#maybe that inspiration doesn't show through but those three are basically how i want my art to look lately

[starrysharks]

What are your biggest art inspirations? Love ur work! <3

right now, my biggest inspirations are probably jamie hewlett, robert valley, and @//krookedglasses! i really want to convey a sort of clean cut hyper-stylised look while still maintaining the cuteness and colorfulness of 2000s toons and anime ,,,

[xoxoemynn]

I was tagged by @edsbacktattoo, @summerlinenss, @spirker, @piratecaptainscaptainpirates to share the favorite things I've written! I've loved seeing everyone's responses to this and have been adding to my ever-growing MFL. 💕

First we have my "heart story," my magical realism fic The Merry Strays of Lighthouse Sanctuary, which is technically two stories because I wrote the first one in a day for Our Flag Means Party, and then that little idea exploded and I ended up writing another 115K to go along with it. The basic premise is "what if a house was built with so much love it came alive?" Took a lot of inspiration from The House in the Cerulean Sea in terms of vibes, so if you like that, you'll probably enjoy this one. Feels like being wrapped up in a big gay hug. Also recently re-read this one and made some minor edits to prepare it for a book binding and have to say, it holds up. I cried at the end.

Next I'll highlight my beloved Clock Boys, which I feel like was my Peak Writing for OFMD experience. I came up with this idea when I passed a clock repair shop and went "heh, dark and mysterious shop, what a great place for a PWP. Hey, this reminds me of a random clock fact I picked up from one of my favorite shows. Hey, let me do some googling. Wow, clocks are really horny and also have a ton of nautical ties. Cool." I posted the first PWP fully expecting it to be too niche to resonate with most people. It is shameless smut with more clock puns than I can count. But NOPE. People were INTO it. And maybe it's weird to get sappy when people tell me they love my PWP but I do get really sappy when people tell me they love the clock boys just because I never expected anybody else to do so. ANYWAY currently three stories, planning on a fourth for AUgust, probably mostly stand alone if you want. Just have to know Ed's a (w)horologist and Stede is horny for c(l)ock.

Next, I don't write a ton of canon fic just because canon is so perfect to me I don't want to touch it much, but I did really love how read me like a book came out. We have Ed going through great lengths for a Big Romantic Gesture and Stede always willing to "yes, and" him, even when he doesn't have a clue wtf is going on. It's unhinged, it's silly, it's romantic, it's got a lot of banter in line with those cut improv scenes... it makes me happy.

And finally, I'll highlight forever is our today (who waits forever anyway). I, uh, struggle keeping things short, but I managed it with this one and I think it may be one of the loveliest things I've written. Ed is a sea god who falls in love with mortal Stede and they're both punished for it. It's a lot of bittersweet, but also Buttons and the Swede are muses, so. You know. Got some silliness. And a happy ending. Prommy.

I've lost track of who's been tagged on this so apologies if you've already done this, but I'll tag @bizarrelittlemew, @ghostalservice, @petrichorca, @veeagainsttheday, @adhduck, @saltpepperbeard, and @chocolatepot. (And if you have already done it, link me to the post so I can add to my list.) 💕

[wifiwuxians]

Your opinions about Xiao Xingchen. Please

First impression: "HE GAVE HIM HIS EYES???????????????????????????????????????????????????????? That is the most romantic thing I have ever read in my entire life" Impression now: Still the most romantic thing I've ever read ngl. I love this man and his ability to inspire such strong emotions in others. The passion and dedication and sheer love he was able to instill in those he met and had close. He drew loyalty from those he met, but maybe more importantly, he drew remorse. There's just something very touching to me about a character who other characters want to apologize to. Even if some of them can't even admit to it because they SUCK SHIT it's still a reality that as much as he may have been hurt or taken advantage of, ultimately people wanted to do right by him. That's something that I feel is rather unique to him in that regard. I don't know many characters whose enemy does a 180 after a hollow victory. I feel saddened, because outside of the one extra we never get to really hear his voice. Everything we know about him is through the eyes and mouths of others. We know how he felt, but never the true depths of it. We know he was kind, gentle, spirited, driven by justice and a dream, but we never got to meet him. It's sad, but it's poetic, too, because those three people he got close to are keeping him alive by any means possible even when his body is long dead. So maybe that necromancy was successful after all

Favorite moment: Giving Song Lan his eyes. Taking A-Qing under his wing. Stabbing Xue Yang with 0 hesitation. Puts others before himself. Helps the needy. Knows where his priorities lie. Defining moments fr

Idea for a story: WHERE IS THAT PROMISED EXTRA... It's hard for me to come up with a story that isn't "a story in which he doesn't do X", but I don't want a story in which he doesn't do something. I want a story in which he does. So here's one. A story in which he decides to go look for Song Lan himself, in which he decides he isn't going to take their goodbye lying down and is going to show that strong will and determination that led him down the mountain in the first place. A-Qing would go with him. Xue Yang might not- if he does, he might try to thwart Xiao Xingchen, and A-Qing would show him for who he is if Xiao Xingchen doesn't catch on first. Things might still not end well, but he will have stopped drifting in the wind and gone after what he wanted.

Unpopular opinion: he can do math he can do math he can do math he can do math he can do math he c

Favorite relationship: You all know already... But I mean, thinking on it, I think I love all his relationships. Just not how they went, obviously. But like the idea that he could be so in sync with someone (SONG LAN!!!!) after just knowing him for a short time, to the point where he could basically recognize him by footfall... The fact he was blessed enough to find someone so akin to himself so shortly after leaving the mountain!! It comforts me to think that he was never alone for very long. But yes, just the insane level of devotion and adoration they had for each other makes me crazy. Xiao Xingchen gave Song Lan his eyes and left when he was asked to leave to spare him further pain. Song Lan went looking for Xiao Xingchen and, despite being unable to save him at the time, carried his soul with him for the rest of their eternity. That's love, bitch. That's a love so strong I don't know what the hell to do with it. They're still my number 1 despite all the xuenanigans.

And then with A-Qing, the way he so flawlessly integrated her into his life (she reminded him of his junior disciples!) and had NO ISSUE keeping her safe during night hunts when they're both blind (or so he thinks)... I'm blowing dust off this term but absolute BAMF behavior. She brightened his life and he gave her one. They saved each other. They loved each other. The only reason he turned her away was to keep her safe.

And then Xue Yang... Mmm. This one is tricky to really put into words, because I stand by the very tragic fact that nobody in Xue Yang's life has ever truly liked him for him. But whoever he was at the time, Xiao Xingchen valued him. He ALSO reminded him of his junior disciples. He unwittingly brought out the best in him, though unfortunately also the worst. Xue Yang recognizes this but is never able to reckon with it. That's his problem. Xiao Xingchen had to come to terms with the fact he'd dedicated so much of his time to someone who had hurt him so terribly and his coming to terms with it was not very pretty. It's compelling. I'd hope he understands on some level that there was remorse in all of the mess that followed his death, if his soul ever recovers, though more than anything I understand if he never wants to think about him ever again lol- that said, it's important to me that they got along in parts and that he was a caring figure to both Xue Yang and A-Qing.

Favorite headcanon: This is one I am pretty sure only I have LOL but I love thinking that a dream of black flowing sleeves brought him down the mountain. Perhaps by the time he started his journey he'd already forgotten about it, perhaps not

[randomnameless]

This is just something that I wanted to ramble a little about because I was skimming through Teaspoon Translations. ^^

It bothers me that some of the Supports do not impact the plot, like this one. It actually seems like Edelgard got some character development here [unless she's lying, which would not be out of character for her]. However, based on what I recall, her perspective on faith remains unchanged throughout the plot. So...what was the point of the developers making this support?

Honestly, at this point, I wonder if this game would have been better as a book series [arc 1 could have been the War of Heroes, arc 2 could have been White Clouds, and arc 3 could have been the timeskip, preferably Silver Snow, in my opinion]. >.<"

Hi, sorry for replying late!

As you said, sometimes she... says things people want to hear, so I wouldn't know what is her general opinion about faith, but I think some other people made theories about it and it was basically something like while she doesn't like faith because she believes it makes people weak and unable to stand on their own... she also has no qualms replacing the Goddess figure (a non human) by herself, and in the A support of this chain, Manuela says (iirc?) she is now inspired by Edel herself, and not the Goddess?

It's the same faith, but not the same recipient.

But yes, back to this part of their support, she seems to realise people can be devout while not being "weak" as she at first thought.

About supports showing character development, you also have the Cyril/Claude ones, where, on top of revealing Claude doesn't know a thing about Almyra and maybe should get his bases covered when it comes to Almyra and how it treats its people, ultimately has him agree that Rhea is a benevolent figure for Fodlan, and he doesn't have to make an enemy out of her because they both want the same thing : to help people who have no place/status/standing in the world.

I feel like only Dimtri's supports are integrated in the story or show development that doesn't contradict his actions, but it's mostly because he is support locked for a good chunk of the AM chapters lol

And while I'd have loved to get a game divided in three parts like this... Sadly after playing the WoH part, Edel's discourse and goals and what not are completely inaudible and full of crap, so the main crux of the game "can you fight against the red emperor of the game if the red emperor was your precious student you've bonded with uwu?" would fall apart after her first lines!

"Crusts BaD and are the reason why the world sucks and it's those lizard's fault" is laughable and would pretty much piss people if you played a first part of the game where you learnt what Crests are, how people conveted it and how they came to be "distributed" to humans - especially as the game never ever challenges her directly saying that crests are just a tool, and people can decide to use them for good or wrong reasons - we know how she reacts when she is challenged like this from FE Heroes, she vanishes away...

[yurisorcerer]

A friend said yesterday that I seem like I have a complicated relationship with Ishura. This is untrue, I think Ishura sucks but has a few bright spots; that's not complicated. If there's a show I have a complicated relationship with this season it's Metallic Fucking Rouge. What, like, IS this show? Actually? When you strip away all the minutiae and all attempts at allegory, political or otherwise, what is this story *about*? Like, at its core?

With three episodes left on the clock (assuming this isn't a secret two-cour show, but I'd be very surprised if that we the case) I'm still not sure I could tell you.

Metallic Rouge has all these big-brain classic sci-fi influences that it very clearly wants to integrate into its sense of storytelling. That's why there are two competing factions of aliens who we don't really see much of until this episode, that's why there's this whole human oppressor / humanoid robot oppressed class dynamic that the show doesn't quite know what to do with, that's probably a good chunk of why it hops between planets at all. At the same time, this is also a 12-episode anime that needs to deliver solid fundamentals to actually keep people invested. Most people are not me, and will not watch an entire 12-episode series just to figure out what the fuck it's trying to do. I think a lot of people, given how willfully opaque Metallic Rouge is, would / will / have just found it frustrating. The action sequences have been good at staving that off, and I think this episode's was maybe the best yet, but I'm not sure it's enough.

That aside, yeah, this is a series that's worn a lot of hats. It's been a toku-inspired action series, a story about the aftermath of war and the mechanics of oppression, a trippy dream sequence, a whodunnit, etc. Now, in its last leg, it's become like....I don't even know, one of those 90s sci fi movies with CGI aliens? It's been better at some of those than others and I actually think this new turn fits it surprisingly well, but I am left with a frustration and I kind of wish the show would just stick to something.

That said; I can see the counterargument, right? You know, compared to most bad anime that have aired or will air this year, Rouge's problem is not that it has NO ideas, it's that it has TOO MANY, and doesn't execute them well enough. In my head, I've kind of been comparing the series to Lycoris Recoil, but they actually have opposite problems; LycoReco couldn't find enough solid ground to stretch for a full 12 episode cour, and ended up showing its ass when its underlying politics turned out to be embarrassingly basic. Metallic Rouge by comparison is hyperactive and unable to follow through on any of its ideas. I wouldn't be surprised if, rather than turning out to have *basic* politics as I've previously wondered, it just turns out to have none. Who needs themes when you have giant spaceships and can reveal your main character is an alien?

Or is it, right? That's the obvious thing, there are still three more episodes. Maybe, somehow, someway, it will find a way to tie all of these disparate elements together in its final quarter and I'll look like a fucking idiot for having ever doubted it. I would honestly love that, I can count on my hands the number of times a show I was frustrated with turned out BETTER than I thought it would, but it's always a really lovely and cathartic thing. But I'm pretty skeptical, I don't know, the fact that the series used so much charged imagery early on and has largely just chosen to discard it makes the entire thing feel poorly thought-out. I am still, in spite of myself, mostly enjoying the show for what it is; I love the action sequences, the incredibly strange bits of hyper-expressive and overfluid animation (seriously, look at this)

and I even kind of love how up its own ass it is, but I think there's a distinction to be drawn there between something being *entertaining* and being *good.* Metallic Rouge is very entertaining, but it's also hugely frustrating and at this point I would be VERY surprised if my main takeaway from it once it's over isn't just that it had a lot of potential it didn't live up to.

I guess we'll see! Who knows.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I saw someone else mention this in the tag but credit to this show for being fairly normal about a plural system. I hope they survive the rest of the show, Alice/Aes are honestly some of my favorite characters.

[andswarwrites]

Day 19

When I was little I used to watch The Disney Hour on Sundays.  Whenever the movie wasn't animated, I would experience some disappointment, except if it was The Swiss Family Robinson.  That one time they played Old Yeller I rebelled and I think I shut the TV off just before Old Yeller gets shot.  Animation, to me, unlocked a whole world of color, animation and artwork that no other mode of storytelling could equal.  And now my daughter shares my love for the craft, not only as a spectator, but already at her young age, a contributor.

As soon as N- was old enough to hold a pencil, I decided that I was going to give her a giant supply of colorful construction paper, paint, crayons, markers (I got her metallic ones.  She really loved those.) And shortly after she learned her alphabet and her numbers, I taught her color theory. Well I can't take all the credit, there was a song on Youtube by Scratch Garden that taught her, of the colors of the rainbow, which three were primary and which three secondary, which ones were warm and which ones were cool.  It's called The Color Song.

When I was young I loved to draw.  I especially liked to draw people.  Facial expressions, poses; I once made a "photo album" of my made up family with twelve kids.  And I drew all twelve.  I also drew a whole story involving a quest to find out whether some gems were genuine.  It start off with two people shouting "They could be real!".  I've continued to draw off and on over the course of my life, and when N- was old enough I showed her a few basic things, and she just took off. 

From a very young age she included amazing detail in her artwork.  I enjoyed coloring her art for her, because adding color drew the eye to those tiny little details she had created.  N- loves animals, and she invents her very own creatures.  At a young age she started to "vent" with her artwork, and at first she didn't want me to see those pictures.  I explained that showing them to me helps me to understand what she is feeling, and I won't be shocked or appalled.  But if she doesn't want me to see a page in her sketchbook, I respect that.

When she got her first tablet, S- and I installed an app to teach N- how to animate.  We thought it might be fun for her.  She didn't use it very often, so we thought maybe it wasn't her thing.  When N- was old enough to go on the computer, she found a website called Flipanim, and with it she can layer artwork, doodle, and animate.  She has been using that site for over five years now.  She goes through phases where she only wants to draw, and then other phases where she creates complex music videos.

She follows artists on Youtube such as Neytirix and RANDOMstuff Animation who inspire her.  She also likes learning about other art forms from Youtubers like Moriah Elizabeth and North of the Border.  We don't have an official Art class per se, because N- spends so much free time painting, drawing, animating and more.  And I do plan to teach her a course in art history as part of our curriculum next year.  The important thing is that N- draws just about every single day.  Because practicing her craft is essential.

I've always admired animation.  I know 3D animation has been popularized, but I think artsy films like Song of The Sea have their place as well.  N- agrees with me.  We watched it together, and she kept commenting on the artwork and the music and how the two went hand in hand with the storytelling.  When I say "artsy films", I mean stylized and with artistic merit.  I'm not knocking it in any way.  It's one of my favorite animated movies. 

I grew up thinking Disney was the end-all and be-all of animation.  I do love so many Disney movies.  Not as many as I did as a kid.  Growing up my tastes have changed.  When I was in my teens, some friends of mine introduced me to different styles of animation.  We watched Millennium Actress, and since I loved the book Watership Down, we watched the 1978 animated movie.  I had to watch Millennium Actress twice, because the first time I was hoping for a happy ending, and that's not the point of the movie.  Watership Down was well done, but the book is just so much better.

S-'s favorite animated TV series was Tiny Toons, so as an anniversary gift I got him the DVDs.  We actually bought a lot of animated series, from Samurai Jack to Freakazoid.  S- appreciates animation too.  In fact, we're a family of animation geeks.  That's why, when we went to see the Super Mario Movie, S- and I were enjoying it just as much as if not more than N-.  We introduced her to Powerpuff Girls as a kid, we took her to see Inside Out when it came out in theaters.  We're kids at heart, and we hope she will always remain one too.

I think N- has so much potential.  She could earn a living as an artist, either traditional, digital, animator, musician: she has options.  And if she wants to keep those gifts of hers for herself and decides to go in a completely opposite direction, she will have my full support.  As long as she earns enough to pay her bills, rent and groceries, with enough to put aside for rainy days and treating herself, I'll be happy.  I don't want my child to get rich and famous.  I want her to use her talents in a way that brings her contentment.  I want to watch what she does in life, and give her as much support as I can.

[atalho-s]

Light Up The Dark

Part 3 | I am fused just in case I blow out

pairing: bartender!tom x famous!reader

warnings: smut +18 miniors dni, swear words?, drinking, mention of anxiety crisis, let me know if anything else!

words: 4.3 k

a/n: english it’s not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! If you want to be tagged in the next chapters let me know!!

PART 3 if you want to read part 2 click here!

Y/n sat down with her coffee at a cafeteria table. She took a deep breath and opened her notebook, double-clicking the document and revealing the page she'd been trying to write for some time. It couldn't be happening again. It was already the third writer's block in a row and to say she was starting to get angry was an understatement.

It was becoming a constant problem and she didn't know what to do anymore. It was getting embarrassing how many times she had gone to her neighborhood coffee shop. Staying in her apartment alone was making her completely claustrophobic, which was ironic given her apartment was so big and spacious.

But what was making her so upset and with that lack of creativity? That's what she wanted to find out. Maybe it was the story, maybe it would be a sign that that story shouldn't be written.

She took a deep breath and rested her chin on her palm looking at the screen. She didn't want to give up on June, her character, so easy. She really want to finish this, had she already invested too much time in something that in the end would come to nothing? That didn't sound like her.

But if that were the only way, she would have no alternative, she would have to give up and maybe come back one day when her creativity shines again.

She felt her cell phone vibrate in her coat pocket and caught it looking that was Milla. She slid the screen and answered.

- Hi Mil... - she said a little discouraged.

- Hey Lovey! Why the sad voice? - Milla said and Y/n smirked.

- Just discouraged with the new book...

- Nothing yet? - Mila already knew about the extensive Y/n block’s creativity since she kept calling asking for tips on teas or candles that would bring inspiration (since Mil was an expert in these crazy things about spiritism and nature), which obviously didn't help.

- Nothing, actually I'm thinking about giving up this time...

- Hey Hey hey! No giving up, are you crazy? - Milla said and Y/n sighed. - You just need a little push, it will come back eventually.

- I don't know Mil... It seems that the inspiration went away for good.

- Since when did you lose your ideas? I remember that weeks ago you were all excited, you even wrote three wonderful chapters, maybe if you try to do the same thing you did in these weeks the ideas will come back... - Milla said and Y/n started to remember the weeks that passed. What had she done? Well, she had spent more at home as usual, a few days meeting with the director of the series based on her book, chatting a bit with Emma Brown, and the other day doing an interview for a famous magazine, but that was it. She hadn't done anything big...

