#most Catholic parishes will make an accommodation and allow for the father to walk the bride down the aisle at the bride's request

[ffcrazy15]

Wasn’t there a whole series where a fantasy bishop forced two characters to marry?

Like I’m not saying that never happened in the history of the Church, shitty bishops have always existed and still exist. I am saying, however, that the Catholic Church specifically has laws that forbid forced marriages, and that declare any marriage vows said under force to be outright invalid.

As in, if you’re forced to “marry,” the Catholic Church’s opinion is that the marriage never actually happened even if there was a ceremony, since consent makes the marriage valid. It’s literally one of the easiest ways to get an annulment is if you can prove you were under duress at the time you said your vows.

fantasy authors will be like "I'm going to use Catholic imagery and terminology and (badly-interpreted) theology in the worst way possible" and I'm just like:

[henderistic]

Your Crush in SVT is Left at The Alter (long post)

(They have a crush on you too)

[Requests open!!!]

A/N: So I actually have a valid excuse as to why this took so long surprisingly, pretty much I’ve had a UTI (tmi, sorry) for the past week, probably more and only found out yesterday, I’m on antibiotics now so I’ll be good as new shortly! Sorry for the wait

Genre: angst, fluff if you read to the end of each member’s reaction

Very Important!

↳ all members in this will like all genders/sexes since I don’t want to leave anyone out, also four members will be gay (picked by a random number generator) in this scenario! P.S. don’t leave your s/o at the alter please

-

S.Coups: Seungcheol, everyone’s favourite teddy bear leader, was currently punching and kicking things as you watched in astonishment, never knowing him to be violent.

It had been a lovely day for a wedding, the sun was shining and it wasn’t too hot, something rare for July. But then again everyday was a good day for a wedding when it came to your friend. He had been anxiously waiting for this day for over two years now and you could see it in his eyes while he was getting ready. His eyes had been sparkling since he had sat down in the stylist’s chair, one he trusted with his life as she had produced an astonishing amount of fan favourite looks. You had been sat in the corner watching him, quietly sulking to yourself when Jeonghan came over, looking at his phone and muttering something about how the groom wanted your approval for his hair and makeup. You took a big breath in and got up, hoping neither boys had noticed your glum expression.

Seungcheol looked at you in the mirror with a gummy smile, “so- how is it? Think carats will go crazy for this one too?” he chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure they’ll love it, but don’t forget this is your wedding,” you forced a smile. “Hah! It’s mostly her’s really, I just agreed to whatever she said!” It was clear he had noticed your face falter at his comment, a look of concern quickly gracing his face but disappearing as soon as it had begun.

“Anyways, I wanted you to put my boutonnière on, it’s the flowers that go on the lapel,” he told you, almost solemnly. You gave him a grin and began putting them on, well trying was the correct word. You shared hushed giggles before the stylist couldn’t take it anymore and put it on him correctly. As she was doing this you two ended up staring at each other, almost how they do in movies before they kiss. Your moment was ruined though when the loud voice of the wedding coordinator tore through the room, “okay everyone, showtime!”

The entire thing felt like a blur until the bride walked down the aisle, not in her dress but just casual clothes. She marched down the aisle, forcefully grabbing the mic out of the MC’s hand. “I’m sorry to do this to everyone but the wedding’s cancelled. In all honesty I never truly loved him,” she finished, the entire crowd in shock. Knowing Seungcheol would be heartbroken you took him outback for some air.

“How are you holding up?” you asked in a slightly higher pitch than normal, hoping not to upset him at the angriest you’ve ever seen. He let out a ragged sigh and said “how do you think?” You knew it was a rhetorical question so you softly put your hands on his shoulders, giving him the beginnings of a massage. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out at you, it’s not your fault. In fact, I’m glad you’re here because that means I have someone I truly love with me.”

(Gay) Jeonghan: It was a destination wedding, it had to be since gay marriage still wasn’t legal in South Korea. It was beautiful, a winter wedding in Norway with the two grooms paying for flights and accommodations, easy for them with Jeonghan having worked in the Korean music industry for many years and his fiancé being the vice-president to an up and coming company. You were seated in the second row, on your old friend’s side. He looked absolutely dashing in his tuxedo, waiting for his soon-to-be husband to walk down the aisle. You could tell he was nervous just by looking at him, his hair slightly disheveled after running his hands through it so many times and how his eyes could never focus on one place.

Everyone quickly went hush hush and the doors open, revealing the fiancé, his arm wrapped around your friend’s father as his own had disowned him for being gay many years ago. Instead of matching Jeonghan’s beaming expression he had a somber look on his face, as if he was already regretting his choice. Once the crowd saw this whispers were about, the ceremony master having to ‘shhh’ them. As soon as everyone was quiet he began to take uneven steps down the aisle, dread growing more and more apparent on his features the closer he got to the alter.

Suddenly, a voice breaks the music playing, “I can’t do this!” To everyone’s shock, it wasn’t a closeted homophobic guest but Jeonghan’s groom himself, “I can’t risk my career and my family hating me just to marry someone who won’t even be around most of the time!” The now ex-fiancé said before storming off, aggressively unlinking his arm from his ex’s father’s. The music had entirely stopped by now, leaving everyone in stunned silence with gasping faces, yours included. You could tell Jeonghan was fighting back tears, his entire future, gone in a moment, having to deal with the backlash of an entire country worth nothing now but as soon as he saw you in the crowd he called you outside. With your heart fluttering you followed him, he looked around to make sure the coast was clear and asked to kiss you. You weren’t sure what you were thinking but you agreed, thinking deep down you were just a rebound but he knew otherwise.

Joshua: (took some liberties here and went for a Roman Catholic wedding as it’s my religion and I feel Joshua would like to get married in a church but I am biased lol) The hymn “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee” had begun, signalling the large wooden doors to be opened and reveal the procession. First came the cross bearer with a silver cross hoisted onto a wood pole, then came the middle aged priest dressed in mainly white with yellow detailing. After this the rest of the clergy came, then followed the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the ladies dressed in red, knee length dresses with small pieces of matching red fabric on their shoulders, the men in traditional dress suits. After this came the two people of the hour, first came the bride, she was wearing a modest slightly off white dress with a train following behind her like a river, her arm in arm with her father. After that came Joshua, he was with his mother and looked dashing in his tuxedo, with a small boutonnière of red roses on the right side of his chest.

The hymn finished once everyone had made it to the alter, two wooden chairs being brought out for the couple. The mass went normally, the two readings and then the gospel, all of which consisted about something about Christ and his ‘bride’ the church or just love in general. After the gospel, instead of the homily it was the actual wedding ceremony. The priest began asking a few questions before asking the one everyone had been waiting for.

Being asked if she took Joshua to be her husband made her face drop, the entire parish noticing and their smiles being quickly wiped off their face. She began stuttering before saying “I can’t” and running off. Everyone watched her leave, most with mouths wide open in shock. The priest looked solemn as he had to say “I know this doesn’t seem right but we must continue with mass,” motioning for the groom to sit down. Everything was now off, and when the church was called to reply everyone mumbled, except when the priest said “For those who have been wounded both emotionally and physically,” everyone was clear as day when they responded with “Lord hear our prayer.”

After the priest allowed everyone to leave after communion, the music was happy and out of place with everyone having serious looks. The clergy left first, then the parishioners, well most parishioners, Joshua stayed last, along with you. You played with the hem of your skirt/the fabric of your pants before deciding to get up and go over to him. You could tell he had been crying from your place in the church, but getting closer you didn’t realize how much he really had been. You asked softly if you could sit beside him, to which he nodded in agreement, trying to suppress his tears.

You both sat in silence for awhile, you admired the cross hanging on the wall behind the alter, it was large and domineering in a sense. The quite soon became uncomfortable as you could tell how much he was suffering. Trying to comfort him you placed your hand on his thigh, just above his knee, and gave him a sympathetic smile.

He placed his own hand over yours and looked away, breaking the deafening silence with a strained voice, “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered to you.

“Anything for my,” you paused, feeling bitter about the entire situation, “friend.” You had liked Joshua ever since you met him, maybe even loved him, so when you saw his now ex-fiancée run away from him it made your blood boil.

He had spaced out a bit after you said friend, only coming back to reality to say “friend?” You nodded, slightly confused but trying hard not to show it on your face. “Oh,” was his only response.

“Something wrong?” you asked.

“Uh yeah,” he stumbled, “I just thought you thought of me as more,” he laughed it off. At his sudden words you squeezed his hand and he looked at you and smiled in between tears.

Jun: You weren’t sure why he fell for her, in fact not even the media knew. The person in question was Jun’s fiancée, a seemingly cold hearted woman who only cared about herself and the status her soon-to-be husband brought her. Hell, she didn’t even seem interested in learning Jun’s native language. You tried to push these thoughts out of your head, you really did, while walking into the wedding hall and finding your place. It didn’t help that Jun had been your long time crush, he was so wonderful and kind, always caring more about others than himself, the complete opposite of his new bride.

Your thoughts were cut short though when the groom saw you and rushed over. He clearly wanted to greet you with a hug but looking behind him nervously and going for a smile and handshake instead. “Hey! I’m so glad you could make it,” his voice bright, although he continued in a whisper saying “really sorry you aren’t one of my best (wo)men but my lovely lady wouldn’t allow it.” You really had to bite your tongue before you said anything to cause a rift in your friendship, he truly was headover heels with this girl. “That’s fine,” you forced out a smile, “oh look at the time, you should go get in position!” He thanked you and made a comment about how he didn’t know how he could live without his human clock.

It had been over an hour and the bride had been a no-show, Jun was sitting down and so were the rest of the wedding party, you knew at this rate they wouldn’t be able to complete the ceremony and get married and it looked like he knew that too. After five more minutes of waiting he told everyone he would try calling her, excusing himself outside. After another five minutes of waiting and now Jun was no where in sight you went to find him. Once you found him you came across a heart wrenching scene, it was the man who you felt like you had know for eternity crying, throwing his ring like you would throw a ball for a dog to catch.

“Isn’t that expensive?” you chimed in, hoping you could help him in some way, “so what if it is? She clearly doesn’t care about me,” he sobbed, pulling you into a hug. You decided enough was enough and to stop being so proper, “I know it’s probably the worst thing to say at the moment but I’ll never understand why you love that woman.” Jun looked you in the eyes with a heartbroken look, “I guess she always was just a rebound from being scared to admit my feelings to you...”

