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popculturebuffet · 10 months

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Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space Retrospective: Chariot of the Dogs (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people! We're near the end of our Sam and Max: Beyond Time and Space Retrospective. After this we only have one more chapter till ....we take a bit of a telltale break for a bit.

Well i'll tell you terry: Kev DID try a backup plan, giving me his old PS3. But despite trying EVERYTHING possible.. I couldn't get it or it's eventual replacement when it went to PS3 heaven to connect to my internet. I mean i'ts still damn neat to have but it dosen't really solve the problem and with my computer not having a completely 100% graphics card, the reason my brother gave it to me in the first place, I'm not sure it could take playing the Devil's Playhouse.

So for now my only option is to wait for the remaster, which at the time of this writing has nothing close to a release date after a year. This dosen't mean the project's canceled: there have been work in progress pics on Skunkapes Artist Formerly Known as Twitter account

It just means it's taking a while in the oven and i'm fine with waiting till it's ready. I'd rather have a third awesome remaster to fix things instead of a glitchy mess rushed out to meet some sort of quota.

The good news is that Kev's keeping the sam and max reviews a coming, having me review stories from the comic and cartoon in the devil's playhouse's place till said remaster happens. And given i've only scratched the surrface of both, we've got PLENTY of sam and max stockpiled till the devil's playhouse or the inevitible apocalypse. which ever is first!

So with that we have Chariot of the Dogs... which not only neatly dethrones Moai Better Blues as the most bonkers these games, and this franchise has gotten, but is also just a joy to play with a unique setup: your time traveling which means a lot of familiar locations to reuse them assets, but most redressed to fit another time period. As a result there's a lot to unpack and i'll try my best. It runs into the usual issues of there being a brick wall you can't pass, but it helps that by being fun and only hvaing one puzzle i'd call "a giant list of menus wearing a hat. " So come travel in time so time as we travel to the end of all sam and max to find out where Bosco is.

We get a really awesome playable cold open following up from the last one: Sam, Max and Flint break into Bosco's to find him after he disappeared off the face of the earth. The puzzles are mostly one way but their fun from scanning a moai to undo the lasers to bosco's home office to all the fun jokes you get as you look at things. There's also some nice easter eggs like the items he had at the end of season 1 that would've made season 1 way easier.

Inside his sanctum unsanitorium, we find what you'd expect: a plunger that gave Sam nightmares when used on a delivery man, toilet wine, toilet wine that's become vinegar, and a LOT of paper mache volcano's. A lot. A LOTTTT. Like a whole rack of ones that just weren't big enoguh. As it turns out big explosions summon THEM

So we need to summon THEM

Too. So we need the world's biggest baking soda volcano made the old fashioned way... with a bullet hole, a lot of toilet vinegar and a prayer. This works as THEM

Abduct you, kicking off the spaceship

ON TH...eir spaceship, we meet bosco, whose now a cow

Gladly but you may never get the image out of your brain

Turns out it isn't thanks to THose guys who run the ship, but Bosco himself. THEy have a time machine, and like most time traveler's , Bosco fucked up his own personal timeline, so now we need to unfuck it.

To unfuck that time cow, we have to use the time machine, and I love the design of this one. It's a wood paneled elevator, something really neat and unique. And how it operates is also a lot of fun: it hones in on specific people in time and space. Why we'll get to in a little bit , but while there's a printer for the cards, we can't really use it so instead we use Bosco's carbon dater he somehow got from sybil, and use it to create cards by scanning a person.

So our first is Bosco's own, which leads us to his oft talked about Mom right before he was born in the 1960's. And like her son she has a habit for being mildly disturbing, in this case outright asking Sam and Max to donate as the fathers to her unborn child. Bosco's mom is a feminist, the extreme kind that hates all men and thus wants to make a child the new fashiond way: SCIENCE. But since invetro is still a decade out she made her own setup. She just needs the dna of two parents, any kind.

We end up making a problem for this plan though as she falls in love.. with MAX.

