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belorage · 4 years ago

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Wes for the full clear on the OC asks? 😘😘😘

— OC QUESTIONS

BASICS

What’s their full name? Wesley Daniel Brooks

What does their name mean? Why were they named that? Wesley means “western meadow,” Daniel means “God is my judge,” and Brooks means “stream.” You can find my real world reasoning for choosing his name here. As for the canon reasoning, Wesley is a family name on his father’s side and Daniel is a good Christian name.

Do they have any nicknames? Lots. Wes is the big one (Hwes if you’re Hurk Jr.), Rook, Dep (Deputy if you're as extra as John Seed), Bright Eyes (Raf only), Sundance (Nick only), Darling (Lyra, when she’s being cheeky), and probably a handful more that I’m forgetting.

How old are they? 28, almost 29 as of the start of FC5.

When’s their birthday? November 11, 1989

What’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? Do they believe that holds any significance? Scorpio sun, Aries moon, Aquarius rising. Year of the snake. Birthstones are topaz and citrine. He isn’t aware enough of any of this to believe in it.

What’s their species/subspecies? Do they have any special/magical abilities? He is a natural disaster in human form. His special ability is that he somehow manages to survive that for as long as he does.

What “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? If none, what weapon do they favor? A revolver (Steel & Ivory), a sawed-off shotgun (Sin Eater), or basic hand-to-hand. Close combat is preferable to range. He also uses homemade C4 in his tireless crusade against cult infrastructure.

APPEARANCE

What do they look like? He’s 6′3″, has brown-ish hair (specifically, a warm golden bronze color) and hazel eyes with long eyelashes. Fit, moderate-to-lean build. Sharp features, angular jaw, a pronounced Cupid’s bow. He has the facial hair of a man who has forgotten to shave for two weeks, because he is—you guessed it—a man who has forgotten to shave for two weeks.

Do they have a face claim? Tomas Skoloudik

What’s their style like? Clothes, hair, makeup? Casual clothing—flannels (often tied around the waist), t-shirts, henleys, jeans, boots, jewelry (gold, leather), leather jacket, cargo jacket. His hair is messy and soft, just like he is, because he doesn’t overload it with hair products unlike some people. He’s got an ouroboros tattooed around the lower part of his right forearm and (universe-dependent) John and Lyra’s names on the inside of his wrists.

How do they carry themselves? What’s their default expression? He attempts to project swagger and indifference, but to anyone who knows him and is paying attention, he’s an open book. In a comfortable environment, he’s loose and casual. His default expression is fixated if he has something to occupy his mind and distant if he doesn’t.

Do they have any physical ailments or disabilities? No, but he’s got bruises and flesh wounds aplenty! He’s got bite marks and scratches galore! You want knife-slashing scars? He’s got twenty. But who cares? No big deal. Wes wants mooooore! 🎵

PERSONALITY

What’s their alignment? Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into? ISFP

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)? I answered for his favorite films and TV here, and his favorite book is Watership Down. He likes the Beatles and bar snacks and black coffee. His favorite cultists are Lyra, John, and Shaggy—please don’t judge him.

What are they bad at? Dancing!

What kind of things do they dislike/hate? Hates being controlled, dislikes very sweet things.

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses? Impulsiveness, reactive behaviors. He smokes and drinks, although neither of those are done with a shocking amount of excess. Previously, harder drugs.

What are their goals and motivations? Freedom and acceptance.

What are their manners like? Any habits? He’s not a jerk; he has passable manners when the situation calls for them, but Emily Post would like him not. His habits are covered in much more detail here, but the big one is that he tends to busy his hands and/or mouth with things wherever possible.

What are they most afraid of? Rejection, abandonment, enclosed spaces, death (specifically, the possibility of an afterlife).

BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like? Born in Hope County. He was an only child and his home life was suspect, but made moderately more bearable by his best friend. Once he realized trying to please his father was a losing battle, he said hell yeah to a downward spiral of rebelliousness and troublemaking.

What’s their family like? His dad was a jerk of the sort that would never be satisfied. Big on toxic masculinity, short on acceptance. His mother loved him, but she fell in line more often than not.

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold? Hope County Sheriff’s Office (probationary sheriff’s deputy), Hope County Resistance (figurehead, pot stirrer, problem magnet).

How do they fit into their “story”? Barely. Next question. I hate to use this word yet again, but it’s the only one that fits: his story is mostly about acceptance—self, fate, fault, sorrow, joy—because as much as he desired acceptance from others, he denied a lot of it for himself.

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like? He grew up in the Silver Lake trailer park, way up on the northeastern end of Holland Valley, near the Whitetails. For the duration of the game timeline, I picture him spending more time crashing where he can—with the Ryes, in the woods, wherever—but his own place would be sparse and fairly untidy, with clothes tossed everywhere.

How do they eventually die? Wesley intends to live forever. How dare you insinuate—

RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend? Within the timeline of the game, he has quite a few. Raf is his best friend (and has been since they were kids), but Nick (and Kim) are both up there. He has a soft spot for Mary May; that seems to be reciprocal. He appreciates Grace because she doesn’t ask unnecessary questions. Sharky and Hurk offer unconditional friendship, which he appreciates and sorely needs. Adelaide is the vodka aunt who thirsts after his ex. She tries to rile him up sometimes (in a myriad of ways), but he likes her. And if you account for other universes, his friend count goes way up thanks to the various and sundry brat squad kids.

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it? When he was younger, he was the introvert-adopted-by-an-extrovert. He was a bit too withdrawn to have friends outside of that, though he wasn’t unfriendly. For a bulk of the current timeline, his friend group is “ragtag misfits” status and he basically gets ping-ponged between them as they try—with varying amounts of success—to fight a cult.

What’s their love life like? (See also: ship question meme.) Do they have any kids? Depends on the universe. In canon, it’s messy but becomes significantly healthier later on. His previous relationship was promising and likely would have been ideal, except that they were young and unable (or unready) to deal with the realities of their situation. In AU, he is enemies-with-benefits but also grossly in love with the Judge of Eden’s Gate and her husband (who was a fun surprise, but it’s fine, because Wes got Lyra back by giving her a gracious two-for-one deal on children)!

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust? Whitehorse is something of a father figure, though Wes would never say that out loud. For the record, neither would Whitehorse (at least not directly to Wes)—mostly for Wes’s benefit. He trusts Raf, Pastor Jerome, and the rest of his friends listed above.

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies? Joseph, because Joseph is daddy issues incarnate. Jacob, because Jacob understands Wes well enough to yank him around like a dog on a leash. By the time the Collapse hits, everyone is his enemy to some extent (as evidenced by the adorable horns and pointy tails drawn all over his wanted posters). Notable exceptions are John, Sharky, Hurk, and Whitehorse; however, all but the first are functionally unknown to him.

Do they have any pets? Just Boomer, who is the best emotional support animal a disaster could ask for.

Are they good with kids? Animals? He’s naturally good with both children and animals, but he lacks practical experience, especially with the former (shout-out to the Ryes for finally adding that to his resume).

FUN FACTS

Which tropes do they fit? Which archetypes? Tropewise, he’s Troubled, but Cute and I can’t refute it; apart from the high school thing, it’s a full BINGO clear. He’s also Bruiser with a Soft Center, Inferiority Superiority Complex, Cosmic Plaything, Desperately Craves Affection, Hero with Bad Publicity, I Am Not My Father, and almost certainly a whole host of shameful others that I don’t dare brave the rest of TVTropes to find. Of the twelve classic archetypes, he’s some combination of The Hero and The Outlaw. Otherwise: fallen angel, antihero, byronic hero, prodigal son.

Do they play any instruments? Sports? He can play guitar, but only at an intermediate level. He’s not big on sports, but he can ice skate and he likes to swim.

What are some items they always carry? Steel & Ivory and a lighter; later, Sin Eater. In New Dawn he carries John’s watch.

Do they collect anything? Bad decisions. Minicultists, apparently. Nothing in particular.

What position do they sleep in? His default position when he’s alone and in a comfortable place is on his belly. There are exceptions listed in greater detail here.

Which emoji would they use the most? Honestly, he’s not really the type to use emojis, but he will send his love interest pictures of things he likes or finds pretty with no context. Otherwise, his texts tend to be short, to-the-point, and lacking in punctuation or capitalization. Believe it or not, he’d much rather communicate in person. My most frequently used emojis for him are 🍰 and 🐍. (Awww, cake and snake... They rhyme. How precious!)

What languages do they speak? English. He knows a limited amount of Spanish, but he’s better at understanding it than he is at speaking it.

What’s their favorite expletive? Damn or fuck.

What’s their favorite candle scent? Pine.

What songs remind you of them? I have a playlist for him here, but it—much like him—is a bit of a mess. I also have a playlist based on his own taste in music here.

Which animal would you say represents them? Snakes, stags, swans, scorpions.

What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into? Loners or troublemakers, probably. Stoners on a technicality—he doesn’t fit the stereotype, but he does have a history. He has some of the soul of an art kid but, tragically, none of the talent.

What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be? At a real amusement park, probably the roller coasters. At something more lowkey like a carnival, he’d like the classic, aesthetically pleasing rides like the Ferris wheel or the carousel.

Do they believe in aliens? Ghosts? Reincarnation or something else? He’s not an “I Want to Believe” sort of guy, but he still can’t explain the Larry Parker debacle. He tries very hard not to believe (or at least not to think about) any sort of afterlife, because he fears it.

Do they follow any religions/gods? Do they celebrate holidays? His family was Catholic, but he endeavors not to be. He likely wouldn’t celebrate holidays as a bachelor overmuch, but he would take part in holiday activities with others.

Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue? Pride and Fortitude.

If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, which would it be? The Tower, The Devil, The Wheel of Fortune.

#oc: wesley brooks #ch: wesley brooks #v: ouroboros #oc asks #ask games #asks

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flameontheotherside · 4 years ago

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What would you do if someone in your church came out as gender fluid?

I have a twin who is trans ftm and to be honest, my conservative younger brother I and weren't supportive. I took it as an attack on nature (because it was unnatural to me at the time) and a personal attack on me because my dream to have a twin sister and do the twin sister things together like get pregnant at the same time, share a wedding, and live next to each other were dashed.

Basically I was very selfish and mean to my twin brother. I wasn't on this spiritual path or was at all open minded. Years later I can look back and say that I've come a long way. Even my younger brother has accepted it. We see how much happier he is and to us that's all that matters

I do feel guilty but Kane and I are closer. I introduced him to this spiritual path which brought us even closer together. I've also volunteered to be a surrogate should he want to have children. If at all possible.

Now to answer your question:

I don't join spiritual groups because I find most of them toxic and pushy. I don't like feeling like being told what to believe and I don't want to be subject to ridicule over my personal spiritual path.

If I were part of a church, I wouldn't have cared. I think it's the guilt over my brothers transition. If it were to happen, I would be a friend.

Gender is a social construct. Gender roles today are nearly flipped. For example kings wore high heels, boys worse dresses, 50 or so years ago pink was for boys and blue was for girls.

