#meet them as a peer
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you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.
#he may be dead too but he’s certainly not gone. he’s a lingering relic. something lost to time#that’s some existential dread on an incomprehensible level#like. he meets charles quite soon after returning from hell and it’s implied he’s pretty much just been haunting that schoolhouse in that#time right. so I seriously doubt he’d have visited– let alone even Found– his parents’ graves. I wonder if he ever did that with charles.#maybe charles providing him enough emotional support to feel like he could handle it.#I know that he wasn’t close to his parents in life– nor was he close with anyone that we know of– and yeah I think that’d definitely make#things a bit easier in certain ways; he never felt like he belonged in his time/place in life or amongst his family or peers#so being displaced from all that wouldn’t feel like losing very much#in a way#but… I mean still#and he inevitably would have those lingering thoughts of what could’ve been–#yes he could’ve died in the war and his life likely wouldn’t be very fulfilling considering he’d probably be forced into a marriage he#wouldn’t want or if he was found out he could’ve been imprisoned and ostracized and disowned. plenty of ways his life could’ve been awful if#but also what if his parents loosened up a little as the times did? as in- what if he actually got to know them? what if they tried to#have a relationship with him of some sort eventually? it’s not impossible#it’d have to eat at him. that and wondering if either of them felt guilty#or felt a loss. or anything#hoo boy. fun stuff#edwin#edwin payne#rambling#dead boy detectives
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Do you have any headcanons or thoughts about Falin having a crush on Marcille pre-canon? Especially during her later years at the school/the years she was with Laios.
Just full on "awkward and slightly gnc teenage lesbian has a massive crush on the touchy-feely girly girl straight best friend" tropes everywhere. Even better bc it's the "best friend is also the popular girl while lesbian is the slightly ostracized quiet one" dynamic in school. Falin gets so so so good at not having a heart attack every time Marcille gets in her personal space. But she's so resigned to never saying anything bc why would a girl as blinding as Marcille ever like her back. She also doesn't make an effort to get over it either, she's just content to be trapped in that stable dynamic of silently being in love with Marcille while getting to enjoy CLEARLY being Marcille's favourite person. She gets so used to it that it's almost just background noise most of the time-- it would have to be, unless she wanted to be freaking out 24/7 bc Marcille is so goddamn affectionate.
Her feelings also definitely change throughout the time that they're in school together-- at first it was this "whooaaah pretty older girl" puppy crush that you can clearly see developing in the flashbacks we get (I think she doesn't even like... realize her fixation on Marcille is romantic at all until years after it starts, when she's 12-14 ish and all the other girls around her are talking about crushes). But then they get closer, over the years Marcille starts getting really attached and letting down her guard, and Falin gets to see the ridiculous side of her. She gets to calm her down from her tantrums when experiments don't work out, or help her clean up when something explodes in her face. I feel like the progression of her feelings from "schoolgirl infatuation" to "unrequited love" probably almost exactly corresponds to how slowly Marcille goes from trying to keep Falin at a polite but friendly distance (like she does with everyone else) to her facade completely eroding as she becomes her cheerful and ridiculous self again for the first time since her father died.
That's probably the saddest part: Falin knows that she's clearly Marcille's favourite person on the surface level, but she doesn't quite fully grasp the enormity of what that means to Marcille. She doesn't get that she's the person who made the world colorful again for Marcille, that she is the first person outside of Marcille's family to really and truly make her laugh. She just thinks she's the beloved but dinky little short-lived sidekick, one of many that Marcille has had and will have.
Part of it is that, despite Marcille becoming such a clingy and affectionate best friend, I think her initial demeanour already did its damage. You see Falin being super adventurous and weird at first, bringing Marcille berries and other stuff, only to be rebuffed by Marcille exasperatedly saying she's working or looking kind of put off by it. And by the time you see her a little older, shes already quieter and better at masking -- and I'm not saying that that's entirely Marcille's fault (being the weird girl at an all girls academy for almost the entirety of her teenhood must have been brutal, my god) but she definitely learned that she's a potential nuisance to Marcille if she doesn't tone herself down. She learned that Marcille most likely sees her as a weird little kid following her around bc she has no other friends. And for the most part, she was never given any reason to unlearn any of that.