So Bosco's back to the futuring. Luckily we got a time card from Mama Bosco that sends us to the kennedy era white house.... and to a young but identical looking agent superball.

He can't help us much for now, but he can give us a time card to our office, and scanning ourselves gives us time cards to 80s stinkys and our future office

So we get to meet the man, the myth, the legend himself Stinky. And we see why Sam and Max love him as he's a misanthrope who creates his dishes not to feed people but to cull the weak. Yeah I can see why Max loved him so much.

Their attempts to warn Stinky of his possible death at Girl Stinky's hands fall on deaf ear.. and the one that works tells them NOTHING CAN KILL STINKY PUNY MORTAL. Which honestly giving his cooking habits, general attitude and multiple attempted culinary murders for what's been decades, yeah i'm not convinced anything short of ten nuclear bombs in a row, an orbital laser strike, thirteen hulks, the entire nation of krakoa pre fall, and dropping the MOON ITSELF on him could kill stinky.. and even THEN it's not an easy bet.

At any rate while , like most locations we can't get everything we need NOW, but we can interact with our past selves. And it's here we get the jokes in this part that REALLY don't work for me, the only ones really.

See this chapter finally fully nails the black comedy as there's no one who gets hurt, physically or emotionally, you feel all that bad for for the most part. Bosco is back to the futured but it's both because Max is an accidental sex machine and because he mucked with time in the first place for no good reason, Mama Bosco is a raging misandrist who, while understandibly tired of men hitting on her, is also mad at a whole gender and later targets will make themselves clear.

The one exception is Past Sam and Past Max, who our heroes have to get intrested in girls. Yes really. This joke's problem isn't that it's rediculous enough, our heroes CHANGING THEIR OWN PERSONAL TIMELINE for petty self gain is pretty on the mark, it's just the joke is so lazy. GET IT NERDS DON'T GET WOMEN. GET IT. YA GET IT. YA GET IT. GETTTT IT. It's a lazy joke and like the sea monkey's thing is a relic of the times it was made. It also kinda misses the fact these games have enough gay subtext between the main two to fill a scrapbook. Or that the previous version of the franchise did this

What i'm saying is Sam and Max are married and even if I didn't ship the two of them, this joke just dosen't fit. Sam and Max tends to punch higher than this.

But like I said.. after a whole season of grousing.. and I admit sometimes it was a tad overblown as I forget THIS IS A COMEDY, it's nice to see them nail a darker tone.. while still being hilaroius. The jokes here are still pretty dark, but their back to the wackier tone of things like torturing whizzer in the oval office. Ah that was a good day.

Oh the memories. Anyways this subplot does have ONE thing going for it as the game Max is playing is Bluster Blaster. And that would be enough, seeing Bluster before our heroes give him a future ai set to grouchy.. which I was farwarned for by the guide i'd need to do. Which is good because it gave me the best runner of both games so far, a joke I just.. never got tired of. Anytime you alter the timeline the computer says "Timeline Altered, Jackass". It's funny every damn time, especially since 80% of your timeline alterations are screwing someone else over.

That's not the big takeaway.. no the big one is that Sam CREATED Bluster Blaster. And he didn't forget, to quoth the doggo himself "It just never seemed important." It's the best joke of the episode... just.. deciding that sam just never brought up he had an arcade cabinet son. And it's entirely in character for him to have just.. forgotten that.

Anyways onto our offices. The present one has Superball present in the present. He's guarding the trophy closet as suprisingly Max's disappearnce was actually looked into as the president instead of as seen as divine intervention before he destroys us all. We also find out Superball.. is still a shady guy as he gladly mindwipes us if we mention time travel.. despite being in the middle of something important. I'm hoping this pays off... I mean it does in this episode but i'm wondering what the hell.