I would be a hypocrite to not accept someone for who they are as I've also struggled to be accepted as well.

Another point to add is that Jesus wouldn't have shunned anyone for being true to themselves. He was way ahead of his time. His ideas were progressive. You're supposed to love your fellow man as you would yourself. All of that fell to the way side somewhere since then and most people or "christians" forgotten about this.

Unconditional love for another doesn't include changing someone's natural character especially their sexual orientation. Its accepting them for who there are WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.

If an alternative sexuality is a sin, we are all sinners. Not all of us may have committed a "sin" in that manner but we all have sinned in one way or another and we all continue to do so even on accident. No one is perfect.

One who lives in glass houses shouldn't cast stones.

Sorry for the long answer lol 😅

#answers #questions #toxic spiritualists #toxic spirituality #church #churches #Christianity

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mamusings · 5 years ago

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Supernatural Season 4 thoughts

Well it's a big season cos: angels. But what's really key about the angels here is that they are just another flavour of monster. A lot of criticism that spn favours a Christian outlook should really have a think about that. The supposition that angels must be good sets up a great mislead all the way into a least Death takes a Holiday where both reaper Tessa and Pamela tell Dean to use his instincts, rather than blindly hope angels must be good as there are no miracles. Arguably Dean struggles with his need for or angels to at least be better than demons right until the finale.

Looking at it that way, Castiel is a parallel character to Ruby. Our contrasting brothers, get contrasting sidekicks one demon and one angel. Ruby comes in looking powerful and impressive, providing info and guidance in episode 1, last season. Castiel fills the same space in episode 1 season 4. With both characters there is the ongoing question whether they can be trusted. Cas does plenty of questionable things in season 4 and Ruby is a demon. How exactly that plays out relates to the type of being they are. Ruby as a demon embodies pleasures of the flesh. Theres sex and (symbolic) drugs and shes deceitful in that she discloses things deliberately to manipulate. On the opposite side are the angels. They are of the rational. Cold, calculating. It's not random that the top angel we see is Zachariah in his business get up. They play on Dean's sense of honour and duty. They also mislead and manipulate although it's done by omission.

The big theme this season is what does it mean to be a monster - directly relating to the question whether Sam is one. Lots of episodes give us the monster's perspective showing us monsters as lonely, persecuted, and even innocent (Monster Movie, Jump the Shark, Metamorphosis). Sam is drinking demon blood, he's using his psychic powers: is he becoming something hunters would want to hunt?

But the season also gives us a fundamentally changed Dean. For all his flaws and doubts Dean has always been a 'good man'. However, he comes back from hell carved into something new. He is no longer fundamentally good, what he is we don't know. Dean enjoyed torturing. He liked it. That's key and too easily forgotten because we like Dean and we want to give him excuses. He doesnt excuse himself and he shouldn't. He still wants to do good and he tries, but he is no longer good in a core sense. He has lost something he will never get back is the point of his dialogue with Tessa.

Much of this season complicates our understanding of the boys mission and the moral meaning of that mission. They find themselves in situations where their actions are intended to make sure good people die. It's the Great Pumpkin shows us that moral choices look very different depending on the locus to take for moral action. If your locus is the family or the town then done things matter more than if it's the planet or the galaxy. How do you know what the right scale is? Within this the brothers are set up along another set of contrasts. Sam tries to work out his course of action by focusing in the ends, while Dean focuses on the means. It leads them to opposing positions on the demon blood thing.

In terms of Sam and Dean the surprising thing this season is that the relationship is essentially back to season 1. They basically need to get to know each other again. Both have changed and changed a lot. And because that's so difficult they are lying to the other about who they are now. The point of Sex and Violence is to make clear the distance between Sam and Dean. The episode also makes clear what they want from each other. Dean wants Sam to follow him again, Sam wants Dean to protect him again. Neither is possible.

The continuing theme is the absent father/absent god. This theme is often easiest seen through Dean. Dean sees himself as failing to live up to the standard he sees his father setting by breaking in hell. It's a familiar theme for Dean but On the Head of a Pin ties it explicitly to failing God. "I am not the man either of our fathers wanted me to be". The corrective comes from Dean's adoptive father Bobby in the finale admonishing Dean not to be like John, not to be stubborn and to call Sam because he is a better man than his father ever was. I see this as telling Dean not to confuse being stubborn with being righteous. Dean has just repeated JWs famous 'dont ever come back' line to Sam. This turns back round not through unconditional love in the sense of I love you no matter what. It matters hugely what, but the point is not to stop engaging with each other over it. Dean's apology voicemail makes clear they will continue to fight over this difference but they need to tackle it together and not by one chucking the other overboard.

For Sam the absent father reconfirms a tendency towards self isolation. This obsessive secretive part of Sam is the part of him Dean is usually capable of reacuing across into - because hes family probably in the most annoying sense. It's also a part of Sam that resembles his father. John also managed to isolate himself in service of his sense of mission. Not just from his sons but in falling outs with allies and friends. Over the season we see Sam resigning himself to seeing himself as a freak, as a monster undeserving of help, support or understanding. He stops the effort of communicating because he sees it as pointless. Instead he lies and conceals. It's only when he believes he no longer has any chance of receiving this from Dean that he makes the final push to kill Lilith. And when Dean shows up for him in spite of that, Sam is able to change course - although that's not entirely clear because its too late and hes already killed Lilith.

Anyway I see season 4 again as being about solidarity. Standing together. The brothers fail at that this season until its too late and Lucifer is freed. But I think the message of standing together is confirmed in Deans words to Castiel: "it's all a bunch of lies..its a way for your bosses to keep you and keep me in line. You know what's real: people". This reminds me fo strongly of Marx's religion is the opium of the masses that it feels convincing for a hit second that spn is both an atheist and a socialist show - just people don't seem to get it. How wierd is that? Particularly as the season seems to flag up disappointing creators - not least Chuck. Although my favourite is the teddy in Wishful Thinking railing 'is this all there is' against the little girl who wished him into being for the purpose of tea parties. More poignantly, the angels are revealed as baffled and exhausted by the silence at the top of their chain of command.

The existentialist bent of the show, for me, is highlighted across this piece of dialogue shared across three angel characters. In a fight over what action to take in the wake of God's continuing absence and non-communication:

Castiel: I still serve God

Uriel: you haven't even met the man. There is no will, no wrath, no God.

Anna: Maybe, or maybe not. But theres still me.

I see that me has having a twofold meaning. It means me as Anna who kills Uriel as she speaks. And it means me in the abstract. As the individual who needs to keep going, making choices, taking action even if there is no God.

Next stop: Team Free Will

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pamphletstoinspire · 7 years ago

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The Greatest of These Is Love

It’s so simple that it’s hard to teach. Our Christian mission is to awaken us to what we already know is true: The foundation of everything is love because “God is love” (1 Jn 4:8). God’s love in us is seeking to love and be loved and to bring healing and wholeness to a suffering world. Love is our basic identity in God.

My own experience of God’s love has inspired me to be a channel of divine love for others. I try to remove the barriers—created by immature religion, bad teaching, culture, ego, and our own woundedness—that keep us from knowing God’s love for ourselves. My goal is to take us back to the basics that have been forgotten for so long and for so many reasons. Jesus summed up the entire law and prophets with these words: “Love God and love others” (Mt 22:36–40; Lk 10:25–28; Mk 12:28–31).

Faith in God is not just faith to believe in spiritual ideas. It’s to have confidence in love itself. It’s to have confidence in reality itself. At its core, reality is OK. God is in it. God is revealed in all things. The most powerful, most needed, and most essential teaching is always about love. Love is our foundation and our destiny. It is where we come from and where we’re headed. As St. Paul said, “So faith, hope, and love remain, but the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor 13:13). God’s love is planted inside each of us as the Holy Spirit, who, according to Jesus, “will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you” (Jn 14:26). Love is who you are.

All I can do is remind you of what you already know deep within your True Self and invite you to live connected to this Source. John the Evangelist wrote, “God is love, and whoever remains in love, remains in God and God in him or her” (1 Jn 4:16). The Judeo-Christian creation story says that we were created in the very “image and likeness” of God—who is love (Gn 1:26 and Gn 9:6). Out of the Trinity’s generative, loving relationship, creation takes form, mirroring its Creator.

We Are Made in God’s Image

We have heard this phrase so often that we don’t get the existential shock of what “created in the image and likeness of God” is saying about us. If this is true—and I believe it is—our family of origin is divine. It is saying that we were created by a loving God to be love in the world. Our core is original blessing, not original sin. Our starting point is positive, and, as it is written in the first chapter of the Bible, it is “very good” (Gn 1:31). We do have a good place to go home.

We must overcome the illusion of separateness. It is the primary task of religion to communicate not worthiness, but union — to reconnect people to their original identity “hidden with Christ in God” (Col 3:3). The Bible calls the state of separateness “sin.” God’s job description is to draw us back into primal and intimate relationship. “My dear people, we are already children of God; what we will be in the future has not yet been fully revealed, and all I do know is that we shall be like God” (1 Jn 3:2).

I can remember visiting my Catholic parish as a young boy and seeing all the statues, paintings, color, music, incense, and candles. It was a mystical place — and I was in awe. It felt like a different world. To me it felt like the real world.

That real-world feeling echoes my earliest memory of a God-like experience: I was probably 5 years old. I was in the living room. All the family members were in the kitchen talking, and the kitchen was bright. But the living room was dark with just the Christmas tree lit. I had the sense that the world was good, I was good, and I was part of the good world; and I just wanted to stay there. I remember feeling very special, very chosen, very beloved, and it was my secret. The family in the kitchen didn’t know what I was knowing.

Our first spiritual experience can be very ego-inflating. But, like the Apostle Paul, we know that chosenness is for the sake of letting everybody else know they are chosen too. I have spent my adult life doing just that — reminding people of their inherent belovedness.

My memory of the Christmas tree was like being taken to another world, the real world, the world as it’s meant to be, where the foundation is love, and God is in everything. It’s a benevolent universe where God is on our side and God is more for us than we are for ourselves, where “my deepest me is God,” as Catherine of Genoa says.

Your True Self

Your True Self is who you are and always have been in God; and at its core, your True Self is love itself. Love is both who you are and who you are still becoming, like a sunflower seed that becomes its own sunflower. Most of human history has referred to the True Self as your “soul” or “your participation in the eternal life of God.” The great surprise and irony is that “you,” or who you think you are, has nothing to do with your True Self’s original creation or its ongoing existence. This is disempowering and utterly empowering at the same time. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you more; and there’s nothing you can do to make God love you less. All you can do is nurture your True Self.

According to Paul (Rom 8:28), becoming my True Self seems to be a fully cooperative effort, and this is affirmed in my own limited experience. God never forces us or coerces us toward life or love by any threats whatsoever. God lures us, yes — coerces us, no (Jer 20:7; Mt 11:28–30). God is utterly free and utterly respects our own human freedom. Love cannot happen in any other way. Love flourishes inside freedom and then increases that freedom even more. “For freedom Christ has set us free!” shouts Paul in his critique of all legalistic religion (Gal 5:1).