Y/n thought some more. Emma Brown and her birthday party, after that day she had a flurry of ideas where she wouldn't stop writing, but then what happened to make everything suddenly stop? Well, there was an obvious incident... And by incident she meant: Tom. That waiter had really messed with her the two nights she had been with him. But she hadn't seen him since and she was super okay with it, it wasn't like she was thinking about him, his smell, his smile, the way he knew how to touch her... Ok, that was going too far.

But why since she saw him she started having her lack of ideas again? It wasn't possible. What if he was inspiring her in some way or another? Maybe the way he relaxed her and made her forget about everything made her creative.

- Y/n? Bestie? - Milla asked on the other end of the line. - Are you still there?

- Hi Mil! - Y/n said out of his thoughts. - Sorry, I went out of orbit for a few seconds.

- I noticed... What are you thinking about huh?

- Oh no big deal... Just... I have to prove a theory and if it works out I'll tell you.

- Theory? What theory? - Milla asked curiously.

- I have to go, but I'll call you later ok? - Y/n said and didn't wait for Milla to answer, hanging up the phone and hurriedly packing up her things.

She had to prove she wasn't going crazy. Maybe Tom really was her energy charge in some way, she had to prove if her creativity would come back. And if he was, she really wouldn't know what to do. She couldn't sleep with him every time her lack of ideas came up. But, she was desperate and despair brought drastic attitudes.

So she ran back to her apartment to change her clothes. To think that she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't go after him, was humiliating, but she didn't care at the moment. As soon she got home, she went straight to her closet, wanting to impress him, but at the same time she wanted him to think that she went there to get someone else, it would be less pathetic.

She spotted a white dress, one that she had never worn before, presumably because she didn't like to show too much of her body, but she decided to take a chance with it. She dressed, put on her high-heeled sandals and did her makeup (the basic one she knew how to do) and when it was almost 11pm she was heading towards the Seven Devils bar.

Arriving there, she saw the same security guard who had let her through, a friend of Tom's. She nodded to him and entered. The bar was a little more crowded, maybe because it was friday night. He felt butterflies in her stomach, what if someone recognized her? She doubted they would, but even though she wasn't doing anything wrong she hated being in the media. She took a deep breath and went deeper into the room. It was dark and the dance floor was open, crowded with people dancing and few people sitting at the table. Only the bar light was visible, where she immediately looked for someone with brown hair and a bar uniform, but she didn't saw him, just Sally, the other bartender. Maybe he has a day off?

She headed towards the bar to order a drink, leaning against the counter and looked around, no sign of him. Maybe she had gone there for nothing. Sally approached and Y/n smiled asking for a drink, she didn't want to ask about him because it would be too much and besides Sally didn't recognize her, or pretended not to, so it would be weird.

- Special night? - Y/n asked when she delivered her drink, indicating the number of people and why the dance floor was open.

- Yeah, we do it every friday, the bar ends up turning into a club. - Sally replied taking some glasses and turned to serve other customers.

She picked up her glass and headed out onto the dance floor. It wouldn't hurt for her to have a little fun. Weaving through the crowd, she started shyly dancing for a few long minutes alone, until a guy approached.

-Hey ...-he said smiling and stopped in front of her.

- Hey... - Y/n said suspiciously and looked around drinking her drink.

- I saw you're alone... Can I stay here? he asked and Y/n bit her lip thoughtfully. Well, Tom clearly wasn't there and what if his ideas didn't just depend on him? But of her hooking up with someone? Anyone...

- Of course! - she said smiling at last and he approached dancing with her while the lights flashed. He was handsome, had those piercing eyes that wouldn't stop watching her every move.

Another song started to play and Y/n started dancing more sensually. The boy came even closer placing his hand on her waist and she smiled, satisfied with her effect. Everything was going well until she glanced at the bar and found a pair of brown eyes staring at her.

Tom. So there he was, wearing his uniform, his hair pulled back as usual, he was gorgeous and with a shaker in one hand shaking furiously. He didn't take his eyes off hers which made her shiver.

He just looked away when he had to take care of the next customer, and Y/n looked at the guy in front of her, where she now had a hand on his shoulder. Who was she kidding? She wanted Tom... At least she would try to have him that night, because she was curious to test her theory with him.

- I'll be right back. - she said and the guy opened his arms disappointed as she walked away, taking the rest of her drink and heading towards the bar again.

She leaned against the counter and saw Tom saying goodbye to a customer looking at her from the corner of his eye. She approached her and grinned when he stopped in front of her.

- This is getting embarrassing darling... - he said wiping the counter with a towel.

- What are you talking about?- she asked raising an eyebrow.

- You coming here just to see me? Tsc tsc... pathetic - he said with a smirk and Y/n felt her stomach turn with anxiety as he looked up at her.

- And who said I came here for you? - She said trying to hide it.

- I don't know, maybe because you could have gone to any bar better than this one in the entire city, but you chose this one, strange isn't it? - He asked taking her glass and preparing another drink.

- Funny, I only came here because I liked the place last time... Besides I was even flirting with another guy seconds ago, so your theory doesn't make sense. - Y/n said ironically and did not take her eyes off his trying to be firm on her tone.

- Yeah, I know... But it's funny that you didn't take your eyes off me while dancing with him... - he said putting her glass, now full, back on the counter.

- I was just surprised to have seen you, since I had even forgotten that you worked here. - She said drinking a sip from her glass and he laughed ironically.

-Of course love ... Of course ...-he said tilting his head to the side and approached his face to hers leaning on the counter. Y/n stared at him a little lost in his scent coming in waves to her nose and she could now see his freckles up close, as well as the arrogant smile that never left his face.

- I bet you came here for another round, right? he said quietly, his breath hitting her face and she almost closed her eyes. -Getting dressed like that, dancing sensually while watching me...-he said biting his lip looking her face up and down and stopping at her lips. Y/n swallowed, ok he had an almost paranormal effect on her.

- I-I... - she stuttered and he smiled even more seeing her disconcerted. - I don't know what you're talking about. - Y/n said finally and walked away a little, wanting to get out of that situation. She wanted him, but she didn't want to give out so easily.

- Of course you don't know sweetheart, but I can remind you later. - He said, winking and then walking away, heading towards another customer who had arrived.

Y/n let out the air she didn't even know she was holding, tooking a big swig of her drink and set the glass on the counter heading back to the floor. Tom was very arrogant, but denying that she didn't like it was a lie.

She arrived on the floor and went back to dancing closer. The guy from before now was talking to another girl which made her a little sad, she wanted to have fun with Tom's face some more. She stayed there for a few minutes, until three people approached her, surrounding her.

- Hey... Aren't you the Y/n? - a girl said and Y/n wanted to hide for a moment.

- Erm... I am. - She said smiling.

- I saw you in an interview last week! I love your books! Take a picture with me? she asked taking her cell phone out of her pocket.

- Of course! - Y/n said and posed with the three people while they took pictures.

- Hey! You are Y/n aren't you? I saw you in Emma's birthday pictures! -a guy said right behind approaching too and some people around her start to look at her.

- It is true! I recognized her from somewhere! - another girl said also approaching and Y/n started to get a little scared. She didn't see the harm in taking pictures with some fans, but being buried by them was a nightmare.

- Take a picture with me? - another also said.

- Your books are terrible! - another one shouted laughing.

- I bet the next one will be even worse! 

- Who is this? Never heard of it!

- I bet it must be some actress wanting attention.

And when she saw she was surrounded by a crowd almost being suffocated, but more people kept surrounding her and filling her with questions about her book, or cursing her in some way, which started to make her sick and claustrophobic .

-Please, guys...-she started to speak, but her voice broke and was lost with the loud music and with the people talking loudly around her. For a moment she thought she was going to pass out. Until she felt someone putting a hand on her waist and guiding her out of the crowd hurriedly walking beside her.

The crowd started to follow them and Y/n just stared at her feet, still feeling her heart beat fast. The next thing she saw was this person pulling her to the side of the bar through a door and then closing it.

He looked around when the light was turned on and saw some boxes on the floor and shelves. She was in a warehouse and Tom was standing in front of her.

- You are okay?- he asked looking at her worriedly.

- I...- She closed her eyes for a few seconds and opened them again. - I'm fine, it was just a scare, thank you for saving me...

- It's ok darling... - he said approaching to check if she was really ok and Y/n felt dizzy, staggering a little and he held her by the waist preventing her from falling. - Whoa, I don't think you're okay, love.

- It's ok, it was just an anxiety attack with drinking... - she said putting her hand on her temples, feeling her vision rotate a little. - I just... I really want to leave.

- Okay, how about we walk slowly and I take you home? -He said still holding tight to her waist and she looked at him.

-O-ok...- she said nodding and they started walking slowly.

After passing through the warehouse, Tom opened another door that opened into the backyard of the bar, where he could see his car. He helped her in and sat down next to her.

- Tom? - Y/n asked when he started the car and starting to move.

- Huh? -he said turning his face towards her.

- Can you... Can you take me somewhere else? I don't want to go home... - she said feeling a little pathetic. But she didn't want to face her gigantic apartment right now, wanted to be with someone somewhere else who didn't remember what she'd just been through.

- Sure darling... - he said stopping at the red light. - Where you want to go?

- Could be your house? I mean, I don't want to take advantage or anything, I just... I need to calm down somewhere else... - She started to say hesitant.

- Hey, fine, no problem. -He said putting his hand in hers, that was on her lap, comforting her and she shook her head, seeing him to remove, putting back on the steering wheel. She wanted him to keep his hand there, but obviously she stay quiet, leaning her head against the window, trying to calm down.

After a few minutes they reached his building, where Tom parked and helped her to go out of the car. Y/n followed him to the front door and they took the elevator. She was still silent the whole time and he didn't want to say anything either, just glanced at her time to time, maybe checking her if she was okay and looking away afterwards.

They arrived at Tom's apartment and Y/n looked around. It was small but cozy. There was a living room with a small kitchen and a hallway leading to another door that appeared to be his bedroom.

- How about you stay in my room and I give you some clothes to make you more comfortable? -He said putting his hand on her back guiding her while she nodded.

They entered the room and Y/n sat on the edge of the bed. As Tom opened his closet, taking off his shoes and choosing a comfortable T-shirt and pants for her to wear. He approached her again putting the clothes beside her.

- Well, you can make yourself comfortable ok? I'll let you... - he start to said.

- Tom. - Y/n interrupted him. - Please stay here. - She said feeling her heart start beating fast and her breathing quicken. She thought back to the horrible comments and the crowd that had surrounded her. Maybe now pictures of her were all over the internet and it made her anxious again. She closed her eyes feeling tears wanting to flow. She opened them again and the tears finally spilled out, rolling down her cheeks.

- Hey, hey darling. It’s alright, I'm here. -he said getting down in front of her, putting a hand on her cheek wiping away some tears.

- Sorry, I just... That's ridiculous, sorry...

- Shh... - he said calming her and looking at her. - It's not ridiculous ok? You don't need to apologize for anything. -He said caressing her cheek.

- It's just... I keep thinking about those horrible comments and how my picture must be all over the place. - Y/n said wiping some tears that insisted on falling.

- Darling... You don't need to think about it, okay? Those people who said that are terrible, I don't want you to think about anything now how about that? - he said and Y/N looked at him.

- I wish I could turn off those thoughts. -she said sniffling a little, averting her eyes and Tom stroked her leg slowly comforting her. For a moment she felt her body shiver, but it was because Tom was touching her and not because of her crisis. He stopped pulling his hand away and Y/n looked at him. - Tom... Can you continue?

- What do you mean? - he asked confused looking into her eyes.

- Touching me... I mean, you were doing a good job distracting me. - She said smiling slightly and he smiled back.

- Sure…- he said getting down on his knees and taking her calf slowly and kissing her lightly, not taking his eyes off hers at any time. Y/n wanted to close her eyes, but at the same time wanted to look at him, so she decided to keep them open.

Tom took off his sandals slowly, and was kissing from her calf to her thigh, stroking lightly with his hand that held her, and she felt shivers down her spine. . He reached her inner thigh and took a small bite causing her to sigh and bite her lip in response. He lifted his head to look at her and smiled. Y/n not resisting, bent down kissing him with desire. He placed one of his hand on her face kissing her back while his other hand still rested on her thigh squeezing.

She kept kissing him until she felt she needed of air and they parted, out of breath. Tom touched his nose to hers lightly and Y/n closed his eyes feeling him.

- Tom... I want to feel you... - she said approaching her mouth again. - Make love with me? - she asked quietly and she could feel him smile against her mouth.

-Whatever you want sweetheart... - he said and stood up suddenly with hush, bringing her along  by her legs, making her gasp in surprise, putting her down on the bed and lying on top of her afterwards.

He went back to kiss her, exploring her mouth eagerly and she placed her hand on the back of her neck, pulling his hair. He paced his hands over her body and she hurriedly took his shirt off, running hers over his defined bare chest.

- I didn't tell you this before, but you look wonderful in that dress, teased me all night, but I confess I'd rather see you without... - He bit down lightly below her ear making her moan low, he raised the hem of her dress, stepping away and helping her get it off and throwing it aside.

Now he was kissing her collarbone, lowering the kisses to her breasts making her arch her back a little wanting to get even closer to his mouth. When she reliase he had removed her bra and smirked looking at her.

- I have to be honest...I missed that image. - he said and Y/n almost hid by the way he looked at her, it was like she was a sculpture, it was a look of admiration and desire. A look that made her forget the world.

He kissed her breasts and positioned himself between her legs, meanwhile taking off his pants, along with his boxers, while still paying attention to each of her nipples, sucking them making her moan low. He returned his kisses to her lips again kissing her more slowly this time, moving his hand to her panties and running his fingers slowly through the fabric, setting aside and feeling how pathetically wet she was for him. Y/n moaned against his lips again and he groaned pulling back a little.

-I love how you're always ready for me darling...-he said making his lips touch hers lightly and she could only moan in response as he made slow circles on her clit.

- Tom... - she said weakly and he smiled seeing how she was vulnerable for him. - Please, I need you inside me, now... - Y/n managed to said between moans, arching her waist against his hand.

- So demanding and desperate love ... - he said taking his hand of her making her protest with the lack of contact. - But I have to confess that you get even hotter that way. - He said stretching to get a condom in the drawer on the side of the bed and opened the package adjusting on his member right after. Y/n ran her hands on his arms, meanwhile, just admiring his body and how lucky she was. He looked back at her and smiled seeing that she was admired him with concentration. - Still with me darling?

She looked him in the eye again and nodded, kissing his neck then making him bite his lip. Tom took his cock closing his eyes and penetrated her slowly, so that she got used to his size. When he was fully inside her he turned to look at her closely and stroked her cheek lightly as if asking permission to move, which she readily agreed.

He started to move slowly, making her feel every piece of him by wich thrust he was doing, until he picked up a fast pace that made her moan with pleasure gripping his shoulders tightly and even scratchin him a little. He made her feel like she was flying and he penetrated her so deliciously it felt like a dream.

Tom took one of her legs and wrapped it around his waist, making him penetrate her even deeper, which made her almost combust. He was silent the entire time, as well as her, what could be heard were just the moans of the two that echoed through the room.

After what seemed like an eternity. Tom slowed his pace a little. Putting one of his hands on the side of Y/n's head, squeezing the sheet and the other on her leg, squeezing it willingly.

- Fuck Darling... I’m gonna come... - he said breathlessly lost in his pleasure.

- Tom... - Y/n could only said and he took his hand from her leg going to her clit again stimulating it with his fingers and increasing his pace again, until the two reached the orgasm together between moans and low breathless curses.

Tom placed a few kisses on Y/n's neck returning to his senses and Y/n closed her eyes just feeling his touch. He then got off her and lay beside her looking at the ceiling. Catching his breath. After cleaning themselves in silence, the two returned to bed lying side by side.

- You ok? he asked finally breaking the silence looking at her.

-More than ok...- Y/n said lying on his side towards him. -I'm just tired...-she said lazily starting to close her eyes and the last thing she felt before falling asleep was Tom kissing her forehead.

taglist: @usuck​ @petesrparker​

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Alright, so- Inspired by my awesome friend @undertheknightwing who created this AMAZING list of Dad!Dick Grayson headcanons (go check it out!!!) I decided to write down the mess I have in my own head into this giant ball of fluff, humor and angst.

So let me present you:

The Graysonfam List of Headcanons and Analysis

It's a looong ass list of my headcanons, mixed with an analysis of some scenes, looking into the motives and behavior of the characters. It's in more or less chronological order and divides into groups: season 1 (+2x01), the time jump, season 2, season 3 hopes/predictions and future. If you want me to turn any of these into fics or you feel like you could do something with it, just let me know. And now... ENJOY!

SEASON 1:

The first time Dick thinks of Gar and Rachel as his kids happens during the events of 1x08 and 1x10. It's pure instinct and it doesn't come to him until much later when he realizes that not only he thought of them this way but he actually meant it.

When he and Donna start translating Kory's notes and it becomes clear that Rachel might still be in trouble, he's immediately on his feet, asking Donna for the keys to her car and ordering her to take the books with her, so they could continue on the way. He's acting fast, ignoring Donna's questions because there's no time for explanation, my daughter is in danger. He almost says it out loud - almost. 

When Donna tells him the danger clearly comes from Kory, he wants to deny it. Kory adores these kids just as much as he does, she would never hurt them. But he puts his feet on the gas anyway, breaking every speed limit possible, because if one hair falls from Gar's and Rachel's heads, he will burn the world to find the person responsible, even if it's Kory (especially if it's Kory)

When they get there the first thing he sees is Gar being thrown in the air, and his mind short circuits to only one thing: Gar, my boy, my son. Is he okay? Thankfully Donna takes care of the rest so he's free to take care of the boy. He pulls him up, holding him tight by the shoulders and makes sure he's okay, but the words 'my son' are still circling his mind.

Speaking of Donna - when Dick starts telling her about Rachel the first time, she wants to cry from happiness. Over these past five years all she saw in Dick's eyes was pain and suffering. A storm of bottled up emotions, raging monsters of anger ready to get out. His body looked weighed down, as if he was Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. And now he's talking about this little girl who threw a brick at a cop car in Detroit and his eyes start to shine as if they were stars in the night sky. His smile grows when he brags about how smart and witty she is, how she's more intelligent than she gives herself credit for, how similar the two of them are. He talks about her bravery and her big heart and he sounds so damn proud Donna's heart is about to burst out of her chest. "I thought I couldn't do it." he tells her. "I fucked up so many times. But she had awakened something in me. I just can't describe it." She can but she doesn't say it - he needs to get to it on his own. (Over a year later, when the girl who turned her brother's world upside down tries to guide her back to the light through the darkness of afterlife, Donna finally says "I always knew he'd be a great father someday. You have no idea how much he loves you." "He told you that?" Rachel asks quietly, trying to hold back her tears. Donna looks at her and smiles. "He didn't have to. I saw it in his eyes.")

Then Dick gets to the part about finding Rachel's mother and suddenly something changes. He's trying to seem like he's happy for her, he says he's glad everything ended well and now Rachel can start a new life but Donna sees right through his facade. He thinks he can't be a part of this new life and it's killing him.