Our final timeline, for now, is the future! Girl Stinky has become a paste magnet, the flying cars are finally here and sam.. is not doing so good. This is sad... and unlike previous dark bits, while they do JOKE about it, it's clear there's a hint of tragedy to what's going on. Sam.. has dimentia. THat's it. He has it, Max is taking care of him while wearing a geordi laforge visor. While it's clearly after a lifetime of adventure.. it's still pretty sad to see Sam like this.. evne if him wearing the cat's suit from red dwarf while his wheelchair is half a dalek, as of course max is the only thing in the universe that can kill a dalek easily, helps suck the pain out.. as does a brilliant gag where checking your trophy closet , since you can't check yours in the present, finds it just.. crammed full. Great

So now all the pieces are in order a LOT has to be done. Some of it later, some of it now. The shortest explination is you use Past Sam's screwdriver to steal a saucy letter from president kennedy. I love how Sam asking Max to distract stinky.. has max just tell him sam is stealing. And stinky.. still does nothing. We use that to suprise agent superball, get his dna and get president kennedy's. We use that to create bosco, Max is a sex monster now so mama bosco decides to make a kid, timeline restored... jackass.

Now we have a new issue though: THE...Y want to see us and we get the grand reveal that THEM

Are the mariachis. Yes the random ones that show up any time someone says birthday... are the kidnappers.

It's.. it's both. It's both hilaroius.. and a great payoff. Sadly I knew going in.. but I didn't know WHY they were doing this, or that they still had a UFO for it. As they explain in song, Pedro was an elderly mariachi from the future, the timeline we saw, and with the art nearly extinct he decided to assemble two younger versions of himself to form a marachi band to sing for people's birthdays whenever the word birthday is spoken. It's gloriously dumb and I love it.

We also find out how the moai an djurgen kidnappings and the mysterious triangle figure in: Turns out UFO's that have a time machine in them are expensive, so to pay for it the Pedros are working for a mysterious big bad to give them souls. They send them through the triangle after having the moais, who they built, crush the people then shrink their souls.. or in bosco's case just the soul part as he dies of fright.

So we need to Save Bosco and since talking to the three Moai only makes Bosco's soul go into the hole faster, we need to go with plan b: get the Marachi's to quit.

Thankfully Pedro, while you know, doing some murders, including Jurgen whose sadly not in this episode for wrong, is a nice and resonable guy: his backstory is sadly relatable, and he's genuinely only doing this because it's the only job he has and HATES doing it.. and agrees to quit if the guys can answer two questions for him: how does he dies and which came first, the chicken or the egg? Which given we've had an egg for some time we got from ourselves, I at least knew which thing woul dlikely solve it

We also have to get rid of the other two pedro's too. Luckily the one steering the ship wants to go solo and the other one is busy listening for birthdays, so ther'es easy ways to take care of them both. Well... easy for Sam and Max. In any other situation solving these four problems would be nigh imppossible. Thankfully this universe runs on nonsense.

So the first task is the easiest: get Perdo's death notice. Future Sam and Max have it on the board so jus go grab that, show Pedro and he agrees not to go near the printer anymore. This allows us to, and actually explains the ink ribbon from last episode: Max chucked it into the time stream.

So with that we can print our own time card.... a BLANK one. This takes us to THE START OF TIME ITSELF.

Where we find what you'd expect: a black void of nothingness, a small baby universe about to explode, mr. featherly.

Yeah the Marachis chucked him to the start of time after kidnapping him during the filming of Midtown Cowboys The Movie. I don't know and I don't care as my boy is here and we need to take him with us. Problem is Mr. F is now the SOURCE OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH. So while the elevator will let us gleefully destroy history all the live long day, destroying EXISTANCE is a hard no.

So we simply leave the egg there instead and take Mr. F back in our inventory as a new item. He's not pleased. I however am delighted and showing him off gets Pedro to quit

Next is the youngest pedro and while the HOW is a bit obtuse, it's great: we simply use the calender from WAY back in episode 4 of the last game to change the date to the 9th, superball's birthday. Getting this.. requires a lot of talking and is obtuse as heck. It's why strategy guides exist. But the payoff is great as it summons the marachi.. and we just.. leave him there. In the Kennedy Whitehouse. Forever. That sure happened.

