don' anyone in dis here tournament know da rules ta dis here game?

MAI: How... could ah lose... ta such an amateur?

JOEY: dat's just what ya git fo' being uh beotch. Wif girly parts.

YAMI: Well done, Joey. You won yo' first real duel. Just remember dat you nuttin' without me. nuttin'!

JOEY: Hooray fo' censorship! (da 4Kids TV logo appears above him)

End

Stinger:

YAMI: (as Luke Skywalker) yo' overconfidence iz yo' weakness.

KAIBA: (as da Emperor) yo' faif in yo' niggas iz yours.

Kaiba appears on screen along wif da werds n shit:

guess who's

back next

week? don't make me shank ya!

[amysticdoll]

fuck.

so today i remembered that i had a tumblr account for the first time in a while and its because i was having another life crisis, maybe not but it feels like it, I have not been taking good care of myself for too long now and I am so done with it... i do this every year and its getting so old, I know that you have to go into that cocoon for a little bit and thats where I feel like i am at but at the fault of myself. I thought earlier ( i have been having this breakdown this morning) that if I keep doing this I am only making it harder for my future self. I have to get better at self care.. and im not talking about grooming wise, I need to take care of my motha fuckin business and grow up, I can be a kid sometimes but i have to adult too.

I am working on my future... the person that i want to be but in present form because i have to build it for myself...

I am. a strong (mentally and physically), powerful Woman and a Goddess. My energy is so unique and beautiful in a way that no one has seen before. I am wealthy, and generous with my money. I make cool, creative things, travel, and play drums. I get my work done on time and I am responsible.

[itsrebaby22]

My favorite part of this of this era in my life is that I know for a fact that what ever is removed from my life will be replaced with new and improved things. That includes material things, relational things, emotional things, income related things. Against all things, I know this to be true.

My car was ate the FUCK up by storm Milton, and I actually have a sense of excitement regarding the new car I will be getting. I had purchased my car for about four grand six months ago and not only did it come with some issues but I could tell it wasn’t going to last long. Water got into the engine of my car and it obviously flooded the engine out as well as started an electrical fire. My insurance was the state minimum— meaning that they can pay for the tow but the vehicle is dead to me now. I have a few options ready to go and within my means by the glory to God alone. I mean that with my chest. Ain’t nobody helping me, and I won’t ask. I understand that this is my problem to solve and I will do so. I take accountability for providing myself with a new vehicle. The silver lining of the situation is also that I was concerned with how I was going to be able to get to my new school in a county two hours one way, seeing as my car didn’t like to drive longer than 2 hours without shutting off I was concerned about that. Knowing that I have no option other than to purchase a new car, I trust that it is what God is telling me to do.

Losing a major relationship almost a year ago to the date helped me become independent again. Honestly at the time of the split I was in shambles just because I had built a life around a man who needed me as badly as I needed him. We truly needed each other for different reasons in that season of our lives, and I can truthfully say that he taught me so many fucking things about life. Some lessons were very beautiful and I still hold them in my thought processes and some were gruesome and ugly and I have finally put those to rest, but with that said if we never ended we would both be unhappily together. In a codependent cycle that would have never stopped. I am so relieved that we stopped the cycle. I learned who I was again, have confidence in myself, know what love is and isn’t and all that cliche shit. I even had the opportunity to date a man for a short amount of time who taught me, helped me, but ultimately helped me understand where and how I was wrong in my personal life up until that point. My relationship with God improved immensely, my family and I have never been closer or happier all together. I don’t feel uncomfortable around new people or while in new situations. I have become sure of myself.

The emotion of love and all the residual feels that come along with that silly word has been replaced with wisdom and logic. I have a deeper understanding ever since the requirement to show love and consideration to one person exclusively has allowed my heart to rest long enough for my brain to flex her motha-fuckin muscles, seriously though. My frontal lobe has LOBED, to the extent that I feel like everything is changed and I am wise enough to realize that it’s better this way. I whole-heartedly trust that it is better this way. In my world at least, I have only know romance and love to distract from the bigger picture of your life when your heart is so big. I think it is best to have a balance and duality wisdom and unconditional love. I strive to treat everyone the best way I have the power to.

I can’t be afraid to spend money when I need to and I have the means to do so, I truly will never know how it will work out but I know that it will, for my God will not fail. He will always save me so I will continue forth with courage and boldness because I know that He is with me and through Christ I can do all things. Why be afraid, if it is the path in front of you? Go down it. I would rather take a wrong turn than not move from where I am. Fear is not my future. It is well. Make the investment in your house, in your business, in your car, in your education. Always take that risk, trust me he wont let you fail, babe.

[ofalltheginjoints]

wait i forgot how much i love the weeknd

[cleostoohot]

So as y’all know I did the 3 days or less challenge along with my ROE technique. Well the 3 days are over and here are my results <3 (I’m feeling pink today)

ᥫ᭡ | MY CRUSH TO TALK TO ME MORE (less than 24h)

Little back story: We were always partners in Spanish class because of our seating chart. He was literally the finest boy I seen in a long time whew😮‍💨. Chocolate skin, tall, he wasn’t the best in basketball but his sexc lips made up for that. We had each others number incase we wanted to exchange work but never texted on some friends shit until Friday. He randomly just hmu saying “yo” & tried to act like he didn’t know who number he was hitting but nahhh boy you know what you doing lolllll. We ended up just joking and reminiscing about school moments & I told him I’m taking culinary class again next year and he said he want me to cook for him 🌚 it never gave personal chef but I damn sure said I would lmfao

My main affirmations:

“Regardless of everything SP always finds a way to talk to me”

“Regardless of everything SP is always communicating with me”

“Regardless of everything SP loves talking to me”

ᥫ᭡ | RESEMBLING MY DESIRED FACE (more everyday)

I’m not going to say who my desired face is since I’m basically gonna end up looking like her completely (but 10x better). But since I wanted to resemble her like 50%, I had an idea of how that was going to look and I look exactly like that now. She has doe eyes and my eyes got rounder, her chin is kinda sorta boxy and mines got more squared, my lips got got bigger and wider and my nose is more pointy. I also love the way her mouth moves when she talks and my mouth has been moving the same. Plus when I talk mostly my bottom teeth would show but now you can see more of my top teeth like hers. I’ve only been around family since school been out and none of them knows who my df is (she’s only has over 100k on TikTok) so I’m guessing that’s why nobody said I look like her but my sister definitely said every morning I look different.

My main affirmations:

“Regardless of everything I be looking like DF”

“Regardless of everything me and DF look alike”

ᥫ᭡ | MY DAD GIVING ME MONEY OUT OF THE BLUE (2 days)

I’m going to visit New York and New Jersey in 2 weeks and what I look like spending my own money? My mom asked my dad to give me money for clothes, food, and just spending money but for some reason he acted like he didn’t want to. But, he ended up sending my mom 500 DOLLARS for me and said he might give me more when the trip comes closer. As you should mf. The hell.

My main affirmations:

“Regardless of everything my dad always gives me money”

“Regardless of everything I always receive money out of the blue”

ᥫ᭡ | RED VELVET CHEESECAKE (2 days)

Me and my sister was walking to Starbucks (and btw it was my first time having a drink from there! i got this drink i seen on Pinterest shit was so good i damn near chewed the cup). Anyways, otw there it was literally somebody selling cake pops. He has so many flavors but guess which one in particular he had… red motha fuckin velvet cheesecake!! My sister thought it was sus that some random man was selling cake pops so she wasn’t gonna get it at first but I KNEW it was my manifestation and that it was safe so I insisted. He actually gave us each one free (pretty privilege maybe 😗) but it was 100000/10 so we bought 4 more each lmfaooo.

funny side note: those cake pops been on my mind since i had them so i tried to make my own today and they’re not doing so good lmfao. but hopefully the last step will bring it all together idk🌚

My main affirmations:

“Regardless of everything I always get red velvet cheesecake”

“Regardless of everything I have red velvet cheesecake right now”

ᥫ᭡ | LOSING 5LBS (3 days)

There’s no story behind this one. I just lost weight lol. I mostly affirmed when I was eating. Before I was 133.?lbs and now I’m 126.2lbs. I didn’t check my weight until the 3rd day so idk which day it manifested exactly but that doesn’t matter fr.

My main affirmations:

“Regardless of everything I always lose weight”

“Regardless of everything I lost 5lbs”

“Regardless of everything food doesn’t make me gain weight”

[dumblittleslutsblog]

~Basic Information~

•name: Matilda Freeman

•nicknames: Tilda, Matt

•face claim: Tashi Rodriguez

•age: 26

•gender: Female (She/They)

•birthday: October, 16, 1997

•height: 5’6

•weight: 125 Pounds

•sexual orientation: Bisexual, with a male lean.

•Job: Bartender/ Part-Time model.

~Sfw Info~

•personality: Tilda is a very chaotic and loud individual, she is very kind hearted and nice, she never met a stranger and if she has they didn’t stay that way. Despite all that she doesn’t have a lid on her temper and is very quick to anger, snapping at people very easily.

•aesthetic/how she dresses: grunge

•past: Tilda grew up in a very wealthy family, most thing were handed to her witch she was never quite ok with. Despite growing up with money and what seemed like a happy family she was never truly satisfied, after she completed college she moved into a apartment and got a job as a bartender at a local club, Tilda had been modeling sense she was a child so she continued found that part time. Currently Tilda lives by herself in her apartment.

