#mentions of anorexia

[kittieklawz]

this is all i want.

@kanashkova.lera on instagram

[panlight]

One thing I always think about when the vegetarian vampire debate comes up: We’re told that animal blood tastes bad. As a picky eater who was often forced by my parents to eat food I didn’t like when I was a kid, I know how bad of an experience eating actually is when you’re forced to eat food you don’t like. So now imagine you’re suddenly living a life where your only choices are hunt and kill your own food which is a species you used to be and is able to communicate with you and beg for their life, or never enjoy the taste of your food ever again. And on top of that, unless you kill these beings, you have a perpetual burning sore throat!

This is another major reason Breaking Dawn didn't work for me. I had read all of SM's 'personal correspondence' on the Lexicon before I read BD, so I had it in my head that being a vegetarian was like, just The Worst. It was a huge sacrifice. It was strep throat and food you hated forever. It was noble suffering. And I vibed with that! I love that stuff! It's the exact same reason newborn!Carlisle trying to kill himself gets to me. Someone sacrificing themselves or suffering to spare others suffering is just *chef's kiss*. I love it.

As you said, animal blood is supposed to be a poor substitute. It all tastes pretty bad, but some of it (bears for Emmett, mountain lions for Edward) is marginally better depending on personal taste. But it's still the low-sodium sugar-free reduced-fat version of your favorite food at best. And that's not getting into the physical and psychological stuff! Here's how SM talked about vampire thirst in conversation with the Twilight Lexicon:

In the Twilight world [. . .] Thirsty vampires are in acute physical pain. It is comparable to the feel of a third degree burn inside your throat. It can make a vampire literally crazy for relief—beyond thought. If your hand was on fire and there was a bucket of ice water beside you, would you resist that relief? Of course not. You would have no reason to. Back to the average vampire’s viewpoint, neither does a vampire have a reason to resist. There is a fire, he or she quenches it. Problem, solution. It is not about pleasure as much as relief of pain for the thirsty vampire. There is pleasure in the act, but it does not influence the motivation before the act as much as the pain does. The well-fed vampire has more decision making ability left to him or her. (Except in the rare case when a human’s blood is so potent to a particular vampire that it sets his or her throat on fire like they haven’t drunk in months. There is more pleasure in the act in this situation, too, just as there is more pain in the motivation.) Blood drinking is an imperative. Even for a vampire who keeps his or her system full of animal blood, the lack of human blood is constant pain. I think the only human state that is even close to comparable is anorexia. Anorexia is too hard on a human body—in the end, if not given up, it kills a human. Vampires can’t be killed by starvation, so they manage. But it’s harder than you’re giving them credit for. My philosophy is this: I can’t judge vampires, because I’ve never done anything as physically difficult—nothing even close!—as giving up human blood is to them.

Maybe it's just me, but I got NONE of that from Bella's narration in Breaking Dawn. It's not a thing. She's supper happy all the time. Her thirst is barely mentioned. And I was like, what?! Where is the burning pain? Where is the unending ache? Where is the gnawing hunger for something you are denying yourself because to indulge would mean someone else's death?

I suppose you can handwave it as Bella being good at blocking things she doesn't want to think about, but this is usually in regard to like, fishing trips with Charlie, and not a supernatural constant pain in her throat. She complained plenty about things like the rain but is unbothered by vampiric thirst pain apparently.

Again, I was here primarily for the vampires (and werewolves shifters) but in Breaking Dawn it's like SM gave up any pretense she was actually interested in the vampire stuff. Edward angsts and suffers and denies himself and it's noble and romantic but the instant Bella's a vampire those themes are gone. She has one slightly tense meeting with Charlie on literally day two and after that thirst is just whatever. She's a sparkly superhero instead.