And that all very very smoothly transitions into Marcille being her "first love that was never meant to be anyway" when she leaves the academy. Chapter closed in her mind: she loved and pined from a distance and that was that. Every now and then she'll see another woman with Marcille's build or her shade of hair and be like ":( I miss her..." But then just kinda move on with her day. Same with when she's going through her own spellbook and finds a note that Marcille left her/correction that she made-- she'll smile fondly and reminisce about how much Marcille doted on her, and then move on.
Sometimes she thinks about contacting Marcille but convinces herself that it's too late (she spent too many months focusing on getting Laios healthy again and didn't mean to go no contact, but ah well). It's only when she has a practical reason to be reaching out that would also benefit Marcille ("Marcille is studying dungeons and we need a trustworthy mage to go with us to the dungeons") that she feels like she's allowed/that it wouldn't just be 100% a nuisance.
I almost think she didn't expect Marcille to reply at all, only to get a telegraph (or some in-universe equivalent of express mail, maybe magical pigeon carrier) that's like. EN ROUTE TO ISLAND. LETTER TO FOLLOW. and she freaks out like AAAA LAIOS SHE SAID YES WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP NOW.
I do think getting a response accidentally sparks a little hope in her, judging by the way she acts in the chp 57 flashback-- she's pouty that Marcille sees her as a kid, gets really worked up about being presentable, and then tries to play it cool when she actually meets Marcille (as if she didn't freak out and force Laios to shave while rambling a mile a minute about Marcille). She's an adult now, really and truly, and she's seen and survived things that her 18 yr old self would have never even imagined-- then all of a sudden, the person she was in love with since she was ten years old appears, and she's so desperate to be seen as mature and competent. She's trying soooo hard to impress Marcille with her newfound combat and dungeoneering experience...
Only to fall right back into their old dynamic. RIP. At least she gets the girl eventually, even if it takes dying twice and being the core catalyst behind an almost-apocalypse.
#asks#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi#farcille#marcilleposting#kinda#the irony is that for me she DOES succeed in impressing marcille#its just that its so gradual and marcille is so so good at repression that neither of them notice it#marcille just sees her reacting so confidently to dire combat situations#easily throwing up protective spells even when they get ambushed#and seeing her become an expert in her field of magic that marcille would even consider an intellectual peer or equal#as well as a competent healer and combatant who also grew up a lot to take care of laios herself#changes marcilles feelings surprisingly fast i think. i think shes down bad in love with falin for the majority of the year before canon#the absence made the heart grow fonder but the feelings more mutable and its almost like meeting a new person when they reunite#anyway. you guys have to stop reading my mind and asking about major themes from my wips#yes the next chapter of a little creature touches on this a lot.#stop making me give away my takes before i can properly write them into fiction form fjsjjdf
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Inspired both by the recent solar eclipse and this post by @otiksimr, an art piece I’ve never been prouder of, my WoF oc Sunkiller!