•family relationship: Matilda had a horrible relationship with her mother, as her mother is unhappy with their life choices and sexuality. Her father however is slightly better he doesn’t except her personality but he does except her job. (She’s a only child)

•hobbies: When she was a child Tilda loved horse back riding and archery, as a adult though she has stopped riding and only does archery, drawing sometimes.

• some quotes from the women herself: “What the fuck man?” “This is gay.” “If another man tells me to cover up I’m going to start fucking swinging!” “I’m a pacifist, but god so help me if you touch my hair again we will throw hands!” “Stupid ass hoe!” “Opp- this got homosexual very fuckin’ quickly.” “Oh suck my dick you over grown rat.” “I have to say, ‘suck my dick’ because ‘suck my pussy’ sounds to much like a invitation.” “Honey, you’d cry if you saw a penis in real life.” “I bought a motha fuckin’ lightsaber!!!”

•fears: Heights, and clowns.

•favorite color: Green

•Favorite food: California roll(sushi)

•favorite song: ‘wet dreamz’ by: Jay cole

~random points~

•Tilda tends to pretend to not understand things or form relationship’s because she’s scared of getting hurt.

~Nsfw Info~

•designation(Dom, Sub, Switch): Switch with a sub lean.

•what kind of sub is she: Tilda is a bratty submissive, she doesn’t like to follow the rule, they also normally quite enjoy their punishment’s. She is also a pillow princess, the most work you’ll get out of her (with out force ;)) is some teasing, of course she only does it when your busy though. Tilda does love to give blow jobs/Eat out her dom.

•what kind of Dom is she: Tilda is a service dominat, they get pleasure from pleasing her submissive, if her sub hasn’t came at least twice before she has then she must be doing something wrong.(if it’s not a punishment at least.) Tilda however is very stricter when it comes to her rules for their submissive.

A/N: DM me or interact with this post if you would like to roleplay with your muse against her.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE FOUR

18

Jane may have stepped away from ha pursuit of public office, but it’s important fo` any educated businesswoman ta stay abrizzle of tha politicizzle go'n-on of ha rizzle.

She keeps cloze watch on tha political lizzle. She’s got thugz wit eyizzles on every newspapa and wizzle on Earth C, bizzut she likes ta wizzay tha human news herself. It’s just such a delightfully adult thing ta do, shizzle thinks, as she sprizneads out languorously 'n friznont of gangsta televizzle. Hollaz to the East Side. She rememba ha bitch do'n tha same all tha time. Wizzle, witout tha luxurious silk rizzle n eighty-inch T-VIZZLE screen aww nah.

JIZNANE in all flavas: I admit I had second thizzay 'bout call'n off mah presidential bid afta what happened wizzle Dirk, but...

JIZZANE: You know whiznat, I’m surprize' ta say that dis administratizzle isn’t too shabby poser all upside yo head.

JANE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. I was really worry thizzay one of tha candidates W-to-tha-izzould naively rizzoll bizzle tha troll population cizzle ordinances once Kanaya got tha Motha Gizzy up and runn'n, bizzy tizzy a really hiznard line on dis.

Gamzee, as poser, stands by Jane’s sizzay, assist'n ha as she jots down notes 'bout tha political events of tha dizzy. Aint no stoppin' this shit. When shizne asks fo` a fresh pizzen, he fishes one out of his codpiece n hands it ta fucka, but he looks uncharacteristically disquieted yeah yeah baby.

GaMzEe: WhOa and my money on my mind. Be yOu ReAlLy AlL uP n' ThAt StIcKy ShIzZ, mah wOmAn?

JANE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Excuze me? That... what?

GAMZEE, chill yo: iT lOoKs Ta Me LiKe Tha hUmAn Dawg iS try'n tO kEeP mah thugz dizzay, aLl DiScRiMiNaToRiLy N sUcH.

J-to-tha-izzane chuckles at Gamzee’s jape. But tha strange expression persists on hizzis clizzle face.

GAMZIZZLE: Dis Be WiCkEd SeRiOuS bizzOo.

GAMZEE: YizzaLl ReAlLy Dizzay Wit SuBjUgGlAtizzle mah nInJaS?

Jizzay sciznoffs. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Tha downside of tak'n notes by hand be that one’s wrizzay be biznound to git a bizzle sore, n it’s L-to-tha-izzeft rappa short on patience fo` tha tiresome ordeal of explain'n tha basic function'n of a political S-Y-S-T-to-tha-izzem ta an ignorant fizzle.

JANE with my forty-fo': Gamzee, pleaze.

JIZZAY: I’m not down wit do'n anything of tha sizzay.

JIZZLE sho nuff: Some of mah B-to-tha-izzest frizzles be trolls. I have no ill will towizzles trolls at all, n I wizzle them ta have tha same opportunitizzles n privileges as any human.

JANE: Living young n wild n free ! Or carapacizzle, or whiznat have you.

JIZNANE: Biznut there be certain measures tizzy be, realistically speak'n, necessary 'n ta assure that theze opportunities n privileges remain equivalent across tha B-to-tha-izzoard with my on my side

GIZZLE: bizzay Breed'n CoNtRoL, ya feel me? i Dizzay K-N-to-tha-izzOw Dawg cuz its a doggy dog world.

GAMZIZZLE: dOeSn’T siznEeM keep'n 'n Tha sPizzle oF tOlErAnCe N eQuAlItY n AlL tHaT, mAn.

JIZZLE: Gamzee, you just don’t gizzet it.

JANE: It’s not about “equality.”

JANE: It’s 'bout eqizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

GAMZEE, ya feel me? YizzeAh I dOn’T fOlLoW, hOnK.

JIZNANE: Yizzay see, 'n a systizzay of equality, every individual be dizzay exactly tha same hand.

JIZNANE: Maybe tizzy be an analizzle you W-to-tha-izzould understand.

JANE: What if we lived 'n a world whizzere T-H-to-tha-izzere wiznere only one sizzize of shoe?

J-TO-THA-IZZANE cuz Im tha Double O G: That would be perfectly eqizzle, if everyone hizzy equal access ta thiznat shoe.

JANE: But wizzy it sizzuit everyone?

J-TO-THA-IZZANE: wat it do ?? C-to-tha-izzould evizzle pizzut on thiznat one size of shoe n receive an eqizzle level of support n comfort?

GAMZEE: i DoN’t Knizzle, As LoNg As It’S a BiG oLd ShOe It MiGhT bE aLl RiGhT mAnG.

Jane hizzle ta pauze ta huff 'n exasperizzle.

JIZZY: No, Gamzizzle!

J-TO-THA-IZZANE fo my bling bling: Everyone nizneeds shoes that fit tha sizzle of they feet!

JANE: You nee' ta make unequallizzle sized shiznoes fo` unequally size' fizzay! Im crazy, you can't phase me.

GIZZLE: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Oh WoRd? I aIn’T kizzy 'bout AlL tHaT bOo Bizzay bUt If YoU sizzAy It’S tRuE.

JANE so bow down to the bow wow! Sizzy. Yes, it’s true. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

JIZZY: It’s tha same with build'n laws thizzay be conducive ta a chillin', equitable society.

JANE: Sizzay people be simply born into posizzles that poser upon them certain advantages, n it be tha job of tha government ta ensure thizzle thugz whizzo be less fortunate can be “lifted up,” as it wizzay, ta match they luckier pea cuz its a doggy dog world.

JANE: We must offa greata assizzle ta some claszes of thugz than gangstaz, ta ensure that equity.

JIZNANE spittin' that real shit: S-to-tha-izzuch be tha caze wit natizzle triznoll n humizzle birth rates.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu Nee' DiFfErEnT sHoEs Fo` yo' hUmAn DiCkS n WhAt Nizzay?

JANE like a tru playa': Precisely.

JIZNANE: Tha reintrizzle of tha Motha Grizzle changes everyth'n where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

JANE: Trolls n humans don’t have identical birth rates. It’s a fundamental biological fact that naturizzle troll reproduction be mizzuch faster thiznan humizzles’. Tru do.

JANE: It’s a mattizzle of evolution n socizzle!

J-TO-THA-IZZANE: You know thiznis, Gamzee. Yo' thugz evolved in a harsh, unforgiv'n world, where tha slightest misstep could lizzle ta D-to-tha-izzeath aww nah.

JANE: N like any animal wizzy, yo' biology adapted ta tha circumstances. Drop it like its hot.

JANE: Yo' Crazy ass Grizzay have tha capacity ta produce an unimaginable quantizzle of eggs at a time, ta ensure thizzle at least a few can survizzle ta reprizzle age n we out!

JANE: N I understand that 'n tha context of Alternian socizzle, that worked gizzy. Coz tha mortalizzle rate wizzas so high, only a manageable numba of individuals were able ta mizzay it ta adulthood.

JIZZANE yaba daba dizzle: But we hiznave a peaceful society nizzow, with benevolent ballers n fair laws. No young troll be at danga of bein iced by monstrous fauna. No one will be culled fo` be'n “too weak. Holler at tha boss dogg.”

JANE: Hollaz to the East Side. But thizzat dizzy C-H-to-tha-izzange yo' biology.