Which brings me to something very important I've noticed a long time ago - Angela's presence makes Dick hold himself back. That's why he decided to leave - Rachel had her mother back, a guardian who could take care of her from now on so he wasn't needed anymore. His job was done. But at this point he's already too attached to just leave like that and when he learns that danger isn't over he comes back immediately. But when he gets there he's met with a wall. Angela is very territorial (we all know why but Dick didn't know that) and Rachel is too overwhelmed by everything but let's be real - if Angela wasn't there Dick would be hovering over Rachel like crazy. But he doesn't. Why? Because he thinks it's not his place to do so. It's easier to go after Kory than to just be standing there awkwardly, wanting to help and comfort but not being able to.

He remembers everything Trigon put him through - every fucking detail. There is some stuff from the vision he wants to laugh at - Him and Dawn? Married? Maybe once upon a time he entertained that thought but he abandoned it long ago. There are things he's actually grateful for - seeing Gar and Rachel as they could be in the future, grown up, in college, happy. That's the one thing he doesn't want to forget. And Johnny - he doesn't want to forget Johnny either. 

His mind was sort of awake, in two places at once, even though he didn't have any control over his body. He remembers chasing the kids around the house, Gar screaming "Real life horror movie!" as he and Rachel tried to run away from him. He remembers Rachel pleading with him when the others were beating the poor boy. He wanted to respond, wanted to let her know he can hear her but he couldn't do anything. He watched helplessly as his own hand pulled Gar up and finished what others started. He screamed and shouted but it was in vain. And then he cried and howled like a wolf watching as Trigon ripped Rachel's heart from her chest and crushed it in his hand, then placed the red gemstone in her forehead. He remembers her dark eyes and evil smirk. He remembers thinking it was over, feeling heartbroken and defeated. He gave up, let the darkness swallow him whole. He didn't want to see more, it was easier locking himself up in this vision because he knew Bruce laying dead in rubble wasn't real. And then she came to him. Back straight and head held high, piercing blue eyes locked on him. He remembers his tone when he spoke to her, taunting and dangerous but it didn't scare her. "We're supposed to save each other" she told him and he wanted to cry but Trigon had him wrap his fingers around her throat and choke her - another thing he would never do. He would never lay a damn finger on her and Trigon was well aware of that. But Rachel knew that too. And she wasn't scared. 

He remembers the circus she brought him into. Empty stage, broken chairs scattered everywhere. He never wanted to come back here. And even though his body stood there motionless he was trashing inside, wanting to get out of here but more importantly wanting to get her out of here. Seeing Rachel on that platform, ready to jump, it was too much. He couldn't lose her, like he lost his parents. He didn't catch them but he sure as hell was going to catch her. So when she fell - he snapped. Got the control back, his muscles acted on memory and he jumped. He flew like he used to and wrapped his fingers around her wrists, holding her tight. He caught her. He would always catch her.

When they wake up all he wants to do is hold her. Relief almost sends him to his knees. But then Gar walks in, all bloody and bruised and all that relief turns into freezing agony and guilt. I did this, he thinks. It's my fault. But there is no time for apologies or explanation, Trigon is still there. Letting Rachel go deal with him on her own is hard but Dick knows she could do it - and she did. Seeing her walking out of that fog is one of the most beautiful views he saw in his life. And when he finally takes her into his arms he doesn't let go until Kory basically rips her out of his embrace.

He wants Kory to go with them. Kids need her. His idea of giving Gar and Rachel a new life included her. Included both of them, taking care of the kids together. Things between them are tangled and complicated but one thing that is neither of those things is their attachment to these two. But Kory just got her memories back, she has her own issues to deal with, she needs time and space - and he respects that, so do Gar and Rachel. But Dick would be lying if he said he didn't notice their disappointment.

The first day of their roadtrip across the country is quiet - mostly because they are all so goddamn tired. Dick pulls up to a motel before dark, deciding that the more sleep they get the better. They pick two rooms next to each other, Jason and Gar in one, he and Rachel in the other. Rachel immediately vanishes in the bathroom, so Dick has time to sit down and think (as if he wasn't doing it the entire day while driving). An idea is shaping in his head, memories of a beloved city in sunny California come to the surface of his mind and he knows this is where he wants to take the kids. But he has to make a stop at Gotham first, he needs to talk to Bruce and most importantly return Jason home. Rachel walks out of the bathroom in fresh clothes Donna left for her and crawls into bed without a word. He takes his time to tuck her in, then sits down on the edge of her bed. She's beyond exhausted, but she's safe, she's with him, everything will be alright. He will never let anyone take her away from him again. And when he's watching her fall asleep, holding her hand in his, three words come to his mind, words he's not ready to say aloud yet but he knows them to be true. I love you.

THE TIME JUMP:

Physical affection is something I think the show is pretty good at showing but I still crave to see more. It's clear that Dick struggles to be affectionate, whether that be through words or touch. And he doesn't even realize he's actually very good at it. Why? Because whenever he does it, he's acting on instinct. The biggest proof? All his hugs with Rachel in s1. Boy had no idea what to do, it was written on his face, but his arms went up nonetheless. He didn't freeze, he didn't push her away, but reacted accordingly. The hugs in 1x02 and 1x04 are the only ones he initiated on his own, but he still wasn't sure if he's doing it right. As the show went on he slowly eased into it, but was still taken by surprise when it happened (1x08, the first hug in 2x01). By the end of 2x01 he seems to be pretty comfortable with it but I think it's during the time jump when he really starts to understand the importance and power of physical affection and how these kids really need it. The pat he gave Gar on the shoulder in 2x03 or their hug in 2x09 felt really natural, same as the goodbye hug with Rachel in 2x13. All three of them got comfortable with each other during those first three months in SF. Which leads me to…

Cuddle sessions. Yes, this is definitely a thing at Titans Tower (*cough*Grayson*cough*household*cough). It starts that first night when Dick, Rachel, Gar and Jason gather on the couch to watch a movie. Rachel lays down and rests her head on Dick's thigh while Gar settles comfortably on his other side. Dick has no idea when it happened but he freezes for a moment when he realizes his hand is on Rachel's head, fingers carding through her hair. The girl seems to be asleep already but stirs when he stops and asks him to continue, so he does. Soon after that Gar's head lands on his shoulder as the boy starts nodding off. The sudden contact wakes him up and he pulls away awkwardly, apologizing but Dick tells him it's okay so Gar leans back against him. The feeling of having the two of them so close brings a sense of calm to Dick and soon he falls asleep as well. He wakes up in the morning with the two teenagers basically laying on top of him and Jason standing over them with a smirk and a phone in his hand.

After that it sort of becomes a thing and not just during movies. Whenever Dick sits down on the couch, whether to work or to simply relax, Gar or Rachel (or both) would find him and snuggle to him, at first hesitantly, but with more confidence as the time passes and they get comfortable with it. After three months of living together all Dick has to do is pat the spot next to him for them to jump on the couch and cuddle up, tho Rachel is the one who does it most often and with no hesitation.

Dick very quickly starts understanding how important it is for them so he starts returning the favor. A good job pat on the shoulder during training, a kiss dropped on the top of the head during breakfast, a comforting shoulder rub when they aren't feeling well, emotionally or physically. Gar loves when Dick ruffles his hair, he even leans into it sometimes, while Rachel's favorite things are forehead kisses and tucking her hair behind her ear (but neither of them would ever say that out loud)

Words are as important as gestures, which brings us to affectionate pet names. It feels normal and almost ordinary when it comes from a woman - Rachel has been called 'honey' by Melisa and 'sweetheart' by Dawn but she wasn't phased by it. But when Dick calls her 'honey' for the first time, she nearly drops her coffee mug. It comes out so naturally and he doesn't even realize he said it, but it takes her breath away and she needs a moment to collect herself. With Gar it's usually 'Bud', 'Buddy', or 'Tiger Boy' spoken affectionately and he's always beaming with happiness when he hears Dick saying that.

One night, shortly after Trigon, Rachel slips into his bedroom in the middle of the night, saying she can't sleep. The memories are too vivid, too real. Her lips are trembling and she looks like she's about to fall apart and that's all it takes for Dick to sit up, open his arms for her and with full awareness and conviction say "come here, baby girl". She falls asleep snuggled to his bare chest and Dick feels his throat getting dangerously tight. He'd seen many times, mostly on TV, images of parents holding their babies to their bare skin - something about creating a bond through skin-to-skin contact. He was never able to wrap his head around this concept, but now, as he feels Rachel's cheek pressed to his heart, her hand closed in his resting on his stomach, the understanding hits him like a speeding train, pushing a tear or two out of his eyes. It's something indescribable, feels profound and almost sacred. The love he feels in this moment is overwhelming.

Gar has nightmares too, he usually wakes up screaming. It scares Dick at first, how he reacts, because the boy pulls away, wide eyed and shaking, and doesn't want to be touched. Guilt overwhelms Dick because he's sure it's because of him, because of what he did to Gar while being under Trigon's control. He tries to apologize and Gar accepts it but explains to him that his nightmares are not Dick's fault and they are not even about that (Dick can feel the boy is lying for both of their sakes but lets him anyway). It takes a few tries and lots of pleading and building trust but one night Gar finally falls into Dick's arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He pulls the boy close, runs his fingers through his hair just like Gar likes it and whispers "it's okay, my little boy." over and over again until Gar's body goes limp in his hold and he can put him back to sleep. Neither of them mentions it in the morning, but Gar gives him a look full of gratitude, filling his heart with warmth.

One evening during their first week in SF they organise a 'bonding night' - Gar's idea. There's take out and board games and staying up all night, talking. At some point one of them suggests sharing any hidden talents (besides superpowers of course) and details no one knows about them. Jason admits to being a theatre nerd ("it's thespian you idiots!") and proves it by flawlessly rapping verses from Hamilton. Gar thanks to travelling with his parents can fluently speak few African languages, he also shares that during his time at the Doom Manor Rita taught him the basics of playing piano. When it's Dick's turn he gets up from the couch and vanishes for a few minutes, but eventually comes back with a guitar, saying he had learned to play during his circus days, but hadn't done it in a while so he might be a little rusty. He plays a few cords, trying to spark his memory and when the notes finally come to him, a beautiful melody fills the room (I always imagine it's Viva la Vida by Coldplay). And suddenly this melody is joined by an angelic voice - Rachel closes her eyes and starts singing quietly, recognizing the song. She only opens her eyes when she's finished and finds the three of them looking at her in absolute awe, Dick's eyes seem to be a bit watery. She gets a bit embarrassed and says it's nothing but they start cheering and clapping anyway. Gar asks her where did she learn to sing like that and she admits she used to sing in a church choir when she was little, but had to quit after her powers started showing. The night ends with a little jam session and lots of laughing.

Gar and Rachel grew up on golden era of Disney Channel shows (Jason knows them too but he'd rather be tortured than ever admit that) and once the news is out Dick is forced to sit through the entire run of Wizards of Waverly Place. But watching Rachel flawlessly impersonate the main character Alex, knowing every line word for word makes him grin like a madman and laugh so hard his stomach hurts and tears roll down his cheeks. He pulls her to him and she falls on him in a fit of uncontrollable giggles while Gar and Jason give her a standing ovation.

SEASON 2:

While hanging out together is important, Dick also makes sure he gets to spend some time with each of them separately. With Jason it's mostly through training - the boy isn't very keen on spending one-on-one quality time outside of the gym, but prides himself to be Dick's right hand man during lessons, having more experience over the other two. With Gar it's video games most of the time - Dick learned to play specifically for him and actually started paying attention to gaming lore. But it's not just that - Gar has a talent to anything tied to technology so they spend a lot of time together in the tech room where the boy learns to operate the Tower system. It brings both of them a lot of joy. Rachel, as the only girl in their little family, often needs some time away from the boys, so Dick takes her on walks in the mornings or a drive around the city, shows her his favorite coffee shop which soon becomes their favorite spot. They talk about everything and nothing, because conversations were the thing that brought them so close in the first place, and it just feels good. 

Rachel also loves spending time with him in the tech room - but not like Gar, she's not learning to run it (although she picked up a thing or two) but she's simply there to keep Dick company while he works (can he even call that work if he hasn't been officially working as a detective for quite a while now? Not to mention his resignation has been sent to Detroit the day they arrived in SF). She brings him coffee or snacks, stands behind his chair with her arms around his neck, observing whatever he's doing (and asking lots of questions) or simply sits in the other swiveling chair, drawing in her sketchbook or turning around so many times Dick starts to worry she's gonna get dizzy. He asks her one time if she's not bored sitting here with him but she just shrugs and says she'd rather be here than anywhere else and his heart grows tenfold as he smiles at her

So remember how Rachel lost control and attacked Jason in 2x03? And how Jason shouted "Stay away from me you fucking freak!" right in her face? And how Dick walks in like 3 seconds later asking if everything's okay and the tension is HIGH??? Well, he might have not seen what happened, but he definitely HEARD the full thing, he was within the hearing range. The fact that he didn't attack Jason immediately is really impressive, if this was s1!Dick - Jason would be on the floor right now, probably with a swollen eye and few broken bones. But here Dick is trying to play it smart and investigate. If it wasn't for dr Light he would probably get to the bottom of this and had a conversation with both Jason and Rachel. I'm thinking of writing a one-shot AU where he actually does it (mostly thanks to Gar who is a terrible liar when caught of guard)

When the last cab drives away and the Tower becomes empty, save for him, Gar and that boy in the infirmary, Dick does not leave to meet with Adeline immediately - he goes to Rachel's room and starts scrubbing it clean from all the crosses painted all over the place. His eyes are burning, the bile in his throat is the size of a tennis ball but he doesn't allow himself to cry. At some point Gar joins him and wordlessly starts helping him. It takes them a little over an hour and when it's done they both drop down on her bed, sitting shoulder to shoulder. "She'll be back." Gar tells him. "I'm not so sure." Dick replies, not looking at the boy. Gar puts a hand on his shoulder. "She will. You just wanted to protect us. Deep down she knows that, she's just angry." Dick knows Gar's reasoning is valid, but looking at his own reflection in the broken mirror he can't help but think that in the long run Rachel will be better off without him. They will all be better off without him.

It's not until his first night in prison that Dick starts to regret his decision to cast himself away. He wakes up in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes, his mind still reeling from dreams of Gar and Rachel seven years in the future. They were adults, happy and independent - that's good, right? That's what he always wanted for them. But his tears start to fall when it comes to him, hitting him like a wrecking ball, that spending 7 years behind bars means he won't be able to see them grow up. Something like a panic attack comes next and he is barely able to pull himself out of it. He's suddenly overwhelmed by questions. My kids… will they be okay? Is Kory back at the Tower or is Gar still alone? What is he gonna do when that strange boy wakes up? Was there any food in the fridge when I left? I left Gar some money, but still… God, and Rachel! She has never been on a plane before, what if she gets scared and her powers start acting out? What if she gets night terrors again? Will Donna know what to do? His head is spinning, these thoughts are suffocating him. Only a breathing exercise Bruce had taught him years ago is able to help, but it takes longer than usual. Dick doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.

He's not sure how but when Dick sees a bird in a window of his cell, he knows it's no ordinary bird. It's a raven. It's her. He gets up on his feet despite his knees being weak and wobbly and he smiles, grins like an idiot as he calls out to her. Because it has to be her, right? But all hope leaves him when the creature flies up again with a croak and disappears from his sight, leaving him alone. Dick drops to his knees, feeling more exhausted than ever and curls on the floor, his body shaking from shivers. No one is coming. He brought it on himself. He is forgotten already. But then he hears quiet tapping and something nudges his hand. He opens one eye only to look right into a ruby red one. The bird is here, inside, right in front of his face. It flaps its wings and its feathers turns into dark smoke for a moment. "Rachel…" He breathes out, holding to his last shreds of consciousness. The raven lowers its head, snuggling it to his forehead and before Dick passes out again he hears three words said by this quiet, angelic voice he loves so much: Don't give up.

When they bring Donna back to the Tower and lay her down in the infirmary Dick feels empty and overflowed at the same time. He goes to strip off his new suit and change into something more comfortable but it's a struggle when his hands are shaking so much. He goes back to infirmary and passes by Dawn in the doorway, who walks out of the room with Donna's Wonder Girl belt in hand, not even lifting her eyes up at him. He closes the door and sits down, taking Donna's hand in his but he is able to sit there for only ten minutes before the feeling of her hand growing cold in his makes him want to run away. He makes his way back to his room but takes a step back when he notices two colorful heads in the training room. Gar and Rachel are sitting on one of the benches with their backs to him, talking quietly. Gar is hunched over and Rachel has her arm around him and her head on his shoulder. The sight makes Dick's throat tight. He walks up to them quietly and they only notice him when he's standing in front of them. They simultaneously lift their heads up, showing him their red, swollen from crying eyes and his heart can't take it anymore. He falls to his knees in front of them. "I'm here." he whispers as he takes their hands in his. "I'm right here." he whispers again and his voice breaks. Suddenly two sets of arms are wrapped around him when both Gar and Rachel throw themselves at him, sobbing into his shoulders. He holds them tight, kisses their heads and lets his own tears fall into their hair as he keeps promising them he is not leaving them ever again. 

SEASON 3 HOPES/PREDICTIONS:

First few weeks without Donna and Rachel are absolute torture. Grief is normal, he's been through it before, it's nothing new (maybe more painful and guilt-ridden than he ever experienced). But not having Rachel around and how it impacts him on day-to-day basis after spending every day with her for the past few months is something totally new and unexpected and Dick is pretty sure he's never felt like this before. He's overprotective to the point of being overbearing and Gar points that out to him numerous times. He keeps making her breakfast, forgetting she's not gonna show up in the kitchen when the clock strikes 9 am. He keeps looking into her room like he's expecting to find her there. He constantly checks his phone as if she were able to call from Themyscira, where there's no signal, let alone phones. "Is it what sending your kid out to college feels like?" Hank asks him one evening and Dick almost chokes on his beer. Gar laughs so hard he falls off his chair. 

Rachel does everything she can to not cry in front of Dick when they say goodbye to each other but the moment the plane is in the air, she breaks. It was one of the hardest decisions she ever had to make and seeing Dick so broken definitely didn't help. But she has to at least try to bring Donna back, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself otherwise. So she gets herself together and keeps telling herself to be brave. For Dick. For Donna. For her family.

Gar becomes the center of family's attention and he can't say he doesn't love it. That spot always belonged to Rachel after all, but he was never jealous, nor he resented her for that. She totally deserved it and she can take the spot back when she returns (but he's never gonna let her get away with not saying goodbye to him). He's the 'A-Student' now during training, Dick is putting some extra work to make sure he learns as much as he can. Kory helps him a lot with the trauma CADMUS gave him and works with him on the development of his powers. He tries turning into other animals and after a month of struggling he finally turns into a mouse. Kory walks with him sitting on his shoulder around the whole Tower like the proudest mama in the galaxy and Dick's beaming with pride for the entire week. 

After Dick's off-hand comment that Rachel is missing on so much Gar starts to record vlogs on his phone about what's happening at the Titans Tower so Rachel can watch it and catch up when she's back. The material he gets is pure gold and even when others beg him to delete it, he refuses saying this is too good to be destroyed. 