Hoshi: Everytime they looked at each other they practically had love eyes, it was almost sickening. So when the news of their engagement broke, everyone was happy, or in your case feigning excitement. You were truly happy for Soonyoung, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that when you had met the Seventeen boys Hoshi had been your bias for months, and it came as no shock to you that you had a crush on him in an instant. He was even nicer and humble, not to mention handsome, than what was portrayed on camera. That was 5 years ago, and him and his fiancée had been dating for 3 years, known each other for 4, so you couldn’t help but be jealous of her.

You current situation wasn’t any better, in fact it was worse, she had brought you along to all the bridal appointments and were now helping her get ready because you were Soonyoung’s closest friend that was tight lipped enough to not tell everyone else about the planning. You sat behind her, trying to fix her hair into a neat fishtail braid, something you had learned from your friends back home, and were having to use all the self control you had to not ruin everything for her. Her dress was beautiful, her makeup was beautiful, everything about her was elegant today and you couldn’t help but feel some self pity about it. Having just completed the braid, a loud iPhone alarm goes off, signifying that it was go time.

You sat in the pews, looking at the bouquets that one could’ve mistaken for paintings and admiring the white wedding arch decorated with small clusters of baby’s breath and fake cabbage butterflies. The entire cathedral was a site to behold, but even the scenery didn’t take away from the bride’s beauty, wearing a mermaid dress with a long train of crinoline. Even though she looked stunning, there was a sense of discomfort on her face. Soonyoung could see it clear as day on her and mouthed to her ‘what’s wrong,’ she just shook her head and walked out, dropping her bouquet of white roses. The crowd gasped in shock, and looked at him with anticipation, expecting him to run after her but all he did was sit down next to you in the front row and sigh.

It had been twenty minutes of a stuffy uncomfortableness lingering in the air that guests began to come to terms with the fact the woman of the hour wasn’t coming back. As they left in droves, your best friend turned from his position of counting the tiles by his feet to look at you. “Y/N,” he sighed, “do you want to go on a date?” his eyes widened at his own suggestion, “I’m not using you as a rebound if that’s what you think, I just know that you’ve had a crush on me since we’ve met and really I’ve come to really appreciate you,” he trailed off. You smiled and held his hand, nodding your head to silently agree.

(Gay) Wonwoo: You were happy he was happy, that was true, but you upset that the reason he was so happy was because he was marrying someone other than you. They made a cute couple, no one would deny it, not even you, but it was still hard to have your long-term crush not recognize your feelings.

It was the day of the wedding, you were getting ready after purchasing the attire you planned on wearing tonight, grief clearly making your time management skills go out the window.

“If Wonwoo was here he would’ve reminded me to get it earlier,” you sighed. He truly was your lifeline whenever life got stressful, always reminding you to eat and even shower, often times he would tell you to bring your laundry over so you could do it together and as a bonus you wouldn’t have to pay for it like you normally would. It hadn’t been like that in awhile, making you crave it even more. In fact, he didn’t really speak to you after his boyfriend proposed to him, it was like he wanted to distance himself from you. It was hard focusing on making yourself look presentable with all these thoughts floating around in your head, but you managed to do so on time, and putting the last finishing touches on your hair you got your wallet and/or purse and walked out the door, not forgetting to lock it or else your now distant best friend would scold you.

The wedding was being held at a fancy hotel, complete with valet and a young blonde woman greeting all the guests and checking to make sure they were actually invited. After she had confirmed you belonged here, she gave you directions to the banquet hall the ceremony was taking place. As soon as you walked in you knew you were in the right place, watching as Jeonghan took out the camera he was toting around and zoomed in on a plate of ham, BooSeokSoon rooting him on. You were making your way over to them before a light tap on your right shoulder alerted you that someone wanted your attention.

Turning around you find Wonwoo, looking nervous and a little red, “how do I look?” he asked shyly. He was clad in black dress pants with a blue dress shirt and a suit jacket matching his pants, his hair was curly and he had on those iconic circular glasses instead of his regular contacts.

“Wonder-fabulous,” you sounded breathless. He giggled at your choice of words, and hid his face under his hand, trying to instinctively bundle up his shirt material to make those cute sweater paws you fell in love with. You stood like that for a moment, just staring at each other and smiling before he was called over by the aforementioned Ham Recorders.

You watched him rush over there and sigh when he was out of ear shot. It was nice the whole event was informal since no one could officiate their wedding and make it legal but at the same time it was even more difficult as this meant you got to interact with your best friend more than in an official ceremony.

You made your way to the buffet only to be surprised when you arrived and saw who the head that was talking to your mutual friends.

“Oh, I didn’t know Wonwoo invited you,” the fiancé said. It’s not that you two had any true bad blood in between you, it’s just that both of you couldn’t stand each other but tried to get along for your friend’s sake. He quickly excused himself and you were left alone again, happy to gather your food.

You had just begun eating when the blonde lady from the front of the hotel came up to you and asked if you had seen the second groom, you looked confused and she said that he was last seen with you. You said no and she left to tell Wonwoo the bad news. You watched her leave and saw that after she told him he made a b-line straight for you.

He looked surprisingly calm for the situation he was in, something normal for him but you would’ve thought even something like this would make him crack. It wasn’t until he whispered into your ear “it’s okay if he left, I’ve got you and that’s all I need,” before sending a discreet wink.

Woozi: “Hey, how are you holding up?” You really didn’t know why you even bothered to ask, his ex fiancée had left him at the altar, who would be okay after that experience? Too caught up in your thoughts you didn’t hear the furious scribbling stop until you heard a sound of indifference come from Jihoon.

“Look, I know that whenever you’re dealing with something you throw yourself into your work but please, talk to me,” you told him as you tip toed over. He put his pencil down and looked at you after you sat down beside him, the pain in his face evident. “I just don’t feel like talking about it right now,” he sighed. Woozi was always strong headed so you knew that trying to pry his lips open would never work, settling on putting your chin on his shoulder as he went back to work. He pushed his notebook away and got out his computer, opening up whatever program he used to make music, he had told you several times but you had already forgotten.

You watched him as he diligently worked, not saying anything. The song was a ballad, that you could tell just from the instruments he was using and the slow pace of the song. He had played the small clip so many times in the past hour, making minor adjustments each play, that you would surely remember the part for the rest of your life.

Bored out of your mind you took a look at his opened notebook and read the lyrics, trying to picture how he would fit them into the song. You were so focused on trying to imagine the final product that you almost didn’t see the message of the song, it was about his situation but there was a twist, his true soulmate was there trying to comfort him. You began to softly smile, still looking at his chicken scratch handwriting. Jihoon must’ve noticed this and began blushing a bright pink hue.

“Is this about us?” you asked quietly, he just nodded at you and looked away with a grin on his face.

Dokyeom: It was currently raining, but that wasn’t the thing that had dampened Seokmin’s mood, in fact “dampened” wasn’t even a good word for it, his mood was completely drenched by the fact he had just found out the woman he was supposed to marry had been cheating on him since they had gotten engaged. Really, the rain just added to his already sour emotions.

You had your arm around him as he recounted all the times she had acted suspiciously, light tears coming out. You looked around and saw everyone cleaning up and knowing he had always been a busy body with too much energy you suggested you both help. He didn’t even bother to look at you as he shook his head, eyes transfixed on the ground. “I need someone to make it fun though,” you trailed off, hoping he would agree. Seokmin let out a sigh and got up before shuffling over to a chair. You hadn’t known him to be religious but it looked as if he were praying, and so you decided not to disturb him again.

You picked up a flower arrangement, admiring it, and took it over to a woman who seemed to have become the de facto florist. “I’ve never seen him like this before,” she whispered to you, all you could do was nod in agreement. Seeing that, she only gave you a sympathetic grin and pointed over to the row of chairs Seokmin was sitting in, asking you to take off the decorations on the back of them.

You took the white sheets with brightly coloured ribbon off one by one, resting them in the crease of your arm. Once you got to Dokyeom you tried to carefully take off the decor without disturbing him but he piped up before you could even touch it, “can I admit something? And promise not to run away,” he said in shaky voice.

Confused, you responded, “I promise.”

“I love you Y/N”

Mingyu: You got off the bus, bidding a small “thank you” to the driver and made your way to the Seventeen dorm. Very few members were still living there, in fact it was barely a dorm anymore, more just a few roommates living together but that’s where you hoped to find Mingyu as he wasn’t at his house. He had been left at the alter a couple of weeks back and was now very distraught, the last time you had seen him he wouldn’t stop cleaning your house even though you had invited him over to relax. He was always like that, he liked to clean and found it reduced his stress, a very desirable trait in a partner. That wasn’t his only desirable trait though, or at least you thought so, he was tall and handsome, plus he knew how to cook, true husband material.

The walk was fairly short, although the cool spring weather you hadn’t dressed for made it feel like an eternity. You arrived at the apartment complex and punched in their number, a loud bzzz! coming from the machine to alert you had been allowed access. You walked up the five flights of stairs, even though they now lived in Gangnam the elevator seemed to be always broken. Winded, you knocked on their door to have Jeonghan greet you, it was only him, Vernon, Seungkwan and Jun, everyone else had moved out because they wanted more space and privacy, like Minghao, or they had a spouse, like Seungcheol who got married last fall. All the remaining boys had their reasons for staying, and with so few people left everyone had their own room.

“Looking for Mingyu?” Jeonghan asked, you nodded, “he’s in Vernon’s bedroom cleaning. I miss having him do all the chores sometimes, it’s just too bad it has to be for such a sad reason.”

You made your way to Hansol’s room, giving Seungkwan a short wave since he was having a conversation with someone you presumed to be from Jeju as he was speaking in dialect. You got to the back room and knocked, the owner answering the door. “Mingyu,” Vernon looked back in his direction, “Y/N is here.”

“Oh Y/N! I’m so glad you’re here, you can help me orgina-“ you cut him off, “Mingyu, I think you should take a break.”

He pushed the shirts he had been folding and looked at you, you looked back and heard the door close quietly. When he heard the door as well he began to look nervous, prompting you to ask him if he was okay.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he said, you raised your eyebrows in suspicion, “okay maybe I’m not- but it’s not for the reason you think.”

“Oh?” was the only answer your brain could form, “I guess it’s because I’m here, alone with you. You know after she left me I took a moment to myself and I realized you’ve always been there for me you know? And I’m so thankful for that and I-“

“Mingyu, is this a confession?” you asked him, shocked. He shyly smiled and nodded.