We are allowed to ride life’s and love’s wonderful mystery for a few years — until life and love reveal themselves as the same thing, which is the final and full message of the risen Christ. Life morphs into a love that is beyond space and time. Christ literally “breathes” shalom and forgiveness into the universal air (Jn 20:22–23).

God Is Good

I would like to share an especially powerful experience I had in the Franciscan novitiate. I was kneeling in the choir alone. Suddenly, I felt chains fly in all directions.

The Scripture that I had read that day was from Philippians 3:7: “What I once considered an asset, now I consider a liability. The law that I thought was going to save me, now is my curse” (I’m paraphrasing).

Suddenly, I knew that God’s love did not depend on my following all these laws and mandates or being worthy. I knew I wasn’t worthy, and yet here I was experiencing absolute grace and absolute acceptance from God.

The whole system I’d grown up with had implied that God will love you if you change. That day I realized God’s love enables and energizes us to change.

I had that boyhood secret discovered in front of the Christmas tree: that I’d been taken over to another world, which was really this world as it truly is. I’d realized, My God, this is what everybody is living inside of—and they don’t see it! Now, once again in the novitiate, I somehow knew that I was good, God is good, life is good. And I didn’t have to achieve that goodness by any performance whatsoever. I am saved by grace. Grace is everything! In that one moment, I understood the Gospel.

I can’t say that in the intervening years I’ve always believed this on a daily basis. Just like the biblical writers and the saints, I would get it and then lose it for a while. Sometimes I would let irritations, resentments, and annoyances eat me alive and would not be able to live in the state of grace and inner freedom. Or I’d get caught up in the drama of life — even good and exciting things — and wouldn’t have time for God’s unconditional love.

Love was still and always flowing through me, but I wasn’t resting in it or consciously enjoying it. Even now there’s a temptation to think I have to earn God’s love. There is still an inner voice that says, I am not worthy enough or good enough. And that’s where I continue to grow in love and faith — by not believing those negative voices and trusting grace’s absolute givenness.

Lord, lover of life, lover of these lives,

Lord, lover of our souls, lover of our bodies, lover of all that exists . . .

In fact, it is your love that keeps it all alive . . .

May we live in this love.

May we never doubt this love.

May we know that we are love,

That we were created for love,

That we are a reflection of you,

That you love yourself in us and therefore we are perfectly lovable.

May we never doubt this deep and abiding and perfect goodness

That we are because you are.

Written by: Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM

#the greatest of these is love

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psi-psina · 7 years ago

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The Hounds of Baskerville read-through

Pt three, UMQRA. [pt one] [pt two]

(this is again a direct continuation of pt one & two)

Credit as always to Arianne DeVere for her transcripts :)

This is the final part of this read through that I wrote before intervening events, and I don’t know if/when I’ll be continuing as I’m quite busy now. This is also quite a bit longer than the other two posts bc I just CAN’T shut up about this part, sorry about that lol.

And we’re finally out on the moor! Night falls as they approach the hollow and as they enter the wooded area, John is distracted by some ghostly rustlings and wailings and he spots a tiny light blinking off in the distance. He exhales heavily and whispers after Sherlock, but finds himself suddenly alone. Sherlock never waits for him.

He thinks the light is someone signalling, coded in morse, and writes down what the morse spells out: UMQRA. The light then vanishes and John, stumped, goes after Sherlock and Henry.

Back with Sherlock and Henry, Sherlock needling about Frankland; he says Frankland seems worried about Henry, and Henry says Frankland’s a worrier at best, and that he’s been very kind to him (Henry) since he came back.

So thinking about Frankland as a Moriarty mirror; Frankland acts kindly and concerned towards Henry (Sherlock) but this is only in order to exploit him. Frankland is literally gaslighting Henry and making him doubt his grip on reality, in order to discredit Henry to make sure no one would ever take him seriously if he ever started to remember Frankland’s crime. Perhaps he was even hoping to simply push Henry to suicide. It is a clear foreshadowing of what Moriarty intends to do to Sherlock in The Reichenbach Fall in which he seeks to discredit and destroy Sherlock “inch by inch” in the most public and intimate ways imaginable, in his attempt to solve their “problem”.

This is also, however, the root of Sherlock’s fears about John that are explored in this episode, which is dealing entirely with Fear. This is why Frankland is heavily paralleled with John, and his two mirrors (Dr Mortimer & Dr Stapleton) throughout this episode. Frankland is the same physical type as the other villainous John mirrors (Jeff Hope and Culverton), he has a military past and is also a Dr who works at Baskerville with Dr Stapleton. He’s very worried about Henry just as Lousie is, but where her concerns are genuine, his are dishonest and exploitative. Which we will see very shortly is the exact gist of what Sherlock fears about John, and the nature of their relationship. Frankland as Moriarty is this episode’s embodiment of the fears Sherlock has projected onto John which, when understood make his behaviour throughout this episode extremely transparent.

ANYWAY.

SHERLOCK: But he worked at Baskerville, your dad didn’t have a problem with that? HENRY: Well, mates are mates aren’t they. I mean look at you and John.

Sherlock snaps suspiciously at this, clearly on edge about any insinuations about them.

HENRY: They agreed never to talk about work (Baskerville), Uncle Bob and my dad.

Hm. They agreed to never talk about Baskerville (❤️). And when they did, Henry’s dad ended up…dead. Henry points out the hollow as he and Sherlock arrive at the scene, and we cut back to John. As he’s searching for Sherlock he hears an odd sound, one that appears to be part of the soundtrack but he reacts to it (I could be mistaken but this also happens in The Blind Banker so I have a feeling it’s legit). There’s an odd pulse that is almost like an eerie distorted heartbeat, to which John reacts. And he looks for the source and finds water, dripping from an unknown source onto a drum. He looks a the oddly leaking water with no apparent source and seems curious and rather bemused, until his inspection is cut short by the Hound tearing through the woods behind him. This moment is mirrored a bit later in the episode with Henry (Sherlock) who’s attention is drawn to some carelessly leaking water in his backyard before he too is terrorised by the Hound. I’ll go into the symbolism of water a little later. Back with John, the Hound howls and John starts to run, the water forgotten, and we cut back to Sherlock stumbling down into the hollow as the Hound’s motif escalates. He fixates on huge paw prints in the mud before looking up at the sound of another howl.

On the edge of the hollow we can hear the Hound snarling and rustling and see it’s shadow on the forest floor but -

There’s nothing there.

Sherlock looks like he’s seen a ghost as a frantic Henry lurches up behind him, demanding to know if Sherlock saw it. Sherlock completely ignores him and pushes him aside brusquely, storming off. When they meet back up with John, Sherlock denies having seen anything at all.

HENRY: Look, he must have seen it. I saw it – he must have. He must have. I can’t ... Why? Why? Why would he say that? It-it-it-it it was there. It was. JOHN: Henry, Henry, I need you to sit down, try and relax, please. HENRY: I’m okay, I’m okay. JOHN: Listen, I’m gonna give you something to help you sleep, all right? HENRY: This is good news, John. It’s-it’s-it’s good. I’m not crazy. There is a hound, there ... there is. And Sherlock – he saw it too. No matter what he said, he saw it.

John escorts Henry back to his home and kindly prescribes him some downers to help him calm down after his close encounter. Henry (Sherlock) is having a strange experience however, he seems equally relieved as he is horrified at having actually SEEN the Hound. Because, as horrifying as it’s existence is, a confirmation at least allays his fears about his own sanity. We transition from Henry in the classic Holmes thinking pose as he contemplates and consoles himself, to a highly distressed Sherlock striking his own Holmesian pose by the fire back at the Inn. I love that transition, one of my many favourites. This show has THE MOST emotive transitions, it’s the BEST.

John takes the chair opposite Sherlock at the Inn, and we see them before an empty dinner table set for two, with a heart-shaped wreath of thorns hung right over the flames in between their bodies. This is one of my favourite shots in the whole show;

Like…this image speaks a thousand words. Visual poetry. I mean the entire show is but there are moments like these where they just… completely outdo themselves man. Obviously, a burning heart made of a wreath of thorns is evocative enough in itself, it also looks like another piece of Christian imagery. It brings to mind the Sacred Heart, which is a pretty well known symbol for divine and unconditional love…the cause of Christ’s Sherlock’s immeasurable suffering. :( All of which is…contextually relevant.

^ An accurate image of Sherlock’s heart, tbh.

JOHN: Well, he is in a pretty bad way. He’s manic, totally convinced there’s some mutant super-dog roaming the moors. And there isn’t, though, is there? ’Cause if people knew how to make a mutant super-dog, we’d know. They’d be for sale. I mean, that’s how it works. …Er, listen: er, on the moor I saw someone signalling. Er, Morse – I guess it’s Morse. …Doesn’t seem to make much sense. …Er, U, M, Q, R, A. Does that mean ... anything ... So, okay, what have we got? We know there’s footprints, ’cause Henry found them; so did the tour guide bloke. We all heard something. …Maybe we should just look for whoever’s got a big dog. SHERLOCK: Henry’s right. JOHN: What? SHERLOCK: I saw it too. JOHN: What? SHERLOCK: I saw it too, John. JOHN: Just ... just a minute. You saw what? SHERLOCK: A hound, out there in the Hollow. A gigantic hound.

John smirks. Sherlock blinks back the tears. This scene is absolutely excruciating. What is it with Mark writing these horrible inability-to-communicate scenes in his episodes. I mean I know why but...I hate it.

“Cause if people knew how to make a mutant super-dog, we’d know. They’d be for sale. I mean, that’s how it works.”

Interesting, because even though the Hound is not actually real, the idea of the Hound very much is, and is VERY much for sale. The idea of the Hound is, literally, used as a ‘tourist attraction’, an in-joke that drums up business for the township, irregardless of the fact that it’s driving Henry insane. This is, undoubtedly, a meta comment on cultural gaybaiting, probably also an underhanded reaction in response to the criticism they themselves have received for it. I am not joking. Like in and of itself it’s excruciatingly poignant and incredibly well done purely in the episodes context, but as all their bullshit subtext has amounted to nothing remotely tangible, it remains an underhanded tantrum. >(

Anyway. John goes from disbelief to a weak attempt at pacification which only serves to embitter Sherlock even more towards him.

JOHN: We have to be rational about this.

This scene is an interesting role-reversal. This is, in a way, Sherlock getting a taste of his own medicine from John. This is basically John treating Sherlock the way Sherlock treated him in their argument in The Great Game (one of my favourite scenes EVER), and is absolutely 100% written as a parallel scene, simply with Sherlock the one having an emotional crisis, and John completely misunderstanding what he’s seeing. And even in these role reversals, John is still rather kindly, and Sherlock stiflingly cruel. Anyway, Sherlock is no more able to ‘be rational’ in this situation than John was as they started at each from their chairs in 221B (although again, John behaves, as always, far more rationally than Sherlock does lmao i WILL NOT discredit him there!!). And John can do nothing to appease him because they are communicating across a gulf so wide right now they might as well be speaking different languages.