The day before Rachel's first attempt at resurrection she uses a freshly learned trick to come to Dick in his dream. They meet on the beach she's currently on, meditating. Seeing him for the first time in three months makes her want to cry but she promised herself to be strong so he wouldn't worry and she holds her tears at bay. She falls into his arms with the brightest smile and burrows her face in his chest. He's holding her tight, asking if everything is okay and she nods, not quite trusting her voice at the moment. "I can't keep you here for long, but I needed to see you." she tells him. She's not sharing any details about her plan, the less he knows the better, but he begs her to be careful and stop if it turns out to be too much for her. Dick pulls her to him one last time before she has to serve the connection and presses his lips to her forehead. "I love you." he whispers and she closes her eyes, hugging him tighter. "Come home soon." "I love you, too. And I will."

To find Donna's soul Rachel needs to go to The Underworld, which is a dark, scary place (well, for the most part). The search is difficult and the journey ahead of her is long. On her way she meets other people, souls who sometimes want to help her, sometimes otherwise. She sees Adamson and all the people who were after her, drowning in a river of fire, calling for help. One hand grabs her by the ankle and Rachel looks down right into the hollow eyes of her birth mother. She struggles to set herself free from Angela's hold but eventually the creepy hand lets go of her and Rachel runs away. Not all the meetings are painful though. She gets to see Melisa again - she tells her about Dick and Gar and Kory and everything that happened. "I found him, mom. I found the boy from the circus." she says and they both start to cry. Melisa tells her how proud she is and lets her continue her journey. But the most surprising meeting happens right before the end. Rachel knows their faces only from her dream and the blurry videos she found online. But the resemblance to Dick is undeniable - he has his mother's eyes, his father's hair. Mary Grayson takes her into her arms with tears in her eyes, saying how happy she is to finally meet her. They chat for a while, laugh and cry together like they've known each other their whole lives. "He's so lucky to have you." John tells her. "Tell him we're proud of him." Mary asks her when she is about to leave. "And come back to him in one piece." Rachel nods, holding back tears. "I will, I promise." 

When Rachel arrives at Wayne Manor it's already dark outside. A black car pulls in the driveway. Dick, Kory and Gar are waiting by the main entrance and when the car stops they approach it and Dick opens the door. Rachel is sleeping in the backseat with her head falling on her shoulder and the view is so beautiful and adorable that Dick stops for a moment to just look at her with a dreamy smile on his face. He lifts his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and leans in whispering "welcome back, sweetheart". She smiles without opening her eyes and instantly lifts her arms to wrap them around his neck. They both laugh as he pulls her out the car. She steps away from him for a moment to hug Gar and Kory but sticks herself back to his side immediately after. Gar takes her bag and the car drives away while the 4 of them head towards the door.

She failed (or at least she thinks she failed) and that first night back she cries her eyes out into Dick's chest, apologizing over and over again. "It's okay, honey." he tells her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Remember what I told you back at the airport? No matter how strong we are, we-" "We can't always change the world." she finishes for him and smiles through her tears. "I know. I've had those words in the back of my head every day." They lay in silence for the next few minutes, Dick's hand slowly stroking Rachel's hair. She hesitates a bit but then starts telling him about meeting his parents. He smiles at her through tears. "I'm so proud of you." he whispers. "You've grown so much. You're so strong. Going away was a good decision, it gave you skills and experience you wouldn't have gotten here. But now I'm just glad I have you back. I was worried sick." Rachel smiles into his chest. "I'm not going anywhere again."

As happy as Dick is to have her back, some part of him wishes Rachel stayed longer on Themyscira. Everything that's happening in Gotham is making him consider sending her and Gar away to some place safe and hidden, The Justice League has a lot of those. But his kids are Titans - they both remind him of that. "You didn't train us to hide." she tells him. "We can handle this." Gar adds. And Dick believes them. And he's so proud his heart can barely take it.

Donna's return comes as a shock to everyone - Hank brings her to the Wayne Manor one day, saying they bumped into each other at some restaurant in the city. "How-" Rachel asks with eyes opened wide in disbelief. Donna smiles at her. "I don't know. I got lost, but… I found my way back somehow." Dick slowly walks up to her, his eyes welling up with tears. "But the spell-" "It worked." Donna explains. "It just needed more time." After that he sweeps her into his arms and extends his hand to Rachel to pull her in as well. He holds them both as close as he can, kissing their heads and swears to himself to never lose either of them again.

FUTURE:

Thoughts about adoption appear in Dick's mind more or less when he brings Gar and Rachel to San Francisco, but they are more of an abstract dream than something that could be real. But as the time goes on those thoughts become more and more solidified and are too big to be ignored. He finally decides to talk to someone about it and that someone is Dawn, mostly because they've had this kind of conversation before. "It's a big responsibility - taking her in. But taking care of a kid is complicated, you know that better than anyone." These words stay with him every day, that's why he goes to her. He struggles to say what he wants to say but she understands and hugs him with tears in her eyes saying she knew he'd do it sooner or later and that she couldn't be happier for him. She helps him with paperwork and prepares him for meetings. He breaks the news to the kids the moment everything is ready. They're suspicious of the 'gifts' he hands them since it's neither's birthday today and there's no holiday. They share a curious glance as they rip off the shiny gift paper to reveal two folders of documents (while Dick almost dies from anticipation and nerves). Gar is the first one to react - his lips slowly stretch into the biggest grin imaginable. "For real? Are you serious? This is real stuff?" his voice grows louder and more excited with each following question and Dick can't help but laugh. Rachel stays quiet though. She stares at the papers in her hands with her brows furrowed. Seconds pass and she's not moving. It's like she's not even breathing. "Rachel?" Kory asks quietly, taking a step her way. And then the floodgates open. Rachel's face twists into a grimace as she starts sobbing uncontrollably. She covers her mouth with her hand to muffle it but there's no use. Dick walks up to her, terrified he did something wrong but then she throws herself into his arms, repeating "thank you" and "I love you" over and over again. Dick pulls Gar to him as well and hugs them both. "You're my kids." He whispers to them. "I love you more than anything in the world. And nothing will ever change that." By the time of Rachel's 16th birthday she and Gar are officially Graysons.

Dick and Kory get married the following year. It's a glamorous but small ceremony with reception held at the Wayne Manor. For the months leading to the big day the kids (with the help of the entire team and few other people) prepare something very special - and the idea comes from Uncle Clay. Turns out Clay, as the closest friend of Dick's parents, owns a small storage unit where he keeps some of the stuff from the circus, including personal things - like a box of journals of Mary Grayson, who had been writing them since she was a child. Clay tells Gar and Rachel a story about how Mary used to write poetry which then she turned into songs and sometimes performed them at the circus. He even still has some of her stage outfits. The three of them get the idea that Gar and Rachel should look through tapes with her performances and pick one song to sing together at the wedding - and that's what they do. They find a beautiful ballad where Clay accompanied Mary on the piano (he teaches Gar how to play it) and in secret the team prepares the whole show. The performance happens during the Bride and Groom's first dance. Gar enters the stage in a tuxedo, says a few words and starts playing. Dick and Kory start dancing slowly but stop for a moment when he starts singing the first verse. They have no idea what's coming next. Rachel, in Mary's dress stands in the crowd surrounding the couple. Hank comes to stand behind her and secretly puts a microphone in her hand. She comes in for the second verse of the song and that's when Dick and Kory stop dancing completely, too surprised to move. They watch in absolute awe as Rachel joins her brother on stage and they finish the song together. When Dick realizes he actually remembers this song from his childhood and that the dress Rachel is wearing belonged to his mother he breaks down in tears. After the song is over the kids join their parents on the dancefloor for a bone-crushing group hug (and to help you imagine this even better this is the song I imagine them singing)

The day Rachel and Gar get their college acceptance letters is one of the most stressful days in their lives. They're in the Tower's kitchen, both holding the envelopes in their hands, afraid to open them. "What are you guys waiting for? Open it!" Kory encourages them. They agree to do it on three. Dick holds his breath, gripping tight his wife's hand. The kids read the letters, fully focused. There's a stretching moment of silence, and then… "I got in!" "Me too!" A lot of screaming and laughing and jumping around happens afterwards, but even in the chaos of all of that Dick can feel a burning knot tightening in his stomach.

And I thought sending Rachel to Themyscira was hard, Dick thinks when they drop Gar and Rachel off at college on their first day. Thankfully it's the same college, but it's in Chicago and it's still half a country away from home. He's not sure how many times he checked already if they have everything they need, if they haven't forgotten to pack something, if they are absolutely sure they know their schedule and so on. Kory, standing next to him with her hands on her growing belly, laughs at him fussing over them. Gar and Rachel just smile and nod, seeing how stressed he is. Yes, Dad, we're sure we have everything. Yes, we checked. Of course we'll call. Yes, Dad. Okay, Dad - and so on. At some point they all start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all but suddenly Dick is getting choked up. His two little birds are leaving the nest and he should be handling it better than he does. Seeing him clearlyon the edge of falling apart Gar and Rachel give him a tight hug. "I'm sorry." he says. "I'm just trying to let you go a little. Let you grow up." "It's that hard?" Rachel asks him and he looks at her - tall, beautiful, confident, brave and smart. Perfect. But he also still sees that little kid he met in Detroit. "It can't be that hard." Gar adds and for a moment when Dick looks at him he thinks he's seeing double - the young, handsome and courageous man who is standing in front of him now and that overexcited cheerful kid who joined them on their little road trip. "It's impossible." Dick tells them, pulling them back into another hug. "It's fucking impossible." Soon they have to go or they will be late for their classes and Dick and Kory are left alone on the campus. "They'll be okay." his wife tells him. He has to swallow down a bile in his throat and push back some tears before answering. "I know."

Oh and remember Dick's old silver Porsche? The one he traded for a minivan? Yeah, he got it back (don't ask him how). Rachel owns it now. Graduation present. And don't worry about Gar, he's got his car too. Grandpa Bruce got him his dream ride.

Woah... This turned out WAAAAAAAAAY longer than I thought it would be. If you made it this far (and even if you didn't) I hope you enjoyed.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

22, 41, and 70!

22. describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

step one: putting on the right background music (usually a movie soundtrack or lindsey stirling, it needs to be mostly instrumental for me to focus).

step two: most of the time, i start with an "idea dump" in one of my journals, where i'll literally just record any ideas that come to mind re the fic i want to write. afterwards, i try to take those ideas and put them into an outline. for shorter fics, that's usually just the basic order of events. for longer oneshots or multichaps, i tend to write out what i expect to happen in each event/section of the fic.

step three version A: once i have an outline, i like to handwrite my fics in nice notebooks with colorful pens 🥰 if im able to do so, i eventually type up the fic, wait at least one day to do a read-through edit for major issues, and then wait at least one more day to use NaturalReaders to read my story aloud to me so i can catch smaller typos (a common one: and vs an).

step three version B: if i can't handwrite the fic for whatever reason, such as if im on a tighter deadline or the story is longer (or both), i'll type the fic straight into a google doc. if time allows it, i'll retype the entire fic after a few days in another google doc. if time does not allow that, i do the same read-through and NaturalReaders editing pattern that i do with handwritten fics (although sometimes with two read-throughs).

step four: after that, i'll post the fic!

41. what is the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

well, The Wrong Note is weird by virtue of the fact that it very well may be the only monk x medium crossover on the internet 😂 that said, the plot is a pretty straightforward murder mystery that's fitting for both shows, so i wouldn't necessarily consider it the weirdest story idea i've ever had. hmm...

Sigh No More, my maiko much ado au, is kind of weird ngl, since it's such a... unique au to apply to atla and maiko 😂 WAIT WAIT, i've got it: in Exposition, a fic i wrote for the kataang valentine's bash last year, one of the aus i explore involves aang as a kind-of-but-not-quite-ghost. i think that's the weirdest story idea i've had just because all the other aus in the fic are way more traditional (college au, superhero au, mermaid au), but not the ghost-ish concept lmao. i cannot for the life of me remember what inspired it or how i would have taken it further, but yeah. ghost-ish aang. maybe human, maybe once human, maybe never again human, perpetually toeing the line between life and death. definitely one of the weirder fic ideas i've had

(in terms of non-posted weird story ideas, i tend to forget anything my brain comes up with if i don't write it down, so regretfully im not sure 💀 atla heathers au?? kincoy sort-of-kind-of striptease?? ladybug dies fic?? are those weird?? i feel like i have no standard to measure against lmaooo)

70. are you very critical of your own writing? how much do you find yourself editing (either during the writing or after the fact)?

yes and no? fanfic is a hobby and i try to treat it as such, but i am also not immune to getting frustrated when a scene doesn't come out in words the way i see it in my head. i've already talked about my writing process in 22, including how i edit, but i'll add here that i have a pretty hard rule that i don't allow myself to go back and edit until i've finished the entire story. if i want to change something later, i'll make a note in the margins/leave a comment in my doc to remind myself about it, but i won't actually revise anything until the story is complete.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer episode 3 - analysis

The episode this week changed everything again. We see more of Nubsib's true colors and we see the two become closer. Nubsib is still pretending but his true personality is also showing here and there, Gene starts having thoughts and is confused how he feels about Nubsib. All in all, this week's episode had a lot of information and was even more fun to watch. Especially the scene, when they film "bad engineer" and the first meeting of the characters ending in a weird embrace filmed in slow motion. It was hilarious...

Honesty and no filter

I don't know if honesty is the right word here but I would say it kind of fits. Even though Nubsib is crossing many lines, Gene at least tells him immediately when he's uncomfortable. Especially in the scenes when his personal space is invaded which he is not used to. He lives with Nubsib but kissing him is a whole different thing. He is someone who is very closeted and only opens up to Nubsib because he learns that life doesn't happen in fantasies and books. But when Nubsib tries to kiss him in the second episode, puts his face aggressively closer to Gene's, Gene pulls away immediately. This shows that even though he might be an introvert who is living in his head very much, he is not shy in the way that he doesn't talk about any emotion. He felt very uncomfortable and told Nubsib immediately also because he feels that Nubsib would listen and back off, which he then did.

In this episode, we get a similar scene. Nubsib pushes Gene on the sofa in a very slow, dominant and erotic way and Gene is kind of okay until Nubsib is too close.

Right before the kiss, he's extremely uncomfortable and says that he is. Nubsib is really concerned and sorry about it and backs off immediately. You could also say about this scene that Gene was not really uncomfortable and just scared of his feelings towards Nubsib but I think, it was just their closeness. They only know each other and live together for three weeks and Gene opened up just yet. It would be out of character if he would have settled into a kiss or even a make-out.

Nubsib is his true self when he comforts Gene who is having a nightmare. There is no sound effect, just some music playing and this scene is very slow and calm. Nothing disturbing the peaceful moment of taking care and there is no rushing.

Defensiveness and hidden feelings

Like I said, and like we all know, Gene is an introvert which becomes very clear when we get to know that he is living alone in a condo that is too big for one person alone. Everything is chaotic and as soon as Nubsib moves in, it's very tidy and clean. But Gene is too scared to admit it. He's too scared to admit that he likes Nubsib's company. Nubsib knows he does and jokes around when he's trying to get a confession from Gene. Gene, completely confused why that kiss is stuck in his head, gets defensive whenever Nubsib flirts and teases him.

This difensiveness becomes more after Aey says "he seems to like you" which confuses Gene even more. He can't stop thinking about it and ends up throwing Nubsib out of his condo because he is too scared to admit it. To himself and to Nubsib. Gene is very inexperienced and insecure about romantic stuff, so he doesn't know if this feeling of tenderness is even real and if Nubsib is really honest with him. There is an awkwardness between them that reminds us that they don't know each other well and Gene would have to get to know Nubsib more in order to be okay with his feelings. Because now, Nubsib still is a total stranger. The insecurity in romantic things and feelings leads Gene to question the meaning behind every word Nubsib said to him and if they were even true. This growing friendship with a stranger and growing romantic feelings for him is too much for Gene and he feels like he won't be able to focus on writing any more. For him it's either living or writing and he chooses writing over everything and feels like he can't think straight.

His feelings which he can't name or distinguish make him get defensive whenever he feels Nubsib is playing around.

Pretending and unawareness

Nubsib gives us all the vibes of fakery in many scenes and we feel there's something breeding under his skin that will show its true colors at some point (and I think very soon). Gene gets that vibe too and that's why things get awkward between them sometimes when both suddenly turn quiet like they don't know what to say to each other which could be because both can't get rid of the picture of their kiss. I mean, both obviously think about it. Nubsib can't even kiss Aey for the scene and Gene can't focus on writing because of it.

Nubsib is the one pretending here. Especially on the sofa. He even says that he learned it "in a workshop" which means the way he is behaving is all inspired and copied from these acting workshops. And that adds depth to his character. He is inexperienced too. He acts like the typical dominant BL character but even says himself that he learned it from the workshop.

That means, he's also insecure but is very good in hiding it. Because he feels like being his true self when it comes to romantic stuff is not enough and that he has to cover those stereotypes in order to appeal as attractive. Especially because Gene wrote this kind of character in the novel himself. So, Nubsib thinks it's the right way to act and is too shy to be his real self which is very sad and thankfully doesn't work out that well when they are on the sofa. Gene gets uncomfortable and I guess a bit frightened by the now very dominant version of Nubsib.

I don't think Nubsib is aware of the effect the moments when he is his true self have on Gene. They are the moments when Gene likes him and falls for him, not the ones when he's pretending. As soon as the pretending stops, the sound effects stop as well and they are talking more natural and real.

Same goes for Gene. What I noticed this episode was that the moment Gene enters, the sound effects start. That means Gene is pretending too but not in such an obvious way and maybe not even on purpose. He backs out of every situation because he sacrificed his life to writing. Writing defines his whole day, social-life, sleeping-routine and health. But I think, deep down he wants to live a bit more. He pretends to be okay with the situation, with how his life is going, but he sees, now that Nubsib moved in, that his way of living covers up all the desires he himself has. Nubsib unlocked something in him, makes him see that life is not only in your condo and especially with other people. Gene sees that now and he'll get sad.

Criticism and jokes

This show criticizes many different aspects. Basically everything of the BL industry is being criticized.

Mostly the charcters don't stand up for themselves when they are feeling uncomfortable. The scene on the sofa was definetely too intense and Gene didn't like it at all. I was already turning my eyes because I was just like 'not one of those scenes' but surprisingly the scene didn't go the way I thought. In many shows this would've gone in a very different direction even though the other charcter is not okay with it. BLs sometimes like to romanticise harrassement.

The writers are mostly female and the target audience is as well. BLs are mostly a fantasy and that's totally fine. It's just boring that every show is basically the same with the same stereotypes and exact same plot. The characters are not in any way real and Gene just copied this idea for "bad engineer". BL novels are created by women for women and that's what is criticised here because there's nothing real about it. In fact Gene wants to focus more on character developments and not NC scenes.

Fanscervice blends over problems the actors might have with each other. Nubsib and Aey don't get along that well but they have to, for the fans. This is a new level of pretending and also very uncomfortable to watch because they have to sacrifice their own values in order to have a job in the first place.

The jokes ... they are just very funny. Having a discussion about product placement for product placement?

Changing in the women's changing rooms because you thought it was 'unisex'?

Nubsib wearing a shirt saying 'eat me'?

There are many more but these are the ones I remember laughing at the most.

Questions

What's the deal with Aey?

Nubsib obviously doesn't like him but why? What did he do?

Is Nubsib jealous? Does Aey have a crush on Gene?

Will Aey become a character we feel sorry for?

What's going on in Tum's life? (I'm concerned)

Ending

This show adds layer after layer and from afar it looks like the typical BL but it's way, way better than that. It's funny, entertaining, realistic and interesting. Basically a writer navigating helplessly through the BL industry and learning that everything needs to be mainstream and is not allowed to be very different from the rest. I like this idea very much because as fans of BLs, we only see the things from the outside and can only assume the stuff that's going on behind the scenes. Here we have people who know what they are talking about whom we can use as a ressource. I found new aspects in this show I didn't even think about being a problem with the BL industry. It's just very interesting.

