#most people don't get like two day headaches from eating peas?

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! The merry-go-round of doctors* I am on seems to be cycling back around towards an allergist again, and I have a question for y'all because idk how to word this for doctors: How do you word "if it walks like and allergy and quacks like an allergy it's an allergy" to an allergist? Less flippantly, I have allergy symptoms that multiple doctors have said allergies should not be able to cause. Mainly, my first allergy symptom is high blood pressure**, which if left untreated will progress to migraines, stomach issues, and eventually a bad blood pressure crash***. I have been told allergies do not raise blood pressure, but mine is caused by specific foods most of the time and taking a benadryl stops the reaction, so I have no idea what else it could be? But my main food allergy is acetic acid/vinegar, which I have also had multiple doctors tell me it is not possible to be allergic to

*the "you have a problem but not one I can fix try this kind of specialist instead" mobile **130s/80s, not super high, but high for me ***80s/40s

[pbandjesse]

Im feeling kind of sad right now. I had a breakdown earlier over something stupid but it was just to much. I am looking forward to sleep because its just been a lot.

I had a good day today though. I slept well. My headache was gone when i got up. So that was nice. I got up at 8 and put the heat on and slept another hour. Excellent.

When I got up i made a sort of schedule. Get dressed. Go to the store. Come home and make an omelet. Paint for a bit. Watch tv. Go to work. I wanted to be eating by 1015 and I accomolished that!

I felt cute. I like my haircut a lot. I biked over to the store abd got a few things. Mostly was out for soda. I biked home and made my omelet and toast and it was excellent. And i was just on time at 1010.

Sweet Pea wanted to go outside so I let him hang out there but then I ended up forgetting about him until about 11:15 I feel horrible because he came in and he was all cold and his tail was all puffy. So I loved on him and played with him for a bit after that but while he was outside I did a bunch of other stuff.

I change my outfit because I decided I didn't want to get flour dust from the clay we were going to make with the kids today all over myself and I get dishes and then I painted for a while. It was nice. I had a really chill morning. And I just felt really good about everything. I finally sewed Pockets into my black jacket and I felt really really accomplished.

I realized that sweet pea was outside and let him in and I felt bad. So I spent a little bit of time loving him up before I had to leave for work. I bike down to the bus stop but I was pretty early. I ended up having a really nice conversation with some elderly men that were hanging out there about being short, the one guy was only five two. And about that dad and daughter that murdered that lady. And about people falling in love with people in prison and how it's not the wisest decision. It was fun talking to them it was a nice interaction.

The bus came and I got to work on time. Well I got to work early. And I spent the next hour cleaning and organizing. I returned some stuff back to the supply closet. And I talked to Tiffany about strategies for group work and choosing tables. And the general was great. So no big deal and me and chelsi have a plan of attack for where they are going to sit.

Class was fun. We have a new student to add to our other new student from yesterday. His name is Michael. He's very very nice. And it was a fun time. We had a nice drawing time in the beginning and I brought my pink Furby and batteries. And the kids were so thrilled. Because she does a lot of different things. And so they were passing around all day. Enough that her batteries died. So if I bring her again I'll have to bring her new batteries. We went outside and it was nice. Some of the girls braided my hair and it was just chill.

Dinner was fine but I dipped out to go to the classroom to start measuring stuff because we were making Salto Clyde. Devon came and helped me and he was super helpful measuring things with the measuring cup. I realize that I screwed up the salt measurement but I don't think it'll matter that much since the salt is just a preservative. And I'm going to shellac all there pieces at the end.

And they had such a blast working with Clay. I had them all come to the back of the table and we talked about best practices for how to build something out of clay. Pinch pot, coil, slab. They all asked can we do it another way. And I tried to explain to them that these are really the three ways that you can only make something. And that what they're trying to do is essentially a pinch pot and that's totally fine. But it was funny talking to her about it. And then they just went to town making this clay. Each table got their own bucket and they all mixed up together and table number three to the best and got it the quickest. Table number one had the most roll. And ended up with almost no clay advance. But thankfully I made another batch to share with anyone who had trouble. And I'm going to keep all of it and make baggies of equal amounts for each kid. They're not building till Thursday so I got tomorrow to work on that. But it was really nice seeing how excited they were to work on everything. I'm probably going to bring in some tools for them to work with but today was really great.