Minghao: They has absolutely nothing in common and had you not known better you would’ve thought it was an arranaged marriage. It didn’t even seem like they were in love really, they spent all their time apart, her with her friends and Minghao with you. His fiancée didn’t seem to mind though, as she spent many hours with people she was attracted to.

It came as no shock that when she had called off the wedding just days before hand and he didn’t seem phased, although the attendees and media sure as hell were. Now here you were, sitting on the couch in his living room as he scrolled through his phone. You stared at him, wondering how he remained so stone faced.

“Staring isn’t polite Y/N,” he said with a cheeky grin, still on his cell phone, you rolled your eyes at his comment and he laughed, shaking the whole house in a pleasant way. Clearly, he was paying some sort of attention to you.

“I just don’t get how you can be so unaffected, she left you days before the wedding for God’s sake,” you half mumbled, taking a sip of your water with lemon and ice, he only shrugged at you and proceeded to put his phone down. It looked like he desperately wanted to say something but was holding back.

Finally,he cut the silence, “I guess it’s just easy when you’re actually in love with someone else,” he said, as if it were a fact even the old lady down the road would know. You raised your eyebrows at his comment and asked who. As soon as you asked him he flushed a bright red, trying to divert the topic but only nonsense words would come out of his mouth. Having enough after about thirty seconds of him looking like a fish out of water you picked up your phone and began scrolling through social media.

You heard Minghao take a deep breath so you looked up, only to meet his eyes when he said “I’m in love with you.”

(Gay) Seungkwan: You and Seungkwan had practically been best friends since the second you met, his energetic extroverted personality drawing you in. You had been there for all the ups and downs life threw at him, including dating, so when he told you he was dating his now fiancé you were estatic. Time went on and the two of them got closer and closer, but seeing them like that sparked something in you that had you feeling guilty for the past four years, you fell in love with your best friend. You knew you would never act on the feelings but it pained you to see the two together, this eventually ended up with you acting cold and distant when they were together, which was often.

When the news of the engagement came to light, Seungkwan immediately asked you to be his best man/woman/gnc person. Hearing this, you cried for the entire night. Feeling foolish and knowing it would absolutely break his ever sensitive heart, you agreed. You might have said no had it not been for how delicate he was to his friends and family. Little to both your knowledge that being moral support and attending the fittings wouldn’t be the end of your work, because now you were searching the hotel frantically for a missing man and listening to the constant ringing of a phone trying to contact a person who clearly didn’t want to be found.

Having turned the entire place upside down, and nearly on the brink of tears you had to return to one of the best people you knew and tell him that his fiancé went MIA. You came into the room to find Seungkwan, puffy and red, being comforted by his mother. As soon as he saw your face he knew and began ugly crying. You rushed over and he pulled you into the biggest bear hug while you whisper countless apologies in his ears. After what felt like an eternity you let go of each other to find the room had completely dispersed, leaving only concerned party goers talking to hotel staff. At this point you knew you had to take advantage of the situation and said “I’m so sorry this happened to you, but just know I love you,” purposefully vague. He let out the first smile of the night and told you he loved you too, in whatever way you wanted him to.

Vernon: To say the entire thing was a shit show was a huge understatement, in fact you weren’t sure there were any words that could describe what had just went down. It had started off lovely, a small church in Miami overlooking the water. The two of them had decided on the location as none of Hansol’s American family knew Korean and English was the international language. His fiancée had worn a beautiful princess dress, which she managed to spill champagne on while getting ready for for the wedding, no big deal and she clearly didn’t care since she was already drunk off her ass. Next came the actual event, she had staggered down the aisle, holding onto her father for support, him looking pissed which at the time you assumed was because his little girl was drunk even before the reception. Everything was going fairly well after that, although the fiancée did slur her words quite often but that wasn’t even a problem in comparison to what happened when the priest asked if there were any objections. As soon as he had finished his sentence an old woman, who You later found out to be the bride’s mother yelled throughout the room that she didn’t want her precious daughter marrying some “foreigner.” Before Hansol even had time to object that he was more Korean than American his fiancée agreed and left with her parents.

The sound of Vernon crushing the beer can he had been drinking brought you back to reality and made you look at him. He opened his mouth for a few seconds and took a deep breath in, “hey can I tell you something?” You slightly smiled at him and nodded, “anytime.” He closed his eyes and paused for a moment, “maybe it’s best she left because I still haven’t gotten over my feelings for you,” this statement made your heart race at 100 miles per hour and your face light up with elation, “is that so?” you questioned. “Uh yeah, I-I hope that’s okay,” he stated in a startled tone, beginning to look away, before he could though you caught his chin and just stared at him with a smile, unable to form words.

(Gay) Dino: It had just been revealed that the man Chan was supposed to marry, although unofficially, was already married to a woman. The entire crowd was gobsmacked and silent, including the groom who wasn’t cheating. The air was heavy, like the maximum of 300 people had a 1000 in it. It made sense though, everyone had just watched the man that had lied and quite possibly cheated walk out of the wedding hall after revealing such a revelation.

You had always known Chan had a bit of a temper, at times it could even be attractive, but he only made things worse when he said “that’s fine! I love someone else anyways!” to his ex fiancé while he was leaving. Everyone was uncomfortable, but something supernatural was forcing them to stay. After about fifteen minutes, when everyone had come back down to earth, people started to quietly pack up and leave.

Once all the guests had left Dino was just standing there, staring at the ground lifeless like a porcelain doll. You hadn’t left as you thought it would be quiet rude to leave someone so vulnerable, not to mention he was your best friend. You began walking up to him and he started to slowly function, but only in a robotic manner. Taking his shoulders you guide him to sit down while he was still staring at the floor.

Once you’re both in a more comfortable position he looks at you and pipes up, “you know, I wasn’t lying when I said I loved someone else.”

You looked at him, nearly uncomfortable at his confession and tried to tell him through body language to go on. Chan took the hint, “um- well I don’t know if you want to hear it,” he tried laughing it off.

“Well you can’t just tell me that bombshell and not expect me to ask questions,” you said in a quieter than usual whisper, almost as if you were trying to keep the wind outside from hearing you both.

“Well, you’re the ‘someone else’ I’m talking about.”

[tinyshe]

So ... I’m reading articles (following/catching up on the Fr Altman story)  and I’m at the end of this article and see that there is a comment:   

                                       “William Tomaka said...                                                                                            

As a Catholic and a daily Communicant, I live about 30 miles from Rockford, Illinois, USA.   I understand Bishop Malloy has removed Father Parker from his Parish - is he homeless?  Has he now officially become part of the hundreds of “Cancelled Priests” in the USA whose only offense is they follow the Catechism of the Catholic Church. -Bishop Malloy has “Cancelled”  13 Holy and Joyful Priests” whose only offense is they follow the Catechism of the Catholic Church. -Why don’t members of Bishop Malloy’s Diocese go to his Rectory and walk on the sidewalk in front of his residence praying the Rosary out loud. Also, go to an Art store and buy Foam Core Presentation Boards - they are light weight - attach a wooden stick from Home Depot to it, so you can hold it up high in the air for reporters and the public to see.   Then write in bold wide letters for all to see:

Rockford, Illinois Bishop Malloy “Lavender Mafia” RESIGN - EVILDOER

By making a stand publicly, your Bishop who only loves Pomp and Circumstance and despises humility, as all of his ilk do, will be horrified that his Laity is repulsed by his immoral behavior.   -Go to all the 6:30 And 8:30 daily Masses in your Diocese and hand out to Laity after Mass a sheet of paper explaining what happened to Father Parker and the address to Bishop Malloy’s Rectory with details on your peaceful, prayerful march to regain your Diocese from evil men. -In my Parish at 6:30 Daily Mass there are about 30 people and at the 8:30 Mass there are about 60 people.  I would say, 70% of the Laity are retired.  I would venture to guess your Diocese is similar to mine.   They have plenty of time available to help regain our Chruch from the clutches of evildoers. -Parishioners could make time a couple times a week for an hour or so to protest in front of Bishop Malloy’s Rectory, then go to lunch or coffee afterward with fellow defenders of the Faith.  It would unite the Laity behind a cause that is most vital in attempting to end the scourge on the Church from the “Lavender Mafia.”   -FYI I watched 8 “Cancelled Priests” on youtube “Church Militant” program and they said 100% of the problems in the Church today is the “Lavender Mafia” -Google “Rome, Italy - Lavender Mafia” and be horrified as to the extent of the hierarchy’s unholy behavior.  They only promote their own ilk into the hierarchy. -99% of Parish Priests are Holy and Joyful men who will never be promoted to the hierarchy because they do NOT conform to the filth of the “Lavender Mafia” so they are not promoted. -We all love the Bride of Christ, hopefully this simple act of praying the Rosary in front of Bishop Malloy’s Rectory will help bring about his resignation.  We can only pray 🙏 -Why the Catholic Church is Fractured: As a daily communicant as was my dad before me, I am saddened by the reality of the Harmful affects of Bishops with power given them in 1973 that has helped destroy the harmony and Vocation of Parish Priests. -Pope Paul VI in 1975 said, “the smoke of Satan has entered the Church.”  The path of secularism was the concern of the Holy Father.  We see today where many Bishops want to accommodate the secular world, the Democrat Party and their “Identity Politics Agenda” including not addressing the pro-abortion lobby of the secular world, instead of following the Catechism of the Catholic Church. -For the first 800 years of the Catholic Church once a Priest became a Bishop he was mandated by Cannon Law  to remain as Bishop and Shepard to his Flock until death - he was unable to be elevated to Cardinal, and hence have a possibility to become Pope.  Loyalty to God and an oath to Shepard his flock was his only objective, it was sacrosanct! -In the last 1,200 years this rule has been abandoned, and we see the mess we are in.  Bishops seeking promotion at the expense of the Laity and his Flock.  Many Bishops today refuse to smell like their sheep, they look for political advantage from every action they take.   Calculating moves, like chess participants in their hidden strategy to gain further distinction and promotion.   -In Chicago, 1972 young priests were demanding a chance to obtain a nice wealthy Parish so they helped foster the removal of a 1600 year old rule in Cannon Law that allowed a Priest to remain in his Parish until death.  No Bishop could remove him without severe difficulty and expense with Cannon Lawyers in Rome and with the consent of the Pope. -The Bishop would have extreme difficulty removing a Paster from his Parish even if the Paster refused to send a percentage of the local Parish income to the Diocese / Chancellory Office to help pay their bills.   This “Power Of The Purse” was the leverage the Parish Priest had over the Bishop.  Money always talks and this kept the Bishops respectful of the Parish Priest. -But with the Beginning of 6 year terms of service for a Priest at a Parish, the Bishop gained total power over the Parish Priest and the Flow of Money from the Parish to be directed to the Diocese / Chancellory Office.   -The Bishop would have the option now to reassign the Parish Priest at will, there was no jeopardy of losing the Money from the Parish; the Parish Priest could just be transferred to a poor Parish or be “Cancelled” if he continued to simply follow the Catechism of the Catholic Church at the displeasure of the Bishop. -The Parish Priest could easily be sent to a poor Parish where no money / revenue was at stake.  By changing Cannon Law, the Parish Priest has lost his power over the Bishop and the Roman Catholic Church has become fractured from within.  The Bride of Christ will continue to see the “Lavender Mafia” go off the rails with NO “Check or Balance” structure in the system.   Sad, the Church is Fractured, with little hope of Renewing the Faith and bringing Souls to Christ with repugnant leadership “Lavender Mafia” in the Chancellory Office controlling the Purse Strings with no Check and Balance system in place and no desire to live the Catholic Faith and the Catechism of the Catholic Church. -The Catholic Church for 1900 years has stood its ground for the sole purpose of bringing God’s Grace through miracles to the Laity for the purpose of saving Souls, now without Canonical support for Parish Priests, rogue Bishops of the “Lavender Mafia” are  attempting to destroy Christ’s Church from within. -A Bishop Molloy of Rockford, Illinois for example has “Cancelled” 13 Parish Priests because they simply follow the Catechism of the Church, and threaten his complete authority and love of the “Lavender Mafia.” -If you have a son who’s “Calling” is to serve the Bride of Christ, do your due diligence, and make sure the Seminary he enters does not have Bishops who follow the “Lavender Mafia” or when ordained he will face unmitigated terror and despair.  If you are still not sure, find out where Dr. Scott Hahn’s sons went to Seminary, I am sure he would not allow his sons to go into the Vipers nest. Pray for the Bride of Christ for “the smoke of Satan has entered the Church.”

