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measuringlife · 6 years ago

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Measuring Monday: Daddy

Tumblr has been my quiet safe space for 8 years. This has been a place to grieve and be vulnerable. Much of what I compiled below for this week’s Measuring Monday was already written and shared here over the years. Only now am I beginning to share my writing more publicly and I am thankful for the space and community here when I was less brave.

The world lost a great man 11 years ago yesterday. My world especially got a lot dimmer and for sure a lot less funny.

My Dad was awesome. He was born in Brooklyn and raised on Long Island in the same town I grew up in. He was the first in his family to attend and graduate college (with an Art degree) and after being a hippie in Southern California for a few wanderlust months he went back for a Masters in Education.

My Dad was an art teacher in a low income, minority school district and he LOVED IT. He spent his ENTIRE 33-year career in the district. After teaching for 20ish years he went on to administration. He was a middle school assistant principal for a number of years and then a high school assistant principal for a number of years. They wanted him to be principal, but he didn’t want to deal with politics.

When I was in first grade my Dad started a Saturday enrichment program for K-12 students, he ran the program for 12 years. Some of my favorite childhood memories were from that program. My Dad also piloted a night school program within the school district so people could get their HS diplomas. My Dad was a pretty big deal in the K-12 Education world. Even after he retired he couldn’t stay away. The last year of his life he was teaching in an education certificate program at a Dallas Community College. My Dad was great at what he did.

We shared a love of many, many things, especially musicals. RENT was one of our favorites and after he died “Seasons of Love” took on a new meaning. I’m measuring those years within my “dash” (it’s a great poem if you are not familiar, look it up) in daylights - in sunsets - in midnights - in cups of coffee - in inches - in miles - in laughter - in strife and more. Back in January 2010, a friend of mine challenged me to measure my year in cups of coffee, which lead to measuring my miles, my body, my health and the rest is history. I get a lot of joy and satisfaction in measuring my life. It makes life seem a little more permanent and a little less fleeting at times.

The last 3-4 years of his life I pretty much talked to my Dad every day, even multiple times a day. Since he was retired he was available to talk whenever. I generally would call him when I was walking to and from class in grad school. Even if it was just a few minutes we’d have a great chat. I can honestly say we were best friends. There are still times when I wish I had my Dad to call.

Our last day was a fabulous Daddy-Daughter day - we were dorks and really called them that. Little did I know that a week later he would be taken from me. I was living in North Texas at the time, 5 months into my first job out of grad school and I was going through a rocky patch. My Dad lived 2.5 hours away in Dallas and wanted to come up for the day to cheer me up. Plus my he was having gastric bypass surgery that Thursday and I really wanted to see him before then.

Part of the reason I moved to Texas was to be closer to my Dad. My parents got divorced after my freshman year of high school and he stayed local, but once I went to college we never lived in the same state. I was in Connecticut and he was in New York or Florida or Texas. I saw my Dad so much in those 5 months we both lived in Texas it was wonderful, some of our best times. I had a lot of ups and downs with my Dad, but our last few months were so much fun.

That last time we hung out I drove up to Oklahoma so we could go to the casino and play some slot machines. Well on the 20-mile drive to Oklahoma I get pulled over on a Sunday afternoon for doing 77 in a 70. I honestly wasn’t aware of my speed because it was an open road and because my Dad and I were singing along to the Aida soundtrack on the top of our lungs. I was so upset about the ticket, but my Dad comforted me and made me feel better, he always did. After the casino, we came back to my apartment, rearranged furniture, and just hung out.

I didn’t want him to leave. I had a sinking feeling about everything. That was the day he told me he was getting gastric bypass over a lap band. I wasn’t a fan of his decision to have either surgery, particularly not gastric bypass. He was 6'2 and 300-325 pounds MAYBE. He has lost 100 pounds through diet and exercise when I was in high school and he kept it off for 8 years before quickly gaining it back after he retired. I was disappointed that he was resorting to surgery. He had been talking about lap band for 6 months and talked to many doctors, went to consults etc. Then within a week of his surgery, his doctor talks him into gastric bypass.

His surgery was Thursday, a week before Thanksgiving. 3 days later that Sunday morning, November 18, 2017, my phone rings at 6:30am. I knew before I answered the phone that he was dead. He was still in the hospital and he essentially bled out internally. A blood transfusion and proper care could have saved his life. I was 2.5 hours away in North Texas not having been fully informed or able to fully comprehend post-op complications and too naive to realize I needed to come down. No twentysomething really thinks their Dad is going to die. I had just spent the prior Sunday with him and was scheduled to come down to Dallas Tuesday for the night before flying to NY for Thanksgiving.

I was devastated, I still am. My whole entire world forever changed. Everything about that day and the weeks and months that followed, including a failed wrongful death lawsuit due to the Texas good old boys club, was a nightmare. I sometimes wish I could “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” much of it.