The kids were originally working on plastic but it was the plastic that has all the old paint on it so it was flaking all in their class so they asked if they could take the plastic off the tables. That first Chelsea said no but then we decided it would be okay as long as all the kids cleaned. And they did and they did a really good job. And then at the end we talked about sensory and how working with this clay was a sensory experience. And they said that they used almost all their senses including taste because all of them tried to eat it because it was made of flour. Which was very funny. But it was a lot of fun.

The end of the day was fine and then I got on the bus without much issue. There was a weird guy at the bus stop who was very concerned that I smiled at him when I walk past. But it was fine. Until I realized I couldn't find my bike key. Wasn't in my backpack and it wasn't in my coat.

So I get pretty upset. And when I got off the bus I don't my backpack out and it wasn't in there. So I had to just walk to my apartment. I had planned on going to James but now I was tired and it was 6:30. And I didn't want to be walking all the way to his apartment and all the way back. So I just told him I was going to come. And I was upset but it was fine. I couldn't find the spare key that I thought I had and that frustrated me. And I dump my backpack out to see if I have had missed it and realize that my clock furby was making a horrible horrible grinding sound. And this is the one I just got that I spent too much money on and that actually works. And the screen was frozen on all fives and was making horrible noises on every Saturday. And I was so upset and then I couldn't find a screwdriver to open it up. And I called James and I absolutely flipped out. I was sobbing. And I know it was because I was overwhelmed by everything I was just so angry. I was mad at myself and I'm not about this apartment. I don't want to live here anymore. I just want to move out I don't like the space I'm too cold all the time. It's too much money. And I just don't want to be here. I really feel like I can live in apartments one year at a time and that's basically it. Because every place I've lived as soon as I hit that year-and-a-half Mark I just I'm so disgusted by the space that I'm just super unhappy. But maybe it's also because when I get to that point I know I'm almost out of the apartment? And like I am dealing with moving by just despising the place I'm in? Unclear but I was really really upset. I ended up hanging up on him because I couldn't keep looking for a screwdriver to open the stupid Furby and be on the phone. So I hung up on him and I was able to find a pocket knife that had a small screwdriver I want it and was able to get the batteries out and I fixed it and it was fine. And then I was fine. I just felt super hollow inside and tired. But I wasn't upset. I felt embarrassed but I wasn't as upset as I had them. I called him back and I apologized and told him I punched a wall and split my knuckle open. And he said he would stop me from doing that in the future and that he was really sorry that he couldn't have been more helpful. My mom had also sent me a package with keychain Furbies that made me smile because she didn't have to do that and she went out of her way and it helps when I feel alone out here to know that they're back they're thinking of me. and now that everything is calm down I'm really just ready to go to sleep. don't have class tomorrow but we do have a PD at noon. I can't do anything about my Bike today or tomorrow. So we just have to wait and hope that it all works out quickly. That my bike key is just in the storage classroom and I'll find it on Thursday when we go back. Or James will have to get a bolt cutter and cut my bike off the pole. But for now I'm going to sleep. Good night everyone stay warm

[pbandjesse]

Today was better but I was still very tired. I'm still very tired right now. I actually had to call out from the BMI because when I woke up this morning I was in so much pain from this exhausting I'm feeling that I couldn't get up. I had a text from Jess and James and I texted them for a few minutes when my alarm went off at 7 but I just decided I couldn't do it. I texted my boss and told her what was up and then I planned on still coming tomorrow and she was cool about it and told me to feel better. But this exhaustion is real guys. This is not just like I'm sleepy this is like my whole body cannot recover. And other people are saying it's jet lag but I don't know. It doesn't feel like a time zone thing. The time does it feel weird like it has in the past when I jump different time zones. I'm just so tired.