So with that we just have one last task to get to the end of this chapter and it's one of the funnest. Turns out the Marachi's next target is the soda poppers

Yup. Thankfully their only in it for a minute..t his time as we go back to embarassing idol. We also don't hear Peepers sing so 10/10 chapter. We go back to get the recording contract from us, explaning what happened to that. Our past selves still need it though and upon hearing the words time machine steal it. I love this gag.. esepcailly since sam and max then have to relive the entreity of chapters 3-6 of save the world AND this game up to this point. I love it so much. I also love how when trying to question past sam and past max... past sam asks the questions instead.

To get our more annoying past selves to actually coperate we send them back to superball, who blanks their memories, allowing us to steal the contract in exchage for a screwdriver. We give it to pedro, he books it and now we can go savvvvveeee bosco's soullll.

Problem is not only does soul go down the hollleee.. but the self detruct activates. The marachis somehow appear in the time machine and use it to go do all the apperances we've seen this season, leaving us stuck. Thankfully using some goey cake from stinky's that we stole the copyright to, long subplot I genuinely forget that' snicely fucked up, we can stop the gears of time themselves, giving us time to put bosco on the platform before escaping into a hole. Sadly the Moai don't make it so I guess we stil lhaven't broken our streak of ruining one mostly innocent person's life a chapter, but it dosen't matter as anywhere's better than here.. and if not they'll see us in hell

Next Time: We wrap up beyond time and space as that's literal! Our heroes must face the most insideious, nightmarish, horrifying force they've ever encountered one last time to save Bosco's soul, and the world.. again. Thanks for reading

#sam and max #sam and max beyond time and space #nintendo switch #video games #sam x max #bosco #flint paper #mr featherly

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queerofcups · 5 years

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By the amount of fic I read and how bad my memory is I'm still not surprised that I remember exactly what happens in your fic a superstar, a year on and I'm still so intrigued as to what would've happened next it was so good and such an interesting take on kid fic ugh your mind blows me away with your creativity and conception of plot

oh wow, a superstar! barring something truly unexpected that’s gonna be a forever WIP, so here anon, is what happens next along with a shit ton of backstory

Backstory / Outline

Dan’s been an au pair since he was 20. He’s only had a few families (because he’s so good and they love him) who all swear by him. Families who can afford nannies are, by nature of the job, usually wealthy. Families that can afford an au pair, particularly one of his rate and reputation, are usually quite wealthy. He hasn’t broken into the big Old Money leagues quite yet, but he finds the nouveau riche to be a little more flexible as far as Dan’s style and general deportment.

Of course, working primarily with new money means he’s often working with celebrities. They’re British, so the celebrity culture isn’t nearly as rabid as it is in America.

But he does have a respectable stack of clippings from gossip mags that have identified him as someone’s mysterious new lover or piece on the side.

He doesn’t blink at Bryony’s assignment of one last job: Phil Lester.

Lester’s been making a comeback in the last couple of years, rebuilding his cultural cache after a few years outside of the spotlight. Bryony swears it's a short job, nothing like the last years-long job he just wrapped up.

Dan’s loathe to admit it, but part of the reason he’s hesitant to take on another job, other than wanting a career change, is that leaving families wears on him.

He’s not that breed of caretaker who can separate himself from his families. Some of these kids he’s watched grow from little lumps of cute into real humans with opinions and preferences and it can be hard to let go.

Which is why, when he meets Sophia, he knows he’s screwed because she’s a firecracker of a kid and he falls a little in love with her as soon as they meet.

Note: Sophie’s real first name is Manon

Dan’s bi and ends up helping Phil work through some of his own stuff about being pretty much gay, but having been in love with Margaux

He’s got depression and a touch of anxiety and explains those to Sophia at some point.

He knows he’s in when he realizes he’s been looking up tutorials for styling curly hair online.

