#maybe they're afraid that I'll brush them off or reverse uno the conversation

[rabbitindisguise]

Christ, being a man really is very lonely

I just realized that no one like . . . explicitly checked in on me? besides a trans friend post-election (also a man). I got 1 reminder to take care of myself (also from another man). That's it. I talked to over five people that day, and had at least three public conversations with over ten people- many also trans who Got what this meant. There wasn't a lack of opportunity to say something, literally anything. And yet. I checked in with at least three times as many people as the number of people who checked in with me. (I don't wanna know the exact ratio, I have a feeling it's really bad.)

That like, sucks y'know? To see that people have your emotions as a non-priority. I'll live and live well, but I didn't even realize when it was happening while I was reaching out to a bunch of different people and not getting much of anything directed towards me until I talked with my therapist yesterday. A whole week without getting to talk about how I was feeling. Y'know, a trans man. I can only imagine what it would be like for a trans man not in therapy or who didn't have any close friends that were men. Or a trans man who wasn't a feminist for a decade and knew why this was happening (not a personal flaw or being a loser). Or a trans man who didn't know how to ask for things and felt comfortable accepting them as genuine even if it wasn't offered initially. Nevermind all the other marginalized men- disabled men and men of color are two groups that come to mind.

So like *shakes you guys gently by the shoulders* check in with your friends. Check in with them before it's too late to check in with them. And ask for people to check in with you.

I can't make anyone do anything . . . but I also can be the change I want to see. And I want to see change where the wonderful and awesome guys around me feel valued, who know there's people out there that want them alive and not suffering. If I've made a mistake in not messaging a fellow American mutual/follower I apologize- I genuinely had no idea it would be like this. I didn't think saying something would mean something. If I did I would have started cold messaging random regulars in my notes within hours.

So the belated open message to all the men (or men with left gender etc) who should have heard this earlier: how are you holding up? Are you taking care of yourself??? These aren't platitudes, I genuinely want to know even if the answer is "I'm not"

And if you're not a man, please please when you're comfortable not focusing on the current agonies of your own situation (which are serious! They're super serious!) check in with them as well. It will mean a lot. Remember the post about the man whose son passed away. Remember all the suicide prevention campaigns you've ever seen. It's important. And urgent, for plenty of people.