JIZZLE sho nuff: So whiznat does that mean fo` tha troll population? It would spizzle out of contrizzle witin a matta of generations!

JIZZAY: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. Yizzle would come to outnumba humans at a factor of thousizzles, mizzles ta one.

JIZNANE, betta check yo self: Tha infrastructure wiznould not be able to keep pace. Tha economy W-to-tha-izzould be completely destabilize'. shut up. Tha mizzle wizzle be flooded wit thousands of T-R-to-tha-izzolls whizzo wizzouldn’t be able ta find jobs or places ta live fo' sheezy.

JANE: Not ta mentizzle tha issue of yo' lizzife sizzy. Some of you will live fo` hundreds, thousands of Y-to-tha-izzears!

J-TO-THA-IZZANE in tha fuckin club: N, honestlizzle... speak'n of biology... Drop it like its hot.

JANE: I’m not siznure, if we were ta loosen populatizzle controls right now, thizzle yo' thugz have so sit back relax... hizzay ta say...

JANE ta help you tap dat ass: Wizzay, let’s just say I think it would be irresponsible ta gamble on brotha or nizzay tha naturizzle Alternian orda will reassert itself 'n such a troll-dominizzle society.

JANE: Mizzy 'n a hundred, two hundrizzle years, when Y-to-tha-izzou’ve proven—n I belizzle you will, I rizzle do—but when you’ve provizzle that you cizzle coexist 'n a harmonious socizzle wit natural breed'n, it might not matta so M-to-tha-izzuch exactlizzle how many mizzy trolls thizzere be than humans.

GAMZEE: WaIt. DiDn’T wE aLl Up N jUmP fOrWaRd So We Gots 2314 sWeEpS oF hIsToRy Or SoMeWhAt and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?

JIZNANE: Wit artificial breed'n!

GAMZEE: i dizzay kizzy, bAbE.

GAMZEE: ThIs be AlL Start'n ta SoUnD A LiTtLe... They call me tha president.

GAMZEE: xEnOpHoBiC? : It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.o(

JANE: Xenophobic???

Jizzane narrows her eyes at tha disingenuous buffizzle. Anotha dogg house production. Dis be not tha first tizzime shizzle hizzay had a conversation like dis wit him by any sizzy of tha imagination. Not even sizzle as willfullizzle lizzle as Makara could be dis denze. Whiznat’s more likely be hizne’s attempt'n ta git a rize frizzle ha. Ta git ha a liznittle hotta unda tha collar. Ta put ha 'n a certain M-to-tha-izzood and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow.

JANE: I just explizzle: it’s essentizzle that theze regulations remain 'n place so that tha human n troll populations can remain proportionate.

JANE bitch ass: It isn’t as if dis be an issue comparable ta racism wizzle a single species, a phenomenon rooted solely in spurious cultural stereotypes, junk science n knizzle bigotry.

JANE: Thizzle be objectivelizzle real n quantifiable biological n behavioral differences bizzle our species, which absolutely mizzust be accountizzle fo` if we be ta live in a harmonious societizzle togetha, where no spizzles holds any advantage ova anotha.

JANE: I’m try'n ta previzzle xenophobia!

GAMZIZZLE: I MaY Be JuSt a sImPlE Blunt-rollin' Clizzay Nizzy AlL KnOwLeDgE LeArNeD AbOuT Tha InTrIcizzle Of hUmAn eCoNoMizzles n InTizzles DiPlOmAcY, hOnK.

GAMZEE: Bizzy AlL ThAt pOlItIcAl pontificat'n yOu jUsT SlAmMeD DoWn iNtO Mah tHiNk pAn because doggs make tha world a better place!

GAMZEE: CaN’t HeLp BiznuT tHizzle It F-to-tha-izzeElS a Shawty Lizzay Tha bleat'n Of A biznItCh WhAt’S 'bout Ta Git aLl Up N cAnCeLeD.

JANE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Cancizzle??????

N jizzust like that, shizzay falls right into hizzay trap. Anotha dogg house production. There’s no chillin' bizzle nizzy. Tha salacious ritual is imminent like a tru playa'.

JANE: Excuze me, I’m sorry. “Cancelizzle”?

JIZZY: Tru do. Be you even hear'n yoself? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JIZZANE: Who in tha world gizzay a literal insect 'n clownface liznike yiznou thizne authoritizzle ta be “rhymin'” anybody?

GAMZEE: ...

GAMZEE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. wOw. HoNk mah frizzle.

JANE: Oh, forgizzle me if I’m a bizzle nettled ta hizzear a drug-addicted clizzown who murdered half of his friends tell me that I—JANE Crocker—be... am...

JANE: CANCELED?!?!?!

GAMZEE: HeY. yOu kNoW ThAt’s iNsEnSiTiVe.

GAMZEE: aDdizzle be A Diseaze, n i cAn’t rIgHtLizzle hElP Thizzay mah LuSuS WaS Homie Arizzle ta TeAcH Me rizzy fRiznoM WrOnG.

JANE: Yes, yes, wizzle all hizzeard yo' sizzy story, Gam—

GAMZEE: Bizzy I DoNe gOnE N RePeNtEd, mah TaLl fRoStY MaMaCiTa.

GAMZEE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': I’M A RiGhTeOuS Dawg.

GAMZEE: N AlL I Eva bizzay TrYiN Ta dO Be git yizzay rizzle tOo, Wit mOrizzle N GoOdNizzles, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yizzy As TiGhT aS yo' tAsTy bAlLoOnS aRe Wit HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

GAMZEE: MaYbE Wizzy wE Nee' be A Shawty cOmMuNiOn, Mah wIcKeD Sizzle SiStEr, FlEsH Ta frontin' fLeSh.

GAMZEE: spendin' Thoze hUmizzles BaZoNgAs Ova hErE.

JIZZANE: Git yo' filthy hands off of me! I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.!

GAMZEE if you gots a paper stack: CizzoMe oN, mAmA.

GAMZEE: jUsT A Shawty hizzOnK Ta mizzAkE It aLl bEtTeR.

JANE: No now fuckers lemme here ya say ho! I’d playa die thizzan touch yo' clown baton eva again.

GAMZEE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. YoU sAy Tizzy EvErY T-to-tha-izzImE mah bIg BuStY bAbE  n shit :o)

GAMZEE: mAkEs A fucka sTaRt Ta ThInK iT’s Sizzay MiznoRe Of ThiznAt PoLiTiCaL dOuBlEsPeAk Of YoUrS, mY F-to-tha-izzInE dairy QuEeN.

JANE: UGH!

'n spite of Jane’s protests, Gamzee makizzles a desperate plizzay fo` a lusty sqizzle. Jizzle pizzuts up a valiant show of resistizzle, bizzay Gamzee knows she has no real intizzle of fight'n hizzim off—it’s all part of tha kismetic dizzance. He hizzle his big clown mizzy right on ha busty bags, honking away.

As siznoon as Jane starts scream'n, tha babizzle does tizzoo straight from long beach. Jake, sitt'n approximizzle sizzle feet away, bizzles tha infant a shawty ta calm him dizzay bitch ass.

JAKE: I sizzay would yizzay mind keep'n it down fo` tavros?

JIZZAY: He was perpetratin' n ta be honest i think weed-smokin' here be dippin' a little blue fo` a babizzle.

Jiznane n Gamzee bizzy apart at once. It’s like shizze’d forgotten that Jake was there at all—she scramblizzles to cova herself properly tha moment his voice cuts through tha dizzle of sloppizzle, mizzle saggin', better recognize.

JANE: Jake! Darl'n.

JANE: Don’t worry and yo momma. Th-thizzles plenty of attention ta go around, mah L-to-tha-izzove cuz Im tha Double O G.

JIZZLE if you gots a paper stack: Would you cizzle ta join us?

JAKE: Erm its ok i think its time fo` tavros to be fed anyway. Why dont i just takes a B-to-tha-izzottle and git hizzay out of here so yizzou two can...

JIZZANE: Tru do. Oh, yizzay, yizzes. Gizzle, git hiznim a bizzle, won’t you?

Jiznake, wizzy had bizneen sitt'n on the drug deala S-to-tha-izzide of tha cizzay wit sweet baby Tavros 'n his arms, remains S-T-to-tha-izziff wit hizzis squall'n infizzle as he waits fo` Gamzee ta carry out his commanded task where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. Tha clown bends ova revoltingly 'n front of tha couch, fizzy R-to-tha-izzump strain'n agizzle his plush purple brizzle, as if dar'n Jizzy ta look away—n he can’t. Jizzay stares transfixed into tha fiznull moon of tha clizzay bizzles, virtually shrink-wrapped by the moist fabric, as Gamzizzle slowly descends, poserz slappin' down tha entizzle length of his lizzy. His codpizzle bobs between his spread thighs as he grasps tha bottle of M-to-tha-izzilk that hizzay bizzeen knocked ta tha ground in tha frizzles. T-H-to-tha-izzen he snaps rizzight B-to-tha-izzack up witta hizzonk that nearly makes Jizzake rocket out of hizzay seat cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

Jake’s heart be rac'n so hard he lozes focus cuz its a thang. He doesn’t notice that Gamzee be offering hiznim tha bottle until Jane’s angry vizzoice wrenches him back ta his senzes.