Phil

Former youtuber that won a contest to be on a couple episodes of some failing TV show & became a dark horse who ends up getting picked up for a few other shows and eventually (shortly) makes the jump to film.

The industry falls all over themselves to talk about how -nice- he is, how -polite-

It's untreated anxiety that leaves him bordering on panic attacks at every red carpet debut but he never says that.

It gets worse after he’s caught coming out of a gay bar, mouth still attached to some boy

It's not exactly homophobia that drives him out. People are kind and don’t say anything to his face.

But suddenly they want to know things.

How long has he known?

What's his type?

They want him to be a role model and he just wants to live

It's an easy decision. It's so easy to walk away he almost feels guilty. He loves acting, so much it surprised him when he first started, but he knows he can’t stop doing it.

So he stops taking roles. He doesn’t sign any new contracts. He nods and smiles when people tell him he’s making a mistake and he pickets his last checks.

He doesn't go far, just moves to a smaller apartment in London, in a less ritzy area and waitings until people stop trying to follow him home.

It's not a meltdown, no matter what The Sun (?) says. The fame just starts to feel like a cold hand around his throat and he gets out before it starts to squeeze.

There are people who understand and they’re proud of him. That feels awkward too, but nothing like the gaze of the public.

He can eventually go back to school, for video editing, and he has a few things with guys that are short term.

Which is fine. He’s young enough that he’s allowed to be restless and a little freewheeling.

Margaux is...was...is a shock to his system.

She’s a second generation French-American who moved to London so she can be boring in peace.

(She’s French & Creole specifically. Sophia’s legal name is Manon Sophia Ange Siméon Lester. Obviously she only goes by Sophia Lester for the most part. Her maternal relatives aren’t pleased with that)

Margaux’s family was small when they met and only got smaller over the years they knew each other until it feels like it's just them and Sophia.

The thing is, Phil never called himself gay. The press did.

But he would now. Because he knows that there won’t be other women after Margaux. He knows it's unhealthy, but it's better than deciding there will never be anyone else at all.

They were friends. They’d never called themselves anything more than that--not before Sophia and not after.

Sophia is nearly seven with Margaux goes on the trip. They’d lived together on and off, so it's nothing strange for her to be with Phil rather than one of her two remaining maternal grandmothers.

Phil is Sophia’s father, legally, biologically, all the way. But he sometimes feels like the most out of place person in her life. He doesn't know how to express to Sophia how much he loved Margaux while still being a mostly-gay man.

Phil’s weirdness about bisexuality (his own and the very idea) is a sticking point between him and Dan

Sophia knows and doesn’t particularly get why the delineation matters. All she knows is her Dad sometimes acts unsure of his own Dadness.

Margaux dies because of a head injury. She’d gone on an extended vacation with friends and gone bike riding without a helmet and fell. The friends took her to a clinic and she’d gotten a bandage for the scrapes to her forehead, a scolding and a clean bill of health. She’d skyped with them that night and made jokes about ruining her moneymaker. In the morning, she was gone.

People in Phil’s life, his relatives and former friends, characterize Margaux as a funny little deviation that would have just faded into a fun story if not for Sophia. Phil doesn’t argue, because he doesn’t want to upset things)

Dan realizing that Phil loved her is a moment of breaking through Phil’s shiny veneer of untouchable politeness)

When Phil decided to start acting again, he’s not expecting things to progress as quickly as they do. He knows that people were impressed with him when he was younger. He’s shocked to hear words like “critically acclaimed” get thrown around. He was just a kid escaping into the lives of people who had bigger problems than him.

But he reaches out, because he misses it and he’s tired of being a not-widower, hanting everywhere he goes, and the roles come.

And the gaze comes with them. There are small things. A c-plot role, a secondary character. A lead role from a smaller studio. And then a big break comes across his desk. It's a middling role, but everyone that gets top billing comes with an Academy Award attached. And there are explosions in the script. The kind that mean a summer blockbuster. He takes it, and suddenly, he’s on the edges of spotlight again.