Saturday, July 03, 2021 at 06:12 PM “

I found this very interesting. And started a whole new reading subject about how entrenched this ‘culture’ is.

[hollenka99]

Together Or Not At All

Summary: Henry and Theodore are together to the end of the line.

Warnings: War, WW2, Conscription/’The Draft’, arguing, bleeding out, major character death

October 1942 Despite what Henry currently believed, the purpose of this visit wasn't a happy one. Theodore was not here to talk about the upcoming holiday season or being Henry's best man. Does he want something to drink? Sure, why not. Henry had some chocolate lying around, did he want a piece? Okay, whatever, so long as they could just sit down and talk for a moment. This catches Henry's attention. "What's wrong?" He places the coffee in front of Theodore. Let's get this over with. "They called March 2nd." "Right." His brother stills. "Why did you come all this way to tell me about getting drafted? Tell them you're a conscientious objector on grounds of belief." "How can I turn around and say I'm exempt because I'm a Christian when the majority of the country is Christian? Riddle me that." "Theodore, we're not Christians. We are Catholics. The difference is that we have a Catechism that empathises the need to avoid war and violence at all cost. Cite the fifth commandment and then possibly the fourth, see what they say. Pops made his views on the last war abundantly clear so they can't argue that point." "Neither of us are Pops." "No, but if you just listened to me." Henry growls while rifling through his drawers. "The Civilian Public Service was made for people like us who want as little to do with the war as possible, without being arrested." "Why did you stockpile all this information?" "It's good to know where the hell you stand in all this. I turned 18 during peacetime. Europe was on edge and people could probably tell something was going to happen soon but it was still peacetime. But you," Henry shifts through papers, examining a document every few seconds to check if it was what he was searching for. "You turned 18 when we were still in peacetime but the war was in full swing for Europe." "Well, now I'm 20." "Exactly, the worst age to be. 20 is the first age they choose from. I've been worried this entire year that this would happen." After being handed informative documents, Theodore skims through them. "I've heard things about this. Don't they put you in the care of a parish and leave you to get on with it?" "No idea. Likely, though. Helping to manage to farms sounds better than putting yourself in danger, don't you think?" "It feels like cheating." "Cheating what? The government made accommodations for men who can't fight because of their beliefs. Taking advantage of those options isn't wrong. What would rather happen, get imprisoned for being a draft dodger?" "No! Of course not. I would rather not have my name down at all. But it's not like I had a choice. And don't act like you're not at risk yourself. You were forced the same as I was." Henry glowers at this. They jointly stew in their anger, not allowing themselves to make eye contact. It is Henry who shatters the silence with an outburst of despair. "I refuse to be Pops in this situation, Theodore. I can't... I- I refuse!" "You don't have to be anyone but yourself." "Do you have any idea how the feud between him and Uncle Harvey affected him? He never got to resolve it." "I thought that extended way beyond 1914." "Yes. Back to end of last century. That's not the point. I don't want history to repeat itself." "Then don't cut me out. It's as simple as that." "Don't get smart with me." Henry's hands slam onto the table. Some coffee leaps out. "Damn it. Give me a minute." Like that, Henry disappears to another room of his apartment. It is minutes before he returns to wipe the spilled liquid. No words transpire between them until he is done. It is firm resolve that the older of the two looks at his brother. "We'll go together. You've got your draft and I'll volunteer." "No, that's ridiculous." "Can't beat them? Join them. You're an adult now and I can't tell you what to do." "What about Elsie? Running off to fight is hardly fair on her." "No, it's not." Something in his brother's expression tells Theodore it's not the only thing he finds unfair in this situation. The fury dissipates from Henry gradually. When it has been completely depleted, he extends a hand. "If you're going out there, I've got to make sure you don't do anything stupid and get hurt. Do we have a deal?" "...I guess. If this is the compromise we're coming to, then at least we've got a compromise." "Exactly. But you have to promise you'll have my back too." "Do you have to ask?" Finally, a smile finds its way to the room. September 1943 Theodore watched from a distance as Henry treated a little girl's shrapnel wound. He was gentle and spoke to her in a way that caused her to smile between the wincing and flinching. What was more impressive was that he was doing all this in Italian. The girl summons her mother and supposedly instructs her to retrieve a flower. "Grazie!" Henry beams as the little girl presents it to him. Theodore can't wait to get back to the States. He knows for a fact that Henry will be a fit father once he's able to spend time with Grace. She increasingly crept up in conversations with him over the past four months. When he'd discovered she could smile and laugh now? Theodore hadn't heard the end of it for at least a week. God knows how long it was going to take for him to stop telling 'Uncle Theodore' all about his niece. "Nice flower." Theodore comments as they walk back to base. "I let it slip I just had my birthday. She wanted to give me a birthday present as a thank you." "Maybe Grace will pick flowers for you in a couple years." "Oh, you think? That would be great." A laugh accompanies an eye roll. "Out of curiousity, since when have you been able to speak Italian?" "Got this buddy back home called Marco. You do the math." "And what, you just decided to add learning a new language to all the 1000 other things they made you do?" Henry chuckles. "A bunch of societies I was interested in clashed with my classes. The opportunity was there so I took it." "Well, at least you've got a reason to use it now. If you worked in a place like New York, you could surprise a few patients." "Also the North End of Boston." "I'm sure Grace will enjoy being taught by you." Henry's smile returns. "Ha, hopefully. Honestly, I'm conversational at-" It vanishes. "Round here!" Theodore is pulled around the corner of the nearest building before he can even register the command. "Someone out there?" He pokes his head to get a better view of the street. "I could've sworn I heard something." The older brother frowns. "This isn't the best place to chat. If you still want to badger me about knowing Italian, let's find somewhere less risky." June 1944 He doesn't know how it happened. The whole area was full of German soldiers. Most of their own men were in a different part of town, dealing with the attack over there. It was only himself, Henry and Cox fending for themselves and each other. He didn't see the one who shot him or which direction they had been positioned. He only knows he was directing as many civilians out of harm's way before a man he'd been protecting had yelled for him to be careful. He'd intended to shield them with his entire body. Getting the pit of his elbow hit wasn't part of the plan. However it happened, he was now taking cover in a house that was practically half rubble. He can only come to the conclusion Henry spotted him hiding while grasping his wound. Trust Mr Almost-A-Doctor to get straight to work. "What the hell happened to your arm?" "Bullet." "Yes, I can see that, idiot. Looks like it got the brachial." There is pressure surrounding his elbow. "Ow." He flinches. "Didn't break my heel." "What? No, your brachial artery by your elbow. Listen, never mind that, I just lost sight of Cox but I said I'd cover his ass. I... I've got to tell him I won't be able to do that for a few minutes." "Okay." "I will be back as soon as I can. Keep pressure on your arm as much as you can. Don't you dare pass out before I can try treat you properly." "Sure." He tries to follow instructions. He really does. What he can't help was time slipping into a separate reality. It is millennia and moments before two hands cup his face. "You still hanging in there, Theodore?" "Mmm." Something with significant weight drops down beside him. "Yeah, not doing too great myself." "W'bout Cox?" "He's fine, as far as I'm aware. He can hold his own while heading back. I was going to carry you back to base but... I'm not in the best condition to do so at the moment. It's fine, we'll get some help soon. The medics can be far better than what some med school drop out like me can do, eh?" Theodore rests his head against the object beside him. "Y'good." "Oh Teddy," He can hear the smile in his big brother's voice. Something drapes across his shoulder, pulling him closer. "As big a softie as you were when we were little." "Ma's..." "Hey." His face gets smacked a couple times. "That's not very polite to walk off in the middle of a conversation, now is it? And no, Ma's not going to be happy about this. If there was- If I could change that, I would." A thoughtful pause. "How big of an earful do you think Pops is going to give us?" "...Hand- Handful." "Yes, you're absolutely right. How fast do you think his hands are going go then?" He gives Henry no response other than the hiss he produces when his arm is squeezed. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Teddy, but let me be selfish for a minute. I don't want you to be the direct target of Pops' disapproval for too long, okay?" Theodore doesn't contribute any more to the conversation. He instead listens to Henry's chattering until it fades out completely. Here, in some war-torn French town, he can sit with his brother's arm around him while his own head rested on Henry's shoulder. The fight could go on without them.