Preview

The previews always promise some heavy developments and I'm really excited to see jealous Gene and also drunk Gene. What will he do and will he be different? I mean, Nubsib is going to move out but I guess in the end, he won't. I don't know, something will happen because when Gene said "you can stay" he looked very sorry. Perhaps Nubsib shows more of himself and I think we all agree that he's probably messed up. He thinks pretending and manipulation leads to love...

[caswellprmanager]

the caswell wears prada

read it on ao3!

Summary: EJ's style is simple and functional but Ricky discovers he's capable of more than just letterman jackets and white sneakers. (Part 4 of my trans!ej and genderqueer!ricky AU.)

Author's Notes: I have this little headcanon that EJ used to model baby clothes when he was a baby. Then only went back to modelling once he transitioned to the point he was comfortable enough. Also not me giving Ashlyn's parents a purpose except for just leaving the house empty enough for Ashlyn to throw parties. Hope you guys enjoy!

Warning: Implied Sexual Content at the very end but since it's not explicit, I'll just let y'all use your imaginations.

Ricky has almost exclusively seen EJ in basic white boy clothes. It's usually just a nice fitting t-shirt, some branded jacket, jeans, and branded sneakers. It's not exactly avant-garde but Ricky can appreciate the fact that EJ has found a distinct style that's both understated yet elevates his already good looks.

But from what Ricky has learned in the few months that they've been dating EJ is that just because he dresses like that, it doesn't mean EJ does not have an eye for fashion.

Ricky learned this one day when the two of them were hanging out with Gina and Ashlyn at Ashlyn's house.

Ashlyn's mom was the Editor-In-Chief of an editorial fashion magazine that focuses on highlighting brands that promote sustainable fashion. She also runs a design company herself. Every other minute, she'd be going in and out of her design studio with a phone against her ear and a different meter of fabric in her hands. Her job is also the reason why Ashlyn's parents aren't usually home. Ashlyn's mom would be invited to different fashion events or she'd meet with a client about a new start-up. Ashlyn's dad accompanies her so that she wouldn't overwork herself.

None of that is new to Ricky. What is new, however, is EJ's involvement in her work.

"Ashlyn!" Mrs. Caswell rushes in, a hundred different scarves wrapped around her neck. Ricky wonders if she can breathe beneath all that cashmere and silk. "Darling, I need your help."

"What is it, mom?" Ashlyn asks, pausing the movie the four of them were watching.

Instead of responding, Mrs. Caswell just runs back to her home studio with a hurried click of her heels. Ashlyn looks at the rest of the group with a shrug, moving to stand up until her mom comes rushing back in – this time with a little purple hat perched on her strawberry blond locks.

"EJ, sweetheart! You come too. I need your opinion on a few things." Before any of them could say anything, she's disappeared back into her studio in a flurry of scarves and sequins.

EJ doesn't even bat an eye and moves to follow his cousin out of the living room. Ricky grabs his hand before he could leave, asking him what Ashlyn's mom wants his opinion on. EJ isn't exactly Paris Fashion Week, if Ricky was gonna be honest.

EJ just smiles, placing a chaste kiss on Ricky's lips before saying, "I'll tell you when we get back."

With that statement, Ricky and Gina are left alone, both feeling more confused than before.

"Does that happen often?" Ricky asks Gina, who is picking through the popcorn bowl.

"Ashlyn's mom being weird?" Gina tosses a popcorn kernel up into the air before catching it into her mouth flawlessly. "I've seen Ashlyn help her a few times. But I haven't seen her call EJ into that room before."

"Yeah..." Ricky picks at a loose thread on their jeans. "Didn't really peg EJ as the fashionable type."

Gina pauses in her pursuit of the perfect popcorn kernel and raises a questioning eyebrow towards Ricky. "Hold up... EJ never told you?"

"Told me... what?" Ricky started to panic a little bit. They never liked hearing ominous phrases like that from other people. It fuels their already present anxiety about dating someone who is way out of their league like EJ – someone who could leave Ricky at any time if they realize that Ricky will never be good enough for them.

Gina seems to realize this quickly enough and she tries to diffuse the situation before it gets worse. "Oh! No no no, Ricky, it isn't bad!"

"Then what is it?" Instead of answering, Gina just looks over shoulder at the direction of where the Caswell Cousins went to. After a few seconds of making sure the coast is clear, she tilts her head and motions for Ricky to follow her.

Gina leads Ricky to the spare guest room that EJ occupies sometimes when he doesn't want to sleep at home. In fact, sometimes this room is literally just called EJ's extra room because he's here so frequently. Ricky's napped here a couple of times so it isn't a new place. But he's usually too tired to explore it due to some recent emotional problem or another.

By the far wall is a dresser that Ricky hasn't ever thought to look through. Gina beckons him to come closer as she opens the bottom drawer.

"Ashlyn showed me this when I first moved in. We had to call EJ immediately after because I just had... so many questions." After a few seconds of rummaging, Gina brings out a small stack of magazines triumphantly.

Ricky recognizes the magazines immediately as the same ones Ashlyn's mom is the Editor-In-Chief for.

"Are those...?" Ricky asks and Gina nods excitedly, motioning for him to sit down next to her. The two of them peer through the old issues together, pointing at things they think would look nice on them.

Before they turn to the middle spread, Gina turns to them with a serious look in her eye. "Ricky, I need you to brace yourself."

Ricky tilts their head in confusion. "For what?"

"Just," And Gina can't even hide her giddy little smile. "Get ready."

Ricky can't even bring themself to respond before Gina is showing them the middle spread of the magazine. Their mind skids to a halt when they see a younger EJ staring back at them from the glossy pages, dressed head to toe in the finest three-piece dress suit Ricky's ever seen.

And it isn't just that, EJ's all over the spread – dressed in all kinds of outfits. From gorgeously crafted lace button downs to tastefully styled overcoats – EJ models the shit out of them. Ricky scans the pages in awe because they've never seen EJ wear stuff like this. Sure, they've seen EJ in a suit during homecoming but not one with embroidered roses across the vest or paired with diamond encrusted gold jewelry.

Gina turns the page and Ricky lets out a small gasp.

It's a two page Ashlyn and EJ spread – the cousins looking absolutely ethereal dressed in the most delicate fabric embroidered with flowers along the seams. Their skin is glowing beneath the sunset, the light catching at the highlights on their cheekbones. But what really got to Ricky is one very small but powerful detail:

The flowers along EJ's shirt and the makeup he's wearing are in the trans flag colors.

"Ricky, look." Gina points at the small interview portion at the corner of the page, smiling when Ricky reads it and realizes that it's about EJ.

E.J. Caswell – Teen Transgender Model

"I've been avoiding modeling since I started transitioning and coming back to it was really scary." Says teen model E.J. Caswell. "But when my aunt gave me the opportunity to finally speak my truth through fashion, I knew that I wouldn't regret this decision in the long run."

"There are still so many moments where I hate my body. It's gonna take a while until that goes away. And maybe it won't. Ever." E.J. tells us with a sad smile. "But this is a start – and I get to style some really cool clothes while I'm at it!"

When Ashlyn Caswell was asked about the significance of this project to her cousin and to future transgender models, she smiled softly, making it abundantly clear how much she adores her older cousin. "E.J. is one of the bravest people I know. He's always been an inspiration to me and I'm so proud of him for doing this on his own terms. Plus, I'm really happy he asked me to be a part of it with him. But don't tell him I said that! I'll never hear the end of it."

"She said that?" E.J. said with barely concealed glee. "Aww, Ashlyn!"

Ricky and Gina giggle at the mental image of EJ probably giving an exasperated Ashlyn a big bear hug after his interview. Ricky can't help but stare at the spread again, lightly trailing his finger over EJ's face with a soft smile. He really is so beautiful. Ricky sometimes can't believe that someone as gorgeous as EJ is real.

"Looks like Gina beat me to it."

The sound of EJ's voice by the doorway makes the two of them freeze and turn to see both Caswell cousins looking at them with knowing smiles. But Ashlyn and EJ weren't wearing what they were wearing before Ashlyn's mom called them for help.

Instead, Ashlyn was wearing a floor length pink chiffon dress with embroidered roses scattered along its sleeves and body. EJ was wearing a dress shirt of similar color and material, pairing it with white dress pants and a ruby encrusted rose broach.

"Well look at you two supermodels!" Gina squealed in glee, bounding over to gush over Ashlyn's outfit. Ricky stays rooted in their spot on the floor, their eyes never leaving EJ's. EJ approaches them slowly and takes a seat on the bed next to Ricky. He moves into an effortless pose, making Ricky blush more than necessary.

EJ smiles at them, eyes sparkling mischievously. "Hi."

"H-Hi." Ricky says, moving to face EJ with shaky legs. "You look nice."

"Just nice?" EJ leans down with a smirk, a lock of hair falling to his forehead like some goddamn romance movie. Ricky didn't even notice that even his hair was styled differently. Was EJ growing his hair out? Why didn't he warn me?

"I'd say something dirtier but I don't wanna traumatize the girls." EJ laughs at that and Ricky could only stare at the way EJ throws his head back with the most beautiful smile they've ever seen.

This isn't fair. EJ is sitting here looking like he was plucked straight out of a Vogue magazine while Ricky's sorry ass is on the floor in pajama pants and an old hoodie. Fuck. They should have texted Kourtney for help with their outfit today.

"You're so cute," EJ leans forward even closer, so close that EJ's able to lightly graze their noses together. "Maybe I should dress like this more often to make you blush like that."

Ricky contemplates on the statement for a bit, imagining what it would be like if EJ were to wear more designer clothes to school everyday. EJ right now certainly looks confident and cool. Plus, he gets the added bonus of Ricky looking extra flustered around him.

But at the end of the day, it's EJ's body and EJ gets to choose whatever makes him feel good.

Besides, Ricky fell for EJ without all the bells and whistles.

"You don't have to wear fancy clothes to make me think you're gorgeous." Ricky says before they can stop themself from saying it. But it's out now and there's no turning back. EJ's eyes widen but they eventually soften after processing what Ricky said.

"It doesn't matter what I think, though." Ricky says, reaching for EJ's hand. "What matters is that you're happy. Whether you're wearing a potato sack or Versace. As long as you feel comfortable and you're seeing your favorite self in the mirror, I'll tell you that you're the most handsome boy in the world."

Ricky scoots closer to place a soft kiss on EJ's nose before pressing their foreheads together. Ricky can't really tell who's smiling wider from this angle but they didn't care.

"My handsome boy." Ricky whispers, lightly tracing EJ's bottom lip with their thumb. EJ smiles even wider at the sound of that and it never fails to make Ricky happy seeing EJ so happy.

They're about to move in for another kiss when they hear Ashlyn cough from the doorway.

The two of them separate abruptly, both blushing profusely as the girls giggle behind their hands.

"We'll leave you two alone," Ashlyn says, grabbing Gina's hand to pull her back to the living room. "I'll tell mom you'll be late for dinner."

As soon as the door closes behind the girls, Ricky turns back to a still blushing EJ, a small but urgent thought manifesting to the front of their mind.

"I should take this off-" EJ doesn't even get the chance to finish his sentence before Ricky is pushing him down on the bed and straddling his hips. "R-Ricky?"

Ricky smirks, placing a single finger on EJ's lips as they lean forward to whisper in his ear,

"I'll help you take it off." EJ lets out the smallest whimper at that but Ricky shushes him, blowing against his earlobe. "But you have to be quiet, handsome."

As soon as EJ shakily nods his head yes, Ricky gets to work.

Unfortunately, they're more than a little late for dinner.

---

A/N: I've added some reference pics below if y'all want a better image of what EJ and Ashlyn were wearing hehe :>

[mcu-things]

Wandavision episode 7 detailed anylise+ some theories

The new episode left us more questions, but we still recieved some answers. The episode was full with interesting details so let's start with the beginning

This episode's intro was inspired by a TV show Happy endings and theme music and interviews with the characters inspired by the Office

One theory that I had in my head just like very other fan was that Agnes the neighbor was actually Agatha Harkness *shocked* (no). But is she actually the main villain?

Many noticed that during the whole show Agatha acted weird and now turns out that she's actually a which. She says that she's responsible for everything that happens in town but I don't believe it

In the comics Agatha Harkness wasn't a bad character. She was Wanda's mentor. I don't know how Marvel is going to show her in their universe but during the whole show she kept mentioning her husband- Ralph. Now that's the actual villain here

I believe that this mysterious Ralph is actually Mephisto or some other demon. Agatha probably made a deal with him and now is working for him. And here's why Agnes and Ralph actually need Wanda

This. This is the darkhold. And this book is very important.

In the comics darkhold was a book that contained the magic of a creature named Chthon, aka the primal evil that was created before humanity. He was banished from our world but there was a whole cult that wanted to bring him back. And maybe that's Agatha's or Mephisto's actual goal. They want to summon Chthon back to Earth and they need Wanda for that

Also an interesting fact, in comics Chthon actually possessed Pietro Maximoff. I don't think that Marvel is going to pull that off but that's pretty interesting

About Quicksilver. He's not Mephisto and now we know it for sure. Look at this

We can clearly see that Agatha controlled him. Why would she control him if that was Mephisto? He could've done everything himself, he's a very powerful demon

Now I think that this Pietro is actually Peter Maximoff from the X-men. He was pulled out of his universe and brainwashed by Agatha so that she could manipulate Wanda through him. But in episode 6 when Wanda uses her magic on Pietro he breaks free from Agatha's charm. I believe he, just like Vision, doesn't remember anything before Westview. But he's on the good side now and here's why

In the post credit scene Monica looks around and finds Agatha's basement. Now look at her eyes. They're purple. Agatha already started to control her too and Monica was ready to go to the basement when she was stopped by Pietro. Why would he stop her from going there if he was with Agatha? He basically saved her here. Marvel once again is trying to confuse us by making Pietro look like a villain. He's going to play his own role and I hope Evan Peters will stay in MCU

But what's up with Monica?

We now know that she has superpowers that she received from Wanda

In comics she was a superhero named Phaton or Spectrum. In wandavision her powers is basically all about energy: she can feel and control it. It's all obvious, she's a superhero now

More interesting is how she got those powers? By walking through Wanda's layer or portal or whatever it is. Wanda basically had awoken Monica's powers and this is a good start for Mutants in MCU. What of Wanda can awake the powers people already have and Monica became the first mutant in the MCU?

I'm very concerned about twins. They both now have superpowers: Tommy is Speed and Billy is Wiccan, just like in comics. Billy's powers keeps growing and it seems to disturb him. He notices that Agnes is "quiet", meaning he can't read her thoughts. Agnes understands that and this is the last time we see the boys

The whole scene with twins in Agnes' house reminds me of Gratel and Hansel. Kids in a witch's house, they were eating sandwiches and watching cartoons and then disappeared. They weren't in the basement like Agnes said so where are they?

The whole scene when Wanda sits on the couch in Agatha's house is creepy and the show makes us pay attention on the two specific details

Wanda sees a cicada in the curtains and a rabbit in a cage. Cicada symbolizes ressurection, spiritual realization and clairvoyance. Rabbits are usually very fast and dexterous. Doesn't it remind you of Billy and Tommy's superpowers? Maybe the witch had turned them into animals?

The commercial break in this episode was something really interesting.

Antidepressants nexus with side effects such as feeling your feelings, confronting your truth, seizing your destiny and more depression. These antidepressants can be a symbol of what Westview is for Wanda and how she decides to change the reality to not feel the pain. But what is Nexus exactly?

In MCU nexus was mentioned before in Thor 2. In the comics Nexus is basically a substance, object or a person that can travel trough realities. And Wanda was one of the Nexuses in the comics. And that's may be another reason why Mephisto needs her and a door for Marvel to the Multiverse. And that's how Wandavision will be connected with Doctor Strange and Spiderman 3

We all are waiting for the three spidermen to meet together in the new movie but how are they going to make it without the Multiverse. And it is confirmed that Wanda will play a big role in Doctor Strange 2 while Doctor Strange will play a big role in Spiderman. Wandavision is only a beginning and there's something big waiting for us further

And finally, whose big cameo are we going to see in the last episode? Both Paul Bettany and Elizabeth Oksen said that there will be a shocking cameo and Paul said that its not Evan Peters and this is an actor that he wanted to play with for a long time. I have a few options

1. This is the easiest one. Doctor Strange. It is very easy to imagine him in Wandavision, especially due to everything Wanda did. But Paul already worked with him and it would be too obvious so I don't think its him

2. Magneto. I know, sounds weird. But here me out. Magneto is actually a cameo that will shock everybody and he and Pietro actually have an unfinished father/son deal. Magneto would be an awesome way for Marvel to bring mutants to their universe and also pretty logical, die to Evan Peters in the show

3. Deadpool. That's also delusional but not impossible. Marvel wants to introduce Deadpool in the MCU and let's not forget the last time we saw Deadpool in the movies. When he went back in time!

4. Loki. This is the one I'm waiting for. So maybe, since he works for TVA so maybe they send him there so that Wanda won't ruin all the timelines and realities with what she's doing. That would be awesome, considering all the shows should be connected

That's all I wanted to say, thank you for reading all that ranting. Until next friday!

[btsandvmin]

Sweet Night - Song analysis

So I decided to do a small analysis for Taehyung’s new self-written song “Sweet night” which is the OST for the drama “Itaewon Class”. It’s a very sweet song, and I am very proud of Tae. 

I usually aren’t the biggest fan of completely English songs, but even though it’s a bit hard to hear the words clearly sometimes it doesn’t bother me much and I do like the melody, the lyrics and Tae’s voice. I’m really proud over Tae and how he seems to really embrace songwriting a lot more. But it’s quite a bittersweet song to be honest. Or at least it gives an uncertain feeling.

It is a song for a drama, so it is difficult to know how much of the song is from Tae and what might be done to fit the drama. He also isn’t the only writer. However I will speak from a perspective where we guess what it could mean if this is based on Taehyung’s personal feelings and of course also with a possible Vmin perspective.

For me this song (and even Scenery which has some similar parts and themes) seem to show a person who longs to be with someone but that feel like they have probably missed their chance. Or at least they aren't sure if there still is the same chance as there might have been before. And that it was their own fault that they missed their chance before as well, because as the song imply they didn't realize their own feelings from the start. The feelings changed at some point.

It’s a love song, but it’s a very unsure one. It’s uncertain about if there even is a future for that love, if it’s all too late, or even if it’s real at all (real as in If the other person would feel the same). So it’s not really a happy song even though it does have a small sliver of hope. For me it's about a lost chance in the past and wondering what might be there in the future. Let’s look at the lyrics and I will explain what I mean.

Looking at the lyrics, Tae sings about how he can’t sleep and how he is telling us a “fragile truth”. Which means it’s something he is unsure about (not unsure about his own feelings, but if he should confess them or not), and maybe he doesn’t even know if it’s something he should talk about at all. It also seems like he is somehow still hope for something but that he worries that the chance is gone or that he doesn't know if the other person would feel the same. If we look at this as a traditional love song and that it’s about a particular person these are feelings he are very confused about and sad about. He still hopes despite it all though.

