#maybe the truth itself is not the most important thing and in ange's case it's something that would hurt her

[kushanna]

why does ange not being trapped in the past and having the will to build a future for herself have to include her taking responsibility for things that were never her fault to begin with. honey, you didn't "abandon" your warm memories. you were six. i barely have memories from when i was six. and for the love of god. ange never needed to call eva her mother (!), that was never a necessity, she didn't need to display a single ounce of affection towards eva when she was a child in order to not have been abused. whether it would have made their relationship easier or whatever, that's almost irrelevant since it's simply not a responsibility that you get to put on her anyway, you don't get to even imply that she's somehow responsible for the abuse she suffered, and it's bizarre that i'm having to say this obvious thing AAAAHHHH i feel like i'm losing my whole mind lmao it's completely possible to look at their life post-1986 and have empathy for eva as well (which is what i had been doing since episode 4?), though that doesn't include all the whitewashing and glossing over and needless over sentimentality episode 8 is doing. i do have so much affection for eva and it's hilarious that i'm having to come here and call nonsense for what it is cause the story is failing at the bare minimum this late into the game

[wexhappyxfew]

It might shock you my friend but I am for once not here for Ryzshard content 😮 I’d like to here more about Natia if that’s okay! You said she’s cold (if I’m remembering correctly?) so maybe you could elaborate on how she feels emotion? ♥️♥️🌻🌻

AHAHA ITS ALL GOOD! i just made a whole other post on him for jamie actually LOL :) BUT YES MAAM I’D LOVE TO TALK ABOUT NATIA! she truly is unlike any oc i’ve written before and i’m very excited for people to see a character like hers. 

So, this is Natia Filipski or Agent Fidel (yes omg in my last post that should’ve been fidel not fedel BUT LOL) and she is a member of the SOE, the Cichociemni ( a Polish Paratrooper regiment), as well as a member of the Polish Resistance since September 15th, 1939. And emotion is something that will be very important to her character, specifically the numbing of herself to feeling any emotion!

All the 3 Filipski Siblings, all have one thing in common - they are all so ungodly reckless, and welcome Death with open arms on most days, but the thing that makes Natia HIGHLY different from her siblings is the fact that she grew highly numb to the war going on around her. A course of events eventually lead up to it, but from then on, she pushed herself into numbness because she grew tired of simply feeling so much pain, so much grief, anger, sadness. She figured growing numb to feeling and emotion was better than feeling anything at all. And for her case, in the war it helps her, because she gets the job down, without feeling an ounce of sympathy for what she has to do - highly different from my other OCs, I’ve created. 

Now remember, when we enter Natia’s story, she has been in this war for 5 YEARS of her life, fighting and fighting each day, not knowing if she’ll live tomorrow. And eventually after a while, that gets very old, and numbing herself was easiest for her, to deal with it all. 

And that’s something I wanted to focus on. All my other OC’s, we see their first day of war, their first battle, their first day of fighting, like Hazel or Charlotte. For Natia, her story we enter strictly in the middle of it all and I do that for a reason. Because the Polish were involved in the war since Day One and I truly, really try to show that about Natia, that by numbing herself, she is forcing herself to not feel an ounce of emotions and to strictly feel nothing - it’s what is best for her. Of course, if you stay numb for too long you wither off, but the word numb is a key word for Natia specifically because it feels like the only thing she has going for herself. She thinks if she continues to stay numb she can get out of the war unscathed, but that’s not the brutal truth of the situation. 

Like I’ve said about Ryzshard and Klimeck, they are a reckless group, and being this reckless causes many near death experiences. And these near death experiences were what kept pushing Natia further and further down that landslide ( where the title of the story comes from, plus it’s my favorite fleetwood mac song!!). Natia compares her life many times to a landslide because she feels like she can’t escape it and reach the top again, she doesn’t feel like there’s any hope at all.

Can I just say that in Polish her name legitimately means HOPE? Her name is the enigma of hope and she refuses to have any for herself, which is the irony that I LIVE FOR with a character of her type!! 

Here’s a quote that truly represents that in every sense from her character: 

" I don't feel anything. I've had bullets graze my very flesh. I've had knives cause me to near death itself. But I haven't felt any bit of it. No. I no longer feel the tears that sometimes crawl down my cheeks. Those tears are not who I am. I can no longer feel any pain that hits my body. I refuse to let it affect my true duty." - Natia Filipski

So yeah, if anything she is not a happy character, remaining cold, distant, numb, emotionless, reckless, cocky, and ruthless in her ways. But she has to be, it it the only way she’s survived the war as long as she has, until a certain company begins to melt away that barrier, but I shall not dive deeper just yet :) 

THANK YOU ANGE!! i loved talking about my numb lil beeb, she’s gonna go through it this book, my heart aches for her :(( it’s just one bad thing after the other, especially when she learns she can’t go back to her home, but I shall not spoil any more LOL thank you so so much, and as always asks are always open!!