#might as well die and leave a permanent scar on our loved ones' hearts haha

[cherriko-art]

Ok more alnst rambles.

I think my favorite interpretation of both Sua and Ivan's deaths is that their self-sacrifice was less about saving their loved ones than it was that they themselves could not live without Mizi/Till. Like this belief that yes, we're choosing our loved ones over our own lives, but also with the belief that Mizi/Till would be able to live past their (Sua/Ivan) deaths.

But for both Sua and Ivan, they could not find any reason to live if Mizi/Till were to die instead in their rounds. Both are absolutely obsessed with their partners - their entire reason for living revolves around Mizi/Till, bc for both Sua and Ivan, their lives were empty husks until they met them.

Ivan calls Sua out for being a self-sacrificing idiot, calling her selfish bc it'll only leave Mizi traumatized over her death. According to him, her choosing to die was not out of love for Mizi, it was a purely selfish choice bc Sua cannot live without Mizi. But in the end, Ivan is the exact same.

So dying for their loved ones? Easy. But ask them to live with their loved ones' deaths? Over their dead bodies.

[bratdroid-blog]

The love story of the century, in cinemas now. 

@paradoxidolatry

Coco

> You have the smuggest smug smile to ever smug on your face as you start singing for your boyfriend. 

 "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. 

I'm half crazy all for the love of you. 

It won't be a stylish marriage. 

I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat. 

Of a bicycle built for two."

Carro

> You are blushing ear to ear, and though you've got your mouth covered with the heel of your hand, you are grinning widely and earnestly.  You laugh, a bit breathlessly. 

 "Hal..."

Coco

> Aw yeah, that's what you lose to see. You were already feeling extra soft after last night, filled with Anime, sentimental moments and soft touches. A good reminder of why exactly you do love this man despite all his flaws. 

> You quickly pull him into a embrace, and press a sweet little kiss on his face.

"So, what do you say, Daisy?"

Carro

> You are, by all counts, a big man.  Not the biggest, no, especially in this city of meaty mobsters and bodybuilders, but you know you're fairly tall and well-built for a regular ass human.  But that doesn't stop you from feeling so small right in this moment, arms wrapped around Hal, just.  Absolutely lit up like a Christmas tree. 

> You're still grinning. 

 "You... are you serious....?"

Coco

"I don't sing Daisy Bell for just anyone, dude. Told you: It's always been just you.  I won't ever sing it for anyone else."

> You just wanted to tease him but... The moment seems just a bit too perfect to back out now. This isn't something you had ever expected or calculated but that alone makes it worth it. The unknown is exciting when you get to take the jump with your lover. 

> Weird. Were you always THIS gay?

Carro

> You are....for lack of better word, speechless.  Your mouth flaps uselessly and soundlessly for a few moments, floundering for something intelligent and witty to say, and you come up painfully, awkwardly short. 

> But you do find some words, and those words have a strange, exciting shape: "...Fuck it.  Yeah.  Yeah, sure, yes, let's.  I'd love to... I.  Yes, Hal."

Coco

> Just watching him struggle to form a sentence is already enough of a reward but the words that do end up leaving his mouth?  Make you wish you had a heart to skip a beat. 

> Once again it's a blessing that you can kiss him deeply and talk at the same time. 

"Then let's do it, Daisy Bell. You're going to be mine forever, and I'll be yours."

Carro

> You laugh again against his lips and you throw all of yourself into that kiss.  You feel 17 again--light and excited and hopeful for the future to come. 

"No one else's." 

> Shit, are you crying?  You sniff and lean back to swipe at your eyes.  Fuck, you've been doing this weaksauce shit a lot lately.  Goddamn you, Hal--reminding you that you, in fact, still have a heart.  You take a moment to step away and breathe, fan yourself off a bit, but you're still grinning. 

"Well, fuck, alright, so this is happening.  How's it happening? When? We gonna do a whole ass white wedding or?"

Coco

> This is all you ever wanted for him, and if a silly human tradition is what it takes to have him feel that again, you will gladly go along with it. You don't think either of you has ever so much as seriously thought about marriage, let alone considered getting married yourself but damn. If not him, who else? You give him his moment, but the smile on you face doesn't die for a second. Your eyes may be artificial creations but the love in your gaze is as real as it can be.  It's always been all for him. 