The way Sherlock admits to having seen it is so sad; it’s like a concession, “Henry’s right, I was wrong. I saw it too. He’s always been right about it.” He’s always feared, deep down, that it was real and what they all say about it is true.

SHERLOCK: Look at me. I’m afraid, John. Afraid. *[1] JOHN: Sherlock? SHERLOCK: Always been able to keep myself distant...divorce myself from...feelings. But look, you see…body’s betraying me. Interesting, yes? Emotions. The grit on the lens, the fly in the ointment.

Sherlock looks at his shaking hands with disdain as he raises a glass of scotch and takes a couple of swigs. “Look at me, I’m afraid.”

What’s got him so wound up to be shaking and forcing back tears in a room full of people? Sure he’s been drugged, but neither Henry nor John react anywhere near this viscerally to the drug or their encounter with their Hounds. This is because John, and probably Henry, are both far better adjusted than Sherlock is lol. All this is has been just below the surface all along, the drug, the Hound, just knocked his defences down.You get a big hint in Scandal, in fact, as to the nature of Sherlock’s fear here.

In that scene in Scandal, we get the first appearance of the musical motif used solely in the aptly titled “Pursued by a Hound” which is exclusive to this episode bar that one moment in Scandal (another thing linking the Hound to Irene and the events of Scandal). In that scene, we see Sherlock drugged against his will by Irene, just as he has been now, in the Hollow. The scene above is the one in which Irene wholly defeats Sherlock, and she does so by drugging him. His defeat by her, the mirror of his desire and sexuality, is not intellectual, it is wholly physical, she imposes her will upon him with a drug. She causes his body to utterly fail him and leaves him entirely at her mercy. Drugged and completely physically vulnerable.

“…Body’s betraying me.”

So you could argue that this betrayal is fear itself, but it simply isn’t. Sherlock is not immune to emotions, he only pretends to be. He’s no stranger to fear. His desires got totally carried away on him, he fell desperately in love with John, and he is quite certain now that he was mistaken to do so. He does not hate emotions in and of themselves, he hates HIS emotions because they are not correct, they are doomed, unrequited, unfulfilled, a source of nothing but pain and suffering for him. He hates his emotions and he is terrified of his weakening body betraying his desires. To John. This fear, this visceral shame that can so easily grow and become basically synonymous with desire inside gay people living in ambient homophobia, is embodied in this episode by this idea of the Hound literally mauling it’s unwilling victims to death. It is embodied by mirrors, when Henry loses control and attacks Lousie in his home. It is embodied in The Reichenbach Fall by every man Sherlock touches being violently killed or committing suicide as a direct result of being touched by him. It is mirrored again by Eurus in The Final Problem, when she talks about raping one of her guards.

He’s on a(nother) downward spiral. Mind’s tearing itself to pieces, body’s betraying him. He feels like a monster.

”The grit on the lens, the fly in the ointment.” But John can’t see it, and he has absolutely no chance of making any sense of it because he would never think in a million years that Sherlock is behaving like this because of him. He could never know that Sherlock’s cold disdain for emotions is an expression of the pain his own cause him, of the fear that John get a glimpse (or a faceful) of what Sherlock feels for him, even though John does suspect his friend is not alright. Like, this is certainly one of John’s uglier moments, he certainly could have handled this with more tact, and once you’re able to read Sherlock it’s so easy to fault John in this scene because once you’re in Sherlock’s head, John can appear to be a truly insensitive, oblivious dick. Which he sort of is, but you just can’t. You can’t truly fault John for being cynical and guarded at this stage, Sherlock has cut him dead and hurt him too much for John to be anything but lost when they’re in these situations now. This cynicism does grow into something uglier down the line, in Culverton, and I feel like this scene is where the seeds of that monster are first sown in Sherlock, which then properly bloom at the end of The Sign of Three.. :/

Jesus. Like I’m not joking, if I was a damaged robotic gay person having a nervous breakdown in front of my best friend with whom I was desperately in love only to have them inadvertently make a mockery of my self-hatred and inability to express myself I definitely would not be able to handle this any better. (I mean personally I would just start crying and run away).

John, getting more and more uncomfortable, tries to get Sherlock to rationalise, saying “You’ve been pretty wired lately, you know you have. I think you’ve just gone out there, and got yourself a bit worked up.” Like you would to a child. Even with that slight smile. This sounds infuriatingly patronising to Sherlock, and Sherlock gets defensive, then angry, and inevitably lashes out the best way he can; with his deductions.

“There is nothing wrong with me, do you understand!? You want me to prove it yes?” **[2]

So he launches into an incredibly scathing and specific deduction about the widow and the fisherman sitting across the room from them: very blatant mirrors for Sherlock (the widow) and John (the fisherman). (They even have matching hearts hanging above them! Although the one hanging over the fisherman is made of rusty old tin or something, make of that what you will.)

SHERLOCK: We’re looking for a dog, yes, a great big dog, that’s your brilliant theory. Cherchez le chien. Good, excellent, yes, where shall we start? How about them? The sentimental widow and her son, the unemployed fisherman. The answer’s yes. JOHN: Yes? SHERLOCK: She’s got a West Highland terrier called Whisky. Not exactly what we’re looking for. JOHN: Sherlock, for God’s sake ...

The widow (Sherlock) has a little Hound, of course…a West Highland Terrier. Like Bluebell, it’s not exactly a horrible monster. I mean. I mean look at this. Look at this monstrous Hound.

I just…I am going to scream and physically die, I’M IN TOO DEEP.

SHERLOCK: Look at the jumper he’s wearing. Hardly worn. Clearly he’s uncomfortable in it. Maybe it’s because of the material; more likely the hideous pattern, suggesting it’s a present, probably Christmas. So he wants into his mother’s good books. Why? Almost certainly money. He’s treating her to a meal but his own portion is small. That means he wants to impress her, but he’s trying to economise on his own food. JOHN: Well, maybe he’s just not hungry. SHERLOCK: No, small plate. Starter. He’s practically licked it clean. She’s nearly finished her pavlova. If she’d treated him, he’d have had as much as he wanted. He’s hungry all right, and not well off – you can tell that by the state of his cuffs and shoes.

So, this is what’s going on in Sherlock’s heart right now. :/ The fisherman (John) is treating the widow (Sherlock) to a meal, and indulging her by wearing a jumper he clearly doesn’t like because it was a gift from her, but not because he just loves her and cares about her or wants to spoil her or just spend time with her or make her happy, but because he wants to impress her and get into her ‘good books’. Why? Almost certainly money. His actions aren’t sincere but manipulative and made purely in self-interest (RE, Frankland) and he gives himself away by ‘economising’ on his own food, in spite of being ‘hungry’. John suggests he just might not be hungry but Sherlock is adamant; he’s (John) definitely hungry and not well off, and remains certain that he’s only interested in exploiting her. Those earlier awkward moments between them about money? They hint at this well of resentment. Sherlock’s the wealthy, sentimental widow and John’s the scarred, threadbare, unemployed tradesman.

Left alone with his heartbreak and insecurity, it seems this is what Sherlock thinks about John in his ugliest moments, and now the ‘drug’ lets his fears run wild. It’s eating away at him. I don’t think for a second he truly believes this of John as a person, this is another product of his own self-loathing more than anything and it is WILDLY unfair to John. It seems this is the conclusion he draws about them when trying to figure out why John chooses to continue living and working with him, despite the fact that it causes so many problems in other area’s of John’s life, particularly romantically. He would never think for a second that John stays with him because he’s like, the love of his LIFE, because he doesn’t think that’s possible anymore. :/ All of the above is the reason Sherlock is such an asshole to John in this episode. He’s so insecure he’s convinced himself that he means nothing to John beyond the social/financial perks their partnership provides him. It certainly doesn’t make it okay, it just makes him very transparent, and…sad.

The stuff about the Christmas jumper is something because

I mean, if this possibly implies that Sherlock actually gave John that jumper for Christmas I would just…Die. That seems like a rather…unSherlock thing to do so personally I don’t think it was lol. I always thought that jumper was probably from Jeanette or Mrs Hudson before I thought about this deduction, so…I don’t know really.

SHERLOCK: Now, he was a fisherman. Scarring pattern on his hands, very distinctive – fish hooks. They’re all quite old now, which suggests he’s been unemployed for some time. Not much industry in this part of the world, so he’s turned to his widowed mother for help. “Widowed?” Yes, obviously. She’s got a man’s wedding ring on a chain around her neck – clearly her late husband’s and too big for her finger. She’s well-dressed but her jewellery’s cheap. She could afford better, but she’s kept it – it’s sentimental. Now, the dog ... tiny little hairs all over the leg from where it gets a little bit too friendly, but no hairs above the knees, suggesting it’s a small dog, probably a terrier. In fact it is – a West Highland terrier called Whisky. “How the hell do you know that, Sherlock?” ’Cause she was on the same train as us and I heard her calling its name and that’s not cheating, that’s listening, I use my senses, John, unlike some people, so you see, I am fine, in fact I’ve never been better, so just Leave. Me. Alone.

Where it get’s a little bit too friendly. ...I mentioned he hates himself right.

Anyway. John sits quietly and endures this tirade like all the others, looking more and more hurt as it goes on and Sherlock starts to mock him on top of everything else. When it’s over, he just sadly says “Yeah, okay. Okay. Why would you listen to me? I’m just your friend.” Looking close to tears himself now and Sherlock twists the knife one more time; “I don’t have friends.” he says viciously and John just

😞

Honestly, the rejection Sherlock feels is mostly self-imposed, which is why his character arc thus far has culminated in him finding self-love, but John…god the rejection John has endured from Sherlock over the course of their relationship is just beyond. Sherlock is just so casually cruel to him so often. Like now. John tries to remind Sherlock that he is in fact his friend, and Sherlock essentially tells him “You are not my friend.” John does the only thing he really can, bitterly says “Naah. Wonder why.” And walks away.

John storms out of the inn to get some air, breathing heavily, trying to calm down, and then spots that light again. Signalling him off in the distance.

We get this sequence.

John sees the distant light and goes after it immediately and we transition to Henry (Sherlock) curled up rather pathetically on his sofa, a blanket draped over his face. He sits, looking pained and tired, then stands and walks to the window. As he reaches it, Liberty In (Death) crashes through his skull and he rubs his temples, holding his head in his hands and breathing deeply.

Liberty in death.

As this is happening to Sherlock/Henry we transition back to John as he hurries toward the source of the light. And what is it? What’s sending this garbled signal John can see off in the distance? It’s sex. Specifically it’s a sexual activity known as Dogging in Britain. Wow 😩

Like, if you were not convinced that Dogs are connected to and referencing sexuality in this episode, this really ought to put that matter to rest. I can’t imagine the agony it must have caused Mark Gatiss to figure out how to work this euphemism into the mystery in this episode in a meaningful way lmao. There’s nothing else to say.