Born under a total solar eclipse (ask me about my temperature-based nightwing hatching headcanons. and also my headcanons about how sunlight affects nightwings.) and blessed with the ability of perfect knowledge of the past, or at least the past where dragons exist. This of course makes her an invaluable resource to historians everywhere, which she is absolutely sick of, and so has gotten very adept at the hermit lifestyle. For pity’s sake, you solve ONE cold case murder as a hatchling, and suddenly EVERYBODY wants your attention…
(if tui has declared anything canon about nightwings and solar eclipses, like she has for blood moons, which are lunar eclipses, i haven’t seen it)
#wof#wof nightwing#wof nightwing oc#my art#my crotchety baby girl i love you#currently i don’t have her existing during any of the canon timelines because that would make plotlines uh. pointless.#she definitely hatches wayyyyy way later#if anything she MIGHT meet the dragonets of prophecy when they’re big old ancient dragons and reminisce with them#which is a VERY strange experience for everyone involced *except* sunkiller#she thinks it is Very Normal to talk about events you see but haven’t experienced as if you did experience them—because to her there’s#no difference#however when she’s younger she’s also very bad at distinguishing between things she experienced and things she’s had visions of#which makes interpersonal relationships very difficult for her#so to her peers at first she’s creepy and weird because she acts like she was there when she wasn’#and then when she overcompensates she’s cold and aloof because she never acts like she knows anybody#…ah shit i projected neurodivergency on an oc again—
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scar and noah should have met and become friends
#eli talks#cos is so bad why do i let it torment me so.#and the answer is: i love noah and i love the idea of the elrics and her traveling together and leaving amestris behind#now imagine is scar made it to our world. imagine if he traveled with them. imagine if scar and noah met#two people rejected by their peers AND marginalized within the oppressive systems of their world#people deemed unlovable and who barely dare to be touched..... touching and loving. hello#also scar meeting human al. imagine!#fma 2003
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(OLD OC SKETCHES) Meet Sunnabelle Von Sunnoviche, final daughter of the Sunnoviche family. Peeking from behind a window, she witnessed a wizards final spell, one that reduced the world to a wasteland. Her noble blood damned her to [HELL], but unwanting to suffer with her family, she made a deal with the devil. She now hunts in his name. The top of her head was taken by the blast on that day. The fires of her spirit have boiled her blood into a super-heated plasma.
#luckys original content#GRAAHH MY OCS OCS IM SORRY MY OCS I NEVER FUCKIN DRAWW YYAALLL#i was cleanin stuff on my pc again n found a buncha stray doodles of her that i made like. 1 or 2 yrs ago. so i cooked em into smth edible#shes a gunslinger rogue i think! mechanically aasimar bc plasma blood#played her once for a very teeny tiny improved oneshot me n some buddies did forever ago#would love to play as her again... someday a cowboy themed game will find me.. n she will live again...#SUNNABELLE VON SUNNOVICHE! the last name was sposed to sound like 'son of a bitch' ehehehe#bc she is ONE HELL ofa son ofa bitch. shes mean shes short tempered she takes NO SHIT#and she loses her mmIIIIND when she meets a delightfully stupid pretty person#i didnt play her for long so her personality hasnt evolved that far. thats the fun thing abt playing characters! u meet them when u play em#SUNNABELLE FUNFACTS: she is the 6th child of 11 siblings. middlest a middle child can be. bc o this she was often overlooked or ignored#she grew up in a family of obnoxiously rich nobles. all the other siblings were trained and focused on to be the best a sunnoviche can be#meanwhile. sunnabelle often stuck to herself. drawing and creating little fantasy worlds. was always a fan of wild wests n cowboys n guns#she was the only one that saw the WIZARD coming. she was peering over a window when the blast went off. taking the top of her head#GUHH IM ACTULY SO PROUDA HER DESIGN SHE LOOKS SO COOL.. LIKE WHATS WITH THE PLASMA HOW DID I DRAW THAT SO WELL. IM SO PROUD.#I lov all the sun symbolism.. its so fun.. what a fun character ive made.. hell yeah.... anyway hope u guys like her too.#if u got questions ive got ANSWERS!!! my askbox is always open. im pretty sure.
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The lil 14 year old trans boy at my work said I was his favourite
#noop nooping#KIDS R SO FUNNY like u listen to them and then theyre like im gonna follow u around#IM UR MOM NOW. UR FATHER AND I ARE DIVORCED NEITHER OF US HAVE CUSTODY#HES SUCH A NICE KID#im giggling bc he and quinn had a connection when the kid first started but now in like 🤭 teehee my kid now#AND ITS EVEN FUNNIER bc quinn was like 'he reminds me so much of myself when i was his age. hes my son now'#BUT NOW IM THE PARENT. we're divorced. ITS FUNNY#i stole your kid and you stole my bestie. im influencing the queer youth of this conservative town im succeeding#when i first met him he came in on a day he didnt work and one of the reasons he was there was to meet me bc quinn told him about me 🥺#his parents are supportive so im rlly glad he has that#IM WORRIED ABOUT COMING OFF AS CREEPY TALKING ABOUT THIS but its just a nice feeling being a positive figure in some1's life#at my work its like microdosing helping ppl bc its retail. and the kid is there on saturdays. this is why i went to college jrmqmxjwkdgwh#i think the kind of social work i would enjoy most is peer support. if i ever want to re-enter the field#oh yea i think i saw my old supervisor today 😑 YUCKY
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The thing about Kris is their first impulse is to view things through the lens of competition.