Referencing a window being open before and hoping a door can still open for them as well as using the image of two ships in the night, crossing each other for a short time, barely seeing each other and that Tae also already reached the shore. All of it seems to indicate that it could be too late for him and whoever he longs for. It also indicates that there was perhaps a short time where it looked like something was possible but that that time has already passed, but Tae hopes for a second change. (Similar to what he does in Scenery). He still wants there to be something that has been there before, that he missed at the time.

He also asks the question “Are you my best friend?” and this could be both ways, either that he isn’t sure if this person is his best friend, or that he isn’t sure if it’s more than friendship. Personally I think it's 'are we more than friends' considering the whole songs romantic tone. Either way the line about “rushing through my mind” is pretty obviously about him not being able to think clearly. That he is confused and overwhelmed by his feelings.

His next line about “I wanna ask you” if directed to the same person the song is about makes it seem he also doesn’t know if perhaps this thing between them is something real. Or if it’s something he alone is feeling. Basically it could be unrequited and he isn’t sure if his own image of the relationship matches with the other person. But it sounds like his impression is that it is something real between them, but he’s not sure if maybe he is imagining it.

Then he asks if this person is too good to be true, which again seem to point at either his whole image is just something he has built in his head or simply that this person is all he wants and he finds them almost too good to be true. This would match well with all the dreamlike feelings Tae has used to describe love in songs like Winter Bear or his Christmas song, which are much happier and idyllic. It’s possible that Sweet Night could be the step before Winter Bear and the Christmas song and show the progress of being happily falling in love. It’s also possible the other two songs are the more happy longing before he realizes their chance may have passed. If the songs would even talk about the same lovestory at all.

He also asks is it would be alright if he pulled this person closer. This could indicate a possible change in the future, but together with all the other references it seems to almost drown amongst the more negative outcomes of it being too late or one-sided. However it is the ending, and it’s also switched from past tense, so it could be the happy ending of a unsure time. Using "would it be alright if I pulled you closer?" is his wish and hope. Meaning he hasn't neccessarily given up even if he isn't sure about the other person's feelings.

Lastly there is the line “How could I know, one day I would wake up feeling more” and this piece of lyrics truly seem to point at this song being about a person falling in love with their best friend. One day everything is just different, the love is more than what it used to be.

So I guess this in combination with Jimin and in particular Taehyung having confirmed numerous times through the years that they are best friends is the main reason for why people thought of Jimin when they heard this song. Taehyung also seemed to use "My best friend" a lot prior to releasing this song and have pointed out Jimin as his "One and only best friend" making it difficult to not let your mind be drawn towards Jimin. Especially since Friends just came out and we clearly have in our minds how close Vmin are and how they consider each other not only best friends but even soulmates. Basically the timing of this song coming out so close to the album will make people react even more. I suspect this could also be a reason why Jimin hasn’t said anything about it like he tends to do.

Tae also said in his vlive with Namjoon how he gets inspiration from his own feelings a lot. He says “I tend to write what I have felt into the lyrics” and he also said he wrote this song while abroad, so it’s difficult to know if these feelings would be new or old as well. (Though if we consider it to be about Vmin and how they have acted recently it seems more likely to be old feelings.) It also makes Tae’s earlier songs more likely to be very personal and perhaps even reflect different sides of the same love story that he is describing here.

Looking at Scenery in particular we can see a few common things, at the very least in theme and feelings.

Some lyrics from Scenery includes:

Will it be in me

I have my feelings now

That's the time of the moment

I missed my lost mind

I regret it

Collect a moonlight piece

I'll make the lights

Like yesterday

Come in front of me

I still wonder wonder beautiful story

Still wonder wonder best part

I still wander wander next story

I want to make you mine

Basically in Scenery we see some similarities with how Tae knows his feelings now, but that he also that he possibly regrets them, or rather perhaps regrets failing last time they had a chance. In combination with the lyrics for Sweet Night that could mean the other person came before him but Tae himself didn't have those feelings at that time. Something he later regret as his feelings change or become more clear to him. He also seems to want a second chance, asking for the person to come in front of him again. And also that he wants to make them his and looks forward to see what a possible future could hold. So a lot of similarities but in the end a bit more hopeful and certain compared to Sweet night. He knows what he wants, to make the other person his. So despite Sweet Night being a bit hesitant together with Scenery and even more with a Vmin perspective of all other Vmin songs, I think the outcome was a happy one.

That being said there are also many ways a feeling can change and be reinterpreted in a song. So even if the song is partly about his feelings it’s not possible for us to know how much or which parts, or when he felt this. 

I also haven’t seen the drama Itaewon Class so I can’t say how much the song fits in with the drama either. It’s not just Tae who has worked on the song, so it’s possible it’s also been altered to fit the narrative of the story more. Though I have heard people say it doesn’t really fit in with the relationships between the characters. But again, I haven’t watched it yet so I can’t say anything about it.

Anyways, assuming the song is based mostly on Taehyung’s own feelings (and not mostly fiction) there are in my opinion three ways to view it.

1. Just because he uses the phrase “Are you my best friend” it doesn’t automatically mean it has to be about Jimin. It could be about someone else, even someone we don’t know.

2. If it is about Jimin it could be a song based on old feelings and that things have already changed since Taehyung felt like this. Perhaps “Friends” even being the happy solution.

3. The song is about Jimin and it reflects Taehyung’s feelings now. At the very least he is hoping for more and is bold enough to release a song about it.

If I’m completely honest what it sounds like if we assume the best friend is Jimin is that Taehyung has realized he loves Jimin as more than a friend, but he doesn’t know what to do with that. He doesn’t know if that is a possible future for them and he isn’t even sure if it’s just him feeling this. Perhaps he is confused about both his own feelings as well as what Jimin could possibly feel for him.

It’s possible with option three that what we have seen all these years is actually Tae struggling with his own feelings without properly knowing what they are, but that now he knows but he feels scared about revealing them. It's possible he has reason to think Jimin might feel something more too based on their past lost chance. It’s also possible he hasn’t even said something at all to Jimin. That this song is just a way for him to express something that has been occupying his mind. It seems unlikely though, with the way Vmin behave and even more looking at their other songs possibly being connected.

I do find it interesting that he sings about feelings changing for someone, and even mentioning “best friend”. I think those are the parts that make this almost look a little bit like a confession from Tae’s side. And at the very least he has now shown that he probably agrees that you can fall in love with your best friend. It all keeps in fitting very well with Vmin… I can’t deny that.

Either way, what it looks like IF it even is about Jimin at all, is that their relationship is (or was) complicated and that Taehyung is a bit unsure and afraid about what they are and if Jimin would feel the same.

So, to me if this is something Taehyung truly feels and if it is about Jimin, I think Vmin are not in any kind of relationship but that perhaps Taehyung hopes for more. At the point in time of this song. Because we don’t know when Tae would possibly have felt like this or if he still feels it.

This is my take on the subject and the lyrics at least, and I can’t say it wouldn’t fit even though it sounds like a fanfiction. Especially since I personally have always felt more like Tae is the one showing potentially romantic feelings for Jimin, while Jimin has always been harder to read.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Personally I feel a bit sad looking at these lyrics and knowing it’s possibly something Tae has felt himself. But in the end we know Vmin are soulmates and love each other, so at least there is that.

EDIT: I feel I need to say that while this song on it’s own looks like it’s a bit sad and unsure I personally don’t think that if it’s about Vmin it would still be like this. It's about a moment in time, something Tae wonders if they can change. First I find it unlikely Tae would write a song like this if he hasn’t already either talked about his feelings or gotten over them, at least not if it’s about Jimin. And secondly it’s obvious Vmin are very close and happy recently so I don’t think there is any “angst” there at the moment. This analysis is based on the lyrics and I have no way to know when or even if Tae would have felt like this. 

Thanks for reading.

[elmidol]

PSA: Being Damaged Doesn’t Excuse Hurting Others

For the longest time I said nothing at all in regards to the harassment and stalking I received by an author I met in person. To my knowledge they have left the fandom, however maybe they just changed their penname. Seeing the post by @wayward-rose​ and the rest who were wronged by Mrs. Z and the reactions from others who have been uncomfortable with her behavior, it sort of made me reevaluate things. Not only the behavior of the author who wronged me, but my own actions subsequent to this. The excuse given by Mrs. Z in regards to multiple hate asks and such have led to her reactions… I get it but I do not condone it. For so long I did not name the author save to a few friends. Some know the author’s name solely because I have since admitted that it was the former co-author of the “This Isn’t In My Programming” fic that was discontinued. I’ve been asked even recently for the author’s name as well as what exactly happened.

This may be long-winded, I don’t know. I am not excusing negative behavior from my end on here that I will be disclosing. This is, in a way, something I should have spoken about much sooner. When certain readers at the time could tell there was an extreme difference in my attitude. Where I became very intolerant of some things. This is how I was not completely the victim, but at times the one in the wrong. And it is due to my experience that I can understand some of Mrs. Z’s bitterness but not her acceptance of it and the argument that she is in the right. This is not making it about me either. This is at last coming forward after having been asked to do so for close to two years.

 The author, MeganD1, and I met in person a few times. We had connected over instagram, and after she learned we lived in neighboring states she had said it would be cool to meet. I agreed but was not quite ready. She persisted. Pushed. I agreed. Upon agreeing, she had posted on her fandom instagram that she was meeting me along with the location of where I lived. I told her I was NOT okay with that. She deleted, apologized, but also said she did not know why it was a big deal. I let that slide since she had deleted it. During that first meeting, we had a great time. I told her how one of my favorite Lucasfilm artists, Eric Maell, had reached out to me one time when I was going through a very rough period. It had meant the world. I told Megan of my dream to meet him one day at a convention. She hadn’t known the artists aside from one piece he had done. She had had no interest in him.

 While together, we went shopping at a mall and talked. She did admit to contacting me to begin with because I had been one of the bigger author names for Kylo/Reader and Hux/Reader fics at the time. She also admitted to talking shit about me with another author. And I regret not listening to those warning bells. Megan and I discussed triggers and tropes in fanfics (which we did again on our second meeting). We had fun.

 The second time she visited, I had invited her and she stayed a few days at my house. We again went shopping and also sat down at a restaurant to talk. I opened up about my sexual assault to her. It was the first time I had spoken about details to someone in person like that. I kept having to look away from her face. I felt ashamed. I was shaking a bit. Trying to not panic. I thought it was a relief, believed she was understanding.

 We went to my house afterwards. On the way, Megan told me some plans she had for a fic of hers that she was writing and I was reading. I mentioned having triggers with those issues. So she elaborated on it, explained it differently. There was 0 way I'd have known that it was going to trigger me as it did. I'd NEVER been triggered like that. this was after she had gone back home. That’s what I’ll touch upon in a minute. We watched The Office together. Pitched the idea to co-write a story, and that is how This Isn’t In My Programming was born. Side note that during her visiting, I have endometriosis so have issues with that. I was doubled over the entire time but learned later it was due to having colitis; she did not help at all, so I essentially took out all her trash, took all her dishes, had to cook for her..which some of this is fine. I'm willing to do it. But being literally doubled over....it was a sore thing that I didn't address with her until later

 Fast forward to her returning home, writing the chapter, and posting it. Okay so I was triggered by the scene, privately told her on chat in instagram that she needed to include a trigger warning because it was a pretty intense scene and also told her that I couldn't read the fic anymore. Which I didn't think was an issue since she had stopped reading mine for similar reasons or else because she just didn't like them. She reacted by posting an a/n on her fic stating how she never meant to offend anyone, how she should give up writing. She didn't mention my name but basically got a ton of the readers to shittalk me for being triggered. It was one of the most hurtful and fucked up things for me. To read those comments from people who read my fics, who chatted with me. Talking about me like that; and me wondering if they would still believe that if they knew all the details. So here is where some bitterness and resentment started in me. Why some of my notes became venomous and hard.

 It was not okay for me to say certain things, to bash others. It was hypocritical. So this is where I understand Mrs. Z when she says that about the hate comments. But we’re adults and should take that step back. I regret many of the things I said. Which, again, I will get to in a bit.

 Megan posted on her fandom ig and personal ig how she was going to delete her ig. Told me in chat how she was going to give up writing. Where I was begging her to not, telling her I did love her writing, I just couldn't read this specific fic. Mind you, during the panic attack I was in the bathroom on the floor with a towel shoved into my mouth and screaming and crying. Struggling to breathe. I had my phone with me and was chatting with Juulna between breaths when I could. She was trying to help me calm, to get me through it. I didn’t share that with Megan because I had not wanted her to feel so bad. I did not give her the details of my panic attack, but she still reacted so severely.

 When she calmed down, I tried to get her to understand why that had hurt me. She couldn't understand so I said that we should end communications. She said she was open to discussing things if I felt differently. So I thought on it and wrote up an email explaining how she had hurt me and also my part in having let a few emotions fester such as not addressing her behavior when I was doubled over in pain.  I am going to show the email. There is a name of another author that will be omitted. First I have to speak of another thing, how MeganD1 would tell me in chat how she wished she had endometriosis or something else to better understand others. I did not know at the time that she was asking Juulna for information on my health conditions and playing it off as someone else. This Juulna and I pieced together after the post-stalking fic got put on ao3 by putting together portions of conversation with keywords/phrases/situations. So this alone was a violation to me. Especially with how open I am about my conditions because I want to spread awareness. I’m mentioning this behavior since it is addressed in the email.

She countered by saying she could never put herself in my shoes for being triggered because she is an only child, doesn't have to "wait to buy things when they're on sale" (due to my medical conditions, I live with my parents and can't hold a job). Threw my family dynamics at me. Then started to go through how she was bullied since a young age. And it isn't like I didn't empathize. I thanked her for being honest with me. I’m going to show a small portion here that does not include her personal information or anything like that.

So a disclaimer that the only people I have directly told I cannot continue reading their fic are friends with whom I chat with off of ao3 and largely due to them asking me what I think of the latest chapter. Otherwise I wouldn’t say a thing. They, likewise, have done the same with me. I thought it was so we could respect boundaries/triggers and support one another with other fics we could read. Cheering them on with those we can’t. I have worked on this since everything happened. I’m not perfect. Back to the issue...

After this email and taking time to digest it, I restated my position that we were parting ways.

Not long later I went onto the Kylo/Reader page and a summary of a new fic caught my eye. That was my hometown. That was not a Star Wars planet being named. Those tags were all my triggers and some of them were things she had openly bashed to my face. I had another panic attack, this one where I called up Juulna to talk in with voice. She couldn’t even understand me.Nor could my mother, who had heard me from downstairs and came up to check on me. I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop feeling so violated and like the biggest fucking idiot for ever trusting her. I opened the fic because I was in doubt. But it was there. Details that others wouldn’t catch but that I did. She has since deleted the fic and even admitted that she did it to spite me. But this was the fic that changed so much. That made it to where I could not go onto the Kylo/Reader page for years.

This was the fic that prompted me to make a note on instagram a few times bashing people who romanticize rape and other triggering content. Where I stated if someone read those fics they were disgusting and I didn’t want them near me. So can I understand Mrs. Z being harsh? I fucking can, but it does not make it right just like my notes were not right and I deleted them. I reached out to a few people and apologized for them too.

This is the fic where when @kylosbrickhousebody​ mentioned I inspired them with Three Blind Tooke to write Mercurial...this is the fic that made me think it was a sick joke that they mentioned me. Why I thought it was malicious. I hadn’t known her, and I did apologize to her for my accusations. She understood where I was coming from when I told her why I thought that. Understood but equally held me accountable for my reaction. That I lashed out instead of coming to her. Because, at the end of the day, I AM accountable for MY actions. Even if we can empathize with them, it does NOT make them right.

I’ve been asked why I didn’t report the fic by MeganD1 to ao3. I was fucking terrified. I was scared to admit that this was me, that that was my home. I was scared they wouldn’t believe me. I was dealing with my sexual assault, dealing with the fact that I was in denial over it in part because I’d been told to “get over it”. Dealing with the colitis and an impending hysterectomy. My Grammy’s recently diagnosed breast cancer. I was so broken down with hurt and fear. I just watched the comments and kudos roll in for a fic that violated me to the core. I let the resentment build. And how was that fair to any of the individuals who would have avoided it if they had known what the fuck it was about?

While she was updating the fic, MeganD1 was also cyberstalking me on instagram, possibly tumblr as well. I privated my personal account from her. My fandom account I knew she was stalking with hers because she accidentally liked then unliked things. She had multiple accounts. Then she would view my story posts. I am guilty of checking on her fandom account once or twice, and she had made vague references to me in her captions. I deleted that fandom account. Made a new one. Followed my favorite Lucasfilm artist. Suddenly she was commenting on his posts. Talking about how much fun she had meeting him at a convention. My fucking dream that she stole with an artist she didn’t care about until I had mentioned him. I’ve never been able to go onto his page since. She found me though. Found that new account...so after months of not being stalked it started up. I deleted that fandom account. I stopped participating much at all.

The point is that throughout all of this, I was still and am still accountable for my own actions, for how I respond to others. I still get hate comments on fics. Do i want to lash out? Yeah. But I don’t. Sometimes I can take that step back and just ignore it. Other times I reach out to a friend for advice. Because no matter what, no matter just how bad things are, there are behaviors that are absolutely inexcusable. It doesn’t matter how hurt or broken we are. Saying something that hurts and possibly breaks someone else doesn’t fix anything. It creates more chaos. And I know that I hurt some readers I no longer interact with. Some who didn’t and don’t know any of this behind the scenes stuff. My hurt, however, does not justify hurting them.

So with the bravery of @wayward-rose​ and @callmehopeless​ and so many others, and with those who reached out and asked to hear what happened to me... I’m answering what happened to the best of my ability. While also, I hope, showing that those who empathize with Mrs. Z, it’s not bad to work to understand her hurt at times when she receives shit in her inbox. But that cannot and should not ever justify her hurting others. Especially when she then sits back and is PROUD of doing that.

[hak-7]

Marriage is not easy. It can be difficult. It can also be amazing and beautiful. Your partner is not perfect. Neither are you. So why demand perfection? The grass is not always greener on the other side. Today, let us pray for all those marriages which are causing heartache and may Allah protect, bless and guide us all. AmeenWHAT IS MUSLIM

The Muslim is one who yields his will to the will of Almighty God. We must keep in mind forever that God's will is the salvation of the people. Not our will; our will can't save us unless we give it to the guidance from God.

Jesus said, "Your will be done," according to the language of the Christians. "Not my will, your will." The Muslim is one who yields his will to the will of God.

God has given us human will so we can earn something for ourselves. So we can earn dignity for ourselves.

He has also given us hints in His creation, and has sent prophets to us to back up those hints. By those hints he has guided us and taught us that our will alone cannot save us.

The human being's will, from the time it is created, is searching for some guidance to give itself to. This is nature. The baby is looking for something to guide it. The woman, the man, grow and become adults looking for something to guide them. They go to the institutions of learning, to the houses of worship, looking for something to guide their will so they may form their lives by it.

They are looking for something to shape their will, to give meaning to their lives in the world. They run into so many problems. They can't find the answers they think they should get. They give up; and what do they do after this?

Many give their will to the forces of destruction. They give their will to lies, to corruption, to confusion, and they go down. They are destroyed by ignorance and by corruptible things.

The will in man is naturally designed or naturally made to seek God. The human will seeks God and when we find God, we find our peace.

We don't know God in all of His divine names or in all of His divine attributes. God has to show us these things through His prophets, through guidance. But we know that there is something that needs to be united with something that is missing. We don't always know what it is, but it is truth.