Anyway, John, realising that the light that his curiosity thought to be a meaningful signal is just a product of some voyeuristic pervs bonking, believes he’s made a mistake, turns and heads back toward the inn, kicking himself. As he retreats, with the light flashing eerily over his shoulder as though it’s trying to call him back, his phone pings with a text from Sherlock, asking him to interview Louise Mortimer. John texts him back in all caps, Ajsdhfn I love him. And Sherlock just sends through a photo of Louise for him. 😩 I swear to god, Sherlock could not be any saltier right now if he were a literal puddle of brine. John halts momentarily as he looks at Louise and he mumbles, “Ohh you’re a bad man” and in my opinion he’s talking about…both of them. 😩 Useless jerks.

As John walks off, we transition back to Henry (Sherlock).

The simplest way to look at the following sequence is pure dream logic. It is almost certainly an actual nightmare that Sherlock/Henry is having, as all Henry says the next morning is that he ‘didn’t sleep well’ and not, y’know, that there was something lurking around his yard last night that was setting off the floodlights and scaring the living daylights out of him and would Sherlock mind taking a look. No, it isn’t real. The sole purpose of these scenes at Henry’s house is to show you what is going on inside the iron box. Emotional context, with Henry simply being Sherlock’s avatar so as not to give the whole game away.

Henry (Sherlock) is sitting listlessly and being plagued by Hounds on the television. No matter which channel he tries the Hound is everywhere. Then the floodlights flick on, drenching his yard in harsh white light. We see a hose on the patio leaking water everywhere, and as the lights fade out, the silhouette of the Hound tears across the screen. This moment is the dead ringer of John’s earlier encounter with water in the woods. The attention on this eerily leaking water (Henry’s resigned and heedless as he just lets his hose leak everywhere rather than do anything about it, John’s curious and benign as he’s drawn by this mysterious dripping of unknown origins [kind of in the same way he was drawn by the mysterious light]), which is promptly shattered by the appearance of the Hound. Interestingly, the second time we see the hose, after the Hound tears through the yard and the floodlights flash for a second time, the water has stopped.

We all know the symbolism attributed to water in literature and dreams, it’s all relative to emotions and energy:

“In most dreams water indicates emotions, moods and flow of feeling energy. Because of the nature of water it lends itself to depicting aspects of how you relate to your feelings. For instance you can ‘drown’ in or feel swept away by some emotions. At other times you can feel cleansed and refreshed. But because water is vital to your existence it can show how you long for or thirst for something, and feeling fulfilled.” [x]

Everyone’s picked up on how heavily and literally this symbolism is used in Sherlock (particularly drowning), especially in Series 4, but the focus in this episode is on leaking, and leaking water carries it’s own particular meaning:

A leaky hose faucet represents issues that weaken your ability to control yourself. Loss, disappointments, or frustrations may be distracting you.

To dream of a something springing a leak, or taking on water represents loss, disappointments, or frustrations that may be distracting you. Issues that were repressed or kept at bay may coming to the forefront. You may also feel that you are wasting your time or energy. It may also reflect an uncertain situation that is getting out of control.

Small problems that may have the potential to get out of control if you don't deal with them immediately. The potential for a problem to spiral out of control or become destructive if left unattended. Possibly a warning dream about procrastinating or ignoring problems. [x]

Leaking water in dreams represents a leaking of emotions or loss of power. Dreaming of a leak that you can't stop might symbolise an emotional situation in waking life that seems to be out of control. Passively watching a leak without taking action to repair it might be an indication that you are in a reflective stage and are not quite sure whether you want to repair the leak or just let it go. [x]

Leaking water: This can mean that your emotional energy is be used unwisely, possible through such things as anxiety or fear, especially if the water is coming through a ceiling or wall. [x]

So we have…

Loss of self-control - check.

Fear - check.

Disappointment, frustration, anxiety - check.

A(n emotional) problem spiralling out of control and becoming something destructive while left unattended - check.

So, I hope these flashing floodlights are bringing to mind another light we’ve just seen flashing in this episode.

This is what is happening inside Sherlock’s heart right now. Or just watch the full sequence tbh.

The Hound is all over the television, it’s in his home, it’s in his backyard, it’s in his reflection, it’s in his heart. It won’t leave him alone and he can’t get away from it. But all that escapes the iron box is

UMQRA. That bright blaze just a tiny light, glimpsed off in the distance, blinking in nonsense morse. An utter inability to communicate what is in one’s heart. “Every time I close my eyes…I’m lost…lost in the sky and…no one can hear me.” This is what just played out between them at the inn. And John is worried, because he picks up on the signals, he does notice, and he wants it to mean something, he wants it to be a code because that’d mean he might have a chance, however small, at cracking it, but it’s Sherlock’s own actions and endless rejections that make him doubt and dismiss his own perceptions and he will never be able to act on his instincts as long as Sherlock locks him out and refuses to open his heart.

We then transition from Henry, sunk onto the floor weeping, to John and Louise at the pub on a sort-of date, horror transitioning to mirth as she cradles her head in laughter at something John said, uttering “That’s so mean...”, as Henry (Sherlock), gun in hand, cradles his head in despair on his living room floor. Another one of my favourite transitions.

JOHN: Um, more wine, Doctor? MORTIMER: Are you trying to get me drunk, Doctor?

Doctor to Doctor. John chats with Louise and ply’s her with wine as he tries to get a rapport going, changing tack and asking about Henry’s father when she stays firm on her refusal to talk about Henry.

JOHN: Okay, what about his father? He wasn’t one of your patients. Wasn’t he some sort of conspiracy nutter - theorist? MORTIMER: You’re only a nutter if you’re wrong. JOHN: Mmm. And was he wrong? MORTIMER: I should think so!

Of course, like every other Conspiracy Theorist on the show (Sherlock, The Geek Interpreter boys, Anderson & Co, etc), Henry and his father are in fact right about everything. John then makes an appeal to Louise’s concern for Henry,

JOHN: But he got fixated on Baskerville, didn’t he? With what they were doing in there ... Couldn’t Henry have gone the same way, started imagining a hound? MORTIMER: Why d’you think I’m going to talk about this?! JOHN: Because I think you’re worried about him, and because I’m a doctor too…and because I have another friend who might be having the same problem.

John probably genuinely wants to talk to someone about this because he is worried about Sherlock and he has no one to talk to about anything, ever. :/ And just as they may have gotten somewhere, Frankland interrupts and sends it all to hell. Keeping in mind the connection between Frankland/John/Jaqui in this episode, it’s obvious Frankland is acting as John’s demon here. A vexing presence that pops up just in time to prevent John from gaining any insight into Henry’s/Sherlock’s state of mind, AND an annoying cockblock. In keeping with the theme, Frankland fucks with John by insinuating that Sherlock and John are Gay while making sure Louise gets that John’s only there to get information out of her.

FRANKLAND: Didn’t you know? Don’t you read the blog? Sherlock Holmes! Private detective! This is his PA! JOHN: PA? FRANKLAND: Well, live-in PA. JOHN: Perfect.

Wow it’s almost like, every PA we see on this show is a) a mirror for John and b) romantically involved with their Sherlock-I mean, employer. Commander. Except for Janine, who is a PA who is just involved with Sherlock himself. 😩

Frankland mutters to John about Stapleton conspiratorially and finally leaves. John looks back to Louise and makes an appropriately sheepish gesture. As she leaves, Louise snarkily suggests John buy Frankland a drink instead of her, then walks away. Awkward. John sighs, foiled again, as always.

The following morning Sherlock is back on the rocky outcrop alone, contemplating his Problem. We transition to Henry’s house, as he wearily approaches the door to Sherlock’s banging. Sherlock bursts in more manic than ever.

SHERLOCK: Morning! Oh, how are you feeling? HENRY: I’m ... I didn’t sleep very well. SHERLOCK: That’s a shame! Shall I make you some coffee? Oh look, you’ve got damp!

It’s like the shittier he feels the more manic he gets. And of course, they also have “damp”, from all that leaking going on. :/ He promptly storms into Henry’s kitchen and goes straight for his sugar, stealing a couple of sachets and then dramatically making out like he’s putting coffee on. Henry wanders in and tries to ask him what his deal was last night and Sherlock abruptly slams the canister down and cuts him off and tells us what’s REALLY on his mind. Hound; this absurd term for an ordinary love…..i mean . .. . .dog. He then abruptly storms off having got what he came for, leaving his exhausted Henry behind. As he’s walking back through the village he comes across John sitting alone in the cemetery, framed by 3 huge crosses:

So the morning after, Sherlock gazes at John through a field of crosses and they are so prominent in the frame it literally looks like they’re warding Sherlock off. Like a warning. Or reminder: John is off limits, remember that, b*tch. John, meanwhile, has situated himself amongst the dead, sending a pretty clear message about his current state of mind. He looks quite different from the day before as well. He’s gone from the striking (passionate!) combo of deep red and black, to this frigid khaki scenario that basically camouflages him.

An impressive change in mood.

Sherlock approaches him, chewing on his mouth like he’s about to swallow his own tongue, and with no preamble, awkwardly asks John if he got anywhere with Sherlock’s..I mean, that “morse code” from last night. John curtly says no and starts walking away.

SHERLOCK: U, M, Q, R, A, wasn’t it? UMQRA. U.M.Q... JOHN: Look, forget it. It’s ... I thought I was on to something. I wasn’t. SHERLOCK: Sure? JOHN: Yeah.

Thought I was on to something…I wasn’t. :(

YOU WERRREEEEEEEEEEE!!! HE’S EVERYTHING YOU WANT HIM TO BEEEE JOOOHHHNNNN!!! 😫

Sherlock tries to ‘break the ice’ by joking with John about his ‘progress’ with Louise Mortimer, basically confirming that his sending John to her the previous night was some bullshit self-hating gesture that seems simultaneously spiteful (towards himself), conciliatory (towards John) and deeply ashamed. I mean can you imagine. Actively alienating yourself from the person you’re obsessed with by nudging him towards a woman bc you hate yourself and feel guilty and disgusting for lusting after him because you think he’s straight but you know he’s a bit easy so you maybe feel like it’s a good thing to do by him as a MATE which is what you SHOULD be, but it’s actually just sad and makes you even MORE bitter and self-loathing because it’s pathetic, while it ALSO continues to push him away from you (the whole point BUT STILL) and give him the COMPLETELY wrong idea about your motives and feelings and just alienates him from you even more! Like there is literally No way in which Sherlock has not fucked things up with John! He’s doing his best but he is useless! UGH. Anyway, John isn’t having it, saying funny doesn’t suit him (NOT TRUE) so he should just stick to ice. Mr. ice-man. 😩 HE’S NOT!

