#mindflayer tav thinks he's stupid like just comes out and says it like that

[vorestarr]

so i noticed when playing the epilogue that illithid Tav wants to eat brains, but the specific part of the brain they want to eat depends on the character, so i looked through the parsed dialogue and compiled all of them!

which part of each brain a mindflayer Tav would savor:

Astarion: "Astarion's sweet brain may be less wrinkled than the rest, but you hunger for its teasing cells. His parietal lobe - which controls his sense of touch - will be an aphrodisiac in your maw."

Gale*: "You would save his temporal lobe for last, if you were to eat Gale. Language. Learning. Memory. He must have quite the fine example."

Halsin: "Every time Halsin speaks of balance, your thoughts cannot behave. You only dream of what his cerebellum tastes like, when it sends the signals to his vestibular system to keep him from wobbling."

Jaheira: "Weary Jaheira. Over time, her stresses may have shrunk her hippocampus, making its taste more intense."

Karlach: "You consider Karlach's brain stem - the stalk meant to regulate her body's temperature. Will it come pre-cooked?"

Lae'zel*: "Lae'zel's motor cortex - that which controls her fine movements - will be harshly disciplined. That will make her especially chewy - just how you like a cortex to be."

Minsc: "There are cruel rumours spread, that Minsc may once have suffered injury to his brain. You could set the slander right at last - tell the world every bite was perfect."

Minthara: "With all Minthara's hate, you wonder if her cerebro-spinal fluid will be bitter to sip?"

Shadowheart: "Think of Shadowheart's cerebellum, which controls her dextrous hands. Any ritual caster must have a tightly commanded hindbrain."

Wyll: "Wyll's frontal lobe, which processes his judgement and measured words, would be a delicacy befitting his nobility." (Or "fit for a Grand Duke" if that was his outcome.)

(*You can't eat god-Gale's or astral-projection-Lae'zel's brains.)

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

Hark! I submit an official request for Raphael and someone (dealer’s choice) getting hit with the old Sex Pollen. It could be a trick by Haarlep or a plant/mushroom releasing pollen/spores in Faerûn during one of his visits. I leave circumstances to your brilliant imagination.

I love the sex pollen trope and would love to see you write it :) As always, feel free to make him or both of them as tame or unhinged as you like! Thank you! 💕

❤️

Raph gets pollened ☺️

Read on AO3

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There was a lot of strange stuff to find laying about in the ruins of Moonrise Towers. Most of it caked in dirt, dust, and other unidentifiable substances. The kleptomaniac in Tav had her poking around, putting her mitts on everything before those little tiefling gobshites stripped the place bare.

She was enamoured by something: a big round vial that contained some viscous liquid which, when Tav cleaned the bottle a little, glowed an ominous dark purple. The stopper was wedged too tight to open. It had been fermenting for a long, long time. Tav had discovered the bottle in a box with a decrepit occult codex of some kind and a burned out incense holder. Bizarre findings that warranted further investigation – after she’d raided everything else of value, of course.

“Well, well. Where should I find the mouse but scurrying about in a ruined old attic? Apt.”

“Shit!”

Tav nearly leapt out of her skin. The bottle went flying, shattering on the ground. A thin, noxious violet gas began to seep from its shattered corpse. The smell was pungent, stomach-churning; like rotten eggs and swamp water. Tav coughed and gagged, eyes wet, glaring at the devil who’d startled her so badly. He stood there innocently, unassuming, a single eyebrow raised at her display of drama. So much for finding out what that potion did.

“Do you enjoy getting the jump on people, devil?” She said waspishly, moving further away from the mess. “Gods, that stinks.”

“Sometimes. Mortals are much more likely to agree to certain things when they’re frightened,” Raphael purred. He tilted his head, taking a small whiff of the gas. “Hmm…it smells like peaches to me.”

Peaches, sure. “What do you want?” Tav crossed her arms. Never turn your back on a devil. Especially this one.

“Merely to see why my favourite future client isn’t celebrating with the rest of her merry band,” said Raphael. Tav noticed he was surreptitiously inhaling deeper sniffs of the potion, like a dog that had caught an interesting scent on the wind. He may not have realised he was doing it. “After all, you freed the angel. You struck down the avatar of a God. One would think a hero of such calibre would at least raise a glass or two in victory, no?”

“I don’t like crowds,” muttered Tav, keenly aware he was mocking her. He was always mocking her. Raphael shifted his feet, coming just a bit closer.

“Yes, I know,” he said, his voice dropping an octave. “I know a lot about you, Tav. I know the kinds of people you used to do business with before the mindflayers took you. I know the kind of work you did. I know where you came from, and where you were going before all of this.”

“What?” Tav stared at him, aghast. A mix of horror and, inexplicably, intrigue squirmed in her belly. How did he know these things? Why did he know these things? Something was off, though. Raphael seemed, for a brief moment, as shocked by his words as she.

“All that is to say…” He adjusted his collar. Loosened it. “Hells. Why is it so damn warm all of a sudden?”

