#medgarm

[rntomdjourney]

Overwhelmed

I’m on a constant high of doing more than I can handle. I just interviewed for my fifth job today, which would be 4 to 8 hours a week on top of the 12-15 hours of tutoring/TA-ing I’m already doing weekly. (And don’t get me started on the CPR classes I signed up to teach). Then on top of the research paper I’m working on for publication, I got involved in kickstarting my own research study, in which I have no idea where to start or what to do. My mentor told me to determine a topic by our next meeting, and technically, I was supposed to read over his own research papers he sent me for inspiration by yesterday, but with classes, work, and extracurriculars, I’m overwhelmed. Overall, in addition to academics and work, I’m juggling 8 other extracurriculars (treasurer, newsletter editor, etc.) and the 20-hour clinicals every week.

I shouldn’t complain because I’m doing this to myself. I’m choosing this lifestyle of constant stress and work in general, but I can’t stop. I feel like if I don’t take every opportunity before me, I’m a failure. I’m failing my family who have supported me throughout my whole life and journey. I’m failing God for placing in me in a life where I have so much opportunity that just needs to be capitalized upon. And I’m failing myself for not doing the most out of everything that I have.

Earlier today, actually for the past four hours, I lied down, played around a bit on my phone, and just sat there. I felt, no, feel, so overwhelmed to the point that I don’t even know where to start. By tomorrow, I have to have finished my paper (haven’t started it yet), my notes for three classes (one of which I’m behind two lectures in), and completing my readings for my research topic.

Here’s to a long night ahead, and I want to work on saying “no” to opportunities. When the coordinator sends out the acceptance or rejection letter for the job I interviewed earlier today, I’ll turn it down. I shouldn’t have applied for it in the first place knowing that I most likely wouldn’t be able to handle it, but I’ll have learned my lesson. I need to do well in what I’m already doing before I add on any more work, if at all. For now, learning the most I can during clinicals and maintaining good grades should be my priority. Then research. Then work. Then extracurriculars. Now is the time to do what matters for my future, not the present.