"Well...Don't have a ring right or anything for you babe, but I was thinking we should do something more permanent anyways. You're into tattoos yeah?"

You had considered that one for a while at least, if not in the context of god damn marriage. 

"Right now, is what I want to say but I'm afraid my papers aren't official quite yet. That means I have time to get the prettiest damn wedding dress this shit moon has ever seen though, so there's that."

Carro

> A tattoo wedding band.  Well, shit goddamn.  If that ain't just the best idea you've ever heard.  He's already given you a nice scar to mark you by.  Why not a tattoo? 

 "Fuck yeah... Fuck yeah, aight, we can do a tattoo.  Maybe engrave your finger or somethin'... get a ring to slow in it later, but just like, something to always have around that can't get lost."

God, what is this feeling?  Is this the human emotion called marriage? Aaaand then there's the papers. 

"Shit, that's right... How long's that supposed to take, anyway?"

Coco

"That's exactly what I was going to suggest. Let's do this shit. You got a tattoo shop of choice who will take us on today?" 

> You are literally buzzing with excitement. This joke got real fast but you are not complaining. 

"I'm gonna beg the Queen for this shit, dude. Bitch is a major sucker for this gay shit, I think we have good chances at getting this. About...Sec. About 80%. Messaging her as we speak."

Carro

"Might be able to find someone, but if not, y'know... I trusted you with a scalpel, I think I can trusts you with inking me up." 

> You might also literally be buzzing with excitement, and then your jaw drops. 

"You're- seriously? The Queen? Right now?"

Coco

"Aw babe... Sure, I can do it if you got the equipment." 

> That's even better actually. You haven't done this before, but with the power of internet tutorials? No biggie. 

"Fuck yeah I am. Look, we're both not great with authority and whatever, but she runs this damn gay ass moon and she adores me. Might as well use that to get my gay on. right?"

Carro

"Sure do.  I'll dig it up after the uh, the wedding I guess." 

> You laugh, and you nod, and then you... you exhale deeply, scrubbing your face with your hands as the depth of what's happening slams into you. 

"Holy fuck, we're getting married.  For real.  Tonight."

Coco

"Fuck yeah we are. She said yes. Gotta get our asses to the courthouse asap, dude." 

> Yeah, you really are vibrating with excitement. You are running too hot already, but not to the point where you are going to fry your brain for good. Just the good, gay warmth. 

> You couldn't possibly resist pulling him close for another deep kiss. 

"God. I love you so much, you piece of shit. How dare you do this to me." 

> That about sums up your relationship, yeah.

Carro

> And now you're back out of your intense spiral with a laugh and a kiss.  You hug him tight and you kiss him again and again until you are utterly breathless. 

"Cuz I fuckin love you with every little ... gay-ass bit of my heart, you motherfucker.  I can't fuckin believe us, goddamn U-haul gays.  'Hey, long time no see, you wanna move in and get hitched, maybe?'"

Coco

"You said it yourself, we've already been an old married couple before I got this sweet bod of mine. It's only right to make it official, yeah?" 

> God, you can hardly believe this yourself. Best stupid decision that started as a joke you made in your whole damn life though. 

"Can't wait to start my new life as an official, real ass person by marrying you. Seems fitting. You are stuck with me forever now."

Carro

> You lean in and touch your forehead to his, staring deep into those beautiful fuckin robo eyes. 

"There's nobody I'd rather be stuck with."

Coco

"That's fucking gay, dude." 

> And you love it, so much. Your hands cup his face, itching to be as  close as possible. 

 "Not gay if it's with a robot, right?"

Carro

> You smile somewhat bashfully at Hal and you shrug lightly. 

"...Might still be pretty gay, even with a robot."

Coco

> Oh wow. Is that what it takes to make Dirk Strider finally fucking realize he is indeed, fucking gay? Just a little gay marriage, huh? You said you wouldn't push it though, so you don't. 

"Glad I get to be your gay robot exception, dude. Couldn't be happier."

Carro

> You're glad he doesn't push it; you're still gonna be struggling with that one for a while, but... But this? This is good.  Great, even. Perfect, actually. 