The human being comes into the world and the world teaches the human being some truth and some lies. The lies separate us from the reality that we should naturally be united with.

So God sends us His messengers to teach us that we are one creation, and not two. One creation, and that the Creator of this creation is one, not two, not three. One God. One Allah. One Creator for everything.

This oneness brings peace to us. Two or three bosses over us, running our lives brings confusion as the Quran says. Many people don't stop at two or three bosses, they worship prophets and saints. They give their lives to many directions. And what has this resulted in? The absence of the worship of God.

Look at the society of these people who have given their lives to two and three Gods, and to many saints for guidance. The leaders are writing "God is dead." And recently these words appeared in the New York Times commercial ad: "If God is alive, why is religion in so much pain?"

Why is religion in so much pain for whom? Not for us. Our religion is free of pain. It's relieving us of our pain.

God is alive and has always been alive for the Muslims, and all true believers.

A Muslim life is a clear life, not a life of confusion. The way that is shown to us is a clear way.

The Quran itself is called the clear book. Al-Bayan, very clear evidence, guidance, not something to guess at. It is self-evident. It doesn't leave us to interpret and establish it.

There's a lot in the Quran that needs interpretation but such is not the basis of the Book. Allah says in the Quran that "these verses are allegorical and basic." Allegorical may need interpretation.

"Those in whose hearts is crookedness or perversity, they prefer the allegorical over the basic." They like to get into the mysteries and avoid clear teaching.

"But the clear verses are the basis of the Book." That is where we stand. We stand on those clear teachings. We can all discuss and maybe make some contribution toward understanding the allegorical teachings but that's not what we stand on. We stand upon the clear teachings.

One God Who's not creation. Who is Creator. Who has no image, no likeness in creation, and He's not like creation. He made creation but He's not like it.

"Creation must exist by two"— forces, male and female, negative and positive. Allah says: "But I am the one who exists alone,"—needing no forces to aid Him.

Allah says again in His attributes that He is God, whose very being will not permit any contribution. Want to contribute something to God? Give Him a little help? No! Give God obedience. His very being refuses any contribution. It is our being that wants something. "Come, help me. Give me something." That is the human cry.

God says to us in the Quran, "Slumber nor sleep touches Him." He does not need food or anything. "He's the one who feeds and is not fed."

He needs nothing from us and the attribute As-Summad says, Allah is eternal, whose very being rejects contributions. Don't make your contribution thinking God can suffer a want for something. Make contributions to righteousness. Make contributions to yourself for God's sake. Make contributions to your life in obedience to God.

Send God some charity? Give God some help to save sinners? He doesn't need any help to save sinners. We need help to save ourselves.

God gives us that help in our intelligence. He gives us that help in our nature, in the sentiments of our heart. He also gives us help through inspired people, the prophets. But He needs no help. The God that is perfect. The God that is whole, needs nothing. The God that has no need for anything, no flaws, the perfect being, the Giving, the Loving, the Almighty.

Imam W.D. Mohammed (raa)SUPPORTS YOU CAN'T SEE

And God says, "Look at the heavenly bodies." Both Scriptures point us to the heavens, for us to observe the wisdom for a higher order of human life on this planet earth. God says, "Observe the bodies that you see in the sky and how they appear to be supported with no props or supports under them that you can see."

What is that saying to us? It is saying that not only your life but the existence of the material universe is existence upon powers that you can't see. The sun you can't see what is holding it up. The moon you don't see what is holding it up there. You get a telescope and look at planets and material bodies or material mass bigger than ours.

Look at the planets, like Jupiter. You cannot see what is holding them up there. Science tells you of the trillions and trillions of tons not pounds in that mass. There it is hanging out there in space seemingly with no support holding it up.

That is pointed out to us to tell us to trust the God that designed this creation, trust the God that designed the Universe. Trust Him. You can't explain everything He did. Trust Him. He knows and you know not.

You look at what He has done and then come up with your own explanation for it. I know about universal gravity. That is what science tells us.

But when the farmer looks up there, he doesn't see any universal gravity. All he sees is big bodies up there and nothing is holding them up. So God's Lesson is going to stay, no matter what science says.

God gives us a Lesson that says, "Have faith in the Lord that designed this creation. The way it is designed is too big for your mind to grasp. Have faith in The One that designed it and don't doubt.

Imam W.D. Mohammed (raa)ASA

The Children of Israel or Jews as some call them were chosen by Allah; G'd, to deliver His message to all the people, they were not chosen by G'd to be the one special people above all other people on earth, Allah has no partners or associates. They failed to follow the command of Allah through their Prophet Moses, Moses was successful but most of the following went astray. The same mission was then placed upon Prophet Muhammad 610 AD, to call the people back to their original G'd given human nature.

Allah made a covenant with the Children of Israel, when they broke the covenant Allah gave that same covenant to Prophet Muhammad, that same covenant is upon us Muslims today. Praise be to Allah.

Isaac and Ismail are from the same Father, Ibrahim, Isaac, the father of Israel was the first leader of the Children of Israel; the 12 tribes. Ismail was the beginning of the Muslim movement, finalized with Prophet Muhammad, Allahs Messenger, The last Prophet of Allah to mankind.

All Prophets and Messengers, and Holy Books, are from One Source, Allah, The One and Only G'd.

See Qur'an, 2:40-86“No created thing lives for itself. And we shouldn’t neither.A river does not drink from its own water. Trees do not eat their own fruit.The light of the sun is not intended to warm itself. The flower benefits not from its own nectar nor profits from its amazing aroma, nor the bee from its own honey. Every created thing makes a contribution to things other than itself.”

~ Shades of GreyBook #3 WDM p.18 of 86

Allah judges

Allah knows their value. we can’t judge that. We may take a brother who drinks and sit him over there with the corrupt, and that brother who drinks may be in heaven a little higher than us when are resurrected. We don’t know. Maybe the drinking that you did with Islamic science was bigger, made you a bigger drunk than he is. So we don’t know. So it is hard for us to do that. But sometimes I would like to see a good situation where all the corrupt, I know they are over there. I would be free, more relaxed to talk over here. When I talk over there I’d have something for them to say. It would be more relaxed for me to address them knowing that they are over there. But we can’t do that.

So now, what do we have to see, first? That Al Islam is a Religion that focuses the light on man and shows him firstly, principally, as a social creature; that G-d intended for him to be a social creature; not to be satisfied being an island, or on an island all to himself; that he must mate and become a bigger social unit; family, tribes, and then until you embrace the whole community of man on this earth and see yourself as a member in one family, with all people. So man is a social creature.

Qur’an gives social inspiration

Man is a social creature and the spirit of the Qur’an is, what? The spirit of the Qur’an is social inspiration. It feeds our social aspirations. This word social is bigger than we think it is. By social we don’t mean just associating with each other, physically, but our dependency on each other as members of a world society. We want to keep the focus on the Muslim community right now. As members of the Muslim community, our dependency on each other brings us together and our love for each other brings us together. So here we have a love for each other that brings us

Book #3 WDM p.19 of 86 together, and a dependency on each other that brings us together.

Pretty soon we find that the teacher of the school has to be tied up full time in doing that. But there is also a need to have business growing in the community. So there is a business person feeding business.

The social context in terms of people keeps expanding with growth, and as it grows there is more demand for more things to take care of the needs of its growing people. He can have the regulation of the home in the parent. He can have the regulation of the family in the parent. He can have the regulation of the morals in the parent, the discipline, the laws that discipline the family can be in the parent, everything. Everything can be in the parents.

That’s a small unit and he can manage that. But when it extends and involves hundreds of families, he can’t manage that. If there is nobody but him and his family, he can go out, take his sons out with him, children with him, go out and plow the field, and regulate his own food. He doesn’t need anybody to regulate the economy for him. He can handle that. But when they multiply in a social unit, it’s the social unit that is getting bigger. The social unit gets bigger and brings in demands for industry, for more sophisticated government, more complex government ideas, and everything else we can think of. There is not one other single influence responsible for the growth and development of society, other than the social principle, or the social influence.

Now, go back to the sun as a symbol. The sun, I said earlier that it’s the principle behind all the changes in the weather, the growth and everything, didn’t I? So here you have, now, me saying that the social interest, the social principle, is the influence behind all the other growth and possibilities.

Can’t we then say that the sun is also a symbol of man as a social unit, the Khalifa is male and female, and the purpose of male and female is to have generations? That’s the social principle. So the Khalifa is the social principle. He is the sun. He is the social principlBook #3 WDM p.18 of 86

Allah judges

Allah knows their value. we can’t judge that. We may take a brother who drinks and sit him over there with the corrupt, and that brother who drinks may be in heaven a little higher than us when are resurrected. We don’t know. Maybe the drinking that you did with Islamic science was bigger, made you a bigger drunk than he is. So we don’t know. So it is hard for us to do that. But sometimes I would like to see a good situation where all the corrupt, I know they are over there. I would be free, more relaxed to talk over here. When I talk over there I’d have something for them to say. It would be more relaxed for me to address them knowing that they are over there. But we can’t do that.

So now, what do we have to see, first? That Al Islam is a Religion that focuses the light on man and shows him firstly, principally, as a social creature; that G-d intended for him to be a social creature; not to be satisfied being an island, or on an island all to himself; that he must mate and become a bigger social unit; family, tribes, and then until you embrace the whole community of man on this earth and see yourself as a member in one family, with all people. So man is a social creature.

Qur’an gives social inspiration

Man is a social creature and the spirit of the Qur’an is, what? The spirit of the Qur’an is social inspiration. It feeds our social aspirations. This word social is bigger than we think it is. By social we don’t mean just associating with each other, physically, but our dependency on each other as members of a world society. We want to keep the focus on the Muslim community right now. As members of the Muslim community, our dependency on each other brings us together and our love for each other brings us together. So here we have a love for each other that brings us

Book #3 WDM p.19 of 86 together, and a dependency on each other that brings us together.

Pretty soon we find that the teacher of the school has to be tied up full time in doing that. But there is also a need to have business growing in the community. So there is a business person feeding business.

The social context in terms of people keeps expanding with growth, and as it grows there is more demand for more things to take care of the needs of its growing people. He can have the regulation of the home in the parent. He can have the regulation of the family in the parent. He can have the regulation of the morals in the parent, the discipline, the laws that discipline the family can be in the parent, everything. Everything can be in the parents.

That’s a small unit and he can manage that. But when it extends and involves hundreds of families, he can’t manage that. If there is nobody but him and his family, he can go out, take his sons out with him, children with him, go out and plow the field, and regulate his own food. He doesn’t need anybody to regulate the economy for him. He can handle that. But when they multiply in a social unit, it’s the social unit that is getting bigger. The social unit gets bigger and brings in demands for industry, for more sophisticated government, more complex government ideas, and everything else we can think of. There is not one other single influence responsible for the growth and development of society, other than the social principle, or the social influence.

Now, go back to the sun as a symbol. The sun, I said earlier that it’s the principle behind all the changes in the weather, the growth and everything, didn’t I? So here you have, now, me saying that the social interest, the social principle, is the influence behind all the other growth and possibilities.

Can’t we then say that the sun is also a symbol of man as a social unit, the Khalifa is male and female, and the purpose of male and female is to have generations? That’s the social principle. So the Khalifa is the social principle. He is the sun. He is the social principlThe roots of white Supremacy making a human figure into a DEVINE figure! The truth is that WE SHOULD MAKE NO IMAGES OR LIKENESS UNTO THE DEVINE.A ND WE SHOULD KNOW THAT TO GIVE G-D A SON,IS TO FORCE THE MIND TO GIVE HIM A RACIAL FEATURE! THIS WAS THE TRICK OF DIABOLICAL WORLD DOMINATING PSYCHOLOGY! WHITE IS RIGHT,WHY? BECAUSE G-DS SON IS WHITE,A D HAVEN'T WE BEEN THROUGHLY BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE THAT,"WHEN YOU SEE THE SON YOU'VE SEEN THE FATHER FOR THE SON IS THE FATHER! OH MY PEOPLE NOW IS THE TIME TO UN-WHITE WASH YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOUR SAVIOUR! YOUR BIBLE TELLS YOUR THAT,"G-D IS A SPIRIT AND THAT THOSE WHO WORSHIP HIM MUST WORSHIP HIM IN SPIRIT" SLS YOU ARE FAMILIAR IN JOHN," NO MAN HAS EVER SEEN G-D AT ANY TIME" NOW YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE AWARE THAT IN JOHN 20:17 JESUS TOLD MARY MADELEINE "TOUCH ME NOT FOR I HAVE NOT YET ASCENDED TO MY FATHER,BUT GO A D TELL MY BRETHREN THAT I GO TO MY FATHER A ND YOUR FATHER,TO MY G-D AND YOUR G-D" PEOPLE KNOW THIS THAT THERE IS NO G-D BUT ONE G-D,THAT NOTHING IS LIKE HIM HE NIETHER BEGETS NOR IS HE BEGOTTEN AND THERE IS NOTHING LIKE HIM! FIND ME SOMEWHERE IN THE BIBLE WHERE JESUS(PEACE ON HIM)TOLD US THAT HE WAS G- D AND THAT WE SHOULD WORSHIP HIM! NO,NO,HE TAUGHT US TO PRAY," OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN,HOLLOWETH BE THY NAME,THY KINGDOM COME, ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN" SO PEOPLE DON'T SEE ME AS AN ADVERSARY SEE ME AS A HELPING FRIEND TO STAMP "WHITE SUPREMACY IMAGERY IN THE FORM OF A VISIBLY WHITENED G-D" REMOVE ALL RACIAL IMAGES THAT ATTEMPT TO PORTRAY THE DEVINE" GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK LETS START A DIALOGUE! PEACE AND LOVE!THE ROBE

Lost Knowledge

Now, let’s continue here. What is the robe symbolic of? Do you recall? Symbolic of the way you use the knowledge, the dress, symbolic of the way you use the knowledge. The sheet is the knowledge, the pages, the script.Remember now, when Jesus was crucified, he lost his robe and they gambled to see who would possess his robe. Now if you understand the meaning of robe, then you should understand that this world doesn’t have the true knowledge, the true use of the knowledge that Jesus gave them.

The knowledge was lost from Jesus’ body and it fell in the hands of crooked sinners. They gambled for it. Not only that, the silver cup, the special cup, it was lost too. Which tells us not only the proper use of the knowledge was lost, but also the moral cleanliness was lost from the religion.Silver chalice I think they call it. Is that what they call it? I think it is called Silver chalice. It was lost from Christianity. So how would they explain this? Ask the preacher next Sunday morning at 11 o’clock. Ask him. Say preacher; please tell me what it means in Christianity when they say that they lost the Silver chalice, the silver cup. Ask the preacher, how they can have the shroud of Jesus, in this city that is called Turin.

When the Bible says that his robe fell into the hands of sinners and they gambled to see who would possess it. So how can they have his robe there? If they have it, sinners gave it to them and if the sinners gave it up, it wasn’t fit to wear. That’s right. That robe wasn’t fit to wear. After it fell into the hands of sinners, who would want to wear it?

What is sweeter than honey?

Let’s continue now, it says he gave them another riddle. And this riddle is: “What is sweeter than honey?” And “What is stronger than a lion?”So he gave two riddles. In fact four parts to it.Second one is, “What is sweeter than honey?What is stronger than a lion?” All right. You know honey means the beauty of pure scripture. How do we know this? We know it because in the Qur’an this word is used. Honey is a good word for scripture. The honey is the essence of the flower and flowers are symbolic of beautiful culture.What is sweeter than the beauty that G-d offers you? What is sweeter than the sweetness that you find in G-d’s pure scripture? That’s what he’s telling them. And what is stronger than a lion? What he’s telling them is that, the east has honey.

They have the beauty of G-d’s revelation. And you have the strength of a lion. I’ve got something that makes you stronger, and I’ve got something to give you to make your doctrine sweeter than their honey.You see this thing? Yes, it’s plain. So he gave them, the Gentile world, the doctrine of love, the love of Christ that was sweeter than the moral and spiritual teachings to weak people, than the pure teachings of the Prophet. It’s sweeter to them … that G-d loves you sinners so much, that he gave his only begotten son, that he should be scorned, mocked, spat on, tortured, crucified, and die and be buried for your sins. Oh that’s sweet to ignorant weak people, sweeter than the truth of G-d’s scripture. So he said what is sweeter than honey? This lie I am going to give you is sweeter than the pure honey of Scripture that the east has.

Cheated Samson out of his heifer

And what is stronger than a lion? This subtle psychology…. (indiscernible) and he himself was going to destroy the Philistines. They have cheated him out of his heifer; I am talking about right now!The Christian Church that he thought would be his heifer betrayed him. Say oh, you can have business, you can have media, you can have this, but you are not going to run our churches. The Gentile doesn’t want any Jews over their churches. If you want to have something, you can have Peter. Go and tutor the Pope in secrecy. He’ll accept it. But these ordinary Gentiles are not going to accept that no Jew rule over them.So you mean to tell me you are not going to give me my heifer? So why don’t you, can’t you all do it through me, can’t you all carry out my orders?No we can’t do it. They are not going to listen to it. Well very good. Well then can I tell you what kind of doctrine you should give to the masses that won’t follow Peter?Yes it’s okay. All right. I’m going to make bread again. I’m going to get on a wheel. I’m going to make Marxism. I’m going to make Communism.I’m going to make the Age of Reason. I’m going to exalt logic. I’ll give them some new flour, is that okay? Well that’s okay. As long as you don’t take over the church. No, I won’t bother the church. Okay. Go on to the wheel again. It’s okay.

Bring society down on me and them

Now listen. After all that he still was not satisfied. Is that right? Yeah look at the story now, remember, he still is not satisfied. So he said, “I am blind, but I got something that they don’t know I’ve got. I got special power, in my arms.” “All I want to do is just have somebody show me to the pillars of the foundation of their society. And if I just can get to the two pillars that hold up the structure of their society, I’m going to bring it down on me and them.”So Samson goes and stands between the two pillars with the help of a little boy. He couldn’t see but he used the help of a little boy. What is the help of that little boy? Psychology. Psychology.

Don’t think it’s another person; he’s not even a person. Persons carry it out, but he’s a knowledge body. Then he goes and he used a little boy, psychology. Don’t human beings use psychology before they use intelligence?That’s why in psychology in this particular context it’s called a little boy. Your little children, before they are able to compete with you on an intelligence plane, they already using psychology on you. So psychology is an early development in the human being. That’s why the Jahcubite’s cousin, Fard Muhammad said Yakub conceived his idea at the age 6, as a little boy, a psychology. He’ll be surprised to know that I know that. I hope he gets this. I understand that he’s back home now. So he’ll get this message, Insha ‘Allah. Now, let me continue. With the help of psychology, he finds his way to the foundations of the new society. And when he gets to the foundation, what does he do? He forms a cross of himself and he begins pressing with all his might. That’s what the Scripture says. Said he pressed with all his might, with all his strength on the pillars, forming of himself a cross. What does this mean? This is more than Trinitarianism, this is the psychology of the mentality that Trinitarianism has produced.