In a crumbling tower, battered by the chilling miasma of the shadow curse, the only warmth came from the Infernal himself. “It’s cold up here,” Tav said slowly. A bead of sweat rolled down Raphael’s temple in contrast. “Are…you okay?”

“What a stupid question,” the devil snapped. He was becoming flustered, a fetching flush spreading across his harsh cheeks and the bridge of his handsome nose. “I must return to the Hells. Goodbye.”

He clicked his fingers, intending to disappear in a burst of hellfire as usual, but nothing happened. A mere sputtering of sparks from his fingertips fluttered and died. Outraged, Raphael clicked them again, harder, as Tav watched with mounting anxiety. No portal opened. The devil went nowhere.

“Foolish little bint,” he snarled at her. Revealed his pointed canines when he sneered. Tav saw his pupils were rapidly expanding, consuming the sweet brown of his human irises. “What was in that bottle you dropped?”

“I don’t know,” Tav bit back. Always aggressive when she felt cornered. “And you’re the reason I dropped it in the first place. Maybe this will teach you to stop needlessly scaring people, though I bloody doubt it.”

“If you don’t watch your tongue when you speak to me, I’ll pluck it out of your filthy mouth,” Raphael threatened, low and throatily. He tugged his collar open completely, revealing his neck and some teasing wisps of chest hair.

“Oh I see, the devil’s feeling a bit poorly so he finally shows his true colours,” crooned Tav. “It’s about time. I was getting tired of your gentleman act, you know.”

“Ah…to have your skin hanging on a hook in my foyer would be such a delight…” Rumbled the devil, almost absently. He began to unfasten the buttons of his jacket.

“What are you doing?!” Barked Tav. He didn’t answer. Tossed his coat aside and moved onto the buttons of his fancy white shirt. It was damp with sweat – and this was when Tav noticed the bulge between Raphael’s legs. His cock, hard and proud, strained in the fabric of his trousers. A hot spike of desire shot through Tav’s body. “Oh, shit…”

The potion must have been some kind of demented aphrodisiac, made potent enough over time that just a few inhales was all it took. It must’ve been pretty strong indeed if Raphael was crumbling under its influence so fast. Except it wasn’t affecting Tav. She could admit – only to herself – that her tingles of arousal looking at Raphael’s big, deft, tawny hands work the small buttons of his clothes, at the glistening, hairy skin of his chest as he opened his shirt, at his puffy dark nipples, at the trail of fuzz going down his soft middle to vanish below his belt, at the outline of his erection, at the wet spot its leaking head made on his trousers…they were on Tav alone. She’d been attracted to the smarmy devil from the start.

Figuring all this out, Tav had one thing to consider as Raphael reached for his belt: what did she do?

Indulge, of course. An opportunity like this only appeared once in a lifetime. A street cat like Tav knew it better than most.

So she bit her lip, breath baited, as Raphael freed his cock and balls, both fat with need. Ogled as he furiously, shamelessly, rubbed his prick, squeezed its swollen sticky dark pink head, his tight scrotum bouncing with the force, staring right at her as he did. Sighed when he came in moments, grunting, cum spilling on the ground, all over his knuckles, everywhere. His expression was stormy, devoid of relief or rapture, his cock refusing to soften.

“It’s not enough,” he hissed even as he milked more cum from himself in oozing pearls that lazily trickled between his glans, teeth bared in frustration. “It’s not enough.”

He looked furious, frantic, frayed, and so, so fuckable.

“Come here, then,” said Tav, distantly aware of how breathy she sounded, “let’s try something else.”

He was on her in a second. A waiting predator pouncing on its prey. Tav could barely gasp before he was swallowing her mouth in harsh, biting kisses, one hand fisting the hair at the back of her head, the other holding her hip with bruising strength. Tav greedily put her hands all over him, yanking his silky too-perfect hair, scratching his slick chest and stomach, crushing handfuls of his pliant backside. He was like a furnace, radiating stifling heat. He smelled like cherries and musky sweat. So human, but for the hint of sulphur he simply couldn’t hide. His tongue tasted like wine and fire when he forced it into her mouth, hungrily licking behind her teeth. He was a man unravelling, so much desire pressed beneath the surface just waiting for an excuse like this to burst free, and Tav wanted to see it all.

“Wretch,” Raphael spat when they broke apart. The ribbons of saliva connecting their lips were tinged red. He’d bitten her bloody. “Invading my thoughts…my dreams…and now my body…”

“Your fault,” Tav retorted, crying out when he jerked her head back, rolling his aching prick against her clothed sex.

“Inside,” he growled, losing coherence, “need to be inside…”

He manhandled her, pushing her onto a nearby broken desk. With one hand, and in one yank, he pulled her trousers and smallclothes down to her ankles. Tav heard fabric rip but couldn’t find the will to care. The eerie, twisted moonlight coming in from jagged cracks in the stone, the cursed lands’ grotesque long shadows – these things stretched and warped Raphael’s silhouette into the monster he truly was. Tav swore she felt claws, fangs, horns, saw the glint of yellow eyes…but he was still a man, driven and desperate, who pried her thighs open and stuffed her full of his cock, who rocked up on the balls of his feet to get as deep inside her cunt as possible.