[themastercylinder]

PLOT

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Damon, murders a man outside a castle-like estate on an island in upstate New York. The man he kills claims to be Lucifer himself, and promises to return. Decades later, in 1963, Andrew Williams is born. After his mother is paralyzed under mysterious circumstances, Andrew’s father realizes something is peculiar about his son, eventually coming to the realization that Andrew is the son of Lucifer. As a senior in high school, Andrew is withdrawn and socially awkward, and as a result is often bullied by his peers. Andrew feels drawn to the estate where Father Damon committed the murder, which is due for demolition for an impending golf course.

At school one day, one of Andrew’s tormentors, Tony, attempts to harass him in the gym shower. Overcome by strange powers, Tony kisses him in front of their peers. The event leaves Tony hysterical, and he leaves, terrified of Andrew. Later, Andrew is notified that he has received scholarships to several Ivy League colleges, including Yale and Harvard, but is insouciant to the news. Meanwhile, a local elderly woman, Margaret, visits Father Daly at his parish, and discusses Damon, whom she knew personally; Father Daly insists Damon wrongly murdered the man, though Margaret believes he was in fact Lucifer, and Father Damon, a manifestation of the archangel Raphael.

During a gym class, one of Andrew’s classmates, Mark, inexplicably suffers ruptured organs during a dodgeball game and dies. Mark’s girlfriend, Julie, is distraught, and shortly after begins having bizarre visions of Andrew raping her. She later hears voices calling her Gabrielle (a feminization of archangel Gabriel), and is directed to Margaret’s home by the disembodied voice of Father Damon. Margaret appoints Julie her protégé to battle Andrew.

On the night of a school dance, Andrew arrives at the castle estate and invokes Leviathan and Beelzebub, and summons the undead from grave sites on the property. At a local bar, Andrew’s father drunkenly raves about his son being the devil before returning home and shooting his wife in the head. Simultaneously, a group from the school is showing an outdoor play retelling the life of Jesus. During the scene of the crucifixion, the actor onstage begins exhibiting real stigmata, causing the audience to flee in horror.

On the island, a group of teenagers arrive to party after the dance, including Tony, his girlfriend Marie, Brenda, and others. After arriving at the castle, they are accosted by the undead. Marie is killed, and Tony and Brenda flee to an upstairs room, where Tony finds he has inexplicably developed breasts. Andrew enters the room and kisses him, after which Tony stabs himself to death. Andrew carries Brenda outside and lays her on an altar, where he stabs her to death.

Margaret and Julie arrive on the scene, brandishing Father Damon’s processional cross, which causes Andrew to recoil. Margaret forces Andrew to recite the Lord’s Prayer, and he transforms into Mark, tricking Julie. Margaret intervenes, and he kills her by breaking her neck. Julie watches as Andrew transforms into Lucifer, but is able to defeat him with the power of Father Damon’s crucifix. The spirits of Julie, Father Damon, and Margaret—the three archangels—coalesce, as Andrew is engulfed and destroyed in a beam of a light.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

BACKSTORY

Drawn loosely from the Book of Revelations, Fear No Evil deals with the incarnation on Earth of Lucifer, and his battle for supremacy over God’s faithful, a battle which ends with a confrontation with God Himself in a spectacular scene of Devine Intervention. La Loggia, who directed the film from his original screenplay and plans to score it as well, is fully aware of the similarities between his film and Hollywood’s big-budget Anti Christ extravaganzas, THE OMEN and OMEN II but he bristles at the suggestion that BEAST is a rip-off of previously-explored conventions.

Said La Loggia, ” Fear No Evil” is unique. We’ve gone ahead and actually personified the devil as a character and as a human being who is at odds with himself about who he is. Lucifer is a young man who is reborn in a little fishing village in upstate New York. He’s 18 years old and a brilliant student. He’s very much at odds with who he is, so he’s doing battle within himself at first, denying the evil that lurks within him, but then gradually giving way to it. He’s an extremely sympathetic character, one that I think the audience will want to hug and push away at the same time.

“While THE OMEN and THE EXORCIST were extremely slick and technically commanding,” he said, “they still missed the real point of the dilemma of what it must be like to actually be the devil.”

“The local newspapers were very intrigued by the whole idea,” he said, “and we gathered a lot of publicity. We had an open casting call at the local PBS station in Rochester and more than 2,000 people showed up in two days. I cast six lesser roles and the rest of them had an opportunity to work as extras. There’s a mass panic that takes place during the staging of a passion play in this little village. We had close to 2,000 people there for seven nights.”

It’s still a little early to tell if La Loggia’s claims for the film are based on hope or hype. There are lengthy editing chores ahead and the crucial search for a distributor. But La Loggia is confident the film will be in theaters this summer. “Two of the majors have already contacted us,” he said, “and unless I’m grossly mistaken, I’m sure the picture will win major distribution.”

To stretch the budget as far as possible, La Loggia tried to The accommodate many of the necessary special effects on camera. One of the most difficult effects scenes, in which the young Lucifer (Stefan Arngrin) uses his powers for the first time, took four days to get on film. The scene takes place during a high school game of battleball, in which opposing players try to hit each other with soft rubber balls. The coach, under Lucifer’s demonic influence, releases a ball at such terrifying speed that it kills one of the players. La Loggia and cinematographer Fred Goodich used a special rigging of wires (invisible because of the lighting and fast film speed) to make the sequence work.

John Eggett, our man in charge of live action special effects (as opposed to the optical, done in post production) rigged a harness in preparation for the death scene of Mark (actor Paul Habor), which takes place in the gym. The script called for Mark to be hit by a rubber ball that is under demonic control-hit so hard that he flies ten feet before dashing his brains out on a wall. It took ten grips to yank the harness rope with sufficient force for the effect; Haber was protected from real injury by a special rubber pad insulating the harness and a piece of sponge rubber attached to a wiglet that was crocheted into his real hair.

Special effects were also important. for the film’s finale. “We have a spectacular ending,” La Loggia said. “It involves Divine Intervention. A Godly light makes its way from the heavens and decides Lucifer’s fate. We secured as many of the elements as we could on camera through lighting. Those elements will be reinforced later in an optical house.”

Originally, Rob Blalack (who handled optical work on STAR WARS) was hired to handle post production effects. But Avco has shifted the responsibility to Peter Kuran’s new company, Visual Concept’s Productions. Kuran was in charge of rotoscope and cel animation on THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

The film’s ending is suggestive of Ray Bradbury’s published version of how ROSEMARY’S BABY should have ended-with Rosemary scooping up her demon child, running to St. Patrick’s Cathedral, where she begs God to at last reclaim his cast out child. “Our picture ends with a plea from Lucifer for forgiveness.” La Loggia said. “But his plea doesn’t work. It’s a very compelling moment in the picture.”

The film’s opening and closing sequences were shot at Boldt Castle, a tourist attraction located on an island in the Thousand Island area of the St. Lawrence River. Built by a fella named Boldt” between 1900 and 1904 in homage to his ailing wife, it was abandoned after her death and allowed to fall into ruins. “We’re used to seeing a castle in a horror picture that’s opulently dressed,” said La Loggia. “But this place is abandoned, you could walk around in the daytime and get shivers.”

Richard Jay Silverthorn as Bonnomo, the earlier 1961 incarnation of Lucifer

BEHIND THE SCENES with Richard Jay Silverthorn Make Up Artist

“Here’s what I need,” La Loggia told me, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm for his first feature production. “Can you do an army of walking dead? Design me a frightening face and body for Lucifer’s final revelation, something unique, something we’ve never seen before. Can you make a stomach wound that will pop open and squirt blood as if cut by an invisible knife? Or grow female breasts on a man?”

He showed me some paintings by Frank Frazetta that he felt conveyed the same “feel” he wanted for his presentation of Lucifer. His first draft at the time carried the title The Antichrist and concerned the Prince of Hell, incarnated as a high school student in a small town in New York state. The emphasis was to be on Lucifer as a fallen angel, who once had a place in heaven among the other archangels. To punch home his concept of the Antichrist, the lead character, Andrew, was originally conceived as a soulful young man with long hair and a beard-a Christ like countenance. This concept was changed later, when clean-shaven, boyish Stefan Arngrim made an electric impression at his audition and snared the lead role.

In turn, I showed La Loggia two of my USC graduate films which involved aging make ups, a mummy and rubber prosthetics. We shook hands, and I was told I had the job. While I waited for the end of the summer and the start of principal photograph, La Loggia firmed up the use of locations in Rochester, N.Y. interviewed others for various crew positions, and began auditions. Smaller parts were cast through “open call” auditions in Rochester, while the leads were chosen in Hollywood.

When Frank gave me a draft of the script to begin makeup budgeting, I was excited over the idea of playing the role of Bonnomo, the earlier 1961 incarnation of Lucifer, who has a spectacular death scene early in the film. I had always wanted to be a monster in a horror movie since I was a little kid, so I did a test makeup of myself as I saw the character When La Loggia saw the stills I had taken while he was in Rochester, he agreed that I should play the role. I was beside myself!

La Loggia showed me stills of the locations he had secured, including Lucifer’s unholy temple, the Boldt Castle: a real, crumbling, ruined and unoccupied castle on a little island near the town of Alexandria Bay, New York, the Thousand Islands. Alexandria Bay and Rochester were combined to make up our mythical fishing village of St. Lawrence, New York. For the next few weeks I fantasized being the Devil, and running through the shadowy clammy corridors of the Boldt Castle.

Boldt Castle

On July 19th I officially signed my contract with La Loggia Productions as actor and makeup artist, and began pre-production. Frank’s second draft changed Bonnomo’s scene, dropped other scenes and revised and tightened the whole. I had only $1,000 for makeup for the entire cast, so the effects and supplies had to be geared to necessity. Through early August my time was occupied with taking plaster casts of actors hands, chests and faces, assisted by Claire Ohlmiller, a professional hospital technician who does molds for artificial limbs. La Loggia Productions flew Stefan and me to San Francisco for fitting of the special yellow “cat’s eye” contact lenses made at a clinic there. At last, with all plaster molds wrapped in blankets and loaded on a truck bound for New York, moved out of the apartment I’d lived in for ? five years, and ended my lingering ties with the USC neighborhood.