Phil knows what he looks like. Internet star turned film star who goes gay, disappears for a few years, then returns, unpartnered with a brown, French speaking, half-American (half black America) pre-teen in tow. He looks like a ton of clicks, maybe a record number of copies sold.

Soph is 11.

He takes the role and calls Bryony directly, because there’s no way he can do this alone.

Part One: Meeting

Dan’s finishing up his first month back home after leaving a family. He’s got scripts on his desk--good, meaty roles that have him thinking he might not take another family on, yet.

Bryony calls, which is interesting. She’s the head of the agency & they’re friendly but not on phone call terms.

She offers him the job. He initially refuses. She admits it's a personal favor kind of job, and temporary and she wants her best on it.

Dan agrees to a chemistry meeting.

They meet up, Sophia charms dan and he still says no.

She comes with a short term nanny because her dad’s running late.

Phil shows up & Dan’s jaw clenches because PHil’s the kind of rung-jumping acting success story that Dan’ resents.

So he’s sarcastic and a little cross because he hates that and the choir boy facade Phil puts on

Maybe he makes a euthanasia joke? Or something about an uncaring universe that goes over Sophia’s head.

Except Phil laughs and doesn't glanced nervously at Sophia the way parents do sometimes when dan gets a little dark.

Phil finally sends Sophia off to buy a cupcake so he can be alone and upfront with Dan.

He explains that it won’t be a long term job, just the 9 months he needs to be in America to shoot and then Dan is free.

“This is just the first time we’ve done this,” Phil says, watching Sophia through the window. “And I want to give Soph the best. She deserves the best. Better than that.”

And Dan’s a goner. He’s still a businessman, so he asks for time to consider and sends his terms of employment to the agency’s lawyer. But he knows he’s going to do it. He makes a mental note to look up a list of tutors if they don’t already have one hired.

Part 2: Getting to Know Each Other

Dan makes the assumption that Sophia is adopted & Phil awkwardly corrects him--this is the beginning of their conflict over the word bisexual.

Phil’s never had an au pair, so he’s uncomfortable with how *there* Dan suddenly is. He doesn’t move into their London flat because there’s not room for him but they start preparing for the move & he’s got experience in ordering houses for that, more than Phil does.

They don’t have any other staff. Sophia will get a tutor in America, but she’s finishing her year in school & Phil lives well within his means, small flat, they cook for themselves and the cleaning lady visits once a week. Dan’s the only one there all the time & despite all his years of experience, he feels invasive. But he also gets to see how close Phil and Sophia are, including watching them do “homework” together, Sophia doing equations & Phil running lines.

They go to America. Phil’s one movie has turned into parts in three movies. In one he’s playing a semi-serious playboy villain who was once the husband of the (superhero) lead. In another, he’s a professor/mentor in a teen dramedy. In the last one, the blockbuster/oscar bait, he’s playing a man whose life is ruined by the rise of the regime the main cast is fighting. Dan thinks the last one is the only one that sounds interesting. But he’s impressed with Phil’s handling of learning all the scripts. They’re surprisingly disparate characters. The playboy is, at his core, a sleaze that covers himself in a fine patina of British politeness. The professor is clearly meant to be someone whose awkwardness translates into the kind of cool kids would find appealing & Phil manages to strike the balance gamely. And the last one is...it's Oscar bait and even though Phil’s part isn’t big enough to get him supporting actor billing Dan can see him prepare to give a career-changing, maybe even life changing performance.

The first two he practices in front of them. Dan gets sick of the lines, finds himself muttering them along with Phil as he makes Sophie’s snacks.

The other one, only Dan sees.

He doesn’t at first. For a while Phil locks himself away in his room and Dan can only hear the muffled yelling of a one sided argument.

But one night he’s sitting, looking out over the city, thinking about going to bed when Phil comes out and asks him, sheepishly, if he’ll listen and tell Phil if he sounds wooden.