[nwarrior777]

if you want a little bit of hope and positivity:

today i did my first laundry all by myself. i am 26

today i went for a shower. and yesterday i did it too. going to shower was a thing i was skipping for months.

i also bought myself new, clean clothes. two shirts for home. i've never had home-clothes, went on street one i wear at home and in bed. in childhood i could sleep in jeans. under blanket. and i lived in a place with a lot of dirty snow.

few days ago i said in conversation with friends, that i want to be fat and want eat more to keep myself "fat and juicy". i had anorexia all my teen years

i've never thought i will have like. life. feel simple joy of life. it's not a post with advices, i didn't figure out how to describe my path to this, in this post i just want to show that Things Go Better can happen. it's easy to forget it at our times.

just feeling good and. wanted to share

[againana]

So you wanna purge- here are some foods to avoid!

⭐️ bagels, tortillas, hawaiien rolls. That shit will get stuck and you’ll make a lot of noise trying to get it all out.

⭐️ if it’s really spicy going down, it’s gonna be really spicy coming up

⭐️ tbh purging anything with tomato sauce has ruined me so badly. cant eat pizza or pasta without remembering the specific scent

⭐️ yogurt is so fucking vile to throw up but it’s not hard

⭐️ on the other hand, ice cream? so good. if you do it right after, it’s still kinda cold and it doesn’t taste like death! tbh not a bad experience

⭐️ sushi. stay away from sushi. just… take my word for it please ..

⭐️ SHREDDED WHEATS. listen- i was in high school (and cereal is a huge trigger food for me) i thought i could just throw the cereal back up. nO! it feels like bricks of sandpaper! and it’s like you never even chewed it?????? avoid at all costs.

⭐️ anything red is kinda sus bc is it blood? berries? sauce? who knows!

⭐️ if you never want to eat peanut butter the same way, avoid throwing it up. i had to avoid peanut butter for a long time.

⭐️ soda is so fucking weird to throw up. not bad just so so weird.

[jayninjago]

I was so sure i posted this???? I even tagged it n all, chat did i delete this on accident?

[sandersstudies]

Very disappointing that 90% of Diet Coke memes are produced by pro-anorexia blogs and Facebook almond moms. I just wanna celebrate the crispiness.

[red-rover-au]

I love their terrible little family so much dsnsksj

[positivelyqueer]

something that really stuck with me about the physical aspect of recovering from a restrictive type eating disorder is that, for people who developed an eating disorder as a child or teenager, your body has likely never known what it’s like to be a healthy adult weight without being starved. (Healthy being whatever is safest and natural to your body when you are treating it well.)

So if you’re entering the physical aspect of recovery, and are terrified of continuing to gain weight, know that your body is just trying to sort itself out. It isn’t healthy to weigh the same as you did when you were 13, 16, 18, as a grown adult.

Try to trust your body. Trust in your recovery. You’re going to find a body which supports you and allows you to do so many wonderful things. It’s going to be okay.

[homocidalpotat]

stop fucking tagging things with

s3lf h@rm

4norexia

bl00d

NOBODY THINKS TO GO THROUGH THE ENTIRE ALPHABET, NUMERAL SYSTEM, AND PUNCTUATION LIST EVERY TIME THEY ARE FILTERING OUT TAGS

self harm

anorexia

blood

YOU CAN SAY IT!!

From, an extremely triggered person

[rapidhighway]

I'm often bothered by the way people ignore eating as stress response over not eating. I know BED is pretty much ignored among eating disorders bc anorexia sounds so much scarier but if instead of starving you regulate emotions by eating it's not good either. In my experience this behavior also makes you feel miserable, and not even in a body-hating way

[theredofoctober]

MANNA- Part 2

Dark!Hannibal Lecter x Reader x Dark!Will Graham fic, TW for eating disorders, noncon, abuse etc.

---

"What do you see?" asks Hannibal, forcing you, by an immovable hand at the base of your neck, to stare at your reflection in the mirror. "Speak the truth. It won't shock me, nor should you be ashamed of it."

You have already attempted to close your eyes against the glass, and were gently threatened into opening them again. Now you force your gaze to unfocus, refusing Hannibal in a way that even he surely cannot discern.

He says your name into the quiet with a subtle, yet dangerous edge. It is so rarely used now that you jolt almost guiltily, unsure whether, like Will, Dr Lecter can be frenzied to strike you.

Hannibal's threat is more of a sleek, hunting animal, you think, cunning and serene; he can be cruel in a manner of exact and elegant genius, the bruising of the psyche, and the soul.