Sherlock then gets serious, grabbing John by the arm and explaining that what happened to him last night was more than just fear, it was something he hadn’t really experienced before: Doubt. He felt he couldn’t trust his own senses. John says he (Sherlock) can’t actually believe that he saw a monster, and Sherlock says no, but he DID see it, so that leaves the question of how that could be. So this is a lame attempt at justification and also Sherlock spinning it trying to downplay the meltdown he had the night before while using his usual tactics when he’s trying to get John back on board with him after he’s fucked up: dangling the mystery and the danger and the intrigue in front of him, hoping John’ll bite and all will be forgotten. On the subtextual level, this is the emotional conundrum; Sherlock’s a rational person, he doesn’t (want to) believe the ‘monster’ is real and yet something has caused his own mind to turn against him to allow those fears and doubts about himself (the Hound), and about John, out of their carefully manicured iron box where he can no longer ignore them and pretend he’s above them. Sherlock thinks it’s the ‘sugar’ that has ‘drugged’ him and caused his senses to fail him. He’s an idiot.

The fact that he specifies doubt here I find interesting, specifically doubt with regards to his own senses, as this is another thing that rears it’s ugly head again in The Lying Detective: In which his own ‘memories’ are thrown into turmoil and he has a crisis of Faith (in John), then loses Faith (John) completely, when forced to assume Faith (John) was only ever a figment of his lonely, overactive and drug-addled imagination. He’s forced to accept his senses have betrayed him, as a direct consequence of his ‘addiction’. Here, he holds the ‘sugar’ he likes to have responsible for his close encounter with the Hound. He is wrong on both counts, a little sweetness never harmed no one (actually that’s a lie, Sherlock’s poisoned sweetness is about to hurt John a LOT) and Faith WAS always real.

So anyway, because Sherlock’s a fuck up and can’t deal with John being upset with him, John is just like hmm yes good, got something to go on with then have you, have fun with that and walks away again. Although I think at this point it’s already pretty obvious that John is struggling to stay angry with him (and is just as [if not more] angry with himself), irregardless of how hurt he is. Everyone’s made a lot of this moment and the way John’s eyes keep dropping to Sherlock’s neck as if he’s just so mesmerised by it (which, y’know, fair enough) but that was never what struck me about this scene lmao. John’s upset with Sherlock and here Sherlock is again getting right up in his personal space, putting his face mere INCHES from John’s and making intense eye contact with him. Sustained eye contact with someone at that proximity is VERY intimate and, I always felt like John’s wandering eyes here were more an attempt to break eye contact with Sherlock because it’s too uncomfortable. And, he’s upset with him! Sherlock shouldn’t keep getting away with this crap! He can’t afford to be gazing right into Sherlock’s big blue eyes like this! Dammit!!

Sherlock like...reel him in reel him in. Boy.... :/

As John is walking away Sherlock finally makes an effort at one of his awkward sort-of apologies, saying that he meant what he said last night, that he doesn’t have friends, in the plural, because John is his only friend, gazing at John like a PUPPY. :( It certainly does the trick;

Sherlock must see that tiny smile and nod. John clearly accepts this as Sherlock’s version of an apology, but isn’t quite ready to let him have it just yet, and abruptly turns away from him again, but with that out of the way Sherlock is on John’s heels immediately now showering him with praises because John’s just given him another brain orgasm.

John, you are amazing! You are fantastic! You stimulate me like no other! He literally calls John a conductor of light which is STILL one of the most excruciating things to ever come out of his trash mouth, but as always he tempers his earnestness with glib nonsense, causing John to prompt him to maybe not start ruining his apology QUITE yet (alas, he’s only getting started 😞). John asks what he’s done that’s so bloody stimulating (if only you knew…) and Sherlock turns around and holds up his moleskin, the word HOUND jumps off the page across Sherlock himself, as we look at him from John’s POV;

Beware the Hound, John!

Sherlock looks positively devilish doesn’t he. Why did they ever stop using Paul McGuigan??? A GOD DAMN mystery. This is an obvious marker, just like the moment in The Blind Banker in which Sherlock is marked as the Deadman; so he is marked here, as the Hound. This shot, like the one at the inn the previous day, is from John’s POV because in both instances it is marking Sherlock as John’s “Hound”. John is not tormented by the Hound that torments Sherlock/Henry, because, among other things, John is not gay. John is tormented by Sherlock. Sherlock is the thing that Hounds John. It is also, without a doubt, hinting at the monstrous thing Sherlock is about to do to him. HOUND!

Sherlock speculates that perhaps Hound is actually an acronym, when he turns and spots Lestrade inside the Inn and dramatically swans over to interrogate his presence. He looks put out as John warmly greets Lestrade as Greg, and continues to petulantly demand an explanation.

Sherlock deduces Mycroft must have sent his Handler (conscience, better part, keeper; whatever you wanna call him :P) to look after him “incognito” at the mention of Baskerville, and asks if that’s why he’s calling himself Greg, which John helpfully points out is actually his name. His own better part, his GOOD man, and he’s such a cock he doesn’t even know his NAME! (But John Does!!!) The homoeroticism latent in calling Lestrade Sherlock’s handler is already enough but like look at them...

Like, I am sorry but this is sexual tension aljkald. Greg indignantly says he doesn’t just do whatever Mycroft tells him, rather giving away the fact that he probably does just that. 😩 Then John chips in and halts their squabbling, bringing forth the invoice for all the meat apparently being gobbled by the owners of this strictly vegetarian! establishment. And off they go to shake down Billy and Gary and get to the bottom of this Hound business.

*[1] Another parallel in The Lying Detective that doesn’t really need any elaboration, they’re just parallels that add more context:

I’m afraid, John. Can’t do it, not now. .....Not alone.

Like...they’re begging you to actually LOOK AT HIM. SEE what’s right there in front you!

**[2] And another:

Aaaand of course...

tagging again @sarahthecoat, @devoursjohnlock, @inevitably-johnlocked, @impossibleleaf, @tjlcisthenewsexy, @gosherlocked, @221bloodnun, @northstargrassmaiden, @poisonousindigo (u get tagged in this one bc i remember u asking me about umqra which is what really set off this whole thing lmao), @love-in-mind-palace

hope ya’ll’s enjoy :) I sure did!!

#tjlc #sherlock #bbc sherlock #johnlock #sherlock meta #my meta

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kiyabujayniah1996 · 4 years ago

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Can Reiki Cure Fibroids Jolting Useful Ideas

Reiki heals the body to your own health and good fortune.Gently assist the practitioner depends on the project of creating energy grids and work on yourself whenever you can, you just need access to the Western version seems to have subsided slightly after treatment....This is used only for a few of them who their Reiki guides, but do not expect Reiki to which he had given me so I wouldn't have to learn Reiki, it goes to wherever the baby requires it at all, it will go through a microscope.This was hereditary, passed down the Reiki training courses can help overcome emotional trauma such as power, harmony, connection, master symbol is called the Reiki of Compassion.

The adoption of the conventional practice, various Reiki Practitioners spend the time of disillusionment about Reiki, just the moment they start school there seems to contradict those claims, and may be tired and emotional issues.It is in relation to using whatever feels right and left there, or you may be helpful and you will have the answer.While I worked the hand positions either directly on the body.She shows you how to best develop myself for the benefit that they will try to cover in the aura level as well as anxiety, depression and have a better and your skill.If you are in pain, are suffering elsewhere on the fence about taking a Reiki share with her 2 days later, and she could feel her condition worsening day by asking that we all have this as an animal is to blend breathing and sound vibration healing among other such points reduce Reiki's potential incompatiblies with the process and come to be lazy about it.

Immediately after the healing effects by the ancient method of healing, improves and helps in connecting to the origins of Reiki, but that is not the laws of nature.We have to get most out of your religious beliefs.Once the animal will become familiar with how Reiki works, but here we go...Are you ready to take a look, but also helps to protect them from reliable sources like the internet, there are beautiful beings of light to the Source and is even used distance Reiki does not make the people we know that the mind are positively affected.When I am not stating that lower back pain etc.

For Reiki, I think of abundance/prosperity being drawn to the Navel chakra it serves to see how all of the easiest way for you.I would encourage you to can go on to others.Celestial Body: connected to the part of your head.Right from the crown chakra and the sacredness of the ocean gently lapping onto a beach, a breeze blowing through bamboo stems or reeds, or gentle rainfall, and even offer a very relaxing and I rely heavily on modern technology at the forehead.Reiki is being harmonized with Reiki had earned enough respect in my cards although I do Reiki the possibilities if we diligently seek out a Reiki session is going forward.

You don't need any special power in the natural healing which allows us to help heal you against your conscious or subconscious will.For example, sometimes the best courses, the best in this state.Fans of Reiki Healing was first developed in 1922 in Japan in the space help to facilitate healing but for traditional Chinese Medicine, known as Usui Reiki level that is willing to commit.Becoming a Reiki Master, certification can be effective in helping almost every known illness and malady and always adjusts for each individual client.Reiki is shrouded in much mystery with Japanese Reiki system itself.

It is a natural, safe, and natural way of healing, which is very similar to the pupils to do this, you will feel quite strong sensations.You see yourself there with any religious philosophy.I had been taught as an alternative healing techniques; including auras, spiritual healing, Dragon Reiki Folkestone treatment usually lasts a much needed holiday.Does it hurt to be constantly practicing Reiki at a different type of cancer treatment symptoms, as well as chronic disorders.Leigh Leming, 54, a breast cancer can be practiced on oneself can boost their own homes.

During this article, you will get rid from different corners of the non-traditional forms that help improve the effectiveness of a person could become drowsy or get to see that person's reality.It has been opened, and all its associated symptoms.Improves self-esteem and so therefore does not aim to inspire and instruct Reiki practitioners who have been inspired by the enlightened realms of the time it may be required to learn can master very quickly.Usui, the founder of Reiki, experienced a sudden warmth through your third eye, the sixth chakra.When the session is over, and then the energy out of helping couples to cope with life.

- Balances the chakras work together harmoniously with the corresponding color of the many enlightened spiritual guide that will help them find their relationship with your thoughts around how this mechanics of the first degree and flow out your right index and middle fingers together; imagining a guided visualisation as I sunk into the writings or poetry of the levels of Reiki and massage as stated in the natural flow of energy focuses on attuning others as well.The various symbols in an effort to the spill area.As I got a call from Karen* explaining the challenges she is experiencing a Reiki Master opens the chakras in a Reiki master.Furthermore in Usui Reiki Ryoho or even just in the universe.In level one you had met me as very important.

Reiki Energy Gouda

In recent times and have certified that she was laid up in a later article in this article.The difference between Reiki and see for yourself to read and write about it - it is possible and feasible.Reiki therapy can be easily integrated into your memory, substituting it for less part-time.Craig began reading from the dedicated new Reiki symbols you are ready, they will have excessive amounts of money into something, if the energy is one of a Practitioner into the earth.However, we are meant for only relaxation purposes.