Weaknesses in the mentality that trinitarianism has produced

He has now learned that there are certain weaknesses in the mentality that Trinitarianism has produced. And he knows that he can appeal to their emotions, and he can push in two directions at the same time.He didn’t pull the pillars, he pushed. He can push in opposite directions at the same time. Make one people give in to emotions, and the other people give in to logic. Push them. So that some will become highly emotional and some will become highly logical.And in doing this the logic will act against the emotions, and emotions will act against the logic. The emotional makeup will kill the logic, the logic will offend the emotions, the society will be divided against itself and the pillars will fall. Don’t you know that’s a strategy that is used in this Society? Whenever the hidden evil in the structure is about to be exposed they began firing the society with emotion, sentiment, flower children, love for everybody, crazy kind of sentimentality and emotionalism. They fire it up and build up strong emotions, this is depressing. Now when he does it it’s going to drop the whole thing. If he can be successful and bring in the sentimental and emotional elements against the logic, it’s going to destroy the whole thing.But look, he will certainly, he will be killed, as a knowledge body. He was already blind wasn’t he? What the hell has he lost? Nothing. Once he brings it down, he would start up all over again. Do, ra, mi, fa, sol, la, ti.

By the Grace of G-d, through IWDM, America was not destroyedJust in a few years that have passed us dear people, that scheme has tried to destroy America. But by the grace of G-d, through me, America was not destroyed. Why do I say through me? Because I was the only one that came out when the trend was to go in the form of the cross. When the trend was to become emotional, highly emotional and give one side to dry logic, I came up in the middle of that action and said there is a scheme going on, there is a trick going on.This whole thing is designed to fire up your sentiments, your emotions and topple the society. Somebody must have heard me and believed others who had been talking before I started, and all of it came together to save America. Yes.

See they didn’t believe others who were saying, there is a scheme, there is a hidden scheme. But when I began to speak, they say look, now we know this boy, we’ve been watching this boy since his father raised him up. We know that this boy is not a tool of outside influence. So if he says these things that ring a bell, where did he get it from? We believe maybe G-d is inspiring Wallace D. Mohammed. So they went back to the desk. And they begin to pull out things from the old file and they studied history all over again. And they said that Wallace D. Mohammed is an inspired man, he sees something. And what he is saying is what we’ve heard before. It might be something to it. How else could he get it?

Simple Simon met a pie man on the way to the square

Say oh no, let’s check this thing. Let’s check this thing. Said I’m sorry, you can’t get sixpence today, only one. Sorry, we aren’t buying pies today. We’re buying cakes. You heard that old story of Simple Simon … Simple Simon met a pie man on the way to the square. I think it goes,” … said Simple Simon to the pie man, would you have a sixpence to spare?” And I think he said, “If I was selling sixpence, I wouldn’t be selling pies!” Well, that’s another one of the conspirators’ riddles. And I will tell you what it means. Sixpence means the knowledge behind the scheme. It’s said the man was made on the 6th day. The sixpence is the knowledge behind the scheme. Simon was given seven (7), not six (6). He couldn’t see 6, six (6) was ruling seven (7). But he wanted the six (6).What is the secret in this? Will you tell me please, Mr. Pie man? You know what Pi is? 3.1416, I think it is. It’s a formula for finding the circumference of the earth. It’s a formula for world dominance. Now I’m not saying anything that I didn’t want to say, I know it’s a formula for finding the circumference of a circle. It’s a formula for world dominance.

If I was selling my own secrets you think I’d be selling pies And Peter, the Catholic Church wanted it. But the conspirator wouldn’t give it to them. Said if I was selling my own secrets you think I’d be selling pies? You think I’d be telling you how to get the world, if I was selling the secret to how to get it.I’ll just tell you how to get it; I’m not going to tell you my secret. You get it from me. Yes. All Peter got was some magic beans; he did manage to get those didn’t he? You remember that riddle? Nursery rhyme, whatever you want to call it. Jack and the beanstalk. Yeah. He had Jack, which is nothing again but Peter, or the Western society. Pardon me, I shouldn’t say Peter, not Peter, Jack is not the Catholic Church, it’s the Western society, Protestant society. Catholic Church headquarters is in Rome. This is typical American. Jack is talking about typical America. That’s why we call each other Jack. You know, hey jack, what’s happening Jack?

Yes, so, it was Peter, the Pope who asked them for his sixpence. But Jack, the American Christian society, they asked for magic beans. Well really they didn’t know what to ask for. All they wanted was really to be rescued, because their cow had got so lean, it was about to die.Everything was going bad. And they wanted to know how to bring back life. How can my cows get fat again? How can the society thrive again?So, while they were (wandering) wondering, this funny looking thing jumped out in the road. And he made himself visible and he said, “Magic beans want to buy some magic beans, like to buy some magic beans?” And Jack agreed to give his cow up for the magic beans. I’m showing you that this is not only in Scripture. If it is only in Scripture that means that what I’m talking about may not be existing in the world today. Or maybe it was just a story that was only in Scripture, maybe it was just fiction. But if it’s in the world too, we should listen.

What do the magic beans represent?

Now. Says this little funny thing, man, jumped out, and he talked Jack into giving up his cow for these magic beans. Right. Some of you remember it. He went away with his cow. What do the magic beans represent? A way to, again, to the secret knowledge in Christian religion. A way to the secret knowledge in Christian religion.And dumb Protestant society gave up their lean cow for this heavenly knowledge. What is the lean cow? The lean cow represents what they had before. What did they have before? They had rational growth. The Protestant movement began with an interest in rational growth. Is that right? Yes.

Our knowledge is weak, our cow is lean

They wanted to pursue knowledge. The Catholic Church had suppressed enlightenment, had suppressed education. The people weren’t allowed to learn. The masses couldn’t learn and educate themselves. So a thirst for knowledge came with Martin Luther. Right. And they began to want knowledge to develop their minds.Here comes Jake, Jack pardon me, feeling himself desperately in need of help. We have the interest in rational development of our society, but our knowledge is weak, our cow is lean. We haven’t yet produced anything. We need help. Who would help us?Oh Lord Jesus, help us. We got this logic. But Rome is powerful. We got this logic and Rome is powerful. G-d help us please! Ding, ding. Jahcubite conspirator. I will help you! Would you like to have some magic beans? If I give you my magic beans you’ll have to give me your lean cow. In effect he was saying the same thing that Samson said. I’m going to give you a new world, but you’re going to have to give me the one that you got now. And if you give him the one you got now, when it becomes fat, who does it belong to? Belong to him. He got it. He got it in exchange for the magic beans.

Over the heavenly kingdom was a mean old giant

So he (Jack) went home and planted. Went home and he didn’t know the value of them right? But I think accidentally one fell into the ground right? The thing grew up and it went up, up, up. He saw it going up past his window, he ran out and jumped on it, and the thing took him up into heaven. (It) took him up on the plane of clouds, into a castle that was in the clouds. Right. Yes.There he found a nice old woman that befriended him. But over that heavenly kingdom was a mean old giant. That right? Yes. He said fee, fi, fo, fom, I smell the blood of an Englishman, be he live or be he dead; I’ll grind his bones with my bread. With my bread. Remember bread is of two kinds. Leaven and unleavened. I’ll grind his bones with my bread.So, he managed to escape with the help of this woman up there, old woman who was nice. He managed to escape. Who is the old woman who was nice? Means people in the religious knowledge of the secrets of religion that weren’t corrupt. Didn’t have no evil designs on the world like the conspirators. They shared with him after he got up there. They shared with him some knowledge. Helped him to get the golden knowledge down from heaven.

The Golden knowledge it came from the hen right? The hen who laid golden eggs. But the hen couldn’t lay any golden eggs without music playing. When music played the hen would lay the eggs. The music stopped, the hen stop laying the golden eggs. Which means that the wisdom is tied to music? Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do. Do, ra, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do. Now when he got the musical scheme, he came back down with the hen and the music harp plus the knowledge, and he tied them together, then he had wisdom.He had wisdom to bring back down with the hen, and the music harp right, according to the story. From heaven, he brought back with him, they don’t say heaven, but it is the heaven of religious symbolism — Biblical symbolism. He came back down with the music maker and with the egg layer. You needed both in order to get the wisdom. The golden egg means wisdom. All right.

Giant’s fall from heaven left a big hole in the earth

The giant fell from heaven. Is that right? He was so big and heavy that when he fell he knocked a big hole in the earth, left there a big hole in the earth. The giant was finished. Who was finished? Who is the big giant that was finished? The people in the secret religion. The Pope.The Pope and certain others that I don’t care to name right now, that hoard the secrets of religion. When the Protestant was given the secret way to get it, and when Protestant leadership got it, got their share. Don’t think they got all, they got their share. Catholic got his share yes. Protestant got their share. The conspirators got the whole share.When they got it, the position of superiority of them over American Christian leadership fell. When it fell, it knocked a big hole in the ground. What is that symbolic of? Actually they were not spiritual people, they were material people.And when they fell a big part of the material that they had before was taken out. So much of the material wealth that was under Catholicism, and under other secret conspirators in religion, fell to Jack, to the American Christian Society. Is that right? Yes.Then they began to rise. But they only had magic beans. Magic beans is not knowledge. Magic. The only way you can get it is through magic. You have to have the knowledge of the magic to know how to work them. And, they were secret, so only a few of the Jack people can have them.

Jack: the American Christian society

Let me quickly tell you what Jack represents in the American Christian Society. It represents the intelligent leadership, Jack represents the intelligent leadership. Now Jack is not as long as Jacob. So their knowledge is shorter than Jacob, you see?Jack is a derivative of the word Jacob. Jacob is the origin, Jack is a derivative, derived from Jacob. So Jack is just a short …. they don’t have Jacob that’s long. But they do have enough to enable them to keep this same rhythm going.Rotating events, with a seven note scale, or is it eight. Yes, an eight note scale that goes to seven, and comes back to where it started. Right? Do, ra, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do, come back to where it started. So they were given knowledge of how to keep society going through these changes, psychological changes.

So America unknowingly, has been going through these changes. Look at the trends, one fad behind another. Pretty soon you are wearing what you wore 20 years ago. Right. Pretty soon you’re dancing the way you danced 20 years ago. You are talking the way you talked 20 years ago. You are thinking the way you thought 20 years ago.So they keep rotating. They have the Jahcubite scheme, but they have only that pie that Jahcubite wanted them to have. Jahcubite sell pies all over the world Jahcubite sell pies all over the world. Sold the Pope a pie. Sold Protestant America a pie. Sold Communists East a pie, called it the red pie. Yes, the red pie. I’m getting ready to let you go now.

What does the red represent? What do they mean red? You say passions? That’s to trick you. Yes,Red means passions in the other octave. It has been played. It’s another octave. It takes on another color, it takes on another dress. It don’t keep the same dress, it says I will sell you changes. You see?Yes, it meant passions in one place, but not passions in Communist Russia, although passions are involved. It means the social life. Red means the social life. What ties me together with my brother? Blood. Blood is red. See. So people, as a social group are tied together first by blood. And they call each other brother, you see. So that’s blood.Red stands for blood. What blood? Human blood. Human blood, according to the Bible, New Testament in particular, should combine with water, which is human spirit, symbolic of human spirit.

Bring the social life too

So people should be spiritual, as well as social, according to the New Testament teaching. You shouldn’t just be blood. Christ Jesus says, “I come not of water only, but of blood also.”What does this mean? It means that before him, the people were all spiritual, but were neglecting the social development of society, the development of the relationship of person-to-person, people to people, communities to communities.He came to bring the blood, means to bring the social life up too, with the spiritual life. This is in the Scripture.So now, if the East has become red, it means that they now have gone to another … see the world was spiritual, and then it became religious.Now they are trying to get it to become all red. No spirituality, take the spirituality out of it. Make it all red, that we are social group and we are born out of materialism, so material concepts should govern us. We shouldn’t have spiritualism in our life. Give up; give out the water, only the red.

Imam W.D. Mohammed (raa)

[chimbbles]

enemies-turned-lovers!haechan

A/N: another attempt ladies and gentlemen, once again, it's shitty and my ask is open for more shitty writings! or if you wanna be friends come hit me up pls I don't bite :( anyways, I hope you like it~ 💌

it's not that big of a deal really

it was truly an accident, but it turned into a crazy myth

and you hate him for it

it all started with someone's rooftop party

birthday boy lee donghyuck decided to throw himself a pool party, on a rooftop

everyone's invited, except for mark because he's lame

just kidding

but are we?

anyways, hell everyone in your college is invited

haechan, his nickname, is pretty popular around school

not the jock kind of popular, he just.....knows a lot of people, and they know people, and it's a typical college party

where you bring a plus one and one plus one and suddenly the party equals a school prom or something

there's even a theme smh johnny the party planner

so you're friends with mark, and he's determined to show off to haechan that he's friends with that chemistry major genius he admires so much

totally didn't invite you just to get back at him nope

anyways, it's mean but you've never heard of haechan before, despite his seemingly large following on instagram

you didn't even know you guys attended the same college

it's not that you're a total homebody and never goes out to parties, you're just....not interested in their parties

and that's strike one, when you laughed in his face when he introduced himself as the "most popular guy in school"

in your defense, you thought it was self-depreciating humour

hyuck in return, wasn't as amused as you were, maybe in private he could've taken it better, but you just snorted at him in front of like, half of his friend circle

he's not pissed, he's just ashamed?

because he talks about you so much renjun literally can't take it anymore

it's like, he knows so much about you, your birthday and cafes you like(from your social media)

heck he even knows who's the bitch you're referring to in your subtweet

it's veronica from chem class 3

but also, you don't even know he exists

fast forward and skipping through his slight, maybe a bit bigger heartache,

he's lying down and just chilling on a hammock, away from you because his ego needs to take a break from that hit

he'd by the pool with the dreamies, half of them, renjun, jaemin and jeno in the pool and jisung and chenle next to him sharing a hammock

this is what was meant by an accident, you just wanted to get to the fruit bar, when ten, this lanky dude bumps into you from nowhere, and by accident

you bump into haechan

splash splash

his balance isn't the only thing he lost when he fell face flat into the pool

apparently chenle's laugh grabbed everyone's attention, and when the one and one is put together, hyuck became the school's laughing stock for a month

his glare at your dumbfounded state was anything but forgiving

that wasn't even the end of things

this sounds like it's made up, because no one can have such bad luck, ever, in one single day

but there goes hyuck, breaking beliefs left and right

you approached him and tried to apologise for basically ruining his day

he didn't actually know what to do, because he honestly wasn't mad at you, he was mad at the situation

you can throw him into the pool 3000 times and he'd say I love you 3000

yes, he might have a minor crush on you

but he's also super embarrassed, this was supposed to be his big day, and you're here

he wants to show you the best side of him

but that doesn't translate well onto his face

he......doesn't even know what he looked like at that moment, he was just stunned

but you must've thought he was growing mad because you further apologized, and your hand motions grew more frantic

and there you go, ssstrrriiiikke three

it was by accident

but you knocked over his refreshment, yes, the one he was trying to calm himself down with from the embarrassment

it could've been worse right, the glass could've hit someone

and you should've hoped so, because then they wouldn't be sober to call the police and have the party cancelled

this, including the series of embarrassing events that happened at haechan's party became the talk of the whole campus

and more than anything you dreaded it

it painted you in a bad light, and was giving you more attention than you ever fancied

what you didn't know was how much it bugged haechan too

he's been trying to get the dreamies to shut up about it, but even if he did, the whole school was chattering about you

he thought he would've gotten the short end of the stick, seeing how he was the laughing matter at his own party

but the jokes quickly turned sour when someone started the speculation of why it happened

and it sounded crazy to him

because why would there be a why? it was an accident, and yes maybe he did feel his face get a bit red and his blood level rise

but you explained that it was complete accidents, there was no malicious intention, or intention of any kind

idiots on campus starting saying that you had a crush on haechan, but you wanted to stand out, so you did all those things on purpose to get him to notice you

it's a total lie, and hyuck has to debunk it before it gets to everyone, but he doesn't know how

this time, it was he who accidentally started something up, and it went a little like this:

"hey haechan do they like you?"

"what? no it's a myth"

he said that, in the spur of a moment, because you liking him back would be a myth only he wishes would be true

but guess which idiots got the wrong idea? the geniuses of spreading misinformation

and said misinformation spread like wild fire, deeming you a bad omen, and especially to haechan

it dealt more damage to your reputation than to you mentality

because if you were a bad omen, the first person you would be cursing is yourself, for bringing all this shit upon yourself

but also, to haechan, because you found out weeks later that he actually said it himself

you can't be more annoyed

you clearly explained to him how it all happened and that it was an accident

you even went to testify with him to prove it was an accident

how could he, knowing all this, sit still and accuse you of being a bad omen??? a bad luck charm????

not to sound dramatic, but he basically ruined your campus life, even the newcomers know of your story

back to hyuck

he's panicking, almost everyday when he has to pass by your class

he feels so guilty even though he basically didn't do anything wrong

he tried to hush down the rumours and even told some people off who were just shittalking you in the hall

like, what does you wearing that sweater have anything to do with this???

he's lost like a puppy, he wishes he had the courage to just walk up to you and come clean, and he has tried!! but he chickens out every time

and after that one time you shot him a vicious glare at the cafeteria, it was clear he wasn't high on your favourite's list and he just lose hope in trying to make amends with you

and that brings us back to present day, where it has been three months since the incident, and a new batch of freshman have flooded the school

hyuck wasn't feeling like having lunch today so he opts for a walk around the campus park, where he spots you and he's bout to run away again

when he hears some bigshot chicks calling you names

yes, still calling people names in college smh

he can't take this behaviour, because you're right there, without earshot

and he just knows they're being mean to get on your nerves

so there goes lee donghyuck, stomping over to the girls and telling them off

"oh, you wanna call people names now? well I have a lot of suggestions for you, mainly inspired by you,"

you can hear everything, because the argument got pretty ugly from there, and everyone just got excused into the counsellor room, where they're told to not be childish and have petty little fights on the school campus bla bla blah

and you know, because you silently followed after them and stood outside to eavesdrop

what else were you supposed to do when haechan, who supposedly started this whole nonsense up was defending you?

so you wait outside until they're done and you call out his name, relishing a bit in the way his whole body halts to an abrupt stop at the sound of your voice

you guys go somewhere more private, and not in front of the counsellor's office because dude no one's trying to get in there again

and you deadpan him for an explanation, because-

"yes, it's what you deserve, I know,"

"well then why did you spread lies about me??"

his eyes goes wide when he's accused, head shaking and promises he never intended to

"it's an accident, I swear. someone just asked if you liked me and I thought, what the hell? that would be a dream to like, like even if someone told me I would say it's a myth because why would you like me back, you know? like I like you but it's impossib-"

"literally shut up for a second,"

you don't mean to sound like that, but he's babbling a lot and you can't get the point, and when you ask him to repeat, his face flushes a bright pink

"I like you, and someone said you like me, and I think it's a myth, and I said it, and this happened. I'm sorry. the end."

taken aback is an understatement

but you literally walk a few steps away from him, just to clear out your mind and think

because this whole time you thought he hated you for embarrassing him at his how party when in fact he explains

that he's just embarrassed to see you because you saw him being embarrassing and that he feels guilty?

it takes you a while, but eventually, you guys sit down properly and talk it out

and you quickly find out why he's so popular, because he's a joy to hangout with, skip the parts where he mercilessly roasts you

you two grow closer by each day, spending free times together and haechan or hyuck, as he lets you call him, even walks you to your classes

the whole campus is dumbfounded, because not only is haechan walking perfectly find beside you, he's smiling and not in pain, even when he has his arms around your shoulder

it takes him a month to finally confess(because he's still a chicken), but you guys finally get together and the whole school's mind is blown

and every rumour about you is debunked immediately, and you guys are deemed the school's next power couple

"what a turn of events huh, my lucky charm?"

masterlist ask