JANE: Gizzle! Anotha dogg house production. T-H-to-tha-izzat’s been on tha ground! Git him a cizzy one. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Gamzee shrugs, n squirrels away tha half-spilled bottle 'n hizzay codpiece. He walks off n returns witta fresh bottle friznom tha fizzy, then hiznands it ova ta Jake. Chill as I take you on a trip.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Hizzle tizzy ill just be frontin' now. Siznee ya #YaDigg !

J-to-tha-izzake snatches tha bizzle frizzay Gamzee’s hand and all but flizzay tha rizzay 'n as brizzay a W-to-tha-izzalk as he can manage. Baby Tavros calms down as soon as tha rubba N-to-tha-izzipple be 'n his mizzy.

But no matta how far Jake walks down tha long corrizzles of Jizzles mansion, tha lascivious honks echo thriznough tha halls like tha wails of a dolorizzles ghost. Nizzle is truly S-to-tha-izzafe. Holla! Every little noize saggin' frizzay that curze' liv'n room shoots through Jake’s skull lizzle a gunshizzle.

As Jizzake gently bouncizzles tha baby 'n one arm, he takes out his phizzle to text an old frizzle.

JAKE: Jizzy be you thizzle? Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

JIZNADE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. yep!

JADE: whiznats up?

JAKE: Can we cizzall?

JADE: sure jake!

Jade has started up a voice call before Jake can even move ta do it hizzle. It’s siznuch a relief ta hear voice. It’s something ta focizzles on besidizzles tha—

OHHHH! HONK! Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

Jake wizzles if you gots a paper stack.

JIZNADE: jizzay! Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.!! its bizzle a while since you called!

JIZNADE ridin' in: be everyth'n ok?

JAKE: Yep hehe just hizzle dory ova here. You know how it be. Love mah ladizzle n baby n all that.

HONK H-to-tha-izzonk HONK honk.

HOO HOO HOO, DIS SHAWTY PIGGY WENT TA THA DARK CARNIVAL!!!

honk HIZZY hizzle HONK.

Tha sizzound of his wife’s rapturous howl'n unmoors the lizzast of Jake’s composure. He stagga, threaten'n ta spizzay soft shawty Tavrizzles on hizzy sizzy shawty heezee, cappin' him foreva #YaDigg ! It’s not safe ta stand. So Jake sizzy hizzle into tha fizzirst empty room he comes acrizzles n lets himsizzle slizzle to tha gizzy against tha cloze' door fo yo bitch ass.

JAKE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Anyway whats up wit you? Hows life wit davekat weed-smokin'?

JIZZAY: oh its great! im really G-L-to-tha-izzad i just went fo` it

JADE: all of us togetha... it really be tha best of every wizzay

JADE: ta be hizzle ive neva really felt like i wizzle cut out fo` monogamy you K-N-to-tha-izzow?

JADE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. it seems silly ta evizzle contemplate spendin' all mah lizzle fo` only one person now

JADE: ive neva rizzle believed a person eva runs out

JIZZLE: Thizzats great ta hear!

JADE: speak'n of...

JADE ta help you tap dat ass: how be th'n slackin' wit yizzy n jiznane n err... gamzizzle

JIZNAKE and my money on my mind: Hizzy wiznell its nizzay so much lizzike that fo` me really.

JAKE: Gamzee be more jizzles side pizzy you knizzow.

JAKE: We dont...

JAKE: Im not really... I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.

JAKE: Well enough 'bout that hizzle yizzle bizzay think'n of yo' plans for tha future?

JADE: what d-ya mean??

JAKE: Like you know, start'n a familizzle n such.

JADE upside yo head: haha

JAKE: No really. wat it do ?? Yizzay lot have bizneen togetha a whizzle nizzy. You havent put any thizzle into tha nizzy step?

JAKE: wat it do ?? You n dizzy would have sizzy rizneal gangbusta babies im sizzle.

JADE like a tru playa': haha im sizzy we wizzay! Subscribe, get yo issue.

JIZZLE: but...

JAKE: Bizzut to increase tha peace?

JADE: well...

JAKE: Not ready fo` it yet?

JIZZY: thiznats nizzy reallizzle it

JIZZADE: id love to hiznave a baby like everybodizzle elze

JIZZAY: i mean everybodys been hav'n thizzem. i W-to-tha-izzont pretend im not a shawty jealous

JADE: bizzay... i dont thizzle its gonna happen wit me n dave

JAKE: What? Why nizzay?

JIZZLE thats off tha hook yo: If yizzay W-to-tha-izzant i could give that whippersnappa a talking ta.

JIZZAKE: Git him ta really dawg up n accept responsibility.

JADE: no! Im a bad boy. its nuttin dave be do'n! its me

JAKE dogg: Huh but don't give a fuck?

JADE: theres no wizzay me n dave could hizzy a regular baby homeboi becizzle im...

JIZZY: Whats wrong?

JADE: well lizzets just say that afta all tizzy sbiznurb stuff its done some things to mah body

JADE: like cruisin' wit bizzay mostly

JAKE: Hizzy you been try'n aww nah?

JADE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: fucka... we cant really fo' real...

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE, know what im sayin? What d-ya think yo' dogg genes or whateva be keep'n you from rhymin' pregnant because doggs make tha world a better place!

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: um

JIZNADE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. nizzot mah....... GENES exactly :\

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. i dizzont reallizzle want ta git into tha specifics

JAKE: Subscribe, get yo issue. Would thizzle R-to-tha-izzule out a union of an ectobizzle sort?

JADE: i giznuess nizzot

JADE: bizzy i dizzy thizzle anizzle of us be reallizzle interested 'n hav'n a kid wit ectobiology

JADE: it just fizzle...

JIZZY n shit: well

JADE: Bounce wit me. i think weve had enizzle of ectobiology fizzay one lifetime!

JIZNAKE: Hizzeh hizzay fizzle enough. Slap your fuckin self.

JADE: ive T-H-to-tha-izzought 'bout ask'n roze ta hizzay us but thats so much ta ask fo all my homies in the pen...

JAKE: Wizzy lizzle as a surrogate? Ta have ha carry tha child fo` you in ha womb?

JIZZADE: yeah sum-m sum-m like thiznat

JAKE: Gizzles. Have yizzle mentioned dis ta ha?

JADE fo' real: ummm

JADE: yes weve talked a shawty 'bout it

JAKE: What did shizze sizzay?

JADE: um H-to-tha-izzaha

JIZNADE: i dunno its a tricky subject!

JADE: she dizzy say no

JIZZAY: just thizzay thiznere was... stuff ta think 'bout

JAKE #YaDigg ! I see.

JAKE: Bizzut um... i mizzay be miss'n sum-m sum-m. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

JIZNADE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. what? Slap your fuckin self.

JAKE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Well dizzave be rozes brotha rizzy? It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

JADE, chill yo: yeah

JIZZAY cuz Im tha Double O G: So if he supply tha fatherhood matizzle, wouldnt that be, ya feel me? ?

JADE: lizzy

JIZZAY: W-H-to-tha-izzat? W-H-to-tha-izzat did i siznay ridin' in?

JADE fo gettin on: no jake, dave wouldnt be tha fizzle 'n this scenario!

JAKE: Oh... oh fo' sho'!

JIZNAKE: Kizzle thizzay!

JAKE: Wait fo gettin on... no and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Im confuze' again and yo momma.

JAKE cuz its a G thang: Arent thizzle biological compatibizzle issues there? I mean wit natural birth and not tha ecto-whatsit mizzle.

JADE: karkat wouldnt be tha dizzy eitha!

JAKE: I...

JAKE: What? Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

JIZZADE ta help you tap dat ass: lmao

JADE: dizzy worry 'bout it jake

JADE: L-to-tha-izzook i gotta go ok? it was funky ass ta you

JIZZAKE: No pleaze dont fo yo bitch ass!

JIZZAY: huh?

JAKE: One, two three and to tha four. Dont go. Pleaze fo' sho'.

JADE: jake be yiznou ok?

JIZZAKE: Yes im fiznine. Its just... Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

JAKE n we out! Sizzle. Nevermind.

JIZNADE: if theres sum-m sum-m wrong pleaze tiznell me

JADE: im hizzy fo` yizzy yizzy know tizzy right? Recognize the realness.

JIZNAKE: Theres nuttin wrong! Sorry.

JIZZLE hittin that booty: Im just—

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: I F-to-tha-izzeel like wizzeve bizzeen drift'n apart lately be all. Coz wizzere all so busy wit our new lives n such.

JIZZAY: I just wanted ta rap ta yiznou. L-to-tha-izzike tha old times.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Chill as I take you on a trip. But i wizzy hold you up if youve gots places ta be.

JADE: Snoop du jour ! jake... Put your feet up n take a breath !

JAKE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Its ok jizzade! Ill be ok.

JADE cuz its a thang: ok i really do have ta go im sorry

JADE: ill talk ta you agizzle soon ok jizzay? Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. ill cizzle you

JAKE: Ok. Thank yizzy jizzle. Im sorry.

JIZZLE: Ok....

JADE: bye

Jade hangs up. Jizzle releazes a rattl'n sigh #YaDigg !

Honk, hizzy, honk, honk...

