#most of them were on facebook which his ex wife didn't hesitate to delete the moment he died
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there is not enough caffeine in the world to address how tired i am 🥴
#it's the 12 year anniversary of my father's death and i just couldn't sleep well :/#not to mention how fucking hot it was last night????#but yeah#the more time passes the more it kinda eats at me#it should be the other way around but my relationship with my dad was complicated and i'm still trying to process it#i used to post on fb about it every year but i can't handle the onslaught of his friends telling me what a great guy he was#and how well they all knew him and i never had that relationship with him#it's selfish but it hurts knowing i was like a stranger to him#i have so few photos with him and so few memories#most of them were on facebook which his ex wife didn't hesitate to delete the moment he died#also i hate thinking this way but he had a huge estate when he died like $500k or something like that with heaps of community donations#and from that i got... $1400...#it's pointless but sometimes i wonder if life wouldn't have been so hard if i had gotten some of that money :/#anyway despite all this i do love him and miss him#i can still remember the way his voice sounded when he would call out my name after not seeing me for a while#and he was the only one who would listen to me talk at length about steampunk and anime#when i did get to see him he would always try to share quirky things from his childhood with me#i miss him so much#i always thought i'd have a chance to connect with him when i was older but he died so suddenly the chance never came#the same with my brother#i wish i could talk to them one last time and tell them i love them
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