#me spiraling. which is funny because like... i'm not blaming my mom but the fact that i rely on them so much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

selfinflictedgunshotwound · 2 months

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oh boy... i'm never gonna be able to trust anybody because if i start wanting things from someone and putting faith in them i will literally kill myself if they leave... the only thing i can do is try to make myself as independent as possible and never rely on anything so i never feel like i will crumble into dust if someone i love and rely on disappears from my life

#got intense anxiety earlier because i have no human adult life skills so thinking about leaving my parent's place or them dying legit sends #me spiraling. which is funny because like... i'm not blaming my mom but the fact that i rely on them so much #and they really haven't taught me a single thing about how to be an actual functioning human being...#lmao it's just funny.#like i still need to learn how to drive and uhh lots of other things that would be pathetic for me to mention #but i'm just so scared at the thought bc i don't know how to do anything rn and any change in my life feels like a finger getting severed #but like. emotionally. eh whatever #point being idk if i can ever genuinely feel secure with anyone who i'm not tied to completely and utterly #if someone has the possibility of leaving me i feel like they will take it at any opportunity because i'm. too much #so if someone doesn't want me and they leave me and i put any amount of hope onto them. god #i know this all sounds majorly stupid because it is and i'm sure that's just life for most people but #excruciating emotional pain is not fun so i'd rather just not

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