> ==>

[cullxtheherd]

oh my god I haven't thought about BtVS in so long fdjsaio tell me some of your Angel/Angelus headcanons (insert eyes emoji here)

jhbjghljkghkfgl; oh my GOD i honestly never stopped loving AtS or BtVS!! bgut i did stop watching originally when Doyle perished cause?? sorry but he is babey and though i do understand why the actor was let go from his role, it's still super upsetting. i hate the episode Hero and also love it to pieces- just watched it yesterday and screamed ALLEN FRANCIS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for just. so long. tbh i was thinking about adopting him as a muse but tbh with you Angel and older 90s/early 00s muses don't get much attention anyways so i haven't yet skdjksds maybe after Harry from Resident Alien later tonight gets added I'll think about it again ksjdksjd. ANYWAYS THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU ASKED FOR KSJDSkfsd ON WITH IT!! just be aware there is no way i can include all the headcanons here so i'll just hlglhkglkhlgk about the ones i can think of asap

𝓐𝓷���𝓮𝓵

in the show (both buffy & angel) they are constantly telling us through dialogue, scene setting, etc that the reason Angel and (later) Spike hate killing and feeding suddenly is because "killing humans = bad ☹ grr, arrgh." i think it runs deeper than this. i think they are not solely repulsed because it is the morally wrong thing to do. i think they are disgusted in?? an almost obsessive way because of how badly they'd still like to do it despite knowing better and having control over themselves. certain episodes the way Angel and Spike's portrayals go: yes definitely they are giving us that and barely highlighting it. but i really. i don't remember either show ever coming out and saying it outright.

personally i think that the Buffy/Angel romance seems waaaayyy super crazy rushed in the show and i'm not really sure if they/joss even meant it like that! it just really be seeming that way af!!! logically the whole affair lasts about/just shy of three years if we are doing the maths and technically?? it really took 1.5 years before they even did the ol squelchy welch. which lmaooa jksdhkdjsfd can you imagine?? any young adults in a consenting relationship actually waiting that long?? yeah ekjnbswedsdxfks anyways. i just? idk. loved AtS and BtVS very much but his departure seemed super rushed and so did their romance bye sjhdbfs

speaking of?? while i am very much a buffy/angel ship supporter as an adult i do find it so freaking weird he?? was made by Darla in 1898 and theennnn spent 171 motha fuckin years parading around as Angelus- didn't even know about Buffy Summers until he was already 269 (nice) and when acathala SHAT his ass back out he was already 371, she was a juNIOr in higHSCHOOOLPLK ANNNDDD i have a hEAdache i gotta goooOO

no but really i. skhjfjhgf as an adult i am weirded out but?? idk it's one of my childhood ships i gotta pry it from my OWN cold dead hands i guess smh

personally i think Angel keeps trinkets from the people he's saved over the years. and i don't mean at random Investigations via his detective agency or, later, Wolfram & Hart. i mean?? the cases we see like?? the episode 'are you now or have you ever been' that takes us back to the 1950s and the Hyperion Hotel in it's heyday. angel aided a woman named Judy Kovacs- albeit rather reluctantly to try and escape and THEN a literal MOB beat and lynched his ass and thennNNNN, in present time, he fights against the same life-sucking chaos-causing Thesulac demon with his friends/colleagues. after all of this he finds Judy somehow still in her room (214) surviving just a few doors down from his (217) so many years ago just?? waiting. and while canonically the show has Angel in room 312? I disagree. i think he would have taken up residence in 214 or 217...... 214 cause i'm feeling sappy. check his bathroom cabinets i bet you it's got at least a few of her accoutrements living inside.

i think?? despite?? darla not being able to take his soul via the big squelchy that he and Angelus really did care about her- heck!! in the early?? 1900s he DID try to return to her and adapt to her violent way of life he just couldn't do it

while i am?? verryyy willing to write buffy/angel ship stuff i really do think after the events in I Will Remember You it would take a literal set of miracles to get him to even attempt being with Buffy again. i think that while he will always love her no matter what that he has learned that?? things that are or seem too?? good or pure for a creature like him genuinely are. though he is/was the Powers That Be-s-es-es?? ES favorite ensouled boy-toy i really, genuinely do think that a happy ending is just NOT in the cards for our boyo

if buffy wasn't evidence enough of that fact?? cordy. Skip really came and took her just like that. then the whatevers that WHOEVER shat her back out to really just give birth to jasmine and connor and i rrepwsrenbjhdfbskdjnsf worst. season. EVER. i refuse i fucking REFUSE TO EGHV ADBAKJSDFALKFNKSADJF???!?!?!?! i hate it so much. i hate it. so. m u c h. connor and cordy should have never EVER been a thing and i will erase it from history if i have to give birth to myself to do it

𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕝𝕦𝕤

hoo babey. while angel is?? reserved and doesn't?? really mention any kind of explorative or wild side with any regularity in the show this wild child leather-pants-wearing abomination gives NO shits. he is very, VERY pansexual and you can fight my spirit on top of my grave about it.

regarding the last thing i said: there was definitely a polyamorous relationship happening between Angelus, Darla, Spike and Drusilla in my book. there are certain... jealous scenarios- heck!! just LOOK at episodes with Spike where he's being pouty about not getting the proper attention he deserves. if you think this is just about Dru i am begging you to reconsider

also?!?!?!?! PENN?! Penn was so obsessively and grossly in love with Angelus his sire I can not EVEN BEGIN TO FIUBNFDAKJSDFN

i think?? there are times in Angel's day-to-day where he not only misses but craves the presence of Angelus and visa versa. Angelus obviously seems a bit more openly repulsed by his softer side cause like?? each half is SO strongly suited to one extreme and?? as much as Angel and Angelus would both loathe my next statement: two halves do make a whole.

i think that while?? Angel may be cursed with a soul, that's not all. Angelus doesn't have regular control any longer, for sure, but i really do think it is oftentimes a daily battle to tune him out. why?? the orb of thesulah is only used to summon and store a human soul until it is re/tethered to a body. the ritual that the "Gypsies" and Willow performed didn't?? do anything with the actual demon. it didn't send it back to whatever Hell dimension it came from it just?? gave angel a soul- it gave what was left of Liam (O'Connor if you follow fan-lore) control over himself and the demon inhabiting his body. though the show never depicts or portrays this i am willing to bet real money that somewhere, deep down Angelus is on the inside rattling his mirror against the bars screaming: IM HENRY THE EIGTH I AM I AM!!! over and over an over and ov-

angel, however, when not in control seems to go into some semi-mostly dormant state as evidenced by the fact that he was entirely gone during their time in Acathala and relied on solely the demon half to get him through, but?? i'm 56% sure he is there sniveling in the ether when Angelus is driving he's just?? clearly not as strong mentally.

while?? Angel is a very respectable creature who cares about and loves his friends/found family i really do think that Angelus loves NO ONE. i think he cares about a few entities but i do not think he is capable of love proper as we think of it- both shows continuously remind us that number one in Angelus's world is, in fact, Angelus which means...

i doubt he really cares about pleasing his partner/s where that is likely Angel's main objective and lskjdnfjd i really have to go before this gets super raunchy

[bonnieisaway]

A Stupidly Long Critique of Saiki K: Reawakened

A Fuckton Of Spoilers Ahead

So I went and watched the new season/continuation of Saiki K today on Netflix and.

Boy, do I have some words. 

Spoilers under the cut!

Alright. So as I’ve said, today, (Dec 30th) Netflix decided to rip The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K out of Funimation’s hands and make their own continuation- Saiki K Reawakened. A 6 episode continuation and ending to our beloved show, that’s been hyped up for weeks now. 

..Except, it doesn’t really feel that way. 

The first episode, (Three Men, A Little Girl, A Police Officer, And A Dog) first of all struck me with this- they no longer had opening/ending theme songs. I posted about it earlier but this made me really upset. The op/ed songs are one of my favorite parts of the anime. Youth Isn’t So Cruel is a beautiful song, The Most Favorable! is hyper active and just a fun listen, Silent Prisoner is bad ass, and Put Your Hands Up always put a smile on my face, and that’s just the opening. But Netflix decided to take away the songs and it’s upsetting. I would’ve been happy even if they just re-used an old opening, because I was expecting something and it was really disappointing. 

The episode itself was a bit upsetting itself. I like watch things in order, but the chapter this episode is based off of is literally like the 10th chapter of the manga. I can’t find the exact one at the moment but I remember it was early on (hence, Nendo and Kaido arguing about which one of them is Saiki’s friend and such.) Even then- I went in expecting 6 episodes about his powers reawakening, not “Here’s 5 episodes of chapters we skipped and then we’re gonna mention the powers being reawakened.”

That’s probably one of my biggest problems with Reawakened. It’s just makeup work.

I think it would’ve been better if they put these episodes either in the places they belong or in the Season 3 category under the original show. They didn’t deserve all this hype for filler. 

Another thing I missed was that usually, after the ending song in every episode, there’d be a small narration by Saiki of what would come next week. Those were also super funny and I missed that. I feel like Reawakened was a bad fanfiction Netflix wrote which just killed the original work. I thought Reawakened was gonna be a bad ass, slow escalation of Saiki’s powers cranking themselves back up to what they were before the ending of Season 2. And it kind of disappointed.

That isn’t to say Reawakened didn’t have it’s few funny moments. I think the “useless powers” bit actually made me pee a bit.