They bump into Silver in Cherrygrove, Silver was rude, and they both have totodiles? Without even knowing that Silver stole it, it's time to prove whose is definitively the best, and it's not going to be Silver's.
They hear from word of mouth that former childhood friend Gold is starting his pokemon journey? They have to make sure they start their own journey right away so they can hit the gyms before him.
They get second in the bug catching contest despite catching a sick scyther? COOLTRAINER NICK is going down. Kris will never attend a bug catching contest on days when COOLTRAINER NICK isn't there, because they want their eventual victory to best the reigning champ of bug contests: if he's not there, first place would ring false.
They get to the pokeathlon and some kid named Lyra is also diving into it around the same time? There's no way they're not competing. Lyra ultimately comes out on top of this one because she has a strong and almost ruthless interest in breeding, min-maxing her pokemon, and is sort of an apricorn aficionado, so she sort of creates super-pokeathlon contestants, but while it's going on, it's really funny (hyper-competitive weirdgirl jock vs. seemingly chill weirdgirl who actually gets really intense with it).
They meet Eusine, and Eusine's after suicune? Well actually this one is sort of on Eusine. Kris is just sort of vibing while Eusine's the one viewing Kris as some sort of brilliant mastermind outmaneuvering them at every turn, but after they realize this old guy (gender neutral. not actually that old.) views them as a rival? Sure, they're going to rise up to the occasion.
#mandibuzzing#trainer kris#trainer silver#trainer eusine#COOLTRAINER NICK#(tagging him because it's funny. shoutout to that one bugcatching contest npc in gsc who almost automatically wins every contest he's in)#also i just think it's great that gsc had a trainer class called COOLTRAINER.#something something kris didn't really have friends in school so they tried to prove their worth by being better than their peers instead#the isolation of feeling ostracized & like there's something wrong with them but having no idea what. just that other ppl sense it.#it ramps down as the events of gsc occur because they're actually meeting people and bonding and helping others#and finding they have worth beyond just how they can measure against others#(sure their mom always told them that they did. but. that's their mom saying that)#so the burning need to prove themself as a real person with worth dies down a bit#but they still carry a strong competitive drive
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Sirkka..... save me Sirkka.......
The little blue dude in the last picture is @valverii s oc btw :3
#ely doodles#got mauled by a zombie and ended up as a weird almost zombie#thing#and the new injuries they get get zombiefied#AND they lose recent memories if that injury is non fat#the bigger the injury the bigger the time lost#they keep a journal to keep track of their days in case rhey forgey stff#and theyre trying rly hard to cure themselves cuz#OHOH RIGHT#if they're unconscious they just deadass become a zombie#full on#so they hate sleeping it freaks them out#they have a basement they look themselves in to avoid hurting people but it took them a while to realize what was happening#and since they avoid sleep sm sometimes they pass out in public ans THATS a huge ossus#also they hate the tastw of meet now cuz of all the times theyve woken up w the taste of metal on their tongue#but their body cant process plants anymore#so theyre in hell#in short this guy is 1.isolated from their peers cuz they refuse to live close to anyone in case they hurt them while they sleep#2. not sleeping cuz of the afformentioned zombie moment#3. not eating either cuz both options make rhem ill for different reasons#my man is in the trenches#ITS OKAY HELL BE FINE#EVENTUALLY
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Also @ my it takes Sharena to break free from the "Gustav was a good man/Father" Askr family unreliable narrator hivemind. That the Main Reason she can't/doesn't is because it's the One Thing that's protecting her. That's stopping her from having a catastrophic world/life fucking breakdown about it. Heavily influenced by her brother and mother's feelings about it.