He was 58, I was 24, and my sister was not quite 22. None of us were ready for him to be gone forever. My sister and I had already lost him once in 1998 when my parents separated and he moved out. To quote a friend who wrote about her Dad on his one year anniversary “I feel both lucky to have had my dad for so many years and angry that he was taken from me when I and he were too young. If I know anything better today than I did last year, it is exactly how complicated and messy life and death and grief are.”

My story is a complicated one on many levels. It’s a lot to bear, especially around the Holidays. Family drama and a Mother that I have a terrible relationship with makes things extra hard. There is no winning with her ever, my Dad was one of the few who really understood. I miss having him on my team. The sad reality is the 11 years that he’s been gone have also led to the 11 worst years in my relationship with my mom. A relationship that was rocky to begin with due to her alcoholism and emotional abuse.

The complications of life and death and grief were something I wasn’t expecting and it really causes tremendous pain. However, out of tragedy, I was finally able to find the motivation to get healthy and fit. I did the work, no shortcuts, no fad diets, and most importantly no surgery.

To quote a message from another friend years ago, about losing her mom, "Sometimes it takes the death of a loved one to wake us up. I consider that a lasting gift from my parent.” I found such comfort and hope in those words. My Daddy didn’t need that surgery and didn’t need to die. Sadly he did, but I refuse to let my weight control my life. I also couldn’t have his death be in vain. So in 2010, I started running, I took charge of my health. I also started fundraising for Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure (ABC2) since most people who have lost loved ones find solace in charity work and there wasn’t a community for my loss out there. So I adopted David Cook’s charity of choice since watching American Idol during those dark months that followed helped me get through each week.

And here I am 11 years later and in the best shape of my life thus far. I thank my Dad for that lasting gift no matter how painful it’s been. I only wish he was here to see me now and the wonderful all-around person I am today.

I’ll leave you with this. One quote I remember my Dad telling to me in a time of struggle in my life was, “Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” That quote has meant so much to me over the years. YOU only have one life and YOU need to make the most of out of, right now.

Love you Daddy.

RDJ 4/25/49-11/18/07

#MLvulnerability #MLabout

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yourcertainstudentlight-blog · 6 years ago

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insurance for 15 year old driver

"insurance for 15 year old driver

insurance for 15 year old driver

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""What is your opinion of this article: how some people who can't afford insurance, can afford things like?""

Excerpts: The following items were commonly seen on patients or carried by their dependent children, who were also covered by subsidized programs: * Cell phones and ...show more""

""Were and how I can get car insurance in Europe for my american car, and how much is that( annually)?""

I would like to drive my car all over the Europe, but were I can obtail insurance ( green card ) for EU""

""Car Insurance, will it go up IF?""

Right.. well im gonna be able to drive the end of this year.. and i want to get a Vauxhall Astra Estate and make a few changes.. for Example: GSI front bumper Exhuast GSI alloy wheels possibly a new spray of paint leather seats new head lights Will the insurance go up if i do these things? i know its going to be high anyway because im a new driver.. but i wanna know if it will go up anymore and roughly by how much, and if anyone could just give me a general list of things i have to tell the insurance company if i change anything on the vehicle. Thanks!""

How much does roofers insurance cost? I'm a one-man show for residential work looking for the cheapest policy?

Could a car insurance agent please answer my question?

I live in CA. I have Mercury insurance. I had 3 old cars on my policy which was too expensive so I sold 2 of them. I was paying $273 monthly automatically deducted from my bank on the 21st of every month. I sold the first car Jan. 29th. On Jan. 30th I took release of liability to AAA DMV and then to my insurance agent asking for the car to be removed from the policy. On February 10th I sold the second car. I took the release form to AAA DMV then straight to the agent asking for release. When I look at my policy deducting the 2 cars my insurance should be about $180 per month. They tell me it will be about $210 per month. Today rolls around, I check my bank account and they have deducted $273 from my checking. I call the 800 number for Mercury. They tell me it needed to be in by February 5th in order to make the billing deadline. Then they said they will NOT refund the money they removed from my account or prorate because under writing takes time. Is this legal??????""

Auto insurance..??

I'm trying to get just PL&PD, and the insurance websites are really hard for me to understand at the moment... I'm 19, just got my license, no experience on the road good or bad, good grades, and my car is a '96 Ford Taurus... about how much will my insurance be?? just a guess is what I want, and also if you have what company you got your estimate from, that would be really nice. Thanks :)""

Who can suggest an affordable Health Insurance Company in California???

Need to find afforadble health care and fast...

How to terminate my insurance policy?

i've 2 policy insurance, life policy & investing policy. now i have finance problem, i really cannot afford the premium. so i want to terminate either one of these 2 policy. if i terminated it, can i get all back my premium that i've paid during this few years?""

Insurance and juniors lisence?

My son just got his Jr's license will my insurance go up? Or does he need a Senior license for that

Does the colour of a car affect the price of Car Insurance ?

Thanks for all answers in advance :-)

Can you buy multiple life insurance policies?

If one had a whole life insurance policy valued at $1M, and through a life settlement company sold it for $455K; could you essentially use those same funds to purchase another life insurance such as a universal life insurance policy for $1M?""

How quick is an auto insurance company to drop you?