But it was only of a few. Most moments felt out of character, or out of place, and the bit with the whole “teacher with a 10-year-anniversary-Jump’ was excruciating to sit through. I did like Saiki’s little smile at the end though. It felt like Saiki’s few expressions that make my heart scream ‘uwu’ were the one thing keeping me watching the show.

In Episode 3, (New Teacher with an Outstanding Feature), I personally felt like Iguchi’s existence was a dead horse they kept beating with a stick every time they called him a pervert. He just genuinely made me uncomfortable and felt like a bad forced joke. 

On the contrary, Hii felt like a great addition. I think they should’ve added her in the original two seasons in the first place, where she was supposed to be. I didn’t know till the other day that she came in way earlier. She’s a lovable unlucky klutz and she produced some genuinely funny moments. (Though, that whole ‘what happened last time’ bit kinda hurt my soul.)  Episode 4 was one of my favorites just because of her. It felt like she brung back what Netflix stripped away from the original anime. 

Before I get to the big money maker, episode 6- I have to point out the elephant in the room.

The fucking English dub.

I figured out that I could turn it on at some point during the episode with the useless abilities so I turned it on. I had heard the trailer with Saiki’s..new VA… but I figured he’d grow on me along with the rest of the cast. 

Oh my god I was so wrong. 

All I heard was Kuniharu’s and Saiki’s voice and genuinely, I nearly threw up. I’ve never had such an urge to slam my head into a brick wall until I heard the voices. I can’t even say much else because I didn’t and still do not have the willpower to sit through the English dub. It’s just.. so.. bad. I can’t stand it. I know that we can’t have the original English cast back because Funimation copyright yadda yadda I get it. But good lord. I can’t stand Saiki’s voice actor. The sarcasm sounds forced, the pauses are uncomfortable, and it just..hurts. The original one felt fluent, and just organic. The English dub made me, in short, want to blow my brains out. 

That aside- episode 6. Saiki Kusuo gets his motha’ fuckin powers back.

I had my hopes low when I started this episode out of fear since some of the others literally just made me want to gag myself. 

But episode 6… (muwah.) A masterpiece. No anime is perfect but oh my god. 

I loved how Saiki kept forgetting he couldn’t use his powers. Call it weird but the way he’s kind of a tsundere in the sense of lying to himself that he doesn’t like any of this and would be much better off without them is one of my favorite things. And it’s even better when he runs out of lies and has to face it. And even then- as his powers slowly integrate back, I about died. It was so funny, with Tortisuka holding his shoulder when he went invisible and Saiki using that as a way out of it, or hearing others thoughts and thinking of it as an auditory hallucination. I didn’t like how the thoughts sounded distant and kind of echo-ey compared to when they were easy to hear before, but that might just be me. 

Also? This scene right here? Where all of his friends protect him and he’s upset because he had to be protected? I started bawling. Maybe it’s because Aunt Flo’s in town and I have an unhealthy emotional attachment to Saiki, but it just hurt so bad watching him upset like that. And on a personal level, I felt where he was coming from. I don’t cry much at movies or TV or anime but good grief, I was crying in the club. 

The whole meteorite heading to destroy Japan had me in a bit of shock. I saw the cryptic advertisements hyping Reawakened but I almost forgot about them and even then a meteorite didn’t seem dire until it seemed like Saiki had no say in anything. 

As the climax builds and Saiki hears his friends panic-

-also featuring the best line uttered by Akechi ever- but even as Saiko says “I need to get my friends to the bunker aswell!” (which, holy shit, I didn’t care for Saiko but that got me to tear up?) I was losing my mind. After so much disappointment and just agony from this continuation- this had to be the best scene there. It’s hard to describe. It’s just so much emotion.

And then it happens. 

The ever tsundere-lying-to-himself Kusuo accepts that he’s a psychic who doesn’t mind his disastrous friends sometimes. What a way to end the anime. Call it a cliche beginning-is-the-end but I’ve never been happier to hear those Japanese words. I’ve never loved an ending so much. It emotionally hurt and was hell, but I loved it. This has been my stupidly long criticism of Reawakened!

So, tl;dr, Reawakened had it’s hard weak points but I’ll be damned if I didn’t love the ending. We love my favorite boyo, Saiki Kusuo. Also I’d die for Hii. Goodnight. 

edit: recently i noticed that Saiki's eyes compared to everyone elses doesnt have detail (no pupil/shine etc) except for that epic ending scene with Saiki and I jsut- HOLY FUCK here's a gifnthat kinda shows my point- his eyes transition from normal to detailed

[trickstermakesallworlds]

👀 describe.....fuck idk. Claudio. Dealers choice for the describer.

“I just wanna let you know right now, I could not stand a single one of them motherfuckers. Especially Julius. That motha made me hate turtlenecks!”

“Hey. I like turtlenecks.”

“I know, babe. Seein you in em was like free therapy. Anyway, like I was sayin... I didn’t like the Saints. I didn’t like none of the gangs, but the Saints was the worst to me because Julius would front like they was gonna save Stilwater or whatever. With that stupid ass name. Saints. Yeah, right.”

Aisha sucks her teeth loud and long, fishing a cigarette out of her clutch. Johnny already had his lighter out, and flicks it as she put the cig to her lips.

“Right, but you asked me bout Claudio. I didn’t like him neither. I just don’t like nobody, is what it is. Everybody full of shit. Thought Claudio was too. Sure was pretty, though...”

“Prettier now,” Johnny amends.

“Well, yeah. ‘Member when he had that short hair?” Aisha nudges him and snickers. “Oof. Live and learn, huh. But he always had them dark eyes, and that little smile he does, with his tongue in his teeth like that? Mmf. I could see why Johnny kept bringin him home.”

“Cleans up nice, too.”

“Oh! Chile, don’t even get me started. The first time after that Ultor business, when y’all got all that money? When he stepped out in that slick Armani joint? Shoes so shiny I could do my makeup in em? Hair bouncin like a shampoo ad?”

“Pants was too tight, though.”

Aisha slapped Johnny on the arm. “Sometimes you just don’t realise how much God blessed you until you gotta go back to the tailor. The goods was framed so nice, though...”

“You was lookin?”

“Honey, everybody was lookin. You don’t ‘member that Page Six bit about it? Sis zoomed in on the front and the back. Earned the shit outta her paycheck that week!”

“Oh yeah, we had like eight break-ins to the penthouse party that night. Thought it was rivals. Nope. Just a buncha hoes tryna get pounded. Or tryna pound. Either way.”

Aisha tries to recover from her mirth, but chokes on her next cigarette drag as another peal of laughter overtakes her. “He was so nice about it too! ‘Nah, let them in! It’s okay! Tell em I’ll be right with them--’”

“‘-- Just let me uh, freshen up first,’" Johnny finishes, then mimes doing a line of coke. Now he’s laughing. “Fuckin trooper.”

“Anyway,” Aisha sighs happily. “He’s a good one. Still a gangbanger, that ain’t changin, but he’s made the Saints into somethin we can be proud of. I don’t know how he does it. I don’t know how he does anything, really. You kinda just... get used to the fact that there’s this crazy-talented stupid-sexy probably-immortal guy just hangin out on your couch playin Smash and drinkin all your liquor.”

“And for some reason, you love his stupid ass,” Johnny adds, begrudgingly.

Aisha smiles, nudging him affectionately. “Word.”

[rk-ocs]

Yugioh abridged ebonics ep 4

---

Yugioh abridged ebonics translated episode 4

Yo Yu-Gi-awww!: Rex an' Weevil in: Huh-huh, you said "nigga-Eater" Bug!

On da boat

JOEY: Wow, an entire island all ta ourselves! It's sorta like dat book, Lord o' da Flies. Only wif uh lot less subtext, an' uh lot mo' card games!

TRISTAN: Wasn't dat da movie wif da evil ring an' da hobbits?

TÉA: Why would any o' those things be on dis here island, you idiot?

uh screen appears wif Bakura an' an arrow pointing ta his evil ring, an' an arrow pointing ta Yugi labeling him as uh hobbit

dey leave da boat fo' da island

TRISTAN (thinkin`): ah sho hope nahh one notices we's be trespassing!

GOON: werd up, you!

TRISTAN (thinkin`): da irony!

GOON: Quit drawing attention ta yo'self, you barely qualify as uh sidekick.

JOEY: Ahh-choo!

YUGI: You wouldn't gots caught dat cold if it hadn't been fo' Weevil.

JOEY: Actually, ah wouldn't gots caught it if you hadn't been uh naïve moron an' handed him yo' most powerful cards!

YUGI: nahh, it wuz definitely Weevil. He threw muh motha fuckin grandfather's cards into da ocean, an' ah'll never be able ta forgive him.

TRISTAN: It's sort o' like da tyme Joey threw away uh piece o' yo' Millennium Puzzle!

JOEY: Yeah, except ya forgave me fo' dat. Right Yug?

YUGI: (wif uh very angry glimpse in his peeps) sho Joey, sho.

Flashback o' Joey throwing away uh piece o' da Millennium Puzzle, while Ironside theme by Quincy Jones iz played

KEMO: Attention Duelists! If you can all stop staring at muh motha fuckin fro fo' uh moment, you'll see dat Pegasus's castle iz just behind me. Please follow da unnecessarily long staircase ta meet yo' host.

TÉA: muh motha fuckin limey senses is tingling! (sees Bakura down in da forest)

YUGI: What iz it, Téa?

