#meanwhile on my discord i change it every few years and i'm trying to think of something new for it

[lilyrighter]

man props for having the same icon for over a literal decade (hi!! this is sid)

SID HELLO I'VE BEEN WONDERING WHERE YOU WENT

Yeah I've been pretty attached to this pichu drawing someone on DA made for me as a teenager, it's just too iconic at this point for me to change lol

[fanficmemes]

Okay, I finally have a CAS fic! So a friend of mine on Discord was like 'oh you like FMA:B? You like weird biology? BOI do I have a fic for you!' And instead of a link she sends me a PDF of a FF.net fic she saved in like 2012. That was my first warning.

TW: medical torture of all kinds, insides on the outside lovingly described, mpreg but not really?

So in the prologue Hohenheim (dad of the protagonists Ed and Al) leaves home but instead of wandering around for 10 years Father (main antagonist, demigod who wants to be full-god) finds him immediately and straight up eats/absorbs him, then finds Ed and Al and nabs himself some kids, since now he has Hohenheim's emotions after absorbing him, so he now also cares about his sons. This is not a good thing.

First chapter is a timeskip, we see Mustang and his team (primary allies in canon) raiding Lab 5, all kinds of monsters running around, and he comes into a lab and finds two kids (Ed&Al) skeletal-starving, one missing an arm and one missing a leg. They look human but are clearly experiments, and Mustang scoops them up and beings them home like stray puppies. Of course, they are traumatized to hell and back, scream and bite whenever anybody approaches them, won't eat because the scientists poisoned their food, won't speak because they were beaten if they did, and they were vivisected more than once, healed up and then done again. There are some experiment notes bit not detailed. The details come later.

So Mustang's trying to keep them alive without scarring them even further, and meanwhile Father is like 'Envy, my kinda-DIY-child, remember those children of my dear friend I entrusted to you? How are they doing?'

And Envy, who gave the kids to the worst sadists he could think of because he was jealous of them, and is now convinced they are dead and burned to death: 'Um, funny you should mention that.'

So Father is furious and goes to kill Mustang, but instead finds Ed and Al on death's doorstep and not really interested in cooperating with those who want to keep them alive, so he kidnaps all three of them and takes them to his lair. Then he starts talking about how he's done all kinds of experiments taking people apart and changing them inside and out, and how the best life support system is another living being.

This is the part where it gets explicit.

So he cuts Mustang open and starts rearranging his insides in preparation to shove two 5yo in his abdomen. This goes on for 12 pages and, biologically, it holds water better than 99% of ABO fics. I do not know how to feel about this. So Ed and Al are hooked up on Mustang's respiratory/circulatory/digestive systems like coma patients on life support. A few swishes of healing alchemy later, Mustang's awake and housing two baby xenomorphs. First thing he demands is that he gets back to work.

He tries not to panic by rationalising that this just like a pregnancy (hence the mpreg warning) and women go through this all the time, he's a soldier and an alchemist, he survived worse, he's TOTALLY FINE. (You know how bad it is when mpreg is the less squicky option).

Of course, you can't just shove two 5yo kids in a man's abdomen and expect things to go smoothly (what is this, a fanfic?). One of them kicks and you got a ruptured liver. Father rushes in and makes adjustments. Perforated bowel, pleural effusion, all kinds of medical disasters that need fixing, and every time Father is elbow deep in Mustang's guts you get an in-depth, really fetishistic description of everything that's happening. I think the author was an actual doctor and I hope to never meet them on a surgical table.

And inbetween those 'adjustments' Father tells his shapeshifter son (Envy) to turn into Mustang, complete with kids in the belly, and fucks him stupid. Envy's biggest problem with that is that he has to wear Mustang's face for it.

The fic ends there, presumably because the author ran out of medical procedures.

(I hope I'm not late for CAS, this took forever to type up)

What the SHIT this would make the most fucked up low budget horror movie 8.5/10 the last few paragraphs took me out