There's something else, I think Sharena is specifically protecting herself from too. She was Triandra's sister, too.
#feh#IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO TRIANDRA. FOR ME. FOR SOME REASON.#ALSO. ALSO. when it comes to 'comparing' what 'is/isn't' abuse. something logically ik you can't/shouldn't do#but like. tri/peony's father's ye olde fairytale villain levels of abuse vs gustav's abuse. which is.#so so. like. like i feel like i could meet someone and they could tell me yeah my dad was [insert every gustav trait here]#like. that's not to say the level of abuse tri/peony endured is impossible or realistic. like. it's just a rarer more horrifying case#that reads like an evil stepparent story ala cinderella.#like sliding scale/ends of a spectrum we have gustav (bad dad you can find anywhere dime a dozen)#to triandra's dad (cinderella stepmom levels of abuse but not entirely out of the realm of reality unfortunately just a rare case)#to sombron (literally actual cartoon levels of evil. which also isn't to dismiss anything but like.#he had a bunch of kids and then forced them to kill each other. and then did whatever he did to veyle. who was Lucky#she was too young to participate in the sibling battle royale to the death brawl.)#idk idk. it's like#back when i used to exist i had friends/peers who would talk about their family situations and#it was like. a frame of reference. that's horrible and outright abusive and i'm so sorry you have to go through that.#meanwhile. my own situation. i always describe it as 'stupid and complicated'.#idk idk. i just think sharena's feelings about gustav are more Loadbearing. than anything else.#and she's also like. she loves her brother so much. looks up to him and is inclined to trust/agree w whatever he says#like sharena obvs still has her own feelings/thoughts. but like. alfonse is also just so important to her.#and then there's henriette. who sharena does actively strive to be like. ect ect#idk idk. this is something other than breadcrumbs intsys gives me moldy bread cuts off the mold and tells me#it's safe to eat and that the mold was never there actually. but i remember. i remember the mold.#sharena#fe triandra
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I am not a jealous person and honestly hate people that are. But I do think Huai En is right on this one
#meet you at the blossom#like he promised him the whole world just some days ago#he knows Huai En traumas#he act like he was the love of his life (and that is true)#but in one moment notice he just goes to a brothels#his servant thay is Xiao bao best friend confirms that he is there to pick someone else#and when Huai En gets there Xiao bao is drunk in bed with two women giving gold to them#while xiao bao could have leave when he got what he came for#he could have not drink at least#but he was Tempted by peer pressure and old habits#also xiao bao father had already plant the seed#and i would not be shocked because if that was his plan#i am pretty sire the prince informed him about Huai En#and he planned so the couple would break up
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was I getting a little sad at church today while kids were singing a song about dad specifically because Elrond has so many dad figures in his life and not a single one of them was great?
Yes. Next question.
#like so many but never quite what was needed#celeborn was pretty good but by the time they meet elrond's no longer looking for that really and they're more like peers#earendil always looking ward the horizon toward the sea and never came back for him#maedhros and maglor tormented murders trying to keeping their people alive and the world dies around them#ereinion gil-galad who could have filled that void but is always a king first and can't ever be otherwise#big sad vibes for elrond#elrond#the silmarillion#grimwing gripes
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I love taking care of people omggg 😍😍😍
#i love when i can go into nurse mode and get people what they need and run through the checklist of what helps#especially if i know the person because then i already have a handle on preferences or what they typically need#i have like. half a degree for a few things and i have a specific interest in physiology and psychology#i also used to really enjoy crisis management and peer support stuff but theres a lot of elements of that i cant do anymore#because the toll that shit takes is more than i can pay#specifically crisis related events#theres a lot I have to work through yet before i can manage those situations#anyway. my dream situation would be to work with someone to help them figure out what they need#like. assess the situation. find resources if needed. check on their ability to address basic daily tasks. make crisis plans.