Dan agrees and they sit at the kitchen table. Phil takes a long, steady breath and suddenly there are tears. He holds his head just slightly higher, proudly, and there’s suddenly a stoney archness Dan’s never seen on him before.

“And so that’s it,” Phil says, his voice cold, closed off and defeated. “Eleven years and you hand me over to your precious leader.”“Josiah,” Dan says, looking at the script. “You have to understand. I had no choice--”“Coward,” Phil says. It's a simple word but still feels like it pierces Dan’s core.“My darling,” Dan says. “Please.”Phil stands. Dan watches him. “Remember that.” He stalks around the table, his eyes still shining with tears. “When I am on my knees, begging for life, when they’ve made you my executioner.”He steps closer, standing a hair too close to Dan, and says, anguished, “Remember that I was once your darling. Your beloved. Your love.”Dan is rapt, waiting for the next line, but Phil clears his throat and takes a step back. “And then they kiss and Josiah leaves,” Phil says, suddenly back in his own body and self. “What d’you think?”“Wow,” Dan says, hoping his face isn’t betraying his surprise that Phil can actually, really act. “Um. It’s good. Your movements could be a little smoother. They were together, right? So Josiah should be used to getting in--what’s her name?”“His,” Phil says, settling back into his kitchen chair. “Theodore. Theo.”“Woah,” Dan says before he thinks better of it. “You’re playing gay?”Phil quirks an eyebrow, “It's not really...playing?”Dan waves a hand, “Obviously. But that’s a big choice, role-wise. You aren’t afraid they’ll just see you as the gay one?”Phil stares at him, brows furrowed until Dan mouths, “What?”“You do know...about me, right? How my career got started? And why I stopped? I’m already the gay one.”“But you have a choice. I’m not saying you should change your mind. The film industries closet shit is bullshit. But you have a choice.”“Dan. I know. And the choice is what I get to be private about. An actor--a celebrity who isn’t trying to walk back their youthful indiscretion is way more interesting than a mostly gay man with a kid and a dead...Margaux.”Dan feels...so many things. “You can’t hide Sophie. She’s your kid.”“I’m not hiding her,” Phil says, and Dan knows immediately that this isn’t the first time Phil’s heard this exact argument. “I’m protecting her.”

Dan keeps agreeing to run lines with Phil. He never asks for the script, so he learns Josiah through Phil, the early scenes where he’s playful, teasingly sensual, his deteriorating life and mental state and the way he dies.

They don't run those lines when Sophie is home. It's understandable. It's unsettling for Dan, an adult who understands the depths you can get to while acting, to watch Phil muss himself up and drop unceremoniously to his knees, hands clasped behind himself. It's a short scene & Dan knows the public will be outraged with the scene. But every time he reads his own lines, a choked, delicate line of “I have to.”Phil nails it with workman’s precision everytime, He looks slightly past Dan, huffs a soft broken laugh and says, so quiet and tender, so full of betrayal. “You’ll never forget this day, Theo.” Dan doesn’t know what happens in the rest of the movie, but he’d pay the price of admission to watch Phil say that sentence.He’s been convinced, won over, sold & transported.

The fic doesn't end after they hook up for the first time, follows them through figuring out that this can’t be a one time thing and they both want this to last. Phil encouraging Dan to take on acting and not just because they can’t be together publicly while Dan is Sophie’s au pair.

Ending of the fic is Sophie and Dan hanging out at the Oscars (or BAFTAs?) waiting for Phil to come out of the bathroom. It's a few years later (enough years that Dan should probably be freaked out about how many of the actresses he and Soph agree are super hot) and Phil’s up for an Oscar for best supporting actor.

*At some point they get drunk together (after some terrible award show?) and talk about their first and best times with men and Dan accidentally dirty talks to Phil because he’s drunk and reminiscing about some truly outstanding cock he’s had in his day.

#phanfic #phanfiction #Anonymous

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