Getting to sleep that extra couple hours this morning did help when I was going to teach. And it really is making me feel like the BMI might be over for me. I'm going to hold out. I'm really going to try. But I don't know if I can do as many hours as they have me scheduled right now. Which sucks but it's not like it's that much money in the long run. Cuz like at Max I can make 12 hours a week. For 12 hours that's a lot of stress. I don't know. We'll see what happens. For now I'm going to keep going. Hopefully they just schedule me less.

But the nap helped and I got up at 10. I had a bagel and I got dressed. And I enjoyed being able to sit and not be expected to do anything for an hour. Like honestly I feel like I've barely had any real time to myself. And I know I have but a lot of that's been spent sleeping. And I'm just feeling a little worn down.

I left here a little after 12 and I went to catch the bus. I got to work and they were on a lockdown. It was very strange that were police officers and stuff. I'm still not entirely sure what happened. Cuz there was a fight yesterday that I heard may have had something to do with it but the governor also came to do a tour of the building? Unclear. They let me into the building and didn't say anything to me. Just all the doors were locked.

But I got to me closet space and started organizing. And Chelsi came and we talked. She confronted me about how upset I got yesterday about the hands on part of their football game. And how I may have upset a few of the kids. And I'm not going to deny that that was a big reaction on my part. But I was getting spoken to by another teacher and I was frustrated and frazzled and exhausted. But I can own up to my mistakes. So when the kids came in today we had them sit down in the back and I apologized for how I reacted to them. And that it wasn't appropriate and that we can all work on being kinder to each other. Speaking softer. We spent the next 15 minutes talking about how we can do better and making kind of a list of ideas. And most of the kids were really on board. There were two that were just not having it and it was making the other kids very frustrated. But it's always a work in progress.

We went outside for recess and we had a pretty good time. Me, Destiny, and Deaira walk around taking pictures of my clock Furby Patches, and Mackenzie braided my hair for a while. It was nice. We had pizza for dinner and I had some fun conversations with some of my kids. Including Mackenzie telling me that she's going to be president someday. Not that she wants to be but that she's going to be. And I really like the enthusiasm.

Our time was a little strange. Chelsea left the room to go and walk one of the girls around because they needed to talk and have some one-on-one time. Which is fine. But one of the table groups just decided they wanted to take the day off completely. And I was okay with it because they were under all the coats kind of hanging out in the corner and not bothering anyone. But then the other groups would walk over and step on them because I didn't see them under the coats. So that was frustrating. Trying to manage that and hot glue stuff. But most of the groups made great progress. One of the groups is still having trouble working as a team but in general it's still going well.

We have to start making a music playlist for them. So I have to add like 15 more songs to this playlist for tomorrow. But it was nice to have some music going on even if our speaker system is a little messed up. I need to remember to bring my bluetooth speaker at some point if I can find it.

We finished up the day okay though. I took the kids to snack and Chelsea let me leave right before 5:30 again so I can make the bus. I still am going to feel guilty about that every single day but she keeps saying it's fine. And that she just wants me to be safe at home and not standing outside for 45 minutes. Which I appreciate. But I still feel guilty about it. I hope they put the 545 bus back on the schedule. Because that was the better option. But now that the sun is staying up later it's not as big of a deal for me to stay until 6 anyway. It's just going to be different going forward every time I think.

I had to run a little bit but I did make the 5:30 bus even if it came at 5:28. I got home a couple minutes before 6. And changed and fed sweet pea. And then I biked to James's house for dinner. He made us fajitas. And Brandon was there. And that was fun. I mostly played on my phone and we talked about dumb stuff and they played video games and I watched videos. Dinner was good. And James started making Cookie Dough because I just wanted to eat that not necessarily the actual cookies. And he's the best boyfriend ever so he just did that. And then a little bit before 9 I headed home.

I started getting a headache on my right back. I got back here and took a shower and that helped. I wash my hair because it really needed it. And now I am laying in bed in my nice fluffy robe. And I am looking forward to falling asleep soon. Have one tour in the morning at the BMI and then I'm teaching. We have the intern tomorrow which is going to be interesting. It's the first time I'll work with him. He seems nice though. Very smart. I want to find out a little bit more of his story. But I think it'll be a nice day.

I hope you guys all have a good night. Sleep well. Stay warm.