We arrived in Rochester, New York on August 22, to be joined by our Rochester cast and crew, covered by TV cameras as celebrities. A real Hollywood horror film on location. Already the excitement was in the air. The crew was young, many between 19 and 25 years old, naive and eager to dig in. Since we all lived together in one motel (except for crew members who were Rochester natives) the atmosphere of camaraderie and mutual support happened easily. The La Loggia cousins, Frank and Charlie, held meetings with the heads of the departments regularly, to air questions, problems and insure that schedules were coordinated., Carl Zollo was head of the art department, Fred Goodich, Cinematography, (they were among our older crew members) and Dennis Carr, Sound Recording. There were various assistants in each department, as well as several assistant directors whose responsibilities were scheduling, transportation, crowd control, equipment handling and any other troubleshooting that might come up along the way. The assistant directors often stood between success and disaster in seeing that people and equipment were at the right place at the right time.

That first night in Rochester we had a crew banquet at which I met my assistants: Richie Bennett, who had done the impossible task of finding me a 5′ x 12′ walk-in oven to bake the huge plaster molds, Chip Leiberman, who followed me like a shadow on the set and had all my supplies ready for touch-ups like a nurse assisting in surgery, and Cheri Montesanto, daughter of Frank Montesanto, our hair stylist of Monty’s Unisex, a Rochester area salon. Hair styling and makeup were closely coordinated for the finished effect. Since there was an 18 year time span, this was skillfully indicated by Monty’s changing hairstyles and gray tones, (or dark rinses) as well as by my painted wrinkles.

Since a motion picture must be filmed according to the weather or availability of locations, or actor’s availability, rather than script order, we had to shoot all the high school scenes first, before the school year began. Spry High School in Webster, NY became St. Lawrence High. Because the semester hadn’t begun and the school’s boilers weren’t turned on, our actors had to take freezing cold showers for one of the first sequences put on film, where the class bully makes the mistake of picking on Lucifer in the gym shower. Professional troopers in spirit, the scene was shot without a complaint and stands out as a showcase of acting ability for Stefan Arngrim and Daniel Eden.

https://dailymotion.com/video/x2oqm38

A Rochester family with a lovely little house on the shore of Lake Ontario consented to the use of their house as a location. According to the script, the house degenerates as the marriage of Lucifer’s terrified parents, Mr. & Mrs. Williams, degenerates. The effect was accomplished by the art crew progressively messing up the house-shingles were torn, screens twisted, weeds and vines arranged all over the sidewalk and front porch for the most extreme result of 18 years of neglect. Then the entire house was cleaned and repainted, the front lawn edged and trimmed to neat perfection for the house’s original look before the birth of the little “bundle from Heaven.” Thus we left our hosts with their house in better condition than when our crew arrived. The shots were spliced into script order later, in the editing room. Since sequences here had to be shot according to ease of lugging cameras up and down stairs, as well as in reference to daylight, it was necessary to age Mrs. Williams (Alice Sachs), make her young again, and age her again for the final shot of the day. Once characters were made up, I was free to continue sculpting prosthetics which I started bringing to the set, in order to cut down night hours and still be available for touch-ups when actors got sweaty under the lights.

The opening title shot of the film runs over a very long camera dolly shot from Lake Ontario, around the House and to the front porch. Plywood was laid down in a track over which the dolly was pushed. Actors were cued into action as the camera approached and then passed them as they enacted guests at the baby Lucifer’s baptism party. Director La Loggia walked behind the moving camera, coaching the actors verbally since the scene was shot MOS (a term meaning “Mit Out Sound” which comes from the German immigrant directors who worked in Hollywood during the earliest days of sound filming.) Sound effects were added later.

Rain or shine, the filming schedule was adhered to whenever humanly possible. Certain night scenes were actually filmed during a light rain, which did not show up on film, but gave the actors an extra challenge-not to shiver. After filming at the house was completed, the crew moved equipment to Charlotte Beach, where the “Passion Play” scene was photographed. A panicking crowd scene was a plot element here, so ads were placed in the newspapers and radio for anyone wishing to appear in a horror film to show up at the public beach. A thousand eager people stayed on the beach for three nights starting from about 7 PM to 3 or 4 AM. Megaphone in hand, Frank La Loggia instructed the crowd in actions as they portrayed an audience coming to view an annual church play on the final days of Christ, only to be involved in an unbelievable horror-the actor on the stage actually bleeds and dies on the cross, and the audience experiences stigmatism.

Screaming and bleeding, the freaked-out audience runs in every direction for their lives. Some fall into the lake as lightning bolts (added in post production) strike all around. “All Hell breaks loose” with stage lights exploding from charges (called “squibs”) pre-set by John Eggett and his crew. These were later matched with hand-drawn lightning bolts. One of my best rubber prosthetics in the picture was the tissue-thin rubber stomach appliance so that “Christ’s” stomach could seem to be pierced by an invisible lance and run blood. A rubber piece of surgical tubing was run under the actor’s loincloth and glued to his stomach. A preslit rubber “skin” was applied over the surgical tubing with a “ripcord” of transparent fishing line attached. The other end of the surgical tubing was fastened by Eggert to a massive insecticide sprayer to pump blood through the stomach, to tubing run under the wig and behind the wrists. The effect was gruesome and realistic.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

With all but one scene in the Rochester area shot, the cast and crew packed up for a day of driving to our next location, the Boldt Castle. All of the crew, that is, except for me and my high school assistants, who stayed behind to bake the foam rubber prosthetics in the large kilns at the Rochester Institute of Technology Ceramics Department. Richie Bennett was by then trained enough to take over makeup for Mrs. Buchanan’s head wound, and Chip and Cheri handled other characters’ basic make ups.

Working with plaster molds which in some cases weighed over 100 pounds and carried over a gallon of foamed rubber was a new experience for me. Fortunately one of my assistants was a little guy who could climb into the kiln, holding one end of the mold, and then position it and climb over it to get out. A special problem was temperature.

The foam rubber had to be cured for at least 3 hours at a temperature not more than 250 degrees or less than 200 degrees. However, the kilns were made to fire ceramics at temperatures over 1500 degrees, so that we couldn’t leave the kilns on, for very long. The gas had to be turned on and off and the kiln door opened and closed as the only means of keeping temperature constant. The first trial prosthetics came out either under-done or overdone until the method was perfected. Varying thickness of plaster in the mold was part of the problem, but we ended up with at least two acceptable prosthetics from each mold as a backup in case the rubber tore or a scene had to be re-shot. Every trace of plaster had to be cleaned before we left, since plaster is incompatible with ceramic and could have ruined any pottery or sculptures being created by the students.

Before leaving Rochester, I brought dental casting stone casts of teeth to a dental technician who instructed me in the making of our prosthetic “fangs.” A soft pink wax was sculpted over the mouth casts with metal instruments heated in a gas flame. Then a plaster matrix was laid over the wax until it hardened. The pink wax was boiled away, and dental acrylic resin used for making false teeth was applied into the space formerly occupied by the wax. This quickly set and was then drilled and finely-polished by a high speed drill with various precision attachments. Finally the teeth were painted with acrylic to match our gum color and define cracks and spaces between the fangs. They snapped over our own teeth and required no pastes or powders to hold them.

Rejoining the cast and crew who were now split between two motels in Alexandria Bay, I “youthened” Mr. and Mrs. Williams and Father Daly for the 1963 scene of baby Lucifer’s baptism. Here John Eggett had rigged up a baptismal font which would boil as a mysterious wind blew through the church, a Divine protest against the baptism of infant Lucifer.

Richard Jay Silverthorn’s novelization of the 1981 horror film Fear No Evil. The director sold him the rights for $1. Silverthorn’s novelization was published in 1981 as Satan’s Child

Starting Saturday, October 6, the most hectic on-the-set makeup work began: the Army of the Dead rising from their graves. Derek and Collin, my high school assistants took off the week from school to join us on makeup crew, as well as appearing in some background scenes as extras. For thirty ghouls, we needed every makeup hand we could muster. Corn flakes, Quaker oats and liquid rubber were applied to texture the skin for the “rotten” effect. Certain “key ghouls” wore prosthetics sculpted by Collin Pingleton one with an eyeball hanging out, another with the cheek ripped away and teeth exposed. These were combined with rubber bald caps and patchy applications of crepe hair and painted over with custom-blended rubber mask paint for the finished effect. Eggett rigged up a false wall for one ghoul to crash out of, buried another alive so that he could crawl up from a grave, and make two others break out of stone work. This army of the dead was supposed to be the construction workers who had built the castle and then been buried alive, only to be possessed by “stay-behind” spirits subservient with hot coco and coffee. It was strange to see rotten ghouls huddled up in blankets and parkas, looking out for the first snowflakes of the year and shivering together. They had to shed the protective clothing for tattered rags while before the cameras. Most of our ghouls were recruited by a production assistant from neighborhood bars, though some had auditioned in Rochester and were chosen for large, bulky bodies. One of our larger grips also doubled as a ghoul, and had to wade through near freezing water to drown two nude swimmers. Needless to say, this scene was strictly one-take. A special room in the castle was kept warm with a roaring fire as a refuge for the near-frozen.

Jack Holland, a fine old actor who portrays Father Damon, incarnation of the angel Rafael, arrived from Los Angeles for his two weeks of shooting. We hustled him off the plane and into a rowboat for the opening shot of the film, then put him into a burlap robe with a scruffy beard growth glued on and filmed his death scene in the insane asylum. The unfinished rooms in the basement of the castle doubled for the asylum. Some viewers may be quite disturbed by the many dead animals appearing in the first scene as the aftermath of a “black mass” my character of Bonnomo is supposed to have committed. May I assure the reader that the animals were purchased quite dead and frozen from a lab. It was difficult to eat our 3 AM dinner break after shooting that scene, but the convincing effect of the “suffering to all God’s creatures” that Lucifer vowed was powerfully conveyed by the arrangement of hanging bodies before the huge inverted cross. At last my scenes in the film were scheduled for shooting. On our house boat dressing room, Monty shaved my hair back into a severe widow’s peak; mortician’s wax was applied to make my ears pointed, and subtle shadings changed the lines of my face to Satanic, angular planes. With the yellow contact lenses in place, I had to be led to the set and rehearsed in my movements slowly, since I was nearly blind. Once the cameras were rolling, I thought only of the audience experiencing the presence of the Devil on the screen. I wanted to scare the hell out of them! Stretching my mouth wide open to show my fangs, I ran toward various markers which were light-colored so I could see them through the lenses. In one shot three grips had to catch me as I passed camera range and nearly knocked an expensive light over. The bright light was all that was discernible.