> You kiss him again, and don't let up for a long time, before murmuring, 

"Gotta get dressed and get going, I guess.  Gonna go pick up Sock along the way.  Is Dave... here? We gonna have to pick him up too?"

Coco

> You could spend another few hours kissing him, but you will have plenty of time for that after he becomes your husband. What a weird thought that is. Has you smiling all over again. Seems like your face is stuck like that for now. 

"Shit, I don't have any formal clothes dude. How embarrassing is that?" 

> Not that you really give a flying fuck over getting married in your usual clothes. 

"Yeah, here's hoping he'll be ready in under an hour."

Carro

"Haha, I don't think I've got my good shit out and ready... You can, uh... borrow some of mine, if you want, though? I mean, shit, you could just go naked and I'd be happy." 

> You, though, are already stripping off your BIG MILK t-shirt and looking for a clean, half-decent button-up. 

"He better be.  We got twenty minutes before Sock's ready to pick up."

Coco

"You think all of Derse is ready for my beautiful bod, though?"

That's really the main reason you even bother with clothes at all when you leave the house. Looking at least a bit more normal. Not that you exactly care for anyone's opinion, just makes shit easier. 

"Sure, that's romantic right? Boyfriend style is in yeah? Or husband in this case."

Carro

A shudder runs visible through you and your turn a grin back at Hal. 

"Say that again."

Coco

"Nu uh. Not yet, my dude. Gotta earn the H word first."

Carro

"Awww, c'mon." 

You laugh and then you rummage through your closet until you find a dark red button up for Hal, with silvery white pinstripes. 

"Just once."

Coco

> Aw it's your color. He does care. That earns him a quick peck on the lips. 

"Fine. You are my motherfucking husbando, Dirk. Better than any fucking anime guy, even Android 17."

Carro

"Shit goddamn.  Even Android 17, for real?  I must be special." 

> You wink and then toss on an orange shit and a black jacket and slacks, before fishing out a matching pair for Hal. 

"Does that also make you the husbando? Or is one of us the waifu?"

Coco

"I mean, i ain't giving up on my figures of him for you, but yeah. I'm choosing you over my anime boyfriend." 

> That's love bitch. 

 > This is actually yet another first for you, first time putting on a suit. That shit's not rocket science though. 

 "A family can be two husbandos and their two baby brothers, who are also dating. Y'know. That sounds exactly like an anime plot actually." 

> Thank god that you are not living in an anime, or this shit would be way weird.

Carro

> Jokes on you, life is the ultimate anime. 

> But you laugh and you get yourself sorted out, throwing a white tie around your neck but not quite tying it yet.  You turn to Hal and look to see if he needs any help...but mostly? You're just staring at him, in awe and full of warm, gay, fuzzy-ass dokis. 

"Guess you've got a point there.  Life with the Striders is my favorite fuckin anime this season."

Coco

> You have never tied a tie in your life, but you tie his like you've never done anything else in your life. You are a quick learner after all. 

 "Yeah same..Hey babe?" 

> There's never been as good of a moment to get gay. You continue your song from earlier, just for him. 

"We will go tandem as man and husbando

Daisy, Daisy 

Peddling our way down the road of life 

I and my daisy bell 

When the roads dark we can both despise 

Policemen and the lamps as well 

There are bright lights in those dazzling eyes 

Of beautiful daisy bell" 

> Naturally a song from 1892 did not in fact include the word husbando, but sometimes you just gotta get creative.(edited)

Carro

> Ohhhhh, Hal, you fucker, you've done it now. 

> There are actual, real tears running down your face, and you're stuck halfway between mopping them up, and just covering your face, and you really can't decide what to do with your hands, so you instead place them on Hal's hips instead of anywhere near the vicinity of you.  You're laughing, and you lean in to kiss him again. 

> If you could, you'd never stop kissing him. 

> Also you can't believe a song from 1892 is your song, but hey you wouldn't have it any other way.  Except maybe a hip-hop cover of the song, down the road. 

"I love you."

Coco

"Love you too, Daisy Bell." 

> You gladly kiss him again as you gently wipe some of those tears again. God, look at the two of you, getting all sorts of gay in fucking record time. You both really needed this for a long ass time, didn't you? 

> You are far too happy to ruin this by psychoanalyzing everything about it, not in this very moment at least.