#start some basic dbt conversations and try to figure out what help they need and how to get it#i know some people dont want to go to a traditional psychiatrist or psychologist for whole host of extremely valid reasons#so being able to help them with self help or finding other alternatives. or just like. being a person they can regularly talk and vent to#because sometimes people don't have anyone. and just one person in their life can make a major impact#and like. its not exactly like therapy in that way. like i have the knowledge base to incorporate aspects of it in if wanted/needed#i think some people just need to be heard and that can help them move forward#and my goal isnt to like. transform you or whatever. there are people out there who need help but its hard to start#or it's difficult for them to access what they know they need#and i just want to meet people where theyre at and help them take enough small steps to being able to live how they want#like. harm reduction type shit. if you just need clean needles thats a step forward. and maybe its the only step they feel they need#to be happy. and now they can have a little bit of a safety.#like. a little more agency over how they want to live their life while improving quality of life#a step is a step man#anything that moves you toward the life you want counts#you deserve a win#the edible hit part way through so sorry if theres incomplete and tangential thoughts#also how can i do this shit for profesh??#i know similar jobs exist but theres a huge foundation of shit i just dont agree with built into them
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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One thing I'm learning as I get older is a lot of people from high school who sucked only sucked because we were in high school and now that were adults and facing a new set of nightmares but with greater autonomy and life experience we no longer have crab bucket instincts towards each other and may even be capable of a beautiful friendship
#i stayed friends with a decent amount of people out of high school and through mutuals in law of theirs and just straight randomly running#into old high school peers ive been forcing myself to meet these people the way id want to be met (as in please respect the horrors of high#school and understand that im not that person anymore) and its been more than amicable its been awkward but also kind of exciting#were real people now and i think its cool to reconnect#dont get me wrong when i say these people suck i dont mean politically or bigotry wise in fact they never really sucked and thats the whole#point#but rather we crab bucketed each other and i was often on the bottom of the crab bucket so there was a lot of resentment and animosity#but also grudging respect for these specific people for Making It Out of the Bucket#anyways ive been dming a lot more with one of them and another one asked me if i wanted to grab a drink with him sometime :-)#i dont drink but im tempted to suggest we do something else#idk its nice to give people from your past grace and have it extended back to you#again obviously not for the fascists and the bullies like theyre also capable of change and growth which i recognize but i dont want to b#around them#anyways this is absurdly long winded#but its my diary entry of the week
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“Modern au chopper is a baby” “modern au chopper is a dog” Doctor Tony Tony Chopper is a grade A character how dare you do this to him
#I did NOT read drum island and care so deeply about this funky little reindeer’s backstory just for you to disrespect him like this#Modern au chopper is one of those prodigy kids taking college level course at 15 and studying to be a doctor#but that's isolated him from his peers and he doesn’t really have friends til he meets the strawhats and I will FIGHT you on this#For me this falls into the same category as jokes abt mom robin and dad franky where like. Yeah I get it. But also:#You are taking a found family which inherently does not align with normative family roles and trying to fit them into normative family role#and that’s BORING#One piece
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Maybe it's just the day today but idk what it is about finding out that people my age (or at least in my generation) have kids...on the one hand it's like, Aw, cute - kids, but on the other hand it's like Oh god that will NEVER BE ME [being a parent] AND I'M FINE WITH THAT BUT ALSO ?????? and I don't know what the '??????' means, except it kind of depresses me.
#also tbh for some reason seeing wedding photos (especially straight ones) make me feel similarly...but like#I'm depressed for a second because that'll never happen to me but the next I'm RELIEVED like oh thank GOD that'll never happen to me.#and if I had to guess what the depression thing is about...I think it's a generational thing. almost like a peer pressure type of thing but#literally none of my peers are pressuring me to be like them. and not that older generations USUALLY pressure me about that but sometimes#they do and the assumption that I'm going to be a parent or get married is like...urgh; I have been fundamentally misunderstood.#but then (last) the relief swoops in because ultimately I decide what I do with my life. and I don't have to meet others' expectations#whether those expectations are genuine or realistic or 'in my best interests' (lie) or what have you.#tbh I just think it's better to act with the assumption that everyone (including oneself) knows what's in their best interests individually#I think it takes off the pressure to perform. which is ideal. we all deserve to be genuinely ourselves.#and idk THAT'S WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT anyway...
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