Since the final chase scene of the film is supposed to harken back to the beginning with the feeling of a predestined repetition, Stefan Arngrim was also in makeup and costume as the second incarnation of Lucifer. His chase scene with Julie and Mrs. Buchanan is shot for shot identical with Bonnomo’s chase by Father Damon before the opening titles. He ran through the corridor, chased by the ladies, and then I ran through chased by the priest, from the same camera angles.

Because of problems moving the generator and camera equipment around on the island, my second makeup had to be shot in sequence, although the hairline had previously been shaved back. Therefore I had to glue crepe hair in to match my own, as my character is revealed as Rossario Bonnamo, whom nobody in town suspected of being Lucifer except Father Damon and his sister Margaret (the incarnation of St. Michael). I command the golden staff of St. Michael to fly out of Damon’s hand, saying, “I will be re-born. Aiwasz!” (Aiwasz is a Satanic word calling on the powers of the Unholy Trinity). In this way, Lucifer defeats Rafael by outliving him through his next incarnation. Damon (Rafael) is accused of murdering Bonnamo and dies in the insane asylum, leaving Margaret (Michael) to hunt out Lucifer’s next incarnation (Andrew Williams) and join with the yet unborn angel Gabriel (Julie) to defeat him in the film’s final confrontation. John Egget rigged up a two-part duplicate cross which appeared to enter my heart and come out my back into the tree. We used Hershey’s syrup for my black blood. Fortunately for the cast and crew, the weather suddenly warmed up and shooting continued in a comfortable climate.

The shot of the three angels ascending into Heaven was shot during this warm snap. Here lights were hoisted high into the treetops, and in order to make the beam of light distinct to the camera lens, the smoke machine was used liberally. Cheri dusted a gold glitter into all the make ups as the actors are transformed by “The Rapture” promised in the Bible. Spectacular optical effects were added later to complete the images, shot on separate strips of film for each angel, to be composited as the three bodies become one in a whirling vortex of twinkles.

Then we were ready for the final revelation of “star student” Andrew, a pale and beautiful high school lad, into the inhuman and repulsive Lucifer, the Beast who was chased from Heaven by the Archangel Michael. The pre-made foam rubber face and ear prosthetics were only part of the full-body work that took 5 hours to apply, in Stefan’s motel room. Open sores, purple and yellow patches, and hair travelling from the inverted cross in the palm of the hand to the armpit, and from the ankles up the legs to join with the pubic hair revealed by the Black Mass robes were glued in place. All of the crepe hair had to be sprayed with Krylon acrylic to keep the wind from blowing it loose. False black fingernails were glued on, and then we were ferried over in a motor boat to the castle. It wasn’t hard for Kathleen Rowe McAllen as Julie to act repulsed by this being with three points on each ear, glowing eyes and fangs. Yet through all this makeup, the human part of Andrew still loves pretty Julie, and, hesitating to destroy her as he had destroyed Mrs. Buchanan, (portrayed by Elizabeth Hoffman) he gives her a few seconds in which to find the strength to take the golden staff and defy his power, shouting, “He is the Light!”

After a few pick-up shots left over from previous scenes, the crew packed up the equipment and left the castle in a pouring rain. We returned to Rochester for one last scene at the home of one of our investors, which was used as Julie’s house for the “seduction” scene and the scene where Julie’s boyfriend Mark (Paul Haber) proposes. Exhausted but fulfilled this crew of people from all parts of the country hugged their goodbyes and returned home to await the release of the picture. Frank La Loggia and the editors placed the newly developed film together in New York City.

After several months of negotiations, Frank and Charles La Loggia signed the distribution agreement with Avco Embassy Pictures. At this point only a “rough cut” of the picture existed, with gaps in sound effects and no music, titles or special effects. Working with executives from Avco, Frank finalized the order of the scenes and got the picture into its final number of seconds for music timing. Gifted with music as well as producing, writing and directing skills, La Loggia “scored his own film with a 33 piece orchestra under Avco’s post-production budget. The melodies are lovely and yet haunting, perfectly conveying the moods of the characters.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

   Fear No Evil’s soundtrack featured many punk and new wave bands from the late 1970s and early 1980s.

“Hey Joe” performed by Patti Smith

“Somebody’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight” performed by The Rezillos

“Blitzkrieg Bop” performed by the Ramones

“Psycho Killer” performed by Talking Heads

“Love Goes to a Building on Fire” performed by Talking Heads

“Delicious Gone Wrong” performed by Bim

“I Don’t Like Mondays” performed by The Boomtown Rats

“Lava” performed by The B-52’s

“Blank Generation” performed by Richard Hell

“Anarchy in the UK” performed by the Sex Pistols

  Source Material

Cinefantastique v10 n03 Fangoria 11

Fear No Evil (1981) Retrospective PLOT A Roman Catholic priest, Father Damon, murders a man outside a castle-like estate on an island in upstate New York.

[deadlydagger]

HOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CATHOLICISM HAS AFFECTED MY LIFE.

This may be an extensive story but I will try to do the best to sort it out in a meaningful way. 

My relationship with Catholicism began in 1945 when I was six years old. I was in first grade at Immaculate Conception school on East North Broadway in Clintonville, a Columbus Ohio neighborhood. A playground separated the school and the church, which was about 100 feet wide. My father would drop me off on Oakland Park St., which was the first street north of East North Broadway. I would walk through the yards of the houses on Oakland Park, which took me to the playground. There was a side door to the church, which I went through and then attended Mass in person. After Mass, I left through the same door, walked across the playground into Immaculate Conception school. The same routine occurred when I was seven years old in second grade. During my second grade year, I received my first communion, which was quite a big deal. In those days, you had to fast after midnight if you were going to receive communion the next day. I received stern warning from my parents that I should not even swallow the water or the toothpaste while I brushed my teeth because that would break my fast and I could not receive my first Holy Communion.

In third grade, when I was eight years old, Our Lady of Peace became our parish about five blocks away from our house.  I also went to school at Our Lady of Peace. Mass was said at 8:00 AM during the week which I attended daily as did many of my classmates. My father had a beautiful Irish tenor voice and he sang at mass every day at 8 o'clock. Since we could not eat anything after midnight, I either did not receive Holy Communion because I would have eaten breakfast before Mass or I would receive Holy Communion or then have breakfast of some sort at the school after Mass. I do not remember which of these occurred.

This routine was in place throughout my grade school days at Our Lady of Peace. Of course, my whole family went to Mass on Sunday. When I started carrying newspapers, which was when I was around 10 or 11 years old, my Dad would help me with the Sunday newspapers because they were quite voluminous. So he and I got up very early on Sunday mornings, we delivered all of the newspapers, finishing about just before 8 o'clock and then we went to 8 o'clock Mass, having breakfast at home afterwards. Meanwhile, my mother was at home watching my brother and sister who were younger. My Mother went to Mass later in the day. Sometimes my mother would go with me to deliver the newspapers. I always rather would have my dad do it because he would fold the papers up nice and tight with rubber bands and all I had to do was pick up the paper from the car and deliver it to the various customers. When my mother took me, she spent most of the time reading the newspaper in the car while I had to fold the newspapers up myself and then deliver them. Needless to say, it went quicker when Dad helped me then when Mom did it.

By the time I got to high school, our parish had grown enough so that Father Foley, our pastor, had an assistant pastor assigned to our parish as well. So they began having daily Mass at 6:30 in the morning and an 8 o'clock Mass as well. I was well on my way to school at St. Charles before the 8 o'clock Mass even started. Nevertheless, one of my parents and I went to the 6:30 Mass virtually every day before I traveled 13 miles to my high school.

My grandparents and my parents were great examples of practicing the Catholic faith by attending Mass and receiving Holy Communion daily and definitely on Sunday as well. Typically, mothers were the driving force concerning religion but, in our family, our Dad was the one who had an unfettered commitment to our faith. So it went without saying that I followed all of their footsteps.

My first two years in college, I went to a Catholic school, the University of Dayton in Dayton Ohio. I continued my same routine daily. There was a chapel right next to my dormitory and I went to 8 o'clock Mass there every day. Sometimes, I would have an 8 o'clock class and, in that case, I would go down the street to Holy Angels Catholic Church where they had a Mass at 12:10 PM daily. The pastor at Holy Angels was named Father McFarland. He and Holy Angels are a story in themselves.

As you can probably tell by previous paragraphs, I was a pretty devout Catholic. I had my own missal, which had all of the readings for every day of the year. I would usually get to Mass early and stay afterwards to have some quiet time to pray. So I was kind of surprised at the way Father McFarland did things. He started right on time at 12:10 PM and finished, without fail, at 12:22 PM, a 12 minute Mass. Now usually, Masses on Sundays were an hour or more including all of the Scripture and the sermon by the priest after the gospel. During the week, the Mass would usually take around 30 minutes, which comprised of the daily Scripture but there was no sermon by the priest. Father McFarland deviated significantly from that regimen.

In those days of course, everything was in Latin. The way my missal was set up, the left-hand page had the Scripture in Latin and the right-hand page had it in English. So the priest would say the words in Latin that appeared on the left-hand page and you could follow if you liked but the English translation was on the right-hand page so you could always refer to that as well. Father McFarland said the Latin mass so quickly that I could not read the words in English as fast as he said them in Latin. I always wondered why he persisted in saying a Mass that would normally take at least 30 minutes and say it in only 12 minutes. Finally, it dawned on me. National Cash Register was a major employer and was right across the street. Their lunch hour started at noon and ended at 12:30 PM. By starting the Mass at 12:10 PM, those employees could get to Mass in the 10 minutes between lunch started and the time that the Mass commenced. Then, in the 12 minutes that Father McFarland said the Mass, the employees could go to Mass and get back to their jobs by 12:30 PM. While this was nice and convenient for the National Cash Register employees, I thought it was pretty close to a sacrilege the way Father McFarlane said the Mass.

I recently had dinner with a friend of mine who went to Holy Angel’s grade school in Dayton and knew Father McFarland very well. He claimed that when it was time for communion, Eucharistic ministers distributed communion to the congregation while Father McFarland completed the Mass and then left the altar. I do not recall it that way but, of course, Vatican II allowed the Eucharistic ministers to pass out communion instead of requiring the priest do it himself. But when I was in Dayton in college, Vatican II was still several years away. So Father McFarland distributed the communion himself and still finished in 12 minutes.