“Fuck,” she groaned, raking her fingernails down his back. She was wet and willing, but it had been a while, he’d entered her without preamble, and his cock was thick. He was unforgiving, selfish, searching only for his own pleasure. The stretch, the burn, as he used her, fucking her hard, fast, violent, was hideous and exquisite. She clenched her cunt around his cock and he came immediately, snorting into her ear like a rutting bull. Filled her womb with hot liquid release. She could feel it spurting out of his cock with every throb. He had so much to give, and still he didn’t stop. Couldn’t. Much to Tav’s delight.

There would be Hell to pay when this was over.

[kaxenart]

Some rambling about the Baldur's Gate 3 endings

Finished my first run of Baldur's Gate 3 (plus a little messing around with the ending choices). It wasn't a super thorough run because I just played based on what interested me. I think I will do another playthrough when the official mod tools come out.

New playthrough will probably be less chaotic because I actually understand how to play now. lol

I kept expecting the Emperor would screw me over at some point because I saw some people saying he's evil, but he's just as Vibes-Based Neutral as I am. We vibin.'

I more or less ruined Lae'zel's life (told her to side against Vlaaki when she appeared at camp but also killed the prince). Whoops. But I did save her from Orin. That counts for something. Maybe.

Also I think it's a little weird that in the mindflayer ending Lae'zel does compliment me for being resilient but then swaps to be like DAMMIT YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. She jumps straight to DAMMIT YOU RUINED EVERYTHING if I stay human.

I also think it's weird it's like "oh you're gonna be unable to stop yourself from being a horrible monster, EAT HALSIN MAYBE" when the tav is very definitely Special Little Guy looking.

Still got a human number of fingers and looks a little diff from all the other illithids

Also to grab shit with my queer little hands, the Emperor making peace with no longer being the person it was before, while everyone responds with a "no, that's bad" is like…. well, there's certainly queer lenses to look through that...

Also I think it's funny some mindflayers transform to nakey but the emperor transforming the tav is like gotta give my babe some nice fits.

Also "we found a way to have the greatest most mindblowing sex ever even though one of us is smooth as a ken doll and one of us is too fuckin' stupid to find the mouth" I assume it would only be crazier as an illithid couple.

WHY ISN'T THE EMPEROR AT THE REUNION PARTY IF I PICK PAIRING OFF WITH IT.

GALE'S FUCKIN' CAT IS HERE EVEN.

THE FELLA WHO TALKED ME INTO SHOVING 10 TADPOLES INTO MY BRAIN IS A LOT MORE RELEVANT

DEAR GOD HOW DO I SIMPLIFY THE DAMN TEXTURE ON THE EMP'S OUTFIT?!

[laurelindebear]

BG3 update: spent the whole weekend waffling about whether to romance Halsin (aka my last chance since I messed up.) Went for it, then reloaded and said no (which took a minute because it's bugged, so if I expressed interest but then declined after the poly questions it still thought I said yes and ran the sex scene and romance dialogues anyway.) I decided my bard was just gonna pine for Dammon. (Cut for spoilies):

Halsin's a good guy and all, but his interest and definitions of what he wants seemed kind of all over the place to me. In one breath he seems to indicate that he feels differently about you than most people, even other sexual partners ('my heart does not stir lightly; it does now') and in the next he chides you for even enquiring about your 'relationship' because he doesn't like the word. Bro, we had a 'relationship' even when that was 'acquaintances because I broke you out of goblin prison'. We can be FWB or we can be partners in an open relationship and either is fine, but like...which is it?

Now I've gotten a fair bit past that point and I'm kind of regretting it again. Dammon is barely a character (he's nice, sure, but we don't see enough of him to see flaws like we do in the companions.) Halsin's dialogues can be a bit...full of naturalistic fallacy and I think I'm too ace/insecure/messed up to be enthusiastic about his preferences, but...he's there, he's a perfectly good slab of man, idk.

I don't necessarily see my bard as hellbent on world travel any more than I see her as promiscuous like the stereotype, so I could see her happy enough to settle in Reithwin and help rebuild, entertain at the tavern, tell stories to the orphan kids, do some alchemy, whatever. If that's an option with the later patches (vs Halsin just leaving and de facto ending the not-relationship with no opportunity to say 'I'll come along'), maybe that would be good. I love romances in games so I'm disappointed I've missed out here. Maybe it's the age thing? I'm half-elf, so he's already lived longer than my Tav will at all.

But part of me thinks it's cute to imagine Tav as a skilled performer (and incredibly persuasive individual) who is painfully awkward in her personal life. Everyone in camp knows she has a crush on Dammon but she's convinced he fancies Karlach and won't make a move. Plus, she's pretty preoccupied with the whole 'saving the world' thing. Maybe Lae'zel even tries to give her The Talk because she thinks she doesn't know. But if the world doesn't end, and she doesn't turn into a mindflayer, or die, and she joins Alfira's bard college and sticks around Baldur's Gate...

Oh blerg idk I'm stupid and in my head about everything and ruining my own ability to finish a damn game, quelle surprise. I should have just married Wyll, or talked to Karlach at the party.