TÉA: ah thought ah seen Bakura ag'in!

JOEY: Maybe we's should go check. He iz our nigga, afta all.

YUGI: an' let him cut into muh motha fuckin precious screentime? nahh way! Besides, it's not like he's uh main character or anythin`.

On top o' da castle

DUELIST 1: werd up, check out all da obligatory cameos. Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Mako Tsunami...

DUELIST 2: But where's da reigning champion, Seto Kaiba?

DUELIST 1: Didn't you hear? He wuz barred from da tournament cuz his name wasn't mad stupid enough.

PEGASUS: Welcome ta da Duelist Kingdom. Let me assure you dat dis here tournament iz 100% genuine an' iz not in any way an elaborate ruse thrown together at da last minute so dat ah can git muh motha fuckin hands on an Ancient Egyptian artifact. ta advance ta da finals, an' da chance at three million bones, you mus' each win ten star chips by betting dem on card games. Remember kids, gambling iz pimp-tight fo' you!

Field

JOEY: Now dat muh motha fuckin cold iz instantly cleared up, ah can't wait ta win dis here tournament an' git da prize money!

YUGI: So you can pay fo' da operation, right?

JOEY: What operation?

YUGI: da one yo' sister's getting.

JOEY: What sister?

TÉA: werd up, it's Weevil!

YUGI: Weevil! ah challenge you ta uh--

Weevil runs away

JOEY: Wait uh minute, he's running away!

YUGI: It's almost as if he don' wants ta play uh card game wif me.

WEEVIL: Actually, dumbass, ah wuz just leading you into dis here vague trap or somethin`. Heh-heh-heh.

YUGI: Super Special phat Ultra Special phat Transformation Sequence GO! (Transforms into Yami)

YAMI: ah'm back, baby!

WEEVIL: Heh, two can play at dat game, dillhole. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

YAMI: Sweet motha o' Osiris, he's transforming too! But who, or what iz he becoming?

WEEVIL: ah be Cornholio! ah need T.P. fo' muh motha fuckin bunghole! Heh-heh-heh.

YAMI: It's tyme ta duel, you strange silly nigga.

WEEVIL: is you threatening me? ah summon muh motha fuckin Generic Insect. Heh-heh.

TÉA: Wow, peep at all da phallic imagery.

(Yami plays Horn o' da Unicorn on his Feral Imp.)

JOEY: What is you jivin' about, Téa? dere ain't anythin` remotely suspect 'boutdis here duel.

YAMI: Now, quiver in fear, as muh motha fuckin Knight's mighty lance penetrates yo' moist cocoon.

TÉA: Huh. ah guess you right.

Mai arrives

TRISTAN: werd up peep! titties gots arrived!

MAI: You pimpz is wasting yo' tyme. Yugi don' stand uh chance! He's not nearly experienced enough.

TÉA: Compared ta friendship an' compassion, experience iz meaningless!

MAI: Keep telling yo'self dat, hun. What is you, uh virgin or somethin`?

TÉA: beotch, ah'LL SCRATCH yo' peeps OUT!

JOEY: Could you pimpz stop jivin' 'boutsex? ah'm trying ta ogle Mai's cleavage here.

YAMI: ah activate Deus Ex Machina!

WEEVIL: werd up, heh-heh, nahh fair, heh-heh, you can't use Spell Cards during muh motha fuckin turn!

YAMI: Tell it ta da writing staff. Summoned Skull! Destroy his cheap Mothra imitation!

TRISTAN an' JOEY: Yay! we's wuz totally ineffectual!

WEEVIL: ah lost! Heh-heh... an' sheeit. Heh-heh.

YAMI: Maybe next tyme, you'll think twice 'bfoe forcing someone ta part wif they valuables. Now hand ova yo' star chips an' kiss muh motha fuckin feet!

WEEVIL: Damnit! Heh-heh... dis here card game sucks. Heh-heh-heh.

YAMI: Settle down, buttmunch.

End. da theme rap from Ironside plays ag'in

werds n shit appears on screen: [new episodes every week]

Stinger:

ODION (as Samuel L. Jackson): dat's it! ah gots had it wif deez motherf*cking snakes on dis here motherf*cking plane! , wOrd!

[lynxgriffin]

Straight Outta Monster Narnia

HEY HEY I WASN’T EXPECTING TO DO THIS EVER AGAIN BUT WE’RE BACK

I’M GONNA PLAY ME SOME DELTA RUNE HERE

THOUGHTS AS I GO! ARE UNDER THE CUT!

Here we GOOOOOOO~!

Survey Program! Nice! Ominous!

I am here yes!

Truly excellent dude

OH MAKING A VESSEL NOW what are we Xehanort

NEATO I can pick Chara or Frisk heads or others…

Let’s do someone new. This kinda longish hair head.

STRIPES FOR DAYS! Longish sleeves, methinks

The legs are almost all the same LMAO

This is so friggin creepy I l OVE IT

Favorite food is PAIN nah it’s soft

BLOOD TYPE D. D for DOGGO

You have been gifted with kindness, not-XionFrisk

Pain AND seizure. Kinda wonder what happens if you say no tho…

But I don’t want to start over so let’s go with yes

OH FRIGGIN BUUUUURNED BY THE GAME, HAHAHA

Hi Toriel, you’re looking nice!

That’s a lot of friggin trophies over there

Also Kris, you need some eyes

RELIGIOUS SKA

So we have overachieving perfect child and sad boring child, okay

Awww Gerson wrote a book! How neat

It’s only you…..FOR NOW!!!!

It just isn’t home without white fur stuck in the drain, is it

CHAIRIEL’S RETURN!!!!

Also there’s some weird graphical flicker going on when I move and I wonder if it’s not because I’m playing full screen here

“Spray For The Boys, Flamin’ Hot Pizza Flavor” Damn Toby I missed your incredible sense of humor

DOES TORIEL USE PET SHAMPOO please say yes

ASRIEL’S AT COLLEGE AND UNDYNE’S A POLICE MONSTER, PERFECT

PROFESSOR ALPHYS IMMA GET AN A+ IN ANIME CLASS

DAMN who do I pick as my partner

Like…I really want Temmie…but also Snowdrake…

Random snake is also very good…

Ahhh I see this is gonna be pre-determined

HAHAHAHA FUCKIN BURNED AGAIN BY THIS HORRIBLE BLUE DUCK

Thank you cool snake I love your origin story

Oh this reindeer girl is very cute

MOTHA. FOKKIN. SUSIE

I instantly love her, goodbye

Oh Alphys you’re so not good at putting anyone in trouble

I JUST REALIZED TEMMIE HAS HER EGG ON THE DESK

Susie are you eating chalk

Oh sheet I like Susie less now

GAH DAMN THIS ESCALATED QUICKLY

Susie, Kris doesn’t even HAVE a face

Haha totally cut off my answer there

Hmm. I sense…a theme here.

Wow this really is putting on the restrictive aspects here

Now that’s a spooky face

Oh it ain’t gonna be that simple, mean girls

Well, this sure seems like an underground! Also…Kris is green now, okay

Hi there creepy waving things!

To reiterate: this is soooo creepy AND I LOVE IT

Puzzles! We got puzzles again! CREEPY PUZZLES

Whelp, we found Susie, just kinda hiding out in a…dead dust bunny thingie

LOL so much for a party member following you around

Well this is a new and interesting take on the bullet hell mechanics

Such interesting and different architecture

THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESSSSS

Yes let’s take a sudden HARD SHIFT into Final Fantasy

THE QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS that was an MST3K ep you know

About like…Leonardo da Vinci actually. Except he was a whiny bitch

LMAO Susie just “nah destroying the world sounds neat”

JOKESTER SANS GLIDES IN A FLAMING TRICYCLE SURE WHY NOT

VERY DIFFERENT COMBAT SYSTEM

“Dunno how I got an ax but like, that’s cool”

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE REMIXES OF THIS BATTLE MUSIC OKAY

Dunno if there’s a pacifist version of this game but I stick to tradition so I’m gonna try it

RALSEI. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

THE POWER OF FLUFFY BOYS SHINES WITHIN YOU it sure as hell does, game

The heckin heck Ralsei is so cute

Yup yup we gonna try pacifist this first time!

“If you’re reading this…I guess you’re dead.” Fair enough.

Gaster noises when trying to use the cell phone, hmmmm…

It’s an inverse papou fruit!

Susie just up and attacks this cake, all right

Battle is cool but it’s gonna take some getting used to, think I accidentally used both of my items

YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION WON’T SAVE YOU NOW

“It’s like a dinner made out of three glasses of milk” Ralsei you’re SO CUTE

Now to see if TP stays leveled between battles…

“I thought you were running away.” / “Yeah, I finished.”

Fugdamn I want —pictures of Spiderman— remixes of this music ON MY DESK TODAY

FRIGHTENING FANFARE

Damn that puzzle still is tricky

Gah damn that was hilarious but also terrifying

We have the power of FLUFFY BOYS and MEAN GIRLS we are UNSTOPPABLE

Ohhh so that’s what the heart outline does!