One Friday during Lent I was feeling especially holy and went to Mass three times during the day. My roommate and I decided to go to Holy Angels on Friday evening for Stations of the Cross. However, when we got to the church, it looked strangely like the altar servers were setting up for Mass instead of Stations of the Cross. Father McFarland was going to do the service one way or the other so I went back to the sacristy and inquired of him whether he was saying Mass or Stations of the Cross. He said it was going to be Mass and so I told him that my roommate and I would go back up to the college for Stations of the Cross because we had already been to Mass that day.

Astonishingly, Father McFarland made a short but impassioned statement to me about the tremendous value Mass was, it being the greatest prayer ever in the history of mankind; one should never pass up the opportunity to participate in such a holy prayer. He said this so fervently that I had no choice but to stay for the Mass, however short he would make it. He took much more time than the 12 minutes that he usually spent at Mass during the week and that solidified my evaluation of why he did it so fast during the noon hour just so he could accommodate the employees at National Cash Register.

I did not receive a very worthwhile education at the University of Dayton but my religious fervor increased day by day. I went to Mass every day without fail, either at the chapel at the University or at Holy Angels. I also attended other religious services that were provided by the priests at the University of Dayton. As it turned out, things did not go well for me at Dayton but I definitely maintained my commitment to my Catholic faith.

While attending Ohio State, in addition to attending daily Mass, I spent a lot of time praying on my own, typically the rosary or just being in a meditative state. I received a jolt and an inspiration from an unusual source. While Ohio State and other state universities were considered to be secular, nonreligious institutions, my football coach, Woody Hayes, in addition to all of the other things that he did to change my life, taught me how to pray. You would think that after 14 years of Catholic education, I would be pretty good at praying but Woody change my attitude on that. Before and after every game, he would say a short prayer, maybe two or three minutes. He did not pray that we would win the game nor afterwards, he did not thank God for our victory. It was just the opposite. He acknowledged that we were responsible for our own destiny; but he prayed that we would use our talents to the best and to make the Good Lord proud that we had carried out our mission. He prayed that we would play without injury, that we would play by the rules, that we would make those proud who were supporting us. Strangely, he also prayed for the other team. He prayed that they would play by the rules, that they would play without injury and that they would play their best so that when we beat them, we would know that we were not just lucky but beat them even though they were at their best. These words truly inspired me and changed my relationship with the Good Lord. My coach let me know that it was my responsibility to be thankful for the talents that I had received and it was my responsibility to use them to the best of my ability. So instead of praying that I would make a good block or a good tackle or to catch a pass, I no longer would place that responsibility on God. I realized that I am on my own to do my best and, if I did, the outcome would be a result of my own effort, not because God made the block or the tackle or the catch. This was a lesson that I carried through the rest of my life. A few months before my coach died, I went to see him and told him that after all of my religious education, he and he alone was the person who taught me how to pray. This tough old codger had tears streaming down his face as I told this to him.

I spent 3 1/2 years in the Navy after I got out of college. This involved a highly intensive activity because I had very significant responsibilities both at sea and in port. Of course, at sea we had no capability of going to Mass but I was able to pray to some extent, although even that was limited. Between our two cruises overseas in the Western Pacific, in 1964, we were in San Diego for about seven months. During this period of time, I joined a parish there and participated in reading the Scriptures during Sunday Masses and helped out in other small things that I was capable of doing. But all in all, my religious fervor while in the Navy was pretty scant.

In August 1965, I was discharged from the Navy and, one month later, I began law school. During much of the time in law school, when I was at the law school late in the day due to either classes or study periods, I went to Mass at the Newman Center at 5:00 PM before coming home for dinner. This was a new experience for me as Vatican II had occurred several years earlier and the Mass and other aspects of Catholicism had been modified. This also occurred on Sundays as my family got a big kick out of me going to Mass with them carrying my old style missal when everything had changed. I gradually got into the new way of doing things but continued to attend Mass from time to time as well as I could. As an adult, things were a little more difficult in practicing my faith than they had been as a child and young adult where I had a pretty well regimented schedule.

After graduating from law school, in September 1968 I got married in a Catholic church. Susan and I lived in the Northland area and I returned going to daily Mass as much as I could. However, as children began to arrive, schedules got to be more complicated. I guess I would say that I could not practice my faith as well but the fact was that I probably could have maintained the same level of commitment to my faith that I had always had but I just did not get it done. I would say that I was exhausted a good portion of the time when the children were first born.

As the children entered their educational experience, they did not go to Catholic school and they were not all that happy about going to the weekly instructions about Catholicism. It is easy to understand that after they had spent all day in school they did not want to go to another school when they would like to have some free time with their friends. There was heated discussion about this at the dinner table and their mother was opposed to them going to these religious instructions as well. I have to accept full responsibility for caving in on this issue and my family at large stopped having any commitment to any faith whatsoever, including me. As a result, I failed to perpetuate in my children the great Catholic faith that had been passed down to me from at least two earlier generations.

I have kind of lost track as the years have gone by. All I can say is that, down through the years, I attempted to attend Mass from day to day and, strangely enough, never went to Mass on Sunday, having the convoluted idea that I went to Mass during the week and only the dumb people went to Mass on Sundays. These are the types of things that go through your mind to justify misconduct and I was certainly guilty of that.

During this period of time, from about the middle of the 1980s when I was in my mid-40s, I continued to pray about life and the role I was playing in the universe. There were significant times though that did occur that stick out in my mind. One time around 1987, I proudly stood in my bedroom on Goldenrod, bragging to myself at how perfectly I was living my life and, no matter what happened, I could conquer any adversity and not even God could do anything to hurt me. How crazy was that!

Well, I learned my lesson. Within the next three years, my divorce became final, fracturing my family structure, a painful experience; one of my employees attempted to steal my entire business and was one third successful in doing that; all three of my children got in one difficulty or another; I developed a neurological condition that was very painful which caused physical dysfunction; and I became distraught at how difficult my life had become. One day, in August 1990, I was on the point of blasphemy. I was yelling at God saying that He had a grudge against me, that He was doing everything He could to hurt me, that He was doing everything He could to destroy my life, and I had had it with Him. So just go ahead and hurt me as much as you can today; I know you are going to destroy everything that I'm trying to accomplish and just go ahead and let me have it. So there. Well, he granted my wish. My stepbrother, David Crader, was killed in an accident at his army base. Well, that sure gave me a reason to shape up.

I prayed very fervently to God saying that I now recognized that He was in charge. That I was helpless in guiding my own life. That I was flat on my stomach with my face in the dirt and His heavy foot was on my neck holding me down. I said that I had no ability whatsoever to accomplish anything unless He would at least let me lift my head up, gradually rise from the mud and help me by guiding me through the rest of my life. After that, things started to improve in my life dramatically.

My spiritual development between the middle 1980s and the late 1990s is the subject of another essay entitled "Mother." After I spent two weeks with the Missionaries of Charity, my full-fledged fervor about my faith dramatically improved. I continued to go to the Missionary of Charities’ missions in New York City to work at the soup kitchens among the homeless. I also went on a pilgrimage to Europe to visit both Fatima and Lourdes where the Blessed Mother had appeared to children, Bernadette in 1858 and Lucy and her two cousins in 1917. As a result of that pilgrimage, my soul was transformed and was on fire. That pilgrimage took place in April 1999. During the summer of 1999, every morning at Mass for two weeks all I could think about was Lourdes. I started thinking that I was receiving a message that I was supposed to go there. I did go there for one week in October 1999.

After a grueling trip, upon arrival in Lourdes, I was very hungry and very tired. It was late afternoon or early evening. My hotel room was very small, containing a bed and a bathroom. I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling saying to myself: "How stupid can one person be. I can't speak the language, I have never been here, don’t know anything about this town, I don't know anyone here, I have no idea why I would do this to myself!” I was hungry, actually almost starving, and went to a little café down the street. I could not read the menu, even one word, the waiters knew no English, and all I could do was point to a picture on the menu. The Lourdes' experience is one that deserves an essay all by itself but, suffice it to say, it was a wonderful, inspiring experience which enhanced my spiritual life to a great extent. I returned every year for eight years working with and supporting the sick and injured pilgrims, and learned so much about how to assist people that are less fortunate than we.

Six million people per year come to Lourdes for prayer and healing. Some are desperately ill, crippled, either physically or mentally. Most are accompanied by family or close friends or sometimes are simply escorted by volunteers from their homes to Lourdes, when we take over for their care. In the 160 years since Bernadette experienced the appearance of the Blessed Mother, thousands or even millions of pilgrims claim to have been cured in one way or another. However, only 66 cures have been certified by the Catholic Church to be valid miracles. This requires a rigorous examination by medical experts, theological experts, and atheists who examine all of the evidence before proclaiming that a particular cure was in fact a miracle.

Reviewing what I have written above, I have to question whether I have really provided the information that was requested. An objective observer would have to inquire as to what role has the Catholic faith played out in the life of Dan Connor. Like all lives, there are starts and stops, ups and downs, and sometimes we even get sideways without intending to. While my commitment to the faith was sometimes more intense than at other times, however, throughout my life, I have always felt that I was Catholic, I prayed almost daily for almost 80 years and I acted out my faith by going to church and receiving the sacraments when I could. I also feel that I had been the recipient of certain spiritual directives that kept me on a reasonably correct track. From time to time I received what I believe was spiritual guidance. Sometimes I was a little slow to pick up on it but usually, if the messages pounded hard enough on my little brain, I finally figured it out. Also, throughout my life I have experienced what appeared to be negative or even disastrous situations but, in actuality, most everything turned out for the better.

At St. Patrick's, I attended 7 o'clock Mass daily for decades of my life. There was a family, a mother, father, and nine children who were there each and every day at 7:00 AM. The children ranged from high school down to pre-kindergarten but they were always there praying fervently. Can you imagine the effort required of those parents to get that entire family to Mass each and every day for many years? There is no doubt in my mind that those children will live out a strong Catholic faith. If I have one major failing in my life, is that I have not taken the time or the effort to infuse in my children the faith that was handed down to me by my parents and grandparents. That obligation, I guess, required more commitment and/or more effort than I was willing to give. If there is one significant thing that will need to be explained when I face the Good Lord, it will be that particular failure.

Every day of my life, I have thanked the Good Lord for my life and for the great things He has done for me. I have begged Him to infuse in me the grace to understand the mission that He has designed for me and the strength to carry it out to His satisfaction. I have much to be grateful for, especially being blessed by three first class children who, in spite of my failures, have achieved five star successes. Without my great Catholic faith, none of that would have been achieved.