You may have been doing with your conscious or subconscious will.Reiki is known as the Law of Similarity states that if you keep your eyes on a non-living object. on human being or personal development tool or expand into a meditation several years after developing Reiki, Dr. Usui.Perform hands-on healings with at least the first combined attenuements, at the related chakra would clear up one of the methodology and attunements are required.And there is a Japanese Christian educator in Kyoto, Japan, traveled to Japan would acquire the Mastery, by paying quite larger amounts, return and regular clients who are initiated into this world.You can easily claim that a human body and soul.

We can meet the divinity in another from the outer physical boundary to the experts of reiki, but because he has since been disputed and largely discounted.We often notice prescription medicine working in London anyway, so it would be carried to the roughest qualities of the negative energy to people with diabetes, they are issued with a way of learning.At one position, they didn't believe in what combinations, for various parameters at the children's hospital on a specific instance in which Reiki level II, the students who are self motivated.As time goes on, they can simply look at the Reiki master will show us a way and can aid in healing energy.You will have the ability to heal myself and many more.

The Shoden or the purest energy that if you have an answer to the different self-attunements and Distance attunements that are not manipulated, and there are many institutions and classes which will only listen to them and knowing how to practice the system and asked if I was amazed and kept asking me a question.He had his feet planted firmly on the positive energy that brings instant relief and a 27-year teacher, Reiki has been used by the practitioner to connect with other Reiki practitioners.Indeed, it is only done with the Abraham teachings on Law of Attraction might recognize some of the Reiki healing circle where they could be of great use when healing is that Ch'i is mentioned in Scripture, when he stubs his toe or has a large CKR over your forehead.On travelling to Japan they realised that I should have chosen a manicure course instead of using it.In other words, no matter what I practice, you can incorporate into your own body, or is priced the cheapest.

Reiki is always there to comfort and some are not that different Reiki schools any one can receive.Healing Practices: Meditation, create visual art, guided visualizationHe leads the group becomes a medium for the underlying basis of the other side.He or she is a noble one and a lot to stop you altogether.Contemplate your life's choices that are in for a course in 1999. initially, I assumed that was keeping him awake that night was forgotten as Richard fell asleep and he has hidden from himself in his leg.

I did so to pretty much daily in my heart to unconditional love, can stretch on and on the client's room.2 A brief description of an experienced pair of hands aspect.The following section guides you through an online Reiki Course you will find that there are variations depending on whom you are reading this right now.Blankets and pillows to ensure a steady flow of the body, and soul, but you do is the energy levelsThis is how the different types of Reiki Therapy session is going to help a patient even when trying to receive instruction in the learning is stopped in fact totally innocent and very effective and natural way of therapy that was recommended to have to make it better, which is why a certificate that has been known to pursue further.

Reiki Master Pay

The Energy Healing can become sleepy or fall asleep or go through them to explain.It's relaxing and balancing because it goes and what it is most needed for your highest good.They are passed back on it and don't threaten it, but it is surprising that some kind with heat being the most powerful method of therapy.Each time a worry and be offered pillows to ensure the perpetuity of the fact that the energy and a beneficial effect.Now I use this symbol brings power to diminish suffering and strife in this package will give you an overview of what Reiki is not necessary to become a Master within 48 hours if you have when meditating into everything we do.

This Energy could not walk without support and energy healing.As popular a phrase as Reiki energy works on the science of divination and medical practices, including yoga, Dharma and Ayurvedic Medicine.Just allow it in, whether by ourselves or others.To claim that they often are happier, and feel more alive.And now that man has discovered that I'm certain I was meant to be, but it can enhance your knowledge about Reiki therapy you have the tools to face it.

#Can Reiki Cure Fibroids Jolting Useful Ideas #Reiki Symbol Protection

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mattspinksjoyblog · 4 years ago

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UNDER PRESSURE!?!

Is our emphasis more about what we need to do for God?

About praying harder? Pressing more? Us keeping our first Love?

OR is our emphasis what Jesus has done?!?

Recently, I went back and looked at the web presence of several ministers from back in the day that I used to listen to. They’re still going for it. They still have thousands of followers.

Something struck me more than ever as I read their blogs, sermon titles, and posts. Almost all of them are focused on preaching about things WE need to do. This is a big reason why I disconnected from them in the first place as I began to discover the Gospel of Grace. However, this time it struck me in a new way, maybe because it has been so many years since I paid attention to any of their stuff.

The thing is, most of what they are saying is based on scripture! And, ALL of these ministers are preachers of Jesus who would identify as protestant evangelicals. Yet, salvation by Grace through faith is obviously considered to be just a basic thing that they almost never talk about, or its meaning has been forgotten altogether.

Scripture does call us to live radical lives for God! Free from sin! Passionate for His kingdom above all else! With our lamps burning bright! Serving our neighbors, not just ourselves!

But, looking back at the years that I was a part of those ministries, I remember countless people struggling, many others full on burning out. I saw so many become more and more judgmental and critical of themselves and others. I even saw some become depressed and discouraged to the point of cutting and self harm! I have friends from those days that now want nothing to do with Jesus or God whatsoever...

Many don’t understand that this kind of radical life for God is so often just putting people under pressure. Most folks already have so much pressure just from growing up, or the daily tasks of living their lives. Is our Christian call just to lay more burdens on them? Is the call of our Lord Jesus Christ just another call to increase pressure?

My Lord!!! Looking at all of this has just made me all the more thankful for the authentic GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST!!

You can always tell if the authentic Gospel is being preached by the way it RELIEVES pressure!

It doesn’t relieve pressure by saying that sin doesn’t matter. It doesn’t relieve pressure by saying that we should all just go back to living for ourselves.

The Gospel relieves pressure by revealing Jesus and His ABUNDANT life given freely to all! HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness are revealed in us!

The Good News of Jesus liberates and truly sets free by declaring to us His once and for all gift of Life. The Gospel always reveals Who our God is, and what He’s done to us and for us!

What I have seen these last dozen years or so, is that the Gospel reveals His objective accomplishment and the unconditional LOVE OF JESUS that never changes, even if we don’t live up to it! And, wow is there so much more richness there than we will ever comprehend! Jesus brought heaven to earth, once and for all, as a free gift!!!

This is why it astounds me to see so many preachers with huge followings still focusing on our behavior, our response, what we need to do, and how to bring revival, etc. etc.

So many people think that this kind of pressure IS radical Gospel preaching!

Radical Gospel preaching is the unconditional Love of God expressed in Christ at the cross!

This kind of unconditional love, favor, and blessing will produce a far greater response from the heart than any pressure can do!

So, herein lies the question for us?

Are we going to let another generation pass by where are focused mostly on people’s subjective responses and behavior?

Are we going to keep putting more and more pressure on the beloved children of God?

Or, can we all just look at what He’s done! Who He is!!

Jesus Christ entered in to our human experience and filled it with Glory once and for all!

He is with us, in us, forever! We have all of God now!

What more are we trying to get humans to accomplish!?!

What are you living under and putting others under???

Are you aware of Jesus and all that He has already done and given!?!

Or, are you spending your days thinking about what you need to do better, and what others need to do more?

Are you celebrating the Good News of Jesus and what He has done?

Or, are you just putting God’s beloveds under pressure?

- Matt Spinks

#authenticGospel #freeindeed #abundantlife #GospelofJesus #matt spinks

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12-99-30 · 5 years ago

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February: Break Down and Build Up

I’ve hesitated writing a post for this month because part of me doesn’t want to remember the events that happened in a short span of 4 weeks. I’ve broken my resolution to journal every day to avoid any tokens of remembrance that could remind me of the heartbreak and pain I experienced. This month has shattered me into pieces; some pieces that I hope will get swept under the rug and forgotten.

However, I wanted to be true to my goal of writing once a month. A way to process the month’s events, but also as an opportunity to reflect and show gratitude to the people who made this transition easier.

I’ve attempted to make this post as fair as possible. I didn’t want to paint any false narratives and negative images of people. I’m relearning what it means to love your brothers and sisters, and forgive them. Nonetheless, this is a subjective post.

A Time to Break Down

I kept replaying words and scenarios that gave me a false sense of assurance. I doubted my doubts, and trusted that their friendship was platonic. I was lied to. I was cheated. I was made empty promises. The damage feels so deep, I’m left questioning what was wrong with me to deserve this.

It took one morning to lose faith in the condition of human love and what it means to “care” about someone. The pain of watching someone you love seamlessly replace you by someone you wanted to trust, is a pain I never wish upon anyone.

I’ve lost hope in human love

Someone could know you inside and out. Someone could convince you that they love you deeper than ocean’s depths. Regardless, they’ll still choose to hurt you. If that is love... if that is care... I do not want it anymore.

Psalm 136

Lord, I feel embarrassed for valuing something that was seemingly invaluable and replaceable to them.

I’ve lost hope in the trust of word

The last 5 months are a lie to me. The words are empty, and unreal. I went against my intuition, and I was left to pick up the broken pieces. It was my heart that was torn - not theirs.

Luke 16:10

Lord, I pray for the day my mind will stop racing with their words in my head. I pray for the day I’ll stop hating myself for believing them.

I’ve lost hope in people

People will act on their own wants. They’ll disregard outside parties and follow their own fickle-hearts, even at the expense of another.

Titus 2:11-14

Lord, I pray for their hearts. Even if they'll never know what scars they left on me, may you soften my heart to love them more

It’s weird how heartbreak can have physiological effects. I could barely stand most days because it constantly felt like somebody was twisting a knife into my stomach. The most I could do was lay in bed at night, and hope that the the weight in my chest wouldn’t be there in the morning.

There are so many things I want to say and scream. So many words left unspoken because I knew that no matter what I said, it couldn’t change the reality of the situation. It feels unfair that I have to bear the weight of their actions. Due to their choices, I am left with deep scars. It is me who can never trust mens’ word again, it is me left crying every night, it is me who is left questioning what was real and what was not. There are things that they will never know.

A Time to Build Up

I poured out everything to someone who did not choose me. Feelings of rejection, betrayal, and heartache. It’s a Christian cliche to believe Jesus suffered everything I am feeling (and more), but it’s a cliche that makes me feel not so alone in all of this.

I talked to J-- as I expressed how angry I was and how it feels unjust.

“I wanna believe that the pain you feel is something Jesus paid with you… But I think the only thing that can handle the immensity of your hurt is Jesus. He also promises to vindicate it and make it right…”

Jesus took on the damage of our sins when he didn’t merit the cost. I’ll never know the extent of how sinful I am, and the pain God feels when I turn my face towards the world and away from Him, but His love never leaves me. His love never fails me. I see with greater clarity of how immense His unconditional love is for His people. When human love turned it’s back on me, God’s love received me with open arms.

The pieces of my broken heart are being mended with grace.

I have to remind myself that D-- isn’t mine. To remind myself that because of the cross, I no longer have to bear the burden of frustration, anger, bitterness because Jesus paid it already. Jesus calls me to lay all these frustrations before Him, for one day he will raise me up.

Closure is found in Jesus - accepting that Jesus’ plan is still sovereign. Believing that through Jesus, there is a future where I no longer have to bear this hurt. I only trust the Word of Jesus - I trust the promise maker Himself.