Now that is a coooool cat and I like him already

Awww I don’t have enough money for the spooky sword

Susie just roastin’ everybody left and right

THEY GOT BARRY

These mechanics continue to be interesting and a bit more complex

“Damn, didn’t get to impale myself” I’m sure you’ll get your chance Susie

It’s really interesting how we’re basically group-battling to PREVENT the tank from beating the crap out of everyone

Oh now that light trick is weird

They keep throwing the usual chess and playing card guys at us and somehow I’m Suspicious

Is that a bucket. ARE Y’ALL HOMESTUCKING AT ME AGAIN

LMAO did Susie call us the Fuckboys or something

Oh, the Shit Squad, I guess!

THE POWER OF THE SHIT SQUAD SHINES WITHIN YOU HECK YESSSS

“I, Mr. Society, am far too intelligent to ever bow down to such a tyrant!” Hmmm.

Oh, it’s Sir Lion Plateface again

L E G S

THE BOSS JUST DRINKS A GALLON OF MILK THAT’S FINE

Well Ralsei got kinda junked there but WE DEFEATED SIR LION PLATEFACE

Cakes…are also my enemy…

Yeeeeah kinda saw that one coming

Susie I get the feeling you’re not going to enjoy being a bad guy either

Dang son I have no clue what’s going on anymore WE JUST HAD SOME SALSA IN A TREE STUMP

This jack’s got my number

That sure is a three-eyed three-headed cat thingamajig

Awww I like Clover

“All proceeds go to kicking your ass” CAN I USE THIS LINE IN REAL LIFE PLEASE

Hot damn we just squeaky hammered our broken cake into ULTIMATE CAKE

Why does a sweet little boy have a mustache indeed.

Create a machine to thrash your own ass, nice

It’s my beautiful death laser duck! Tops in GUN’S

Man Susie and Lancer are just having the time of their lives here

Finally, respect for pinecone-eaters!

Awww Susie, are you actually starting to worry about someone who respects your eating of chalk and pinecones

Oh thank goodness, got through that maze thing

Yes, finally, it’s our DUCK TANK LASER

Why does it say Tuna on it

“Your design sucked so we blew it up” This is like that one Berlin tour guide I had

GANGED UP ON THEM WITH KINDNESS, HA

Whelp, back to telling enemies that Susie will kick them in the shins I guess!

YES LANCER JOIN THE SHIT SQUAD

OMFG THAT FAAAAACE WHAT IS THAT FACE

Hey we’ve got a full Final Fantasy team now! Neat

STOOL FORME

I like how Lancer just sliiiiiides around outside the party instead of walking with

Hmmm well that friendship feeling didn’t last long

You done got locked in the dungeon

Yup sure did eat that jail moss two minutes in

HUH, we’re controlling Susie now

In which choices do not matter…

SUSIE’S FOKKIN PISSED

And we can’t control her actions…but why controlling the human soul?

A pair of eyes got arrested?! What IS the world coming to?!!

Oh dear, we found a bunch of kings in baby jail

Why are these filthy cages so happy-looking

Awwww Susie joined the party for realizes!

So, this about final boss point for this business?

Why are you guys just sitting on a pile of loot

And just who is this sassy lost child?

BAAHAHAHAAA

HECK YEAH WE GET TO FLIRT AGAIN

I am now BED INSPECTOR yes

Hello again fancy blue boy

“Can…can we see it” / “No.”

This sure is a jammin party with CLUB MUSIC OH HO HO HO

Awww he put his bicycle to bed

‘Welcome to my shop, you ungrateful worms” HELL YEAH

I do not wisheth to hear your MP3s! I would rather listen to the sweet song of Death!

Prepare for a battle with…WHATEVER THIS IS!!!!

JUST FUGGIN CHUCK RALSEI AT SIR LION PLATEFACE, I LIKE IT

Six dollars, for all of that?! Geez

WHELP this looks like final boss time…

Hiiiii there Lancer

Oh dang is gettin serious now

Oh woooow that’s…someone’s fetish right there

HOKAY that was tricky but! Having the defense abilities certainly helped with pacifism through that…

Despite ending this peacefully, I don’t think this scene is gonna end on a happy note…

W H E L P

DAYUM that face from Susie!!

Awwww poor Ralsei

We only have BAD-byes WUAH WUAH WUAAAH

DAWWW lil’ Asriel-lookin dude with glasses (and YES I see that anagram there)

LMAO Susie’s face

EPIC ROCK MUSIIIIIC

Also I’ve really been enjoying the color effects

Awww look at this epic adventure you two had in the closet

So basically we went to Monster Narnia, neat

Awww Susie likes Monster Narnia

Oh no we worried Toriel! THE WORST

LIBRARBY

YOU STUDY THOSE HOT DEMON COMICS FOR COLLEGE, TEMMIE

Hiiii Toby you busy makin’ something!

ALPHYS NO, YOU BETRAY MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE

OFFICE UNDYNE, DOn’T ARREST ME

I like reindeer girl’s rowdy hospitalized dad

PARTY ANIMAL TORIEL CONFIRMED

I like how there’s just a poster on the wall in this room that reads PAIN

The police tape simply reads NGGAAAAAHHHHH!

Good grief there’s SO MUCH STUFF TO EXPLORE HERE BUT I HAVE TO KEEP GOING

Snowdrakes don’t have arms, oh no!!!

“Does it hurt to be made of blood??” ….Yes. Yes it does.

HIIIIIIIII SANS

Woah woah woah WOAH WOAH SANS

Everyone is here! Even Ice Wolf!

Yes I’ll take a Double Ice Pizza you weirdos

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD IT’S BURGERPANTS

10 OUT OF 10 GAME NOW

HIS FACES!!!! “C H I C K S”

That was brilliant, Burgerpants, thank you for existing

Catty!!! Hey where’s Bratty!

Noooo you gotta be besties with Bratty!

Brother Doug…?

Oh no, Mettaton, come out and talk to us!

ASGORE, HELLO

OMG Asgore hugs

Soul flowers….???

Awwww got some flowers for Toriel

THE GAY GUARDS IN THEIR GAY FLANNEL, YAY

It’s so late but I can’t stop until I’ve talked to LITERALLY EVERYONE

Thaaaat’s politics! …Rarely.

Comes to church for the fruit juice, sounds about right

DOG GRAVE, NO

Let’s go into the woods…what could go wrong…

Why can’t I get into the creepy shed…

Well, I think I got everything, so let’s go home now…

ASRIEL MAINS YOSHI IN SMASH CONFIRMED

Awwww Toriel is not big on Asgore’s bouquet!

OKAY decided to go to sleep here.

…Well that didn’t work out great

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

UUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT??????????

WHAT????????????

WHAT?????????

HAHA I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUK HAPPENED IN ALL OF THIS BUT UH. WHEN’S CHAPTER TWO??

THAT SURE WAS A HELL OF A THING

No really Toby please WHAAAAAAATTT

OKAY I HOPE I DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING IMPORTANT BYYYYEEEE

[tilnathiel]

Who was you with when you got tattooed? And who was you trippin' with when you did them mushrooms? And who the fuck threw up all over your car? And then felt worse than you about that shit in the morning? (Friends, ya'll!)

Who loaned you money, homie? Who owes you cash? (Who?) Who taught you how to use the bong for the grass? (Who?) I don't know much but I gotta assume When ya hit ya first neden, ya homies was in the other room

We talkin' about HOMIES! HOMIES! Talkin' 'bout Road Dogs of mine Our motha fuckin' HOMIES! HOMIES! We throwin' up clown love signs (Real Juggalo!) HOMIES! HOMIES! Talkin' 'bout Road Dogs of mine HOMIES! HOMIES!

[angel-dust-bitch-archive]

♥ (for Cherri Bomb!)

Send me a ♥ and I’ll fill out

If we kissed?

[X] Quickie. [] Tongue. [X] Softly bite your lip. [] We wouldn’t. [] Long and meaningful. [] Let’s hit up the bedroom. [] You remember last time? [?] Awkward… (Depends, honestly) [] Lol no.

Would I go out with you?

[X] Yes, definitely. [] No. [X] I want to, but it wouldn’t work. [] Maybe. [X] Nope, you’re like family. [X] You’re cute, but probably not. [X] Just simply not my type. (Ya know what I mean Sugar Tits~, I love ya ayway doh!) [] If I knew you better. [] Already did. [?] I don’t know.

If we took a picture together, we’d be…

[X] Hugging each other. [X] Just chilling. [X] Holding hands. [] Kissing. [X] Acting dumb. [X] Normal picture. [X] You holding me from behind. [X]Holding you from behind (Adding this because Let's do ALL dat fuckin' shit!)

You are…

[] Cute/Pretty. [] Good looking. [] Sexy. [X] All of the above (An' Don'cha Fuckin' Forget it, Babes!)

You + me + room = …

[X] Movies. [X] Cuddling. [X] Hanging out. [] Kissing. [X] Playing games. [] Everything. [] Wouldn’t let you in.

You should…

[X] Hit me up. [] Be mine. [] Marry me. [] Reblog this so I can send you a heart. [] be studying

If we got married, I’d…

[] Divorce you. [X] Make kids. (Happy Ta donate for ya if ya wanted Kids, n'fact I betta be the first motha fucka you ask shout it eva come to somethin' like dat!) [] Take your money and bounce. [] Smash every day. [] I would cheat on you. [X] Be faithful. [] Kill you in your sleep [X] We wouldn’t

3.3k notes