"Don't disobey me," he says. "You will not welcome my disappointment."

A tremble of doe-like terror wreathes you in its grasp.

"Doctor," you whisper. "I want to quit. I'll pay you the money my parents sent for me to come here; I'm not a child, and I don't need any of this. I'm not playing your game. Please let me go home."

There is certainly no chance that your family are aware of and approve of this treatment; it is torture under a clinical guise, a sinister, sexual sadism.

Still you cannot deny that the longer you remain here, the more you begin to see Hannibal and Will in the roles that they take within these walls: the strict, hard-handed father, the nurturing and gentle dad.

Each are relentless in their goal to reduce you to their supplicant doll, driving you further into the same hungering madness they wish to cure.

"You cannot leave here," says Hannibal, almost affably. "Your family unburdened themselves by releasing you to more comprehending hands. They think less of your wellbeing, and more of the weight that they no longer carry. Do you believe they would accept you back if you were not cured?"

"There is no cure," you say, bitterly. "You said it yourself. No cure, just recovery and maintenance."

Hannibal strokes the back of your neck, soothing you even as you shudder in repulsion.

"And do you trust yourself to do that alone?"

You don't answer, sinking miserably against the man at your back if only so that you do not fall to the floor in your despair.

"Tell me, little one," Hannibal commands, and his left hand comes down your shoulder, across your breast, tracing your hip with the ease of ownership. "What do you see?"

Swaying, crying, you blink at the horror in the looking glass, this imperfect beast in the arms of so evil and oddly beautiful a man.

"Failure," you spit. "It's disgusting."

Hannibal leans into you, breathing in the scent of your hair, and kisses your temple.

"I see a perfect little girl. Or else one with the potential to be."

You shake your head, certain that he is taunting you. That he is not repulsed seems an impossibility; Will certainly makes no attempts to hide his disdain, even when he fucks you.

"I do not lie to my patients," Hannibal insists. "With instruction, discipline, and loving guidance, you will become everything you should already be."

Warmth under your skirt; Hannibal's fingers cupping your wretched heat, pressing themselves into a self-loathing wetness, a sobbing response to his words.

"You shouldn't do this to me," you say, as always, repeated like a prayer, all frantic fervour. "You're my doctor. You're hurting me."

"It's what is required for you to change. Why do you cling to your chrysalis when it no longer serves you? There is no sustenance in it. You hold yourself here because it is safe. Because it is known. You have grown to love the illness like family."

He circles the heart of your folds with fingers that know you with the certainty of language.

"I suggest that you exchange the subject of your affections for those that will return it."

His lips are soft against your neck, an angel come down in a romantic painting, or fallen, rather.

Your vision of the creature in the mirror disappears into a prism of tears.

"You don't love me, really," you whisper. "And Will... he hates me."

Hannibal pushes you forwards, against the mirror, bending your form in a balletic motion. You are glad that you cannot see yourself in such close proximity to the glass, only the pupil of your eye, black and endless.

"He does not hate you," says Hannibal, softly. "He is gripped by desires that anger him, for he neither wants nor understands them."

Your legs are eased apart, and you whimper as a sudden thickness parts you like a scroll.

"Sometimes he watches you when you sleep," Hannibal tells you. "He finds such beauty in you, when you allow yourself to dream."

[rosierexie]

OMGOSH GUYS IM 119.8lbs, I've been stuck in the 120s forever but I'm so happy.

[a-whispering-echo]

im so done with 'body positive' groups and comments - because the fucking SECOND anyone SKINNY is in the group, and talks about THEIR troubles with their weight an appearance, they get fucking SHAT on! 'oh you dont understand cus youre skinny' 'shut up youre literally the beauty standard' ' who gives you the right to show up here looking like that? fucking leave'

youre not actually 'body positive' if your just there to talk good about fat people and fat people EXCLUSIVLY. yes, fat people ARE beautiful, YES they deserve to feel good about their bodies and EVERYTHING, i assure you i am ALL for that! but if you start talking shit about someone who thin who has insecurities too, your NOT uplifting ANYONE, youre just being a dick.