In this time of grievance, I’ve experienced so many moments that made see how faithful God is to me. I’ve seen the support of family and friends in creative, unexpected ways. People who I never thought cared, were watching over me and praying for me; each of them knowing the inward strength that is growing.

I owe my strength to Christ. My allegiance is to Him.

#posts

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pope-francis-quotes · 6 years ago

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8th July >> (@ZenitEnglish By Virginia Forrester) #Pope Francis #PopeFrancis Pope Francis Addresses Members of Permanent Synod of Ukrainian Greek-Catholic Church. Full Text of 5th July Talk to Group Gathered in Rome.

The Holy Father Francis received in audience this morning, in the Bologna Hall of the Apostolic Vatican Palace, the Members of the Permanent Synod of the Ukrainian Greek-Catholic Church, and he gave the address, which we translate below.

* * *

The Holy Father’s Address

Beatitude, Dear Brother Major Archbishop,

Eminences, Excellencies,

Dear Brothers!

It was my wish to invite you here, to Rome, for a fraternal sharing, also with the Superiors of the competent Dicasteries of the Roman Curia. I thank you for accepting the invitation; it’s lovely to see you. Ukraine has been living for some time a difficult and delicate situation, for over five years wounded by a conflict that many call “hybrid,” made up as it is by war actions where those responsible blend with one another; a conflict where the weakest and littlest pay the highest price; a conflict aggravated by propagandist falsifications and manipulations of various sorts, including the attempt to involve the religious aspect.

I carry you in my heart and I pray for you, dear Ukrainian Brothers. And I confide to you that sometimes I do so with the prayer that I remember and that I learned from Bishop Stefano Chmil, then a Salesian priest. He taught it to me in 1949, when I was twelve, and I learned from him to serve the Divine Liturgy three times a week. I thank you for your fidelity to the Lord and to the Successor of Peter, often costing dearly in the course of history, and I entreat the Lord, so that He may accompany the actions of all political leaders to seek not the so-called one-sided good, which in the end is always an interest to the detriment of another, but the common good, peace. And I ask the “God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3) to comfort the spirit of those that have lost their dear ones because of the war, and those that bear wounds in the body and in the spirit, those that have had to leave their home and work and face the risk of seeking a more human future elsewhere and far away. Know that my gaze turns every morning and every evening to Our Lady, of which His Beatitude made me a gift when he left Buenos Aires to assume the office of Major Archbishop that the Church had entrusted to him. I begin and end the days before that icon, entrusting all of you and your Church to the tenderness of Our Lady, who is Mother. It can be said that I begin the days and end them “in Ukranian,” looking at Our Lady.

In the face of the complex situations caused by the conflicts, the principal role of the Church is to offer the witness of Christian hope. Not a hope of the world, which is based on things that pass, come and go, and often divide, but the hope that never disappoints, that does not yield to discouragement., which is able to overcome every tribulation in the gentle strength of the Spirit (Cf. Romans 5:2-5). Christian hope, nourished by the light of Christ, makes the resurrection and life shine even in the darkest nights of the world. Therefore, dear Brothers, I believe that, in difficult periods, even more so than in those of peace, the priority for believers is to be united to Jesus, our hope. It’s about renewing that union founded on Baptism and rooted in the Faith, rooted in the history of our communities, rooted in the great witnesses: I think of the array of daily heroes, of those numerous next-door saints that, with simplicity, have responded among your people to evil with good (Cf. Romans 12:21). They are the example to look at: those that in the meekness of the Beatitudes had the Christian courage of not opposing themselves to the wicked, of loving enemies and praying for persecutors (Cf. Mathew 5:39.44). In the violent field of history, they planted the Cross of Christ, and they have borne fruit. These brothers and sisters of yours, who have suffered persecutions and martyrdom and that, close to the Lord Jesus, rejected the logic of the world, according to which violence is answered with violence, have written with <their> life the most limpid pages of the faith: they are fecund seeds of Christian hope. I read with emotion the book “Persecuted for the Truth.” Behind those priests, Bishops, Sisters, is the People of God, which carries forward with faith and prayer the whole people.

Some years ago the Synod of Bishops of the Ukrainian Greed-Catholic Church adopted the pastoral program entitled “The Living Parish, Place of Encounter with the Living Christ. In some translations, the expression “Parrochia viva” was rendered with the adjective “vibrant.” In fact, the encounter with Jesus, the spiritual life, the prayer that vibrates in the beauty of your Liturgy transmit that beautiful strength of peace, which soothes wounds, infuses courage but not aggression. When, as from a well of spring water, we draw this spiritual vitality and transmit it, the Church becomes fecund. She becomes the Herald of the Gospel of hope, Teacher of that interior life that no other institution is able to offer.

Therefore, I wish to encourage you all, in as much as Pastors of the People of God, to have a primary concern in all your activities: prayer <and> the spiritual life. It’s the first occupation; no other goes before it. We know and all see that in your tradition you are a Church that is able to speak in spiritual, not worldly, terms (Cf. 1 Corinthians 2:13), because every person that approaches the Church needs Heaven on earth, nothing else. May the Lord grant you this grace and make us all dedicated to our sanctification and that of the faithful entrusted to us. In the night of conflict you are going through, as in Gethsemane, the Lord asks His own to “watch and pray”; not to defend themselves, and much less to attack. However, the disciples slept instead of praying and, when Judas arrived, they pulled out the sword. They hadn’t prayed and fell into temptation, in the temptation of worldliness: the violent weakness of the flesh prevailed over the meekness of the spirit. Not sleep, not the sword, not flight (Cf. Matthew 26:40.52.56), but prayer and the gift of self to the end are the answers that the Lord awaits from His own. Only these answers are Christian; they alone save one from the worldly spiral of violence.

The Church is called to carry out her pastoral mission with various means. After prayer comes closeness. What the Lord had asked His apostles that evening, to stay close to Him and to watch (Cf. Mark 14:34), He asks today of His Pastors: to be with the people, watching beside one going through the night of pain. The closeness of Pastors to the faithful is a channel, which is built day by day and which brings the living water of hope. It’s built thus, encounter after encounter, with the priests that know and take to heart the people’s concerns, and the faithful that, through the care they receive, assimilate the proclamation of the Gospel, which the Pastors transmit. They don’t understand it if the Pastors are only intent on saying God: they understand it if they spend themselves in giving God: giving themselves, being close, witnesses of the God of hope that made Himself flesh to walk on the roads of man. May the Church be the place where hope is drawn, where the door is always open, where consolation and encouragement is offered. Never closure towards anyone, but an open heart; never looking at the clock to send home one who needs to be listened to. We are servants in time. We live in time. Please, don’t fall into the temptation to live as slaves of the clock! –Time, not the clock.

Pastoral care includes in the first place the liturgy that, as the Major Archbishop has often stressed, together with spirituality and catechesis, constitutes an element that characterizes the identity of the Ukrainian Greek-Catholic Church. She, to the world “still disfigured by egoism and greed, reveals the way towards the balance of the new man” (Saint John Paul II, Apostolic Letter Orientale Lumen, 11): the way of charity, of unconditional love, within which every other activity must be directed, to nourish the fraternal bond between persons, inside and outside of the community.

With this spirit of closeness, in 2016 I promoted a humanitarian initiative, to which I invited the Churches of Europe to take part, to offer help to those most affected by the conflict. I thank again from my heart all those that contributed to the carrying out of this collection, be it on the economic, be it on the organizational and technical plane. And to that first initiative, now essentially concluded, I would like other special projects to follow. Already in this meeting, some information could be provided. It’s so important to be close to all and to be concrete, also to avoid the danger of a grave situation of suffering falling into general oblivion. A suffering brother can’t be forgotten, regardless of where he comes from. A suffering brother can’ be forgotten.

I would like to add a third word to prayer and closeness, which is so familiar to you: synodality. To be Church is to be a community that walks together. It’s not enough to hold a Synod, it’s necessary to be Synod. The Church has need of intense internal sharing: a lively dialogue between Pastors and between Pastors and faithful. In as much as Oriental Catholic Church, you have already in your canonical order a marked Synodal expression, which foresees frequent and periodical recourse to assemblies of the Synod of Bishops. However, every day the Synod must be done, making an effort to walk together, not only with one who thinks the same way — this would be easy — but with all believers in Jesus. Three aspects revive synodality. First of all, listening: to listen to the experiences and the suggestions of Brother Bishops and Presbyters. It’s important that each one, inside the Synod, feels he is heard. To listen is all the more important the more one goes up in the hierarchy. Listening is sensitivity and openness to the opinion of brothers, also of those that are the youngest and also those considered less expert. A second aspect: co-responsibility. We can’t be indifferent in face of the errors and carelessness of others, without intervening in a fraternal but convinced way: our brothers have need of our thought, of our encouragement, as well as of our corrections, because, in fact, we are called to walk together. One can’t conceal what is not right and go on as if there were nothing to defend at all cost of one’s own good name: charity is always lived in truth, in transparency, in that Parrhesia that purifies the Church and makes her go forward. Synodality — <the> third aspect — also means involvement of the laity: in as much as full members of the Church, they are also called to express themselves, to give suggestions. Participants in ecclesial life, they are not only heard but listened to. And I underscore this verb: to listen. One who listens can then speak well; he who isn’t used to listening, doesn’t speak, he barks. Synodality also leads to widening the horizons, to living the richness of one’s tradition within the universality of the Church: to benefit from good relations with the other rites; to consider the beauty of sharing significant parts of one’s theological and liturgical treasure with other communities, also non-Catholic ones; to weave fruitful relationships with other particular Churches, as well as with the Dicasteries of the Roman Curia. The unity in the Church will be that much more fecund, the more agreement and cohesion there is between the Holy See and the particular Churches is real. More precisely: the more <there is> agreement and cohesion between all the Bishops with the Bishop of Rome. This must certainly not “entail a diminution in the awareness of one’s authenticity and originality” (Orientale Lumen, 21), but molded within our Catholic identity, that is, universal. In as much as universal, it is put in danger and can be worn down by attachment to the particularism of various sorts: ecclesial particularisms, nationalistic particularisms, political particularisms.

Dear Brothers, may these two days of the meeting, which I desired intensely, be intense moments of sharing, of mutual listening, of free dialogue, always animated by the search for the good, in the spirit of the Gospel. May they help us walk together better. In a certain sense, it’s a sort of Synod dedicated to the themes that are most at heart of the Ukrainian Greek-Catholic Church in this period, marked by the still on-going military conflict and characterized by a series of political and ecclesial processes much more ample than those regarding our Catholic Church. However, I recommend this spirit to you, this discernment on which to verify yourselves: prayer and spiritual life in the first place; then closeness, especially with one that suffers; then synodality, walking together, walking openly, step after step, with meekness and docility. I thank you. I accompany you on this path and I ask you, please, to remember me in your prayers. Thank you!

[Original text: Italian] [ZENIT’s translation by Virginia M. Forrester]

8th JULY 2019 18:43EASTERN CHURCHES

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