I have had 3 claims in 4 years, however, only 1 claim with my current insurance company. None of the three claims were huge...one wasn't even my fault, I was the victim of a hit and run. Anyway...How does getting dropped work? How frequently do you have to wreck, how many wrecks give you a high wreck average ?? As a side note...i've never received traffic ticket, so I'm clean in that area...""

How much auto insurance should I carry?

Is it true that depending on your net worth, you should get more or less auto insurance? I'm a college student so I only work part-time and only have a modest amount saved up. The value of my car is about $4000. Right now I have 50000/100000 for injury, 50000 property damage, and 50000/100000 for uninsured or under-insured motorists. I have no comprehensive or collision coverage. I can not afford those. But liability wise, am I good or would it be OK to buy less or should I buy more auto insurance? I am not on my mother's insurance policy because with her being in another state, and the car being garaged with me, it's not worth it and I'm not sure if it's possible""

""On average, how much does SR22 insurance cost in Colorado?""

My boyfriend got a DWAI about 3 years ago, he has (finally) decided that he wants to get his licence back, but we aren't sure how much the sr22 insurance usually costs...This was his only driving offense if that matters. Can anyone tell me an average price?""

How does it cost for insurance on a sports car?

Is this car insurance quote cheap?

i am 23 no NCB held full uk licence for 2 year 8 months and i am a hire car driver so have alot of driver experience ie drive average of 10 vehicles a day from small cars to luxury 4x4s and vans got a quote for a v-reg (1999) Peugeot 206 1.9 L Diesel 5 door for 1330.76 third party fire and theft is this a good quote or will i be able to get it down. i really want to buy this car so don't want to hear things like try a smaller engine etc thanks

Omg what do i do my dad wont put me on his car insurance and im under 19 so it costs more?

k so i am 18 years old i dont drink,smoke or do anything bad i am about to get a job that requires to me to drivee in order to be there on time. i have my permit, but my dad WILL NOT LET ME DRIVE. he thinks im crazy, and psychotic and i don't know what to do. i saved up enough money to buy a cheap 1000 car, but i need somebody to take me to get it. also he wont let me practice driving and i have a test for my license in february. im never gonna get it im gonna be a failure all b/c of him!!!! please tell me what i can do. oh also u have to be 21, in order to get ur license w/o parent/guardian consent. and i have no friends to drive me cause i just changed schools. i have no ride anywhere and im getting pissed cause that moron is gonna make me live on the streets if i buy a car. but then again id rather buy a car and live in it then live with him my moms even worse shes getting rid of her old car cause her dad is givinhg her a lexus for free and shed rather get7000 grand for it then give it to me and its my bday this week lol and her cars worth 3000 but shes lying to me o well lol""

""How much would it cost to add me as another driver to my mom's insurance policy (for the same car, not my own)?""

She has Liberty Mutual in Massachusetts and her premium is around 500. I just got my license two weeks ago and don't have a car, but want to be added to the policy so if I want to borrow it I'm insured. So around how much would it be just to add my name as another driver do you think? And if I were to get my own car, around how much extra would it cost to be added to the same policy?""

Question about car title and insurance?

I am planning to buy a used car from someone. If I put my name under the title as buyer. Will I still be able to buy insurance under my dads name. I dunno how to explain this clearly but here is the deal. Since my dad been driving for many year insurance under his name will be cheaper. Thanks If I buy a car (and on the title I put myself as the buyer) Can I still have the car insurance using my dad's name?

New Driver Car Insurance?

Hi all, How does a new driver go about getting insured for the purchase of a new car? Having never been insured before, how would I go about legally driving away a car newly purchased? So the scenario is that I have sourced the market and located a car. It is a private sale or from a garage. I have never driven before and therefore never been insured on an vehicle. How do I go about ensuring that when I purchase the car I am legally insured/taxed? When looking online, they need all the details about the car before I can arrange insurance, but I cannot guarantee the details of the car until I have seen it in person, when I expect to make the purchase. Any advice/links would be great. Thanks""

Cheapest insurance company for young drivers?

Just wondering what the cheapest place for a young driver to get insurered is from people's experience, thank you""

Anybody have any reviews for GO AUTO INSURANCE? THANKS?

I am looking at purchasing full coverage on a new car and was wondering if anybody had any experiences with GO AUTO INSURANCE. This is a Louisiana Based Auto Insurance group and they currently have the lowest rates for the vehicle I want to insure. Thanks in advance!!

Is pregnancy considered a pre-existing condition in florida?

IM PREGNANT!!!! I am 7 weeks along and just found out! The problem is I start a new job next week and will not be eligible for insurance until after 90 days.. By then I will be over four months along and I'm not quite sure if they will accept me or if they will say that it is a pre-existing condition? So, my dilemma is either: pay out of pocket until my 90 days are up and hope they accept me OR apply for medicaid and use the health department? If it changes anything the insurance I would be applying for is Florida Hospital private owned insurance.""

insurance for 15 year old driver

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/insurance-quote-comparison-site-howard-norman/"

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