'haha fast metabolisms' jokes and shit 'oh look anorexic' 'eat a fucking burger' 'youre wasting away'- these are ALL fucking AWFUL things to come from people who are SUPPOSED to be positive. I dont have ANY of the above mentioned disorders, AND i come from a family with a bunch of obese people on my mothers side - ive had these and similar comment from people who are my own damn FAMILY.

Im THIN because i have a fucking disease DISEASE that was, for a while, slowly fucking KILLING me, and i HATE how fucking SMALL i am. the smallest sizes of clothing i can fucking GET are TOO BIG ON ME - i am SWAMPED. but yeah sure, i cant feel bad about my body when i desperately need someone to talk to who, while on the other end of it, SHOULD and DOES understand my struggles!

instead of talking to me about their own struggles, so we can uplift and support, im just told 'dam i wish i could be as small as you' NO YOU FUCKING DONT! MY ORGANS FEEL LIKE THEYRE FUCKING FAILING EVERTIME I DAMN BREATHE! im freezing all the fucking time, i can barely walk, and i feel like my body is going to collapse in on itself every damn day. my bones are brittle, my skin barely stretches over my skin, you can see all my bones - my ribcage, you can see the way the bones in my arm cross over each other, and STILL you tell me in not allowed to complain because 'people would kill to look like you'

im just so fucking tired.

[pasta-problems]

Diet Coke tastes better on an empty stomach

[krislgfox]

Just take some lil doodles of Sam from my very old au about witch I never talked about with almost anyone and only doodle it once in magma

(Btw in the au Sam had anorexia, that's why he's so skinny, but now he's healing so everything's good :])

[beegoould]

Recently my therapist dropped something on me that is hard for me to wrap my head around. We’ve started talking through my issues with food and eating, and after a couple sessions she said “I think you may have a form of anorexia” And I’m like “You may not have noticed this but I weigh 250 pounds” and she was like “nah dog, you don’t have to be underweight to have it” and this made NO SENSE to me. And I said “I don’t have the willpower or the strength to be anorexic” which made me stop and think, and made her raise an eyebrow.

I realized in that moment that there had been times in my life when I was jealous of people with this devastating, potentially deadly illness. I felt like they had an ability I knew I would never have. And that’s a super fucked up way to think about it.

We talked through it and she told me that my periods of obsessive calorie counting, punishing myself for eating foods I felt were off limits, measuring things to the ounce, and thinking about food pretty much all the time was the issue. The first time she brought this up was when I told her I used to berate myself for eating something I shouldn’t have when I actually hadn’t eaten it, I’d just thought about eating it. Also when I was drinking too much I would plan my day around it, making sure I had an empty stomach and weighing what I drank on a kitchen scale. And I did research to find out what alcohol had the least calories with the highest abv.

So she tells me she thinks I have atypical anorexia. I still have the obsessive thoughts, but I don’t follow any self imposed restrictions. I still think about them, I just got too tired to keep following them. I still punish myself for eating “bad” foods.

We’re going to continue talking through this and navigate it, hopefully find ways to change some of my thoughts and behaviors. I’m still surprised at myself for my initial knee jerk response of thinking that it’s just like me to have this disorder but still be overweight. That’s not me anymore. I felt that way when I was a kid up to my 30’s, that being overweight made me useless and less than. I don’t feel that way now, but I guess it’s hardwired into my brain at a subconscious level.

To be clear, I have never had negative thoughts about people I knew or met who were overweight. They were different. I was the problem, no one else.

I wanted to share this because I’d never heard of it before, and while it’s not life changing to know this is a thing, it is helping me understand myself and some of my behaviors in a way that I haven’t before. It is also helping me be kinder to myself, at least a little.

I hope this post wasn’t upsetting or painful for anyone. This is just me sharing my experience and thoughts, I don’t know much about this topic and I’m probably shitty in a lot of ways as I’m writing about this since I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m sorry about that. I’m going to tag the fuck out of this.

Anyway. My wish for all of you is that you can be kind to yourself however you can in whatever way you need to be. ☀️☀️☀️