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#maybe they'll even nod solemnly and say ok we accept you
girlpetrarca
·
1 day
Text
gang I'm not sure I have the courage to come out to my boxing coach
#I need to do some sort of physical activity and that always felt good
#but it has always been deadname and women's locker room
#then big hiatus from my part
#and now I'm back again. again with the deadname and women's locker room
#but it feels so wrong
#and today I felt like shit because there was people in the locker room
#but what is the solution?
#to come out ?
#they'll laugh.
#I don't pass
#I never pass
#I think people at university don't misgender me only because they're kind
#but I don't pass
#maybe they'll even nod solemnly and say ok we accept you
#but we all know they'll never not see the hips the chest the face the high pitched voice
#and I have been stuck here since forever
#everyone I know. EVERYONE
#is now either on t or can pass
#even people who've idk started after I was already going to the therapist because of it
#and yes everyone has their own oath and yadda yadda yadda
#but why I'm stuck?
#I don't understand why I can't go on.
#I feel like shit
#and mother is ok with it but I know she still hatesthis whole thing
#I gave her time I swear
#but I miss her
#and I tried telling her this and she. she doesn't want to hear it
#because in her mind “if you really want it you do it”
#like I could pass by sheer willpower
#personal
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